How Blended Families Break Generational Cycles (Love Unfiltered)

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Erica Rawls (00:00):
Hey you.
So you're wondering how tonavigate relationships.
So this is the episode we needyou to listen to, because my
girls, quincy and Raquel, breakit down and we had a special
guest, lloyd Hill.
He's gonna add value that youweren't even expecting.
Check it out.
So I'm really excited abouthaving y'all here today.

(00:25):
Yeah, we're excited to be here.
Yeah, so we have to take itback real quick, okay, and then
we're going to share theunfamiliar face in the room,
okay, all good stuff, all goodstuff.

Racquelle Perry (00:36):
All good stuff.

Right, right, all good stuff.
So I had to have you two backbecause you have been a fan
favorite.
I don't know if you know thisor not.
If you had watched see they toobusy, they probably didn't even
watch it.
But we had a top 10 or topseven, and y'all were probably.
You were number two.
Oh, wow, number two mostwatched full episode.
Oh, so I had to do it by mostreels watch reels and then by

(01:02):
Most Watched Episodes.
So I don't know if you knewthis, but Lessons Unheard right
was number two Most WatchedEpisode.
Okay, so just to have the two ofyou back, right and a plus one.

(01:25):
I'm really excited about this.
So, just in case for those thatdon't know who you are, I do
want you to share, becausethere's we actually have over
632 at the time of our recordingthis.
Our goal is to get to athousand by the end of June, ok,
and the 2000 by the end ofJanuary 2026.
Yes, we have goals, your goals,but there may be some new
people that may not know you, socan we just run it back real

(01:46):
quick?
And then, lloyd, we're going totalk about you too, okay, so
let's start with you, raquel.

All right.
Hello, my name is Raquel Perry.
I am a Harrisburg native, bornand raised.
I currently am an educator inthe Central Dauphin School
District.
Outside of that, I do a ton ofdifferent things.
I am a mother to a beautifulnine-year-old daughter.
I am also a children's bookauthor, like I said, with a host

(02:12):
of other titles.

Yes, content creator, yeah, all that good
stuff See.

Quencey Hickerson (02:21):
My name is Quincy Eggerson.
Mine is going to sound a lotlike Raquel's because I do look
at her like my big sister, soborn and raised in Harrisburg.
Just like her, I'm also aneducator.
We did start off workingtogether.
I'm now with the HarrisburgSchool District.
Like her, I do wear many hatsas well.
I'm a mother of a four year oldson, driving crazy.

(02:41):
You love him, we love to death.
And I like to call myself likethe youth advocate.
It's actually one of the jobtitles that I do hold with
actual, real company youthadvocate programs.
But I like to think of myselfas a youth advocate, a voice for
the youth, somebody who'salways giving back to kids that

(03:02):
grow up just like me, yeah, andbefore we get into Lloyd here.

So in your episode, remember, we were talking about
our relationships, right, andyou, uh Raquel in particular was
like I'm dating to marry, I'mlike Lord hearing of everybody,
everybody, because Don't hear itoff everybody, everybody,
because your age group is sohard when it comes to

(03:26):
relationships.
But I'm happy to say shebrought her plus one with her
yes, rowing hills in thebuilding.
Drop that T and you're fromHarrisburg area or no, you're
Stoughton, I'm from Stoughtonyep East Stoughton.

Lloyd Hill (03:43):
Like them also an educator.
You're an the Harrisburg areaor no, you're Stoughton.
I'm from Stoughton yep EastStoughton.
Like them, I'm also an educator.

You're an educator too.

Lloyd Hill (03:47):
Yes, I teach history at Capital Academy.
It's an alternative school inHarrisburg.
I did not know that.
Yes, and then on my free time,I'm a coach.
I coach football, I coachbasketball, so that's what I do,
yeah.

So I always heard of you because I'm not
originally from Harrisburg, butwhen you do come to Harrisburg,
the Stilton area yeah, lloydHill always comes up, comber Day
, the Hill family, all of youare right.
Another comes up inconversation.
So when I found out that thetwo of you were dating, I was
just like what, so brave.
Like I literally got goosebumpsBecause this is so great.

(04:23):
Yeah, because I always heardgreat things about you.
Yeah, so thank you for beingbrave enough to be in the chair
with these two.
Little Mary was what he got you.
I would be nervous.
Are you ready for it?
No, that's right.
Okay, so then we're going totalk about relationships,
because that's what we talkedabout.

Yeah, we said we talked already about, like
what we will and won't discuss.
We talked about, you know.

We said oh, bitch, we talked already about like
what we will and won't discuss,and he said we saw anything.
So, oh well, let's talk aboutit.
Well, we did something a littledifferent for this episode with
our coffee chat that we'regoing to have is I went out into
the audience and I asked themyou know, hey, I want to be
having this conversation withthese young couples here and
wanted to know what you wouldlike to talk about, because

(05:05):
we're going to be talking aboutco-parenting and social media,
dating in the social media eraand also mental health, right?
So what people may not know iswe have our what we call brewing
of ideas before we get here,and I got to tell you I was not
ready for the conversations thatwe had just behind the scenes

(05:25):
too.
So let's get into it, please.
Yeah, let's get into it.
So let's first start with theco-parenting part, right,
because you all have.
You have children, right?
Lloyd?
Do you have any children?

no children no children.

