Soft Life, Smart Choices | Coffee with E Brunch Series Pt. 2 - Coffee With E

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_03 (00:00):
I'm in this season where my happiness, my
boundaries, and my relationshipwith God are the utmost
important to me.
Like you make like the choice isyours, but so what's the
consequence?
In order to get a husband, thisis what you need to do.
What do you think about this?
How do we, you know, how do wewant to raise him and what does

(00:21):
that look like?

SPEAKER_02 (00:22):
I'm gonna challenge all of us at this table to stop
holding on to our issues or ourchallenges or just the burdens
that we carry.
Because more than likely, you'regoing through the same thing
someone else is going through.

SPEAKER_03 (00:37):
Independent woman, it's a syndrome at being raised
by a single mom.
And even my grandmother who wasmarried but still operating with
a single woman's mentality andinstilling that, and then we get
with someone, it's like, oh nowI gotta let you leave.
It's the let you, because yousaid that too.

(00:58):
Like that let you leave.

SPEAKER_00 (01:00):
Yeah.
And I'm like, okay, I could Icould fall back.
And it is difficult to dobecause you always want the plan
B.
Yeah.
Like if you go, what am I gonnado?

SPEAKER_06 (01:12):
Right.

SPEAKER_03 (01:12):
Um and I could even recently, like things have got
so bad at my job, I just wantedto quit so bad.

SPEAKER_00 (01:19):
And um, I just wanted to quit.
And my husband kept saying,Quit.
And I'm like, and do what?
Like he's like, You're good,just quit.
Cause I just don't want to seeyou in the thick.
It's miserable.
Yeah.
I just want you to quit.

SPEAKER_03 (01:32):
And I was like, but I can't, because my mindset was
I didn't want to be solelyresponsible and reliant on Yen.
Right.
For everything.
Yes, yeah.
He can get that.

SPEAKER_01 (01:45):
I see that part.

SPEAKER_03 (01:45):
He just stabbed me daily to the point where he was
like, Don't even come hometalking about it anymore.
Because I gave you an alley.
He didn't want to take you.
He called me.

SPEAKER_00 (01:54):
But see, I think it's funny.
Yeah, that that racks.

SPEAKER_03 (02:02):
Well, the goal is to have a man like yours.
Right.
Because that's where I'mstruggling at now, is as far as
getting into a relationship.
Because at this point, I'm aboutto be 44 in October.
Up if you would have told me 20years ago, I've I thought I
would have been married.
Yeah, there you go.
However, um, my experiences withyou know relationships.

SPEAKER_06 (02:25):
Um my experiences with relationships have been
trying.

SPEAKER_03 (02:36):
Like I I asked a lot of questions in the first date,
and now I feel like, and this isno shade to anyone, however,
this has been my experienceswith the guys that I'm dealt
with in my past, which has onlybeen about three or four people,
but they have mom issues.
And that ultimately result intobeing done wrong because of so I

(02:59):
feel like I have to ask goingforward, like what type of
relationship do you have withyour mother?
Because that makes a differencein how you know you interact it.
You you interact with me.

SPEAKER_02 (03:10):
Um so instead of asking, why don't you just
observe?
Go to the station.

SPEAKER_03 (03:19):
Just come with the representatives.
So it's kind of like you don'tknow until you know.
We're not outside, so you don'tknow.

SPEAKER_01 (03:25):
So I'm thinking, so how long?
The one, yeah, no.
22 or 82.
No, girl.
No, seven.
Them girls is grown.
I ain't trying to.
No, no.
Together for like 30 years.

SPEAKER_02 (03:42):
No, so here's so here, okay.
So things have not changed.
I promise you, they have not,okay?
No, no, no, from thisperspective.
I'll start different.
Now hear me out.
Hear me out.
I may need some backup.
I may need some backup.
Okay.
So try this on precise.
Okay.
So when you go on a date, they,instead of asking questions,
right?

(04:02):
Because I'm thinking from amale's perspective, if I was to
have a male, if I would have myhusband here right now and say,
hey, how would you feel on ourfirst date if I came with you
with questions?
These questions like, what doyou think about this?
What's your relationship withyour mom?
What is this?
What is that?
Those are some heavy questions.
And they just want to know ifthey like you.
Literally like you as a person.

SPEAKER_03 (04:22):
Right?
My main questions are kind oflike, are you single?
Are you married?
Is there anybody that thinksthat they're girlfriend?

SPEAKER_01 (04:29):
Yeah, yes.
Are you on the T app?
Right.
Are you on the T app?
Yes, that's 2025.
Right now.
Here's a good example.
I asked the question.
The question I asked.

SPEAKER_03 (04:44):
I said, is there anybody, have you ever had your
windows busted out?

SPEAKER_01 (04:47):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (04:48):
Right?

SPEAKER_01 (04:48):
You may ask me that on the first date.
I mean, I've been asking fairlyearly.
Fairly early.

SPEAKER_03 (04:54):
Because for me, I want to be the main character.
I don't want you having allthese other people.
So if you're entertaining otherpeople, then I don't want to be
a part of you don't even likethem, is what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02 (05:04):
Why can't you just like watch a real house of
Atlanta?
Like, oh my gosh, did you seesuch?

SPEAKER_03 (05:12):
Like, I'm the opposite of that and I hate to.
Okay, so you're me?
I I date everybody.

SPEAKER_01 (05:20):
Oh, yes, date everyone.
All of the people who have.
I've never dated more than oneof them.
There you go.
I'm the problem.
Yeah.
I've never dated everyone.
I mean, I'm the problem.
She is though.

SPEAKER_03 (05:32):
She is the problem.
She is the problem.
But she'll be over it.
I don't have the energy, thecapacity.

SPEAKER_01 (05:39):
She'll be over it.

SPEAKER_03 (05:40):
Zero tolerance.
She'd be over.
I'm the type of person who coulddate multiple people because I
can't divide my attention asthat.
I just learning.
But now at 43, I'm kind of like,I want to, I think I might want
to date all the people becauseI've never experienced that
before.
But I've always totally givenfrom my oldest boy's dad at like

(06:01):
14, 13, 14 years old.
He was my first boyfriend for 12years, literally.
So I've always devoted my towhoever I'm dealing with because
I don't have the capacity tolike entertain other people.

SPEAKER_04 (06:15):
But that's in the exclusive relationship.
We're talking about when you'remeeting people and you're
dating, you don't know gettingto know people.

SPEAKER_05 (06:23):
I'm gonna know you.
Yeah, I don't know you like youmeet me.

SPEAKER_02 (06:28):
I'm afraid for the man here, y'all talk.

SPEAKER_03 (06:32):
People that I meet, immediately they want to be in a
relationship.
It's like, yeah, me, I'm I'mpretty awesome, but you are um
it's like it's like the boombox.
It's like I like it and I wantyou.

SPEAKER_01 (06:45):
That's a red flag.

SPEAKER_03 (06:46):
It is a little bit of a red flag.
You want to be exclusive.
Already?
It is.
That's a lot.
I think that's a red flag.
It's nothing to pick me kickingand screaming back in today.

SPEAKER_02 (06:58):
No, it's not, it depends on who the person is.

SPEAKER_03 (07:01):
It depends on who timeout, no time out, no,
timeout.
It's different for me right nowbecause I've never dated before.
So, but I'm also I just got todo that.
What's the date for you?
Define a date.
That's the thing.
Yeah, define a date.
Very different for her and forother people.

SPEAKER_02 (07:18):
Yes.
Define a date.

SPEAKER_03 (07:20):
Like talking to multiple people, dating, no,
dating again on a date.

SPEAKER_02 (07:25):
You said going on a date.
Going on a date.
For you on the date.

SPEAKER_03 (07:28):
Like going out to eat, the movies, like doing
things, like dating.

SPEAKER_05 (07:32):
If Alicia meets someone, yeah, she likes them,
and she likes them.

SPEAKER_01 (07:40):
The problem is it's like a problem.
I don't feel it's a problem.

SPEAKER_05 (07:50):
It's not a problem with me.

SPEAKER_03 (07:56):
The problem is, it's not a problem.
But I didn't even, what am Iabout to say?
It's like it.
But you just know it's not aproblem.
The problem is, when Alicia isdating, supposed to be dating,
she wants to be good.
That's her boyfriend.
It's a man.

SPEAKER_00 (08:14):
And she be closer than somebody else.

SPEAKER_02 (08:20):
There's nothing wrong with that.

SPEAKER_01 (08:21):
So there's something that you're saying.

SPEAKER_03 (08:22):
I want the same from the person, and I'm gonna you
believe that.

SPEAKER_01 (08:26):
Right.
But I'm gonna do it.

SPEAKER_03 (08:33):
It's like we're a thing, we're doing what are our
life plans?
Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (08:39):
You should try to unlearn that.
Because yeah, you give yourheart 100% right now.

SPEAKER_03 (08:44):
From day one.

SPEAKER_02 (08:45):
That's scary.

SPEAKER_03 (08:47):
You've got to work with Jack.
As a hopeless romantic, that ishard.
It's hard.
I'm a hopeless romantic.
Denise tells you, like, I'll belike, oh my God.
Like, oh my girl.
We'll have the same, we have thesame favorite Bible scripture.
We go together.
And I'm like, no, look, girl.

(09:08):
I'm like, no, look, girl.
Because it's his because hisbirthday, like, look, his
birthday's in five months.
So this is what I'm going to do.
And Denise will be like,alright, girl, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 (09:22):
Whatever that's it.
Right.
So sometimes she'll play, she'llplacate my feelings where she's
just like in it with me.

SPEAKER_03 (09:27):
And then it's like, because I'm the type of person,
I'm the type of person that I'min it the whole way until I'm
not.
It's like a light switch.
Yeah, it's like a light switch.
Like I'm in it, and I'm in iteven way longer than I have to
be.

SPEAKER_01 (09:41):
But when I'm done, it's like, oh, look, a squirrel.

SPEAKER_06 (09:44):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (09:46):
Like I'm done.
When I'm checked out, it's like,oh, I don't want to do this
anymore.
That sounds like I'll just putthe ball down and walk away.
Yeah.
But she she ride with me.
Like, I'm like, girl, this iswhat I'm going to do.
And I'm going to paint.
I'm going to get a skywriter.
I'm going to do all of thesethings.
And she's like, Yasper, I founda skywriter.

