December 24, 2024 • 15 mins
Parenting Vault
PamelaPalanza.com
Unlock the secrets to raising resilient, empathetic children by mastering the art of conflict resolution. Imagine a home where siblings resolve disagreements peacefully, or your child navigates social challenges with confidence and poise. In this episode of Common Sense Parenting with Pam, we uncover practical strategies to teach your children these invaluable skills. With a focus on emotional regulation and problem-solving, we explore how modeling healthy conflict resolution can transform family dynamics. Discover how guiding toddlers and preschoolers through real-life scenarios—like taking turns or using a timer—can build a foundation for handling conflicts throughout their lives.
Empowering your children to express their feelings respectfully and develop their own solutions is key to nurturing emotional intelligence. This episode emphasizes the importance of stepping back as a parent, allowing kids to navigate disputes independently, whether they're dealing with exclusion from group activities or simple sibling squabbles. We also introduce creative tools like ear and mouth cards to enhance communication skills, and highlight the role of encouragement and praise in fostering these abilities. Join us in the conversation, and don't hesitate to share your own successful conflict resolution tactics. Together, let's raise a generation equipped to handle life's challenges with grace and understanding.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the
podcast where we simplifyparenting with common sense tips
, real life scenarios and alittle bit of humor along the
way.
I'm Pam and I'm here to helpyou build the skills and
confidence you need to raisehappy, resilient and responsible
(00:31):
children.
So grab your coffee, take adeep breath and let's tackle
parenting one common sense tipat a time.
Hey everybody, welcome back.
I'm Pam, your host, and I'mexcited to talk to you today
about something that everyparent deals with.
It's one of our foundationalskills Conflict.
We're going to talk aboutconflict resolution today.
(00:51):
So, whether it's yourtwo-year-old screaming over a
toy or your 10-year-old isfighting with a sibling,
conflict is probably a part ofyour life I can almost guarantee
that.
But the good news is it's alsoan opportunity to teach your
children lifelong skills,because you are not going to be
(01:13):
behind your children all oftheir lives solving their
conflicts.
It's why it's so important youstart early and you teach them
how to do it for themselves.
In this episode, we're going todive into teaching conflict
resolution to children, why it'simportant, what strategies
actually work and how you canmodel healthy conflict
(01:35):
resolution yourself.
So stick around, I'm going togive you some real-life examples
and tips to try at home.
So let's start with somescenarios here and why it's
important.
Well, like I said, it'scritical because they're going
to have conflict all their lives.
That's just inherent and theyneed to learn how to handle them
(01:57):
on their own.
They need to learn how tonavigate relationships, whether
it's with siblings, friends,classmates, partners, co
-workers.
They're going to facedisagreements their entire lives
.
Teaching them how to solveconflicts themselves sets them
up for success in school workand beyond, for their whole life
(02:19):
.
Secondly, conflict resolutionhelps children build key skills
like emotional regulation,problem solving and empathy.
So think about this for aminute.
When your child learns to pausefor a minute, consider another
person's feelings instead ofjust their own and find a
solution, a mutually agreeablesolution, they're building
(02:42):
emotional intelligence.
Agreeable solution.
They're building emotionalintelligence and teaching this
skill.
Conflict resolution can helpcreate a more peaceful home
environment.
So, instead of the childrenrunning to you all the time and
tattling and wanting you tohandle it for them and solve it
for them, they're learning howto do it themselves.
Ta-da, doesn't that soundamazing?
(03:04):
Wouldn't you want that in yourhousehold?
Let me just tell you one thinghere.
When I taught children three tofive-year-olds.
It's my favorite age to teachand at that age, if you have a
three to five-year-old, you'regoing to understand this.
They tattle a lot.
When they would come up to meand they would say, miss Pam,
miss Pam, he took my toy or he'sdoing something he shouldn't be
(03:27):
doing, I would say thank youfor telling me.
My job is to take care of allof you and your job is to take
care of yourself, and I wouldsend them on their way.
So instead of feeding that andletting them go on and on and on
about tattling, I'd say you,basically, I've got this.
Thank you, I'll handle this.
You take care of you, I'llworry about everybody else.
(03:48):
That's my job.
So it really helped.
So for toddlers andpreschoolers, you can use that
technique.
Just tell them very nicely,it's my job to handle everybody.
You worry about yourself.
With this age group, conflictresolution starts with simple
concepts like sharing and takingturns and using words instead
of physical actions.
Because we know a lot of times,toddlers, this is where you see
(04:10):
biting happening.
You see hitting happening, evenwith preschoolers.
They don't.
Preschoolers don't tend to bite.
They shouldn't by the timethey're three years old.
Sometimes it happens, butthat's because they don't know
how to verbalize how they'refeeling, and so that's how
they're expressing theirfrustration or whatever's going
(04:31):
on in their little brains.
Behavior is communication, sothey're trying to tell you
something there.
