October 2, 2025 • 38 mins
What if the key to a more peaceful family life isn’t doing more, but choosing less—and choosing it on purpose? Author and homeschool mom Jessica Smartt joins us to unpack how loving authority, slow tech, and small daily rituals can transform your home from frantic to grounded.
Looking for more practical ideas and grace-filled guidance? Grab Jessica’s new book, Come On Home, today!
Scripture referenced:
- Proverbs 14:1
Jessica's faves:
NIV One Year Bible | A Praying Life | Audio Bible [Google] [Apple]
About Jessica:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ellen (00:04):
The Coffee of Bible Time podcast, our goal is to help you
delight in God's Word andthrive in Christian living.
Each week, we talk to subjectmatter experts who broaden your
biblical understanding,encourage you in hard times, and
provide life-building tips toenhance your Christian walk.
We are so glad you have joinedus.
(00:25):
Welcome back to the Coffee andBible Time podcast.
I'm Ellen, your host, and I amso glad you are here with us
today.
We are going to talk aboutsomething that all of us, but
especially parents, feel.
How to build a family and homelife that not only functions but
(00:47):
flourishes.
In a time when families arepulled in a hundred directions
by schedules and screens andsocietal pressures, what does it
look like to slow down, getintentional, and create a home
that stands the test of time?
Our guest today, JessicaSparte, knows this struggle and
(01:09):
this calling very personally.
Jessica is a homeschooling momof three who lives on a farm
with her husband and a livelycrew of animals.
She's passionate aboutencouraging everyday moms to
build close-knit families andreclaim the beauty of childhood
in a culture that often rushesright past it.
(01:31):
Through her writing andministry, Jessica shares not
only practical wisdom, but alsoa deep heart for grace,
connection, and purpose infamily life.
So whether you're raisingtoddlers, teens, or navigating
new seasons, her insight willremind you that it's never too
late to build a strong,meaningful home, no matter where
(01:54):
you're starting from.
Jessica, it's such a joy tohave you with us today.
Jessica (01:59):
Thank you.
That was really beautiful.
I don't know if you wove thatall together or someone sent
you, but I was like, wow, thatwas that's just just captures it
in a nutshell.
Ellen (02:08):
Oh, well, we have so much to talk about, and this is one
of my most favorite topics ofall.
So let's just kind of jumpright into it.
You know, parenting has a wayof bringing us to the end of
ourselves, as you so humorouslyuh tell us in your book in a
(02:29):
number of ways.
What did that moment ofrealizing you couldn't do it
alone look like for you?
Jessica (02:37):
Well, there was a lot of moments, and it was drug out
along months, maybe even years.
But I thought I would lovebeing a mom, and I do.
I thought it would be a loteasier than it was.
And I'm used to kind of havingmy schedule and getting my sleep
and doing all things, and sowhen I had my son, and it's very
(03:00):
hard, and you lose sleep andyou die to yourself, and it he
had some particular sickness andum allergies and colic and was
just a difficult child, period,which a lot of mothers deal with
just fine, but it really rockedour ship, and um, so that was
round one, and then round two.
(03:21):
I probably had some Iundiagnosed postpartum
depression, and I didn't knowhow to deal with that and didn't
really have a good supportsystem.
So, and that man, that lot lockof sleep really can get to you
depending on what your makeupis.
But I'm one that, you know, itjust it was like a torture
technique.
So there was a lot of bleakmoments in those early years,
(03:46):
um, and times when I thought,why did I want this?
This is so hard.
I clearly misunderstood Godthat this was my calling, um,
and just feeling reallyinadequate just to care for my
kids.
You know, the idea of thisinterview ever happening and
(04:07):
writing books was like so farconceptually from anything I
could wrap my brain around, buta testimony of how God digs us
out of those pits and even usesthat those times in our ministry
and in our life.
Yeah, it looked like anxietyand depression.
And I'm just really gratefulI've learned a lot of tips and
(04:28):
tools and have a good supportsystem in place, and not that
that isn't ever presentingitself, but I name it, I know
it, I'm like, okay, this is thatvoice again, you know.
And of course, you just gainmore confidence into motherhood.
And now I have a 16-year-old, a14-year-old, and an
11-year-old, and I'm reaping ina beautiful way those years of
(04:50):
relying on the Lord andinvesting in my kids.
Of course, our story is onlyhalfway written, so I'm anxious
to see the other side.
But God has just been so goodand faithful.
Ellen (05:00):
Oh, thanks for sharing your story.
You know, one thing that youmentioned in the book was if you
could just get through thefirst six months after having a
baby, you've rocked it.
Like I think sometimes we havesuch high expectations of what
that mothering is going to looklike.
(05:21):
And even just something sosimple is saying that give kind
of it lets your shoulders down,like, okay, right?
This is going to be a differenttime than I've ever experienced
before, certainly when you havea newborn.
But we're we're talking heretoday about all different stages
and ages of family time.
(05:42):
Let's let's talk about onething that you had made clear
was that before you can have thefamily that you want, you have
to get real about the familythat you have.
So, why is it so important formoms to be honest about their
capacity, health, and gifts whenshaping their family's culture?
Jessica (06:05):
I mean, like you said, it can't change if you don't
know what needs to change.
And we're often so busy andpreoccupied.
It's not that we don't care,but there's just so many
distractions.
And so to sit and take thetime, and it also takes some
courage, I think, to be honestabout how you're really doing,
how the kids are really doingwhat life is like in the house,
(06:29):
what might need to change.
And one ritual that I have justloved throughout my motherhood
years is I have two planningdays a year.
Um, you know, I homeschool, soI'm like, this is my planning
day.
But I think every mom should doit because you're running a
production and there's a lot ofpieces, and you need to have
those checkpoints where you cansit and step back and take the
(06:53):
big angled view of like what ishappening and where's God
calling me next.
So I do it in August before westart the school year, and then
around Christmas, over theChristmas break, and just get
away with my Bible and myjournal.
And so I think I'm encouragingmoms to have something along
those lines before they diveinto the book that maybe this is
an opportunity God is wantingto bless you with, and not
(07:15):
another burden and not somethingto fear, but just to take a
deep breath and say, what'shappening in my family?
What's happening in my life?
And a lot of times I think formoms today, it may involve a
stripping down of some of thethings that we're committed to
or that our family's committingto because we are overcommitted
and we're trying to do too much.
(07:36):
So making a l, and when I saywe, I truly mean we.
So making a list of all of thethings that our family's doing,
and then looking back andsaying, Well, would I really add
back if it wasn't already on myplate?
What can I, what are of thesethings can only I do?
And that list gets short,blessedly short.
And that's what the Lord iscalling us to do.
(07:58):
And so it's the big rocks andthe small rocks, and putting in
the big rocks first, and thenyou can add.
I literally have on my um thinga list of here's my big rocks,
here's my small rocks, because II need to remind myself what to
really pour into.
So the chapter goes into a lotof other things as well, uh, of
(08:18):
like assessing your health andyou know, looking at your kids
and being like, are they doingokay?
Like that's a very obvious butoften overlooked question.
Like, are they okay?
What do they need?
Is somebody like going throughsomething?
Am I going through something?
