November 26, 2024 • 12 mins
Parenting Vault
PamelaPalanza.com
Can resilience really transform your child's life? Join me on Common Sense Parenting with Pam as we unpack the profound impact of resilience on a child's development. Discover how resilience isn't just about bouncing back from setbacks but is an essential skill for navigating the complexities of life. Through compelling stories, like that of Spanx founder Sara Blakely, we reveal how embracing mistakes can unlock creative problem-solving and personal growth. This episode promises to equip you with practical techniques for fostering resilience at home, helping your child learn from failures, manage disappointments, and face life's challenges with confidence.
Explore the pivotal role resilience plays in your child's mental well-being, academic success, and social interactions. I share insights on how a resilient mindset helps children handle peer pressure, recover from academic setbacks, and manage conflicts in family life. These strategies are designed to promote a positive, stress-free learning environment, emphasizing the importance of patience and consistency in parenting. Connect with me on social media to share your experiences and join this important conversation on empowering children to thrive amidst life's inevitable ups and downs.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the
podcast where we simplifyparenting with common sense tips
, real life scenarios and alittle bit of humor along the
way.
I'm Pam and I'm here to helpyou build the skills and
confidence you need to raisehappy, resilient and responsible
children.
So grab your coffee, take adeep breath and let's tackle
(00:27):
parenting one common sense tipat a time.
Welcome back, and I'm glad youjoined me today because we're
diving into one of the mostvital skills any child can have,
and that is resilience.
Now this is foundational skillnumber six in our series and
it's a game changer.
(00:47):
Now let me just pause here andsay, if you have not caught the
first five of our episodes, inour foundational skills there's
10 skills.
Go back and listen to those.
They're important, noparticular order, but just go
back and check them out.
We have four more coming upafter this one and then we're
going to move on to some othergood things.
But resilience allows childrento bounce back from setbacks,
(01:14):
adapt to challenges, face life'sobstacles with confidence.
We all want that for ourchildren.
We all want to be able to dothat as adults.
So you need to start teachingthem when they're young how to
do this.
In today's episode, I want tocover why resilience is so
important, how it's influencingyour child's life, and give you
(01:36):
some practical scenarios andtechniques you can use to teach
resilience in your home.
But why does it matter whocares right?
Here's why Resilience isessential because it helps your
children handle disappointment,handle failure, frustration,
without feeling totally defeated.
It's what allows them to keepthings going when things don't
(02:00):
go their way and we all knowthat happens in life and to see
challenges not as failures orroadblocks, but as opportunities
to grow.
Resilience is closely tied tomental well-being.
Children who build resilienceearly on are more likely to have
a positive outlook, deal withstress more healthily and
(02:25):
develop coping skills that willserve them well into adulthood,
and that's the goal here.
But how does it affect yourchild's life?
Well, let's say in school, aresilient child, they can
navigate social situations, theyhandle peer pressure and they
bounce back from academicsetbacks.
(02:47):
They're less likely to feeloverwhelmed by challenges, which
can then make learning andfriendships less stressful.
In friendships and in familylife, resilience means they're
much better equipped to dealwith conflicts and
misunderstandings that arise.
They can accept when thingsdon't go perfectly and work to
(03:13):
find solutions rather thangetting stuck in those negative
feelings.
Now I'm going to give you sometechniques to teach resilience,
and you can use whichever one ofthese you think would work for
your family.
Obviously, you know your familybest, but one of the most
effective ways to buildresilience is to help children
see mistakes as learningopportunities, and we've talked
(03:34):
about this before.
But it's really important thatyou normalize failure and
mistakes.
Let me give you an example Now.
Sarah I forget her last name shewas the founder of Spanx and
she said when she was growing up, every day at dinner her father
would say what did you fail attoday?
What did you fail at Now?
(03:55):
Initially?
Right, you think, well, that'sa weird thing to ask.
I mean a parent to ask theirchild.
But think about this.
She said he viewed failing assuccess, because when you fail
at something, that's anopportunity for you to learn.
That's an opportunity for youto maybe pivot, for you to get
(04:15):
creative, to problem solve.
And she said that is one of thethings that kept her so on
track, even when she was facingchallenges as she was developing
Spanx and getting told no overand over and over again from
lots of different retailers.
But she said every time I hearda no, to me that was a yes.
