🌈 "Coming Out to Ourselves: The First Step to Being Open" 🎙️ | Episode 17 - Coffee with Gays™: Every Sip Is A Story

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
We're going to be the loud ones.
We're willing to speak out.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
I'm not politically correct.
If you want the truth, I'llgive it to you.

Speaker 3 (00:06):
We're going to start having this wine.
Maybe we'll show some truecolors.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
Welcome to Coffee with Gaze Adam.
Take us away with our topictoday.
I'm coming out, I want theworld to know.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
Got to let it show I'm coming out.
I want the world to know I'mcoming out.

Speaker 3 (00:35):
I want the world to know, I'm coming out, I'm coming
out, I'm coming out, I'm comingout.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
I'm coming out, I'm coming out.
I'm coming out.
I'm coming out.
I'm coming out.
I'm coming out, I'm coming out,I'm coming out, I'm coming out.
Our special guest.
Today we have a guest today wedo Reid.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
Hey buddy, this is Reid.
Speak louder, speaking louder.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
It's our coming out episode.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
Finally, we've re-recorded this one probably 28
times.
It was our first episode ofCoffee with Gaze and it was
really, really bad.
It wasn't great.
And round two with Reid wasn'tgreat either.
So we're re-rec't great andround two with Reed wasn't great
either.
So we're re-recording it.
And you know, originally Icalled this episode Coming Out
and Owning it, but I wanted torename it to Coming Out to

(01:12):
Ourselves the first start tobeing open.
Because I think now we've hadso many powerful coming out
stories that we've talked about.
I think the big unlock for allof us has been you have to come
out to yourself before you cancome out to everyone else, and I
think that a lot of people inour lives don't really
understand that.
So the reason we felt it was soimportant to talk about our

(01:34):
coming out stories is we have avery special two part episode
coming up with our friend Matt,who was ripped out of the closet
after 35 years of marriage.
I don't even know if it wasripped out of the closet after
35 years of marriage.

Speaker 2 (01:45):
I don't even know if it was ripped out.
I think it was like heldhostage by what happened, like
it was horrific, and if youdon't know anything about it
which there's not a lot of usthat know about it, but you
should really watch it becauseit's quite we had to make it a
two-parter, yeah, and werecorded it in a studio.

Speaker 1 (02:03):
Yeah, it was sad but it's also happy.
It's about his post coming out.
It's about how someone outedhim and you know the traumatic
aspects of all of it and I thinkwe actually have some pretty I
think trauma coming out stories.
Quite frankly, I know all ofyours.

Speaker 2 (02:19):
Ours are.
We have a cakewalk compared toothers.

Speaker 1 (02:23):
Yeah, so, but Matt's was very, very difficult, so we
wanted to tell ours first, andwe felt that was really
important, and then, after this,we'll be launching our two-part
series.
With him Ripped Out of theCloset, a family man's unveiling
after 35 years yeah, matt'sstory.
So we're excited about that one.

Speaker 2 (02:39):
So a friend of mine, his name's Chuck, met him back
in Baltimore years ago.
He is a very close friend tocountry music artist Shelly
Wright.

Speaker 1 (02:50):
So, adam, for people who don't know who is Shelly
Wright, what song is she knownfor?

Speaker 2 (02:55):
Shelly Wright's known for that special lover.

Speaker 1 (03:09):
To put it in a nutshell a one-woman man who
doesn't want no other.
Oh, you never can tell.
She just might be your dreamcome true.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
A single white female is looking for a man like you.
That's a good song.
She's also known for Shut Upand Drive.

Speaker 1 (03:33):
She's known for Jezebel hey, I do not forgive
and I do not forget.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
I will fight for love until the death.
I will fight for love until thedeath.
Jezebel, save your charms,you'll be back here in my arms.

Speaker 1 (03:56):
Oh, how quickly you'll forget.
He's not yours yet.
He's not yours, not yet.

Speaker 3 (04:08):
You know, I didn't know until any of these her name
, any of these songs, untilBradley introduced me to 90s.

Speaker 2 (04:15):
Did you ever hear her before?
You See, I grew up with her,like in the 90s, 2000s.
I loved her to death and thenwhen I found out she came out, I
was like hey.
But then literally her careerdropped and Shelly Wright put
out a documentary that he toldme he was like go watch this.
It's an amazing documentaryabout her being in the country

(04:36):
music business and her entirecoming out over 40 years of her
life and just how she had tohide that, Because country music
, as we all know it, and all ofus know it, is the most
conservative genre out there.
As far as music, it's thehardest thing to come out to and

(04:58):
she held that knowing that herentire career was on the line.
And it's called Wish Me Away.
It's an amazing documentary.
Everybody should go out andjust see it and see the pain
that she went through to try tocome out.
It's amazing.
But still, even today I meanReed and I talked about this

(05:20):
Brothers Osborne came out.
It's still not as progressiveas we would think because of the
people who are actuallylistening to the music, but as
much as the Country Music Awardswant to push it and all that
stuff, it's still not where itshould be After 12 years.

Speaker 4 (05:38):
Considering the documentary was 12.

Speaker 2 (05:41):
So it's just sad and I don't think that we'll ever
see the progression go to areally good forward situation
until that older generation diesout sadly that when she came

(06:01):
out even though she was oncountry top number ones like she
was voted the top 25 sexiestwomen of country music.
She knew that when she came outit was going to change her
entire career, if not kill hercareer.

Speaker 1 (06:22):
So all three or all four of us watched the
documentary.
Right, I have to say, as muchas I didn't want to watch this
documentary because you liked it, I actually found it to be a
really painful story and Ireally did feel a lot of her
pain especially.
It's almost like a countdown tocoming out.
But I have to say, and I thinkreed would agree, it was 2012,
which is a very different time.
We've made a lot of progresssince then and I remember being

(06:46):
gay back then.
Obviously, I came out in 2003.
And it was still reallydifficult back then.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
Were you like 54 back then.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
No, I was right in college.
But yeah, I really felt herpain through all of it and it
was like a countdown 20 days tocoming out, 10 days to coming
out, and you know it's reallyrough on her, I think, being uh,
an artist and I still workingwith her team and publicists and
things like that.

Speaker 3 (07:12):
But I thought it was interesting how intentional she
like planned out this is how I'mgonna do it, um.
But also I think she made apoint to say, um, you know,
doing it that way, so it can betrying to do it like right and
so other people can hear her andit's, like, you know, done in a
certain way.
So, yeah, I thought that was areally interesting part of her
approach to it.

Speaker 2 (07:33):
So what's funny is because, like of it being so,
such a conservative genre groupright for the music.
It's sad because she knew shewas putting everything she had
on the line.
She was, she was at the top ofcountry country music, like she
had multiple like top hit chartsnumber one, you know songs and

(07:56):
all that stuff, and shebasically was like I'm going to
give up everything.
I have to sit here and be who Ireally am.
And that's where, like it kindof bothers me, where people are
like, oh, you want to be gay,and I'm like, no, nobody ever
wakes up and goes I want to goand be gay and I want to get
bashed on what I do my entirelife.

(08:17):
Nobody wants that.
That's not what we want.
So it's sad and it's you knowshe put everything on the line
and she took that risk.

Speaker 3 (08:24):
And she was, I mean fighting it for so long 40 years
and holding that within.
And then the other part, likeyou know, when she talked about
being in that classroom andholding it back, even though she
knew she could be aninspiration for kids but she was
still not in a place forherself to come out.

Speaker 2 (08:40):
So I'll touch base on that.
So in one part of thedocumentary she knew that she
was gay and she was doingeverything.
I mean, this is also a countrymusic artist who dated brad
paisley, who's very well knownright, and she dated brad and
she knew she was doing the wrongthing, so she pulled away from
brad paisley and it crushed herlike that posted him all

(09:01):
together.

Speaker 4 (09:02):
His band members were calling her like she just
ignored him altogether.
That broke my heart.

Speaker 2 (09:07):
Because the thing is, what does she do in that point?
She can't sit there and go.
Okay, I just can't be with you.
She had to ghost and go.
Well, I mean technically shecould.

