May 22, 2025 • 37 mins
What does it mean to set Christian boundaries rooted in God’s love, not just self-protection? In this episode, we explore how biblical boundaries aren't built around our desires or others’ demands, but around obedience to God. Discover why healing any relationship starts with aligning your heart with His: and how God's love empowers us to love others well. If you’re navigating forgiveness, betrayal, or burnout, this conversation will bring clarity and hope.
Scriptures mentioned:
- Mark 12:30
- Romans 7
- James 1:5
- John 13:35
- 1 John 4:9-11
- Matthew 11
- Deuteronomy 32:35
- Romans 12:17-19
- Matthew 5:23-24
Jada's book: A New Way to Love Your Neighbor
Learn more about Jada: Website │ Instagram
Jada's Favorites:
ESV Bible │YouVersion │Blue Letter Bible │Bible Hub │Logos Bible Software
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ellen Krause (00:04):
At the Coffee and Bible Time podcast.
Our goal is to help you delightin God's Word and thrive in
Christian living.
Each week we talk to subjectmatter experts who broaden your
biblical understanding,encourage you in hard times and
provide life-building tips toenhance your Christian walk.
We are so glad you have joinedus.
(00:28):
Welcome back to the Coffee andBible Time podcast.
This is Ellen, your host, andtoday we are going to go on a
journey to learn how totransform your relationship with
God and people.
You know we often underestimateGod's idea of love, but with
the right definition andintentional action, everything
(00:51):
can change in any relationship.
We're going to talk aboutlimits holding you back from
fully experiencing God's love,how to shift from earthly
definitions of love to thedivine definition, and how to be
curious, free, brave, resilientand real in all your
relationships.
Today we are joined by someonewhose voice, wisdom and love for
(01:14):
Jesus have been such a gift tomany.
Jada Edwards is an author,speaker, bible teacher and
mentor.
She and her husband planted OneCommunity Church in Plano,
texas, where she serves in anumber of leadership roles and
mentors and teaches womenregularly.
She's a devoted wife and momand she's here today to talk
(01:38):
about her brand new book, a NewWay to Love your Neighbor, that
released just last week, jada.
Congratulations and welcome tothe show, thank you, thank you,
and thank you for having me.
Well, we are so honored to haveyou, you know, at Coffee and
Bible Time.
We believe that ourrelationship with God directly
shapes how we relate to others.
(02:00):
Transformation in both areascan be deeply personal and
powerful.
Can you share why transformingyour relationship with God and
with people has been personallyimportant to you About three
(02:20):
years ago.
Jada Edwards (02:21):
It came out of just some personal relationships
where I was trying to figureout how to navigate them well,
frustrated marriage stuff, whereI was like you know, lord, fix
these people, the thing that weoften ask and the Lord's like I
think we're going to do thatdifferently, and just this idea
of what it meant to love the waythe Lord has loved me just
(02:43):
started to resonate with medifferently.
A few years ago he impressedupon my heart that you know,
jada, you have a love issue, andI was like, no, I love you,
lord.
You know I do.
But the issue was that I wasloving the things I wanted from
the Lord more than the Lordhimself.
I was loving the things thatGod was giving me, or things
that I may have been expecting.
And then even, you know,starting to see it really show
(03:06):
up in our culture, especiallyduring COVID, when we were so
heavy in social media, you know,I felt like it was the
beginning of just a deepdivisiveness that has shown up
not just in our culture but evenin our churches.
And so the whole idea, I think,put me on a path to really see
the idea of God's love, like howhe says this is what the entire
(03:29):
Bible hangs on.
It put me on a path to reallyfigure out.
What does that mean?
Because maybe I've taken thisthing a little too lightly and
so, yeah, it started showing upfor me everywhere, and so that's
really what inspired me tostudy this subject.
Ellen Krause (03:44):
And I can definitely tell you you're not
alone in that, that's for surewhat would you say has been sort
of the biggest transformationin your own heart or life that
you've seen as a result ofreally focusing so much
attention on this?
Jada Edwards (04:00):
Yeah, probably the awareness that I cannot fix any
issue in any relationship if Ihave not first resolved it with
God.
I think sometimes I'm a doer.
I'm a give me the list ofthings to do and I want to knock
things out and we can take thatapproach to our spiritual
growth.
(04:20):
We go to church and we takegood sermon notes or we listen
to our favorite teacher or do aBible study and we often come
out with like a list of thingsto do and I want to work on this
.
I want to work on this, andit's hard for us to not create
an action list or to create achecklist, but to really ask God
to check our hearts.
What's my relationship like withyou, God?
(04:40):
How is my relationship with youreally affecting this other
issue?
I just want to work on myfinances or be healthier or be
more kind, and I think thechallenge has been for me that
the Lord has said you can't.
Those things are the outcome ofyour relationship with me.
You're trying to fix outcomeswithout first checking your
(05:01):
alignment with me, and so if youwant to be more patient with
people or more gracious, thenyou need to fully receive the
grace and patience I give you,Because once you're aware of
that, you will feel compelled tobe patient with people.
And so just a different way ofthinking that has forced me to
stop being, stop the tendency ofquickly taking action and
(05:22):
saying I need to figure outwhat's going on in my heart,
because the Bible says you lovethe Lord, your God, with your
heart, soul, mind, and Mark addsstrength and love your neighbor
as yourself.
The second one is like it it'sas important, but it's also
second.
It comes in an order Loving theneighbor is as important as
loving God, but it is impossiblewithout loving God.
And so it has forcing me tostop and check every challenge I
(05:44):
have in a relationship and askmyself where is this showing a
gap or a deficit in my?
Ellen Krause (05:50):
relationship with the Lord that's so profound, and
I think I need to be doing moreof that as well.
It's hard, it's hard, it's hardto kind of flip your framework
when we're so used to, like yousay, trying to fix it and ask
for all the results withoutreally first checking our heart.
(06:12):
Well, it's also important forus to understand how limited we
are when it comes toexperiencing the love of God.
Jada Edwards (06:23):
What do?
Ellen Krause (06:24):
you think some of us have trouble fully
experiencing God's love.
Jada Edwards (06:29):
Well, I think it has a lot to do with what I was
kind of mentioning about our ownrelationship with God, and that
is impacted by a lot of things.
When you first become aChristian, even if you grew up
in church, there's some momentthat's probably some definitive
moment where you owned yourfaith and said, yes, ok, I want
(06:49):
to surrender my life to the Lord.
I just think sometimes we solove the idea of newness and new
life and new creation that weforget that that newness is laid
on top of old creation.
We still bring a lot of stuffto the table.
(07:11):
In our relationship with theLord.
It's not the new creation, isnot that the old is wiped clean,
but the cost of the old, thepunishment that the old creation
deserves, the gap that itcreates in our relationship with
God.
Like that has passed away, butour old nature is still there.
That's why we wrestle, that'swhy you suddenly don't wake up
(07:33):
after becoming a Christian andsay, gosh, I have no tendency to
want to overspend, I have notendency to want to lie Like
that doesn't go away, and so Ithink a lot of the things that
impact us is because we're notpaying enough attention to what
we're bringing to the table andso I can try my best to love God
and receive God's love.
(07:54):
But if I'm not mindful of how myrelationship with my father may
have impacted me, or mychildhood, or things that I've
always wrestled with, even theway I'm wired, childhood, or
things that I've always wrestledwith, even the way I'm wired If
I'm a naturally anxious person,then it doesn't matter how many
times I quote don't be anxiousfor, be anxious for nothing, but
in every.
You know like you can quote that, but you don't really.
(08:15):
You don't really know the workthat it needs to do in your
heart.
The work that verse needs to doin my heart is different than
the work it needs to do in yourheart heart because we're
different people, we bringdifferent things to the table
with different background,different story, and so I think,
holding intention, this ideathat, yes, I'm new, I'm redeemed
, I'm redefined in Christ, but,as Paul said in Romans 7, I
(08:36):
still have to wrestle, there'sstill things in me that do the
things that I hate, and so Ihave to understand that the same
scripture, even taught on aSunday morning to 200 people, is
going to hit every one of thosepeople differently, and some
people are going to be like,great, I can start doing this
tomorrow.
