August 4, 2023 • 27 mins
Are the infinite choices on dating apps more of a curse than a blessing? We're tackling that provocative question, and more, in a lively discussion with a good friend of mine. We venture into the heart of the dating apps landscape, analyzing the impact of seemingly endless options on our attitudes and expectations. We'll also shed light on the disparities between male and female dating experiences, and the role societal norms play in shaping our approach to dating.
Let's face it, when it comes to dating apps, attractiveness matters. But it’s not just about how you look - how you articulate your thoughts is equally significant. We explore this, and more, as we head into the murky waters of dating expectations versus realizations. With a multitude of options, we often find ourselves making shallow investments and feeling ultimately dissatisfied. We encourage a sense of realism and honesty in navigating these platforms, emphasizing the importance of understanding and appreciating each other as individuals, not just potential matches. Buckle up, and let's challenge the status quo together.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
I Love my theme song what is going on?
How's it going?
What are you getting into?
How was your evening?
So I have a good friend.
(00:26):
He's a pretty good dude.
He's very easy to talk to, verysmart, opinionated and just
goes with the flow and sometimeshe, he, he, he flows the flow.
I don't know what that means,but we were talking today and
(00:49):
he's like hey, man, we weretalking about Dayton, like just
in general, and he was spittingsome stuff, I was spitting some
stuff and we, we were mergingcollective thoughts.
But that's what I want to talkabout today.
(01:09):
I want to talk about the like.
Everyone Talks about it.
While it's a thing, it's likehey, what was your opinion on
this and what do you think aboutthis?
And everybody, we all do thesame thing.
And it's like that's the.
(01:29):
You know, come on, you know we,we know what we all do, we know
what we all are trying to aimfor.
But I want to kind of revisitthat conversation that I had
with this good friend of mineand and Just kind of spit some
(01:53):
Some come on, you know, type ofPhilosophy, knowledge, hard
facts, this and that it's myopinion, but it's kind of right
and and he was asking mequestions.
I was asking him questions andwe're pretty pretty average
(02:13):
decent dudes and and we gothrough stuff we were just kind
of talking about.
It's like, hey, you experiencemy experience and I want to kind
of capstone my my Thoughts onthis because I'm right, it's
(02:35):
crazy like I'm giving mad adviceand mad, mad Experiences and
mad what you should do for forfree, just to make the world a
better place, I guess.
Anyways, so this is the basishe's.
(02:56):
He is a Regular dude, I'm aregular dude, and what I mean by
regular I mean like Nothing,cray, dece, a little bit better
than decent jobs, careers, ifyou will smart, understand the
world, understand our place inthe world, understand when the
(03:21):
world is, you know going towards, if you will, and just just
like you know we live in a very,very, very decent place and
Maneuvering, we're just Justdoing it.
(03:41):
So he asked me Well, we justtalk.
So it's like, hey, I tell himwhat I think, he tells me what
he thinks and this and that.
So I told him and I'm I'mletting you know, my audience,
(04:03):
all one of you that this is howit goes.
So I Don't want to talk badabout the Dayton apps, but that
is what we.
We have no choice but to adhereto, right?
So it's different factors,pictures and what you say,
(04:28):
levels of attraction.
But I told him Because this iswhat I think and I know it's the
truth it's like hey, I Told himthat.
I said, hey, it's a littledifference between you guys and
(04:52):
gals.
I think gals Pardon me, I hadsome good Korean chicken Mad
good.
So I Would assume that we havedifferent experiences, guys and
(05:12):
gals, and I Would.
I would think that that girlshave like more options, and what
I mean by more options is is alarger number of Guys or
whatever, on the Dayton appslike hey, you know what's up,
(05:34):
are you doing good blah?
And then regular guys likemyself, we may have a medium to
low number of girls that wematch mitt, match mitts, match
myth that's a new word matchmyth, match with Right.
(05:59):
And then, if you want to and Ihate rating people because
people like Souls, are beautiful, so you can't rate a soul, you
really can't and if you agreewith me, then you're right, if
you don't, then you're wrong.
But it's nothing.
Like this person was, I wasn'tattracted to Um blah, blah.
(06:21):
You didn't give that person achance.
