December 24, 2024 • 20 mins
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SHOW DESCRIPTION
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How can you confidently have your voice heard, take up space, and command respect in every aspect of your life? This episode recaps the key takeaways from our three-part series owing our space, our voice, and our presence. We discuss the importance of using our voice, body language, and presence to command space, both literally and figuratively. I share personal experiences, including how I claimed my seat at the table in a leadership meeting. We also explore ways to hold space for others and the importance of a support system. Join me, Shai Boston, as we empower ourselves to own our voice, space, and presence. Don't forget to grab your favorite beverage and get comfy!
TL;DR
Want to be heard? This episode recaps:
· How to confidently take up space
· Practical tips commanding attention
· Creating a supportive environment.
Time Stamps
00:00 Introduction and Recap of Previous Episodes
01:41 The Importance of Taking Up Space
02:56 Personal Story: Claiming My Space
06:42 Strategies for Owning Your Space
08:27 Holding Space for Others
09:48 Building Confidence and Support Systems
13:24 Final Thoughts and Affirmations
19:50 Closing Remarks
COnnect with me
RESOURCES
Note: I do not have any affiliations with, sponsorships or endorsements from any of the resources mentioned. They are listed for your reference.
Mental Health Resources
Ph: 988
National Institute of Mental Health
Sexual Violence Resources
Ph: 800.656.HOPE (4673)
Substance Abuse Resources
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
Credits
Spike Lee 20th Anniversary Event by Getty Images
Podcast Editor: Payton Cross Productions
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
On our last episode of Coffee,Cocktails, and Clarity.
We have made it to the last partin the series.
I didn't expect it to be a 3parter, and that was certainly
not how this was planned.
But here we are, there was a lotto say and a lot to talk about.
In Part 1, we discussed owningour space, our presence, and our
(00:24):
space in a literal andfigurative sense.
In Part 2, we started breakingdown how to do those a little
bit more.
As I'm scrolling back throughsome of the things that we've
talked about, we talked abouthow to use your voice.
Actually, things related tovolume and pitch, things like
(00:46):
that.
We then talked about the tone.
So that's the emotions that areconveyed by your voice.
If it's being happy, if it'ssad, if it's intense.
And we talked about our wordsand having the proper word
choices and using words that canbe received by your audience
(01:08):
based on how they communicate.
We also talked about our bodylanguage and how important our
body language is when we aretrying to convey confidence.
And we also talked about ourpresence and I talked about how
you can use your presence inorder to hold and command space
without having to demand it.
(01:29):
We talked about the"OprahEffect," which I feel is very
real.
I feel all of us can have the"Oprah Effect." So the last
aspect of all of this actuallyhas to do with space.
When we're talking about usingour space, we need to keep in
mind that we take up spacephysically with our voice and
(01:51):
our presence.
Physically relates to the actualspace we take, like sitting in a
chair or standing in a room.
Our voice can literally fill theair with our thoughts and that
takes up space.
I'm so happy you're here.
My name is Shai Boston, and it'sa privilege to welcome you to
Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity: Real Women, Real Talk. (02:13):
undefined
It's a safe space created forwomen like us who want to have
authentic conversation aroundeverything that impacts our
life, careers, andrelationships.
Go ahead, grab your favoritebeverage and get comfy.
(02:35):
Now, let's have a chat.
As we talked about when it comesto presence, that's the essence
of who we are our vibe, ourenergy, our aura that takes up
space.
When I talk about owning andtaking up space, I mean it in
all those various ways.
(02:56):
The first time I was asked tojoin the sales and marketing
leadership meeting, I was waytoo excited.
I was finally sitting on the 6thfloor where the Senior Vice
Presidents and the sales andmarketing teams were all
located.
The large conference room wasright off the elevator and
(03:17):
that's where I saw the"Who'sWho", of course in my mind, of
the sales and marketing teamsgathering for meetings.
My Associate Vice President andmy Director both said that they
wanted me to attend this weeklymeeting.
There would also be keypersonnel from revenue
management in the meeting.
(03:37):
I, a supervisor, was beingincluded in a weekly meeting for
senior leaders down to managers.
So that was a big deal.
