As my best friend Charles and I sat down to unravel the intricate web of generational curses, we found ourselves immersed in a conversation that is often left unspoken among men. Our heart-to-heart reveals the transformative power of camaraderie and mentorship as vital tools to help men rise above deep-seated challenges. We're uncovering the raw truths behind personal struggles, and the journey to mental, emotional, and financial wellness. Acknowledging the profound influence of gun violence on families, we stress the importance of community support systems and proactive engagement to guide the younger generation away from paths of destruction.
Join us for a riveting discussion with our guests, Charles and Lillian, as they share their personal narrative of reinventing their love story. Their candid revelations shed light on the pivotal role of gratitude and remembrance of joyful moments in nurturing a thriving partnership. This episode isn't just about finding the right words or actions to rekindle a dwindling flame; it's a testament to the resilience and dedication required to transform relationships into sources of happiness and mutual growth. We are more than just narrators; we are advocates for change, striving to pave hopeful and fulfilling paths for the generations that come after us.
Episode Transcript
Again break generational curse.
So us men, we need to changesome of our ways.
Dr Bola Sogade (00:25):
So we continue our discussions with Charles.
"Charles" (00:28):
I accept my best friend.
We might not talk every day,but at least once a week.
We're going to call Me and himare going to talk.
Dr Bola Sogade (00:37):
And you talk about things about your marriage
also.
"Charles" (00:40):
Like, if there's something bothering you.
Dr Bola Sogade (00:42):
These are people you can trust.
"Charles" (00:44):
I can trust that.
Yes, you can you can give yougood advice that you're gonna
act on yes, ma'am, yes, ma'am,like I said, you go through life
.
You don't know it all.
No, no one knows it all.
It's uh, you always seek adviceOkay, what about this, what
(01:04):
about this?
And you never know what theother person that have went
through, because they might havewent through the same thing.
But it's just, you have to talk, like I said, my best friend,
he went through a lot.
My cousin that I always referto, he went through a lot as
(01:28):
well.
My brother, he went through alot.
So it's like we pick each otherup, you know, when we're down, I
want to see them do good inlife for marriage success,
everything.
Just like they want to see medo good in life for it, Marriage
success, everything.
Just like they want to see medo good in life, marriage, and
(01:50):
successfully.
And it just we got each otherback.
We're not going to let eachother like, if he falls, I'm not
going to sit there and standback and just watch him fall,
and that's our mindset, you know.
So we're willing to work withanyone to help anyone as much as
possible, you know, and we needthat because we have a lot of
(02:13):
young men now that's not walkingin that way, like I just got a
call.
Last night One of my familymembers was killed and he's,
like now the family in turmoil.
So he's in front of us today,more so in front of us today.
So and this is, I hate whenfamily get like that, because we
(02:39):
was always raised together.
Things like that tear familiesapart.
So me and these days now wehave to sit down as and be able
to listen.
Don't jump to conclusions.
We have to sit down and listennow, because this world is
evolving every day.
(03:00):
So us men, we need to changesome of our ways and walk in the
way the Lord wants to.
So yeah, like I said, I see alot of the old me and a lot of
the younger guys now.
They're selfish, they don'twant to listen and like me and
(03:22):
my cousin actually we did justtalk about that, my brother too
that we want to try to get someyounger guys and just mentor to
do things different.
Now you know, back home wedidn't have a Boys and Girls
Club, we didn't have anythingwhere the guys could come
together.
It's just us as cousins we didit, but to all the younger
(03:46):
generation in the neighborhoodthey didn't come around because
they didn't have it.
So we want to do something backhome where we can bring all the
guys together, because you havethe younger generation.
Dr Bola Sogade (04:01):
They're different now.
"Charles" (04:02):
We want to change that Because, like I said, my
cousin, he was just killed andwe lost family members as well
to gun violence, and we want tomake change.
You don't have to walk thispath, man, like this path is
only two options.
So we just want to make achange in the neighborhood to
(04:24):
where guys have more options onthings that they want to do in
life, you know, besides tryingto be in the streets, things
like that.
So that's what we're trying todo in the neighborhood for the
younger generation, for it toshow them that you know you can
be married, you can be in arelationship.
We just want to talk abouteverything, get everything out,
(04:47):
to make things different.
So we're trying to make adifference in this world.
So we're trying to make adifference in this world.
And a lot of us, though, as men, we just sit back and just
watch the young generation justfall, and we just refuse to sit
back and watch it.
So we try to make a differencein a way that we feel we didn't
(05:10):
have.
And you know, like I said, mecoming up, we didn't have none
of that and we want to give thekids a better way because to me,
I feel they're doomed.
As parents, we try to be therefor our kids, but it takes time.
