February 23, 2023 • 20 mins
Comedian Mike Speenberg pulled up a chair to the Comedy Roundtable, recorded in studio during a weekend in which Mike performed live at the Punchline Comedy Club in Atlanta.
Website: https://speenberg.com/
Dry Bar Special: https://www.vidangel.com/movie/mike-speenberg-uphill-both-ways?category=dry-bar-comedy
Special: https://orcd.co/mike-speenberg-pizza-and-corn
Start for FREE
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
Interested in supporting the show? Subscribe to the show and help us continue to provide great comedy content live from the Punchline Comedy Club. Subscription Page: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1618732/support.
If you want to interact with the hosts of Comedy Roundtable, email us at listener@comedyroundtable.com. For advertising opportunities, email ads@comedyroundtable.com. Complaints should be directed to the nearest trash can (or complaints@comedyroundtable.com if you insist). Comedians who want to be on the show, email us at comics@comedyroundtable.com.
(c) Comedy Roundtable.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:00):
Ladies and gentleman comedy roundtable coming up on
this episode.
So your three topics to choosefrom this episode, our
director's cut excursion, or olddogs new tricks.
I can't see the ground. See theplane?
(00:21):
Yeah. All right, hold on asecond. We're I just want you to
raise your hand when you hearthe beep. Hey, here we go. Yeah,
it's a hearing thing.
We have saved a chair for youour listener and we've also
saved a chair here at theroundtable for our guest this
evening. Mike Speedbird. We arerecording actually a hybrid.
(00:43):
This is the second time we'vedone it. Mike's been berg is at
the punch line comedy club withus this week. It is an out of
club recording often we're inthe landmark diner right there
next to the club. So Mike, it'sgood to have you here at the
roundtable.
Why are we not at the club?
We actually had a bunch ofscheduling challenges to try to
get everybody there in theevening. We knew you would be
there but the three of uscouldn't
(01:03):
get there. So it's basically me.
I'm sorry. I brought you Iassure you,
I'll be there. Yeah. How youbeen watching?
I'm good man. I am glad to beback. How long is it? Was it
been here before that after thepandemic during the past? I
know it's been a couple years Ihave I
blew my mind the other day thatI have not lived in Atlanta in
years Charlson for two years totry to save my first marriage
(01:23):
and that's what we would doweird things like go stuff we
never did when we were happy. Sowhen we were miserable we'd go
like paddleboarding that's youtry to rekindle the flame you're
out here in the intercostalwaterway.
Oh, is that an example of atogether activity but you really
are separate?
Yes. And I could try it like Yo,you walk the bridge. Same
paddleboard intro Uh huh. No,no, no, no, no, no, no to
(01:46):
paddleboard, like you rent alittle it's fine. The next one
of those things like yourcounselor tells you to do like
you guys should go out and go ona hike. Well, we weren't hiking
when we were like having a goodtime in our marriage. Now you
want us to go hiking, we'remiserable and try to get
along the same paddleboard? Yes,trust exercise,
I would have pushed her in theocean so
well. And I was thinking and Idon't always get into many of
those types of crimes. But ifyou're in an unhappy
(02:08):
circumstance and you arefrustrated, suggest might be a
good idea to go walk in thewoods and the entire time he see
fish and get dumped nobodythere. Nobody find in that pond.
Right. That's that's agreat therapist. Go want to go
on a hike in the wilderness. Goout in the middle of the ocean.
Yeah. Is there any dark alleysabout walking to very high
(02:28):
places.
I've lived there for two yearsand then move on. Now. I'm back
in North Carolina. I'moriginally from North Carolina
and I got remarried. December23. Thank you very much. I'm
very happy I bought a home wehave a house and things were
looking up dude. I I pandemicchanged me. I don't take like I
(02:51):
told the crowd last night. Idon't take this for granted.
Yeah, five years ago, I wouldhave found an excuse not to be
here. Right? This morning, Iwould have slept in and I would
have said oh Amber wants to goeat or blah, blah, blah. And
last night. In the second show,like just because the crowd was
smaller than the first show. Iwould have naturally toned it
down and then a little more likeus wouldn't get out of here. I
(03:12):
don't have that feeling anymore.
Right. I got on Facebook. Istill have an account on
Facebook. But I caught myself inthe pandemic, I was arguing with
the betta. on Facebook. In thepandemic. I was arguing with
every like you wake up in themorning and you're there's
nothing going on in the worldexcept all these people on the
internet chatter neuroneopinions. And I found myself
getting sucked into that. Yeah.