Because it's great to do allthe traditions and the
vacations, and there's so manyideas in the book, but I think
(08:40):
stating the obvious, you gottakind of like get the first
things right and wrap your headaround like and and again, this
is where I um rely so much onGod and his wisdom because he he
will direct you personally.
I wouldn't even know what totell you, but he he knows, he
knows the things that maybe youneed to let go of or deal with
(09:03):
or whatever.
So I don't want it to be likeit's not like a depressing, like
burdening, it more is justlike, hey, maybe God's giving
you a gift to just take a minuteand think about your life,
which some of us don't take timeto do.
Ellen (09:16):
Right.
And I think so often too thatyou know, you asked people in
the book to sort of do thatassessment yourself, write down
everything you're doing.
So I was sitting there writingdown everything, and I can just
remember.
I mean, my kids are are grownnow, but I can remember going
(09:37):
through that list and thinking,I'm doing a lot of things that I
should be teaching them how todo.
They're capable too.
Yes, which I love that not onlyare they helping, but they're
learning at the same time.
And it's it's just can reallyhelp free you to have less
(09:59):
stress and anxiety about that'svery true.
Jessica (10:02):
I'm not always good about that because I want it
done my way.
Ellen (10:07):
Yes, my way or quickly, right?
Because when they're firstlearning, it's not gonna be
quick and fast and you know,just how we like it.
But eventually, hey, it is it'sincredible.
I mean, now I think about thetime that I poured into my girls
was just teaching them how tocook and do a meal plan and
(10:28):
grocery shop and all of that,like now that they're using
they're on their own and theythey can do all those things.
So it's so important to feed innice and early.
Well, let's talk a little bitabout kids and authority and
screens and all that stuff.
It's easy to feel like settingboundaries makes us the bad guy
(10:52):
as parents, but you say thatkids actually crave loving
authority.
So help us unpack what thatmeans and how it plays out in
real life.
Jessica (11:02):
Yeah, I mean, everybody functions better when there's
someone at the helm of the shipdirecting it.
That's just a life truth.
And I think parents like knowthat, but it's still speaking
for myself too.
There's like this internalbattle every time you have to
assert your authority and callsomebody out and hold their feet
to the fire and give them theconsequence.
(11:24):
And we talk ourselves out ofit.
And I think it's easy to makeexcuses or feel like, well,
they, you know, here's this listof extenuating circumstances
that they're going through.
And that's not helpful to ourkids.
You know, we want to grow kidsthat have self-control, that are
a blessing to the world, thathave self-discipline.
And so we're the ones that areteaching that.
(11:45):
That's where they're going tolearn it is from us.
So I think I told, like, madelike the funny comparison of
like the dog trainer.
There was like the show that myhusband and I watched, and um,
how uneasy the dogs are whentheir owner isn't making them
behave because they're comfortedwhen there's a pack leader.
And if there's not, thenthey're like uneasy and they
(12:08):
have to kind of be one, but theydon't.
So not that kids are dogs, youknow, but it's like there that's
a lesson there.
Like we're similar and we needto know someone is in charge.
And that was very much myexperience growing up is that my
parents were not legalistic,there wasn't a lot of rules.
I don't really remember, evenlike lots of talks about like,
(12:30):
here's what, you know, it justwas more like assumed, like,
you're gonna go do the rightthing.
And there was a very firm,like, we knew that someone was
gonna hold us accountable, weknew someone was watching, we
knew someone was supporting us.
Um, and that just gives you allthe courage in the world.
So I am trying very hardbecause I do think there's so
(12:52):
many amazing things that youngmoms are doing so much better
than I was.
But I do see a little bit of areticence to take control
sometimes.
And I think there's a hesitancyto, you know, discipline in a
godly way because we'vemisunderstood it to mean that
it's unkind and we're notlistening to them or, you know,
(13:14):
just we don't know how to handleit.
But I'm really trying toencourage parents to pick a few
things that you're like, thiswill not happen in our home, and
to be very firm about it.
And it is like, well, what do Ieven like?
How do you enforce it?
And what do you do?
But it's like, we are the onesthat hold the keys, we are pay
for the fruit snacks, and wedon't we have the remote and we
(13:38):
are able to drive them to theplaces they want to go.
So we hold the power, and it'sit's a kindness to show that
love and authority in a kindway, not mean and nitpicking,
but to show love and authorityhand in hand.
That's like the magic sauce, Ithink.
Ellen (13:57):
Absolutely, and you know, all of our children are so
different.
So for me, my first twochildren, I feel like it just
went smooth as normal, you know.
But then when I had my thirdchild who was much more pushing
(14:18):
back on authority, I wasn't usedto that.
And we had had a speaker at ourchurch who actually attended
our church, and she came and didlike a little site visit and
just sort of helped me doexactly what you were saying,
which was helping me reinstatemy authority, if you will, with
(14:40):
this child that was reallychallenging authority more than
the other two.
So it's okay to get help whenyou need it.
Jessica (14:50):
Yeah, that's awesome that she did that.
Ellen (14:53):
Yeah, so incredibly helpful, but that authority
aspect is very important.
And and speaking of that, whatI'm hearing from more and more
people is that technology is thebiggest challenge for modern
parents.
What principles guide yourapproach to screen time?
(15:13):
And how do you teach your kidsto have healthy boundaries
without completely isolatingthem from the digital world?
Jessica (15:23):
Yeah.
Um, so principles, and thenlet's come back to the second
part of your question becausethat's so good too.
So don't let me forget it.
But I would say two mainprinciples, and one is well, the
title of my second book was LetThem Be Kids.
And I think that guides a lotof my decisions, is um, our
(15:43):
decisions.
My husband is very much on thesame page, and that we're gonna
give them a childhood and we'regonna ground them in the really
good things of life.
And even as they receivetechnology, you know, this is
our goal for my husband and I aswell, that we look to the real
world, to real faces, to realthings, real nature, those real
(16:07):
experiences to give us our life,capital L life.
Like that's where we find it,is not in screens.
Screens are a tool and they areuseful, um, but they're a small
part of life.
And so the principle is,especially when they're little,
it should be a very, very smallpart of life.
So without getting into a lotof like, this is okay and this
much time, it's like theoverarching view of life is they
(16:30):
should be exploring and makingfriends and playing out until
it's dark and digging in thedirt and being creative.
And you know, we watch TV likeprobably, you know, five o'clock
when I'm making dinner and theycome in and they're tired.
I'm like, sure, you know,that's fine.
We'll watch a movie.
It's not like I'm anti noscreens in the house.
That's not been our approach,but it's like that's not gonna
(16:52):
be a major part of our life.
It's gonna be a little smallpart.
So we it was very hard.
I mean, my oldest is 16 andjust got a phone.
When he was 15, he got like anApple ID so he could text, and
things changed a lot when he wasable to do that because it was
like, oh now, like I want tocheck and see if someone, you
know, texted me.
(17:12):
So I was glad it was groundedat a computer because then when
he was out, he was truly out andyou know, checking and face
down.
But that was a shift as well.
But what what I thought wascool, you know, I I thought when
I gave him the phone and he was16, like, okay, this is the
end, you know, this is I'm justso sad.
And what was cool is thegroundwork had been laid.
(17:35):
He had already formed habitsand friendships and stuff, and
so it really didn't change a lotbecause at that point he had
developed well in all of thedifferent spheres.