Speaker 4 (09:19):
Again, this was 2012, so I understand.
I'm trying to put myself in hershoes.
So I get it.
I probably would have done thesame thing, but it's still I
don't know.
My innate reaction to anythingis just give me some sort of
expert.
You know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (09:30):
Like just say something and she was torn up in
that documentary about that.
But it's sad because she wouldsay that she would go to these
you know, it was like nonprofits, fundraisers, all that to help
kids get in music and she wouldsit there and she'd be like I
know that I'm standing in frontof a child or a kid that's gay,

(09:52):
that's trying to just expressthemselves, and she goes, I
would hand them an instrumentand be like you'll be fine,
instead of being I'm the onethat you can look after.
And that's what part of thismade her want to come out.
It's so sad but I mean I willsay this Thank God she did it
because it opened up.

(10:12):
It cracked that door open forso many more that are in the
country music business, and Ihope I mean TJ Osborne, you've
got Ty Hurton, you've got ShellyWright, like there's way more
down the line that are going toopen up.

Speaker 1 (10:26):
Little Nas X.

Speaker 3 (10:28):
I feel like it was a big deal last year, but I feel
like I haven't heard as muchfrom him.

Speaker 1 (10:32):
He had one song considered country.
It's like Beyonce's album.

Speaker 2 (10:40):
Was he on the Country Music Awards?
I think yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (10:45):
I think one of the big takeaways for me too is she
had to sing all these songsabout men Like yeah looking for
a man.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
I will say, if you ever watch her music video, it
was.
It is so sad and I honestlythink that she, whoever wrote it
I can't say that she wrote it,but whoever wrote it literally
wrote about her life becauseit's basically about a love
connection that was great andstrong and real but she couldn't

(11:18):
keep it and it's so sad and Ifeel like it's about her lesbian
life with it and it's so sadbut it's so good.

Speaker 1 (11:25):
And if you're going through a breakup, goddamn, you
always get broken up with andthen you cry he's got a lot of
feelings, despite just it beingsuch an asshole.
I mean, you know, I guess thereare feelings down there.
So that was another inspirationwe had, shelly wright.

Speaker 2 (11:46):
Uh, you know, obviously our friend matt, and
yeah, but like, like, here's thething, and across the board,
with anybody that's coming outfor, anybody that's a parent,
friend, anybody that's on theoutside of somebody that's gay,
um, and even people who are gay,because I say this too,
comments about gay people canpush somebody back in the closet

(12:08):
10, 15, 20 years, even ifyou're gay.
So say that we were all fourstraight guys, you know, sitting
here and I was gay andobviously Blaine was gay and I
was trying to defend, like Ididn't want somebody thinking
that I was gay, and I literallysaid to one of my friends in

(12:30):
front of Blaine oh, there'sfucking fags and cocksucker,
whatever.
I can't say this shit, can I so?
But anyway, that would not onlydeflect off of me but it could
push somebody else that's in thecloset back in the closet.
How much?
And that's the thing where youknow who cares these days, like

(12:53):
who cares if somebody's gay, whocares?
A lot of people still do, butit's that older generation and
it's that.

Speaker 4 (13:01):
I feel like there were many circumstances or
situations where I was like thisclose coming out back then and
I would hear my dad maybe say,oh fucking faggot, cut me off as
I was coming down the highwayfucking flame.
He used to say flamers, yeah,like that was a big thing,
flamers in south florida.
And I was just like I don'teven know what he's talking
about.

Speaker 2 (13:20):
But I'm gonna turn what do you think I mean, like
it's a lot of the first people.

Speaker 4 (13:25):
Well, I mean, the ironic thing is, I think my dad
just like blew up but did hemean to do that?
Like once you came out, did helike I'm sorry didn't matter who
, who it was, whatever featurehe could pick off somebody, he
would go, you know okay, so, so,so we'll go with that.

Speaker 2 (13:42):
We'll say one in every 10 people are gay, right?
So, as somebody on the outsideof this who's straight, think
about that with what you'resaying every time you're in a
conversation, because you couldreally mess somebody up by that
like bad For sure.
The sad part about it is it'snot something that you see, it's

(14:04):
not a color of skin, it's not agender.
It is something internal that aperson has to process and go
through.
And then they have to be readyfirst to say to themselves I'm
gay.
Because that's the hardestthing ever is to sit there and

(14:24):
go I'm gay and I'm okay withbeing gay with myself, to figure
it out, and then to come backand say you know what?
I'm okay, now that I'm okaywith myself, to come out and to
be gay with the world.
So the best way that I canexplain this is like being on
top of the Empire State Buildingand standing there looking over
the edge and going.

(14:45):
I am finding where I am, thoughI'm scared, or I jump and come
back down the ground level andhope that I land and I can make
it, and it is probably been thehardest thing that I've ever
done.
What are my top three?
Hardest thing?
I mean, what about you, blake?

Speaker 1 (15:05):
No, it's for sure the hardest thing, I think, because
it just affects so many peoplefriends, family, everything in
your life, quite frankly and youknow it's funny because
everybody always knew, obviouslybut you know, actually coming
to terms with it.
I think the hardest part wascoming to terms with it myself,
but we're going to get into that, but always come in terms with
it myself, but we're gonna getinto that.
But, yeah, I think that was areally good foundation for the
episode before we start tellingour stories yeah, I mean, this

(15:28):
was.

Speaker 2 (15:28):
This was like one of those things where, you know, my
buddy chuck was like you've gotto watch this.
If you're gonna do an episodeof this, you gotta watch this,
and it was sugar.
We're gonna lighten this up alittle bit, so we're gonna play
a game that we always love doing, so this game is called this or
that.
So I'm gonna say something andwe're gonna go in clockwise.
We'll start with blaine, we goto ryan, we'll come to me, we're

(15:51):
gonna read to be clear on therules.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
It is this or that.

Speaker 3 (15:55):
You don't get both, ryan no gray area, you know, in
between.
Just have fun with it, yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:03):
First thing on this or that is short or tall, and
this is not what you are, butwhat you want Short or tall.

Speaker 1 (16:12):
Blaine, Well, I'm tall, but I do love a tall guy,
Like if there was a guy that wastaller than me like I'm 6'5", I
mean I would like literallyswim for that for sure.
But nothing wrong with a shortking as well.
I've had quite a few of those.
You wouldn't believe how manyshort guys come up to me.

Speaker 2 (16:29):
Ryan short or tall, tall, I would say short.

Speaker 4 (16:36):
Oh, tall yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:37):
Okay, summer or winter Blame?

Speaker 1 (16:42):
I like winter, I do.
I like a snowy moment with thefireplace and coziness.

Speaker 3 (16:47):
Definitely summer is my season.

Speaker 2 (16:49):
I'm all about summer, probably winter guides, long or
thick, and I'm not talkingabout a bush.

Speaker 1 (16:56):
I would say thick over long.
That's a hard one, thick.

Speaker 3 (17:01):
Yeah Well, I know I can't.
I can't choose both yes or thatThick.
Yeah Well, I know I can't.

Speaker 2 (17:04):
I can't choose both yes or that you told me.
I would say thick Reed.

Speaker 4 (17:08):
Long would probably be easier, but thick.

Speaker 2 (17:11):
This one's going to be cats or dogs.
Blaine Easy Dogs, dogs, I'mdogs.
Reed 100%.

Speaker 4 (17:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (17:20):
Yeah, no question.
We do have a cat friend, soit's not like we all hate cats.
So this next one is going to bea little bit of a dicey,
because it's kind of twodifferent ends in spectrum for
this, but it's going to beTinder or Grindr, and I'm not
saying one thing for dating, onething for hookup, just in
general.

(17:40):
What do you like better, tinderor Grindr?

Speaker 1 (17:42):
I would say Grindr and I get dates from Grindr.
It's not like I'm just hookingup, just to be clear.
Yeah, going with Grindr.

Speaker 2 (17:48):
I'm going to go with Tinder.
So Ryan went with Grindr.
I'm going to go with Tinder,reid.

Speaker 4 (17:53):
First of all, I'm not on any dating app and I've
never had a Grindr.
You've never had a Grindr.
Yes, If I were to.

Speaker 1 (18:01):
Because Reed's a dater, he likes to date.
Right Is Tinder more datey?

