This week's Next Man Up features one of the best Tight Ends to ever do it, Zach Ertz! Ertz made history last weekend with his 800th career catch! We break down that moment and look ahead to our Sunday Night Football matchup against the Seahawks.
And former Washington RB Alfred Morris pulls up to the show to share his emotional journey of being a retired NFL player. Morris' story is heavy but can help a lot of people going through tough changes in life.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Do you even feel like you're you're close to being done? Man?
Physically I feel great.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
I don't think i'm I think I have a few
more in me, But really it's just a year to
year thing at this point.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
For me.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
It's as much mental as it is physical, emotional as
much as is physical. So I've been blessed to have
an amazing career so far. But at the end of
the day, I'm just trying to focus on this week.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
The Next Man of podcast is presented by Lansdown Resort.
From kickoff to checking score, game change and get away
in the heart of Lounders. Lansdown Resort, proud partner of
the Washington Commanders Command is family for our Next Man Up.
We have one of the best tight ends to ever
do it, and he truly is one of the best
to ever do it, making history over and over again.
Woke me in our Next Man Up, Zach Ers Brother,
(00:44):
how you feeling man?
Speaker 3 (00:45):
I feel good man.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Obviously tough loss Monday night, but feel like the energy
has been good in the building. Guys are working hard,
doing everything they can and get ready for Sunday.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
What about for you, man? Year two? I think what
we're in week eight. Now going on a week nine,
how are you feeling.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
I feel good physically, feel great, mentally, in a great spot.
Family is good. So obviously want to win some more
football games for us. Ultimately, that's what you're measured at
at this point in the year. But from a physical standpoint,
I'm in a good spot.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
And that's a blessing in itself, right because we know
at this point in the season, we've seen it with
this team. It's easy to get banged up, it's easy
to go it's hard to go through a whole season.
But you've been through this before. A lot of these
young guys have it. Man, how have you been able
to help this locker room deal with all of these injuries,
all of these ups and downs that we've talked about.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Yeah, I mean, obviously we've been hit hard by the
injuries the first few weeks. You know, the injury rate
in the NFL is one hundred percent, So it's just
one of those things that we've had a lot of
guys missed some time. But it comes down to the
guys just filling in doing everything they can to be prepared,
whether it's during the game or preparing for a game.
You never know when your numbers, when your numbers are
(01:49):
going to be called in this league, So you have
to be prepared each and every week like you are
the starter, like your numbers are going to be called,
like you're going to play a lot of football, and
just from where we at in the season, it's about
improving every week as players, as a team. It's a
long season. Obviously we wish our record was better, but
it's our fault that we are where we are. So
it's up to us to go out there and fix it.
And that's only through improving as a football team. It's
(02:11):
not by talking about it. It's not by giving speeches.
It's about going out there and earning it every week
on the practice field. And so I think that's the
message this week, this past week, whatever the situation is,
it's just been improving as a football team and just
getting better every week.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
It's one thing for things to be good, to have
these slogans and talk about brotherhood when things are good, right,
but it's different. You really see what people are made
of when you go through this adversity when things aren't
going so great. I feel like you've seen what this
team is made of. As a leader, Can you explain
that because I feel like there's always lessons in losses.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Yeah, I mean, I think just a way that guys
come about in the building every day, the mentality that
guys have, it really is a culture of working. It's
not a culture of just seeing who we are on
quote unquote paper and going out there and playing. You
got to earn it every week. Got to earn it
on the practice shield, you got to earn it in
the meet room. You gotta earn it the way you
(03:03):
take care of your body. And it really is a
week to week business in this league. Whatever happens Sunday,
you gotta flush it the next day, watch the film,
see how you can improve, and then beyond to the
next opponent. And so for us, it's just about flip
flipping that switch early in the week. Don't let one
loss compound, don't let the way we feel out that
a Kansas City game compound and impact the way we're
approaching this game on Sunday.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
And it's easier said than done, especially for a guy
in year two like Jayden Daniels who hasn't had to
deal with this type of adversity before. But I know
you guys have a very close relationship. I've seen you
have your arm around him giving him advice. What advice
have you given him? Just through this process, even though
we all know Jaden is way wise beyond his years.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Yeah, I mean, he may be young in NFL terms,
but he got old soult, So I don't really have
to tell.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Them too much. Honestly.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
The adversity, it's not only adversity in the NFL. People
have been facing that adversity of their entire life. You
don't get into the NFL by not facing adversity at
some point, and a losing streak is going to happen. Unfortunately,
we had a last year with a three game losing streak,
so we got to make sure we we approach this
game the right way. And like I said, just don't
let a compound, don't let the emotions of Monday night
(04:06):
impact the way you prepare this week. You should be
giving your all each and every week. Whether you win
lose it, it really doesn't matter to me. My approach, my
process is the same and that's what I'm focused on.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
And he doesn't just get to learn from you, He
gets to learn from a guy like Marcus Marioda, which
I know, we're all lucky to have a guy like
that as a backup, right, you don't have a guy
of guys step up like a Marcus Marioda that could
come in and really work this offense. How great is
it been to see a guy make Marcus Mariold or
somebody you have a relationship with as well, come in,
step up and still try to help you guys find
ways to win.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
I mean, I don't think anyone have used Marcus as
a quote unquote backup quarterback in this league. Everyone's got
full confidence that he is one of the best thirty
two quarterbacks in the NFL. And it's not only on
the field what he does, but off the field as well.
Like you spoke on just his ability to influence that room.
He was the number two overall pick, just like Jaden was.
He's dealt through all this stuff in Tennessee, and so
(04:54):
he just has so much wisdom for a young player
like Jaden that he's able to impart on him, whether
it be handling players, whether it be the media, whether
it be the coaches. He just has such a wealth
of knowledge that he's able to impart on Jayden. And
Jaden has no ego in the sense that he's open
to all years. He's trying to learn from anyone and everyone,
And I truly think that's one of the characteristics that
(05:15):
says to Jaden apart.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Exact, one thing that's been cool about you it is
no matter who's been that quarterback, you still found ways
to contribute and get it done. Man. Like I said,
to start, made history one of six tight ends with
eight hundred receptions. Man, let's really dive into that, because
did you know that that was coming? Like, do you
know as a player, when you're in it, that these
milestones are approaching.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Solely because of the quote unquote outside noise and the
way people talk about it. But when you're playing, you
don't think about it. When I'm out there preparing, I
don't think about it. I don't I think throughout my career,
you know, I've been fortunate enough to be surrounded by
some amazing people. I truly don't feel like I accomplished
any of this on my own, and so I think
(05:59):
it's a estimate to the people that have been around me,
the people that have pushed me, that have designed things
for me. And I just go out there each and
every day, whether I have one catch. Whether I have
fifteen catches in a game or zero catches, it really
doesn't I'm just going out there through the week and
doing everything I can to get open as much as
I can, to create as much separation as I can.
And so whether it's Marcus, whether it's Jaden whoever, whatever
(06:20):
quarterback I'm playing with, I'm trying to make it as
easy for them as possible.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
And so that's all I think about when it happened,
when you got that catch, were you able to bask
in that moment at all? Have you basked that move on?
I know you're a true professional, know what it's all
about the wins, but have you taken time to just
be proud of yourself? No? You know, I was bummed.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
I was a little ticked off that it wasn't a
first down.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
On the head about that. So that was kind of
the thing in the moment that you think of.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
But the milestones, whatever happens in this career, I'm trying
to give it everything I have, and the milestones, whatever
I accomplished, I can look back at my career and say, man,
I did everything I could to be the best version
of myself every day and I can retire whenever that
is knowing I gave it my all. I'm not wishing, man,
if only I worked a little harder, if only I
did a little more, if only if I didn't do X,
(07:08):
Y and Z, I would have had a better career.
So my whole goal throughout this thing has been I'm
giving it all I can for the season of life,
and then whenever I'm done, I can look back and say, man,
I gave it all.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
It's crazy for you to even mention the war retirement
because yeah, you're in year thirteen, but it don't look close.
Like we call you on the pregame show all the time,
the ageless wonder, because every time you look younger, you
move in good like it just it looks really really good.
Do you even feel like you're you're close to being done?
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Man, Physically I feel great. I don't think i'm I
think I have a few more in me. But really
it's just a year to year thing at this point.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
For me.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
It's as much mental as it is physical, emotional as
much it is physical. So I've been blessed to have
an amazing career so far. But at the end of
the day, I'm just trying to focus on this week.
The decision is not my own. Whenever that time comes,
it's a family decision at this point, you know, with
a wife and three kids and amazing people supports system.
(08:00):
But I'm not focused on that at all. I feel
like I'm playing good football. I feel like I'm still
a factor in the game playing so the defense still
got account for me. And so when that stops happening,
I feel like then I'll be done when the defense
doesn't have to worry about me lining up on third
down or in the red zone. But for now, I
love it. I love the process. I love coming to work.
I love practicing like I love practicing. I love working
on my craft every day. The best part about sports
(08:22):
is you're never a perfect player. Like there's even Michael
Jordan miss shots and he always, i would imagine, was mad.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
When he missed a shot.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
And so for me, if I get covered, if I
didn't have the right steps, if I didn't have the
right footwork, if there wasn't enough separation, like, how can
I still improve in that aspect?
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Is what I still love. And Zach, you don't get
to thirteen years without putting in a lot of work
on that field, a lot of work off the field,
but you also got to take time for some downtime,
for some me time and maybe even some family time.
And our partners down at lands Down Resort, they like
to know you getting that work done, but they also
know that you'd like to relax as well. So how
do you spend down time, Zach Erth do you do
(08:58):
your own thing? I know you're a family you guys,
will man, what are your favorite things of doing your
down south?
Speaker 2 (09:02):
I mean it's really just be a dad, be a husband,
be a dad, be a son. I don't really have
a lot of hobbies outside of football, just trying to
be present with my family when I get home. I
try and do everything I can at the facility so
that when I am home, I'm not watching film or
doing or thinking about football. It's really just be the
best dad husband I can be when I go home.
(09:24):
And those those three little boys are running around all
the time. So those are my quote unquote hobbies. And
it's not a hobby, it's just life. It's a fun
stage of life. Three year old and then we have
two boys that are one twins as well, so it's
just a fun, fun fun, fun season of life right now,
and I'm trying to make sure I'm president as much
as I can.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
And another way, you are spending you down sound You're
very humble man, and go family God for sure. But
it's giving back. You were named and honoree for the
Salute to Service for the Commanders. I know that's a
big deal for you, man. I know giving back and
spending that time with the community means a lot to you.
Can you just talk about that a little bit and
why the military aspect came of walk because I know
(10:04):
you laid reefs down at Arlington Cemetary. I know you
helped in the Pack for Truth and why is that
so important for you with such a busy schedule you have.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Yeah, I think you know.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Like I said earlier, I understand I didn't get here
by myself playing on Sundays. It's not just for yourself.
You feel like I feel the love every time I
step into the field on Sunday at the stadium that
I feel the love of the fans. And so how
can I return that love? Not only by the way
I play, obviously, but how I want to help off
the field and being in this city, being the service
(10:36):
nominee is. I feel like Carrie is another weight just
because of where we are, the way of the city.
And so with the military, you know, Julie and I
have always tried to go above and beyond because we
understand that we're not able to do what we love
to do without the men and women that protect us
each and every day. That I laid the foundations of
this country, each and every day, and so for us,
(10:57):
it's just about finding small ways. You know, we unders
staying we can't make some drastic, drastic change a lifelong thing,
but we can maybe change the day of someone and
help someone for a day, and maybe just change the
outlook of someone for a day, or give them hope,
or give them love and just show them love or
show them that someone cares about them. Whether it's through
our foundation or whether it's through just going to pack
(11:19):
packed baggies for the military. If we can just impact
people that, I mean, that is ultimately what we're called
here to do. The stats, the yards, all that stuff
will fade away, but people are gonna remember how you
treat them every day. They're gonna remember how you made
them feel, show them that you cared about them.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
And so for me. That's what we're trying to do exact.
That's so important. Man, You're impacted so many people. Let
me tell you somebody with two parents from the military
were actually laying my father the rest of Arlington in
a couple of weeks. Man, So that it means a lot, man,
it means a lot. My sister's in service. So thank
you so much for what you do. In Commanders, fans,
you can vote for Zachers right now, go to Commanders
dot com and y'all can help hit win this award
because we know our got deserves it. In closing, man,
(11:56):
we got Someday night football the Seattle Seahawks big Dog.
What can the command of fans expect from our commanders
when they go out on prom time?
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Yeah, I mean, I think we're gonna do everything we
can to find a way to win the football game. Ultimately,
it doesn't matter how it looks, doesn't matter how it
looks early, it doesn't matter how it looks like. The
goal is to go out there and win a football
game against a really good football team that's playing really well,
that's extremely well coached, and it's going to be a battle,
and we need our fans behind us to give it
everything we have. You know, I love playing at home.
I love playing at home at night. I feel like
(12:27):
there hasn't been enough home game so far to season,
So for me, I feel like coming home, being able
to be at home in our stadium, in front of
our fans just gives us a little extra boost and
so I can't wait.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
It's funny whenever we play off. Prom Ton Santana says,
this feels like a zach Ertz. Can I got a
feeling Sunday night would be a zach Er Zach Appreciate you, brother, commanders, family,
our next man up, our salute to service nominee or honoree.
Zach Ertz, Thank you brother, Thank you. Hey Marylanders play
multi Match from the Maryland Lottery, Maryland's only in state
jackpot game. A two dollars ticket gives you a chance
(12:59):
to win a jackpot starting at five hundred thousand dollars
drawings Mondays and Thursdays. And remember please play responsibly. They
say your work defines who you are. Monday through Friday
nine to five, you are clocking in what happens on
the weekend, what happens to your time. You could take
it easy or you could use your time to get better.
