Defining Yourself for Yourself: The Power of Words and Authenticity

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SHOW DESCRIPTION

Tired of feeling boxed in by labels? In this episode, I'm diving deep into the power of words and how they shape our reality.

 

I'll share some personal stories, including a job interview that completely changed my perspective, and how I finally learned to embrace my authentic self. We'll explore the impact of words on our lives and careers.

 

Plus, I'll introduce you to the beautiful concept of "kintsugi" – the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold.

 

Join me as we learn to own our narrative, choose our words wisely, own our unique stories, and shine our brightest light. Let's ditch the labels and embrace the incredible individuals we are!

 

 

TL;DR

This episode explores the power of words to shape our identity. Through personal anecdotes, including a transformative job interview, I encourage listeners to choose words that reflect their true selves, embrace authenticity, and shine their unique light.

 

Time Stamps

00:00 Introduction and Opening Quote

00:48 Personal Reflection and Job Interview Story

01:50 Defining Yourself: Words and Identity

04:25 The Power of Core Words

06:28 Embracing Authenticity

08:34 Kintsugi: My Word for the Year

10:33 Conclusion

 

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Threads

 

Facebook

 

RESOURCES

Note: I do not have any affiliations with, sponsorships or endorsements from any of the resources mentioned. They are listed for your reference.

 

Mental Health Resources

Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 

Ph: 988

 

Psychology Today 

 

National Institute of Mental Health 

 

Sexual Violence Resources

RAIIN

Ph: 800.656.HOPE (4673)

 

Substance Abuse Resources

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

 

Alcoholics Anonymous

 

Al-Anon Family Groups

 

Credits

Youtube 

 

IG Stitch

 

Podcast Editor: Payton Cross Productions 

Support the show

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Coming up next on Coffee,Cocktails, and Clarity.
"If I didn't define myself formyself, I would be crunched into
other people's fantasies for meand eaten alive." I'm taking the
pieces of me, and I'm puttingthem all together and making
myself whole again.

(00:20):
I will be a unique piece ofpottery that stands out from the
rest because of the beauty inits broken pieces coming
together as a whole joined bygold.
You are a beautiful lightshining brightly from a lamp.
Others may try to dim it byputting on a shade, moving it

(00:41):
around in various spaces, ortrying to put you out
altogether.
There's no need to dim yourlight.
Years ago, I was in a jobinterview.
The hiring manager asked me todescribe myself in three words.
At the time, I said somethinglike, Team player, hardworking,

(01:02):
Diva." She looked at me andsaid, Diva?
Would you care to elaborate?" Isaid,"Sure.
My team calls me a diva, but notin a negative sense.
In the sense that I am at thetop of my game and I get stuff
done.
They know that whatever I dowill be thorough and top-notch."

(01:22):
While that question, describeyourself in so many words, is a
common interview question, itreally did get me to thinking.
If I weren't doing a jobinterview, if I wasn't trying to
impress anyone, if I wanted tobe truly honest with myself,
what word would I use todescribe me?

(01:44):
I didn't have to find the words.
They had already chosen me.
Hey girl, have you been lookingfor a safe space for women to
have authentic conversationsaround everything that impacts
our life, careers, andrelationships?
I'm Shai Boston, and on thisshow, I talk about all things

(02:06):
connected to our personal andprofessional development so we
can live our best and authenticlives.
Grab a drink.
Sit back and let's have a chat.
It's time for some Coffee,Cocktails, and Clarity.
For this episode, I'm sipping onsome water.
I'm on some new medication thatkind of dries me out.

(02:28):
So, if my voice is a littlecreaky, I do apologize.
But that's the reason why I amjust drinking some regular old
plain Alkaline filtered water.
And I will take a sip now.
I still have to stick withtradition even if I'm drinking
water.
Now let's get into it.
Needless to say, I did not getthat job.

(02:51):
I later found out it was becauseshe took issue with me being
called a"Diva." Funny thing is,she was known to be one herself,
and I guess she just didn't taketoo kindly to the idea that
someone else might be on herteam that was a high-value asset
who just might outshine her.

(03:12):
I get it.
Can't have two divas on oneteam.
The word does invoke strongfeelings, one way or the other.
Yet it made me think of light.
Light can shine very brightly,but there's different words to
describe light.
You have incandescent,fluorescent, artificial,

(03:32):
natural.
There are so many words that candescribe us as individuals, just
like with light.
Not long ago, I came across someconversations on threads and
LinkedIn about words and thewords one may choose to use when
identifying themselves.
While the conversation wasprimarily about terms used

(03:54):
within different communities,there were some deep
conversations about the words weuse to identify ourselves.
That brought to mind the famousAudre Lorde quote, which says,
If I didn't define myself formyself, I would be crunched into
other people's fantasies for meand eaten alive." Ms.

(04:16):
Lorde understood that weultimately provide the
definition of who we are, whichdirectly reflects how we show up
in the world.
Therefore, years ago, I startedthinking about the words I want
to define me.
And I thought about it againrecently.
Have you done that before?

(04:36):
Like really thought about thewords that might define you?
I did take the time to askothers, like my husband and
close friends, what word orwords would they use to describe
me?
I was told, empathetic,compassionate, kind, and
passionate.
And I received all of thosebeautiful words.