We have to be away from ourkids more and more to try to
(05:35):
give success to our kids, butthat kid needs someone to mentor
him while the parent is away.
So that's the thing that we'retrying to do.
We're trying to come togetherand do a Boys and Girls Club
back home On a Saturday.
All of us get together, we justtalk as the guys you know and,
(06:01):
like I said, a lot of my cousinswe do that now.
All of us get on FaceTime.
Hey cuz, you all right, you allright, you all right.
If one of everyone, nah, man,I'm going through this and this
and this, okay, now we try tofigure out.
Going through this and this andthis, okay, now we try to
figure out how we can help himget better.
And I said, lately everyone'sbeen doing good because, like I
(06:24):
said, we, always we we try towork together to try to keep
everyone afloat.
So either, that's like I saidmarriage mentally, financially.
And like I said marriagementally financially, and like I
said, it's a brotherhood to me,to, I'm not going to let my
brother fall.
When I know he's falling, I'mgoing to do all I can to help
(06:47):
him out.
You know, make that right pathand she hates it because I end
up I give but I don't receive.
There's one point I was goingto call oh my God, every week
(07:09):
because I need this, I need this, I need this.
And she got to the point shesaid listen, no, because that's
taken away from me.
So no, let's put an end to thisand let's come up with a better
(07:32):
way Than just giving.
Let's help in a different way.
If they're looking for a job,they want to pay more money,
let's help them look for a jobthat can pay them more money.
But no, let's stop giving.
So, like I said, we just try tohelp out as much as possible.
We know my cousin.
Like I said, he's married andI've been helping him out lately
(07:53):
.
But you know, my cousin, hemeans well, he means well, he
means well, and it is a part ofhis life that he chose the wrong
path, just like I did, comingup and his wrong path put him in
(08:13):
a situation where he couldn'tget a good job, he couldn't be
more successful because of whathe did in his past.
So I just try to be there forhim and help him out as much as
possible, because when you'reyounger we don't think about
those things.
When we get older and thosethings always reflect.
(08:35):
They come back to haunt us.
It does, it comes back to hauntus.
So I just try to be there forhim.
He's doing better now.
Dr Bola Sogade (08:49):
I'm glad I can help You're going to be breaking
several generational crosses.
This is going to be amultiplied effect.
By the time you guys get thethings together, the boys club
in, you know, in your hometown.
So I just want to thank you somuch, charles that's your
pseudonym for coming to CocoPods podcast as we delve into
(09:14):
the issues of difficultrelationships and what people
can do.
And you and your wife, it'sjust a success story because you
guys are back together, you areworking at it, you are raising
your children.
So, just as we close out, I justwant you to give a summary
advice and I know you've donethat all the time Just a
(09:36):
summarization of what you wouldlike to leave the men with and
the husbands or the partners ofour women folks here.
The advice, you know, becausewomen go through a lot and not a
lot of people have this outcomethat you guys have.
You guys got married young.
(09:57):
You got separated, you gotdivorced.
You got back together, you gotremarried and you are living
together in harmony, working atit every day, fighting Really
that's the word you said.
You're fighting to keep ittogether every day.
Yes, ma'am, not everybody hasthis outcome, you know.
So, just in summary, whatadvice would you give people at
(10:20):
different phases of all thesekinds of things as we close out.
"Charles" (10:24):
Again, break generational curse.
And I say I can't say it more,I can't say it less Change the
narrative.
It all depends on you guys.
Only you guys can change thenarrative of your guys'
relationship.
Only you guys can change thenarrative of your guys
(10:46):
relationship.
And if your relationship meansa lot to you, again change the
narrative.
The fighting, the bickering,the selfishness, it only pushes
you away.
So again, change the narrative.
Make each other happy.
Sometimes we might have to goback into it only pushes you
(11:08):
away.
So again, change the narrative.
Make each other happy.
Sometimes we might have to goback into the days where I know
okay, when I did this, she washappy with me doing this.
Okay, you might have to go back, but nothing's wrong with that.
You know, happiness comes inall shapes and forms, but your
marriage, that's a happy moment.
(11:28):
Cherish it Like.
Again, change the narrative.
Dr Bola Sogade (11:33):
So that's what I'm going to leave with today.
Wow, wow, myself and the CocoaPods cast team.
We just want to thank ourpseudo-named guests, but they're
real-life couples, sittingright in front of me right here.
Real life couple, but pseudonamed Charles and Lillian, that
came and just shared and pouredout their whole life, their
(11:55):
whole experience.
Thank you very much for yourtime and just for teaching all
of us a lot of things today.
"Charles" (12:02):
Yes, ma'am, you're welcome.
You're welcome.
Thank you for having me.
(12:25):
That's good, that's good.
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