(13:19):
In the US Army, we think differently. Your time should
be used to improve the skills you do have to
learn some you don't to put yourself in new ways,
because it's those days that truly define who you are.
That's how you make progress. That's how you make impact
on the world around you. It's your time. How you
spend it is up to you. It's your time. The
(13:39):
US Army Reserve Commanders family back to the show for
our Next Man Up. You know, we love having the legends,
whether they call in or whether they pull up. But
when they pull up, it hits a little different. And
this legend was requested by the best fans in the
NFL are Commanders fans welcoming in for the second time
(13:59):
on Next Man Up. Former Washington running back out for more. So, brother,
how you're feeling.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
I'm good man, Thanks for man. It feels good though,
to be in the studio. Man, it's kind a.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Little different, Yeah, it is.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
I'm glad to be here, man. I'm glad it's worked out.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
It's it's dope to have you back. Man. I appreciate
you taking the time because we know you've busly know
you got a lot going on, but we've been seeing
you a little more like me just talking off a that.
You know, you've been in the arena, you've been in
the stadiums, you've been pulling up. Man, what has it
been like being back in the fold and backing around
the burgundy and goal because you know, looking at these pictures,
you put some working in that burgundy.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
Yeah, yeah, I did.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
Man, it's been really good. It's been just where I'm
at in life. It's just been kind of refreshing, I
guess I can say. And I'm seeing different size of
the burgen and goals that I didn't like. I said,
I've never been in the stadium Normally it's locker room field,
back to the locker room home, you know. So it's
just nice to like kind of see some of the
sweet sea because some of the views you get from
like from a stand from a fan standpoint, so it's
(14:54):
like really cool to see that and just just flashback.
I'n't been here in Ashburn in years, man, And it's
so much a change. More data centers popped up, you know,
it's just i mean, even the facilities here, it's just
so much has changed. I'm like let me pick me,
pick me up on the curtain, you know, like I
do want to see a little bit, you know. So
it's just it's been really good man, and refreshing.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
And I love when you guys pull up because like
even while we're walking, right, I can see you just
like looking around and I can see like the odds,
Like it's that nostalgia here right when you walked back
onto this onto this campus we'll call it, and you
looked over and you saw the guys practicing. Man, I
was that for you. But I feel like that was
kind of a moment for you, like dang, man, I'm back.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Yeah it was.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
And I really flashed back to my rookie year. I
thought one of the pictures a rookie year but too.
It's funny I can remember that, but but I just
I remember just like the thoughts I had streaming, Like, man,
there's times I was like an O.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
I was like, I ain't making it.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
I'm gonna get cut cut And I was like nah nah,
Just like if I can look myself in the mirror
every day and know I gave my all and I
can I can confidently say that. And I was like whatever,
happens like happens, and I can I can leave it
all out there.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
So just that I start thinking about like the first.
Speaker 4 (16:02):
The only time I got fined the NFL because I
and I got fine because I listened.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
It was five hundred dollars, you know, like it's a story.
Speaker 4 (16:09):
And they said it's like, hey, y'all need to stop
and sign for the fans. You know this camp. This
is when we had camp here. I did this before
the year before you went to Richmond. And uh So
I'm sitting there, I'm I'm in the tunnel, you know,
all that fields right there, and I'm sign and stuff
and I hate a horn. Hey, y'all gotta go. I
gotta go to the field. So I'm thinking I'm good.
I get a notice on my like later, I get
a little thing and I say, like, you mean if
(16:29):
I'm like I went to peek and I'm like, why.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Did I get fined?
Speaker 4 (16:32):
Like I was?
Speaker 1 (16:32):
He was like, well you were.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
I was like, no, I was. I was doing what
y'all told me to do. And he was like, well,
you didn't want them to feel before the horn, And
I was like, well, I ain't doing that no more.
That's the only fine I ever got in the NFL.
It's super crazy. But yeah, so start memories nostalogia like
you said, and it was just like dang, like the
steal apartments, like.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
Man, I miss it, you know, like I miss it, and.
Speaker 4 (16:51):
If anybody's playing, you know, in the thick of it,
just like enjoy it while you can, because it ends
for all of us, you know. So, and that's just real.
And that's not like there was a time that I
was like I miss it. You know, it's full of
regrets and remorse and just like I should have, could
have would he But now it's like I missed the
game and I'm thankful I got to.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Do what I was able to do though while I
was there, you know.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
So it's a different little perspective now, just going through
some of the things I've been through lately.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
So when you look at that perspective, right, because now
you do have that different lens, what are those things
about the game that you missed? Like if you could
put into words.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
Everybody'll tell you it's always the locker room and it's
the people.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
Man. It says yes, like I would love to like
put my shoulder pads and my helmet on again and
go out there and just hear all the you know,
the screaming fans and things like that. But it's really
just like my brother's next to me, Like you miss
the hajakiky and you know the jokes, you know, just
the shenanigans. You know, it's always it's in the locker
room's never short on characters. No matter what leve I've
been on, I've always enjoyed a locker room. I always
(17:45):
enjoyed my teammates and even bigger than that, just what
I call my stadium fan or just you know the
different security people. Like you start seeing people that around
enough and you like kind of like create relationships. Miss
j used to sit here, you know, the receptionist for forever,
you know so so, but yeah, things like that.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
It's just like it's always the people. That's what I.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
Missed, and I just missed the moments and the memories.
And it's like, dang, I wonder what they helped you
right now? You know, so you just kind of miss people.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
I love that nostalgia, man, and I love like getting
the half you guys in here because we get to
have that nostalgia. I told you, I'm off air. We
were talking to Ricky Irvis and I asked him about
like that moment where he knew it was time to retire,
right and me and you kind of talked about it
a little bit, and I'd love to talk about it
on air because I asked you, was it hard to
make that decision? Was it hard to come with terms
(18:31):
that your NFL career was over math to playing your
entire life working so hard to get to that point,
Like you even said, Man, it was some times didn't even
know if you were gonna make it, but you did
make it. Man. You talk about that a little bit
and how tough it was to leave the game that
you loved so much.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
Yeah, So, like I told you, mine was like a
delayed hard It wasn't so. I was with the Giants,
I was in Camp twenty one, and you know I
was cultn't.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
Release numbers game. I get it.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
I'm like, I'm a vet at this point, like I've
done this before. Table gonna call me back.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
They did.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
They three times they called me back, and I ended
up turning them down. But the reason why is because
the summit up simply is like my family needed a
husband and the father and not.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
A professional athlete anymore.
Speaker 4 (19:11):
And that's and I had to that's what kind of
trying to try to talk myself, well, if I can
get another game, if I can you know, one more
credited season and all these different things, It's like, nah,
I couldn't talk myself into doing it again.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
What really still to deal for me?
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Though?
Speaker 4 (19:24):
As while I was home before they called me back,
my daughter came to me. My daughter is like really
like type A, my oldest DAUGHTERY and I have four
of them, but she's Type A. And like once she
said her mind to do something she's gonna do and
she can't. She's like, how to ride my bike? And
I was like, all right, let's do it. So we
spend hours out there just up and down street, up
and down the street, you know, failing, cheering, and it's
just like and I just had a moment. Then we
(19:46):
went from that to like electric stride or you know
the little balance bikes, but as they try, they have
like a little motor on a little battery, so you
can like balance, but you also can go like it's
just like a dirt bike or something. And I just
had this this moment of like, man, if I was
in camp, right, if I was still playing right now,
I would have missed this moment with my daughter. And
I was like I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. So
(20:09):
but I threw myself into something else. So it was
just like I never That's why I was delayed, because
I was just I went to the next.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
Thing, like yeah, i'm home now, I'm done.
Speaker 4 (20:16):
I'm walking away from it, but like I'm gonna throw
myself into the next thing.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
And then I threw myself at another thing.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
And then you know, it wasn't until like I think
it was twenty four, actually twenty three, twenty four, it
was twenty four. I had this epiphany of just like dang,
like I'll never play again, you know. So at this point,
like I just to kind of jump back and up.
I started doing like therapy consistently because I was like
(20:41):
something something not right. I'm off and I was like
I just I need to talk to somebody, you know.
So I started doing therapy consistently, and my therapist, who
I still you She was saying that a lot of
times guys, we released stress and pressure through like contact,
and I was like, you know what that means. I
didn't realize how therapeutic football was for me because I
can go out there and just release all the stress
(21:01):
and pressure on game day, you.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
Know, and practice.
Speaker 4 (21:04):
And so I was in a I was at the
chiropractice and they're connected to this gym and they have
heavy punching back.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
So I was thinking about what she said.
Speaker 4 (21:12):
So I was pushing a heavy bag and letting it
run into me and I was just like just throwing
my shoulder into like as I was, you know, running
somebody over, and I just had this moment of like, dang,
I'll never play again. And that's when it hit me
and it's like this is I was done in twenty one.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
It's three years later, man.
Speaker 4 (21:27):
You know, so it was delayed and then then I
had to start dealing with that and that that was hard.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Last you know, like year, ten years, ten months.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
A year has been really really challenging, really really like hard,
and just it's been real and transparent. It's like it's
it was dark, you know, but now I'm in a
better place. But like going through that now, like I said,
like I appreciate I have a different lens, not gonna
look through and look back on my career and look
back on time spent here and just you know, I
don't I don't have like the regrets to shame, remorse. Yeah,
(21:57):
still there, but it doesn't have the weight it want did.
And now it's like I'm able to see it like dang,
like I had an impact.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Dang, like I lived my dream.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
Dang. I was like I did what I said I
was gonna do you know what I did do on
a high level, you know, so like I can, I
can appreciate it more. I start noticing all the little winds,
and those little winds add up, man, and it's like
before it's like, ain't a grand slam, don't mean nothing,
Like I want the graand slam and nothing. So now
it's like those basis, those sacrifice pop flies and things
like that. It's like, dang, those little wins, and it's
(22:28):
like you start seeing it the bigger picture. It's like, man,
that mattered, you know, like that that that mattered. So yeah, man,
so I just a different little light now and just
like really was just my family. It was a really
big you know, push to like I just kind of
lost my heart to play it. And now I feel
like physically I can still do it, like I really
(22:49):
but it's like like I think mentally, I think it's
one of those things I don't know if I can
flip the switch again to go out there and do it,
you know, so like I ain't trying to do it,
but but like it's it's like hey, like sometimes like hey,
fourth to one go line, put me in coach, I
might be able to do.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
So I give you one. I give you.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Alfie.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
Man.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
We appreciate that transparency because there's so many people watching,
whether they're an athlete right in life life you have
to pivot. You have to change those things, man, And
it's also okay to go through those dark times. It's
okay to know that you had hard times within this
bro because you have given so much of a game,
and people do not realize how hard it is, especially
as a grown man, to pivot in anything, whether that's
(23:32):
the pivot in fatherhood, marriage, a new career. Man, it
gets tough. So I appreciate your transparency and that if
we can stay on that for a little bit, because
I think people need to hear it, right. I think
people need to understand that somebody that they looked up
to that watched goes through real stuff because you're a
human being at the end of the day. Man. So
when you when you're at that gym and you and
you're hitting that bag and you said it hits you,
How does it hit you? What are you feeling? What
(23:54):
are you thinking? How do you deal with those feelings?
Because it's one thing to have it hit you the
minute you make that decision to say I'm retiring. Three
years later, bro, that is a lot of bottled up tension.
That is a lot of bottled up time. Man, what
was that moment truly? Like for you? It was?
Speaker 3 (24:11):
It was sad and I got really emotional, almost cry
Like I just like, are.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
You an emotional person normally? Not?
Speaker 2 (24:16):
Really?
Speaker 4 (24:17):
No, I'm like care free, laugh and always smiling, you know,
Like I mean, even as smiling people would be like tackling.
I'll be laughing at him like you know, like I
be SIU. I'm like, I am serious, this is like fun.
I'm serious. But I love what I do, you know,
So I enjoyed it, but not overly. I mean, his
life has knocked me down a few times, and part
of me is like I lively just listening to podcasts
(24:39):
and now I'm part of the generations like my family
raised us and I ain't saying it's right, but.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
Like talk about that crying.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
Boys don't cry, you know, So it's like we got
in trouble for crying. So it's just like you had
to learn how, especially as a male, you to learn
to bottle that up and just not share that. But
since now I'm I'm more emotional. I think my wife's
seen me cry more now, h in the last two years,
and I've ever done and I you know, previous what
like nine ten years before that, you know. So it's
(25:07):
just like it's things are happening and shifting, so I
have no regrets. But yeah, it was just it was
really sad and just I did something for so long.
I started playing organized football when I was five, you know,
so twenty eight years in my life was still organized football,
you know. And that's I don't care what that is,
Like you said, like pivoting for anyone, whether you're a firefighter,
(25:27):
police officer, politician, whatever, it is, Like a doctor, like
at some point you do have to retire. You just
have to shift and pivot and do something else. And
this challenging. This is one of the things the piece
of well things I heard, I guess I say it's
a piece of advice that it's like, we don't resist,
you know, change, because I'm like it was almost part
of me was like resistant because I wanted to change.
It's like, sorry, it wasn't man, I'm I just lost it.
