November 13, 2024 • 50 mins
In this episode of 'Coffee Chat with Amber and Lisa,' we delve into the complexities of relationships, forgiveness, and healing. Joined by leading lady Tracy Glass, the conversation explores how past experiences shape our interactions, the importance of voicing our values, and practical strategies to manage conflicts.
Tracy also discusses themes from her book 'Restored,' offering insights on rebuilding after divorce or separation. This episode emphasizes the power of forgiveness, understanding differing perspectives, and maintaining healthy boundaries to foster meaningful connections. Tune in for a heartfelt discussion enriched with personal experiences, biblical wisdom, and practical advice.
00:00 Welcome to Coffee Chat with Amber and Lisa
00:12 The Best Part of Waking Up Needs Caffeine
00:55 Discussing Decaf and Coffee Preferences
03:05 The Importance of Relationships
03:46 Introducing Tracy's New Book: Restored
06:10 Understanding Relationship Dynamics
06:20 The Impact of Childhood on Relationships
09:34 Navigating Hurt and Forgiveness
19:03 Dealing with Political Differences
25:10 Choosing Right Relationships Over Being Right
29:42 The Impact of Words on Relationships
31:07 Healing Through Love and Patience
33:27 A Mother's Journey to Rebuild a Relationship
42:15 The Power of Forgiveness and Moving Forward
42:50 Resources for Healing and Growth
Thank you for taking the time to like, subscribe, share, and comment. Visit leadingladies.life to find out more. Also, follow @leadingladieslife on social. Amber & Lisa are authors of the multi-award-winning book, Leading Ladies: Discover Your God-Grown Strategy for Success, which dives into the power of community and empowering women of faith to rise up and make a difference, using our gifts and faith to shine brightly in the world. Watch the Facebook Live edition on our YouTube Channel @coffeechatladies .
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Good morning everyone and welcome to another edition
of Coffee Chat with Amber and myco-author in crime, lisa Byrne.
Hello, hello, good morning all.
Today, actually, I'm being veryBritish in my serving of tea
and milk, and yeah, and then youput the milk in first and then
(00:24):
the teapot of PG tips Anon-supper.
So that's my drink of themorning.
What are you guys drinkingtoday?
I have a good old cup of coffeewith heavy cream, because why I
need it?
I need it, and this time myhusband did not give me a shot,
he gave me a full mug and forthat I asked the Lord to bless
(00:47):
him.
So, our great friend, leadinglady Tracy Glass, tell us what
you're drinking today.
Yes, hi, amber, okay, so I amdrinking decaf.
I'm going to be specific BarberPaisley With caramel, almond
(01:12):
creamer.
Oh, you're drinking hot water,flavored, flavored, no caffeine,
that's sugar-free flavor.
He's full sugar, full sugar.
Okay, you soaked a carmel inhot water, you know, like
(01:34):
literally maybe a tablespoon ora little bit more.
So it is my treat for the day.
It is, oh my gosh, oh my gosh,that's a treat.
Oh, wow, everybody put in thecomment section.
Do you believe decaf coffeeconstitutes as coffee?
We want to hear your response.
People would consider thosefighting words.
(01:57):
Amber, you're starting trouble,you're stirring the pot.
If you're a connoisseur ofcoffee, that there's different
types of coffee, yes, there is.
I love Pete's Coffee.
That is like the real coffee.
And, by the way, pete's Coffeewas founded in California
Berkeley, california, where it'snear me, but that is the best.
(02:18):
And you could get decaf coffee.
It's very strong flavorful.
But the problem that I washaving with Pete's Coffee is
that I was having an allergicreaction to it.
Oh, my goodness, oh, and I loveit, and so I had to.
I love Starbucks too, but myfavorite is Pete's because it's
just more flavorful.
Yeah, that would be horrible.
(02:39):
Yeah, an allergic reaction toyour favorite beverage.
I have Rosacea and everyone'slike well, you should not drink
anything hot.
I'm like I'm willing to dealwith pink cheeks for the drink.
The link will work For mycaffeine, I don't care, I'm
going to live life to thefullest and have blushed cheeks
(03:02):
doing it.
There you go, there you go.
We're having an excitingconversation today and, honestly
, we have a relationships girlon the line and knows all about
what it is and knows thatsometimes you need a cup of
coffee or tea to deal withpeople right.
(03:23):
It's a challenge in this age.
It's a challenge just to feellike you have connection with
people, let alone you can standpeople, especially with all the
hot political pants going up,and I didn't even know you had
the temper of this, but I thinkeverybody's finding out about
that as well as keeping with themoments.
(03:44):
Right.
Tracy this is her new book,restored God's in the Mimicry,
yes, and I would like to say Ilove this author, I love this
designer, and God's promise isto beautifully rebuild you after
divorce or separation.
I know some people right nowthat I want to be separated from
(04:08):
, and sometimes it's easy topush the delete button.
There are no shelters here.
Folks Never mind.
No, sometimes you can findpeople's posts so it doesn't
make seem like you're just like.
I love that Facebook.
Faith has taken a break fromthat friend now.
Sometimes you just need to.
(04:29):
You love them with the love ofGod, but you got to take.
You don't want to see whatthey're talking about right now.
Maybe if we all just take abreak through this next week I
know we're joking around a lotbut, as I said in the little
summary of what we're talkingabout this morning, we all have
experienced damagedrelationships and some of us
(04:54):
we'll just jump right into this.
We were talking about this justpre-show us as people of faith,
christ followers.
We don't like to admit that wehave these difficulties, because
that would be a number ofthings.
That would be confessing thatwe're human.
We might have ill feelingstowards someone.
(05:15):
That would be being transparentand vulnerable.
People might not see us asperfect or as the leader we want
to be, and the reality is thatrelationships can be dismantled
by the simplest of things and wecan carry those things in our
(05:36):
heart, and it can affect us notonly in that relationship but in
how we walk in otherrelationships.
It can keep us from thefullness of, maybe, what God
intended, and we all know thatthere's a spiritual aspect to
all of this too.
So, tracy, I'm so excited thatyou're here to talk to us
(05:57):
because I know you have wisdomto share with us.
Thank you for being with ustoday amidst our silliness.
Wow, it's always so fun to bewith us.
Thank you for being with ustoday, amidst our silliness.
It's always so fun to be withyou.
Tell us a little bit.
We want to be in community withpeople.
Why is it so stinking hardsometimes.
Yeah, great question, amber.
(06:19):
I think number one why it'shard is because of our
experiences from the past.
You know, it really starts inour childhood how we begin to
form relationships.
It goes back to therelationship that we had with
our parents.
Right, people don't like to gothere, but everything starts
(06:43):
when we were children.
Go there, but everything startswhen we were children, and so
our idea of relationships formwith how did I relate to my mom?
How did I relate?
And, unfortunately, as children,the awareness or the skills to
define that relationship untilwe start getting older, define
(07:08):
that relationship until we startgetting older.
And that's when we realize thatmaybe our parents were abusive
in some way, maybe theyneglected us in some way.
But it really starts there,amber, with how we define
relationships.
And then when we get in ourteenage years, that's when we
start liking a boy or liking agirl and at that age we do not
(07:29):
have a skill to hold a healthyrelationship.
It's selfishness, it's what'sin it for me.
And then when we get in ourteenage years, there's hurt that
happens in that relationshipBecause really we have this
expectation that a person knowshow to treat us and that's not
true.
And then, as it programsthrough relationships, we begin
(07:54):
to partner with people thatdamage us in some way Because of
our model, of how we have grownup.
In a relationship we feel like,oh, that's okay, okay, because
that's part of being in arelationship is that I'm going
to be negatively talked to,maybe they're going to walk away
(08:16):
, or whatever we've experienced.
It becomes almost a norm for us.
I know you said something to mea long time ago when we first
started working together yearsago.
Man, we've been together for along time.
I'm so glad that we're notdivorced, just be divorced.
I would never divorce you,divorce me, I would chase you
(08:39):
down.
But we're long, we're youngafter you, but long, long, long,
(09:09):
long, long, long, long, long,long, long, long, long, long,
long, long, long, long, long,long, long, long, long, long,
long, long, long, long, long,long, long, long, long, long,
long, long, long, long, long,long, long, long, long, long,
long, long, long, long, long,long, long, long, long, long
long.
Something you valued.
He stepped on that and all of asudden, oh my gosh, that
realization, oh, wow, he steppedon one of my values.
Tell us, sir, some of thesethings that people can step on
that actually put us into thatmode of separation or divorce.
