June 9, 2024 • 35 mins
Are your relationships aligned with your divine purpose? Join Amber & Lisa as they speak with Amazon bestselling author Dr. Velma Bagby (DrVelma.com) as she reveals eye-opening insights on choosing the right circle to propel you forward in God's calling. You'll learn powerful strategies for vetting potential mates and surrounding yourself with voices that sharpen your focus. Don't miss this candid conversation filled with wisdom for cultivating purpose-driven connections!
Chapter Markers:
1) From Career Woman to Relationship Mentor
2) Moving Beyond "High School Dating"
3) Vetting Potential Mates for the Right Reasons
4) Building a Wise Counsel for Important Decisions
5) Aligning Your Circle with Your Kingdom Purpose
Reflection Questions:
1) What relational "weights" may be hindering you from pursuing God's highest calling in this season?
2) How can you be more intentional about viewing relationships through the lens of divine purpose?
3) What qualities or intentions would you need to see in someone to consider them for a godly romantic relationship?
4) Who could you invite into a "wise counsel" to help guide major life decisions?
5) What steps can you take to surround yourself with voices that will sharpen you as an iron sharpens iron?
Thank you for taking the time to like, subscribe, share, and comment. Visit leadingladies.life to find out more. Also, follow @leadingladieslife on social. Amber & Lisa are authors of the multi-award-winning book, Leading Ladies: Discover Your God-Grown Strategy for Success, which dives into the power of community and empowering women of faith to rise up and make a difference, using our gifts and faith to shine brightly in the world. Watch the Facebook Live edition on our YouTube Channel @coffeechatladies .
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Good morning everyone and welcome to another coffee
chat with Amber and my co-authorin crime, lisa.
We are so happy to be with youtoday for a first coffee chat in
a while, and we have an amazinglady for you to meet today Dr
Velma Bagby, the love doctor.
(00:21):
Is that what I'm called thelove doctor?
I love Dr Velma.
We've gotten to know each othervery well and she is just a gem
in this world and a strong andpowerful woman of God, and she
(00:44):
has some great insights for us.
So I want to just tell you alittle bit about Dr Velma.
She is an author, but she is acounselor.
She inspires faith throughfiction.
A passionate storyteller, faithfor fiction.
The funny thing is a lot ofpeople, when they come to
romance, come to it in an ideaof fiction and they're having
(01:08):
faith that will be their truth.
So we are so thankful for youto be here, dr Velma, and you
have some very exciting books.
You just had a new book releasein the Catch series, basically
about what not to catch.
It's called the Book of Fools.
So, dr Velma, when did youfirst start getting the notion
(01:34):
that you would like to helppeople get it together in their
relationships?
Speaker 2 (01:40):
I think it was God that just led me to do that,
because I had just retired froma 38-year career as a deputy
administrator with the state ofCalifornia and I thought I'm
going to ride into the sunset,enjoy my retirement.
And God said no.
I've blessed you with along-term marriage.
I've blessed you withexperience.
I've blessed you with toolsthat you received while working
(02:04):
through ministry.
I've blessed you with all ofthat.
Now it's time to share thatwith others, and so during this
time, my husband was a pastorover at church for about 10
years, working with single women, having conversations with
singles even my own daughters.
My very first book wasnonfiction, based on
conversations with my owndaughters about men and God's
(02:26):
design for marriage.
All of that, god said.
I've been given and blessedthat it's like having
achievements and you keep it toyourself, or being blessed with
something and you never tellanybody or share with others how
you were able to achieve that.
That's what God told me to do.
And then when I looked in themirror and saw that Titus Dew
one and I'm going wait a minute.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
I'm her.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Now, how do I tell others?
And so I wanted to make sure itdidn't matter where you were on
the faith scale, where you wereon your belief, a meter you
could resonate.
The stories would resonate withyou because I wanted to weave
them.
The same way Jesus weaved theparables.
He approached people in theirnatural state, in the natural
(03:12):
environment, and he did not sayyou really need to get this done
because according to thisscripture.
No, he just simply told a story, weaved in the story, a way
that he could have somethingthat the person recognized or
could relate to, where they cansee themselves in it.
Not him tell them, this storyis about you, but he did it so
(03:33):
they could see themselves andthen, within the story, provided
them a way of escape or aredemption plan.
And at the end he didn't saynow make a choice, now is your.
No, he left it up to them tomake that decision.
So I said okay, god, let me tryfiction.
That way the meter is open toanyone no matter what faith
(03:54):
level it's open.
And so that's why I transferredfrom nonfiction originally
talking about relationships in anonfiction way to fiction, and
it really did reach people.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
Let me ask you a quick question about that
Because, in all honesty, all mylife I've been very much a
fiction reader.
I love fiction.
I love historical fiction.
This is just shop talk for abrief moment, but when it comes
to writing fiction, I think Ihave a great story.
How did you all of a suddenswitch gears and create a
(04:27):
storyline that pulled people in?
What did you do?
Did you have to take someclasses?
Were you just naturally astoryteller?
Speaker 2 (04:37):
I've been a creative person all my life.
I just didn't know this was onepart of my creativity.
I really.
I designed programs at church,I wrote skits, I did all kinds
of creative things, even in myrole as an administrator.
You have to be creative withhow you have to move people in a
direction that the departmentwants them to go to, create
(04:57):
training and develop coursesthat will help people get to
where they need to be All ofthat.
So when I got to this place,let me tell you, I wrestled with
it because I'm an ordainedminister too.
So our job and our training wasexpound on the scripture, not
your opinion, not what you think.
Expound solely on the scripture, so that the scripture speaks.
(05:19):
And I said, okay, god, how do Itransfer to this?
And one day one of my dearsisters she had a blog and I
occasionally go to her siteoccasionally went to her site
and she was writing about thefact that so many people in the
Christian community do not warmup to fiction.
So I appreciate what you saidLisa, so many because again it
(05:42):
goes back to expound upon thescripture.
Expound upon the scripture.
And she wrote a post saying ifthat's the case, what do you do
with all the 50, over 50parables?
Jesus wrote, what do you dowith that?
And so today that was where itwas those parables would fit.
And so when I read that, I said, okay, I'm free now.
(06:02):
I know what you want me to do.
Now help me to weave them.
And so I decided to use fishand the first thing I did was
call my brother who's an expertat fishing.
I simply said tell me the kindof fish you love catching.
And, boy, when he began todescribe, like the catfish, the
environment, a garbage fish sitsat the bottom, will not go
(06:25):
after bait, only sits in the mudand the dirt, waiting for
smelly dead things to fall nearthem to eat.
As he described them, each ofthem, I could see which guy that
would become.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
So that it would warn women about.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
okay, here are the things you want to be aware of.
So I call them red flags, redretreat extremely dangerous, and
so there's a reason God givesus warnings.