(25:54):
Now it'll come back to me so good and again.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Man. And that's rightfully so, man, because again, this is
a lot, right. You probably never even really got the
chance to talk about this, but that's why we love
having y'all on because y'all deserve a platform. Y'all deserve
a way to talk because again, it helps people. Right,
Like I remember growing up and you talk about all
these pivots. My dad was in the military twenty plus
years then retired and had to be a civilian, but
you know, he still working still a young man, and
watching him go through that life pivot again a guy
(26:19):
that's old school like us, where hey, man, don't cry
because nobody gonna feel bad for you. They suck it up. Man,
you got to just keep going. That's how my dad
wasn To see him going to go through that and
see how heavy it was for him as a man.
It makes me understand, like, hey, we go through these
pivots in life and now as a grown man, I've
gone through these pivots as well, and I understand more
than most how tough it is to flip that switch
when you don't express emotion, when your lady's never seen
(26:43):
you cry, your kids have never seen you cry. Right,
how did you get comfortable feeling and expressing yourself and
having that human thing? Because again, that's not innate to us.
That is not something, especially our culture, that were raised
to do. We are told to not go to counseling.
We are told to suck it up, likes truly, And
how did you get past that? Bro? Because again, it's
(27:03):
hard to break those generational curses.
Speaker 4 (27:05):
Man, I hit a wall, man, And I just remember
when I was like, something's wrong. I need help, you know,
And I told my wife that, And I think that
that was the start of that confession. You know.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
I heard that can and I believe it to be true.
Speaker 4 (27:17):
Now that confession, it's closer close related to repentance.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
You know.
Speaker 4 (27:21):
I don't know what people believe in, but like it is,
so I think when we hold it in and we
hold them, I need just emotions, but just things we're
struggling with.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
It doesn't help as only hinders.
Speaker 4 (27:30):
It becomes a burden that weighs us down more, and
then what do we do? We just kind of keep
holding in and just weighs more. We just keep keeping
more of that burden onto us. So I think by
just me talking out and just admitting, like, hey, something,
something's wrong. So the way the way I look at
it now is just like that kind as awareness. How
do you know something is wrong? Like if I have
a car, how do I know something in my car?
(27:51):
Just usually a light on a pop with chicken echine
light or something like that. So you need to be aware.
It brings me aware and it's not that I am aware
to it, like I need to look into this, you know.
So it's like something's wrong, something's right, I need help,
Like I'm aware of this now and it's like something's off.
So it's like let me start looking to figure out
what that is. And then you go from awareness to
you like, hey is this you know It's like, oh, shoot, okay,
(28:13):
I'm aware of this. I've been told what it is.
But now like then you start wrestling with it. In
that wrestling eventually what comes and accept it. You can
continue deny it and get keeping on his burdens or
you can get to a point and it's like you
know what, yeah I am. I am struggling with that
and that's okay, you know, but I ain't gonna stay there.
So you start accepting. Once you can accept it, then
you can start dealing with it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
And it's just.
Speaker 4 (28:34):
So it becomes like my little I don't know, I want,
I don't want to call it trauma.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
Baby, but but it's just like it's this is.
Speaker 4 (28:40):
Burden and I'm starting to like unpack it and just
take things off. So it's just and it was, like
I said, it was hard man. I had some dark
days and just that was just to be I'm always transparent,
I don't have to say that.
Speaker 3 (28:51):
But there was a time for.
Speaker 4 (28:52):
Like a month, like I couldn't get out of bed,
like I couldn't like like my wife got to come
get like coax me out of the bed. Like at
first when it first happened, I was like I don't tripping, man,
get your butt up, you know, like like come on,
you driven man. But like no matter how much self
talk I did, I could not get myself.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
Out of the bed.
Speaker 4 (29:11):
But for my family, my wife, like I would I
would do things, but I just like all motivation to
do anything for myself. It was just like I was
like it was an identity crisis.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
It was.
Speaker 4 (29:21):
It was a lot of things, honestly, you know, but
it was just like I just I finally hit a
wall and I didn't have anything to run keep running towards,
and I just I couldn't. And so my wife would
come like, come on, let's get out of bed, let's
start our date. Like it's okay, We're gonna be okay,
you know, and she man, she's God.
Speaker 3 (29:36):
Saying for real man, So yeah, for real man. So
she she.
Speaker 4 (29:41):
Helped me and then just just been the biggest encouragement,
biggest encouragement even through and just like like, hey you
should try that out. Hey you should do this, Hey
you should And I'm like, man, I want to. But
then eventually this was like years before, like you really
hit the fan, but now I'm like, yeah, I want
to try that. I'm gonna do that, Like come on,
I'll try anything right now because I'm like where I'm
now it's not where I.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
Want to stay and this ain't good and I want
to get out of this.
Speaker 4 (30:03):
So I mean, yeah, just like almost like a desperation
to like get back to like the Alpha that I know,
the Alford that is like like the happy go lucky just.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Always smile and always yeah. And it was like man.
Speaker 4 (30:14):
It got hard, man, like I people need to hear this.
And that's like even me sharing this, it's like I
want to do this because like it helps me too.
And the more I confess it, the more I share,
the more like the light of my burden gets, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
So it's just like I.
Speaker 4 (30:28):
Like I had to I couldn't even cook a meal,
bro like so much like you asked me to do.
I can't do that. I can't chop, I can't boil.
I can't do this. And then put all this together
and then like you asked me to do too much,
I can't do that. I literally was like sometimes I
look back and I laugh about a lot of stuff
because it's like I can't believe I was there, you know.
And it's like I literally like if you asked me,
(30:49):
I could turn a stove on you, but you asked
me to like like hey, I want you to you know, cook,
you know, I don't know chicken stirve for I'm like, no,
I can't do that.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
That's too much.
Speaker 4 (30:58):
I don't know how to do that, like you like,
there's too many things, too many over March, it was
and it was just it was debilitating.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
It was just like I had no confidence.
Speaker 4 (31:08):
In myself my abilities anymore, and I didn't know how
to translate. That's one thing I've been learning. How do
I translate all these skills I know on the football field,
Like how do I translate it into real life?
Speaker 3 (31:17):
You know?
Speaker 4 (31:18):
And it's just like I couldn't see like the parallel,
Like if you ask me, like football, I average played
six seconds. So much happens before snap, you know, before
doing and after pre post pre doing and post you
know snap, Like people like, oh, you're just leant up
to go, kid, No, I don't I line up. I'm like,
hey's the four downs and three down okay?
Speaker 3 (31:37):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (31:37):
Or the safety's rotatord or this words the linebackers. It's
so many things going through this go and you go,
and if you fly around, it's just like then, like
not only that, I got to make sure my steps
are right.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
I have to make sure I'm on the right angle.
Speaker 4 (31:49):
I make sure I'm in phase with my guard, you know,
because we did a lot of outside zone.
Speaker 3 (31:52):
Make sure my favor If I'm not, I'm getting it
in the back.
Speaker 4 (31:54):
If I'm not, like somebody's going backside back door and
I'm you know, that's a top of loss, that's a fumble,
that's me messing up the mess.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
So there's so many things that happen.
Speaker 4 (32:02):
But it's like like now I'm in life and I
don't have, you know, my therapeutic football anymore, and it's
just like like like it was supposed to go this way.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
Its supposed to be a to be what just happened.
Speaker 4 (32:15):
We went from A and now I'm on Z and
it's like wait, wait, wait, wait wait, what happened?
Speaker 3 (32:18):
Like too much?
Speaker 4 (32:19):
Like now I'm like trying to adjust in life and
it's just like I don't know how to do that.
But it's like I know how to do in the
football field because it's like must marriage just second nature.
But now you asked me to do some of these
things off the field, and I was like, I don't
know how to like translate that, you know. So I
think that's one of the hard parts of like when
you say your dad coming from military, because hey man,
you have family. I haven't realized suit anybody who joins military.
(32:40):
I don't think it was a route for me because
it wasn't. I don't think like if they I was like,
I'm just not that. I don't have that mindset for that,
you know. But like it's like they teach, they train
you to be this, and then you have to go
back in real life and it's like, well how do
I I.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
Can't do this and that, Like I can't you know,
like okay.
Speaker 4 (32:57):
One of the things I did was medical device sales,
and people were like low key flex on me in
times like it's it's it's really like it's a it's
a relation's very relational, and it's like people like are
they're protective of their business. So you know, I'm a
new guy in the room, and like these some of
these other reps were like kind of step in my like.
Speaker 3 (33:17):
Well I'm trying.
Speaker 4 (33:18):
Like I was like actually in surgeries, had scrubs on
everything in surgery, watching people get cut on. And then
it's one of the things I ran into after it,
like I just jumped through myself into it and they
would come stand in front of me and I was like, broah,
punch you in the back of your head, you know,
like you know, like you don't realize, Like in my mind,
I just like two PC you you know what I mean,
you know like you and but like I can't do that.
Speaker 3 (33:40):
I can't just go put a help and show paths
and just run through you, you know.
Speaker 4 (33:43):
Like I'm like, I'll body you, bro, like and I
was like, that's that's like off the f hockey.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
On the field. I'm like, man, I will I will.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
Hurt you, bro. It's hard to shape that.
Speaker 4 (33:52):
You got that in you. It's hard to shake that
real world I can't do I can't. I'm being like
some of the dogs will be talking. I was like, boy,
know you're car Like I will meet you at your car, like,
but it's like I'm going to jail, you know, like
I'm getting arrested. So you just can't do that. So
like that stuff just doesn't translate well. But through all
the therapy and different things and just getting in groups
with other NFL players, they were like struggling, you know,
(34:15):
And it's like I think that's another thing that a
lot of men do, not just us NFL, but we
we struggle, We we suffering silence. We never speak up,
speak out because you said it's like like in the
black community's just been real, like you get therapy, like
you that's a.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
Men defeat, bro, like to get help straight.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
If you ain't helping your own self, like like no,
string up and boosht lace them up, tighten them up,
go get it. You know. That's that was the mentality had.
Speaker 4 (34:37):
But like, like, man, it's I think it's admirable and
stronger for someone to say like, hey, I need help,
not that I've been through it now that I see
like the fruit that are produced. Like I went from
not being able to get out a bed for a month,
you know, without help. So now like I'm sitting there
talking and talking about it on the microphone. You know,
it's like and I'm I'm not even I have no shame,
I have no reservation, I have nothing about this, Like
(34:58):
I'm being real because this is what I It was hard,
my delay, my delay, like I guess transition out of
the league was hard. Is the hardest thing I've been
through in my entire life. Tired, like and I'm still
going through it, but I'm on I'm on the other
end of it. It's like I can see the lighters
in the tunnel, you know, and it's I think.
Speaker 3 (35:16):
Life is just a journey.
Speaker 4 (35:16):
It's always going to be I'm never gonna get there,
like if you ever get there, Like, I mean, I
think that's your death day because you're always always dealing.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
Things are always happening.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
It's never ending until the day we call home.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
Man.
Speaker 3 (35:28):
So but yeah, so I'm just I'm I'm on the
other side of it.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
Man.
Speaker 4 (35:32):
I call it the darkness, one of the things. So
I just once again October twenty twenty four, so it
let me flashed back. So June twenty three, I'm in
mid sales. I ended up in the hospital. They say
I had rapped on my license. Rap though they call
it for short, basically your.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
Muscles, uh they basically creating is at least too much
in your body at one time, and it can become like.
Speaker 4 (35:55):
Uh, it produces these mile globbins. I'm probably bushing it,
but anyways, it can mess your kidneys up, amongst other things.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
There was a I think it was Iowa. They had
a bunch of kids when I was like, come out.
Actually one of the guys they.
Speaker 4 (36:07):
Had like twelve student twelve fourteen that all had this
and they were like messed up.
Speaker 3 (36:11):
They like put them out of commission.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
So they said I had I don't believe I had
that because two things that happened part of me going
to the hospital. I've never been hospitalized in my life,
and I was. I spent four nights in the hospital
and they said it's rap though. So two things that happened.
My speech changed and I lost motor function. Like I
literally was like like season wow, and I like in
my mood, I was talking so and I was like
(36:34):
and I asked the doctor and I was like, hey, like, okay,
you said I've rapped though, but what is this? Why
does these two things happen? He's like, I don't know,
and they never checked on it. So I believe it's like, yeah,
I had a hard work out. Yeah I probably had
some high CK levels. But at the same time, I
think it was just a stress of what I was
doing trying to run away from. Like I wasn't dealing
with like the football piece and I was throwing myself
(36:55):
at something else and it was just frustrating because I
wasn't getting the results I thought I wanted to get.
So it just was like beat me down. I should
have walked away then I didn't stayed in it. So
twenty twenty four, now October I finally get like, I'm
literally like just I'm always.
Speaker 3 (37:09):
Gonna be real.
Speaker 4 (37:09):
Like I was sobbing driving to work, like and I
was like, I don't want to do this.
Speaker 3 (37:13):
This is not what I'm supposed to be doing. Like
I'm I can't keep doing this.
Speaker 4 (37:16):
But I was like, I have a family provide for,
you know, like, like I have to. I can't just
sit around and do nothing. I didn't get that big contract.
I feel like I should have. I deserve that I
earned it.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
You know.
Speaker 4 (37:26):
I put a lot of time and work in my
four years here and it didn't pan out the way
I wanted to.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
But that's okay.
Speaker 4 (37:31):
So but I so finally walk away from October seventeenth,
I was like, I'm resigning.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
I can't do this anymore. I put my two weeks in.
I'm done. And October thirtieth of.
Speaker 4 (37:41):
Twenty twenty four, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.
And I say, I say, I call the depression.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
I called it the abyss, you know, like, and that's
a Nereister moment.
Speaker 4 (37:51):
It is, man, that darkness gets you, and it's like
life feels dull like and.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
You can't get too high, struggle to get too low.
You're just you're just coasting.
Speaker 3 (38:00):
Like it was. Everything was colorless.
