April 10, 2025 • 40 mins
Most of us approach relationships with a mix of excitement and anxiety, asking questions like: Is this the right person? Am I ready? What if it doesn't work out? In this deeply personal conversation, Ellen and Taylor strip away the polished veneer of "relationship advice" to share honest truths about their own journeys through dating, breakups, and spiritual growth.
Taylor opens up about her path from singleness through dating struggles to her current engagement, including a pivotal breakup that ultimately strengthened her relationship. Ellen reflects on her pre-Christian dating experiences and how faith transformed her understanding of marriage from a "cure for loneliness" to a divine tool for spiritual formation. Together, they explore how God uses relationships to shape us into His image.
Ellen and Taylor address big questions: How do we trust God's timing when everyone else seems to be finding love? What happens when our worth becomes tied to our relationship status? How do we recognize authentic red flags versus normal human imperfections? And perhaps most importantly, how do we cultivate relationships that genuinely reflect Christ's love?
Whether you're single and wondering if God has someone for you, dating and trying to honor God in your relationship, or married and seeking to grow, this conversation offers biblical wisdom wrapped in authentic personal experience. Grab your coffee and join us for this intimate look at how faith and love intertwine on the journey toward Christ-centered relationships.
Join our community! If you are a Christian woman seeking to know God deeper, study Scriptures, pray with and for others, strengthen your faith, and support other in doing the same, this is the place for you.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ellen (00:04):
At the Coffee and Bible Time podcast.
our goal is to help you delightin God's Word and thrive in
Christian living.
Each week, we talk to subjectmatter experts who broaden your
biblical understanding,encourage you in hard times and
provide life-building tips toenhance your Christian walk.
We are so glad you have joinedus,
(00:28):
H Hi, and welcome back to theCoffee and Bible Time podcast.
This is Ellen, your host, andtoday I have with me Taylor.
Welcome, Taylor.
In today's episode, Taylor andI are going to be getting real
about relationships.
We're going to talk aboutsharing the biggest lessons that
(00:50):
God has taught us throughdating heartbreak and growth,
from mistakes that we've made totruths in scripture that have
helped shaped our hearts.
This is Y eah going to be aconversation about love, faith
(01:12):
and trusting God through it all.
There may be some college ofyou out there who are wondering
about finding that special one,or wondering if your
relationship is headed in theright direction.
Well then, this episode is foryou.
We'll talk about navigating newrelationships, spotting red
flags and the things no one toldus about.
In engagement, in marriage,relationships aren't easy, but
(01:37):
they're often where we grow themost.
So, whether you're dating,engaged, married or would like
to be, we are so glad thatyou're here.
Grab a cup of coffee and comejoin us.
Well, Tay, let's start out bysharing just a little bit about
some of our own personalexperiences.
(01:58):
Why don't you give us just asnapshot of what your
relationship experiences havebeen?
Taylor (02:04):
We, yeah, that's a great question.
So I was single all the way upthrough when I went to college.
I was single my freshman year.
.
.
I think the first guy I everdated was in my sophomore year.
I want to say.
I wasn't desperate to findsomebody in high school.
I think I did always have thementality of like you kind.
(03:23):
of But date for marriage and Ijust didn't want to mess with,
you know, potentially goingthrough heartbreak.
Also, on the flip side of thatcoin, I was definitely insecure
and I've talked about this insome YouTube videos.
I think I was insecure of mybody and you know what I had to
offer a relationship.
So that also kind of kept mefrom really putting myself out
there, if I'm being honest.
But in college the first guy Idated, just for a couple months
, didn't work out and I learneda lot from that relationship.
And then the second person thatI dated many of you guys know,
Isaac.
we dated for a period of time.
We definitely, I think, fell inlove very quickly.
We look back and we're like,wow, we maybe were a little too
head over heels at first.
I know that there were timesthat Ashley would be like, okay,
Taylor, you are yap, yapyapping away about Isaac.
You need to talk about someother things ut we totally fell
in love quickly and then we hada period of time where we took
a break.
We kay, had aw, a breakup andthat was scary.
It definitely felt threateningto our relationship and God
really used that time apart towork on us individually.
We came back together and itwas like God had redeemed so
(03:45):
many broken parts within usindividually" and brought us
together.
Not to say that we are at allperfect, but there were so many
areas of our relationship thatGod really poured his love and
his grace into and showed us howto forgive each other, showed
us how to forgive ourselves andhow to really move forward and
(04:09):
take that step into commitment.
So that's where I'm at.
I'm engaged, I'm going to begetting married, I am very
excited about that and that'skind of a snapshot of my dating
experience.
Ellen (04:21):
O, Aw, and it's been so exciting to watch your journey
with Isaac along the way.
I mean, I was in the room whenyou got that first text from him
where he said "great job onyour new music video that you
released.
Taylor (04:38):
Which is so funny.
Yeah, but really swee t.
Ellen (04:48):
But he said that he had zero intentions at that time.
wh c yHe was just really as being part
of the video team, right, h h
Taylor (04:53):
He was just like he was just being a nice guy, and I
think that really stood out tome with him, because I feel like
a lot of the guys that I'veinteracted with are just and I'm
not saying all men are likethis, but kind of snarky,
sarcastic.
They were not sensitive like Iwas.
I felt like Isaac met me withsensitivity and was emotionally
(05:16):
available and interested in mefor who I am.
Tell us about your journey,though.
What was your dating life like?
Ellen (05:26):
Well, let's just say, let me start out by saying I was
not a believer in high school orcollege, so my relationships, I
would say, were a hot mess.
I was just not seeking theright things and I think I was
(05:47):
really looking for comfort in arelationship and, honestly, it
was like mostly people who hadreached out to me and I think
what I have learned, you know.
And then, of course, I met yourdad in college and even he and
I had our time together and thenwe had a breakup as well and
(06:08):
then came back together.
But it was really after Ibecame a believer, when we were
married, that I began tounderstand that this marriage is
not about a cure for loneliness, right, it's about Christ using
this relationship between himand I to mold and shape each one
(06:34):
of us to be more like him
Taylor (06:38):
Beautiful
Ellen (06:38):
.
Well, we're going to kind ofdive into some of the big
lessons that we've learnedthrough our relationships.
So, Tay, let's start out withyour first big lesson that
you've learned.
,
Taylor (06:53):
Mm-hmm.
"TrustYeah.
So I love this scripture.
Proverbs 3, 5 through 6 saysProverbs 3, 5 through 6 says
Trust in the Lord with all yourheart and lean not on your own
understanding.
In all your ways, submit to himand he will make your path
(07:14):
straight.
I love this verse because Ithink it really can teach a lot
to a single person, and I'mgoing to speak obviously this is
my personal experience.
'God"But I think as a single person,
it's hard to believe that God'stiming is better than our own
(07:37):
and it's hard to sometimesbelieve that God does have
timing for relationships whenyou're single, because it's like
, uh, hello, I mean, I reallyhave this godly desire to be in
a relationship.