So we, throughout the series,were conversations about what
God says about the fool andfoolish behavior and why these
are warnings to us, so that wecould be aware of the type of
people, whether it's arelationship or whether it's a
(07:02):
friendship or business.
You want to be aware of whatthese people do, and so that's
how I got here.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
I love that and I love the fact that we started
this.
You just piqued my interestwhen you were saying I used to
do this.
Yeah, I was in charge of thiscreative.
A lot of times creatives getpulled into all sorts of
creative journeys and we don'tthink of about it, that we just
realize oh, this is somethingfor me to do and we don't
(07:29):
recognize it takes creativethoughts and process that I
believe the Holy Spirit gives uswith to pull off all those
different hats that we wear andto do all those jobs, and I'm
one of those people.
So when you said that, I waslike how did you get from here
to here?
I want to know that.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
So thank you so much for expanding upon that.
It took some time to find myvoice because I spoke in a
corporate voice.
I understood the language of myjob and how to frame what I
have to write and when I steppedaway from it, okay, I had to
discover my own voice.
I had to find out what is it Ineeded to say and how do I say
it.
So it took me some time tofigure that out, and also the
(08:08):
approach to writing.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
I'm not an outliner.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
A lot of people tell you to do that.
It took me some time to studydifferent kinds of approaches to
writing and I discovered mystyle.
It's called the jigsaw method.
Wow, you create, I write and Icreate whatever's on my mind.
That day I don't have anoutline, and then the next day
I'm writing and creating anotherpiece.
By the time you get all yourpieces together, like the puzzle
(08:34):
, then you put it together, thenI can see the outline, then I
can see the chapters, then I canstart putting in the things
that will help each chapter toflow.
And so, once I discovered allof that, set me free.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
I'm going to have to learn more about the jigsaw
puzzle.
You're going to have to talk tome about that another time.
We're so happy to have you here.
You're someone that I've beenstalking on social media when
Amber first pulled me into thiscircle many years ago.
I've met such amazing women,but through the years, as these
(09:10):
women start to interact and then, before I knew it, I was
involved, getting to interactwith some of them you have stood
out just watching you from adistance as someone who has just
pursued God's calling andpurpose.
And that brings us to our topictoday, which it seems like
that's where we always end up.
That's what we've been aboutwith our Leading Ladies book how
(09:32):
do we find our purpose and walkin it.
But better yet, you talk aboutrelationships.
You talk about finding thoserelationships that will help you
continue in purpose, and you doso with fiction, right, but
it's also a good lesson for usin everyday life.
(09:52):
We want to talk to you aboutsome of those things that help
you find those people oflike-mindedness that will run
with you I love it With you invision and purpose.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I love it, cause when you said, when you realize I'm
a Titus two woman and coming tothat realization I connected
with what my mom had said to mefor a long time was God hasn't
brought you through so much foryou to keep quiet about it, and
that was so telling to me.
(10:27):
Part of my story, which I'mvery transparent about, is
learning the God's way bywalking through some hard things
, yes, but you are more.
Let's think about these hardthings before and see how we can
(10:48):
start right.
So how did that even connectyou to relationships and how
that affected purpose?
Speaker 2 (10:57):
I think part of it is because I'm a child of the 60s
and we were prepared differently.
I said we were prepareddifferently.
I said we were prepareddifferently.
What we had available to us,even in high school, was totally
different than what we seetoday.
We were more seasoned andwell-prepared and really more
(11:17):
wiser than our peers today, atthe same age that we were in the
60s.
In high school, I had financialliteracy, how to manage your
checkbook and how to manage yourmoney.
I had classes on how to raiseyour children, how to prepare
your household, how to cook, howto sew, how to do life skills
(11:37):
were there for us, all of thethings that we need, whether for
business or moving on beyondschool.
We had that, and so they pouredinto us very early.
I was 16 when my Bible teacherat the church said okay,
everybody, let's write yourhusband to be prayerless.
I'm going husband to be, I'mjust trying to get my grades
(11:58):
together so I can graduate.
And at 16, and when I look atthe wisdom of that, yeah, we
could write the husband to beprayerless back then.
But because we were pretty muchready by the time we left high
school, if that's what we choseto do.
And so I realized that a lot ofthat teaching and training, a
(12:18):
lot of the makeup of the family,dynamics have changed, where
the father used to be the one tovet the person coming into your
life.
So now I've created what I calla wise counsel.
Get yourself a core group ofpeople who can help you vet him.
So we still have some of thesame tools, it's just that we're
not talking about it anymore.
And I said I think I need totalk about it, I need to share
(12:39):
these tips so that others canbenefit from them, and so that's
why I do what I do.
And then I said it's likehaving your key ring.
God says that he's given us thekeys to the kingdom, but we
have other keys and you havethose keys on your key ring,
those keys that you don't knowwhat it goes to, what it unlocks
, and so sometimes the blueprintis sitting right there in front
(13:00):
of us, is on your key ring.
You just have to know that it'sthere and know how to use it
and apply it to your life.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
There are a lot of people and I'm just going to
briefly touch on this topic, butright now it's a kind of a hot
topic when it comes to and Ihave to say, one of my dear
Chiefs players, mr HarrisonButker, took us into the
headlines the past couple ofweeks when he gave a speech,
(13:27):
headlines the past couple ofweeks when he gave a speech
concerning women and home lifeand career, and how do you feel
about that topic?
How does that strike you?
Because here you are a verysuccessful woman, you have
degrees, you have accolades.
Obviously, what you just spokeon was the content of women
learning how to be wives,learning how to be homemakers,
(13:50):
taking care of their own bills.
What would you say to thattopic?
And I'm not trying to bashHarrison, because I believe he
was talking to a specificaudience who was very open to
his conversation, and we knowthat headlines can take things
out of context.
But right now, as you writethese books of fiction, how do
you meld those together?
(14:11):
Because we're a circle of womenwho very much believe in a both
concept God can create you tobe a homemaker and a wife and a
spouse and a mother, and alsointelligent, wise about business
able to bring money into thehousehold.
What do you say to those womenthat are struggling in those
(14:31):
realms right now?
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Let me just say that when my husband and I first got
married, we were turning 20 thatyear and I remember my husband
being laid off two weeks beforethe wedding and my mother came
to me and says, do you want tocall it off?
I said, why would I call it off?
It's not his fault that hedoesn't have a job.
I was already into my careerwith the state of California and
we went on and got married andI tell the story about
(14:55):
conditions versuscharacteristics of a person that
you're considering as your maid.
And I say that's a conditionbecause some women won't even
consider a man if they're notmaking a certain amount of money
or he doesn't have a certainkind of career because she has.
And I said that's a condition.
Let me explain.
Conditions change over time.
Conditions can flip.