And some people are going to belike wait a minute.
Why is this so hard for me?
(08:57):
Because we all bring differentthings and so you know, doing
that work and keeping theawareness that my new creation
is also having to deal with myold creation, how do I really
get specific and let the Lord dosurgery on my own heart.
Ellen Krause (09:11):
Yeah, that's.
That's something that I thinkeach one of us, as you said, we
come with all different types ofbackgrounds and I love that the
scriptures do teach.
You know, it's the samescripture, but we're all
impacted by it in some differentway, but it's exactly how God
wants to speak to each one of usand into our hearts.
(09:34):
Well, what are some of theobstacles that you are seeing
people face as they try toexperience God's love, as they
try to experience God's love.
Jada Edwards (09:44):
I think part of the biggest, one of the biggest
challenges that I face, thatpeople face, is that it is
really difficult to keep adivine or elevated kind of view
of love when we are experiencingit in the flesh and day-to-day
life.
So if somebody hurts myfeelings, somebody hurt my
(10:05):
feelings it is work for me tohear something that's offensive
or read a text that hurt myfeelings, or find out somebody
betrayed my confidence orsomeone was disloyal to me.
It is work to take thedisappointment that inevitably
happens even in our healthyrelationships, to take that and
then somehow translate that towell, it's bigger than what I
(10:26):
feel.
How do I deal with my feelingsbased on this divine idea?
That is not natural.
We are naturally all Cain.
That's who's in us.
I'm jealous of this.
I don't like this.
I want to lash out.
We are all Cain.
In that Cain and Abel story, weare all Eve.
I see something I want.
I know what God said, but thisis what I want, and so it just
(10:48):
becomes effort, work to partnerwith the Holy Spirit and say,
okay, this is how I feel, thisis how I want to respond.
But, Lord, what should I do?
That's why I love Mark'sversion of that great command?
Because he says love the Lordwith your heart, soul, mind and
strength.
It's going to take work.
You're not going tomiraculously pray or sing the
(11:09):
right worship song and all of asudden all your relationships
are easy.
He's like it's going to be work, and so I think we have to be
okay with that and know thatthat's a normal thing to really
strive to put forth effort intothat.
We do it through the power ofGod, but we have to do the work
to partner with him to see thatshowing up in our everyday
(11:29):
relationships.
Ellen Krause (11:30):
Absolutely.
The word that comes to my mindwhen you said that is just
intentionality, because so manythings in life don't just happen
.
Right, it takes intentionalityon our part to be actively
seeking God, and I love that hegives us wisdom when we ask
right.
James says that.
So if that's something, you'relistening to this and you're
(11:54):
seeking and wanting more wisdomon this topic, even for God's
love to reveal more of that toyou is something that you can
ask of the Lord.
Well, jada, our world so oftenseems to be filled, as you
mentioned at the beginning, withdivision and outrage, conflict,
division and outrage, conflict.
(12:19):
It's not just families ormarriages that need help with
loving well, but just aboutevery human relationship out
there.
Yes, how can we model a lovethat truly heals and brings
people together?
Jada Edwards (12:29):
You know, if you think about the way that God has
loved us, it really isoverwhelming to think about the
sacrificial, compassionate,generous love of God.
It makes us rethink.
I think, all of ourrelationships, because I think
even the people that we love themost our closest friends, our
spouses, our kids, our family itis still often some kind of
(12:53):
condition attached to it that wehave to work through.
And that's with our favoritepeople, Like I love my kids, but
will there be disappointment ifthey don't turn out to be the
adults that I want them to be?
I love my husband deeply.
Will I still be disappointed ifhe doesn't do the things that I
require?
Love my friends, et cetera, etcetera.
We are inclined to love with acondition.
(13:16):
I love you, but also don't gopast this point, because then
it's going to challenge how Ican relate to you.
And then you think about God'slove, how we show that is asking
God to help us work throughthose conditions.
And that is not to say youdon't want people that are kind
and considerate and thoughtful,but it is to say that I have to
(13:36):
be asking God all the time howdo I love these people well,
even when they don't meet myconditions, or how do I remove
the condition?
How do I love without condition?
And that doesn't mean that Idon't set boundaries or don't
have wisdom, but that means Idon't cut people off and
disengage in relationships.
Ask the Lord how to navigate itand he may show me how to
(13:58):
navigate relationshipsdifferently when I've been
betrayed or when someone'sbroken my trust or whatever the
case may be.
But it means as a believer, ifI believe that love is the mark
John 13, 35, like they will knowyou're my disciples by your
love.
They will know you're mydisciples by your love.
(14:21):
If I believe that's the mark ofwhat, what makes me identify as
as a believer, then I can'tjust walk out on things when
they're really hard.
I have to be asking God what doI do in that situation?
And so you know, trying topursue unconditional love,
trying to pursue a love thatmakes the first move, the love
that seeks to reconcile, beforethe person comes and apologizes,
before they explain, even ifyou don't know how it's going to
(14:41):
be received.
All that is very, very humbling.
But that's the way God loved us.
The Bible says that while theworld was against God, he was
reconciling us to himself.
He made the first move.
So those kind of things, I think, challenge us to really depend
on God to love well, because youcannot do it in human strength.
(15:01):
We keep score and we getoffended, and so it takes God's
divine power really to say lookpast this, Think about how I've
loved you.
Let me show you how to do thiswell, and God's going to keep
you safe.
He's not going to set you up to, you know, be destroyed.
In relationships.
Hard things happen, but I don'tbelieve that's the plan of God.
I think that's just humansdoing what we do, but God will
(15:22):
show you how to do it in a waythat you know is beyond your
capacity and still reflects thegoodness and the glory of his
name, which is really theultimate.
Ellen Krause (15:30):
Yes, absolutely, it is in the book.
One of the things that I lovedyour authenticity and I loved
how you know.
You said that you approachsituations much more.
What's the right word?
Just sort of more matter offact?
Yeah, I do.
As opposed to maybe someoneelse who might be responding to
(15:53):
a situation more empathetically,or, and that God challenges all
of us to consider how we dothings, how we're loving versus
how he loves.
But I appreciate that.
You know you.
You were so honest about that,yeah.
Jada Edwards (16:13):
You have to know yourself and just be okay with
it.
It's not a matter of guilt orshame or one person is better
than the other.
I mean, it's just how we allare.
Some of us are, we want toslowly understand the details of
every person's story and someof us are like give me the
bullets, just give me the, giveme the 30 seconds.
You know, we're all different,some of us.
(16:34):
Some of us want to receiveencouragement.
Just this morning I got a textfrom a friend of mine and she
was relaying some very seriousinformation about a family
member that's going to undergo amedical procedure.
She wanted prayer and all thesethings and I know her well
enough.
I knew in that moment how tolove her.
Well, I just text her back andsaid I love you, glad to be your
(16:55):
friend, I'm glad I get to be inthis with you, I'm praying for
you.
The end.
I have other friends who mayhave sent that message and I
know the way to love them.
Well, would have been a phonecall.
They want to talk through it,but I know her.
She actually even said I don'thave capacity for questions, but
I need this, this, this, and sosometimes, if you don't.
If you don't get out ofyourself, you'll just assume,
(17:17):
well, the loving thing to dowould be to call or to show up
because that's what you like.
But actually it's not theloving thing to do for that
friend.
I know her.
She's like here's I'm puttingthis out here.
It's a big deal for her to evenask for prayer.
I know she's going to give meupdates whenever she's ready and
when I sent my message back shejust hearted the message.
Heart, that's it.
That's probably all I'm goingto get you know until she's
(17:38):
ready.
But it's that sensitivity inthe moment.
