January 28, 2025 • 19 mins
Parenting Vault
PamelaPalanza.com
Ever wonder how to transform everyday parenting challenges into opportunities for growth and connection? Join me, Pam, as we unpack common sense parenting strategies that truly work. This episode promises to equip you with invaluable insights gathered from a vibrant community of parents. Imagine turning routine car rides into heart-to-heart conversations or using household chores as a tool to foster responsibility early on. We delve into the art of maintaining open and honest communication with your children, all while keeping calm during those inevitable parenting storms. You'll leave with practical tips for handling discipline with grace and ensuring your promises are kept, which builds trust and respect.
In the second half, we explore the essence of presenting a united parenting front, regardless of relationship status. Discover how setting clear expectations and consistently following through can nurture independent, respectful, and responsible children. We discuss the profound impact of family dinners, not just for nourishment but as a cornerstone for building communication and cherished memories. Learn simple yet effective strategies like using water as a calming distraction and ensuring seamless communication between parents to avoid mixed signals. This episode is your guide to creating a loving and structured family environment where children can thrive.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello everyone, before we jump into today's
podcast, I just want to take aminute to tell you about the
Parenting Vault.
Now, this is a project I puttogether that is exclusive
content available to parents.
It's all about common sense andit's for parents of children
aged 2 to 12.
It's a subscription-basedprogram.
You definitely will want tocheck this out, because this
(00:21):
content is telling you how to,what to do, when to do it, why
to do it.
All of the questions andconcerns that parents have I try
to answer using this platform.
It's also a community, so youcan talk to other parents who
are maybe going through some ofthe same challenges and
struggles you are.
So to check it out, go to mywebsite, pamelapalanzacom.
(00:45):
Click on Parenting Vault at thetop in the nav menu and you'll
have all the details there andthere's a link to join.
All right, now let's get on tothe podcast.
Welcome to Common SenseParenting with Pam, the podcast
where we simplify parenting withcommon sense tips, real life
scenarios and a little bit ofhumor along the way.
(01:05):
I'm Pam and I'm here to helpyou build the skills and
confidence you need to raisehappy, resilient and responsible
children.
So grab your coffee, take adeep breath and let's tackle
parenting one common sense tipat a time.
Hello everyone, and thanks forjoining in.
I am Pam, your host, and I'm soglad you joined me today
(01:27):
because I am going to share someof the comments from a reel
that I had posted about a weekago One parenting tip that has
been an absolute game changerfor your family.
That has made all thedifference.
And that reel had 794 comments,so I clearly touched a nerve
(01:52):
with parents.
It had 66,000 views.
So I want to read some of thesecomments to you, because
there's some really good advicein here.
Now for those of you who arejust joining in I am a mom of
four and a grandmother of eight,and if you're a new parent or
you're going to be a parentsomeday, or even are a parent
(02:13):
now and you're struggling, knowthat the struggle is real, that
no parent is perfect.
That does not exist.
That is like a unicorn.
So if you find yourselfstruggling with your parenting
or you're feeling overwhelmedsome days, give yourself grace,
because we are not born knowinghow to parent.
(02:35):
We typically parent as we wereparented, and they don't hand us
a manual when we give birth oradopt a child.
They're like here you go,here's your precious bundle,
have fun, and you figure it outon your own.
Sometimes you get it right andsometimes you screw it up
royally, but hopefully yourchildren survive.
(02:58):
And let me just say this If youare struggling right now or you
feel like you need help, take aclass, take a course.
There's so many things you cando online.
There's books to buy, askfriends for support, look for a
parenting class in your area,look for facebook groups for
parents, and I have one calledcommon sense parenting with pam
(03:20):
and that's.
I think we have 905 members.
That is a free group and that's.
I think we have 905 members.
That is a free group and that'sjust parents asking questions
on there.
So feel free to join that group.
I also have a couple ofparenting books, but I'm not
here to pitch anything and sellyou.
I'm just telling you there area lot of options available to
you.
Take advantage of them.
Okay, let's get into this.
(03:40):
So these are some of theresponses.
One lady said my folks alwayssaid you can tell me anything
and when I get down off theceiling, I help you as best as I
can, and they did.
It worked for me as a parent.
So basically what that issaying is have an open and
honest communication channelwith your children.
(04:01):
Let them know they can discussanything with you.
I think that's brilliant.
