June 29, 2024 • 41 mins
Grab a cuppa and cozy up for a chat with the 'tea lady' herself, Penelope Carlevato! We're diving into the world of tea, from her British roots and South Dakota upbringing to a Titanic twist in her walk into purpose. But it's not just about the brew - we're talking real connections in a world of constant notifications. How do we balance screen time with face time? Penelope's got some ideas that'll make you want to put down your phone and pick up the teapot. We're also dishing on modern hospitality, from genuine offers of help to the power of a good old-fashioned handwritten letter. It's all about those small acts of kindness that make a big difference. So join Amber and Lisa for a heartwarming episode that'll leave you feeling inspired to slow down and savor life's simple pleasures. Trust us, this one's too good to miss!"
Reflection Questions:
1. How has a family tradition or childhood experience shaped your life's path?
2. What unexpected encounter or experience has sparked a passion or new direction in your life?
3. In what ways can you create more meaningful, in-person interactions in your daily life?
4. What small gesture of hospitality or kindness could you incorporate into your routine to strengthen your relationships?
00:00 Introduction and Welcome
00:32 Meet Penelope Carlevato: The Tea Lady
01:49 Penelope's British Roots and Tea Connection
02:36 The Titanic and Tea: A Unique Inspiration
04:37 Cultural Shifts in Hospitality
07:19 The Importance of Personal Connection
10:17 Navigating Technology and Hospitality
13:54 The Value of True Friendship
20:32 Hospitality in Action: Real-Life Examples
29:04 Modern Etiquette and Manners
37:05 Closing Thoughts and Prayer
Thank you for taking the time to like, subscribe, share, and comment. Visit leadingladies.life to find out more. Also, follow @leadingladieslife on social. Amber & Lisa are authors of the multi-award-winning book, Leading Ladies: Discover Your God-Grown Strategy for Success, which dives into the power of community and empowering women of faith to rise up and make a difference, using our gifts and faith to shine brightly in the world. Watch the Facebook Live edition on our YouTube Channel @coffeechatladies .
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (00:00):
Good morning everyone and welcome to
another Copy Chat with Amber andLisa, my co-author in crime.
We are so excited to be herewith you today and we have an
exciting guest close to my heartand close to my teacup Penelope
Carlevato.
(00:21):
Thank you so much for beingwith us.
Penelope Carlevato (00:25):
Oh, it's very exciting here to be with
both of you.
I love both of you, so this isgoing to be a fun morning.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (00:32):
I know a lot of people have asked me
about my teapot.
I've talked a lot about myteapots in the podcast.
This woman is responsible formy plethora of teapots and
teacups.
She is the tea lady.
She has that close to my heartbecause she has the British
roots, as my family does, and hehas become, and etiquette has
(00:57):
become part of what she useswhat God's given her to minister
.
So I'm excited about talkingwith this because sometimes we
forget the old things, but a lotof times some of the old things
brought out of the cupboard aresome of the things that we need
to reconnect with as in purpose.
How are we doing things?
(01:18):
How does what we do affectothers?
How are we bringing people intoour space?
So this is going to be anexciting conversation and I'd
love for people who are in thecomment to just say hey to us
and if you have a picture, Ihave my tea cup.
If you want to send a pictureof your tea cup or coffee cup or
(01:41):
plastic cup, we'd love to seethem in the comments.
Penelope, I've known you foryears.
Tell us a little bit, becauseyou have some really cool
connection with the Britishculture, and tell me where that
started for you.
Penelope Carlevato (01:59):
My mom was English.
I was born in England, cameover as a child after World War
II, so that kind of gives youwhich decade I'm with Zingley.
I was born in England, cameover as a child after World War
II, so that kind of gives youwhich decade I'm in.
And my mother loved tea and wedidn't sit down every afternoon
and have a big, glorious tea,but it was an oddity, for where
I grew up in South Dakota Notvery many people were tea
(02:22):
drinkers and so my mother wouldhave people over and you never
came to our house and my motherwouldn't say would you like a
cup of tea Her whole life.
So that's where it started.
I just knew about tea.
And then the other interestingaspect that come into this is
that the Titanic came and thatstarted very long time ago.
(02:44):
My mother and I and my dad andmy older brother, we were going
to England for the summer.
We were going on an ocean linerover to England and my mother
and I were having afternoon teain the lounge or wherever it was
.
I don't remember, but it was anAmerican ship.
I'm not to remember my mothersaying for an American ship,
they've done a pretty good job,and she said this must have been
(03:06):
like it was on the Titanic.
And I said what's Titanic?
And she said that was a shipand it was very elegant and they
had afternoon tea andeverything.
But it sunk.
And that was when I thoughtTitanic.
That kind of stuck there for along time.
But many years later, after Ihad grandchildren and we were in
(03:26):
Tennessee and there was aTitanic museum here and I took
my grandchildren to see it.
And lo and behold, as we'regoing through the museum I start
seeing all these beautifulteapots and teacups and I'm
thinking, gee, on the Titanic,kind of that little memory back
there burst forth and I thoughtof course that was the era when
(03:49):
tea was fashion.
So I said to my husband I'mgoing to write a book about tea
on the Titanic.
And we went through thebookshop or the gift shop.
You know every, every fraction,you go out through the gift
shop and they had a big sectionon books and there was nothing
in there about tea and thetitanic which was shocking to me
(04:10):
.
So that's how the first thingthat kind of got me going on
thinking about even writing, andand then the hospitality thing
is I learned it from my motherand my mother was always very
hospitable, and not always.
She didn't always like drop-inguests, but I mean, that's fun,
(04:30):
there's a little excitementthere and you may have on your
pajamas, but you can always makea cup of tea real quick.
Lisa Burris Burns (04:37):
We were discussing pre-show just how
different the culture feelstoday as compared to when some
of us were younger and we alsojoked about the decades we all
come from.
I would say that as a60-year-old woman, I remember
just enough of what things werelike in the 60s and even the 70s
(04:58):
when we still had a little bitof that mentality.
You might drop by to see peopleI was explaining to the girls
even family functions.
Today it's so different how wehandle the pace that we live at.
We're going at such a nonstophaving to be entertained pace
(05:19):
and we can attribute that towhat everyone I know there a
real life situation, there areconditions, there are tensioned
up.
It's just such this situationwhere we just we function at a
different level.
But it just seems to be theclimate we live in to rush at
this pace and to be in aconstant state of entertainment,
like it used to be a familygathering, and I'm so torn
(05:43):
sometimes it's.
I want to entertain the people Ilove in my home.
I just want them to come.
I want us to be a familygathering and I'm so torn
sometimes.
I want to entertain the peopleI love in my home.
I just want them to come.
I want us to be together.
I want us to be able to talkabout life together and just
bond together and have thoseexperiences.
But instead we're so used tobeing entertained in this
culture that there's hardly afamily function you go to
anymore that does not have apretty strict schedule, and I'm
(06:04):
not just talking about the timesyou eat, I'm talking all the
added things you throw in.
I remember as a child, familyfunctions, whether it was just
being at my grandparents' houseand my grandmother would have a
friend stop by and they wouldsit down for anything from a cup
of coffee to a glass of icedtea, whatever it was.
(06:25):
They would just sit and take amoment to share with one another
and to just talk about life.
It didn't matter if dinner wason the way, they would take a
minute.
I remember family functionswhere aunties and cousins would
gather around and just chat.
We don't do that as often as weused to.
(06:48):
We fill it up with all kinds ofthings.
Yes, we do, and it's not thatit's highbrow or makes some
people better.
It's not a class thing.
It's just a matter of how do weget back to resurrecting and
that's a word that you use,penelope how do you resurrect
(07:08):
some of these things where wecould connect on a level that's
a little more intimate than,let's say, daily life in the
year 2024?
Penelope Carlevato (07:19):
It has to begin with us wanting that.
We have to desire to have that,quiet times with friends or
being able to sit down, and soit pretty much, if you want
things to change, it's got tobegin with you, and so I think
one of the obstacles that youmight say is I look, sometimes
(07:40):
I'm getting older.
I really don't have the energy.
I don't want to do that.
Instead, I'm taking an obstacleand making an opportunity, and
I try to make opportunities whenI see them, especially with
grandkids, as they're gettingolder.
Our grandkids are getting older, getting married, so they're
pulling away even more.
Because I'm so boy, I will takeany little time that I can get
(08:03):
and, instead of thinking Ireally should be doing that sort
of thing, just stop.