God, what do I do?
How do I respond?
to her, because everybodydoesn't want what I want.
How, what does she want?
What makes her feel loved?
And I needed to justacknowledge that she sent me,
that she liked the message andthat's it.
Might not get an update tilltomorrow or the next day, but
you know it's just asking thatquestion how do I love the other
person?
Ellen Krause (17:58):
Yes, that is definitely the question.
What are some red flags thatindicate someone might be stuck
in unhealthy relationshippatterns and how do you think
they can begin to shift towardshealthier dynamics, begin to
shift towards healthier?
Jada Edwards (18:14):
dynamics yeah, red flags, I think show up when the
person, the other person thatyou're in relationship with,
becomes the center of therelationship rather than God.
So that means the other personthen has the power to ruin your
day or change your mood or, youknow, disrupt your joy or your
(18:37):
peace.
These things that are gifts andpromises from the Lord, if we
find ourselves in places wheresomeone we're in relationship
with whether it's a friend, asibling, a child, a parent,
someone we're in relationshipwith can begin to disrupt what I
know is a gift from God, meansI may have put them in a God
(18:59):
spot in my relationship.
Because if the Lord says I'myour peace and peace is yours,
that means even on a hard daywith someone I love, I can be
disappointed, I can be sad, Ican be hurt.
I can feel all those emotionsand still feel settled, that
tranquility that the Lordpromises me.
So when I'm tossing and turningat night and can't function at
(19:21):
work and can't think through theday because of something
someone said or someone did, orI'm waiting on a response, those
are my signs that hold on.
You have made this thing moreimportant than the God, who says
you always have joy and youalways have peace.
And then, in addition to that,I'm probably expecting from them
some things that only God cangive me, because a red flag is,
(19:44):
if I need this person to respondor function in my life in a
certain way in order for me tobe content or happy or joyful or
whatever, I have given them toomuch power and too much
responsibility.
I'm asking them to do somethingonly God can do, and so it's
trying to check that.
Well, who's at the center ofthis relationship?
Are they, is the other person?
(20:04):
Am I?
Am I being arrogant?
Have I put myself at the centerof the relationship, or is God
really the center?
Because then it helps me tolove freely, and not with this
demand on other people that theywill typically not be able to
meet because they're not God.
And that's a hard lesson,that's a hard thing to keep
learning.
Ellen Krause (20:22):
Yeah, yeah, it sure is.
And what that kind of brings tomind for me is that part of
Matthew 11, where Jesus calls usto yoke our burdens with him.
And I think too, if we'refeeling that stress that you're
describing too, it's becausemaybe we haven't asked him to
(20:46):
yoke that burden.
I love that.
This just kind of all tiestogether, because that's only
something that God can do.
Yep, absolutely, absolutelyWell, jada, you talk about the
importance of boundaries inloving relationships, and I'm
just going to read a little bitfrom your book.
You say many times life demandswe set boundaries in our
(21:08):
relationships and create spacefrom unhealthy circumstances.
But love is so much bigger andbraver than boundaries.
God demonstrated it and callsus to the same transcendent love
.
It's possible to haveguidelines that govern a
relationship without lesseningour love.
Boundaries don't negate love,and distance doesn't have to
(21:28):
mean disconnection.
There is a way to set healthyboundaries that still give us
the space to love the people weneed distance from.
And I'm kind of excited to talkto you about this, because it
does seem that that's kind of abuzzword now setting boundaries.
We love boundaries.
What do godly versus worldlyboundaries look like, and how
(21:54):
can we set limits that honorboth love and truth.
Jada Edwards (21:58):
Yeah, I'm at the risk of sounding like a broken
record.
It's like who's at the centerof the boundary.
Is it this person that you aretrying to disconnect from?
Or maybe you're trying topunish that person?
They've done something to you.
Now I'm not gonna engage withyou in the same way.
Are you at the center of theboundary?
I need to protect myselfbecause you're not safe or
(22:19):
you've caused me harm or you'vecaused me hurt.
Or is God at the center of theboundary?
And when I read through,especially the life of Christ,
you have Peter, you have Judas,two significant people who
betrayed Jesus.
But they had very differentheart postures, very different.
But here's the thing that blowsme away about Jesus Both of
(22:41):
those men were at the table ofthe final supper, both of them
that even when he called Judas,he knew that Judas would betray
him.
Now, judas wasn't in his innerthree.
Judas wasn't the name mentionedoften throughout scripture as
the disciples were mentioned,but Judas was at the table and
Jesus let God deal with Judassaid to him in so many words you
(23:02):
basically cannot thwart my plan.
I'm going to allow you to dowhat you're going to do.
So none of us wants to have aJudas at the table.
But I believe that if I trustthe Lord more than I trust
myself, I will know that there'sgoing to be some times where
the person I really don't wantto connect with, the person I
know has ill intentions, theperson I know doesn't have good
(23:23):
will toward me, that God mayallow them in my space for a
season to serve his purpose.
That doesn't mean we have to bebest friends.
That doesn't mean we have to goto lunch.
That doesn't mean it's justthat I need to give grace and
room for God to do what God isgoing to do and for me to watch
God take control of thatsituation and not me.
(23:45):
You have situations where youhave a Peter who not only denied
Jesus three times and kind ofoverreacted in a few situations,
even when he's brought into theinner three, falls asleep at
one of the most crucial momentsin the life of Christ, where
he's broken, his humanity iscoming forth and he wants to
share the brokenness of how hefeels about the cross.
(24:05):
His three closest friends fallasleep.
He doesn't kick them out of hislife, he doesn't kick them out
of the garden.
It is the ability to deal withthe disappointment of people
without disconnecting from them,and I think that only comes by
being found fully stable andhealed in the Lord and asking
the Lord what do you want donein the relationship?
Because here's the thing itmakes sense to cut off a Judas.
(24:28):
But if Jesus had cut off Judas,could we have seen that grace
is shown even to our enemies?
Because the Bible doesn't tellme that everybody's feet got
washed except Judas.
Bible tells me that he waswashing feet.
If you were at that table, how?
What human being would say Iknow you're gonna betray me, but
still come to dinner, come tomy last dinner, like, and I'm
(24:50):
gonna wash your feet, like thatis so foreign to us.
And Jesus did it in an act ofnot only servanthood but of
trust to say I know the father'sgoing to take care of you.
I don't have to mete out my ownjustice.
Even Jesus practiced vengeance,being the Lord's.
And then you have Peter, whobetrayed him, denied him, did
everything, and somehow, at theend of the story is the one that
(25:12):
Jesus says I'm going to buildmy church on you, peter, like
what if Jesus had said I can'tbelieve you fell asleep on me in
the garden, I'm never talkingto you again.
That was my lowest moment andyou were not able to stand with
me.
What if he had said, peter, I'mdone, you're out of my life?
As a human, we would havemissed the fact that God is now
calling us to partner with thisperson, or some divine
(25:32):
assignment, like building thechurch or doing something great
in the name of God, with thevery person that has hurt us
more than once.
So those kinds of stories makeme question, when I know I might
need to set a boundary.
What do I do with this person?
I have to ask the Lord what doI do?
I loan this person money.
They didn't pay me back.
And they're not always the sameanswer, because sometimes the
(25:54):
Lord says, hey, don't loan thatperson money anymore.
I'm working on some things withthem.
We need to work onresponsibility and stewardship.
That makes sense to me.
But then there are other timeswhere the Lord says I want you
to loan them money again, whenthey ask because I'm teaching
them grace, I'm going to work onthis with them.
And then you have to say itdoes not make sense to me.
But okay, lord, becauseotherwise you'll get in a
(26:15):
formula.
You're like, if you don't payme back more than once.
I have a rule I'm not going toloan you money.
That's what we do.
We set up something.
We have a rule.
Once you do this, this is myaction and God's like no, it's
case by case.
Because, jada, haven't you beengiven grace?
Didn't somebody give you achance?