That's a thing, and and that'swhy this is kind of weird.
But people in prison sameSexual or like Like people in
(06:43):
prison are like, oh, you knowyou, I Like the way you soaked
up today because it's alongevity thing and that's
reality you will become.
Once you learn and understandSomething, you, you will become
attracted to it.
But anyway, so, like, here's adeal, I'm just gonna straight up
(07:05):
, spit it, spit it out.
I, I believe and you can proveme wrong, let me know in the, in
the comments, whenever I throwit out up I believe that women
(07:28):
on in in these Daytona thingieshave more of a perceived sense
of options.
And and guys, unless they'relike Some you know, super
attractive Brad Piddish, I'mdoing pull-ups in every, in
(07:53):
every picture type dude, we havea mediocre reign.
So we're like, hey, we're gonnaget, we're gonna try to shoot
for the best of what we can getRight now.
So to better illustrate that, Iwould assume, like Women that
(08:23):
are, it's all aboutattractiveness.
And then, hey, if you canarticulate words To an extent,
that comes secondary andeveryone acts like they want
that as a primary factor.
But it's like, hey, if youcould speak, or you could talk
(08:46):
or you could articulate athought I want that first, but
that is a semi.
I've learned my lesson down theroad thing and I want that
first.
But we all do the same thing.
It's like, hey, how attractiveare you?
And then, what's the secondary?
Can you tie a shoe?
You know what I mean.
Can you?
(09:06):
Can you Do you put periods atthe end of your sentence.
So we want to act like we don'tdo that, but everyone does that
.
So this is my thought.
My thought is that women with alot of or perceived, a lot of
perceived Daytona options Can gothrough those like hey, how you
(09:30):
doing?
Oh, you didn't put a periodNext, hey, you know how's it
going.
Oh, he didn't say how's itgoing to me Next.
And guys are like what up?
And she's like what up, is thatokay?
Well, I'll talk to her for awhile, like let's, we'll see.
You know where the magichappens, if you will.
(09:53):
And so I Think the women aregoing for the guys that it's
like, if they think that theyare highly attractive, can piece
together a sentence, maybe ajoke or two, maybe I'm not
(10:16):
totally ignoring you.
So, okay, I'll go for this.
And those dudes also have aDon't want to say a plethora,
but like they have options too.
So I think it's the people witha lot of options are going
towards each other and andthey're not realizing that,
(10:37):
they're not realizing theirsituation, they don't go a
little deeper and it's not likehope.
I'm not saying like hey, thisperson is, I know, this person
is attractive, so I'm not gonnatalk to them because I know
they're talking to other people.
Everybody has to go for whatthey want to go for.
(10:58):
But I think that is the problem.
It's like they're goingeveryone, like the people with
the options are going for eachother and then Calling each
other like whatevs, and then thepeople with the mediocre
options are kind of paying forit.
(11:18):
So it's like, hey, I know we,hey, you, you, you have a
haircut in your picture, so you,you're probably talking to 17
girls.
It's like, well, I know for afact, you, I mean you are
attractive girl, you are anattractive female, so you have
(11:38):
to have 17 times five dudestalking to you.
So what's the happy medium here?
And that was the crux of myconversation With my Highly
intelligent friend and, and, andthat's a problem.
(11:58):
So he's like hey, he wastalking to me about, like
different dating apps.
I'm like I don't think it's theapps, because it's the, the
people.
So, same pool of people talkingto the same pool of people,
everyone wants to Assume thatwhat they are attracted to is
(12:18):
attracted to them.
And I'm not gonna talk aboutpeople not want to get to know
each other, because that's kindof that.
That is a implied thing.
It's like everyone likes theshiny piece of candy until it
(12:39):
rinds their teeth right, andthen it's like, oh, all candy is
bad.
Well, you did you not know that?
Yeah, but that that was my,that philosophy, if you will.
(13:01):
It's like I, I can identify aproblem.
What the solution is is Justrealization.
Realization, it's like we'reall on this checkerboard and I'm
(13:22):
talking about I'm not saying me, but just people that are
dating each other, the samecities and stuff like that.
You're on this checkerboard andyou have a it's a, it's a.