Okay, I got you, I got you, yeah, so then yeah,
right, right so we're going totalk about um, um, coing One of
the questions.
I'm just going to go right intoit, one of the questions that we
had.
First I want to slow down Ifyou tell I'm excited.
I want to first say thank youto the individuals that have

(05:57):
submitted questions for thisepisode episode.
We're going to continue to dothat because, honestly, coffee
with E is not for me, it's forthe community that we're
building, you see, because Ialways wanted to have someone
mentor me, right, and give methe guidance that I'm giving now

(06:18):
.
So that's where this is allcoming from.
It always stemmed around, youknow, being worthy of something,
mental well-being, just how tonavigate relationships and, yes,
being an entrepreneur.
So thank you for those thathave submitted their questions.
We're going to get into it now,okay?
So co-parenting is big.
It's a big thing, and we wantto talk about how we're

(06:43):
navigating co-parenting, becausethe definition is you're not
together and yet you have achild that you have to raise, so
you have to be on one accord,and a lot of times when you are
no longer together, it's becauseyou may not have the same value
systems, right and Lloyd, justbecause you don't have a child,

(07:05):
you can still just chime in froma man's perspective, right From
what you've seen, right Frompeople that have experienced
these, the things that we'regoing to be talking about.
Okay, so how do we?
If you were to help someonethat's watching remember 25 to
35 and up right what would yousay to them as far as how to

(07:27):
make sure that you are doing itsuccessfully?
Like what would be the firstthing if you had to do it all
over again.
What would you say?
Well, wait, is that you wishyou could have known before you
know you start your co-parentingroute?

so see, my situation is a little bit
different because my child'sfather and I do not speak.
He has only seen his daughtertwice, and the second time was
when she was maybe six weeks old, or maybe six months old one of
the two.
So what I would tell someone whois getting into a situation or
getting ready to have a child isto make sure that you and the

(08:03):
opposite person are on the sameaccord when it comes to future
plans and what you want to dowith children, or if you want to
have children, or if thesituation arises and you do
become pregnant.
What does that look like?
Because for my daughter'sfather and I, we didn't really
have those conversations andthen when I did get pregnant,

(08:26):
obviously he was the firstperson to know, but I had the
conversation is you can eitherbe present physically or,
unfortunately, financially.
You're going to have to helpsome way, because he did not say
that he did not want the child,right, or else that would have
been a different conversation wewould have had.
But I think the biggest thingwhen it comes to co-parenting is

(08:48):
communication and making surethat both of you are on the same
page in terms of how you'regoing to raise the child, even
if you guys don't have childrenyet.
Obviously that is a consequenceto certain adult actions.
So the possibility of gettingpregnant is there, but just make
sure that you guys align withif it happens and you do become

(09:13):
pregnant.
What does the future look likefor the?

both of you, Don't everyone?
When you start a relationship,don't you always think you're
aligned Right?
Don't you always think you'realigned?

Yeah, but I think some people shy away from
certain conversations becauseyou're in this honeymoon phase
and you don't want to mess thatup see so I just recorded a
segment with a male therapist.

y'all watch it's really good, and he actually
touches on this.
So he said that a lot of times,when it comes to relationships,
we actually avoid the red flagsin the beginning, absolutely,
absolutely, whether it's forinsecurity or just, you know,
don't want to be alone, orwhatever it is.
But by doing that we cause moregrief in the end.
So it's heavy Right.

(09:58):
So just to hear you say that,because I'm thinking once you
get with someone and you gothrough the discovery period,
I'm thinking that you are, youknow whether or not you're
aligned right.
And a lot of times I would sayin some relationships but I'll
say for most right, I don't havestatistics I would think a lot
of times that there are, um, weget pregnant and it wasn't

(10:22):
planned correct, so then we havethis child and then we find out
, okay, well, they aren't thebest person to be a father or a
mother.
So I don't know what are yourthoughts, quincy?

um, I feel like as far as the whole
co-parenting thing, like shesaid, communication is number
one.
Um, I just feel like with thatit becomes a little difficult,
just like you said, because thatdiscovery period normally
doesn't come until after thechild.
So it's like once you have thechild, now I'm starting to see
oh, you don't like getting up inthe middle of the night, oh,
you don't like helping out withpractices, oh you don't like

(11:00):
picking up from school oranything like that, and it just
makes it difficult for thatrelationship as co-parents to
kind of go forward.
But I feel like if you areaccepting after that discovery
period and you really don't haveexpectations in the areas where
they can't be fulfilled at thenyou might, might be okay yeah

(11:20):
so it's like you go into itknowing that I might have to do
everything.
But hey, what else is there toexpect in that situation when I
already see who this person is?

Yeah, yeah, and that's kind of the role that I
once I realized that he was notgoing to be present, it was more
so, like, OK, like this is justwhat I have to do and to be
honest, and I mean I know I'vespoken to both of them about it
before like I don't have any badblood towards them because
that's not something that I haveto answer for later down the
road, and I mean, like it justis what it is.

(11:53):
I hope in the future that we doget on the same accord when it
comes to kids and what thatlooks like for your future.
And you're keeping the dooropen, yeah for sure.

Yeah, and that's for the child.

Yeah, it's not about any.

Yeah.
So at what point do youintroduce your child?
I guess I could ask y'all.
So when did you introduce Laylato Lloyd Like?

at what point did you?
Well, I always say okay.
So a lot of the times peoplethink that you wait a while to
introduce the kids to yourpartner.
Right, which is fair.

You should wait a while.

And who said that and why People say that?
Because you don't want to keepintroducing, like, what's having
a daughter right?
You don't want to introduce herto multiple men psychologically
in her mind.
Maybe when she gets older it'sokay for her to be dating
multiple men, or you know.
I think that that's the I guessvantage point that people say,

(13:04):
um, you shouldn't alwaysintroduce your kids right up
front to the person dating.
But from my perspective, um, Ithink it's important because
that's a that's a non-negotiable.
If you and my child don't getalong, what are we gonna do?
Because she's permanent, likeyou could be gone tomorrow and
she's still gonna be here.
So, um, I think we probably didthe introduction.

