March 2, 2023 • 22 mins
Mark Evans joined the hosts of Comedy Roundtable on stage at the Punchline Comedy Club in Atlanta to go under the comedic microscope and answer our important and compelling questions.
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:00):
Ladies and gentleman comedy roundtable coming up on
this episode. Yes, yes, yes.
Okay.
Yeah, it's a geriatric business.
Oh, the obvious is to go to hisfarting. Oh, right. Back in the
80s being a club DJ when youwere 25 years old, there was a
potential felony every night. Iwent to Catholic school going
out okay, yeah, exactly. Thenuns. I don't know who's gonna
(00:23):
listen to this. But I wonder ifthere was just an unwritten rule
from the contractor that if youfind a bone, just keep going.
We have saved a chair for you,our listener and we've also
saved a chair here at theroundtable for our guest this
evening, Mark Evans, welcome tothe comedy roundtable mark, good
to have you.
Great to be here.
(00:43):
So welcome to the roundtable.
We're here actually doing alittle bit different this
episode we've been we've beenthrowing so many wild card
settings, right? Normally we'rein the diner between shows.
We've done live show at a comicconvention or the Atlanta comic
convention and we had a liveaudience went great went
terrific. Now we're actually onstage at the punch line with our
(01:08):
guests Mark Evans.
I think it's good that we keepmoving locations because I've
noticed when we were at theround table too much like people
started to know that we weregoing to be there and then the
crowds would start up front thepaparazzi would set up outside
by moving like this we kind ofkeep people on their toes
he's the process servers are BayYes. The police yeah also the
step ahead.
(01:31):
comedy roundtable not yetsubpoenaed. That's right. All
right. So Mark, what you've beenup to how you been things going?
You survived a hurricane. Yeah,Hurricane
Ian just scraped us. Yeah, doingpretty good down and being down
in Florida now. The pandemicnever really slowed comedy down
didn't slow anything down inFlorida, but you survived. Yeah,
no storm damage yet as you lostto what a
(01:52):
cup holder upon a pontoon boat.
That was critical. Oh, we have asmall hole in the roof, but it
was nothing compared to some ofour neighbors. Wow. cupholder
though Yeah, and a shingle torea seat in the boat too. So
that's her. Gosh,there was nothing but you're
calling the insurance companyafter the cup holder is gone.
When will the tragedy stop?
It's a pontoon boat. For God'ssake. The engine will need the
(02:13):
you need the cover. And you hadjust installed that 24 karat
gold cup holder. Diamond. Seemedlike a crazy idea. But
you got insurance. Yeah, it's apontoon boat. Yeah, I'm
impressed with the engine. Youimpressed with this ease? You
impressed with a couple ofothers right and the stereo
hopefully does yourdoes your boat Ave
(02:33):
we've gone through so manyattempts right now it's just the
boat. That what y'all unnamedboat I know. It's supposed to be
something bad luck. I know. Youcan't christen it or anything
with it. What's yours named?
I have a pontoon. Yeah, Iremember I was on the pontoon.
Oh, the pontoon the pontoonbecause it's funny because it's
(02:54):
also Oh, yeah.
I mean, come on. It's I mean,sometimes the answer staring you
right in the face.
This isn't exactly where Iwanted to learn that Jamie had a
pontoon boat. I was kind ofhoping that I would learn that
with him saying Hey, Jamie,wanna come on my? Yeah, so this
is awkward. Yeah. Becauseeveryone at this table I didn't
on the pontoon boat except you.
Yeah. This is this is great.
(03:17):
I discovered something todaythat I want to share. Yeah.
Magnet Fishing. I enter thatmagnet. I just
recently something somewhere.
Yeah,you're talking about like when
you were a kid at grade school,and they have a little pool and
the little fish are swimmingaround. And you have the pole
southeastern fair magnet in themidway. Yeah,
very much like that. But I'msaying giant magnet. Huge
(03:40):
magnets take out the pontoon.
Yep, go to like where the Marinais. And the gas pumps are and
start dropping that magnet andpicking up sunglasses and Apple
watches and yeah, last phones.
Do some magnetic. I justdiscovered it today. And it is
going to be my new summer hobby.
So you've I've actually beenfascinated with Magnet Fishing
for a little while. Like Iwatched the YouTube videos of
(04:02):
guys who do it. Yeah, likethere's a lot of YouTube videos
of going on bikes that havecanals. I always loved like the
gun episodes. There's alwayssomebody has thrown a gun into
the water. I want to know ifthere's
somebody with a filling. Pullingup
the body. Yeah, we get the bodyprobably get depends on how long
the body has been in there.
Yeah, right. Some ofy'all made shoot right out of
it. Yeah.
(04:24):
You know, I mean, depending onhow well the body is wedged,
right? Yes. I don't know. ButI'm doing nothing and fishing.
solves some murders. Cool.
It seems like such a fun likeyou never know what you're gonna
get.
I can't wait for like 30episodes for now when you're
talking about the time you wentMagnet Fishing with Adam on the
pontoon boat I've never seenI've only found that body.
(04:48):
Amazing. Oh, good. I wasn'tthere was I wasn't there.
for your purposes, he doesn'thave a boat. Yeah, but they've
been finding bodies that needlike, like means yes. they keep
finding, you know, people whowere taken out, right. But in
the casinos up at me,the first time I ever went to
Vegas was a 91. Okay, and whenyou flew in at night, it was
great because you could see thestrip and all that. But now if
(05:10):
you fly on the entire valleyslit up, yeah, they've grown over
the last, I mean, huge grown.