I Don't say everyone does this,but People look for the bad and
(13:48):
Instead of looking for whatthey can grow with and maybe
they don't know what they cangrow with so it's like, oh, this
person's Smile is crooked andit's a false sense of I could
find someone with a nice smileand it's nice and happy and blah
(14:09):
, blah, blah with that person.
You aren't the only personlooking for that other person.
So nine times out of ten, ormaybe ten times out of ten, that
person is probably with anotherperson that recognized that way
before you.
So I'm not saying there's nohope out there, it's just that,
(14:36):
dating with a sense of realism,this is my advice be a human.
Be a human.
Don't don't say, oh, you knowwhat this person is, this
political party, so I know I'mnot gonna get along with them.
It's like They'll when you, ifyou get married, stay married
(15:03):
for a long time and die.
You're not gonna be thinkingAbout a political party.
You're not gonna be, oh man,I'm glad I married this
political party.
You know you're gonna be like,hey, I'm glad I married this
human that breathed like me,sweats like me, that Feet smells
(15:25):
like mine does, or not.
They eat food like me.
You're not going to be like, oh, I'm so glad I married this
person in this profession,because that doesn't matter at
the end of the day.
What matters at the end of theday is you hold hands, you love
(15:47):
that, your your minutes withthis person.
It's, it's peaceful, or even ifit's turbulent, it's.
It's not turbulent in a falsesense.
It's like hey, like I don'tknow, I woke up at 6am, this
(16:10):
person woke up at 6.05.
I'm gonna, that's it's like.
No, it's like this person wokeup, woke up, woke up, woke up
with me.
That's what matters at the endof the day, because we all have
the same fate.
You know what I mean.
We all have the same fate.
Once you realize that, once youput that in your wallet or your
purse or you know, you, you putit, you create a CD out of that
(16:39):
and get some interest, somefixed interest, you you realize
it's like, hey, nothing reallyelse matters except your minutes
.
And once you realize that youallow yourself to like people
(17:02):
say this, younger people like bevulnerable, but what that means
is just being honest.
It means being honest and thatis the thing.
So you don't want to like.
My advice is don't look for thebad, don't think you have to
(17:27):
look or highlight the good.
Be okay with the comfortable,be okay with someone that is
like how do I explain it?
Like, understanding is reallyabout understanding and not 100%
(17:56):
.
It's about trying to understand.
You know, if someone has, ifyou like them, they have good.
If they, you know, good banter.
They talk to you and you couldtalk to them and you could
communicate and you likecommunication and you can
communicate that, you like thatand they get it, then that's,
(18:16):
that's cool.
But you know, maybe their,their, their breath stinks.
It's like man.
It smells like this.
This smells like the sneakersthat I threw out.
They took them out of the trashbecause they were psych
(18:37):
psychables, put them back on myporch and then was like, yeah,
what is going on?
Like it's.
It's complicated, but it'ssimple.
Once you start hunting for thenegative, you you get where you
hunt.
You highlight the negative, andthen you got to realize that
when you do that, the otherperson may not be dumb.
(18:59):
They, they may know you do thatand they may do that themselves
, but I don't know.
So here's some key points indating, because I think I've
going down rabbit holes and I'mnot a rabbit.
But if you think you likesomeone, like them, try to like
(19:21):
them, don't try to dislike them.
Look at them, you know.
Try to understand them.
Try to don't put some checklistagainst them and I'm talking to
men and women and whatever.
Don't, don't hold them againstsome checklist, and people may
call it expectations, but how doyou, how do you have
(19:45):
expectations for someone and youmay not even have them for
yourself, like I'm a very selfimprovement type of person, so
I'm my biggest critic and Iwould never, I never would hold
that against someone.
Like, oh, what, you don't Dothis because I, I I'm very
(20:09):
understanding, so it's almost abalance in beam.
But do that, do that and you'll, you'll be happier.
It's like hey, and Then whenyou do that, you'll see, because
a lot of times he was a well,you know this person Talking to
me and I didn't know theirintent.
And you don't have to know theintent yet, you don't have to be
psychic.
But if you Like, look at theperson and understand them and
(20:35):
understand their position in theworld, understand your position
in the world, talk to themabout it.
You'll get it, you'll see whatthey're doing.