(09:32):
Yeah yeah, thank you forbringing that up, amber, because
it's really important.
When I coach people, that's aquestion.
The first question I ask themis what do you value?
We come up with a list ofvalues, from values we can never
step on ourselves and neverallow others to step.
(09:53):
These are most important to usin life.
For example, family.
It's very important to me, andif someone tried to hurt my
family in some way, oh boy, mamabear, right, mama bear.
Another value I have is trust.
(10:13):
So if that value is stepped on,it's forest run forest for me,
and so we all have those.
And I think it's so importantfor us to become clear, very
clear of what our values, andwe'll notice that when our
relationships start to bedamaged, it's because one of
(10:35):
those values is being stepped onin some way.
We become aware of it.
It's like an aha moment Okay,this person is stepping on my
trust value, and then we can beable to communicate it.
We don't hide it, we don'tpretend, oh, everything's okay,
(10:55):
I don't just pray about it andtake it to the Lord, but I
actually communicate it.
I don't hide and I say Lisacommunicated.
I don't hide and I say, lisa,you are stepping on my trust
value.
That trust is very important tome and here's why it's
important to me.
(11:36):
And when you made that comment,it hurt me.
It hurt.
There's nothing wrong with youvocalizing that Best case
scenario.
This person values you enoughthat they will take that
information and internalize itand realize, okay, I want to
make this work.
Worst case scenario, it's notimportant to them to value you.
Why they walk away.
Then we're dealing with adifferent end result.
But if they really love youenough to recognize that they've
done that, you can work throughthis situation.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
(11:58):
That's a great point, lisa,because I believe if a person
walks away, that's a sign of adamaged or limped relationship.
I want to just close a littlebit and I know I've been pretty
open about communication betweenmy husband and I and things
that have bothered me.
And then I started asking okay,did you mean this?
(12:21):
The other day, his 30-pound dogthat's my husband ran down the
street and he saw me revving.
You can see the video.
I was like he saw me revvingand he was like in that moment I
was terrified.
He loves that dog and he toldme he said, amber, if anything
(12:45):
happened to my dog and he hadrun away, and it'd be something
that you did, I'd have a hardtime looking at you again and I
was like I am your wife.
Do you value me less than a dog?
But I heard that.
I heard that in my mind, yes,and I know these things can be
(13:09):
said and be non-consequential,but at that moment I had to say,
okay, wait then.
And even though we say thingsand he did it, but if I hadn't
resolved it there, that wouldhave been a moment that I would
be oh my gosh, if I ever Didn't.
You set the stage for walking onglass.
Yeah, because I was like value,where's the value?
(13:33):
Lie Me or dogs?
Right, and that's hard becausewe all have those moments in
marriage that we get to a pointwhere, like, something is said
and sometimes the person knowsthat we accept things or
communication as our way.
Sometimes they don't, but welet it lie when things hurt us
(13:56):
so bad or create an imprint.
I'm not saying that I wasdevastated, but it just shocked
me for a moment.
Not only was your husband'sneed uncovered that he values
his dog, but one of your needsor values is I need to be valued
.
You value your dog More or moreand, as I said, we all say
(14:23):
things like this and we're notthinking how it's being received
by others.
We're just thinking in thecrazy atmosphere of the moment.
And you talked a lot about fearand why that is a big separator.
It makes us not want to connectwith people, it makes us want
(14:47):
to ghost people, it makes usseize up when we have that idea
that we're going to run intothem in Walmart, in the church.
How do we deal with that?
Because I don't like to befearful in those interactions,
but you do.
How do you filter that?
Yeah, that's a great question,amber.
(15:09):
When somebody wounds us, we havetwo choices that we can.
I call it the slide.
We could go down a slide ofunforgiveness with that person.
You wounded me, I'm mad at you,I'm angry at you.
I'm going to isolate, I'm goingto retaliate in some way
(15:30):
against you.
I am going to isolate, I'mgoing to retaliate in some way
against you.
I am going to avoid you.
I'm going to slander youbecause of what you did to me,
and then it ends with anger andthen it ends with vengeance.
So we have to catch ourselves atthe womb, you hurt me, and at
that point we have to learn howto forgive, and forgive quickly
(15:54):
as Christians, because it's abiblical way of how we deal with
woundedness or when people hurtus, to forgive quickly.
And why do we do that?
Because God forgives us quickly.
So the whole grudges againstpeople, when I can go to God at
any time and ask for forgiveness.
(16:15):
He sent his son, jesus Christ,and gave us the ultimate gift of
forgiveness, right, right, wecreate our own model of what
we're going to do.
That's the way to begin to dealwith it, so that it doesn't go
down that slide of hurting.
But the other is to establishboundaries, because it doesn't
(16:39):
mean just because I forgive you,amber, it doesn't mean that I
stay in relationship with you.
That's right.
Something I was even thinking aswe're talking through this is,
as a Christian, someone whoadheres to following his
commandments and being love toothers, being an example to
others of who he is.
(17:01):
It behooves us to forgive, butnot everybody that we bump up
against, whether we're havingconflict with them or being hurt
by them.
Not everybody are we intimatewith, and I don't mean that
certain relationships just don'trank, but I do mean we don't
(17:24):
have to be as close with everyperson as we are perhaps your
husband, your spouse, a familymember, a parent, a sibling,
whatever and I think we have tolook at that relationship and
where that relationship is inthe circle that we consider
(17:47):
intimacy around us, and it helps, when it's one of those
relationships we are divinelyattached to, to reconcile that
situation and move forward.
Right, you mentioned somethingearlier about when we're
children.
(18:07):
We learn how to relate,basically with our parents, and
my mind went back, as youstarted talking about how we
start to interact with ourfriends, to what it was like to
be a middle school teenage girland want to be friends with the
people, the people that seem togarner the attention and for
whatever reason, even as adults,we put ourselves into sometimes
(18:32):
that same position wanting tobe in relationship with the
people the cheerleaders, themost popular, the prettiest girl
, whatever that looks like.
We have to recognize that Godgives us certain ordained
relationships that arenon-negotiables.
We need to figure out how towork through those moments.
(18:55):
Yeah, you know what I want tosay.
A scripture verse came across myphone that really ticked me off
this morning.
It's okay, get me to rememberFirst Corinthians 110.
I appeal to you, brothers andsisters, in the name of our Lord
Jesus Christ, that all of youagree with one another in what
(19:16):
you say and that there be nodivisions among you, but that
you be perfectly united in mindand thought.
I tell you what this isn'thappening with me, especially
not right now in the politicalclimate out there, especially
not right now in the politicalclimate out there.
It's so funny, amber.
I heard a story a couple weeksago from a friend that they were
(19:42):
talking about each other'spolitical preferences and so she
expressed hers to her friendand it was opposite of what hers
was.
And do you know?
That friend would not talk toher for three years.
Sounds extreme, right, butreally, if you think about it,
it was deeper than just herpolitical preference, right?
(20:07):
You would think it would haveto be right, stepping on values.
Do you think about it?
Yeah, I think that it was morewith.
Sometimes in relationshipspeople feel like you need to
agree with me.
I'm right.
I think it was more pride thanit.
I think that we are right nowso much right.
(20:28):
If you don't think, I thinkthen you're just plain stupid.
You don't understand what'sreally going on.
How could you have thosethoughts and I feel like we've
really thrown the baby out withthe bathwater when we look at
our relationships that way.
(20:48):
Relationships that way.
Yes, there's so much for me tolearn from you because you think
differently.
Yeah, because you don't partyour hair on the same side of
the head that I do.
Yeah, what are we to do?
(21:09):
You know what, tracy?
So many people saying you are,christians can't do this,
christians can't vote this way.
And it takes, it makes youlearn, it makes the fire and the
hair on the back of your neckstand up and the fire come
surrounding your ears and youjust I've had to take a break.
I like Facebook, take a break.
(21:29):
I like Facebook, take a break.
Friends, friends.
But at the same time, sometimesit's like I didn't know you
were like this and everythingseems hateful and I don't, you
don't know if you can even be inalignment with that.
What do you do with thosefeelings?
Yeah, I think this, amber, wehave to look at things so
(22:27):
differently.
We're looking at not only theelection, but there's other
things that we look at from aworldly point of view and not
spiritual, and we see in Matthew28 that Jesus gives us what our
commission is it's to go outand preach and teach and
(22:48):
disciple and baptize and tospread the gospel.
And teach and disciple andbaptize and to spread the gospel
.
The issue that I have with a lotof posts, or even just in this
season, is I don't hear people,christians, talking about the
gospel.