Open the front door.
That's where it is.
It's got to begin, where it'ssomething that you want to do,
and I'm seeing a couple of galsthat I've mentored for many
years.
They're in their fifties nowand they were young, but that's
the kind of thing that they wantto do when we get together.
They don't want to rush aroundand go to see things when we get
(08:25):
together, they want to justrelax and they want time.
They want that we can havequality time.
So I think it's dripping downreally.
Yeah, dripping down a littlebit, because people were when we
were all shut away.
I would think that would havegiven us wow, this is nice,
we're not rushing here and there.
(08:46):
But then it started as soon aswe were, the gates were open.
We're out doing all this andeverything, and so I think it's
got to really be something thatwe want to do, so that we make
the time, and if we make thetime for those that are younger,
maybe it'll start, maybe we'llhave.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (09:04):
Yeah, I think too we make the time for
those that are younger.
Maybe it'll start, maybe we'llhave.
Yeah, I think too we I wastalking to Lisa about this
earlier is we almost negatepersonal connection for our
schedule.
We just interact with peoplegoing through our business
(09:26):
without making meaningfulpersonal connection, and I think
that even how social media hasgotten and like people are more
concerned, who are likepublishing books or whatever is
what's my reach?
Maybe it's so broad it's notreaching personally.
How can you connect moregenerally with people?
And a lot of it is lettingpeople into your life, letting
(09:51):
those and I know you can't openthe door and let a gajillion
people in, and that's thechallenge, because back in
Titanic days we didn't have agajillion friends that was on,
that were on facebook, but wealso didn't have didn't have
things that were constantlybeeping at us and telling us
(10:15):
somebody needs to connect withus.
Penelope, how do you deal withthe technology?
As someone who is focused onhospitality, how do you deal
with technology and keeping itin its place and making
meaningful connections withpeople?
Penelope Carlevato (10:31):
I don't always I get totally absorbed in
something, or I'm on my phonetoo much, on my Facebook too
much, so I can't say, oh, I knowhow to.
I can't say I'm the expert onknowing how to do that.
But there's two things thatkind of hit me.
That's my doorbell.
I didn't think about shuttingthat up.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (10:50):
That's okay.
That sounds very regal with allthe doorbell interlude.
Penelope Carlevato (10:54):
I think it's the first door.
Yep, it's live folks.
Yeah, two things that I'venoticed.
It's been quite a while ago,but I used to teach a class
called Just Root, after theboxers are unpacked.
I taught it for quite a whileand it's a couple of different
churches, and I just saw theneed for a woman when she moved,
(11:17):
to have a friend, maybe justone friend, and that has gotten
out of control.
Because, oh, you're my friend onFacebook.
You know you have 5,000 friends, all this, or somebody wants to
be your friend and then, oh,they can't be your friend
because they already have their5,000.
But it's just unrealistic.
We need somebody that we cantalk to, that we can share our
(11:39):
heart with, and one of thethings this last I guess it was
last season in our church one ofthe things that kept coming up
was connections, but that weneed we, we don't need each
other.
We have lost that closenesssometimes with having we have a
jillian friends, like you said,you've got all these friends and
(12:01):
really, when it comes down to,we need to put the time into a
friendship.
I guess that's what I'm gettingat, because, yes, we can spend
hours and hours on Facebook.
We can spend hours.
And what does my daughter callit?
Wastebook?
It says a lot of wasted timeand looking at things.
So I'm dealing with it, I'mtrying to cut my time back on it
(12:26):
.
I have a friend that I sent herthe little thing saying hey, I'm
going to be on this interview,you might want to watch it.
She goes I'm not on Facebookanymore and I thought, oh, I
could say that kind of, but Ithink, as authors and speakers,
that's part of the way that wedo communicate with people who
read our books, and so it's.
I don't know, I'm not an experton that.
(12:49):
I'm probably on the other sidetrying to looking at it.
Sometimes, when we talk aboutwhen we have interruptions, and
we say, no, that wasn't aninterruption, that was a divine
intervention.
We're all struggling with thisfast-paced world, with all the
many opportunities that we haveto connect with many people, and
(13:10):
yet when it comes down to beingable to really feel that we're
having some kind of an impact insomebody's life, I've got to be
the one that says okay, stop,yeah, put all the things that
you have to the side and andspend a little time with
somebody that you feel like.
What should you?
(13:31):
Um, people that god brings intoyour life are sometimes not the
people I would choose.
Yeah, they're the people thatmaybe need a cup of tea or need
time to just be able to open upand share.
I think it comes down to usindividually making decisions
that you can't keep up the pacethat has been going on for so
(13:53):
long.
Lisa Burris Burns (13:54):
I can't, anyway, and I think too Amber
even brought up somethingearlier about the people that we
let in, that we let into ourhome or that we let close enough
to us intimately inrelationship.
I'll be honest, those circlesflux in life sometimes quite big
.
I think back at the differentseasons of life and the friends
(14:18):
that were closest to me duringthose seasons and there are
friends that you want to.
They're heart friends, you wantto keep them close, but the
reality is in today's society wedon't have to live right next
door to each other.
We do life together.
Like you said, social media, allthe different ways that we feel
connected with people.
(14:38):
They're different but they arethere.
And I know, as people becomeclose to us and fade in and out
of our inner circle, that canalso put us in a position to not
wanting to let everyone intoour private space for a reason
Amber had mentioned, feelinglike, okay, I maybe don't want
(15:01):
you to see the way my innerspace is, Avery you were talking
about, that I think that myheart naturally and I think it's
with us we gravitate towardpeople as kindred friends and
people that we let in the innercircle.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (15:20):
I think, just as Jesus had an inner
circle friend, we naturally havethose people in our lives.
It's so funny because Lisa isway up in Kansas City and here I
am in Springfield yet, whereshe's one of my closest friends
and our total interaction.
We're not with each other everyday, but it almost feels so.
(15:44):
I know that closeness is moreof a heart friendship.
But at the same time even Lisaand I we go for times where we
don't talk or stuff and it feelsstrange, almost when you get to
those points where it's okay, Ijust need to really just step
(16:04):
away, put things down.
But honestly, I think, lisa,you have had me in your home
more than I've had me and ofcourse I have snakes, so that's
that shapes the way a lot ofpeople if you're not a snake
person, you probably don't wantto come to my house.
Penelope Carlevato (16:22):
I remember my morning in your kitchen.
I was at your kitchen table, Iwas staying with you and I was
doing my quiet time and all of asudden I saw this yellow thing
and it was that big and Ithought, oh my gosh, if it gets
out, I'm done.
Lisa Burris Burns (16:40):
The snakes could be a deterrent to your
ability to be hospitable.
I remember the first time Istopped in on Amber we had met
through mutual friends and Ithink that's where things start.
Sometimes We'd met mutualfriends, we'd chit-chatted a
little bit via social media itwas early on in Facebook and I
(17:09):
remember was going through somethings.
We had some things thatconnected us, mainly because of
the denomination.
We both called our churchMutual friends.
We knew from a distance thatconnected us.
But she had some surgery and Iwas in Springfield and I said,
hey, can I bring you, can Ibring you a coffee?
Amber Weigand-Buckley (17:29):
yeah, I remember that was like I'm
probably when I wouldn't wantanyone in my house because I was
, I was on my back, housesweren't clean.
But here my friend and my newfriend, who I hadn't known very
much at the long out of the time, decided to come into my house
(17:49):
and bring me a drink, which wasan amazing thing.
Lisa Burris Burns (17:54):
Amber was on medication, just so you all know
she had just had a, so so theconversation was a little
different.
I'm teasing.
It was great, but it broke downthat wuckle, if I can be honest
.
All of a sudden we had sat faceto face in a situation where,
yeah, she was going throughsomething and maybe it wasn't
(18:16):
optimum in her eyes to havesomeone in her home, but I don't
think I forced my way in.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (18:21):
But I know you did not pave a way for
a type of friendship that maybewe wouldn't have had without a
little physical passion thereyeah, and that was as real as it
can get visiting somebody forthe first time you just come out
of the surgery that was ondrugs.
And that's how I knew that Lisawas a fart friend more just
(18:45):
than a casual friend, becauseshe was able to see me in my raw
and still want to hang out andbe with me and I think that I
don't know.
I think that is to me even moreso hospitable for her to come
(19:06):
into my home and accept it forhow it is.
I felt very accepted.
Lisa Burris Burns (19:10):
You made a comment earlier.