Never give a threat you don'tintend to carry out, and I have
done podcast episodes on this,I've done reels on this.
Say what you mean and mean whatyou say.
And if you say it, you need tofollow through on it and be
(04:21):
consistent every single time.
Okay, calm parenting.
Be that calm in the storm, andthis is I mean.
This is just basic, but a lotof times parents get overwhelmed
or get upset or get frustratedand they resort to screaming or
yelling.
If you keep yourself calm, yourexpression calm your face, calm
(04:42):
your tone, calm, it helps calmdown the entire situation.
So that's just a standard.
Anywhere you go Okay, this, Ilove this one Any subject you
want to talk about in thevehicle stays in the vehicle.
Now I have heard and it was afather that actually responded
to one of my reels that saidgirls usually like face-to-face
(05:06):
talk, boys prefer side-to-side.
So if you're in the vehiclewith your children and I will
tell you, prime time is takingthem to school in the morning or
bringing them home at the endof the day and just having these
open conversations, and a lotof times they will tell you more
than they would if you weresitting at home asking a bunch
(05:26):
of questions.
So a lot of times they just aremore truthful and they feel
more comfortable.
And I love this one too.
Never discipline your childrenin front of anybody outside of
the family.
You can discipline themprivately.
You don't want to disciplinethem publicly and humiliate them
or embarrass them in front ofothers.
Okay, children need to dochores.
(05:49):
Amen, amen, amen.
Start them as early as possible.
Even as young as 18 months old.
12 months old, they're pickingup toys.
18 months old, slip a sock ontheir hand and they can help you
dust.
They can pull the covers up ontheir bed.
They're not going to do itperfectly, but you get them in
the habit of participating inthe family unit and helping
(06:10):
maintain the household.
Try not to say no.
All right now.
What this person says is trynot to say no.
Instead, say now.
What this person says is trynot to say no Instead say let's
think this one over and plan itfor another day.
Okay, that's good, butpersonally I have no problem
saying no.
No Asked and answered no.
So that's a personal choice.
(06:32):
Obviously.
Lots of love, of course, and afirm hand.
Now, what that means is notspanking, which I'm totally
opposed to, but that's a wholenother.
I just did a podcast on thatlast week.
But, being firm, you are theparent, and I've also done reels
on this.
You are the parent.
(06:53):
You are not your child's friend, and I think sometimes that's
where parents run into trouble,because they try to make their
children happy all the time.
I actually had one followertell me she never wants to see
her child sad, and none of us do.
But that's not reality either.
So better they learn that athome with you than out in the
(07:14):
world where other people arejust not going to care, that at
home with you than out in theworld where other people are
just not going to care.
Model the behavior you want tosee in your child.
Preach it.
I say this all the time.
I swear I'm going to get theword model tattooed on my arm.
No, just joking, but I say thisall the time, almost in every
podcast I do or Facebook Live.
I say model what you expect,because your children are
(07:37):
watching you.
You are their first teacher andthey listen to you, they watch
you, they see how you talk, theysee how you treat people, they
see how you handle situationsand guess what they do.
They model that because you'retheir parent and they think well
, you must be right.
Okay, this one I totally agreewith.
(07:57):
And they think, well, you mustbe right, okay, this one I
totally agree with.
Discipline means teach, notpunish.
Punish inflicts pain.
Discipline is teaching.
Read to them every night.
I love that.
I did that with all of mychildren.
In fact, when my children weretwo years old, each of them, I
took them to the library andthey got a library card and we
went to the library every singleweek.
And I'll tell you what mychildren are all avid readers,
(08:21):
but my daughter.
I watch my grandson, myyoungest grandson, every
Wednesday morning and I'll saydo you want to go to the library
?
And he will actually cheer.
He gets so excited to go to thelibrary.
Now, granted, for him it'sbecause there are a lot of toys
there he can play with, but healso likes to get books, so
that's awesome.
(08:41):
Okay, never hand out punishmentand anger.
Consequences should be logicaland provide a teaching moment
and this correct.
So if you are angry in asituation.
Walk away for a minute ifpossible, or just take some deep
breaths.
Just say hold on a second.
And I think I shared this onetime.
I was at my daughter's.
It was right after Halloweenand the children were laying all
(09:01):
their candy.
It's just three children,they're laying them all over the
table and they're all excitedand it was chaos.