I come into the meeting andinstantly feel the feeling that
I've had too often in the past.
The feeling of I'm one of...
(03:58):
in this case, I was one of maybetwo or three...
I'm used to that.
So it is what it is.
Then I had to observe thepolitical chair game.
In effect, it seemed that youdid not sit at the long oval
shaped table if you did not havea title or specific
(04:21):
contributions to make to themeeting.
I observed and played the game,for a little while, just so I
could get the lay of the land.
One day, I decided I was goingto get there early and grab a
seat at the table.
Not one closest to the SeniorVice President, but I was going
to sit at the table.
(04:42):
I didn't have anything tocontribute to the conversation,
well, at least nothing that Ican recall off the top of my
head.
But it didn't matter to me.
I was going to sit at the table.
Some people were surprised whenthey came into the room and saw
where I was sitting.
Partially because I was earlyand others reacted because I had
(05:03):
taken a seat at the table.
Either way, I staked out a claimat the table.
By doing so, and taking up thatliteral and figurative space,
they knew I was in the room.
That I was going to stay at thetable.
From that point on, I never satat the side again, unless I
(05:29):
absolutely had to, and that wasextremely rare.
You see, I realized that justbecause I didn't have a"title"
didn't mean I didn't have aright to sit at the table.
It made sense to initiallyfollow the lead of others and
get the lay of the land, whichis something I recommend when
(05:49):
entering new spaces where youmay not have much
acknowledgement or leverage asof yet.
Once everyone was used to mypresence in that space, I then
wanted my presence to be seenand felt even more.
Therefore, I took a seat at thetable.
I didn't allow othersperceptions of me to continue to
(06:12):
diminish, minimize, or otherwisedisengage my presence from being
connected to that specificspace.
I was eventually promoted to amanager and I became the manager
of a small department andcontinued to stay at the table
even if there wasn't much for meto say or contribute.
(06:32):
When I did have something to sayor other items to contribute,
they knew where to find me.
Sitting at the table.
When entering any space, yourpresence leads the way.
You're already taking up space.
When you speak by asking oranswering a question, sharing a
(06:55):
thought, leading a meeting, orgiving a presentation, you're
owning and taking up space.
In our relationships, when youspeak up for yourself, set
boundaries, choose where youwill sit at a family gathering,
remove yourself from situations,you are taking up and owning
(07:16):
space.
No matter the situation, do notminimize or diminish your
presence.
Do not disengage your presenceunless you choose to.
This is where your bodylanguage, voice, word choices,
and tones plays a crucial rolein establishing that you belong
(07:40):
and will remain in a space.
Presenting yourself withconfidence, even if you don't
fully feel it shifts the feelingof your presence and the feeling
others will have about yourpresence.
It starts sending a message tothem that you're a force to be
reckoned with even if you aresitting quietly.
(08:04):
As a sidebar, one lesson Ilearned was just to take a seat
at the table.
If you're invited to the tableand you feel you don't belong or
have anything to contribute, sitdown anyway.
The one who invited you,usually, is holding space for
(08:24):
you literally and figuratively.
Speaking of holding space,whenever and wherever we can do
so, we should hold space forourselves and for others.
What does holding space forothers look like?
Inviting them to have a seat atthe table with you, literally.
(08:46):
Including them in theconversation by asking for their
thoughts, their insights, orwhat questions they may have.
Ensuring their literal voice isheard if others try to talk over
them, drown them out, or if theytry to keep their voice from
being heard.
For example, everyone around thetable that I sat at was able to
(09:08):
give their opinion on a newpolicy or ad campaign.
A female member of our teamdidn't get a chance to express
herself.
Perhaps the person leading themeeting just overlooked her.
Maybe it was deliberate or not.
Holding space is when you say,"I'm sorry, I wanted to hear
what Belinda had to say," or"Leanne, what were your thoughts
(09:32):
on the proposed product launchdate change?" Holding space is
creating a safe environment forsomeone else to speak their
thoughts, be themselves, and tobe part of the whole.
How can you own and hold spacewith confidence?
(09:54):
Be confident.
Find something about yourknowledge, skill set, or
experience that you are proud ofand can be confident in.