Not a single guy is evenlooking my way and I remember in
high school, in college, somany of my friends that I
(07:58):
perceived to be so beautiful, solovable, kind of have the it
factor.
We're really being pursued byguys and I was like am I
invisible?
You know, nobody's even lookingat me.
It's like God.
I want to feel confident aboutmy beauty and to lean not on my
(08:31):
own understanding.
And I'm going to really lean into that section where it says
lean not on your ownunderstanding, because I think,
when you're single, you kind ofare wrestling with so many
thoughts about your identity.
You're wrestling with so much Imight even say unbelief, that
(08:54):
the Lord has a plan for you andin our own limited, finite
understanding we try to grasp atstraws to figure out why we're
single, and a lot of singlewomen can relate to this.
You're blaming the way that youlook.
Well, I must not be beautiful,I must just be really ugly
because nobody's dating me.
(09:16):
Well, I must not have a goodpersonality, I must be really
awkward, I must.
You know, guys just might notlike me.
I remember growing up there wasa friend that I had, that you
know was talking to me and shesaid you know, guys just might
not like me.
I remember growing up there wasa friend that I had, that that
you know was talking to me andshe said you know, taylor,
you're pretty, but just not thekind of pretty that boys like.
And I know here's the thing.
(09:36):
I'm not saying that as a sobstory, but little, little pieces
like that along the way.
When you grow up, little liesyou start to really grasp onto.
That becomes the way youunderstand the world, and the
Bible's telling us to flip thison our head.
Yes, your experiences reallyshape the way you see things,
(09:57):
and don't neglect that.
But you have to be willing tolet your mind be renewed by
God's word, and part of thatrenewing is believing God.
I believe that if I submit toyou, if I abide in you, if I
really try to love you with allmy heart, you will make my path
(10:17):
straight, in whatever way thatis.
And I challenge women who aresingle and I challenge women who
are single to trust in God'stiming, to also trust that God
is good, whether you're singleor whether you're with somebody,
because I'm just saying this.
When I was single, I had peoplecome up to me and tell me God's
going to bring you somebody oneday, like they were essentially
(10:39):
promising to me on behalf ofGod that God was going to bring
me somebody.
This is the reality, ladies.
There is no promise inscripture that you are going to
have a spouse, and I know thatthat is a tough pill to swallow
for a lot of us that are justtrue diehard fans of love and
rom-coms and we want that forourselves.
But it challenges us to see Godas who he is, the one in
(11:08):
control, and to challengeourselves, to trust the one in
control and to not try to schemeand think that we know what's
best for our lives when we don'tRight.
Ellen (11:19):
So really, the big lesson here for you is God's timing.
It's better than our timing.
We need to trust in his planand submit to his timing.
Yes, yeah, that's awesome.
Well, another big lesson for meis that our worth isn't defined
by a relationship, and wow, doI wish I had known that years
(11:44):
ago.
But you know, hindsight is 2020.
And now, looking at that andlearning so much more about
being a Christ follower, it'sreally understanding that our
identity is not in ourrelationship status, whatever
that might be, whether it'ssingle, married, divorced,
(12:08):
widowed.
Your identity is only throughChrist, and we are reminded
about that in Ephesians andColossians, which tells us that
when you're in Christ, you arechosen, you are loved, you are
redeemed, you are fully known byhim and you know a spouse can
(12:32):
be a beautiful gift, but wereally need to remember it's God
that completes us.
Our worth is not determined bythe ring on the finger, but by
his nail scarred hands thatredeemed you.
That is so important.
I do think that it is totallyokay, it's very normal and good
(12:56):
to desire marriage, but itbecomes dangerous when it
overshadows our love for Christ.
So you really need to askyourself if God called me to
singleness for a season, or evenfor life, would he still be
enough?
And I know that that's not aneasy question, but if you take
(13:22):
time to think about it, it's onethat can really help purify
your heart and center yourdesires more on him.
And the other thing I would sayis that you know, if you are in
search of the one, use thisseason that God has for you.
(13:44):
Well, singleness isn't just thiswaiting room or where you're
just mindlessly sitting andwaiting.
No, it's a mission field, andPaul even calls it a gift in 1
Corinthians 7.
So, during this time when youare single, you have more energy
(14:07):
, you have more time.
You can focus now on doingthings that you might not be
able to do or have time for whenyou are in marriage.
You have great opportunitiesthat you can serve others, you
can grow, you can deepen yourwalk with the Lord.
You can even travel and dothings that you might not be
able to do.
So I would just encouragepeople to deepen their walk with
(14:33):
Jesus and just let him use thisseason of your life that you're
in to form you into the personthat he's calling you to be, and
sort of let go and let God.
Yeah, mm-hmm.
Simple, but profound Mm-hmm.
Okay, taylor, how about you?
(14:53):
What's your next big lesson?
Taylor (14:55):
So I would say my next lesson is that red flags are
real and the Holy Spirit isgoing to work in you to see
those.
Now I'm going to be honest Idon't love the term red flags,
(15:16):
and I say that because I think alot of and maybe I'm viewing
this not in the way that mostpeople do, but I think in our
cancel culture, that cancelingof people when you see the
broken side of them can kind ofcreep into relationships and we
use the term red flag to kind ofostracize somebody for being
(15:41):
human.
Granted, there are issues thatshould not be ignored, but I
don't think that we should labelsomebody as a red flag, which I
think a lot of Christian womendo.
It's just like, oh, they as ared flag, which I think a lot of
Christian women do, it's justlike, oh, they're a red flag,
this red flag.
You know what.
We're all broken and we allneed to be redeemed and saved by
Christ.
But, with that being said, theHoly Spirit will still convict
(16:04):
you about areas in yourrelationship and areas about
your partner, future partner,whoever you're wanting to be
with.
That needs to be addressed.
And, from my experiences, I'llgive a couple in my dating life,
and the first one is when youidolize your partner.
(16:26):
It can go either way.
This needs to be quote unquotea red flag that you need to see
within yourself, probably yourpartner too.
But when you've been reallylooking forward to being in a
relationship and then you'refinally in one man, is it the
easiest thing in the world toidolize your partner?
You see them through therosiest rose colored glasses
(16:49):
there ever was.
See them through the rosiestrose colored glasses there ever
was.
Let's just say your walk withthe Lord is going to be taken
the back burner.
Your relationships with yourcommunity back burner.
Your time for your work, yourschoolwork back burner.
All these other things getreplaced by your love or
(17:09):
obsession of your partner, and Istruggled with that with Isaac.
That was one of the red flags Ifound within myself.
Once we took time to break up,I was like okay, taylor, you
were expecting to find a lot ofyour love, value, attention,
security, significance in Isaacand that pressure, I'm telling
(17:31):
you your partner can feel thatpressure if you are putting it
on them to really fulfill all ofthose needs that you expected a
partner would.
It's a red flag you have tolook out for in yourself and
also, potentially, your partner.