There had like 7000 people aweek at one point. And I was
thinking, all those homes theyhad to build way out in the
desert, which was no longerright way out in the desert. I
wonder if there was just anunwritten rule from the
contractors that if you find abone, just keep going, yeah.
(05:32):
Because work would be stoppedfor how long would the police
come out? Oh, you would? Yeah,you would probably so many
problems were buried in shallowholes. Oh, yeah. I guarantee
you. There were dozens anddozens of bodies. Yeah, there
were just pushed to the side.
You think theystill buried him with cement
shoes?
Or just shut up? Go see Haroldat the nugget.
I don't bother answering thatquestion. I'll
give you $1,000 For every bodypart you found if you don't just
(05:52):
talk about it, right. Youthought about it. Okay, go see
Harold at that nugget. He'sgonna give you $1,000 We're
never gonna mention this again.
Do you think that the person whowas fitting people for cement
shoes, they called them thecobbler gotta go see the
cobbler. Right? You know, I gotto get the car, you know, and
see the Cadillac now? Yeah. Getyour own pair of shoes from the
complex. It's cementshoes don't work in the desert.
Right?
They do work. You say you can'tbury cement. You just can't do
(06:16):
those damn now. Yeah.
Okay to the questions.
All right. So what we do is wedo rapid fire questions. Okay,
so we want are these are onrehearsed questions. So here are
the three topics you're going tochoose. Don't tell us you're
only picking them one at a time.
Okay, here comedy roundtabletopics for our Mark Evans.
Episode. They are bless you.
(06:39):
What happened was, and the newsthat's fit to print. Pick one of
those. Pick one of those. Thesecond one, the second one. What
had happened was starting withAdam All right, when
I was a kid, whenever I got intotrouble, I would immediately get
everyone that I was togetherwith when I when I did the
(07:00):
troubling action. And got mystory straight. Have you been in
a situation where you've had tokind of get your story straight?
Well, I went to Catholic schoolsgrowing out okay, yeah, exactly.
The nuns I don't know who'sgonna be listen to this, but I
probably get mostly nuns, youknow, those stories, those myths
or whatever about the brassrulers across the knuckles.
Yeah, all true.
(07:21):
And happened all through yourworld. So when stuff was bad,
and the nuns were going to beinvolved, you got to get your
group out there and make sureyour buddies
and whatnot was easy becausethey had eyes and like spiders,
man, they're like eight eyes.
They're justnot okay. So somebody gets
caught smoking in a bathroom inhigh school, and you're everyone
through gradeschool, there was a fire. So
shooting up there was okay.
(07:41):
So there's clearly someone hasinsulin, someone has diabetes
and needs dad's insulin. That'swhat it was.
It didn't take much to become afelony and what seemed to them
Oh, right. And, you know, justsisters, they get they?
Do you have a lot of explainingto do with your spouse from
being getting? No, just asactually, when you're
(08:01):
really smart about that? Becauseshe started doing stand up five,
six years ago. So she I take heron the road with me between that
and that app that Apple hasabout tracing your phone? Yeah,
I am forced into responsibility.
Yeah. On the gravy on Yeah.
Do you ever find yourself usingthe phrase, honey? Don't forget
who the headliner is? Oh, no.
Oh, no.
(08:22):
You should try that one time.
Come on, try it. Okay,try it home. Just be like, Hey,
let's not forget it.
Is is that if you're actuallydating or married to a comedian,
and you're in an argument, andthey're going on too long, you
can just like over the light.
Throughout the life, that's socute. You sound like,
(08:43):
Oh my God. That's amazing. Couldyou just wrap it up? Yeah,
this is your last joke. Allright, Jamie, what
had happened wastell us the story of the time
that you came closest tocommitting a felony? Or if
you've committed many feloniesto your favorite film? Yeah,
I haven't. I haven't really beena good boy. But
that's good. You have lived aclean life.
(09:06):
Blasket a different way. Whenyou were a child and you dreamed
of one day committing a felony?
What would that felony? Whatwould that felony have been?
I was uh, how long have you guyslived in Atlanta? Oh, wow. Like,
I'm 20 years. Oh,are you still born and raised?
Okay. Remember? Studebakers?
Yes, I used to DJ there. Okay.
Back in the 80s. Being a clubDJ, when you're 25 years old.
That was a potential felonyevery night going home? Yeah,
(09:26):
I'm trying to. I know, thisisn't really a family podcast,
but I'm trying to keep it.
That's okay. Keep it reasonablyclean. Yeah. Oh, there's just so
much stuff going on. And whatwas that thing too? I mean, I've
learned my lesson. But theysaid, for every person that gets
a DUI, they probably drove 1000times. That's right when it
could have Yeah, so back in the80s every night. Yeah. What's a
(09:48):
potential homicide? You'retalking
about with like poor musicselection is the DJ
Yeah. Oh, no. All right. Sothat DJ is when you sit the 40
fives like word of D J hastotally changed, right? I mean,
you were sitting there flippingthrough files to try and find a
record. 25. And then you havethat record. Yeah, find the
song. Make sure you had it onthe right song, and then stop it
(10:10):
and get the other. I mean, like,the world has totally changed,
right? Yeah.
When I was doing privateparties, like one of them was on
the riverboat out of stonemountain. So the guy would show
up at this and then we have ahaul all the music on and now
you show up with a laptop? Yeah,yeah.
Today, they don't know how goodthey have. They don't know how
to walk 10 feet,the boat is sinking a little
(10:30):
bit. A little bit lower. Oh,this is
gonna be a good DJ we hadto carry to carry 50 mil grace.