(15:15):
You could be making the moneyand then it could flip and
you're not making any money, buthe's making money.
So we have to make sure that wenot do that.
That's a condition.
So when I went, when I marriedmy husband, I found what it
helped me to discover about himhe believed in his role as a
husband, despite the fact that Ihad a career.
(15:36):
So he had to, in his mind, goget a job.
He had to, in his mind, makesure he was helping to provide
for the household, and so thathappened.
Mind, make sure he was helpingto provide for the household,
and so that happened.
And within five years myhusband far exceeded my income
and stayed at that level for therest of until he retired.
So I'm saying that those thingsdon't matter.
(15:57):
And what I and also to yourpoint, lisa I tell women I had
the responsibility of overseeingmultimillion dollar budget.
I had over 100 employees and 10field offices, employment
offices, what we used to callthem, because I worked for EDD.
You know that name and I wasthat when I was at work.
(16:19):
I said but when I came home Iwas just Bruce's wife.
I came home to check to see ifthe crock pot was ready, because
I put my meal on, because I hada woman ask me how do you
manage?
I said, girl, do you have allthe tools?
Get the crock pot, get thethings, put it out the night
before.
You can get that meal startedby the time you got home.
All you have to do is add a fewtrimmings.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
I told Amber that for years she was the one who
encouraged me to buy the crockpot.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
You should have seen the light bulb go off in her
head when I said crock pot, Ihad the crock pot, I had the
pressure cooker if I wanted abig roast.
So you have to.
So when I was at work and Iwalked in the door, I was not
the deputy, the supervisor, Iwas just Bruce's wife, and so I
came home and so we do what wedo in the household out of love,
(17:11):
and I don't get this mentalitythat, well, I can't.
No, he does some wonderful,simple things for me in love too
, but I do it because I love myhusband, I love my children, I
love my household.
I wanted everybody to have agood meal.
That was me sharing my love mychildren, I love my household.
I wanted everybody to have agood meal.
That was me sharing my lovewith them, and so that's what's
important.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
And I think that the one of the things that I love
with Philip and I life has neverbeen flowers, all flowers and
sausages.
That's just natural.
We've walked through some veryfiery times that could have
broken our marriage very badlyand the one thing that we do is
we've learned to.
(17:51):
We've learned to appreciateeach other, operating in the
giftings we work in best, andit's not a male, female thing,
it is a partnership thing thing.
You do this because you do itbest.
I will do this because I do itbest.
(18:12):
I am a messy.
I am a messy.
You talk about the person thatyou think that's leaving the
dirty socks on the floor.
I am that person everyone's.
Oh, my husband always leavesthis and this up.
No, my husband actually triesto put things in their place
because he's legally blind andhe has problems if things aren't
in his places.
(18:32):
But he's also learned tounderstand the areas.
I don't work in my best and tryto support that and I just love
that and I think that's what wethink about.
I've re reimagined.
It's not a partnership roles,it's a.
(18:53):
It's not male, female, it isoperating in your giftings in
the best way to compliment eachother For your household.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
For your household, and some of those giftings line
up traditionally.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
And some of them don't, and that's all right, yes
, I call it the lcw leave,cleave and weave.
Now how we weave it, how weweave together and become one,
is based on what we bring to thetable and you said it all right
there, amber what we bring tothe table.
Now keep in keep in mind that Iwas managing multimillion
dollar budget.
(19:29):
But my husband says let memanage the money.
I said, sure, and he does agreat job.
It does not matter what we do,as long as we're weaving
together, making it work,figuring out what you have to
bring to the table, what he hasto bring to the table, and make
it work for your household.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:50):
Okay, thanks for going there with me for just a
second.
Let's go back to this topicwithin your writing and the
things that you've been sharingabout just how do you find those
people to run with?
And I also want to get to.
How do you become the peoplethat someone would want to run
with, someone that would feelbuilt up in in pursuing God's
(20:14):
purpose?
Speaker 2 (20:16):
In the beginning for me, the only people I had to run
with was my husband and my twoadult daughters.
It was my two adult daughterswho encouraged me to write in
the very beginning Because,remember, I retired and that was
it for me.
I did a lot of writing.
I just thought that was my timeto ride off into the sunset and
enjoy what I've accomplished.
(20:37):
But God said no, and it was myadult daughters who came back.
Now, keep in mind, we've hadconversations about men in
marriage before, but theconversation was different this
time.
This time it was their questionwas Mom, why are men so slow?
So we got into the dynamics ofdiscovering who that person
might be for you, and I feltthat, because they were both
(21:00):
registered nurses, I had to goback and do a deep dive myself
into the scripture to make sureI understood, and I actually
discovered some things I hadn'tseen before, because we're
really quick to create theseshort references that are really
not scriptural.
Rib came from Eve's side?
No, it did not.
If you Google and find out howmany people have more than 24
(21:21):
ribs, you'll find out where thatextra rib is.
God sometimes leaves us cluesfor us to know what he did.
And it was not in the side,it's around the neck, the extra
rib.
So if the rib is designed toprotect the organs, why would he
pull it away from there?
So it made sense.
The clue he left for us washere.
And so when you think in termsof that, I just felt that in the
(21:45):
beginning I wasn't sure.
In the beginning I didn't feellike the writing world was as
warm and friendly and fuzzy as Ithought it would be.
Among the Christian communitywe have that fellowship and all
of that.
But in the writing world it wasvery challenging to find people
who would walk with you andhelp you along the way.
So it took some time.
(22:06):
But I do know that, as I takethe approach, the book of fools
resonated always in my life, andthat is to wait and see who God
causes to cross my path anddetermine what was their purpose
of crossing my path and not totake it for advantage but pay
attention to why God allowed itto happen.
And so he slowly began to causepeople to cross my path.
(22:28):
That will help me along the way, and so that's what helped me.
But my foundational support wasmy husband and my two daughters
, who inspired and encouraged me, mom.
More of our friends want to knowmore, and so that was the
reason I wrote it.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Yeah, I know, in relationships that I've had with
women and women who I knew Ihad to purposely go out of my
way to connect with, because Ifelt God was building me up and
growing my circle and gave me adesire to grow my circle beyond
(23:09):
those who were in my immediatespace, and one of those things
was I realized I had a verywhite circle.
That wasn't intentional and Ijust I'm not trying to.
I just say sometimes we need togo and look for people that God
has called us to alignourselves with in a way that we
(23:35):
walk with the fullness ofunderstanding who he is building
in us and who he's talking andhelping us, and that's one of
the beautiful things I thinkthat we can take away as far as
partnerships is.
Our partnerships are the peoplewe're supposed to align with
(23:56):
aren't the people that allnecessarily have, are in our
immediate vicinity or areexactly like us.