(04:38):
It was something I needed to dodifferently, something I needed
to change, and I was resilientand I stuck with it.
Great example, great example.
So share stories of times thatyou've made mistakes and whether
you were a child or even as anadult, and what you learned from
them.
For example, if you were everburnt a meal while cooking,
(05:01):
let's just make this a simpleone.
Explain how it taught you tokeep your eye on what you were
doing and not get distracted.
I mean, that's a really simpleone.
But tell them you know, even asan adult, what mistakes have
you made and how did you addressthem.
How did you overcome, how didyou keep going, how you were
resilient.
Anyway, when your childexperiences a setback, you can
(05:25):
say things like what can welearn from this?
Hmm, let's try a different waynext time.
Things like, what can we learnfrom this?
Hmm, let's try a different waynext time.
These kind of questions canencourage them to see mistakes
as a part of growth rather thansomething to avoid or something
to just quit.
Always encourage problemsolving and if you missed
(05:46):
episode number one, that's allwe talked about how to teach
your children how to problemsolve.
When your children or yourchild encounters a challenge,
encourage them to brainstormsolutions rather than just
jumping in to fix it.
So say, for example, they'refrustrated with a puzzle, so
instead of solving it for them,ask them questions like what do
(06:09):
you think would work here?
What if you tried turning thispiece a different way?
This approach helps childrensee that they can come up with
solutions on their own, which isempowering and builds
resilience.
Now I'm going to throw in alittle personal note here.
Here I do a lot ofbrainstorming for my business.
I have for years and the methodthat I use that works really
(06:31):
well for me is I take Post-itnotes.
Now, this would be good foryour older children, who can
read and write.
But if I have an issue I wantto think about or a project I
want to develop and you knowI've got to brainstorm I take a
Post-it note and on eachindividual Post-it note I write
an idea.
I take a post-it note and oneach individual post-it note I
write an idea, I write asolution.
One on each one and that's it.
(06:53):
I put it aside, go to the nextone, keep piling them up, piling
them up, piling them up, thenwhat I do when I'm finished.
I've dumped everything out of mybrain.
I caught my brain dump.
Then I go back to my post-itnotes and I put them in
categories, which ones aresimilar.
Once I've done that, then I gothrough each category and I go,
(07:15):
hmm, would this thing work?
Does this something I want todo, yes or no?
If it's a yes, I put it aside.
If it's a no, it goes in thetrash.
Some people save those no's forlater.
Me, I trash them.
I want them out of my brain,out of my thought.
Do it, however, works for you.
And then, when you're done,what you have in front of you
are ideas, solutions.
(07:36):
Right, for me they're ideas fornew projects.
They help give me guidance,they help give me a path forward
.
It's a great way to do a braindump without having to think too
hard.
Quite honestly, okay, so youcan adapt that a little bit for
your children.
See, quite honestly, okay, soyou can adapt that a little bit
for your children.
See how that works.
Okay, teach them emotionalregulation.
And this is going to be ourfoundational skill number 10.
(07:57):
So I'll go into that in reallymore depth in probably a couple
weeks, but when your child canemotionally regulate themselves
and they're resilient, canemotionally regulate themselves
and they're resilient, theymanage their emotions
effectively.
Help them identify theirfeelings by saying things to
them like I see you're feelingupset, let's take a breath
(08:23):
together.
Teaching them techniques likedeep breathing or counting to 10
can help them feel in controlduring tough moments.
Now, over time, they're goingto start to apply these
techniques on their own whenthey face challenges, which
makes it easier for them tobounce back from setbacks.
Model resilience here we are.
I always say model, model,model.
Children learn by watching you.
They're watching how you handlestressful situations.
(08:46):
If you're stuck in traffic, areyou fussing?
Are you cussing?
Are you doing things youshouldn't be doing?
Modeling for your children.
Use this time instead to play afun game, listen to music, talk
to your child.
Show them that setbacks don'thave to ruin your day.
Right, you can still have apositive attitude and remain
(09:09):
calm.
Celebrate those small wins,every small step your child
takes towards resilience.
Praise them for it.
Praise those efforts when theyface those challenging
situations, even if they don'tsucceed right away, say look,
I'm proud of you.
You should be proud of yourself.
(09:29):
You did not give up.
Look how hard you worked tosolve that.