(04:58):
So now, I primarily describemyself as empathetic and
compassionate and I think thoseencompass kindness for me and
passionate, especiallypassionate.
If I'm passionate aboutsomething, all the rest of it
comes through.
In thinking back, I remember aconversation that my mom had

(05:21):
with my husband before we gotengaged.
He asked her what was one thingthat he needed to know about me
before we went any further.
And she said to him, Shai can beyour best friend or worst enemy.
There's no in between." She wasright.

(05:41):
Now, I have matured a lot in thelast 25 years or so.
But one thing that hasn'tchanged, if I'm on your side, I
am on your side completely.
If I'm not, then that's the onething that has changed.
Because if I'm not, then I'm notgoing to try to get back at you.
In fact, I just don't botherwith you.

(06:02):
Now don't get it twisted.
My petty game is still verystrong.
I just choose and prefer tokiss, bless, and release.
You no longer exist to me and Ihave no feelings for you one way
or another.
I reserve my passion for myfamily, my friends, my clients,

(06:25):
and the things that interest memost.
After compassionate, empathetic,and passionate, I decided to add

another word to my list: Authentic. (06:32):
undefined
It took me years to really learnhow to be comfortable showing up
as my authentic self in anysituation, especially
professionally.
Between the code-switching,which I still have to do, and
the assimilation to otherenvironments, I now do that

(06:54):
completely differently.
It's easy to find it hard to beone's authentic self in every
situation.
Along this journey, I learnedthat when I stayed true to who I
was, my core words, I alwayswent farther.
Or is it further?
Hmm.

(07:14):
Made me think of a conversationin the movie Finding Forrester
where the young man correctedhis teacher between father and
further.
Anyway, Maybe I didn't get tosome of those goals that I
wanted to as fast as others did,who may not have possessed the
qualities that I had or had adifferent set of words or

(07:35):
standards that they lived by,but I still got there
eventually.
I encourage you to think aboutyour core words and what they
mean to you.
How do you define yourself foryourself?
And how does that help you toshow up in the world?
Now, ultimately, knowing thatwords have power, whatever words

(08:00):
you and I use to identifyourselves, we do have to be
prepared to carry the weightthat comes with those choices.
Each year I decide on either anew word I'm going to add to my
core words, which is very rare,or what my focus word for the

(08:21):
year is going to be.
I find like,my other core words,it will help to inform or
continue to inform my decisions,my actions, and my life overall.
For me, my word this year isKintsugi.
Kintsugi 金継ぎ).
It's a Japanese word that means,in effect, join with gold.

(08:45):
I'm taking the pieces of me,shout out to my girl Ledisi, and
I'm putting them all togetherand making myself whole again.
I'm doing it with one of thebest metals for connection,
gold.
Gold does not corrode, meaningthat I can withstand life's
trials and still shine.

(09:07):
It's malleable, so it's softenough to keep being molded, but
it's strong enough, layer uponlayer, to keep enduring.
Gold is known as the bestconductor of electricity.
I liken that to it being able tomatch any other vibe while
maintaining its own.

(09:27):
I will continue to show up inspaces, making my presence
known, sharing my own distinctvibe while vibing with the
others around me.
Gold is considered an expensivebuilding material.
I know the value of myintellectual and personal
capital, and I use them to helpbuild others up to achieve their

(09:49):
goals.
I know my worth and my value.
While I may struggle fromtime-to-time to accept my full
worth and value, as we all do, Inever doubt what I bring to any
space.
As a piece of kintsugi, I willbe a unique piece of pottery
that stands out from the restbecause of the beauty in its

(10:12):
broken pieces coming together asa whole joined by gold.
It's valuable, worthy of beingobserved, and treasured.
It will stand out and shinebrightly against the backdrop of
the ordinary.
Yeah.
That's how I see myself for2025.
My word is Kintsugi.

(10:33):
If you want to learn more aboutthe principles behind Kintsugi
and how they can help you inyour personal and professional
life, then join me for the nextepisode, where I will go into
more detail about that with avery special guest.
You won't want to miss it.
Back to you and I, what willyour word for this year be, and
how will it help you to achieveyour goals?

(10:56):
You remember that hiring managerfrom earlier?
Yeah, well, the funny thing islater on, I was asked to assist
her team with some training thatshe needed done.
Yep, that very diva ended upneeding this diva after all.
So I let my light shine brightlyand she could not deny it any

(11:16):
longer.
Listen, you are a beautifullight shining brightly from a
lamp.
Others may try to dim it byputting on a shade, moving it
around in various spaces, ortrying to put you out
altogether.
There's no need to dim yourlight.
You'll find the right people andspaces that appreciate your

(11:38):
brightness and will let youshine.
I did! And I keep shining as anauthentic and original piece of
kintsugi made with passion.
When you decide on the word thatwill light your way this year
and help you to shine evenbrighter, let me know, put it in
the comments or hit me up on mysocials.

(11:58):
I want to add my light to yoursby passionately rooting you on.
Thank you for taking a fewminutes out of your day to chat
with me.
If you want to continue theconversation, follow me on
social media.
I'm@Shai Boston on Instagram,Threads, and Facebook.
I hope you have a good rest ofthe day and a restful night.

(12:22):
I'll see you next time for moreCoffee, Cocktails, and Clarity.