Comedian Steve Byrne pulled up a chair to the Comedy Roundtable while performing live at the Punchline Comedy Club in Atlanta, Georgia
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Episode Transcript
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Unknown (00:00):
Ladies and gentleman comedy roundtable coming up on
this episode. Well, GeneSimmons would be like, here's
the kiss burger. There's thekiss ketchup. There's the kiss
busters.
What article clothing would youlike to see become the standard
items be thrown at a comedianinstead of tech?
I think there's a big bump ChrisRock. And I think Chris Rock
(00:21):
never gives into this moment.
Never do an award show again.
They're fucking over it. Nobodygives a fuck anymore.
We've learned a lot already. Welearned about pitch earlier.
I did we we have saved a chairfor you our listener and we've
also saved a chair here at theroundtable for our guest this
evening. Steve Byrne. Oh, herewe are. Welcome into the show.
Thank you so much.
(00:42):
Here at the punch line comedyclub in Atlanta sitting in the
famous landmark diner. You hearthe 10 o'clock show ready to go
in? They have queued up. Yes.
Just got done with a very hotsugar show.
SCOTT Yeah. scorching say whenwe slaughter dropped? gorging,
Joe dropped bass and beats tothat and just loop that. Just
(01:03):
keep it that's it. Yeah.
You've been busy. Special out onAmazon Prime. Yeah,
yeah. It's a lot of fun. It wasI think sometimes you do these
hour specials and then you youjust do them and they're done.
And then sometimes they affectyou. And this one affected me
because it's a late night talkshow that is an hour special. So
I started learning how to writeone liners. I started learning
(01:26):
about monologue jokes. I startedlearning about you know, the
trimming the fat on jokes, and Ilearned a lot from a good friend
of mine Argus Hamilton out ofthe comedy Store who I consider
the best monologue joke writerI've ever met and come across
and at one time he had the therecord for most tonight show
appearances with Johnny Carsonback in the day when when doing
(01:47):
the Tonight Show and doing alate night talk show meant
something right. The new hourlike just taught me a lot
because I think sometimes peoplethink oh, you're a comic. Just
go roast him your comic just goup and do clean humor your comic
just go up and improv it's likethey're all different. So doing
an hour that's a talk showformat. It's monologues one
liners, panels, storytelling,straight up, stand up, crowd
(02:08):
work, different muscle. And soI've been just like leaning more
on to muscles until I find thevoice of the next special and
the two voices now or just likecrowd work. fuck around. Let's
see what happens live by thewire. And then the other is the
monologue jokes and just do oneliners. So
So Ben Oh, hold on. Can you tuneup for a minute? Can you tell
Adam and me more about trimmingthe fat?
(02:29):
Well, gentlemen, greens, greensis what you need to stop dipping
food and ranch dressing. Oh,stop assaulting Putin stop
eating meals with a side offries. I think that's when it
turns around.
Alright, so we're gonna bangthrough a couple of quick
lightning round style questions.
You will have your choice ofsubject there will be three
topics one of which will beunused. You don't have to
(02:49):
announce them all now but thethree you have to pick from our
pitchforks networks, genesequencing, gene sequencing,
famous footwear,famous footwear. Okay, I would
normally go with the easy routebecause I thought if I was ever
on Celebrity Jeopardy, I wantthe easiest shit, right? But
I'll go the hardest. And I'll gowith the number two bracket gene
(03:10):
sequencing. Yes, because thissounds more difficult and I want
to challenge myself soso gene sequencing, starting
with start with my book.
Starting with Jamie Okay, herewe go. comedy roundtable. Steve
Byrne edition.
All right. If Gene Simmons, werecompeting on Dancing with the
(03:32):
Stars with Richard Simmons. Oh,what song would they dance to?
And what would Richard Simmonssay to Jean at the end of the
dance as he spun them around andwent for the dip?
Okay, I'm not Wayne Brady. SoI'm not this good at improv.
Okay. really specific. Likeyou're really leading me to
water here, right? specificterms. So it's like, hey, I can
(03:54):
lead a horse to water. But whatif that water was just like
Gatorade, and one of them wasjust like Gatorade, but also
like sponsee. Just like JesusChrist. Okay.
I'll do my best.
Let's make it easier if Simmonsand Richard Simmons. Were having
dinner right here in thelandmark diner. Yeah. What do
you think their topic ofconversation?
Well, Gene Simmons would belike, there's the kiss burger.
(04:15):
There's the kiss ketchup.
There's the kiss mustard, andGene Simmons spec, whatever,
whatever. So I think there's twovery distinct ways. But also
Gene Simmons has kind ofdisappeared from everybody. Yes,
he is the lone shooter in thegrassy knoll. We don't know if
he's still there. We don't knowif he was ever the true. I don't
know if Gene Simmons everexisted, because he could be the
(04:35):
fourth shooter of the grassyknoll. So I would say Gene
Simmons is the one that'smarketing every single condiment
and salad and appetizer andcloser and dessert. Do the
fucking Gene Simmons gets getsgood dessert cheese shake. It's
just like he's all over the massdressing, right? Yes, he's all
my boys. Richard disappears.