Literally start working your waytowards taking a seat at the
table.
If you are not able to take thestep towards sitting at the
(10:16):
table, literally orfiguratively, take the small
steps that will get you there.
Sit on the outside and observe.
Tag team with a friend or acolleague to an event.
Go with a coworker to a meetingso you can feel more
comfortable.
Listen attentively, then ask arelevant question or a point of
(10:38):
clarification.
If you have something to share,make sure it is meaningful and
share it.
To start holding space forsomeone else, invite them to
work with you on projects, toattend meetings together,
especially ones that you'releading, and ask them for their
advice or thoughts on a projectyou're working on.
(11:01):
As leaders, it is up to us tocreate safe spaces for our team
to show up authentically.
Let me say that again.
As leaders, it is up to us tocreate safe spaces for our team
to show up authentically.
In our relationships andpersonal life, you can own and
(11:24):
take up space by deciding whereyou physically want to be.
What you will or will not sharewith others, setting boundaries
and enforcing them.
Like I hinted at before, yourphysical size also helps you
hold space.
I think of Dr.
Maya Angelou, who was very talland statuesque.
(11:45):
Her physical presence, herphysical size, held space in a
very positive way.
Your space also means yourphysical space.
If you don't like being touchedor want to be touched in a
certain way, own your power bysetting and expressing your
boundaries.
(12:06):
A simple,"I would prefer toshake hands" or"Fist bump!"
should suffice.
Hold space for others byrecognizing if they are
uncomfortable with someoneinvading their personal space.
I especially do this with littlekids.
If someone insists that a childgreet me with a hug and I see
(12:27):
the child is resistant forwhatever reasons, I say to the
child,"It's okay.
You don't have to hug AuntieShai.
My feelings won't be hurt." I'lleven ask the child, May I have a
hug?" If they say"yes," I letthem approach me in a way that
is comfortable for them.
(12:49):
It might be a side hug or itmight be a full on hug or
sometimes they just do thelittle kiddie pat on the back or
pat on the leg.
If they say or want to say"No,"I let them know it's okay and I
respect their decision.
The bottom line is you determinewhat to do with your space and
(13:10):
your bodies.
Own your space by staking aphysical and figurative claim.
Create it to be what you want itto be.
Set and use your boundaries.
As we get ready to round outthis episode, let's recap what
we've talked about so far (13:28):
We want to use our voice.
That entails speaking up forourselves and others.
Using our tones will help us tosound confident, convey the
right emotions, and emphasizeour words.
Word choices are important toconvey our knowledge and
(13:48):
expertise, our feelings, and ourconfidence.
They help our message to beheard and received.
Body language can be used toexude confidence, to show our
engagement in a conversation ormeeting, and to command
attention.
In harmony with that, our bodylanguage plays a role in how our
(14:10):
presence is received.
We want to use our presence tohelp us be seen physically and
to be felt.
Our presence is the vibe we giveoff that impacts the spaces
we're in.
Finally, speaking of spaces, wetake up physical space with our
presence, size, and boundaries.
(14:34):
We use our voices to own space,to fill the space.
We hold space for others bycreating a safe environment for
them to flourish.
The reality is though that wecan't do all of this on our own.
We'll need a support system.
(14:54):
Having a support system isextremely important.
A support system will help beyour sounding board so you can
gather your thoughts and workthrough the things you want to
say.
They can help you to work on allaspects of owning your voice,
space, and presence that we'vetalked about over the last two
episodes.
(15:15):
Without support in place, it'seasy to fall back into old
patterns or to make moremistakes than you need to in
order to get to where you wantto go.
We need allies, and we need tobe allies.
My best allies were other womenin leadership that were willing
to guide me, hold space for me,and showed me how I can still
(15:40):
show up as my authentic selfwhile using the things we talked
about more effectively.
For us women of color, we needother women of color who
understand the very specificchallenges we face.
They can provide safe spaces forus to share our thoughts and
feelings others may not readilyor possibly understand.
(16:02):
Some of my other best allieswere men who wanted to center
women's voices every opportunitythey could get.