Speaker 2 (18:07):
I feel like because Tinder you have to one match,
which I do like that, I don'tneed people like pecking at me
is what I want to say, Like hey,how come you're not responding?
Blah, blah, blah.
I hate that With Tinder.
If I don't feel like we haveanything in common, I just swipe

(18:27):
left, Then I don't have to dealwith it.
Then, on the flip side, if Isee somebody hot, then I want to
peck at them.
The next one is one of myfavorites, Texting or calling
Blaine.

Speaker 1 (18:41):
Texting and I cannot stand the calling people.
They drive me nuts I do likecalling.

Speaker 3 (18:46):
I know I text a lot, but I like calls I'm a million
times over call because I can.

Speaker 2 (18:52):
I can get my whole conversation and it's been a
controversy through all of ourfriends because they don't like
it.
Oh, there's friends in ourgroup, they go here, we go, hey,
adam, and I'm like don't even.
And they're like what?
And I'm like you're putting onthe front, eric, and but the
thing is is I can get outeverything in three minutes

(19:16):
versus 800 pages of text message.

Speaker 4 (19:19):
So I would agree with calling yeah.

Speaker 2 (19:22):
This one's going to be controversial.
Cher or Lady Gaga?
Blaine's up first.

Speaker 1 (19:28):
Oh shit, that's a hard one, because I love a Lady
Gaga concert.
It's like my one thing that Ijust the best joy.
I will say the Queen Cher.

Speaker 3 (19:41):
I'm saying Lady Gaga.

Speaker 2 (19:43):
I would say Cher Reid .
I would say Cher Reid, I wouldsay Cher.

Speaker 3 (19:47):
I think there's some.
Do you think there's like agenerational factor here?

Speaker 1 (19:52):
Are you calling us?

Speaker 2 (19:54):
Yes, I am, so this is a good one.
So would you rather be at homeon a date night cooking, or
would you rather do takeout?

Speaker 1 (20:06):
Blaine, I'd rather be at home on a date cooking.
It's my favorite thing to do.
I'll choose takeout.

Speaker 3 (20:09):
I'd like to try cooking.
I just I've never, I don't, Ihaven't ever done it.
I make a really good salad, yes, and yes, and a dish that I
have some recipes now.
They're really good and he willtoss your salad.

Speaker 2 (20:24):
So, okay, I am 100.
I love to cook, so I will.
I will cook way more than I'lltake out read um, I think it's
really romantic to cook next one.

Speaker 1 (20:35):
This is what you would want in your partner, so
top or bottom blame I'm vers,but I will say, if I had to
choose, yes, no, actually I'mthe opposite, I'd rather be a
top.

Speaker 2 (20:51):
So you would want your partner to be a bottom.

Speaker 3 (20:53):
Yeah, bottom, yep, if I'm choosing one top.

Speaker 2 (20:57):
I would say definitely a top Reeve probably
say a top.

Speaker 1 (21:02):
We got the two big old bottoms over here.
Reid Probably say a top.

Speaker 2 (21:04):
We got the two big old bots over here, so this one
is early bird, or?

Speaker 1 (21:09):
night owl.
I'm definitely a night owl.
I hate mornings.

Speaker 3 (21:14):
Early bird.
Now I've become that.

Speaker 4 (21:17):
now I think I'm an early bird, reid.
I know I can only pick one, butI'm full-heartedly both.
I'm an early bird, early bird.

Speaker 2 (21:25):
Early bird.
So the next round is would yourather your partner?
We're gonna do two parts forthis.
We're gonna start with thefirst part.
Do you think you are masculineor feminine?

Speaker 3 (21:37):
playing down masculine I'm gonna probably go
with feminine on this one okay,I honestly would say that I
think I'm feminine.

Speaker 2 (21:47):
I probably do.
Now here's the second part.
Do you want on your partner tobe masculine or feminine?
Masculine yeah, masculine Iwould say masculine for me read
I'm sweating over the socialmedia comments on this one but.
But here's the thing with all ofthis.
It's like, why, like I knowthere's a lot of people that sit

(22:09):
there like, oh you're, you knowyou want to be this masculine
guy with a mask and all thisstereotypical bullshit, but like
, it's what I like.
I don't make myself like that,I like it because I like it.
There's a lot of guys that I'veseen out there that don't like
a masculine guy, but do I getmad at them?
No, I'm like, it is what it is.

Speaker 1 (22:28):
Can I tell you my favorite piece of feedback for
people that see us in the wild?
They're like I really like yourgame.
So good job, adam, with thegame idea.
People really like it.
I get feedback all the time.

Speaker 2 (22:38):
It gets people to understand us and know us and,
like it gets, it, brings ourpersonal life to them, and then
they can figure out from therehow they can corner us so now
we're transitioning, let's getinto the meat.

Speaker 3 (22:51):
Transition from segment, so we're going to
transition from drink.

Speaker 2 (22:54):
I'm moving on to my coffee with gays mug, also
available on our website here,is being gay is expensive reed
says this boy is a bottom withthe thumbs up.
I love that maybe.

Speaker 3 (23:15):
So the next section we're going to share some of our
personal coming out stories.
Um, another topic, but maybethink about this too when you're
sharing your story.
So like, was there this comingout?
Like I'm a bottom, like wasthat also something you had to?
Like, have you know?
Like I think that's reallyinteresting too, because, like
did, you have to did you?

(23:36):
Or how'd you find it out?
Or like did yeah?
Was there a rough start tryingto get it in that first time?
Were you dealing with pain, moreso of being a bottom than being
gay.
Is that different?
There's something to thinkabout when we're sharing stories
.

Speaker 1 (23:52):
I will definitely add that into my story.
And just a little teaser Idated a very high level
Republican fundraiser and he waskinky AF and talking all that
Like a big fundraiser republicanparty.
Yep, it was great.
Adam's up first adam.
So tell us about your comingout story.

Speaker 2 (24:10):
It's pretty intriguing when, when I first
started to kind of figure outthe whole gay world, it started
on aol for m for m, which a lotof younger people don't know.
That was a chat room and it wasmen for men, m for m, because
you had m for f, you had f for f, m for m, all that stuff.
So, um, I started in there,started chatting around with

(24:32):
guys and then moved to adam foradam and that's where I met a
guy.

Speaker 1 (24:37):
I was living in baltimore was it named after you
, adam, for adam boy.

Speaker 2 (24:41):
That site was dirty it was not that dirty, and do
you remember xycom?

Speaker 1 (24:47):
Oh, I do.

Speaker 2 (24:48):
XY Magazine.
Yeah, so that was a chat roomtoo.

Speaker 4 (24:51):
After you mentioned it, by the way, I found out it's
still live.
Didn't I tell you yeah, no, no,no, a for A for A?
Yeah, apparently, because yeahwhen we talked, but it takes a
plane.

Speaker 2 (25:07):
I was like, oh my god , adam, fred, I'm still alive,
wow.
So I met this guy in the chatroom.
He lived in harrisburg,pennsylvania, and when I was
like trying to figure out what Iwas and all that stuff, I
wanted nobody around me tofigure this out like I, I needed
to be not seen, and all thatstuff.
So I was underage but I coulddrive and I would drive up to

(25:28):
Harrisburg and he was 34.
Gorgeous, he was a bartender inHarrisburg.
He had like six like eight packabs, like absolutely gorgeous.
We never actually fornicated,but we would have pleasurable

(25:49):
moments.
I guess you would say Everytime I would leave he would give
me $20.
Then it made me feel like I wasa prostitute.

Speaker 1 (25:57):
I mean, I was in chat rooms at 15 and 16, too.

Speaker 2 (26:01):
I didn't tell him.
I didn't tell him how old I was.

Speaker 1 (26:03):
Oh, he didn't know, he never asked.
He never asked Did you look 16?

Speaker 2 (26:07):
No, I looked like I was 12.

Speaker 4 (26:11):
ever asked did you look 16?
No, I looked.

Speaker 2 (26:12):
I was 12.
Okay, that's even more cringelook at reed's face but but so.
So here's the thing is is look,he knew he.
I mean, he was very respectfulto me.
He was like whatever you wantto do, and I looked at him like
a greek goddess.
I was like, oh my god, likeyou're amazing and beautiful was
he a goddess?