(04:59):
Okay. So Richard Simmons Yes, Iwould have thought
it has never been a Supercuts.
Right. So he's had fro for 18Fucking millennial. He
was at the he was at a prettyhigh level of celebrity.
Yeah, for sure.
Danny's early not not havingdied. Yeah, completely
disappeared.
Well, he's healthier. He's nevergonna die, but he's gonna be
(05:22):
here. He's gonna outlive China.
And this front from Russia andeverything else he will always
be here. Always. Always. GeneSimmons, me sue me. Richard
Simmons did go to Supercuts andhe and your barber there and he
said, Just take a little off thetop. How do you work with that?
Give me the Jesse Eisenberg.
That's what it asked for. Yes.
Give me the Facebook. Yeah.
Let's see.
(05:42):
I think you're right thoughabout Simmons. He's never dying.
Like they're still here thatwill that will become
grandparents before he dies.
Richard Simmons on the GrimReapers bucket list. No, because
I think even the Grim Reaperwould be like, Dude, you're too
fucking fun. I can't I can't doit's like a puppy. Your puppy
behind a rainbow. I love you.
I was just thinking that theGrim Reaper is like a reverse.
(06:05):
Amazon is just showing up andtaking packages out of houses to
come in with me. With me. Oh,God. I hope that grim reaper
Chuck has not been here.
Yeah, he just mentioned thatRichard Simmons was the puppy.
If Gene Simmons and RichardSimmons, were at the landmark
diner. Is there a risk that GeneSimmons would rip the head off
of Christ withyou and your questions? All
right, Adam.
(06:26):
Yeah, gene sequencing. So itgets kind of tricky. If I go
into jeans, like I don't likehere's what I'm gonna do.
Because I see you all havenotes. Yeah. I want to throw you
off for a loop. Yeah, ready? Go.
So there are three options hitme gave one option was was Gene
theory and then you came up withthe with the question. Yeah, so
I want the second option. Andthen you give me your best
(06:48):
question. The second optionthe second option the second
option. pitchforks are famous.
So pitchfork your best questionon the pitchfork pitchfork
go Have you ever seen pitch likethe chemical pitch?
I've seen Pitch Perfect. No likethat stuff's like goo like
pitches like never seen it.
It's almost like a an oily gooeymix.
(07:09):
I was he pitches like a docabout Nolan Ryan. But so what is
pitch? Actually,it's like a it's like a really
oily goo.
And okay, it's called Pitch andwhy do you keep holding up your
strong hand to tell me where togo? Sorry, I guess. I'm
(07:30):
wondering like, why would youbecause there a lot of friction
that's involved to get thisthinking
a pitch fork would be almostuseless. Like using a fork to
move pitch from one place to theother seems almost entirely
uselessin gardening is, is a pitchfork
still up obsolete, or would itbe people use
pitchforks, but the namepitchfork doesn't make sense
because to get pitch, it'd belike it'd be like there's a
(07:53):
shovel. I'mright. There's shovel, you could
use a shovel to move and thenthere's a rake and there's no in
between and the pitchfork is thein between to go?
Do you want to the gardensports? The garden is
horrible for pitch. So I guesswhat,
I've never had a conversationabout pitch before.
I just really thank you formaking my question. Sweet. We've
(08:17):
heardit's almost like it's almost
like a slime. From where fromplants from pledge.
I assume the pitchfork isdiscerning or getting rid of
that whichyou would think but it's not
because it's a three prong forkthat's moves. Hey, so what's
tried it? Yeah, it's essentiallya farm trident.
I feel like Steve has to getproducer credit on this episode
(08:39):
because he justyeah, he just stepped in. He's
like, I'mgonna tell you this sequencing
thing wasn't it was pretty darnsolid.
It was what was the third optionthough? was third option was
famous footwear famous footwearfamous footwear. Okay, so we
have a question coming fromJamie. I assume more famous
footwear and that would beactually due to sex. I would
(09:00):
have hit you with thesequestions, but
then we'll do the second round.
Oh, Captain, My Captain.
Yeah. Okay. You gotta you gottafootwear, famous footwear.
People get into celebritycollectibles. Okay. Okay. Is
there a celebrity item that youeither have that was gifted to
(09:22):
you, okay, or that you wouldhave an interest in obtaining?
Well, when I did my lastspecial, I would say that one of
the one of the things that wascool was the production
designer, and we went throughthis was the Carson desk. And
what we placed on there was thethree items Carson had on his
desk, which was a cigarettelighter, and his cigarette box,
(09:44):
which Don Rickles famouslybroke. And then the white mug,
with Carson's face on it withwhite pencils. I think of the
three. I would think that themost famous is the is the mug
with Carson's headshot on itwith pencils on it. So if I were
to buy anything as a comedian.