SPEAKER_06 (10:04):
Look.

SPEAKER_01 (10:07):
But that's something.
Right.

SPEAKER_03 (10:09):
That's something we can fly the plane.
Right.
It's something that I'munlearning.
And so for the first time, I amlike talking to more than one
person.
And I am going on dates beforeeveryone person.
I thought that was gonna beanybody, but I ain't dare me to
answer.
He just hearing that.

unknown (10:27):
What?

SPEAKER_03 (10:33):
Oh.

SPEAKER_01 (10:34):
I've never lied.
I'm not talking to anybody, butI think that's a good one.

SPEAKER_02 (10:37):
But yeah, here's the answer.

SPEAKER_03 (10:41):
Everybody just leave me alone.
I have been doing research tosee if I am what is it?
Asexual?
Asexual.
I think I'm growing to beasexual.
I just kind of work.
Really?
Yo, I just recently defineasexual.
Like not attracted, notromantically attracted to
anyone.
Okay.
Everybody.
Oh wow.
So I just within the last week,I just stopped wearing a fake

(11:04):
wedding set.
Great.
Just so people would.
She would use it as a deterrent.
Really?
Oh my god.
We are like soul sisters.
Because nobody listens to me.
So they in like relationalsettings.
Like I want to talk about likehousing and homelessness.
And like that's what like jazzesme.
And if you're trying to talk tome, I'm like, oh man.

(11:25):
Like, leave me alone.

SPEAKER_02 (11:26):
Well, that part is annoying.
When you're going to workprofessional and they're trying
to make it about something else.

SPEAKER_01 (11:31):
But not all the time.

SPEAKER_04 (11:32):
That's why I don't want to talk about like romance
and feelers ever.
Like okay.
So if we meet personally orprofessionally and with a
unmarried, then maybe you justwon't.

SPEAKER_03 (11:44):
Or may attract away more.
Exactly.
Then if you do try to get on me,then I can gaslight you and be
like, how dare you?
I am heavily married.
We've been together since wewere eight.
We met by the like on the monkeybars.

(12:04):
Go away.
So people were just saying, yougotta stop doing that.
I think you're blessing.

SPEAKER_01 (12:14):
Oh, ring on that finger.
Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 (12:16):
That is my blessing.
Leave me alone.
And I think for me, I I findwhen people try to, so there are
men who will contact me underthe guise of like business, and
that's the overlay.
That's the overlay.
Like, oh, I have a questionabout marketing.
Oh, and I seen that you saidsuch and such on Facebook, so
that means you're single.
And I'm like, that was weird.

(12:38):
So did you call about marketing,or did you call because I asked
somebody to hang my TV up, andthat's how you knew that I
wasn't with the person I waswith?
That happened, yes.
That was strange.

SPEAKER_01 (12:50):
That was it yesterday.
You know?
So they was quick.

SPEAKER_03 (12:55):
They did that to me coming to the venue to see it
for and it was the overlap.
And I was like, I thought I wasready to start like day, and
then I found out in thatsetting.
I I wasn't.
As soon as he tried to talk tome, I was just like, it has to
be a good one.

SPEAKER_01 (13:12):
Like it's a shit.
It's my baby shower.

SPEAKER_03 (13:16):
I feel like very interesting because uh somebody
was like, Oh, good for you notletting no grass grow under your
feet.
And I'm like, baby, it wasshady.
And I was like, Oh, baby, thisis a distraction.
What do you mean I'mdisassociating?
Like, I don't have time to besad about that over there.
If I have this cute guy tellingme that I look awesome, so I'm

(13:38):
gonna go over here where theytell me I look awesome at.

SPEAKER_02 (13:41):
You know, we gotta rely on here.
So what are we saying?
What are we saying to the womenhere?
Yes, this relationship pro,right.
Trishon the cabbage talkrelationship man.

SPEAKER_05 (13:52):
You're not too far off.

SPEAKER_02 (13:55):
I know, but I need to interview somebody.
So you're like, I can't becopying into you, but right in
relationship pro.

SPEAKER_00 (14:02):
Talking to me about not stepping into something
until you're ready to step intoit.

SPEAKER_02 (14:07):
Like if you're not ready, you're not there.
What about asking the hardquestions on the first date?
I like to talk, so the questionsare just they're natural, huh?

SPEAKER_00 (14:18):
The neutral.
I'm in my demeanor.
I'm inquisitive, so I don't knowif it would be what's your
relationship with your mama.
I would I would know if Idisguise it.

SPEAKER_03 (14:29):
What do you do for Thanksgiving?
How do you normally spendThanksgiving?
Like I crabbed disguise it adifferent type of way and then
start reading between the linesby interrogation.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (14:40):
So well, full out.
But I get it, and I I doempathize because I feel like at
this point in your life, womendon't have time for games.

SPEAKER_03 (14:50):
I don't at all.
Like, what are you presenting?
What are you bringing to thetable?
And then where do we go fromhere?
Because if this is not somethingthat you want, and I think Rock
Hell spoke to that beforegetting the marriage.

SPEAKER_02 (15:03):
If I have something that you want, please point back
to Hinge, go back to the websiteto look for.
I'm concerned because you knowthe app names.
Oh, me?
Yeah.
I have I have a 25.
She got daughters.

SPEAKER_00 (15:15):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (15:16):
Okay.
It's her research.

SPEAKER_00 (15:18):
It's her research.
She said, boom, boom, boom,boom, boom.
I have to talk.
I have to talk about thatconversation today about, well,
yesterday, about whether or notshe feels as though her father
said this name that's too high.

SPEAKER_02 (15:33):
That's why.
My daughters.
My daughters are the same way.

SPEAKER_03 (15:37):
Yeah, her.
Just ruined it for ornamentalearth.

SPEAKER_05 (15:42):
Yeah.
And that's hard.
It is hard.

SPEAKER_03 (15:44):
And I think for me, I just find that, like, and I
was born without patienceanyway.
Like, I have no patience.
Some people can't hear, somepeople can't see.
I have no patience.
And so there was a guy, and he'slike asking me questions, and
he's like, Oh, so why did yourlast relationship end?
And I said, look at youconcerned about somebody else.

(16:05):
And then he blocked me.
So and then he blocked me.

SPEAKER_01 (16:10):
I was like, I thought we weren't here to talk
about other people.
Like, why are you asking meabout somebody else?

unknown (16:14):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 (16:16):
But that was a I think that may have been his way
to try to figure out what yourred flags are.

SPEAKER_02 (16:20):
What my red flags are.
I mean, but she just cut themoff at the ankles.
I did.

SPEAKER_03 (16:23):
But that's my patience because I pushed them
over.
I did.
And ran them over with my car.
Both ways.
Why?
Yeah.
Ew.
Why are you asking me aboutsomebody else?
Like everything gives me theick.
Like it's like very, very smallthings.
And I'm like, ew.
Listen, that patience for men.
You know what you want.
I do know what I want.
It's too easy.
Patches for men who are like,I'm tired of I want to live a

(16:44):
soft life at some point.
I'm tired of being divine softlife.
Because it's kind of like I likeI said, I've been a single mom
since I was 19.
I moved out of my parents' houseat that age, got my own
apartment.
I've been living on my own eversince.
So even with my older two boys'dad, when he was in the picture,
I could never fully depend onhim to take care of the

(17:05):
household.
So anywhere we lived, I had tomake sure I could take care of
everything.
And that's just been the caseall my life at this point.
So when I'm getting into arelationship with someone like
my last relationship, myexpectation of a man is like,
especially if you had your ownplace, like I'm not asking you

(17:27):
to come in and take care of allmy bills, but my expectation of
you is to especially for a manwho wants a submissive woman.
What am I submitting to?
I had to ask that question.
That's a whole other episode.

SPEAKER_02 (17:41):
That is another episode.
Oh go ahead, jump in.

SPEAKER_01 (17:56):
Because I have fought with the other thing.

SPEAKER_03 (17:57):
But it was a very question.
It's pretty much like if you'renot coming in, and not that he
wasn't doing anything.
However, my expectation of a manis like, you know, a mortgage
has to be paid, utilities haveto be paid, groceries.
So I work.
I work a lot.
I have a full-time job.
And I also, you know, have threebusinesses that I'm responsible

(18:19):
for.
But I do all the other phase.
I take care of the household.
I cook.
I clean.
I take care of the kids.
I do.
So you work and I work.
So what's the difference betweenlike what you do and what I do
that I'm responsible for liketaking care of everything?
And I want a man who is maturein that area to know, like,

(18:43):
listen, this shouldn't all haveto fall on you.
Right.
And at the end of the day,that's basically what I'm trying
to say.
And I haven't come across thattype of thing.

SPEAKER_01 (18:50):
But I agree.

SPEAKER_03 (18:52):
Say that.

SPEAKER_01 (18:53):
To be honest.
I want to be strong.
I want it.
Listen.
But what if he doesn't come in apackage that you want?
That's the part.
What if he doesn't come in apackage that you want?

SPEAKER_03 (19:04):
It's possible.
Because to be honest, I want aChristian.

SPEAKER_01 (19:08):
I have a cold header eye.
We're a Christian gangster.
Like literally.
KB.
I want you to be a Christianman.
I want the gold prince that goesto church on Sunday.
However, the Bible scripture isa good idea.

SPEAKER_03 (19:21):
I also want you to know how to take care of
responsibilities and pay billsand take care of hotfolding,
those, all those things.
If someone came in at this pointin my life who was like fully
like, this is I've seen this uma long time ago.
Take care of the person youdon't have to take care of.
I want a man who knows he don'thave to take care of me because

(19:42):
I enjoys it.
Yes, absolutely.
I don't want you just so anexperience that I had my last
relationship was my ex got had acouple dollars.
He thought buying me a kingbrand bag was the flex.
And I said, you could have usedthat money to pay my mortgage.

SPEAKER_01 (20:01):
That's a flex for me.

SPEAKER_03 (20:03):
Yeah.
I want my bills paid.
I don't need no bag.

SPEAKER_01 (20:06):
Did you say thank you to Olive?
I did.
She said thank you.
She said thank you.
You know how many bills I couldhave paid?
But you're at a different whereyou're talking about it.