You said I'm a messy.
I keep a messy house.
I don't necessarily feelcomfortable with everyone coming
in and seeing my life as it is,and I think that's we need to
do better, because we all havemessy.
Even when you walk in a homethat's pristine, I can guarantee
(19:34):
you it is not perfection,Whether it has to do with maybe
someone is going through areally tough time and the way
they get through that is bykeeping everything as perfected
as possible on the exterior.
We all have messy and walkaround in this flesh and bones
(19:54):
and act like we don't have messy.
That's's not right.
It's not true.
Penelope Carlevato (20:01):
For a child of.
Lisa Burris Burns (20:02):
God, it's not transparent.
I don't feel like people cantake us seriously, take
relationships seriously, and Ithink that's where we
immediately categorize people.
We put them in this separatezone that isn't intimate, where
we don't take the time to dolife with them.
Automatically.
(20:22):
We discredit them, we countthem out when we feel as if, for
some reason, they're going tolook down upon our realness
right.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (20:31):
Yeah, one of the things that Penelope
this article that you wrote awhile ago.
It was about when you had yoursurgery and people coming to
serve you, wanting to take careof you.
How did that?
How did getting through that?
Because people wanted to comeinto your home and you having
(20:56):
the mindset of a hospital, thisI don't know how they impact you
and how they change the way youthought about it A lot of times
if you have a gift that God'sgiven you, or be a servant's
heart, it's very hard then forto accept that.
For sure.
Penelope Carlevato (21:14):
But I think when you're hurting bad enough,
you take it.
But it gets back to what wewere all talking about is
comparison.
Comparison kills.
Comparison will kill not onlyfriendships, it'll put walls up,
but it kills hope that if Idon't improve, that person's not
going to like me if they don'tmeet my standards.
(21:35):
So when somebody comes andbrings me food or offers to
bring me food I had that happenSomebody said can I bring you
something?
What can I do for you?
And so I said really, a meal isreally what I need.
And it was jarred them intothinking, oh, that's not really
what I had in mind.
And so I think when you're likewe do offer something to
(21:58):
somebody and they tell us whatthey need, like we do offer
something to somebody and theytell us what they need.
We better mean what we say.
It's like when you see somebodysay I'll pray for you, I'll
pray about that, and I've cometo the realization that I need
to pray right then, right now.
And one of the things thatreally irritates my husband is
if I say to somebody we need toget together, and he said, don't
(22:21):
do that, say, can you come over, can we meet such and such a
date?
It's like when somebody wantedto come over and bring me
something, I loved it when theydidn't ask me what I wanted,
when they just showed up with apot of soup, it was amazing
because you don't realize whatpressure that takes off of you
(22:42):
when you really can't cook.
I think I've had two bigsurgeries and the one we were
living in Colorado in our wholeneighborhood just started one of
those meal trains phenomenal.
And I think when you're servedlike that, when somebody comes
to your aid, it makes you moreaware of those little things
(23:03):
that can help somebody.
I know right after you losesomebody very close to you and
you're more good cards and youdon't really take the time to
look and I can remember the onesthen that came over maybe a
month later when all the hubbuband everything, and that was the
time that I could reallyconnect with somebody.
(23:24):
And at our age we're startingto lose friends, are losing
their husbands or friends.
And the saddest thing that I'veheard I don't know if I'm
getting off base here, but myhospitality is the saddest thing
that I've heard, especially fora woman.
And they've been a couple andthey've been involved with other
(23:46):
couples at church.
Maybe they've gone out to lunchwith them or they did evening
and all of a sudden they're notinvited anymore because they
know their couple is not acouple anymore, they're single
and I hardest thing oh, a hardthing, yeah, and I'm thinking
how can people do that?
and I'm surprised because a lotit's not a couple anymore,
they're single.
And I hardest thing, oh yeah.
And I'm thinking how can peopledo that?
And I'm surprised because a lotof times I'll know this group
(24:06):
but people are like how can youdo that?
Amber Weigand-Buckley (24:09):
We have.
Penelope Carlevato (24:10):
My husband is so great about including
others.
He's really open about that,and so we end up having a lot of
threesomes because I'll sayso-and-so is they're just
sitting home alone tonight.
Can we just say, oh sure, comeon.
And so sometimes we have agreat time and he's really good
about that, about saying, yes,include them.
(24:32):
I think I wouldn't say that heis Mr Hospitality, but he sure
helped me out when it's time forus to do something.
Or, yeah, take meals and.
But it's hospitality comes inall different sizes and packages
, and particularly what I see itis and I don't know if this is
exactly, but it's comes from theword hospice, yes, and it means
(24:56):
a place of healing and rest.
So if you can, can invitesomebody.
Well, maybe they're not hurting,maybe they are, Maybe they're
lonely.
And just so we're talking aboutthis.
Rest wrote the book Sacred Rest.
Sometimes that can be we can dothat for somebody else.
So hospitality has many fingers, many avenues, and when you're
(25:18):
the recipient of it, you realizehow important it is to reach
out to somebody.
Lisa Burris Burns (25:25):
I absolutely love that definition a place of
healing and rest.
Really, when it comes torelating to people making
relationships, those are twovery beautiful things we can
offer someone yeah, a safe space, right, and all the other stuff
(25:47):
just get thrown out the windowwhen you actually go there with
someone.
What are some?
I and I don't want our time toget too far away from us.
We think about hospitality andthings like putting out tea or
something like that for people,as, like I said, our archaic
June Cleaver kind of behaviors.
(26:08):
But what we do in the fast paceof today's society, that whole,
if you can't beat them, jointhem kind of mindset.
I don't mean it quite like that, but we do live in a different
time.
Join them kind of mindset.
I don't mean it quite like that, but we do live in a different
(26:28):
time and it used to be we wouldwrite letters and cards and now
we send texts.
Penelope Carlevato (26:32):
What are some things?
Lisa Burris Burns (26:36):
We'll write letters and cards.
Yeah, you know some of us stilldo it, but I've seen what can
we do with this youngergeneration that can bridge that
gap.
Go ahead and send a text.
It may not be your first thing,but it's a way to start a
bridge.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (26:50):
Yeah, One thing I love about Penelope her
handwritten letters with alittle tea bag.
Oh, I just think that is thesweetest thing and it's like an
invitation to have tea with herand it's so small and it was
just.
I just thought that in initself was such a simple thing,
(27:12):
right?
Yeah, we overlook that.
Lisa Burris Burns (27:15):
Maybe overlook that small right.
Maybe we don't go calling onour neighbors anymore and pop up
at the door and expect a cup oftea.
But what if I know you're goingthrough a time and I just show
up with a coffee mug thatbasically from a thrift store,
but it looks brand new and it'spacked full of some tea bags and
(27:38):
maybe something to brightenyour day and drop off?
I feel like there are somecreative ways that we can become
hospitable in today that maybeyears ago we wouldn't have done
it that way.
Penelope Carlevato (27:53):
The last article I wrote about the
hospitality tea basket.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (27:57):
Yes, the tea basket.
Penelope Carlevato (27:58):
Wow, that was something that I did a long
time ago and I resurrected itbecause I can keep it all ready
and if I hear somebody you cantake it to a park, you can go
meet somebody at a park or there.
You know, it's a very simplebasket.
It's just got stuff in it forhaving a tea and all you have to
add is some water.
But there are so many placesthat it can just be an instant.
(28:22):
I don't have to think about it.
I don't have to go and findthis and everything.
Everything's in this cutelittle old-fashioned basket I
have.
But when I open it up and takesome things out and just put a
teacup there or put a tea mugthere, it has, that same brings
back some memories that maybesomebody had with their grandma
or somebody had with their.
It's not a big deal.
(28:43):
I don't when I do a big tea atmy house and have everybody I
did.
The last big one I did, I think, was Christmas, when the whole
family came Guy, thegrandson-in-laws and the kids
that are still in high school.
They wanted that and I wasshocked.
It's an old-fashioned thing andI can get snitty about manners
(29:03):
too.
I run what that one thingthat's coming back in is manners
and everything.
Because young people are findingout and I've read this that
when a young man or young ladygoes for a job interview,
sometimes they have four or fivevery placed and educated people
for the same job, and you knowwhat they do.
(29:25):
They take them out for lunchand they see if this person
works for us.
How would they represent us ifthey're at a dinner, at a
business dinner, at a dinner ata business dinner, that's true.
So etiquette manners are comingback in, because people are sick
of what goes on the table andeating with your mouth open, and
so some things.