I cut you off?
No, because you wouldn't haveany friends.
We've all messed up, and so Ihave to be asking God, moment by
(26:39):
moment how do I love you well,and this person well, because
sometimes it is to create adistance or a space, and
sometimes it's to keep givinggrace and letting God work
through both of those.
So I wish there was a formula.
I like formulas.
I like A plus B equals C.
This is what I do in thissituation, but it's not.
It's Holy Spirit led.
He's like ask me, I love themmore than you love them.
(27:01):
Just ask me, I will tell youwhat to do in these moments, and
so that's the dependence thatwe need so we can set boundaries
, but that the Lord is at thecenter of them.
That was a mouthful.
Ellen Krause (27:20):
Oh no, those were incredible examples, and I think
exactly what we all need tohear, because I think it is our
natural instincts for when we'vebeen hurt, is to put up this
wall and boundary.
And, like you said, though,Jesus that's he forgives, he.
You brought up Peter as anexample, and just three times
you know, he claimed not to knowChrist.
(27:41):
So this kind of weaves intoforgiveness, what role does
forgiveness play in lovingothers?
Well, and what would be onepractical step someone who's
struggling with forgivenesstoday they could take?
Jada Edwards (27:55):
Man, forgiveness is huge and it's something that
a lot of us struggle with.
Sometimes we don't realize howmuch we struggle with it,
because if it wasn't a hugetrauma or a huge offense, we
might think we're pretty goodwith it.
But sometimes we hold veryminor offenses that keep us from
loving well.
And so you know the Bible saysif your brother has ought with
you, don't even come to thealtar.
(28:17):
Go and make that right.
God so prioritizes restorationand reconciliation.
So for me, and what I talkabout in the book is taking
approach like a two step.
Here's the things that need tobe happening Coming to terms,
(28:39):
coming to the reality that thisperson cannot pay me back,
whatever I think they owe me,that one of the foundational
ideas of forgiveness is torelease or to send away.
It means to send away like I'mwiping this debt in the way God
forgave me.
So this person I have to decidethis person cannot pay me back.
If they hurt me, then there'sno apology or no explanation or
no making it up.
That is going to unhurt me.
(29:00):
It may help our relationship,but it's not going to undo the
hurt.
If you put a nail in the fence,it doesn't matter if you take
the nail out and repaint it.
There's always a hole in thatwood under the paint.
That reality should make medependent on God.
I say you know what?
God, this person left a littlehole created some disappointment
.
Can you mend that for me andhelp me to not expect it from
(29:20):
them?
That's the forgiveness part.
Then restoration andreconciliation.
That requires the other personto also agree that there's been
disappointment and to want tomake amends.
And one of the things we haveto realize is that we often, we
are always called to forgive,but we're not always able to
restore or reconcile.
And so you can release a personof what they owe you because
(29:40):
the Lord is healing you for that, even if a parent that's not
living anymore or a person thatyou may never see again, the
Lord can still give us the powerto release that person.
However, the reconciliation isa very different thing.
It requires two people tomutually say, yes, there's been
brokenness and I want to work onthis, and so we have to be okay
(30:01):
with those different phases,knowing that we're absolutely
called to always forgive.
But we don't have to forcereconciliation or restoration.
We need to let the Lord lead inthat as he sees fit.
Ellen Krause (30:13):
Yes, we definitely do, because, left up to us
alone yes, we definitely do,because, left up to us alone, we
get ourselves into trouble andit's just not God's way.
We know and we trust, if we cantrust, that he will use it for
his glory.
Yes, and we can.
He will help us get through it.
(30:34):
Absolutely, jada, as we startto wrap things up here, what
encouragement would you offer tosomeone who feels disconnected
or distant from God's love?
Jada Edwards (30:46):
You know what I would say to them ask God to
show himself to you.
I don't think that, whetheryou're a new Christian or maybe
you're not a Christian, that youstumbled on this podcast, or
maybe you've been a Christianfor a very long time I don't
think there's ever a point inour journey where we are too
mature to ask God just for someevidence.
I know we're supposed to walkby faith.
(31:08):
I know that's what God calls usto do, but he also meets us
where we are, and sometimes hedoes give a sign.
Sometimes he will point yourheart to things he's already
doing in your life, because heknows what we need.
And so when I have my ownmoments of wondering, like God,
I feel far from you, he willjust show me in the smallest
things.
It might be a gesture from afriend, it might be something in
(31:31):
nature, it might be a word mykid says, it might be a book I
stumble across or a song I hear.
God is so faithful and he wantsto keep making himself known to
us, and so if you feel far fromhim, or that you can't find him
, or you're not feeling his love, ask him point blank.
Show me God, show me how youlove me.
(31:51):
And I'm telling you he willblow your mind because there's
some things that we're maybeoverlooking because we have hurt
in our life and we'reoverlooking all these other ways
that God has generously lovedus.
And he will show you because hewants you to see it.
And that's the first step toreally reconnecting and finding
that closeness.
Ellen Krause (32:09):
Yes, absolutely so .
Listeners, I hope that you feelencouraged by that, because
throughout our lives, ourconnection to God and feeling
his love does sort of ebb andflow and ask, ask God to show
you.
That's a prayer that he wantsto answer.
(32:29):
Well, jada, where can peoplefind out more information about
you and your book?
Jada Edwards (32:40):
more information about you and your book.
Well, it's available in severalChristian bookstores, including
Mardell.
It's also online, amazon and Ihave a website, jadaedwardsorg.
I'm on social media like allthe things, so I love it.
I love Instagram posts andthings going on in our church,
and so I'm mostly probably onInstagram.
But, yeah, my website,jadaemblissorg, and the book is
available pretty much everywherebooks are sold and it's on
(33:02):
Audible.
I recorded the book.
I did an audio version of it.
I hear people say that theylove audio books, and so it is
on Audible too.
Ellen Krause (33:10):
That's fantastic.
Okay, we will make sure we putall of those links in our show
notes.
Before I let you go, jada,though, I have to ask you a
couple of questions.
What Bible is your go-to Bibleand what translation is it I've?
Jada Edwards (33:26):
been loving the ESV, been in that for a while.
I grew up an NASB girl, newAmerican Standard and the ESV is
just a slightly simpler versionof some of those ideas, but
it's still a word for wordtranslation which I really love.
Ellen Krause (33:43):
Yes, it is an awesome one.
I use that one as well and it'sfantastic.
Do you have any favorite Biblejournaling supplies that you
like to use?
Jada Edwards (33:53):
I do not.
I am the person that buysmultiple Bibles and I write
notes in my Bible because I losejournals or I'll write in them,
write in them for a week or amonth and then I can't find them
.
So I have several Bibles andwhen one gets full of stuff or
if I want another one, I'll justbuy another one, and one Bible
has tons of notes throughout thePsalms.
(34:13):
Then I have another Bible thathas a lot of notes in John.
It's very chaotic.
I don't know if that systemworks, but I'll jot down pieces
of paper.
So the Bible has paper paperclip to the page where the
scripture is.
It's got posted notes hangingout of it.
Ellen Krause (34:33):
It looks kind of like a train wreck, but it works
for me.
Yes, that's amazing.
Okay, it sounds like it is wellloved, all right.
Lastly, what is your favoriteapp or website for Bible study
tools?
Jada Edwards (34:40):
Well, when I want a quick fix, I'm sitting
somewhere and I have time tolisten.
I love YouVersion.
I actually have a reading plantoo for the book on YouVersion,
but I love them.
They have plans.
If you're new to Bibleespecially, they have really
simple day-to-day plans and, ofcourse, the verse of the day
when I'm studying.
I love Blue Letter Bible.
(35:00):
It has an online lexicon.
Bible Hub has tons ofcommentaries and so, yeah, I'm
kind of a nerd with logos andall the tools.
I like to inundate myself withall the information and figure
out what to share.
Ellen Krause (35:12):
Those are all excellent, excellent resources.
