Comedian Marcus Harvey pulled up a chair to the Comedy Roundtable after a performance at the Punchline Comedy Club in Atlanta, Georgia. Episode topics include Sesame Street Lessons and My Dog Ate My Homework.
Marcus Harvey is a hilarious comedian and the host of Ghost Brothers and Ghost Brothers: Lights Out available through the Discovery+ app. If stand up comedy and hosting a television show were not enough, Marcus is also a master barber to celebrities around the world. Flip on the TV during the NBA finals and you will see his work in action (and you can even see his work on busts in the NBA Hall of Fame).
Marcus' Linktree: https://linktr.ee/themarcusharvey
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themarcusharvey/
Comedy Roundtable is proud to suggest Live, Laugh, Larceny for your podcasting listening pleasure. Hear their promo in this episode and check out their website here: https://www.livelaughlarceny.com/.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:00):
Ladies and gentleman comedy roundtable coming up on
this episode. JJ, is there apodcast? Yeah, Jake and I got
Cody wrapped how many rounds?
Oh, I've been saying it thewhole time. Yeah. All the time,
once or twice? Once Okay, yeah.
round table. I have the docs.
I'm the one who knocks. Oh mygod. Right.
(00:30):
We have saved a chair for youour listener and we've also
saved a chair here at theroundtable for our guest this
evening. Marvis Harvey here weare at the comedy roundtable.
Jamie, Jamie and Adamimmediately adjacent to the
punch line comedy club inAtlanta, Georgia landmark diner
format of the show has changedsince the last time you were
with us. You are one of ourearly guests. Yes. Different
(00:54):
format of the show. It's good tohave you back one of the very
few second timers friend ofthe show. You're officially
how crazy is this that you guysdidn't have to book me? I was
just here. It's crazy.
That Well, that's the benefit.
That's why we do itnext week. We're glad you're
here because the guy that'ssitting over there drinking the
Martini was going to be our nextbet and
(01:14):
he literally just tasted themartini with a straw that lets
you know he's in for a goodtime. Yeah. He's ready to party.
format of the show is we presentto you topics. You choose those
topics they were not all of thetopics will be used. You only
choose the topics one at a time.
Okay. All right. So your topicsfor this evening are Sesame
(01:36):
Street lessons. Okay, worst songlyric ever. Okay, or dog ate my
homework.
You know, as crazy. I tried touse dog ate my homework, knowing
that I was allergic to dogs. Solet's go with that
dog ate my homework, startingwith Adam.
(01:56):
All right. So the dog ate myhomework is a situation where is
usually used as an excuse not tohave done something right,
exactly. But every once in awhile, I'm sure there was a kid
whose dog actually did eat hishomework. And the teacher was
like, That is trite. Like,that's the worst excuse ever.
Come on. So the questionbecomes, is there ever been a
(02:17):
situation where you were beinghonest, but no one believed you?
Oh, listen, I'm a barber. Okay,a husband.
Okay. So you'vebeen I'm a husband. Let me just
go back. I made a husband youhave told the truth and she told
me the most outlandish truths.
And they've come back scathednot unscathed. I mean, gave
(02:41):
because she did not believe it.
Right. But it was the truth. Itwas a damn sure. And she just
didn't believe you though. Maybebecause I've told other lies,
but hey, not did not know. Thatcase. Not case. Look out person
I was I said no. Stop it. We gotwine. Yeah, ma'am. Yeah, that's
it. We had wine wine. Yeah,that's all we did. See how they
looked at each other. Theydidn't even believe it. Damn it.
(03:03):
Yeah, well, I believe it. Whichnow what? Now with that? Oh, now
you go with the vocal. Yeah. AndI'm telling you the truth is,
that's exactly what his wife didwhen he said,
I looked away because every timeI look at you, you stare into my
soul. And I'm trying to like,oh,
(03:24):
he looked, he looked over to themap. He's looking for me for
defense, I wouldactually say that. I would find
very believable. A superherowhose power was uncomfortable
eye contact. Oh, that was it.
That's their only power you haveto do. They don't break it. They
don't break the eyesight. Yougot to take it a step further.
They make the eye contact. Ifyou break it. They defeat you.
(03:46):
Huh? Right. So it's notstaring man. It's not like
exactly.
Medusa there's a staring man.
What if you okay, I don't wantit Jamie told me not to get as
distracted this episode as I'vebeen in past episodes. So I have
a question that I'm hoping towork back into. I think Jamie
your question.
Alright. So of course, as Adamsaid, The dog ate my homework is
(04:07):
a typical excuse, right? It'sunfairly given canines the
reputation for being antieducation. I think for far too
long. So that ends tonight.
Stop so we dogs don't fuck withhomework. Now. They do not
know they would eat yourhomework. Why would they do
that?
Dogs can eat a lot of things inthe house, but they choose to
eat your homework that lets youknow, they rockin with it. They
(04:28):
they're not working. They're notrocking with hard work.
That's right. Because they wantyou to have fun. All they want
is your happiness. They justwant you happy. But and we all
know what's the cat. What wouldanybody is destroying the
homework? It'sthe cat. The cat would spit up
your homework because it doesn'tkeep anything.
No, no. It's like hairball.
Yeah.
So you could report it back.
(04:48):
Actually, remember when I toldyou that the cat ate my
homework?
Actually, I got here we go. Herewe go. Good news.
But the question the question Ihave is, what would the cat do
with the homework? I don't thinkthe cat would eat homework I
think the cat would do somethingmore mischievous or conniving
catsare Listen, cats are probably
the most strategically pettycreatures on earth. Yes.
(05:10):
I think cats would change youranswers. They wouldn't eat the
homework. They would just changeyour answers eg Klee Petey would
like to see? Yeah, not be right,right. I think a cat would
actually get an actual eraser tochange your answers.
Right? I can see a cat.
(05:31):
When you think about it, likethe strategically any animal,
there is no more strategicallypetty. No, no, I was just
thinking like in the entireanimal kingdom.