There's a lot of etiquetteclasses that are popping up here
(29:48):
and there and my little bookhere, first Class Etiquette that
I wrote gosh, what was that?
But it's starting to sell alittle bit more on Amazon's with
the.
Okay, there's that.
It's all.
New is old.
Things have a way of recycling.
You just wait long enough.
And how about let's come backand look what's happening?
You know, it's so funny this isthe thing.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (30:13):
it's like um in the embracing.
Even people take notice.
Even I'm trying to like take itall back, even with, uh, the
whole, uh, our kansas city chief, travis kelsey, um opening door
for his, for his significantother.
That's, oh, my goodness, thisis something that is wow,
(30:38):
world-changing.
But people are taking notice, Ithink, of how he treats a
significant other as a gentlemanand people want that.
People want it to be treatedwith respect, with love, with
recognition.
And they're there, they're inyour space, and that's one of
(31:01):
the things I love about evenbeing married to Brit.
I don't know if it's just beingmarried to Brit, maybe being
married to a person.
He was considerate of manners,he doesn't like to walk in
people's paths, he likes to holddoors for people and not drop
them on their faces.
(31:23):
It's like recognizing there isanother person in your space and
caring about them enough to bekind to say I see you and I'm
going to hold the door open foryou.
Those little things and itseems like those are some of the
forgotten things that now we'reseeing in the public eye that
look whoa something.
(31:43):
And we can do that even withthe people that we interact with
in the supermarket.
We can treat them with kindnessand with manners.
Is just treating people withrespect?
Lisa Burris Burns (31:59):
It really doesn't take but a little bit of
effort to approach somebodywith kindness, really regardless
of how they respond.
Penelope Carlevato (32:11):
Because that's been in their ballpark.
We've done what we feel is theright thing to do.
And there was.
There's been a lot of littlestir facing things, but one of
the questions I noticed thatpeople answered and most people
did it how many times you putyour grocery cart back instead
of just leaving it?
Lisa Burris Burns (32:30):
I am so bad about that, and then I will
straighten the entire grocerycart.
Yeah well, I have to make itlook nice for everybody.
Penelope Carlevato (32:37):
I'm just like, oh, let me help this out
yeah, you go to you guys haveall these in your pay a quarter
and somehow that lean quartergets those grocery carts back in
and they're not sitting allover the parking lot.
It's just things like that.
But that were common courtesyand common things to do that we
have let because we've gotnumber one, we've gotten lazy
(33:00):
because we're so busy.
So we don't have time and I.
One of my little things is thatyou can't hurry a good cup of
tea, you have to let it steepfor four to five minutes.
And so for that four to fiveminutes that can be a time you
never know what that person'sgoing to say to you.
(33:21):
If somebody comes and you'rejust making time making a cup of
tea for them, yeah, much as Isometimes don't want to pick up
my house or clean up my house tohave somebody over, I'd rather
just that's just me.
But I'm very specific that Iwould rather have somebody come
to my house than meet them atthe neighborhood coffee shop
Number one.
It makes a connection with themthat they know a little bit
(33:45):
more about you now becausethey're in your home and they
can see that oh, there is dustintercourse, oh there's cobwebs
up there.
I don't care about that.
There's never a perfect tall.
You might open their oven andfind out there's all their dirty
laundry in there and they'recalled the hands from the night
before when you make your housepick up.
(34:06):
And I can remember one galsaying I never entertain in the
daytime, but if you entertain atnight you don't see the dust.
You just light some candles andkeep them, so turn on some wax
warmers.
It all comes back to thecomparison Is this person going
to think of me?
How they are?
And that's something that Godhas really shown me.
(34:28):
I still like to keep things neat, just because it keeps my mind
uncluttered too, but I don'twant to not invite somebody over
or not open that front door tosomebody because my house isn't
right or because I'm not dressed, or so little things that I've
had to really force myself to doand that I start doing
(34:51):
something over and over.
It becomes more of a habit.
So it's not a thing, but theother thing.
A friend of mine says frontporches are really important and
we don't sit out on our backporch and so my front porch is
cute.
I found a couple of littlewicker chairs on Facebook
marketplace and so we can sitout there when it's cool enough
(35:13):
and as people walk by people arewalking their dogs just say hi,
meet people, and we've donethat with a couple of neighbors
in our neighborhood.
We've met them just becausewe've just been sitting out on
the front porch.
It doesn't have to be somethinghuge.
But I think that's when peoplethink about an afternoon tea or
afternoon tea party, they freakout because they think, oh, I
can't do all that.
(35:33):
But simplicity is often you canhave a really nice tea party
and just buy a box of cookiesand a couple of tea cups
Everything you need, it's okay,except if you microwave tea.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (35:50):
Do not do that.
Do not microwave tea cups.
That's an abomination Good.
Do not microwave teacups.
Penelope Carlevato (35:58):
That's an abomination.
Good Well, we had a couple guyswork here from England and they
stay with host families.
The one guy was telling mebecause we connected, he was
actually from the Oxford area,very close to where I was from,
and he said something happenedyesterday.
He said I was just shocked andI said what was that?
(36:19):
And he said he asked me if Iwanted a cup of tea.
And I said oh yeah.
And so he said I saw her takethis cup, put water in it, put
it in the microwave and he goeswhat is she doing?
What is she doing?
And he said I was just shocked.
I was just shocked.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (36:36):
That'sica for you but, but it was hot.
Yeah, exactly, the roaring boilis the key to good mid tea and
touring the water over for thetea.
Yeah, my, my father-in-law umschooled me in proper tea.
So, ladies, if you can be inany vein of snobby hospitality,
(36:59):
do not microwave your tea, youguys it's been a lot of fun this
morning.
Lisa Burris Burns (37:06):
Vanellope, we're so happy that you joined
us and I was just wondering if,before we go, before we close
out, if you would just take aminute just to pray for our
listeners and just to touch onthis topic what it means to be
truly hospitable in today'sculture.
Would you just lead us for amoment?
Penelope Carlevato (37:26):
Sure Can I just share.
Colossians 3.17 has been mygo-to and it says whatever you
do, whether in word or deed andI see deed replaced by a teapot
Whatever you do in word or deed,do it well and do it in the
name of the Lord, and so I don'tcare if you use a styrofoam
(37:48):
teapot, I do care if you use astyrofoam cup, tea and bus.
Whatever you do, and if we'redoing it for the Lord, whatever
you do, and if we're doing itfor the Lord, so I don't care if
you're just opening the frontdoor.
But all of this has to be thatwhatever we do would glorify him
, and he doesn't care if we havea styrofoam cup or a boat china
(38:09):
, we're the ones that care.
But what he cares about is thatwe're ministering to somebody
in his name.
We're doing it because we lovehim.
We want those people to knowthat they are loved by God, and
sometimes a circle cup of tea isgoing to do the trick, but I
would be happy to just pray usout, and I enjoyed being with
(38:30):
you too.
It's been really fun.
I'd wish you could just go overnow and we'll have afternoon
tea and scones.
All right, yeah, exactly, okay,all right.
Oh, thank you, jesus, thank youfor friends, thank you for
modern technology that we can dosomething like this, that we
can reach out to those in TVland or whatever we want to call
(38:51):
it.
But because of technology, lord, that we can connect with
people, we can connect withthose that we love dearly and
with those that we don't knowyet.
So, thank you, father, forthese two ladies who have
brought together many peoplethat we, lord, can just always
bring glory and honor to yourname, whether it's through our
(39:13):
writing, through our speaking,through our hospitality.
But, lord, that you would justhelp us to be leading ladies in
whatever you have us to do.
That, no matter where we are,where we live we live in an
apartment, in a house, in acastle, in a manor home that,
lord, you would help us to behospitable to those that you
(39:36):
bring in our path, that we wouldnot hesitate because we're too
busy, that we don't have time,but, lord, to see that when
someone comes in our path, thatthis is a divine meeting, a
divine intervention that youhave brought into our life.
I thank you, lord, for the manyhundreds of times that I've been
able to just put aside what Iwas doing and not to feel that I
(39:58):
was being interrupted, but,lord, that you were setting up
something beautiful, and howI've met both of these ladies,
lord, that it has been a trueblessing.
Thank you for your love.
Thank you for your gift ofeternal life.
That, lord, we can know that wehave, no matter what happens in
our life I was thinking ofHabakkuk when sick trees don't
(40:20):
bloom and there's no grapes onthe vine, that, lord, you are
still there, you are still ourprovider and you care for us.
