May 17, 2024 • 44 mins
In this episode of Coffee Chat, Amber and Lisa are joined by Heather Riggleman, a multi-talented writer, social media consultant, and author. Heather shares her inspiring story of finding her calling as a writer and the challenges she faced when her career was threatened by character assassination. She opens up about the year-long process of grieving, letting go, and finding peace in God's perspective amidst the rumors and misconceptions.
The conversation delves into the importance of surrounding oneself with true friends who believe the best, hope the best, and endure through every circumstance with love. Heather also discusses her recent autoimmune diagnosis and the lessons learned about judgment, compassion, and living authentically as a child of God.
Chapter Markers:
- 00:00 - "May-cember" chaos
- 05:00 - Heather's writing journey and walking through character assassination
- 15:00 - Finding true friends and letting go
- 25:00 - Dealing with autoimmune issues and judgment
- 35:00 - Choosing compassion over judgment
- 40:00 - Prayer and closing thoughts
Thank you for taking the time to like, subscribe, share, and comment. Visit leadingladies.life to find out more. Also, follow @leadingladieslife on social. Amber & Lisa are authors of the multi-award-winning book, Leading Ladies: Discover Your God-Grown Strategy for Success, which dives into the power of community and empowering women of faith to rise up and make a difference, using our gifts and faith to shine brightly in the world. Watch the Facebook Live edition on our YouTube Channel @coffeechatladies .
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Good morning.
This is Amber and Lisa.
We have been away for a whileand life has been crazy, but we
are so thankful to be with youfor another episode of Coffee
Chat.
We have our amazing friendHeather Riggleman with us on the
podcast and she has been sohelpful and she's so
(00:23):
multi-talented and she helps uswith our social media, because
you can't do it all girls.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
We're finding that out.
We can't do it all.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
You need more than just Jesus.
You need sometimes the socialmedia manager that Jesus brings
into your life, but we are sothankful you joined us today.
We have had a lot of happenings.
I'm sure you guys have too.
It is the month of May.
Can you believe it?
Our kids are graduating, peopleare taking summer breaks.
(00:54):
Everything is happening at onceand we're all experiencing that
together.
Also, tomorrow's Mother's Day.
Did you forget about that?
Like, why did they plantMother's Day right in the middle
of crazy?
Speaker 3 (01:06):
I don't know.
I think May is.
I like to call it Maycemberit's.
May is like one of those monthsfor moms where it's just
there's so many activities andyou're being pulled a million
different directions.
It's just like in Decemberwhere there's activities,
there's concerts, there's lastminute gifts, there's all these
things that you have to gothrough and it's as moms we just
dread it because it's just onething after another.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
So I like to call it Maycember Maycember.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
I like that I just like to call it torture.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
It's crazy.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
That's what it is.
I said the other day, as muchas I love celebrating milestones
, if I don't see anothergraduation for a very long time,
I'll be happy girl.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Yeah, I know, heather .
Your son graduated from highschool.
Lisa, you have had a lot offriends graduate recently from
college.
My daughter graduated yesterdayfrom college and it was
absolutely crazy.
I thought I walked more milesand it was in the middle of more
people than I ever have been inmy life.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
It's like the day is a marathon.
It's never ending, it doesn'tstop, it keeps going.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yes, you want to know a secret, a really horrible
secret that I have this momguilt I'm going to have a mom
guilt moment.
That I have this mom guilt I'mgoing to have a mom guilt moment
I did not get my daughter'scollege invitations designed
(02:38):
until last week.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
I was over here too.
I literally designed likeElijah's cards, like last minute
I think it was three days agoand I'm like we're not doing a
party, we're just going to do acard shower, Like we're just.
I'm just like, no, we're notdoing it, we're just going to do
this.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Yeah no, we honestly did the same thing, and I know
sometimes people figure that'san easy way out.
But you know what, those openhouse things where people just
drop by with a card shower canbe really nice moments too.
So I say that's a good thing todo.
It works out nicely.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
So we're not even doing an open house.
It was like I made it veryclearly.
Our house is not open.
Do not come to my house.
No, we're not doing it.
And part of the reason, too, islike the minute that he
graduates, he's already movingto Scott's Bluff where he'll be
going to college.
So, even though he's not 18 yet, he is officially flying the
(03:28):
nest next week.
So that way he can get a summerjob and kind of just get
established and just and I'mlike, have at a kid, I'm here if
you need me, but he's the typeof kid where he's got to figure
it out.
He's identical to me.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
So we're always doing this and I'm here here if you
need me.
You know where I'm at.
You know my idea of open housewould be people volunteering to
come into my house and clean ifyou would like.
That would be a great I.
I would like an open day.
Mother's day open house,mother's day where just people
came into my house.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Well, we will stop going over this stuff, man, we
do have a topic this week and itisn't our frustration.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
We'd love to hear your frustration.
You can just take it out in thecomment section right here.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Drop it down there in the comments.
We will meet you there.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Heather Riggleman.
We've known each other I can'teven with this.
I think way back in teen or 20swe were introduced and, Heather
, you were working at anewspaper, but you were also I
was also working with AsiaPacific Media and still am and
she was working with me doingsome article writing and such,
(04:42):
and then you, as an author, cameover to the Advanced Writers
and Speakers Association aftermy pulling and you had just a
long journey of being in theprofessional writing world
before you even did your books.
So tell us a little bit.
You didn't start in journalism.
(05:03):
Tell us a little bit becauseyou didn't start in journalism.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Tell us a little bit about how you started in the
world of writing first off, Ihave to thank you for being a
second mama to Cheyenne, becauseI think that's like what our
friendship grew really closeinto, because basically you took
her under your wing, becauseshe was my baby, was eight hours
(05:24):
from me and and this was likethe first one that was flying
Vanessa.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I was like constantly Amber, how's she doing?
Speaker 3 (05:29):
This is what's going on.
So, I mean, my thumbs wereconstantly flying and you were
just.
You handled it so gracefullyand so she's awesome.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Yeah, I think we connect really much over our
kids, but so, yeah, I rememberthose days of coming in and
seeing her daughter and givingher art projects to work on, and
that was.
But we have traversed thiswriting is.
I think Lisa got into it thatway.
I just started throwing writingher way.
(06:00):
And she literally like pleasetake this.
So tell us a little bit aboutyour start, because you actually
physically started your careerpreparation in criminal justice.
So how did that switch gearsfor you?
Speaker 3 (06:15):
That's like the entertaining part, cause, like,
when I went to college, I had noidea that you could actually
make a living as a writer.
I opted to go for something thatI thought would be like a solid
degree, and so I got a degreein criminal justice, and the
entertaining part is that Iliterally do not use my degree
except for when I'm parenting mykids.
So I graduated college, I endedup staying home, because that's
(06:38):
when I found out that I waspregnant with my son, and so I
started staying home and therewas just like a big void in my
life that was missing, and thatwas about the time that blogging
just exploded, and so I startedmy own blog, and I've been
blogging since 2008, 2008.
And the Bible study group thatI was a part of they were.
(06:58):
They thought that my, mywriting was that gifted which to
me is humbling and they sent meto like my first writer's
conference, and at that firstwriter's conference is when I
landed an agent and a contractfor a book that I had been
working on that I didn't thinkwould ever see the light of day,
and so that's how I got startedin my writing journey.
(07:19):
So, from having my bookpublished and then working on
helping co-founding Herview fromHome, helped co-found that, and
about two years into Herviewfrom Home, I felt I sensed the
Lord telling me that it was timeto walk away from the website.
And I was just floored.
I'm like I don't understandwhat's going on here, and so I
(07:39):
ended up walking away fromHerview from Home and focusing
on my blog and my writing.
And then that's how I met you,and a little bit further into
that there was a gal at theuniversity who discovered my
writing and she, like shedoesn't she didn't even know me,
but she contacted the headeditor at the local newspaper
(08:01):
where we were living at the timeand told him that he would be
crazy not to hire me.
And that's how I got my startin writing professionally and
becoming a journalist.
Wow.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Wow, can I just say shout out to all the friends,
the family members, the peoplewho see something in us and
basically their tool for theLord to call that out in us.
And I think that's remarkablebecause at a time where a lot of
times, women are not known tobe so gracious and kind, you had
(08:35):
friends who said you are gifted, you should do this.
Let's pack you up and send youto this conference and it's made
a huge difference in your life.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
That's so awesome.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
That's amazing.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Yeah, I think that's a key here.