Speaker 4 (38:02):
Man, It's like I could see green, I see grass green,
I could see this, you know whatever.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
But it's just everything just felt dull. I just felt
numb to everything.
Speaker 4 (38:09):
And I just was like they ain't this ain't living,
you know so much so to I tried every I've tried.
I hope this is not bad, but I've tried different therapies.
Kende me and I tried TMS, which trans cranial magnetic stimulation.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
I've done. I've been a hyperbag chamber. I've done I
already said a Keademy. I went. I actually went to.
Speaker 4 (38:30):
The facility for thirty days, like and I was like, hey,
like I need help, Like I'm wasn't to do anything.
Medicine done it all I have, and but that bus
man that gets on you, and it's like there's still
times I get to the edge of it and I
was like, I ain't going back to the business. But
now I have tools that I can like utilize to
be able to like I know.
Speaker 3 (38:49):
How to stay look to the void that like yes,
the Tyro. Just just two.
Speaker 4 (38:54):
Days ago, I was feel like I was on the
edge of the cliffs, were about to fall into the
bist again, and I was like, just hold on. I
actually listened to a podcast, went out of podcast listening
to sermon of my body Balkman, who, since he's recently
passed away, my buddy loves and he's always sending me stuff.
But I just ran across it and it was about
spiritual warfare and.
Speaker 3 (39:12):
He was like, talking about this thing.
Speaker 4 (39:13):
It's like, it's not us as warfare and it's the Lord,
you know, And then that that's that's really what honestly,
that's who pulled.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
Me out of That is God.
Speaker 4 (39:20):
And I don't care what you believe in. That's that's
who saved me. I got to the point, I'll get there.
But in there he was talking about just after you've
done all that, you can't stand firm. So in that
moment when I was like I was on the edge
about to drop into that bitch, I was like, stand firm,
Stand firm, It's okay, It's gonna pass.
Speaker 3 (39:36):
Like it's okay, man, Like just stand firm. Whatever you do.
Speaker 4 (39:39):
All gotta do is hold on and stand firm and
like the rescue and to God's gonna take care of it.
And I did, and I like it turned around a
day totally different. You know, It's just in that moment
like I could have gave in to that. You know
that now I'll go back to like I was doing
TMS and it's literally just like this magnet thing. It
feels like somebody just tapping on your brain. It's different ways.
(40:00):
There's one for anxiety, it's one for depression. And you
can look at uscar TMS. If you look up TMS
therapy you'll find it. And one day in that I
feel like it was just that tapping was just like
I had to put a mouthpiece in and just chattered
and it just really did something to me that day
and to the point that I literally felt like I
was a little kid getting bullied and somebody was just
(40:20):
pushing my head into saying I could do nothing about it,
and I just remember why I was doing the therapy.
I started crying, and for the first time in my life,
I got to places like I don't want to live anymore,
Like how crazy is that? Man? Like I laughed by
it now, still tearing up, but I'm smiling about it
because like, I know what I came out of now, because.
Speaker 3 (40:35):
I've been through that darkness.
Speaker 4 (40:36):
Man, I can sing all the more loudly like I've
can say, like, Man, God is real, you know, like
he's so good.
Speaker 3 (40:43):
He brought me out of that.
Speaker 1 (40:44):
Man.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
Man, he did that. I didn't do anything. All I
did was standing firm, you know.
Speaker 4 (40:49):
And even when I couldn't stand firm, He's like, I
got you, you.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Know, And that's real, man.
Speaker 4 (40:53):
So anybody was struggling with anything, like you're never too
far gone. I never in my life thought i'ld get
to a place that I thought like I did want
to live anymore. I'm happy, go lucky. I'm always like
a silver line and sivil line and a glass half fool.
Speaker 3 (41:06):
It's always half fool, you know. So for the first
time my life got to places like I don't want
to do this anymore. I was in deep, deep despair,
and I was dragged out of that. I was brought
out of that, you know.
Speaker 4 (41:16):
So I know I still have more to do, man,
and I want to talk more about it, man.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
So that's why I'm I'm glad we're talking about this.
Speaker 1 (41:22):
I didn't know I had no idea that you was
going through this man when we sat down, I had
no clue. But I'm so grateful brother that you are
giving this testimony right now, that you feel comfortable talking
about this, and man, I have a lot of things
I'm feeling right now because I didn't know this right now.
First thing I want to say, missus Morris, if you're listening, wife,
if you listening, thank you so much for just being
(41:45):
here for this man and protecting him. Because not a
lot of people can handle that. Not a lot of
people can handle seeing their significant other, their man, their friend,
their brother, their son go through these type of things.
But I want that to be a a reminder to
you of who you are. Because she don't stand by
a man that's not a great man, that's not a
(42:07):
great father, that isn't worth fighting for.
Speaker 3 (42:10):
I appreciate so she fought for you.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
And you know, again, you probably don't need to hear
this from me, but it is on my spirit because
you know, I understand that identity crisis when you're trying
to pivot, right. We all got to pivot in life.
But you know, you said something earlier that hit me,
and you said, you know, I don't. I don't know
what I'm doing. I don't know what to do. I
have these skills and I don't know how to use them.
But brother, use those skills every single day when you
teach your daughter how to ride that bike, when you
(42:33):
wake up every morning, and just be a man because
you had You.
Speaker 3 (42:35):
Said you have four daughters.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
I don't know how old they are, but they are
all looking at you as the man, the example of
what a man is. Right. Their husbands, their relationships with friends, guys, whatever,
are going to be based off of you. So just no, brother,
even though you're going through these hard times, there's still
so much value and positivity that I have no doubt
that you're bringing. Because again, wife, don't stand by a sucker.
(42:58):
You know what I'm saying, Wife, you don't stand by
a man, and that isn't a good man. And God right,
God being there for you and believing in you and
picking you up through that, Brother, that is also a
testament to who you are because that means you're one
of God's favors, right, Like I hear you tell this,
and I'm just so grateful that you had to wear
a fall of what you were feeling because so many times,
especially men, we don't know what we're going through or
(43:20):
we don't even have the wear of thought to accept Hey, broh,
I need help. You had the opportunity to say I
need help, and so many times it's too late. So
manytimes it's too late. People ask for help or never
ask for it, and it's too late, brother, And I
want you to also know that it is okay to
go to those dark places. It is okay that as
a man you went there because you're a human being. Brother,
(43:41):
you've been through a lot and probably things that we
can't even talk about on here that you've probably been through, right,
and just know that it is okay to go to
those dark places. But it's how you handle it when
you get there. And brother, it seems like you have
handled it in a great, great way. It takes a
lot of confidence to come up here and talk about
this and share that story. Well, bro let me tell you, man,
you are helping so many people. Because I'm somebody that
(44:01):
I've gone through dark days, right, I lost my dad
last year. It's been tough and it's been really tough
to deal with. So to hear another man just talk
about the things he's going through and knowing that you
have a great wife like I do, that helps you
get through those things. Brother, it is such such a blessing.
And truly, you know what, man, I wanted to talk
to you about Bill. I want to talk to you
about the Cowboys. I want to talk to you about football,
but brother, we have so much time to talk about
(44:23):
those things. Brother, I truly just want to know that
you are doing okay, and that if you ever are
not feeling okay, that you also know that you have
me as a brother, as well as somebody that's going
to pray for you, somebody that's gonna want to check
in out. I'm checking in on you now.
Speaker 3 (44:38):
I got to.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
I'm gonna make sure I check in on you, brother,
because again, man, we never want you to get to
that dark place again. But just know it's okay. It
is completely okay, bro, because we are all human man.
And it doesn't change nothing about this brother. All that
you went through doesn't change what you accomplished on that field,
doesn't a change that you accomplished your dream, a dream
that a lot of people never get to accomplish. You
(44:59):
did that, man, and I just want to say thank you.
Thank you for taking the time to speak. It spoke
to me, I know, it spoke to my director and
now so she probably in tears right now. No, no, no,
but don't apologize because it is. It is good. It
is good to get that tears. I'm so grateful that
you were able to cry and let that out. Brother,
you got to let that out for broad a fester.
And I'm just so grateful again that you had to
(45:21):
wear with all to say I need help. So many
people need to do that and don't have the courage,
don't have the strength, don't have the support system. And brother,
I'm so happy you did that.
Speaker 4 (45:30):
Man, appreciate It's one of the hardest things on this
last thing, but the hardest thing I've ever done, but
the wisest and bravest though, and because of that, I'm
better because of it. If I would have just let
that fester, like you said, who knows where I would
be right those would be here exactly, man. So I'm
thankful that, like I had to, I had just that
function to be like something's wrong and I need help,
(45:52):
you know, to other that. So I just want to
encourage anybody who's maybe on the custom of that. Man
just asks for help. Man, don't suffer in silence with
the male female. It don't matter, man, Like, just asks
for help, Like there's somebody like you, you have somebody.
We have a friend in Jesus, man, And I'll see
that from the mountaintops. And because of what I went
(46:12):
through and cuently I am still going through, man, I
can say it all the more, you know, boldly, and
all the more like truly that like I serve a
guy who loves me. I serve a guy who cares
about mess with a guy who will never leave me
north for sakey because he didn't, you know. So I
can't say that if I'm on the mountaintop. But I'm
in that valley, and he gets real in those valleys, man,
(46:34):
and like so shadow of death, like he's with me
and it's Rod and his staff.
Speaker 3 (46:38):
It comforted me.
Speaker 4 (46:39):
So I'm beyond thankful, and I would like to say
it I'm seeing all the more gladly. And I ain't
trying to force somebody to believe what I believe.
Speaker 3 (46:46):
But I'm just telling you like truth and like you know,
like this is live, this is lived experience, and just
knowing that I couldn't ever come out of this on
my own, you know. But yeah, man, but it's also
helps her have.
Speaker 4 (46:58):
A really strong, brave Like even when I was on
the hospital, man, that girl Ice Ice going through her veins, man.
Speaker 1 (47:04):
Like, she she kept watch man, your partner to go
through that man. She like.
Speaker 3 (47:09):
I was like, I know I married the right. I know,
but I knew before then.
Speaker 4 (47:14):
But when I saw I'm like, when I look back
and I remember, just man that I can do a
whole session on that alone. Just me like I had
a out of body experience. Bro Like literally like I
was looking down on the car. My wife is hanging
out of her sprinting Sage brand. She was, she was
on the steps, She's in the car. I knew I
was in that car, and I'm like, what the heck?
I was looking down in that car and I could
(47:34):
see my wife and I couldn't see myself.
Speaker 3 (47:35):
But I knew I was in that car, like I
was not in my body.
Speaker 4 (47:38):
Yeah, that's like I said, I can do a whole
little on that show that that's super crazy and that
was super scary.
Speaker 3 (47:44):
And just watching my wife see me go through. I
remember looking at her. I was like, I'm sorry, I'm
not trying to scare you. But I love you.
Speaker 4 (47:50):
I love you, and I was gone, bro, like I would.
Two times, I like faded out, you know which, and
they say this rapped. So I was like, bro, I ain't.
That wasn't no rap though, Bruh, it wasn't. I think,
just a stress and hold on the subject.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
But yeah, man, but folks don't realize what trauma does
to the body, what it does to the stomach, what
it does to the brain, what it does to the skin. Trauma,
bruh is such And like I've had those moments where
I'm like, I'm talking to you know, my pastor, and
I'm like, man, I'm going through this, and he's like, dude,
that's that is also your trauma. That is also your
grief that you're going through. No, you haven't got no
(48:24):
stomach issue, bro, you is going through it that your
body responds to that. So I appreciate you saying that too,
because like, again, there's so many times, especially not the
I want to say it's men, because everybody goes through
things right where you don't realize you're going through it,
where everybody else will realize it first that hey man,
soon's not right, Hey are you? Are you feeling like yourself?
And sometimes they don't even feel comfortable telling us or
(48:44):
asking us if we're doing okay because we're men, or
because they know we're going to say I'm not. We good,
not now we good? We ain't worried about that. We're good.
And so man again, Man, just so grateful. I'm grateful
for God. I'm grateful for your wife. I'm grateful for
your kids. That you had so many reasons to live,
you had so many reasons to keep going and not
go down that pit. Because, let me tell you, when
you're in that valley, when you're in that pit, you
(49:06):
really learn what you're made of. You you learn who you are.
And everybody can say that they pray or say that
they're God fearing, but when you're really in it, he
gonna see what you're about, and he gonna see where
your spirit lies. And I'm just so grateful that you
didn't lose your spirit, my brother. It's easy to do it, man,
it's easy to do it. So salute to you, man,
God bless you, brother.
Speaker 3 (49:22):
Man, thanks you. I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (49:23):
Man, got you. Man, We'll have you back on and
talk a little later.
Speaker 3 (49:27):
Brother.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
But I feel like this is a great way to
edit because again I think your testimony is going to
help a lot of people. My brother, and again, thank
you so much. Command his family, our Next Man Up.
A true legend, but he's also a father, he's also
a husband, he's a son and of course the son
of God, our brother right here who belongs here, and
we're so happy he's here out for more.
Speaker 3 (49:46):
Thank you, brother, I appreciate you.
Speaker 1 (49:48):
Man.
Speaker 3 (49:48):
This is fine.
Speaker 1 (49:49):
This was dope. Command this family. We hope you've enjoyed
this episode of Next Man Up. You can stream all
of the Next Man episodes, even last seasons, on the
Commander's YouTube page, or stream the audio wherever you get
your podcast. We appreciate the love so much. We will
see y'all Monday night for some primetime action against the
Chicago Bears. Make sure to do what y'all do best,
(50:11):
show up and show out for our commanders until next week.