Celebrating those small momentsreinforces their self-belief,
their confidence in themselves,and helps build their
self-esteem, which helps developtheir resilience over time.
(09:50):
Okay, so let's talk about howyou can do this.
We told you you need to dotechniques, but let's talk about
some other ways, some scenariosof how you can teach your
children.
Let's say you're playing aboard game and your child loses.
Instead of them throwing atantrum or quitting, don't let
them do that you can say youknow what losing doesn't feel
(10:11):
good, does it?
But that's part of playinggames.
We get to try again next time.
How about when they don't getwhat they want?
Oh boy, if they're upsetbecause they didn't get a toy or
they had a privilege theywanted, empathize with their
disappointment, but encourageresilience by saying you know
(10:33):
what it's okay to feeldisappointed.
Let's think of something elsethat can make you happy right
now.
Now I'm going to share a quickstory.
I had a follower, actuallytoday, reach out and ask me a
question about.
They had a little boy, I don'tknow how old he was.
He was at the water park, hemisbehaved and the parents took
him home and my first questionwas had he been notified of
(10:59):
consequences?
Had he been warned that if hedid not settle down he would go
home?
And the answer was yes.
Three times, three times, wow,three times.
They told him if you don't stop, he was screaming, tantruming,
we're going to go home.
And he continued anyway andthey went home.
And so the question to me wasdid I think that was appropriate
(11:22):
?
And I said absolutely that wasappropriate, because he was
warned three times and he stillchose to misbehave.
So he lost the privilege.
We're talking about a privilegehere, right?
So this little boy's notgetting what he wants.
He was upset, for whateverreason, at the water park.
He acted out, he lost theprivilege.
(11:43):
Now they took him home and yayfor the parents.
I'm applauding the parents forthat one.
Me, I would have gone after thefirst time.
I'm telling you one time and ifyou continue, we're leaving.
But to each his own.
But this little boy needs tolearn resilience.
(12:04):
He didn't get what he wanted.
Now he's got to go home.
Say you know what?
It's okay, you're upset andyou're angry, but we're going to
take you home right now and youcan dry again next time.
So it's not something.
Resilience is not somethingthey're going to learn overnight
.
Thank you for tuning in totoday's episode of common sense
parenting with pam.
(12:24):
They face challenges.
I hope you enjoyed the episode.
Learn and, if you did, pleaseleave a review that helps other
parents find us, and if you havefriends who also have children,
encourage problem solving, feelfree to share this.
I really appreciate it.
You know I love to hear fromyou so you can always find me on
my socials.
And until then, remember, hugand love your babies.
These efforts create aresilient mindset that will help
(12:48):
them in every stage of life.
Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the
podcast where we simplifyparenting with common sense tips
, real life scenarios and alittle bit of humor along the
way.
I'm Pam and I'm here to helpyou build the skills and
confidence you need to raisehappy, resilient and responsible
children.
So grab your coffee, take adeep breath and let's tackle
(00:27):
parenting one common sense tipat a time.
Welcome back, and I'm glad youjoined me today because we're
diving into one of the mostvital skills any child can have,
and that is resilience.
Now this is foundational skillnumber six in our series and
it's a game changer.
(00:47):
Now let me just pause here andsay, if you have not caught the
first five of our episodes, inour foundational skills there's
10 skills.
Go back and listen to those.
They're important, noparticular order, but just go
back and check them out.
We have four more coming upafter this one and then we're
going to move on to some othergood things.
But resilience allows childrento bounce back from setbacks,
(01:14):
adapt to challenges, face life'sobstacles with confidence.
We all want that for ourchildren.
We all want to be able to dothat as adults.
So you need to start teachingthem when they're young how to
do this.
In today's episode, I want tocover why resilience is so
important, how it's influencingyour child's life, and give you
(01:36):
some practical scenarios andtechniques you can use to teach
resilience in your home.
But why does it matter whocares right?
Here's why Resilience isessential because it helps your
children handle disappointment,handle failure, frustration,
without feeling totally defeated.
It's what allows them to keepthings going when things don't
(02:00):
go their way and we all knowthat happens in life and to see
challenges not as failures orroadblocks, but as opportunities
to grow.
Resilience is closely tied tomental well-being.
