You Don’t Look Like What You’ve Survived

This episode is personal. I am opening up about my journey as a domestic violence survivor and how that experience inspired me to create The Phoenix Foundation, launching October 24.

Before I became the woman you see today, I was in a relationship that nearly broke me. It took courage, healing, and time to rebuild my life. Years later, that story became the inspiration for The Phoenix Foundation, a way to help others rebuild after they have found safety.

The Phoenix Foundation is not a place to call for a safe space. It is for survivors who are ready to begin again, with support like down payment and closing cost assistance to start their next chapter.

I also share why talking about domestic violence is not “airing dirty laundry.” It is how we burn down the silence and bring change.

In This Episode, I Share:

•My journey from survivor to advocate

•How my experience inspired The Phoenix Foundation

•The different types of abuse including physical, mental, and financial

•Why breaking the silence saves lives

•How survivors can rebuild after finding safety

💜 The Phoenix Foundation launches October 24.

Visit https://www.phoenixfoundationcc.com/ to learn more, donate, or attend our launch event.

🔗 Sponsored by:

TOCH Construction: https://www.tochconstruction.com/

Allstate Insurance – Rob Shaw: https://agents.allstate.com/robert-shaw-harrisburg-pa.html  

Chavis Law Firm: https://www.chavislawfirm.com/ 

Dirty Dog Hauling: https://dirtydoghauling.com/ 

💼 Powered by The Erica Rawls Team: https://ericarawls.com/ 

#CoffeeWithE #PhoenixFoundation #DomesticViolenceAwareness #BreakTheSilence #SurvivorStories #HealingJourney #FaithAfterTrauma #WomenInLeadership #EmpowerSurvivors #NonprofitWork

Send us a text

Follow Us for More Inspiration:

📸 Instagram: @erica.rawls
🎥 YouTube: Erica Rawls
📧 For inquiries and collaborations: [e-mail]

✨ Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe to stay updated with our latest episodes!

Episode Transcript

Erica Rawls (00:00):
Hey you! We have a special Coffee With E episode.
Today we're going to talk abouta topic that a lot of people
like to avoid, and that'sdomestic violence.
And the reason why is becausebeginning October 24th, we are
opening doors wide open on abrand new foundation that I am
the owner and founder of calledthe Phoenix Foundation.

(00:24):
Now, the reason why we're goingto talk about domestic violence
is because I wanted to sharewith you why this passion
project, if you will, has cometo fruition.
Because I do not look like whatI've been through.
I too am a domestic violencesurvivor.
Now, before you start spewingrumors or anything out there in

(00:44):
the streets, I need to makesomething specifically clear.
The husband that I'm married tohad nothing to do with the
domestication or the violencethat I suffered in the past.
Actually, he has shown me andhelped me to actually evolve
into the woman that I am and toallow someone to love me, and he
loves me unconditionally.
So with his permission and mychildren's permission, I am

(01:06):
bringing you my story thisafternoon or this morning or
this evening, whenever you arelistening to this.
Today's roast is tearing down amyth that talking about

(01:28):
domestic violence is simplyairing your dirty laundry.
I challenge you, that is notthe case.
By talking about it in a safespace is actually going to help
change things.
So sometimes our roast issimply about burning down the
silence.
It's okay to talk about it aslong as you're going to actually
change the outcome.

(01:49):
So before I was married andactually had my first child, I
actually was in a relationshipthat did not serve me well.
However, with blinders on androse-colored glasses, I felt as
though that this relationshipwas going to be for the rest of
my life, the person that I had arelationship with, I thought

(02:11):
was going to be my foreverperson.
Come to find out that was notthe case.
One day I had an incident whereI literally brought my son over
to the property or to theirhome and we were eating a
Chinese food.
For whatever reason, I had madea trigger statement that
allowed him to feel as though hehad to be physically aggressive

(02:33):
towards me.
So I need to go back for onesecond.
There were signs that thispotential action could occur.
However, I chose to avoid them.
You know what I'm talkingabout.
Anyone that has suffered fromdomestic violence, you just
shake it off like, um, you know,they were just angry.
Oh, they had a bad day.
You do whatever you can to justresolve in your mind that that

(02:55):
was not truly who they are.
So I'm taking you to what youwould say the um iceberg of the
relationship just to speed upthis story, because I think this
is the most climatic part andalso the most important part.
However, please know that therewere other small indications
throughout this relationshipthat if I would have listened to

(03:17):
those or saw those red flags, Iprobably would not have
experienced the things that Ihave experienced.
So going back to the Chinese,we were sitting down having our
Chinese food, and whateverreason, I don't know what was
said.
There was a conversation thattriggered the outrage.
Flipped the Chinese food upinto the air.
Next thing I know, don't knowwhat happened.