As somebody who's lived my wholelife in comedy, I would think
the greatest the holy grail of,I guess like, collectibles would
(10:08):
be for me the Carson bugs on hisCarson's face on it with white
pencils on in it, but it wouldbe the mug. Yeah.
Could you imagine how coolthat'd be to have in your house?
i By the way I would buy it if Iever had that money or buy it
and give it to the Smithsoniansay right? You You don't even
realize how valuable this isright?
(10:29):
This is priceless andyou drink out of it. Once you
after you buy it. You call itpriceless. And
then if you drink out of it, EdMcMahon. You want to hear beer?
You are correct, sir. He wasNorman Rockwell. Like you'll
never get that again. NormanRockwell will never paint paint
a picture of you know, fuckingBanksy, doing something
(10:49):
incredible is just like, No,there's moments in time where
you go, that was specific. Andwe all can, you know, just
gather around that moment whereart was communal entertain was
communal. Carson was communal.
Everything's so fractured now.
It doesn't matter anymore. Itdoesn't matter to Vaughn
Thompson Gora? You know, WhitneyCummings. I'm just thinking in
(11:13):
terms of like comedy, buteverything is so fractured. Yes.
People don't have that communalreference point anymore. And
Carson was a lightning rod forit. I
was gonna mention comedy pinJada? comedy of him. Jada, your
podcast? Yes. Was that it?
That's it. Okay. Okay, Jamie. Soall right, we're gonna end
segment one right here. We'll beback with more of comedy
(11:35):
roundtable and our guests deeperright after this. In the
middle of a sidewalk, broaddaylight, there is a homeless
man taking a shit. He looks upat my wife and he goes, Well,
hello, beautiful. My wife ishorrified. And I cannot stop
laughing This dude's taking ashit and he's hitting on my wife
(11:58):
at the same time. I'll tell youwhat, you get her number. You
get the keys to the house, sir.
I thoroughly enjoy my lunch. Mywife did not eat for some
reason. As we're getting up shegoes oh, by the way, when we go
home, we're not going to walkhome that I'm like we're walking
back. Exactly. That way home. Ineed to see America's hero
again. This man has been placedunder arrest. He sees my wife
again. Lock sighs This is whatgoes down. He's like, Well,
(12:19):
maybe you motherfuckers youdon't know the fuck you're
fucking around with. Well, helloagain. Oh my god, this dude has
no pants. He just took a shit.
He's going to jail and sex isstill the priority here. That's
the greatest way man I've evermet my entire life. And he's
right here in the front row.
Thanks again. Buddy. was playingice hockey. I got hurt his mood
(12:40):
hungry walking out. And as I do,my son and daughter both walked
towards me. And each one of themgrabbed a hand. And the minute
my kids held my hand, anynegative feelings they had
dissipated. Gone. I felteuphoric. I felt joyful. In
fact, I felt happy. I felthappy. And that night I was
(13:00):
giving my son a bath and Ilooked down at my son I say can
I love you, buddy? And my sonlooked at me said I love you
too. Dad. Then he lookedconfused and a little turtle
shit bubbled to the top of thetub. And I thought that's life.
That's life right there. Lifegives you these little moments
that happen is so embrace whenit happens because there's a
turd of shit waiting rightaround the corner to fucking
(13:22):
ruin everything.
Back with comedy roundtablecomedian Steve Byrne. Yes. All
right. So comedy Zenyatta? Isthe podcast devoted a lot
already. We learned about pitchearlier. Did we? I enjoy the
idea of sitting with comediansand watching other comedians.
Yeah, that's the that's thewhole show. comedy pen era. So
(13:44):
we did a Nashville for a longtime. But you know, when every
comic comes to Nashville, I'm onthe road. So I just moved to New
York City, maybe a week ago,just banked a bunch of episodes.
So I'm doing out in New YorkCity where all the comics are
and just banked a bunch episodesand it's fucking great. It's, I
mean, I've seen podcasts wherestuntman breakdown stunts, I've
(14:06):
seen movie podcasts where theybreak down like special effects
like Star Wars and Avengers onmy cars fucking cool. But I've
never seen it done which wouldstand up and I thought it
wouldn't be fun to see stand upsitting down breaking down stand
up comedians. And what it doesis not only do we break down the
bits, but we also have I thinkwhen you've done this for so
long, you basically have meteverybody, right? And you know,
(14:28):
everybody. So now you're gettinga breakdown of why that bid is
good or bad. From an objectivestandpoint. Because you're
you're you're always judging thebid, not the Stanhope, it's
privy to a bunch of storiesabout the standard. So we're
watching Yeah, so now we'retalking about Crusher. Now we're
talking about sports, and nowwe're talking about whomever it
is. But also we're talking aboutwhy Gerard Carmichael shit the
(14:50):
fucking bed on the Golden Globesor Ricky Gervais right now most
of them go Golden Globes, so Soyou're getting like kind of like
inside Intel. If you're a comedyfan on one I those things are
special, whether or notalright, so we do have a 10
o'clock show here. punch linecomedy club in Atlanta. You're
with us this weekend. You've gotyour Vegas residency you're
doing at Kimmel's place.