(03:33):
And once I consciously made thedecision to not do that. I'm
happy as a lark. I enjoy beingmarried. I mean, I'm the idiot
that left the hotel this morningabout my wedding ring on. But I
enjoy being I enjoyed beingmarried the first time I just
think that we just, we met inour party stage. We my first
wife and I we were 22 years oldwhen we met so we went through
(03:54):
the whole ecstasy and club anytime and and you know, parties
and all night long and Atlantaand stuff and going to concerts
and doing all that stuff. So wejust kind of were like, Oh, hey,
I guess we're in love. Well, wewere more like, you know, I
could have married my bestfriend read. Yeah. And, you
know, hung out and there's justas much fun as parties.
(04:16):
So first of all, this is anaudio podcast. So you didn't
have to tell anybody about thewedding ring. Nobody wouldn't.
I just want to put it on recordthat I'm here. Yeah, right,
right. I'm being honest.
It's interesting. How manycomedians do a location
verification? Coming in herecoming in? I am definite. No,
no, I'm saying they'll say thepie. I am actually where I'm
supposed to be. Yeah.
(04:38):
Well, hang on. Hold on a minute.
No, we really want to go downconspiracy theories. I am in the
hometown of my ex wife with mysecond wife, who's at the hotel
and I just left the hotel for anhour and a half without my
wedding ring. Yeah. I need totell her Hey, babe, I'm here. I
haven't seen any bucket picture.
Yeah.
Everywhere else you go, you makeexcuses and don't go out for a
(04:59):
pot. Okay, is it 11 In themorning? Yeah.
Yeah, the podcasts.
So my dad doesn't work didn'twear his wedding ring, so he
hurt his knuckles. Oh, that'swhat he would tell. Okay.
Well, three marriages laterthat raises a question. I'm
gonna ask our Utah expert. Yes.
If someone has a polygamist,yeah. Do they wear like seven
(05:23):
wedding rings on their finger?
One Ring? Just a one ring orYeah, with just notches in it.
I thought that would do it likechampionship rings. And it'd be
like, I got one for the thumb.
Well, I think what what theyoften do is like best wife, you
know, you have a best wife.
That's who gets it this weekdid that promotion and
relegation? Yeah, absolutely.
Oh, it's like FIFA. And bythe way, I don't know, a lot of
polygamous family, but the onesthat that I've, you know, read
(05:43):
about and actually interactedwith maybe their kids. Right? It
does seem like there's one wifethat is the head wife.
She doesn't like that title, thelead wife and the head wife.
Alright, so speaking of which,we ask lightning round style
questions. To provoke a littleconversation about these
(06:06):
subjects. There are three topicsof which we will only use two,
you're picking them one at atime. So your three topics to
choose from this episode, ourdirector's cut excursions, or
old dogs new tricks. Let's goold dogs, new tricks, old dogs,
new tricks, starting with Adam,my question for you is so I'm
getting to be the old dogmyself, right? And is there
(06:28):
anything that you think like anapp that's out there or anything
that I should learn at thisstage that might increase my
experience like make thingsbetter? Is there anything worth
learning as this oldWaze app, you know the Waze app
no Waze app to the trafficdriving app. I've heard of ways
it all the time here I use Waze.
None of you use Waze I'm not alaser it's why are you not
(06:49):
always there? Because I know myway I know oh yeah, if you're
driving around here I get it butlike rip man it has they put
police on they tell you wherecops are just always tells you
there's something in the roadtells you there's a car on the
side of it. It'll tell you heycaution, half a mile up on the
writing car on the side of theroad
when you drive but literallyfeels like there's someone in
your backseat who's like whoa,look, look, there's a cop slow
(07:11):
down. So I'll tell youman, it tells you everything.
That's awesome. But you had methough it police
it tells you it doesn'tfit ordinating it tells you to
put your wedding ring on it doesreconsider that outfit
old dog new tricks. We have twonew suggestions. Alright, Jamie
What do you got old dog newtricks
right what is the tattoo thatyou would get now that would be
(07:32):
more appropriate on a 21 yearold?
Why would you get any tattoothat looks better on a 21 year
old because you're an old dogyou know what I think you know
what I would get I wouldprobably get the thing where
that you have like the wordshave some kind of like saying or
something right nice collarboneyeah go above yeah right yeah at
the bottom of my neck it's ayoung man's game the collarbone
but still we can still getacross here like this and I have
(07:54):
21 year old stripper tattoos onhis arm anyway I would do I
would do right there. What wouldit say though? I would probably
go sometimes salvation Nice.
That's a black crow song butthat song their albums their
music means a lot to me so Ithink I just do sometimes
salvation Okay, that's wrappingaround the well I'm not gonna
put I was just continuing thesong. All right old dog new
tricks as you have gotten older.
(08:18):
Do you think that the tricksthat you have learned are
simpler? Yes.
Things are easier like how faralong can we get on this whole
thing? How easy can how good canyou make the bowling ball
right trajectory have to easierand then sooner or later
everything'sso easy that we don't we don't
have to do anything What are yougoing to do
tennis got turned intopickleball gotta be easy
small easy everything's That'sour whole goal. That's
(08:42):
everybody's goal is how to makeit how to make things easier
to use Heelys Neil rollers goes.