That's pettier than a cat. Yeah,no, no, no animal is more
petting a cat. There's cats andghost. Those are the two most
petty things on earth. You thinkghosts are petty ghosts are so
petty they stay on Earth to letyou know that they were wrong
(05:54):
that they died.
They want to keep keep tellingyou.
They want to keep their house.
My house.
Did you hit the ceiling? Did youhit that work?
Actually, you see how pettythese ghost ghosts
are? That's the first paranormalexperience we actually had. So I
(06:18):
actually would trust a cat to domy homework. Because I would
have figured they've takenalgebra nine times.
Very good. The night that is thebest dad joke. I should write
that down. Right. I'm not surethat no, no, that boy brothers
do that. We're brothers do that.
Extend the boy.
(06:39):
Oh, that's a good one.
Boy. That joke right there. Thatwas it. That's a dad joke. That
joke that's fully formed. Imean, that came out like a
cocoon.
Like it was like a hungry HungryCaterpillar. eaten all that.
This was it. Swans, swans,another animal that's even
(07:04):
close to what's the Okay, soit's just cat.
I think squirrels are petty. No,I would say squirrels.
I don't think I think but no,that's. That's it. And strategic
planning? Yes. That's long term.
Yes. Squirrels should be youractual investment advisors. Yes,
yes. Oh, yeah, absolutely. If Iwas starting an investment
(07:25):
company, I will call itsquirrel.
Okay. Squirrels are going toembezzle from you. Because
they're gonna go hey, you'reright. They're going to take
money out of somebody else'saccount. Oh, steal from the bird
feeder.
The problem is look, they maytake it from you. But to get it
back, you just shouldn't theircheeks just comes right back
out.
And when the government comesback, zap my
calling out of your mouthrages chip to chip in
(07:48):
embezzlers. That's why they hada plane.
I never thought of that.
Chipmunks afford a plane. Ididn't ship it the other four
because they were embezzlingbecause they were stealing
people's money. You know what,you know what are adorable? They
were actually they were actuallydrug runners, or the Colombian
Colombians. And they wereembezzlers because they had a
(08:10):
mixture of the twolittle did people know that the
Rescue Rangers were based out ofMiami. They're constantly
running adventuresin random places. Yeah, so it's
never the same route twice.
Can't be tracked. Da has noidea.
Oh my gosh. Did we just find outthat Chippendale Oh, Colombian
drug runners and invent oh mygod, I don't want to be this
conspiracy. But I will point outI don't know which one of them.
(08:32):
One of them's nose is prettyred, like oh,
it strung out. Dell does a lotof testing the product. He's the
one he's the one in the actualshirt. Not the one no eight. The
one in the in the in the bomberjacket. He's the one who's lit
all the time.
All of my memories associatedwith chipmunks is Alvin and his
(08:55):
brothers.
Chippendale was drug runners.
I think they were underinvestigation.
That's why they that's why theylay low for them. 30 years.
Yeah, it was hot for a while.
He's got hot. Too hot.
You get too hot. You live inMiami. You got a bomber jacket
and a hat. Second adventureswearing such good nuts.
Well, we talktoo much attention to get nuts.
Not just metaphorically. Yeah,Chip.
(09:21):
calm us down. You don't fuckingtalk to me like that. Yeah, I
read this. Yeah, it'sthat high pitched Yeah, unless
you're it's because they'retheir docks, I'm the one who
knocks Oh my god.
(09:43):
Right. He's the one who knocks.
If we could all individuallyjust record I'm gonna just
record each of us sayingAllegedly. Allegedly.
First of all, I actually don'tknow that you have to say
allegedly when referring tocartoon characters. Alright, dog
ate my homework. Okay, gotchaquestion. Yes. All right. You
(10:04):
are also Barber. High levelBarber, the highest you have had
significant responsibility as abarber. Yes, yes. Okay. Is there
a truth that you cannot tell toone of your clients? Never. You
are always truthful. Recodeactually my wife is not going to
when you say my dog ate myhomework this is going to be an
(10:24):
instance in which my wife won'tbelieve this is my dog ate my
homework right here. Rightliving. I'm living with did a
podcast. I did a pocket apodcast. That's why I recorded
Jamie diner at the dineron Sunday and 30. Yeah, well,
I'mbraiding your doors there. Okay.
All right, great spot to stopthis segment. We will be back
(10:44):
with more of comedy roundtablehere at the punch line comedy
club in Atlanta, Georgia. Ourguest
was pleased on what time it is.
What time is it? Okay to putthat in there. Just want to put
that in there.
We're gonna provide the raw,unedited copy of this book as to
market so he can verify he's notmine.
(11:06):
We can do an audio message toyour wife.
We will be back we're back withmore of Marcus Harvey and Jamie
Jamie and Adam. Right after acouple of beds for markets
for that'd be like 245 Yeah,what do we get back
there? Christina? This is Jamiefrom comedy roundtable. Please
excuse Marcus from being home ontime. We stopped him as he was
(11:27):
trying to leave. And we said canyou do our show? And he says but
my family was no pleased. Wesaid look, we need you please
for the roundtable.
Do you find crime podcast to bea little too murdery then take a
break from all things heavy andget petty.
Join us Amanda and Trevon as weshare killer facts dreadful
(11:48):
dilemmas until real life pettycrime stories in the style of an
audio drama.
They're spread all over theaisle floor and eight display
wigs was a fresh pile of poo.
Listen to live laugh, larceny onthe iHeartRadio app, Apple
podcasts, Spotify or whereveryou get your podcasts. We're
back with more of the comedyroundtable we appreciate you
(12:11):
listening to this episode. Ofcourse you can check out any of
the comedians that will be atthe punch line comedy Club punch
line.com We also encourage youto encourage friends to become
subscribers and listeners ofthis podcast comedy roundtable.
We are in the landmark dinerright now with our guest Marcus
Harvey one of the ghost brothersI'm a ghost Detective Detective
(12:32):
of ghosts I'm a ghost ghostworking on that title
right it's a titleit's we're working on it yeah
they may not say ghosts butghost investigator
ghosts. Current episode airingnow on
the Travel Channel discoveryplus one of the top shows on
Discovery Plus app altogether.