(15:12):
Normally, we go one more roundthe questions three times around
based on the first segment andthe time of the next set needing
to begin. I'm feeling maybe it'sthe time to Audible and do a
similar style for round two.
Yeah, sure. Yeah. The threequestions that you had,
still have the same questions,and then you just get to pick
(15:35):
which one which other person.
What I was actually saying ismaybe even just say, just pick
one of the three of us to ask aquestion.
But that'll be me because I hadawesome questions. No.
It's a visual. It's a visualPargo, Jeremy. So we usually
don't do this, but back in thesaddle, baby. So you, Okay,
should we do the sponsor nowbecause we're gonna lose a lot
(15:56):
of listeners.
So pitches, this scientificmaterial,
a bucket goop, and you thought,what should I call this? I bet.
Alright, soI'm gonna go scoop. Famous
footwear. All right. All right.
In 2008, Iraqi journalist movedto Dar Al Zaidi famously threw
his shoe at George Bush. Yep.
What article of clothing wouldyou like to see become the
(16:17):
standard item to be thrown at acomedian instead of heckling?
So not tomatoes? Because thatwas like the kind of Polycom
vaudeville closest I've seenanybody throw tomatoes was
Richard Ross. I did a road gigwith him and somebody threw a
bottle of Heinz ketchup at him.
Oh, that's a statement. That ispretty clear. It's pretty. It
was pretty ballsy and rich, ofcourse, fucking just lost it
(16:38):
decimated this person in themost comedic but also like,
right, justifiably? So. Like hejust was I kind of angry but
also like, infused humor withanger because that's a difficult
crosshairs to match when you'reonstage when somebody says
something, they crossed theline. You still gotta maintain
the room right? You still gottabe a comedian. You can't be you
(16:59):
can't go down to the level ofthat. And I saw vos do it and I
was like, wow, that's fuckinggreat. He didn't lose the
fucking room. And he still gotlaughs and he buried that guy
was fucking great. I've not seenanybody ever throw anything at a
comedian Other than that, nobras
being thrown it like never seena bra.
I've seen some lawsuits come atcomedians baseball catch later.
(17:23):
They'll baseball caps I don'tknow whether you guys have all
anybody seen anybody throwanything? I've never seen it No,
other than the ketchup bottle.
Yeah, Will Smith was the onlything I've ever seen reach a
stage in a big stage and do thatso I would think if you're gonna
do that, Yeah, fucking bringyourself because I think most
comics know most comics know yougot the high ground I have the
(17:46):
high ground and Anakin right?
And you could take them outChris Rock bit his lip in that
moment I saw it I saw the replay1000 times he bit his lip he
could have shit oh yeah fuckingbrilliant way and I know he was
just like take the high roadshut the fuck up let this ride
out and he there was a moment hegot any bit his left like that
was it that was Yeah, yeah, hefucking went in the trench and I
(18:09):
was like I respect him more forwhat he didn't say and I'd love
to know what he what it wasgonna say
and again to your point rockcandlelit perfectly the whole
this really?
Really to he probably fuckingtake him out. And I honestly
think if you're Chris Rock, Idon't even know if you have an
address it and next one I thinkeverybody's waiting for you to I
think you you. You get togetherwith some of the best minds. You
(18:32):
get your Neal Brennan. You getyour you get your best pals
together in a room and you justsay how should I address this?
You make that the opening of thenext special. You fucking
decimate? Not only him but thesituation. Yeah, because I've
heard they have made up. I thinkyou you ridicule the situation.
You take some potshots at him.
Fucking make him feel worse thanhe's ever felt. And then you
(18:54):
move on to some of the greatestmaterial you've ever done in
your life. Because you know, theworld's looking at you. That's
right. I think it's a big momentfor Chris Rock. And I think
Chris Rock never gives into thismoment. Never do an award show.
Go in there fucking over andnobody gives a fuck anymore.
Yeah, just go all in on the nextspecial.
All right, well, speaking ofwhich you have your own material
(19:15):
to do. We appreciate you takingthe time to visit with us here.
It's always a treat to see youin Atlanta continued success and
where people find you online.
Craigslist.
It's misconnections it's calledJabberwocky. Jo Koy? Yeah.
Steve Byrne live is the majorityof the handle on social media.
(19:38):
All right, continued successNEXT TIME ON THE comedy round
table puts chair back where youfound it. We will see you the
next time here at the punch linecomedy club in Atlanta or at the
round table next to the duck.
Challenge accepted Arescorching, scorching, scorching,
(20:05):
scorching, scorch score shouldkeep it keep keep, keep it on
the scorching, scorchingrough face and pizza that just
loop that drop base, drop base,drop base, drop, drop drop base
and beats to that and just leavethat of course that's it. Yeah.