Children who build resilienceearly on are more likely to have
a positive outlook, deal withstress more healthily and
(02:25):
develop coping skills that willserve them well into adulthood,
and that's the goal here.
But how does it affect yourchild's life?
Well, let's say in school, aresilient child, they can
navigate social situations, theyhandle peer pressure and they
bounce back from academicsetbacks.
(02:47):
They're less likely to feeloverwhelmed by challenges, which
can then make learning andfriendships less stressful.
In friendships and in familylife, resilience means they're
much better equipped to dealwith conflicts and
misunderstandings that arise.
They can accept when thingsdon't go perfectly and work to
(03:13):
find solutions rather thangetting stuck in those negative
feelings.
Now I'm going to give you sometechniques to teach resilience,
and you can use whichever one ofthese you think would work for
your family.
Obviously, you know your familybest, but one of the most
effective ways to buildresilience is to help children
see mistakes as learningopportunities, and we've talked
(03:34):
about this before.
But it's really important thatyou normalize failure and
mistakes.
Let me give you an example Now.
Sarah I forget her last name shewas the founder of Spanx and
she said when she was growing up, every day at dinner her father
would say what did you fail attoday?
What did you fail at Now?
(03:55):
Initially?
Right, you think, well, that'sa weird thing to ask.
I mean a parent to ask theirchild.
But think about this.
She said he viewed failing assuccess, because when you fail
at something, that's anopportunity for you to learn.
That's an opportunity for youto maybe pivot, for you to get
(04:15):
creative, to problem solve.
And she said that is one of thethings that kept her so on
track, even when she was facingchallenges as she was developing
Spanx and getting told no overand over and over again from
lots of different retailers.
But she said every time I hearda no, to me that was a yes.
(04:38):
It was something I needed to dodifferently, something I needed
to change, and I was resilientand I stuck with it.
Great example, great example.
So share stories of times thatyou've made mistakes and whether
you were a child or even as anadult, and what you learned from
them.
For example, if you were everburnt a meal while cooking,
(05:01):
let's just make this a simpleone.
Explain how it taught you tokeep your eye on what you were
doing and not get distracted.
I mean, that's a really simpleone.
But tell them you know, even asan adult, what mistakes have
you made and how did you addressthem.
How did you overcome, how didyou keep going, how you were
resilient.
Anyway, when your childexperiences a setback, you can
(05:25):
say things like what can welearn from this?
Hmm, let's try a different waynext time.
Things like, what can we learnfrom this?
Hmm, let's try a different waynext time.
These kind of questions canencourage them to see mistakes
as a part of growth rather thansomething to avoid or something
to just quit.
Always encourage problemsolving and if you missed
(05:46):
episode number one, that's allwe talked about how to teach
your children how to problemsolve.
When your children or yourchild encounters a challenge,
encourage them to brainstormsolutions rather than just
jumping in to fix it.
So say, for example, they'refrustrated with a puzzle, so
instead of solving it for them,ask them questions like what do
(06:09):
you think would work here?
What if you tried turning thispiece a different way?
This approach helps childrensee that they can come up with
solutions on their own, which isempowering and builds
resilience.
Now I'm going to throw in alittle personal note here.
Here I do a lot ofbrainstorming for my business.
I have for years and the methodthat I use that works really
(06:31):
well for me is I take Post-itnotes.
Now, this would be good foryour older children, who can
read and write.
But if I have an issue I wantto think about or a project I
want to develop and you knowI've got to brainstorm I take a
Post-it note and on eachindividual Post-it note I write
an idea.
I take a post-it note and oneach individual post-it note I
write an idea, I write asolution.
One on each one and that's it.
(06:53):
I put it aside, go to the nextone, keep piling them up, piling
them up, piling them up, thenwhat I do when I'm finished.
I've dumped everything out of mybrain.
I caught my brain dump.
Then I go back to my post-itnotes and I put them in
categories, which ones aresimilar.
Once I've done that, then I gothrough each category and I go,
(07:15):
hmm, would this thing work?
Does this something I want todo, yes or no?
If it's a yes, I put it aside.
If it's a no, it goes in thetrash.
Some people save those no's forlater.
Me, I trash them.
I want them out of my brain,out of my thought.
Do it, however, works for you.
And then, when you're done,what you have in front of you
are ideas, solutions.
(07:36):
Right, for me they're ideas fornew projects.