All right,my turn for my question. Yes.
What had happened was what is astory from your life that you
thought was going to make a goodjoke, but didn't?
(10:51):
Really, really not appropriate?
It was a self realization when Iwas like five or six. And this
is not appropriate. That's okay.
Are you serious? Yeah.
I mean, well, so. So hold on asecond. I want to call them
before you make your answer.
Yeah. So this is a thing thathappened in your life. You
thought this will make a greatjoke in the open mic days. Okay.
(11:11):
Yeah. And you tell this story asa piece of material as a what
happened? What because all jokesare based in events that
happened, okay, now, and thenyou realize, I should not have
tried to do tell the story thisway.
The way you ask that? I'm gonnasay probably this is not good
for you to say but just based onwhat you said it please proceed.
(11:35):
Okay, because I guarantee you,this happened in some shape,
form or fashion to all three ofyou to
so we can identify. Don't dragme into your
this is your what happens? Notmy Well,
why don't I get the feelingthat's going to be one of those
things where he says it'shappened to everybody and you
look at him like dude, as it hasever happened, did the
(11:58):
did you think that the audiencewas gonna say that when you told
him?
Well? Is that what yourtherapist told me?
I told us way early and openmics. I
don't actually want to hear whatit is. I want to just keep
talking around it.
Okay. Tell us a little bit andthen you will understand why I
really don't need to tell youthis.
Okay, so this is a story fromwhen you're a child. Yeah. 456
years old.
(12:18):
A little older. 677? Yeah. Okay.
already. Maybea little bit later. All right.
All right. Okay.
Your body. Oh, my God. Mark, areyou?
Oh, you were right. Is theresomething above explicit tag? I
(12:41):
don't know what I put on thisepisode. Thank God
that is a good spot and segment.
Yeah. Sowe could all take a shower
roundtable with our guest,Mr. Mark Evans. We'll be back
with more of the company roundtable. Jamie, Jamie and Adam
right after this did involveshowers.
(13:05):
Storytime with former guestRussell Hicks. If you have a
lemon tree, is there a way toprotect the lemons from lemons
dealing horse?
Well, I think you know theanswer to that. Yeah. American
style. I think if you guys knowmy career well enough. I've
spoken in great detail aboutlemons stealing horns. Yes. And
I will refer both of you allthree of you. To my Amazon
(13:27):
special lemon stealing horse.
I actually, I found the TED talkthat you did on it was fast. I
did I dida TED talk. I did a symposium on
these lemons Stealing Horses.
So we're just gonna refer tothose rather than answer for you
know, send our audience a littlebit let's down the rabbit hole.
Because it's a rabbit hole.
My crowd knows my audience istired of me talking about lemons
stealing horse. They, to behonest, it was it was almost the
(13:49):
end of me. I couldn't stop.
There was a there was a periodin my career where people had to
sit me down and said, Listen,Ross, we get it. Well, it's a
feeling for itto go down a rabbit hole with
it. And the deeper you get intoit, the more you're like, that
doesn't work. That doesn't work.
Wellthat actually will come now that
you mentioned it. The answer isa rabbit hole, a literal rabbit
hole. And then you just sort ofguide the lemons stealing horse
(14:10):
down there.
So not a figurative rabbit hole.
Now this is a this is a literalrabbit hole. You dig a little
hole because I don't need totell you lemons stealing horse.
They're miniature. They're aminiscule people. They don't
just sort of guide them downthere. You let you throw a
lemon. You roll it down. They'llgo scurry and after it you know
because they can't helpthemselves their horse. Yes,
(14:32):
there are as as we've said, andthen and then once they're down
there, it's sixth birthday,baby. You get the snap, you
know, and you just fill thatsucker up and then towards the
whole thing.
All right, this is comedyroundtable. Our guest is
comedian Mark Evans. Jamiemental Jamie. Hernan, Adam. Hey,
(14:55):
are your hosts of the comedyround table we are actually on
stage at the punch line. Ifyou've ever heard Famous world
famous now 41 years old worldfamous punch line in Atlanta,
Georgia. We are working throughour topics and your remaining
choices are bless you, or thenews that's fit to print.
(15:19):
It's too broad. I'll say blessyou.
Okay, bless you starting withAdam.
So when the when I think ofbless you, I think of what you
say when someone sneezes right.
They bless you right? And I I'mkind of convinced that the bless
you because zoom type thing wasreally invented I know it was
had to do with some kind ofsickness or plague that was
going around. So you said blessyou. It but it's really a way to
get out of an awkward situation.
(15:41):
Right? Because someone next toyou has just sneeze. So you have
a little phrase that says Oh,bless you. Or Gazoo tight or
what's a situation you wish wehad another phrase to just just
instantly get you out of itwhen your body? Oh, here we go.
Got me out of it. Last thing.
Oh, the obvious is to go to hisfarting. Oh, right. You just
stare him down or just?
(16:02):
Well, ifyou had like a phrase, that's
the phrase Well played,well played like or if you had a
phrase, you could just say whensomeone farted and it was like,
oh, farting, well played, andeveryone just kind of moves
forward. It's like, well, blade.
All right. Bless you. Alright,so thinking back to when you
were five or six year old boy,your body?
(16:23):
What phrase like bless yourheart. Do you use as your own
personal dig at other peoplethat they may not realize, oh,
front didn't haveanything when I was a kid. But
what I have now is my wife justcame up with bless it. Bless it
unless somebody has donesomething so stupid. Or they've
made a post that just makes nosense. Or they just completely
show their ass. Yes. Just blessit, bless it. It's not going to
(16:46):
tell you and forget about it.