Ladies and gentleman comedy roundtable coming up on
this episode. Well, GeneSimmons would be like, here's
the kiss burger. There's thekiss ketchup. There's the kiss
busters.
What article clothing would youlike to see become the standard
items be thrown at a comedianinstead of tech?
I think there's a big bump ChrisRock. And I think Chris Rock
(00:21):
never gives into this moment.
Never do an award show again.
They're fucking over it. Nobodygives a fuck anymore.
We've learned a lot already. Welearned about pitch earlier.
I did we we have saved a chairfor you our listener and we've
also saved a chair here at theroundtable for our guest this
evening. Steve Byrne. Oh, herewe are. Welcome into the show.
Thank you so much.
(00:42):
Here at the punch line comedyclub in Atlanta sitting in the
famous landmark diner. You hearthe 10 o'clock show ready to go
in? They have queued up. Yes.
Just got done with a very hotsugar show.
SCOTT Yeah. scorching say whenwe slaughter dropped? gorging,
Joe dropped bass and beats tothat and just loop that. Just
(01:03):
keep it that's it. Yeah.
You've been busy. Special out onAmazon Prime. Yeah,
yeah. It's a lot of fun. It wasI think sometimes you do these
hour specials and then you youjust do them and they're done.
And then sometimes they affectyou. And this one affected me
because it's a late night talkshow that is an hour special. So
I started learning how to writeone liners. I started learning
(01:26):
about monologue jokes. I startedlearning about you know, the
trimming the fat on jokes, and Ilearned a lot from a good friend
of mine Argus Hamilton out ofthe comedy Store who I consider
the best monologue joke writerI've ever met and come across
and at one time he had the therecord for most tonight show
appearances with Johnny Carsonback in the day when when doing
(01:47):
the Tonight Show and doing alate night talk show meant
something right. The new hourlike just taught me a lot
because I think sometimes peoplethink oh, you're a comic. Just
go roast him your comic just goup and do clean humor your comic
just go up and improv it's likethey're all different. So doing
an hour that's a talk showformat. It's monologues one
liners, panels, storytelling,straight up, stand up, crowd
(02:08):
work, different muscle. And soI've been just like leaning more
on to muscles until I find thevoice of the next special and
the two voices now or just likecrowd work. fuck around. Let's
see what happens live by thewire. And then the other is the
monologue jokes and just do oneliners. So
So Ben Oh, hold on. Can you tuneup for a minute? Can you tell
Adam and me more about trimmingthe fat?
(02:29):
Well, gentlemen, greens, greensis what you need to stop dipping
food and ranch dressing. Oh,stop assaulting Putin stop
eating meals with a side offries. I think that's when it
turns around.
Alright, so we're gonna bangthrough a couple of quick
lightning round style questions.
You will have your choice ofsubject there will be three
topics one of which will beunused. You don't have to
(02:49):
announce them all now but thethree you have to pick from our
pitchforks networks, genesequencing, gene sequencing,
famous footwear,famous footwear. Okay, I would
normally go with the easy routebecause I thought if I was ever
on Celebrity Jeopardy, I wantthe easiest shit, right? But
I'll go the hardest. And I'll gowith the number two bracket gene
(03:10):
sequencing. Yes, because thissounds more difficult and I want
to challenge myself soso gene sequencing, starting
with start with my book.
Starting with Jamie Okay, herewe go. comedy roundtable. Steve
Byrne edition.
All right. If Gene Simmons, werecompeting on Dancing with the
(03:32):
Stars with Richard Simmons. Oh,what song would they dance to?
And what would Richard Simmonssay to Jean at the end of the
dance as he spun them around andwent for the dip?
Okay, I'm not Wayne Brady. SoI'm not this good at improv.
Okay. really specific. Likeyou're really leading me to
water here, right? specificterms. So it's like, hey, I can
(03:54):
lead a horse to water. But whatif that water was just like
Gatorade, and one of them wasjust like Gatorade, but also
like sponsee. Just like JesusChrist. Okay.
I'll do my best.
Let's make it easier if Simmonsand Richard Simmons. Were having
dinner right here in thelandmark diner. Yeah. What do
you think their topic ofconversation?
Well, Gene Simmons would belike, there's the kiss burger.
(04:15):
There's the kiss ketchup.
There's the kiss mustard, andGene Simmons spec, whatever,
whatever. So I think there's twovery distinct ways. But also
Gene Simmons has kind ofdisappeared from everybody. Yes,
he is the lone shooter in thegrassy knoll. We don't know if
he's still there. We don't knowif he was ever the true. I don't
know if Gene Simmons everexisted, because he could be the
(04:35):
fourth shooter of the grassyknoll. So I would say Gene
Simmons is the one that'smarketing every single condiment
and salad and appetizer andcloser and dessert. Do the
fucking Gene Simmons gets getsgood dessert cheese shake. It's
just like he's all over the massdressing, right? Yes, he's all
my boys. Richard disappears.