We need people alongside ofourselves that are capable of
shaping us with some friction,to help us to learn and grow,
(24:18):
and I think that'scharacteristics of all
profession spiritual growth.
And lisa said something in ourpre-conference show conference
that she was like um, if we wereall, if we were all alone.
If it was just you and god,where would we?
Where would growth happen?
Where?
Speaker 3 (24:37):
and that the necessity for relationship he
was intentional about placing usin the midst of all sorts of
other people.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Yeah, he did that on purpose.
Absolutely I just look forJesus.
In whatever I do I establish arelationship.
Even in business, in my writingbusiness, I have to establish a
relationship with that person.
Some people may have consideredme an introvert growing up but
so much of what I had to do, itpushed me out of it to be more
(25:11):
bold and more vocal.
But I tried in everything toget to know the person, because
I want to see Jesus somewhere inthere, because that's going to
tell me why they're in thisvicinity.
And then I want to know fromGod what is their purpose?
Why did you bring them in?
What is their purpose of cominginto my life?
(25:37):
And I don't want to put a faceon who that person might look
like.
If they don't look like me,that's fine.
As long as I recognize Jesus inthe midst of it, then I'm okay.
And so I think that's importantwhat you said, amber, otherwise
, and so I think that'simportant what you said, amber,
otherwise, you and I would nothave ever been sisters from
another.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Yes, it is so funny because sometimes we pray for
either our special somebody, butwe don't pray necessarily for
the friends that come into ourlives.
God guide me to the rightpeople.
God guide me to the sharpenedthe iron sharpens iron, because
in the, at the end of the day,that's what we should be praying
(26:15):
about everyone in our lives,not just the future of our
spouse, and I know we only havea few minutes left.
Yes, I know it's crazy, but canyou just I would really love
just to give a couple, maybe twoor three points that you would
love to share.
What are some keys that yougive people in how they should
choose relationships?
Speaker 2 (26:35):
The first thing I say is get rid of high school
dating, the high school methodof dating that we use across the
world for many years.
It's only just a couple ofhundred years old.
Go back to the blueprint thatGod has given you If you are
serious about marriage.
Scripture only talks aboutmeeting a person to marry.
So we change the strategy tobeing more intentional.
(26:57):
I'm only meeting people so thatI can discover who my lifelong
mate is.
So it's dating for marriage now, which is what the scripture
tells us.
So if you put away the highschool dating, it's not about
giggly and oh yeah, he's nicelooking, oh yeah, he has a nice
job.
No, those are conditions.
You want to look at the core,and the catch stands for
(27:19):
Christlike characteristics atthe core of his heart.
So that's what the catch phrasestands for the right catch.
So that's what the catch phrasestands for the right catch,
christ-like attributes, I'msorry, at the core of his heart.
You want to examine the heartof the person, but even before
meeting him and asking the rightquestions, do a
(27:41):
self-examination.
Are you really really ready?
And I always remind them ofwhat Paul says about laying
aside every weight and sin.
He separated weights from sin,because some of the weights are
not sinful, but you're carryingthem around and you shouldn't,
because it can get in the way ofyour discovering who you God
would have you to meet.
So the first thing isself-examination.
(28:03):
Make sure you are prepared forhim.
Make sure you're ready.
You have all the hurt from thepast because the current high
school dating method.
It leaves so many people broken.
Because you have met so manypeople, you've been disappointed
by some, you've been hurt bysome.
All of that injury you have tolay it aside so that you're not
(28:23):
that rotten apple in a bowl ofwonderful, beautiful apples
sitting there ready to be eaten,because if you got a rotten
spot, eventually that appleyou're next to is going to get
the rotten spot too.
So my grandmother says Godwould not give you a broken
glass to break, to cut your lip.
So if you're that broken glass,you need to fix what's broken.
(28:46):
It's not fair for you topresent something, some
brokenness, to your new mate.
So you want to examine yourself.
You do also want to make surethat when you begin interacting
with the person, that you'reasking the right questions about
him, about his purpose.
What's your purpose in datingme?
What's important.
What?
Why do you want to talk to me?
(29:06):
And he better say somethingthat's really credible.
Because if he comes out with,oh, because you're so beautiful,
then okay, it's time to move on.
Or I'm really hoping to find mywife Now.
Whether you're that person ornot, he at least have to have
some.
There should be some indicatorthat he has the same goal in
(29:26):
mind as you.
I'm just looking to have fun,then okay.
Then that tells you, scratchoff the list, if God has given.
Here's another key.
God says the number 40 is thenumber for tests and trials.
It doesn't take him two yearsto figure out whether or not
you're the one.
He has 40 days to make thatclear.
There has to be something saidthat we're both looking for the
same thing.
Even though we may not be thematch yet, at least we're
(29:51):
exploring that as an option.
So those are a few things Idon't want to take up.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
I want to ask one last thing, though, about that,
because I also believe thatyou're right.
People come across our path fora reason, and we're trying to
balance this.
We're talking about spouses,but we're also thrown out here
as a believer, as a Christfollower.
How do we even align ourselveswith that inner circle that
helps drive us forward inpurpose?
(30:18):
You do it in a way that willhopefully push that person to
finding themselves in purposewith God.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
At some point you're making it clear what your
intentions are, so they shouldbe clear about what your goal is
.
I'm just here because I'mhoping I can discover who that
person God has for me as mylifelong mate At some point.
That and that doesn't take days, that can even be in the
initial conversation.
I'm even proposing that many ofthe questions we wait to ask
after we're engaged thosequestions you ask to someone
(31:00):
you're engaged, some of thosequestions have to move forward
and be a part of the datingprocess, because that's how
serious it is out there with thepeople that you have to deal
with, and so that would be mystatement, lisa.
And then that circle should bepeople that you value.
It may be a representative atyour church, it could be a
seasoned woman in your family orsomeone in your life, someone
(31:24):
who knows that road, who hasbeen married all of that A core
group of people, but definitelynot all single women, because
they're looking too and somaking sure you have a wise
counsel, because that can helpyou vet that person, and I think
that's going to be, I love that, yeah, and Dr Velma, we are
definitely going to have youcome back on.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
You guys are so sweet .
We really want to, but couldyou just close this out in a
quick word of prayer and justclose out our time today and we
definitely just need to have youback to chat with us, chat with
you for another hour or so.
I appreciate you guys having me.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
I really do.
I've had fun, and thank you allfor showing me the love today.
Father, we just thank you.
We I've had fun and thank youall for showing me the love
today.
Father, we just thank you, wejust thank you.
I just feel your presence, god,that you ordained this day and
this moment.
When all the things thatchallenged us, god, we knew it
had to be something great on theother side and you made it
great in this conversation.
I thank you for Lisa and Amberopening up their hearts to me
(32:25):
today to come and join them.