There's no like don't pull out achecklist and say, hey, well,
were you married three times andhow come?
It didn't work.
It's like You're talking,you're asking me that and you're
(20:58):
single too.
So it doesn't even matter ifyou were married or not married.
You are in the same predicamentas I am.
That's the first step tounderstanding.
So you got to get there liketry to doggy paddle through the
minutia and you may have abetter outcome or not.
(21:22):
But it's a little bit of workinvolved.
But I don't want to talk aboutlike how it is nowadays.
And because people are people,we evolve, we create standards
and Sometimes they they are, arenot even standards, they're
(21:47):
just checklist.
Get rid of the checklist andembrace life, because you may
find that you were getting inyour own way and that's the
thing.
And I love it when I hear like,oh, there's no good people out
(22:08):
there, blah, blah, blah.
So it's like well, you're outhere, are you not a good person?
There's a Zillion people likeyou'd.
I think the same thing.
So that is a very I needexternal Energy and external
(22:31):
stuff To satisfy me type ofmentality.
Sometimes you just have tobuild your own Road, you have to
build your own destiny.
And when you Can't pick acontractor because you think
Everybody is this or that andnot experienced that, so I'm not
(22:53):
gonna pick a contractor, thenyou're not gonna build your own
destiny.
You're just gonna be Sitting ina trailer figuring out,
figuring out why you bought ahide on the project, but I Don't
even know what I said.
But I know it was.
It's probably, it's pretty dopeprobably.
(23:18):
But People, don't be mean.
If you're dating, don't be mean.
Don't.
Don't look for the negative,don't Automatically be mean,
thinking that that's gonna Makeyou successful.
No one, no one was successfulby being mean.
(23:39):
They became mean when theybecame successful.
But don't like, don't go out ondates talking about oh you,
you're this and blah, blah, blahand thinking that is gonna Help
you.
It's not.
No one wants to deal with thatmen, women, etc.
Already above.
(23:59):
But yeah, that's the main thingI think.
I think that's that is like akey Thing.
(24:21):
Just don't be mean.
You don't have to be overlynice, but you don't have to be
overly mean because that's,that's not very enticing.
So women, men, don't like youto be mean because we we already
(24:45):
go through enough.
So someone that we areinterested in being mean is a
turnoff.
Men, women don't like to feelinsecure.
So, whether that's first, firstdate, 30 years of marriage, why
(25:06):
would they want to talk tosomeone that doesn't give them
some type of Security or sometype of consistency and that's
it.
That's it not saying theconsistency needs to be
overwhelmingly positive.
But people want people thatthey can figure out and know and
(25:29):
Kind of adhere to their generalcharacteristics for a bit of
being comfortable, and that'sall.
That's all we are, we.
We are human beings that wantto know what tomorrow brings,
(25:50):
because we don't know what thenext day brings.
And that's, that's the thing.
So, whether it's Dayton, whetherit's work, whether it's Hobbies
, we kind of all do the samething.
And then, when we're lookingfor love or looking for
companionship, we try to beef upquote-unquote standards,
(26:16):
because it's pretty important tous.
But we all do the same thing.
So it's like, come on, you know, you Know so.
So, dudes, if you go on a firstdate, one don't talk about guns
to Look.
Look at the Woman as a person,as a person.
(26:41):
You know the whole movements,what she's talking about, if
she's nervous, if she's happy,if she's Jittery, if she's
looking at the phone.
We, we, we kind of know womendo the same things like, hey,
don't hold a dude to a standardlike, all, will he provide me
(27:06):
security?
Don't, don't tag him with aTask, just sit back and See if
he's looking at you, see if he'sseeing you.
Men do the same thing.
See if they're seeing you.
It's like, hey, I could, I cantell she's looking at my shirt
sleeve and my shirt sleeve has acouple of wrinkles in it.
(27:27):
And she concludes that I don'tknow how to iron but is not
taken in consideration that Ihad my shirt sleeve.
I had my shirt at work nothanging up and I was excited to
see a Etc, etc.
But we could do it.
(27:47):
We could do it.
Just Everyone look at people aspeople.
When you start doing that, thegame will change.