SPEAKER_03 (20:15):
But that's also evidence you're at a different
stage in your life.
Because at one point it's like,oh, I remember being like
ridiculously excited when theman took me to the Louis Vuitton
store.
Like And I'm not that I have aproblem with nice things.
I look good in a Walmart outfit.
It's just how you put it on.
But at the end of the day, I'vecommunicated that.
Give me that money to pay thismortgage.

(20:36):
I don't need the bag.
So if that's and it's like, didyou get an idea of me that I was
materialistic?
Is what I was trying to becauseI've said this multiple times.
Like, I would rather this wholefamily look at the same thing.
Well, we well, I will say, Iwill say.
Not saying in his defense.
However, I would say if he wasjust looking at like your upkeep

(20:57):
and your maintenance of who youare as a person and how you
dress and the things that youwear and the things that you
like, he may have said, Oh, thisis this is on par for her.
I'm gonna get this for herbecause this is what I know that
she that she likes.
And and a more emotionallyintelligent thing to do, he

(21:18):
could have said, Hey, I wouldlike to do this.
However, is there anything elsethat you need right now?
Right.
That would have been that was acommunication.
Like I'm not your reference.
I'd rather the householdresponsibility to be taken care
of.
I want to buy me a bag.
I mean, if that's possible, yes,miss.
Yes, yes.

(21:40):
That's my soft life.
I want someone to bring thedesigner bag with the mortgage
payment.

SPEAKER_06 (21:45):
There it is.

SPEAKER_03 (21:46):
There it is.
There it is.
I want both.

SPEAKER_01 (21:49):
It's both.
Both of them.
Both of them.

SPEAKER_03 (21:56):
I can do both.

SPEAKER_05 (22:00):
Okay.
Both.
Yes.

SPEAKER_02 (22:04):
I love you this much.

SPEAKER_01 (22:06):
I love you.
Yeah, I want both.
I can't.
Yeah, I'm not communicating.
And why can't I?
But I do too.

SPEAKER_03 (22:13):
However, if the options is one or the other, pay
my bills.

SPEAKER_02 (22:18):
Okay, y'all.
But here's the thing.
So everyone at this table arestrong, independent business
women, go-getters.
Y'all are hard.
Yeah, really.
I know.
Yeah.
I know I'm hard.
I know that I'm hard.
Because you just said yourselfthat you hustle.
You have a natural instinct tohustle.
You could do it on your own.

(22:38):
You know how to make money.
You know how to buy the house.
You know how to buy the car.
You can buy your own bags, yourown shoes.
So for someone to come in, youhave to be a strong, confident
man willing to hear you say, no,we're not doing it this way
without being offended.
Y'all asking a lot.

SPEAKER_01 (22:56):
Yeah.
And I think to that point.
100%.
And I can say that I don't throwin and I'll stereol in that mix
of feelings.
Well, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 (23:03):
Krista, I'm okay with that.
I can speak freely about thatbecause I am that person.
So you're looking for the manthat's going to tell you no,
that's going to give youbutterflies.

SPEAKER_03 (23:11):
But I would say, in the words of my favorite Jill
Scott, if he can tell me what todo, he can tell me what to do.
But if he can't tell me what todo, he can't tell me what to do.
You know?
And I think that what resonatedwith me so much is when Krista
said it and when Trishonda saidit, I let him lead.
You know, I had trouble withletting him lead.

(23:33):
And you said, I let him lead.
You know, and that is like alike a let them, because we'll
fight that, like submission.
We're gonna fight it to thedeath.
Like I have to let you come intoa position where I let you lead
me.
And where are we going?
Are we going off a cliff?
Cause that's thehyperindependence, so that's the
part that I'm afraid about.

SPEAKER_04 (23:53):
That you ain't where you feel like, okay, I've
relinquished to you, and then itdoesn't work out.

SPEAKER_03 (24:00):
It's almost like I would never do that again.
That's why I don't do that.

SPEAKER_02 (24:03):
But let's chill is the word shit.
Submission, all it is isrespect.

SPEAKER_01 (24:08):
That's all it is.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 (24:13):
From what I got from the then.
Well, I think to me, it was acouple almost like, why don't
you just do what I no?

SPEAKER_02 (24:20):
It's risky back.

SPEAKER_00 (24:21):
It's like, it can't be do what I tell you, no, as it
can't be that type of thing, iscome to the table with hey, this
is what I think is best for us.
But I'll be completely honest,I'm not the money girl.
Don't don't ask me to if yougive me a thousand dollars, I'm
probably gonna spend eighthundred and come back with two.
We'll drink off.

SPEAKER_05 (24:39):
That's good.

SPEAKER_00 (24:42):
That's not responsible to lead a house.
Yeah.
So the hardest thing for me waspulling back and allowing him.
Allow it, setting, respectinghim enough to take give him
responsibility of the overall.
And by the grace of God, mylights are never off.
My phone works, like everything.

SPEAKER_03 (25:04):
That's a good man's savannah.

SPEAKER_05 (25:06):
Yeah, he is.

SPEAKER_06 (25:07):
He's a good man.
He's a good man Savannah.

SPEAKER_03 (25:11):
And I and as time went on, and that was the norm,
you know, and not saying thatinitially, especially fresh out
of college with a newborn, we hehad some struggles, but he would
come and say, Hey, no eating outthis month, we have to do this
to take care of it.

SPEAKER_00 (25:28):
See, that's okay.
And that's the conversation.
So aft over time, he built thetrust.
So I don't even it was uh a jokebecause uh in my group chat, my
friend said, Hey, do themortgage trick on Julius when
everybody was saying, I'm notpaying the mortgage this month.
And I hid the camera and I waslike, Hey, babe, I'm I I I'm not

(25:49):
gonna be able to pay themortgage this month.
He was like, You'll never, whatare you what are you talking
about?
Like it was so foreign to himfor me to even say it, and then
I had to explain it to him, butin that I didn't understand the
privilege that I had that is aprivilege from him, but it's

(26:10):
that respect that's earnedbecause I never key into the
house and think that there'sgonna be a forefoldure sign
right now.

SPEAKER_03 (26:19):
That's a ridiculous level of security, yeah.
And that's the mature deliveryin him.
It's compared to somebody whosays, Well, you didn't ask.

SPEAKER_06 (26:27):
Right.

SPEAKER_03 (26:27):
And it's kind of like that's where I struggle
with that.
It's like you're grown.
How do you think the householdruns?
Like bills get paid every month.
The mortgage is pay every month.
Why do I have to ask you?
You're a grown man.
Like my response is just like,yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (26:42):
I had to take two seconds to interrupt this
episode.
I would like to thank one of ourmost recent guests, attorney
Jenny Chavis, for sponsoringthis show.
Chavis Law Firm is an elite lawfirm in central Pennsylvania
that helps with estate planningas well as understanding what
type of business entity youshould enter into when starting
your business.
If you're looking for a greatattorney that understands estate

(27:05):
planning as well as businessentity, how to start the right
way, you want to check outattorney Chavis, Chavis Law
Firm.
Now, back to the show.

SPEAKER_03 (27:14):
So for me, it's like I want the person that I don't
have to ask in a nutshell.
And I think too, it's almost forme, the hyper-independence of it
is like I would want to, I'd beasking the questions because,
like my grandmother always said,don't go nowhere you can't
afford to go by yourself.
You know, like don't go nowherewithout the money to get back
where you came from.
Like that type of thing.

(27:35):
And so it's like, oh, if themortgage is$3,000 a month, and
I'm like, all right, like, allright, no, I don't want to move
here because I can't afford$3,000 a month by myself.

SPEAKER_05 (27:47):
Right.

SPEAKER_03 (27:47):
But I got the$1,500 because I got the$1,500.

SPEAKER_01 (27:52):
We can move, we can move to the house, this$1,500 a
month.
Because if you leave, I got it.

SPEAKER_03 (27:58):
You know, and so I think I have to, that's also
something that I'm unlearning.
Like, cause that would be like,if you leave, like, what am I
what am I gonna be able to do?
And I know people who have beenin situations where their rent
might have been or theirmortgage might have been$3,500 a
month, and for whatever reason,like their partner passes away
or their partner leaves, andit's like and see that's what am

(28:21):
I supposed to do?
I never want a man to get meaccustomed to a lifestyle that I
can't I can't maintain on myown.
But is that fear-based datingthough?

SPEAKER_04 (28:31):
Yeah, it is like if you are literally going into a
situation with the possibilitythat like I'm gonna end up on my
own, whether it's death orbreakup or whatever.
You can actually speak that andsay that.
For me, I'm the queen ofself-sabotage, but I am also
absolutely remedial when I'm inlove.

(28:52):
Like I love absolutely blindly,which is why I say the balance
in me is why I am equally asguarded on the front end.

SPEAKER_06 (29:01):
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (29:02):
Like, I don't set standards, I build walls.
But it's almost emotionalmanipulation because I always
want to see who's gonna find thewall and comic.

SPEAKER_05 (29:18):
Right.

SPEAKER_03 (29:19):
Stop building the wall.
Right.
No.
Because the right person, I gotthis picture of who the right
person is, and he's gonna findthe wall.

SPEAKER_01 (29:28):
And that's just that.

SPEAKER_03 (29:29):
Like and and Ronnie does not climb in the wall, like
you're not my person.
Right.
Like the amount of goldlessindividuals who are scared of
gold diggers around here.
I don't think my husband did thehairs work.
Um here.

SPEAKER_01 (29:50):
I gotta go outside.
Okay, you're not far enoughaway.
I have to have a lot of people.

SPEAKER_02 (29:56):
I mean, they may be watching this episode.
How about that?
Okay, they may just.
Coming to your DMs.
You need me through my DMs.
Right.
Never get you through your DMs.
I don't respond.
You don't respond to DMs?

SPEAKER_03 (30:08):
No.
It's like the guy then whenyou're out and he's like
grabbing your arm.

SPEAKER_01 (30:12):
If you don't get off of me, that's what the DMs feel
like.
I got you.