Early in my career, although Iwas their administrative
assistant, I had two malemanagers I supported that saw my
potential and wanted to help meachieve it.
In fact, one of them said,"Iknow you're not an engineer, and
(16:25):
may not have a desire to be one,but it's my job to prepare you
to take over my role." The twoof them worked with me on
leveling up my skillset.
When our company got bought outby another one, and my job was
being eliminated, they worked toget me interviews at the new
company.
(16:45):
I landed a new job and didn'thave a lapse of employment as a
result.
They held space for me by givingme opportunities.
There are also men who willcenter women's voices by helping
to amplify their ideas, theirskills, and more.
They don't always have to be theone to talk about these things.
(17:09):
They make way for her to talkabout it on her own.
Everything we've talked aboutover the last two, three
episodes is to help us own ourpower.
In owning our power, we own ourvoice, our presence, and our
space.
You can do all those things bybeing confident in your
(17:30):
knowledge and skills,recognizing your value and
worth, and practicing all thethings that can help you in
owning that power (17:38):
using your voice, tone, words, body
language, presence, and space.
For my Black sistafriends, I amkeenly aware that we need to
balance all of these elementswith so much more.
While I say stand on business,do so in a way that will still
(17:59):
help you get what you want andto where you want to be without
compromising who you are.
For my Neurospicy sistafriends,we may feel overwhelmed because
we already have so much to workthrough and to work with.
Apply the tips that you can atyour own pace and to whatever
(18:21):
capacity you can manage.
You'll grow in confidence andability all in due time.
For my Spoonies, us invisibleillness warriors, we only have
so much bandwidth and energy,only so much.
Pick one or two things to workon at a given time and keep
(18:41):
going from there.
Go according to what yourphysical and mental resources
will allow so that you'rebalanced in the energy that
you're expending.
To all of you, all of mysistafriends I want to leave you
with this final affirmation.
So repeat after me.
I can be successful beingauthentically me.
(19:06):
I add value to any table I sitat.
I am enough.
One more time.
I can be successful beingauthentically me.
I add value to any table I sitat.
I am enough.
I'm wearing a t-shirt that says,I add value to ANY table I sit
(19:32):
at." I'll put the link in theshow notes so you can purchase
it from the same company I did.
And no, I'm not affiliated and Idon't get anything for the
recommendation.
I just thought you would want adope shirt like this because
you're a dope woman doing dopethings, period.
As we close out the episode, allI want to say is this, may each
(19:56):
of you be successful in owningyour voice, space, and presence.
May each of you bring out yourinner Oprah.
Thank you for taking a fewminutes out of your day to chat
with me.
If you want to continue theconversation, follow me on
(20:17):
social media.
I'm@Shai Boston on Instagram,Threads, and Facebook.
I hope you have a good rest ofthe day and a restful night.
I'll see you next time for moreCoffee, Cocktails, and Clarity.
On our last episode of Coffee,Cocktails, and Clarity.
We have made it to the last partin the series.
I didn't expect it to be a 3parter, and that was certainly
not how this was planned.
But here we are, there was a lotto say and a lot to talk about.
In Part 1, we discussed owningour space, our presence, and our
(00:24):
space in a literal andfigurative sense.
In Part 2, we started breakingdown how to do those a little
bit more.
As I'm scrolling back throughsome of the things that we've
talked about, we talked abouthow to use your voice.
Actually, things related tovolume and pitch, things like
(00:46):
that.
We then talked about the tone.
So that's the emotions that areconveyed by your voice.
If it's being happy, if it'ssad, if it's intense.
And we talked about our wordsand having the proper word
choices and using words that canbe received by your audience
(01:08):
based on how they communicate.
We also talked about our bodylanguage and how important our
body language is when we aretrying to convey confidence.
And we also talked about ourpresence and I talked about how
you can use your presence inorder to hold and command space
without having to demand it.
(01:29):
We talked about the"OprahEffect," which I feel is very
real.
I feel all of us can have the"Oprah Effect." So the last
aspect of all of this actuallyhas to do with space.
When we're talking about usingour space, we need to keep in
mind that we take up spacephysically with our voice and
(01:51):
our presence.