(04:59):
Okay. So Richard Simmons Yes, Iwould have thought
it has never been a Supercuts.
Right. So he's had fro for 18Fucking millennial. He
was at the he was at a prettyhigh level of celebrity.
Yeah, for sure.
Danny's early not not havingdied. Yeah, completely
disappeared.
Well, he's healthier. He's nevergonna die, but he's gonna be
(05:22):
here. He's gonna outlive China.
And this front from Russia andeverything else he will always
be here. Always. Always. GeneSimmons, me sue me. Richard
Simmons did go to Supercuts andhe and your barber there and he
said, Just take a little off thetop. How do you work with that?
Give me the Jesse Eisenberg.
That's what it asked for. Yes.
Give me the Facebook. Yeah.
Let's see.
(05:42):
I think you're right thoughabout Simmons. He's never dying.
Like they're still here thatwill that will become
grandparents before he dies.
Richard Simmons on the GrimReapers bucket list. No, because
I think even the Grim Reaperwould be like, Dude, you're too
fucking fun. I can't I can't doit's like a puppy. Your puppy
behind a rainbow. I love you.
I was just thinking that theGrim Reaper is like a reverse.
(06:05):
Amazon is just showing up andtaking packages out of houses to
come in with me. With me. Oh,God. I hope that grim reaper
Chuck has not been here.
Yeah, he just mentioned thatRichard Simmons was the puppy.
If Gene Simmons and RichardSimmons, were at the landmark
diner. Is there a risk that GeneSimmons would rip the head off
of Christ withyou and your questions? All
right, Adam.
(06:26):
Yeah, gene sequencing. So itgets kind of tricky. If I go
into jeans, like I don't likehere's what I'm gonna do.
Because I see you all havenotes. Yeah. I want to throw you
off for a loop. Yeah, ready? Go.
So there are three options hitme gave one option was was Gene
theory and then you came up withthe with the question. Yeah, so
I want the second option. Andthen you give me your best
(06:48):
question. The second optionthe second option the second
option. pitchforks are famous.
So pitchfork your best questionon the pitchfork pitchfork
go Have you ever seen pitch likethe chemical pitch?
I've seen Pitch Perfect. No likethat stuff's like goo like
pitches like never seen it.
It's almost like a an oily gooeymix.
(07:09):
I was he pitches like a docabout Nolan Ryan. But so what is
pitch? Actually,it's like a it's like a really
oily goo.
And okay, it's called Pitch andwhy do you keep holding up your
strong hand to tell me where togo? Sorry, I guess. I'm
(07:30):
wondering like, why would youbecause there a lot of friction
that's involved to get thisthinking
a pitch fork would be almostuseless. Like using a fork to
move pitch from one place to theother seems almost entirely
uselessin gardening is, is a pitchfork
still up obsolete, or would itbe people use
pitchforks, but the namepitchfork doesn't make sense
because to get pitch, it'd belike it'd be like there's a
(07:53):
shovel. I'mright. There's shovel, you could
use a shovel to move and thenthere's a rake and there's no in
between and the pitchfork is thein between to go?
Do you want to the gardensports? The garden is
horrible for pitch. So I guesswhat,
I've never had a conversationabout pitch before.
I just really thank you formaking my question. Sweet. We've
(08:17):
heardit's almost like it's almost
like a slime. From where fromplants from pledge.
I assume the pitchfork isdiscerning or getting rid of
that whichyou would think but it's not
because it's a three prong forkthat's moves. Hey, so what's
tried it? Yeah, it's essentiallya farm trident.
I feel like Steve has to getproducer credit on this episode
(08:39):
because he justyeah, he just stepped in. He's
like, I'mgonna tell you this sequencing
thing wasn't it was pretty darnsolid.
It was what was the third optionthough? was third option was
famous footwear famous footwearfamous footwear. Okay, so we
have a question coming fromJamie. I assume more famous
footwear and that would beactually due to sex. I would
(09:00):
have hit you with thesequestions, but
then we'll do the second round.
Oh, Captain, My Captain.
Yeah. Okay. You gotta you gottafootwear, famous footwear.
People get into celebritycollectibles. Okay. Okay. Is
there a celebrity item that youeither have that was gifted to
(09:22):
you, okay, or that you wouldhave an interest in obtaining?
Well, when I did my lastspecial, I would say that one of
the one of the things that wascool was the production
designer, and we went throughthis was the Carson desk. And
what we placed on there was thethree items Carson had on his
desk, which was a cigarettelighter, and his cigarette box,
(09:44):
which Don Rickles famouslybroke. And then the white mug,
with Carson's face on it withwhite pencils. I think of the
three. I would think that themost famous is the is the mug
with Carson's headshot on itwith pencils on it. So if I were
to buy anything as a comedian.