God, I pray that you pour out,lord, god, your blessings upon
them both, god, that the lightin them will shine so bright
that they won't have to open uptheir mouths to tell them, tell
anybody who they belong to.
It will automatically be seen.
I pray for their lives, theirmarriages, I pray that you
(32:46):
continue to bless their ministryand we just ask you to continue
to guide and direct our path aswe move forward In Jesus'
precious name, amen, amen.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
I don't want you guys to leave this without knowing
Dr Velma.
You can connect with her atdrvelmacom or drvelmabagbycom
Very quick, and then all herresources, her shop and even a
card game is there Exciting.
We got to rip open that.
Thank you, dr Velma, forjoining us.
(33:17):
You will be back and we will beback, ladies, for another
episode of Coffee Chat.
Take care, and God bless you.
God bless you all.
Bye-bye, take care.
Good morning everyone and welcome to another coffee
chat with Amber and my co-authorin crime, lisa.
We are so happy to be with youtoday for a first coffee chat in
a while, and we have an amazinglady for you to meet today Dr
Velma Bagby, the love doctor.
(00:21):
Is that what I'm called thelove doctor?
I love Dr Velma.
We've gotten to know each othervery well and she is just a gem
in this world and a strong andpowerful woman of God, and she
(00:44):
has some great insights for us.
So I want to just tell you alittle bit about Dr Velma.
She is an author, but she is acounselor.
She inspires faith throughfiction.
A passionate storyteller, faithfor fiction.
The funny thing is a lot ofpeople, when they come to
romance, come to it in an ideaof fiction and they're having
(01:08):
faith that will be their truth.
So we are so thankful for youto be here, dr Velma, and you
have some very exciting books.
You just had a new book releasein the Catch series, basically
about what not to catch.
It's called the Book of Fools.
So, dr Velma, when did youfirst start getting the notion
(01:34):
that you would like to helppeople get it together in their
relationships?
Speaker 2 (01:40):
I think it was God that just led me to do that,
because I had just retired froma 38-year career as a deputy
administrator with the state ofCalifornia and I thought I'm
going to ride into the sunset,enjoy my retirement.
And God said no.
I've blessed you with along-term marriage.
I've blessed you withexperience.
I've blessed you with toolsthat you received while working
(02:04):
through ministry.
I've blessed you with all ofthat.
Now it's time to share thatwith others, and so during this
time, my husband was a pastorover at church for about 10
years, working with single women, having conversations with
singles even my own daughters.
My very first book wasnonfiction, based on
conversations with my owndaughters about men and God's
(02:26):
design for marriage.
All of that, god said.
I've been given and blessedthat it's like having
achievements and you keep it toyourself, or being blessed with
something and you never tellanybody or share with others how
you were able to achieve that.
That's what God told me to do.
And then when I looked in themirror and saw that Titus Dew
one and I'm going wait a minute.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
I'm her.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Now, how do I tell others?
And so I wanted to make sure itdidn't matter where you were on
the faith scale, where you wereon your belief, a meter you
could resonate.
The stories would resonate withyou because I wanted to weave
them.
The same way Jesus weaved theparables.
He approached people in theirnatural state, in the natural
(03:12):
environment, and he did not sayyou really need to get this done
because according to thisscripture.
No, he just simply told a story, weaved in the story, a way
that he could have somethingthat the person recognized or
could relate to, where they cansee themselves in it.
Not him tell them, this storyis about you, but he did it so
(03:33):
they could see themselves andthen, within the story, provided
them a way of escape or aredemption plan.
And at the end he didn't saynow make a choice, now is your.
No, he left it up to them tomake that decision.
So I said okay, god, let me tryfiction.
That way the meter is open toanyone no matter what faith
(03:54):
level it's open.
And so that's why I transferredfrom nonfiction originally
talking about relationships in anonfiction way to fiction, and
it really did reach people.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
Let me ask you a quick question about that
Because, in all honesty, all mylife I've been very much a
fiction reader.
I love fiction.
I love historical fiction.
This is just shop talk for abrief moment, but when it comes
to writing fiction, I think Ihave a great story.
How did you all of a suddenswitch gears and create a
(04:27):
storyline that pulled people in?
What did you do?
Did you have to take someclasses?
Were you just naturally astoryteller?
Speaker 2 (04:37):
I've been a creative person all my life.
I just didn't know this was onepart of my creativity.
I really.
I designed programs at church,I wrote skits, I did all kinds
of creative things, even in myrole as an administrator.
You have to be creative withhow you have to move people in a
direction that the departmentwants them to go to, create
(04:57):
training and develop coursesthat will help people get to
where they need to be All ofthat.
So when I got to this place,let me tell you, I wrestled with
it because I'm an ordainedminister too.
So our job and our training wasexpound on the scripture, not
your opinion, not what you think.
Expound solely on the scripture, so that the scripture speaks.
(05:19):
And I said, okay, god, how do Itransfer to this?
And one day one of my dearsisters she had a blog and I
occasionally go to her siteoccasionally went to her site
and she was writing about thefact that so many people in the
Christian community do not warmup to fiction.
So I appreciate what you saidLisa, so many because again it
(05:42):
goes back to expound upon thescripture.
Expound upon the scripture.
And she wrote a post saying ifthat's the case, what do you do
with all the 50, over 50parables?
Jesus wrote, what do you dowith that?
And so today that was where itwas those parables would fit.
And so when I read that, I said, okay, I'm free now.
(06:02):
I know what you want me to do.
Now help me to weave them.
And so I decided to use fishand the first thing I did was
call my brother who's an expertat fishing.
I simply said tell me the kindof fish you love catching.
And, boy, when he began todescribe, like the catfish, the
environment, a garbage fish sitsat the bottom, will not go
(06:25):
after bait, only sits in the mudand the dirt, waiting for
smelly dead things to fall nearthem to eat.
As he described them, each ofthem, I could see which guy that
would become.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
So that it would warn women about.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
okay, here are the things you want to be aware of.
So I call them red flags, redretreat extremely dangerous, and
so there's a reason God givesus warnings.
So we, throughout the series,were conversations about what
God says about the fool andfoolish behavior and why these
are warnings to us, so that wecould be aware of the type of
people, whether it's arelationship or whether it's a
(07:02):
friendship or business.
You want to be aware of whatthese people do, and so that's
how I got here.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
I love that and I love the fact that we started
this.
You just piqued my interestwhen you were saying I used to
do this.
Yeah, I was in charge of thiscreative.
A lot of times creatives getpulled into all sorts of
creative journeys and we don'tthink of about it, that we just
realize oh, this is somethingfor me to do and we don't
(07:29):
recognize it takes creativethoughts and process that I
believe the Holy Spirit gives uswith to pull off all those
different hats that we wear andto do all those jobs, and I'm
one of those people.