Forget about it. So good.
All right. Bless you. Bless you.
All right, if you were to beable to absolve people from a
injustice that they experience,or a fault that they have. What
are you picking? And why?
(17:10):
Most recently, I've always beena crazy fan. But Alec Baldwin,
you know, the trouble he's inright now. Right? The gun thing?
Yeah. And they took off onecharge. It's a minimum five
years. And I think that commonsense and justice should prevail
and let him off the hook. Justfrom the facts that I know.
Right. But you know, why wasthere ever a bullet on stage
much less than the gun? Right.
But he's not to blame, just fromthe facts given? I don't know.
(17:32):
There might be some other stuff.
But why this got deep whilethey have him in court though?
Are there any movies that he'sbeen in that he should be
punished a little bit for? Yeah.
Quite a few. Yeah.
But it's interesting, though,because Alec did take a life
insurance plan out on the otherguy like two months before
allegedly, it wasthe plot twist of all
(17:54):
right, that just kind of says ora great like Agatha Christie
that says like the actor whowanted to finally like murder
the person he picks for themovie tonight that would be it'd
be a good life. Christie twistof blame the prop guy.
The good news is this is justcheck. This is 11 episodes in a
row that we have ended on thetopic of death. So this is
(18:16):
well, if you want to end it noton that. Are you guys familiar
with the villages in Florida?
Yes, yes, yes. Okay. Yeah, it'sa geriatric Disney World. Okay.
And they huge, beautiful, it'svery Stepford wife kind of
place. There's just so pristineand all that. And they are known
for having the largestconcentration of STDs in the
country. Oh, and because theyare Swingers, there's all these
(18:38):
things about, you know, upsidedown pineapples and or loofa, in
your golf cart, following theparty and all that it takes a
village to raise a village andit's, well, I have a theory
about that. And these are oldpeople. Oh, this is yeah, you
gotta be 55 just to live there.
But these are like, that's theway I look at it is they're
passing around all thesediseases because they're not
practicing safe sex is most STDstake what 2030 years to kill
(19:01):
you. Yeah. And these people downthere only have about 10 years
left in them anyway, so they'regonna win that race. Yeah, let's
go. So that's my little therapy.
Anybody's heading down to thevillages anytime.
It's one of the biggest ones.
Yeah, like it's 100,000 peopleor something?
No more than that. I got 72 golfcourses. Wow. They have a TV
station or radio station. Theyhad several communities that
formed together to become onebig one. And it is pristine. I
(19:23):
don't know. I think what theHOAs must be down there. But it
is amazing. They have on the fortown squares. And they have a
band, good bands to playingevery night, seven nights a
week. So at nine o'clock,everything closes up.
I'm picturing like The TrumanShow.
So Mark, where do people findyou on stage?
I've been doing a lot of privatestuff down in Florida. Okay,
that's a 35 in ups that RVresorts Believe it or very
(19:46):
lucrative. Laurie and I did someshows down the keys.
Oh, hold on a second. I feellike the outro just
stopped beingokay, just to set the stage. RV
park people are read in Yeah.
They say Tuesday night comedyshow.
They meet down at the local,they sometimes they have a
little community center. Theyhave an outdoor bar,
(20:09):
or the ID and everybody to makesure there they are at least.
Yeah,well, these ones like we did a
couple of down in the KeysLaurie and I did last month. And
some of these people, I mean,these are million dollar RV.
This isn't you know, thosewhiteleys coming down, and
they're spending, they say thewhole season 3035 grand to park
there. Whoa. And they're reallyhigh end beauty facilities they
(20:30):
have around, they're amazing.
Now the one I did the othernight is just a RV park for
snowbirds. And it turns out 100%of the crowd, Ross snowbirds,
and they have a place to parkthe RV then they have a little
cabin that attaches to a cabin,for lack of a better term, but
they're nice little things. Butthey're nowhere like in the
middle of the state. They'renowhere near the water. But it's
when you come in from Canada,they just want the warmth,
(20:51):
warmth, right? Sosomeone has built this ticket
bought this land in the middleof nowhere, cut down all the
Palmetto trees and basically abunch of their board
and they have have a lot ofmoney to spend on entertainment.
Alright, so for that we're gonnawrap up this episode here,
because it is almost showtimefor the show this evening.
You're actually doing a showwith a bunch of alumni from Jeff
(21:12):
justice has comedy class, andfolks are coming out and going
to do their thing. Andthat was great. Because you
started about two years beforeme. Yeah, I was in 93, you had
to 9191. Okay. And you know, itwas Chris's room had a great
setup for open mic. But the onea lot of people there. And the
punchline was always great. Butmost open mics are just brutal,
terrible. And so when thesepeople come in here and take
(21:37):
Jeff's class, they fill theplace up for graduation show
they're floating on a cloud,then they go to an open mic and
real world sets in. So I wassitting in my hotel room when I
got in Vegas. And it's thinkinghow can I recreate that night
and you're only a virgin once soyou can't really recreate it.
But I came up with this alumnigroup and let their freedom they
have to be I've taken Jeff'sclass, they've already paid for
(21:57):
that. And I just put a pushticket sales, and they get to
have a full house at the punchline. We're gonna can actually
do material, like what you haveto do to open mic. It was funny
after I booked the first one andstarted selling tickets. I
thought, you know, I don'treally check with Jeff minds.
And he was thrilled. Some ofthem were just doing it still as
(22:18):
a hobby and some are actuallytrying to risk.
That's great. All right.