(13:27):
It was early.

Well, lois said I'll play a real game here the
day after it was in a few weeks.

Yeah, it was a few weeks yeah, we definitely
weren't like officiallyboyfriend and girlfriend yet
right, okay yeah, it was beforethat.
Because, again, before we getto that point, I kind of have to
see how he is around children,and specifically my daughter,
because she can be a lot.
He is very outspoken, um, soyou know, I gotta see how she's

(13:59):
outspoken very president leila,that's what I call her, but are
we surprised, though, are we?

no, no, not one bit , not one bit.
You got a mini-me.

Lloyd Hill (14:13):
Yeah, yeah, mini-me.

She might have surpassed her.
Like sometimes I be surprisedwith Layla, like yo, you know
what I'm saying and Rocky, youcan just tell, gets a little
flut like girl shut up.

That's too funny.
That is too funny.

Love.

Hey, I'm hoping you're enjoying this episode of
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Now let's go back to theepisode.

So you're feeling as though okay, um, you
can do it early if you're okaywith doing it early, yeah, um,
within a few weeks, and make itsomething that's natural and
it's not like, oh, we're goingto meet this person.
It could just be like we, Ithink, did we do.
Was it urban air or something?
Yeah, it was urban air and hejust met us there, so it wasn't

(15:11):
like the focus was on theminteracting.
Yeah, the focus was more.
So Layla was playing, she wouldcome over, she would say hi,
and Layla is very talkative,she'll talk to anybody.
Yeah, so she would come over,speak, she said hi and then
she'd go back to play.
So it was like natural and nottoo much pressure on the
situation.

Okay, yeah yeah so then, when do we introduce the
co-parent to the new boyfriend?

That's a good one.
Have you all experienced thatFor me?
You know that is not in thepicture for me, so for my
situation it's a littledifferent.

It's a lot of different.
Yeah, then Missry's over here.
Um, I like to say, some days Ico-parent and some days I'm in a
relationship like that's justwhat it is like, right as far as
us trying to navigate trying tofigure it out yeah, that's it,
that's all.
Like there's two young peoplejust trying to figure it out
while raising a child and beingintentional about raising a

(16:11):
child, like I feel like with us,our foundation is the
co-parenting.
Like, if we're not going to getalong about anything else, we
won't get along about thatfour-year-old.
That's good.
Um, so we could be having theworst day if something comes up.
Hey, drew needs this, drewneeds that, and it's done.
Yeah, like, so I'm verythankful for it in that aspect.
That's why, when it comes tolike co-parenting questions,

(16:32):
it's too natural and easy.
Like there's for you.
Yeah, like there's no realdisagreements other than which
sports team he's going to playfor in the city.
Like that's the maindisagreement when it comes to
anything.
But as far as, like us seeingeye to eye, he could call me out
about something that I'm doingwith him.
I could call him out aboutsomething he's doing with him,

(16:52):
and we're always willing to cometo the table and work it out
for the sake of him.
Then you're okay, that's reallygood, yeah, so it's like how
this healthy co-parenting yeah,okay, and I feel like that's the
basis of us figuring each otherout.
It sounds crazy, but whenyou're in the situation like
it's like this makes sense forus, what else can make sense for
us?
We can at least get along aboutthis, yeah, which is a big part

(17:16):
.

A big part.

A major part.

That's awesome.
So I like the fact that the twoof you get out of your way.
You make it about your childright, because it's not their
fault that they're here, even ifwe have mess that's going on
with the other parent.
So I do applaud you for that.
And I'm curious to know and Ineed to know in the comments
like is that the case for mostof y'all, or what are we doing

(17:41):
here?
Are we having healthyrelationships?
Is it the turmoil?
I mean, raquel, I appreciateyou being open and honest and
saying you know we're not evenspeaking at this point and yet
you found a way to make ithealthy a relationship for your
daughter.
I love that.
That you did that.

Yeah, and you know I have to have those heart.
I'm a big communication andconversation person.

Yeah, Lori's like, just give me a question, she'll
answer you.

No, you shouldn't say it because I want
to talk about anything.
Give her the details.
Yeah, let's have.
No, you shouldn't say because Iwant to talk about anything,
give her the details.
Conversation.
So leila and hi have also hadthat conversation about where
her father is, and she knowsthat you know, uh, that window
is open for him if it happens.
Um, but I don't think at thismoment she's like missing that

(18:32):
puzzle, um, because she's stillkind of young.
Um, but she knows thatobviously dad is out there and
if he comes around, he comesaround.

Yeah, like, I also not to like cut you off or
anything, but I think she doesa great job at making sure layla
is not missing that piece, soit like I can only imagine the
questions that she would ask you.
Rocky never makes it like asense in.
Oh your dad's not here and likeit's never.
It's not traumatizing for Layla, like I feel like it's going to

(19:05):
be an experience that you'rebeing transparent about it and
she's only going to learn fromit as she gets older.

So I don't even want to be with her.
Like when I see when parentsare just bad mouth Not the other
parents, the other parents it'snot healthy at all.
It's not healthy at all.
Like, what sense does that make?
I don't know.

I don't know.
I grew up around it.
My mom didn't per se do it atall.
I think we talked about that inour first podcast that we did.
My mom never bashed my dad.
He could be the worst dad inthe world.
She never did that and thathelps the child because it's
like I'm going to see who he isfor myself when I get older.

(19:44):
I don't need you to.
While I'm in my honeymoon stagewith my dad, I don't need you
to try to bash him or try tomake him do the same lens that
you view him in.