We ask all this in your son'sname, amen.
Lisa Burris Burns (40:29):
Amen Amen.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (40:31):
We are going to have Penelope back
because I know the mostimportant instruction that we
can have is to make a perfectfont and pour it, so we're going
to have to have aninstructional podcast.
So thank you so much, penelope,for being with us today at
PenelopeCarlovatocom.
(40:53):
I would love for you guys toconnect with her and connect
with all the amazing books shehas.
We also would love for you guysto connect with her and connect
with all the amazing books shehas.
We also would like for you toconnect with us at
leadingladieslife.
We have some stuff coming, somespecial surprises.
Our journal is coming.
Penelope Carlevato (41:09):
We probably one little time you can get my
journal.
There you go.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (41:13):
Key Lover's Journal.
Guys, we just love you and andalso subscribe and share the
podcast.
We're on all podcast programplatform and until next time we
will see you.
Take care, guys.
Bye.
Good morning everyone and welcome to
another Copy Chat with Amber andLisa, my co-author in crime.
We are so excited to be herewith you today and we have an
exciting guest close to my heartand close to my teacup Penelope
Carlevato.
(00:21):
Thank you so much for beingwith us.
Penelope Carlevato (00:25):
Oh, it's very exciting here to be with
both of you.
I love both of you, so this isgoing to be a fun morning.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (00:32):
I know a lot of people have asked me
about my teapot.
I've talked a lot about myteapots in the podcast.
This woman is responsible formy plethora of teapots and
teacups.
She is the tea lady.
She has that close to my heartbecause she has the British
roots, as my family does, and hehas become, and etiquette has
(00:57):
become part of what she useswhat God's given her to minister
.
So I'm excited about talkingwith this because sometimes we
forget the old things, but a lotof times some of the old things
brought out of the cupboard aresome of the things that we need
to reconnect with as in purpose.
How are we doing things?
(01:18):
How does what we do affectothers?
How are we bringing people intoour space?
So this is going to be anexciting conversation and I'd
love for people who are in thecomment to just say hey to us
and if you have a picture, Ihave my tea cup.
If you want to send a pictureof your tea cup or coffee cup or
(01:41):
plastic cup, we'd love to seethem in the comments.
Penelope, I've known you foryears.
Tell us a little bit, becauseyou have some really cool
connection with the Britishculture, and tell me where that
started for you.
Penelope Carlevato (01:59):
My mom was English.
I was born in England, cameover as a child after World War
II, so that kind of gives youwhich decade I'm with Zingley.
I was born in England, cameover as a child after World War
II, so that kind of gives youwhich decade I'm in.
And my mother loved tea and wedidn't sit down every afternoon
and have a big, glorious tea,but it was an oddity, for where
I grew up in South Dakota Notvery many people were tea
(02:22):
drinkers and so my mother wouldhave people over and you never
came to our house and my motherwouldn't say would you like a
cup of tea Her whole life.
So that's where it started.
I just knew about tea.
And then the other interestingaspect that come into this is
that the Titanic came and thatstarted very long time ago.
(02:44):
My mother and I and my dad andmy older brother, we were going
to England for the summer.
We were going on an ocean linerover to England and my mother
and I were having afternoon teain the lounge or wherever it was
.
I don't remember, but it was anAmerican ship.
I'm not to remember my mothersaying for an American ship,
they've done a pretty good job,and she said this must have been
(03:06):
like it was on the Titanic.
And I said what's Titanic?
And she said that was a shipand it was very elegant and they
had afternoon tea andeverything.
But it sunk.
And that was when I thoughtTitanic.
That kind of stuck there for along time.
But many years later, after Ihad grandchildren and we were in
(03:26):
Tennessee and there was aTitanic museum here and I took
my grandchildren to see it.
And lo and behold, as we'regoing through the museum I start
seeing all these beautifulteapots and teacups and I'm
thinking, gee, on the Titanic,kind of that little memory back
there burst forth and I thoughtof course that was the era when
(03:49):
tea was fashion.
So I said to my husband I'mgoing to write a book about tea
on the Titanic.
And we went through thebookshop or the gift shop.
You know every, every fraction,you go out through the gift
shop and they had a big sectionon books and there was nothing
in there about tea and thetitanic which was shocking to me
(04:10):
.
So that's how the first thingthat kind of got me going on
thinking about even writing, andand then the hospitality thing
is I learned it from my motherand my mother was always very
hospitable, and not always.
She didn't always like drop-inguests, but I mean, that's fun,
(04:30):
there's a little excitementthere and you may have on your
pajamas, but you can always makea cup of tea real quick.
Lisa Burris Burns (04:37):
We were discussing pre-show just how
different the culture feelstoday as compared to when some
of us were younger and we alsojoked about the decades we all
come from.
I would say that as a60-year-old woman, I remember
just enough of what things werelike in the 60s and even the 70s
(04:58):
when we still had a little bitof that mentality.
You might drop by to see peopleI was explaining to the girls
even family functions.
Today it's so different how wehandle the pace that we live at.
We're going at such a nonstophaving to be entertained pace
(05:19):
and we can attribute that towhat everyone I know there a
real life situation, there areconditions, there are tensioned
up.
It's just such this situationwhere we just we function at a
different level.
But it just seems to be theclimate we live in to rush at
this pace and to be in aconstant state of entertainment,
like it used to be a familygathering, and I'm so torn
(05:43):
sometimes it's.
I want to entertain the people Ilove in my home.
I just want them to come.
I want us to be a familygathering and I'm so torn
sometimes.
I want to entertain the peopleI love in my home.
I just want them to come.
I want us to be together.
I want us to be able to talkabout life together and just
bond together and have thoseexperiences.
But instead we're so used tobeing entertained in this
culture that there's hardly afamily function you go to
anymore that does not have apretty strict schedule, and I'm
(06:04):
not just talking about the timesyou eat, I'm talking all the
added things you throw in.
I remember as a child, familyfunctions, whether it was just
being at my grandparents' houseand my grandmother would have a
friend stop by and they wouldsit down for anything from a cup
of coffee to a glass of icedtea, whatever it was.
(06:25):
They would just sit and take amoment to share with one another
and to just talk about life.
It didn't matter if dinner wason the way, they would take a
minute.
I remember family functionswhere aunties and cousins would
gather around and just chat.
We don't do that as often as weused to.
(06:48):
We fill it up with all kinds ofthings.
Yes, we do, and it's not thatit's highbrow or makes some
people better.
It's not a class thing.
It's just a matter of how do weget back to resurrecting and
that's a word that you use,penelope how do you resurrect
(07:08):
some of these things where wecould connect on a level that's
a little more intimate than,let's say, daily life in the
year 2024?
Penelope Carlevato (07:19):
It has to begin with us wanting that.
We have to desire to have that,quiet times with friends or
being able to sit down, and soit pretty much, if you want
things to change, it's got tobegin with you, and so I think
one of the obstacles that youmight say is I look, sometimes
(07:40):
I'm getting older.
I really don't have the energy.
I don't want to do that.
Instead, I'm taking an obstacleand making an opportunity, and
I try to make opportunities whenI see them, especially with
grandkids, as they're gettingolder.
Our grandkids are getting older, getting married, so they're
pulling away even more.
Because I'm so boy, I will takeany little time that I can get
(08:03):
and, instead of thinking Ireally should be doing that sort
of thing, just stop.
Open the front door.
That's where it is.
It's got to begin, where it'ssomething that you want to do,
and I'm seeing a couple of galsthat I've mentored for many
years.
They're in their fifties nowand they were young, but that's
the kind of thing that they wantto do when we get together.
They don't want to rush aroundand go to see things when we get
(08:25):
together, they want to justrelax and they want time.
They want that we can havequality time.
So I think it's dripping downreally.
Yeah, dripping down a littlebit, because people were when we
were all shut away.
I would think that would havegiven us wow, this is nice,
we're not rushing here and there.
(08:46):
But then it started as soon aswe were, the gates were open.
We're out doing all this andeverything, and so I think it's
got to really be something thatwe want to do, so that we make
the time, and if we make thetime for those that are younger,
maybe it'll start, maybe we'llhave.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (09:04):
Yeah, I think too we make the time for
those that are younger.
Maybe it'll start, maybe we'llhave.
Yeah, I think too we I wastalking to Lisa about this
earlier is we almost negatepersonal connection for our
schedule.