(03:39):
I'm on the floor.
So I'm going to grab my son.
Okay, this is crazy.
How am I getting here?
All of these things I'mthinking over an innocent
conversation, what I thought wasan innocent conversation, um,
has made this person explode.
So the first course of defensewas to save and protect my son.
Where is my son?

(04:00):
Where is he at?
Well, he's back into thebedroom.
So I would say he was aroundeight months old or maybe a
little older or so, and I triedto grab him.
While I'm grabbing him, I'mactually getting physically
abused by my abuser.
The whole time I'm thinking, ohmy gosh, I have to save my

(04:23):
child.
The only course of defense thatI had was making sure that he
was safe.
Beat me if you will, but you'renot gonna hurt my child.
Oh my gosh, what was Ithinking?
All I know is something insideof him.
I'm gonna say it was myguardian angel, my son's
guardian angel, made him stop.

(04:45):
I do believe in that moment Iwas in a flight or flight
situation, but I could notbecause I was being beat up so
bad.
For the life of me, and Ibelieve I'm the type of person
that compartmentalizes things,but for the life of me, I don't
know how I got from thatsituation or that area to what I

(05:08):
do remember is my parents'house.
I do remember the cops knockingon the door, so I don't know if
there was enough noise that theneighbors actually came and
they, you know, called thepolice.
I don't know, y'all.
I'm being honest, because itwas blocked out.
The reason for this story is Iam a domestic violence survivor,

(05:30):
and no one on this earthdeserves to say those words.
So it's because of this, Ibelieve that anyone that's in a
domestic violence situation,please get to a safe space.
You deserve better because, andif you have a child, your

(05:51):
children deserve better as well.
Because there's no person onearth that is worth their
manhood is going to lay a fingeron you if they truly are a man.
A coward does not deserve to beloved.
Someone that actually has theaudacity to take your life away

(06:13):
or threaten your life or allowyou to live in fear does not
deserve to be with you.
You are better than that.
So I am pleading with you, ifyou're watching this video, get
to a safe space.
Get to a safe space as soon asyou possibly can.
Do not look back.
Take your children, if you havechildren, and run as soon as

(06:34):
possible.
Because you deserve a betterlife for you and your child.
That's the reason why wecreated the Phoenix Foundation,
is because a story is similar tothat.
For people who had the courageto walk away from their abuser
and find a safe space.
You cannot call the PhoenixFoundation if you're looking for
a safe space.

(06:55):
That's not what we're here for.
It's after you actually findthat safe space and you're
comfortable enough and you'renow ready to make another
financial contribution or needfinancial contribution and
donations in order for you tostart a better life.
That's when you come to us.
That's what the PhoenixFoundation is for.

(07:16):
So if this message resonatedwith you and you're looking for
that, starting October 24th,we're going to be able to help
you.
Just reach out to us.
And for those that are lookingto partner and would like to be
able to donate or collaborate insuch a way, reach out to us
because we're looking for peopleto actually help.
And if you're interested, Iwould love to invite you to our

(07:39):
opening event, which is going tobe October 24th, 7 to 8th.
And we can give you moreinformation in the description.
So again, this is not yournormal podcast episode that you
can expect from Coffee with E,but I think it was one that was
warranted to make you aware ofwhat we have to come.
You do not have to look likewhere you've been through.
I am actually a testimony tothat, and I'm rooting for you

(08:02):
because you did not deserve tohave anyone to lay your hands on
you.
Now let's talk about thedifferent types of abuse too.
Now we say that.
Mine was physical.
Some people's may be mental.
You know, that gaslighting?
That is a thing.
Some may be in a situationwhere it's financial.
You can't spend a dollarwithout having someone control

(08:24):
exactly what you spend, or youdon't have any money, you're not
attached to the bank accounts,or um, you can't um purchase
anything without havingpermission.
That's not a relationship.
That's literally control, andthat's financial abuse.
Or someone keeps telling youyou're ugly, no one wants you,
you better be glad that you'rewith me, you'd be nothing

(08:45):
without me.
That's mental abuse.
You have no friends, your kidseven hate you.
Some abusers go to the pointwhere they're actually turning
the children against the wife ortheir partner.
That is not a healthyrelationship.
And you know it.
You just need the courage andyou need someone, maybe a second

(09:07):
opinion, or maybe this messagehere today to get you to
understand that you are not in agood place.
You can survive without thatperson.
Your perpetrator, they need youmore than you need them.
I can guarantee you that.
So get the courage and get to asafe space.
And once you get to that safespace, call the Phoenix

(09:28):
Foundation because we wouldnothing more than give you the
down payment and closing costassistance that you need to get
a new home.