Rolling sneakers. Oh, yes, itgets easier.
It just rolls past everybody. Solong sucker.
All right. That's a good placeto end. Our first segment here
with comedian Mike Greenbergcomedy roundtable puts on comedy
(09:03):
Club. We will be back with moreof him right after this.
I'm telling you. Me when I tellthem that. You're never going to
make love on a waterbed. That'sreally fucking sad
(09:25):
but your wife Paige looking toDad Look at it. Mom look. They
may love on a waterbed, man. Youwere conceived on that waterbed.
You know when dad got intodivorce, but gay did. Cooper
(09:48):
used to bump and sail waterbeds.
Cincinnati waterbed company comeon down the river. We got
motionless. All right back Lordman that was hard work that was
loving commit there was no suchthing as a six month lease with
(10:15):
a waterbed man you built this upa bit you bought the house and
you bought around it that wasthree days a labor like build an
arkthere's no way we're gonna be
able to get all this wood inAmerica you right back on air if
(10:35):
you're returning a waterbed knowyou got bad parents. You take
the garden hose bro you put oneinside hold the water bath and
you run it out the window intothe yard. Made me and my brother
(10:57):
we grew up in the same house wewere brothers we got different
days. We grew up in a house withhis dad his dad and that makes
my brother officiallyresponsible for the sapping
stole my phone. So you take thatgarden hose air and you put one
inside a hole the water bed thatyou want them into into the yard
(11:18):
and I stick it to my gum androads
take a warm shower in the waterhis mom's been making love Oh
(11:43):
boy, it's my mom. All right,second segment here with
comedian Mike Steenberg. Thisweekend at the punch line comedy
Club. This is the comedy roundtable. The official punch comedy
Club podcast we have tworemaining topics on Mike
excursions or Director's Cutexcursions excursions starting
(12:05):
with Adamso again this is a little bit of
backroom we find out that youguys are bad about communicating
categories to me because what Igot was x curses and maybe I'm
not reading correctdo you need Director's Cut if
you wantto read this? No, no, no.
We're I just want you to raiseyour hand when you hear the beep
Okay, here we go. Yeah, it's ahearing thing, Adam Okay,
(12:29):
so we're gonna go with mycategory which is x curses.
Okay, and if they were to wantedto put the best curse possible
like the you can pick any curseto someone that you dramatically
dislike. What do you think isthe best curse you could give
someone words it No, just like acurse? Like you know, like, oh,
at work. Yeah, it's curseactually. word
(12:49):
fuck chop. I like to call peoplefuck jobs when I'm real mad.
That is how a word. I've neverheard it before. So I'm gonna
fuck chop my way when you hearother people that you've never
met saying fuck chop. And you'regonna know. We brought it
forward from the comedy rounds.
So put a curse on people.
Yeah, what's one person oneperson? I'm not every person?
No, no, no, you know just sayget to pick the correct person.
(13:11):
You but you basically say I havea person in mind. And I would
hex them with with theWow. If you have cursed anybody.
Be careful because they could belistening and yeah, no
wonder I like to eat eggs allthe time.
I would say they have to theyhave to live for eternity with
someone exactly like themselves.
Woof. Oh, that's so good. Right?
Yeah. That's so good.
(13:34):
Now good. Good to see whatliving with you is like the
reflection around you is likeyeah, you get you and
you get you for the rest of yourlife. Enjoy. You see what you
put out in the world? Yeah.
Yeah, that's an excellent card.
Alright, so I also thought itwas x curses. Yeah, so you must
(13:57):
have been it's not so you you'redivorced, right? Yes. Okay, so
no, I'm just kidding. Alright,so I heard it correctly
excursions because my hearing isfully intact. Alright, so taking
language barriers out of theequation. If you were given the
opportunity to do a stand upresidency anywhere in the world
for one year, where would it be?
Oh, wow. Anywhere in the world,Australia. Only because I've
(14:23):
been on five other continentsdoing stand up. And that would
be number six, and the sevenwould be almost impossible,
right? Well, no, I'd probablypick an article because then I
could probably go to Australiaon my own. I pick an article so
you're gonnabe there for a year? Well,
you're the resident comedy. Iwant to be the first comic on
the moon and you better learnsome science. I want to be the
first comic on the moon.
(14:43):
Okay, he's gonna do a residencyone year on the moon, the moon,
so it's good to see everybodytonight Matt
Damon or nobody. I'm gonna go toMars. Yeah, no, I pick I'd
probably pick Australia justbecause I'd want to see it.
Yeah.
Do you go big town Australialike a Sydney or would you go
like one of the small towns thatyou're Yeah.
originates No, butI'm saying you're there for you.