Because people can be great parents and like a
horrible part about outsidepeople.
You know what?
Yeah, yeah, great mom or agreat dad and then just be a
mean individual outside of them.

Yeah, you can be a great dad and a horrible
husband.
Great dad, horrible son.
Great mom, horrible wife.

Yeah, so true.
I mean, Lloyd, you're a coach.
I mean, Lloyd, you're a coach.
I mean I know you see it allthe time, right, the
co-parenting.

Lloyd Hill (20:18):
All the time.
What I see is when you havechildren, when you bring
children into the world you arehaving, you're bringing the
families along with you, youknow.
So when you're having aco-parent, the families come
along.
So how do they intertwine, dothey get along?

(20:51):
What are they spewing into thekid about the other person when
they're not there?
Because you don't know and Ithink that's a huge part you
know when the kid is with youknow mom or dad, and mom or dad
is away, or with aunt or uncle,what are they talking to about
the kid?
Are they talking trash aboutthe opposite?
You know person and I thinktrying to be positive and always

(21:15):
hearing those positive words tothe kid, it goes a long way.

That is huge.
That is so huge Because youthink about it's just the
parents, like, how do youovercome that?
I mean, when you have theextended family, that's the one
that is spewing the bad thingsabout the dad or the mom, you
know.
So it's just, you're right, ittakes a village.

It takes a village.

It does take a village and it's good you said
that because it just made methink.
Like even when, because Leiluaasks questions, she's very
inquisitive and her and my momhave their own little moments at
night when they talk.
And I always tell my mom anddad direct all questions when it
comes to him to me, like if sheever asks a question about dad,

(21:58):
immediately to her to ask me.
Like I said, you said downalley already.
Yeah, um, my mom has gottenquestions from Layla already and
she would just ask your momtomorrow morning or whatever,
and then Layla will ask me andwe'll have the conversation.
But I also don't put thatpressure on anybody else to
answer because I know my mom anddad are very protective over me

(22:19):
and I know how they feel aboutthe situation.
So I already know that whatthey might say might not be the
best thing for Layla to hear.

So yeah, that's why , when it comes to relationships
, sometimes you don't shareeverything with your extended
family members, because once youpass that that phase, there's
still stuff going on, that thingthat you did that wronged them
and they can't get over it.
They looking at you allcross-eyed or whatever.
So unless it's something that'sgoing to be detrimental or
physical harm to you, sometimesyou need to keep it to yourself.

(22:51):
You know what I mean and justresolve it.
That's what relationships areall about.
Not everything is meant foreveryone.
In your family had to learnthat the hard way.

Yeah.

Because they will not forget.
I know, I know because somethings share with me.
I'm looking at people crazy,like why are you still with that
?
Because you may have gottenover it, but I didn't forget,
that's really what it is, yeah,yeah.
And they're like why are yourmom acting like that?
Oh, I don't know, she's just ina bad mood.
No, I just remember what youtold me.

(23:22):
I'll mirror it over you.
I don't know if I am, you know.
So I know because we're allhuman.
It's just the way it is.
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Now back to the show.
So one of the other things Iwanted to talk about was in
social media.
How are we dealing with this,lloyd?
I want to start with you.
To start with Lloyd, yes, howare we dealing with that?
So you and Raquel, uh-huh, yeah, in this relationship, she's

(24:06):
Miss Content Queen over here.

Lloyd Hill (24:09):
Yeah.

Yeah, so how you feel about like the social media
is living up to the standard.

Lloyd Hill (24:29):
Oh, plus, she's a.
Can I say this?
She's a princess, right?
Can I say this?
I'm not used to it, but Iembrace it and I think it.

Because you seem like you're a quiet guy.

Lloyd Hill (24:38):
I am.
The only time I get rowdy isprobably when I'm coaching.
Other than that, I'm laid backand sometimes I like to be that
way, and I know her social mediapresence is.
I love it because it shows hertrue character, it shows herself
and that's what she loves to do.
So I'm here for it, you know,and I'm getting used to it,
because I've not, you know, andwe've had communication about it

(25:02):
, you know, and we've alwayshave an open conversation about
if I like it or if I don't, andallowing her to walk in her
truth.
That's what she wants to do.
I'm here to support it, youknow, because when it's time for
me to coach, she's right on thesideline yelling at the ref.
So I'm just trying to be herbiggest supporter in that.

(25:24):
In educating myself on, youknow, tiktoks or when we're
going away, I have to recordeverything.
They had you as their film crew.
Yes, I'm number one film crew.
But learning that, could youknow?
That's the space she operatesin and I've seen the success you
know she has already in it.
So me being able to keepencouraging her is what.

Where I'm at um, so do y'all feel and this is as a
general question so do you feelthat social media puts pressure
on how a relationship should go?

Lloyd Hill (25:55):
I do think how so, lord I do, because you know um
people post those memes and howit should look, you know, and
that's not reality, you know.
But to some people, um,instagram, facebook, is what
they look for for um validation,and you know, you see all these

(26:15):
memes on how your relationshipworked and that's what you think
it should look like.
In reality, it's not.
You know, being able to havethose tough conversations with
your partner is how you'll beable to, I believe, have a
long-lasting relationship.
I don't look into social media,as you know what our
relationship should look like.

(26:35):
Our relationship should looklike how we deem it should look
like Well, you're a rarecommodity, then for your age.

We totally skipped out on how he used
social media.
How was that?

then how she just tell her, what you she sure did,
I mean that's because.

Lloyd Hill (26:54):
So, if we're being honest, you know, when I
followed her on Instagram and Itold her all the time, oh, you
were just a normal guy.
Right.

Would you DM them?
You slept in a DM, is that whatthey said?