A lot of our, as we are, beingfriends to others, we can really
recognize giftings, butsometimes we just don't even
vocalize them.
I think sometimes that's agreat tool that God gives us is
the ability to see people andsee their inherent giftings, and
(09:11):
I love that because that's howI got to say, that's how we all
get where we are, right, withthe grace of God.
That's how we get where we are.
We were talking about theperils of people seeing your g
were talking about the perils ofpeople.
Seeing your giftings is theperils of people seeing those,
feeling those threats or seeingor trying to, while others are
(09:33):
seeing how gifted we are, otherstrying to tear that down or
tear down those dreams.
So give us a little bit ofinsight.
You were in your professionalnewspaper career and all of a
sudden, these things startedhappening.
Give us a little bit of insighton that.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
Oh yeah, I think that's probably one of the
toughest journeys that I've beenthrough, because I had always
identified as being a writer.
That was my identity.
I didn't see myself as anythingelse, because I think the first
time that I picked up a journalwas when I was seven years old,
and when I picked up a journalwas when I was seven years old
and when I picked up thatjournal.
When I got it for my birthday,I'm like, yes, this is me, if
that makes sense.
(10:13):
And so I've always seen myselfas a writer, and so when I was
able to step into theprofessional world of working in
the news industry, I thought Ihad hit my peak.
This is where I'm supposed to be, this is where God wants me to
be.
But at the same time, therewere a lot of things that were
happening behind the scenes, andso there were things happening
(10:33):
where I had gotten to the pointwhere I was getting ready to
blow the whistle, and so I hadeverything ready in a draft
email that I was getting readyto send off to corporate about
what was happening at ournewspaper, and I did not realize
that those things were beingmonitored and someone had caught
wind of it.
And I had gone out to lunch,and when I came back I was
pulled into the office and I wasgiven the choice of either
(10:56):
resigning or being fired, andwithin minutes I was having to
pack up my desk.
Everything was being videotapedextensively.
I was having to.
They were watching which itemsI was taking and within 45
minutes, like my world hadchanged.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Like.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
I felt like I had handed over my identity with my
badge and it rocked me to mycore.
It broke me and at the sametime, we hadn't really told
anyone and we were coming homefrom Omaha my husband and I were
and then, all of a sudden, myphone was just blowing up and I
was having people text me leftand right of hey, I heard this,
(11:33):
is this true?
So-and-so said this, and myphone was just blowing up with
all of these rumors about whatwas happening and it was
literally just what I like tocall character assassination
no-transcript saying I heard youthis or I heard this is going
(11:56):
on and you're getting a lot ofpeople coming at you.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
What was your first thought?
Not what you settled, but, likefor some of us, we react.
How did you react in thebeginning?
What was that like?
How did you defend yourself?
Did you say I'm not at libertyto discuss with total
self-control?
How did you do that?
Speaker 3 (12:17):
I'm not at liberty to discuss with total self-control
.
How did you do that?
I was so afraid of defendingmyself, especially if you're
like in text messages or even inphone calls I'm like are they
recording this?
But I my initial, like visceralreaction was I wanted justice,
I wanted to explain my side ofit and I couldn't.
I you know, at that time Icould not defend myself.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
That remains.
It's just like those momentswhere you're like a deer in the
headlights.
I would assume it's like youwant to respond, you want to
defend, but you feel choked,almost from actually, and I
wondered if that was what Jesusfelt like.
He probably didn't feel choked,but he just felt, probably felt
(13:00):
, the peace of God in that hewas who he said he was and he
didn't have to defend himself.
But what kind of foundationalelement does that kind of throw
into the picture of what itwould take for Jesus not to
respond when we really want torespond?
We are not the Christ and thisstuff is not just child's play.
(13:24):
This pretty much can kill yourcareer and probably everything
in the criminal justice personwanted to come out and go to
court here, come out and go tocourt here, and so how did that
process work?
To just getting back in thesaddle.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
There for quite a while.
There there was no getting backin the saddle because, like
when you there's cause, there'slike contracts and stuff that
you, that you sign, and so youliterally there's, your hands
are tied, there's nothing youcan do about it.
But I think the hardest partfor me is that as a writer, I
was walking around with thescarlet letter because the
biggest rumor that was goingaround was that it was
plagiarism.
(14:03):
And so like anything when itcomes to plagiarism, even
whispers of that.
That kills your career as awriter, and I think that was the
hardest part for me, because Iwanted justice.
I want to be like this isn'ttrue, this, that this has
nothing to do with my integrityas a writer.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
So when did the moment come where you felt you
saw the light of day again?
Speaker 3 (14:27):
I think it was a good year of grieving after that
Cause, because prior to seeingthe light of day, it was like it
was a process of learning.
It was a process of learninghow to let things go, if that
makes sense.
So if someone's talking aboutyour reputation because my best
friend and I were talking aboutthis last night, because we've
been best friends for 17 yearsshe's seen me go through this
(14:49):
whole character assassination.
But we were talking about itlast night and she used this
analogy of when somethinghappens to your reputation.
It's a feather pillow beingslashed open and those feathers
are flying everywhere the windcatches it and they are going
everywhere and they are landingin the hands of other people.
And we can't go to every personand try and get those feathers
(15:12):
back, because otherwise we endup becoming part of the problem,
if that makes sense.
And so it's a matter of lettingyour legacy, of keeping your
eyes on Christ, and of lettinghim fight for your reputation
and letting him be that path toyour legacy, and so that's.
I think that was like one ofthe biggest epiphanies and
insights that I had was learningto.
(15:34):
You know what the feathers aregoing to lie and they're going
to drop where they may and it isup to God to do what it is that
he's going to do, and they mayforever have this opinion of me,
of what other people have said,or God has changed that in some
shape or form, but that's notfor me to know.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
So it's like when the character assassination happens
initially, it's just you wantto defend, you want to set
things right, you want to tellyour side of the story, you want
to show all the details thatshow you were not what they say
you are.
But you're describing this yearlong period where you just had
to live with what people weresaying and really seek peace,
(16:15):
that you are who God says youare maybe not able to
necessarily refute what's beingsaid about you are who God says
you are and coming to a realplace of peace in that.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
And that's something I feel like almost every lady we
talked to on this podcast hasto come to a point in their life
where they are at peace withwho God says they are, and that
is what makes the pivot pointfor them to walk in that calling
that gifting that they have.
(16:49):
Can you tell us about?
What was that pivot moment foryou where you said, okay, I know
I'm not who they say I am, Iknow I'm not the situation, I'm
going to do this.
What was it like to step outagain?
Speaker 3 (17:04):
Part of the process of stepping out was actually
attending an award ceremony forlike writers across the state of
Nebraska and I was beinghonored with three different
awards.
And I was being honored withthree different awards and I was
so scared about going because Iwould be coming face to face
with former coworkers, otherjournalists and stuff across the
(17:25):
state.
And I was blown away when I gotthere because in their eyes I
was still a writer and in theireyes there was injustice.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
And it was.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
I think that was like the first part of pivoting and
healing, because they still sawme as how God sees me, like I'm
his daughter.
He has called me to be a writer.
It doesn't matter whether ornot I have a badge, so that's.
I think that's like the pivotalmoment of realizing who I am in
Christ and then also realizingthat good things do come in ugly
(17:58):
packaging.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
That's it, and I remember, lisa, you even sharing
similar things when you had tostep off the worship platform
because of your autoimmune issue, and people and some
relationships will never be thesame, and you were talking about
disappointing people.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Yeah, you feel like you let people down.
I felt like I let people down.
I felt like I let myself downin some ways and yet I knew I
had absolutely no control overwhat was going on with my body,
my diagnosis, what it was doingto me.
And you do feel like you letpeople down.
You feel like you fall shortand I think you have that period
of peace which for some of usyou said it took about a year
(18:44):
and then when you got to go tothis award ceremony, you really
had some solid okay, I can standback up on this again.
God is doing something.
He does redeem those very sadand hurtful moments.
If we just give it to him andI'm not saying it's
instantaneous, it's not youstill have to worry about the
(19:05):
fact that you've let people downor people misunderstand you.
They really don't know you atyour core, so you never know
what.
You may even hear what they'resaying.
I heard people came back to meand told me what was being said,
right, and I was like butthat's not true.
You have to come to that pointwhere you recognize God's not
(19:26):
finished with me and I think youobviously got that, especially
when you ended up at this awardceremony.
You started to figure that out.
He's not done with you.
And so what's next for me,what's next?
How do I tiptoe through thisvery interesting situation?