This is Next Man Up. I'm your host, Brian Cooley,
Jun
Do you even feel like you're you're close to being done? Man?
Physically I feel great.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
I don't think i'm I think I have a few
more in me, But really it's just a year to
year thing at this point.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
For me.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
It's as much mental as it is physical, emotional as
much as is physical. So I've been blessed to have
an amazing career so far. But at the end of
the day, I'm just trying to focus on this week.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
The Next Man of podcast is presented by Lansdown Resort.
From kickoff to checking score, game change and get away
in the heart of Lounders. Lansdown Resort, proud partner of
the Washington Commanders Command is family for our Next Man Up.
We have one of the best tight ends to ever
do it, and he truly is one of the best
to ever do it, making history over and over again.
Woke me in our Next Man Up, Zach Ers Brother,
(00:44):
how you feeling man?
Speaker 3 (00:45):
I feel good man.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Obviously tough loss Monday night, but feel like the energy
has been good in the building. Guys are working hard,
doing everything they can and get ready for Sunday.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
What about for you, man? Year two? I think what
we're in week eight. Now going on a week nine,
how are you feeling.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
I feel good physically, feel great, mentally, in a great spot.
Family is good. So obviously want to win some more
football games for us. Ultimately, that's what you're measured at
at this point in the year. But from a physical standpoint,
I'm in a good spot.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
And that's a blessing in itself, right because we know
at this point in the season, we've seen it with
this team. It's easy to get banged up, it's easy
to go it's hard to go through a whole season.
But you've been through this before. A lot of these
young guys have it. Man, how have you been able
to help this locker room deal with all of these injuries,
all of these ups and downs that we've talked about.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Yeah, I mean, obviously we've been hit hard by the
injuries the first few weeks. You know, the injury rate
in the NFL is one hundred percent, So it's just
one of those things that we've had a lot of
guys missed some time. But it comes down to the
guys just filling in doing everything they can to be prepared,
whether it's during the game or preparing for a game.
You never know when your numbers, when your numbers are
(01:49):
going to be called in this league, So you have
to be prepared each and every week like you are
the starter, like your numbers are going to be called,
like you're going to play a lot of football, and
just from where we at in the season, it's about
improving every week as players, as a team. It's a
long season. Obviously we wish our record was better, but
it's our fault that we are where we are. So
it's up to us to go out there and fix it.
And that's only through improving as a football team. It's
(02:11):
not by talking about it. It's not by giving speeches.
It's about going out there and earning it every week
on the practice field. And so I think that's the
message this week, this past week, whatever the situation is,
it's just been improving as a football team and just
getting better every week.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
It's one thing for things to be good, to have
these slogans and talk about brotherhood when things are good, right,
but it's different. You really see what people are made
of when you go through this adversity when things aren't
going so great. I feel like you've seen what this
team is made of. As a leader, Can you explain
that because I feel like there's always lessons in losses.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Yeah, I mean, I think just a way that guys
come about in the building every day, the mentality that
guys have, it really is a culture of working. It's
not a culture of just seeing who we are on
quote unquote paper and going out there and playing. You
got to earn it every week. Got to earn it
on the practice shield, you got to earn it in
the meet room. You gotta earn it the way you
(03:03):
take care of your body. And it really is a
week to week business in this league. Whatever happens Sunday,
you gotta flush it the next day, watch the film,
see how you can improve, and then beyond to the
next opponent. And so for us, it's just about flip
flipping that switch early in the week. Don't let one
loss compound, don't let the way we feel out that
a Kansas City game compound and impact the way we're
approaching this game on Sunday.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
And it's easier said than done, especially for a guy
in year two like Jayden Daniels who hasn't had to
deal with this type of adversity before. But I know
you guys have a very close relationship. I've seen you
have your arm around him giving him advice. What advice
have you given him? Just through this process, even though
we all know Jaden is way wise beyond his years.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Yeah, I mean, he may be young in NFL terms,
but he got old soult, So I don't really have
to tell.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Them too much. Honestly.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
The adversity, it's not only adversity in the NFL. People
have been facing that adversity of their entire life. You
don't get into the NFL by not facing adversity at
some point, and a losing streak is going to happen. Unfortunately,
we had a last year with a three game losing streak,
so we got to make sure we we approach this
game the right way. And like I said, just don't
let a compound, don't let the emotions of Monday night
(04:06):
impact the way you prepare this week. You should be
giving your all each and every week. Whether you win
lose it, it really doesn't matter to me. My approach, my
process is the same and that's what I'm focused on.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
And he doesn't just get to learn from you, He
gets to learn from a guy like Marcus Marioda, which
I know, we're all lucky to have a guy like
that as a backup, right, you don't have a guy
of guys step up like a Marcus Marioda that could
come in and really work this offense. How great is
it been to see a guy make Marcus Mariold or
somebody you have a relationship with as well, come in,
step up and still try to help you guys find
ways to win.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
I mean, I don't think anyone have used Marcus as
a quote unquote backup quarterback in this league. Everyone's got
full confidence that he is one of the best thirty
two quarterbacks in the NFL. And it's not only on
the field what he does, but off the field as well.
Like you spoke on just his ability to influence that room.
He was the number two overall pick, just like Jaden was.
He's dealt through all this stuff in Tennessee, and so
(04:54):
he just has so much wisdom for a young player
like Jaden that he's able to impart on him, whether
it be handling players, whether it be the media, whether
it be the coaches. He just has such a wealth
of knowledge that he's able to impart on Jayden. And
Jaden has no ego in the sense that he's open
to all years. He's trying to learn from anyone and everyone,
And I truly think that's one of the characteristics that
(05:15):
says to Jaden apart.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Exact, one thing that's been cool about you it is
no matter who's been that quarterback, you still found ways
to contribute and get it done. Man. Like I said,
to start, made history one of six tight ends with
eight hundred receptions. Man, let's really dive into that, because
did you know that that was coming? Like, do you
know as a player, when you're in it, that these
milestones are approaching.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Solely because of the quote unquote outside noise and the
way people talk about it. But when you're playing, you
don't think about it. When I'm out there preparing, I
don't think about it. I don't I think throughout my career,
you know, I've been fortunate enough to be surrounded by
some amazing people. I truly don't feel like I accomplished
any of this on my own, and so I think
(05:59):
it's a estimate to the people that have been around me,
the people that have pushed me, that have designed things
for me. And I just go out there each and
every day, whether I have one catch. Whether I have
fifteen catches in a game or zero catches, it really
doesn't I'm just going out there through the week and
doing everything I can to get open as much as
I can, to create as much separation as I can.
And so whether it's Marcus, whether it's Jaden whoever, whatever
(06:20):
quarterback I'm playing with, I'm trying to make it as
easy for them as possible.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
And so that's all I think about when it happened,
when you got that catch, were you able to bask
in that moment at all? Have you basked that move on?
I know you're a true professional, know what it's all
about the wins, but have you taken time to just
be proud of yourself? No? You know, I was bummed.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
I was a little ticked off that it wasn't a
first down.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
On the head about that. So that was kind of
the thing in the moment that you think of.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
But the milestones, whatever happens in this career, I'm trying
to give it everything I have, and the milestones, whatever
I accomplished, I can look back at my career and say, man,
I did everything I could to be the best version
of myself every day and I can retire whenever that
is knowing I gave it my all. I'm not wishing, man,
if only I worked a little harder, if only I
did a little more, if only if I didn't do X,
(07:08):
Y and Z, I would have had a better career.
So my whole goal throughout this thing has been I'm
giving it all I can for the season of life,
and then whenever I'm done, I can look back and say, man,
I gave it all.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
It's crazy for you to even mention the war retirement
because yeah, you're in year thirteen, but it don't look close.
Like we call you on the pregame show all the time,
the ageless wonder, because every time you look younger, you
move in good like it just it looks really really good.
Do you even feel like you're you're close to being done?
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Man, Physically I feel great. I don't think i'm I
think I have a few more in me. But really
it's just a year to year thing at this point.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
For me.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
It's as much mental as it is physical, emotional as
much it is physical. So I've been blessed to have
an amazing career so far. But at the end of
the day, I'm just trying to focus on this week.
The decision is not my own. Whenever that time comes,
it's a family decision at this point, you know, with
a wife and three kids and amazing people supports system.
(08:00):
But I'm not focused on that at all. I feel
like I'm playing good football. I feel like I'm still
a factor in the game playing so the defense still
got account for me. And so when that stops happening,
I feel like then I'll be done when the defense
doesn't have to worry about me lining up on third
down or in the red zone. But for now, I
love it. I love the process. I love coming to work.
I love practicing like I love practicing. I love working
on my craft every day. The best part about sports
(08:22):
is you're never a perfect player. Like there's even Michael
Jordan miss shots and he always, i would imagine, was mad.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
When he missed a shot.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
And so for me, if I get covered, if I
didn't have the right steps, if I didn't have the
right footwork, if there wasn't enough separation, like, how can
I still improve in that aspect?
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Is what I still love. And Zach, you don't get
to thirteen years without putting in a lot of work
on that field, a lot of work off the field,
but you also got to take time for some downtime,
for some me time and maybe even some family time.
And our partners down at lands Down Resort, they like
to know you getting that work done, but they also
know that you'd like to relax as well. So how
do you spend down time, Zach Erth do you do
(08:58):
your own thing? I know you're a family you guys,
will man, what are your favorite things of doing your
down south?
Speaker 2 (09:02):
I mean it's really just be a dad, be a husband,
be a dad, be a son. I don't really have
a lot of hobbies outside of football, just trying to
be present with my family when I get home. I
try and do everything I can at the facility so
that when I am home, I'm not watching film or
doing or thinking about football. It's really just be the
best dad husband I can be when I go home.
(09:24):
And those those three little boys are running around all
the time. So those are my quote unquote hobbies. And
it's not a hobby, it's just life. It's a fun
stage of life. Three year old and then we have
two boys that are one twins as well, so it's
just a fun, fun fun, fun season of life right now,
and I'm trying to make sure I'm president as much
as I can.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
And another way, you are spending you down sound You're
very humble man, and go family God for sure. But
it's giving back. You were named and honoree for the
Salute to Service for the Commanders. I know that's a
big deal for you, man. I know giving back and
spending that time with the community means a lot to you.
Can you just talk about that a little bit and
why the military aspect came of walk because I know
(10:04):
you laid reefs down at Arlington Cemetary. I know you
helped in the Pack for Truth and why is that
so important for you with such a busy schedule you have.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Yeah, I think you know.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Like I said earlier, I understand I didn't get here
by myself playing on Sundays. It's not just for yourself.
You feel like I feel the love every time I
step into the field on Sunday at the stadium that
I feel the love of the fans. And so how
can I return that love? Not only by the way
I play, obviously, but how I want to help off
the field and being in this city, being the service
(10:36):
nominee is. I feel like Carrie is another weight just
because of where we are, the way of the city.
And so with the military, you know, Julie and I
have always tried to go above and beyond because we
understand that we're not able to do what we love
to do without the men and women that protect us
each and every day. That I laid the foundations of
this country, each and every day, and so for us,
(10:57):
it's just about finding small ways. You know, we unders
staying we can't make some drastic, drastic change a lifelong thing,
but we can maybe change the day of someone and
help someone for a day, and maybe just change the
outlook of someone for a day, or give them hope,
or give them love and just show them love or
show them that someone cares about them. Whether it's through
our foundation or whether it's through just going to pack
(11:19):
packed baggies for the military. If we can just impact
people that, I mean, that is ultimately what we're called
here to do. The stats, the yards, all that stuff
will fade away, but people are gonna remember how you
treat them every day. They're gonna remember how you made
them feel, show them that you cared about them.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
And so for me. That's what we're trying to do exact.
That's so important. Man, You're impacted so many people. Let
me tell you somebody with two parents from the military
were actually laying my father the rest of Arlington in
a couple of weeks. Man, So that it means a lot, man,
it means a lot. My sister's in service. So thank
you so much for what you do. In Commanders, fans,
you can vote for Zachers right now, go to Commanders
dot com and y'all can help hit win this award
because we know our got deserves it. In closing, man,
(11:56):
we got Someday night football the Seattle Seahawks big Dog.
What can the command of fans expect from our commanders
when they go out on prom time?
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Yeah, I mean, I think we're gonna do everything we
can to find a way to win the football game. Ultimately,
it doesn't matter how it looks, doesn't matter how it
looks early, it doesn't matter how it looks like. The
goal is to go out there and win a football
game against a really good football team that's playing really well,
that's extremely well coached, and it's going to be a battle,
and we need our fans behind us to give it
everything we have. You know, I love playing at home.
I love playing at home at night. I feel like
(12:27):
there hasn't been enough home game so far to season,
So for me, I feel like coming home, being able
to be at home in our stadium, in front of
our fans just gives us a little extra boost and
so I can't wait.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
It's funny whenever we play off. Prom Ton Santana says,
this feels like a zach Ertz. Can I got a
feeling Sunday night would be a zach Er Zach Appreciate you, brother, commanders, family,
our next man up, our salute to service nominee or honoree.
Zach Ertz, Thank you brother, Thank you. Hey Marylanders play
multi Match from the Maryland Lottery, Maryland's only in state
jackpot game. A two dollars ticket gives you a chance
(12:59):
to win a jackpot starting at five hundred thousand dollars
drawings Mondays and Thursdays. And remember please play responsibly. They
say your work defines who you are. Monday through Friday
nine to five, you are clocking in what happens on
the weekend, what happens to your time. You could take
it easy or you could use your time to get better.