They were all calling mom, mom,mom and she just put her hand
up.
She said stop, I just need asecond to breathe, give me five
seconds.
And she took a deep breath andthey got quiet and she said okay
, let's go.
So it was wonderful.
She didn't yell and say stopcalling me or what do you want.
(09:22):
She just said timeout, guys,timeout.
And I believe fully in momtimeouts, dad timeouts, time ins
, whatever you want to call them.
Just step away for a minute,just take a breath.
Nobody says you have to respondin that moment.
Step away for a minute, justtake a breath.
Nobody says you have to respondin that moment.
This next one is also brilliantDon't ask a question when you
are giving a directive.
(09:43):
For example, you don't say hey,do you want to put your shoes
on?
Or I hear parents do this allthe time Time to put your shoes
on, okay.
Okay implies it's an option.
Be direct.
It's time to put your shoes on.
We need to go Period.
You can say please, obviously,but it's time to go.
Smile.
When your children enter theroom, they will notice that they
(10:03):
are loved and parents, whetheryou're together or you're
divorced, you need to have aunited front where your children
are concerned.
Your personal differencesshould not trickle down to your
children.
Never do for your child whatthey can do for themselves.
Teach them young to beindependent.
Our children started doingtheir own laundry when they were
(10:25):
like 7, 8, 9 years old.
Not a problem.
So encourage them to do thatkind of stuff.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
We've all heard that.
But when you are the thick ofparenting, there comes a point
where you have to go.
Is this worth it?
Is it worth the energy and theangst that I am creating around
(10:45):
this?
And if it's not, let it go Now.
I always agree with this one,and I did this myself.
If you're taking your childrensomewhere you're going to the
store, you're going to abirthday party, you're going to
an event you explain what I callexpectations in advance.
Here's where we're going.
Here's probably how long we'regoing to be.
Here's how I expect you tobehave If you choose not to
(11:08):
behave.
And do you hear how I said ifyou choose, because this is a
child's choice whether they'regoing to behave or not If you
choose to not behave, we willleave instantly.
And then you do it, you do it.
And I actually had one followerI'm not sure if it was on this
reel or not say she told herchildren they were going to
Disneyland.
(11:28):
She said if you don't behave,we're going to leave.
She said they weren't even inthe park very long and the
children misbehaved and sheturned around and left.
Yes, it was an expensive lesson.
Also, she said she threatenedsomething she probably shouldn't
have.
She should have handled thatdifferently.
It could go either way here,but her children learned a very
valuable lesson and so did she.
(11:49):
So I know, growing up, we allate dinner as a family around
the table.
We talked about our day, whathappened at school, what's going
on in our lives.
We had asked to be excused toleave the table, and sometimes
my father would say sure, andsometimes he would say no, you
have to stay here and talk withthe family, which was fine With
our children when they wereyounger, we did all have dinner
(12:10):
together and we did do that.
But then of course, as they gotolder and they had sports and
afterschool stuff that kind ofchanged and we it and they had
sports and after school stuff,that kind of changed and it was
hit or miss sometimes or we hadto do dinner later or did it on
the run.
But if you can have dinner atleast a couple nights a week
with your family around thetable, and that's sacred time.
(12:32):
No devices, no anger.
You're not discussing negativethings.
It is just an opportunity foreveryone to share what is going
on in their lives, ask for helpif they need help with something
, and that's valuable and itbuilds wonderful memories.
I still have wonderful memoriesof sitting around the table
with my family for dinner everynight.
(12:53):
Always follow through.
Thank you, colleen, you are soright.
My follower shared that one.
Like I said, if you say you'regoing to do something, you must
do it.
If you tell your childrenyou're going to do something,
whether it's a positive ornegative, you know, say well,
yeah, I'm going to take you to,we're going to go to the park
tomorrow, and then you don't forsome reason.
(13:13):
Or if you do that this is goingto happen and then you don't
follow through.
You are teaching your childrenthat you don't mean what you say
and they don't have to listento you and, trust me, you do not
want to set them up for that.
Okay, put them in water.
That was the game changer.
(13:33):
It always washes away thegrumps and that's cute, and I
heard that before.
Like especially with youngerchildren, if they're getting
frustrated or having a difficulttime, put them in the bathtub,
go in the pool, put a bucket ofwater for them to play with
their toys, put them in the sinkwashing dishes, put them in
water.