And for me, what I did before,very different looking to what I
(19:48):
do now.
It sounds like to me.
For you, though, god justcontinued to call out your gift
in this arena, and he lets youknow he's set you on this path.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
That's so good.
I go back to some of the thingsthat really bother me the most
is, some relationships in theseextreme situations will never be
the same.
Some friends that you thoughtyou were your closest friends
will never truly be your friendagain and that for me has always
(20:22):
been a hard pill to swallowbecause you question that
friendship.
All the way back to thebeginning and the inception and
I know with Lisa I was alwayssaying some people always
treated me like they'll just cutties or those people who
ghosted you, and then you findyour real friends in those times
(20:46):
where everything goes south,how did you know your real
friends from those who just saidthe right things in front of
your face, heather?
Speaker 3 (20:57):
They were the ones who were still reading my blog,
who were still praying for me,who were defending me, but at
the same time, they weren'tcoming to me with the gossip,
and I think that was like thebiggest part.
That's how I found out who myfriends were like real fast,
because there's a big differencebetween someone coming to me
and saying, hey, this is what Iheard and I feel so sorry for
you, between someone coming tome and saying, hey, this is what
(21:19):
I heard and I feel so sorry foryou.
And then they're saying onething that comes out of one side
of their mouth and then they'returning around and going to
someone else.
Versus the ones who are, howcan I support you?
I still believe in you.
You're still this person.
God still is.
God still has plans for you.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Yeah, there's a huge difference between people who I
think that is a good check, alittle barometer check for truth
.
And maybe that's something weneed to just say a little bit
more emphatically.
When things hit the fan, thingsgo south, things are not the
way we'd really want them to be,whether we really, whether we
(21:52):
are part of that situation ornot.
When that happens, the peoplethat come to you I'm really
sorry this happened to you, thisis, I've heard what's being
said.
No, I think a real friend looksat you and says doesn't even
mention that, they don't evenhave to mention it, they just
need to support and hopefullythey are on the other end when
(22:14):
people come to them saying youknow what?
That's not for us to talk aboutright now.
Oh, can.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
I just say amen to that statement.
That's not for us to talk about.
It's not yes, I just love,because it just reinforces what
friends do for each other.
And I think what I've heardwhen Lisa and Heather, moreover,
is not only not being involvedin conversations and saying I
(22:41):
think we know the whole storyhere and in our defense of
others, it's just I don't thinkwe really know the whole story
and we can't, because it's justbecome this gossip crazy time
where everything is all.
We should not be up.
(23:02):
That's not friendship.
That's not friendship becausewe don't really honor, honestly,
recognize what's going on andwe can't lend our kindling to
the fire of what's going onbecause a lot of people are just
like go to the person and goback to someone else and say
that doesn't even help trying todefend someone, that doesn't
(23:24):
even help, Exactly.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
And that's a hard thing for some personality types
to do, to not defend to justsit back, just try to breathe
through the moment.
I don't want anybody to bedisappointed in me and I so
desperately want to make thingsright.
Not everybody is strapped thatway.
(23:46):
I'm very willing to talk rightnow.
A lot of peoplepersonality-wise, they need some
time to process.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Yeah, it's true.
It's probably not going to endin the outcome that we want,
yeah, yeah.
And a lot of times when we Ifind that, like a lot of times
when we even settle back intoour own emotions, we need to if
we are the ones that are feelingwronged or anything.
We can't always think that alot of stuff is self-evaluation.
(24:20):
For me, a lot of stuff isself-evaluation.
Is this what I was thinking, oris this what I'm feeling, or is
this my reality?
And we can fuel those things,our intention, and hurt people
with intent to do good.
And I think that's why we goand try to interrupt a
(24:42):
conversation and say but I heardthat, where's that intention
coming from?
It may be coming from a nobleplace.
It may not be coming from aconstructive place.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
It brings to light, and I just wanted to pull up
scripture for this purpose.
I know we're all so familiarwith 1 Corinthians 13,.
But when I hear something aboutsomeone that maybe we should
just not be discussing right now, that's not for us to talk
about right now.
The first thing I go to is 1Corinthians 13 and that simple
(25:15):
scripture that says love nevergives up hope, it never loses
faith, it's always hopeful, itbelieves the best, it hopes the
best, it endures through everycircumstance.
And it may not always feel likethat, I may not always feel like
believing the best, but I haveto remind myself that if we love
(25:37):
someone and for a believer inChrist, you can have love for
someone.
He says they will know who weare by our love for one another,
especially within thefellowship of believers in Jesus
.
We should do our best tobelieve the best and hope the
best.
Right, and I just feel like wehave to constantly wear that
(25:59):
reminder.
That doesn't mean we're foolish, it doesn't mean we don't
remember right, we're notforgetting, but it does do its
best to put on this whole heartmatter of we're going to walk
forward, believing the best ofthis person or this situation
Right.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Amazing and I know Heather and we all have been
dealing.
We have all been dealing withcrazy lives and crazy.
You have had a recent diagnosiswith autoimmune issues, like
Lisa does, and there's alwaysthose people are like, okay, oh
my gosh, she's losing a lot ofweight, she must be anorexic.
(26:40):
Oh wow, she's gaining a lot ofweight, she must be pregnant or,
and there's that kind of or shemissed, she's falling off the
scene, she must be blah, blah,blah, blah, blah.
And I it's hard.
It's hard as a professionalperson to realize that people
are going to talk, no matterwhat People talk, no matter what
(27:01):
they have opinions about thingsthey shouldn't have no opinion
about.
Share a little bit about yourrecent diagnosis and how that
has impacted your working, even.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
I think I sent you the TikTok that I made because
it was hilarious.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
It was so funny.
We should.
We're going to post that.
We need to post that TikTok.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
It's amazing so it's like for the last 10, 15 years,
like we couldn't quite pinpointwhat had been going on with my
body.
And so last, last year, I endedup out of nowhere.
Double pulmonary embolism in mylungs just about killed me, and
so they had blamed it on COVID,but what they had discovered is
(27:41):
that I had several autoimmuneissues that were coming into
play.
And so there is posturalorthostatic tachycardia syndrome
you guys can look that up laterthere's inappropriate sinus
tachycardia, there'sEhlers-Danlos syndrome, which is
a connective tissue disorder,and then there's also this other
disorder of undifferentiatedconnective tissue disorder that
(28:01):
I'm dealing with, and diabetesand Raynaud's.
So it's like this long list ofthings that we're just now
discovering why my body is doingwhat it's doing, and it makes
working like outside the homehard, and so I have been blessed
to be able to start my ownbusiness.
God called me away from beingthe executive director at the
(28:23):
chamber here in the town that welive in, and he's.
It's time for you to be home.
It's time for you to, it's timefor us to start working on
these additional issues.
And so I'm blessed to be ableto work from home, because if I
can't sleep because I'm onsteroids for some flare up, then
you know what I'm going to getlike the 15 articles that I need
(28:44):
done at 3am and I have thatblessing and that ability to be
able to do that.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Those steroids are something else.
They are yes, they aresomething else.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Yeah, and it's the problem, because people don't
understand.
And even when you're dealingwith the same thing, you don't
understand fully, but you get it.
You get those things becauseeverybody has different lives.
But it's oh my gosh, you'redoing this and this, what's
wrong with you, or whatever.
And we can't perpetuate thosekind of.
(29:15):
I would say that those arelittle assassinations, those are
little bullets put towards ourfriends, our families, those who
are in the public light,because why do we want something
to talk about that's not us,that's, I guess, so.
Or we want to look at othersmore than we're looking at
ourselves.
And I think that's the hardthing, because we are we.
(29:40):
We are a people of judgmentwhen God tells us we're not the
judge.
And, lisa, you talked abouteven people when you were a
pastor's wife.
That's, that's huge.
When you are a pastor's wifeand you can't show up and
they're like where are you inchurch?
Speaker 2 (29:55):
Right, or if, in those situations, all you can do
is be the best you, the bestversion of you that you have to
offer at the time, and recognizethat maybe you have to step
back from a few things for atime being, or maybe you have.
My mindset was I need to figureout what's going on with my
(30:18):
body and how to best work withthis.
Because, while number one, I dobelieve God heals, I do believe
it's for today, for whateverpurpose, I will walk through
this with him at my side.
So help me figure out how todeal with what's going on with
my body and in the meantime, Imay need to step away from some
things.
What's going on with my bodyand in the meantime, I may need
(30:39):
to step away from some things.