We will make sure we put thelinks to those as well, Jada.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
Absolutely Just yourvulnerability and your wisdom
and just the encouragement thatyou have given us.
Yeah.
Jada Edwards (35:31):
Thank you for having me.
Ellen Krause (35:32):
All right, and for those of you that have joined
us, we thank you so much forlistening.
Be sure and share this episodewith someone who needs a fresh
perspective on love, healing andGod's grace Until next time.
At the Coffee and Bible Time podcast.
Our goal is to help you delightin God's Word and thrive in
Christian living.
Each week we talk to subjectmatter experts who broaden your
biblical understanding,encourage you in hard times and
provide life-building tips toenhance your Christian walk.
We are so glad you have joinedus.
(00:28):
Welcome back to the Coffee andBible Time podcast.
This is Ellen, your host, andtoday we are going to go on a
journey to learn how totransform your relationship with
God and people.
You know we often underestimateGod's idea of love, but with
the right definition andintentional action, everything
(00:51):
can change in any relationship.
We're going to talk aboutlimits holding you back from
fully experiencing God's love,how to shift from earthly
definitions of love to thedivine definition, and how to be
curious, free, brave, resilientand real in all your
relationships.
Today we are joined by someonewhose voice, wisdom and love for
(01:14):
Jesus have been such a gift tomany.
Jada Edwards is an author,speaker, bible teacher and
mentor.
She and her husband planted OneCommunity Church in Plano,
texas, where she serves in anumber of leadership roles and
mentors and teaches womenregularly.
She's a devoted wife and momand she's here today to talk
(01:38):
about her brand new book, a NewWay to Love your Neighbor, that
released just last week, jada.
Congratulations and welcome tothe show, thank you, thank you,
and thank you for having me.
Well, we are so honored to haveyou, you know, at Coffee and
Bible Time.
We believe that ourrelationship with God directly
shapes how we relate to others.
(02:00):
Transformation in both areascan be deeply personal and
powerful.
Can you share why transformingyour relationship with God and
with people has been personallyimportant to you About three
(02:20):
years ago.
Jada Edwards (02:21):
It came out of just some personal relationships
where I was trying to figureout how to navigate them well,
frustrated marriage stuff, whereI was like you know, lord, fix
these people, the thing that weoften ask and the Lord's like I
think we're going to do thatdifferently, and just this idea
of what it meant to love the waythe Lord has loved me just
(02:43):
started to resonate with medifferently.
A few years ago he impressedupon my heart that you know,
jada, you have a love issue, andI was like, no, I love you,
lord.
You know I do.
But the issue was that I wasloving the things I wanted from
the Lord more than the Lordhimself.
I was loving the things thatGod was giving me, or things
that I may have been expecting.
And then even, you know,starting to see it really show
(03:06):
up in our culture, especiallyduring COVID, when we were so
heavy in social media, you know,I felt like it was the
beginning of just a deepdivisiveness that has shown up
not just in our culture but evenin our churches.
And so the whole idea, I think,put me on a path to really see
the idea of God's love, like howhe says this is what the entire
(03:29):
Bible hangs on.
It put me on a path to reallyfigure out.
What does that mean?
Because maybe I've taken thisthing a little too lightly and
so, yeah, it started showing upfor me everywhere, and so that's
really what inspired me tostudy this subject.
Ellen Krause (03:44):
And I can definitely tell you you're not
alone in that, that's for surewhat would you say has been sort
of the biggest transformationin your own heart or life that
you've seen as a result ofreally focusing so much
attention on this?
Jada Edwards (04:00):
Yeah, probably the awareness that I cannot fix any
issue in any relationship if Ihave not first resolved it with
God.
I think sometimes I'm a doer.
I'm a give me the list ofthings to do and I want to knock
things out and we can take thatapproach to our spiritual
growth.
(04:20):
We go to church and we takegood sermon notes or we listen
to our favorite teacher or do aBible study and we often come
out with like a list of thingsto do and I want to work on this
.
I want to work on this, andit's hard for us to not create
an action list or to create achecklist, but to really ask God
to check our hearts.
What's my relationship like withyou, God?
(04:40):
How is my relationship with youreally affecting this other
issue?
I just want to work on myfinances or be healthier or be
more kind, and I think thechallenge has been for me that
the Lord has said you can't.
Those things are the outcome ofyour relationship with me.
You're trying to fix outcomeswithout first checking your
(05:01):
alignment with me, and so if youwant to be more patient with
people or more gracious, thenyou need to fully receive the
grace and patience I give you,Because once you're aware of
that, you will feel compelled tobe patient with people.
And so just a different way ofthinking that has forced me to
stop being, stop the tendency ofquickly taking action and
(05:22):
saying I need to figure outwhat's going on in my heart,
because the Bible says you lovethe Lord, your God, with your
heart, soul, mind, and Mark addsstrength and love your neighbor
as yourself.
The second one is like it it'sas important, but it's also
second.
It comes in an order Loving theneighbor is as important as
loving God, but it is impossiblewithout loving God.
And so it has forcing me tostop and check every challenge I
(05:44):
have in a relationship and askmyself where is this showing a
gap or a deficit in my?
Ellen Krause (05:50):
relationship with the Lord that's so profound, and
I think I need to be doing moreof that as well.
It's hard, it's hard, it's hardto kind of flip your framework
when we're so used to, like yousay, trying to fix it and ask
for all the results withoutreally first checking our heart.
(06:12):
Well, it's also important forus to understand how limited we
are when it comes toexperiencing the love of God.
Jada Edwards (06:23):
What do?
Ellen Krause (06:24):
you think some of us have trouble fully
experiencing God's love.
Jada Edwards (06:29):
Well, I think it has a lot to do with what I was
kind of mentioning about our ownrelationship with God, and that
is impacted by a lot of things.
When you first become aChristian, even if you grew up
in church, there's some momentthat's probably some definitive
moment where you owned yourfaith and said, yes, ok, I want
(06:49):
to surrender my life to the Lord.
I just think sometimes we solove the idea of newness and new
life and new creation that weforget that that newness is laid
on top of old creation.
We still bring a lot of stuffto the table.
(07:11):
In our relationship with theLord.
It's not the new creation, isnot that the old is wiped clean,
but the cost of the old, thepunishment that the old creation
deserves, the gap that itcreates in our relationship with
God.
Like that has passed away, butour old nature is still there.
That's why we wrestle, that'swhy you suddenly don't wake up
(07:33):
after becoming a Christian andsay, gosh, I have no tendency to
want to overspend, I have notendency to want to lie Like
that doesn't go away, and so Ithink a lot of the things that
impact us is because we're notpaying enough attention to what
we're bringing to the table andso I can try my best to love God
and receive God's love.
(07:54):
But if I'm not mindful of how myrelationship with my father may
have impacted me, or mychildhood, or things that I've
always wrestled with, even theway I'm wired, childhood, or
things that I've always wrestledwith, even the way I'm wired If
I'm a naturally anxious person,then it doesn't matter how many
times I quote don't be anxiousfor, be anxious for nothing, but
in every.
You know like you can quote that, but you don't really.
(08:15):
You don't really know the workthat it needs to do in your
heart.
The work that verse needs to doin my heart is different than
the work it needs to do in yourheart heart because we're
different people, we bringdifferent things to the table
with different background,different story, and so I think,
holding intention, this ideathat, yes, I'm new, I'm redeemed
, I'm redefined in Christ, but,as Paul said in Romans 7, I
(08:36):
still have to wrestle, there'sstill things in me that do the
things that I hate, and so Ihave to understand that the same
scripture, even taught on aSunday morning to 200 people, is
going to hit every one of thosepeople differently, and some
people are going to be like,great, I can start doing this
tomorrow.
And some people are going to belike wait a minute.
Why is this so hard for me?
(08:57):
Because we all bring differentthings and so you know, doing
that work and keeping theawareness that my new creation
is also having to deal with myold creation, how do I really
get specific and let the Lord dosurgery on my own heart.