You can see most of our serieswe have several series we have
(12:54):
ghost brothers proper where wehave two seasons of that we have
ghost lights out to two seasonsthat we have fright club with
Jack Osborne two seasons of thatfirst rule of fight club is you
don't talk about fight club.
No first rule by free club isthat you tell everybody talks
about fight club.
Are you are you ever on also onDiscovery plus is HGTV Are you
(13:16):
going to do a crossover episodewith Ghost brothers On Property
Brothers?
I'm trying to do every crossoverone I'm trying to be Allen
Iverson out here on Discoveryplus crossing everything over
breaking and breaking anklesbreaking ankles I like it yes
dead earlierwe had a paranormal experience
as and it's gonna be interestingif it even shows oh it should oh
(13:40):
no it's gonna show because therewas a paranormal the ghosts were
trying to talk to a city youthink ghosts follow you
on Instagram? No no ghostsbanned
because ghosts usually tied tosites or can they just like come
(14:01):
home with you?
Are they tied to like website solike wherever they are location
location because my searches aretied to location Diana house
stay in the house die in a carstay in the car typically
they're connected to locationland yeah articles furniture
things of that naturebut a particular ghost that
you've interacted with couldthey say you know I want to go
(14:22):
see Marcus perform at the punchline
I invite them Yeah, I asked thembefore we get in Hey, if you
guys are gonna come in ticklesomebody a little bit do you say
anything about touch the ball tomake things sound because that's
just happenedsee for me to say that I I am a
ghost trainer would bedisingenuous goes trainers too
much that's way too much. I'm aI'm a friend to ghosts friend to
(14:45):
go so whatever it goes want todo to show themselves when I'm
around. I allowedso let me ask you this your
ghost experience than I am.
Yeah. Do you have to acknowledgethe existence of ghosts for
ghosts to be Effective,you have to be looking or focus
on the atmosphere that you're into recognize that it goes there.
(15:05):
That could be goes here. I whywe had something like the joint.
So so if I was a non believerand ghost it would be harder for
me to have a paranormal, payingattention because I'm not I'm
not but if I'm highly attuned tothe presence of ghosts, then I
might see ghosts everyplace.
Yeah, ifyou're a freak, you're gonna see
a freak. Come on, now you knowabout it.
(15:29):
So it's like you drive a ToyotaCamry. You're gonna see Toyota
Camry. You're gonna see everytime you say I want to buy a new
Audie lousy blood every everytime.
Well, everybody's got one. Howdid everybody Miss Johnson? Same
thing,same thing when it comes to
ghosts when you start beinglike, maybe I want to go look
for ghosts. Everything's juststarts a whole new world. Don't
(15:51):
you dare close your eyes. Allright,
our remaining subjects our worstsong lyric ever. Or Sesame
Street lessons.
Sesame Street lessons. I'm a PBSKids So alright, that's
your choice. Alright, SesameStreet lessons starting with
Adam.
(16:11):
So one of the songs that cameout of Sesame Street was Who are
the people in your neighborhood?
Right when you think about theneighborhood you grew up? What
were the people in yourneighborhood and do you remember
any specific characters fromyour neighborhood?
Yes, there is my friend. Yeah,we bow so boom Pantone Pantone
to Novato bom bom panto AllahThank you Gwinnett County. Okay,
(16:33):
aka Loma Heiko. Okay. When I sayI saw nothing but camaraderie
because I lived in a townhousestrip right. I don't even
remember his name. He wasliterally my neighbor to my
left. His family bought the nextthree townhouses. Oh, connected
them. I don't know if they brokethe wall down or so. I don't
(16:54):
know if they could have walked Istole cable from them. I will
say that. Okay. You will saythat I will say that I still
cable for our whole neighborhoodour whole block for at least
five years of my lifefrom the adjacent one or did you
have to go all the way oversometimes?
Sometimes their cable was downand I go get the cable box box.
Right. The actual box? Yep. Thisis that's your limitations.
(17:16):
Wait. You're a lawyer. Can I gettrouble for this? No. You looked
around the crowd. Okay, cool. Isold millions of dollars worth
of cable cable. Yeah. When I was12 years old, Allegedly.
Allegedly, allegedly becausethat's what we know now. Yes.
Allegedly. I still through theyrent those three houses or so it
was like seven. Oh, they hadthey had three of them. We had
(17:36):
one. My other neighbor on theother side. And then I had
another neighbor who made bread.
Amazing bridge. Sarah and herhusband. Great.
Sara Lee. Sarah.
It might have been Sara Lee. Shewas low key. A work
is over have some bread. Yes.
I'm a little fat kid withtitties. Yeah. Loved it. Free
birthday free bread. She put itput in the foil. Yeah, my mama
(17:59):
didn't even know that Sarah haddelivered the bread because I
had already ate the bread.
Adam went to prep school withthe sunbeams.
I did. Are youserious? Yeah. Our the sunbeams.
Were they kind ofthey had a lot of bread.
They had a lot of bread. Oh, Iliked that. I liked that.
Another dad joke. He's on therow. The money became ready to
rollDid your mom keep wondering why
(18:26):
Sarah kept giving you emptytinfoil?
No, Sarah knew why she was good.
She saw my body shape. She'sgonna get to my mom.
She didn't give me two likehere's one for the road. A
little boy likes bread. Alright,Sesame Street lessons. So Sesame
Street was missing a keyelement. Okay, a villain. And so
if you were writing the nextseason of Sesame Street, what
(18:47):
sort of villain would you add tothe show? And I do have a follow
up question.
Oh, it'd be a landlord. Oh, alandlord. It'd be a landlord.
It'd be like his name be JeremyJeremy the landlord. Yeah.
evicting Big Birdand he will be he'll be doing
things like putting late fees onBig Bird raising kids to stay in
this alley. He will be he willbe an HOA guy. Oscar.
(19:11):
sesame's HOA meeting.
Oh my gosh. Jeremy. The landlordto get
rid of all the squatters he Oh,my
ghost. I told you. I told you.
