Grocery Store Nightmares

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Ever found yourself trapped behind a family meeting in the cereal aisle? Or cursed with a shopping cart that sounds like it's on its last wheel? You're not alone.

This episode dives headfirst into the chaotic world of grocery store navigation and the myriad ways our fellow shoppers test our patience. From the unexplainable curse of always selecting the cart with "scoliosis" to the special frustration of being blocked from reaching the bread by someone who clearly doesn't understand the concept of shopping flow.

We explore the perplexing phenomenon of shoppers who seem genuinely surprised when it's their turn at checkout, the passive-aggressive placement of divider bars, and the special irritation of being trapped behind someone with expired coupons. There's a special callout to those who FaceTime their way through stores, creating a "grocery committee" that slows everyone down.

The layout of certain stores (looking at you, Wegmans) comes under fire for lacking any sensible traffic pattern, transforming a simple shopping trip into an obstacle course of frustration. These observations hit at the heart of a universal experience - one that showcases humanity at both its most oblivious and its most judgmental.

Whether you're a strategic shopper who plans your trips during off-hours or someone who's been guilty of blocking an entire frozen food section while deciding between ice cream flavors, this episode will have you nodding in agreement and perhaps reconsidering your own supermarket behaviors.

Share your own grocery store horror stories with us and let's compare notes on this mundane yet mysteriously complex social activity that brings out the worst in otherwise reasonable people!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to the Come On, you Know Podcast,
number one podcast in thecountry.
In my mind.
So I ruptured my Achilles and Iappreciate you all not giving
me love and support.
I haven't seen one fan,audience member, patron,

(00:23):
whatever you want to call it,say hey, you know, good luck to
you, godspeed, etc.
Yada, yada, yada, I won't holdyou to it, just listen.
Anyway, brought to you by KMDAStudios, I gotta be professional
and say that this is for.
This episode is for all my latenight travelers, one of my

(00:48):
besties, with the besties.
I don't know what that means,but get home safe, wake up.
Traveling late.
This episode is brought to youby the googly eye bandit.
There's a co-worker, I suspect,that takes ids and places

(01:12):
googly eyes on those ids if theyare left unattended.
I don't know who this co-workeris, male or female, but I but I
respect the game, so my hat'soff to your googly eyed bandit.
Anyway, I like to get a fewthings off my chest.

(01:33):
I want to talk about grocerystore maneuvering, supermarket
walking, figuring it out,whatever you want to call it,
because I actually went to thegrocery store today.
It was a thing and I finallyreached my limit.

(01:55):
It's like yo man, come on,every time I go to the grocery
store, supermarket, whatever youwant to call it the mart, time
I go to the grocery store,supermarket, whatever you want
to call it the mart I don't knowsuper max, I don't know name
your poison, pick your poison.
Every time I go I lose morefaith in humanity, but I still

(02:19):
kind of hold them to a standard.
So, anyway, one thing I alwaysget the same cart.
It follows me, buggy, what youwant to call it, who cares?
I get it like.
It always has a bum wheel.
I like my cart that I get, nothating on anybody, but I always

(02:44):
get the cart with like scoliosis, it's like leaning.
It has like an arch type oflike wheel, like the frame is
like out of place and it makesnoise and I know that it like
someone told me that all thecarts have messed up.
It's like nah, man, because I'mgoing around a grocery store

(03:05):
and other people have carts thatdon't make a sound, my cart is
like screaming, like hey, lookat the idiot that picked me.
And I have no choice.
I pick a cart I'm not like ohwhat, this one looks better,
this frame is a little bitbetter.
I'm going to pick this one,Like nah, I'm the one that I
pick a cart, keep it moving, gotto get what I got to get and

(03:28):
then boom, but it's always asqueaky wheel or something's
falling off and it always makesa sound and people always look
at me like why are you pushingaround that cart?
I'm like dude, I'm trying toget in, get out, but I don't
know.
That's my luck, I have the bestbad luck, but that's how it

(03:51):
goes.
So I want to talk about thingsthat are whack in grocery stores
.
You could let me know if youexperienced this.
Probably you have nine timesout of ten.
But like people kind of parkingdead center in like an aisle,
like a reserve or something, orstopping.

(04:14):
It's like yo pick up left orright.
This is traffic, you can't juststop in the middle of it.
You know what I mean.
And like, those people tend tobe slow.
I don't have an issue with slowwalkers, but don't slow and jam
up.
They have like no sense ofurgency.
You know, like I have lettuce,I have lemons or whatever.