Lloyd Hill (27:04):
First.
For a while I liked all thepictures, but I thought she was
bougie, you know.

Well, I mean you know well, I mean, yeah, right,
but in a good way.
I see, yeah, boozy, from boozyto boozy, I mean it's not a bad
thing, that's not a bad.

Lloyd Hill (27:20):
You know so and you know I, you know, liked all her
pictures.
You know, through a couple wasum hard eyes and her pic in the
dms and her teacher a picturesshe was doing.

So, um, that's how I got started this is too
cute, and he was why he also didnot say but you know, you post
things on social media likerepost stuff.
He was watching my repost stuffand sometimes he would like
gift me like flowers, likecertain flowers, or like certain

(27:54):
colored stuff, and I'm like howdo you know that that's my baby
?
Isn't that dating now?

Yeah, I mean, isn't that how you OK?
So instead of going out in aclub and like, hey, what's up,
like push up on somebody Nowit's more like, yeah, you're
going out there, right, and yeah, hard things, and yeah, it's
easier Doing a little scouting,you're scouting, right.

But I feel like my biggest thing with that
is and I'm all for it favoritecompany.
All for it.
But how do we decipher Becausewe say that social media isn't
the reality?
How do we decipher somebodyjust sliding up, you know, just
wanting to waste my time, versuswhat we have here, which is

(28:37):
something with their action,like how?
That's why I'm the type whereI'm like my birthday was on
Saturday.
I'm on the social media cleanse.
I don't want nothing to do withit, because I kind of want to
reclaim my mind.
Like I feel like I've been sobrainwashed and influenced by
everything that I see on socialmedia to the point where, if I

(28:57):
got downtime, I'm opening myphone and I'm going straight to
Instagram.
I'm not checking my emails, I'mnot looking at Drew's daycare
app.
I'm going straight to Instagramand Facebook to see what the
latest is or to see, without meknowing what I can be influenced
by, what's going to be my nextstep, what do I want to buy from
them all this weekend?
What's the latest trend?

(29:18):
Like I just feel like socialmedia really implants this false
narrative, like you said, whatlife should be like, not even
just relationships, but lifeperiod.
So, like where I'm at right now, it's kind of hard for me to
decipher what's real, what's not.
So I just want to get rid of itso I can filter out what's
actually real.

Had to take two seconds to thank Allstate
Insurance for sponsoring thisepisode.
If you're looking for car lifeor casualty insurance, they're
going to be your ultimateinsurance company.
Thank you, rob Shaw, withAllstate Insurance.
I think when people slide inlike I always appreciate Lloyd's
intention.

Ultimate insurance company.
Thank you, rob Shaw, withAllstate Insurance.
I think when people slide inlike, I always appreciate
Lloyd's intention right, like itwasn't sliding in my BM hard
eyes.
What you doing, what you doing.
What you doing, no like.

Oh, that happens.
I hate a door, what you doing,and then it's not what you're
doing.

It's, it's wyd buzzer right and hate it.
Yeah, that's real cringe.
But no, he can't that y'all.
Yeah cringy.
Um, he came with conversation,okay, so when?

he comes down on that good man, right?
No, that's right, and a jokeain't too much rockhamper,
that's a rare commodity.

You gotta keep something for yourself yeah, he
gave a conversation, so I thinkthat helped me decipher between.
Of course, there were otherpeople in my dm right, but they
weren't coming with conversationyou look what you're doing what
you got on like no, what do youknow?
Compliment something else otherthan my outfit.

I post about a lot of up to school in the
main office with some flowers,since you know I'm a teacher,
like stuff like that.

Drop it off be intentional yeah that's awesome
yeah, so what I'm hearing yousay you wish you grew up in the
80s.
Yes, yes, because, yeah, that'sour relationship, that's right,
that's what I was, right, right, the beeper that's hilarious,
the beeper.
But yeah, I hear what you'resaying.
You want to be treated like a,a respect.
I think that's.

(31:17):
I don't think that's anythingwrong with that.

Lloyd Hill (31:19):
Oh.

At all, at all Mental health Relationships.
Can we talk about that for aminute?
Okay, because when I wasgrowing up, we didn't talk about
mental health.

That is so prevalent?

No, and then we have relationships and you're
getting into these crazyrelationships and you wonder why
somebody's beating you upsidethe head because they're dealing
with their baggage.
You know what I mean.
So yeah, let's talk about it.
Do y'all talk about it in yourrelationships?
Now we do.

We actually recently had a good conversation
.
No off limits Okay.

Lorce do um no off limits, okay, lorce, do I want
quincey to go first, okay?
And?

Lloyd Hill (32:03):
I want to hear this um.
It's about, you know, myjourney of um.
I just recently, about a yearand a half ago, uh, I've got
weight and loss surgery andsince since then I've lost, you
know, almost over 200 pounds.
I'm like 180 something, I don'tknow the exact number.
So, dealing with that, almostbecoming a whole different

(32:23):
person and, you know, stilltrying to.
I had those old ways, you know,pose the conversation that we
kind of got into a back andforth and trying to get her to
understand where I'm at mentallyand she's trying to understand
me where, how she can support me.
So you know, we had a longconversation and I'm sure she

(32:45):
can elaborate on that yeah, Irealized that, um, he would hide
behind his clothes.