I don't see how their goal inlife, meaning what has God
(23:09):
called you to do?
What's your calling?
What is God called you to do?
What you're calling?
We should be talking more aboutJesus and saving souls and our
calling and purpose than theworld.
And so how do we do that like?
How can we do that if, justlike Amber was saying, you start
(23:29):
to get red around the ears andstart to get really?
How are we to effectively dothat?
We may not see the outcome thatwe want in life through all
sorts of situations, whetherthey be family-based,
politically-based, something atwork that we disagree about in a
system and how it's being run.
But the reality is, if wereally do believe in that
(23:53):
Matthew 28 commission and if wereally do want to walk in God's
love towards others, there hasto be a way to communicate those
things without casting stonesat other people.
There has to be a way, and Ibelieve he can give us that
(24:15):
creativity, he can give us thatheart for it.
But Amber was saying, whenyou're in the midst of the heat
of the emotion, you don't alwayshave the wherewithal to think
clearly that way.
Yeah, that's a great question,lisa.
What do we do with that?
We have to always be aware ofhow we're coming across, and
(24:40):
does it matter?
It does matter.
So, for example, if we noticethat we are pissing people off,
okay, for lack of.
Yeah, honestly, why can't Ikeep friendships?
Yeah, what is the challenge?
Let's just say it has to get toa point that it's not always
the other person yeah, as maturebelievers, to go to God and say
(25:04):
what is it within me?
That's right.
You have to examine ourselvesand really make the decision,
because I think here it is, lisa.
Do we want to be in rightrelationship or do I want to be
right?
Thank you, I just want to beright.
Okay, that circle myth in thepodcast, it's so true, literally
(25:27):
, that needs to be up on abillboard.
Do we want to be in rightrelationship or do we want to be
right?
Do we want to be in rightrelationship or do we want to be
right?
Do we want?
Because the reality is we allthink differently for a reason.
Yeah, we don't make anymistakes.
We don't make mistakes.
There are solid reasons for whymost of us believe the way we do
(25:47):
and, yes, some of us havewalked through a life of great
trauma and abuses that havecolored what we do and how.
But I'm talking about themature human being who's really
trying to get through life as aChrist follower, doing those
things that would be pleasing tohim to work out that great
(26:10):
commission.
Lead others to him by ourexample.
They will know we areChristians by what?
By how we love them, how weconduct ourselves.
We get to the point where wehave to make that decision.
It doesn't mean that you haveto think the way they think.
Bottom line, okay.
(26:31):
It all has to do with do youwant to be in right relationship
with someone or do you want tobe right?
And unfortunately, there will bepeople who will always choose I
want to be right or they havegreat fear of what it takes to
make themselves walk in a rightrelationship.
(26:52):
What does it mean when I'mwalking in a right relationship?
Does that mean I ignore my owntruth?
Does that mean they're right?
And I have to ask forforgiveness and I'm wrong.
I think that's something thatwe're afraid of.
How do we stay true to ourselvesand who god has called us to be
and not injure another person?
Yeah, and and that's a greatpoint, lisa, because I believe
(27:16):
this as Christians we should notbe wounding each other, but we
do it happens.
We shouldn't because let'sthink about it, before
pre-getting saved days, we werevery wounded, and when we come
to Christ, we are new creationand we're coming to get healed.
We're in a damaging relationwhere it's always rewounding us.
(27:42):
I was showing like a heart andrelationships can poke.
We're just poking at it.
It's holes in our heart.
Eventually, we have to say stop, our heart can't bleed anymore,
stop it.
And so we have to be very clearon who and what pokes my heart
(28:03):
and not make excuses for it,because people will say, oh, you
shouldn't get offended by that,or oh, that was just a joke,
but it poked me, and so it'sjust getting comfortable with
where we are in life and, honest, that hurt, yeah.
Yeah.
(28:24):
I think we have to admit toourselves that just when we are
righteous, we are made righteous.
It doesn't mean we are right,we are not right.
We are made right by Jesus'ssacrifice on the cross and the
(28:51):
thing about it is we are flawedpeople on a journey to look more
like Christ.
That's an excellent point,amber.
Yeah, you're right, becausewhen we come to Christ, our
spirit man say because we'respirit, soul and body, soul that
needs to be regenerated.
(29:12):
That's what we need to work on.
That's where our relationshipsare right there, and so we have
to continue to let the spiritman, that regenerated man, lead
and not our soul man.
The soul always wants to takecontrol, the soul always wants
to be first.
(29:32):
But when we allow the soul manto be first in our relationships
, we're going to step on people,we're going to hurt people.
I want to read just a scriptureor a couple of scriptures that
talk about unwholesome talk.
Ephesians 4.29 says do not letany unwholesome talk come out of
(29:55):
your mouths, but only what ishelpful for building others up
according to their needs, thatit may benefit those who listen.
This verse is reallyencouraging us to speak words of
life, not that we are to upliftpeople.
And then Proverbs 16, 24 saysgracious words are a honeycomb,
(30:19):
so we take the soul and healingto the bones.
And I love these scripturesbecause I think, innocently,
what we do to damage ourrelationships is how we talk to
people.
We talk to people any old way.
We say things that are not niceand people take it and all
we're doing is just poking themin their heart.
(30:41):
I mean, one day we realize whydid that friendship leave?
What betrayed me?
Why did I get rejected?
And so it starts there.
That is a way that we can beginto heal relationships is by
evaluating how am I talking tothat person?
(31:03):
Words of life or words of death?
Right?
It was funny, as we've all, asauthors, talked about.
We've all told our story, and Iknow that a lot of.
But one of the things that Iwas in a seminar with talking
about writing your memoir, whichis very much.
A lot of people like to writetheir story, but it shocked me
(31:27):
when she said learn to givehonor to the people in your
story who hurt you.
Wow, how do you do that?
That's a hard thing to do.
I always have to go back.
People can tease about thiswhole glass half full or half
(31:50):
empty thing.
I've been accused of being aglass half full person most of
my life.
Been accused of being a glasshalf full person most of my life
, but really I think as I becomean adult, as I've become an
adult and started to reallypinpoint what is it in me that
wants to go the optimistic route.
I have to say that scripturedoes lead us to a different
(32:11):
space, and specifically like 1Corinthians, when we look at
chapter 13,.
Of course, we talk about love,but I also always lean into that
scripture that says lovebelieves the best, hopes the
best, thinks the best.
This person may not look likethey even know what the best is
or that they know what love is,but if my motivation is to do
(32:37):
what I do, because I believethat love can be patient and
kind and then it honestly wantsto believe the best in that
other individual rather thanjust clinging to that this
person, there's nothing of valuein them.
We all have to look at thingsthat way.
It truly doesn't give up.
(32:57):
It doesn't truly doesn't giveup.
Love doesn't give up.
It doesn't lose faith, itdoesn't lose hope that things
can be different.
Our relationship can bedifferent and I think we have to
remind ourselves of that overand over again.
If he can redeem and reconcilewhat is lost and broken in me to
himself, so that I can haverelationship with him.
(33:20):
Then he can do that withanybody, with any situation, and
we have to cling to that hope.
So good, that's good.
I'm reminded of a story.
There was a season in my lifewhere my son and I we were not
on good terms and he had goneaway to college and it was
(33:43):
during a season where I was alsowalking through a divorce.
So it was just two majorepisodes of stress and emotional
, just craziness.
But anyway, he was making somenot so great decisions in his
life.
And I remember praying and asmothers we he's 18, 19 years old
(34:07):
we still see our children Idon't care what age they are, as
our children we do.
I was doing the mommy managingthing of trying to manage my
life, manage walking throughthis divorce and managing like
you need to stay focused inschool.
But it was becoming sostressful for me and our
relationship was strained.
(34:28):
But anyway, I remember prayingand asking the Lord what do I do
?
I love my son.
I don't want our relationshipto be even more damaged.
What do I need to do?
And you know what God told me.
He said I don't want you to sayanything negative to him.
And I remember talking to mytherapist because I was a
(34:52):
therapy at the time and I saidI'm just so angry with him and
this, and I said he's a liar.
And she stopped me.
And she said you need to stopdoing that.
I said doing what?
God doesn't see him as a liar.
It stopped me in my tracks andshe said it stopped me in my
(35:16):
tracks and she said Tracy,that's pride, yeah.
And I said tell me more.
She says when you begin tospeak things negative over
another person and label them,that is pride, prideful, wow,
because God doesn't see thatperson like that.