So it was an encouragement tome.
It was affirming of ourchoices, honestly.
And I just want to be the voicethat keeps saying, like, hang
(17:55):
on, hey, if you haven't givenwhatever fill in the blank it
is, hang on.
There, it's earlier andearlier, especially for girls.
It is so troubling.
If I had a girl, I would be, Imean, there's reasons to be wary
for both genders, but uh thesocial media for girls, I just I
can't even wrap my head aroundit.
And I think we as parents haveto get really good and
(18:17):
comfortable with making harddecisions for the good of our
kids and saying, I acknowledgethat this is hard for you, but
it is more important that I dowhat I think is right.
And I and then that means wesuffer the consequences of
hearing disappointment.
And we didn't actuallyexperience that to be honest.
Part of it is we homeschool,and so we were sheltered a
(18:39):
little bit from that.
Although he he did, I mean, hestill plays on like a travel
team, and he was the only onewithout a phone.
But I think I can understandand sympathize that it does wear
you down, and you start feelinglike, well, they're the only
one, and it's you know, puttinga wedge between us.
And I would just go back andsay, like, what is the most
important thing?
And every parent can answerthat for his or herself, but I
(19:03):
think we're gonna look back as aculture and really regret this
period of how things were done.
I think there's gonna be somesevere reorienting.
I hope anyway, because it'sit's very, it's very unhealthy.
It's not helpful for kids.
It um I'm in the mood to beranty today, so sorry.
Ellen (19:28):
Oh no, no, that's okay.
You know, I think it ischallenging, but it's so
encouraging to hear what youjust said about your son in that
he learned to enjoy, I want tosay, the other fine things in
life, right?
Like just all the other thingsthat the world has to offer.
(19:50):
And then because he wasn'texposed to it so much earlier,
that was like just built in,right?
That he would not need a lot ofscreen time to feel good.
Jessica (20:04):
That I think it's possible that people are
listening and have already maybedone something that they're
like, I wish I could redo that.
And I just I just feel acalling to say you you can, you
can change, you can redo.
And you can't undo, but you canpivot from what's happening.
(20:25):
And to be very specific, youcan ungive something, you can
delete, remove, take away.
It's hard, but you can do it.
It has been done.
I think children are moreadaptable to that than we give
them credit for, and maybe eventhan their parents are.
And it it would just involve anapology and say, listen, I was
(20:49):
wrong, and I am sorry, and Idon't blame you for being mad,
but I know things now, and Ican't unknow this and I see it,
and we're gonna make a changehere.
And you might hate me for awhile, and that's fine, but I'm
gonna do what I think God iscalling me to do.
So just a word of encouragementthat whatever the fill in the
blank is, if it's an app or ashow or you know, just too much
(21:11):
of an iPad time, or if you'vegiven a device to a kid and you
know in your gut it's notworking, you can you can back
that bus up.
Ellen (21:19):
Yep.
You're the mom, you're theauthority figure in the home,
and certainly in conjunctionwith your spouse.
Well, let's shift gears alittle bit.
I think every mom knows thechaos of juggling packed
schedules, growing kids, andjust nonstop activity.
But in the midst of all that,what are some practical ways
(21:42):
that we can be intentional aboutcreating both quality and
quantity time with our kids?
Jessica (21:51):
Yeah, I mean, my first book was Memory Making Mom and
kind of diving into like therituals and anchors in our life.
And so it can look differentfor every family, which is
what's so cool.
But kind of picking yearly andweekly and daily rituals and
traditions, I think is a greatway to kind of it makes it
(22:15):
happen, it makes the value livedout in your life.
And you can't do everything.
There's so many ideas, liketake Christmas, for example,
there's a million and one thingsyou could do.
Um, but I was just telling yep,yes, somebody yesterday, as a
rubric, you could kind of layout, you know, you and your
husband, or if your kids are oldenough, like what are some
(22:36):
values that are important to ourfamily?
Do you love nature?
Do you love service?
Do you love music?
Do you love the arts?
Do you love sports?
Being active, faith, like whatare the things that are
important to your family?
And then find traditions thatreinforce those.
Um, and meals are just a greatway.
(22:57):
Like, we, as crazy as our lifehas gotten with kids and
different sports and all ofthat, we really try to do family
dinner regularly, even if it'sonce or twice a week.
Um, of like we are all sittingdown.
I'll try to make something alittle more special and not, you
know, get up the minute it'sover.
But a weekly meal together, itcan be breakfast, it can be
(23:20):
Saturday morning breakfast,Sunday morning breakfast.
Um, that's a great first step.
And or if you do it alreadytwice, do it three times, you
know, make it a little morespecial.
Let somebody pick a dessert ordo, you know, a theme night, or
add on a movie, add on somequestions or a game at the end.
And then, yeah, like thoseyearly traditions, those are
(23:41):
doing more, I think, than weunderstand at this point.
We don't have like the mosttraditions of anyone I know, but
we have things that areimportant to us that are
anchors, and it's changed andshifted over the years.
That's okay too.
But just implementing some ofthose rituals and routines, I
think, is a huge help.
Ellen (24:02):
Yes.
Oh, and how they look forwardto it.
And I know even I, as a parent,look forward to those as well.
I have kind of a funny littlestory um regarding just some of
the things that you do with yourkids when they're young, like
just investing in the littlethings.
And when my kids were young, wedid shrinky dinks, and they
(24:25):
just loved doing that and youknow, drawing on them, putting
them in the oven, watching themget all little.
Well, my daughter, who just gotmarried, we had a bridal shower
for her, and what was one thingthat she wanted to do was
shrinky dinks.
So my other daughter got allthe stuff for shrinky dinks, and
(24:48):
they had the best time ever.
In fact, when other grown-upsstarted coming during the
wedding part, like they weresitting down and doing it.
So I love that just um littlethings like that make memories,
and it wasn't screen time, itwas just sitting together,
drawing funny things, laughing.
(25:09):
It doesn't have to be like yousay in the book, expensive, or
it's just um being intentionalfor sure.
For sure.
Well, let's talk a little bitabout making a home.
You write that home is theplace you can go when you don't
have the answer.
Home is the place you can laughthrough the tears, rest when
(25:31):
you're weary, hunker down,you've made a mess of things.
Home is the place where you'reloved, where you're safe.
This kind of home, this kind offamily is powerful.
Strong families like this willsave the world.
And that that quote paints sucha beautiful picture.
What are some practical waysthat our listeners can begin to
(25:55):
build a home like you described?
Jessica (25:58):
Hmm.
Um, I mean, practical ways, Ithink, is seeing your kids and
developing a one-on-onerelationship with them.
So I have a chapter in there onconnection.
And um, you know, everybody hasdifferent, it's not the same
for every kid.
You know, there's the lovelanguage, the classic love
languages, and those arehelpful.
(26:19):
But then I talk about even likenoticing funny love languages
and just little things that makethem smile or tick.
Because the main thing is thethe description you just read is
a deep, like, I'm known and I'mloved.
And so that is not gonna comeabout without building a
relationship with each member ofyour family.
(26:42):
And kids are not dumb, likethey can tell if you're annoyed
with them, they can tell, youknow, if you like them, if
you're feeling warm, which wedon't always, that's just life.
So I would say like one-on-onedates and just noticing the
little things that that kidslove.