Speaker 1 (26:29):
was he feminine?

Speaker 4 (26:30):
no, he was masculine said whatever you want to do he
was like.

Speaker 2 (26:34):
He was like, whatever you want to do, like if you
just want to like jerk off, youjust want to make out, you just
want to hang out, like we can dowhatever, like it's totally
fine.
Whatever you feel safe with I'mcool with and he, like I will.
I, I could tell you exactlywhat he looked like.
I remember what he looked like.
I could script a picture of him.
You know the address of the barright, I know the bar.

(26:55):
I could probably take you backto his house.

Speaker 1 (26:59):
I think we should do a Coffee with Gays.
Trip to the bar and find Adamsfirst.

Speaker 2 (27:05):
So I was not out to anybody.
I couldn't figure out, I didn'teven know.
I never did anything sexual.
I never had fornication.
I never had if I was a topper,a bobber, anything like that.
That came later.
That came two years later whenI was house-sitting for somebody
and I was like I'm going to godown to the porn shop and I'm

(27:26):
going to buy myself a toy andtry to figure this out.
And then I was like, let's tryto this is when you're like 16
well, I was probably like 18 atthis point and I tried to do
something and I was like I ain'thappening so did you think you
were gay with the bartender?
Oh, I knew I was gay.
I knew I was gay when I was 11,I used to watch wrestling well,

(27:47):
no, but that's always inhindsight.

Speaker 1 (27:48):
Like I, I hate people when they go like, oh, I knew I
was giving his look.
Look, I knew I was gay when Iwas 11.
I used to watch wrestling.
Well, no, but that's always inhindsight.
Like I, I hate people when theygo like, oh, I knew I was
giving his look.
Look, I knew I was gay when Iwas a little kid on the
playground and you know, I was alittle gay queen walking around
now and I get it, but youdidn't know.

Speaker 2 (27:59):
I'm talking about self-realization a
self-realization, because here'sthe thing.
Here's the thing.
At 11 did I look at the girlsand go my gosh, I want to climb
on top of them no again, that'shindsight at 11 years old, I
knew I wasn't looking at thegirls it wasn't like I'm.

Speaker 3 (28:16):
It wasn't.

Speaker 1 (28:16):
I'm different, I'm like, I want the no and I was
trying to be best friends withthe hottest boys there like I
remember my best friend, I waschanging in front of me when we
were going through puberty Imean it's been 11 or 12 and I
said, yeah, we changed in frontof each other a million times
and then, like he was startingto develop and I was like, like
I was, I felt that attractionand then I thought that was

(28:37):
weird and creepy and I was like,oh my god, I can't believe I
just felt that way about myfriend.
I and I just was having I mean,I was going through puberty too
, so I was starting to, like youknow, I.

Speaker 2 (28:45):
I was not that like.
I just literally went oh mygosh, I think that a naked man
is way more hotter than a femaleby far.
I think this is what I like.
Now I will say this it took alot of like making sure that's
what I wanted, because everybodyon the outside said you know,
it's just things that you thinkin your head, it's not what you

(29:07):
really want and that's the waythat it was all talked about.
And not even my parents couldhave gave crap about it, even
though I still thought they did,but they could have cared less.
But everybody on the outside ofthat I don't want to say I felt
I did feel guilty because afterthe guy from the bar, I would

(29:28):
drive back from harrisburg and Iwould stop at a gas station and
I would literally want to throwup because I was like this is
now taking me over in my life.

Speaker 3 (29:37):
And now I've crossed that line was that because of
the money or it was because of?

Speaker 2 (29:42):
no, I was happy with the money.
I could get a stickers bar cokeand a full tank of gas.

Speaker 3 (29:46):
So it wasn't shameful , I mean back in 1992, it was
probably a good amount of money.

Speaker 2 (29:54):
Literally, I had a Toyota pickup, an 89 Toyota
pickup.
I would roll in, I'd get a fulltank of gas.
I'd get a Snickers bar and aCoke because I was before for
$20.
I mean, soda back then was like$0.80.
Snickers bar was like 80 cents.
Sticker's bar was like 70 cents.
That's a good old days, I knowright.

(30:14):
But the thing that I would dois I would be like, oh my gosh,
like I acted on this feelingthat I had, and it was with
another man, like I can't comeback from that, like I didn't.
I did this.

Speaker 1 (30:29):
So you told your parents at what point?

Speaker 2 (30:31):
Oh God, that was way later.
So I dated girls because Ithought that it was like I need
to push through this.
I want the white picket fence.

Speaker 1 (30:39):
I need to do this To my point.
You weren't out to yourself.
I was not out to myself, eventhough you said you had an
epiphany at 11, which youweren't out to yourself at 11.
I'm just being clear.
You're confusing straightpeople.
What the issue with this topicthat I have is people think that
we just know we're gay sincewe're 11.

(30:59):
Because everyone goes.
Well, when I was eight, I wasgay and it's like in hindsight
yes, but you already had anexperience with a man.
I have a very similar story toyou.
I still, like, got engaged to awoman and then they're like how
could you do this?
And this is why I'm trying totie this in, because Matt, matt,
matt was married for 35 yearsand has this whole story and
everybody will blame him and sayhe was this horrible person,

(31:21):
but he wasn't out to himself forso long.

Speaker 2 (31:23):
So you will fight that feeling and I fought that
feeling through through threegirlfriends and my last
girlfriend, lindsey, who she,she watches like I will never
forget and I never.
I never did anything while Iwas with somebody, like while I
was with a girl, I never actedon that, I was focused on the
girl.
No, never, never, um.

(31:46):
But while I was with Lindsay, Iknew that realization was Adam,
you're gay, you're gay, youjust need to come to terms with
this and you need to figure thisout.
And Lindsay was the one who hadme on the back of my Jeep and
she was like you don't love me,you don't touch me, you're not

(32:06):
connected with me, and I'llnever forget.
She cried her eyes out and Isat there and went are you
really going to put a girlthrough this?
You're really going to lead agirl through your shit-filled
life to try to hide this, or areyou willing enough to let her

(32:26):
go and set her free and be realwith who you are?
And that's what I did.
I broke up with her and then itwas maybe four or five months
after that I had to sit downwith one of my best friends,
britt, and I was like I'm gayand she was the first person I
told, and it took four and ahalf hours to tell her that.

Speaker 3 (32:49):
So, yeah, I'm hearing , like with you, or even in
Shelly Wright's story, like alot of us hit a point where, you
know, something sparked.
But yeah, there's that breakingpoint where, like all right,
this is it, like no more, I gotto come out.

Speaker 1 (33:00):
This is what the gay community doesn't talk about is
we don't talk about that.
You had to come out to yourselffirst.
It's like, yeah, it's like youalways knew, and I think the tie
in is you just didn't know.

Speaker 2 (33:12):
So I don't want to say that you had to come out to
yourself, but it's.
You had to draw that line ofyou know what.
This is who I am.
Okay, I know that I had thesefeelings and I blame that on a
lot of the straight people.
The straight people are likeyou may feel this, but you can't
act upon this.
Well, if you're feeling it,it's the true life of what you

(33:32):
are.
It's not somebody who's like oh, I feel this way, but I can be
straight my entire life.

Speaker 4 (33:42):
That's just putting through people through hell.
You can't do that.
I mean, I think about how manytimes you said to yourself in
your head I'm gay.
I'm like just the words, so youknow what I mean.
You were thinking, okay, thismight be a moment where I say
I'm gay, I'm gay, it's untilthose words like come out of
your mouth, leave your mouth.
The first time you're just,you're coming out to yourself
over and over again.