So for Mark Evans, Jamie, Jamieand Adam, this is comedy
roundtable butcher back where hefound a way we'll see you next
episode.
Ladies and gentleman comedy roundtable coming up on
this episode. Yes, yes, yes.
Okay.
Yeah, it's a geriatric business.
Oh, the obvious is to go to hisfarting. Oh, right. Back in the
80s being a club DJ when youwere 25 years old, there was a
potential felony every night. Iwent to Catholic school going
out okay, yeah, exactly. Thenuns. I don't know who's gonna
(00:23):
listen to this. But I wonder ifthere was just an unwritten rule
from the contractor that if youfind a bone, just keep going.
We have saved a chair for you,our listener and we've also
saved a chair here at theroundtable for our guest this
evening, Mark Evans, welcome tothe comedy roundtable mark, good
to have you.
Great to be here.
(00:43):
So welcome to the roundtable.
We're here actually doing alittle bit different this
episode we've been we've beenthrowing so many wild card
settings, right? Normally we'rein the diner between shows.
We've done live show at a comicconvention or the Atlanta comic
convention and we had a liveaudience went great went
terrific. Now we're actually onstage at the punch line with our
(01:08):
guests Mark Evans.
I think it's good that we keepmoving locations because I've
noticed when we were at theround table too much like people
started to know that we weregoing to be there and then the
crowds would start up front thepaparazzi would set up outside
by moving like this we kind ofkeep people on their toes
he's the process servers are BayYes. The police yeah also the
step ahead.
(01:31):
comedy roundtable not yetsubpoenaed. That's right. All
right. So Mark, what you've beenup to how you been things going?
You survived a hurricane. Yeah,Hurricane
Ian just scraped us. Yeah, doingpretty good down and being down
in Florida now. The pandemicnever really slowed comedy down
didn't slow anything down inFlorida, but you survived. Yeah,
no storm damage yet as you lostto what a
(01:52):
cup holder upon a pontoon boat.
That was critical. Oh, we have asmall hole in the roof, but it
was nothing compared to some ofour neighbors. Wow. cupholder
though Yeah, and a shingle torea seat in the boat too. So
that's her. Gosh,there was nothing but you're
calling the insurance companyafter the cup holder is gone.
When will the tragedy stop?
It's a pontoon boat. For God'ssake. The engine will need the
(02:13):
you need the cover. And you hadjust installed that 24 karat
gold cup holder. Diamond. Seemedlike a crazy idea. But
you got insurance. Yeah, it's apontoon boat. Yeah, I'm
impressed with the engine. Youimpressed with this ease? You
impressed with a couple ofothers right and the stereo
hopefully does yourdoes your boat Ave
(02:33):
we've gone through so manyattempts right now it's just the
boat. That what y'all unnamedboat I know. It's supposed to be
something bad luck. I know. Youcan't christen it or anything
with it. What's yours named?
I have a pontoon. Yeah, Iremember I was on the pontoon.
Oh, the pontoon the pontoonbecause it's funny because it's
(02:54):
also Oh, yeah.
I mean, come on. It's I mean,sometimes the answer staring you
right in the face.
This isn't exactly where Iwanted to learn that Jamie had a
pontoon boat. I was kind ofhoping that I would learn that
with him saying Hey, Jamie,wanna come on my? Yeah, so this
is awkward. Yeah. Becauseeveryone at this table I didn't
on the pontoon boat except you.
Yeah. This is this is great.
(03:17):
I discovered something todaythat I want to share. Yeah.
Magnet Fishing. I enter thatmagnet. I just
recently something somewhere.
Yeah,you're talking about like when
you were a kid at grade school,and they have a little pool and
the little fish are swimmingaround. And you have the pole
southeastern fair magnet in themidway. Yeah,
very much like that. But I'msaying giant magnet. Huge
(03:40):
magnets take out the pontoon.
Yep, go to like where the Marinais. And the gas pumps are and
start dropping that magnet andpicking up sunglasses and Apple
watches and yeah, last phones.
Do some magnetic. I justdiscovered it today. And it is
going to be my new summer hobby.
So you've I've actually beenfascinated with Magnet Fishing
for a little while. Like Iwatched the YouTube videos of
(04:02):
guys who do it. Yeah, likethere's a lot of YouTube videos
of going on bikes that havecanals. I always loved like the
gun episodes. There's alwayssomebody has thrown a gun into
the water. I want to know ifthere's
somebody with a filling. Pullingup
the body. Yeah, we get the bodyprobably get depends on how long
the body has been in there.
Yeah, right. Some ofy'all made shoot right out of
it. Yeah.
(04:24):
You know, I mean, depending onhow well the body is wedged,
right? Yes. I don't know. ButI'm doing nothing and fishing.
solves some murders. Cool.
It seems like such a fun likeyou never know what you're gonna
get.
I can't wait for like 30episodes for now when you're
talking about the time you wentMagnet Fishing with Adam on the
pontoon boat I've never seenI've only found that body.
(04:48):
Amazing. Oh, good. I wasn'tthere was I wasn't there.
for your purposes, he doesn'thave a boat. Yeah, but they've
been finding bodies that needlike, like means yes. they keep
finding, you know, people whowere taken out, right. But in
the casinos up at me,the first time I ever went to
Vegas was a 91. Okay, and whenyou flew in at night, it was
great because you could see thestrip and all that. But now if
(05:10):
you fly on the entire valleyslit up, yeah, they've grown over
the last, I mean, huge grown.
There had like 7000 people aweek at one point. And I was
thinking, all those homes theyhad to build way out in the
desert, which was no longerright way out in the desert. I
wonder if there was just anunwritten rule from the
contractors that if you find abone, just keep going, yeah.