They're my friends.
What are they saying?
They say that's a good one.
That's what they're laughingthey're laughing I've never
heard the premise of Jeremy thelandlord.
(19:32):
squatter Big Bird. Get thisnest. Get it out of here, dad
herethe count. Whoa. Do three three
days late.
Actually, the cat would beEnforcer. Yeah, you will. Five
Big Bird. He's open your eyes.
Like wow.
(19:57):
I follow up question.
Okay, follow up question. Got afollow up question from the
landlord,who would win in a street fight
between the characters fromSesame Street and the Muppets
animal looks very loose. Yeah,we'll always because he was a
drummer. Yeah. Animal. It seemedas if he always did a line
before there was absolutely so Idon't think anybody would have
(20:18):
been able to hurt him fromSesame Street.
I think that the Muppets is thebizarro universe Sesame Street
because all the characterslineup. Okay, Sesame Street last
question. Sesame Street lessons.
Yeah. What was the mostimportant lesson that you
learned as a child that youstill apply today?
(20:41):
Okay. Yep. And this is now thatas a as an adult as an adult?
Who's gone through therapy.
Yeah.
Having children of your ownhaving
children of my own have a spousewho knows how to listen to a
spouse. I know how to bevulnerable. Yep. Right.
He's still doing a podcast at10:50pm 1052.
Tina, because he tried to playme. Yeah. Tina is too tempted to
(21:03):
to not me to cheat you twominutes. I tell you that. I'm
telling you. I'm on the way. Ilove you. Woman. Not on the way
yet. But Tina, I'm not on theway. Yeah, that's bad. That's
bad. Because we're honest withyou. They want to be honest and
upfront. Yeah.
I'm not on the way we're still.
I'm winding down.
Around 20 as a comedian wouldsay. We're getting to one more
thing. One more thing.
(21:24):
One more thing. One more thing.
I'd like to know life lesson isbe accepting of the people who
move near you no matter what.
Yep. Because they're all justtrying to live a good life like
you. Nice. If you look at SesameStreet, it was a very different,
diverse group. diverse group.
You had animals. You hadhomeless people. You had gay
people. You had old people,white people, white people. You
(21:47):
had maniacs who were on crackcocaine.
You had that newscaster thatcame in?
He'd never said anythingimportant ever, which lets you
know about fake news. They weretrying to tell us about fake
news.
They were already talking aboutit possible. It's Sesame Street
time travelers.
This has been a enjoyableepisode. What do you got going
(22:09):
on this year? Do you have anycurrent clients that might be in
the finals? Or will they ask youif they want
finals? I 13 years straight inthe finals. Oh, nice. I'm gonna
beat LeBron in that.
Don't go in the Basketball Hallof Fame then I am.
You are has one of your hassomebody who is getting their
bus done for a while.
(22:30):
Grant Hill and Chris Webber forthe for their bus.
So your haircut that's in thehall? Yes. Yeah,
it's pretty crazy. That's crazy.
And you just brought that upbecause I didn't even think
about that. Yeah,you gotta make sure your kids
know about that. So when they goto the hall you're worried no
one's going to be preservedforever.
Yeah, no matter where you goforever can't take that
away. They shouldn't charge youadmission it never do. Alright,
(22:52):
so one last question. Yeah. Idon't know if you want to put
this out there. I don't but it'sthere. At 11am I live in peace
there one person out there. Thatis your sort of elusive get to
get into the barber chair thatyou want to cut their hair. Yes.
And I and there's no disrespectin it. There's no disrespect,
right. But I want to cut KevinDurant's hair, get him in. If
(23:13):
he's the greatest player in theworld. He deserves the greatest
hair cut cut that matches theHall of Fame haircut. Are you
just talking about NBA or justanybody? Anybody? Anybody? Okay,
anybody? The most elusive cutright now that I want to cut is
Obama rock. And I want him togrow his beard out get that
thing crazy. I want I want DaveLetterman but like oh my like
(23:33):
James Harden. You know what howflower make Obama look with a
fade. And a really big bushysilver beard.
Talking, solvingsome problems solving world
problems with a fresh fade. Oh,vote for him again. No. goes
away. We'll change his nameafter that cut to Larry Jackson.
(23:53):
Oh, I don't know why it was alittle bit out of the blue.
Larry Jackson made me knoweverybody loves everybody. It's
hard to objective.
You sound like Obama.
Crazy. How much you sound likeObama? Isn't? It kind of favored
them around the eyes or you?
(24:14):
Beard? Isn't the Larry Jackson.
Yeah. Is it theI don't know what it is. I would
love to get killed by Marksorry.
So how would you make thathappen? What's the what's the
plan? Keeptill I keep talking about it in
podcast and you never know. Andyou never know. You might be
listening right now.
Right? That's right. It's greatto be here with you. Appreciate
(24:35):
you being back, man. Hopefullywe'll see you again before too
long.
Yo, can we do a ghost brothersshow here? Absolutely. You know,
like, you know how many peopleyour people and this is not me
being racist? Yeah. I just wantto look him in his eyes. I'm
saying your people. That mighthave been racist. The second
time I saidthe second time, Phil said
because you said it's notracist.
I just appreciate it. Your focuswas just on James. Yeah, because
(24:58):
you guys are good.
Yeah, obviously People thesepeople a they love
ghosts brothers they do. It'sbecause Brothers live. We'll set
this What have seats it outhere, right? Yeah. Seats out
here. Yeah. But so the monitorswill have a detector thing eams
T detection, even more lightswill go out. Although
(25:21):
it's phenomenon. I liked it. Iliked it. You almost knew it
though.
Thank you. I like that. Almostdone. All right. So for Jamie,
Jamie and Adam and our guestthis episode. JJ. JJ the
podcast. Yeah. JJ.
No. Go comedy roundtable.
Oh, I've been saying that thewhole time. Yeah. The whole
(25:45):
time. Once ortwice? Yeah. And you didn't
throw it in once?
Yeah. round table.
Alright, for Jamie, Jamie andAdam and our guest comedian
Marcus Harvey. Check them out.