Look at the person that you arequote-unquote interested in or
want to meet, or a Talking tolook at.
(28:08):
Look at them as a personinstead of as Asset a man, a
woman, a Whatevs, a personthat's trying to Take me for
money or take me for sex or takeme for Something.
Look at, look at him as aperson, and then you get there.
(28:32):
You, you figure it out, andthen you'll Develop your own
path, and then your path willeither cross or not, but you'll
have that in your pocket.
So there it is, you know.
So I got.
I Love my theme song what is going on?
How's it going?
What are you getting into?
How was your evening?
So I have a good friend.
(00:26):
He's a pretty good dude.
He's very easy to talk to, verysmart, opinionated and just
goes with the flow and sometimeshe, he, he, he flows the flow.
I don't know what that means,but we were talking today and
(00:49):
he's like hey, man, we weretalking about Dayton, like just
in general, and he was spittingsome stuff, I was spitting some
stuff and we, we were mergingcollective thoughts.
But that's what I want to talkabout today.
(01:09):
I want to talk about the like.
Everyone Talks about it.
While it's a thing, it's likehey, what was your opinion on
this and what do you think aboutthis?
And everybody, we all do thesame thing.
And it's like that's the.
(01:29):
You know, come on, you know we,we know what we all do, we know
what we all are trying to aimfor.
But I want to kind of revisitthat conversation that I had
with this good friend of mineand and Just kind of spit some
(01:53):
Some come on, you know, type ofPhilosophy, knowledge, hard
facts, this and that it's myopinion, but it's kind of right
and and he was asking mequestions.
I was asking him questions andwe're pretty pretty average
(02:13):
decent dudes and and we gothrough stuff we were just kind
of talking about.
It's like, hey, you experiencemy experience and I want to kind
of capstone my my Thoughts onthis because I'm right, it's
(02:35):
crazy like I'm giving mad adviceand mad, mad Experiences and
mad what you should do for forfree, just to make the world a
better place, I guess.
Anyways, so this is the basishe's.
(02:56):
He is a Regular dude, I'm aregular dude, and what I mean by
regular I mean like Nothing,cray, dece, a little bit better
than decent jobs, careers, ifyou will smart, understand the
world, understand our place inthe world, understand when the
(03:21):
world is, you know going towards, if you will, and just just
like you know we live in a very,very, very decent place and
Maneuvering, we're just Justdoing it.
(03:41):
So he asked me Well, we justtalk.
So it's like, hey, I tell himwhat I think, he tells me what
he thinks and this and that.
So I told him and I'm I'mletting you know, my audience,
(04:03):
all one of you that this is howit goes.
So I Don't want to talk badabout the Dayton apps, but that
is what we.
We have no choice but to adhereto, right?
So it's different factors,pictures and what you say,
(04:28):
levels of attraction.
But I told him Because this iswhat I think and I know it's the
truth it's like hey, I Told himthat.
I said, hey, it's a littledifference between you guys and
(04:52):
gals.
I think gals Pardon me, I hadsome good Korean chicken Mad
good.
So I Would assume that we havedifferent experiences, guys and
(05:12):
gals, and I Would.
I would think that that girlshave like more options, and what
I mean by more options is is alarger number of Guys or
whatever, on the Dayton appslike hey, you know what's up,
(05:34):
are you doing good blah?
And then regular guys likemyself, we may have a medium to
low number of girls that wematch mitt, match mitts, match
myth that's a new word matchmyth, match with Right.
(05:59):
And then, if you want to and Ihate rating people because
people like Souls, are beautiful, so you can't rate a soul, you
really can't and if you agreewith me, then you're right, if
you don't, then you're wrong.
But it's nothing.
Like this person was, I wasn'tattracted to Um blah, blah.
(06:21):
You didn't give that person achance.
That's a thing, and and that'swhy this is kind of weird.
But people in prison sameSexual or like Like people in
(06:43):
prison are like, oh, you knowyou, I Like the way you soaked
up today because it's alongevity thing and that's
reality you will become.
Once you learn and understandSomething, you, you will become
attracted to it.
But anyway, so, like, here's adeal, I'm just gonna straight up
(07:05):
, spit it, spit it out.