So I realized that he was more comfortable at
that weight in athletic wear.
And what I was trying to gethim to understand is, like you
can fit clothes outside ofathletic wear.
And with me delivering thatmessage to him, he was
explaining to me like, mentally,he one didn't even realize what

(33:19):
clothes was like for himoutside of the athletic wear.
And two, when it comes to likeNike, he couldn't fit Nike when
he was heavier.
So now that he's he's lost allthis weight, he can now fit Nike
clothes.
So that was all he was going.
Yeah, so I was telling him that,like you, pretty much don't

(33:43):
have to hide behind that clothes.
And we have a mutual friend whoalso went through weight loss
surgery.
Know, prior to me having theconversation with him, that I
had asked her, you know, likewhat supports does she think
would be best?
Um, or what supports did sheneed when she was going through
her journey so that I couldbetter support him as his
partner?
Um, because I noticed that, youknow, he would kind of hide

(34:05):
behind his clothes a little bit.

Lloyd Hill (34:08):
And you know, as a black man, you know, and I was
blessed to be growing atwo-parent household, you know,
but still you know we're taughtto be tough and not to cry and
show your emotions, and you knowwhat I mean.
That's how I was and you know,being able to be with Raquel
she's helped me open up my linesof communication about my

(34:30):
emotions and still being able tounderstand that I'm strong and
be able to communicate that youknow what I'm feeling and she's
helped me, you know especiallydealing with something as big,
as you know, weight loss surgeryand losing weight so fast.
I'm, you know, my body'schanging, emotionally I'm

(34:50):
changing, so just being able tohave someone I can talk to help
me a lot.

Your journey is a conversation in itself.
Yeah, I'm so proud of you.

Lloyd Hill (35:00):
Thank you, I appreciate it.
I appreciate it.
It's still going and we stillhave some challenges, but every
day I'm working towards it.

Yeah, I know, that's right.

Lloyd Hill (35:15):
Well, you know you've got a big support over.

I just met you today.
Thank you, I appreciate it.
Thanks, go down.
Matter of fact, I want you tomeet my husband because I mean,
if you want someone that's goingto be a motivator, like
seriously, man, honey, he is themr discipline himself.

(35:38):
Yes, he will irk your nerve andlove them at the same time.
If you want to say seriously,if you want to stay focused on
something.

Lloyd Hill (35:40):
Definitely we had a few encounters with.
Definitely you have.

Yes, okay, yeah, you definitely want to meet him.
Definitely, yeah, that's what'sup.
So then, um, not to change thesubject, but I do want to talk
about a little bit, because whenit comes to relationships, so
then what would you say to themen out there that are one?
Nobody likes to be alone,nobody, male or female, nobody

(36:02):
likes to be alone.
Yet when you said somethingabout being tough, you know,
hiding your feelings, not beingable to communicate.
So what would you say to ayoung man that's looking for
someone like Raquel or forQuincy?
What would you say to them?

Lloyd Hill (36:16):
I would say for me, be intentional on what you want.
You know that was, I made thatclear from day one.
These are out of talking.
Dayton is tough in this era andI just I would say, be
intentional, intentional whatyou want and how you expect in

(36:36):
the standards of, in your valuesof a relationship.
You know, be up front, don'thide anything.
And when you got, don't runfrom the conversations because
you have someone like the calquincy, conversations are gonna
come to your front door and Istill do it.
I still racking, I still run,but I thought I'm doing a better

(36:56):
job of you know, when thoseconversations come in my front
door, I don't run as much, Istill try to, but she's, she's
right behind me.
So eventually I got to havethat conversation and be able to
talk it through without beingemotional you know being.
I'm trying to be better at thatyou know, know, because emotion
can get the best of us, yeah.

Now we're ganging up on you a little bit.
No, it's fine.
So here's the thing.
I had to take two seconds tointerrupt this episode.
I would like to thank one ofour most recent guests, attorney
Jenny Chavis, for sponsoringthis show.
Chavis Law Firm is an elite lawfirm in central Pennsylvania
that helps with estate planningas well as understanding what
type of business entity youshould enter into when starting

(37:39):
your business.
If you're looking for a greatattorney that understands estate
planning as well as businessentity how to start the right
way, you want to check outAttorney Chavis, chavis Law Firm
.
So then?
What about?
Why is everyone?
Why do men proceed to be afraidof commitment in your age group
?
What's the big C word?

(38:01):
Let me hear this one.
See, he yeah.
So we need to know, because Iknow there's a lot of young
women that are great, ready,willing and able to settle down
and just make someone a greatwife.

Lloyd Hill (38:16):
I think social media plays a big, big part of it.
You know, also, for me, beingable to hit your goals and
trying to make sure yourself isright first, I mean make sure
you're in the spot to be able tobe in a relationship.
Because you asked me thatquestion a couple years ago, I

(38:39):
may have said that I was readyfor a relationship, but I know
mentally, physically, I wasn'table to be ready.
So you know, the commitmentpart would be making sure you're
, a man is ready to be able tobe in a committed relationship.

So how does someone know that they're ready?
Because, can I share somethingwith you?
You may never be ready ifyou're waiting for you to make a
certain income or lose acertain amount of weight or, you
know, trying to check off allthese boxes.
You may be 80 years old, right,that's true, and life will pass
you by.

Lloyd Hill (39:11):
You may be 80 years old Right, that's true, and life
will pass you by.
So I would say jump in the fire.
And again I keep saying beintentional, communicate what
you want.
You know I understand that.
I wanted to be in a realrelationship, a committed
relationship.
And some, you know, men, ourbrains develop slower than women
, so you know.
He said that no, he said that ina he always said a few books.

(39:36):
You gotta say then you know, Itell her all the time just, you
know I'm going to mess up.
You know, just work with me andhave, give me some grace.
I always tell her just give mesome grace, because I haven't
been in a relationship in a longtime and I know that I want you
and I'm committed to you.
But there's going to be timesthat I make you upset,
understanding that where I loveyou and we're working towards a

(39:59):
goal yeah, yeah.