And then the other red flag thatI have is if you struggle to
(17:52):
connect spiritually with yourpartner.
Now I'm going to give myselfgrace on this one, because when
I was first starting myrelationship with Isaac, we
struggled to connect in in a lotof areas, basically because I
had never really connected on adeeper level with a guy before,
and so when I was starting toshare all these deep feelings
with Isaac I mean, this is newterritory, I'm not used to
(18:15):
talking to a guy and my faithbeing the most important thing
about me it was hard tocommunicate that in a way where
it resonated with him and wekind of had our own different
ways of relating and connectingto God, that when we came
together, it was difficult tofully understand each other.
And the red flag that comeswith that is if you, if you're
(18:39):
struggling to connectspiritually and so you're
constantly pushing spiritualconversations aside, you're not
wanting to bring the Lord intothe troubled areas of your
relationship, you're not wantingGod to be be Lord over your
relationship, you're not wantingGod to be Lord over your
relationship, you're notspending time with each other in
prayer.
And this is one of the biglessons that Isaac and I learned
(18:59):
when we came back together,after we had broken up, we told
each other man, an area that wereally needed to work on and
address in our relationship wasconnecting spiritually, and so
when we came back together, wewere like we need to prioritize
this.
This can't be something that'syou know that we're just going
(19:21):
to get to later.
We're going to get to later.
No, we've found ways to praywith each other every single day
, to have those spiritualconversations with each other in
a natural way.
Have those spiritualconversations with each other in
a natural way, and I'm just sothankful that I waited for God
to water the seeds that wasthere in our relationship.
I don't think you need to putpressure on your relationship to
(19:41):
, you know, be the mostspiritually deep as soon as you
start dating, like, giveyourself time to open up, give
yourself time to share how Godhas worked in your lives, but
make sure that over time, youare letting God be the center of
your relationship.
What do you think about what Ijust said, mom?
I'm curious.
Did that make sense?
Ellen (20:02):
Oh, it completely makes sense and I think even for your
dad and I, I mean, that'ssomething that has taken many
years to grow, develop, and Ilove you know we've had
different things at our church,like marriage events, being in a
small group together.
(20:23):
I think it's really a lifelongjourney.
It is You're each growingseparately, but you're also
growing together.
Taylor (20:33):
Right.
You're each running your ownrace and I like that.
Somebody told me once when yougo before the Lord, when your
life is done and passed andyou're meeting the Lord for the
first time, you are meeting himalone.
You have to nurture and pourinto your own spiritual
relationship with the Lord.
You don't want to neglect that.
(20:53):
But with that being said, youcan't make your spiritual life
just revolve around you and yourpartner.
You need to have that solidfoundation on your own, and
coming together is going to takesome work to bring that
(21:13):
together and to have that deep,close relationship with God.
And I will say that isn't thecase for everybody Some people
that that clicks right away.
Like you said with you mom, youguys weren't believers when you
first got married, so that tooktime to develop and with Isaac
and I, by the time we getmarried it'll be three years and
throughout those three years wereally had to work at figuring
(21:38):
out how we can beautifully marryour personal relationships with
the Lord together.
Ellen (22:07):
Well, let's move on to sort of our last big lesson here
, and that is understanding thatrelationships between man and
wife are meant you to reallythink about this verse as I read
it, to better put yourself in aposition to understand how God
uses these characteristics togrow us so and in fact when I
(22:29):
read it to myself I was like, ohokay, I'm not that good at that
.
I'm not that good at that, buthere we go.
Love is patient and kind.
Love does not envy or boast.
It is not arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its ownway, it is not irritable or
(22:56):
resentful.
It does not rejoice atwrongdoing, but rejoices with
the truth.
Love bears all things, believesall things, hopes all things,
endures all things.
Love never ends.
This passage is one that whendad and I got married again not
(23:20):
being a believer but I wasraised in a Christian home, so I
had like all of that backgroundand understanding this is
something that I actually I'membroidered the scripture verse
had it framed and gave it to himas a gift, and now I look back
at it and it has profoundly moremeaning now than it did then
(23:42):
and I think for me, really, itshows me how much that I need to
self-sacrifice, how much I needto think of the other person,
how I need to model Jesus inforgiveness, and that has at
times been very hard for me todo.
(24:02):
I know a person about who I amand being real about who I am,
understanding my own faults andrecognizing and allowing God to
(24:25):
grow me in those areas, becauseif I don't admit them, if I
don't allow my spouse to call meout on them, then I'm not going
to grow Right.
So in order for me to grow andreflect Christ's love, I need to
be willing to submit in thoseareas.
Taylor (24:47):
Yeah, and I was actually going to say just to kind of
tie in my last point with thisconnecting spiritually with your
partner requires humility.
It requires, like what you said, mom, to take the plank out of
your own eye, see the ways thatGod wants to work on you and
then come together with yourpartner, you know, wanting to be
(25:10):
like Jesus for them, believingthe best and wanting to be open
about what God is teaching themin their lives, instead of
coming in with this pridefularrogance of well, I know so
much about the Bible.
You know God has done so muchin my life.
God really speaks to me, butdoes he?
Is God really working in yourlife?
Because I see all these faults.
(25:31):
You know which is really easyto do in a relationship to be
like.
I see all these areas thatyou're having to work on and
there's a lot of sin in yourlife.
You know I must be a betterChristian.
It's just it's so easy to get awarped idea that you don't have
a plank in your eye when you do.
Something that Isaac calls meout a lot for in our
(25:54):
relationship is be like Taylor.
You have some hypocrisy.
You can be a little bit of ahypocrite because I'll call him
out left and right this and thatand he'll be like Taylor, you
do the same thing and he slowsme down.
He gives me time to reflect andI'm like, okay, I do have a
(26:16):
plank in my own eye.
I have a hard time saying sorry, that's pride, right in a
relationship, I do too.
Pride.
Arrogance, not believing thebest about your partner those
can all keep you from reallyconnecting on a deeper spiritual
(26:39):
level and that has to benurtured.
And the way you kind of nurturethat spiritual connection is by
what you said, mom, in 1Corinthians 13, 4, 8, meditating
on what God says love is andtrying to model what Christ has
done.
Ellen (27:03):
Yeah, I have a silly example of this from last night.
It's kind of funny becausemaybe like a week or so ago, we
signed up for this event withour church and all church events
serve at Feed my StarvingChildren and so I asked dad if
he wanted to do it and he's like, okay, yeah, so I signed us
both up.
Well, little did we know at thetime we signed up for the time
(27:24):
slot that was during the NCAAfinal basketball game.
So dad texted me in the morning.
It was like I really want towatch the game instead of going
to this thing we signed up for.
So in my mind I was like, oh,you know, it can go one of two
(27:48):
ways.
I can either just let it go andjust go myself, yeah, or I can
get angry.
I can recognize that this isimportant to him, all these
things.
And so I really intentionallywas like, okay, you know what,
(28:09):
I'm just going to let him makethat decision.