You know, I have one that lovescoffee and tea, my 14-year-old
(27:04):
son.
So if I'm heading to TraderJoe's, I know that if I pick up
a box of tea and coffee and setit on his pillow, that's just
gonna check his box.
I mean, that's a weird thing.
Like, that's not gonna beeverybody.
But really just taking the timeto like notice and connect.
And my parents did a reallygood job of kind of having
something in common with each ofus.
(27:24):
Because again, it's not fake,like manufactured, but they
would find something in commonwith each of us so that we had
like a thing to talk about.
And you know, this is it's notrocket science, but I think
that's where it starts is justtaking time.
It doesn't always take a lot oftime because even if like 10
minutes a day with each kid,that would be 30 minutes.
(27:46):
Um, and even if you do thatjust once a week of just
undivided time, you know, that'sbuilt over the years, the
months and the years and thedecades, that's solid
investment.
Ellen (27:57):
Yeah, and I know our children look forward to that
special one-on-one time.
They really do.
I I've heard that advice somany times from uh mentors and
just that, you know, even ifit's just going and, like you
say, grabbing a coffee or cokeor whatever they like to drink
(28:18):
together and just talking, you'dbe surprised how much more they
might be willing to to open up.
And I know another thing thatwe did when our kids were
younger is we had what duringthe summer what we called our
special day.
And so we would let them picklike what's the one like one
(28:38):
thing you want to do with justmom, and then we did that.
Jessica (28:42):
And oh, that's fun.
Ellen (28:44):
I remember well, we my youngest daughter, she loved
jelly bellies, and we have a ajelly belly warehouse where you
can do like this little tourthere, it's all free.
You just go in, and she lovedto do that, and even now they
look back and remember theirspecial days.
That's cute.
You're truly being special.
(29:04):
Well, what are some commonthings that can undermine that
sense of safety and love in thehome that we should be on the
lookout for?
How can parents sort of coursecorrect when things start to
feel tense or disconnected?
Jessica (29:22):
Yeah, I think just back with what I just mentioned of
you know, that our kids can seeif we're not doing well and we
have negative feelings about ourroles or our calling, um, that
that's gonna bleed out.
And so I would just say to notlet that bitterness or
discontentment with your role uhto not let it grow and because
(29:46):
it's gonna come up, but uh todeal with that.
A verse that um had just hasbeen popping in my mind over the
last year is a wise womanbuilds her house, but the
foolish one tears it down withher own hands.
And at first you're like, whywould Someone tear down their
house, like that doesn't evenmake sense.
But yet I think we can withjust being discontented with our
(30:07):
relationships or where God hasplaced us to grow.
So yeah, I would just say, youknow, that phrase like happy
wife, happy, happy life, and themom is the thermostat of the
home.
So I just would say notallowing those negative feelings
to exist without bringing themto the surface and dealing with
(30:28):
them.
And you know, your kids cantell if you enjoy being with
them.
So we don't always, but we cancome to the Lord and ask for his
strength when we're kind of inone of those ruts.
Ellen (30:39):
Right, right.
And I guess the piece of advicethat I would offer to moms is
that there are different seasonsand we are all wired completely
differently.
I mean, there's gonna beseasons where some moms love
being moms to infants.
And some moms are gonna belike, I can barely get through
(31:01):
this stage.
So if you're in one of thoseones that seem so hard, there
might be another one that, youknow, God has just gifted you
at, and you're gonna love thatstage.
So just be encouraged thatyou're not they're they are
gonna continue to grow as we aswe are, but um you have the
(31:23):
opportunity to sort of coursecorrect if if you feel like
things aren't going as well asyou would like.
One thing I want to talk aboutis for single parents who might
be listening to this, and I lovehow you encourage in the book
that it's never too late tobuild a strong family, even with
(31:43):
a single parent or a blendedfamily, or those that have come
from a place of childhoodwounds.
So, what what encouragementwould you give to a mom who
feels like maybe they're juststarting from scratch and trying
to figure out all of what thismeans themselves?
Jessica (32:04):
Yeah, I love the the excerpt in my book from my
single mom friend.
And um she uh just fromwatching her, she's just like so
positive, even when it's veryhard.
And I think I love also abouther her sense of humor.
And some of it, I I'm suretimes just feel so desperate.
(32:25):
It's like, what else can you dobut laugh?
Um, and that's such a goodreminder for all of us, isn't
it?
But um yeah, she just is reallyencouraging to find a support
system, and I loved how shereminded us to focus on what we
do have and to focus on thepositive.
And again, it's such a goodmessage for all of us.
(32:46):
But I know of a lot of familiesthat where the mom either was a
functional single mom or was asingle mom and still built
wonderful, precious mam memoriesand a strong family.
It's hard, but through relyingon the Lord, they were able to
do that.
So that's just deeplyencouraging.
Ellen (33:07):
Yes.
Oh, so much so.
Well, where can our listenersgo to learn more about you and
your new book, Come on Home?
Jessica (33:17):
Yeah, um, come say hi over on Instagram.
I'm Jessica.smart with two Ts.
And uh yeah, definitely pick upa copy of Come On Home.
It's on Amazon and whereverbooks are sold.
Ellen (33:30):
Fantastic.
Okay, we will include links tothose as well.
Before you go, I have to askour favorite questions.
What Bible is your go-to Bibleand what translation is it?
Jessica (33:42):
Well, I'm just an NIV because I'm stuck there.
And those are the ones thatthat's the version I grew up
memorizing.
So that's what feels right inmy head.
But I love my uh everydayBible.
Read through the Bible in ayear.
So it has an old testament, apsalm, a proverb, and a new
testament passage.
And so I love that you know, itavoids like being stuck in
(34:04):
Leviticus solely.
Right, right.
Um, I love the variety.
Um, so yeah, that's what I'm inright now.
I'll go back and forth, butthat's what I'm in right now.
Ellen (34:14):
Oh, wonderful.
Okay, do you have any favoriteBible journaling supplies or
anything that you just theprayer cards that I yeah, I'm
really funny about now.
Jessica (34:24):
I I've been like, oh, I should underline verses.
It would be great if I had thisBible to pass on.
And maybe someday I will, butit just always feels like I
shouldn't be writing in myBible.
So just the prayer cards,really.
Ellen (34:36):
Okay, awesome.
Lastly, what is your favoriteapp or website for Bible study
tools?
Jessica (34:43):
I like the, and there's a multiple of them, but the
audio Bible.
So if you know we have like,for example, if we had to get up
early and I'm taking one of mykids to a sporting event,
listening to the daily Biblereading.
Um, and there's a lot ofdifferent ones with different
voices that um you can find onethat you love, but that's what I
use sometimes to supplement.
Ellen (35:04):
Awesome, yes.
I love like the ones that kindof go in character mode and make
you feel like you're reallythere.
Those are really awesome.
Well, Jessica, thank you somuch for joining us today.
This has just been so much funto talk about all of these mom
things.
So we appreciate you.
Jessica (35:23):
Thanks for having me.
Ellen (35:25):
And to our listeners, whether you feel strong in your
parenting or you're barelyhanging on, I hope this
conversation has given you someencouragement and practical
advice for navigating this phaseof life.
Remember, you don't have to beperfect to build a meaningful
home.