It stopped me in my tracks.
(35:42):
And so, again, the Holy Spiritsaid I don't want you to say
anything negative.
And so I came up with astrategy with him and I use it
to this day.
My son, our relationship, ishealed and he is almost 29 years
(36:03):
old now, but what I starteddoing with him is I stopped
trying to tell him what to do.
Instead of this micromanagingmother, I became a coach, and
what coaches do is they askquestions, I said to my son.
So he would say Mom, what doyou think about me dropping that
class?
And I would say Hmm, have youprayed about it?
(36:25):
What did the Lord say?
What are your thoughts about it?
And so I would always say whatare your thoughts, because what
I realized that I was doing, Iwas thinking for him, that was
damaging him, I was hovering himtoo much, I wasn't allowing him
to grow up because I wastelling him what he needed to do
(36:47):
and what I thought and see whatI think is not necessarily
God's plan for him.
It's what has worked for me.
So God was like I need for youto just stop it.
Shut up, tracy, just hush.
And I remember it was during theseason where my son didn't talk
(37:11):
a lot because they were talkingfor him when he was little.
He's the baby, and so mydaughter very talkative.
He wants fairness and he wantsyou to translate for him.
I come along and I'm talkingfor him too.
But it was a season for him todevelop a voice and, as you, we
(37:31):
don't want to damage ourchildren by putting our purpose
and destiny and mission in lifeon them.
Yeah, and so it was many yearsof prayer, but this year has
been an amazing year for my son.
He's rededicated his life backto the Lord.
He is serving in the church,he's doing discipleship, he's
reading his word and it's whoaGod?
(37:52):
Exceedingly, abundantly, morethan I could ever think or
imagine.
And so not only did ourrelationship need to be healed,
but his relationship with theLord.
I don't think the two arereally separated.
You guys, I think that as wemove into a healthy relationship
(38:13):
with Jesus, that overflows inother ways, so it's not only be
still and know that I'm God.
It is shut up and know that I'mGod.
We've enjoyed talking with you,tracy, and I know that what you
have shared is going to impactso many people in their
(38:36):
relationships than have it.
Because you spoke to me thismorning, I'd love for you to
wrap us in prayer for those whoare feeling this way, because I
know a lot of us are feelingthis way.
I'm feeling this way, I'm sureLisa is feeling this way in
certain relationships.
We all have those struggles, sowould you mind praying for us?
(38:59):
Absolutely, father God.
We thank you for this time inorder to talk about a topic that
is so important to yourrelationship, so important that
you sent your son, jesus, to diea horrific death on the cross
so that we would be in rightrelationship with you and Lord.
(39:19):
We need your insight and wisdomon how to pursue relationships
that are healthy, lord, and evento heal from those
relationships that have damagedus.
Lord, we've tried, within ourown understanding and our
strength, to do things variousways, but we have failed.
(39:40):
They have not been sustainable.
So, really, what we need is adivine strategy from heaven,
lord, and I just pray that foreach listener, lord, that there
is a divine download from heavenon how they move forward with
each relationship that theydesire to heal.
(40:00):
Lord and Lord, that starts withus first.
So, god, I just pray that wewould even come to you, lord,
with a repentant heart and beginto heal those areas that are
broken, because they say thatdamaged people damage others,
hurt people hurt others.
So we need to get healed sothat we do not damage anyone
(40:25):
else, lord, and so we just thankyou.
I just pray a blessing overeveryone in Jesus' name, amen,
amen.
Well, something that just cameto me in prayer and I just want
to what about thoserelationships?
And I want to make sure that weaddress this, because I'm sure
there's somebody out theresaying I've done all that, I've
(40:46):
prayed, I've asked God to helpme figure out who I need to be.
That's different.
I've asked him to forgive me,to heal me?
What do I do if the otherperson is just not willing and I
really do believe that maybethis is just a word for someone
this morning, because I knowthat this has affected me before
I think it's okay to go topeople and say to them with all
(41:11):
sincerity, I would like thingsto be different for us, I would
like things to be redeemedbetween us and ask when you are
ready, would you be ready,Please, let's try to fix this.
Be ready, please, let's try tofix this.
(41:37):
And then, ultimately, if youhave done that and people still
do not want to reconcile orstill can't get to the place
where you are, then I think it'skey to ask God to heal our
hearts, but protect our heartsas we continue to remain open to
reconciliation.
That doesn't mean we allowourselves to be set up to be
hurt or abused or to just sit,but there is something to be
(42:01):
said for allowing the HolySpirit to keep your heart soft
and open to what he might do.
Should everybody be willing towalk in that?
Amen?
So good, so good.
Tracy, you have some amazingresources on your website.
You have coaching, you haveclasses.
(42:25):
Why don't you share a littlebit about those resources that
you have, besides this amazingbook Restored.
Everybody, get this Tracy GlassRestored.
God's promises to beautifullyrebuild you after divorce or
separation.
I'm sure everyone knows someonewho's going through that.
Tell us a little bit about theresources that you have on your
(42:47):
site and what you offer.
Okay, thank you, amber.
I have some free PDFs.
There are some reading kits onmy site.
Go to tracyglasscoachingdowncomand you can download them.
There's one in particular onfear that I would suggest that
everyone download.
But also I have a fewcommunities that I host.
(43:11):
The first is I host aseparation and divorce community
for women and actually my bookhere.
We use it as curriculum forthis particular community as
well as other things.
But we meet twice a month andthe focus of this community is
to move forward.
Focus of this community is tomove forward.
(43:33):
I recently had a conversationwith someone who had divorced 14
years ago and had not stillmoved forward, so we can be
stuck, and so that's onecommunity.
Another thing right now that isgoing on that is just impacting
so many is I'm facilitating aforgiveness workshop and it's
through my church and it's aseries that I highly recommend
(43:53):
everybody to walk through.
It is on YouTube and it's notsomething I created.
It's by let's see, if I havehis information Bruce Wilkinson,
and it's called 70 x 7.
Since we're talking aboutrelationships, it's about
forgiveness and I think that'ssomething that we can do to heal
relationships.
Maybe you want to invitesomebody to do this series with
(44:17):
you.
It is an eight-part series.
It is life-changing.
We're on we just finished sixseries, session six.
The testimonies of what iscoming out of this series is so
amazing, so I highly recommendthat to get that resource and
that will be beneficial to anyrelationship.
And then, lastly, I have acourse that's called Unstuck and
(44:43):
I do the course twice a yearand it's going to be starting in
January, so I'll make sure togive you the information.
But it's a course.
It's pre-recorded, but we meetonce a week in community and
we're just we're having realdiscussion about things like
relationships and how we moveforward, discover our purpose,
overcome fear and all the thingsthat we do with yes, and you
(45:07):
are also a one-on-one life coach, so people can go to your
website and schedule a freeconsult, absolutely Talking
through these kind of issues.
So you want to get there.
You want to go, because this isthe resource queen.
You'll also want to go to TracyGlass on Facebook.
(45:34):
This girl.
She has so much content, somuch wealth right there and just
so really need to connect.
And speaking of connection,lisa, do you have any final
wrapping thoughts of where wecan connect?
Yes, we can connect with you onleadingladieslife.
(45:57):
That's our website.
We also have a group page hereon Facebook.
We have an Etsy store.
If you would like to look intothe book Leading Ladies, look
(46:17):
into the book Leading Ladies.
We have this amazing workbooknow to go this.
We have some great plans comingup for the new year as well.
We're going to take some timeto fine tune that and get back
with you on those plans verysoon.
Yeah, and one of them includesa special Black Friday sale.
So you will want to look outbecause it's going to be an
amazing deal that we have goingon Amazing.
(46:39):
Thank you guys for being withus today.
And speaking of rivalry, mondayNight Football is coming up, so
are we going to get another theChiefs and another?
We're looking forward to that,although I don't have ES.
Another the Chiefs and another?
We're looking forward to that,although I don't have ESPN,
which stinks, it's okay, we'llmake sure I will text you this
for Tracy do you have a?
Do you have a sports team thatyou are?
(47:01):
Do you support a sports team?
We've pulled it against you.
The 49ers and the Warriors 49ersoh I'm sorry.
49ers and the Warriors 49ers ohI'm sorry.
Hey, what does that mean?
When they're playing together,the whole stadium is red.
Yes, that is so cool.
There's no greater rivalry thanfootball teams, right?
But I love how people hug atthe end of it, even though they
(47:26):
don't look like they're playing.
We're going to fight to thedeath, but afterwards, can I
have your jersey?