I'm not going to, so anyway.
Taylor (28:14):
Try to control your partner.
Ellen (28:15):
Yes, yes, yes.
So he gets home and he's likesweetie, it's fine, I do want to
go to this with you.
He goes, I can catch up on thegame after.
And, sure enough, we both wentto the event.
It ended by halftime and we gotto see the whole rest of the
game, which was crazy good youwant to see, yeah, yeah.
Taylor (28:41):
So it was like a win, win Right, autonomy to make his
own decision, and your guys'spiritual connection and growth
was fostered by not coming athim with condemnation or with
pride or with judgment.
And I think that that is I'msaying from my perspective.
(29:03):
That is hard to do.
Women we try to control, men dotoo, but I'm speaking as a
woman.
We can try to control, okay,especially in relationships.
It's tough.
Ashley talks about it too.
If Ashley was here, I know shewould unmute herself and be like
let me just talk about myexperience.
Ellen (29:25):
Is there anything?
You know, looking back now,that you earlier.
Taylor (29:32):
Well, one of those is don't try to control who you're
dating, because, first of all,you shouldn't try to control
anybody.
I don't know where we get inour minds that we have that
right to do that.
Kind of gently encouragingsomebody or sharpening them is
(29:54):
different than trying to control, and I think sometimes we can
conflate the two and you reallywant to encourage somebody,
sharpen them, but it's not thesame thing as controlling.
You can't control your partner.
You also can't play the role ofthe Holy Spirit in their lives.
Play the role of the HolySpirit in their lives, which is
tough.
If you are somebody who youknow really has a strong moral
(30:24):
compass, that's kind of tough tolet people make their own
decisions and to let God convictthem and to let Jesus take the
wheel and not control what yourpartner wants to do in their
life.
Control will not help asituation.
Let me just tell you that Iwish I could tell myself that
Let go, let God.
Like you said, mom.
So simple, slightly cheesy buttrue.
(30:46):
And then I would also say don'trun away when hardship comes.
I think that when you're firststarting to date, it can be easy
to get really scared.
When you're starting to argueand these differences are coming
up and it can be really easy tobe like, oh, I want to throw it
(31:08):
in the towel now because thisrelationship isn't fun anymore.
It's not.
You know, all these rainbows,cupcakes, butterflies, rose
colored glasses.
When you start seeing thebroken parts of people, that's
when the real relationshipbegins.
That's when you really have theopportunity to see if you want
(31:31):
to love them like Christ would,and you're not bound to be with
somebody you're dating forever.
Like, don't mistake me on that.
If you're dating somebody andit's a bad relationship, be
honest about that.
Don't feel the need to marrythe first person you date.
But I would challenge those ofyou that have found somebody
(31:53):
that you would consider you loveto not throw in the towel when
the going gets tough and to askthe Lord to give you strength to
push through some of thosedifficult times and see the
beauty of how love can redeembroken parts of your
relationship, and forgiveness iskey to that.
What would you say, mom?
(32:13):
What did you wish you knewearlier?
Ellen (32:17):
Well, I think one of the biggest mistakes that I made
early in our marriage was thecontrol one and this sort of
clinginess, this I want him allto myself.
I find that I was just.
(32:40):
This was going to be mycompanion, that was going to be
with me every minute of everyday and um, I struggled with
(33:02):
that too.
Yeah, so I think learning fromthat is just recognizing.
You know that, that God hascalled them to be the provider,
Mm-hmm.
Um and that has called them tobe the provider.
Taylor (33:16):
And that marriage isn't your cure for loneliness.
Ellen (33:19):
Yes, yes, yeah, that one was was really big.
Taylor (33:24):
Yeah.
So I also wanted to say beforewe close out because I realized
that I missed this point earlierwe were going to touch a little
bit on boundaries and I knowthat some of you who are
listening to this are probablycurious about boundaries in
relationships or, you know,struggling with that aspect.
If you're dating, or wanting tobe dating, or in a season
(33:49):
leading up to marriage, leadingup to marriage, and I wanted to
just say that if you are in arelationship, you can probably I
would say this as honestly as apiece of advice to expect to
struggle with boundariessexually with your partner.
Don't assume, don't go in withnaivety, that you know nothing
(34:13):
could ever happen if you aren't.
You know weary of that, butalso don't go into it with this
feeling of if you mess up thenyou're too far gone.
Obviously you want to, withhonesty, integrity and to honor
(34:33):
your body as a temple.
It's the Lord's.
Until you get married, godcalls us to honor our bodies and
to not give yourself awaysexually by having sex I'm just
being blunt until you're married, and I think that there's a lot
of women that struggle with alot of shame because you feel
(34:54):
broken sexually before you'remarried and maybe you feel like
God sees you as too far gone andthat's a lie from the enemy.
Nobody is perfectly pure beforethe Lord, and you just have to
hear that and see that andbelieve that it is only Christ
and his grace and his mercy thatmakes anybody pure.
(35:16):
Whether you've struggled,whether you haven't, whether
you're on a journey, it's Christthat makes us holy, it's not of
ourselves, and so know thatChrist wants to walk with you
and your partner in figuring outboundaries and working through
mistakes, and know that youaren't a big giant failure for
(35:41):
going through mistakes.
Okay, most people have gonethrough it and probably just
aren't speaking up about itbecause there's a lot of shame
around the topic.
But I will say, with boundaries, that it's hard, and my
encouragement would be to findsomebody that you can talk to
about it, maybe a wise, trustedmentor.
(36:02):
If you're going through arelationship and if you are
planning on getting married,premarital counseling is a great
way to find somebody to open upand talk to about that.
But it's hard and I wanted togive space for those of you who
have been waiting for maybesomebody to speak into that.
There is a lot of brokennessthat comes with our sexual
(36:24):
identity as human beings, andChrist wants to redeem that.
He wants you to see thatnothing should keep you from
accepting and experiencing hislove that he has for you.
Ellen (36:40):
Absolutely.
Oh, I'm so glad you rememberedto add that in, tay.
Thank you so much.
Well, we just want to recaphere for you these lessons that
we've learned Remember thatGod's timing is better than ours
could ever be.
Remember that your worth isn'tdefined by a relationship.
(37:02):
Embrace the season that you'rein.
Remember that red flags arereal, and so is the Holy
Spirit's conviction, and so isthe Holy Spirit's conviction.
And, lastly, relationships aremeant to reflect Christ's love,
and we just want to encourageyou in that regard.
Thank you so much, tay, forbeing here, for being vulnerable
(37:25):
.
We appreciate you.
And thank you to our listenersfor joining us at Coffee and
Bible Time, our podcast here.
We also have a YouTube channel.
We hope this conversation hasgiven you some encouragement and
practical advice for navigatingtoday's relationships.
So, tay, would you mind closingus out in prayer?
(37:46):
Absolutely.