(13:19):
In the US Army, we think differently. Your time should
be used to improve the skills you do have to
learn some you don't to put yourself in new ways,
because it's those days that truly define who you are.
That's how you make progress. That's how you make impact
on the world around you. It's your time. How you
spend it is up to you. It's your time. The
(13:39):
US Army Reserve Commanders family back to the show for
our Next Man Up. You know, we love having the legends,
whether they call in or whether they pull up. But
when they pull up, it hits a little different. And
this legend was requested by the best fans in the
NFL are Commanders fans welcoming in for the second time
(13:59):
on Next Man Up. Former Washington running back out for more. So, brother,
how you're feeling.
Speaker 4 (14:04):
I'm good man, Thanks for man. It feels good though,
to be in the studio. Man, it's kind a.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Little different, Yeah, it is.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
I'm glad to be here, man. I'm glad it's worked out.
Speaker 1 (14:12):
It's it's dope to have you back. Man. I appreciate
you taking the time because we know you've busly know
you got a lot going on, but we've been seeing
you a little more like me just talking off a that.
You know, you've been in the arena, you've been in
the stadiums, you've been pulling up. Man, what has it
been like being back in the fold and backing around
the burgundy and goal because you know, looking at these pictures,
you put some working in that burgundy.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
Yeah, yeah, I did.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
Man, it's been really good. It's been just where I'm
at in life. It's just been kind of refreshing, I
guess I can say. And I'm seeing different size of
the burgen and goals that I didn't like. I said,
I've never been in the stadium Normally it's locker room field,
back to the locker room home, you know. So it's
just nice to like kind of see some of the
sweet sea because some of the views you get from
like from a stand from a fan standpoint, so it's
(14:54):
like really cool to see that and just just flashback.
I'n't been here in Ashburn in years, man, And it's
so much a change. More data centers popped up, you know,
it's just i mean, even the facilities here, it's just
so much has changed. I'm like let me pick me,
pick me up on the curtain, you know, like I
do want to see a little bit, you know. So
it's just it's been really good man, and refreshing.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
And I love when you guys pull up because like
even while we're walking, right, I can see you just
like looking around and I can see like the odds,
Like it's that nostalgia here right when you walked back
onto this onto this campus we'll call it, and you
looked over and you saw the guys practicing. Man, I
was that for you. But I feel like that was
kind of a moment for you, like dang, man, I'm back.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Yeah it was.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
And I really flashed back to my rookie year. I
thought one of the pictures a rookie year but too.
It's funny I can remember that, but but I just
I remember just like the thoughts I had streaming, Like, man,
there's times I was like an O.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
I was like, I ain't making it.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
I'm gonna get cut cut And I was like nah nah,
Just like if I can look myself in the mirror
every day and know I gave my all and I
can I can confidently say that. And I was like whatever,
happens like happens, and I can I can leave it
all out there.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
So just that I start thinking about like the first.
Speaker 4 (16:02):
The only time I got fined the NFL because I
and I got fine because I listened.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
It was five hundred dollars, you know, like it's a story.
Speaker 4 (16:09):
And they said it's like, hey, y'all need to stop
and sign for the fans. You know this camp. This
is when we had camp here. I did this before
the year before you went to Richmond. And uh So
I'm sitting there, I'm I'm in the tunnel, you know,
all that fields right there, and I'm sign and stuff
and I hate a horn. Hey, y'all gotta go. I
gotta go to the field. So I'm thinking I'm good.
I get a notice on my like later, I get
a little thing and I say, like, you mean if
(16:29):
I'm like I went to peek and I'm like, why.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Did I get fined?
Speaker 4 (16:32):
Like I was?
Speaker 1 (16:32):
He was like, well you were.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
I was like, no, I was. I was doing what
y'all told me to do. And he was like, well,
you didn't want them to feel before the horn, And
I was like, well, I ain't doing that no more.
That's the only fine I ever got in the NFL.
It's super crazy. But yeah, so start memories nostalogia like
you said, and it was just like dang, like the
steal apartments, like.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
Man, I miss it, you know, like I miss it, and.
Speaker 4 (16:51):
If anybody's playing, you know, in the thick of it,
just like enjoy it while you can, because it ends
for all of us, you know. So, and that's just real.
And that's not like there was a time that I
was like I miss it. You know, it's full of
regrets and remorse and just like I should have, could
have would he But now it's like I missed the
game and I'm thankful I got to.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Do what I was able to do though while I
was there, you know.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
So it's a different little perspective now, just going through
some of the things I've been through lately.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
So when you look at that perspective, right, because now
you do have that different lens, what are those things
about the game that you missed? Like if you could
put into words.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
Everybody'll tell you it's always the locker room and it's
the people.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
Man. It says yes, like I would love to like
put my shoulder pads and my helmet on again and
go out there and just hear all the you know,
the screaming fans and things like that. But it's really
just like my brother's next to me, Like you miss
the hajakiky and you know the jokes, you know, just
the shenanigans. You know, it's always it's in the locker
room's never short on characters. No matter what leve I've
been on, I've always enjoyed a locker room. I always
(17:45):
enjoyed my teammates and even bigger than that, just what
I call my stadium fan or just you know the
different security people. Like you start seeing people that around
enough and you like kind of like create relationships. Miss
j used to sit here, you know, the receptionist for forever,
you know so so, but yeah, things like that.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
It's just like it's always the people. That's what I.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
Missed, and I just missed the moments and the memories.
And it's like, dang, I wonder what they helped you
right now? You know, so you just kind of miss people.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
I love that nostalgia, man, and I love like getting
the half you guys in here because we get to
have that nostalgia. I told you, I'm off air. We
were talking to Ricky Irvis and I asked him about
like that moment where he knew it was time to retire,
right and me and you kind of talked about it
a little bit, and I'd love to talk about it
on air because I asked you, was it hard to
make that decision? Was it hard to come with terms
(18:31):
that your NFL career was over math to playing your
entire life working so hard to get to that point,
Like you even said, Man, it was some times didn't even
know if you were gonna make it, but you did
make it. Man. You talk about that a little bit
and how tough it was to leave the game that
you loved so much.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
Yeah, So, like I told you, mine was like a
delayed hard It wasn't so. I was with the Giants,
I was in Camp twenty one, and you know I
was cultn't.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
Release numbers game. I get it.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
I'm like, I'm a vet at this point, like I've
done this before. Table gonna call me back.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
They did.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
They three times they called me back, and I ended
up turning them down. But the reason why is because
the summit up simply is like my family needed a
husband and the father and not.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
A professional athlete anymore.
Speaker 4 (19:11):
And that's and I had to that's what kind of
trying to try to talk myself, well, if I can
get another game, if I can you know, one more
credited season and all these different things, It's like, nah,
I couldn't talk myself into doing it again.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
What really still to deal for me?
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Though?
Speaker 4 (19:24):
As while I was home before they called me back,
my daughter came to me. My daughter is like really
like type A, my oldest DAUGHTERY and I have four
of them, but she's Type A. And like once she
said her mind to do something she's gonna do and
she can't. She's like, how to ride my bike? And
I was like, all right, let's do it. So we
spend hours out there just up and down street, up
and down the street, you know, failing, cheering, and it's
just like and I just had a moment. Then we
(19:46):
went from that to like electric stride or you know
the little balance bikes, but as they try, they have
like a little motor on a little battery, so you
can like balance, but you also can go like it's
just like a dirt bike or something. And I just
had this this moment of like, man, if I was
in camp, right, if I was still playing right now,
I would have missed this moment with my daughter. And
I was like I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. So
(20:09):
but I threw myself into something else. So it was
just like I never That's why I was delayed, because
I was just I went to the next.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
Thing, like yeah, i'm home now, I'm done.
Speaker 4 (20:16):
I'm walking away from it, but like I'm gonna throw
myself into the next thing.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
And then I threw myself at another thing.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
And then you know, it wasn't until like I think
it was twenty four, actually twenty three, twenty four, it
was twenty four. I had this epiphany of just like dang,
like I'll never play again, you know. So at this point,
like I just to kind of jump back and up.
I started doing like therapy consistently because I was like
(20:41):
something something not right. I'm off and I was like
I just I need to talk to somebody, you know.
So I started doing therapy consistently, and my therapist, who
I still you She was saying that a lot of
times guys, we released stress and pressure through like contact,
and I was like, you know what that means. I
didn't realize how therapeutic football was for me because I
can go out there and just release all the stress
(21:01):
and pressure on game day, you.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
Know, and practice.
Speaker 4 (21:04):
And so I was in a I was at the
chiropractice and they're connected to this gym and they have
heavy punching back.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
So I was thinking about what she said.
Speaker 4 (21:12):
So I was pushing a heavy bag and letting it
run into me and I was just like just throwing
my shoulder into like as I was, you know, running
somebody over, and I just had this moment of like, dang,
I'll never play again. And that's when it hit me
and it's like this is I was done in twenty one.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
It's three years later, man.
Speaker 4 (21:27):
You know, so it was delayed and then then I
had to start dealing with that and that that was hard.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Last you know, like year, ten years, ten months.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
A year has been really really challenging, really really like hard,
and just it's been real and transparent. It's like it's
it was dark, you know, but now I'm in a
better place. But like going through that now, like I said,
like I appreciate I have a different lens, not gonna
look through and look back on my career and look
back on time spent here and just you know, I
don't I don't have like the regrets to shame, remorse. Yeah,
(21:57):
still there, but it doesn't have the weight it want did.
And now it's like I'm able to see it like dang,
like I had an impact.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Dang, like I lived my dream.
Speaker 4 (22:06):
Dang. I was like I did what I said I
was gonna do you know what I did do on
a high level, you know, so like I can, I
can appreciate it more. I start noticing all the little winds,
and those little winds add up, man, and it's like
before it's like, ain't a grand slam, don't mean nothing,
Like I want the graand slam and nothing. So now
it's like those basis, those sacrifice pop flies and things
like that. It's like, dang, those little wins, and it's
(22:28):
like you start seeing it the bigger picture. It's like, man,
that mattered, you know, like that that that mattered. So yeah, man,
so I just a different little light now and just
like really was just my family. It was a really
big you know, push to like I just kind of
lost my heart to play it. And now I feel
like physically I can still do it, like I really
(22:49):
but it's like like I think mentally, I think it's
one of those things I don't know if I can
flip the switch again to go out there and do it,
you know, so like I ain't trying to do it,
but but like it's it's like hey, like sometimes like hey,
fourth to one go line, put me in coach, I
might be able to do.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
So I give you one. I give you.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Alfie.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
Man.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
We appreciate that transparency because there's so many people watching,
whether they're an athlete right in life life you have
to pivot. You have to change those things, man, And
it's also okay to go through those dark times. It's
okay to know that you had hard times within this
bro because you have given so much of a game,
and people do not realize how hard it is, especially
as a grown man, to pivot in anything, whether that's
(23:32):
the pivot in fatherhood, marriage, a new career. Man, it
gets tough. So I appreciate your transparency and that if
we can stay on that for a little bit, because
I think people need to hear it, right. I think
people need to understand that somebody that they looked up
to that watched goes through real stuff because you're a
human being at the end of the day. Man. So
when you when you're at that gym and you and
you're hitting that bag and you said it hits you,
How does it hit you? What are you feeling? What
(23:54):
are you thinking? How do you deal with those feelings?
Because it's one thing to have it hit you the
minute you make that decision to say I'm retiring. Three
years later, bro, that is a lot of bottled up tension.
That is a lot of bottled up time. Man, what
was that moment truly? Like for you? It was?
Speaker 3 (24:11):
It was sad and I got really emotional, almost cry
Like I just like, are.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
You an emotional person normally? Not?
Speaker 2 (24:16):
Really?
Speaker 4 (24:17):
No, I'm like care free, laugh and always smiling, you know,
Like I mean, even as smiling people would be like tackling.
I'll be laughing at him like you know, like I
be SIU. I'm like, I am serious, this is like fun.
I'm serious. But I love what I do, you know,
So I enjoyed it, but not overly. I mean, his
life has knocked me down a few times, and part
of me is like I lively just listening to podcasts
(24:39):
and now I'm part of the generations like my family
raised us and I ain't saying it's right, but.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
Like talk about that crying.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
Boys don't cry, you know, So it's like we got
in trouble for crying. So it's just like you had
to learn how, especially as a male, you to learn
to bottle that up and just not share that. But
since now I'm I'm more emotional. I think my wife's
seen me cry more now, h in the last two years,
and I've ever done and I you know, previous what
like nine ten years before that, you know. So it's
(25:07):
just like it's things are happening and shifting, so I
have no regrets. But yeah, it was just it was
really sad and just I did something for so long.
I started playing organized football when I was five, you know,
so twenty eight years in my life was still organized football,
you know. And that's I don't care what that is,
Like you said, like pivoting for anyone, whether you're a firefighter,
(25:27):
police officer, politician, whatever, it is, Like a doctor, like
at some point you do have to retire. You just
have to shift and pivot and do something else. And
this challenging. This is one of the things the piece
of well things I heard, I guess I say it's
a piece of advice that it's like, we don't resist,
you know, change, because I'm like it was almost part
of me was like resistant because I wanted to change.
It's like, sorry, it wasn't man, I'm I just lost it.
(25:54):
Now it'll come back to me so good and again.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Man. And that's rightfully so, man, because again, this is
a lot, right. You probably never even really got the
chance to talk about this, but that's why we love
having y'all on because y'all deserve a platform. Y'all deserve
a way to talk because again, it helps people. Right,
Like I remember growing up and you talk about all
these pivots. My dad was in the military twenty plus
years then retired and had to be a civilian, but
you know, he still working still a young man, and
watching him go through that life pivot again a guy
(26:19):
that's old school like us, where hey, man, don't cry
because nobody gonna feel bad for you. They suck it up. Man,
you got to just keep going. That's how my dad
wasn To see him going to go through that and
see how heavy it was for him as a man.