Not personal, right?
No, it's nothing.
Actually.
Going back to relationships,maybe that's something that we
need to adapt to, that exactly.
Thank you.
First of all, you poked me.
Today's like.
(47:46):
It's not going to solve whereyou are field.
I can break your arm on thefield and walk off and shake
your hand gently.
I'll even pray with you in theend zone before we break your
arm on the field and swapjerseys with you when it's all
over.
That's it.
That's another wrap for a greatPoppy Chat.
(48:07):
I'd love for you to walk over.
I'd love for you to jump overon our Apple podcast.
We're there, or wherever youget your podcasts.
We're up on YouTube.
Oh, we have such a.
We're up on Faithia, so you canget all our content there as
well.
So the Faithia app you downloadon your smart home Sorry, alexa
, Faithia F-A-I-T-H-I-A you canget all our content there and
(48:33):
until next time we'll see you.
Take care, Bye, bye.
Good morning everyone and welcome to another edition
of Coffee Chat with Amber and myco-author in crime, lisa Byrne.
Hello, hello, good morning all.
Today, actually, I'm being veryBritish in my serving of tea
and milk, and yeah, and then youput the milk in first and then
(00:24):
the teapot of PG tips Anon-supper.
So that's my drink of themorning.
What are you guys drinkingtoday?
I have a good old cup of coffeewith heavy cream, because why I
need it?
I need it, and this time myhusband did not give me a shot,
he gave me a full mug and forthat I asked the Lord to bless
(00:47):
him.
So, our great friend, leadinglady Tracy Glass, tell us what
you're drinking today.
Yes, hi, amber, okay, so I amdrinking decaf.
I'm going to be specific BarberPaisley With caramel, almond
(01:12):
creamer.
Oh, you're drinking hot water,flavored, flavored, no caffeine,
that's sugar-free flavor.
He's full sugar, full sugar.
Okay, you soaked a carmel inhot water, you know, like
(01:34):
literally maybe a tablespoon ora little bit more.
So it is my treat for the day.
It is, oh my gosh, oh my gosh,that's a treat.
Oh, wow, everybody put in thecomment section.
Do you believe decaf coffeeconstitutes as coffee?
We want to hear your response.
People would consider thosefighting words.
(01:57):
Amber, you're starting trouble,you're stirring the pot.
If you're a connoisseur ofcoffee, that there's different
types of coffee, yes, there is.
I love Pete's Coffee.
That is like the real coffee.
And, by the way, pete's Coffeewas founded in California
Berkeley, california, where it'snear me, but that is the best.
(02:18):
And you could get decaf coffee.
It's very strong flavorful.
But the problem that I washaving with Pete's Coffee is
that I was having an allergicreaction to it.
Oh, my goodness, oh, and I loveit, and so I had to.
I love Starbucks too, but myfavorite is Pete's because it's
just more flavorful.
Yeah, that would be horrible.
(02:39):
Yeah, an allergic reaction toyour favorite beverage.
I have Rosacea and everyone'slike well, you should not drink
anything hot.
I'm like I'm willing to dealwith pink cheeks for the drink.
The link will work For mycaffeine, I don't care, I'm
going to live life to thefullest and have blushed cheeks
(03:02):
doing it.
There you go, there you go.
We're having an excitingconversation today and, honestly
, we have a relationships girlon the line and knows all about
what it is and knows thatsometimes you need a cup of
coffee or tea to deal withpeople right.
(03:23):
It's a challenge in this age.
It's a challenge just to feellike you have connection with
people, let alone you can standpeople, especially with all the
hot political pants going up,and I didn't even know you had
the temper of this, but I thinkeverybody's finding out about
that as well as keeping with themoments.
(03:44):
Right.
Tracy this is her new book,restored God's in the Mimicry,
yes, and I would like to say Ilove this author, I love this
designer, and God's promise isto beautifully rebuild you after
divorce or separation.
I know some people right nowthat I want to be separated from
(04:08):
, and sometimes it's easy topush the delete button.
There are no shelters here.
Folks Never mind.
No, sometimes you can findpeople's posts so it doesn't
make seem like you're just like.
I love that Facebook.
Faith has taken a break fromthat friend now.
Sometimes you just need to.
(04:29):
You love them with the love ofGod, but you got to take.
You don't want to see whatthey're talking about right now.
Maybe if we all just take abreak through this next week I
know we're joking around a lotbut, as I said in the little
summary of what we're talkingabout this morning, we all have
experienced damagedrelationships and some of us
(04:54):
we'll just jump right into this.
We were talking about this justpre-show us as people of faith,
christ followers.
We don't like to admit that wehave these difficulties, because
that would be a number ofthings.
That would be confessing thatwe're human.
We might have ill feelingstowards someone.
(05:15):
That would be being transparentand vulnerable.
People might not see us asperfect or as the leader we want
to be, and the reality is thatrelationships can be dismantled
by the simplest of things and wecan carry those things in our
(05:36):
heart, and it can affect us notonly in that relationship but in
how we walk in otherrelationships.
It can keep us from thefullness of, maybe, what God
intended, and we all know thatthere's a spiritual aspect to
all of this too.
So, tracy, I'm so excited thatyou're here to talk to us
(05:57):
because I know you have wisdomto share with us.
Thank you for being with ustoday amidst our silliness.
Wow, it's always so fun to bewith us.
Thank you for being with ustoday, amidst our silliness.
It's always so fun to be withyou.
Tell us a little bit.
We want to be in community withpeople.
Why is it so stinking hardsometimes.
Yeah, great question, amber.
(06:19):
I think number one why it'shard is because of our
experiences from the past.
You know, it really starts inour childhood how we begin to
form relationships.
It goes back to therelationship that we had with
our parents.
Right, people don't like to gothere, but everything starts
(06:43):
when we were children.
Go there, but everything startswhen we were children, and so
our idea of relationships formwith how did I relate to my mom?
How did I relate?
And, unfortunately, as children,the awareness or the skills to
define that relationship untilwe start getting older, define
(07:08):
that relationship until we startgetting older.
And that's when we realize thatmaybe our parents were abusive
in some way, maybe theyneglected us in some way.
But it really starts there,amber, with how we define
relationships.
And then when we get in ourteenage years, that's when we
start liking a boy or liking agirl and at that age we do not
(07:29):
have a skill to hold a healthyrelationship.
It's selfishness, it's what'sin it for me.
And then when we get in ourteenage years, there's hurt that
happens in that relationshipBecause really we have this
expectation that a person knowshow to treat us and that's not
true.
And then, as it programsthrough relationships, we begin
(07:54):
to partner with people thatdamage us in some way Because of
our model, of how we have grownup.
In a relationship we feel like,oh, that's okay, okay, because
that's part of being in arelationship is that I'm going
to be negatively talked to,maybe they're going to walk away
(08:16):
, or whatever we've experienced.
It becomes almost a norm for us.
I know you said something to mea long time ago when we first
started working together yearsago.
Man, we've been together for along time.
I'm so glad that we're notdivorced, just be divorced.
I would never divorce you,divorce me, I would chase you
(08:39):
down.
But we're long, we're youngafter you, but long, long, long,
(09:09):
long, long, long, long, long,long, long, long, long, long,
long, long, long, long, long,long, long, long, long, long,
long, long, long, long, long,long, long, long, long, long,
long, long, long, long, long,long, long, long, long, long,
long, long, long, long, long,long, long, long, long, long
long.
Something you valued.
He stepped on that and all of asudden, oh my gosh, that
realization, oh, wow, he steppedon one of my values.
Tell us, sir, some of thesethings that people can step on
that actually put us into thatmode of separation or divorce.
(09:32):
Yeah yeah, thank you forbringing that up, amber, because
it's really important.
When I coach people, that's aquestion.
The first question I ask themis what do you value?
We come up with a list ofvalues, from values we can never
step on ourselves and neverallow others to step.
(09:53):
These are most important to usin life.
For example, family.
It's very important to me, andif someone tried to hurt my
family in some way, oh boy, mamabear, right, mama bear.
Another value I have is trust.
(10:13):
So if that value is stepped on,it's forest run forest for me,
and so we all have those.
And I think it's so importantfor us to become clear, very
clear of what our values, andwe'll notice that when our
relationships start to bedamaged, it's because one of
(10:35):
those values is being stepped onin some way.
We become aware of it.
It's like an aha moment Okay,this person is stepping on my
trust value, and then we can beable to communicate it.
We don't hide it, we don'tpretend, oh, everything's okay,
(10:55):
I don't just pray about it andtake it to the Lord, but I
actually communicate it.