Taylor (37:49):
Thank you, god, for this time that we have to come
together and to seek to honorand love you, even in our
struggles of singleness, ourstruggles in relationships, our
(38:16):
crying out to you to heal us andto show us that you see us and
that you love us and care for us.
God, would you just give us anextra measure of your grace and
love and your presence this weekas we go about navigating this
in our everyday lives.
Lord, we know that you see usand we just pray that you would
speak to us in your word thisweek.
Really show us what you want usto know and the truth that you
(38:39):
want to embed into our hearts,and you know we pray Amen.
Ellen (38:44):
Amen, all right.
Well, we would love to hearfrom you.
If you found this episodehelpful, be sure and share it
with a friend, leave a commentand follow us for more
faith-filled conversations.
Have a blessed day.
At the Coffee and Bible Time podcast.
our goal is to help you delightin God's Word and thrive in
Christian living.
Each week, we talk to subjectmatter experts who broaden your
biblical understanding,encourage you in hard times and
provide life-building tips toenhance your Christian walk.
We are so glad you have joinedus,
(00:28):
H Hi, and welcome back to theCoffee and Bible Time podcast.
This is Ellen, your host, andtoday I have with me Taylor.
Welcome, Taylor.
In today's episode, Taylor andI are going to be getting real
about relationships.
We're going to talk aboutsharing the biggest lessons that
(00:50):
God has taught us throughdating heartbreak and growth,
from mistakes that we've made totruths in scripture that have
helped shaped our hearts.
This is Y eah going to be aconversation about love, faith
(01:12):
and trusting God through it all.
There may be some college ofyou out there who are wondering
about finding that special one,or wondering if your
relationship is headed in theright direction.
Well then, this episode is foryou.
We'll talk about navigating newrelationships, spotting red
flags and the things no one toldus about.
In engagement, in marriage,relationships aren't easy, but
(01:37):
they're often where we grow themost.
So, whether you're dating,engaged, married or would like
to be, we are so glad thatyou're here.
Grab a cup of coffee and comejoin us.
Well, Tay, let's start out bysharing just a little bit about
some of our own personalexperiences.
(01:58):
Why don't you give us just asnapshot of what your
relationship experiences havebeen?
Taylor (02:04):
We, yeah, that's a great question.
So I was single all the way upthrough when I went to college.
I was single my freshman year.
.
.
I think the first guy I everdated was in my sophomore year.
I want to say.
I wasn't desperate to findsomebody in high school.
I think I did always have thementality of like you kind.
(03:23):
of But date for marriage and Ijust didn't want to mess with,
you know, potentially goingthrough heartbreak.
Also, on the flip side of thatcoin, I was definitely insecure
and I've talked about this insome YouTube videos.
I think I was insecure of mybody and you know what I had to
offer a relationship.
So that also kind of kept mefrom really putting myself out
there, if I'm being honest.
But in college the first guy Idated, just for a couple months
, didn't work out and I learneda lot from that relationship.
And then the second person thatI dated many of you guys know,
Isaac.
we dated for a period of time.
We definitely, I think, fell inlove very quickly.
We look back and we're like,wow, we maybe were a little too
head over heels at first.
I know that there were timesthat Ashley would be like, okay,
Taylor, you are yap, yapyapping away about Isaac.
You need to talk about someother things ut we totally fell
in love quickly and then we hada period of time where we took
a break.
We kay, had aw, a breakup andthat was scary.
It definitely felt threateningto our relationship and God
really used that time apart towork on us individually.
We came back together and itwas like God had redeemed so
(03:45):
many broken parts within usindividually" and brought us
together.
Not to say that we are at allperfect, but there were so many
areas of our relationship thatGod really poured his love and
his grace into and showed us howto forgive each other, showed
us how to forgive ourselves andhow to really move forward and
(04:09):
take that step into commitment.
So that's where I'm at.
I'm engaged, I'm going to begetting married, I am very
excited about that and that'skind of a snapshot of my dating
experience.
Ellen (04:21):
O, Aw, and it's been so exciting to watch your journey
with Isaac along the way.
I mean, I was in the room whenyou got that first text from him
where he said "great job onyour new music video that you
released.
Taylor (04:38):
Which is so funny.
Yeah, but really swee t.
Ellen (04:48):
But he said that he had zero intentions at that time.
wh c yHe was just really as being part
of the video team, right, h h
Taylor (04:53):
He was just like he was just being a nice guy, and I
think that really stood out tome with him, because I feel like
a lot of the guys that I'veinteracted with are just and I'm
not saying all men are likethis, but kind of snarky,
sarcastic.
They were not sensitive like Iwas.
I felt like Isaac met me withsensitivity and was emotionally
(05:16):
available and interested in mefor who I am.
Tell us about your journey,though.
What was your dating life like?
Ellen (05:26):
Well, let's just say, let me start out by saying I was
not a believer in high school orcollege, so my relationships, I
would say, were a hot mess.
I was just not seeking theright things and I think I was
(05:47):
really looking for comfort in arelationship and, honestly, it
was like mostly people who hadreached out to me and I think
what I have learned, you know.
And then, of course, I met yourdad in college and even he and
I had our time together and thenwe had a breakup as well and
(06:08):
then came back together.
But it was really after Ibecame a believer, when we were
married, that I began tounderstand that this marriage is
not about a cure for loneliness, right, it's about Christ using
this relationship between himand I to mold and shape each one
(06:34):
of us to be more like him
Taylor (06:38):
Beautiful
Ellen (06:38):
.
Well, we're going to kind ofdive into some of the big
lessons that we've learnedthrough our relationships.
So, Tay, let's start out withyour first big lesson that
you've learned.
,
Taylor (06:53):
Mm-hmm.
"TrustYeah.
So I love this scripture.
Proverbs 3, 5 through 6 saysProverbs 3, 5 through 6 says
Trust in the Lord with all yourheart and lean not on your own
understanding.
In all your ways, submit to himand he will make your path
(07:14):
straight.
I love this verse because Ithink it really can teach a lot
to a single person, and I'mgoing to speak obviously this is
my personal experience.
'God"But I think as a single person,
it's hard to believe that God'stiming is better than our own
(07:37):
and it's hard to sometimesbelieve that God does have
timing for relationships whenyou're single, because it's like
, uh, hello, I mean, I reallyhave this godly desire to be in
a relationship.
Not a single guy is evenlooking my way and I remember in
high school, in college, somany of my friends that I
(07:58):
perceived to be so beautiful, solovable, kind of have the it
factor.
We're really being pursued byguys and I was like am I
invisible?
You know, nobody's even lookingat me.
It's like God.
I want to feel confident aboutmy beauty and to lean not on my
(08:31):
own understanding.
And I'm going to really lean into that section where it says
lean not on your ownunderstanding, because I think,
when you're single, you kind ofare wrestling with so many
thoughts about your identity.
You're wrestling with so much Imight even say unbelief, that
(08:54):
the Lord has a plan for you andin our own limited, finite
understanding we try to grasp atstraws to figure out why we're
single, and a lot of singlewomen can relate to this.