As somebody who's lived my wholelife in comedy, I would think
the greatest the holy grail of,I guess like, collectibles would
(10:08):
be for me the Carson bugs on hisCarson's face on it with white
pencils on in it, but it wouldbe the mug. Yeah.
Could you imagine how coolthat'd be to have in your house?
i By the way I would buy it if Iever had that money or buy it
and give it to the Smithsoniansay right? You You don't even
realize how valuable this isright?
(10:29):
This is priceless andyou drink out of it. Once you
after you buy it. You call itpriceless. And
then if you drink out of it, EdMcMahon. You want to hear beer?
You are correct, sir. He wasNorman Rockwell. Like you'll
never get that again. NormanRockwell will never paint paint
a picture of you know, fuckingBanksy, doing something
(10:49):
incredible is just like, No,there's moments in time where
you go, that was specific. Andwe all can, you know, just
gather around that moment whereart was communal entertain was
communal. Carson was communal.
Everything's so fractured now.
It doesn't matter anymore. Itdoesn't matter to Vaughn
Thompson Gora? You know, WhitneyCummings. I'm just thinking in
(11:13):
terms of like comedy, buteverything is so fractured. Yes.
People don't have that communalreference point anymore. And
Carson was a lightning rod forit. I
was gonna mention comedy pinJada? comedy of him. Jada, your
podcast? Yes. Was that it?
That's it. Okay. Okay, Jamie. Soall right, we're gonna end
segment one right here. We'll beback with more of comedy
(11:35):
roundtable and our guests deeperright after this. In the
middle of a sidewalk, broaddaylight, there is a homeless
man taking a shit. He looks upat my wife and he goes, Well,
hello, beautiful. My wife ishorrified. And I cannot stop
laughing This dude's taking ashit and he's hitting on my wife
(11:58):
at the same time. I'll tell youwhat, you get her number. You
get the keys to the house, sir.
I thoroughly enjoy my lunch. Mywife did not eat for some
reason. As we're getting up shegoes oh, by the way, when we go
home, we're not going to walkhome that I'm like we're walking
back. Exactly. That way home. Ineed to see America's hero
again. This man has been placedunder arrest. He sees my wife
again. Lock sighs This is whatgoes down. He's like, Well,
(12:19):
maybe you motherfuckers youdon't know the fuck you're
fucking around with. Well, helloagain. Oh my god, this dude has
no pants. He just took a shit.
He's going to jail and sex isstill the priority here. That's
the greatest way man I've evermet my entire life. And he's
right here in the front row.
Thanks again. Buddy. was playingice hockey. I got hurt his mood
(12:40):
hungry walking out. And as I do,my son and daughter both walked
towards me. And each one of themgrabbed a hand. And the minute
my kids held my hand, anynegative feelings they had
dissipated. Gone. I felteuphoric. I felt joyful. In
fact, I felt happy. I felthappy. And that night I was
(13:00):
giving my son a bath and Ilooked down at my son I say can
I love you, buddy? And my sonlooked at me said I love you
too. Dad. Then he lookedconfused and a little turtle
shit bubbled to the top of thetub. And I thought that's life.
That's life right there. Lifegives you these little moments
that happen is so embrace whenit happens because there's a
turd of shit waiting rightaround the corner to fucking
(13:22):
ruin everything.
Back with comedy roundtablecomedian Steve Byrne. Yes. All
right. So comedy Zenyatta? Isthe podcast devoted a lot
already. We learned about pitchearlier. Did we? I enjoy the
idea of sitting with comediansand watching other comedians.
Yeah, that's the that's thewhole show. comedy pen era. So
(13:44):
we did a Nashville for a longtime. But you know, when every
comic comes to Nashville, I'm onthe road. So I just moved to New
York City, maybe a week ago,just banked a bunch of episodes.
So I'm doing out in New YorkCity where all the comics are
and just banked a bunch episodesand it's fucking great. It's, I
mean, I've seen podcasts wherestuntman breakdown stunts, I've
(14:06):
seen movie podcasts where theybreak down like special effects
like Star Wars and Avengers onmy cars fucking cool. But I've
never seen it done which wouldstand up and I thought it
wouldn't be fun to see stand upsitting down breaking down stand
up comedians. And what it doesis not only do we break down the
bits, but we also have I thinkwhen you've done this for so
long, you basically have meteverybody, right? And you know,
(14:28):
everybody. So now you're gettinga breakdown of why that bid is
good or bad. From an objectivestandpoint. Because you're
you're you're always judging thebid, not the Stanhope, it's
privy to a bunch of storiesabout the standard. So we're
watching Yeah, so now we'retalking about Crusher. Now we're
talking about sports, and nowwe're talking about whomever it
is. But also we're talking aboutwhy Gerard Carmichael shit the
(14:50):
fucking bed on the Golden Globesor Ricky Gervais right now most
of them go Golden Globes, so Soyou're getting like kind of like
inside Intel. If you're a comedyfan on one I those things are
special, whether or notalright, so we do have a 10
o'clock show here. punch linecomedy club in Atlanta. You're
with us this weekend. You've gotyour Vegas residency you're
doing at Kimmel's place.