But I get to knowits tendency. Yeah. She got to
know the tempo had to be thesame place. Yeah,
(15:06):
I do that thing. That big thingyou see in the walk by the water
in Sydney, the Sydney OperaHouse, Opera House in Sydney, or
the fox. I would I would love todo the fox in Atlanta. Just be
like that. I've seen so manygreat bands there. Yes. Love
that place to coolbill. What do you think about
that building being built inantebellum south? Right? It's
just so gorgeous.
(15:30):
I think there's the secretapartment in the fog. The old
guy died. Right. So so if youwere doing a residency there,
you would obviously go upstairsin that. Oh, yeah,
I take that. You know, I'd liketo go back in time and do one
night at the old club when itwas like how it was when we were
young. Yeah, just one night likeglass like going I have that
drink, too. Like going back tothe frat house. And having one
(15:51):
more night where you're 22 yearsold just to enjoy the party. But
you have the brain of a 50 yearand you just kill it? Oh, yeah.
Because then when you're whenyou're 22 you're not like what I
was saying before you're notappreciating it. Right? And then
when you're 50 you think look atall this missed opportunity.
Yeah.
What is the old club now?
A bridal shop? No kidding. Yeah,they completely gutted it and
got it so this you know, haveyou ever
thought about doing one nightyou just rent out the bridal
(16:13):
shop? And everybody goes downthere and a single time?
Comedians, comedians are all indresses? No, never.
Maybe you just do comedy for thebride shopping
there crossed my mind. Is cafe290.
Still there? Where's Tommy in abox?
The world moves on without us.
Isn't that suck? Sometimes?
Man Taffy to 90. That's theJager bombs for I peed in the
(16:33):
trash. Can you did?
Anybody? Obama not pee in atrashcan?
Don't make that your first time.
That's actually what a shot iscalled. When you order in a
buck. I get a pee in a trashcan. Oh. Do you swim come in
here.
All right. Excursions you havetraveled the world to perform
(16:56):
comedy. Some of that has been oncruise ships. Correct? Every
cruise ship has excursionscorrect. If there is one
excursion that you could create,and one person not your spouse
to go on that excursion withwhat's the excursion and who are
you taking.
Can I tell you where it would belike? Yeah, it would be in
(17:19):
Sicily. Nice. And I would takemy grandmother nice. Just
because I would want her to seewhere she's from. She's
Sicilian. So and so her parentscame from well, so
based on what you're telling usabout the hair may not be heard,
right? Well then, like you'requestioning your grandma. Any of
this look familiar to you?
(17:40):
I want I would want mygrandmother to see to see
Sicily. Okay. We would probablyprobably go ziplining and
Sicily. That'd be amazing. Wouldpet the dolphins or something? I
know you probably don't petdolphins in Sicily.
I don't think if you're inSicily if someone says you're
gonna pet the dolphins. I thinkit's something else.
Yeah. So like there are certainthings that are like ruins in
(18:00):
Greece or anywhere like in theMediterranean. Right. And I
would hate to think that they'reinstalling like we went to the
Colosseum in Rome and ziplineYeah, right. Like they've
they've taken modern attractionand put it in ancient site.
Yeah,not so much the Leaning Tower of
Pisa anymore. It's the m&mfactory. Right? It's the m&m
store.
(18:20):
Yeah. Toys R Us. PISA Are youdo? You go to the top and drop a
marble?
It's a roller coaster down theentire tower of Pisa.
Like you're ruining history formodern amenity.
Have you ever bungee jumped? No,I've never done that. Have you
ever bungee. Yeah, I've skydivebut you did Scott up a tandem
(18:42):
once? Yeah. 12,000 feet wasamazing. Was it? Yeah, it was
really cool.
Did the tandem you looking upit's very intimate.
Sorry. So that's gonna be anextra 75 hours away from me. I
can't see the ground. See theplane. smaller planes getting
(19:04):
smaller. This is really awkward.
Like why are you so afraid?
I don't want to go. I had a verybad experience with a curse.
Surely gotta be a ripcord here.
It's not the ripcordbe fun. It would be a tire job.
You worked at the at the maybeit would never get old if you
(19:24):
worked at this guy are youshould
keep walking about it. Yeah.
Great thing. We just jump outand you're the trainer guy and
you get on the bottom and youjust close your eyes. Don't tell
me what's going on. I hateskydiving. I start screaming
Yeah, this stuff scares the hellout of me. Tell me when we land.
