Don't Reward the Negative: Breaking Free from Self-Sabotaging Thoughts

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SHOW DESCRIPTION

Have you ever noticed how mean you can be to yourself? In this episode, I'm looking at the impact of negative self-talk and why it's time to change our personal narratives. I'll share some of my own struggles, and you'll hear about a powerful conversation I had with an amazing author that totally shifted my perspective. We'll talk about the importance of rewarding positivity, appreciating the journey, and reframing those negative thoughts into something more empowering. No more blame game! Let's focus on turning challenges into opportunities for growth and build from where we are right now. This episode is all about attracting more positivity into your life and learning to truly appreciate the beauty of your journey. 

 

 

TL;DR

This episode focuses on the harmful effects of negative self-talk and the importance of changing your inner narrative by emphasizing the importance of  reframing negative thoughts, rewarding positivity, and appreciating your journey.

 

Time Stamps

00:00 Introduction to Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity

00:04 The Power of Positive Self-Talk

00:40 The Impact of Journaling

01:31 Welcome and Episode Overview

02:26 Personal Reflections and Negative Self-Talk

05:41 Society's Reward of Negativity

06:51 Reframing and Embracing Positivity

08:37 Appreciating the Journey

10:50 Fan Appreciation and Conclusion

 

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RESOURCES

Note: I do not have any affiliations with, sponsorships or endorsements from any of the resources mentioned. They are listed for your reference.

 

Mental Health Resources

Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 

Ph: 988

 

Psychology Today 

 

National Institute of Mental Health 

 

Sexual Violence Resources

RAIIN

Ph: 800.656.HOPE (4673)

 

Substance Abuse Resources

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

 

Alcoholics Anonymous

 

Al-Anon Family Groups

 

Credits

Podcast Editor: Payton Cross Productions 

Support the show

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Coming up next on Coffee,Cocktails, and Clarity.
I would inadvertently talknegatively about myself and not
even realize it.
Whatever stage you are in yourlife at this moment, change the
narrative.
Don't reward the negative.

(00:21):
When we talk to ourselves in theway we deserve, we are rewarding
positivity.
The more positive we become, themore our mind and subconscious
will reward us mentally andphysically.
You can't appreciate the beautyif you're moving too fast to see
it.
I was having a conversation withan author not long ago, you'll

(00:44):
hear that interview soon, andshe said something very profound
to me.
She was talking aboutjournaling, something that I
tend to struggle with, but do onoccasion.
She said that, in effect,writing in our journal is a way
for us to tell ourselves what'sgoing on inside of us.

(01:05):
Now that blew my mind because Ihad never thought of journaling
that way.
I just saw it as an exercise ofputting what was in my brain out
on paper.
But the reality is that ourminds and subconscious are
always trying to communicatewith us.
And when I realized what wasbeing said, I knew that I had to

(01:29):
make a change.
What's up ladies?
I'm Shai Boston.
It's great you found this safespace dedicated to women like us
who want to have authenticconversations around everything
that impacts our life, careers,and relationships.
For the next few minutes, let'sconnect and engage more deeply

(01:52):
with ourselves and each other.
Get ready to have some Coffee,Cocktails, and Clarity.
Today, I am drinking strawberryFanta.
I had some Popeye's earlier.
Yes, some delicious Popeye'schicken, and I have to have a
strawberry Fanta when I ameating my Popeye's.

(02:14):
I saved a little bit for thisepisode.
So I'm going to take my sip asis tradition.
Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
Now let's get into it.
Do you have conversations withyourself?
I do all the time.
I just need the expert opinionof myself.

(02:35):
But seriously, when I talk to alot of my sistafriends and I ask
them if they have conversationswith themselves, most of them do
and the topics are wide-ranging.
What most of us won't admit,though, is what we truly say to
ourselves.
Even just in passing.
And that got me to thinking,what are the things that I say

(02:58):
to myself, even in passing, thatmy mind and subconscious then
have to process?
I really didn't think that Italked negatively to myself.
I honestly didn't.
Until I started reviewing what Ihad written in my journal.
I found that there were times Iused words like shame, defeated,

(03:21):
frustrated, deflated.
You know, things like that.
And usually they were regardingsomething that was done to me or
the results of something I haddone.
I especially expressed suchfeelings when it came to my
business and some of thechallenges that I faced during
some really challenging times.

(03:42):
Then I read in between the linesand noticed that there were
things I said in passing tomyself that were manifested in
my writings.
Sometimes, I'd look in themirror and I say that I looked a
mess because I didn't get mymakeup put on the way that I
wanted.
Not reframing that as I'm anovice and still learning even

(04:04):
at my big age.
Other times, I'd make commentsabout my health, my weight, how
disappointed I might be becauseI didn't lose weight or that my
health wasn't improving, noteven remotely giving myself
credit for the efforts that I ammaking to make changes in those
areas.
I'd started a blame game withmyself.

(04:26):
I realized that some of thesecomments I would say to myself
while getting dressed, maybeafter trying on clothes at a
clothing store or after adoctor's visit where I get told,
yet again, that I needed to loseweight.
My point is that I wouldinadvertently talk negatively
about myself and not evenrealize it.