And you find out very quicklythat people really know you in
your heart or they don't.
Because if they know you inyour heart and they know you're
willing to step back to get agrip, yeah, they are not
accepting of that and insteadthey get angry and they take it
personally.
You recognize okay, maybethey've never known me my part,
(31:02):
because I would never doanything to personally assault
them in these situations.
You have to really find a way.
And I even say to peoplesometimes that process is so
painful.
I because it was so tied toworship and where we go every
week to worship, I literallyfelt like there was salt.
(31:23):
You said this before beingpoured into a very big wound in
my heart.
Every time I walked in thedoors of church and I knew that
was not my Heavenly Father doingthat.
I knew that was not what hewanted me to feel when I was in
his house, when I was supposedto be gathering with believers
and I had to just continue tobattle through and allow him to
(31:47):
speak life into my spirit.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Yes, I just want to shout out to Andy Tomasi, who is
commenting.
She said she's dealing withthis right now.
I know that there are manywomen who are dealing with this.
And thank you for joining us.
We are, it is, and I know thatthere are things that when you
deal with stuff, people want tosit back and have their say and
(32:12):
it's you know what.
You can be quiet.
You can be quiet.
I get a little bit bent out ofshape and I try not to make me
it tries.
I try not to make it give me ahorrible taste in my mouth about
people because people don'tunderstand certain things, even
(32:32):
when I talk about mental healthand there are people who say, oh
, mental health, that's justdemons purpose in me, that God's
written, because of this aspectthat I still struggle with in
life, that somehow that's ademonic influence.
(33:05):
And you know what?
Sometimes we have to keep ourmouth shut because we don't know
.
We don't know the reality of asituation.
You can't tell someone to pickthings up from the booth.
You can't even give themmedical.
You can tell them things, but Idon't try to say you do this
and this and you'll feel better.
Speaker 3 (33:25):
I'm going to let Jesus fix it or I'm going to go
to jail In our core.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
we have to decide for ourselves what kind of brother
or sister in Christ we arechoosing to be.
Are we going to choose to onceagain believe the best, hope the
best, speak the best?
I'm not saying that means welive with blinders on.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
I'm just saying we do have choices about what runs
out of our mouth, or even likein our thought process,
especially like if you'reworking in ministry or as a
pastor's wife.
People tend to put them on apedestal and it just makes me so
angry, because they're humanbeings.
Just because they're leadingthe church doesn't mean that
(34:13):
we're supposed to hold them in ahigher regard.
But they're still human beings.
They still have flaws, theystill have health issues.
Let them be human and beempathetic and compassionate
towards that, because they can'tanswer every beck and call.
Speaker 2 (34:26):
And when you have a choice to make about whether or
not to believe what someone saysabout someone, even if you know
it's truth, God can stilltemper how we respond to those
truths.
God can still temper how werespond to those truths, and I
believe that he loves each oneof us as his creation.
So dearly he would want us tocontinue to embrace people with
(34:48):
love.
How we respond, as a believer,to these situations could be the
difference between peopledetermining whether or not they
want to walk with Jesus someday,and we've got to remember that
with how we respond to people inthese moments.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
I think that's one of the ways that Amber and I grew
closer, because we have thishashtag that we like to send to
each other once in a while, andit's sisterhood of the short
yellow pencils.
When it comes to health.
I understand like what it isthat she's going through and I'm
going to have compassion forher and empathy for her and I'm
still going to hold her in highregard, regardless of what, what
(35:25):
labels that she's been given,and that's, I think, more
Christians, jesus followers,need to walk that way.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Yeah, a lot of people .
My daughter has shed the lighton advocacy and awareness and a
lot of she's in the social workfield and just graduated and
part of the.
I think the part of the problemis we don't.
We take more time to judge thanunderstand, and God Jesus on
(35:55):
this earth spent a lot of timetrying to understand people and
come to them where they were.
And he didn't go and straightaway say you get this right, you
get this right, you get thisright.
He said he healed, he touchedtheir eyes, he reached out and
(36:17):
he touched them.
He went to where they were, hesought to engage conversation
and in that he already kneweverything.
But he wasn't a person of fireon his tongue that spoke
judgment.
He came close and I thinkthat's what we need to be and
(36:41):
that's the culture.
But the culture starts in us.
Do we want to come?
Do we want to connect?
Do we want to comfort?
Do we want to reach peoplewhere they are, or are we going
to be the assassins?
With our tongues, even with oureyes and thoughts, we can become
assassins.
(37:01):
You know, I typically, when Igo into, sometimes, when I go
into a traffic and I'm likeseeing people do stupid things,
I can assassinate a lot ofpeople on a Monday morning
commute because of that.
But a few weeks ago, when I gotin my first car accident, I was
(37:26):
like this is what it feels liketo be at the end of the gun of
my thoughts to someone else,because I can't judge everyone
who drives crazy.
We'd like to, you'd like todrop a few quick expletives and
it's.
But where are we finding ourmind?
(37:47):
Do we find?
Do we shift towards compassionor do we shift towards judgment?
Yeah, and I think that if wecould do that in ourselves,
maybe we can be the church wewant to see.
Instead of being the church ofjudgment, we can be the church
that's moved in compassionate.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
I really think it's even in the Sermon on the Mount,
when we go through theBeatitudes and Jesus talks about
blessed are the pure at heart.
Blessed are those who arehumble.
Blessed are those who basicallythirst for justice but at the
same time they are merciful as achild of Christ, as a Christ
(38:30):
follower.
Those are traits.
They seem so poetic, but if wecan really try them on as a
garment and try to walk in them,maybe we will impact
differently how people seeChrist and how they see the
church.
And right now there's so muchnegative light given to the
(38:50):
church in society, some of itvery well deserved and earned by
the church.
If I do say so, I hate to sayit, but it's truth, at least my
interpretation, what I have seenthat if we would really try
that on, it might impactdifferently how we're able to
serve the kingdom better.
So true and so good to talk toyou today, heather.
(39:15):
I'm grateful that we made thiswork.
It's been an intense few weeksand we had to, like put some
things on pause and recalibrate.
But I'm glad that you're herewith us today and I just want to
thank you for sharing yourexperience and would you just
take a minute and maybe pray forthose that are listening that
(39:35):
might be going through thissituation right now.
They might be going throughthis form of character
assassination, and let's justlift them up together today.
Speaker 3 (39:46):
I can do that.
Thank you for having me.
It's been an honor.
You two are so wonderful towork with.
Great conversationalist,because usually I get nervous
about speaking.
Thank you for that, but let'sgo ahead and pray.
Father God, I just want to comebefore you today and I ask that
whoever ends up listening tothis podcast, that you have them
in mind and I ask that you helpthem heal the wounds that need
(40:09):
healing and I ask that you opentheir eyes to the sifting that
they are going through and toshow them what it is that you
are building in their characterwhen it does come to character
assassination, and it justreminds me of the life verse
that I have that I would like tospeak over anyone who's going
to be listening to this podcast.
Father God, and that's in Isaiah43.
(40:30):
But now this is what the Lordsays he who created you, jacob,
he who formed you, israel.
Do not fear, for I haveredeemed you, I have summoned
you by name.
You are mine.
When you pass through thewaters, I will be with you.
When you pass through therivers, they will not sweep over
you.
When you walk through the fire,you will not be burned.
The flames will not set youablaze, for I am the Lord, your
(40:53):
God.
In Jesus name we pray Amen.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
Amen Amen.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
Amen, your God.
In Jesus name, we pray.
Amen, amen, amen, amen.
I just wanted to say HeatherHeather has this amazing book
called Mama Needs a Timeout andshe needed to connect with her
with that.
It's great.
Every mama needs this book.
In fact, go get your mom atthis book For mama You'll take a
belated gift.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
It probably won't be given by tomorrow, but she'll
take it it for mama and Heathertell everyone about your new
endeavor where they can see whatyou do on your website.
Speaker 3 (41:27):
I my new endeavor.
I am a social media consultantand coach, and so you can visit
HeatherRigelmancom if you needhelp for social media.
If you need a writing coach,I'm there too, and then I also
share what it's like to be aherder.
That's what I call myself.
I have teens, cats and chickens, because that's kind of the
life that I'm living right now,but it's not teenagers, it's the
cats.
It's not the cats, it's thechickens that are getting out.
(41:49):
That's just life.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
That's a true Nebraska girl.
You are a Nebraska girl.
Thank you so much for joiningus.
We are actually I am taking avacation and starting Isn't that
great.