We just interact with peoplegoing through our business
(09:26):
without making meaningfulpersonal connection, and I think
that even how social media hasgotten and like people are more
concerned, who are likepublishing books or whatever is
what's my reach?
Maybe it's so broad it's notreaching personally.
How can you connect moregenerally with people?
And a lot of it is lettingpeople into your life, letting
(09:51):
those and I know you can't openthe door and let a gajillion
people in, and that's thechallenge, because back in
Titanic days we didn't have agajillion friends that was on,
that were on facebook, but wealso didn't have didn't have
things that were constantlybeeping at us and telling us
(10:15):
somebody needs to connect withus.
Penelope, how do you deal withthe technology?
As someone who is focused onhospitality, how do you deal
with technology and keeping itin its place and making
meaningful connections withpeople?
Penelope Carlevato (10:31):
I don't always I get totally absorbed in
something, or I'm on my phonetoo much, on my Facebook too
much, so I can't say, oh, I knowhow to.
I can't say I'm the expert onknowing how to do that.
But there's two things thatkind of hit me.
That's my doorbell.
I didn't think about shuttingthat up.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (10:50):
That's okay.
That sounds very regal with allthe doorbell interlude.
Penelope Carlevato (10:54):
I think it's the first door.
Yep, it's live folks.
Yeah, two things that I'venoticed.
It's been quite a while ago,but I used to teach a class
called Just Root, after theboxers are unpacked.
I taught it for quite a whileand it's a couple of different
churches, and I just saw theneed for a woman when she moved,
(11:17):
to have a friend, maybe justone friend, and that has gotten
out of control.
Because, oh, you're my friend onFacebook.
You know you have 5,000 friends, all this, or somebody wants to
be your friend and then, oh,they can't be your friend
because they already have their5,000.
But it's just unrealistic.
We need somebody that we cantalk to, that we can share our
(11:39):
heart with, and one of thethings this last I guess it was
last season in our church one ofthe things that kept coming up
was connections, but that weneed we, we don't need each
other.
We have lost that closenesssometimes with having we have a
jillian friends, like you said,you've got all these friends and
(12:01):
really, when it comes down to,we need to put the time into a
friendship.
I guess that's what I'm gettingat, because, yes, we can spend
hours and hours on Facebook.
We can spend hours.
And what does my daughter callit?
Wastebook?
It says a lot of wasted timeand looking at things.
So I'm dealing with it, I'mtrying to cut my time back on it
(12:26):
.
I have a friend that I sent herthe little thing saying hey, I'm
going to be on this interview,you might want to watch it.
She goes I'm not on Facebookanymore and I thought, oh, I
could say that kind of, but Ithink, as authors and speakers,
that's part of the way that wedo communicate with people who
read our books, and so it's.
I don't know, I'm not an experton that.
(12:49):
I'm probably on the other sidetrying to looking at it.
Sometimes, when we talk aboutwhen we have interruptions, and
we say, no, that wasn't aninterruption, that was a divine
intervention.
We're all struggling with thisfast-paced world, with all the
many opportunities that we haveto connect with many people, and
(13:10):
yet when it comes down to beingable to really feel that we're
having some kind of an impact insomebody's life, I've got to be
the one that says okay, stop,yeah, put all the things that
you have to the side and andspend a little time with
somebody that you feel like.
What should you?
(13:31):
Um, people that god brings intoyour life are sometimes not the
people I would choose.
Yeah, they're the people thatmaybe need a cup of tea or need
time to just be able to open upand share.
I think it comes down to usindividually making decisions
that you can't keep up the pacethat has been going on for so
(13:53):
long.
Lisa Burris Burns (13:54):
I can't, anyway, and I think too Amber
even brought up somethingearlier about the people that we
let in, that we let into ourhome or that we let close enough
to us intimately inrelationship.
I'll be honest, those circlesflux in life sometimes quite big
.
I think back at the differentseasons of life and the friends
(14:18):
that were closest to me duringthose seasons and there are
friends that you want to.
They're heart friends, you wantto keep them close, but the
reality is in today's society wedon't have to live right next
door to each other.
We do life together.
Like you said, social media, allthe different ways that we feel
connected with people.
(14:38):
They're different but they arethere.
And I know, as people becomeclose to us and fade in and out
of our inner circle, that canalso put us in a position to not
wanting to let everyone intoour private space for a reason
Amber had mentioned, feelinglike, okay, I maybe don't want
(15:01):
you to see the way my innerspace is, Avery you were talking
about, that I think that myheart naturally and I think it's
with us we gravitate towardpeople as kindred friends and
people that we let in the innercircle.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (15:20):
I think, just as Jesus had an inner
circle friend, we naturally havethose people in our lives.
It's so funny because Lisa isway up in Kansas City and here I
am in Springfield yet, whereshe's one of my closest friends
and our total interaction.
We're not with each other everyday, but it almost feels so.
(15:44):
I know that closeness is moreof a heart friendship.
But at the same time even Lisaand I we go for times where we
don't talk or stuff and it feelsstrange, almost when you get to
those points where it's okay, Ijust need to really just step
(16:04):
away, put things down.
But honestly, I think, lisa,you have had me in your home
more than I've had me and ofcourse I have snakes, so that's
that shapes the way a lot ofpeople if you're not a snake
person, you probably don't wantto come to my house.
Penelope Carlevato (16:22):
I remember my morning in your kitchen.
I was at your kitchen table, Iwas staying with you and I was
doing my quiet time and all of asudden I saw this yellow thing
and it was that big and Ithought, oh my gosh, if it gets
out, I'm done.
Lisa Burris Burns (16:40):
The snakes could be a deterrent to your
ability to be hospitable.
I remember the first time Istopped in on Amber we had met
through mutual friends and Ithink that's where things start.
Sometimes We'd met mutualfriends, we'd chit-chatted a
little bit via social media itwas early on in Facebook and I
(17:09):
remember was going through somethings.
We had some things thatconnected us, mainly because of
the denomination.
We both called our churchMutual friends.
We knew from a distance thatconnected us.
But she had some surgery and Iwas in Springfield and I said,
hey, can I bring you, can Ibring you a coffee?
Amber Weigand-Buckley (17:29):
yeah, I remember that was like I'm
probably when I wouldn't wantanyone in my house because I was
, I was on my back, housesweren't clean.
But here my friend and my newfriend, who I hadn't known very
much at the long out of the time, decided to come into my house
(17:49):
and bring me a drink, which wasan amazing thing.
Lisa Burris Burns (17:54):
Amber was on medication, just so you all know
she had just had a, so so theconversation was a little
different.
I'm teasing.
It was great, but it broke downthat wuckle, if I can be honest
.
All of a sudden we had sat faceto face in a situation where,
yeah, she was going throughsomething and maybe it wasn't
(18:16):
optimum in her eyes to havesomeone in her home, but I don't
think I forced my way in.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (18:21):
But I know you did not pave a way for
a type of friendship that maybewe wouldn't have had without a
little physical passion thereyeah, and that was as real as it
can get visiting somebody forthe first time you just come out
of the surgery that was ondrugs.
And that's how I knew that Lisawas a fart friend more just
(18:45):
than a casual friend, becauseshe was able to see me in my raw
and still want to hang out andbe with me and I think that I
don't know.
I think that is to me even moreso hospitable for her to come
(19:06):
into my home and accept it forhow it is.
I felt very accepted.
Lisa Burris Burns (19:10):
You made a comment earlier.
You said I'm a messy.
I keep a messy house.
I don't necessarily feelcomfortable with everyone coming
in and seeing my life as it is,and I think that's we need to
do better, because we all havemessy.
Even when you walk in a homethat's pristine, I can guarantee
(19:34):
you it is not perfection,Whether it has to do with maybe
someone is going through areally tough time and the way
they get through that is bykeeping everything as perfected
as possible on the exterior.
We all have messy and walkaround in this flesh and bones
(19:54):
and act like we don't have messy.
That's's not right.
It's not true.
Penelope Carlevato (20:01):
For a child of.
Lisa Burris Burns (20:02):
God, it's not transparent.
I don't feel like people cantake us seriously, take
relationships seriously, and Ithink that's where we
immediately categorize people.
We put them in this separatezone that isn't intimate, where
we don't take the time to dolife with them.
Automatically.
(20:22):
We discredit them, we countthem out when we feel as if, for
some reason, they're going tolook down upon our realness
right.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (20:31):
Yeah, one of the things that Penelope
this article that you wrote awhile ago.