It's a distraction, basically,is what that is.
So you can other than water.
There's other things you can do, but that's a great one.
Okay, always listen to yourchildren, no matter what.
(13:58):
What I find and I hear and I seea lot nowadays nowadays is
parents talk at their childrenso much.
Be quiet, listen.
Listen to them.
Instead of talking at them andtrying to solve all their
problems for them and tellingthem what they should do, sit
(14:18):
back and listen.
That is going to create awonderful relationship with your
children this one, obviously,as parents, you know this.
They come and ask mom somethingand you say no, then they go to
ask dad and he says yes, andthen the children are like, yay,
dad said, yes, we're going togo do it.
So you have to make sure thatif your children come to you and
(14:39):
ask you something and you sayno, that you let dad know that
you've said no and that he backsyou up.
And remember you are the boss,you are in charge of your
children.
They are not in charge of thehousehold you are.
They do not always have toagree with everything you say,
because you're the boss and youknow what's best, because you're
(15:01):
the adult and you've livedlonger than they have and you
have a lot more life experiencethan they have.
So you're the boss.
I jokingly used to tell mychildren when they were little
if I asked them something andthey would say yes, I would say
you need to say yes, your royalhighness, just kind of remind
them I'm in charge, not them,and then love your children
(15:22):
unconditionally.
And this one is big, becausethere are times when your
children are going to push everybutton you have and go to get
on every one of your nervesright.
There's that saying I have onenerve left and you're all over
it.
Separate your child from theirbehavior.
Your child is your child.
Their behavior is kind of likea separate entity.
(15:43):
You might not like theirbehavior, but you love your
child, so let them know.
You can even say to them Idon't like what you're doing
right now, but I love you.
Or I have parents that get upsetwhenever their children say I
hate you.
If your children says I hateyou, don't take that personally.
That's their emotions becausethey're frustrated, because they
can't have their way, and youcan say that's okay, that's okay
(16:04):
, I'm your mom, I still love youand just walk away.
Don't take it personally.
And I remember one time sayingto my child he or she said I
hate you and I said that's okay,I'm not loving your behavior
much right now either.
That was it.
Now I said I'm not loving yourbehavior, not them.
Okay, very different.
Give respect to get respect.
So I hear sometimes parentsyelling at their child and then
(16:30):
the child yells back and theparent goes what are you yelling
at me for?
I'm your parent.
Well, you just modeled that.
So go back to earlier in thepodcast where I said okay, we're
going to wrap this up.
There are so many of them.
I can't go over all of them,but actions have consequences.
Teach your children that, young, for every action there's an
equal reaction, right, so itcould be positive or negative,
(16:52):
but they need to learn you haveconsequences for behavior.
You are accountable for yourbehavior and also for those
corresponding consequences.
That's okay.
All right, this too shall pass.
Yes, I tell myself that a lot,even today.
All right, this too shall pass.
Tell your children that yourchildren are going to face
(17:13):
struggles in life.
They're going to facechallenges, situations that seem
overwhelming to them, and youcan offer them support and love
and guidance and all that stuff,but just say, look, this too
shall pass.
And you can offer them supportand love and guidance and all
that stuff, but just say, look,this too shall pass.
And there's one that no one saidthis in this real particular,
but I watched a reel and I thinkI shared it the other day.
(17:34):
It was on Instagram where afather said his daughter would
come home from school and saidsomebody was calling her names
or said something derogatoryabout her, and she would say,
daddy, they called me names andhe'd say well, do you believe
that?
She said well, no, okay, thendon't waste your energy on it.
Don't let someone else'sopinion form your opinion of
(17:57):
yourself.
And I think that's reallyimportant that we teach our
children that at a young agethat they need to value
themselves for who they are andnot for what someone else thinks
they are or says they are.
Because children can be cruel,they can be mean and we all know
there are children who bullyright.
So you need to teach yourchildren to just go okay, thank
(18:18):
you and walk away.
To just go okay, thank you andwalk away, because then when you
take, you just take all thebluster out of a person when
they're saying somethingnegative and you just go okay,
thank you, that's it, just okay,or just go okay.
You don't have to thank themfor it, just say okay, walk away
.
Don't engage.
Teach your children that Allright, guys.
(18:39):
So just some good parentingtips that were shared.
If you don't already follow me,follow me.
I'm on Instagram.