I'll call ya JJ. If you want to.
Okay, cool. Okay. Okay. Now youcan go back to
me. Yeah, you check him out inbrand new season of ghost
brothers, which is available onDiscovery plus and see him and
(26:10):
his work both at the BasketballHall of Fame in Springfield,
Massachusetts. Yes, you're in aplayoff series. Here you were
comedy club for David JVM andMark is putting chair back where
you found it. We will see younext episode
about it here though.
Ladies and gentleman comedy roundtable coming up on
this episode. JJ, is there apodcast? Yeah, Jake and I got
Cody wrapped how many rounds?
Oh, I've been saying it thewhole time. Yeah. All the time,
once or twice? Once Okay, yeah.
round table. I have the docs.
I'm the one who knocks. Oh mygod. Right.
(00:30):
We have saved a chair for youour listener and we've also
saved a chair here at theroundtable for our guest this
evening. Marvis Harvey here weare at the comedy roundtable.
Jamie, Jamie and Adamimmediately adjacent to the
punch line comedy club inAtlanta, Georgia landmark diner
format of the show has changedsince the last time you were
with us. You are one of ourearly guests. Yes. Different
(00:54):
format of the show. It's good tohave you back one of the very
few second timers friend ofthe show. You're officially
how crazy is this that you guysdidn't have to book me? I was
just here. It's crazy.
That Well, that's the benefit.
That's why we do itnext week. We're glad you're
here because the guy that'ssitting over there drinking the
Martini was going to be our nextbet and
(01:14):
he literally just tasted themartini with a straw that lets
you know he's in for a goodtime. Yeah. He's ready to party.
format of the show is we presentto you topics. You choose those
topics they were not all of thetopics will be used. You only
choose the topics one at a time.
Okay. All right. So your topicsfor this evening are Sesame
(01:36):
Street lessons. Okay, worst songlyric ever. Okay, or dog ate my
homework.
You know, as crazy. I tried touse dog ate my homework, knowing
that I was allergic to dogs. Solet's go with that
dog ate my homework, startingwith Adam.
(01:56):
All right. So the dog ate myhomework is a situation where is
usually used as an excuse not tohave done something right,
exactly. But every once in awhile, I'm sure there was a kid
whose dog actually did eat hishomework. And the teacher was
like, That is trite. Like,that's the worst excuse ever.
Come on. So the questionbecomes, is there ever been a
(02:17):
situation where you were beinghonest, but no one believed you?
Oh, listen, I'm a barber. Okay,a husband.
Okay. So you'vebeen I'm a husband. Let me just
go back. I made a husband youhave told the truth and she told
me the most outlandish truths.
And they've come back scathednot unscathed. I mean, gave
(02:41):
because she did not believe it.
Right. But it was the truth. Itwas a damn sure. And she just
didn't believe you though. Maybebecause I've told other lies,
but hey, not did not know. Thatcase. Not case. Look out person
I was I said no. Stop it. We gotwine. Yeah, ma'am. Yeah, that's
it. We had wine wine. Yeah,that's all we did. See how they
looked at each other. Theydidn't even believe it. Damn it.
(03:03):
Yeah, well, I believe it. Whichnow what? Now with that? Oh, now
you go with the vocal. Yeah. AndI'm telling you the truth is,
that's exactly what his wife didwhen he said,
I looked away because every timeI look at you, you stare into my
soul. And I'm trying to like,oh,
(03:24):
he looked, he looked over to themap. He's looking for me for
defense, I wouldactually say that. I would find
very believable. A superherowhose power was uncomfortable
eye contact. Oh, that was it.
That's their only power you haveto do. They don't break it. They
don't break the eyesight. Yougot to take it a step further.
They make the eye contact. Ifyou break it. They defeat you.
(03:46):
Huh? Right. So it's notstaring man. It's not like
exactly.
Medusa there's a staring man.
What if you okay, I don't wantit Jamie told me not to get as
distracted this episode as I'vebeen in past episodes. So I have
a question that I'm hoping towork back into. I think Jamie
your question.
Alright. So of course, as Adamsaid, The dog ate my homework is
(04:07):
a typical excuse, right? It'sunfairly given canines the
reputation for being antieducation. I think for far too
long. So that ends tonight.
Stop so we dogs don't fuck withhomework. Now. They do not
know they would eat yourhomework. Why would they do
that?
Dogs can eat a lot of things inthe house, but they choose to
eat your homework that lets youknow, they rockin with it. They
(04:28):
they're not working. They're notrocking with hard work.
That's right. Because they wantyou to have fun. All they want
is your happiness. They justwant you happy. But and we all
know what's the cat. What wouldanybody is destroying the
homework? It'sthe cat. The cat would spit up
your homework because it doesn'tkeep anything.
No, no. It's like hairball.
Yeah.
So you could report it back.
(04:48):
Actually, remember when I toldyou that the cat ate my
homework?
Actually, I got here we go. Herewe go. Good news.
But the question the question Ihave is, what would the cat do
with the homework? I don't thinkthe cat would eat homework I
think the cat would do somethingmore mischievous or conniving
catsare Listen, cats are probably
the most strategically pettycreatures on earth. Yes.
(05:10):
I think cats would change youranswers. They wouldn't eat the
homework. They would just changeyour answers eg Klee Petey would
like to see? Yeah, not be right,right. I think a cat would
actually get an actual eraser tochange your answers.
Right? I can see a cat.
(05:31):
When you think about it, likethe strategically any animal,
there is no more strategicallypetty. No, no, I was just
thinking like in the entireanimal kingdom.
That's pettier than a cat. Yeah,no, no, no animal is more
petting a cat. There's cats andghost. Those are the two most
petty things on earth. You thinkghosts are petty ghosts are so
petty they stay on Earth to letyou know that they were wrong
(05:54):
that they died.
They want to keep keep tellingyou.
They want to keep their house.
My house.
Did you hit the ceiling? Did youhit that work?
Actually, you see how pettythese ghost ghosts
are? That's the first paranormalexperience we actually had. So I
(06:18):
actually would trust a cat to domy homework. Because I would
have figured they've takenalgebra nine times.