(19:45):
Other thanseeing you live on stage where
where do people see yourcontent? I know you got to drive
our specialI got to drive our special out
there. My album came out lastyear on on tour records. You can
go to on tour records and findit it's called pizza Corn. You
can find it there. AmazonSpotify, iTunes in which the
number three on the comedyiTunes chart for about a week
(20:06):
and a half so I'm pretty proudof that. It's a clean album so
you can check it out. It's 45minutes called pizza and corn
just go on any of those placesand Carolina comicbook.com All
right, kill me on Instagram toCarolina comic. I'm not on
Facebook. Sofind me on Instagram. Well, we
appreciate you being here oneverybody puts chair back where
you found it and we will be backhere at the punch line comedy
club before you know it. Thenext episode of the comedy
(20:28):
roundtable for Jamie Jamie andAdam. See you next time.
Ladies and gentleman comedy roundtable coming up on
this episode.
So your three topics to choosefrom this episode, our
director's cut excursion, or olddogs new tricks.
I can't see the ground. See theplane?
(00:21):
Yeah. All right, hold on asecond. We're I just want you to
raise your hand when you hearthe beep. Hey, here we go. Yeah,
it's a hearing thing.
We have saved a chair for youour listener and we've also
saved a chair here at theroundtable for our guest this
evening. Mike Speedbird. We arerecording actually a hybrid.
(00:43):
This is the second time we'vedone it. Mike's been berg is at
the punch line comedy club withus this week. It is an out of
club recording often we're inthe landmark diner right there
next to the club. So Mike, it'sgood to have you here at the
roundtable.
Why are we not at the club?
We actually had a bunch ofscheduling challenges to try to
get everybody there in theevening. We knew you would be
there but the three of uscouldn't
(01:03):
get there. So it's basically me.
I'm sorry. I brought you Iassure you,
I'll be there. Yeah. How youbeen watching?
I'm good man. I am glad to beback. How long is it? Was it
been here before that after thepandemic during the past? I
know it's been a couple years Ihave I
blew my mind the other day thatI have not lived in Atlanta in
years Charlson for two years totry to save my first marriage
(01:23):
and that's what we would doweird things like go stuff we
never did when we were happy. Sowhen we were miserable we'd go
like paddleboarding that's youtry to rekindle the flame you're
out here in the intercostalwaterway.
Oh, is that an example of atogether activity but you really
are separate?
Yes. And I could try it like Yo,you walk the bridge. Same
paddleboard intro Uh huh. No,no, no, no, no, no, no to
(01:46):
paddleboard, like you rent alittle it's fine. The next one
of those things like yourcounselor tells you to do like
you guys should go out and go ona hike. Well, we weren't hiking
when we were like having a goodtime in our marriage. Now you
want us to go hiking, we'remiserable and try to get
along the same paddleboard? Yes,trust exercise,
I would have pushed her in theocean so
well. And I was thinking and Idon't always get into many of
those types of crimes. But ifyou're in an unhappy
(02:08):
circumstance and you arefrustrated, suggest might be a
good idea to go walk in thewoods and the entire time he see
fish and get dumped nobodythere. Nobody find in that pond.
Right. That's that's agreat therapist. Go want to go
on a hike in the wilderness. Goout in the middle of the ocean.
Yeah. Is there any dark alleysabout walking to very high
(02:28):
places.
I've lived there for two yearsand then move on. Now. I'm back
in North Carolina. I'moriginally from North Carolina
and I got remarried. December23. Thank you very much. I'm
very happy I bought a home wehave a house and things were
looking up dude. I I pandemicchanged me. I don't take like I
(02:51):
told the crowd last night. Idon't take this for granted.
Yeah, five years ago, I wouldhave found an excuse not to be
here. Right? This morning, Iwould have slept in and I would
have said oh Amber wants to goeat or blah, blah, blah. And
last night. In the second show,like just because the crowd was
smaller than the first show. Iwould have naturally toned it
down and then a little more likeus wouldn't get out of here. I
(03:12):
don't have that feeling anymore.
Right. I got on Facebook. Istill have an account on
Facebook. But I caught myself inthe pandemic, I was arguing with
the betta. on Facebook. In thepandemic. I was arguing with
every like you wake up in themorning and you're there's
nothing going on in the worldexcept all these people on the
internet chatter neuroneopinions. And I found myself
getting sucked into that. Yeah.
(03:33):
And once I consciously made thedecision to not do that. I'm
happy as a lark. I enjoy beingmarried. I mean, I'm the idiot
that left the hotel this morningabout my wedding ring on. But I
enjoy being I enjoyed beingmarried the first time I just
think that we just, we met inour party stage. We my first
wife and I we were 22 years oldwhen we met so we went through
(03:54):
the whole ecstasy and club anytime and and you know, parties
and all night long and Atlantaand stuff and going to concerts
and doing all that stuff. So wejust kind of were like, Oh, hey,
I guess we're in love. Well, wewere more like, you know, I
could have married my bestfriend read. Yeah. And, you
know, hung out and there's justas much fun as parties.
(04:16):
So first of all, this is anaudio podcast. So you didn't
have to tell anybody about thewedding ring. Nobody wouldn't.