(05:32):
Because work would be stoppedfor how long would the police
come out? Oh, you would? Yeah,you would probably so many
problems were buried in shallowholes. Oh, yeah. I guarantee
you. There were dozens anddozens of bodies. Yeah, there
were just pushed to the side.
You think theystill buried him with cement
shoes?
Or just shut up? Go see Haroldat the nugget.
I don't bother answering thatquestion. I'll
give you $1,000 For every bodypart you found if you don't just
(05:52):
talk about it, right. Youthought about it. Okay, go see
Harold at that nugget. He'sgonna give you $1,000 We're
never gonna mention this again.
Do you think that the person whowas fitting people for cement
shoes, they called them thecobbler gotta go see the
cobbler. Right? You know, I gotto get the car, you know, and
see the Cadillac now? Yeah. Getyour own pair of shoes from the
complex. It's cementshoes don't work in the desert.
Right?
They do work. You say you can'tbury cement. You just can't do
(06:16):
those damn now. Yeah.
Okay to the questions.
All right. So what we do is wedo rapid fire questions. Okay,
so we want are these are onrehearsed questions. So here are
the three topics you're going tochoose. Don't tell us you're
only picking them one at a time.
Okay, here comedy roundtabletopics for our Mark Evans.
Episode. They are bless you.
(06:39):
What happened was, and the newsthat's fit to print. Pick one of
those. Pick one of those. Thesecond one, the second one. What
had happened was starting withAdam All right, when
I was a kid, whenever I got intotrouble, I would immediately get
everyone that I was togetherwith when I when I did the
(07:00):
troubling action. And got mystory straight. Have you been in
a situation where you've had tokind of get your story straight?
Well, I went to Catholic schoolsgrowing out okay, yeah, exactly.
The nuns I don't know who'sgonna be listen to this, but I
probably get mostly nuns, youknow, those stories, those myths
or whatever about the brassrulers across the knuckles.
Yeah, all true.
(07:21):
And happened all through yourworld. So when stuff was bad,
and the nuns were going to beinvolved, you got to get your
group out there and make sureyour buddies
and whatnot was easy becausethey had eyes and like spiders,
man, they're like eight eyes.
They're justnot okay. So somebody gets
caught smoking in a bathroom inhigh school, and you're everyone
through gradeschool, there was a fire. So
shooting up there was okay.
(07:41):
So there's clearly someone hasinsulin, someone has diabetes
and needs dad's insulin. That'swhat it was.
It didn't take much to become afelony and what seemed to them
Oh, right. And, you know, justsisters, they get they?
Do you have a lot of explainingto do with your spouse from
being getting? No, just asactually, when you're
(08:01):
really smart about that? Becauseshe started doing stand up five,
six years ago. So she I take heron the road with me between that
and that app that Apple hasabout tracing your phone? Yeah,
I am forced into responsibility.
Yeah. On the gravy on Yeah.
Do you ever find yourself usingthe phrase, honey? Don't forget
who the headliner is? Oh, no.
Oh, no.
(08:22):
You should try that one time.
Come on, try it. Okay,try it home. Just be like, Hey,
let's not forget it.
Is is that if you're actuallydating or married to a comedian,
and you're in an argument, andthey're going on too long, you
can just like over the light.
Throughout the life, that's socute. You sound like,
(08:43):
Oh my God. That's amazing. Couldyou just wrap it up? Yeah,
this is your last joke. Allright, Jamie, what
had happened wastell us the story of the time
that you came closest tocommitting a felony? Or if
you've committed many feloniesto your favorite film? Yeah,
I haven't. I haven't really beena good boy. But
that's good. You have lived aclean life.
(09:06):
Blasket a different way. Whenyou were a child and you dreamed
of one day committing a felony?
What would that felony? Whatwould that felony have been?
I was uh, how long have you guyslived in Atlanta? Oh, wow. Like,
I'm 20 years. Oh,are you still born and raised?
Okay. Remember? Studebakers?
Yes, I used to DJ there. Okay.
Back in the 80s. Being a clubDJ, when you're 25 years old.
That was a potential felonyevery night going home? Yeah,
(09:26):
I'm trying to. I know, thisisn't really a family podcast,
but I'm trying to keep it.
That's okay. Keep it reasonablyclean. Yeah. Oh, there's just so
much stuff going on. And whatwas that thing too? I mean, I've
learned my lesson. But theysaid, for every person that gets
a DUI, they probably drove 1000times. That's right when it
could have Yeah, so back in the80s every night. Yeah. What's a
(09:48):
potential homicide? You'retalking
about with like poor musicselection is the DJ
Yeah. Oh, no. All right. Sothat DJ is when you sit the 40
fives like word of D J hastotally changed, right? I mean,
you were sitting there flippingthrough files to try and find a
record. 25. And then you havethat record. Yeah, find the
song. Make sure you had it onthe right song, and then stop it
(10:10):
and get the other. I mean, like,the world has totally changed,
right? Yeah.
When I was doing privateparties, like one of them was on
the riverboat out of stonemountain. So the guy would show
up at this and then we have ahaul all the music on and now
you show up with a laptop? Yeah,yeah.
Today, they don't know how goodthey have. They don't know how
to walk 10 feet,the boat is sinking a little
(10:30):
bit. A little bit lower. Oh,this is
gonna be a good DJ we hadto carry to carry 50 mil grace.
All right,my turn for my question. Yes.
What had happened was what is astory from your life that you
thought was going to make a goodjoke, but didn't?