(15:12):
Normally, we go one more roundthe questions three times around
based on the first segment andthe time of the next set needing
to begin. I'm feeling maybe it'sthe time to Audible and do a
similar style for round two.
Yeah, sure. Yeah. The threequestions that you had,
still have the same questions,and then you just get to pick
(15:35):
which one which other person.
What I was actually saying ismaybe even just say, just pick
one of the three of us to ask aquestion.
But that'll be me because I hadawesome questions. No.
It's a visual. It's a visualPargo, Jeremy. So we usually
don't do this, but back in thesaddle, baby. So you, Okay,
should we do the sponsor nowbecause we're gonna lose a lot
(15:56):
of listeners.
So pitches, this scientificmaterial,
a bucket goop, and you thought,what should I call this? I bet.
Alright, soI'm gonna go scoop. Famous
footwear. All right. All right.
In 2008, Iraqi journalist movedto Dar Al Zaidi famously threw
his shoe at George Bush. Yep.
What article of clothing wouldyou like to see become the
(16:17):
standard item to be thrown at acomedian instead of heckling?
So not tomatoes? Because thatwas like the kind of Polycom
vaudeville closest I've seenanybody throw tomatoes was
Richard Ross. I did a road gigwith him and somebody threw a
bottle of Heinz ketchup at him.
Oh, that's a statement. That ispretty clear. It's pretty. It
was pretty ballsy and rich, ofcourse, fucking just lost it
(16:38):
decimated this person in themost comedic but also like,
right, justifiably? So. Like hejust was I kind of angry but
also like, infused humor withanger because that's a difficult
crosshairs to match when you'reonstage when somebody says
something, they crossed theline. You still gotta maintain
the room right? You still gottabe a comedian. You can't be you
(16:59):
can't go down to the level ofthat. And I saw vos do it and I
was like, wow, that's fuckinggreat. He didn't lose the
fucking room. And he still gotlaughs and he buried that guy
was fucking great. I've not seenanybody ever throw anything at a
comedian Other than that, nobras
being thrown it like never seena bra.
I've seen some lawsuits come atcomedians baseball catch later.
(17:23):
They'll baseball caps I don'tknow whether you guys have all
anybody seen anybody throwanything? I've never seen it No,
other than the ketchup bottle.
Yeah, Will Smith was the onlything I've ever seen reach a
stage in a big stage and do thatso I would think if you're gonna
do that, Yeah, fucking bringyourself because I think most
comics know most comics know yougot the high ground I have the
(17:46):
high ground and Anakin right?
And you could take them outChris Rock bit his lip in that
moment I saw it I saw the replay1000 times he bit his lip he
could have shit oh yeah fuckingbrilliant way and I know he was
just like take the high roadshut the fuck up let this ride
out and he there was a moment hegot any bit his left like that
was it that was Yeah, yeah, hefucking went in the trench and I
(18:09):
was like I respect him more forwhat he didn't say and I'd love
to know what he what it wasgonna say
and again to your point rockcandlelit perfectly the whole
this really?
Really to he probably fuckingtake him out. And I honestly
think if you're Chris Rock, Idon't even know if you have an
address it and next one I thinkeverybody's waiting for you to I
think you you. You get togetherwith some of the best minds. You
(18:32):
get your Neal Brennan. You getyour you get your best pals
together in a room and you justsay how should I address this?
You make that the opening of thenext special. You fucking
decimate? Not only him but thesituation. Yeah, because I've
heard they have made up. I thinkyou you ridicule the situation.
You take some potshots at him.
Fucking make him feel worse thanhe's ever felt. And then you
(18:54):
move on to some of the greatestmaterial you've ever done in
your life. Because you know, theworld's looking at you. That's
right. I think it's a big momentfor Chris Rock. And I think
Chris Rock never gives into thismoment. Never do an award show.
Go in there fucking over andnobody gives a fuck anymore.
Yeah, just go all in on the nextspecial.
All right, well, speaking ofwhich you have your own material
(19:15):
to do. We appreciate you takingthe time to visit with us here.
It's always a treat to see youin Atlanta continued success and
where people find you online.
Craigslist.
It's misconnections it's calledJabberwocky. Jo Koy? Yeah.
Steve Byrne live is the majorityof the handle on social media.
(19:38):
All right, continued successNEXT TIME ON THE comedy round
table puts chair back where youfound it. We will see you the
next time here at the punch linecomedy club in Atlanta or at the
round table next to the duck.
Challenge accepted Arescorching, scorching, scorching,
(20:05):
scorching, scorch score shouldkeep it keep keep, keep it on
the scorching, scorchingrough face and pizza that just
loop that drop base, drop base,drop base, drop, drop drop base
and beats to that and just leavethat of course that's it. Yeah.
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