So yes, that is so great, that is.
I love it I know right, love it.
I love it too because theaudience that we're working with
I've been seeing this all daythat age group is just like
yearning for, because you know,this is foreign it is foreign.
Yeah, so people are dating towell, I should say most of the
females are dating to marry andyou have these men over here
trying to figure life out,because what I heard you say is

(40:32):
they're waiting to make surethat they are ready, like
they're in a position to.
Can I just share with you youmay not ever be in a position to
, so I'm sure I could ask.
Well, I'll be talking to himnext.
So asking him, well, I can'tbecause it's going to be on
leadership, but anyways, I wouldlove to know.
If he felt like he was ready, Ibet he would say no, my husband
, I would say no, you're neverready, right, right.

(40:54):
But you do know that if you lovesomeone and you can grow
together, that's the key and theright part.
You're only meant to elevateand the right.
So elevate you Right and alsobe patient and understand that,
yeah, no one unless you've beenmarried before four, this is a
first for everybody.
So if I can give you all theadvice is you're going to grow
together.
You're going to mess uptogether, right?

(41:16):
The goal is to communicate andnot be afraid that the person is
going to one, leave you right,and then, two, they're going to
understand you and if you domess up that, they're going to
give you grace.

Lloyd Hill (41:28):
That's good.
You said leave, because thatwas something I don't win.
Every time I mess up, I justthink someone's going to leave
me and being able to have thoseconversations and being able to
communicate that that's not thetruth that you know.
She understands that I'm a messup, that being able to
communicate it and correct theaction is what we're trying to

(41:50):
get and grow together.
Correct the action is whatwe're trying to get and grow
together.

Yeah, yeah.
So you actually just sittingdown in this chair, I want to
give you, like I don't know,just thank you, a huge thank you
, because it would be hard for,I think, young men to want to
have these conversations Right,especially when you're just
you're dating.
So to have and then to have ayoung black man like yourself,
who is upwardly mobile, right,who is doing the darn thing

(42:16):
helping kids all over StiltonHigh and whoever else knows
where else.
You are right.
So I want to applaud you andyou're sharing the struggles
that you're going through,because guess what?
Y'all, we all, have strugglesthat we're going through every
last one.
That's a lot, definitely everylast one of us.
So for you to share it publicly, you're going through Every
last one of us.
So for you to share it publicly, you're going to help somebody.
I appreciate it.

Lloyd Hill (42:37):
Thank you?

No, thank you.
Thank you, quincy.
Uh-oh, who yeah, quincy, I wantto thank you too, because one
thing I love about you is to seehow you raise your child, right
, drew.
To know about you is to see howyou raise your your child,
right um Drew, to know himseriously is to love him, and

(42:59):
you're doing a great no, you'redoing a really good job.
Appreciate it, I take pride inmotherhood.

Do you do?

I really do you wear it well.
Thank you, you're welcome.
So what's the what's the finalwords that you want to share
with our audience Seriously?

I think the word of the day is intention.
I always prior my anything thatI did, I did it with intention,
whether it was a sport, whetherit was some schoolwork, whether
it was a talk with a friend.
Like, everything is withintention, is genuine, is coming
from my heart.
It's not no influence, no otherway, which is why I said what I

(43:35):
said earlier about the wholesocial media, because I really,
just, like I said, I want toreclaim my mind, reclaim my time
, kind of, um, and get back tothis way of life that we had
before social media and I mightnot be realistic, um, but as far
as my path, my lane is, isrealistic Like something as
simple as putting social mediadown for three months could

(43:56):
really change your life, changeyour way of thinking, uh, change
your habits, and that's kind ofwhat, um, I'm working towards,
cause I feel like, while I don'thave the best or worst
relationship with my partner, um, drew's's dad, I don't feel
like like we're at a brick wall,because I feel like we both

(44:18):
need to do some work as far asthat goes, as far as reclaiming
our time, because we've beenconsumed with, whether he wants
to admit or not, we both havebeen consumed with the
ideologies that social mediapresents us with, whether that's
how much money we should bemaking in a year, uh, what our
relationship should look like,what vacations we can go.

(44:39):
I'm like bro, we can go tovacation to lake tobias.
That would be fun for the day.
It's like vacation.
Yeah, whoever told you that avacation didn't like?
Why does it have to be maui or?
I just feel like we live tothis or try to chase this
standard that is presented to usthrough social media, and I
don't think it's always fair toourselves.
Uh, in our personal journey andour growth, um, as we're

(45:02):
working towards being that unit,you hit on something that was
huge.

So with social media, people want to.
They'd rather be house poor orvacation poor and go on that
trip to London or to Tahiti orto.
Why can't we just get on thisroad and go to Baltimore?

Yeah, yeah.

So so how do you bring that back?

um, that's a hard question, that's a really
hard question that I don't thinkI have an answer to, only
because, like, I'm taking thingsday by day and trying to figure
it out that way, rather thansetting out a plan, thanks to my
OG uh, donald Ross, shout outto you.
He, he tells me to like stopplanning everything, like just
wake up and just tackle the dayfor what it is, because you
don't know what's to come.

(45:54):
So, yeah, with that, how do weget back to that?
I think it's just getting backto our, to our morals and the
things that we truly believe in,not not what we say.

Yeah, so I mean you can have a vacation.
Well, I know I'm exaggerating,but you can have a vacation at
home.
They call it staycation.

Yeah.
And have the best time of yourlife, and that's what I think
it's all about.
It shouldn't how we are,shouldn't be based upon where
we're at, whether we're on anisland by ourselves or whether
we're at home by ourselves.
That time spent with each othershould be the same regardless
of where we're at, because, aslong as it's spent, and the
worries that you create as longas it's intentional yeah yeah,

(46:38):
it's not about the gram,although yeah we all do it for

the gram, sometimes one in a while if you have to,
not have to when you feel theneed to, but it should be.
Save up delayed gratification.
Yeah, there's a term we need totalk about.
We need to delay thegratification, save up our money
, what it is, and say it yeahand then go on that trip.
You're not doing it for thegram, you're doing it for
yourself.