(10:51):
Really, really not appropriate?
It was a self realization when Iwas like five or six. And this
is not appropriate. That's okay.
Are you serious? Yeah.
I mean, well, so. So hold on asecond. I want to call them
before you make your answer.
Yeah. So this is a thing thathappened in your life. You
thought this will make a greatjoke in the open mic days. Okay.
(11:11):
Yeah. And you tell this story asa piece of material as a what
happened? What because all jokesare based in events that
happened, okay, now, and thenyou realize, I should not have
tried to do tell the story thisway.
The way you ask that? I'm gonnasay probably this is not good
for you to say but just based onwhat you said it please proceed.
(11:35):
Okay, because I guarantee you,this happened in some shape,
form or fashion to all three ofyou to
so we can identify. Don't dragme into your
this is your what happens? Notmy Well,
why don't I get the feelingthat's going to be one of those
things where he says it'shappened to everybody and you
look at him like dude, as it hasever happened, did the
(11:58):
did you think that the audiencewas gonna say that when you told
him?
Well? Is that what yourtherapist told me?
I told us way early and openmics. I
don't actually want to hear whatit is. I want to just keep
talking around it.
Okay. Tell us a little bit andthen you will understand why I
really don't need to tell youthis.
Okay, so this is a story fromwhen you're a child. Yeah. 456
years old.
(12:18):
A little older. 677? Yeah. Okay.
already. Maybea little bit later. All right.
All right. Okay.
Your body. Oh, my God. Mark, areyou?
Oh, you were right. Is theresomething above explicit tag? I
(12:41):
don't know what I put on thisepisode. Thank God
that is a good spot and segment.
Yeah. Sowe could all take a shower
roundtable with our guest,Mr. Mark Evans. We'll be back
with more of the company roundtable. Jamie, Jamie and Adam
right after this did involveshowers.
(13:05):
Storytime with former guestRussell Hicks. If you have a
lemon tree, is there a way toprotect the lemons from lemons
dealing horse?
Well, I think you know theanswer to that. Yeah. American
style. I think if you guys knowmy career well enough. I've
spoken in great detail aboutlemons stealing horns. Yes. And
I will refer both of you allthree of you. To my Amazon
(13:27):
special lemon stealing horse.
I actually, I found the TED talkthat you did on it was fast. I
did I dida TED talk. I did a symposium on
these lemons Stealing Horses.
So we're just gonna refer tothose rather than answer for you
know, send our audience a littlebit let's down the rabbit hole.
Because it's a rabbit hole.
My crowd knows my audience istired of me talking about lemons
stealing horse. They, to behonest, it was it was almost the
(13:49):
end of me. I couldn't stop.
There was a there was a periodin my career where people had to
sit me down and said, Listen,Ross, we get it. Well, it's a
feeling for itto go down a rabbit hole with
it. And the deeper you get intoit, the more you're like, that
doesn't work. That doesn't work.
Wellthat actually will come now that
you mentioned it. The answer isa rabbit hole, a literal rabbit
hole. And then you just sort ofguide the lemons stealing horse
(14:10):
down there.
So not a figurative rabbit hole.
Now this is a this is a literalrabbit hole. You dig a little
hole because I don't need totell you lemons stealing horse.
They're miniature. They're aminiscule people. They don't
just sort of guide them downthere. You let you throw a
lemon. You roll it down. They'llgo scurry and after it you know
because they can't helpthemselves their horse. Yes,
(14:32):
there are as as we've said, andthen and then once they're down
there, it's sixth birthday,baby. You get the snap, you
know, and you just fill thatsucker up and then towards the
whole thing.
All right, this is comedyroundtable. Our guest is
comedian Mark Evans. Jamiemental Jamie. Hernan, Adam. Hey,
(14:55):
are your hosts of the comedyround table we are actually on
stage at the punch line. Ifyou've ever heard Famous world
famous now 41 years old worldfamous punch line in Atlanta,
Georgia. We are working throughour topics and your remaining
choices are bless you, or thenews that's fit to print.
(15:19):
It's too broad. I'll say blessyou.
Okay, bless you starting withAdam.
So when the when I think ofbless you, I think of what you
say when someone sneezes right.
They bless you right? And I I'mkind of convinced that the bless
you because zoom type thing wasreally invented I know it was
had to do with some kind ofsickness or plague that was
going around. So you said blessyou. It but it's really a way to
get out of an awkward situation.
(15:41):
Right? Because someone next toyou has just sneeze. So you have
a little phrase that says Oh,bless you. Or Gazoo tight or
what's a situation you wish wehad another phrase to just just
instantly get you out of itwhen your body? Oh, here we go.
Got me out of it. Last thing.
Oh, the obvious is to go to hisfarting. Oh, right. You just
stare him down or just?
(16:02):
Well, ifyou had like a phrase, that's
the phrase Well played,well played like or if you had a
phrase, you could just say whensomeone farted and it was like,
oh, farting, well played, andeveryone just kind of moves
forward. It's like, well, blade.
All right. Bless you. Alright,so thinking back to when you
were five or six year old boy,your body?
(16:23):
What phrase like bless yourheart. Do you use as your own
personal dig at other peoplethat they may not realize, oh,
front didn't haveanything when I was a kid. But
what I have now is my wife justcame up with bless it. Bless it
unless somebody has donesomething so stupid. Or they've
made a post that just makes nosense. Or they just completely
show their ass. Yes. Just blessit, bless it. It's not going to
(16:46):
tell you and forget about it.
Forget about it. So good.
All right. Bless you. Bless you.