I'm on Facebook.
It's Pamela Polanza.
It's simple.
My website is PamelaPolanzacomand I'm all about common sense
parenting.
Thank you for tuning in totoday's episode of Common Sense
Parenting with Pam.
I hope you enjoyed the episodeand, if you did, please leave a
(19:02):
review that helps other parentsfind us and if you have friends
who also have children and coulduse some parenting tips, feel
free to share this.
I'd really appreciate it andyou know I'd love to hear from
you, so you can always find meon my socials.
And until then, remember, hugand love your babies.
Hello everyone, before we jump into today's
podcast, I just want to take aminute to tell you about the
Parenting Vault.
Now, this is a project I puttogether that is exclusive
content available to parents.
It's all about common sense andit's for parents of children
aged 2 to 12.
It's a subscription-basedprogram.
You definitely will want tocheck this out, because this
(00:21):
content is telling you how to,what to do, when to do it, why
to do it.
All of the questions andconcerns that parents have I try
to answer using this platform.
It's also a community, so youcan talk to other parents who
are maybe going through some ofthe same challenges and
struggles you are.
So to check it out, go to mywebsite, pamelapalanzacom.
(00:45):
Click on Parenting Vault at thetop in the nav menu and you'll
have all the details there andthere's a link to join.
All right, now let's get on tothe podcast.
Welcome to Common SenseParenting with Pam, the podcast
where we simplify parenting withcommon sense tips, real life
scenarios and a little bit ofhumor along the way.
(01:05):
I'm Pam and I'm here to helpyou build the skills and
confidence you need to raisehappy, resilient and responsible
children.
So grab your coffee, take adeep breath and let's tackle
parenting one common sense tipat a time.
Hello everyone, and thanks forjoining in.
I am Pam, your host, and I'm soglad you joined me today
(01:27):
because I am going to share someof the comments from a reel
that I had posted about a weekago One parenting tip that has
been an absolute game changerfor your family.
That has made all thedifference.
And that reel had 794 comments,so I clearly touched a nerve
(01:52):
with parents.
It had 66,000 views.
So I want to read some of thesecomments to you, because
there's some really good advicein here.
Now for those of you who arejust joining in I am a mom of
four and a grandmother of eight,and if you're a new parent or
you're going to be a parentsomeday, or even are a parent
(02:13):
now and you're struggling, knowthat the struggle is real, that
no parent is perfect.
That does not exist.
That is like a unicorn.
So if you find yourselfstruggling with your parenting
or you're feeling overwhelmedsome days, give yourself grace,
because we are not born knowinghow to parent.
(02:35):
We typically parent as we wereparented, and they don't hand us
a manual when we give birth oradopt a child.
They're like here you go,here's your precious bundle,
have fun, and you figure it outon your own.
Sometimes you get it right andsometimes you screw it up
royally, but hopefully yourchildren survive.
(02:58):
And let me just say this If youare struggling right now or you
feel like you need help, take aclass, take a course.
There's so many things you cando online.
There's books to buy, askfriends for support, look for a
parenting class in your area,look for facebook groups for
parents, and I have one calledcommon sense parenting with pam
(03:20):
and that's.
I think we have 905 members.
That is a free group and that's.
I think we have 905 members.
That is a free group and that'sjust parents asking questions
on there.
So feel free to join that group.
I also have a couple ofparenting books, but I'm not
here to pitch anything and sellyou.
I'm just telling you there area lot of options available to
you.
Take advantage of them.
Okay, let's get into this.
(03:40):
So these are some of theresponses.
One lady said my folks alwayssaid you can tell me anything
and when I get down off theceiling, I help you as best as I
can, and they did.
It worked for me as a parent.
So basically what that issaying is have an open and
honest communication channelwith your children.
(04:01):
Let them know they can discussanything with you.
I think that's brilliant.
Never give a threat you don'tintend to carry out, and I have
done podcast episodes on this,I've done reels on this.
Say what you mean and mean whatyou say.
And if you say it, you need tofollow through on it and be
(04:21):
consistent every single time.
Okay, calm parenting.
Be that calm in the storm, andthis is I mean.
This is just basic, but a lotof times parents get overwhelmed
or get upset or get frustratedand they resort to screaming or
yelling.
If you keep yourself calm, yourexpression calm your face, calm
(04:42):
your tone, calm, it helps calmdown the entire situation.