I just want to put it on recordthat I'm here. Yeah, right,
right. I'm being honest.
It's interesting. How manycomedians do a location
verification? Coming in herecoming in? I am definite. No,
no, I'm saying they'll say thepie. I am actually where I'm
supposed to be. Yeah.
(04:38):
Well, hang on. Hold on a minute.
No, we really want to go downconspiracy theories. I am in the
hometown of my ex wife with mysecond wife, who's at the hotel
and I just left the hotel for anhour and a half without my
wedding ring. Yeah. I need totell her Hey, babe, I'm here. I
haven't seen any bucket picture.
Yeah.
Everywhere else you go, you makeexcuses and don't go out for a
(04:59):
pot. Okay, is it 11 In themorning? Yeah.
Yeah, the podcasts.
So my dad doesn't work didn'twear his wedding ring, so he
hurt his knuckles. Oh, that'swhat he would tell. Okay.
Well, three marriages laterthat raises a question. I'm
gonna ask our Utah expert. Yes.
If someone has a polygamist,yeah. Do they wear like seven
(05:23):
wedding rings on their finger?
One Ring? Just a one ring orYeah, with just notches in it.
I thought that would do it likechampionship rings. And it'd be
like, I got one for the thumb.
Well, I think what what theyoften do is like best wife, you
know, you have a best wife.
That's who gets it this weekdid that promotion and
relegation? Yeah, absolutely.
Oh, it's like FIFA. And bythe way, I don't know, a lot of
polygamous family, but the onesthat that I've, you know, read
(05:43):
about and actually interactedwith maybe their kids. Right? It
does seem like there's one wifethat is the head wife.
She doesn't like that title, thelead wife and the head wife.
Alright, so speaking of which,we ask lightning round style
questions. To provoke a littleconversation about these
(06:06):
subjects. There are three topicsof which we will only use two,
you're picking them one at atime. So your three topics to
choose from this episode, ourdirector's cut excursions, or
old dogs new tricks. Let's goold dogs, new tricks, old dogs,
new tricks, starting with Adam,my question for you is so I'm
getting to be the old dogmyself, right? And is there
(06:28):
anything that you think like anapp that's out there or anything
that I should learn at thisstage that might increase my
experience like make thingsbetter? Is there anything worth
learning as this oldWaze app, you know the Waze app
no Waze app to the trafficdriving app. I've heard of ways
it all the time here I use Waze.
None of you use Waze I'm not alaser it's why are you not
(06:49):
always there? Because I know myway I know oh yeah, if you're
driving around here I get it butlike rip man it has they put
police on they tell you wherecops are just always tells you
there's something in the roadtells you there's a car on the
side of it. It'll tell you heycaution, half a mile up on the
writing car on the side of theroad
when you drive but literallyfeels like there's someone in
your backseat who's like whoa,look, look, there's a cop slow
(07:11):
down. So I'll tell youman, it tells you everything.
That's awesome. But you had methough it police
it tells you it doesn'tfit ordinating it tells you to
put your wedding ring on it doesreconsider that outfit
old dog new tricks. We have twonew suggestions. Alright, Jamie
What do you got old dog newtricks
right what is the tattoo thatyou would get now that would be
(07:32):
more appropriate on a 21 yearold?
Why would you get any tattoothat looks better on a 21 year
old because you're an old dogyou know what I think you know
what I would get I wouldprobably get the thing where
that you have like the wordshave some kind of like saying or
something right nice collarboneyeah go above yeah right yeah at
the bottom of my neck it's ayoung man's game the collarbone
but still we can still getacross here like this and I have
(07:54):
21 year old stripper tattoos onhis arm anyway I would do I
would do right there. What wouldit say though? I would probably
go sometimes salvation Nice.
That's a black crow song butthat song their albums their
music means a lot to me so Ithink I just do sometimes
salvation Okay, that's wrappingaround the well I'm not gonna
put I was just continuing thesong. All right old dog new
tricks as you have gotten older.
(08:18):
Do you think that the tricksthat you have learned are
simpler? Yes.
Things are easier like how faralong can we get on this whole
thing? How easy can how good canyou make the bowling ball
right trajectory have to easierand then sooner or later
everything'sso easy that we don't we don't
have to do anything What are yougoing to do
tennis got turned intopickleball gotta be easy
small easy everything's That'sour whole goal. That's
(08:42):
everybody's goal is how to makeit how to make things easier
to use Heelys Neil rollers goes.
Rolling sneakers. Oh, yes, itgets easier.
It just rolls past everybody. Solong sucker.
All right. That's a good placeto end. Our first segment here
with comedian Mike Greenbergcomedy roundtable puts on comedy
(09:03):
Club. We will be back with moreof him right after this.