I don't hide and I say Lisacommunicated.
I don't hide and I say, lisa,you are stepping on my trust
value.
That trust is very important tome and here's why it's
important to me.
(11:36):
And when you made that comment,it hurt me.
It hurt.
There's nothing wrong with youvocalizing that Best case
scenario.
This person values you enoughthat they will take that
information and internalize itand realize, okay, I want to
make this work.
Worst case scenario, it's notimportant to them to value you.
Why they walk away.
Then we're dealing with adifferent end result.
But if they really love youenough to recognize that they've
done that, you can work throughthis situation.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
(11:58):
That's a great point, lisa,because I believe if a person
walks away, that's a sign of adamaged or limped relationship.
I want to just close a littlebit and I know I've been pretty
open about communication betweenmy husband and I and things
that have bothered me.
And then I started asking okay,did you mean this?
(12:21):
The other day, his 30-pound dogthat's my husband ran down the
street and he saw me revving.
You can see the video.
I was like he saw me revvingand he was like in that moment I
was terrified.
He loves that dog and he toldme he said, amber, if anything
(12:45):
happened to my dog and he hadrun away, and it'd be something
that you did, I'd have a hardtime looking at you again and I
was like I am your wife.
Do you value me less than a dog?
But I heard that.
I heard that in my mind, yes,and I know these things can be
(13:09):
said and be non-consequential,but at that moment I had to say,
okay, wait then.
And even though we say thingsand he did it, but if I hadn't
resolved it there, that wouldhave been a moment that I would
be oh my gosh, if I ever Didn't.
You set the stage for walking onglass.
Yeah, because I was like value,where's the value?
(13:33):
Lie Me or dogs?
Right, and that's hard becausewe all have those moments in
marriage that we get to a pointwhere, like, something is said
and sometimes the person knowsthat we accept things or
communication as our way.
Sometimes they don't, but welet it lie when things hurt us
(13:56):
so bad or create an imprint.
I'm not saying that I wasdevastated, but it just shocked
me for a moment.
Not only was your husband'sneed uncovered that he values
his dog, but one of your needsor values is I need to be valued
.
You value your dog More or moreand, as I said, we all say
(14:23):
things like this and we're notthinking how it's being received
by others.
We're just thinking in thecrazy atmosphere of the moment.
And you talked a lot about fearand why that is a big separator.
It makes us not want to connectwith people, it makes us want
(14:47):
to ghost people, it makes usseize up when we have that idea
that we're going to run intothem in Walmart, in the church.
How do we deal with that?
Because I don't like to befearful in those interactions,
but you do.
How do you filter that?
Yeah, that's a great question,amber.
(15:09):
When somebody wounds us, we havetwo choices that we can.
I call it the slide.
We could go down a slide ofunforgiveness with that person.
You wounded me, I'm mad at you,I'm angry at you.
I'm going to isolate, I'm goingto retaliate in some way
(15:30):
against you.
I am going to isolate, I'mgoing to retaliate in some way
against you.
I am going to avoid you.
I'm going to slander youbecause of what you did to me,
and then it ends with anger andthen it ends with vengeance.
So we have to catch ourselves atthe womb, you hurt me, and at
that point we have to learn howto forgive, and forgive quickly
(15:54):
as Christians, because it's abiblical way of how we deal with
woundedness or when people hurtus, to forgive quickly.
And why do we do that?
Because God forgives us quickly.
So the whole grudges againstpeople, when I can go to God at
any time and ask for forgiveness.
(16:15):
He sent his son, jesus Christ,and gave us the ultimate gift of
forgiveness, right, right, wecreate our own model of what
we're going to do.
That's the way to begin to dealwith it, so that it doesn't go
down that slide of hurting.
But the other is to establishboundaries, because it doesn't
(16:39):
mean just because I forgive you,amber, it doesn't mean that I
stay in relationship with you.
That's right.
Something I was even thinking aswe're talking through this is,
as a Christian, someone whoadheres to following his
commandments and being love toothers, being an example to
others of who he is.
(17:01):
It behooves us to forgive, butnot everybody that we bump up
against, whether we're havingconflict with them or being hurt
by them.
Not everybody are we intimatewith, and I don't mean that
certain relationships just don'trank, but I do mean we don't
(17:24):
have to be as close with everyperson as we are perhaps your
husband, your spouse, a familymember, a parent, a sibling,
whatever and I think we have tolook at that relationship and
where that relationship is inthe circle that we consider
(17:47):
intimacy around us, and it helps, when it's one of those
relationships we are divinelyattached to, to reconcile that
situation and move forward.
Right, you mentioned somethingearlier about when we're
children.
(18:07):
We learn how to relate,basically with our parents, and
my mind went back, as youstarted talking about how we
start to interact with ourfriends, to what it was like to
be a middle school teenage girland want to be friends with the
people, the people that seem togarner the attention and for
whatever reason, even as adults,we put ourselves into sometimes
(18:32):
that same position wanting tobe in relationship with the
people the cheerleaders, themost popular, the prettiest girl
, whatever that looks like.
We have to recognize that Godgives us certain ordained
relationships that arenon-negotiables.
We need to figure out how towork through those moments.
(18:55):
Yeah, you know what I want tosay.
A scripture verse came across myphone that really ticked me off
this morning.
It's okay, get me to rememberFirst Corinthians 110.
I appeal to you, brothers andsisters, in the name of our Lord
Jesus Christ, that all of youagree with one another in what
(19:16):
you say and that there be nodivisions among you, but that
you be perfectly united in mindand thought.
I tell you what this isn'thappening with me, especially
not right now in the politicalclimate out there, especially
not right now in the politicalclimate out there.
It's so funny, amber.
I heard a story a couple weeksago from a friend that they were
(19:42):
talking about each other'spolitical preferences and so she
expressed hers to her friendand it was opposite of what hers
was.
And do you know?
That friend would not talk toher for three years.
Sounds extreme, right, butreally, if you think about it,
it was deeper than just herpolitical preference, right?
(20:07):
You would think it would haveto be right, stepping on values.
Do you think about it?
Yeah, I think that it was morewith.
Sometimes in relationshipspeople feel like you need to
agree with me.
I'm right.
I think it was more pride thanit.
I think that we are right nowso much right.
(20:28):
If you don't think, I thinkthen you're just plain stupid.
You don't understand what'sreally going on.
How could you have thosethoughts and I feel like we've
really thrown the baby out withthe bathwater when we look at
our relationships that way.
(20:48):
Relationships that way.
Yes, there's so much for me tolearn from you because you think
differently.
Yeah, because you don't partyour hair on the same side of
the head that I do.
Yeah, what are we to do?
(21:09):
You know what, tracy?
So many people saying you are,christians can't do this,
christians can't vote this way.
And it takes, it makes youlearn, it makes the fire and the
hair on the back of your neckstand up and the fire come
surrounding your ears and youjust I've had to take a break.
I like Facebook, take a break.
(21:29):
I like Facebook, take a break.
Friends, friends.
But at the same time, sometimesit's like I didn't know you
were like this and everythingseems hateful and I don't, you
don't know if you can even be inalignment with that.
What do you do with thosefeelings?
Yeah, I think this, amber, wehave to look at things so
(22:27):
differently.
We're looking at not only theelection, but there's other
things that we look at from aworldly point of view and not
spiritual, and we see in Matthew28 that Jesus gives us what our
commission is it's to go outand preach and teach and
(22:48):
disciple and baptize and tospread the gospel.
And teach and disciple andbaptize and to spread the gospel
.
The issue that I have with a lotof posts, or even just in this
season, is I don't hear people,christians, talking about the
gospel.
I don't see how their goal inlife, meaning what has God
(23:09):
called you to do?
What's your calling?
What is God called you to do?
What you're calling?
We should be talking more aboutJesus and saving souls and our
calling and purpose than theworld.
And so how do we do that like?
How can we do that if, justlike Amber was saying, you start
(23:29):
to get red around the ears andstart to get really?
How are we to effectively dothat?
We may not see the outcome thatwe want in life through all
sorts of situations, whetherthey be family-based,
politically-based, something atwork that we disagree about in a
system and how it's being run.
But the reality is, if wereally do believe in that
(23:53):
Matthew 28 commission and if wereally do want to walk in God's
love towards others, there hasto be a way to communicate those
things without casting stonesat other people.
There has to be a way, and Ibelieve he can give us that
(24:15):
creativity, he can give us thatheart for it.