You just have to be present,prayerful, and willing to start.
(35:48):
If you'd like to connect morewith Jessica and her work, be
sure to check out the linkswe've put in the show notes.
Thanks again for joining ustoday at the Coffee and Bible
Time podcast.
Until next time, may God blessyour home and guide you in his
love.
The Coffee of Bible Time podcast, our goal is to help you
delight in God's Word andthrive in Christian living.
Each week, we talk to subjectmatter experts who broaden your
biblical understanding,encourage you in hard times, and
provide life-building tips toenhance your Christian walk.
We are so glad you have joinedus.
(00:25):
Welcome back to the Coffee andBible Time podcast.
I'm Ellen, your host, and I amso glad you are here with us
today.
We are going to talk aboutsomething that all of us, but
especially parents, feel.
How to build a family and homelife that not only functions but
(00:47):
flourishes.
In a time when families arepulled in a hundred directions
by schedules and screens andsocietal pressures, what does it
look like to slow down, getintentional, and create a home
that stands the test of time?
Our guest today, JessicaSparte, knows this struggle and
(01:09):
this calling very personally.
Jessica is a homeschooling momof three who lives on a farm
with her husband and a livelycrew of animals.
She's passionate aboutencouraging everyday moms to
build close-knit families andreclaim the beauty of childhood
in a culture that often rushesright past it.
(01:31):
Through her writing andministry, Jessica shares not
only practical wisdom, but alsoa deep heart for grace,
connection, and purpose infamily life.
So whether you're raisingtoddlers, teens, or navigating
new seasons, her insight willremind you that it's never too
late to build a strong,meaningful home, no matter where
(01:54):
you're starting from.
Jessica, it's such a joy tohave you with us today.
Jessica (01:59):
Thank you.
That was really beautiful.
I don't know if you wove thatall together or someone sent
you, but I was like, wow, thatwas that's just just captures it
in a nutshell.
Ellen (02:08):
Oh, well, we have so much to talk about, and this is one
of my most favorite topics ofall.
So let's just kind of jumpright into it.
You know, parenting has a wayof bringing us to the end of
ourselves, as you so humorouslyuh tell us in your book in a
(02:29):
number of ways.
What did that moment ofrealizing you couldn't do it
alone look like for you?
Jessica (02:37):
Well, there was a lot of moments, and it was drug out
along months, maybe even years.
But I thought I would lovebeing a mom, and I do.
I thought it would be a loteasier than it was.
And I'm used to kind of havingmy schedule and getting my sleep
and doing all things, and sowhen I had my son, and it's very
(03:00):
hard, and you lose sleep andyou die to yourself, and it he
had some particular sickness andum allergies and colic and was
just a difficult child, period,which a lot of mothers deal with
just fine, but it really rockedour ship, and um, so that was
round one, and then round two.
(03:21):
I probably had some Iundiagnosed postpartum
depression, and I didn't knowhow to deal with that and didn't
really have a good supportsystem.
So, and that man, that lot lockof sleep really can get to you
depending on what your makeupis.
But I'm one that, you know, itjust it was like a torture
technique.
So there was a lot of bleakmoments in those early years,
(03:46):
um, and times when I thought,why did I want this?
This is so hard.
I clearly misunderstood Godthat this was my calling, um,
and just feeling reallyinadequate just to care for my
kids.
You know, the idea of thisinterview ever happening and
(04:07):
writing books was like so farconceptually from anything I
could wrap my brain around, buta testimony of how God digs us
out of those pits and even usesthat those times in our ministry
and in our life.
Yeah, it looked like anxietyand depression.
And I'm just really gratefulI've learned a lot of tips and
(04:28):
tools and have a good supportsystem in place, and not that
that isn't ever presentingitself, but I name it, I know
it, I'm like, okay, this is thatvoice again, you know.
And of course, you just gainmore confidence into motherhood.
And now I have a 16-year-old, a14-year-old, and an
11-year-old, and I'm reaping ina beautiful way those years of
(04:50):
relying on the Lord andinvesting in my kids.
Of course, our story is onlyhalfway written, so I'm anxious
to see the other side.
But God has just been so goodand faithful.
Ellen (05:00):
Oh, thanks for sharing your story.
You know, one thing that youmentioned in the book was if you
could just get through thefirst six months after having a
baby, you've rocked it.
Like I think sometimes we havesuch high expectations of what
that mothering is going to looklike.
(05:21):
And even just something sosimple is saying that give kind
of it lets your shoulders down,like, okay, right?
This is going to be a differenttime than I've ever experienced
before, certainly when you havea newborn.
But we're we're talking heretoday about all different stages
and ages of family time.
(05:42):
Let's let's talk about onething that you had made clear
was that before you can have thefamily that you want, you have
to get real about the familythat you have.
So, why is it so important formoms to be honest about their
capacity, health, and gifts whenshaping their family's culture?
Jessica (06:05):
I mean, like you said, it can't change if you don't
know what needs to change.
And we're often so busy andpreoccupied.
It's not that we don't care,but there's just so many
distractions.
And so to sit and take thetime, and it also takes some
courage, I think, to be honestabout how you're really doing,
how the kids are really doingwhat life is like in the house,
(06:29):
what might need to change.
And one ritual that I have justloved throughout my motherhood
years is I have two planningdays a year.
Um, you know, I homeschool, soI'm like, this is my planning
day.
But I think every mom should doit because you're running a
production and there's a lot ofpieces, and you need to have
those checkpoints where you cansit and step back and take the
(06:53):
big angled view of like what ishappening and where's God
calling me next.
So I do it in August before westart the school year, and then
around Christmas, over theChristmas break, and just get
away with my Bible and myjournal.
And so I think I'm encouragingmoms to have something along
those lines before they diveinto the book that maybe this is
an opportunity God is wantingto bless you with, and not
(07:15):
another burden and not somethingto fear, but just to take a
deep breath and say, what'shappening in my family?
What's happening in my life?
And a lot of times I think formoms today, it may involve a
stripping down of some of thethings that we're committed to
or that our family's committingto because we are overcommitted
and we're trying to do too much.
(07:36):
So making a l, and when I saywe, I truly mean we.
So making a list of all of thethings that our family's doing,
and then looking back andsaying, Well, would I really add
back if it wasn't already on myplate?
What can I, what are of thesethings can only I do?
And that list gets short,blessedly short.
And that's what the Lord iscalling us to do.
(07:58):
And so it's the big rocks andthe small rocks, and putting in
the big rocks first, and thenyou can add.
I literally have on my um thinga list of here's my big rocks,
here's my small rocks, because II need to remind myself what to
really pour into.
So the chapter goes into a lotof other things as well, uh, of
(08:18):
like assessing your health andyou know, looking at your kids
and being like, are they doingokay?
Like that's a very obvious butoften overlooked question.
Like, are they okay?
What do they need?
Is somebody like going throughsomething?
Am I going through something?
Because it's great to do allthe traditions and the
vacations, and there's so manyideas in the book, but I think
(08:40):
stating the obvious, you gottakind of like get the first
things right and wrap your headaround like and and again, this
is where I um rely so much onGod and his wisdom because he he
will direct you personally.
I wouldn't even know what totell you, but he he knows, he
knows the things that maybe youneed to let go of or deal with
(09:03):
or whatever.