I, I believe and you can proveme wrong, let me know in the, in
the comments, whenever I throwit out up I believe that women
(07:28):
on in in these Daytona thingieshave more of a perceived sense
of options.
And and guys, unless they'relike Some you know, super
attractive Brad Piddish, I'mdoing pull-ups in every, in
(07:53):
every picture type dude, we havea mediocre reign.
So we're like, hey, we're gonnaget, we're gonna try to shoot
for the best of what we can getRight now.
So to better illustrate that, Iwould assume, like Women that
(08:23):
are, it's all aboutattractiveness.
And then, hey, if you canarticulate words To an extent,
that comes secondary andeveryone acts like they want
that as a primary factor.
But it's like, hey, if youcould speak, or you could talk
(08:46):
or you could articulate athought I want that first, but
that is a semi.
I've learned my lesson down theroad thing and I want that
first.
But we all do the same thing.
It's like, hey, how attractiveare you?
And then, what's the secondary?
Can you tie a shoe?
You know what I mean.
Can you?
(09:06):
Can you Do you put periods atthe end of your sentence.
So we want to act like we don'tdo that, but everyone does that
.
So this is my thought.
My thought is that women with alot of or perceived, a lot of
perceived Daytona options Can gothrough those like hey, how you
(09:30):
doing?
Oh, you didn't put a periodNext, hey, you know how's it
going.
Oh, he didn't say how's itgoing to me Next.
And guys are like what up?
And she's like what up, is thatokay?
Well, I'll talk to her for awhile, like let's, we'll see.
You know where the magichappens, if you will.
(09:53):
And so I Think the women aregoing for the guys that it's
like, if they think that theyare highly attractive, can piece
together a sentence, maybe ajoke or two, maybe I'm not
(10:16):
totally ignoring you.
So, okay, I'll go for this.
And those dudes also have aDon't want to say a plethora,
but like they have options too.
So I think it's the people witha lot of options are going
towards each other and andthey're not realizing that,
(10:37):
they're not realizing theirsituation, they don't go a
little deeper and it's not likehope.
I'm not saying like hey, thisperson is, I know, this person
is attractive, so I'm not gonnatalk to them because I know
they're talking to other people.
Everybody has to go for whatthey want to go for.
(10:58):
But I think that is the problem.
It's like they're goingeveryone, like the people with
the options are going for eachother and then Calling each
other like whatevs, and then thepeople with the mediocre
options are kind of paying forit.
(11:18):
So it's like, hey, I know we,hey, you, you, you have a
haircut in your picture, so you,you're probably talking to 17
girls.
It's like, well, I know for afact, you, I mean you are
attractive girl, you are anattractive female, so you have
(11:38):
to have 17 times five dudestalking to you.
So what's the happy medium here?
And that was the crux of myconversation With my Highly
intelligent friend and, and, andthat's a problem.
(11:58):
So he's like hey, he wastalking to me about, like
different dating apps.
I'm like I don't think it's theapps, because it's the, the
people.
So, same pool of people talkingto the same pool of people,
everyone wants to Assume thatwhat they are attracted to is
(12:18):
attracted to them.
And I'm not gonna talk aboutpeople not want to get to know
each other, because that's kindof that.
That is a implied thing.
It's like everyone likes theshiny piece of candy until it
(12:39):
rinds their teeth right, andthen it's like, oh, all candy is
bad.
Well, you did you not know that?
Yeah, but that that was my,that philosophy, if you will.
(13:01):
It's like I, I can identify aproblem.
What the solution is is Justrealization.
Realization, it's like we'reall on this checkerboard and I'm
(13:22):
talking about I'm not saying me, but just people that are
dating each other, the samecities and stuff like that.
You're on this checkerboard andyou have a it's a, it's a.
I Don't say everyone does this,but People look for the bad and
(13:48):
Instead of looking for whatthey can grow with and maybe
they don't know what they cangrow with so it's like, oh, this
person's Smile is crooked andit's a false sense of I could
find someone with a nice smileand it's nice and happy and blah
(14:09):
, blah, blah with that person.
You aren't the only personlooking for that other person.
So nine times out of ten, ormaybe ten times out of ten, that
person is probably with anotherperson that recognized that way
before you.