SPEAKER_02 (30:17):
I want to swim a bit though.
So we were talking about um, wetalked to a little bit about
money, right?
And the finer things in life,right?
So the community we're building,most women that are following
us, they love the finer thingsin life, right?
So I'm going through this thingwhere I want to train, not
train, I'm gonna help and coachand mentor people to become
financially whole.

(30:37):
Okay.
So my question to you all is doyou find it a struggle to wait
for what matters?
Like, are you the person thatsays, well, I deserve this, even
though your bank account may saysomething otherwise?

SPEAKER_03 (30:50):
I'm I had done that a time or two.
I would say, like, there was atime, remember, I used to be
like, I'm getting myselfsomething out of every paycheck.
And I used to buy, I was crazycheap because I felt as though I
worked for this.
All this does not go in thebiddles because I need
something.
I deserve something from that.

(31:10):
So I had that.
But obviously, we're growing upand maturing and knowing better.
I I go without a lot of thingsthat I need most of the time
because I have otherresponsibilities.
But do I second guess thatsometimes?
Absolutely, because there'sthings that I would like, or
like getting my nails done, likethat's a thing for me.
I've been getting my nails donesince I was 15.

SPEAKER_02 (31:32):
So did you not get your nails done knowing that you
can save up for um honing acommercial building?

SPEAKER_01 (31:37):
No, she's not gonna do it.
No, she's not.

SPEAKER_02 (31:40):
If you knew within a year, the amount of you the
amount that you get your nailsdone for could actually be a
down payment for the commercialbuilding of your dream, so you
can run the cupcake lady at itshighest level.
Could you do it?
She hear me.
No, it's still a building.

SPEAKER_03 (31:56):
Could you do it?

SPEAKER_02 (31:57):
It's a hard note, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (31:59):
I would have to probably get like Kansas and buy
and buy the price.
So she is that's still a form ofgetting your nails, but it's
cheaper.
That's two dollars.

SPEAKER_02 (32:09):
Okay, so she's still making it.

SPEAKER_03 (32:12):
No, I'm not doing a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_02 (32:15):
For your dream building, so you can run the
ultimate cupcake and makemillions of dollars?
You couldn't do that for a year?

SPEAKER_03 (32:23):
Erica, we've answered you five times.

SPEAKER_02 (32:25):
We said no.

SPEAKER_01 (32:27):
She wasn't, she wasn't paying it to the chain.
She wasn't paying for the chain.
Is that wrong?
No, it's not wrong.
No, it's just not hard.
It's not wrong, it's just nothard.
It's like hierarchy of needs.

SPEAKER_03 (32:39):
My nails cost probably$75 to$85 every time I
get them done.
Which is when I do a five dollarset of nails compared to that.
Yes, that's my alternative.
I'm not gonna go cold turkeywith no nails.
Yeah, because Lee Press ones hasnine.
And once you get a break,they're two dollars with she in.
And they're so cute.
She got some fly set over there.

(33:01):
I would do that at two fivedollars for a set of nails
compared to eight.
What about y'all?
What about what about y'all?
Me, um You I no, I live, I Ilive a very YOLO life.
Like, because I feel like umtelevision.
You only live, you only liveonce.
You only live once.
So if I if I see it and I likeit, I'm gonna get it.

(33:27):
Like it's yeah, and it's andit's hard for me.
It's hard, but I do um, I do.
Now, if there was something, andI think we talked about this
before, like if there's if thereis something that I I can say
for something.
So if there is, I want aproperty, or I want to go to
Bali, or you know, I want a newcar, I can put the money away.

(33:49):
I cannot spend it because I canassign a name to the dollar.
Yes, but if I can't assign aname to the dollar, I'm gonna
cash my cart out.
I'm gonna see it like yesterday.
I saw a bag.
I saw it though, right?
I just saw the bag.
Okay, good.
I saw the bag.
Hadn't seen, no, it's not.
No, I promise you.

(34:10):
I promise you it's not on theway.
Because me and Robbie, boyRobbie, we were talking about
it.
And he was like, I know it's200.
And I said, if it was a hundred,I'd cash my cart out.
Like, just because in my mind,$100 is like$30 now.
So it's like, oh, if it was, ifit was a hundred, I can justify
it in my mind, like, I got$70 inmy Apple Pay.
I'm gonna send it also becauseit just it depends on your

(34:31):
financial status.
And I can also get the thingsyou want and say that the same
time.
You're in that financial status.
Yes, but I know that if I couldsay, I could save more if I
didn't just cash a card outimpulsively.
It isn't, it is, it is, it'simpossible.
I'm a little different.

SPEAKER_04 (34:50):
I don't like material things are not my it
doesn't bother.
Okay, it doesn't, I could gowithout it.
I eat my wealth.

SPEAKER_03 (34:59):
Food?
Just being a hundred percent.
We're transparent.
I don't want to I don't wantheel.
I don't want like So you go toCalifornia to try out the best?
No.
Okay, oh no.
I do want to fly to Chicago forpizza.
It's okay.
Maybe fly opposite train becausewe distinctly Yes, we there.

SPEAKER_04 (35:21):
Um, but no, like I just I'm I'm very very robotic,
very monotonous.
I'm a workaholic.

SPEAKER_03 (35:30):
Um, I don't have things to show for uh like the
money that I make, but also likeit it'll never be a bag.

SPEAKER_04 (35:40):
It'll never that like that doesn't do it for me.
The only thing like designer bagI ever wanted was the Louis
Vuitton Speedy because my cousinKristen had that when I was
young, and she was just theflyest girl I've ever known.

SPEAKER_01 (35:56):
Still flying.

SPEAKER_03 (35:58):
Still, it's the flyest thing on the face and I'm
like, it literally just dripsfly, effortless speedy, so
that's all I ever wanted.
Right, and I got it, and it wasjust like achieved to see it
mean something to me, but Idon't usually want another bag,
and it wasn't about the BelieveVuitton, it wasn't about the
speedy, it was like thatreverence to like the flyest

(36:22):
girl I know.

SPEAKER_04 (36:23):
Yeah, that's what it was about.
So it's never like materialthings for me.
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (36:27):
Um, my mom, my sister, and I, we wrote a um a
financial workbook called FiscalSisters, a Black Girl's Guide to
Fiscal Responsibility.
I love it.
I want to read it.
Oh, absolutely.
And it's literally just how tokeep ourselves, you know, on
track every month for money.

(36:49):
I know all the things to do.

SPEAKER_02 (36:51):
But you don't do them or you just choose not to,
or I don't do them.

SPEAKER_04 (36:55):
Because every time I have made uh an increase in pay,
my bills and my space to havemore money, more problems.
So meet it because it's a itit's a mentality.
It's not like you can't budgetyour way out of poverty.
So now that I am 43 and I'mmaking good money now, uh reason

(37:21):
or logic would tell you thatlike I shouldn't have just it
should it should be easy.
I could save, I could go toBali, I could do all of the
things.
Right.
But realistically, I've had alonger amount of time of
check-to-check to struggle tohustle than I have of like
wealth and six figures.

(37:42):
So now the mentality has notcaught up to the rate.
So what do you mean by budget?

SPEAKER_03 (37:48):
You can't budget your way out of poverty.

SPEAKER_04 (37:50):
So in in my line of of work, it is very, very easy
to look at folks who are, youknow, unhoused or housing
insecure or it is and just say,well, you just need a budget.
The state uh minimum wage is$7.25.

(38:11):
And what?
Fair market rent for atwo-bedroom on average on the
low end is$1,300,$1,400,$1,500.
So somebody making$725 an hourwould have to work 140 hours a
week in order in order to affordto live a two-bedroom.

SPEAKER_03 (38:29):
And probably not in the best school district.

SPEAKER_05 (38:32):
Right.

SPEAKER_03 (38:33):
You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 (38:33):
So, like, a budget is not gonna help that person.
That's yeah, them assigning avalue to each one of those seven
dollars and twenty-five centsthat they come in, that doesn't
help.

SPEAKER_05 (38:45):
Right.

SPEAKER_04 (38:45):
So while we're talking, and this is why I had
to wear the rape, because I gooff one nigga say we're like,
you lost me.
Um but like though, we're withyou.
We can't just talk aboutaffordable housing, we have to
talk about a livable wage.
Yeah, so being financiallywhole, like money is emotional.

SPEAKER_03 (39:02):
Yeah, like financial advisors and bankers, you can't
just talk about the money.
Correct.
You gotta talk about the theemotion.

SPEAKER_02 (39:10):
That's why I call it financial wholeness.
People talk about financial aidsliteracy.
No, we need to be financiallywhole because there's an
emotional aspect to thefinancial well-being of a
person.

SPEAKER_04 (39:28):
I don't care what you how literate I am when it
comes to money.
I know how much groceries cost.

SPEAKER_03 (39:35):
I'm hoarding.

SPEAKER_04 (39:36):
Yeah, and then I'm going to 1700 and I'm gonna get
the nicest steak dinner that Ican because I don't know when
this is coming again becausedoes it register to me that a
check is coming again in twoweeks?
I lived my whole life scared andhungry.

SPEAKER_03 (39:52):
That is so I think so.
Like for the longest time, therewas this fallacy that six
figures was a lot of money.

SPEAKER_01 (40:00):
And it's not, you know, you know, people would be
like, so-and-so make sixfigures, you know.
But I think the six figures thatour parents were making is not
just six figures.

SPEAKER_03 (40:10):
They said now, in order to be considered like what
is six figures, you have to make$375,000 a year.
You know, because and I rememberthe first time I made six
figures, I made$50,000 at workand I made$55,000 in my business
when I was working for Techlist.
And I was like, Wow, handlemoney, right?

(40:31):
Like, and I and Eric's like, Iwasn't even buying, I wasn't, I
wasn't buying, it wasn't like Iwas buying things, I had
anything to show over.
I was like, Why don't handlemoney?