We're getting a vacation.
We are have had some kind ofdelays on the journal, but God
knows what he's doing and we'reexpecting it soon.
(42:13):
We will be back with youtalking about all the details of
that and all the goodies thatwe have to give.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
We have some good, much goodness.
Speaker 3 (42:26):
I'm excited about those yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:28):
So until next time.
This is Amber, and this is Lisa, and thank you, Heather, for
being with us.
Check us out.
Leading ladiesieslife.
Subscribe to the podcast.
We're up on Apple Spotify,everywhere you can get your
podcast.
You can find Coffee Chat withAmber and Lisa.
Please subscribe and share itwith your friends and until next
(42:49):
time, take care.
Bye-bye.
Good morning.
This is Amber and Lisa.
We have been away for a whileand life has been crazy, but we
are so thankful to be with youfor another episode of Coffee
Chat.
We have our amazing friendHeather Riggleman with us on the
podcast and she has been sohelpful and she's so
(00:23):
multi-talented and she helps uswith our social media, because
you can't do it all girls.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
We're finding that out.
We can't do it all.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
You need more than just Jesus.
You need sometimes the socialmedia manager that Jesus brings
into your life, but we are sothankful you joined us today.
We have had a lot of happenings.
I'm sure you guys have too.
It is the month of May.
Can you believe it?
Our kids are graduating, peopleare taking summer breaks.
(00:54):
Everything is happening at onceand we're all experiencing that
together.
Also, tomorrow's Mother's Day.
Did you forget about that?
Like, why did they plantMother's Day right in the middle
of crazy?
Speaker 3 (01:06):
I don't know.
I think May is.
I like to call it Maycemberit's.
May is like one of those monthsfor moms where it's just
there's so many activities andyou're being pulled a million
different directions.
It's just like in Decemberwhere there's activities,
there's concerts, there's lastminute gifts, there's all these
things that you have to gothrough and it's as moms we just
dread it because it's just onething after another.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
So I like to call it Maycember Maycember.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
I like that I just like to call it torture.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
It's crazy.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
That's what it is.
I said the other day, as muchas I love celebrating milestones
, if I don't see anothergraduation for a very long time,
I'll be happy girl.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Yeah, I know, heather .
Your son graduated from highschool.
Lisa, you have had a lot offriends graduate recently from
college.
My daughter graduated yesterdayfrom college and it was
absolutely crazy.
I thought I walked more milesand it was in the middle of more
people than I ever have been inmy life.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
It's like the day is a marathon.
It's never ending, it doesn'tstop, it keeps going.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Yes, you want to know a secret, a really horrible
secret that I have this momguilt I'm going to have a mom
guilt moment.
That I have this mom guilt I'mgoing to have a mom guilt moment
I did not get my daughter'scollege invitations designed
(02:38):
until last week.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
I was over here too.
I literally designed likeElijah's cards, like last minute
I think it was three days agoand I'm like we're not doing a
party, we're just going to do acard shower, Like we're just.
I'm just like, no, we're notdoing it, we're just going to do
this.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Yeah no, we honestly did the same thing, and I know
sometimes people figure that'san easy way out.
But you know what, those openhouse things where people just
drop by with a card shower canbe really nice moments too.
So I say that's a good thing todo.
It works out nicely.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
So we're not even doing an open house.
It was like I made it veryclearly.
Our house is not open.
Do not come to my house.
No, we're not doing it.
And part of the reason, too, islike the minute that he
graduates, he's already movingto Scott's Bluff where he'll be
going to college.
So, even though he's not 18 yet, he is officially flying the
(03:28):
nest next week.
So that way he can get a summerjob and kind of just get
established and just and I'mlike, have at a kid, I'm here if
you need me, but he's the typeof kid where he's got to figure
it out.
He's identical to me.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
So we're always doing this and I'm here here if you
need me.
You know where I'm at.
You know my idea of open housewould be people volunteering to
come into my house and clean ifyou would like.
That would be a great I.
I would like an open day.
Mother's day open house,mother's day where just people
came into my house.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Well, we will stop going over this stuff, man, we
do have a topic this week and itisn't our frustration.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
We'd love to hear your frustration.
You can just take it out in thecomment section right here.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Drop it down there in the comments.
We will meet you there.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
Heather Riggleman.
We've known each other I can'teven with this.
I think way back in teen or 20swe were introduced and, Heather
, you were working at anewspaper, but you were also I
was also working with AsiaPacific Media and still am and
she was working with me doingsome article writing and such,
(04:42):
and then you, as an author, cameover to the Advanced Writers
and Speakers Association aftermy pulling and you had just a
long journey of being in theprofessional writing world
before you even did your books.
So tell us a little bit.
You didn't start in journalism.
(05:03):
Tell us a little bit becauseyou didn't start in journalism.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Tell us a little bit about how you started in the
world of writing first off, Ihave to thank you for being a
second mama to Cheyenne, becauseI think that's like what our
friendship grew really closeinto, because basically you took
her under your wing, becauseshe was my baby, was eight hours
(05:24):
from me and and this was likethe first one that was flying
Vanessa.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I was like constantly Amber, how's she doing?
Speaker 3 (05:29):
This is what's going on.
So, I mean, my thumbs wereconstantly flying and you were
just.
You handled it so gracefullyand so she's awesome.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Yeah, I think we connect really much over our
kids, but so, yeah, I rememberthose days of coming in and
seeing her daughter and givingher art projects to work on, and
that was.
But we have traversed thiswriting is.
I think Lisa got into it thatway.
I just started throwing writingher way.
(06:00):
And she literally like pleasetake this.
So tell us a little bit aboutyour start, because you actually
physically started your careerpreparation in criminal justice.
So how did that switch gearsfor you?
Speaker 3 (06:15):
That's like the entertaining part, cause, like,
when I went to college, I had noidea that you could actually
make a living as a writer.
I opted to go for something thatI thought would be like a solid
degree, and so I got a degreein criminal justice, and the
entertaining part is that Iliterally do not use my degree
except for when I'm parenting mykids.
So I graduated college, I endedup staying home, because that's
(06:38):
when I found out that I waspregnant with my son, and so I
started staying home and therewas just like a big void in my
life that was missing, and thatwas about the time that blogging
just exploded, and so I startedmy own blog, and I've been
blogging since 2008, 2008.
And the Bible study group thatI was a part of they were.
(06:58):
They thought that my, mywriting was that gifted which to
me is humbling and they sent meto like my first writer's
conference, and at that firstwriter's conference is when I
landed an agent and a contractfor a book that I had been
working on that I didn't thinkwould ever see the light of day,
and so that's how I got startedin my writing journey.
(07:19):
So, from having my bookpublished and then working on
helping co-founding Herview fromHome, helped co-found that, and
about two years into Herviewfrom Home, I felt I sensed the
Lord telling me that it was timeto walk away from the website.
And I was just floored.
I'm like I don't understandwhat's going on here, and so I
(07:39):
ended up walking away fromHerview from Home and focusing
on my blog and my writing.
And then that's how I met you,and a little bit further into
that there was a gal at theuniversity who discovered my
writing and she, like shedoesn't she didn't even know me,
but she contacted the headeditor at the local newspaper
(08:01):
where we were living at the timeand told him that he would be
crazy not to hire me.
And that's how I got my startin writing professionally and
becoming a journalist.
Wow.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Wow, can I just say shout out to all the friends,
the family members, the peoplewho see something in us and
basically their tool for theLord to call that out in us.
And I think that's remarkablebecause at a time where a lot of
times, women are not known tobe so gracious and kind, you had
(08:35):
friends who said you are gifted, you should do this.
Let's pack you up and send youto this conference and it's made
a huge difference in your life.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
That's so awesome.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
That's amazing.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Yeah, I think that's a key here.
A lot of our, as we are, beingfriends to others, we can really
recognize giftings, butsometimes we just don't even
vocalize them.
I think sometimes that's agreat tool that God gives us is
the ability to see people andsee their inherent giftings, and
(09:11):
I love that because that's howI got to say, that's how we all
get where we are, right, withthe grace of God.
That's how we get where we are.
We were talking about theperils of people seeing your g
were talking about the perils ofpeople.
Seeing your giftings is theperils of people seeing those,
feeling those threats or seeingor trying to, while others are
(09:33):
seeing how gifted we are, otherstrying to tear that down or
tear down those dreams.
So give us a little bit ofinsight.
You were in your professionalnewspaper career and all of a
sudden, these things startedhappening.