Physically relates to the actualspace we take, like sitting in a
chair or standing in a room.
Our voice can literally fill theair with our thoughts and that
takes up space.
I'm so happy you're here.
My name is Shai Boston, and it'sa privilege to welcome you to
Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity: Real Women, Real Talk. (02:13):
undefined
It's a safe space created forwomen like us who want to have
authentic conversation aroundeverything that impacts our
life, careers, andrelationships.
Go ahead, grab your favoritebeverage and get comfy.
(02:35):
Now, let's have a chat.
As we talked about when it comesto presence, that's the essence
of who we are our vibe, ourenergy, our aura that takes up
space.
When I talk about owning andtaking up space, I mean it in
all those various ways.
(02:56):
The first time I was asked tojoin the sales and marketing
leadership meeting, I was waytoo excited.
I was finally sitting on the 6thfloor where the Senior Vice
Presidents and the sales andmarketing teams were all
located.
The large conference room wasright off the elevator and
(03:17):
that's where I saw the"Who'sWho", of course in my mind, of
the sales and marketing teamsgathering for meetings.
My Associate Vice President andmy Director both said that they
wanted me to attend this weeklymeeting.
There would also be keypersonnel from revenue
management in the meeting.
(03:37):
I, a supervisor, was beingincluded in a weekly meeting for
senior leaders down to managers.
So that was a big deal.
I come into the meeting andinstantly feel the feeling that
I've had too often in the past.
The feeling of I'm one of...
(03:58):
in this case, I was one of maybetwo or three...
I'm used to that.
So it is what it is.
Then I had to observe thepolitical chair game.
In effect, it seemed that youdid not sit at the long oval
shaped table if you did not havea title or specific
(04:21):
contributions to make to themeeting.
I observed and played the game,for a little while, just so I
could get the lay of the land.
One day, I decided I was goingto get there early and grab a
seat at the table.
Not one closest to the SeniorVice President, but I was going
to sit at the table.
(04:42):
I didn't have anything tocontribute to the conversation,
well, at least nothing that Ican recall off the top of my
head.
But it didn't matter to me.
I was going to sit at the table.
Some people were surprised whenthey came into the room and saw
where I was sitting.
Partially because I was earlyand others reacted because I had
(05:03):
taken a seat at the table.
Either way, I staked out a claimat the table.
By doing so, and taking up thatliteral and figurative space,
they knew I was in the room.
That I was going to stay at thetable.
From that point on, I never satat the side again, unless I
(05:29):
absolutely had to, and that wasextremely rare.
You see, I realized that justbecause I didn't have a"title"
didn't mean I didn't have aright to sit at the table.
It made sense to initiallyfollow the lead of others and
get the lay of the land, whichis something I recommend when
(05:49):
entering new spaces where youmay not have much
acknowledgement or leverage asof yet.
Once everyone was used to mypresence in that space, I then
wanted my presence to be seenand felt even more.
Therefore, I took a seat at thetable.
I didn't allow othersperceptions of me to continue to
(06:12):
diminish, minimize, or otherwisedisengage my presence from being
connected to that specificspace.
I was eventually promoted to amanager and I became the manager
of a small department andcontinued to stay at the table
even if there wasn't much for meto say or contribute.
(06:32):
When I did have something to sayor other items to contribute,
they knew where to find me.
Sitting at the table.
When entering any space, yourpresence leads the way.
You're already taking up space.
When you speak by asking oranswering a question, sharing a
(06:55):
thought, leading a meeting, orgiving a presentation, you're
owning and taking up space.
In our relationships, when youspeak up for yourself, set
boundaries, choose where youwill sit at a family gathering,
remove yourself from situations,you are taking up and owning
(07:16):
space.
No matter the situation, do notminimize or diminish your
presence.
Do not disengage your presenceunless you choose to.
This is where your bodylanguage, voice, word choices,
and tones plays a crucial rolein establishing that you belong
(07:40):
and will remain in a space.
Presenting yourself withconfidence, even if you don't
fully feel it shifts the feelingof your presence and the feeling
others will have about yourpresence.
It starts sending a message tothem that you're a force to be
reckoned with even if you aresitting quietly.