SPEAKER_02 (40:39):
Yeah, oh, I made $100,000.
Yeah.
Well, y'all got to kick me offthe table, probably throw me in
the other room because if youhave$100,000, right?
Um, one, you have to learn howto be disciplined and live
within those, your means.
Yeah, it doesn't matter how muchmoney you make, right?
Yes, living within your means,because there's this story of a

(41:02):
janitor, right?
You ever hear the story aboutthe janitor?
He left up like millions,multi-million dollars to the
schools, to the schools, yeah.
Living off of pennies, right?
So if he can do it, we all cando it.
It's all a matter about waitingfor what really matters, right?
And just living off the basics.
But the problem is, us as asociety, one, we're dealing with

(41:23):
social media, we want to flexfor the gram, and we want to,
you know, live the finer things,do the finer things in life, but
we're not willing to wait forthose finer things.
Now, if we do wait for thosethings, just imagine you can
actually do it having peace ofmind knowing that, okay, in the
event something does happen, Istill have money in my savings
account.
That's fair, right?

(41:44):
That's very fair.
To uh to make up for it.
Like in the event of me losing ajob, I have six months of wages
in my savings account.
In the event that somethingtraumatically happens to me.
Well, I have X amount of dollarsover here, I have my health
benefits, right?
But us as entrop entrepreneursor um independent um
proprietors, we have to save upfor those in the in case of

(42:08):
something happens.
So us saving for thoseincidentals, it makes you wake
up with peace of mind knowingthat I truly can do whatever I
want to do when I want to do it.
Oh, yeah, I may not be able togo to Bali this year, but guess
what?
I could stay home for threemonths if I want to and still
pay my bills.
That's living life to itsfullest.

(42:29):
Even at$100,000.
Well, I'm defining well you're$100,000.
No, no, no, no, no.
Hear me, hear what I'm saying.
I'm breaking my question tour.
She was saying$100,000, right?
You could live a great life on ahundred thousand dollars.
That's for that person thatwould choose to, right?
That's not my um living freelife number, right?

(42:51):
And it's probably not everyoneelse's freedom number.
Yeah, like here's like what'syour survival number?
Which you okay, I made it.
I made it to this number.
I'm saying for the person thatis making, that's listening to
this, making a hundred thousanddollars, um, and they feel as
though that's all that theychoose to make, they can live an
amazing life.

SPEAKER_03 (43:10):
Yeah, an amazing life.
If you have just yournecessities, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (43:15):
But for us here, if you're willing to forgo your
because I would like to get toextra little courtramats and
stuff.

SPEAKER_03 (43:22):
Or me, if I didn't have my other things outside of
my full-time job, I wouldelsewhere.

SPEAKER_02 (43:28):
You have a salary of a hundred thousand dollars,
right?
And you have investments of overhere, uh rental property here,
rental property there, um, abusiness like um ownership in
this business over here, and youonly bring in a salary of a
hundred thousand dollars, andyet you're netting five hundred
thousand dollars and you're onlyworking for that hundred
thousand dollars, all the otherthings is passive income, right?

(43:48):
So we have to start thinkingbigger than what you know right
what we're doing on a dailybasis.
How can we live smarter and notfarder?

SPEAKER_03 (44:02):
Because you are talking high level.
I am, I always do.
And it's that's great.
Always do.

SPEAKER_04 (44:09):
Be mindful that um dragging people up there with
you is going to be harderbecause anyway, we're talking to
lead an audience who are havingfish fries to bury people.

SPEAKER_03 (44:24):
Investments is not what I'm thinking about.
Right.
Okay, that's great.
And how do I even start likethat?
Yeah, how do you start?
Like you're a realtor, you're atwo-income household that come
from you know, two good solidfamilies.
Like what if I was raised outhall manor and like the goal was
so when I was at the YWCA as theum director of housing, I had

(44:49):
three generations of one familyin shelter.

SPEAKER_04 (44:52):
And so there was a grandmother telling her adult
daughter to get onto the housinglist and just get in and just
don't do anything to get kids toadvertise.
That was the retirement plan.

SPEAKER_03 (45:04):
So when you're talking investments and$2,000
and just making sure that we arescaling responsibly and like we
might just have to talk about a$10 a month Gerber policy for
the kids.
Right.
And that's where we start andlearning the difference between
term and whole life.
Right.
That's where we are at with someof the folks in our families,

(45:28):
you know, our colleagues.
So just make it sure.
Some of the people are in aplace where they can't even do
that.
Correct.
I can't afford an additional$75a month for insurance.
Unfortunately, or I'm getting itthrough my job.
And which is like our hiddensense of pay shirt.
But it's camera nails.
You just say it's$70.

(45:50):
Oh, you can.
Right.
So to make sure that ourfuneral.
Yes.
I mean our conversation, I likethat.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 (46:00):
Right.

SPEAKER_04 (46:00):
So that it is easy because nails aren't my thing.
I can invalidate or trivializeif you are saying like this
easy.

SPEAKER_02 (46:08):
I think that's the beauty though.
I think the beauty is in themessage is going to be received
by the person that is for.
Right?
So the person that is not ableto understand it, it's not going
to resonate with them.
Right.
And that's okay.
That's what makes um theplatforms that we have so
beautiful, right?
Because you can reach differentpeople by the different messages

(46:28):
that you have, and you're goingto create the community that you
choose to build.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
So I think I think you'rehitting a great point.
Yep.
And um the person that's goingto resonate with this is going
to be that person that doesunderstand whole life policies,
right?
Or term life policies.

SPEAKER_03 (46:45):
And nobody acting doesn't want to be able to do
the things absolutely have todo.
I don't want to go to work everyday just to pay bill.
Right.
But not be able to go get mynails done because that's
something that I like to do.
Right.
But in general, it's just kindof like those.
Right.
But I don't want to.
No, no.

(47:05):
I think too, it does go back toyour hierarchy of needs.
Like, what is the way you wereraised and what are the things
that are most important to you?
And I think we can honestlysometimes, and it's unfortunate,
like we can see that, and youprobably see it all the time as
a teacher, the way that peoplego off about prong.
Like, you didn't have it.
Who has it?

(47:26):
My mind.
You didn't have it, or you don'thave it.
It's it's it's$3,000 on an AstonMartin and$5,000 on a dress, and
$600 on your nails, and$700 onyour shoes, on your hair.
Yeah.
You know, and so it's it's that.
But to Denise's, to Denise'spoint, it's like, but there's a
GoFundMe.
Right.
But you spent$10,000.

(47:46):
And and it's interesting becausethey did a few years ago, they
did a um a documentary on prom con black prom culture, and
Stilton was featured because thewhole town shut down.
Stilton's so serious about prom.

SPEAKER_00 (47:57):
Yes.
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (47:58):
So serious about prom.

SPEAKER_00 (48:01):
You know, and I said, no, I love the name, I
would love the name of thedocumentary.

SPEAKER_03 (48:04):
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I we could find it.
We'll find it for you.
But um it was it was sointeresting, and I was like, if
I ever had to write adissertation on like prom
culture, I think a lot of timesfor black folks and why they
spend so much and why they gooff like that, is because that's
all you ever promise.
Like living in thisneighborhood, that's all you
ever promise is graduation.
Baby, if I can get you to thestage, because they're not

(48:26):
making it past the stage, somany of them are not making it
past the stage.
But if I can get you here, I maynot make it to a wedding, but I
can make it to prom.
You know, your baby shower.
I say that about the babyshower.

SPEAKER_02 (48:35):
I mean it's great with y'all, okay.

SPEAKER_03 (48:39):
Because then again, how many people actually make it
to be bride?
So if I take, I'm definitelygonna be mom, so let me turn my
baby shower into my bridemoment.
Yeah, I'm here for the babyshowers if anybody wants to be
presenting.

SPEAKER_00 (48:59):
And I'm here for lacation.

SPEAKER_06 (49:01):
Oh, you're like, first birthday party.

SPEAKER_05 (49:06):
I'm not saying this breaks my part.

SPEAKER_00 (49:11):
Who's actually like reaching and educating the
people who are making the Butthey gotta want to listen.

SPEAKER_02 (49:19):
Like they're open to hearing, I should show.
But who's holding theconversation?
But it's systemic them.

SPEAKER_00 (49:26):
It is very it is very systemic.

SPEAKER_03 (49:28):
I didn't really understand a lot of it until,
and I know a lot, there's a lotof opinions about the book, but
for me, it was um the dynamicsof poverty by this woman named
Willie Pain.
And in that book, I thought Igrew up in poverty, right?
By thinking 1980s, South Bronx,burned down buildings, rubble

(49:50):
everywhere, big crack epidemic,and then I'm in college and I'm
reading her book, and I'm like,whoa, I didn't, I was not as in
poverty as you could reading thenovel, and yeah, and then seeing
some things in there.
So, but the conversation withthe people on that level, no
one's really having thatconversation.

SPEAKER_02 (50:11):
Yeah.
The conversation going tocollege was my uncle saying,
Don't get no credit cards.
Yep.

SPEAKER_00 (50:16):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (50:17):
I said, Well, why don't I have one?

SPEAKER_00 (50:19):
Why not?

SPEAKER_03 (50:19):
You don't have a credit card?
She doesn't have a credit card.
Because I don't trust myselfwith it.
So you know your yeah, you knowyour imitation.
Like, so then everything was anemergency.
Right.
I'm only supposed right this foremergency.
It is self-control, but likeReezy Bowl ticket.

SPEAKER_01 (50:35):
That's an emergency.

SPEAKER_03 (50:37):
That is not an American thing.
No, you're right.
Don't get a crazy look.
And I also rate with the signwith the Dixon.

SPEAKER_04 (50:46):
All I ever wanted was for him to have a
relationship with money, then Iso I feared money and he
controls it, but he's likeobsessed with it.
Yeah, make money where you'reyeah.
So now he's going to be a CPA.
And it's tied to his OCDdiagnosis.
So uh his is he got numbers andpatterns, he didn't get the good

(51:08):
kind.
So it's the numbers thatmatters.
So when he, you know, he did 10days at Leicester Behavioral
Health, you know, suicidalideation and a text, he pops
home.
And so I'm walking on eggshells,you know, for a while.

SPEAKER_03 (51:25):
And but then I'm, you know, typical black mom.
Well, me and you in thisdepression and this OCD, we got
to figure this thing out, right?

SPEAKER_04 (51:32):
So we had to figure out how to dovetail what people
call the diagnosis into actuallife.
So I stopped calling it adiagnosis and I called it a
superpower.
So what is your superpower?
So now he's in his senior ear,you know, born to me, an
accountant because the numberscall in.

SPEAKER_03 (51:51):
So that makes sense.
He used this tech advantage.