But Amber was saying, whenyou're in the midst of the heat
of the emotion, you don't alwayshave the wherewithal to think
clearly that way.
Yeah, that's a great question,lisa.
What do we do with that?
We have to always be aware ofhow we're coming across, and
(24:40):
does it matter?
It does matter.
So, for example, if we noticethat we are pissing people off,
okay, for lack of.
Yeah, honestly, why can't Ikeep friendships?
Yeah, what is the challenge?
Let's just say it has to get toa point that it's not always
the other person yeah, as maturebelievers, to go to God and say
(25:04):
what is it within me?
That's right.
You have to examine ourselvesand really make the decision,
because I think here it is, lisa.
Do we want to be in rightrelationship or do I want to be
right?
Thank you, I just want to beright.
Okay, that circle myth in thepodcast, it's so true, literally
(25:27):
, that needs to be up on abillboard.
Do we want to be in rightrelationship or do we want to be
right?
Do we want to be in rightrelationship or do we want to be
right?
Do we want?
Because the reality is we allthink differently for a reason.
Yeah, we don't make anymistakes.
We don't make mistakes.
There are solid reasons for whymost of us believe the way we do
(25:47):
and, yes, some of us havewalked through a life of great
trauma and abuses that havecolored what we do and how.
But I'm talking about themature human being who's really
trying to get through life as aChrist follower, doing those
things that would be pleasing tohim to work out that great
(26:10):
commission.
Lead others to him by ourexample.
They will know we areChristians by what?
By how we love them, how weconduct ourselves.
We get to the point where wehave to make that decision.
It doesn't mean that you haveto think the way they think.
Bottom line, okay.
(26:31):
It all has to do with do youwant to be in right relationship
with someone or do you want tobe right?
And unfortunately, there will bepeople who will always choose I
want to be right or they havegreat fear of what it takes to
make themselves walk in a rightrelationship.
(26:52):
What does it mean when I'mwalking in a right relationship?
Does that mean I ignore my owntruth?
Does that mean they're right?
And I have to ask forforgiveness and I'm wrong.
I think that's something thatwe're afraid of.
How do we stay true to ourselvesand who god has called us to be
and not injure another person?
Yeah, and and that's a greatpoint, lisa, because I believe
(27:16):
this as Christians we should notbe wounding each other, but we
do it happens.
We shouldn't because let'sthink about it, before
pre-getting saved days, we werevery wounded, and when we come
to Christ, we are new creationand we're coming to get healed.
We're in a damaging relationwhere it's always rewounding us.
(27:42):
I was showing like a heart andrelationships can poke.
We're just poking at it.
It's holes in our heart.
Eventually, we have to say stop, our heart can't bleed anymore,
stop it.
And so we have to be very clearon who and what pokes my heart
(28:03):
and not make excuses for it,because people will say, oh, you
shouldn't get offended by that,or oh, that was just a joke,
but it poked me, and so it'sjust getting comfortable with
where we are in life and, honest, that hurt, yeah.
Yeah.
(28:24):
I think we have to admit toourselves that just when we are
righteous, we are made righteous.
It doesn't mean we are right,we are not right.
We are made right by Jesus'ssacrifice on the cross and the
(28:51):
thing about it is we are flawedpeople on a journey to look more
like Christ.
That's an excellent point,amber.
Yeah, you're right, becausewhen we come to Christ, our
spirit man say because we'respirit, soul and body, soul that
needs to be regenerated.
(29:12):
That's what we need to work on.
That's where our relationshipsare right there, and so we have
to continue to let the spiritman, that regenerated man, lead
and not our soul man.
The soul always wants to takecontrol, the soul always wants
to be first.
(29:32):
But when we allow the soul manto be first in our relationships
, we're going to step on people,we're going to hurt people.
I want to read just a scriptureor a couple of scriptures that
talk about unwholesome talk.
Ephesians 4.29 says do not letany unwholesome talk come out of
(29:55):
your mouths, but only what ishelpful for building others up
according to their needs, thatit may benefit those who listen.
This verse is reallyencouraging us to speak words of
life, not that we are to upliftpeople.
And then Proverbs 16, 24 saysgracious words are a honeycomb,
(30:19):
so we take the soul and healingto the bones.
And I love these scripturesbecause I think, innocently,
what we do to damage ourrelationships is how we talk to
people.
We talk to people any old way.
We say things that are not niceand people take it and all
we're doing is just poking themin their heart.
(30:41):
I mean, one day we realize whydid that friendship leave?
What betrayed me?
Why did I get rejected?
And so it starts there.
That is a way that we can beginto heal relationships is by
evaluating how am I talking tothat person?
(31:03):
Words of life or words of death?
Right?
It was funny, as we've all, asauthors, talked about.
We've all told our story, and Iknow that a lot of.
But one of the things that Iwas in a seminar with talking
about writing your memoir, whichis very much.
A lot of people like to writetheir story, but it shocked me
(31:27):
when she said learn to givehonor to the people in your
story who hurt you.
Wow, how do you do that?
That's a hard thing to do.
I always have to go back.
People can tease about thiswhole glass half full or half
(31:50):
empty thing.
I've been accused of being aglass half full person most of
my life.
Been accused of being a glasshalf full person most of my life
, but really I think as I becomean adult, as I've become an
adult and started to reallypinpoint what is it in me that
wants to go the optimistic route.
I have to say that scripturedoes lead us to a different
(32:11):
space, and specifically like 1Corinthians, when we look at
chapter 13,.
Of course, we talk about love,but I also always lean into that
scripture that says lovebelieves the best, hopes the
best, thinks the best.
This person may not look likethey even know what the best is
or that they know what love is,but if my motivation is to do
(32:37):
what I do, because I believethat love can be patient and
kind and then it honestly wantsto believe the best in that
other individual rather thanjust clinging to that this
person, there's nothing of valuein them.
We all have to look at thingsthat way.
It truly doesn't give up.
(32:57):
It doesn't truly doesn't giveup.
Love doesn't give up.
It doesn't lose faith, itdoesn't lose hope that things
can be different.
Our relationship can bedifferent and I think we have to
remind ourselves of that overand over again.
If he can redeem and reconcilewhat is lost and broken in me to
himself, so that I can haverelationship with him.
(33:20):
Then he can do that withanybody, with any situation, and
we have to cling to that hope.
So good, that's good.
I'm reminded of a story.
There was a season in my lifewhere my son and I we were not
on good terms and he had goneaway to college and it was
(33:43):
during a season where I was alsowalking through a divorce.
So it was just two majorepisodes of stress and emotional
, just craziness.
But anyway, he was making somenot so great decisions in his
life.
And I remember praying and asmothers we he's 18, 19 years old
(34:07):
we still see our children Idon't care what age they are, as
our children we do.
I was doing the mommy managingthing of trying to manage my
life, manage walking throughthis divorce and managing like
you need to stay focused inschool.
But it was becoming sostressful for me and our
relationship was strained.
(34:28):
But anyway, I remember prayingand asking the Lord what do I do
?
I love my son.
I don't want our relationshipto be even more damaged.
What do I need to do?
And you know what God told me.
He said I don't want you to sayanything negative to him.
And I remember talking to mytherapist because I was a
(34:52):
therapy at the time and I saidI'm just so angry with him and
this, and I said he's a liar.
And she stopped me.
And she said you need to stopdoing that.
I said doing what?
God doesn't see him as a liar.
It stopped me in my tracks andshe said it stopped me in my
(35:16):
tracks and she said Tracy,that's pride, yeah.
And I said tell me more.
She says when you begin tospeak things negative over
another person and label them,that is pride, prideful, wow,
because God doesn't see thatperson like that.
It stopped me in my tracks.
(35:42):
And so, again, the Holy Spiritsaid I don't want you to say
anything negative.
And so I came up with astrategy with him and I use it
to this day.
My son, our relationship, ishealed and he is almost 29 years
(36:03):
old now, but what I starteddoing with him is I stopped
trying to tell him what to do.
Instead of this micromanagingmother, I became a coach, and
what coaches do is they askquestions, I said to my son.
So he would say Mom, what doyou think about me dropping that
class?
And I would say Hmm, have youprayed about it?
(36:25):
What did the Lord say?
What are your thoughts about it?
And so I would always say whatare your thoughts, because what
I realized that I was doing, Iwas thinking for him, that was
damaging him, I was hovering himtoo much, I wasn't allowing him
to grow up because I wastelling him what he needed to do
(36:47):
and what I thought and see whatI think is not necessarily
God's plan for him.
It's what has worked for me.