(08:04):
As a sidebar, one lesson Ilearned was just to take a seat
at the table.
If you're invited to the tableand you feel you don't belong or
have anything to contribute, sitdown anyway.
The one who invited you,usually, is holding space for
(08:24):
you literally and figuratively.
Speaking of holding space,whenever and wherever we can do
so, we should hold space forourselves and for others.
What does holding space forothers look like?
Inviting them to have a seat atthe table with you, literally.
(08:46):
Including them in theconversation by asking for their
thoughts, their insights, orwhat questions they may have.
Ensuring their literal voice isheard if others try to talk over
them, drown them out, or if theytry to keep their voice from
being heard.
For example, everyone around thetable that I sat at was able to
(09:08):
give their opinion on a newpolicy or ad campaign.
A female member of our teamdidn't get a chance to express
herself.
Perhaps the person leading themeeting just overlooked her.
Maybe it was deliberate or not.
Holding space is when you say,"I'm sorry, I wanted to hear
what Belinda had to say," or"Leanne, what were your thoughts
(09:32):
on the proposed product launchdate change?" Holding space is
creating a safe environment forsomeone else to speak their
thoughts, be themselves, and tobe part of the whole.
How can you own and hold spacewith confidence?
(09:54):
Be confident.
Find something about yourknowledge, skill set, or
experience that you are proud ofand can be confident in.
Literally start working your waytowards taking a seat at the
table.
If you are not able to take thestep towards sitting at the
(10:16):
table, literally orfiguratively, take the small
steps that will get you there.
Sit on the outside and observe.
Tag team with a friend or acolleague to an event.
Go with a coworker to a meetingso you can feel more
comfortable.
Listen attentively, then ask arelevant question or a point of
(10:38):
clarification.
If you have something to share,make sure it is meaningful and
share it.
To start holding space forsomeone else, invite them to
work with you on projects, toattend meetings together,
especially ones that you'releading, and ask them for their
advice or thoughts on a projectyou're working on.
(11:01):
As leaders, it is up to us tocreate safe spaces for our team
to show up authentically.
Let me say that again.
As leaders, it is up to us tocreate safe spaces for our team
to show up authentically.
In our relationships andpersonal life, you can own and
(11:24):
take up space by deciding whereyou physically want to be.
What you will or will not sharewith others, setting boundaries
and enforcing them.
Like I hinted at before, yourphysical size also helps you
hold space.
I think of Dr.
Maya Angelou, who was very talland statuesque.
(11:45):
Her physical presence, herphysical size, held space in a
very positive way.
Your space also means yourphysical space.
If you don't like being touchedor want to be touched in a
certain way, own your power bysetting and expressing your
boundaries.
(12:06):
A simple,"I would prefer toshake hands" or"Fist bump!"
should suffice.
Hold space for others byrecognizing if they are
uncomfortable with someoneinvading their personal space.
I especially do this with littlekids.
If someone insists that a childgreet me with a hug and I see
(12:27):
the child is resistant forwhatever reasons, I say to the
child,"It's okay.
You don't have to hug AuntieShai.
My feelings won't be hurt." I'lleven ask the child, May I have a
hug?" If they say"yes," I letthem approach me in a way that
is comfortable for them.
(12:49):
It might be a side hug or itmight be a full on hug or
sometimes they just do thelittle kiddie pat on the back or
pat on the leg.
If they say or want to say"No,"I let them know it's okay and I
respect their decision.
The bottom line is you determinewhat to do with your space and
(13:10):
your bodies.
Own your space by staking aphysical and figurative claim.
Create it to be what you want itto be.
Set and use your boundaries.
As we get ready to round outthis episode, let's recap what
we've talked about so far (13:28):
We want to use our voice.
That entails speaking up forourselves and others.
Using our tones will help us tosound confident, convey the
right emotions, and emphasizeour words.
Word choices are important toconvey our knowledge and
(13:48):
expertise, our feelings, and ourconfidence.
They help our message to beheard and received.
Body language can be used toexude confidence, to show our
engagement in a conversation ormeeting, and to command
attention.
In harmony with that, our bodylanguage plays a role in how our
(14:10):
presence is received.