So I don't want it to be likeit's not like a depressing, like
burdening, it more is justlike, hey, maybe God's giving
you a gift to just take a minuteand think about your life,
which some of us don't take timeto do.
Ellen (09:16):
Right.
And I think so often too thatyou know, you asked people in
the book to sort of do thatassessment yourself, write down
everything you're doing.
So I was sitting there writingdown everything, and I can just
remember.
I mean, my kids are are grownnow, but I can remember going
(09:37):
through that list and thinking,I'm doing a lot of things that I
should be teaching them how todo.
They're capable too.
Yes, which I love that not onlyare they helping, but they're
learning at the same time.
And it's it's just can reallyhelp free you to have less
(09:59):
stress and anxiety about that'svery true.
Jessica (10:02):
I'm not always good about that because I want it
done my way.
Ellen (10:07):
Yes, my way or quickly, right?
Because when they're firstlearning, it's not gonna be
quick and fast and you know,just how we like it.
But eventually, hey, it is it'sincredible.
I mean, now I think about thetime that I poured into my girls
was just teaching them how tocook and do a meal plan and
(10:28):
grocery shop and all of that,like now that they're using
they're on their own and theythey can do all those things.
So it's so important to feed innice and early.
Well, let's talk a little bitabout kids and authority and
screens and all that stuff.
It's easy to feel like settingboundaries makes us the bad guy
(10:52):
as parents, but you say thatkids actually crave loving
authority.
So help us unpack what thatmeans and how it plays out in
real life.
Jessica (11:02):
Yeah, I mean, everybody functions better when there's
someone at the helm of the shipdirecting it.
That's just a life truth.
And I think parents like knowthat, but it's still speaking
for myself too.
There's like this internalbattle every time you have to
assert your authority and callsomebody out and hold their feet
to the fire and give them theconsequence.
(11:24):
And we talk ourselves out ofit.
And I think it's easy to makeexcuses or feel like, well,
they, you know, here's this listof extenuating circumstances
that they're going through.
And that's not helpful to ourkids.
You know, we want to grow kidsthat have self-control, that are
a blessing to the world, thathave self-discipline.
And so we're the ones that areteaching that.
(11:45):
That's where they're going tolearn it is from us.
So I think I told, like, madelike the funny comparison of
like the dog trainer.
There was like the show that myhusband and I watched, and um,
how uneasy the dogs are whentheir owner isn't making them
behave because they're comfortedwhen there's a pack leader.
And if there's not, thenthey're like uneasy and they
(12:08):
have to kind of be one, but theydon't.
So not that kids are dogs, youknow, but it's like there that's
a lesson there.
Like we're similar and we needto know someone is in charge.
And that was very much myexperience growing up is that my
parents were not legalistic,there wasn't a lot of rules.
I don't really remember, evenlike lots of talks about like,
(12:30):
here's what, you know, it justwas more like assumed, like,
you're gonna go do the rightthing.
And there was a very firm,like, we knew that someone was
gonna hold us accountable, weknew someone was watching, we
knew someone was supporting us.
Um, and that just gives you allthe courage in the world.
So I am trying very hardbecause I do think there's so
(12:52):
many amazing things that youngmoms are doing so much better
than I was.
But I do see a little bit of areticence to take control
sometimes.
And I think there's a hesitancyto, you know, discipline in a
godly way because we'vemisunderstood it to mean that
it's unkind and we're notlistening to them or, you know,
(13:14):
just we don't know how to handleit.
But I'm really trying toencourage parents to pick a few
things that you're like, thiswill not happen in our home, and
to be very firm about it.
And it is like, well, what do Ieven like?
How do you enforce it?
And what do you do?
But it's like, we are the onesthat hold the keys, we are pay
for the fruit snacks, and wedon't we have the remote and we
(13:38):
are able to drive them to theplaces they want to go.
So we hold the power, and it'sit's a kindness to show that
love and authority in a kindway, not mean and nitpicking,
but to show love and authorityhand in hand.
That's like the magic sauce, Ithink.
Ellen (13:57):
Absolutely, and you know, all of our children are so
different.
So for me, my first twochildren, I feel like it just
went smooth as normal, you know.
But then when I had my thirdchild who was much more pushing
(14:18):
back on authority, I wasn't usedto that.
And we had had a speaker at ourchurch who actually attended
our church, and she came and didlike a little site visit and
just sort of helped me doexactly what you were saying,
which was helping me reinstatemy authority, if you will, with
(14:40):
this child that was reallychallenging authority more than
the other two.
So it's okay to get help whenyou need it.
Jessica (14:50):
Yeah, that's awesome that she did that.
Ellen (14:53):
Yeah, so incredibly helpful, but that authority
aspect is very important.
And and speaking of that, whatI'm hearing from more and more
people is that technology is thebiggest challenge for modern
parents.
What principles guide yourapproach to screen time?
(15:13):
And how do you teach your kidsto have healthy boundaries
without completely isolatingthem from the digital world?
Jessica (15:23):
Yeah.
Um, so principles, and thenlet's come back to the second
part of your question becausethat's so good too.
So don't let me forget it.
But I would say two mainprinciples, and one is well, the
title of my second book was LetThem Be Kids.
And I think that guides a lotof my decisions, is um, our
(15:43):
decisions.
My husband is very much on thesame page, and that we're gonna
give them a childhood and we'regonna ground them in the really
good things of life.
And even as they receivetechnology, you know, this is
our goal for my husband and I aswell, that we look to the real
world, to real faces, to realthings, real nature, those real
(16:07):
experiences to give us our life,capital L life.
Like that's where we find it,is not in screens.
Screens are a tool and they areuseful, um, but they're a small
part of life.
And so the principle is,especially when they're little,
it should be a very, very smallpart of life.
So without getting into a lotof like, this is okay and this
much time, it's like theoverarching view of life is they
(16:30):
should be exploring and makingfriends and playing out until
it's dark and digging in thedirt and being creative.
And you know, we watch TV likeprobably, you know, five o'clock
when I'm making dinner and theycome in and they're tired.
I'm like, sure, you know,that's fine.
We'll watch a movie.
It's not like I'm anti noscreens in the house.
That's not been our approach,but it's like that's not gonna
(16:52):
be a major part of our life.
It's gonna be a little smallpart.
So we it was very hard.
I mean, my oldest is 16 andjust got a phone.
When he was 15, he got like anApple ID so he could text, and
things changed a lot when he wasable to do that because it was
like, oh now, like I want tocheck and see if someone, you
know, texted me.
(17:12):
So I was glad it was groundedat a computer because then when
he was out, he was truly out andyou know, checking and face
down.
But that was a shift as well.
But what what I thought wascool, you know, I I thought when
I gave him the phone and he was16, like, okay, this is the
end, you know, this is I'm justso sad.
And what was cool is thegroundwork had been laid.
(17:35):
He had already formed habitsand friendships and stuff, and
so it really didn't change a lotbecause at that point he had
developed well in all of thedifferent spheres.
So it was an encouragement tome.
It was affirming of ourchoices, honestly.
And I just want to be the voicethat keeps saying, like, hang
(17:55):
on, hey, if you haven't givenwhatever fill in the blank it
is, hang on.
There, it's earlier andearlier, especially for girls.
It is so troubling.