Speaker 3 (34:01):
I was thinking about, I mean, even with what you're
saying, because I and this mightbe news to a lot, I don't know
a lot of people but like Ihaven't had that to myself,
saying, oh, I'm gay, I'm gay,I'm gay, but that's just for me.
Because like um, no, yeah, Imean I was doing, sure, yeah, I
was doing that, but like, Ithink that for me, I think these

(34:21):
are just like terms that I'mnot one that I feel like it.
Then maybe you know, in thatgame, like this or that, like
I'm a little more of a like um,I guess that gray area don't put
me in a box feeling, which somepeople can confuse as thinking.
It's like wishy-washy orundecisive, but um, so I've done
a lot of, I think, coming outto like that knowledge and that

(34:42):
experience.
But, um, you know, starting outit was um, in the in in this
sense was I had just come backfrom California, like I had an
internship at Quicksilver, feltlike I was living my best life
and surfing, and like I loved it.
And I came back to school inTampa, started an on-campus job,
and this guy I was working withalso had an on-campus job and

(35:07):
you know, it was summer so Ididn't have a lot of the other
friends.

Speaker 1 (35:10):
There's like a quiet campus just the two of us
started hanging because you werekind of a nerd and you didn't
have a lot of friends right,which is shocking today because
ryan most extroverted person Iknow, so that was me like up
through all of high school.

Speaker 3 (35:23):
But I kept like fighting it, like I didn't feel
like I was like a super quietnerd.
Well, I was doing my homework.
But point is like when I got tocollege I told myself like I'm
gonna make friends, I'm gonnajoin these clubs, and I was like
loved it.
And so I had that experiencethe first two years.
Come back after the summerinternship in california, quiet
campus, none of those friends.

(35:44):
So now it's like I'm aroundthis guy and we hang out and I
remember just like, oh, we'regoing to go, you know, I'm going
to go hang out his apartmentand it was me Like I sat on his
bed and then I just felt thisdraw of my hand to like hold his
hand.

Speaker 2 (36:00):
It's that spark, that connection.

Speaker 3 (36:02):
I mean, it was like holding hands for months and
months, like I would go overthere maybe hold hands, cuddle,
like that was it.
Because, like that alone wasfor me at the time terrifying.
Do you know him today?
No, we don't stay until I knowhis name, like we could find him
.
Was he out?
Yeah, he was out, I wasn't sohe, he knew what he was dealing

(36:23):
with.

Speaker 2 (36:23):
He laid in bed and put his butt up in the air and
ryan's like I can't touch I, Iquickly, I I left like no, I
know we had enough time, wecould well.

Speaker 3 (36:35):
That's why we have a, that's why we have a little
podcast.
We can get more into that later.
Um, but that day, like I left,freaking out, I was like, okay,
bye, see you later.
And I remember I was driving, Iwas gonna go see um, my parents
probably a week, two weeksafter that.
But I first told my girlfriend,who I just broke up with like a
few months before that, not forthis reason, but it's just like

(36:56):
I'm a kid in california andhaving fun and it's long
distance.
I don't want to talk to apartner for three hours on the
phone every night.
Right, did you ever had sexwith her?
No penetration, but like on topof each other.
Hey, I held this guy's hand.
I don't know what's going on soyou broke her heart.
Two weeks later you're like no,no, no, no, I broke.

(37:16):
We broke up in like june, july.
This probably happened inseptember.
We're still like super closefriend.

Speaker 2 (37:22):
Oh, three months later, okay.

Speaker 3 (37:24):
So you broke her heart and then you called her
and said fyi, I'm on hands withthe dude but also like I'm
freaking out, I don't knowwhat's going on, just like you
know, like shelly right orwhoever like you have no offense
, adam, didn't you?

Speaker 4 (37:40):
weren't you driving to harrisburg?
And then you got engaged tosome chick, and then no, no, no,
no, no, no.

Speaker 2 (37:45):
I drove to Harrisburg .
I did not get engaged to achick, that was plain.
But what I'm saying is you hada relationship with this girl,
yes, like a like.
You dated her and then youbroke up with her, which
probably crushed her heart yeah,follow me with this.
And then, two or three monthslater, you were like hey you.

(38:07):
Two or three months later, youwere like hey, you want to chat
about the dude that I held ahand with?
Yeah, I guess that's, that'sabout right did you ever think
about that?
I have done things, especiallythen that I know are we're like
shitty moves because, becausenot only did you and I'm not
trying to come on you, but I'mjust just trying to they live.

Speaker 3 (38:22):
I'm still close friends with them they live in,
they live in florida.
I was the best man at theirwedding, like we all met through
surf club how did your parentstake it?

Speaker 1 (38:30):
because we love your mom and dad.

Speaker 3 (38:31):
Next week um, but so I told her first, and then she
came with me to Orlando, drovefrom Tampa to Orlando and was
like okay, I'm, you know, I'mreally close to my parents, like
Blaine grew up, like in thechurch, and it was just very and
I'm really close to my parentsand I'm an only child.
So we called ourselves thethree musketeers and I went in
and was like I held this guy'shand.

(38:54):
I don't really know what itmeans, like I'm not coming out,
like I'm gay.
I held a guy's hand.
Can we figure this out together?

Speaker 2 (39:00):
so that was my what did your mother and father say?

Speaker 3 (39:04):
my dad just removed himself from the situation
because he didn't know what todo, so he went into the garage
and acted like he had somethingto fix.

Speaker 2 (39:11):
He went to the garage and played with wood.
Go on, and what?

Speaker 3 (39:13):
did you do?
And my mom just cried andlistened and tried to be a mom
and listen.

Speaker 2 (39:20):
It wasn't hide the pickle.
I mean Jesus, I know.

Speaker 1 (39:24):
Here where you're getting engaged on a boat and
homo sass.
I know my mom and dad are there?

Speaker 3 (39:31):
Another fun story and I love telling this story and I
probably could.
She'd probably be fine if weput this photo in the video
version of this.
But you fast forward to when Ilived in Long Beach and when I
had this trip I took her to herfirst apparently her first gay
bars and it was not too hard toconvince her.
I said, said mom, they gotcheap strong drinks and the

(39:51):
bartender is cute.
She's like okay, let's go likemother, like son, started
calling me senior um, but youknow, I think that was this is
part of like my coming outexperience in a way too, because
I was able to be honest withmyself and there was a girl that
there was like a guy and a girl, the gay guy, and he was trying
to like come on to.
And there was a girl that therewas like a guy and a girl, the
gay guy, and he was trying tolike come on to me.

(40:12):
And then I was like I remembergoing mom, like I don't know,
but like I'm kind of into her,like she's really cute, and then
like an hour later we're bothfighting over her Like mom girl.

Speaker 1 (40:33):
That is too much to unpack in this one.
I think your parents are a verygreat um you know example of a
family that you know would havea hard time with it but then has
really come so far.
I mean literally like they'rein a house with.
You know how many gay guys dowe have?
Five gay guys for yourengagement in homo sasa and
they're just like so greatwelcoming and we're gonna have
them at brunch next week, biggay brunch at reynolds house.
Adam's not gonna be there.

(40:53):
I'm very happy, but we aregonna have our replacement read
at the brunch.
So we're going to the brunch.
Yes, already invited him sundaybrunch.
We talked about this.
You know, um, I gotta say so,like my, I was very similar,
very, you know, uh, religiousfamily, though accepting and

(41:14):
everything.
You know, I was really kind oftorn out of the closet too,
quite frankly.
I mean, I was in californiaalso, I was a pepperdine, I was,
um, starting this realization.
I'd gone overseas for, you know, a year, overseas in Argentina,
met this guy.
He was like my best friend andthen I kind of fell in love with
him and then this wholerelationship like just happened

(41:37):
Sexually.
Yeah, and it was.
You know, when I ended upcoming out of college, everybody
said, you know, y'all had areally special relationship, so
it was like it was apparent hada really special relationship,
so it was like it was apparent.
I even had the woman I um I wasliving with call the school
because I didn't come home onenight because I was staying at
his place and I got in bigtrouble for that and uh, yeah,

(42:00):
she thought I was like, shethought I didn't come home after
a night of partying was thatlike a foreign exchange?
yeah, I was a foreign exchangestudent program.
But you know, I really thought,like when we both went to the
same college so I thought whenwe went back it would just stay
that way.
And you know he broke up withme on the plane and said he
couldn't do this to his family,and it was heartbreaking but you

(42:21):
weren't out to your family no,no, and I still like.
I mean, I've been in chat roomssince I was 15.
I looked at k-porn.
My dad caught me.
I told him I was just lookingat guys dick not in texas now,
for anybody that doesn't know.
By the way, just a quick sidenote, we now have to use vpns to
get any kind of porn in texas.
Yeah, yeah, I'll teach you howto do it.