SPEAKER_04 (51:55):
So like just being able to like really change that
dynamic for him.

SPEAKER_03 (52:03):
But I was so used to, you know, being creative and
like, you know, we would campout in the living room.
Well, the light took off, andthat's where all the gate was.
You know, like turning a stoveon, open the door, the oven is
gonna heat the downstairs.
Yep, let's build a fort.
Yeah, you know, let's lightcandles, they're gone.

(52:24):
Exactly.
Right.
And so he now at 21 is like, ohmy struggle.

SPEAKER_05 (52:30):
Right, right, yeah, a little bit.

SPEAKER_04 (52:31):
But and now it could probably be like funny for
dinner.
Right.
Baby, because I thought that wasthere.

SPEAKER_03 (52:40):
No, and see, I didn't know.
I didn't have a struggle lifegrowing up either.
But my parents did strugglefinancially.
I just didn't know that until Ibecame an adult because I didn't
miss nothing.
Same here.
It's nothing to everything weneeded, everything we wanted.
My dad's is I'm the only girl,and my dad is don't play about
me at all.
He's still to this day, but mydad does stuff for me because I

(53:02):
don't ask.
My dad's like, you work hard, wedo a lot.
My dad will call me up, like,come down here because we're
going to uh and he'll tap me.
And now he's that type of personwho will like be like, I want to
buy you a bag today because youwork hard, you don't ask nobody
for nothing, and I just want todo that for you.

(53:23):
And my dad's like that all thetime.
Now, do I want a me and that'slike that?
But my dad pays bills.
My dad, he's literally the heruns the money in the house.
And my mom is fine with that.
She's like, I'm not the moneyperson, as long as I got money
to get what I need to get, andthat's her.

SPEAKER_05 (53:40):
I'm good.

SPEAKER_03 (53:40):
I don't care about not sending the mortgage
payment.
Right.
I don't want to.
The electric bill over that.
But that's that's kind of what Iwant in a person as far as it
relates to he does stuff, hetakes care of his household, but
he also wants to make sure hisfamily is good and taking a care
of it.
Somebody who wants to take stuffoff my plate.
That's my look.
Here, I seen this was on yourplate, I want to take it off.

(54:02):
Even as speaking of you broughtup the mental health aspect, I'm
new in that, dealing with thatwith my youngest son.
Woo, honey.
Because the first thing you belike, Oh, my child ain't going
on no medication.
Cause I literally was like thatfrom the door, like no medicine.
However, I had to learn thatthere was a chemical imbalance,

(54:24):
and there was no talking thatout of him.
Yeah.
So I'm glad that I followedthrough with getting him what he
needed because he's doingamazing.
Because a couple of years ago,Jesus Christ.
I was like, You about to behome, sir.
It's so hard.
Yeah, it was a lot of things.
Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (54:41):
It's a lot.
We were talking about griefearlier.
You know, I have a differentrelationship with grief as well.
So, like, my son was assignedfemale.
So, like, I have been grieving,and that's my only child.
So, I've been grieving the lossof my daughter.
But it's not a death, right?
That actually happened.

SPEAKER_03 (55:01):
So, like, I have to be mindful of like, girl, like,
I have he's still best friends,physically lost their child.
So, be be mindful of her ass.
How's the mountain yeah, right?
But like, there is still a spacefor like, oh, okay, I agree what
I thought life was going to get.
But then they stress.
Yeah.
And that that yeah, I don'tmind.

SPEAKER_02 (55:21):
Yeah, it is it is um it's been a journey.
I was gonna ask, what was that?
How is it?
Like, what's that experience foryou?
Um, what advice would you give aparent that maybe going through
the same thing?

SPEAKER_03 (55:33):
Um, I would say, so I um I I used to say to him all
the time, I love you always andand always.
And a lot of times um somethinghappens in our life that really
holds our feet to the fire.

SPEAKER_04 (55:47):
So don't see something that was like, she
mean it.
Right.

SPEAKER_03 (55:50):
I mean, because I'm sitting here, oh I love my, you
know, I love my child, that's mybaby, that's my holy baby.

SPEAKER_04 (55:55):
But then when it's at my door, I'm like, oh, okay,
all right, yeah, we'll get thefinger in this thing out.
Um, but like I'm being thatthing.
Like that's my only child.
So uh I have had to uh findspaces where um I I found myself
like f thinking for people.

(56:17):
Like there were certain peoplethat I knew they're not gonna be
okay with this.

SPEAKER_03 (56:21):
I was literally say that because you're fully okay
with it.
I'm fully like you navigatingother people who are not.

SPEAKER_02 (56:28):
Was it a process though to be fully okay with it,
or was it something that youaccepted right away?

SPEAKER_03 (56:32):
Um, it was a process.
Yeah.
It was absolutely a process.

SPEAKER_04 (56:35):
Um, it wasn't long, but um, so I never had braces,
but a lot of times I compare itto like the first day with
braces.
It is something foreign in yourmouth that you've always had.

SPEAKER_03 (56:48):
So you gotta get your lips.
She's so poetic.
Yeah, she does.
So for a long time I was like,um, you know, to me, TJ, you
know, cheat, he, you know, mythe my side.

SPEAKER_04 (57:00):
So there was a sh a long stretch before I actually
told anybody and we keep, youknow, went public.

SPEAKER_03 (57:07):
It was my kid.
I always said my kid, my kid, mybaby, my I think we met for
lunch and you said my kid.

SPEAKER_02 (57:13):
Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (57:15):
So I was absolutely in that space where it was just
like, you know, it's that's mykid.
Right.
It doesn't matter, you know,what the genetically,
biologically, like that's mykid.
And everybody's gonna know it.

SPEAKER_04 (57:27):
Right.
Um, and so then people just verynaturally, oh, but you said your
kid is in college and said a boyor girl.
And then I would be like, Oh,okay, you know, so but then I
mean it just rolls off like I'mobsessed with that chapter.

SPEAKER_03 (57:46):
Um but yeah, give yourself grace.
Give yourself grace.

SPEAKER_02 (57:50):
Did you go like it was your fault?

SPEAKER_04 (57:52):
Um, so interestingly enough, there was a time where I
did think that it was.
Um, so he has never really seenme in a functional adult
relationship.
So his dad and I broke up, hewas really, really young.
Uh, and so his dad has beenmarried multiple times.
Like he is it he, you know,dates, is in relationships, you

(58:16):
know, all of that.
Uh, and then on the other sideof the structure, and because I
was the custodial parent, I'vealways said I somehow kind of
forced his hand at being the manhe didn't see.
Oh Jesus.
And that was hard.
That was difficult.
But um, you know, it's it's notum how I got away from thinking

(58:41):
that it was my fault is there'snothing at all.
Right.
Correct.
Like it it's not a it's not a asickness.
Um if anything, I give him somuch credit for stay and
fighting through uh he's he'sbeen tortured.
I had the luxury of being bornin the body that I feel

(59:04):
comfortable with.
There has been a disconnect justabout his entire life that he
feels like he was born in thewrong body.
I couldn't imagine it, right?
You know?
Um, and there are constant signsevery single day that like my
mind and my body don't connect.

SPEAKER_06 (59:24):
Right.

SPEAKER_04 (59:24):
Um, so uh I don't feel like it's my fault because
I don't think that it that isn'ta big fault.

SPEAKER_02 (59:31):
Yeah.
But thank you for sharing Sully.
Yeah, that was awesome.
She don't know TJ.

SPEAKER_03 (59:40):
TJ is the smartest child that I that I ever met.
And TJ was like five years oldat the subway, like perfectly
ordering their food, and wasjust always the most
ridiculously awesome,inquisitive, polite child that I
ever, ever, ever, ever met.
And I just When they made whenthey made the discovery, you

(01:00:03):
know, or when they kind of cameinto their self, I'm like, okay.
Alright.
Because at the end of the day,whatever you choose to be, or
you know, are you the person?
You know?
And it's like you can be so muchmore than what you were
assigned, or who you'reattracted to, or who you decide
to sleep with.
Are you the person?
You want to help change theworld?

(01:00:24):
How do you represent God?
Like, and I feel like we willall be better off as people in
general.
We just mind our own damnbusiness when it comes to stuff
like that.
You know, like it doesn'tmatter.
You know, like even when peopleget weird about like bathrooms
and stuff, and I'm like, everybathroom in in America, in in a
in a residence, is unisex.
Why are y'all weird about that?
Like, why are y'all weird?

(01:00:46):
Y'all are weird.
Like if I got to go that enough,I'm running into the first one
that another.
I heard all the time, you know.
So do it all the time.
I think you know, we could alldo people in general could do
better with that and have alittle bit more humanity in that
space.
It was funny because when he wasyoung, so he initially came out,
let me know that he wasattracted to girls, and I was

(01:01:06):
like, duh, I never.

SPEAKER_02 (01:01:08):
We knew that.

SPEAKER_04 (01:01:10):
But then when he started becoming masculine
presenting, yeah, people wouldbe like, you know, you can pair
a lot of like the leeway.
And I would just flip it and belike, you know, like my child is
like 13.
Like, why are you concerned withthe genitalia of a mitre?
You sound like the weirdo.
Like, oh my gosh, I can'tbelieve you would face out like
you're like let's call it whatit is what it is.

(01:01:33):
Because why do you care?

SPEAKER_03 (01:01:35):
Why do you care?

SPEAKER_04 (01:01:36):
And ultimately, like, whomever he brings home,
you're not gonna be good enough.

SPEAKER_03 (01:01:41):
And I'm about like, oh, period.

unknown (01:01:42):
Right.

SPEAKER_01 (01:01:42):
Like that's right, that's it.
Boy or girl, right?
That's it.
It don't matter.
You know, okay, right.
I'm like, there's that.

SPEAKER_03 (01:01:54):
He was getting on this because we was doing
research.
He went on a date with somegirl, and I'm like, in my
little, y'all know I'm adetective.
But I'm in there, like, oh, thisis her mom.
I'm like, look, this is this,this is this.
To Denise.
Yeah, I'm sending it to Denisein the group chat.
I'm like, this is this.
Oh, yeah, it looks like she wentto this school.
Okay, it looks like she mighthave got um like stopped and
pulled over for speed, andbefore I hope she's not driving.