So that's just a standard.
Anywhere you go Okay, this, Ilove this one Any subject you
want to talk about in thevehicle stays in the vehicle.
Now I have heard and it was afather that actually responded
to one of my reels that saidgirls usually like face-to-face
(05:06):
talk, boys prefer side-to-side.
So if you're in the vehiclewith your children and I will
tell you, prime time is takingthem to school in the morning or
bringing them home at the endof the day and just having these
open conversations, and a lotof times they will tell you more
than they would if you weresitting at home asking a bunch
(05:26):
of questions.
So a lot of times they just aremore truthful and they feel
more comfortable.
And I love this one too.
Never discipline your childrenin front of anybody outside of
the family.
You can discipline themprivately.
You don't want to disciplinethem publicly and humiliate them
or embarrass them in front ofothers.
Okay, children need to dochores.
(05:49):
Amen, amen, amen.
Start them as early as possible.
Even as young as 18 months old.
12 months old, they're pickingup toys.
18 months old, slip a sock ontheir hand and they can help you
dust.
They can pull the covers up ontheir bed.
They're not going to do itperfectly, but you get them in
the habit of participating inthe family unit and helping
(06:10):
maintain the household.
Try not to say no.
All right now.
What this person says is trynot to say no.
Instead, say now.
What this person says is trynot to say no Instead say let's
think this one over and plan itfor another day.
Okay, that's good, butpersonally I have no problem
saying no.
No Asked and answered no.
So that's a personal choice.
(06:32):
Obviously.
Lots of love, of course, and afirm hand.
Now, what that means is notspanking, which I'm totally
opposed to, but that's a wholenother.
I just did a podcast on thatlast week.
But, being firm, you are theparent, and I've also done reels
on this.
You are the parent.
(06:53):
You are not your child's friend, and I think sometimes that's
where parents run into trouble,because they try to make their
children happy all the time.
I actually had one followertell me she never wants to see
her child sad, and none of us do.
But that's not reality either.
So better they learn that athome with you than out in the
(07:14):
world where other people arejust not going to care, that at
home with you than out in theworld where other people are
just not going to care.
Model the behavior you want tosee in your child.
Preach it.
I say this all the time.
I swear I'm going to get theword model tattooed on my arm.
No, just joking, but I say thisall the time, almost in every
podcast I do or Facebook Live.
I say model what you expect,because your children are
(07:37):
watching you.
You are their first teacher andthey listen to you, they watch
you, they see how you talk, theysee how you treat people, they
see how you handle situationsand guess what they do.
They model that because you'retheir parent and they think well
, you must be right.
Okay, this one I totally agreewith.
(07:57):
And they think, well, you mustbe right, okay, this one I
totally agree with.
Discipline means teach, notpunish.
Punish inflicts pain.
Discipline is teaching.
Read to them every night.
I love that.
I did that with all of mychildren.
In fact, when my children weretwo years old, each of them, I
took them to the library andthey got a library card and we
went to the library every singleweek.
And I'll tell you what mychildren are all avid readers,
(08:21):
but my daughter.
I watch my grandson, myyoungest grandson, every
Wednesday morning and I'll saydo you want to go to the library
?
And he will actually cheer.
He gets so excited to go to thelibrary.
Now, granted, for him it'sbecause there are a lot of toys
there he can play with, but healso likes to get books, so
that's awesome.
(08:41):
Okay, never hand out punishmentand anger.
Consequences should be logicaland provide a teaching moment
and this correct.
So if you are angry in asituation.
Walk away for a minute ifpossible, or just take some deep
breaths.
Just say hold on a second.
And I think I shared this onetime.
I was at my daughter's.
It was right after Halloweenand the children were laying all
(09:01):
their candy.
It's just three children,they're laying them all over the
table and they're all excitedand it was chaos.
They were all calling mom, mom,mom and she just put her hand
up.
She said stop, I just need asecond to breathe, give me five
seconds.
And she took a deep breath andthey got quiet and she said okay
, let's go.
So it was wonderful.
She didn't yell and say stopcalling me or what do you want.
(09:22):
She just said timeout, guys,timeout.
And I believe fully in momtimeouts, dad timeouts, time ins
, whatever you want to call them.
Just step away for a minute,just take a breath.
Nobody says you have to respondin that moment.
Step away for a minute, justtake a breath.