It was about when you had yoursurgery and people coming to
serve you, wanting to take careof you.
How did that?
How did getting through that?
Because people wanted to comeinto your home and you having
(20:56):
the mindset of a hospital, thisI don't know how they impact you
and how they change the way youthought about it A lot of times
if you have a gift that God'sgiven you, or be a servant's
heart, it's very hard then forto accept that.
For sure.
Penelope Carlevato (21:14):
But I think when you're hurting bad enough,
you take it.
But it gets back to what wewere all talking about is
comparison.
Comparison kills.
Comparison will kill not onlyfriendships, it'll put walls up,
but it kills hope that if Idon't improve, that person's not
going to like me if they don'tmeet my standards.
(21:35):
So when somebody comes andbrings me food or offers to
bring me food I had that happenSomebody said can I bring you
something?
What can I do for you?
And so I said really, a meal isreally what I need.
And it was jarred them intothinking, oh, that's not really
what I had in mind.
And so I think when you're likewe do offer something to
(21:58):
somebody and they tell us whatthey need, like we do offer
something to somebody and theytell us what they need.
We better mean what we say.
It's like when you see somebodysay I'll pray for you, I'll
pray about that, and I've cometo the realization that I need
to pray right then, right now.
And one of the things thatreally irritates my husband is
if I say to somebody we need toget together, and he said, don't
(22:21):
do that, say, can you come over, can we meet such and such a
date?
It's like when somebody wantedto come over and bring me
something, I loved it when theydidn't ask me what I wanted,
when they just showed up with apot of soup, it was amazing
because you don't realize whatpressure that takes off of you
(22:42):
when you really can't cook.
I think I've had two bigsurgeries and the one we were
living in Colorado in our wholeneighborhood just started one of
those meal trains phenomenal.
And I think when you're servedlike that, when somebody comes
to your aid, it makes you moreaware of those little things
(23:03):
that can help somebody.
I know right after you losesomebody very close to you and
you're more good cards and youdon't really take the time to
look and I can remember the onesthen that came over maybe a
month later when all the hubbuband everything, and that was the
time that I could reallyconnect with somebody.
(23:24):
And at our age we're startingto lose friends, are losing
their husbands or friends.
And the saddest thing that I'veheard I don't know if I'm
getting off base here, but myhospitality is the saddest thing
that I've heard, especially fora woman.
And they've been a couple andthey've been involved with other
(23:46):
couples at church.
Maybe they've gone out to lunchwith them or they did evening
and all of a sudden they're notinvited anymore because they
know their couple is not acouple anymore, they're single
and I hardest thing oh, a hardthing, yeah, and I'm thinking
how can people do that?
and I'm surprised because a lotit's not a couple anymore,
they're single.
And I hardest thing, oh yeah.
And I'm thinking how can peopledo that?
And I'm surprised because a lotof times I'll know this group
(24:06):
but people are like how can youdo that?
Amber Weigand-Buckley (24:09):
We have.
Penelope Carlevato (24:10):
My husband is so great about including
others.
He's really open about that,and so we end up having a lot of
threesomes because I'll sayso-and-so is they're just
sitting home alone tonight.
Can we just say, oh sure, comeon.
And so sometimes we have agreat time and he's really good
about that, about saying, yes,include them.
(24:32):
I think I wouldn't say that heis Mr Hospitality, but he sure
helped me out when it's time forus to do something.
Or, yeah, take meals and.
But it's hospitality comes inall different sizes and packages
, and particularly what I see itis and I don't know if this is
exactly, but it's comes from theword hospice, yes, and it means
(24:56):
a place of healing and rest.
So if you can, can invitesomebody.
Well, maybe they're not hurting,maybe they are, Maybe they're
lonely.
And just so we're talking aboutthis.
Rest wrote the book Sacred Rest.
Sometimes that can be we can dothat for somebody else.
So hospitality has many fingers, many avenues, and when you're
(25:18):
the recipient of it, you realizehow important it is to reach
out to somebody.
Lisa Burris Burns (25:25):
I absolutely love that definition a place of
healing and rest.
Really, when it comes torelating to people making
relationships, those are twovery beautiful things we can
offer someone yeah, a safe space, right, and all the other stuff
(25:47):
just get thrown out the windowwhen you actually go there with
someone.
What are some?
I and I don't want our time toget too far away from us.
We think about hospitality andthings like putting out tea or
something like that for people,as, like I said, our archaic
June Cleaver kind of behaviors.
(26:08):
But what we do in the fast paceof today's society, that whole,
if you can't beat them, jointhem kind of mindset.
I don't mean it quite like that, but we do live in a different
time.
Join them kind of mindset.
I don't mean it quite like that, but we do live in a different
(26:28):
time and it used to be we wouldwrite letters and cards and now
we send texts.
Penelope Carlevato (26:32):
What are some things?
Lisa Burris Burns (26:36):
We'll write letters and cards.
Yeah, you know some of us stilldo it, but I've seen what can
we do with this youngergeneration that can bridge that
gap.
Go ahead and send a text.
It may not be your first thing,but it's a way to start a
bridge.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (26:50):
Yeah, One thing I love about Penelope her
handwritten letters with alittle tea bag.
Oh, I just think that is thesweetest thing and it's like an
invitation to have tea with herand it's so small and it was
just.
I just thought that in initself was such a simple thing,
(27:12):
right?
Yeah, we overlook that.
Lisa Burris Burns (27:15):
Maybe overlook that small right.
Maybe we don't go calling onour neighbors anymore and pop up
at the door and expect a cup oftea.
But what if I know you're goingthrough a time and I just show
up with a coffee mug thatbasically from a thrift store,
but it looks brand new and it'spacked full of some tea bags and
(27:38):
maybe something to brightenyour day and drop off?
I feel like there are somecreative ways that we can become
hospitable in today that maybeyears ago we wouldn't have done
it that way.
Penelope Carlevato (27:53):
The last article I wrote about the
hospitality tea basket.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (27:57):
Yes, the tea basket.
Penelope Carlevato (27:58):
Wow, that was something that I did a long
time ago and I resurrected itbecause I can keep it all ready
and if I hear somebody you cantake it to a park, you can go
meet somebody at a park or there.
You know, it's a very simplebasket.
It's just got stuff in it forhaving a tea and all you have to
add is some water.
But there are so many placesthat it can just be an instant.
(28:22):
I don't have to think about it.
I don't have to go and findthis and everything.
Everything's in this cutelittle old-fashioned basket I
have.
But when I open it up and takesome things out and just put a
teacup there or put a tea mugthere, it has, that same brings
back some memories that maybesomebody had with their grandma
or somebody had with their.
It's not a big deal.
(28:43):
I don't when I do a big tea atmy house and have everybody I
did.
The last big one I did, I think, was Christmas, when the whole
family came Guy, thegrandson-in-laws and the kids
that are still in high school.
They wanted that and I wasshocked.
It's an old-fashioned thing andI can get snitty about manners
(29:03):
too.
I run what that one thingthat's coming back in is manners
and everything.
Because young people are findingout and I've read this that
when a young man or young ladygoes for a job interview,
sometimes they have four or fivevery placed and educated people
for the same job, and you knowwhat they do.
(29:25):
They take them out for lunchand they see if this person
works for us.
How would they represent us ifthey're at a dinner, at a
business dinner, at a dinner ata business dinner, that's true.
So etiquette manners are comingback in, because people are sick
of what goes on the table andeating with your mouth open, and
so some things.
There's a lot of etiquetteclasses that are popping up here
(29:48):
and there and my little bookhere, first Class Etiquette that
I wrote gosh, what was that?
But it's starting to sell alittle bit more on Amazon's with
the.
Okay, there's that.
It's all.
New is old.
Things have a way of recycling.
You just wait long enough.
And how about let's come backand look what's happening?
You know, it's so funny this isthe thing.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (30:13):
it's like um in the embracing.
Even people take notice.
Even I'm trying to like take itall back, even with, uh, the
whole, uh, our kansas city chief, travis kelsey, um opening door
for his, for his significantother.
That's, oh, my goodness, thisis something that is wow,
(30:38):
world-changing.
But people are taking notice, Ithink, of how he treats a
significant other as a gentlemanand people want that.
People want it to be treatedwith respect, with love, with
recognition.
And they're there, they're inyour space, and that's one of
(31:01):
the things I love about evenbeing married to Brit.
I don't know if it's just beingmarried to Brit, maybe being
married to a person.