(01:02:17):
Like, oh, everything.

SPEAKER_04 (01:02:18):
I'm gonna think everything out and their plans
change, and we're going to likethe movies and dinner.
Their plans change, and he and Ihave such a close relationship.
So we was going back to herhouse.

SPEAKER_03 (01:02:28):
So he just sends the address, no contact.
So I immediately said, She saidwith it.
So I pulled up back at the houseon Zillow.

SPEAKER_05 (01:02:36):
I shut the We know how much Donald's for
everything.
One of it.

SPEAKER_03 (01:02:42):
No, and I was like, did they change her?

SPEAKER_01 (01:02:50):
I'm like, no.

SPEAKER_02 (01:02:54):
They're gonna need a leaf over here.

SPEAKER_03 (01:02:56):
Oh, I mean, my baby does.

SPEAKER_02 (01:02:58):
That is color.

SPEAKER_03 (01:03:03):
You have to do all that these days.
Literally.
Poor thing.
He knows that my house is a safespace.
I don't know.
Exactly.
Let's say house is safe.
Honey, look, I used to, my dadused to make me so mad because I
always wanted to spend the nightat somebody's house.
And my dad's never allowed totake no person.
My mom's on the other hand, shedidn't care.

(01:03:25):
But then my dad, my dad said no,I wasn't doing it.
Even with family.
Like we moved from New York.
We would go there, and my dadwas like, Don't even ask if you
could spend the night at suchand such house.
Because there's no answer.
And I used to be so pissed.
And then when I had kids, mykids would start asking, and I
would say no too.
And then I had a lesson here.

(01:03:46):
Because remember when I lived inWaterford.

SPEAKER_04 (01:03:49):
Yes.

SPEAKER_03 (01:03:49):
My middle son had a really close friend.
I got pregnant with my youngest,and we moved when I was like
maybe seven, eight monthspregnant with him.
And my middle son was reallyclose with one of his friends
that lived in the development wewere in.
So for a while, he was asking meabout spending the night at this
boy's house.
And I kept saying no.
No, no, no.

(01:04:10):
And then I was like, all right.
One day I said yes, honey.
Well, I did, was it like twoweeks after I let him spend the
night there?
The boy's mom ended up gettingmurdered.
It's the house while her kidswere there.
This was a whole big thing allover the news a couple years
ago.
Some years ago.
They were still young.
They were probably like inmiddle school when this

(01:04:31):
happened.
And after that, I said, don'tever in your life.
You're already done.
Yeah.
Don't ever, ever, ever, ever.
And I'm like, that didn't asksomebody about the next had that
been two weeks prior, right?
My kid could have been therewith us in Trends Line.
I was like, never again.

SPEAKER_02 (01:04:46):
Oh my goodness.
Okay, we're gonna end it withthis.
So we're all bus women inbusiness or in leadership
positions, right?
So do you find it difficult umto work with other women?
Or what would be some words ofencouragement that you would
give other women that arelooking to work with women that
um just to get them over thehump?
So from per from personalexperience, I found it hard uh

(01:05:09):
initially to work with women,right?
Um so then I had to um shift andfigure out, okay, so why is it
so difficult to work with women?
And the reason is because womenare given a lot of um
opportunities, right?
So there's a lot of scarcitymindset when it comes to women
in business, right?
So you're working together, thefear of not being on that same

(01:05:31):
level or being left behind, itdoes exist.
So once I was able to open upand realize that I was like, oh,
okay, yeah.
So it's just um making sure thatyou give words of positive um
affirmations to them and say,hey, we're in this together,
that I was able to overcome thathurdle.
So I'm just curious to know yourexperiences when it comes to
working with women or women inleadership, and what would be

(01:05:53):
some advice that you would giveto our community?

SPEAKER_03 (01:05:57):
I would say use your discernment, but you know, um
really try to focus on likedon't lose sight of the program.
Because if nothing is bigger,like nothing is bigger than the
program.
So nothing is bigger than theend goal, nothing is bigger than
what you're trying to accomplishtogether.
Personalities may clash,lifestyles may clash, but if

(01:06:17):
you're both working together, orhowever many women it is working
together towards a common goal,like you'll be effective.
Yep, and keep that at theforefront.
Or Sabia and composition becauseI think that's my what is that
about?

SPEAKER_02 (01:06:31):
So finding the right people that understand, they
don't say collaboration, butthey truly mean it.
Absolutely.
Correct.

SPEAKER_03 (01:06:37):
I mean, it's other people out here that make other
than me.
Um, I don't feel like my productis someone else's product.
You know the difference.
However, I don't have a problemlike being in a space or work
other event planners or whathave you.
Um, but I did learn that's whywe kind of started the My
Sister's Keeper thing a coupleof years ago, because it was a

(01:07:00):
matter of in this area, me, I'mnot from Harrisburg, but I
learned here that like only oneperson could do a thing.
And because the city is thatMadonna and Denise and Krista,
because you're from here too,right?

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:14):
Krista's from Philly.
She was gonna say that.
And I knew it was a little bitof a little bit of a little and
I moved here.
But my family is from here.

SPEAKER_03 (01:07:24):
No one wants to own it, unfortunately, and that's
why we started the My Sister'sKeeper thing, because we wanted
to like foster the collaborationover competition.
We're more powerful togetherthan apart.
So I I love the fact thatthere's other bakers and other
event planners.
Like, I do my own thing.

(01:07:44):
I feel like I'm in my own lane.
I don't really worry about whatother people are doing.
Like, oh, she's doing that, andthat looks like like that's
working for her.
So I she try it.
I stay within my lane of what Ilike and what I'm comfortable
in.
Um, especially when it comes touh baking.
There's like so many otherthings that I could do, and I'm

(01:08:04):
also very mindful of what otherpeople do.

SPEAKER_04 (01:08:07):
Yeah, she will she will definitely put these
boundaries on herself, yeah,because blah blah over here is
doing that.
So I don't know why to do that.

SPEAKER_03 (01:08:18):
And it's like because I had a bet well
experiences where people whowere actually even my friends
fell off because of where I butwe're not even in the same lane
with what we do.
However, I can do what you'redoing and probably better than
you.
However, I'm not trying to stepon your toes.

(01:08:38):
So I will intentionally not makea thing because I know that's
what you do, and I don't want itto make it seem like I'm trying
to come and take over your lane,but I have the skill to do it.
However, I just don't want that.
I I've always been like thiswith females.
I used to hang out with guys alot growing up because I just
can't remember it's never mything.

(01:09:00):
Like she's all the friends.
She does have all the friends.
I realize she was literally theonly girl that I was always with
all the time.
I always hung out with guysbecause I can't do catty female
and all my other friends.
Wow.
What about you, friend?

SPEAKER_01 (01:09:18):
Well, well, her friends are not mine.

SPEAKER_03 (01:09:21):
We're on camera.

SPEAKER_02 (01:09:23):
Wow.
And we're not editing that.

SPEAKER_06 (01:09:27):
Take it out, please.

SPEAKER_00 (01:09:28):
They are they know about them.
I would say one, identify whatyou're not good at.

SPEAKER_03 (01:09:40):
Be okay with that.
If you know that this particularthing uh is not your thing, say
that.
Yeah, like I had to say tosomeone that deals with the
money when I became leader of anorganization, hey, you know I'm
not the money girl.
Yeah, I was honest in thatconversation.

(01:10:00):
I just need you to show me somethings and teach me some things,
which meant humbling myself,right?

SPEAKER_00 (01:10:06):
Admitting an area that I need to strengthen.

SPEAKER_03 (01:10:09):
But now that she knows, she's giving me the
guidance or that I can be kindof like that, but being okay
admitting that, because I thinka lot of times, especially women
of color, we want to throw thiscape on and act like we got it
all figured out, and then thebusiness starts crumbling.
It's my stole these areas thatno, you don't have it figured

(01:10:29):
out.
So be okay with handing thatexpertise off to somebody else
that has the expertise.
That's person they're holdingyourself accountable.
That was my fault.
My bad.
I meant to send the I shouldhave sent the email yesterday, I
didn't send it.

SPEAKER_00 (01:10:43):
And people respect when you do that.
I I remember someone had likethis big position, and she was
supposed to do all the thingsand get a certain amount of
money and it didn't happen.
And I watched her stand in aroom and tell a bunch of people,
like, hey, this is what I wassupposed to do, I was not able

(01:11:04):
to do it because of these thingsthat were going on.
50% in the room gave her grace,50% did it.

SPEAKER_03 (01:11:10):
And I just remember saying, if 100% in the room gave
her the grace, then thefollowing year she would have
been able to come back and tryto do it 10 times better than
before.

SPEAKER_00 (01:11:22):
So just remembering, hold yourself accountable, admit
to yourself, I'm not good inthis area, be okay with handing
it over to somebody who you knowis gonna get the job done, and
then also don't keep the pettyout of the business.
I think a lot of the times weforget to keep the petty out of

(01:11:45):
the business.
That benefits no one, not thecustomers and education, not the
students, because you're beingpetty.
Keep the petty, you petty andleadership do not align.
No.
They we're living it.
Yeah.
It's a non mind.
Yeah.
So keep that right apart.

(01:12:08):
He keep that apart because it'snot it's not gonna be to the
benefit of the business.

SPEAKER_03 (01:12:12):
And so what she said about the like being in your own
lane, that's me.
I'm a refer.
You come to me at a big respectand I'm like, oh, I don't work
with Fondant.
Yeah, I don't do this, but I canrefer.
I'm not that person that's gonnatake the the order because I
just want the money.
And you have one of those, thisis what I asked for, and this is

(01:12:34):
what I got.
Type your reputation iseverything for like crazy.
I like, oh yeah, I'm not, andthere's times where some people
have come to me with stuff whereI just kind of was like, oh, I
haven't done that yet.
And I was able to execute it.
However, I do know my limit, Ido know my lane, and this like
Fonda is not something that Idon't like, and I'm not

(01:12:56):
interested in working with, soI'm not gonna experiment on
anybody's order.
I know someone who makesbeautiful cakes using Fonda.
Here's their information.

SPEAKER_02 (01:13:05):
Yeah, 100%.
Krista, what you got?
Leadership.
We've said so much.