So when you said that, I waslike how did you get from here
to here?
I want to know that.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
So thank you so much for expanding upon that.
It took some time to find myvoice because I spoke in a
corporate voice.
I understood the language of myjob and how to frame what I
have to write and when I steppedaway from it, okay, I had to
discover my own voice.
I had to find out what is it Ineeded to say and how do I say
it.
So it took me some time tofigure that out, and also the
(08:08):
approach to writing.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
I'm not an outliner.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
A lot of people tell you to do that.
It took me some time to studydifferent kinds of approaches to
writing and I discovered mystyle.
It's called the jigsaw method.
Wow, you create, I write and Icreate whatever's on my mind.
That day I don't have anoutline, and then the next day
I'm writing and creating anotherpiece.
By the time you get all yourpieces together, like the puzzle
(08:34):
, then you put it together, thenI can see the outline, then I
can see the chapters, then I canstart putting in the things
that will help each chapter toflow.
And so, once I discovered allof that, set me free.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
I'm going to have to learn more about the jigsaw
puzzle.
You're going to have to talk tome about that another time.
We're so happy to have you here.
You're someone that I've beenstalking on social media when
Amber first pulled me into thiscircle many years ago.
I've met such amazing women,but through the years, as these
(09:10):
women start to interact and then, before I knew it, I was
involved, getting to interactwith some of them you have stood
out just watching you from adistance as someone who has just
pursued God's calling andpurpose.
And that brings us to our topictoday, which it seems like
that's where we always end up.
That's what we've been aboutwith our Leading Ladies book how
(09:32):
do we find our purpose and walkin it.
But better yet, you talk aboutrelationships.
You talk about finding thoserelationships that will help you
continue in purpose, and you doso with fiction, right, but
it's also a good lesson for usin everyday life.
(09:52):
We want to talk to you aboutsome of those things that help
you find those people oflike-mindedness that will run
with you I love it With you invision and purpose.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I love it, cause when you said, when you realize I'm
a Titus two woman and coming tothat realization I connected
with what my mom had said to mefor a long time was God hasn't
brought you through so much foryou to keep quiet about it, and
that was so telling to me.
(10:27):
Part of my story, which I'mvery transparent about, is
learning the God's way bywalking through some hard things
, yes, but you are more.
Let's think about these hardthings before and see how we can
(10:48):
start right.
So how did that even connectyou to relationships and how
that affected purpose?
Speaker 2 (10:57):
I think part of it is because I'm a child of the 60s
and we were prepared differently.
I said we were prepareddifferently.
I said we were prepareddifferently.
What we had available to us,even in high school, was totally
different than what we seetoday.
We were more seasoned andwell-prepared and really more
(11:17):
wiser than our peers today, atthe same age that we were in the
60s.
In high school, I had financialliteracy, how to manage your
checkbook and how to manage yourmoney.
I had classes on how to raiseyour children, how to prepare
your household, how to cook, howto sew, how to do life skills
(11:37):
were there for us, all of thethings that we need, whether for
business or moving on beyondschool.
We had that, and so they pouredinto us very early.
I was 16 when my Bible teacherat the church said okay,
everybody, let's write yourhusband to be prayerless.
I'm going husband to be, I'mjust trying to get my grades
(11:58):
together so I can graduate.
And at 16, and when I look atthe wisdom of that, yeah, we
could write the husband to beprayerless back then.
But because we were pretty muchready by the time we left high
school, if that's what we choseto do.
And so I realized that a lot ofthat teaching and training, a
(12:18):
lot of the makeup of the family,dynamics have changed, where
the father used to be the one tovet the person coming into your
life.
So now I've created what I calla wise counsel.
Get yourself a core group ofpeople who can help you vet him.
So we still have some of thesame tools, it's just that we're
not talking about it anymore.
And I said I think I need totalk about it, I need to share
(12:39):
these tips so that others canbenefit from them, and so that's
why I do what I do.
And then I said it's likehaving your key ring.
God says that he's given us thekeys to the kingdom, but we
have other keys and you havethose keys on your key ring,
those keys that you don't knowwhat it goes to, what it unlocks
, and so sometimes the blueprintis sitting right there in front
(13:00):
of us, is on your key ring.
You just have to know that it'sthere and know how to use it
and apply it to your life.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
There are a lot of people and I'm just going to
briefly touch on this topic, butright now it's a kind of a hot
topic when it comes to and Ihave to say, one of my dear
Chiefs players, mr HarrisonButker, took us into the
headlines the past couple ofweeks when he gave a speech,
(13:27):
headlines the past couple ofweeks when he gave a speech
concerning women and home lifeand career, and how do you feel
about that topic?
How does that strike you?
Because here you are a verysuccessful woman, you have
degrees, you have accolades.
Obviously, what you just spokeon was the content of women
learning how to be wives,learning how to be homemakers,
(13:50):
taking care of their own bills.
What would you say to thattopic?
And I'm not trying to bashHarrison, because I believe he
was talking to a specificaudience who was very open to
his conversation, and we knowthat headlines can take things
out of context.
But right now, as you writethese books of fiction, how do
you meld those together?
(14:11):
Because we're a circle of womenwho very much believe in a both
concept God can create you tobe a homemaker and a wife and a
spouse and a mother, and alsointelligent, wise about business
able to bring money into thehousehold.
What do you say to those womenthat are struggling in those
(14:31):
realms right now?
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Let me just say that when my husband and I first got
married, we were turning 20 thatyear and I remember my husband
being laid off two weeks beforethe wedding and my mother came
to me and says, do you want tocall it off?
I said, why would I call it off?
It's not his fault that hedoesn't have a job.
I was already into my careerwith the state of California and
we went on and got married andI tell the story about
(14:55):
conditions versuscharacteristics of a person that
you're considering as your maid.
And I say that's a conditionbecause some women won't even
consider a man if they're notmaking a certain amount of money
or he doesn't have a certainkind of career because she has.
And I said that's a condition.
Let me explain.
Conditions change over time.
Conditions can flip.
(15:15):
You could be making the moneyand then it could flip and
you're not making any money, buthe's making money.
So we have to make sure that wenot do that.
That's a condition.
So when I went, when I marriedmy husband, I found what it
helped me to discover about himhe believed in his role as a
husband, despite the fact that Ihad a career.
(15:36):
So he had to, in his mind, goget a job.
He had to, in his mind, makesure he was helping to provide
for the household, and so thathappened.
Mind, make sure he was helpingto provide for the household,
and so that happened.
And within five years myhusband far exceeded my income
and stayed at that level for therest of until he retired.
So I'm saying that those thingsdon't matter.
(15:57):
And what I and also to yourpoint, lisa I tell women I had
the responsibility of overseeingmultimillion dollar budget.
I had over 100 employees and 10field offices, employment
offices, what we used to callthem, because I worked for EDD.