Very good. The night that is thebest dad joke. I should write
that down. Right. I'm not surethat no, no, that boy brothers
do that. We're brothers do that.
Extend the boy.
(06:39):
Oh, that's a good one.
Boy. That joke right there. Thatwas it. That's a dad joke. That
joke that's fully formed. Imean, that came out like a
cocoon.
Like it was like a hungry HungryCaterpillar. eaten all that.
This was it. Swans, swans,another animal that's even
(07:04):
close to what's the Okay, soit's just cat.
I think squirrels are petty. No,I would say squirrels.
I don't think I think but no,that's. That's it. And strategic
planning? Yes. That's long term.
Yes. Squirrels should be youractual investment advisors. Yes,
yes. Oh, yeah, absolutely. If Iwas starting an investment
(07:25):
company, I will call itsquirrel.
Okay. Squirrels are going toembezzle from you. Because
they're gonna go hey, you'reright. They're going to take
money out of somebody else'saccount. Oh, steal from the bird
feeder.
The problem is look, they maytake it from you. But to get it
back, you just shouldn't theircheeks just comes right back
out.
And when the government comesback, zap my
calling out of your mouthrages chip to chip in
(07:48):
embezzlers. That's why they hada plane.
I never thought of that.
Chipmunks afford a plane. Ididn't ship it the other four
because they were embezzlingbecause they were stealing
people's money. You know what,you know what are adorable? They
were actually they were actuallydrug runners, or the Colombian
Colombians. And they wereembezzlers because they had a
(08:10):
mixture of the twolittle did people know that the
Rescue Rangers were based out ofMiami. They're constantly
running adventuresin random places. Yeah, so it's
never the same route twice.
Can't be tracked. Da has noidea.
Oh my gosh. Did we just find outthat Chippendale Oh, Colombian
drug runners and invent oh mygod, I don't want to be this
conspiracy. But I will point outI don't know which one of them.
(08:32):
One of them's nose is prettyred, like oh,
it strung out. Dell does a lotof testing the product. He's the
one he's the one in the actualshirt. Not the one no eight. The
one in the in the in the bomberjacket. He's the one who's lit
all the time.
All of my memories associatedwith chipmunks is Alvin and his
(08:55):
brothers.
Chippendale was drug runners.
I think they were underinvestigation.
That's why they that's why theylay low for them. 30 years.
Yeah, it was hot for a while.
He's got hot. Too hot.
You get too hot. You live inMiami. You got a bomber jacket
and a hat. Second adventureswearing such good nuts.
Well, we talktoo much attention to get nuts.
Not just metaphorically. Yeah,Chip.
(09:21):
calm us down. You don't fuckingtalk to me like that. Yeah, I
read this. Yeah, it'sthat high pitched Yeah, unless
you're it's because they'retheir docks, I'm the one who
knocks Oh my god.
(09:43):
Right. He's the one who knocks.
If we could all individuallyjust record I'm gonna just
record each of us sayingAllegedly. Allegedly.
First of all, I actually don'tknow that you have to say
allegedly when referring tocartoon characters. Alright, dog
ate my homework. Okay, gotchaquestion. Yes. All right. You
(10:04):
are also Barber. High levelBarber, the highest you have had
significant responsibility as abarber. Yes, yes. Okay. Is there
a truth that you cannot tell toone of your clients? Never. You
are always truthful. Recodeactually my wife is not going to
when you say my dog ate myhomework this is going to be an
(10:24):
instance in which my wife won'tbelieve this is my dog ate my
homework right here. Rightliving. I'm living with did a
podcast. I did a pocket apodcast. That's why I recorded
Jamie diner at the dineron Sunday and 30. Yeah, well,
I'mbraiding your doors there. Okay.
All right, great spot to stopthis segment. We will be back
(10:44):
with more of comedy roundtablehere at the punch line comedy
club in Atlanta, Georgia. Ourguest
was pleased on what time it is.
What time is it? Okay to putthat in there. Just want to put
that in there.
We're gonna provide the raw,unedited copy of this book as to
market so he can verify he's notmine.
(11:06):
We can do an audio message toyour wife.
We will be back we're back withmore of Marcus Harvey and Jamie
Jamie and Adam. Right after acouple of beds for markets
for that'd be like 245 Yeah,what do we get back
there? Christina? This is Jamiefrom comedy roundtable. Please
excuse Marcus from being home ontime. We stopped him as he was
(11:27):
trying to leave. And we said canyou do our show? And he says but
my family was no pleased. Wesaid look, we need you please
for the roundtable.
Do you find crime podcast to bea little too murdery then take a
break from all things heavy andget petty.
Join us Amanda and Trevon as weshare killer facts dreadful
(11:48):
dilemmas until real life pettycrime stories in the style of an
audio drama.
They're spread all over theaisle floor and eight display
wigs was a fresh pile of poo.
Listen to live laugh, larceny onthe iHeartRadio app, Apple
podcasts, Spotify or whereveryou get your podcasts. We're
back with more of the comedyroundtable we appreciate you
(12:11):
listening to this episode. Ofcourse you can check out any of
the comedians that will be atthe punch line comedy Club punch
line.com We also encourage youto encourage friends to become
subscribers and listeners ofthis podcast comedy roundtable.
We are in the landmark dinerright now with our guest Marcus
Harvey one of the ghost brothersI'm a ghost Detective Detective
(12:32):
of ghosts I'm a ghost ghostworking on that title
right it's a titleit's we're working on it yeah
they may not say ghosts butghost investigator
ghosts. Current episode airingnow on
the Travel Channel discoveryplus one of the top shows on
Discovery Plus app altogether.
You can see most of our serieswe have several series we have
(12:54):
ghost brothers proper where wehave two seasons of that we have
ghost lights out to two seasonsthat we have fright club with
Jack Osborne two seasons of thatfirst rule of fight club is you
don't talk about fight club.
No first rule by free club isthat you tell everybody talks
about fight club.