SPEAKER_03 (01:13:12):
She is not ready.

SPEAKER_04 (01:13:14):
I mean, for me, if you jump in, um regrespectfully,
I don't have competition.
So I gotta get credit to my dad.
So my brothers play basketball,one play football as well.
And some list had come out, muchlike the one that just recently
came out.
Yeah.
It had come out and they wereboth on the list.

(01:13:35):
And so we're all incited in thefamily or whatever.
The next day, we go into thebathroom and the list is cut.
The paper is cut, and it is onlythe person who was before each
of them.

SPEAKER_03 (01:13:47):
What?
Taped to the mirror.
And what are I what is this?
And so my dad explained to bothof my brothers, y'all were so
busy weren't wondering about whowas number one.

SPEAKER_04 (01:14:00):
You can't get beat him until you beat the person
who was right in front of them.

SPEAKER_03 (01:14:05):
Like that's right above you is who you gotta
overtake first.
And then you very loud get intonumber one.
So when I say I don't havecompetition, that's what I mean.
I have got to learn thediscipline for myself.
Like I'm my biggest competitionbecause I procrastinate.
I don't, you know, I'm scared,you know, I'm scared of, you

(01:14:26):
know, talk in public, like allof these things.

SPEAKER_04 (01:14:28):
So like I don't see someone else in the same lane as
me as competition because Ihaven't mastered meat yet.

SPEAKER_03 (01:14:36):
Like I am the person takes to the mirror, then I have
got to overtake and get betterthan before I would worry about
any other executive director,any other area, like uh they're
fine.
Maybe they are secure in theirspot because I haven't gotten
better and beat Denise.
Yeah, it's a lightning day.

(01:14:56):
And if everybody was that way,it's such a beautiful world.

SPEAKER_02 (01:15:00):
Yeah, you're right.
Well, that's awesome.
It's the beat in Denise.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (01:15:04):
Because we're our biggest critics.
Yes, yeah, it's we are very hardon ourselves.
I will talk myself out ofanything.
Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 (01:15:12):
Right.
So I'm great.
And I was just about to saythat.
I'm kind of like in that seasonof just having grace with me.
Yeah.
Cause like you were sayingearlier, there's so much that I
feel like I need to do, and Ifeel like I have not enough time
to do everything that I'm tryingto accomplish.
Right.
So it's like we're we're tryingto, you know, do so many things

(01:15:33):
and wear so many hats and be umeverything to everybody.
And then again, we're forgettingabout ourselves, and I had to
start extending grace to myself.
As I'm like, uh, by this age, Ithought I was gonna be doing
this, and I thought I was gonnahave this, that, oh, you know,
and then I'm like, then I knockmyself down.

SPEAKER_03 (01:15:52):
But then when I think about it, I'm like, but
look where I am, right?
Look where I came from.
Brag book.
A 15-year-old Meyer.
Like, you have to share that thebrag book.
Please share the brand braggbook.
She just she just knocked me onmy butt the other day about
that.
So please share that piecebecause it's so good.
Yes, it is so good.

SPEAKER_02 (01:16:08):
Um, I've intentionally made a book,
right, of all the things that Ihave ever accomplished in my
life.
So in those moments where I feellike I'm not doing enough, or I
didn't get where I needed to go,I can reflect back on that book,
right?
So then I know that okay, yeah,I am on pace to what I want to
do, but also wow, you are thedarn thing.

(01:16:29):
You've accomplished so much.
And the best part was I startedthe book when I was working for
corporate, okay, and theydecided that they wanted to give
me a 1% raise.
Right?
So you it's hard to go back andforth and say, I did this, you
did this, I did, you know, no.
But if you show them the book,oh, you know what?
Back um in April, I was able tosave us um 20% on this

(01:16:54):
particular item.
So overall, our return oninvestment was actually this.
So net profit is actually this.
You can't compete with that.

unknown (01:17:00):
Right.

SPEAKER_02 (01:17:01):
So, but that was probably the last year I worked
in corporate because I'm like,I'm not gonna be working with my
behind off and only getting 2%.
So, but yeah, that brag book, Ithink a lot of women they have a
hard time justifying with theirearnings, right?
So if you're in corporate or youknow, private sector, all I
mean, I truly believe havingthat brag book.
That's the So you can take itwith you.

(01:17:22):
Yeah, I mean, even during yourevaluation conversation.

SPEAKER_03 (01:17:24):
Right, in my evaluation conversation with
myself, absolutely told me to doit for myself.

SPEAKER_04 (01:17:29):
Yeah, well, I started doing his journaling,
journaling about um just mepersonally, um, stuff with my
kids, just everything.
Because again, trying to givemyself that grace, I'm like, oh
my god, that middle son of mine,success be picked every way
possible.
And in my head, I'm just like ifI could have had the life that

(01:17:53):
you had, that you were set up tobe successful, he graduated high
school with an 800 credit score.

SPEAKER_03 (01:17:59):
Like, how how does this happen?
And then here we are.
So I started journaling um sothat when I kind of get in that
space, I can kind of go back andI'm like, ooh, yeah, I remember
that day.
Yeah.
Cause I cried myself into a nap.
Seriously.
And I remember that day.

(01:18:21):
I remember that day because Ihad champagne that day.

SPEAKER_06 (01:18:24):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (01:18:25):
It's a day party.
Right.

SPEAKER_06 (01:18:27):
Right.
All day.
I had an all-day practice day.

SPEAKER_04 (01:18:31):
And then I'm like, wow.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (01:18:34):
This is where I end today, and to reflect back on
where I was a week ago, a monthago, a year ago, ten years ago,
I'm like, Krista, you'reamazing.
Right.
But I forgot amazing.
I will forget that.
Yeah.
Because I'm here, I'm there, I'mfilling in for an employee at a
building.
I'm showing up at the school,you know, during the day to have

(01:18:58):
cookies with the kids, whatever.
You know, I'm just gettingpulled in so many different
directions.
And then when it's time for me,it's like, oh, I'm exhausted.
I just want to go to sleep anddo nothing and then do an
all-over and then exercise.
And then weeks go by, you'relike, what have I what have I
done?
I feel like I haven't reallybeen creative.
I've been in another space whereit's like, where's my

(01:19:20):
creativity?
Right.
I I haven't been doing anything.
I don't have a desire to doanything.
I'm trying to figure out likewhat's next for me.
I want to do something that'smore impactful and maybe not
necessarily for profit.

SPEAKER_04 (01:19:34):
But I'm being pulled this way, that way.
It's trying to find thatbalance.
And um it's it's been astruggle, but journaling has
helped me because it does keepme on track of okay, this is
what I was saying, this is whatI was feeling.
I'm not there.

SPEAKER_03 (01:19:53):
So I am making progress.
Even if it's little progressevery day.

SPEAKER_06 (01:19:57):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (01:19:57):
Something so small as I'm not a warning person.
When the alarm goes off, I don'thave a problem with getting up.
If I had to choose, I would notbe getting up that early,
though.

SPEAKER_04 (01:20:08):
But I want to wake up at 6 o'clock in the morning
and do my little squat machineevery morning.
Like I have this light that Ihave pictured in my head, and I
gotta start appreciating thesmall winds that guess what?

SPEAKER_03 (01:20:20):
My alarm is set to go up at 6 50, but I woke up at
6 30.
Yeah.
On your own.
On my own before my alarm wentoff, and I got up and I drank
some water without crystallight.

SPEAKER_01 (01:20:32):
And uh that's hard.

SPEAKER_03 (01:20:35):
Right.
And then I got on my squatmachine for only five minutes.
I want to do 20 minutes a day,but I did five minutes, and then
guess what?
I woke my baby up and we startedour day.
And that's good.
That's the stuff I used to takefor granted.
Yeah, and that's good.
Right.
It is, it is an accomplishment.

SPEAKER_04 (01:20:53):
Like we're supposed to give God our first root,
right?
10% pay him first.
We don't pay ourselves, whetherthat is monetarily, whether it's
our own creativity, our energy.
Like we are so conditioned togive ourselves the scraps, if
there's any of that.
You know, like that's whereain't left over you.

(01:21:15):
But it's like, you know,Fantasia says it about the
overflow.
Everybody else gets what coresout of the cup.
What's in the cup is supposed tobe for you.
Right.
So make sure you are tithingyour best to yourself.
That's a blessing.
And everybody else can get whatthey get.
But trust, when you tell themno, I can't, you they are going

(01:21:35):
to find it.
They just you're the furkerfirst.
Oh, yes.
Because you always say yes.
But if you say no, it's going toget done.
No finger short.

SPEAKER_02 (01:21:44):
Yeah.
So yeah.
Hey, I need to take two secondsto interrupt this wonderful show
that you're watching.
I run a real estate business,and the way we fund this podcast
is through that business, theErica Ross team.
I would love it if you wouldjust give us one opportunity to
service your real estate needs,whether you are in Central PA or
around the entire world.
Think of us first so we can helpyou.

(01:22:06):
Now back to the show.
This is a rad y'all.
Let them.

SPEAKER_01 (01:22:08):
That book.
Oh, I love that book.
No robin.

SPEAKER_03 (01:22:14):
You sent me that book.
Good.
Did you read it?

SPEAKER_02 (01:22:16):
I started.
Yes.
You gotta read it.
That's really good.
Yum.
We had breakfast, we had lunch.
You might be going to dinner.
It's correct, too.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, this is good stuff.
That much in the initialinstalment of French with E.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate you all.

(01:22:37):
You will never be forgotten.
You know that, right?
You will never be forgotten.
Thank you.

SPEAKER_06 (01:22:43):
Yes.

SPEAKER_02 (01:22:44):
Okay, y'all.
So where's my camera?
Which one am I looking at?
Right here.
Okay.
Yeah.
So that's a rack.
The first brunch with E.
I am so overjoyed about theconversation that we had.
So this is what I need you todo.
I need you to subscribe.
I need you to share, and mostimportantly, I need you to
comment because I'm lookingforward to seeing you and

(01:23:07):
meeting you in the comments.
That's it.

SPEAKER_03 (01:23:15):
And we finished on time.

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Soft Life, Smart Choices | Coffee with E Brunch Series Pt. 2

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