Ellen Krause (09:11):
Yeah, that's.
That's something that I thinkeach one of us, as you said, we
come with all different types ofbackgrounds and I love that the
scriptures do teach.
You know, it's the samescripture, but we're all
impacted by it in some differentway, but it's exactly how God
wants to speak to each one of usand into our hearts.
(09:34):
Well, what are some of theobstacles that you are seeing
people face as they try toexperience God's love, as they
try to experience God's love.
Jada Edwards (09:44):
I think part of the biggest, one of the biggest
challenges that I face, thatpeople face, is that it is
really difficult to keep adivine or elevated kind of view
of love when we are experiencingit in the flesh and day-to-day
life.
So if somebody hurts myfeelings, somebody hurt my
(10:05):
feelings it is work for me tohear something that's offensive
or read a text that hurt myfeelings, or find out somebody
betrayed my confidence orsomeone was disloyal to me.
It is work to take thedisappointment that inevitably
happens even in our healthyrelationships, to take that and
then somehow translate that towell, it's bigger than what I
(10:26):
feel.
How do I deal with my feelingsbased on this divine idea?
That is not natural.
We are naturally all Cain.
That's who's in us.
I'm jealous of this.
I don't like this.
I want to lash out.
We are all Cain.
In that Cain and Abel story, weare all Eve.
I see something I want.
I know what God said, but thisis what I want, and so it just
(10:48):
becomes effort, work to partnerwith the Holy Spirit and say,
okay, this is how I feel, thisis how I want to respond.
But, Lord, what should I do?
That's why I love Mark'sversion of that great command?
Because he says love the Lordwith your heart, soul, mind and
strength.
It's going to take work.
You're not going tomiraculously pray or sing the
(11:09):
right worship song and all of asudden all your relationships
are easy.
He's like it's going to be work, and so I think we have to be
okay with that and know thatthat's a normal thing to really
strive to put forth effort intothat.
We do it through the power ofGod, but we have to do the work
to partner with him to see thatshowing up in our everyday
(11:29):
relationships.
Ellen Krause (11:30):
Absolutely.
The word that comes to my mindwhen you said that is just
intentionality, because so manythings in life don't just happen
.
Right, it takes intentionalityon our part to be actively
seeking God, and I love that hegives us wisdom when we ask
right.
James says that.
So if that's something, you'relistening to this and you're
(11:54):
seeking and wanting more wisdomon this topic, even for God's
love to reveal more of that toyou is something that you can
ask of the Lord.
Well, jada, our world so oftenseems to be filled, as you
mentioned at the beginning, withdivision and outrage, conflict,
division and outrage, conflict.
(12:19):
It's not just families ormarriages that need help with
loving well, but just aboutevery human relationship out
there.
Yes, how can we model a lovethat truly heals and brings
people together?
Jada Edwards (12:29):
You know, if you think about the way that God has
loved us, it really isoverwhelming to think about the
sacrificial, compassionate,generous love of God.
It makes us rethink.
I think, all of ourrelationships, because I think
even the people that we love themost our closest friends, our
spouses, our kids, our family itis still often some kind of
(12:53):
condition attached to it that wehave to work through.
And that's with our favoritepeople, Like I love my kids, but
will there be disappointment ifthey don't turn out to be the
adults that I want them to be?
I love my husband deeply.
Will I still be disappointed ifhe doesn't do the things that I
require?
Love my friends, et cetera, etcetera.
We are inclined to love with acondition.
(13:16):
I love you, but also don't gopast this point, because then
it's going to challenge how Ican relate to you.
And then you think about God'slove, how we show that is asking
God to help us work throughthose conditions.
And that is not to say youdon't want people that are kind
and considerate and thoughtful,but it is to say that I have to
(13:36):
be asking God all the time howdo I love these people well,
even when they don't meet myconditions, or how do I remove
the condition?
How do I love without condition?
And that doesn't mean that Idon't set boundaries or don't
have wisdom, but that means Idon't cut people off and
disengage in relationships.
Ask the Lord how to navigate itand he may show me how to
(13:58):
navigate relationshipsdifferently when I've been
betrayed or when someone'sbroken my trust or whatever the
case may be.
But it means as a believer, ifI believe that love is the mark
John 13, 35, like they will knowyou're my disciples by your
love.
They will know you're mydisciples by your love.
(14:21):
If I believe that's the mark ofwhat, what makes me identify as
as a believer, then I can'tjust walk out on things when
they're really hard.
I have to be asking God what doI do in that situation?
And so you know, trying topursue unconditional love,
trying to pursue a love thatmakes the first move, the love
that seeks to reconcile, beforethe person comes and apologizes,
before they explain, even ifyou don't know how it's going to
(14:41):
be received.
All that is very, very humbling.
But that's the way God loved us.
The Bible says that while theworld was against God, he was
reconciling us to himself.
He made the first move.
So those kind of things, I think, challenge us to really depend
on God to love well, because youcannot do it in human strength.
(15:01):
We keep score and we getoffended, and so it takes God's
divine power really to say lookpast this, Think about how I've
loved you.
Let me show you how to do thiswell, and God's going to keep
you safe.
He's not going to set you up to, you know, be destroyed.
In relationships.
Hard things happen, but I don'tbelieve that's the plan of God.
I think that's just humansdoing what we do, but God will
(15:22):
show you how to do it in a waythat you know is beyond your
capacity and still reflects thegoodness and the glory of his
name, which is really theultimate.
Ellen Krause (15:30):
Yes, absolutely, it is in the book.
One of the things that I lovedyour authenticity and I loved
how you know.
You said that you approachsituations much more.
What's the right word?
Just sort of more matter offact?
Yeah, I do.
As opposed to maybe someoneelse who might be responding to
(15:53):
a situation more empathetically,or, and that God challenges all
of us to consider how we dothings, how we're loving versus
how he loves.
But I appreciate that.
You know you.
You were so honest about that,yeah.
Jada Edwards (16:13):
You have to know yourself and just be okay with
it.
It's not a matter of guilt orshame or one person is better
than the other.
I mean, it's just how we allare.
Some of us are, we want toslowly understand the details of
every person's story and someof us are like give me the
bullets, just give me the, giveme the 30 seconds.
You know, we're all different,some of us.
(16:34):
Some of us want to receiveencouragement.
Just this morning I got a textfrom a friend of mine and she
was relaying some very seriousinformation about a family
member that's going to undergo amedical procedure.
She wanted prayer and all thesethings and I know her well
enough.
I knew in that moment how tolove her.
Well, I just text her back andsaid I love you, glad to be your
(16:55):
friend, I'm glad I get to be inthis with you, I'm praying for
you.
The end.
I have other friends who mayhave sent that message and I
know the way to love them.
Well, would have been a phonecall.
They want to talk through it,but I know her.
She actually even said I don'thave capacity for questions, but
I need this, this, this, and sosometimes, if you don't.
If you don't get out ofyourself, you'll just assume,
(17:17):
well, the loving thing to dowould be to call or to show up
because that's what you like.
But actually it's not theloving thing to do for that
friend.
I know her.
She's like here's I'm puttingthis out here.
It's a big deal for her to evenask for prayer.
I know she's going to give meupdates whenever she's ready and
when I sent my message back shejust hearted the message.
Heart, that's it.
That's probably all I'm goingto get you know until she's
(17:38):
ready.
But it's that sensitivity inthe moment.
God, what do I do?
How do I respond?
to her, because everybodydoesn't want what I want.
How, what does she want?
What makes her feel loved?
And I needed to justacknowledge that she sent me,
that she liked the message andthat's it.
Might not get an update tilltomorrow or the next day, but
you know it's just asking thatquestion how do I love the other
person?
Ellen Krause (17:58):
Yes, that is definitely the question.
What are some red flags thatindicate someone might be stuck
in unhealthy relationshippatterns and how do you think
they can begin to shift towardshealthier dynamics, begin to
shift towards healthier?
