Beyond Attraction: Building Genuine Connections in Relationships

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Would you believe that the spark you're looking for in dating is not found, but built? Let's burst the myth of instant connections together. This episode is a candid exploration of the misunderstood concept of 'connection' in dating. We discuss how true connection is not just mutual attraction, but an emotional resonance that requires mutual understanding and effort. We’ll challenge the common misuse of the term 'connection' in dating, where it's often confused with attraction, and provide you with strategies to discern who you should invest in building a connection with. 

As we continue our journey, we'll share personal anecdotes and practical advice on what it truly means to search for connections in relationships. We highlight the difference between seeking a genuine connection and merely looking for a good time. Remember, a connection is a feeling, and if it's your feeling, you can trust it. However, building a true connection requires time and effort to understand the other person's perspective. We promise you an enlightening journey through the complex landscape of connections in relationships, providing fresh perspectives and actionable advice. So, are you ready to unravel the mystery of connection in dating?

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
What up, welcome back to the come on.
You know cast, I'm your hostand Today, tonight, this evening
, we're gonna talk aboutSomething that is I don't.
I don't really want to talkmuch about Dayton because we all

(00:26):
kind of get it.
We just act like we don't wantto get it.
But whatever I will.
People solicit my advice andI'll give it to him.
Why not?
It's free.
So before I like, I want totalk about the term connection
tonight.
Today, wherever you are, I doso.

(00:48):
I had a friend slash coworkerasked me about it and and
someone else that I know broughtit up, and I really think that
we misuse that term with regardsto, with like, regarding to
Dayton, and you know, you knowI'm a genius, so I'll spit my

(01:12):
genius science on you about thatterm and how it's used
Regarding Dayton.
So if I start that, like dude,I was going to, I was coming
home from work and I was stuckbehind a Pepsi truck.
Who gets stuck behind a Pepsitruck, one who still drinks

(01:34):
Pepsi to?
Why are there Pepsi trucks Likeit is?
Is there like mad crates Pepsiinside of that truck?
Probably not.
Is like every lane that Iswitched, he switched, or it
switched, or they switched.
Switching back.
They switch back.

(01:55):
It's like come on, man, anyway,that dude was like following me
home Well, he was leading mehome, or to the podcast studio,
but anyway, that's that.
So like Back to connection.
Regarding Dayton, so Like, Ihave my own definition of

(02:21):
Connection, and Rather not, youagree with me, I'm probably
right.
So there's that.
So my bottom line up front isthat People more, more, more
then More than not, is that theright way to say it?

(02:42):
Like I'm not, I'm not.
I'm like it's not women againstmen and men against women.
I think women use that termmore so than men.
Men use the term like.
It's like, hey, I like to,women do too.
But women say, hey, I wanted aconnection, and blah, blah, blah

(03:03):
.
But to me, a connection is notsomething that you search for or
look for or discover.
It's something that you build.
Right, if you disagree with me,disagree with me, but I'm right
.
It's also something that isdeveloped.

(03:24):
It's not something that youfind.
It's not a piece of gold.
It's gold when you create it,when you develop it.
But it's not something that youknow.
You go to California, you huntin the hills, put on the boots,
dig for it, and it's like oh, Ifound it, I found a connection.
So like no, so we misuse thatterm.

(03:46):
I think we misuse that termwhen we're talking about dating.
Connection is to me it's like a,it's a mutual attraction.
It's not one side, it's notlike, oh, I had this connection
with this girl or I had thisconnection with this guy.
It's like no, it's a two-waystreet.
It's like it's comba-, combatcomba that's definitely

(04:10):
connection.
It's like compatibility, it'smore of an emotional resonance.
Why am I having serious shows?
Anyway, it's like it's anintangible.
To me it's a spark, it's achemistry.
People use the word chemistry,but it's not something that is

(04:33):
just there.
If something is just there,that's an attraction.
So I'm giving, also kind ofgiving, like dating advice,
tidbits or bet.
I don't want to, but that's thething Whatevs.
So it's deeper than anattraction.

(04:55):
So we misuse it because I thinkwe use the term connection
interchangeably with attraction.
It's like oh, yeah, this personlikes the same things that I
like, so we have a connection.
It's like no, you are attractedto a person that likes the same
thing as you like, but you canbe like a person can like the

(05:17):
same things that you like andyou don't have a physical
attraction to them or mentalattraction to them.
A connection is like, dude, welike a few things, but this
person understands me, thisperson understands how I like
travel through life, how Imaneuver, and I love it.