So I'm not saying there's nohope out there, it's just that,
(14:36):
dating with a sense of realism,this is my advice be a human.
Be a human.
Don't don't say, oh, you knowwhat this person is, this
political party, so I know I'mnot gonna get along with them.
It's like They'll when you, ifyou get married, stay married
(15:03):
for a long time and die.
You're not gonna be thinkingAbout a political party.
You're not gonna be, oh man,I'm glad I married this
political party.
You know you're gonna be like,hey, I'm glad I married this
human that breathed like me,sweats like me, that Feet smells
(15:25):
like mine does, or not.
They eat food like me.
You're not going to be like, oh, I'm so glad I married this
person in this profession,because that doesn't matter at
the end of the day.
What matters at the end of theday is you hold hands, you love
(15:47):
that, your your minutes withthis person.
It's, it's peaceful, or even ifit's turbulent, it's.
It's not turbulent in a falsesense.
It's like hey, like I don'tknow, I woke up at 6am, this
(16:10):
person woke up at 6.05.
I'm gonna, that's it's like.
No, it's like this person wokeup, woke up, woke up, woke up
with me.
That's what matters at the endof the day, because we all have
the same fate.
You know what I mean.
We all have the same fate.
Once you realize that, once youput that in your wallet or your
purse or you know, you, you putit, you create a CD out of that
(16:39):
and get some interest, somefixed interest, you you realize
it's like, hey, nothing reallyelse matters except your minutes
.
And once you realize that youallow yourself to like people
(17:02):
say this, younger people like bevulnerable, but what that means
is just being honest.
It means being honest and thatis the thing.
So you don't want to like.
My advice is don't look for thebad, don't think you have to
(17:27):
look or highlight the good.
Be okay with the comfortable,be okay with someone that is
like how do I explain it?
Like, understanding is reallyabout understanding and not 100%
(17:56):
.
It's about trying to understand.
You know, if someone has, ifyou like them, they have good.
If they, you know, good banter.
They talk to you and you couldtalk to them and you could
communicate and you likecommunication and you can
communicate that, you like thatand they get it, then that's,
(18:16):
that's cool.
But you know, maybe their,their, their breath stinks.
It's like man.
It smells like this.
This smells like the sneakersthat I threw out.
They took them out of the trashbecause they were psych
(18:37):
psychables, put them back on myporch and then was like, yeah,
what is going on?
Like it's.
It's complicated, but it'ssimple.
Once you start hunting for thenegative, you you get where you
hunt.
You highlight the negative, andthen you got to realize that
when you do that, the otherperson may not be dumb.
(18:59):
They, they may know you do thatand they may do that themselves
, but I don't know.
So here's some key points indating, because I think I've
going down rabbit holes and I'mnot a rabbit.
But if you think you likesomeone, like them, try to like
(19:21):
them, don't try to dislike them.
Look at them, you know.
Try to understand them.
Try to don't put some checklistagainst them and I'm talking to
men and women and whatever.
Don't, don't hold them againstsome checklist, and people may
call it expectations, but how doyou, how do you have
(19:45):
expectations for someone and youmay not even have them for
yourself, like I'm a very selfimprovement type of person, so
I'm my biggest critic and Iwould never, I never would hold
that against someone.
Like, oh, what, you don't Dothis because I, I I'm very
(20:09):
understanding, so it's almost abalance in beam.
But do that, do that and you'll, you'll be happier.
It's like hey, and Then whenyou do that, you'll see, because
a lot of times he was a well,you know this person Talking to
me and I didn't know theirintent.
And you don't have to know theintent yet, you don't have to be
psychic.
But if you Like, look at theperson and understand them and
(20:35):
understand their position in theworld, understand your position
in the world, talk to themabout it.
You'll get it, you'll see whatthey're doing.
There's no like don't pull out achecklist and say, hey, well,
were you married three times andhow come?
It didn't work.
It's like You're talking,you're asking me that and you're
(20:58):
single too.
So it doesn't even matter ifyou were married or not married.
You are in the same predicamentas I am.
That's the first step tounderstanding.
So you got to get there liketry to doggy paddle through the
minutia and you may have abetter outcome or not.
(21:22):
But it's a little bit of workinvolved.