You're blaming the way that youlook.
Well, I must not be beautiful,I must just be really ugly
because nobody's dating me.
(09:16):
Well, I must not have a goodpersonality, I must be really
awkward, I must.
You know, guys just might notlike me.
I remember growing up there wasa friend that I had, that you
know was talking to me and shesaid you know, guys just might
not like me.
I remember growing up there wasa friend that I had, that that
you know was talking to me andshe said you know, taylor,
you're pretty, but just not thekind of pretty that boys like.
And I know here's the thing.
(09:36):
I'm not saying that as a sobstory, but little, little pieces
like that along the way.
When you grow up, little liesyou start to really grasp onto.
That becomes the way youunderstand the world, and the
Bible's telling us to flip thison our head.
Yes, your experiences reallyshape the way you see things,
(09:57):
and don't neglect that.
But you have to be willing tolet your mind be renewed by
God's word, and part of thatrenewing is believing God.
I believe that if I submit toyou, if I abide in you, if I
really try to love you with allmy heart, you will make my path
(10:17):
straight, in whatever way thatis.
And I challenge women who aresingle and I challenge women who
are single to trust in God'stiming, to also trust that God
is good, whether you're singleor whether you're with somebody,
because I'm just saying this.
When I was single, I had peoplecome up to me and tell me God's
going to bring you somebody oneday, like they were essentially
(10:39):
promising to me on behalf ofGod that God was going to bring
me somebody.
This is the reality, ladies.
There is no promise inscripture that you are going to
have a spouse, and I know thatthat is a tough pill to swallow
for a lot of us that are justtrue diehard fans of love and
rom-coms and we want that forourselves.
But it challenges us to see Godas who he is, the one in
(11:08):
control, and to challengeourselves, to trust the one in
control and to not try to schemeand think that we know what's
best for our lives when we don'tRight.
Ellen (11:19):
So really, the big lesson here for you is God's timing.
It's better than our timing.
We need to trust in his planand submit to his timing.
Yes, yeah, that's awesome.
Well, another big lesson for meis that our worth isn't defined
by a relationship, and wow, doI wish I had known that years
(11:44):
ago.
But you know, hindsight is 2020.
And now, looking at that andlearning so much more about
being a Christ follower, it'sreally understanding that our
identity is not in ourrelationship status, whatever
that might be, whether it'ssingle, married, divorced,
(12:08):
widowed.
Your identity is only throughChrist, and we are reminded
about that in Ephesians andColossians, which tells us that
when you're in Christ, you arechosen, you are loved, you are
redeemed, you are fully known byhim and you know a spouse can
(12:32):
be a beautiful gift, but wereally need to remember it's God
that completes us.
Our worth is not determined bythe ring on the finger, but by
his nail scarred hands thatredeemed you.
That is so important.
I do think that it is totallyokay, it's very normal and good
(12:56):
to desire marriage, but itbecomes dangerous when it
overshadows our love for Christ.
So you really need to askyourself if God called me to
singleness for a season, or evenfor life, would he still be
enough?
And I know that that's not aneasy question, but if you take
(13:22):
time to think about it, it's onethat can really help purify
your heart and center yourdesires more on him.
And the other thing I would sayis that you know, if you are in
search of the one, use thisseason that God has for you.
(13:44):
Well, singleness isn't just thiswaiting room or where you're
just mindlessly sitting andwaiting.
No, it's a mission field, andPaul even calls it a gift in 1
Corinthians 7.
So, during this time when youare single, you have more energy
(14:07):
, you have more time.
You can focus now on doingthings that you might not be
able to do or have time for whenyou are in marriage.
You have great opportunitiesthat you can serve others, you
can grow, you can deepen yourwalk with the Lord.
You can even travel and dothings that you might not be
able to do.
So I would just encouragepeople to deepen their walk with
(14:33):
Jesus and just let him use thisseason of your life that you're
in to form you into the personthat he's calling you to be, and
sort of let go and let God.
Yeah, mm-hmm.
Simple, but profound Mm-hmm.
Okay, taylor, how about you?
(14:53):
What's your next big lesson?
Taylor (14:55):
So I would say my next lesson is that red flags are
real and the Holy Spirit isgoing to work in you to see
those.
Now I'm going to be honest Idon't love the term red flags,
(15:16):
and I say that because I think alot of and maybe I'm viewing
this not in the way that mostpeople do, but I think in our
cancel culture, that cancelingof people when you see the
broken side of them can kind ofcreep into relationships and we
use the term red flag to kind ofostracize somebody for being
(15:41):
human.
Granted, there are issues thatshould not be ignored, but I
don't think that we should labelsomebody as a red flag, which I
think a lot of Christian womendo.
It's just like, oh, they as ared flag, which I think a lot of
Christian women do, it's justlike, oh, they're a red flag,
this red flag.
You know what.
We're all broken and we allneed to be redeemed and saved by
Christ.
But, with that being said, theHoly Spirit will still convict
(16:04):
you about areas in yourrelationship and areas about
your partner, future partner,whoever you're wanting to be
with.
That needs to be addressed.
And, from my experiences, I'llgive a couple in my dating life,
and the first one is when youidolize your partner.
(16:26):
It can go either way.
This needs to be quote unquotea red flag that you need to see
within yourself, probably yourpartner too.
But when you've been reallylooking forward to being in a
relationship and then you'refinally in one man, is it the
easiest thing in the world toidolize your partner?
You see them through therosiest rose colored glasses
(16:49):
there ever was.
See them through the rosiestrose colored glasses there ever
was.
Let's just say your walk withthe Lord is going to be taken
the back burner.
Your relationships with yourcommunity back burner.
Your time for your work, yourschoolwork back burner.
All these other things getreplaced by your love or
(17:09):
obsession of your partner, and Istruggled with that with Isaac.
That was one of the red flags Ifound within myself.
Once we took time to break up,I was like okay, taylor, you
were expecting to find a lot ofyour love, value, attention,
security, significance in Isaacand that pressure, I'm telling
(17:31):
you your partner can feel thatpressure if you are putting it
on them to really fulfill all ofthose needs that you expected a
partner would.
It's a red flag you have tolook out for in yourself and
also, potentially, your partner.
And then the other red flag thatI have is if you struggle to
(17:52):
connect spiritually with yourpartner.
Now I'm going to give myselfgrace on this one, because when
I was first starting myrelationship with Isaac, we
struggled to connect in in a lotof areas, basically because I
had never really connected on adeeper level with a guy before,
and so when I was starting toshare all these deep feelings
with Isaac I mean, this is newterritory, I'm not used to
(18:15):
talking to a guy and my faithbeing the most important thing
about me it was hard tocommunicate that in a way where
it resonated with him and wekind of had our own different
ways of relating and connectingto God, that when we came
together, it was difficult tofully understand each other.