Jada Edwards (18:14):
dynamics yeah, red flags, I think show up when the
person, the other person thatyou're in relationship with,
becomes the center of therelationship rather than God.
So that means the other personthen has the power to ruin your
day or change your mood or, youknow, disrupt your joy or your
(18:37):
peace.
These things that are gifts andpromises from the Lord, if we
find ourselves in places wheresomeone we're in relationship
with whether it's a friend, asibling, a child, a parent,
someone we're in relationshipwith can begin to disrupt what I
know is a gift from God, meansI may have put them in a God
(18:59):
spot in my relationship.
Because if the Lord says I'myour peace and peace is yours,
that means even on a hard daywith someone I love, I can be
disappointed, I can be sad, Ican be hurt.
I can feel all those emotionsand still feel settled, that
tranquility that the Lordpromises me.
So when I'm tossing and turningat night and can't function at
(19:21):
work and can't think through theday because of something
someone said or someone did, orI'm waiting on a response, those
are my signs that hold on.
You have made this thing moreimportant than the God, who says
you always have joy and youalways have peace.
And then, in addition to that,I'm probably expecting from them
some things that only God cangive me, because a red flag is,
(19:44):
if I need this person to respondor function in my life in a
certain way in order for me tobe content or happy or joyful or
whatever, I have given them toomuch power and too much
responsibility.
I'm asking them to do somethingonly God can do, and so it's
trying to check that.
Well, who's at the center ofthis relationship?
Are they, is the other person?
(20:04):
Am I?
Am I being arrogant?
Have I put myself at the centerof the relationship, or is God
really the center?
Because then it helps me tolove freely, and not with this
demand on other people that theywill typically not be able to
meet because they're not God.
And that's a hard lesson,that's a hard thing to keep
learning.
Ellen Krause (20:22):
Yeah, yeah, it sure is.
And what that kind of brings tomind for me is that part of
Matthew 11, where Jesus calls usto yoke our burdens with him.
And I think too, if we'refeeling that stress that you're
describing too, it's becausemaybe we haven't asked him to
(20:46):
yoke that burden.
I love that.
This just kind of all tiestogether, because that's only
something that God can do.
Yep, absolutely, absolutelyWell, jada, you talk about the
importance of boundaries inloving relationships, and I'm
just going to read a little bitfrom your book.
You say many times life demandswe set boundaries in our
(21:08):
relationships and create spacefrom unhealthy circumstances.
But love is so much bigger andbraver than boundaries.
God demonstrated it and callsus to the same transcendent love
.
It's possible to haveguidelines that govern a
relationship without lesseningour love.
Boundaries don't negate love,and distance doesn't have to
(21:28):
mean disconnection.
There is a way to set healthyboundaries that still give us
the space to love the people weneed distance from.
And I'm kind of excited to talkto you about this, because it
does seem that that's kind of abuzzword now setting boundaries.
We love boundaries.
What do godly versus worldlyboundaries look like, and how
(21:54):
can we set limits that honorboth love and truth.
Jada Edwards (21:58):
Yeah, I'm at the risk of sounding like a broken
record.
It's like who's at the centerof the boundary.
Is it this person that you aretrying to disconnect from?
Or maybe you're trying topunish that person?
They've done something to you.
Now I'm not gonna engage withyou in the same way.
Are you at the center of theboundary?
I need to protect myselfbecause you're not safe or
(22:19):
you've caused me harm or you'vecaused me hurt.
Or is God at the center of theboundary?
And when I read through,especially the life of Christ,
you have Peter, you have Judas,two significant people who
betrayed Jesus.
But they had very differentheart postures, very different.
But here's the thing that blowsme away about Jesus Both of
(22:41):
those men were at the table ofthe final supper, both of them
that even when he called Judas,he knew that Judas would betray
him.
Now, judas wasn't in his innerthree.
Judas wasn't the name mentionedoften throughout scripture as
the disciples were mentioned,but Judas was at the table and
Jesus let God deal with Judassaid to him in so many words you
(23:02):
basically cannot thwart my plan.
I'm going to allow you to dowhat you're going to do.
So none of us wants to have aJudas at the table.
But I believe that if I trustthe Lord more than I trust
myself, I will know that there'sgoing to be some times where
the person I really don't wantto connect with, the person I
know has ill intentions, theperson I know doesn't have good
(23:23):
will toward me, that God mayallow them in my space for a
season to serve his purpose.
That doesn't mean we have to bebest friends.
That doesn't mean we have to goto lunch.
That doesn't mean it's justthat I need to give grace and
room for God to do what God isgoing to do and for me to watch
God take control of thatsituation and not me.
(23:45):
You have situations where youhave a Peter who not only denied
Jesus three times and kind ofoverreacted in a few situations,
even when he's brought into theinner three, falls asleep at
one of the most crucial momentsin the life of Christ, where
he's broken, his humanity iscoming forth and he wants to
share the brokenness of how hefeels about the cross.
(24:05):
His three closest friends fallasleep.
He doesn't kick them out of hislife, he doesn't kick them out
of the garden.
It is the ability to deal withthe disappointment of people
without disconnecting from them,and I think that only comes by
being found fully stable andhealed in the Lord and asking
the Lord what do you want donein the relationship?
Because here's the thing itmakes sense to cut off a Judas.
(24:28):
But if Jesus had cut off Judas,could we have seen that grace
is shown even to our enemies?
Because the Bible doesn't tellme that everybody's feet got
washed except Judas.
Bible tells me that he waswashing feet.
If you were at that table, how?
What human being would say Iknow you're gonna betray me, but
still come to dinner, come tomy last dinner, like, and I'm
(24:50):
gonna wash your feet, like thatis so foreign to us.
And Jesus did it in an act ofnot only servanthood but of
trust to say I know the father'sgoing to take care of you.
I don't have to mete out my ownjustice.
Even Jesus practiced vengeance,being the Lord's.
And then you have Peter, whobetrayed him, denied him, did
everything, and somehow, at theend of the story is the one that
(25:12):
Jesus says I'm going to buildmy church on you, peter, like
what if Jesus had said I can'tbelieve you fell asleep on me in
the garden, I'm never talkingto you again.
That was my lowest moment andyou were not able to stand with
me.
What if he had said, peter, I'mdone, you're out of my life?
As a human, we would havemissed the fact that God is now
calling us to partner with thisperson, or some divine
(25:32):
assignment, like building thechurch or doing something great
in the name of God, with thevery person that has hurt us
more than once.
So those kinds of stories makeme question, when I know I might
need to set a boundary.
What do I do with this person?
I have to ask the Lord what doI do?
I loan this person money.
They didn't pay me back.
And they're not always the sameanswer, because sometimes the
(25:54):
Lord says, hey, don't loan thatperson money anymore.
I'm working on some things withthem.
We need to work onresponsibility and stewardship.
That makes sense to me.
But then there are other timeswhere the Lord says I want you
to loan them money again, whenthey ask because I'm teaching
them grace, I'm going to work onthis with them.
And then you have to say itdoes not make sense to me.
But okay, lord, becauseotherwise you'll get in a
(26:15):
formula.
You're like, if you don't payme back more than once.
I have a rule I'm not going toloan you money.
That's what we do.
We set up something.
We have a rule.
Once you do this, this is myaction and God's like no, it's
case by case.
Because, jada, haven't you beengiven grace?
Didn't somebody give you achance?
I cut you off?
No, because you wouldn't haveany friends.
We've all messed up, and so Ihave to be asking God, moment by
(26:39):
moment how do I love you well,and this person well, because
sometimes it is to create adistance or a space, and
sometimes it's to keep givinggrace and letting God work
through both of those.
So I wish there was a formula.
I like formulas.
I like A plus B equals C.
This is what I do in thissituation, but it's not.
It's Holy Spirit led.
He's like ask me, I love themmore than you love them.