(42:42):
Yeah, because it's every placeis blocked, regardless of what
it is, um, which I do think isactually a good thing, quite
frankly.
Um x is still available, so,yeah, so on the plane ride back,
I mean, he broke up with me andthen that's when I kind of went
back to my old high schoolsweetheart and I got back in a

(43:02):
relationship with her.
The engagement happens.
I broke it off for otherreasons, not because she just
was driving me nuts, quitefrankly.

Speaker 2 (43:10):
I can understand that Because, like even with me
doing gay dating today, I'm likescrew this show, I'm going back
to women.
But I would never be happy justfor point of space.
Somebody like oh look, youcan't get back and forth, I
can't get back and forth, Iwould never be happy with the
vagina.

Speaker 1 (43:25):
I can have a conversation with a woman and I
think this is why, like I thinkmy story I was very much um, I I
thought my phase was over iskind of like where I was coming
from.
Like I thought, like I had mymoment, I was with the guy, I
finally got it out of my systemand now I could go back to what
was comfortable were youmasculine back then?
Uh, yeah, I was a lot moremasculine than I am now and

(43:46):
you're trying to get back tothat right I, I'm trying to get
back to that, yes, and I hope toachieve that again someday.
But yeah, I went back to schooland I met my first gay friend
and I ended up changing myMySpace profile to gay and it
was like boom.

Speaker 2 (44:05):
First of all, for people who don't understand what
MySpace is.
That happened and ended in 2009.

Speaker 1 (44:13):
Yeah, but this was the heyday.
I mean, this was like 2002.
So you had your top 10 friendsand then when they piss you off,
they go down a rung and thenthey call you up and say like,
oh my God, what'd you do?

Speaker 2 (44:25):
I remember that you have your top friends.

Speaker 1 (44:27):
Yeah, and you could have backgrounds in music and I
remember that you have your topfriends.
Yeah, and you could havebackgrounds in music and it was
very cool.
I miss MySpace.
I hear they're bringing it backvery excited, but I did put I
was gay on there.
I'm like I don't know if anyoneever sees it by chance.
I mean, this is not like theworld that we're connected in
now.
Most people weren't on theinternet.
Well, a woman from my mom'schurch did see it and ended up
telling her and they called me.
I was driving my bosses like$200,000 Mercedes and almost

(44:50):
crashed it.
When they're like, we knowyou're gay and it's okay.
And I was like, how do you know?
And you know I had just come tothe realization that I was gay
through this friend of mine,that I just was a gay guy.
And I was like, oh my God, it's, it wasn't just a phase, I just
am gay and that's totally okay.
So I came out to myself.
But I was hiding in Californiaaway from my family and friends.
So my mom found out and then Itold her.

(45:13):
I said, yeah, mom, I'm gay andthat's it.
And you know it's kind of sick.
The woman that outed me come tofind out years later.
She'd always tried to get me todate her daughter in high
school who was like a yearyounger than me, and then she
ended up telling my mom thatthat whole time, while she was a
40 year old woman, she was uhlusting after me and she

(45:35):
actually wanted to sleep with me.
So I know, and it was reallysick and it was really tragic.
It just I didn't like them tofind out that way.
I mean, I guess I'm glad ithappened some way.
But like the next week theywent to church and of course she
told everybody at the churchand the pastor had a sermon that
said your mother just tellseverybody to now, yeah, but back

(45:56):
then.
But back then, you know, likeyou know, the pastor had a
sermon that said you know, ifyou raised a gay child, then you
failed as a parent and they hadto walk out of church.
It was really, really traumatic.
And my mom said somethingreally poignant to me.
She said that it was for herlike a death of a dream and for
every death you have to mournthat.
But it's the birth of somethingnew and you know, it took us a

(46:18):
year to kind of get past.
You know all the feelings.

Speaker 4 (46:22):
So I came out at 22.
Which was how many years ago Iwas.
And when I came out?
I came out because a guy I wasworking with enticed me to.
He was openly gay in afraternity not my fraternity,

(46:45):
but in a different fraternityand we worked together at the
Hard Rock Hotel and I washelping him move because I was
always that friend with thetruck back in college Adam's
still that friend with a truckback in college, adam's still
that friend with a truck.
I helped him move and as I washelping him move, I stopped and

(47:08):
felt comfortable enough to say,hey man, I think I'm gay.
And as soon as I did that, Idropped everything.
Like at the hotel.

Speaker 1 (47:21):
No, no, I was moving him from his old apartment to,
and he dropped everything andsaid thank god.

Speaker 4 (47:24):
And yeah, he like, he like put his boxes down he's
like.

Speaker 2 (47:27):
I've been fondling over you every night in bed and
what happened, and that wasnumber one.

Speaker 1 (47:35):
That was number one.

Speaker 4 (47:36):
So you guys actually, like, did the deed but yeah,
the funny thing is he flat outasked me he's like okay, so do
you think you're a top bottom?

Speaker 2 (47:46):
I was like well, my initial reaction back then was I
guess I'm up because I wasn'tbut wait a minute, do you
remember back when somebodywould say, because I remember
this somebody would be like areyou a top or a bottom?
And I was like what does thatmean?
What is that?
What is that top or bottom mean?

Speaker 4 (48:03):
I mean I'm still pretty ignorant.
I asked it's plain either day.
I'm like what the fuck is that?

Speaker 1 (48:09):
we don't know what that is either.
Um, there's too many of themnow.
Um, but it's interesting.
I mean, to Ryan's point earlier, my first kind of longer-term
guy right after I came out I wasstill in college I dated a top
Republican fundraiser and he wason the McCain campaign and he

(48:32):
was super kinky and into a bunchof different stuff.
But it allowed me to experimentand it was the first time I had
bottom, because I'd only toppedbefore.
So well, actually I take itback.
I did bottom before too, but Ihad never been with somebody who
was well versed in all thosethings I always say to anybody
that's like I'm a top and I'mlike good, don't be a bottom.

Speaker 2 (48:54):
We have too many fish in the sea.
Just be the top that you are,don't try to bottom so you're
saying I should just be a tophoney.

Speaker 1 (49:01):
You're not.
I am a top.

Speaker 4 (49:03):
I I top 80 of the time I feel like I'm predominant
, like if I were to lean one wayor the other.
I think I lean toward bottoms.
But in a relationship I'm fullyover.
In a relationship I want to berolling around wrestling
everything the whole nine years,really, yeah, in a relationship

(49:25):
, for sure, I mean I shouldn'tjust say in a relationship, I
should just say with the rightguy to start dating.

Speaker 1 (49:32):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (49:32):
Yeah, listen, my ex in Canada.
We used to Canada, canada, youto go across the border, not
just go across border.
I had to drive every singletime because I didn't have a
passport and the only way tocross the border into canada
without a passport is if youdrive with your person I mean I
will say um little fact I can'tget into canada.

Speaker 1 (49:54):
Actually I might be able to get into canada.
Now it's been 10 years, it wasless than that.
But yeah, let's not talk aboutit because my mom doesn't know.
Still, you told everybody afterone right.

Speaker 4 (50:04):
I mean, like you, I put it on my myspace.

Speaker 1 (50:06):
That was kind of like , oh my god, we're myspace bros,
myspace coming out bros.
I mean, that is such a retro,cool thing, I have to say,
coming out on myspace it wassuper.
It was really convenient andeasy, like it's like you make
that switch and you're like,yeah, they find it, because
really back then people were noton the internet like they are
now, so it wasn't like you'rebroadcasting it.

(50:27):
Really there wasn't like agiant like post that went out on
facebook it was, it would belike adam daly into men.

Speaker 4 (50:36):
It was legitimate.
The easiest way to do a BSA, apublic service announcement for
being I'm like I'm not adramatic Well right, like I'm
not the type of person thatreally wants to.
What I need to do?
Write letters and send it toall my family members and all my
friends.

Speaker 2 (50:50):
I think you should be able to find and be like hey,
like I, I took my friends out.