If I had a girl, I would be, Imean, there's reasons to be wary
for both genders, but uh thesocial media for girls, I just I
can't even wrap my head aroundit.
And I think we as parents haveto get really good and
(18:17):
comfortable with making harddecisions for the good of our
kids and saying, I acknowledgethat this is hard for you, but
it is more important that I dowhat I think is right.
And I and then that means wesuffer the consequences of
hearing disappointment.
And we didn't actuallyexperience that to be honest.
Part of it is we homeschool,and so we were sheltered a
(18:39):
little bit from that.
Although he he did, I mean, hestill plays on like a travel
team, and he was the only onewithout a phone.
But I think I can understandand sympathize that it does wear
you down, and you start feelinglike, well, they're the only
one, and it's you know, puttinga wedge between us.
And I would just go back andsay, like, what is the most
important thing?
And every parent can answerthat for his or herself, but I
(19:03):
think we're gonna look back as aculture and really regret this
period of how things were done.
I think there's gonna be somesevere reorienting.
I hope anyway, because it'sit's very, it's very unhealthy.
It's not helpful for kids.
It um I'm in the mood to beranty today, so sorry.
Ellen (19:28):
Oh no, no, that's okay.
You know, I think it ischallenging, but it's so
encouraging to hear what youjust said about your son in that
he learned to enjoy, I want tosay, the other fine things in
life, right?
Like just all the other thingsthat the world has to offer.
(19:50):
And then because he wasn'texposed to it so much earlier,
that was like just built in,right?
That he would not need a lot ofscreen time to feel good.
Jessica (20:04):
That I think it's possible that people are
listening and have already maybedone something that they're
like, I wish I could redo that.
And I just I just feel acalling to say you you can, you
can change, you can redo.
And you can't undo, but you canpivot from what's happening.
(20:25):
And to be very specific, youcan ungive something, you can
delete, remove, take away.
It's hard, but you can do it.
It has been done.
I think children are moreadaptable to that than we give
them credit for, and maybe eventhan their parents are.
And it it would just involve anapology and say, listen, I was
(20:49):
wrong, and I am sorry, and Idon't blame you for being mad,
but I know things now, and Ican't unknow this and I see it,
and we're gonna make a changehere.
And you might hate me for awhile, and that's fine, but I'm
gonna do what I think God iscalling me to do.
So just a word of encouragementthat whatever the fill in the
blank is, if it's an app or ashow or you know, just too much
(21:11):
of an iPad time, or if you'vegiven a device to a kid and you
know in your gut it's notworking, you can you can back
that bus up.
Ellen (21:19):
Yep.
You're the mom, you're theauthority figure in the home,
and certainly in conjunctionwith your spouse.
Well, let's shift gears alittle bit.
I think every mom knows thechaos of juggling packed
schedules, growing kids, andjust nonstop activity.
But in the midst of all that,what are some practical ways
(21:42):
that we can be intentional aboutcreating both quality and
quantity time with our kids?
Jessica (21:51):
Yeah, I mean, my first book was Memory Making Mom and
kind of diving into like therituals and anchors in our life.
And so it can look differentfor every family, which is
what's so cool.
But kind of picking yearly andweekly and daily rituals and
traditions, I think is a greatway to kind of it makes it
(22:15):
happen, it makes the value livedout in your life.
And you can't do everything.
There's so many ideas, liketake Christmas, for example,
there's a million and one thingsyou could do.
Um, but I was just telling yep,yes, somebody yesterday, as a
rubric, you could kind of layout, you know, you and your
husband, or if your kids are oldenough, like what are some
(22:36):
values that are important to ourfamily?
Do you love nature?
Do you love service?
Do you love music?
Do you love the arts?
Do you love sports?
Being active, faith, like whatare the things that are
important to your family?
And then find traditions thatreinforce those.
Um, and meals are just a greatway.
(22:57):
Like, we, as crazy as our lifehas gotten with kids and
different sports and all ofthat, we really try to do family
dinner regularly, even if it'sonce or twice a week.
Um, of like we are all sittingdown.
I'll try to make something alittle more special and not, you
know, get up the minute it'sover.
But a weekly meal together, itcan be breakfast, it can be
(23:20):
Saturday morning breakfast,Sunday morning breakfast.
Um, that's a great first step.
And or if you do it alreadytwice, do it three times, you
know, make it a little morespecial.
Let somebody pick a dessert ordo, you know, a theme night, or
add on a movie, add on somequestions or a game at the end.
And then, yeah, like thoseyearly traditions, those are
(23:41):
doing more, I think, than weunderstand at this point.
We don't have like the mosttraditions of anyone I know, but
we have things that areimportant to us that are
anchors, and it's changed andshifted over the years.
That's okay too.
But just implementing some ofthose rituals and routines, I
think, is a huge help.
Ellen (24:02):
Yes.
Oh, and how they look forwardto it.
And I know even I, as a parent,look forward to those as well.
I have kind of a funny littlestory um regarding just some of
the things that you do with yourkids when they're young, like
just investing in the littlethings.
And when my kids were young, wedid shrinky dinks, and they
(24:25):
just loved doing that and youknow, drawing on them, putting
them in the oven, watching themget all little.
Well, my daughter, who just gotmarried, we had a bridal shower
for her, and what was one thingthat she wanted to do was
shrinky dinks.
So my other daughter got allthe stuff for shrinky dinks, and
(24:48):
they had the best time ever.
In fact, when other grown-upsstarted coming during the
wedding part, like they weresitting down and doing it.
So I love that just um littlethings like that make memories,
and it wasn't screen time, itwas just sitting together,
drawing funny things, laughing.
(25:09):
It doesn't have to be like yousay in the book, expensive, or
it's just um being intentionalfor sure.
For sure.
Well, let's talk a little bitabout making a home.
You write that home is theplace you can go when you don't
have the answer.
Home is the place you can laughthrough the tears, rest when
(25:31):
you're weary, hunker down,you've made a mess of things.
Home is the place where you'reloved, where you're safe.
This kind of home, this kind offamily is powerful.
Strong families like this willsave the world.
And that that quote paints sucha beautiful picture.
What are some practical waysthat our listeners can begin to
(25:55):
build a home like you described?
Jessica (25:58):
Hmm.
Um, I mean, practical ways, Ithink, is seeing your kids and
developing a one-on-onerelationship with them.
So I have a chapter in there onconnection.
And um, you know, everybody hasdifferent, it's not the same
for every kid.
You know, there's the lovelanguage, the classic love
languages, and those arehelpful.
(26:19):
But then I talk about even likenoticing funny love languages
and just little things that makethem smile or tick.
Because the main thing is thethe description you just read is
a deep, like, I'm known and I'mloved.
And so that is not gonna comeabout without building a
relationship with each member ofyour family.
(26:42):
And kids are not dumb, likethey can tell if you're annoyed
with them, they can tell, youknow, if you like them, if
you're feeling warm, which wedon't always, that's just life.
So I would say like one-on-onedates and just noticing the
little things that that kidslove.
You know, I have one that lovescoffee and tea, my 14-year-old
(27:04):
son.
So if I'm heading to TraderJoe's, I know that if I pick up
a box of tea and coffee and setit on his pillow, that's just
gonna check his box.
I mean, that's a weird thing.