(05:40):
And this connection to meequals love, like I cannot deny
that I love this person andthat's right.
So Not having a connection tosomeone is an excuse.
It's like, oh, why don't I havea connection?
It's like, well, you can't havea connection to me in the hour

(06:00):
and a half that we had dinner orwent to a movie or whatever.
Like that means you can have aconnection to a stranger.
It's like, no, you can beattracted to a stranger, you can
lust a stranger in an hour, youcan desire a stranger, but you
won't have a connection.

(06:21):
So we need to kind of look atwhat we're talking about, look
at what we are holding in highregard as far as who we choose.
And this is right, I'm tellingyou this is right.
And connection is subjectiveand not every date or person

(06:45):
that you see will lead to thisfeeling.
But it is a feeling.
But you can.
If it's your feeling, you cantrust that feeling, but you're
not gonna get it on the firstgo-round, like you connect with
the person later on.

(07:06):
People think connections areinstant.
Attraction is instant.
Connection is not instantbecause what you do is you are
attracted to a person and it'slike hey man, I'm connected to
this person.
It's like, well, you don't know.
You're connected to the personbecause you don't know if that
person is connected quoteunquote to you.
You're attracted to that personand you want to build something

(07:30):
with that person because youthink that attraction is solid
ground, but you don't know ifthat person is attracted to you.
Like a connection is like, dude, this person is my pillow Is
pillow.
Like I want to lay on thisperson and you know what I'm

(07:53):
saying.
You know what I'm saying.
I mean it's connection issubjective, but you know when
it's real.
You know when it's real.
Like a connection is notinstant.
It is not.
You have to build it, you haveto work on it, you have to learn

(08:15):
.
Connection to me isunderstanding.
You don't understand a personon a first, on a two hour date.
You like them, you like them,you listen to them, you can
admire them, but you're notgoing to understand them.
You don't understand a personinstantly.
It's impossible, no matter like.

(08:40):
If you are, like it'simpossible.
So I dare any scientist,psychologist, behavioral
scientist, personal life coach,I dare them to challenge me.
I'll go toe to toe straight up.

(09:02):
But it's not.
Connection is built.
It really really is.
You know why, like the voicesare horrible, people hate or
people like have a bad time withthe voices because they worked
on the like establishing aconnection, establishing it.

(09:25):
It's like, well, we are focusedon breaking the connection.
That's what it's about.
Nobody has a connection afterthe second, first, third, third
date.
It's impossible.
And if you think it's not,challenge me, but it is, it is.
It's like it really is.

(09:47):
But it can't be forced either.
Like if one party is attractedto the other and you're trying
to develop a connection, youknow that's called not having
one.
That's what it's called.
So it's developed gradually,like over time, as people get to

(10:08):
know each other better, causewe are all people, whether or
not you know you're a woman, man, whatever, question mark this
that we are people and that'swhat we know best.
We know that we are people.
People know when like fake andfunk this, that, but people over

(10:31):
time, and that is actually Alot of times what people are
scared of is learning a personover time, because it's like,
hey, I learned this person overtime and then I learned what I
don't like and you don't want tolike, not like stuff, but
anyway.
So I know right, my, my, did Isay my definition of connection?

(10:59):
My definition of connection islearning.
It's learning, understanding,loving.
It's like man, I want to thisperson.
I know their heart, theirfootsteps, I know their mind.
I know they're going to like,help me when I'm trying to
figure out this issue, thisproblem, or they won't help me

(11:21):
figuring out this issue orproblem, and it's just true,
like knowing this.
It really is.
Why, why am I creating anothershow?
That is not funny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So anyway, here's my datingadvice Sit down on a person,

(11:43):
have a date.
You think you don't have aconnection.
It's because you don't.
You're not going to have aconnection over a 45 minute
dinner.
You're going to have anattraction.
If you have an attraction andit doesn't lead anywhere, then
you just had an attraction thatdoesn't leave anywhere.
You have an attraction thatleads to a connection.

(12:05):
That means you wanted to knowthe person, you wanted to get
into the crux of it, you wantedto snatch open that rib cage,
dive into that heart, understandthat heart and like just soak
it up and what like.

(12:25):
That boils down to what youwant to do.
What you want to do If you justwant to be entertained, you're
not looking for a connection.
If you want to be loved, youare, like straight up
investigating for a connection.
If you just want to I don'tknow have a dinner, then you're
hungry, who knows.
Anyway, let me know what youthink and that's all I got.

(12:50):
Thanks for watching.