Speaker 1 (50:57):
Look, I never expected my mom to find it.
I was just kind of doing it formy friends so that my friends
knew that I was gay right, justtrying to be honest with them.

Speaker 4 (51:04):
I know I mean like some friends that needed to like
.
I told them.
I told all my catholic schoolfriends.
I'm like listen, because I'mfriends with them and their
parents and I told them all.
I'm like, if any of your familymembers or if you guys have any
questions, just ask me likestraight up I'm shaking his head
.

Speaker 2 (51:19):
No, he didn't do the same thing either, but but I
just, I'm just shocked, okayokay, so you told your family,
though you did yeah, I drovedown to south florida with a six
pack of beer.

Speaker 4 (51:31):
Tell my mom first thing I said, or?

Speaker 1 (51:33):
I asked her was it's a very dude thing to do you
brought the beer and the queer.

Speaker 4 (51:38):
So I mean, the first thing I asked my mom was do you
think I'm going to hell?
And um, she was like nobrilliant woman love her.
Her immediate response wasabsolutely not.
I know the bible was written byman and of course, I'm an idiot
like I was.
Well, yeah, this is also aftermy dad had, like cheated on her,

(52:02):
had an affair.
The way she found out was atthe gynecologist, when he's like
hey, I need to write you aprescription for, uh, this
because looks like you caughtthis.
Yeah, basically, my shoot, mydad was caught because my dad
gave her some.
Yes, I didn't get into thedetails of it, but that's how my
mother found out, right?

(52:22):
So I mean, she's 50 years old,going to her gynecologist
appointment and boom, what doyou mean?
I need to take this antibiotics.
Like, oh yeah, everything looksgood, mary, I'm like I didn't
need to hear that.

Speaker 1 (52:32):
Like I mean, that's Adam on a weekly basis.
I'm just kidding, just kidding,I'm not.
It's good that Reed is arelationship person and
sometimes there's justrelationship people and it's
okay.
It's really cute.
I love that.

Speaker 2 (52:49):
Good luck.

Speaker 1 (52:51):
Now Adam's body count on the other.
Let's talk about that Atlantiscruise.
How many?

Speaker 2 (52:56):
It's a high sex drive , but it's my high sex drive is
only when the fire is lit, solike, if I this is what's really
weird If I don't.
Um, let me see if this ispolitically correct.
Fornicate or self-defecate,self-defecate Is that the word
you refer?
Um, self-defecate,self-defecate is that the way

(53:21):
you refer it?
Self-pleasure myself I'm a, I'ma, I'm a, I'm a clear compound,
and there's no ripples in thewaves, there's no nothing, and I
can stay like that untilsomebody throws a ball into my
pond.
Then we have a complete rollingof the ocean coming in, and
then it's just fired up and it'squite a way I just have to stir

(53:43):
some shit.

Speaker 1 (53:44):
You know me, I'm a shit stir so this is some great
all day like the last guy I wasdating.

Speaker 4 (53:51):
I kid you not, we were taking it very slow from
August until things ended, butany given point in time I would
drop what I was doing.
I would leave work if I had to.
Oh my God, if he texted me andsaid, hey, are you by my
apartment?
Or hey, are you by wherever hewas working at the time, I had

(54:15):
no problem doing that.
It never happened.
But we made it work from dayone.
We made it work.
When I say we made it work, I'msaying we made it work even in
the back of my truck.
I was that guy for this guy.

Speaker 2 (54:31):
So let's have a conversation about this, right?
My ex and I I mean like the sexwas amazing, like that was the
biggest thing that I loved aboutthe relationship.
It's so hard, but like I don'tknow, right.
So I don't think that there's apoint in my life where I would

(54:54):
be like I'm going to leave workto go.

Speaker 4 (54:59):
Yeah, I would happily do that for this last guy, I
mean I would want to.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
So I'm wired a little bit because I'm like you got to
work, because you don't.

Speaker 4 (55:09):
Well, okay, so under understandably, he also has a
child.
He has a son that he sharescustody with, with his
ex-husband.
So at any given point in time,we're either losing there's only
there's a window right.
So like we made it work, wemade it happen.
Also, there was passion there,like at, I mean.

(55:31):
Granted, the passionnecessarily wasn't there every
single time we saw each other,but when we were at it it was
there.

Speaker 2 (55:39):
Oh my God, Am I doing the wrong thing.
Maybe I should be back with myex.

Speaker 1 (55:43):
No, you definitely should not be back with your ex
Adam.
I can't handle it, nobody can.
You're going to get kicked outof the group Chad if you date
him again Because nobody wantsto hear it ever, ever, ever
Moving on.
If you date him again becausenobody wants to hear it ever,

(56:03):
ever, ever moving on anybodyother than him, you know?
I mean I gotta say like I'mglad that we all came out.

Speaker 2 (56:06):
We all have our own stories.
I mean, even ryan has like somecrazy stories to like all of
your stuff too.
So it's like you know, we allhave our crazy shit, so yeah all
right.

Speaker 3 (56:17):
So we've all shared our coming out stories, like
experiences of like needing toown that for ourselves first and
then getting uh before we'reable to like come out and tell
that to our friends, family,after we've already told
ourselves.
This section is probably alittle more, I think, fun and
light-hearted.
Um, but for yeah, for some ofus, but, um, we talked about uh,

(56:44):
we said kids these days love totalk about body count.

Speaker 1 (56:47):
Body count is a big deal.
Yeah, they call it body countlike the gen z group and these
like gen alphas.
They're like number one.
They don't sleep with a lot ofpeople, so they're not like us
and, um, they're really obsessedwith keeping their body count
low, which you know you haven'tdone, adam.

Speaker 3 (57:04):
That's what I saw in like this posting about an
atlantis cruise, but welleveryone going on atlantis
cruise isn't like in their early20s, like right.

Speaker 1 (57:14):
I see a lot of podcasts where the kids are
talking about their low bodycounts and they won't date
people with high body counts.
So look, I mean I lost count ofmine.
I used to have a spreadsheetback in the day and, uh, I kept
track.
Even if I didn't know theirname, I knew they're like I
don't know where they worked orif they were in the army or
whatever, and I kept aspreadsheet, but I lost track of

(57:34):
it at like 250s, you know, at28.
So we're way up there now.

Speaker 2 (57:40):
I mean up high wow, what do you think you're at?

Speaker 3 (57:45):
I don't know, I'm not counting the count.
Yeah, if I had the calendarthen I would know.
And for um, everyone, yeah, Ijust this was, I think I found
to be a very helpful andresponsible and mature tool that
I definitely like progress withusing.
But, like who I was with at thetime, it was an open
relationship and so we kept acalendar to track who we were

(58:08):
with, either together orindividually, and I think that
was a way to just you know if we, if we need I don't know- so,
Reed, what?

Speaker 1 (58:16):
what is your body count?
Low no, it's not.

Speaker 4 (58:20):
You look too good for it to be low under 20 bullshit
under 20, under 20, after we hadthis discussion last week.
Okay, so to do the math right,I came out at 22.
He was number one.
That number one lasted, whichwe weren't technically dating at

(58:43):
all, like he wanted to be withme.
I was pushing away because Ijust, you know, was dealing with
the fact that I just had sexwith a dude and then, finally,
when I was ready, he was pullingaway.
So it was.
It was a year or a year and ahalf of like a push and pull,
but he was the only person thatI was with.
Then number two I dated for twoand a half years.

Speaker 2 (59:05):
Then number three I dated, so your core phase is
speeding up right now.

Speaker 1 (59:09):
No, my, he's a relationship guy.
Adam, I know this is hard foryou to imagine.

Speaker 2 (59:14):
I'm at 462 as of Thursday.

Speaker 1 (59:18):
As of Thursday.
Wow, you really like you alwayshave someone on the Thursday.

Speaker 2 (59:23):
I'll be at 572 by Monday.
That's it.

Speaker 1 (59:26):
That's a lot.
I mean, yeah, because you wereon Atlantis Cruise and you
racked up 34 in a night, right.