And the red flag that comeswith that is if you, if you're
(18:39):
struggling to connectspiritually and so you're
constantly pushing spiritualconversations aside, you're not
wanting to bring the Lord intothe troubled areas of your
relationship, you're not wantingGod to be be Lord over your
relationship, you're not wantingGod to be Lord over your
relationship, you're notspending time with each other in
prayer.
And this is one of the biglessons that Isaac and I learned
(18:59):
when we came back together,after we had broken up, we told
each other man, an area that wereally needed to work on and
address in our relationship wasconnecting spiritually, and so
when we came back together, wewere like we need to prioritize
this.
This can't be something that'syou know that we're just going
(19:21):
to get to later.
We're going to get to later.
No, we've found ways to praywith each other every single day
, to have those spiritualconversations with each other in
a natural way.
Have those spiritualconversations with each other in
a natural way, and I'm just sothankful that I waited for God
to water the seeds that wasthere in our relationship.
I don't think you need to putpressure on your relationship to
(19:41):
, you know, be the mostspiritually deep as soon as you
start dating, like, giveyourself time to open up, give
yourself time to share how Godhas worked in your lives, but
make sure that over time, youare letting God be the center of
your relationship.
What do you think about what Ijust said, mom?
I'm curious.
Did that make sense?
Ellen (20:02):
Oh, it completely makes sense and I think even for your
dad and I, I mean, that'ssomething that has taken many
years to grow, develop, and Ilove you know we've had
different things at our church,like marriage events, being in a
small group together.
(20:23):
I think it's really a lifelongjourney.
It is You're each growingseparately, but you're also
growing together.
Taylor (20:33):
Right.
You're each running your ownrace and I like that.
Somebody told me once when yougo before the Lord, when your
life is done and passed andyou're meeting the Lord for the
first time, you are meeting himalone.
You have to nurture and pourinto your own spiritual
relationship with the Lord.
You don't want to neglect that.
(20:53):
But with that being said, youcan't make your spiritual life
just revolve around you and yourpartner.
You need to have that solidfoundation on your own, and
coming together is going to takesome work to bring that
(21:13):
together and to have that deep,close relationship with God.
And I will say that isn't thecase for everybody Some people
that that clicks right away.
Like you said with you mom, youguys weren't believers when you
first got married, so that tooktime to develop and with Isaac
and I, by the time we getmarried it'll be three years and
throughout those three years wereally had to work at figuring
(21:38):
out how we can beautifully marryour personal relationships with
the Lord together.
Ellen (22:07):
Well, let's move on to sort of our last big lesson here
, and that is understanding thatrelationships between man and
wife are meant you to reallythink about this verse as I read
it, to better put yourself in aposition to understand how God
uses these characteristics togrow us so and in fact when I
(22:29):
read it to myself I was like, ohokay, I'm not that good at that
.
I'm not that good at that, buthere we go.
Love is patient and kind.
Love does not envy or boast.
It is not arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its ownway, it is not irritable or
(22:56):
resentful.
It does not rejoice atwrongdoing, but rejoices with
the truth.
Love bears all things, believesall things, hopes all things,
endures all things.
Love never ends.
This passage is one that whendad and I got married again not
(23:20):
being a believer but I wasraised in a Christian home, so I
had like all of that backgroundand understanding this is
something that I actually I'membroidered the scripture verse
had it framed and gave it to himas a gift, and now I look back
at it and it has profoundly moremeaning now than it did then
(23:42):
and I think for me, really, itshows me how much that I need to
self-sacrifice, how much I needto think of the other person,
how I need to model Jesus inforgiveness, and that has at
times been very hard for me todo.
(24:02):
I know a person about who I amand being real about who I am,
understanding my own faults andrecognizing and allowing God to
(24:25):
grow me in those areas, becauseif I don't admit them, if I
don't allow my spouse to call meout on them, then I'm not going
to grow Right.
So in order for me to grow andreflect Christ's love, I need to
be willing to submit in thoseareas.
Taylor (24:47):
Yeah, and I was actually going to say just to kind of
tie in my last point with thisconnecting spiritually with your
partner requires humility.
It requires, like what you said, mom, to take the plank out of
your own eye, see the ways thatGod wants to work on you and
then come together with yourpartner, you know, wanting to be
(25:10):
like Jesus for them, believingthe best and wanting to be open
about what God is teaching themin their lives, instead of
coming in with this pridefularrogance of well, I know so
much about the Bible.
You know God has done so muchin my life.
God really speaks to me, butdoes he?
Is God really working in yourlife?
Because I see all these faults.
(25:31):
You know which is really easyto do in a relationship to be
like.
I see all these areas thatyou're having to work on and
there's a lot of sin in yourlife.
You know I must be a betterChristian.
It's just it's so easy to get awarped idea that you don't have
a plank in your eye when you do.
Something that Isaac calls meout a lot for in our
(25:54):
relationship is be like Taylor.
You have some hypocrisy.
You can be a little bit of ahypocrite because I'll call him
out left and right this and thatand he'll be like Taylor, you
do the same thing and he slowsme down.
He gives me time to reflect andI'm like, okay, I do have a
(26:16):
plank in my own eye.
I have a hard time saying sorry, that's pride, right in a
relationship, I do too.
Pride.
Arrogance, not believing thebest about your partner those
can all keep you from reallyconnecting on a deeper spiritual
(26:39):
level and that has to benurtured.
And the way you kind of nurturethat spiritual connection is by
what you said, mom, in 1Corinthians 13, 4, 8, meditating
on what God says love is andtrying to model what Christ has
done.
Ellen (27:03):
Yeah, I have a silly example of this from last night.
It's kind of funny becausemaybe like a week or so ago, we
signed up for this event withour church and all church events
serve at Feed my StarvingChildren and so I asked dad if
he wanted to do it and he's like, okay, yeah, so I signed us
both up.
Well, little did we know at thetime we signed up for the time
(27:24):
slot that was during the NCAAfinal basketball game.
So dad texted me in the morning.
It was like I really want towatch the game instead of going
to this thing we signed up for.
So in my mind I was like, oh,you know, it can go one of two
(27:48):
ways.
I can either just let it go andjust go myself, yeah, or I can
get angry.
I can recognize that this isimportant to him, all these
things.
And so I really intentionallywas like, okay, you know what,
(28:09):
I'm just going to let him makethat decision.
I'm not going to, so anyway.
Taylor (28:14):
Try to control your partner.
Ellen (28:15):
Yes, yes, yes.
So he gets home and he's likesweetie, it's fine, I do want to
go to this with you.
He goes, I can catch up on thegame after.
And, sure enough, we both wentto the event.
It ended by halftime and we gotto see the whole rest of the
game, which was crazy good youwant to see, yeah, yeah.
Taylor (28:41):
So it was like a win, win Right, autonomy to make his
own decision, and your guys'spiritual connection and growth
was fostered by not coming athim with condemnation or with
pride or with judgment.
And I think that that is I'msaying from my perspective.
(29:03):
That is hard to do.