Give us a little bit of insighton that.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
Oh yeah, I think that's probably one of the
toughest journeys that I've beenthrough, because I had always
identified as being a writer.
That was my identity.
I didn't see myself as anythingelse, because I think the first
time that I picked up a journalwas when I was seven years old,
and when I picked up a journalwas when I was seven years old
and when I picked up thatjournal.
When I got it for my birthday,I'm like, yes, this is me, if
that makes sense.
(10:13):
And so I've always seen myselfas a writer, and so when I was
able to step into theprofessional world of working in
the news industry, I thought Ihad hit my peak.
This is where I'm supposed to be, this is where God wants me to
be.
But at the same time, therewere a lot of things that were
happening behind the scenes, andso there were things happening
(10:33):
where I had gotten to the pointwhere I was getting ready to
blow the whistle, and so I hadeverything ready in a draft
email that I was getting readyto send off to corporate about
what was happening at ournewspaper, and I did not realize
that those things were beingmonitored and someone had caught
wind of it.
And I had gone out to lunch,and when I came back I was
pulled into the office and I wasgiven the choice of either
(10:56):
resigning or being fired, andwithin minutes I was having to
pack up my desk.
Everything was being videotapedextensively.
I was having to.
They were watching which itemsI was taking and within 45
minutes, like my world hadchanged.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Like.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
I felt like I had handed over my identity with my
badge and it rocked me to mycore.
It broke me and at the sametime, we hadn't really told
anyone and we were coming homefrom Omaha my husband and I were
and then, all of a sudden, myphone was just blowing up and I
was having people text me leftand right of hey, I heard this,
(11:33):
is this true?
So-and-so said this, and myphone was just blowing up with
all of these rumors about whatwas happening and it was
literally just what I like tocall character assassination
no-transcript saying I heard youthis or I heard this is going
(11:56):
on and you're getting a lot ofpeople coming at you.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
What was your first thought?
Not what you settled, but, likefor some of us, we react.
How did you react in thebeginning?
What was that like?
How did you defend yourself?
Did you say I'm not at libertyto discuss with total
self-control?
How did you do that?
Speaker 3 (12:17):
I'm not at liberty to discuss with total self-control
.
How did you do that?
I was so afraid of defendingmyself, especially if you're
like in text messages or even inphone calls I'm like are they
recording this?
But I my initial, like visceralreaction was I wanted justice,
I wanted to explain my side ofit and I couldn't.
I you know, at that time Icould not defend myself.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
That remains.
It's just like those momentswhere you're like a deer in the
headlights.
I would assume it's like youwant to respond, you want to
defend, but you feel choked,almost from actually, and I
wondered if that was what Jesusfelt like.
He probably didn't feel choked,but he just felt, probably felt
(13:00):
, the peace of God in that hewas who he said he was and he
didn't have to defend himself.
But what kind of foundationalelement does that kind of throw
into the picture of what itwould take for Jesus not to
respond when we really want torespond?
We are not the Christ and thisstuff is not just child's play.
(13:24):
This pretty much can kill yourcareer and probably everything
in the criminal justice personwanted to come out and go to
court here, come out and go tocourt here, and so how did that
process work?
To just getting back in thesaddle.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
There for quite a while.
There there was no getting backin the saddle because, like
when you there's cause, there'slike contracts and stuff that
you, that you sign, and so youliterally there's, your hands
are tied, there's nothing youcan do about it.
But I think the hardest partfor me is that as a writer, I
was walking around with thescarlet letter because the
biggest rumor that was goingaround was that it was
plagiarism.
(14:03):
And so like anything when itcomes to plagiarism, even
whispers of that.
That kills your career as awriter, and I think that was the
hardest part for me, because Iwanted justice.
I want to be like this isn'ttrue, this, that this has
nothing to do with my integrityas a writer.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
So when did the moment come where you felt you
saw the light of day again?
Speaker 3 (14:27):
I think it was a good year of grieving after that
Cause, because prior to seeingthe light of day, it was like it
was a process of learning.
It was a process of learninghow to let things go, if that
makes sense.
So if someone's talking aboutyour reputation because my best
friend and I were talking aboutthis last night, because we've
been best friends for 17 yearsshe's seen me go through this
(14:49):
whole character assassination.
But we were talking about itlast night and she used this
analogy of when somethinghappens to your reputation.
It's a feather pillow beingslashed open and those feathers
are flying everywhere the windcatches it and they are going
everywhere and they are landingin the hands of other people.
And we can't go to every personand try and get those feathers
(15:12):
back, because otherwise we endup becoming part of the problem,
if that makes sense.
And so it's a matter of lettingyour legacy, of keeping your
eyes on Christ, and of lettinghim fight for your reputation
and letting him be that path toyour legacy, and so that's.
I think that was like one ofthe biggest epiphanies and
insights that I had was learningto.
(15:34):
You know what the feathers aregoing to lie and they're going
to drop where they may and it isup to God to do what it is that
he's going to do, and they mayforever have this opinion of me,
of what other people have said,or God has changed that in some
shape or form, but that's notfor me to know.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
So it's like when the character assassination happens
initially, it's just you wantto defend, you want to set
things right, you want to tellyour side of the story, you want
to show all the details thatshow you were not what they say
you are.
But you're describing this yearlong period where you just had
to live with what people weresaying and really seek peace,
(16:15):
that you are who God says youare maybe not able to
necessarily refute what's beingsaid about you are who God says
you are and coming to a realplace of peace in that.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
And that's something I feel like almost every lady we
talked to on this podcast hasto come to a point in their life
where they are at peace withwho God says they are, and that
is what makes the pivot pointfor them to walk in that calling
that gifting that they have.
(16:49):
Can you tell us about?
What was that pivot moment foryou where you said, okay, I know
I'm not who they say I am, Iknow I'm not the situation, I'm
going to do this.
What was it like to step outagain?
Speaker 3 (17:04):
Part of the process of stepping out was actually
attending an award ceremony forlike writers across the state of
Nebraska and I was beinghonored with three different
awards.
And I was being honored withthree different awards and I was
so scared about going because Iwould be coming face to face
with former coworkers, otherjournalists and stuff across the
(17:25):
state.
And I was blown away when I gotthere because in their eyes I
was still a writer and in theireyes there was injustice.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
And it was.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
I think that was like the first part of pivoting and
healing, because they still sawme as how God sees me, like I'm
his daughter.
He has called me to be a writer.
It doesn't matter whether ornot I have a badge, so that's.
I think that's like the pivotalmoment of realizing who I am in
Christ and then also realizingthat good things do come in ugly
(17:58):
packaging.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
That's it, and I remember, lisa, you even sharing
similar things when you had tostep off the worship platform
because of your autoimmune issue, and people and some
relationships will never be thesame, and you were talking about
disappointing people.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Yeah, you feel like you let people down.
I felt like I let people down.
I felt like I let myself downin some ways and yet I knew I
had absolutely no control overwhat was going on with my body,
my diagnosis, what it was doingto me.
And you do feel like you letpeople down.
You feel like you fall shortand I think you have that period
of peace which for some of usyou said it took about a year
(18:44):
and then when you got to go tothis award ceremony, you really
had some solid okay, I can standback up on this again.
God is doing something.
He does redeem those very sadand hurtful moments.
If we just give it to him andI'm not saying it's
instantaneous, it's not youstill have to worry about the
(19:05):
fact that you've let people downor people misunderstand you.
They really don't know you atyour core, so you never know
what.
You may even hear what they'resaying.
I heard people came back to meand told me what was being said,
right, and I was like butthat's not true.
You have to come to that pointwhere you recognize God's not
(19:26):
finished with me and I think youobviously got that, especially
when you ended up at this awardceremony.
You started to figure that out.
He's not done with you.
And so what's next for me,what's next?
How do I tiptoe through thisvery interesting situation?
And for me, what I did before,very different looking to what I
(19:48):
do now.
It sounds like to me.
For you, though, god justcontinued to call out your gift
in this arena, and he lets youknow he's set you on this path.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
That's so good.
I go back to some of the thingsthat really bother me the most
is, some relationships in theseextreme situations will never be
the same.
Some friends that you thoughtyou were your closest friends
will never truly be your friendagain and that for me has always
(20:22):
been a hard pill to swallowbecause you question that
friendship.
All the way back to thebeginning and the inception and
I know with Lisa I was alwayssaying some people always
treated me like they'll just cutties or those people who
ghosted you, and then you findyour real friends in those times
(20:46):
where everything goes south,how did you know your real
friends from those who just saidthe right things in front of
your face, heather?