Speaker 2 (59:33):
That was a fun Okay.
So anybody who doesn't know,atlantis gay cruise is a gay
cruise where it's literally aship full of 6400 men, and I was
.
I was in the lobby and one ofthe guys was like, what are you
doing?
And I was like, oh, I'm justgonna get some pizza one of so
we're starting at one, One dayout, literally.

(59:57):
It was like, hey, why don't youcome back to our party we're
having at our suite?
So I was like it's hot, why not, let's go party.
So I rolled back to the suiteand literally it was like one of
their midsize suites, which isstill fairly big on a cruise
ship, and there was aastronomical amount of men in

(01:00:21):
there and I would say there wasprobably 60 people in this suite
.
Like it was a lot of people,like there was people.

Speaker 1 (01:00:30):
And of that you did half of them.

Speaker 2 (01:00:32):
It was like walking into an Abercrombombie model
studio and like everybody wouldit smell like abercrombie,
because I love that well, no,but like it was I.
My jaw dropped and I was like,I was like it, if I could die,
let me die now, because thiswould be the happiest moment

(01:00:54):
I've ever been.
It was so.
It was see that now, that's nottrue.

Speaker 4 (01:00:56):
the happiest moment I've ever been in See, now
that's not true.
The happiest moment that you'llever be in is with that one
person, with your white picketfence, with your John Deere
tractor, sitting out back inyour barn.
That is your happiest moment.

Speaker 2 (01:01:10):
If that ever happens and my partner rolls up, that's
hot on a John Deere tractor,find that and has all his teeth
and is fully there.

Speaker 1 (01:01:23):
So this is what I say about my similar experiences,
though I've never had one thatintense is.
Yes, I want the white picketfence and the partner of my
dreams, but I'll never regretwhat I did in the past and I'm
glad I had those experiences.

Speaker 2 (01:01:37):
This is all another thing'll never regret what I did
in the past and I'm glad I hadthose experiences.
This is all another thing neverregret what you do.
If you're gonna regret what youdid, then don't do it like
that's my whole thing.
If you're gonna sit back and go, I regret doing that, then you
better not do it like you shouldtotally cut that out.
I will never regret anythingthat I like.
I am full ownership of it.
I will talk about it.

Speaker 1 (01:01:57):
I will you know I own everything I've learning
experiences yeah I agree likenot living life with regrets is
like the best thing and I thinkthat's, as gay people, like one
thing that we actually kind oflearn.
It's one of those likeattributes of a gay person is
like not living life withregrets because you know, you've
come out, you've done the hardthing.

(01:02:17):
And I think and matt's storyyou know he talks about that too
he always thought his lifewould be over when he came out
as gay.
And then he comes out and he'slike, oh wow, this was exactly
what I wanted.
And now he's living life withno regrets and wish he had.
The only regret is he wish hehad done it I mean, like even
ryan like has done everything.

Speaker 2 (01:02:38):
I mean you don't regret, right?
No, you don't, so like it'sreally cool so live, live
without regrets.

Speaker 1 (01:02:45):
We absolutely love it .
I mean thanks to everybody fortelling their coming out stories
.
So, reed, I know like when wewere planning this episode, you
actually had a really great ideato include some resources,
which I didn't really thinkabout, but like I've used
resources before, so what's yourthoughts?
Just to highlight a fewcommunity resources and support

(01:03:05):
D flag, which it's the parentsand friends of lesbians and gays
and I have to say it's one ofthe resources my mom used when I
came out because she was havinga little bit of a struggle with
it and it's an organization.
Obviously, what it says andit's, it's really a great
organization.
That's super helpful,especially when you have that

(01:03:28):
family dynamic, a strong familydynamic that can really help
your family work through thingsas well as like you work thing
through things with your familyas well.
So I love p flag.

Speaker 4 (01:03:38):
It's a great organization I will say.
Shortly after I came out I wentback up to college.
My mother called me, said hey,honey, I just want to let you
know I'm considering going tothis group for parents of eight
children.
I was like I was all for it.
I was like, yeah, mom, go, youknow, that's cool, you do what
you gotta do.
And then she started explainingit to me.
She said, yeah, it's reallycool.
It's this husband and wife bothused to be gay, now straight

(01:04:02):
married.
And I said I immediatelystopped her and said mom, no
offense to this, this resourceor group that you want to go to,
but don't drink the kool-aid,you know it was the coming out
camp that Jack's son went to.

Speaker 2 (01:04:19):
They were like I'm not gay.
It was like it was conversiontherapy.
It was the most flaming,buoyant people ever.
It was what's a lesbian.

Speaker 1 (01:04:29):
I kind of wish I had been sent to conversion camp.

Speaker 2 (01:04:31):
Yeah, and she was like I love penis and he's like
I love vagina.
I look at a man.

Speaker 1 (01:04:46):
So, yeah, none of that.
I think PFLAG is so much betterand I think people should
really know about it and youshould direct your family there
and start with yourself and thenand then go to PFLAG.

Speaker 2 (01:04:51):
Anybody who and I'm going to jump in on this anybody
who honestly doesn't know whoto reach out to, who is
struggling with being gay likethe trevor project.
Like the trevor project is oneof the biggest.
It is literally gay people whowill talk to you about the
things that they've gone throughand what they've done, so that

(01:05:13):
you can understand, like, how tochannel your through this,
because we've all been throughit.

Speaker 4 (01:05:18):
Trevor Project provides crisis intervention and
suicide prevention services toLGBTQ plus youth.
They offer a 24-7 lifeline.

Speaker 1 (01:05:27):
So, basically, if you're having a rough moment in
the middle of the night, you cancall them and also, if you're
in the rural parts of thecountry, one of my biggest
suggestions is go to your localLGBTQ center, because I've
gotten therapy for that.
But if you're in the middle of,like Missouri or Idaho or
whatever, maybe you can't accessthat.

(01:05:47):
So the Trevor Project hasreally good resources for that
as well.
And then the last one is the itGets Better Project.
Remember that it's still goingand still going strong.
Remember the it Gets Bettercampaign.
One is the it gets betterproject.
Remember that it's still goingand still going strong.
Remember the it gets bettercampaign, which you don't
remember that.
Oh, it's so beautiful, you knowwhat.
I'll tag some videos from it inthe in the youtube video.
But it gets better was great.
I mean, a lot of people startedsaying like it's better, like

(01:06:09):
after you come out, and I thinkthat's mostly our story as well.
So, um, they also have a lot ofreally great resources.

Speaker 3 (01:06:16):
Organizations and the help that I think those are
really valuable to be able toget help from.
But I think you know, when wetalked about coming out and
coming out to yourself, for me,a resource that I found is
something even simple as likejournaling or things you can do
to just be like introspectiveand ask yourself those tough
questions, and that's an ongoingjourney.
I think we did for me at leastI did that early on, but I'm

(01:06:40):
doing that now and I thinkthere's lots of ways that we
need to come out.
It could be coming out as gayor queer or lesbian or whatever,
but there's a lot of identitiesthat make us whole humans and
you know, I think that'simportant to kind of keep
looking within and evaluatingthat and being finding that
confidence and courage to ownwho you are, own yourself, come

(01:07:02):
out to yourself and all of thoseamazing, beautiful ways so your
advice is to journal for thekids out there that are like
maybe struggling yeah yeah, Iwould encourage that and I would
say for the people who are outthere go be you.

Speaker 2 (01:07:15):
Who cares if somebody else likes it or not?
Don't make somebody like you.
The only reason why somebodywould like you is if you're a
good person.
I don't care if you're a cat, adog, transgender, I don't care
if you're black, white, gay,lesbian, whatever.
Just be a good person.
And if you're a good person,people like you.

Speaker 1 (01:07:34):
So oh, my god, thanks .
Cheers to coffee with gays.
Don't forget to follow andsubscribe and, by the way,
seriously, two-part episode withmatt coming up.
Uh yeah, next, the next episode, which will be on thursday, and
it's going to be powerful.
Two, two-part episode.
So we're excited.

(01:07:54):
Subscribe, all the good stuff.

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🌈 "Coming Out to Ourselves: The First Step to Being Open" 🎙️ | Episode 17

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}🌈 "Coming Out to Ourselves: The First Step to Being Open" 🎙️ | Episode 17