I'm telling you. Me when I tellthem that. You're never going to
make love on a waterbed. That'sreally fucking sad
(09:25):
but your wife Paige looking toDad Look at it. Mom look. They
may love on a waterbed, man. Youwere conceived on that waterbed.
You know when dad got intodivorce, but gay did. Cooper
(09:48):
used to bump and sail waterbeds.
Cincinnati waterbed company comeon down the river. We got
motionless. All right back Lordman that was hard work that was
loving commit there was no suchthing as a six month lease with
(10:15):
a waterbed man you built this upa bit you bought the house and
you bought around it that wasthree days a labor like build an
arkthere's no way we're gonna be
able to get all this wood inAmerica you right back on air if
(10:35):
you're returning a waterbed knowyou got bad parents. You take
the garden hose bro you put oneinside hold the water bath and
you run it out the window intothe yard. Made me and my brother
(10:57):
we grew up in the same house wewere brothers we got different
days. We grew up in a house withhis dad his dad and that makes
my brother officiallyresponsible for the sapping
stole my phone. So you take thatgarden hose air and you put one
inside a hole the water bed thatyou want them into into the yard
(11:18):
and I stick it to my gum androads
take a warm shower in the waterhis mom's been making love Oh
(11:43):
boy, it's my mom. All right,second segment here with
comedian Mike Steenberg. Thisweekend at the punch line comedy
Club. This is the comedy roundtable. The official punch comedy
Club podcast we have tworemaining topics on Mike
excursions or Director's Cutexcursions excursions starting
(12:05):
with Adamso again this is a little bit of
backroom we find out that youguys are bad about communicating
categories to me because what Igot was x curses and maybe I'm
not reading correctdo you need Director's Cut if
you wantto read this? No, no, no.
We're I just want you to raiseyour hand when you hear the beep
Okay, here we go. Yeah, it's ahearing thing, Adam Okay,
(12:29):
so we're gonna go with mycategory which is x curses.
Okay, and if they were to wantedto put the best curse possible
like the you can pick any curseto someone that you dramatically
dislike. What do you think isthe best curse you could give
someone words it No, just like acurse? Like you know, like, oh,
at work. Yeah, it's curseactually. word
(12:49):
fuck chop. I like to call peoplefuck jobs when I'm real mad.
That is how a word. I've neverheard it before. So I'm gonna
fuck chop my way when you hearother people that you've never
met saying fuck chop. And you'regonna know. We brought it
forward from the comedy rounds.
So put a curse on people.
Yeah, what's one person oneperson? I'm not every person?
No, no, no, you know just sayget to pick the correct person.
(13:11):
You but you basically say I havea person in mind. And I would
hex them with with theWow. If you have cursed anybody.
Be careful because they could belistening and yeah, no
wonder I like to eat eggs allthe time.
I would say they have to theyhave to live for eternity with
someone exactly like themselves.
Woof. Oh, that's so good. Right?
Yeah. That's so good.
(13:34):
Now good. Good to see whatliving with you is like the
reflection around you is likeyeah, you get you and
you get you for the rest of yourlife. Enjoy. You see what you
put out in the world? Yeah.
Yeah, that's an excellent card.
Alright, so I also thought itwas x curses. Yeah, so you must
(13:57):
have been it's not so you you'redivorced, right? Yes. Okay, so
no, I'm just kidding. Alright,so I heard it correctly
excursions because my hearing isfully intact. Alright, so taking
language barriers out of theequation. If you were given the
opportunity to do a stand upresidency anywhere in the world
for one year, where would it be?
Oh, wow. Anywhere in the world,Australia. Only because I've
(14:23):
been on five other continentsdoing stand up. And that would
be number six, and the sevenwould be almost impossible,
right? Well, no, I'd probablypick an article because then I
could probably go to Australiaon my own. I pick an article so
you're gonnabe there for a year? Well,
you're the resident comedy. Iwant to be the first comic on
the moon and you better learnsome science. I want to be the
first comic on the moon.
(14:43):
Okay, he's gonna do a residencyone year on the moon, the moon,
so it's good to see everybodytonight Matt
Damon or nobody. I'm gonna go toMars. Yeah, no, I pick I'd
probably pick Australia justbecause I'd want to see it.
Yeah.
Do you go big town Australialike a Sydney or would you go
like one of the small towns thatyou're Yeah.
originates No, butI'm saying you're there for you.
But I get to knowits tendency. Yeah. She got to
know the tempo had to be thesame place. Yeah,
(15:06):
I do that thing. That big thingyou see in the walk by the water
in Sydney, the Sydney OperaHouse, Opera House in Sydney, or
the fox. I would I would love todo the fox in Atlanta. Just be
like that. I've seen so manygreat bands there. Yes. Love
that place to coolbill. What do you think about
that building being built inantebellum south? Right? It's
just so gorgeous.