Speaker 3 (20:57):
They were the ones who were still reading my blog,
who were still praying for me,who were defending me, but at
the same time, they weren'tcoming to me with the gossip,
and I think that was like thebiggest part.
That's how I found out who myfriends were like real fast,
because there's a big differencebetween someone coming to me
and saying, hey, this is what Iheard and I feel so sorry for
you, between someone coming tome and saying, hey, this is what
(21:19):
I heard and I feel so sorry foryou.
And then they're saying onething that comes out of one side
of their mouth and then they'returning around and going to
someone else.
Versus the ones who are, howcan I support you?
I still believe in you.
You're still this person.
God still is.
God still has plans for you.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Yeah, there's a huge difference between people who I
think that is a good check, alittle barometer check for truth
.
And maybe that's something weneed to just say a little bit
more emphatically.
When things hit the fan, thingsgo south, things are not the
way we'd really want them to be,whether we really, whether we
(21:52):
are part of that situation ornot.
When that happens, the peoplethat come to you I'm really
sorry this happened to you, thisis, I've heard what's being
said.
No, I think a real friend looksat you and says doesn't even
mention that, they don't evenhave to mention it, they just
need to support and hopefullythey are on the other end when
(22:14):
people come to them saying youknow what?
That's not for us to talk aboutright now.
Oh, can.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
I just say amen to that statement.
That's not for us to talk about.
It's not yes, I just love,because it just reinforces what
friends do for each other.
And I think what I've heardwhen Lisa and Heather, moreover,
is not only not being involvedin conversations and saying I
(22:41):
think we know the whole storyhere and in our defense of
others, it's just I don't thinkwe really know the whole story
and we can't, because it's justbecome this gossip crazy time
where everything is all.
We should not be up.
(23:02):
That's not friendship.
That's not friendship becausewe don't really honor, honestly,
recognize what's going on andwe can't lend our kindling to
the fire of what's going onbecause a lot of people are just
like go to the person and goback to someone else and say
that doesn't even help trying todefend someone, that doesn't
(23:24):
even help, Exactly.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
And that's a hard thing for some personality types
to do, to not defend to justsit back, just try to breathe
through the moment.
I don't want anybody to bedisappointed in me and I so
desperately want to make thingsright.
Not everybody is strapped thatway.
(23:46):
I'm very willing to talk rightnow.
A lot of peoplepersonality-wise, they need some
time to process.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
Yeah, it's true.
It's probably not going to endin the outcome that we want,
yeah, yeah.
And a lot of times when we Ifind that, like a lot of times
when we even settle back intoour own emotions, we need to if
we are the ones that are feelingwronged or anything.
We can't always think that alot of stuff is self-evaluation.
(24:20):
For me, a lot of stuff isself-evaluation.
Is this what I was thinking, oris this what I'm feeling, or is
this my reality?
And we can fuel those things,our intention, and hurt people
with intent to do good.
And I think that's why we goand try to interrupt a
(24:42):
conversation and say but I heardthat, where's that intention
coming from?
It may be coming from a nobleplace.
It may not be coming from aconstructive place.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
It brings to light, and I just wanted to pull up
scripture for this purpose.
I know we're all so familiarwith 1 Corinthians 13,.
But when I hear something aboutsomeone that maybe we should
just not be discussing right now, that's not for us to talk
about right now.
The first thing I go to is 1Corinthians 13 and that simple
(25:15):
scripture that says love nevergives up hope, it never loses
faith, it's always hopeful, itbelieves the best, it hopes the
best, it endures through everycircumstance.
And it may not always feel likethat, I may not always feel like
believing the best, but I haveto remind myself that if we love
(25:37):
someone and for a believer inChrist, you can have love for
someone.
He says they will know who weare by our love for one another,
especially within thefellowship of believers in Jesus
.
We should do our best tobelieve the best and hope the
best.
Right, and I just feel like wehave to constantly wear that
(25:59):
reminder.
That doesn't mean we're foolish, it doesn't mean we don't
remember right, we're notforgetting, but it does do its
best to put on this whole heartmatter of we're going to walk
forward, believing the best ofthis person or this situation
Right.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Amazing and I know Heather and we all have been
dealing.
We have all been dealing withcrazy lives and crazy.
You have had a recent diagnosiswith autoimmune issues, like
Lisa does, and there's alwaysthose people are like, okay, oh
my gosh, she's losing a lot ofweight, she must be anorexic.
(26:40):
Oh wow, she's gaining a lot ofweight, she must be pregnant or,
and there's that kind of or shemissed, she's falling off the
scene, she must be blah, blah,blah, blah, blah.
And I it's hard.
It's hard as a professionalperson to realize that people
are going to talk, no matterwhat People talk, no matter what
(27:01):
they have opinions about thingsthey shouldn't have no opinion
about.
Share a little bit about yourrecent diagnosis and how that
has impacted your working, even.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
I think I sent you the TikTok that I made because
it was hilarious.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
It was so funny.
We should.
We're going to post that.
We need to post that TikTok.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
It's amazing so it's like for the last 10, 15 years,
like we couldn't quite pinpointwhat had been going on with my
body.
And so last, last year, I endedup out of nowhere.
Double pulmonary embolism in mylungs just about killed me, and
so they had blamed it on COVID,but what they had discovered is
(27:41):
that I had several autoimmuneissues that were coming into
play.
And so there is posturalorthostatic tachycardia syndrome
you guys can look that up laterthere's inappropriate sinus
tachycardia, there'sEhlers-Danlos syndrome, which is
a connective tissue disorder,and then there's also this other
disorder of undifferentiatedconnective tissue disorder that
(28:01):
I'm dealing with, and diabetesand Raynaud's.
So it's like this long list ofthings that we're just now
discovering why my body is doingwhat it's doing, and it makes
working like outside the homehard, and so I have been blessed
to be able to start my ownbusiness.
God called me away from beingthe executive director at the
(28:23):
chamber here in the town that welive in, and he's.
It's time for you to be home.
It's time for you to, it's timefor us to start working on
these additional issues.
And so I'm blessed to be ableto work from home, because if I
can't sleep because I'm onsteroids for some flare up, then
you know what I'm going to getlike the 15 articles that I need
(28:44):
done at 3am and I have thatblessing and that ability to be
able to do that.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Those steroids are something else.
They are yes, they aresomething else.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Yeah, and it's the problem, because people don't
understand.
And even when you're dealingwith the same thing, you don't
understand fully, but you get it.
You get those things becauseeverybody has different lives.
But it's oh my gosh, you'redoing this and this, what's
wrong with you, or whatever.
And we can't perpetuate thosekind of.
(29:15):
I would say that those arelittle assassinations, those are
little bullets put towards ourfriends, our families, those who
are in the public light,because why do we want something
to talk about that's not us,that's, I guess, so.
Or we want to look at othersmore than we're looking at
ourselves.
And I think that's the hardthing, because we are we.
(29:40):
We are a people of judgmentwhen God tells us we're not the
judge.
And, lisa, you talked abouteven people when you were a
pastor's wife.
That's, that's huge.
When you are a pastor's wifeand you can't show up and
they're like where are you inchurch?
Speaker 2 (29:55):
Right, or if, in those situations, all you can do
is be the best you, the bestversion of you that you have to
offer at the time, and recognizethat maybe you have to step
back from a few things for atime being, or maybe you have.
My mindset was I need to figureout what's going on with my
(30:18):
body and how to best work withthis.
Because, while number one, I dobelieve God heals, I do believe
it's for today, for whateverpurpose, I will walk through
this with him at my side.
So help me figure out how todeal with what's going on with
my body and in the meantime, Imay need to step away from some
things.
What's going on with my bodyand in the meantime, I may need
(30:39):
to step away from some things.
And you find out very quicklythat people really know you in
your heart or they don't.
Because if they know you inyour heart and they know you're
willing to step back to get agrip, yeah, they are not
accepting of that and insteadthey get angry and they take it
personally.
You recognize okay, maybethey've never known me my part,
(31:02):
because I would never doanything to personally assault
them in these situations.
You have to really find a way.
And I even say to peoplesometimes that process is so
painful.
I because it was so tied toworship and where we go every
week to worship, I literallyfelt like there was salt.
(31:23):
You said this before beingpoured into a very big wound in
my heart.
Every time I walked in thedoors of church and I knew that
was not my Heavenly Father doingthat.