(04:37):
I have stuff that's producethat's aging in real time.
Get out of my way.
Doesn't have to be like rush,rush, but like don't put a plug
in the system.
I don't know.
I saw this one time it wasn'ttoday, but like a whole family
had a meeting in the middle of,like the cereal aisle or

(04:59):
whatever.
I was like if you guys didn'tfigure out what you were going
to get before then, you got aproblem.
Like just get the same cerealyou got two or three weeks ago,
no big deal.
Let me see what else gets on mynerves here.
Like oh, I saw somebodyFaceTiming while they were

(05:20):
shopping.
It's like dude, it's not like agrocery committee, it's not
Like straight up and down, likejust you should have known what
you wanted to get.
I literally saw somebodyFaceTiming while they were

(05:42):
shopping.
It was whack.
Like hey, what should I get?
It was a dude, dude, like honey.
Like is this the right thing?
Gather your intelligence beforeyou attack the objective, that
type of deal.
So when I've been in thecheckout checkout and this is

(06:02):
something that is, I think it'sunique to me when I've been in a
checkout line straight up,every time, like people look at
at my groceries and they try toguess what I'm making, it's
because, like I have, I don'tget like a lot of canned,
because I get like a lot offresh stuff because I cook.
That'll be another episodesharing recipes and all that

(06:26):
stuff.
I'm I'm a pretty good cook.
I'm not gonna toot my own horn,but yes, I will.
But like people will be like ohyou're making you know you must
be making roasted chicken withblah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
It's like okay, well, you mustbe not minding your business,
anyway.
So like my checkout line, stuffis real but I've been in a

(06:52):
checkout line where the personin front of me was surprised
that it was like their turn.
It's like dude, one, two, threego was like their turn.
It's like dude, one, two, threego.
I've been in a line where it'sbeen like a someone that has
like coupons.
I'm not a big coupon person.
I mean not saying that I don'tuse them, it's like I'm not like

(07:12):
I don't hunt for them, becausethe stuff that I buy, that I
purchase, normally there's nocoupons for it Because it's like
real stuff.
So Not hating on like couponusers.
I wish there was coupons onFresh I don't know Letters and

(07:34):
mushrooms and chicken, all thatstuff that I get.
But anyway, like I've seenpeople have like so many coupons
in front of me and then likehave expired codes and they're
like I don't know what's goingon, blah, blah, like well, your
coupon game is not 100, like youknow what I mean.

(07:58):
Anyway.
So, and one thing that's funnyto me too, like that divider,
when you put it on the thingy todivide your groceries, like I
like how, like I've, straight up, I've been in a situation where

(08:19):
someone has put that divider infront of me and I've had like
two things and they were likecompletely opposite.
And they were like completelyopposite.
So they were like mad, passive,aggressive with that divider,
like, oh, I don't want themscanning your items and charging
me, and blah, blah, blah.
It's like come on, man, get outof here.
You have a whole bunch of sugarand donuts and garbage.

(08:43):
I, I have real vegetables.
Like they're not going tomistaken or mistake mistaken and
ish, ish, my stuff for yourstuff.
Like, get out of here.
Anyway, I've had people likeask me questions in a cold
section.
It's like dude, get out of here.

(09:03):
Like this is discomfortemotionally, emotionally, I
don't want to talk to you in acold section, I want to be out,
but whatever.
So, like I've had people likewhat gets on my nerves too is
people that block stuff.
Like I I can't describesupermarket layouts, but there's

(09:26):
frozen aisles and there's doorsand stuff like that.
Some people like just put theircarts in front of the door and
they go to another door.
It's like yo, man, get out ofhere.
Like, if you block me, you oweme something.
You know what I mean.
And then they block you andthen they're like taking notes
or writing the wife or writingthe husband like hey, is this

(09:47):
what I'm supposed to get?
Like I need to come back, orblah, blah, like get something
else anyway.
So it my biggest concern ispeople that like block what
you're trying to do.
So if you're trying to getbread and people don't know the

(10:10):
type of bread that they want,they block it.
It's annoying, but anyway.
So like I don't I really don'twant to hate on older people or
people that are disabled,because I'm disabled right now,
but like the people in the cartsand they just kind of driving

(10:31):
around, it's like yo, man, yougotta know how to drive.
You can't hit a corner, blockthe whole aisle and look at me
because I'm walking towards yourway and it's like a thing.
It's like I gotta wait and youdon't know which way to turn and
all that stuff.
But anyway, what else?

(10:55):
What else do I hate about?
Oh, I, I hate, like I don'twant to call names like wegmans,
but hey, you know who cares?
But like, what is your trafficpattern?
Man?
Like Wegmans, people are allover the place.
I don't know if you have aWegmans where you are, but I do.

(11:17):
And like, wegmans does not havea traffic pattern, it doesn't
have a flow.
So, wegman executives, I begyou, develop a flow, design your
store layout for better flow.
People love your store and likeit's this.

(11:38):
You know they have anexperience, but your flow is
reckless, super duper reckless.
Like I know you don't want togo with the traditional aisles
and blah blah, but sometimes itworks, man, it really works.
So I don't know, like, I'm justputting it out there.

(12:00):
You could like try to bash mypodcast for giving you good
advice, but I'm gonna win it atthe end.
So there's that.
So, anyway, let me know whatyour supermarket or I don't know
whatever people call it, peoplecall it store.

(12:24):
Let me know what your storeissues are and let's see if they
align with mine.
So, come on, you know,sometimes going to the store is
whack Anyway.
So Okay, that's all I got.
Take it easy.