Behavior Management 101

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Frustrated by tantrums, backtalk, and power struggles? You're not alone. Drawing from over 40 years of experience working with families, I'm sharing the behavior management secrets that actually work—without the complicated jargon or unrealistic expectations.

The magic happens with three core principles that transform challenging behaviors: consistency that builds trust, connection that opens communication, and positive reinforcement that encourages more of what you want to see. When children know exactly what to expect and feel genuinely understood, behavior challenges become significantly more manageable.

What works for your toddler won't work for your school-age child, which is why we explore age-appropriate strategies for each developmental stage. For the little ones, it's all about simple redirection and clear boundaries. Preschoolers thrive with limited choices and calm-down spaces instead of traditional time-outs. And your older children? They're ready for logical consequences and problem-solving skills that prepare them for independence.

From handling tantrums without losing your cool to breaking up sibling fights without taking sides, each strategy builds your confidence as a parent while teaching your child valuable emotional regulation skills. Remember, none of us received a parenting manual, and even after decades of working with families, I recognize that every child and every household is unique. The goal isn't perfection—it's progress, patience, and love.

Ready to transform your daily battles into teachable moments? Listen now, and don't forget to share with another parent who could use these practical tools. Your review helps other families find our community of common-sense parenting support. Connect with me on social media to continue the conversation—we're in this together!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the
podcast where we simplifyparenting with common sense tips
, real life scenarios and alittle bit of humor along the
way.
I'm Pam and I'm here to helpyou build the skills and
confidence you need to raisehappy, resilient and responsible
children.
So grab your coffee, take adeep breath and let's tackle

(00:22):
parenting one common sense tipat a time.
Hey there, parents andcaregivers, welcome back to
another episode of Common SenseParenting with Pam.
I'm Pam and I've been workingwith families for over 40 years,
helping them navigatechallenges of parenting with a
common sense approach.
So today we're tackling one ofthe biggest struggles parents

(00:45):
have behavior management.
Now, if you've ever feltfrustrated, exhausted or just
plain stuck while trying to getyour child to listen and behave
and thrive, then this episode isfor you.
So sit back, relax, let's divein here.
First thing I want you to knowis the core principles of

(01:05):
behavior management.
There's three.
One, consistency, is key, and Italk about this all the time.
Children thrive onpredictability.
If you set a rule today and youignore tomorrow, they'll test
the limits every single time andthey'll learn that they don't
have to listen to you becauseyou don't mean what you say.

(01:25):
Number two is connection beforecorrection.
So when children feel heard andunderstood, they're more likely
to listen to guidance ratherthan resist it.
So that's saying something likehey, I see you're upset, let's
talk about it, okay, instead ofjust going?
Stop that, quit your crying,okay, and then positive
reinforcement.
Number three this worksFocusing on praise and good

(01:46):
behavior rather than onlycorrecting bad behavior.
Children are going to repeatwhat gets attention.
This is just common sense,which I'm all about.
If you acknowledge yourchildren when they are behaving
the way you want them to and youpraise them for that, then they
learn oh, that gets mom ordad's attention.
I need to do more of that.
If you ignore the positive andonly attend when it's negative,

(02:11):
they're going to do morenegative behavior, because that
is what gets your attention.
It is really just that simple.
So let's talk aboutage-appropriate strategies
Tailored to different age groupsToddler years, this is, two to
three year olds.
Keep your explanation simple andclear.
You do not have to go in longdiscussions with your children.

(02:32):
Short, sweet and to the point.
Use redirection instead ofpunishment.
So here's an example If they'rethrowing blocks, instead of
going, put those down, quit that.
You shouldn't be throwing thoseblocks.
You say something like blocksare are for building, let's
stack them instead.
And then maybe you go over andshow them how to do it.
You always stay calm and use afirm, gentle voice.

(02:55):
Now, with your preschoolersthese are your four to five year
olds.
You give them limited choicesbecause they're at the age where
choices help them give someautonomy.
They learn decision makingskills, and this is something
that they're at the age wherechoices help them give some
autonomy.
They learn decision-makingskills, and this is something
that they're going to have to doall their life anyway, so it's
great to start teaching it young.
So limited choices.
For example, you can say do youwant to put your shoes on first

(03:15):
or your jacket on first?
Either way, they're getting theshoes or the jacket on, but
you're just giving them thechoice of which they do first
and then implement simpleconsequences.
Them the choice of which theydo first and then implement
simple consequences.
If you throw your toy, you'llhave to put it away.
That's it.
Simple, sweet to the point.
And then teach emotionalregulation with calm down spaces
instead of timeouts.
Timeouts do not really serve apurpose and I've done a whole

(03:39):
Facebook live on this, which youcan find on my website at
PamelaPalenzacom.
Time ends, which is you sittingdown and talking with the child
after they're calm.
So have a calming space forthem, Okay, and then your
school-age kiddos, age 6 to 12set clear explanations and
follow through and I can't saythat enough.
Follow through every singletime, because if you don't, your

(04:04):
children are learning you don'tmean what you say.
Then use logical consequencesthat are related to their
behavior.
For example, if you don't doyour homework, you're going to
lose screen time your choice andthen follow through and
encourage problem solving so youcan ask them what do you think
we should do differently nexttime, or how do you think you
can handle that in the future?