He was considerate of manners,he doesn't like to walk in
people's paths, he likes to holddoors for people and not drop
them on their faces.
(31:23):
It's like recognizing there isanother person in your space and
caring about them enough to bekind to say I see you and I'm
going to hold the door open foryou.
Those little things and itseems like those are some of the
forgotten things that now we'reseeing in the public eye that
look whoa something.
(31:43):
And we can do that even withthe people that we interact with
in the supermarket.
We can treat them with kindnessand with manners.
Is just treating people withrespect?
Lisa Burris Burns (31:59):
It really doesn't take but a little bit of
effort to approach somebodywith kindness, really regardless
of how they respond.
Penelope Carlevato (32:11):
Because that's been in their ballpark.
We've done what we feel is theright thing to do.
And there was.
There's been a lot of littlestir facing things, but one of
the questions I noticed thatpeople answered and most people
did it how many times you putyour grocery cart back instead
of just leaving it?
Lisa Burris Burns (32:30):
I am so bad about that, and then I will
straighten the entire grocerycart.
Yeah well, I have to make itlook nice for everybody.
Penelope Carlevato (32:37):
I'm just like, oh, let me help this out
yeah, you go to you guys haveall these in your pay a quarter
and somehow that lean quartergets those grocery carts back in
and they're not sitting allover the parking lot.
It's just things like that.
But that were common courtesyand common things to do that we
have let because we've gotnumber one, we've gotten lazy
(33:00):
because we're so busy.
So we don't have time and I.
One of my little things is thatyou can't hurry a good cup of
tea, you have to let it steepfor four to five minutes.
And so for that four to fiveminutes that can be a time you
never know what that person'sgoing to say to you.
(33:21):
If somebody comes and you'rejust making time making a cup of
tea for them, yeah, much as Isometimes don't want to pick up
my house or clean up my house tohave somebody over, I'd rather
just that's just me.
But I'm very specific that Iwould rather have somebody come
to my house than meet them atthe neighborhood coffee shop
Number one.
It makes a connection with themthat they know a little bit
(33:45):
more about you now becausethey're in your home and they
can see that oh, there is dustintercourse, oh there's cobwebs
up there.
I don't care about that.
There's never a perfect tall.
You might open their oven andfind out there's all their dirty
laundry in there and they'recalled the hands from the night
before when you make your housepick up.
(34:06):
And I can remember one galsaying I never entertain in the
daytime, but if you entertain atnight you don't see the dust.
You just light some candles andkeep them, so turn on some wax
warmers.
It all comes back to thecomparison Is this person going
to think of me?
How they are?
And that's something that Godhas really shown me.
(34:28):
I still like to keep things neat, just because it keeps my mind
uncluttered too, but I don'twant to not invite somebody over
or not open that front door tosomebody because my house isn't
right or because I'm not dressed, or so little things that I've
had to really force myself to doand that I start doing
(34:51):
something over and over.
It becomes more of a habit.
So it's not a thing, but theother thing.
A friend of mine says frontporches are really important and
we don't sit out on our backporch and so my front porch is
cute.
I found a couple of littlewicker chairs on Facebook
marketplace and so we can sitout there when it's cool enough
(35:13):
and as people walk by people arewalking their dogs just say hi,
meet people, and we've donethat with a couple of neighbors
in our neighborhood.
We've met them just becausewe've just been sitting out on
the front porch.
It doesn't have to be somethinghuge.
But I think that's when peoplethink about an afternoon tea or
afternoon tea party, they freakout because they think, oh, I
can't do all that.
(35:33):
But simplicity is often you canhave a really nice tea party
and just buy a box of cookiesand a couple of tea cups
Everything you need, it's okay,except if you microwave tea.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (35:50):
Do not do that.
Do not microwave tea cups.
That's an abomination Good.
Do not microwave teacups.
Penelope Carlevato (35:58):
That's an abomination.
Good Well, we had a couple guyswork here from England and they
stay with host families.
The one guy was telling mebecause we connected, he was
actually from the Oxford area,very close to where I was from,
and he said something happenedyesterday.
He said I was just shocked andI said what was that?
(36:19):
And he said he asked me if Iwanted a cup of tea.
And I said oh yeah.
And so he said I saw her takethis cup, put water in it, put
it in the microwave and he goeswhat is she doing?
What is she doing?
And he said I was just shocked.
I was just shocked.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (36:36):
That'sica for you but, but it was hot.
Yeah, exactly, the roaring boilis the key to good mid tea and
touring the water over for thetea.
Yeah, my, my father-in-law umschooled me in proper tea.
So, ladies, if you can be inany vein of snobby hospitality,
(36:59):
do not microwave your tea, youguys it's been a lot of fun this
morning.
Lisa Burris Burns (37:06):
Vanellope, we're so happy that you joined
us and I was just wondering if,before we go, before we close
out, if you would just take aminute just to pray for our
listeners and just to touch onthis topic what it means to be
truly hospitable in today'sculture.
Would you just lead us for amoment?
Penelope Carlevato (37:26):
Sure Can I just share.
Colossians 3.17 has been mygo-to and it says whatever you
do, whether in word or deed andI see deed replaced by a teapot
Whatever you do in word or deed,do it well and do it in the
name of the Lord, and so I don'tcare if you use a styrofoam
(37:48):
teapot, I do care if you use astyrofoam cup, tea and bus.
Whatever you do, and if we'redoing it for the Lord, whatever
you do, and if we're doing itfor the Lord, so I don't care if
you're just opening the frontdoor.
But all of this has to be thatwhatever we do would glorify him
, and he doesn't care if we havea styrofoam cup or a boat china
(38:09):
, we're the ones that care.
But what he cares about is thatwe're ministering to somebody
in his name.
We're doing it because we lovehim.
We want those people to knowthat they are loved by God, and
sometimes a circle cup of tea isgoing to do the trick, but I
would be happy to just pray usout, and I enjoyed being with
(38:30):
you too.
It's been really fun.
I'd wish you could just go overnow and we'll have afternoon
tea and scones.
All right, yeah, exactly, okay,all right.
Oh, thank you, jesus, thank youfor friends, thank you for
modern technology that we can dosomething like this, that we
can reach out to those in TVland or whatever we want to call
(38:51):
it.
But because of technology, lord, that we can connect with
people, we can connect withthose that we love dearly and
with those that we don't knowyet.
So, thank you, father, forthese two ladies who have
brought together many peoplethat we, lord, can just always
bring glory and honor to yourname, whether it's through our
(39:13):
writing, through our speaking,through our hospitality.
But, lord, that you would justhelp us to be leading ladies in
whatever you have us to do.
That, no matter where we are,where we live we live in an
apartment, in a house, in acastle, in a manor home that,
lord, you would help us to behospitable to those that you
(39:36):
bring in our path, that we wouldnot hesitate because we're too
busy, that we don't have time,but, lord, to see that when
someone comes in our path, thatthis is a divine meeting, a
divine intervention that youhave brought into our life.
I thank you, lord, for the manyhundreds of times that I've been
able to just put aside what Iwas doing and not to feel that I
(39:58):
was being interrupted, but,lord, that you were setting up
something beautiful, and howI've met both of these ladies,
lord, that it has been a trueblessing.
Thank you for your love.
Thank you for your gift ofeternal life.
That, lord, we can know that wehave, no matter what happens in
our life I was thinking ofHabakkuk when sick trees don't
(40:20):
bloom and there's no grapes onthe vine, that, lord, you are
still there, you are still ourprovider and you care for us.
We ask all this in your son'sname, amen.
Lisa Burris Burns (40:29):
Amen Amen.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (40:31):
We are going to have Penelope back
because I know the mostimportant instruction that we
can have is to make a perfectfont and pour it, so we're going
to have to have aninstructional podcast.
So thank you so much, penelope,for being with us today at
PenelopeCarlovatocom.
(40:53):
I would love for you guys toconnect with her and connect
with all the amazing books shehas.
We also would love for you guysto connect with her and connect
with all the amazing books shehas.
We also would like for you toconnect with us at
leadingladieslife.
We have some stuff coming, somespecial surprises.
Our journal is coming.
Penelope Carlevato (41:09):
We probably one little time you can get my
journal.
There you go.
Amber Weigand-Buckley (41:13):
Key Lover's Journal.
Guys, we just love you and andalso subscribe and share the
podcast.
We're on all podcast programplatform and until next time we
will see you.
Take care, guys.
Bye.
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