You know that name and I wasthat when I was at work.
(16:19):
I said but when I came home Iwas just Bruce's wife.
I came home to check to see ifthe crock pot was ready, because
I put my meal on, because I hada woman ask me how do you
manage?
I said, girl, do you have allthe tools?
Get the crock pot, get thethings, put it out the night
before.
You can get that meal startedby the time you got home.
All you have to do is add a fewtrimmings.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
I told Amber that for years she was the one who
encouraged me to buy the crockpot.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
You should have seen the light bulb go off in her
head when I said crock pot, Ihad the crock pot, I had the
pressure cooker if I wanted abig roast.
So you have to.
So when I was at work and Iwalked in the door, I was not
the deputy, the supervisor, Iwas just Bruce's wife, and so I
came home and so we do what wedo in the household out of love,
(17:11):
and I don't get this mentalitythat, well, I can't.
No, he does some wonderful,simple things for me in love too
, but I do it because I love myhusband, I love my children, I
love my household.
I wanted everybody to have agood meal.
That was me sharing my love mychildren, I love my household.
I wanted everybody to have agood meal.
That was me sharing my lovewith them, and so that's what's
important.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
And I think that the one of the things that I love
with Philip and I life has neverbeen flowers, all flowers and
sausages.
That's just natural.
We've walked through some veryfiery times that could have
broken our marriage very badlyand the one thing that we do is
we've learned to.
(17:51):
We've learned to appreciateeach other, operating in the
giftings we work in best, andit's not a male, female thing,
it is a partnership thing thing.
You do this because you do itbest.
I will do this because I do itbest.
(18:12):
I am a messy.
I am a messy.
You talk about the person thatyou think that's leaving the
dirty socks on the floor.
I am that person everyone's.
Oh, my husband always leavesthis and this up.
No, my husband actually triesto put things in their place
because he's legally blind andhe has problems if things aren't
in his places.
(18:32):
But he's also learned tounderstand the areas.
I don't work in my best and tryto support that and I just love
that and I think that's what wethink about.
I've re reimagined.
It's not a partnership roles,it's a.
(18:53):
It's not male, female, it isoperating in your giftings in
the best way to compliment eachother For your household.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
For your household, and some of those giftings line
up traditionally.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
And some of them don't, and that's all right, yes
, I call it the lcw leave,cleave and weave.
Now how we weave it, how weweave together and become one,
is based on what we bring to thetable and you said it all right
there, amber what we bring tothe table.
Now keep in keep in mind that Iwas managing multimillion
dollar budget.
(19:29):
But my husband says let memanage the money.
I said, sure, and he does agreat job.
It does not matter what we do,as long as we're weaving
together, making it work,figuring out what you have to
bring to the table, what he hasto bring to the table, and make
it work for your household.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:50):
Okay, thanks for going there with me for just a
second.
Let's go back to this topicwithin your writing and the
things that you've been sharingabout just how do you find those
people to run with?
And I also want to get to.
How do you become the peoplethat someone would want to run
with, someone that would feelbuilt up in in pursuing God's
(20:14):
purpose?
Speaker 2 (20:16):
In the beginning for me, the only people I had to run
with was my husband and my twoadult daughters.
It was my two adult daughterswho encouraged me to write in
the very beginning Because,remember, I retired and that was
it for me.
I did a lot of writing.
I just thought that was my timeto ride off into the sunset and
enjoy what I've accomplished.
(20:37):
But God said no, and it was myadult daughters who came back.
Now, keep in mind, we've hadconversations about men in
marriage before, but theconversation was different this
time.
This time it was their questionwas Mom, why are men so slow?
So we got into the dynamics ofdiscovering who that person
might be for you, and I feltthat, because they were both
(21:00):
registered nurses, I had to goback and do a deep dive myself
into the scripture to make sureI understood, and I actually
discovered some things I hadn'tseen before, because we're
really quick to create theseshort references that are really
not scriptural.
Rib came from Eve's side?
No, it did not.
If you Google and find out howmany people have more than 24
(21:21):
ribs, you'll find out where thatextra rib is.
God sometimes leaves us cluesfor us to know what he did.
And it was not in the side,it's around the neck, the extra
rib.
So if the rib is designed toprotect the organs, why would he
pull it away from there?
So it made sense.
The clue he left for us washere.
And so when you think in termsof that, I just felt that in the
(21:45):
beginning I wasn't sure.
In the beginning I didn't feellike the writing world was as
warm and friendly and fuzzy as Ithought it would be.
Among the Christian communitywe have that fellowship and all
of that.
But in the writing world it wasvery challenging to find people
who would walk with you andhelp you along the way.
So it took some time.
(22:06):
But I do know that, as I takethe approach, the book of fools
resonated always in my life, andthat is to wait and see who God
causes to cross my path anddetermine what was their purpose
of crossing my path and not totake it for advantage but pay
attention to why God allowed itto happen.
And so he slowly began to causepeople to cross my path.
(22:28):
That will help me along the way, and so that's what helped me.
But my foundational support wasmy husband and my two daughters
, who inspired and encouraged me, mom.
More of our friends want to knowmore, and so that was the
reason I wrote it.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Yeah, I know, in relationships that I've had with
women and women who I knew Ihad to purposely go out of my
way to connect with, because Ifelt God was building me up and
growing my circle and gave me adesire to grow my circle beyond
(23:09):
those who were in my immediatespace, and one of those things
was I realized I had a verywhite circle.
That wasn't intentional and Ijust I'm not trying to.
I just say sometimes we need togo and look for people that God
has called us to alignourselves with in a way that we
(23:35):
walk with the fullness ofunderstanding who he is building
in us and who he's talking andhelping us, and that's one of
the beautiful things I thinkthat we can take away as far as
partnerships is.
Our partnerships are the peoplewe're supposed to align with
(23:56):
aren't the people that allnecessarily have, are in our
immediate vicinity or areexactly like us.
We need people alongside ofourselves that are capable of
shaping us with some friction,to help us to learn and grow,
(24:18):
and I think that'scharacteristics of all
profession spiritual growth.
And lisa said something in ourpre-conference show conference
that she was like um, if we wereall, if we were all alone.
If it was just you and god,where would we?
Where would growth happen?
Where?
Speaker 3 (24:37):
and that the necessity for relationship he
was intentional about placing usin the midst of all sorts of
other people.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Yeah, he did that on purpose.
Absolutely I just look forJesus.
In whatever I do I establish arelationship.
Even in business, in my writingbusiness, I have to establish a
relationship with that person.
Some people may have consideredme an introvert growing up but
so much of what I had to do, itpushed me out of it to be more
(25:11):
bold and more vocal.
But I tried in everything toget to know the person, because
I want to see Jesus somewhere inthere, because that's going to
tell me why they're in thisvicinity.