Are you are you ever on also onDiscovery plus is HGTV Are you
(13:16):
going to do a crossover episodewith Ghost brothers On Property
Brothers?
I'm trying to do every crossoverone I'm trying to be Allen
Iverson out here on Discoveryplus crossing everything over
breaking and breaking anklesbreaking ankles I like it yes
dead earlierwe had a paranormal experience
as and it's gonna be interestingif it even shows oh it should oh
(13:40):
no it's gonna show because therewas a paranormal the ghosts were
trying to talk to a city youthink ghosts follow you
on Instagram? No no ghostsbanned
because ghosts usually tied tosites or can they just like come
(14:01):
home with you?
Are they tied to like website solike wherever they are location
location because my searches aretied to location Diana house
stay in the house die in a carstay in the car typically
they're connected to locationland yeah articles furniture
things of that naturebut a particular ghost that
you've interacted with couldthey say you know I want to go
(14:22):
see Marcus perform at the punchline
I invite them Yeah, I asked thembefore we get in Hey, if you
guys are gonna come in ticklesomebody a little bit do you say
anything about touch the ball tomake things sound because that's
just happenedsee for me to say that I I am a
ghost trainer would bedisingenuous goes trainers too
much that's way too much. I'm aI'm a friend to ghosts friend to
(14:45):
go so whatever it goes want todo to show themselves when I'm
around. I allowedso let me ask you this your
ghost experience than I am.
Yeah. Do you have to acknowledgethe existence of ghosts for
ghosts to be Effective,you have to be looking or focus
on the atmosphere that you're into recognize that it goes there.
(15:05):
That could be goes here. I whywe had something like the joint.
So so if I was a non believerand ghost it would be harder for
me to have a paranormal, payingattention because I'm not I'm
not but if I'm highly attuned tothe presence of ghosts, then I
might see ghosts everyplace.
Yeah, ifyou're a freak, you're gonna see
a freak. Come on, now you knowabout it.
(15:29):
So it's like you drive a ToyotaCamry. You're gonna see Toyota
Camry. You're gonna see everytime you say I want to buy a new
Audie lousy blood every everytime.
Well, everybody's got one. Howdid everybody Miss Johnson? Same
thing,same thing when it comes to
ghosts when you start beinglike, maybe I want to go look
for ghosts. Everything's juststarts a whole new world. Don't
(15:51):
you dare close your eyes. Allright,
our remaining subjects our worstsong lyric ever. Or Sesame
Street lessons.
Sesame Street lessons. I'm a PBSKids So alright, that's
your choice. Alright, SesameStreet lessons starting with
Adam.
(16:11):
So one of the songs that cameout of Sesame Street was Who are
the people in your neighborhood?
Right when you think about theneighborhood you grew up? What
were the people in yourneighborhood and do you remember
any specific characters fromyour neighborhood?
Yes, there is my friend. Yeah,we bow so boom Pantone Pantone
to Novato bom bom panto AllahThank you Gwinnett County. Okay,
(16:33):
aka Loma Heiko. Okay. When I sayI saw nothing but camaraderie
because I lived in a townhousestrip right. I don't even
remember his name. He wasliterally my neighbor to my
left. His family bought the nextthree townhouses. Oh, connected
them. I don't know if they brokethe wall down or so. I don't
(16:54):
know if they could have walked Istole cable from them. I will
say that. Okay. You will saythat I will say that I still
cable for our whole neighborhoodour whole block for at least
five years of my lifefrom the adjacent one or did you
have to go all the way oversometimes?
Sometimes their cable was downand I go get the cable box box.
Right. The actual box? Yep. Thisis that's your limitations.
(17:16):
Wait. You're a lawyer. Can I gettrouble for this? No. You looked
around the crowd. Okay, cool. Isold millions of dollars worth
of cable cable. Yeah. When I was12 years old, Allegedly.
Allegedly, allegedly becausethat's what we know now. Yes.
Allegedly. I still through theyrent those three houses or so it
was like seven. Oh, they hadthey had three of them. We had
(17:36):
one. My other neighbor on theother side. And then I had
another neighbor who made bread.
Amazing bridge. Sarah and herhusband. Great.
Sara Lee. Sarah.
It might have been Sara Lee. Shewas low key. A work
is over have some bread. Yes.
I'm a little fat kid withtitties. Yeah. Loved it. Free
birthday free bread. She put itput in the foil. Yeah, my mama
(17:59):
didn't even know that Sarah haddelivered the bread because I
had already ate the bread.
Adam went to prep school withthe sunbeams.
I did. Are youserious? Yeah. Our the sunbeams.
Were they kind ofthey had a lot of bread.
They had a lot of bread. Oh, Iliked that. I liked that.
Another dad joke. He's on therow. The money became ready to
rollDid your mom keep wondering why
(18:26):
Sarah kept giving you emptytinfoil?
No, Sarah knew why she was good.
She saw my body shape. She'sgonna get to my mom.
She didn't give me two likehere's one for the road. A
little boy likes bread. Alright,Sesame Street lessons. So Sesame
Street was missing a keyelement. Okay, a villain. And so
if you were writing the nextseason of Sesame Street, what
(18:47):
sort of villain would you add tothe show? And I do have a follow
up question.
Oh, it'd be a landlord. Oh, alandlord. It'd be a landlord.
It'd be like his name be JeremyJeremy the landlord. Yeah.
evicting Big Birdand he will be he'll be doing
things like putting late fees onBig Bird raising kids to stay in
this alley. He will be he willbe an HOA guy. Oscar.
(19:11):
sesame's HOA meeting.
Oh my gosh. Jeremy. The landlordto get
rid of all the squatters he Oh,my
ghost. I told you. I told you.
They're my friends.
What are they saying?
They say that's a good one.
That's what they're laughingthey're laughing I've never
heard the premise of Jeremy thelandlord.
(19:32):
squatter Big Bird. Get thisnest. Get it out of here, dad
herethe count. Whoa. Do three three
days late.
Actually, the cat would beEnforcer. Yeah, you will. Five
Big Bird. He's open your eyes.
Like wow.
(19:57):
I follow up question.