Nobody says you have to respondin that moment.
This next one is also brilliantDon't ask a question when you
are giving a directive.
(09:43):
For example, you don't say hey,do you want to put your shoes
on?
Or I hear parents do this allthe time Time to put your shoes
on, okay.
Okay implies it's an option.
Be direct.
It's time to put your shoes on.
We need to go Period.
You can say please, obviously,but it's time to go.
Smile.
When your children enter theroom, they will notice that they
(10:03):
are loved and parents, whetheryou're together or you're
divorced, you need to have aunited front where your children
are concerned.
Your personal differencesshould not trickle down to your
children.
Never do for your child whatthey can do for themselves.
Teach them young to beindependent.
Our children started doingtheir own laundry when they were
(10:25):
like 7, 8, 9 years old.
Not a problem.
So encourage them to do thatkind of stuff.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
We've all heard that.
But when you are the thick ofparenting, there comes a point
where you have to go.
Is this worth it?
Is it worth the energy and theangst that I am creating around
(10:45):
this?
And if it's not, let it go Now.
I always agree with this one,and I did this myself.
If you're taking your childrensomewhere you're going to the
store, you're going to abirthday party, you're going to
an event you explain what I callexpectations in advance.
Here's where we're going.
Here's probably how long we'regoing to be.
Here's how I expect you tobehave If you choose not to
(11:08):
behave.
And do you hear how I said ifyou choose, because this is a
child's choice whether they'regoing to behave or not If you
choose to not behave, we willleave instantly.
And then you do it, you do it.
And I actually had one followerI'm not sure if it was on this
reel or not say she told herchildren they were going to
Disneyland.
(11:28):
She said if you don't behave,we're going to leave.
She said they weren't even inthe park very long and the
children misbehaved and sheturned around and left.
Yes, it was an expensive lesson.
Also, she said she threatenedsomething she probably shouldn't
have.
She should have handled thatdifferently.
It could go either way here,but her children learned a very
valuable lesson and so did she.
(11:49):
So I know, growing up, we allate dinner as a family around
the table.
We talked about our day, whathappened at school, what's going
on in our lives.
We had asked to be excused toleave the table, and sometimes
my father would say sure, andsometimes he would say no, you
have to stay here and talk withthe family, which was fine With
our children when they wereyounger, we did all have dinner
(12:10):
together and we did do that.
But then of course, as they gotolder and they had sports and
afterschool stuff that kind ofchanged and we it and they had
sports and after school stuff,that kind of changed and it was
hit or miss sometimes or we hadto do dinner later or did it on
the run.
But if you can have dinner atleast a couple nights a week
with your family around thetable, and that's sacred time.
(12:32):
No devices, no anger.
You're not discussing negativethings.
It is just an opportunity foreveryone to share what is going
on in their lives, ask for helpif they need help with something
, and that's valuable and itbuilds wonderful memories.
I still have wonderful memoriesof sitting around the table
with my family for dinner everynight.
(12:53):
Always follow through.
Thank you, colleen, you are soright.
My follower shared that one.
Like I said, if you say you'regoing to do something, you must
do it.
If you tell your childrenyou're going to do something,
whether it's a positive ornegative, you know, say well,
yeah, I'm going to take you to,we're going to go to the park
tomorrow, and then you don't forsome reason.
(13:13):
Or if you do that this is goingto happen and then you don't
follow through.
You are teaching your childrenthat you don't mean what you say
and they don't have to listento you and, trust me, you do not
want to set them up for that.
Okay, put them in water.
That was the game changer.
(13:33):
It always washes away thegrumps and that's cute, and I
heard that before.
Like especially with youngerchildren, if they're getting
frustrated or having a difficulttime, put them in the bathtub,
go in the pool, put a bucket ofwater for them to play with
their toys, put them in the sinkwashing dishes, put them in
water.
It's a distraction, basically,is what that is.
So you can other than water.
There's other things you can do, but that's a great one.
Okay, always listen to yourchildren, no matter what.
(13:58):
What I find and I hear and I seea lot nowadays nowadays is
parents talk at their childrenso much.
Be quiet, listen.
Listen to them.
Instead of talking at them andtrying to solve all their
problems for them and tellingthem what they should do, sit
(14:18):
back and listen.
That is going to create awonderful relationship with your
children this one, obviously,as parents, you know this.