We want to use our presence tohelp us be seen physically and
to be felt.
Our presence is the vibe we giveoff that impacts the spaces
we're in.
Finally, speaking of spaces, wetake up physical space with our
presence, size, and boundaries.
(14:34):
We use our voices to own space,to fill the space.
We hold space for others bycreating a safe environment for
them to flourish.
The reality is though that wecan't do all of this on our own.
We'll need a support system.
(14:54):
Having a support system isextremely important.
A support system will help beyour sounding board so you can
gather your thoughts and workthrough the things you want to
say.
They can help you to work on allaspects of owning your voice,
space, and presence that we'vetalked about over the last two
episodes.
(15:15):
Without support in place, it'seasy to fall back into old
patterns or to make moremistakes than you need to in
order to get to where you wantto go.
We need allies, and we need tobe allies.
My best allies were other womenin leadership that were willing
to guide me, hold space for me,and showed me how I can still
(15:40):
show up as my authentic selfwhile using the things we talked
about more effectively.
For us women of color, we needother women of color who
understand the very specificchallenges we face.
They can provide safe spaces forus to share our thoughts and
feelings others may not readilyor possibly understand.
(16:02):
Some of my other best allieswere men who wanted to center
women's voices every opportunitythey could get.
Early in my career, although Iwas their administrative
assistant, I had two malemanagers I supported that saw my
potential and wanted to help meachieve it.
In fact, one of them said,"Iknow you're not an engineer, and
(16:25):
may not have a desire to be one,but it's my job to prepare you
to take over my role." The twoof them worked with me on
leveling up my skillset.
When our company got bought outby another one, and my job was
being eliminated, they worked toget me interviews at the new
company.
(16:45):
I landed a new job and didn'thave a lapse of employment as a
result.
They held space for me by givingme opportunities.
There are also men who willcenter women's voices by helping
to amplify their ideas, theirskills, and more.
They don't always have to be theone to talk about these things.
(17:09):
They make way for her to talkabout it on her own.
Everything we've talked aboutover the last two, three
episodes is to help us own ourpower.
In owning our power, we own ourvoice, our presence, and our
space.
You can do all those things bybeing confident in your
(17:30):
knowledge and skills,recognizing your value and
worth, and practicing all thethings that can help you in
owning that power (17:38):
using your voice, tone, words, body
language, presence, and space.
For my Black sistafriends, I amkeenly aware that we need to
balance all of these elementswith so much more.
While I say stand on business,do so in a way that will still
(17:59):
help you get what you want andto where you want to be without
compromising who you are.
For my Neurospicy sistafriends,we may feel overwhelmed because
we already have so much to workthrough and to work with.
Apply the tips that you can atyour own pace and to whatever
(18:21):
capacity you can manage.
You'll grow in confidence andability all in due time.
For my Spoonies, us invisibleillness warriors, we only have
so much bandwidth and energy,only so much.
Pick one or two things to workon at a given time and keep
(18:41):
going from there.
Go according to what yourphysical and mental resources
will allow so that you'rebalanced in the energy that
you're expending.
To all of you, all of mysistafriends I want to leave you
with this final affirmation.
So repeat after me.
I can be successful beingauthentically me.
(19:06):
I add value to any table I sitat.
I am enough.
One more time.
I can be successful beingauthentically me.
I add value to any table I sitat.
I am enough.
I'm wearing a t-shirt that says,I add value to ANY table I sit
(19:32):
at." I'll put the link in theshow notes so you can purchase
it from the same company I did.
And no, I'm not affiliated and Idon't get anything for the
recommendation.
I just thought you would want adope shirt like this because
you're a dope woman doing dopethings, period.
As we close out the episode, allI want to say is this, may each
(19:56):
of you be successful in owningyour voice, space, and presence.
May each of you bring out yourinner Oprah.
Thank you for taking a fewminutes out of your day to chat
with me.
If you want to continue theconversation, follow me on
(20:17):
social media.
I'm@Shai Boston on Instagram,Threads, and Facebook.
I hope you have a good rest ofthe day and a restful night.
I'll see you next time for moreCoffee, Cocktails, and Clarity.
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