I knew that was not what hewanted me to feel when I was in
his house, when I was supposedto be gathering with believers
and I had to just continue tobattle through and allow him to
(31:47):
speak life into my spirit.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Yes, I just want to shout out to Andy Tomasi, who is
commenting.
She said she's dealing withthis right now.
I know that there are manywomen who are dealing with this.
And thank you for joining us.
We are, it is, and I know thatthere are things that when you
deal with stuff, people want tosit back and have their say and
(32:12):
it's you know what.
You can be quiet.
You can be quiet.
I get a little bit bent out ofshape and I try not to make me
it tries.
I try not to make it give me ahorrible taste in my mouth about
people because people don'tunderstand certain things, even
(32:32):
when I talk about mental healthand there are people who say, oh
, mental health, that's justdemons purpose in me, that God's
written, because of this aspectthat I still struggle with in
life, that somehow that's ademonic influence.
(33:05):
And you know what?
Sometimes we have to keep ourmouth shut because we don't know
.
We don't know the reality of asituation.
You can't tell someone to pickthings up from the booth.
You can't even give themmedical.
You can tell them things, but Idon't try to say you do this
and this and you'll feel better.
Speaker 3 (33:25):
I'm going to let Jesus fix it or I'm going to go
to jail In our core.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
we have to decide for ourselves what kind of brother
or sister in Christ we arechoosing to be.
Are we going to choose to onceagain believe the best, hope the
best, speak the best?
I'm not saying that means welive with blinders on.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
I'm just saying we do have choices about what runs
out of our mouth, or even likein our thought process,
especially like if you'reworking in ministry or as a
pastor's wife.
People tend to put them on apedestal and it just makes me so
angry, because they're humanbeings.
Just because they're leadingthe church doesn't mean that
(34:13):
we're supposed to hold them in ahigher regard.
But they're still human beings.
They still have flaws, theystill have health issues.
Let them be human and beempathetic and compassionate
towards that, because they can'tanswer every beck and call.
Speaker 2 (34:26):
And when you have a choice to make about whether or
not to believe what someone saysabout someone, even if you know
it's truth, God can stilltemper how we respond to those
truths.
God can still temper how werespond to those truths, and I
believe that he loves each oneof us as his creation.
So dearly he would want us tocontinue to embrace people with
(34:48):
love.
How we respond, as a believer,to these situations could be the
difference between peopledetermining whether or not they
want to walk with Jesus someday,and we've got to remember that
with how we respond to people inthese moments.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
I think that's one of the ways that Amber and I grew
closer, because we have thishashtag that we like to send to
each other once in a while, andit's sisterhood of the short
yellow pencils.
When it comes to health.
I understand like what it isthat she's going through and I'm
going to have compassion forher and empathy for her and I'm
still going to hold her in highregard, regardless of what, what
(35:25):
labels that she's been given,and that's, I think, more
Christians, jesus followers,need to walk that way.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Yeah, a lot of people .
My daughter has shed the lighton advocacy and awareness and a
lot of she's in the social workfield and just graduated and
part of the.
I think the part of the problemis we don't.
We take more time to judge thanunderstand, and God Jesus on
(35:55):
this earth spent a lot of timetrying to understand people and
come to them where they were.
And he didn't go and straightaway say you get this right, you
get this right, you get thisright.
He said he healed, he touchedtheir eyes, he reached out and
(36:17):
he touched them.
He went to where they were, hesought to engage conversation
and in that he already kneweverything.
But he wasn't a person of fireon his tongue that spoke
judgment.
He came close and I thinkthat's what we need to be and
(36:41):
that's the culture.
But the culture starts in us.
Do we want to come?
Do we want to connect?
Do we want to comfort?
Do we want to reach peoplewhere they are, or are we going
to be the assassins?
With our tongues, even with oureyes and thoughts, we can become
assassins.
(37:01):
You know, I typically, when Igo into, sometimes, when I go
into a traffic and I'm likeseeing people do stupid things,
I can assassinate a lot ofpeople on a Monday morning
commute because of that.
But a few weeks ago, when I gotin my first car accident, I was
(37:26):
like this is what it feels liketo be at the end of the gun of
my thoughts to someone else,because I can't judge everyone
who drives crazy.
We'd like to, you'd like todrop a few quick expletives and
it's.
But where are we finding ourmind?
(37:47):
Do we find?
Do we shift towards compassionor do we shift towards judgment?
Yeah, and I think that if wecould do that in ourselves,
maybe we can be the church wewant to see.
Instead of being the church ofjudgment, we can be the church
that's moved in compassionate.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
I really think it's even in the Sermon on the Mount,
when we go through theBeatitudes and Jesus talks about
blessed are the pure at heart.
Blessed are those who arehumble.
Blessed are those who basicallythirst for justice but at the
same time they are merciful as achild of Christ, as a Christ
(38:30):
follower.
Those are traits.
They seem so poetic, but if wecan really try them on as a
garment and try to walk in them,maybe we will impact
differently how people seeChrist and how they see the
church.
And right now there's so muchnegative light given to the
(38:50):
church in society, some of itvery well deserved and earned by
the church.
If I do say so, I hate to sayit, but it's truth, at least my
interpretation, what I have seenthat if we would really try
that on, it might impactdifferently how we're able to
serve the kingdom better.
So true and so good to talk toyou today, heather.
(39:15):
I'm grateful that we made thiswork.
It's been an intense few weeksand we had to, like put some
things on pause and recalibrate.
But I'm glad that you're herewith us today and I just want to
thank you for sharing yourexperience and would you just
take a minute and maybe pray forthose that are listening that
(39:35):
might be going through thissituation right now.
They might be going throughthis form of character
assassination, and let's justlift them up together today.
Speaker 3 (39:46):
I can do that.
Thank you for having me.
It's been an honor.
You two are so wonderful towork with.
Great conversationalist,because usually I get nervous
about speaking.
Thank you for that, but let'sgo ahead and pray.
Father God, I just want to comebefore you today and I ask that
whoever ends up listening tothis podcast, that you have them
in mind and I ask that you helpthem heal the wounds that need
(40:09):
healing and I ask that you opentheir eyes to the sifting that
they are going through and toshow them what it is that you
are building in their characterwhen it does come to character
assassination, and it justreminds me of the life verse
that I have that I would like tospeak over anyone who's going
to be listening to this podcast.
Father God, and that's in Isaiah43.
(40:30):
But now this is what the Lordsays he who created you, jacob,
he who formed you, israel.
Do not fear, for I haveredeemed you, I have summoned
you by name.
You are mine.
When you pass through thewaters, I will be with you.
When you pass through therivers, they will not sweep over
you.
When you walk through the fire,you will not be burned.
The flames will not set youablaze, for I am the Lord, your
(40:53):
God.
In Jesus name we pray Amen.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
Amen Amen.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
Amen, your God.
In Jesus name, we pray.
Amen, amen, amen, amen.
I just wanted to say HeatherHeather has this amazing book
called Mama Needs a Timeout andshe needed to connect with her
with that.
It's great.
Every mama needs this book.
In fact, go get your mom atthis book For mama You'll take a
belated gift.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
It probably won't be given by tomorrow, but she'll
take it it for mama and Heathertell everyone about your new
endeavor where they can see whatyou do on your website.
Speaker 3 (41:27):
I my new endeavor.
I am a social media consultantand coach, and so you can visit
HeatherRigelmancom if you needhelp for social media.
If you need a writing coach,I'm there too, and then I also
share what it's like to be aherder.
That's what I call myself.
I have teens, cats and chickens, because that's kind of the
life that I'm living right now,but it's not teenagers, it's the
cats.
It's not the cats, it's thechickens that are getting out.
(41:49):
That's just life.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
That's a true Nebraska girl.
You are a Nebraska girl.
Thank you so much for joiningus.
We are actually I am taking avacation and starting Isn't that
great.
We're getting a vacation.
We are have had some kind ofdelays on the journal, but God
knows what he's doing and we'reexpecting it soon.
(42:13):
We will be back with youtalking about all the details of
that and all the goodies thatwe have to give.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
We have some good, much goodness.
Speaker 3 (42:26):
I'm excited about those yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:28):
So until next time.
This is Amber, and this is Lisa, and thank you, Heather, for
being with us.
Check us out.
Leading ladiesieslife.
Subscribe to the podcast.
We're up on Apple Spotify,everywhere you can get your
podcast.
You can find Coffee Chat withAmber and Lisa.
Please subscribe and share itwith your friends and until next
(42:49):
time, take care.
Bye-bye.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!