They come and ask mom somethingand you say no, then they go to
ask dad and he says yes, andthen the children are like, yay,
dad said, yes, we're going togo do it.
So you have to make sure thatif your children come to you and
(14:39):
ask you something and you sayno, that you let dad know that
you've said no and that he backsyou up.
And remember you are the boss,you are in charge of your
children.
They are not in charge of thehousehold you are.
They do not always have toagree with everything you say,
because you're the boss and youknow what's best, because you're
(15:01):
the adult and you've livedlonger than they have and you
have a lot more life experiencethan they have.
So you're the boss.
I jokingly used to tell mychildren when they were little
if I asked them something andthey would say yes, I would say
you need to say yes, your royalhighness, just kind of remind
them I'm in charge, not them,and then love your children
(15:22):
unconditionally.
And this one is big, becausethere are times when your
children are going to push everybutton you have and go to get
on every one of your nervesright.
There's that saying I have onenerve left and you're all over
it.
Separate your child from theirbehavior.
Your child is your child.
Their behavior is kind of likea separate entity.
(15:43):
You might not like theirbehavior, but you love your
child, so let them know.
You can even say to them Idon't like what you're doing
right now, but I love you.
Or I have parents that get upsetwhenever their children say I
hate you.
If your children says I hateyou, don't take that personally.
That's their emotions becausethey're frustrated, because they
can't have their way, and youcan say that's okay, that's okay
(16:04):
, I'm your mom, I still love youand just walk away.
Don't take it personally.
And I remember one time sayingto my child he or she said I
hate you and I said that's okay,I'm not loving your behavior
much right now either.
That was it.
Now I said I'm not loving yourbehavior, not them.
Okay, very different.
Give respect to get respect.
So I hear sometimes parentsyelling at their child and then
(16:30):
the child yells back and theparent goes what are you yelling
at me for?
I'm your parent.
Well, you just modeled that.
So go back to earlier in thepodcast where I said okay, we're
going to wrap this up.
There are so many of them.
I can't go over all of them,but actions have consequences.
Teach your children that, young, for every action there's an
equal reaction, right, so itcould be positive or negative,
(16:52):
but they need to learn you haveconsequences for behavior.
You are accountable for yourbehavior and also for those
corresponding consequences.
That's okay.
All right, this too shall pass.
Yes, I tell myself that a lot,even today.
All right, this too shall pass.
Tell your children that yourchildren are going to face
(17:13):
struggles in life.
They're going to facechallenges, situations that seem
overwhelming to them, and youcan offer them support and love
and guidance and all that stuff,but just say, look, this too
shall pass.
And you can offer them supportand love and guidance and all
that stuff, but just say, look,this too shall pass.
And there's one that no one saidthis in this real particular,
but I watched a reel and I thinkI shared it the other day.
(17:34):
It was on Instagram where afather said his daughter would
come home from school and saidsomebody was calling her names
or said something derogatoryabout her, and she would say,
daddy, they called me names andhe'd say well, do you believe
that?
She said well, no, okay, thendon't waste your energy on it.
Don't let someone else'sopinion form your opinion of
(17:57):
yourself.
And I think that's reallyimportant that we teach our
children that at a young agethat they need to value
themselves for who they are andnot for what someone else thinks
they are or says they are.
Because children can be cruel,they can be mean and we all know
there are children who bullyright.
So you need to teach yourchildren to just go okay, thank
(18:18):
you and walk away.
To just go okay, thank you andwalk away, because then when you
take, you just take all thebluster out of a person when
they're saying somethingnegative and you just go okay,
thank you, that's it, just okay,or just go okay.
You don't have to thank themfor it, just say okay, walk away
.
Don't engage.
Teach your children that Allright, guys.
(18:39):
So just some good parentingtips that were shared.
If you don't already follow me,follow me.
I'm on Instagram.
I'm on Facebook.
It's Pamela Polanza.
It's simple.
My website is PamelaPolanzacomand I'm all about common sense
parenting.
Thank you for tuning in totoday's episode of Common Sense
Parenting with Pam.
I hope you enjoyed the episodeand, if you did, please leave a
(19:02):
review that helps other parentsfind us and if you have friends
who also have children and coulduse some parenting tips, feel
free to share this.
I'd really appreciate it andyou know I'd love to hear from
you, so you can always find meon my socials.
And until then, remember, hugand love your babies.
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