It makes me understand, like, hey, we go through these
pivots in life and now as a grown man, I've
gone through these pivots as well, and I understand more
than most how tough it is to flip that switch
when you don't express emotion, when your lady's never seen
(26:43):
you cry, your kids have never seen you cry. Right,
how did you get comfortable feeling and expressing yourself and
having that human thing? Because again, that's not innate to us.
That is not something, especially our culture, that were raised
to do. We are told to not go to counseling.
We are told to suck it up, likes truly, And
how did you get past that? Bro? Because again, it's
(27:03):
hard to break those generational curses.
Speaker 4 (27:05):
Man, I hit a wall, man, And I just remember
when I was like, something's wrong. I need help, you know,
And I told my wife that, And I think that
that was the start of that confession. You know.
Speaker 3 (27:14):
I heard that can and I believe it to be true.
Speaker 4 (27:17):
Now that confession, it's closer close related to repentance.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
You know.
Speaker 4 (27:21):
I don't know what people believe in, but like it is,
so I think when we hold it in and we
hold them, I need just emotions, but just things we're
struggling with.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
It doesn't help as only hinders.
Speaker 4 (27:30):
It becomes a burden that weighs us down more, and
then what do we do? We just kind of keep
holding in and just weighs more. We just keep keeping
more of that burden onto us. So I think by
just me talking out and just admitting, like, hey, something,
something's wrong. So the way the way I look at
it now is just like that kind as awareness. How
do you know something is wrong? Like if I have
a car, how do I know something in my car?
(27:51):
Just usually a light on a pop with chicken echine
light or something like that. So you need to be aware.
It brings me aware and it's not that I am aware
to it, like I need to look into this, you know.
So it's like something's wrong, something's right, I need help,
Like I'm aware of this now and it's like something's off.
So it's like let me start looking to figure out
what that is. And then you go from awareness to
you like, hey is this you know It's like, oh, shoot, okay,
(28:13):
I'm aware of this. I've been told what it is.
But now like then you start wrestling with it. In
that wrestling eventually what comes and accept it. You can
continue deny it and get keeping on his burdens or
you can get to a point and it's like you
know what, yeah I am. I am struggling with that
and that's okay, you know, but I ain't gonna stay there.
So you start accepting. Once you can accept it, then
you can start dealing with it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
And it's just.
Speaker 4 (28:34):
So it becomes like my little I don't know, I want,
I don't want to call it trauma.
Speaker 3 (28:38):
Baby, but but it's just like it's this is.
Speaker 4 (28:40):
Burden and I'm starting to like unpack it and just
take things off. So it's just and it was, like
I said, it was hard man. I had some dark
days and just that was just to be I'm always transparent,
I don't have to say that.
Speaker 3 (28:51):
But there was a time for.
Speaker 4 (28:52):
Like a month, like I couldn't get out of bed,
like I couldn't like like my wife got to come
get like coax me out of the bed. Like at
first when it first happened, I was like I don't tripping, man,
get your butt up, you know, like like come on,
you driven man. But like no matter how much self
talk I did, I could not get myself.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
Out of the bed.
Speaker 4 (29:11):
But for my family, my wife, like I would I
would do things, but I just like all motivation to
do anything for myself. It was just like I was
like it was an identity crisis.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
It was.
Speaker 4 (29:21):
It was a lot of things, honestly, you know, but
it was just like I just I finally hit a
wall and I didn't have anything to run keep running towards,
and I just I couldn't. And so my wife would
come like, come on, let's get out of bed, let's
start our date. Like it's okay, We're gonna be okay,
you know, and she man, she's God.
Speaker 3 (29:36):
Saying for real man, So yeah, for real man. So
she she.
Speaker 4 (29:41):
Helped me and then just just been the biggest encouragement,
biggest encouragement even through and just like like, hey you
should try that out. Hey you should do this, Hey
you should And I'm like, man, I want to. But
then eventually this was like years before, like you really
hit the fan, but now I'm like, yeah, I want
to try that. I'm gonna do that, Like come on,
I'll try anything right now because I'm like where I'm
now it's not where I.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
Want to stay and this ain't good and I want
to get out of this.
Speaker 4 (30:03):
So I mean, yeah, just like almost like a desperation
to like get back to like the Alpha that I know,
the Alford that is like like the happy go lucky just.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Always smile and always yeah. And it was like man.
Speaker 4 (30:14):
It got hard, man, like I people need to hear this.
And that's like even me sharing this, it's like I
want to do this because like it helps me too.
And the more I confess it, the more I share,
the more like the light of my burden gets, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
So it's just like I.
Speaker 4 (30:28):
Like I had to I couldn't even cook a meal,
bro like so much like you asked me to do.
I can't do that. I can't chop, I can't boil.
I can't do this. And then put all this together
and then like you asked me to do too much,
I can't do that. I literally was like sometimes I
look back and I laugh about a lot of stuff
because it's like I can't believe I was there, you know.
And it's like I literally like if you asked me,
(30:49):
I could turn a stove on you, but you asked
me to like like hey, I want you to you know, cook,
you know, I don't know chicken stirve for I'm like, no,
I can't do that.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
That's too much.
Speaker 4 (30:58):
I don't know how to do that, like you like,
there's too many things, too many over March, it was
and it was just it was debilitating.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
It was just like I had no confidence.
Speaker 4 (31:08):
In myself my abilities anymore, and I didn't know how
to translate. That's one thing I've been learning. How do
I translate all these skills I know on the football field,
Like how do I translate it into real life?
Speaker 3 (31:17):
You know?
Speaker 4 (31:18):
And it's just like I couldn't see like the parallel,
Like if you ask me, like football, I average played
six seconds. So much happens before snap, you know, before
doing and after pre post pre doing and post you
know snap, Like people like, oh, you're just leant up
to go, kid, No, I don't I line up. I'm like,
hey's the four downs and three down okay?
Speaker 3 (31:37):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (31:37):
Or the safety's rotatord or this words the linebackers. It's
so many things going through this go and you go,
and if you fly around, it's just like then, like
not only that, I got to make sure my steps
are right.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
I have to make sure I'm on the right angle.
Speaker 4 (31:49):
I make sure I'm in phase with my guard, you know,
because we did a lot of outside zone.
Speaker 3 (31:52):
Make sure my favor If I'm not, I'm getting it
in the back.
Speaker 4 (31:54):
If I'm not, like somebody's going backside back door and
I'm you know, that's a top of loss, that's a fumble,
that's me messing up the mess.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
So there's so many things that happen.
Speaker 4 (32:02):
But it's like like now I'm in life and I
don't have, you know, my therapeutic football anymore, and it's
just like like like it was supposed to go this way.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
Its supposed to be a to be what just happened.
Speaker 4 (32:15):
We went from A and now I'm on Z and
it's like wait, wait, wait, wait wait, what happened?
Speaker 3 (32:18):
Like too much?
Speaker 4 (32:19):
Like now I'm like trying to adjust in life and
it's just like I don't know how to do that.
But it's like I know how to do in the
football field because it's like must marriage just second nature.
But now you asked me to do some of these
things off the field, and I was like, I don't
know how to like translate that, you know. So I
think that's one of the hard parts of like when
you say your dad coming from military, because hey man,
you have family. I haven't realized suit anybody who joins military.
(32:40):
I don't think it was a route for me because
it wasn't. I don't think like if they I was like,
I'm just not that. I don't have that mindset for that,
you know. But like it's like they teach, they train
you to be this, and then you have to go
back in real life and it's like, well how do
I I.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
Can't do this and that, Like I can't you know,
like okay.
Speaker 4 (32:57):
One of the things I did was medical device sales,
and people were like low key flex on me in
times like it's it's it's really like it's a it's
a relation's very relational, and it's like people like are
they're protective of their business. So you know, I'm a
new guy in the room, and like these some of
these other reps were like kind of step in my like.
Speaker 3 (33:17):
Well I'm trying.
Speaker 4 (33:18):
Like I was like actually in surgeries, had scrubs on
everything in surgery, watching people get cut on. And then
it's one of the things I ran into after it,
like I just jumped through myself into it and they
would come stand in front of me and I was like, broah,
punch you in the back of your head, you know,
like you know, like you don't realize, Like in my mind,
I just like two PC you you know what I mean,
you know like you and but like I can't do that.
Speaker 3 (33:40):
I can't just go put a help and show paths
and just run through you, you know.
Speaker 4 (33:43):
Like I'm like, I'll body you, bro, like and I
was like, that's that's like off the f hockey.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
On the field. I'm like, man, I will I will.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
Hurt you, bro. It's hard to shape that.
Speaker 4 (33:52):
You got that in you. It's hard to shake that
real world I can't do I can't. I'm being like
some of the dogs will be talking. I was like, boy,
know you're car Like I will meet you at your car, like,
but it's like I'm going to jail, you know, like
I'm getting arrested. So you just can't do that. So
like that stuff just doesn't translate well. But through all
the therapy and different things and just getting in groups
with other NFL players, they were like struggling, you know,
(34:15):
And it's like I think that's another thing that a
lot of men do, not just us NFL, but we
we struggle, We we suffering silence. We never speak up,
speak out because you said it's like like in the
black community's just been real, like you get therapy, like
you that's a.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
Men defeat, bro, like to get help straight.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
If you ain't helping your own self, like like no,
string up and boosht lace them up, tighten them up,
go get it. You know. That's that was the mentality had.
Speaker 4 (34:37):
But like, like, man, it's I think it's admirable and
stronger for someone to say like, hey, I need help,
not that I've been through it now that I see
like the fruit that are produced. Like I went from
not being able to get out a bed for a month,
you know, without help. So now like I'm sitting there
talking and talking about it on the microphone. You know,
it's like and I'm I'm not even I have no shame,
I have no reservation, I have nothing about this, Like
(34:58):
I'm being real because this is what I It was hard,
my delay, my delay, like I guess transition out of
the league was hard. Is the hardest thing I've been
through in my entire life. Tired, like and I'm still
going through it, but I'm on I'm on the other
end of it. It's like I can see the lighters
in the tunnel, you know, and it's I think.
Speaker 3 (35:16):
Life is just a journey.
Speaker 4 (35:16):
It's always going to be I'm never gonna get there,
like if you ever get there, Like, I mean, I
think that's your death day because you're always always dealing.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
Things are always happening.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
It's never ending until the day we call home.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
Man.
Speaker 3 (35:28):
So but yeah, so I'm just I'm I'm on the
other side of it.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
Man.
Speaker 4 (35:32):
I call it the darkness, one of the things. So
I just once again October twenty twenty four, so it
let me flashed back. So June twenty three, I'm in
mid sales. I ended up in the hospital. They say
I had rapped on my license. Rap though they call
it for short, basically your.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
Muscles, uh they basically creating is at least too much
in your body at one time, and it can become like.
Speaker 4 (35:55):
Uh, it produces these mile globbins. I'm probably bushing it,
but anyways, it can mess your kidneys up, amongst other things.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
There was a I think it was Iowa. They had
a bunch of kids when I was like, come out.
Actually one of the guys they.
Speaker 4 (36:07):
Had like twelve student twelve fourteen that all had this
and they were like messed up.
Speaker 3 (36:11):
They like put them out of commission.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
So they said I had I don't believe I had
that because two things that happened part of me going
to the hospital. I've never been hospitalized in my life,
and I was. I spent four nights in the hospital
and they said it's rap though. So two things that happened.
My speech changed and I lost motor function. Like I
literally was like like season wow, and I like in
my mood, I was talking so and I was like
(36:34):
and I asked the doctor and I was like, hey, like, okay,
you said I've rapped though, but what is this? Why
does these two things happen? He's like, I don't know,
and they never checked on it. So I believe it's like, yeah,
I had a hard work out. Yeah I probably had
some high CK levels. But at the same time, I
think it was just a stress of what I was
doing trying to run away from. Like I wasn't dealing
with like the football piece and I was throwing myself
(36:55):
at something else and it was just frustrating because I
wasn't getting the results I thought I wanted to get.
So it just was like beat me down. I should
have walked away then I didn't stayed in it. So
twenty twenty four, now October I finally get like, I'm
literally like just I'm always.
Speaker 3 (37:09):
Gonna be real.
Speaker 4 (37:09):
Like I was sobbing driving to work, like and I
was like, I don't want to do this.
Speaker 3 (37:13):
This is not what I'm supposed to be doing. Like
I'm I can't keep doing this.
Speaker 4 (37:16):
But I was like, I have a family provide for,
you know, like, like I have to. I can't just
sit around and do nothing. I didn't get that big contract.
I feel like I should have. I deserve that I
earned it.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
You know.
Speaker 4 (37:26):
I put a lot of time and work in my
four years here and it didn't pan out the way
I wanted to.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
But that's okay.
Speaker 4 (37:31):
So but I so finally walk away from October seventeenth,
I was like, I'm resigning.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
I can't do this anymore. I put my two weeks in.
I'm done. And October thirtieth of.
Speaker 4 (37:41):
Twenty twenty four, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.
And I say, I say, I call the depression.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
I called it the abyss, you know, like, and that's
a Nereister moment.
Speaker 4 (37:51):
It is, man, that darkness gets you, and it's like
life feels dull like and.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
You can't get too high, struggle to get too low.
You're just you're just coasting.
Speaker 3 (38:00):
Like it was. Everything was colorless.
Speaker 4 (38:02):
Man, It's like I could see green, I see grass green,
I could see this, you know whatever.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
But it's just everything just felt dull. I just felt
numb to everything.