All right, if you were to beable to absolve people from a
injustice that they experience,or a fault that they have. What
are you picking? And why?
(17:10):
Most recently, I've always beena crazy fan. But Alec Baldwin,
you know, the trouble he's inright now. Right? The gun thing?
Yeah. And they took off onecharge. It's a minimum five
years. And I think that commonsense and justice should prevail
and let him off the hook. Justfrom the facts that I know.
Right. But you know, why wasthere ever a bullet on stage
much less than the gun? Right.
But he's not to blame, just fromthe facts given? I don't know.
(17:32):
There might be some other stuff.
But why this got deep whilethey have him in court though?
Are there any movies that he'sbeen in that he should be
punished a little bit for? Yeah.
Quite a few. Yeah.
But it's interesting, though,because Alec did take a life
insurance plan out on the otherguy like two months before
allegedly, it wasthe plot twist of all
(17:54):
right, that just kind of says ora great like Agatha Christie
that says like the actor whowanted to finally like murder
the person he picks for themovie tonight that would be it'd
be a good life. Christie twistof blame the prop guy.
The good news is this is justcheck. This is 11 episodes in a
row that we have ended on thetopic of death. So this is
(18:16):
well, if you want to end it noton that. Are you guys familiar
with the villages in Florida?
Yes, yes, yes. Okay. Yeah, it'sa geriatric Disney World. Okay.
And they huge, beautiful, it'svery Stepford wife kind of
place. There's just so pristineand all that. And they are known
for having the largestconcentration of STDs in the
country. Oh, and because theyare Swingers, there's all these
(18:38):
things about, you know, upsidedown pineapples and or loofa, in
your golf cart, following theparty and all that it takes a
village to raise a village andit's, well, I have a theory
about that. And these are oldpeople. Oh, this is yeah, you
gotta be 55 just to live there.
But these are like, that's theway I look at it is they're
passing around all thesediseases because they're not
practicing safe sex is most STDstake what 2030 years to kill
(19:01):
you. Yeah. And these people downthere only have about 10 years
left in them anyway, so they'regonna win that race. Yeah, let's
go. So that's my little therapy.
Anybody's heading down to thevillages anytime.
It's one of the biggest ones.
Yeah, like it's 100,000 peopleor something?
No more than that. I got 72 golfcourses. Wow. They have a TV
station or radio station. Theyhad several communities that
formed together to become onebig one. And it is pristine. I
(19:23):
don't know. I think what theHOAs must be down there. But it
is amazing. They have on the fortown squares. And they have a
band, good bands to playingevery night, seven nights a
week. So at nine o'clock,everything closes up.
I'm picturing like The TrumanShow.
So Mark, where do people findyou on stage?
I've been doing a lot of privatestuff down in Florida. Okay,
that's a 35 in ups that RVresorts Believe it or very
(19:46):
lucrative. Laurie and I did someshows down the keys.
Oh, hold on a second. I feellike the outro just
stopped beingokay, just to set the stage. RV
park people are read in Yeah.
They say Tuesday night comedyshow.
They meet down at the local,they sometimes they have a
little community center. Theyhave an outdoor bar,
(20:09):
or the ID and everybody to makesure there they are at least.
Yeah,well, these ones like we did a
couple of down in the KeysLaurie and I did last month. And
some of these people, I mean,these are million dollar RV.
This isn't you know, thosewhiteleys coming down, and
they're spending, they say thewhole season 3035 grand to park
there. Whoa. And they're reallyhigh end beauty facilities they
(20:30):
have around, they're amazing.
Now the one I did the othernight is just a RV park for
snowbirds. And it turns out 100%of the crowd, Ross snowbirds,
and they have a place to parkthe RV then they have a little
cabin that attaches to a cabin,for lack of a better term, but
they're nice little things. Butthey're nowhere like in the
middle of the state. They'renowhere near the water. But it's
when you come in from Canada,they just want the warmth,
(20:51):
warmth, right? Sosomeone has built this ticket
bought this land in the middleof nowhere, cut down all the
Palmetto trees and basically abunch of their board
and they have have a lot ofmoney to spend on entertainment.
Alright, so for that we're gonnawrap up this episode here,
because it is almost showtimefor the show this evening.
You're actually doing a showwith a bunch of alumni from Jeff
(21:12):
justice has comedy class, andfolks are coming out and going
to do their thing. Andthat was great. Because you
started about two years beforeme. Yeah, I was in 93, you had
to 9191. Okay. And you know, itwas Chris's room had a great
setup for open mic. But the onea lot of people there. And the
punchline was always great. Butmost open mics are just brutal,
terrible. And so when thesepeople come in here and take
(21:37):
Jeff's class, they fill theplace up for graduation show
they're floating on a cloud,then they go to an open mic and
real world sets in. So I wassitting in my hotel room when I
got in Vegas. And it's thinkinghow can I recreate that night
and you're only a virgin once soyou can't really recreate it.
But I came up with this alumnigroup and let their freedom they
have to be I've taken Jeff'sclass, they've already paid for
(21:57):
that. And I just put a pushticket sales, and they get to
have a full house at the punchline. We're gonna can actually
do material, like what you haveto do to open mic. It was funny
after I booked the first one andstarted selling tickets. I
thought, you know, I don'treally check with Jeff minds.
And he was thrilled. Some ofthem were just doing it still as
(22:18):
a hobby and some are actuallytrying to risk.
That's great. All right.
So for Mark Evans, Jamie, Jamieand Adam, this is comedy
roundtable butcher back where hefound a way we'll see you next
episode.
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