(04:24):
Great time to have thosediscussions and teach your
children how to solve their ownproblems.
Okay, now let's go over somecommon behavior issues and how
you can handle them.
Tantrums Hmm, this is a good one.
Tantrums, you stay calm.
You do not engage in powerstruggles.
You can acknowledge theirfeelings.
You know I see you're upset.

(04:49):
When you're ready, we can talk.
Now with my own children whenthey were older say they're 8, 9
, 10, and they started getting alittle disrespectful.
I would just say you can go toyour room and, whenever you can
calm down and come back to speakto me respectfully, we'll talk.
But I did not toleratedisrespect, don't give in.
But once they are calmed down,then you can sit and talk.
Now with toddlers, you knowyour 18 month two-year-olds are

(05:10):
in the store, say, for example,or they're at home and they're
mad at you and they throw a fiton the floor.
I say turn your back and ignorethat.
Do not feed that beast, do nottalk to them, do not hold them,
do not engage with them.
Turn your back.
Once they're calmed down, thenyou can have a conversation.
Okay, say your child's notlistening.
Get on their eye level.
You make eye contact, use short, direct statements and then you

(05:32):
follow through withconsequences if needed, because
sometimes, quite honestly, yourchildren are not listening
because maybe they're engaged insomething so much that they're
not hearing you.
Maybe they're deliberatelytuning you out, maybe they
honestly just aren't hearing you.
There might be someenvironmental noise that
prohibits them from hearing whatyou're saying.

(05:53):
Get down on their eye level.
I always say to my grandson lookme in the eye, I have something
I need to say to you.
He's three.
I say look me in the eye andhe'll look me in the eye and
I'll tell him what I need him todo.
And then I'll say did youunderstand me?
And he'll say, yes, I said.
What did I say?
And he'll tell me let's talkabout sibling fights, don't we

(06:13):
love those?
Okay, avoid taking sides.
You can teach problem-solvingskills here so you can say to
the children let's cool down,let them all cool down first,
and then discuss the conflict soyou can ask for each person to
say what happened, what's yourstory here?
And then ask the other personwhat's your story?
And then look at them and saywhat do you guys think you can

(06:37):
do to solve this?
Now, depending on their age?
Right, what are you going to doto solve this?
What are your suggestions?
And then talk about it andpraise that cooperation.
When you see that happening andwhen you see your children
getting along and not fighting,you praise that so that that is
what they want to do more of.
Okay, backtalk and defiance Wow,you just stay calm.

(07:00):
You model respect for them.
You don't yell, you don'tscream, you don't spank, you
don't demean them, talknegatively.
You just stay calm.
You set clear, firm limits.
I will listen to you when youspeak respectfully, that's it.
Walk away.
If you have to Send them toanother room, they can go to the
room.
They can go off somewhere else.
Avoid arguing and don't get intothat whole broken record

(07:22):
approach.
You said something, period, onetime, that's it.
Okay, you don't have to go onand on and on with children.
So I get this.
Parenting is tough.
I totally understand that.
I've been doing it for a verylong time.
But you don't have to do italone.
The key to behavior managementis patience, consistency and a
whole lot of love.

(07:43):
Remember, your children areperfect and neither are we as
parents, right.
No one hands us a manual whenthey're born and we kind of
figure this out as we go alongand sometimes we screw it up,
sometimes we get it right andsometimes we're just perfecting
our skills.
So it's like a trial and errorthing and no one way is perfect

(08:04):
for every child and in everyfamily.
All children responddifferently.
So it's really important asparents, you have what I call
that toolkit.
You know that little tool beltwith all those different
parenting tools in it to helpyou manage behaviors.
Every challenge is anopportunity to teach and guide
them.
So if you have found today'sepisode helpful, please share it

(08:26):
with a fellow parent who mightneed some encouragement.
I'm sure all of us, as parentscould use some encouragement.
Thank you for tuning in totoday's episode of Common Sense
Parenting with Pam.
I hope you enjoyed the episodeand, if you did, please leave a
review.
That helps other parents findus, and if you have friends who
also have children and could usesome parenting tips, feel free

(08:48):
to share this.
I would really appreciate itand you know I'd love to hear
from you, so you can always findme on my socials.
And until then, remember, hugand love your babies.