(04:49):
I'm not talking impostersyndrome and I'm not talking
about every now and thenacknowledging a mistake.
I'm sure you've done it, too.
I'm sure, you know, the timeswhen we say things like,"Oh, I'm
so stupid.
Why didn't I see that coming?"Or"I hate that I can't even
do..." you know, things likethat.
The reality is that we arecriticizing ourselves.

(05:13):
Saying negative things withouteven realizing it, gets
internalized.
That ends up manifesting itselfin other ways.
That can come out in poor mentaland physical health, weight
gain, destructive habits andtendencies, overworking
ourselves, accepting things in arelationship we otherwise
wouldn't, doting excessively onour children.

(05:35):
You know, we eitherovercompensate or overtax
ourselves in some way.
When I was giving this somethought, I saw a quote by
someone that basically said,negative thinking is rewarded in
our society.
Now, there are people who getpaid just to look for problems
and to solve them, and there'snothing wrong with that.

(05:58):
Many of us get paid or receivebenefits if we're able to solve
a problem for a company or aclient, but I want us to think
on a different level.
Think of how many social mediachannels make money off of
negativity.
Whether they're spilling thetea, spreading falsehoods and
lies, or doing something extra.

(06:19):
They are more likely to berewarded than those who are
spreading love and light,so-to-speak.
There are those who even set outto tear down those who are more
positive because there just hasto be something that they're
hiding.
See, negativity.
I don't want us to do that toourselves.

(06:40):
I don't want us to rewardnegative thinking within
ourselves, no more than I wantus speaking negatively to
ourselves and others.
I want us to change thenarrative and reframe our
thinking.
I'm not saying it's easy.
It will take conscientiouseffort, for sure.

(07:02):
Something you may want may notbe what you need right now.
You just may not know it yet.
So what can you do?
Avoid talking negatively aboutit.
Look at it from a differentperspective.
What lessons are you learning?
Are you enjoying the ride?
What discoveries have you madeabout your strengths?

(07:25):
What are the positive changesyou have made on this journey
resulting in a better you?
Or starting your business orgrowing your business?
Or working towards a promotion?
While you're looking for a job?
Or now that you're postpartum?
Whatever stage you are in yourlife, at this moment, change the
narrative.

(07:46):
Don't reward the negative.
At times we may look behind usand see some of the pieces that
have been chipped away from usdue to one life experience or
another.
Sometimes it's whole pieces.
You may not be able to pickthose pieces up to rebuild.

(08:06):
Some are too sharp and will cutyou again.
Some pieces you realize you justdon't need at all.
And some pieces simply need toremain where they are.
That's why you should start withwhere you are now.
And with what you haveremaining.
Build from there.

(08:27):
Take time to enjoy the journeyand process of rebuilding.
Now, I'm not saying it won't bepainful or challenging or even
hard.
I'm saying that there can bebeauty in the journey.
If we're in a rush to getsomewhere, we could be missing
what's being given to us rightnow, which is opportunities for

(08:49):
continued growth and selfimprovement, recognizing the
value of our support systems,maybe even understanding the
need to slow down our pace oflife, or we might have
improvements in our mental andphysical health.
There's beauty in our journeysas much as there is in achieving
our goals.
But you can't see the beauty ifyou're not looking for it to

(09:12):
begin with.
You can't appreciate the beautyif you're moving too fast to see
it.
Reaching our goals is important.
Yes, it takes time.
While you're waiting to reachyour goals, appreciate the
opportunity given to us to evenstrive for these goals.

(09:33):
Appreciate the time it will takeand value it because you won't
have it again.
And there will be some wonderfullessons and experiences along
the way that will help youcontinue to grow.
As we do this, we'll uncover thepositive things to say to
ourselves about the journey.
Let's reward positive talk aboutourselves and the positive

(09:56):
conversations we have withourselves.
We'll face many challenges.
That's just the facts of life.
When we choose to reframe thosechallenges into building blocks,
we choose to reward positivity.
When we can stand in front of amirror and embrace every
perceived flaw, we are rewardingpositivity.

(10:19):
When we read our journals, we'llsee the changes inside
ourselves.
There will still be somenegative talk and moments, but
they will be farther and fewerbetween.
The more positive we become, themore our mind and subconscious
will reward us mentally andphysically.
Those rewards pay off in muchbigger dividends than

(10:41):
negativity.
Since we attract more of what wethink and say, we'll attract
more positivity into our lives.
And speaking of positivity, Iwant to thank one of my fans who
took the time to write in andlet me know how much they
appreciate this podcast.
I am very grateful and trulyhumbled that you love the

(11:04):
podcast and feel it isbeneficial to you and would
benefit others you know.
If you're that fan fromHaddonfield, New Jersey, please
reach back out to me and provideme your contact information, the
same way you reached out before,and just put your information
into the message, and I will notpublish it.
You asked me to reach out toyou, but I didn't have your

(11:27):
contact information.
So as soon as I get it, I willfollow up with you.
With all of that said, let'sthink about today's show.
Let's change our personalnarratives.
Change our conversations withourselves.
Whenever possible, reframe thenegatives into the positives.

(11:49):
Welcome these changes and allthe rewards that come with them.
Thank you for taking a fewminutes out of your day to chat
with me.
If you want to continue theconversation, follow me on
social media.
I'm@ShaiBoston on Instagram,Threads, and Facebook.

(12:10):
I hope you have a good rest ofthe day and a restful night.
I'll see you next time for moreCoffee, Cocktails, and Clarity.