Women we try to control, men dotoo, but I'm speaking as a
woman.
We can try to control, okay,especially in relationships.
It's tough.
Ashley talks about it too.
If Ashley was here, I know shewould unmute herself and be like
let me just talk about myexperience.
Ellen (29:25):
Is there anything?
You know, looking back now,that you earlier.
Taylor (29:32):
Well, one of those is don't try to control who you're
dating, because, first of all,you shouldn't try to control
anybody.
I don't know where we get inour minds that we have that
right to do that.
Kind of gently encouragingsomebody or sharpening them is
(29:54):
different than trying to control, and I think sometimes we can
conflate the two and you reallywant to encourage somebody,
sharpen them, but it's not thesame thing as controlling.
You can't control your partner.
You also can't play the role ofthe Holy Spirit in their lives.
Play the role of the HolySpirit in their lives, which is
tough.
If you are somebody who youknow really has a strong moral
(30:24):
compass, that's kind of tough tolet people make their own
decisions and to let God convictthem and to let Jesus take the
wheel and not control what yourpartner wants to do in their
life.
Control will not help asituation.
Let me just tell you that Iwish I could tell myself that
Let go, let God.
Like you said, mom.
So simple, slightly cheesy buttrue.
(30:46):
And then I would also say don'trun away when hardship comes.
I think that when you're firststarting to date, it can be easy
to get really scared.
When you're starting to argueand these differences are coming
up and it can be really easy tobe like, oh, I want to throw it
(31:08):
in the towel now because thisrelationship isn't fun anymore.
It's not.
You know, all these rainbows,cupcakes, butterflies, rose
colored glasses.
When you start seeing thebroken parts of people, that's
when the real relationshipbegins.
That's when you really have theopportunity to see if you want
(31:31):
to love them like Christ would,and you're not bound to be with
somebody you're dating forever.
Like, don't mistake me on that.
If you're dating somebody andit's a bad relationship, be
honest about that.
Don't feel the need to marrythe first person you date.
But I would challenge those ofyou that have found somebody
(31:53):
that you would consider you loveto not throw in the towel when
the going gets tough and to askthe Lord to give you strength to
push through some of thosedifficult times and see the
beauty of how love can redeembroken parts of your
relationship, and forgiveness iskey to that.
What would you say, mom?
(32:13):
What did you wish you knewearlier?
Ellen (32:17):
Well, I think one of the biggest mistakes that I made
early in our marriage was thecontrol one and this sort of
clinginess, this I want him allto myself.
I find that I was just.
(32:40):
This was going to be mycompanion, that was going to be
with me every minute of everyday and um, I struggled with
(33:02):
that too.
Yeah, so I think learning fromthat is just recognizing.
You know that, that God hascalled them to be the provider,
Mm-hmm.
Um and that has called them tobe the provider.
Taylor (33:16):
And that marriage isn't your cure for loneliness.
Ellen (33:19):
Yes, yes, yeah, that one was was really big.
Taylor (33:24):
Yeah.
So I also wanted to say beforewe close out because I realized
that I missed this point earlierwe were going to touch a little
bit on boundaries and I knowthat some of you who are
listening to this are probablycurious about boundaries in
relationships or, you know,struggling with that aspect.
If you're dating, or wanting tobe dating, or in a season
(33:49):
leading up to marriage, leadingup to marriage, and I wanted to
just say that if you are in arelationship, you can probably I
would say this as honestly as apiece of advice to expect to
struggle with boundariessexually with your partner.
Don't assume, don't go in withnaivety, that you know nothing
(34:13):
could ever happen if you aren't.
You know weary of that, butalso don't go into it with this
feeling of if you mess up thenyou're too far gone.
Obviously you want to, withhonesty, integrity and to honor
(34:33):
your body as a temple.
It's the Lord's.
Until you get married, godcalls us to honor our bodies and
to not give yourself awaysexually by having sex I'm just
being blunt until you're married, and I think that there's a lot
of women that struggle with alot of shame because you feel
(34:54):
broken sexually before you'remarried and maybe you feel like
God sees you as too far gone andthat's a lie from the enemy.
Nobody is perfectly pure beforethe Lord, and you just have to
hear that and see that andbelieve that it is only Christ
and his grace and his mercy thatmakes anybody pure.
(35:16):
Whether you've struggled,whether you haven't, whether
you're on a journey, it's Christthat makes us holy, it's not of
ourselves, and so know thatChrist wants to walk with you
and your partner in figuring outboundaries and working through
mistakes, and know that youaren't a big giant failure for
(35:41):
going through mistakes.
Okay, most people have gonethrough it and probably just
aren't speaking up about itbecause there's a lot of shame
around the topic.
But I will say, with boundaries, that it's hard, and my
encouragement would be to findsomebody that you can talk to
about it, maybe a wise, trustedmentor.
(36:02):
If you're going through arelationship and if you are
planning on getting married,premarital counseling is a great
way to find somebody to open upand talk to about that.
But it's hard and I wanted togive space for those of you who
have been waiting for maybesomebody to speak into that.
There is a lot of brokennessthat comes with our sexual
(36:24):
identity as human beings, andChrist wants to redeem that.
He wants you to see thatnothing should keep you from
accepting and experiencing hislove that he has for you.
Ellen (36:40):
Absolutely.
Oh, I'm so glad you rememberedto add that in, tay.
Thank you so much.
Well, we just want to recaphere for you these lessons that
we've learned Remember thatGod's timing is better than ours
could ever be.
Remember that your worth isn'tdefined by a relationship.
(37:02):
Embrace the season that you'rein.
Remember that red flags arereal, and so is the Holy
Spirit's conviction, and so isthe Holy Spirit's conviction.
And, lastly, relationships aremeant to reflect Christ's love,
and we just want to encourageyou in that regard.
Thank you so much, tay, forbeing here, for being vulnerable
(37:25):
.
We appreciate you.
And thank you to our listenersfor joining us at Coffee and
Bible Time, our podcast here.
We also have a YouTube channel.
We hope this conversation hasgiven you some encouragement and
practical advice for navigatingtoday's relationships.
So, tay, would you mind closingus out in prayer?
(37:46):
Absolutely.
Taylor (37:49):
Thank you, god, for this time that we have to come
together and to seek to honorand love you, even in our
struggles of singleness, ourstruggles in relationships, our
(38:16):
crying out to you to heal us andto show us that you see us and
that you love us and care for us.
God, would you just give us anextra measure of your grace and
love and your presence this weekas we go about navigating this
in our everyday lives.
Lord, we know that you see usand we just pray that you would
speak to us in your word thisweek.
Really show us what you want usto know and the truth that you
(38:39):
want to embed into our hearts,and you know we pray Amen.
Ellen (38:44):
Amen, all right.
Well, we would love to hearfrom you.
If you found this episodehelpful, be sure and share it
with a friend, leave a commentand follow us for more
faith-filled conversations.
Have a blessed day.
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