And then I want to know fromGod what is their purpose?
Why did you bring them in?
What is their purpose of cominginto my life?
(25:37):
And I don't want to put a faceon who that person might look
like.
If they don't look like me,that's fine.
As long as I recognize Jesus inthe midst of it, then I'm okay.
And so I think that's importantwhat you said, amber, otherwise
, and so I think that'simportant what you said, amber,
otherwise, you and I would nothave ever been sisters from
another.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Yes, it is so funny because sometimes we pray for
either our special somebody, butwe don't pray necessarily for
the friends that come into ourlives.
God guide me to the rightpeople.
God guide me to the sharpenedthe iron sharpens iron, because
in the, at the end of the day,that's what we should be praying
(26:15):
about everyone in our lives,not just the future of our
spouse, and I know we only havea few minutes left.
Yes, I know it's crazy, but canyou just I would really love
just to give a couple, maybe twoor three points that you would
love to share.
What are some keys that yougive people in how they should
choose relationships?
Speaker 2 (26:35):
The first thing I say is get rid of high school
dating, the high school methodof dating that we use across the
world for many years.
It's only just a couple ofhundred years old.
Go back to the blueprint thatGod has given you If you are
serious about marriage.
Scripture only talks aboutmeeting a person to marry.
So we change the strategy tobeing more intentional.
(26:57):
I'm only meeting people so thatI can discover who my lifelong
mate is.
So it's dating for marriage now, which is what the scripture
tells us.
So if you put away the highschool dating, it's not about
giggly and oh yeah, he's nicelooking, oh yeah, he has a nice
job.
No, those are conditions.
You want to look at the core,and the catch stands for
(27:19):
Christlike characteristics atthe core of his heart.
So that's what the catch phrasestands for the right catch.
So that's what the catch phrasestands for the right catch,
christ-like attributes, I'msorry, at the core of his heart.
You want to examine the heartof the person, but even before
meeting him and asking the rightquestions, do a
(27:41):
self-examination.
Are you really really ready?
And I always remind them ofwhat Paul says about laying
aside every weight and sin.
He separated weights from sin,because some of the weights are
not sinful, but you're carryingthem around and you shouldn't,
because it can get in the way ofyour discovering who you God
would have you to meet.
So the first thing isself-examination.
(28:03):
Make sure you are prepared forhim.
Make sure you're ready.
You have all the hurt from thepast because the current high
school dating method.
It leaves so many people broken.
Because you have met so manypeople, you've been disappointed
by some, you've been hurt bysome.
All of that injury you have tolay it aside so that you're not
(28:23):
that rotten apple in a bowl ofwonderful, beautiful apples
sitting there ready to be eaten,because if you got a rotten
spot, eventually that appleyou're next to is going to get
the rotten spot too.
So my grandmother says Godwould not give you a broken
glass to break, to cut your lip.
So if you're that broken glass,you need to fix what's broken.
(28:46):
It's not fair for you topresent something, some
brokenness, to your new mate.
So you want to examine yourself.
You do also want to make surethat when you begin interacting
with the person, that you'reasking the right questions about
him, about his purpose.
What's your purpose in datingme?
What's important.
What?
Why do you want to talk to me?
(29:06):
And he better say somethingthat's really credible.
Because if he comes out with,oh, because you're so beautiful,
then okay, it's time to move on.
Or I'm really hoping to find mywife Now.
Whether you're that person ornot, he at least have to have
some.
There should be some indicatorthat he has the same goal in
(29:26):
mind as you.
I'm just looking to have fun,then okay.
Then that tells you, scratchoff the list, if God has given.
Here's another key.
God says the number 40 is thenumber for tests and trials.
It doesn't take him two yearsto figure out whether or not
you're the one.
He has 40 days to make thatclear.
There has to be something saidthat we're both looking for the
same thing.
Even though we may not be thematch yet, at least we're
(29:51):
exploring that as an option.
So those are a few things Idon't want to take up.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
I want to ask one last thing, though, about that,
because I also believe thatyou're right.
People come across our path fora reason, and we're trying to
balance this.
We're talking about spouses,but we're also thrown out here
as a believer, as a Christfollower.
How do we even align ourselveswith that inner circle that
helps drive us forward inpurpose?
(30:18):
You do it in a way that willhopefully push that person to
finding themselves in purposewith God.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
At some point you're making it clear what your
intentions are, so they shouldbe clear about what your goal is
.
I'm just here because I'mhoping I can discover who that
person God has for me as mylifelong mate At some point.
That and that doesn't take days, that can even be in the
initial conversation.
I'm even proposing that many ofthe questions we wait to ask
after we're engaged thosequestions you ask to someone
(31:00):
you're engaged, some of thosequestions have to move forward
and be a part of the datingprocess, because that's how
serious it is out there with thepeople that you have to deal
with, and so that would be mystatement, lisa.
And then that circle should bepeople that you value.
It may be a representative atyour church, it could be a
seasoned woman in your family orsomeone in your life, someone
(31:24):
who knows that road, who hasbeen married all of that A core
group of people, but definitelynot all single women, because
they're looking too and somaking sure you have a wise
counsel, because that can helpyou vet that person, and I think
that's going to be, I love that, yeah, and Dr Velma, we are
definitely going to have youcome back on.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
You guys are so sweet .
We really want to, but couldyou just close this out in a
quick word of prayer and justclose out our time today and we
definitely just need to have youback to chat with us, chat with
you for another hour or so.
I appreciate you guys having me.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
I really do.
I've had fun, and thank you allfor showing me the love today.
Father, we just thank you.
We I've had fun and thank youall for showing me the love
today.
Father, we just thank you, wejust thank you.
I just feel your presence, god,that you ordained this day and
this moment.
When all the things thatchallenged us, god, we knew it
had to be something great on theother side and you made it
great in this conversation.
I thank you for Lisa and Amberopening up their hearts to me
(32:25):
today to come and join them.
God, I pray that you pour out,lord, god, your blessings upon
them both, god, that the lightin them will shine so bright
that they won't have to open uptheir mouths to tell them, tell
anybody who they belong to.
It will automatically be seen.
I pray for their lives, theirmarriages, I pray that you
(32:46):
continue to bless their ministryand we just ask you to continue
to guide and direct our path aswe move forward In Jesus'
precious name, amen, amen.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
I don't want you guys to leave this without knowing
Dr Velma.
You can connect with her atdrvelmacom or drvelmabagbycom
Very quick, and then all herresources, her shop and even a
card game is there Exciting.
We got to rip open that.
Thank you, dr Velma, forjoining us.
(33:17):
You will be back and we will beback, ladies, for another
episode of Coffee Chat.
Take care, and God bless you.
God bless you all.
Bye-bye, take care.
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