They help give me guidance,they help give me a path forward
.
It's a great way to do a braindump without having to think too
hard.
Quite honestly, okay, so youcan adapt that a little bit for
your children.
See, quite honestly, okay, soyou can adapt that a little bit
for your children.
See how that works.
Okay, teach them emotionalregulation.
And this is going to be ourfoundational skill number 10.
(07:57):
So I'll go into that in reallymore depth in probably a couple
weeks, but when your child canemotionally regulate themselves
and they're resilient, canemotionally regulate themselves
and they're resilient, theymanage their emotions
effectively.
Help them identify theirfeelings by saying things to
them like I see you're feelingupset, let's take a breath
(08:23):
together.
Teaching them techniques likedeep breathing or counting to 10
can help them feel in controlduring tough moments.
Now, over time, they're goingto start to apply these
techniques on their own whenthey face challenges, which
makes it easier for them tobounce back from setbacks.
Model resilience here we are.
I always say model, model,model.
Children learn by watching you.
They're watching how you handlestressful situations.
(08:46):
If you're stuck in traffic, areyou fussing?
Are you cussing?
Are you doing things youshouldn't be doing?
Modeling for your children.
Use this time instead to play afun game, listen to music, talk
to your child.
Show them that setbacks don'thave to ruin your day.
Right, you can still have apositive attitude and remain
(09:09):
calm.
Celebrate those small wins,every small step your child
takes towards resilience.
Praise them for it.
Praise those efforts when theyface those challenging
situations, even if they don'tsucceed right away, say look,
I'm proud of you.
You should be proud of yourself.
(09:29):
You did not give up.
Look how hard you worked tosolve that.
Celebrating those small momentsreinforces their self-belief,
their confidence in themselves,and helps build their
self-esteem, which helps developtheir resilience over time.
(09:50):
Okay, so let's talk about howyou can do this.
We told you you need to dotechniques, but let's talk about
some other ways, some scenariosof how you can teach your
children.
Let's say you're playing aboard game and your child loses.
Instead of them throwing atantrum or quitting, don't let
them do that you can say youknow what losing doesn't feel
(10:11):
good, does it?
But that's part of playinggames.
We get to try again next time.
How about when they don't getwhat they want?
Oh boy, if they're upsetbecause they didn't get a toy or
they had a privilege theywanted, empathize with their
disappointment, but encourageresilience by saying you know
(10:33):
what it's okay to feeldisappointed.
Let's think of something elsethat can make you happy right
now.
Now I'm going to share a quickstory.
I had a follower, actuallytoday, reach out and ask me a
question about.
They had a little boy, I don'tknow how old he was.
He was at the water park, hemisbehaved and the parents took
him home and my first questionwas had he been notified of
(10:59):
consequences?
Had he been warned that if hedid not settle down he would go
home?
And the answer was yes.
Three times, three times, wow,three times.
They told him if you don't stop, he was screaming, tantruming,
we're going to go home.
And he continued anyway andthey went home.
And so the question to me wasdid I think that was appropriate
(11:22):
?
And I said absolutely that wasappropriate, because he was
warned three times and he stillchose to misbehave.
So he lost the privilege.
We're talking about a privilegehere, right?
So this little boy's notgetting what he wants.
He was upset, for whateverreason, at the water park.
He acted out, he lost theprivilege.
(11:43):
Now they took him home and yayfor the parents.
I'm applauding the parents forthat one.
Me, I would have gone after thefirst time.
I'm telling you one time and ifyou continue, we're leaving.
But to each his own.
But this little boy needs tolearn resilience.
(12:04):
He didn't get what he wanted.
Now he's got to go home.
Say you know what?
It's okay, you're upset andyou're angry, but we're going to
take you home right now and youcan dry again next time.
So it's not something.
Resilience is not somethingthey're going to learn overnight
.
Thank you for tuning in totoday's episode of common sense
parenting with pam.
(12:24):
They face challenges.
I hope you enjoyed the episode.
Learn and, if you did, pleaseleave a review that helps other
parents find us, and if you havefriends who also have children,
encourage problem solving, feelfree to share this.
I really appreciate it.
You know I love to hear fromyou so you can always find me on
my socials.
And until then, remember, hugand love your babies.
These efforts create aresilient mindset that will help
(12:48):
them in every stage of life.
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