Okay, follow up question. Got afollow up question from the
landlord,who would win in a street fight
between the characters fromSesame Street and the Muppets
animal looks very loose. Yeah,we'll always because he was a
drummer. Yeah. Animal. It seemedas if he always did a line
before there was absolutely so Idon't think anybody would have
(20:18):
been able to hurt him fromSesame Street.
I think that the Muppets is thebizarro universe Sesame Street
because all the characterslineup. Okay, Sesame Street last
question. Sesame Street lessons.
Yeah. What was the mostimportant lesson that you
learned as a child that youstill apply today?
(20:41):
Okay. Yep. And this is now thatas a as an adult as an adult?
Who's gone through therapy.
Yeah.
Having children of your ownhaving
children of my own have a spousewho knows how to listen to a
spouse. I know how to bevulnerable. Yep. Right.
He's still doing a podcast at10:50pm 1052.
Tina, because he tried to playme. Yeah. Tina is too tempted to
(21:03):
to not me to cheat you twominutes. I tell you that. I'm
telling you. I'm on the way. Ilove you. Woman. Not on the way
yet. But Tina, I'm not on theway. Yeah, that's bad. That's
bad. Because we're honest withyou. They want to be honest and
upfront. Yeah.
I'm not on the way we're still.
I'm winding down.
Around 20 as a comedian wouldsay. We're getting to one more
thing. One more thing.
(21:24):
One more thing. One more thing.
I'd like to know life lesson isbe accepting of the people who
move near you no matter what.
Yep. Because they're all justtrying to live a good life like
you. Nice. If you look at SesameStreet, it was a very different,
diverse group. diverse group.
You had animals. You hadhomeless people. You had gay
people. You had old people,white people, white people. You
(21:47):
had maniacs who were on crackcocaine.
You had that newscaster thatcame in?
He'd never said anythingimportant ever, which lets you
know about fake news. They weretrying to tell us about fake
news.
They were already talking aboutit possible. It's Sesame Street
time travelers.
This has been a enjoyableepisode. What do you got going
(22:09):
on this year? Do you have anycurrent clients that might be in
the finals? Or will they ask youif they want
finals? I 13 years straight inthe finals. Oh, nice. I'm gonna
beat LeBron in that.
Don't go in the Basketball Hallof Fame then I am.
You are has one of your hassomebody who is getting their
bus done for a while.
(22:30):
Grant Hill and Chris Webber forthe for their bus.
So your haircut that's in thehall? Yes. Yeah,
it's pretty crazy. That's crazy.
And you just brought that upbecause I didn't even think
about that. Yeah,you gotta make sure your kids
know about that. So when they goto the hall you're worried no
one's going to be preservedforever.
Yeah, no matter where you goforever can't take that
away. They shouldn't charge youadmission it never do. Alright,
(22:52):
so one last question. Yeah. Idon't know if you want to put
this out there. I don't but it'sthere. At 11am I live in peace
there one person out there. Thatis your sort of elusive get to
get into the barber chair thatyou want to cut their hair. Yes.
And I and there's no disrespectin it. There's no disrespect,
right. But I want to cut KevinDurant's hair, get him in. If
(23:13):
he's the greatest player in theworld. He deserves the greatest
hair cut cut that matches theHall of Fame haircut. Are you
just talking about NBA or justanybody? Anybody? Anybody? Okay,
anybody? The most elusive cutright now that I want to cut is
Obama rock. And I want him togrow his beard out get that
thing crazy. I want I want DaveLetterman but like oh my like
(23:33):
James Harden. You know what howflower make Obama look with a
fade. And a really big bushysilver beard.
Talking, solvingsome problems solving world
problems with a fresh fade. Oh,vote for him again. No. goes
away. We'll change his nameafter that cut to Larry Jackson.
(23:53):
Oh, I don't know why it was alittle bit out of the blue.
Larry Jackson made me knoweverybody loves everybody. It's
hard to objective.
You sound like Obama.
Crazy. How much you sound likeObama? Isn't? It kind of favored
them around the eyes or you?
(24:14):
Beard? Isn't the Larry Jackson.
Yeah. Is it theI don't know what it is. I would
love to get killed by Marksorry.
So how would you make thathappen? What's the what's the
plan? Keeptill I keep talking about it in
podcast and you never know. Andyou never know. You might be
listening right now.
Right? That's right. It's greatto be here with you. Appreciate
(24:35):
you being back, man. Hopefullywe'll see you again before too
long.
Yo, can we do a ghost brothersshow here? Absolutely. You know,
like, you know how many peopleyour people and this is not me
being racist? Yeah. I just wantto look him in his eyes. I'm
saying your people. That mighthave been racist. The second
time I saidthe second time, Phil said
because you said it's notracist.
I just appreciate it. Your focuswas just on James. Yeah, because
(24:58):
you guys are good.
Yeah, obviously People thesepeople a they love
ghosts brothers they do. It'sbecause Brothers live. We'll set
this What have seats it outhere, right? Yeah. Seats out
here. Yeah. But so the monitorswill have a detector thing eams
T detection, even more lightswill go out. Although
(25:21):
it's phenomenon. I liked it. Iliked it. You almost knew it
though.
Thank you. I like that. Almostdone. All right. So for Jamie,
Jamie and Adam and our guestthis episode. JJ. JJ the
podcast. Yeah. JJ.
No. Go comedy roundtable.
Oh, I've been saying that thewhole time. Yeah. The whole
(25:45):
time. Once ortwice? Yeah. And you didn't
throw it in once?
Yeah. round table.
Alright, for Jamie, Jamie andAdam and our guest comedian
Marcus Harvey. Check them out.
I'll call ya JJ. If you want to.
Okay, cool. Okay. Okay. Now youcan go back to
me. Yeah, you check him out inbrand new season of ghost
brothers, which is available onDiscovery plus and see him and
(26:10):
his work both at the BasketballHall of Fame in Springfield,
Massachusetts. Yes, you're in aplayoff series. Here you were
comedy club for David JVM andMark is putting chair back where
you found it. We will see younext episode
about it here though.
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