Speaker 4 (38:09):
And I just was like they ain't this ain't living,
you know so much so to I tried every I've tried.
I hope this is not bad, but I've tried different therapies.
Kende me and I tried TMS, which trans cranial magnetic stimulation.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
I've done. I've been a hyperbag chamber. I've done I
already said a Keademy. I went. I actually went to.
Speaker 4 (38:30):
The facility for thirty days, like and I was like, hey,
like I need help, Like I'm wasn't to do anything.
Medicine done it all I have, and but that bus
man that gets on you, and it's like there's still
times I get to the edge of it and I
was like, I ain't going back to the business. But
now I have tools that I can like utilize to
be able to like I know.
Speaker 3 (38:49):
How to stay look to the void that like yes,
the Tyro. Just just two.
Speaker 4 (38:54):
Days ago, I was feel like I was on the
edge of the cliffs, were about to fall into the
bist again, and I was like, just hold on. I
actually listened to a podcast, went out of podcast listening
to sermon of my body Balkman, who, since he's recently
passed away, my buddy loves and he's always sending me stuff.
But I just ran across it and it was about
spiritual warfare and.
Speaker 3 (39:12):
He was like, talking about this thing.
Speaker 4 (39:13):
It's like, it's not us as warfare and it's the Lord,
you know, And then that that's that's really what honestly,
that's who pulled.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
Me out of That is God.
Speaker 4 (39:20):
And I don't care what you believe in. That's that's
who saved me. I got to the point, I'll get there.
But in there he was talking about just after you've
done all that, you can't stand firm. So in that
moment when I was like I was on the edge
about to drop into that bitch, I was like, stand firm,
Stand firm, It's okay, It's gonna pass.
Speaker 3 (39:36):
Like it's okay, man, Like just stand firm. Whatever you do.
Speaker 4 (39:39):
All gotta do is hold on and stand firm and
like the rescue and to God's gonna take care of it.
And I did, and I like it turned around a
day totally different. You know, It's just in that moment
like I could have gave in to that. You know
that now I'll go back to like I was doing
TMS and it's literally just like this magnet thing. It
feels like somebody just tapping on your brain. It's different ways.
(40:00):
There's one for anxiety, it's one for depression. And you
can look at uscar TMS. If you look up TMS
therapy you'll find it. And one day in that I
feel like it was just that tapping was just like
I had to put a mouthpiece in and just chattered
and it just really did something to me that day
and to the point that I literally felt like I
was a little kid getting bullied and somebody was just
(40:20):
pushing my head into saying I could do nothing about it,
and I just remember why I was doing the therapy.
I started crying, and for the first time in my life,
I got to places like I don't want to live anymore,
Like how crazy is that? Man? Like I laughed by
it now, still tearing up, but I'm smiling about it
because like, I know what I came out of now, because.
Speaker 3 (40:35):
I've been through that darkness.
Speaker 4 (40:36):
Man, I can sing all the more loudly like I've
can say, like, Man, God is real, you know, like
he's so good.
Speaker 3 (40:43):
He brought me out of that.
Speaker 1 (40:44):
Man.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
Man, he did that. I didn't do anything. All I
did was standing firm, you know.
Speaker 4 (40:49):
And even when I couldn't stand firm, He's like, I
got you, you.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Know, And that's real, man.
Speaker 4 (40:53):
So anybody was struggling with anything, like you're never too
far gone. I never in my life thought i'ld get
to a place that I thought like I did want
to live anymore. I'm happy, go lucky. I'm always like
a silver line and sivil line and a glass half fool.
Speaker 3 (41:06):
It's always half fool, you know. So for the first
time my life got to places like I don't want
to do this anymore. I was in deep, deep despair,
and I was dragged out of that. I was brought
out of that, you know.
Speaker 4 (41:16):
So I know I still have more to do, man,
and I want to talk more about it, man.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
So that's why I'm I'm glad we're talking about this.
Speaker 1 (41:22):
I didn't know I had no idea that you was
going through this man when we sat down, I had
no clue. But I'm so grateful brother that you are
giving this testimony right now, that you feel comfortable talking
about this, and man, I have a lot of things
I'm feeling right now because I didn't know this right now.
First thing I want to say, missus Morris, if you're listening, wife,
if you listening, thank you so much for just being
(41:45):
here for this man and protecting him. Because not a
lot of people can handle that. Not a lot of
people can handle seeing their significant other, their man, their friend,
their brother, their son go through these type of things.
But I want that to be a a reminder to
you of who you are. Because she don't stand by
a man that's not a great man, that's not a
(42:07):
great father, that isn't worth fighting for.
Speaker 3 (42:10):
I appreciate so she fought for you.
Speaker 1 (42:11):
And you know, again, you probably don't need to hear
this from me, but it is on my spirit because
you know, I understand that identity crisis when you're trying
to pivot, right. We all got to pivot in life.
But you know, you said something earlier that hit me,
and you said, you know, I don't. I don't know
what I'm doing. I don't know what to do. I
have these skills and I don't know how to use them.
But brother, use those skills every single day when you
teach your daughter how to ride that bike, when you
(42:33):
wake up every morning, and just be a man because
you had You.
Speaker 3 (42:35):
Said you have four daughters.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
I don't know how old they are, but they are
all looking at you as the man, the example of
what a man is. Right. Their husbands, their relationships with friends, guys, whatever,
are going to be based off of you. So just no, brother,
even though you're going through these hard times, there's still
so much value and positivity that I have no doubt
that you're bringing. Because again, wife, don't stand by a sucker.
(42:58):
You know what I'm saying, Wife, you don't stand by
a man, and that isn't a good man. And God right,
God being there for you and believing in you and
picking you up through that, Brother, that is also a
testament to who you are because that means you're one
of God's favors, right, Like I hear you tell this,
and I'm just so grateful that you had to wear
a fall of what you were feeling because so many times,
especially men, we don't know what we're going through or
(43:20):
we don't even have the wear of thought to accept Hey, broh,
I need help. You had the opportunity to say I
need help, and so many times it's too late. So
manytimes it's too late. People ask for help or never
ask for it, and it's too late, brother, And I
want you to also know that it is okay to
go to those dark places. It is okay that as
a man you went there because you're a human being. Brother,
(43:41):
you've been through a lot and probably things that we
can't even talk about on here that you've probably been through, right,
and just know that it is okay to go to
those dark places. But it's how you handle it when
you get there. And brother, it seems like you have
handled it in a great, great way. It takes a
lot of confidence to come up here and talk about
this and share that story. Well, bro let me tell you, man,
you are helping so many people. Because I'm somebody that
(44:01):
I've gone through dark days, right, I lost my dad
last year. It's been tough and it's been really tough
to deal with. So to hear another man just talk
about the things he's going through and knowing that you
have a great wife like I do, that helps you
get through those things. Brother, it is such such a blessing.
And truly, you know what, man, I wanted to talk
to you about Bill. I want to talk to you
about the Cowboys. I want to talk to you about football,
but brother, we have so much time to talk about
(44:23):
those things. Brother, I truly just want to know that
you are doing okay, and that if you ever are
not feeling okay, that you also know that you have
me as a brother, as well as somebody that's going
to pray for you, somebody that's gonna want to check
in out. I'm checking in on you now.
Speaker 3 (44:38):
I got to.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
I'm gonna make sure I check in on you, brother,
because again, man, we never want you to get to
that dark place again. But just know it's okay. It
is completely okay, bro, because we are all human man.
And it doesn't change nothing about this brother. All that
you went through doesn't change what you accomplished on that field,
doesn't a change that you accomplished your dream, a dream
that a lot of people never get to accomplish. You
(44:59):
did that, man, and I just want to say thank you.
Thank you for taking the time to speak. It spoke
to me, I know, it spoke to my director and
now so she probably in tears right now. No, no, no,
but don't apologize because it is. It is good. It
is good to get that tears. I'm so grateful that
you were able to cry and let that out. Brother,
you got to let that out for broad a fester.
And I'm just so grateful again that you had to
(45:21):
wear with all to say I need help. So many
people need to do that and don't have the courage,
don't have the strength, don't have the support system. And brother,
I'm so happy you did that.
Speaker 4 (45:30):
Man, appreciate It's one of the hardest things on this
last thing, but the hardest thing I've ever done, but
the wisest and bravest though, and because of that, I'm
better because of it. If I would have just let
that fester, like you said, who knows where I would
be right those would be here exactly, man. So I'm
thankful that, like I had to, I had just that
function to be like something's wrong and I need help,
(45:52):
you know, to other that. So I just want to
encourage anybody who's maybe on the custom of that. Man
just asks for help. Man, don't suffer in silence with
the male female. It don't matter, man, Like, just asks
for help, Like there's somebody like you, you have somebody.
We have a friend in Jesus, man, And I'll see
that from the mountaintops. And because of what I went
(46:12):
through and cuently I am still going through, man, I
can say it all the more, you know, boldly, and
all the more like truly that like I serve a
guy who loves me. I serve a guy who cares
about mess with a guy who will never leave me
north for sakey because he didn't, you know. So I
can't say that if I'm on the mountaintop. But I'm
in that valley, and he gets real in those valleys, man,
(46:34):
and like so shadow of death, like he's with me
and it's Rod and his staff.
Speaker 3 (46:38):
It comforted me.
Speaker 4 (46:39):
So I'm beyond thankful, and I would like to say
it I'm seeing all the more gladly. And I ain't
trying to force somebody to believe what I believe.
Speaker 3 (46:46):
But I'm just telling you like truth and like you know,
like this is live, this is lived experience, and just
knowing that I couldn't ever come out of this on
my own, you know. But yeah, man, but it's also
helps her have.
Speaker 4 (46:58):
A really strong, brave Like even when I was on
the hospital, man, that girl Ice Ice going through her veins, man.
Speaker 1 (47:04):
Like, she she kept watch man, your partner to go
through that man. She like.
Speaker 3 (47:09):
I was like, I know I married the right. I know,
but I knew before then.
Speaker 4 (47:14):
But when I saw I'm like, when I look back
and I remember, just man that I can do a
whole session on that alone. Just me like I had
a out of body experience. Bro Like literally like I
was looking down on the car. My wife is hanging
out of her sprinting Sage brand. She was, she was
on the steps, She's in the car. I knew I
was in that car, and I'm like, what the heck?
I was looking down in that car and I could
(47:34):
see my wife and I couldn't see myself.
Speaker 3 (47:35):
But I knew I was in that car, like I
was not in my body.
Speaker 4 (47:38):
Yeah, that's like I said, I can do a whole
little on that show that that's super crazy and that
was super scary.
Speaker 3 (47:44):
And just watching my wife see me go through. I
remember looking at her. I was like, I'm sorry, I'm
not trying to scare you. But I love you.
Speaker 4 (47:50):
I love you, and I was gone, bro, like I would.
Two times, I like faded out, you know which, and
they say this rapped. So I was like, bro, I ain't.
That wasn't no rap though, Bruh, it wasn't. I think,
just a stress and hold on the subject.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
But yeah, man, but folks don't realize what trauma does
to the body, what it does to the stomach, what
it does to the brain, what it does to the skin. Trauma,
bruh is such And like I've had those moments where
I'm like, I'm talking to you know, my pastor, and
I'm like, man, I'm going through this, and he's like, dude,
that's that is also your trauma. That is also your
grief that you're going through. No, you haven't got no
(48:24):
stomach issue, bro, you is going through it that your
body responds to that. So I appreciate you saying that too,
because like, again, there's so many times, especially not the
I want to say it's men, because everybody goes through
things right where you don't realize you're going through it,
where everybody else will realize it first that hey man,
soon's not right, Hey are you? Are you feeling like yourself?
And sometimes they don't even feel comfortable telling us or
(48:44):
asking us if we're doing okay because we're men, or
because they know we're going to say I'm not. We good,
not now we good? We ain't worried about that. We're good.
And so man again, Man, just so grateful. I'm grateful
for God. I'm grateful for your wife. I'm grateful for
your kids. That you had so many reasons to live,
you had so many reasons to keep going and not
go down that pit. Because, let me tell you, when
you're in that valley, when you're in that pit, you
(49:06):
really learn what you're made of. You you learn who you are.
And everybody can say that they pray or say that
they're God fearing, but when you're really in it, he
gonna see what you're about, and he gonna see where
your spirit lies. And I'm just so grateful that you
didn't lose your spirit, my brother. It's easy to do it, man,
it's easy to do it. So salute to you, man,
God bless you, brother.
Speaker 3 (49:22):
Man, thanks you. I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (49:23):
Man, got you. Man, We'll have you back on and
talk a little later.
Speaker 3 (49:27):
Brother.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
But I feel like this is a great way to
edit because again I think your testimony is going to
help a lot of people. My brother, and again, thank
you so much. Command his family, our Next Man Up.
A true legend, but he's also a father, he's also
a husband, he's a son and of course the son
of God, our brother right here who belongs here, and
we're so happy he's here out for more.
Speaker 3 (49:46):
Thank you, brother, I appreciate you.
Speaker 1 (49:48):
Man.
Speaker 3 (49:48):
This is fine.
Speaker 1 (49:49):
This was dope. Command this family. We hope you've enjoyed
this episode of Next Man Up. You can stream all
of the Next Man episodes, even last seasons, on the
Commander's YouTube page, or stream the audio wherever you get
your podcast. We appreciate the love so much. We will
see y'all Monday night for some primetime action against the
Chicago Bears. Make sure to do what y'all do best,
(50:11):
show up and show out for our commanders until next week.
This is Next Man Up. I'm your host, Brian Cooley,
Jun
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