So God was like I need for youto just stop it.
Shut up, tracy, just hush.
And I remember it was during theseason where my son didn't talk
(37:11):
a lot because they were talkingfor him when he was little.
He's the baby, and so mydaughter very talkative.
He wants fairness and he wantsyou to translate for him.
I come along and I'm talkingfor him too.
But it was a season for him todevelop a voice and, as you, we
(37:31):
don't want to damage ourchildren by putting our purpose
and destiny and mission in lifeon them.
Yeah, and so it was many yearsof prayer, but this year has
been an amazing year for my son.
He's rededicated his life backto the Lord.
He is serving in the church,he's doing discipleship, he's
reading his word and it's whoaGod?
(37:52):
Exceedingly, abundantly, morethan I could ever think or
imagine.
And so not only did ourrelationship need to be healed,
but his relationship with theLord.
I don't think the two arereally separated.
You guys, I think that as wemove into a healthy relationship
(38:13):
with Jesus, that overflows inother ways, so it's not only be
still and know that I'm God.
It is shut up and know that I'mGod.
We've enjoyed talking with you,tracy, and I know that what you
have shared is going to impactso many people in their
(38:36):
relationships than have it.
Because you spoke to me thismorning, I'd love for you to
wrap us in prayer for those whoare feeling this way, because I
know a lot of us are feelingthis way.
I'm feeling this way, I'm sureLisa is feeling this way in
certain relationships.
We all have those struggles, sowould you mind praying for us?
(38:59):
Absolutely, father God.
We thank you for this time inorder to talk about a topic that
is so important to yourrelationship, so important that
you sent your son, jesus, to diea horrific death on the cross
so that we would be in rightrelationship with you and Lord.
(39:19):
We need your insight and wisdomon how to pursue relationships
that are healthy, lord, and evento heal from those
relationships that have damagedus.
Lord, we've tried, within ourown understanding and our
strength, to do things variousways, but we have failed.
(39:40):
They have not been sustainable.
So, really, what we need is adivine strategy from heaven,
lord, and I just pray that foreach listener, lord, that there
is a divine download from heavenon how they move forward with
each relationship that theydesire to heal.
(40:00):
Lord and Lord, that starts withus first.
So, god, I just pray that wewould even come to you, lord,
with a repentant heart and beginto heal those areas that are
broken, because they say thatdamaged people damage others,
hurt people hurt others.
So we need to get healed sothat we do not damage anyone
(40:25):
else, lord, and so we just thankyou.
I just pray a blessing overeveryone in Jesus' name, amen,
amen.
Well, something that just cameto me in prayer and I just want
to what about thoserelationships?
And I want to make sure that weaddress this, because I'm sure
there's somebody out theresaying I've done all that, I've
(40:46):
prayed, I've asked God to helpme figure out who I need to be.
That's different.
I've asked him to forgive me,to heal me?
What do I do if the otherperson is just not willing and I
really do believe that maybethis is just a word for someone
this morning, because I knowthat this has affected me before
I think it's okay to go topeople and say to them with all
(41:11):
sincerity, I would like thingsto be different for us, I would
like things to be redeemedbetween us and ask when you are
ready, would you be ready,Please, let's try to fix this.
Be ready, please, let's try tofix this.
(41:37):
And then, ultimately, if youhave done that and people still
do not want to reconcile orstill can't get to the place
where you are, then I think it'skey to ask God to heal our
hearts, but protect our heartsas we continue to remain open to
reconciliation.
That doesn't mean we allowourselves to be set up to be
hurt or abused or to just sit,but there is something to be
(42:01):
said for allowing the HolySpirit to keep your heart soft
and open to what he might do.
Should everybody be willing towalk in that?
Amen?
So good, so good.
Tracy, you have some amazingresources on your website.
You have coaching, you haveclasses.
(42:25):
Why don't you share a littlebit about those resources that
you have, besides this amazingbook Restored.
Everybody, get this Tracy GlassRestored.
God's promises to beautifullyrebuild you after divorce or
separation.
I'm sure everyone knows someonewho's going through that.
Tell us a little bit about theresources that you have on your
(42:47):
site and what you offer.
Okay, thank you, amber.
I have some free PDFs.
There are some reading kits onmy site.
Go to tracyglasscoachingdowncomand you can download them.
There's one in particular onfear that I would suggest that
everyone download.
But also I have a fewcommunities that I host.
(43:11):
The first is I host aseparation and divorce community
for women and actually my bookhere.
We use it as curriculum forthis particular community as
well as other things.
But we meet twice a month andthe focus of this community is
to move forward.
Focus of this community is tomove forward.
(43:33):
I recently had a conversationwith someone who had divorced 14
years ago and had not stillmoved forward, so we can be
stuck, and so that's onecommunity.
Another thing right now that isgoing on that is just impacting
so many is I'm facilitating aforgiveness workshop and it's
through my church and it's aseries that I highly recommend
(43:53):
everybody to walk through.
It is on YouTube and it's notsomething I created.
It's by let's see, if I havehis information Bruce Wilkinson,
and it's called 70 x 7.
Since we're talking aboutrelationships, it's about
forgiveness and I think that'ssomething that we can do to heal
relationships.
Maybe you want to invitesomebody to do this series with
(44:17):
you.
It is an eight-part series.
It is life-changing.
We're on we just finished sixseries, session six.
The testimonies of what iscoming out of this series is so
amazing, so I highly recommendthat to get that resource and
that will be beneficial to anyrelationship.
And then, lastly, I have acourse that's called Unstuck and
(44:43):
I do the course twice a yearand it's going to be starting in
January, so I'll make sure togive you the information.
But it's a course.
It's pre-recorded, but we meetonce a week in community and
we're just we're having realdiscussion about things like
relationships and how we moveforward, discover our purpose,
overcome fear and all the thingsthat we do with yes, and you
(45:07):
are also a one-on-one life coach, so people can go to your
website and schedule a freeconsult, absolutely Talking
through these kind of issues.
So you want to get there.
You want to go, because this isthe resource queen.
You'll also want to go to TracyGlass on Facebook.
(45:34):
This girl.
She has so much content, somuch wealth right there and just
so really need to connect.
And speaking of connection,lisa, do you have any final
wrapping thoughts of where wecan connect?
Yes, we can connect with you onleadingladieslife.
(45:57):
That's our website.
We also have a group page hereon Facebook.
We have an Etsy store.
If you would like to look intothe book Leading Ladies, look
(46:17):
into the book Leading Ladies.
We have this amazing workbooknow to go this.
We have some great plans comingup for the new year as well.
We're going to take some timeto fine tune that and get back
with you on those plans verysoon.
Yeah, and one of them includesa special Black Friday sale.
So you will want to look outbecause it's going to be an
amazing deal that we have goingon Amazing.
(46:39):
Thank you guys for being withus today.
And speaking of rivalry, mondayNight Football is coming up, so
are we going to get another theChiefs and another?
We're looking forward to that,although I don't have ES.
Another the Chiefs and another?
We're looking forward to that,although I don't have ESPN,
which stinks, it's okay, we'llmake sure I will text you this
for Tracy do you have a?
Do you have a sports team thatyou are?
(47:01):
Do you support a sports team?
We've pulled it against you.
The 49ers and the Warriors 49ersoh I'm sorry.
49ers and the Warriors 49ers ohI'm sorry.
Hey, what does that mean?
When they're playing together,the whole stadium is red.
Yes, that is so cool.
There's no greater rivalry thanfootball teams, right?
But I love how people hug atthe end of it, even though they
(47:26):
don't look like they're playing.
We're going to fight to thedeath, but afterwards, can I
have your jersey?
Not personal, right?
No, it's nothing.
Actually.
Going back to relationships,maybe that's something that we
need to adapt to, that exactly.
Thank you.
First of all, you poked me.
Today's like.
(47:46):
It's not going to solve whereyou are field.
I can break your arm on thefield and walk off and shake
your hand gently.
I'll even pray with you in theend zone before we break your
arm on the field and swapjerseys with you when it's all
over.
That's it.
That's another wrap for a greatPoppy Chat.
(48:07):
I'd love for you to walk over.
I'd love for you to jump overon our Apple podcast.
We're there, or wherever youget your podcasts.
We're up on YouTube.
Oh, we have such a.
We're up on Faithia, so you canget all our content there as
well.
So the Faithia app you downloadon your smart home Sorry, alexa
, Faithia F-A-I-T-H-I-A you canget all our content there and
(48:33):
until next time we'll see you.
Take care, Bye, bye.
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