(15:30):
I think there's the secretapartment in the fog. The old
guy died. Right. So so if youwere doing a residency there,
you would obviously go upstairsin that. Oh, yeah,
I take that. You know, I'd liketo go back in time and do one
night at the old club when itwas like how it was when we were
young. Yeah, just one night likeglass like going I have that
drink, too. Like going back tothe frat house. And having one
(15:51):
more night where you're 22 yearsold just to enjoy the party. But
you have the brain of a 50 yearand you just kill it? Oh, yeah.
Because then when you're whenyou're 22 you're not like what I
was saying before you're notappreciating it. Right? And then
when you're 50 you think look atall this missed opportunity.
Yeah.
What is the old club now?
A bridal shop? No kidding. Yeah,they completely gutted it and
got it so this you know, haveyou ever
thought about doing one nightyou just rent out the bridal
(16:13):
shop? And everybody goes downthere and a single time?
Comedians, comedians are all indresses? No, never.
Maybe you just do comedy for thebride shopping
there crossed my mind. Is cafe290.
Still there? Where's Tommy in abox?
The world moves on without us.
Isn't that suck? Sometimes?
Man Taffy to 90. That's theJager bombs for I peed in the
(16:33):
trash. Can you did?
Anybody? Obama not pee in atrashcan?
Don't make that your first time.
That's actually what a shot iscalled. When you order in a
buck. I get a pee in a trashcan. Oh. Do you swim come in
here.
All right. Excursions you havetraveled the world to perform
(16:56):
comedy. Some of that has been oncruise ships. Correct? Every
cruise ship has excursionscorrect. If there is one
excursion that you could create,and one person not your spouse
to go on that excursion withwhat's the excursion and who are
you taking.
Can I tell you where it would belike? Yeah, it would be in
(17:19):
Sicily. Nice. And I would takemy grandmother nice. Just
because I would want her to seewhere she's from. She's
Sicilian. So and so her parentscame from well, so
based on what you're telling usabout the hair may not be heard,
right? Well then, like you'requestioning your grandma. Any of
this look familiar to you?
(17:40):
I want I would want mygrandmother to see to see
Sicily. Okay. We would probablyprobably go ziplining and
Sicily. That'd be amazing. Wouldpet the dolphins or something? I
know you probably don't petdolphins in Sicily.
I don't think if you're inSicily if someone says you're
gonna pet the dolphins. I thinkit's something else.
Yeah. So like there are certainthings that are like ruins in
(18:00):
Greece or anywhere like in theMediterranean. Right. And I
would hate to think that they'reinstalling like we went to the
Colosseum in Rome and ziplineYeah, right. Like they've
they've taken modern attractionand put it in ancient site.
Yeah,not so much the Leaning Tower of
Pisa anymore. It's the m&mfactory. Right? It's the m&m
store.
(18:20):
Yeah. Toys R Us. PISA Are youdo? You go to the top and drop a
marble?
It's a roller coaster down theentire tower of Pisa.
Like you're ruining history formodern amenity.
Have you ever bungee jumped? No,I've never done that. Have you
ever bungee. Yeah, I've skydivebut you did Scott up a tandem
(18:42):
once? Yeah. 12,000 feet wasamazing. Was it? Yeah, it was
really cool.
Did the tandem you looking upit's very intimate.
Sorry. So that's gonna be anextra 75 hours away from me. I
can't see the ground. See theplane. smaller planes getting
(19:04):
smaller. This is really awkward.
Like why are you so afraid?
I don't want to go. I had a verybad experience with a curse.
Surely gotta be a ripcord here.
It's not the ripcordbe fun. It would be a tire job.
You worked at the at the maybeit would never get old if you
(19:24):
worked at this guy are youshould
keep walking about it. Yeah.
Great thing. We just jump outand you're the trainer guy and
you get on the bottom and youjust close your eyes. Don't tell
me what's going on. I hateskydiving. I start screaming
Yeah, this stuff scares the hellout of me. Tell me when we land.
(19:45):
Other thanseeing you live on stage where
where do people see yourcontent? I know you got to drive
our specialI got to drive our special out
there. My album came out lastyear on on tour records. You can
go to on tour records and findit it's called pizza Corn. You
can find it there. AmazonSpotify, iTunes in which the
number three on the comedyiTunes chart for about a week
(20:06):
and a half so I'm pretty proudof that. It's a clean album so
you can check it out. It's 45minutes called pizza and corn
just go on any of those placesand Carolina comicbook.com All
right, kill me on Instagram toCarolina comic. I'm not on
Facebook. Sofind me on Instagram. Well, we
appreciate you being here oneverybody puts chair back where
you found it and we will be backhere at the punch line comedy
club before you know it. Thenext episode of the comedy
(20:28):
roundtable for Jamie Jamie andAdam. See you next time.
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.