(47:01):
That you'll be able to have amuch better time, because behind
those smiles are probably a lotof tears.
Yeah, yep, because lights mightbe about to be cut off or a car
might be about to be repulled.

It's repulled .

Y'all already on vacation.

You gonna make it, yeah, so make it what it is,
yeah, I think just understandingthat, yeah, don't do it for the
gram, y'all.

Don't do it for yourselves, then post it on
the gram.
Yeah, that's the better formula, I feel like.

How about that?

Yeah, how about that Because it ain't
going nowhere like social mediaand it can be used like.
I don't diss social mediabecause it can be used for great
things.
A lot of companies wouldn'tsurvive without social media.
It's just we have to be, wordof the day, intentional about
how we use it.

Yeah.
So there's one last question,because I promised everyone to
ask the question that we wouldanswer it.
It was about financial, thefinancial aspect of
relationships.
So is it important for the manto make the most money, or can
you have a good, healthyrelationship without having the
man being the breadwinner?

I think you can .
Again, my thing is conversationand communication.
Like hers is intention, mine isconversation and communication.
We actually have hadconversations around finances.
I personally don't think theman has to make more money than
the woman and I don't think thatthat should drive a wedge into

(48:28):
the relationship.
Honestly speaking, because Iknow a lot of men and correct me
if I'm wrong, because you knowI'm not a man Would prefer to
provide and cover certainexpenses Because he did hit on
that, yeah, and prepared to haveit in a relationship.
Yeah, yeah, but I think so.

(48:49):
Say I was making more moneythan Lloyd was.
If there's a split in terms ofthe bills, it could be like a
70-30 split or a 60-40 split orsomething like that.
Again, you have to communicateand you guys have to be open
about what the finances looklike the debt, the credit cards,
the loans, the salary, salary,the side hustles, the part-time

(49:14):
jobs you die.
Habit the habits um.
Are there the spending habitsum?
that'd be a talk later oh, soyou have to have those
conversations.
Look, baby has a sneakeraddiction expensive.

It was like a little secret last time I
checked.

I'm trying.

I'm trying, no, like he's doing again.
That was a conversation we hadand because of the goals that we
know we have in the future, hehas done great with, you know,
cutting back on that expense,but you know it's something we
got to work through.
But I don't think that the manhas to make more money and I
think if the woman does makemore money, it's still important

(50:15):
for her to make him feel needed, because I feel like men want
to feel needed in relationships,um, and there's a way that you
do that without when it comes tofinances, even if you are
making more money, like okaybaby, I need you to t.
I can't.
I can't go outside and cut thegrass.

(50:36):
I can't do nothing outside.
I can't get the trash him.
He does all of that.
Yeah, I can't.

I can't, baby , I can't do none of that so one
thing she said that stuck outto me was having a conversation
about the finances.
So one thing she said thatstuck out to me was having a
conversation about the finances.
I feel like you being marriedand y'all dating, that's a very
uncomfortable conversation.
Child, ooh, so when likeBullets.
So for me, learning fromexperience, knowing that

(51:04):
communication is at theforefront of our relationships,
our first house together, wedidn't have those conversations.
It was just like we just waswinging it so that didn't really
work.
Oh, that's why I'm like thatreally stuck out to me, because
had we had those conversations,we wouldn't have been probably
in the position that we're innow, because we would have
everything set in stone.

(51:24):
But like if you just go into itassuming that it's gonna be 50
50 or assuming that his salaryis going to take care of
everything, you're just going tohit a part in your relationship
that I think is avoidable yeahunnecessary, to say the least.
Um so, yeah, just once againbeing intentional and having
communication at the forefront.
Yeah, when it comes to financesthose relationships always end

(51:48):
well?

not always, but is that like one of the top
reasons why a relationshipcauses money, finances, money?

Yeah, I can say from experience that before
entering into any like unionlike you want to make this, yeah
, I want to get married you gotto make sure that you're both
good like with money, likefinancially whole, good like
with money, like financiallywhole.
So, yeah, because I think thatum again, like personally
speaking, if I had to do it allover again, if I would make sure

(52:15):
that I was um like good withmoney um more than I was when I
first entered into our marriage,because, um, yeah, I'd love to
spend.
I still like to spend, but Ilearned how to um delay
gratification more so than Iused to before.
That's important.
Yes, it really is everyone saidyeah you want to have, if you

(52:37):
want to, um, you know, a milliondollar house, right, but then
you have million dollar badspending habits.
The two just don't work becauseyou're never able to save money
.
So, yeah, if I had the word ofwisdom for my young people here
on this.
On this chair is delayedgratification and getting good
with money.
Yeah, getting good with money.

(52:58):
Yeah, if I had to do it allover again.
I would love for someone totell my younger self that, yeah,
cause that's going to make youin such a better place.
Yeah, yeah, hey.
I need to take two seconds tointerrupt this wonderful show
that you're watching.
I run a real estate businessand the way we fund this podcast
is through that business, theErica Ross team.

(53:19):
I would love it if you wouldjust give us one opportunity to
service your real estate needs,whether you are in central PA or
around the entire world.
Think of us first, so we canhelp you.

Agreed, agreed, agreed with that for
sure Y'all.
This was good, this was.

Did y'all get something out of this?
I did.
Thank you Thank you.
Anytime, Anytime Y'all thankyou for watching.

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