But I don't want to talk aboutlike how it is nowadays.
And because people are people,we evolve, we create standards
and Sometimes they they are, arenot even standards, they're
(21:47):
just checklist.
Get rid of the checklist andembrace life, because you may
find that you were getting inyour own way and that's the
thing.
And I love it when I hear like,oh, there's no good people out
(22:08):
there, blah, blah, blah.
So it's like well, you're outhere, are you not a good person?
There's a Zillion people likeyou'd.
I think the same thing.
So that is a very I needexternal Energy and external
(22:31):
stuff To satisfy me type ofmentality.
Sometimes you just have tobuild your own Road, you have to
build your own destiny.
And when you Can't pick acontractor because you think
Everybody is this or that andnot experienced that, so I'm not
(22:53):
gonna pick a contractor, thenyou're not gonna build your own
destiny.
You're just gonna be Sitting ina trailer figuring out,
figuring out why you bought ahide on the project, but I Don't
even know what I said.
But I know it was.
It's probably, it's pretty dopeprobably.
(23:18):
But People, don't be mean.
If you're dating, don't be mean.
Don't.
Don't look for the negative,don't Automatically be mean,
thinking that that's gonna Makeyou successful.
No one, no one was successfulby being mean.
(23:39):
They became mean when theybecame successful.
But don't like, don't go out ondates talking about oh you,
you're this and blah, blah, blahand thinking that is gonna Help
you.
It's not.
No one wants to deal with thatmen, women, etc.
Already above.
(23:59):
But yeah, that's the main thingI think.
I think that's that is like akey Thing.
(24:21):
Just don't be mean.
You don't have to be overlynice, but you don't have to be
overly mean because that's,that's not very enticing.
So women, men, don't like youto be mean because we we already
(24:45):
go through enough.
So someone that we areinterested in being mean is a
turnoff.
Men, women don't like to feelinsecure.
So, whether that's first, firstdate, 30 years of marriage, why
(25:06):
would they want to talk tosomeone that doesn't give them
some type of Security or sometype of consistency and that's
it.
That's it not saying theconsistency needs to be
overwhelmingly positive.
But people want people thatthey can figure out and know and
(25:29):
Kind of adhere to their generalcharacteristics for a bit of
being comfortable, and that'sall.
That's all we are, we.
We are human beings that wantto know what tomorrow brings,
(25:50):
because we don't know what thenext day brings.
And that's, that's the thing.
So, whether it's Dayton, whetherit's work, whether it's Hobbies
, we kind of all do the samething.
And then, when we're lookingfor love or looking for
companionship, we try to beef upquote-unquote standards,
(26:16):
because it's pretty important tous.
But we all do the same thing.
So it's like, come on, you know, you Know so.
So, dudes, if you go on a firstdate, one don't talk about guns
to Look.
Look at the Woman as a person,as a person.
(26:41):
You know the whole movements,what she's talking about, if
she's nervous, if she's happy,if she's Jittery, if she's
looking at the phone.
We, we, we kind of know womendo the same things like, hey,
don't hold a dude to a standardlike, all, will he provide me
(27:06):
security?
Don't, don't tag him with aTask, just sit back and See if
he's looking at you, see if he'sseeing you.
Men do the same thing.
See if they're seeing you.
It's like, hey, I could, I cantell she's looking at my shirt
sleeve and my shirt sleeve has acouple of wrinkles in it.
(27:27):
And she concludes that I don'tknow how to iron but is not
taken in consideration that Ihad my shirt sleeve.
I had my shirt at work nothanging up and I was excited to
see a Etc, etc.
But we could do it.
(27:47):
We could do it.
Just Everyone look at people aspeople.
When you start doing that, thegame will change.
Look at the person that you arequote-unquote interested in or
want to meet, or a Talking tolook at.
(28:08):
Look at them as a personinstead of as Asset a man, a
woman, a Whatevs, a personthat's trying to Take me for
money or take me for sex or takeme for Something.
Look at, look at him as aperson, and then you get there.
(28:32):
You, you figure it out, andthen you'll Develop your own
path, and then your path willeither cross or not, but you'll
have that in your pocket.
So there it is, you know.
So I got.
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