Like, that's not gonna beeverybody.
But really just taking the timeto like notice and connect.
And my parents did a reallygood job of kind of having
something in common with each ofus.
(27:24):
Because again, it's not fake,like manufactured, but they
would find something in commonwith each of us so that we had
like a thing to talk about.
And you know, this is it's notrocket science, but I think
that's where it starts is justtaking time.
It doesn't always take a lot oftime because even if like 10
minutes a day with each kid,that would be 30 minutes.
(27:46):
Um, and even if you do thatjust once a week of just
undivided time, you know, that'sbuilt over the years, the
months and the years and thedecades, that's solid
investment.
Ellen (27:57):
Yeah, and I know our children look forward to that
special one-on-one time.
They really do.
I I've heard that advice somany times from uh mentors and
just that, you know, even ifit's just going and, like you
say, grabbing a coffee or cokeor whatever they like to drink
(28:18):
together and just talking, you'dbe surprised how much more they
might be willing to to open up.
And I know another thing thatwe did when our kids were
younger is we had what duringthe summer what we called our
special day.
And so we would let them picklike what's the one like one
(28:38):
thing you want to do with justmom, and then we did that.
Jessica (28:42):
And oh, that's fun.
Ellen (28:44):
I remember well, we my youngest daughter, she loved
jelly bellies, and we have a ajelly belly warehouse where you
can do like this little tourthere, it's all free.
You just go in, and she lovedto do that, and even now they
look back and remember theirspecial days.
That's cute.
You're truly being special.
(29:04):
Well, what are some commonthings that can undermine that
sense of safety and love in thehome that we should be on the
lookout for?
How can parents sort of coursecorrect when things start to
feel tense or disconnected?
Jessica (29:22):
Yeah, I think just back with what I just mentioned of
you know, that our kids can seeif we're not doing well and we
have negative feelings about ourroles or our calling, um, that
that's gonna bleed out.
And so I would just say to notlet that bitterness or
discontentment with your role uhto not let it grow and because
(29:46):
it's gonna come up, but uh todeal with that.
A verse that um had just hasbeen popping in my mind over the
last year is a wise womanbuilds her house, but the
foolish one tears it down withher own hands.
And at first you're like, whywould Someone tear down their
house, like that doesn't evenmake sense.
But yet I think we can withjust being discontented with our
(30:07):
relationships or where God hasplaced us to grow.
So yeah, I would just say, youknow, that phrase like happy
wife, happy, happy life, and themom is the thermostat of the
home.
So I just would say notallowing those negative feelings
to exist without bringing themto the surface and dealing with
(30:28):
them.
And you know, your kids cantell if you enjoy being with
them.
So we don't always, but we cancome to the Lord and ask for his
strength when we're kind of inone of those ruts.
Ellen (30:39):
Right, right.
And I guess the piece of advicethat I would offer to moms is
that there are different seasonsand we are all wired completely
differently.
I mean, there's gonna beseasons where some moms love
being moms to infants.
And some moms are gonna belike, I can barely get through
(31:01):
this stage.
So if you're in one of thoseones that seem so hard, there
might be another one that, youknow, God has just gifted you
at, and you're gonna love thatstage.
So just be encouraged thatyou're not they're they are
gonna continue to grow as we aswe are, but um you have the
(31:23):
opportunity to sort of coursecorrect if if you feel like
things aren't going as well asyou would like.
One thing I want to talk aboutis for single parents who might
be listening to this, and I lovehow you encourage in the book
that it's never too late tobuild a strong family, even with
(31:43):
a single parent or a blendedfamily, or those that have come
from a place of childhoodwounds.
So, what what encouragementwould you give to a mom who
feels like maybe they're juststarting from scratch and trying
to figure out all of what thismeans themselves?
Jessica (32:04):
Yeah, I love the the excerpt in my book from my
single mom friend.
And um she uh just fromwatching her, she's just like so
positive, even when it's veryhard.
And I think I love also abouther her sense of humor.
And some of it, I I'm suretimes just feel so desperate.
(32:25):
It's like, what else can you dobut laugh?
Um, and that's such a goodreminder for all of us, isn't
it?
But um yeah, she just is reallyencouraging to find a support
system, and I loved how shereminded us to focus on what we
do have and to focus on thepositive.
And again, it's such a goodmessage for all of us.
(32:46):
But I know of a lot of familiesthat where the mom either was a
functional single mom or was asingle mom and still built
wonderful, precious mam memoriesand a strong family.
It's hard, but through relyingon the Lord, they were able to
do that.
So that's just deeplyencouraging.
Ellen (33:07):
Yes.
Oh, so much so.
Well, where can our listenersgo to learn more about you and
your new book, Come on Home?
Jessica (33:17):
Yeah, um, come say hi over on Instagram.
I'm Jessica.smart with two Ts.
And uh yeah, definitely pick upa copy of Come On Home.
It's on Amazon and whereverbooks are sold.
Ellen (33:30):
Fantastic.
Okay, we will include links tothose as well.
Before you go, I have to askour favorite questions.
What Bible is your go-to Bibleand what translation is it?
Jessica (33:42):
Well, I'm just an NIV because I'm stuck there.
And those are the ones thatthat's the version I grew up
memorizing.
So that's what feels right inmy head.
But I love my uh everydayBible.
Read through the Bible in ayear.
So it has an old testament, apsalm, a proverb, and a new
testament passage.
And so I love that you know, itavoids like being stuck in
(34:04):
Leviticus solely.
Right, right.
Um, I love the variety.
Um, so yeah, that's what I'm inright now.
I'll go back and forth, butthat's what I'm in right now.
Ellen (34:14):
Oh, wonderful.
Okay, do you have any favoriteBible journaling supplies or
anything that you just theprayer cards that I yeah, I'm
really funny about now.
Jessica (34:24):
I I've been like, oh, I should underline verses.
It would be great if I had thisBible to pass on.
And maybe someday I will, butit just always feels like I
shouldn't be writing in myBible.
So just the prayer cards,really.
Ellen (34:36):
Okay, awesome.
Lastly, what is your favoriteapp or website for Bible study
tools?
Jessica (34:43):
I like the, and there's a multiple of them, but the
audio Bible.
So if you know we have like,for example, if we had to get up
early and I'm taking one of mykids to a sporting event,
listening to the daily Biblereading.
Um, and there's a lot ofdifferent ones with different
voices that um you can find onethat you love, but that's what I
use sometimes to supplement.
Ellen (35:04):
Awesome, yes.
I love like the ones that kindof go in character mode and make
you feel like you're reallythere.
Those are really awesome.
Well, Jessica, thank you somuch for joining us today.
This has just been so much funto talk about all of these mom
things.
So we appreciate you.
Jessica (35:23):
Thanks for having me.
Ellen (35:25):
And to our listeners, whether you feel strong in your
parenting or you're barelyhanging on, I hope this
conversation has given you someencouragement and practical
advice for navigating this phaseof life.
Remember, you don't have to beperfect to build a meaningful
home.
You just have to be present,prayerful, and willing to start.
(35:48):
If you'd like to connect morewith Jessica and her work, be
sure to check out the linkswe've put in the show notes.
Thanks again for joining ustoday at the Coffee and Bible
Time podcast.
Until next time, may God blessyour home and guide you in his
love.
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