(27:01):
Just ask me, I will tell youwhat to do in these moments, and
so that's the dependence thatwe need so we can set boundaries
, but that the Lord is at thecenter of them.
That was a mouthful.
Ellen Krause (27:20):
Oh no, those were incredible examples, and I think
exactly what we all need tohear, because I think it is our
natural instincts for when we'vebeen hurt, is to put up this
wall and boundary.
And, like you said, though,Jesus that's he forgives, he.
You brought up Peter as anexample, and just three times
you know, he claimed not to knowChrist.
(27:41):
So this kind of weaves intoforgiveness, what role does
forgiveness play in lovingothers?
Well, and what would be onepractical step someone who's
struggling with forgivenesstoday they could take?
Jada Edwards (27:55):
Man, forgiveness is huge and it's something that
a lot of us struggle with.
Sometimes we don't realize howmuch we struggle with it,
because if it wasn't a hugetrauma or a huge offense, we
might think we're pretty goodwith it.
But sometimes we hold veryminor offenses that keep us from
loving well.
And so you know the Bible saysif your brother has ought with
you, don't even come to thealtar.
(28:17):
Go and make that right.
God so prioritizes restorationand reconciliation.
So for me, and what I talkabout in the book is taking
approach like a two step.
Here's the things that need tobe happening Coming to terms,
(28:39):
coming to the reality that thisperson cannot pay me back,
whatever I think they owe me,that one of the foundational
ideas of forgiveness is torelease or to send away.
It means to send away like I'mwiping this debt in the way God
forgave me.
So this person I have to decidethis person cannot pay me back.
If they hurt me, then there'sno apology or no explanation or
no making it up.
That is going to unhurt me.
(29:00):
It may help our relationship,but it's not going to undo the
hurt.
If you put a nail in the fence,it doesn't matter if you take
the nail out and repaint it.
There's always a hole in thatwood under the paint.
That reality should make medependent on God.
I say you know what?
God, this person left a littlehole created some disappointment
.
Can you mend that for me andhelp me to not expect it from
(29:20):
them?
That's the forgiveness part.
Then restoration andreconciliation.
That requires the other personto also agree that there's been
disappointment and to want tomake amends.
And one of the things we haveto realize is that we often, we
are always called to forgive,but we're not always able to
restore or reconcile.
And so you can release a personof what they owe you because
(29:40):
the Lord is healing you for that, even if a parent that's not
living anymore or a person thatyou may never see again, the
Lord can still give us the powerto release that person.
However, the reconciliation isa very different thing.
It requires two people tomutually say, yes, there's been
brokenness and I want to work onthis, and so we have to be okay
(30:01):
with those different phases,knowing that we're absolutely
called to always forgive.
But we don't have to forcereconciliation or restoration.
We need to let the Lord lead inthat as he sees fit.
Ellen Krause (30:13):
Yes, we definitely do, because, left up to us
alone yes, we definitely do,because, left up to us alone, we
get ourselves into trouble andit's just not God's way.
We know and we trust, if we cantrust, that he will use it for
his glory.
Yes, and we can.
He will help us get through it.
(30:34):
Absolutely, jada, as we startto wrap things up here, what
encouragement would you offer tosomeone who feels disconnected
or distant from God's love?
Jada Edwards (30:46):
You know what I would say to them ask God to
show himself to you.
I don't think that, whetheryou're a new Christian or maybe
you're not a Christian, that youstumbled on this podcast, or
maybe you've been a Christianfor a very long time I don't
think there's ever a point inour journey where we are too
mature to ask God just for someevidence.
I know we're supposed to walkby faith.
(31:08):
I know that's what God calls usto do, but he also meets us
where we are, and sometimes hedoes give a sign.
Sometimes he will point yourheart to things he's already
doing in your life, because heknows what we need.
And so when I have my ownmoments of wondering, like God,
I feel far from you, he willjust show me in the smallest
things.
It might be a gesture from afriend, it might be something in
(31:31):
nature, it might be a word mykid says, it might be a book I
stumble across or a song I hear.
God is so faithful and he wantsto keep making himself known to
us, and so if you feel far fromhim, or that you can't find him
, or you're not feeling his love, ask him point blank.
Show me God, show me how youlove me.
(31:51):
And I'm telling you he willblow your mind because there's
some things that we're maybeoverlooking because we have hurt
in our life and we'reoverlooking all these other ways
that God has generously lovedus.
And he will show you because hewants you to see it.
And that's the first step toreally reconnecting and finding
that closeness.
Ellen Krause (32:09):
Yes, absolutely so .
Listeners, I hope that you feelencouraged by that, because
throughout our lives, ourconnection to God and feeling
his love does sort of ebb andflow and ask, ask God to show
you.
That's a prayer that he wantsto answer.
(32:29):
Well, jada, where can peoplefind out more information about
you and your book?
Jada Edwards (32:40):
more information about you and your book.
Well, it's available in severalChristian bookstores, including
Mardell.
It's also online, amazon and Ihave a website, jadaedwardsorg.
I'm on social media like allthe things, so I love it.
I love Instagram posts andthings going on in our church,
and so I'm mostly probably onInstagram.
But, yeah, my website,jadaemblissorg, and the book is
available pretty much everywherebooks are sold and it's on
(33:02):
Audible.
I recorded the book.
I did an audio version of it.
I hear people say that theylove audio books, and so it is
on Audible too.
Ellen Krause (33:10):
That's fantastic.
Okay, we will make sure we putall of those links in our show
notes.
Before I let you go, jada,though, I have to ask you a
couple of questions.
What Bible is your go-to Bibleand what translation is it I've?
Jada Edwards (33:26):
been loving the ESV, been in that for a while.
I grew up an NASB girl, newAmerican Standard and the ESV is
just a slightly simpler versionof some of those ideas, but
it's still a word for wordtranslation which I really love.
Ellen Krause (33:43):
Yes, it is an awesome one.
I use that one as well and it'sfantastic.
Do you have any favorite Biblejournaling supplies that you
like to use?
Jada Edwards (33:53):
I do not.
I am the person that buysmultiple Bibles and I write
notes in my Bible because I losejournals or I'll write in them,
write in them for a week or amonth and then I can't find them
.
So I have several Bibles andwhen one gets full of stuff or
if I want another one, I'll justbuy another one, and one Bible
has tons of notes throughout thePsalms.
(34:13):
Then I have another Bible thathas a lot of notes in John.
It's very chaotic.
I don't know if that systemworks, but I'll jot down pieces
of paper.
So the Bible has paper paperclip to the page where the
scripture is.
It's got posted notes hangingout of it.
Ellen Krause (34:33):
It looks kind of like a train wreck, but it works
for me.
Yes, that's amazing.
Okay, it sounds like it is wellloved, all right.
Lastly, what is your favoriteapp or website for Bible study
tools?
Jada Edwards (34:40):
Well, when I want a quick fix, I'm sitting
somewhere and I have time tolisten.
I love YouVersion.
I actually have a reading plantoo for the book on YouVersion,
but I love them.
They have plans.
If you're new to Bibleespecially, they have really
simple day-to-day plans and, ofcourse, the verse of the day
when I'm studying.
I love Blue Letter Bible.
(35:00):
It has an online lexicon.
Bible Hub has tons ofcommentaries and so, yeah, I'm
kind of a nerd with logos andall the tools.
I like to inundate myself withall the information and figure
out what to share.
Ellen Krause (35:12):
Those are all excellent, excellent resources.
We will make sure we put thelinks to those as well, Jada.
Thank you so much for beinghere.
Absolutely Just yourvulnerability and your wisdom
and just the encouragement thatyou have given us.
Yeah.
Jada Edwards (35:31):
Thank you for having me.
Ellen Krause (35:32):
All right, and for those of you that have joined
us, we thank you so much forlistening.
Be sure and share this episodewith someone who needs a fresh
perspective on love, healing andGod's grace Until next time.
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