So it's your job to kind of geta grasp on what it is they're
trying to tell you, Becausethat's where you see them start
having meltdowns.
They get frustrated with theirsibling or a classmate and they
start crying and havingmeltdowns.
So how do you handle that?
What do you do?
(04:52):
Well, the first thing I wantyou to do is stay calm.
Stay calm, get down on theirlevel and say they're fighting
over a toy and you can say I seeyou really want that toy.
How can we figure this out?
Let's work together to figurethis out.
You help them name theirfeelings.
So, for example, you say I seeyou're upset because you want
(05:14):
the toy, but your sister'splaying with it right now, and
then guide them toward asolution.
So see how theseproblem-solving skills are
coming in here.
We have a problem, what's goingon?
How can we fix it?
Guide them toward a solution.
Now, in this case, you can offerchoices.
You can say things like maybeyou can take a turn, maybe you
(05:36):
can find another toy.
So you can even say somethinglike how about we set a timer,
and when it dings, it's yourturn to play with the toy.
So you can even say somethinglike how about we set a timer,
and when it dings, it's yourturn to play with the toy.
And then you get them to agree.
And when they do agree, youreinforce that by saying that's
a great job.
You guys work so well together.
That's how problems are solved,that's how we take care of this
.
(05:57):
And another thing to keep inmind is, if they're having them
out on, that's not the time tostart having the discussion.
By the way, you wait tillthey're calm.
So it could be.
You say hey, you guys need totake five minute chill time.
If you're at home these arekids at home you go sit on the
couch, you go sit in that chairand just relax for a minute and
(06:18):
then, when you're calmed down,we'll talk.
This is exactly why you don'ttry to talk to a child when
they're having a tantrum becausethey're not hearing a word.
You say so, make sure yourchild is calm and then you have
these discussions.
Okay, but what do we do withlike slightly older kids, say
six to nine year olds.
Well, with this age groupthey're going to be more
(06:38):
independent.
So by now, hopefully, you'vebeen teaching them these problem
solving skills when they wereyounger.
That becomes more natural forthem and they can learn to do
these on their own.
So let's just say youreight-year-old child is arguing
with a friend about whose turnit is to pick a game.
They're playing on a play dateand one wants one game and one
(06:59):
wants the other all right, andwho's going to pick it?
And they're frustrated.
You can just merely walk up tothem and say what's the problem
here?
And then say nothing.
Let each child explain theirside without interruptions,
listen to them and then say so,you're upset because you're
(07:20):
getting to pick a game andyou're not, and what do you
think you can do about it?
And you guide them to come intoa compromise, like maybe taking
turns picking a game that theyboth like.
But you let them come up withthe solutions.
First you just sit back andlisten.
They're old enough at that age.
You'd be surprised at thesolutions they might come up
(07:43):
with that you never even thoughtof.
And then, once they've donethat and they've compromised,
you're like you're all inagreement here we're good,
everyone's win, win, win here,going on Good, great, wonderful,
great job.
You want to make sure you'reteaching them.
It's about both people feelingthat they're being heard and
that they're getting somethingout of it.
(08:04):
It's not one side versus theother.
At this stage you can teachthem to use the I messages,
because what happens a lot oftimes when children are
frustrated, they start blamingand name calling You're so mean,
I hate you.
You always pick the games first.
I never get a turn.
That's not helping anything,right.
(08:25):
So you can just teach them tosay something like you know, I
feel frustrated when you don'tlet me pick a game because I
want a turn.
So when they can verbalize howthey're feeling to the other
person, it kind of de-escalatesthat frustration that they're
feeling and let's tell theperson how they feel, which is
great.
You want your children to beable to do that.
(08:46):
All right, let's talk about your10 to 12 year olds Now.
This gets a little moreinteresting with this age
because they're dealing withmore complex relationships with
their friends.
You know, maybe they're on teamsports or teams at school, even
social media drama.
Okay, let me back up here onthis one.
My personal opinion is no.
(09:10):
10 or 12 year old needs to beon social media period Period.
They do not need to be onsocial media.
Obviously, as a parent, you dowhat you see fit.
However, I find that highlydisturbing that a 10 to 12 year
old would be on social media,either have their own account or
be viewing it.
Next rant over Okay.
So let's say, in this age youhave an 11 year old child that
come home from school andthey're upset because their
(09:30):
friend excluded them from agroup project.
They were picking groups andyour child's friend did pick
them, and so you ask them well,how did you feel about it?
Why do you think it happened?
So help them understand, maybe,the situation and their
emotions and then say what couldyou say to your friend next
time?
Or what can you talk to them?
(09:51):
You know, when you talk to them, what could you say?
Role, play it with them,because you know often they
don't know what to say,especially if they've not been
in that specific situationbefore.
So in that case could say well,maybe you could say something
like I felt hurt when you didn'tinclude me.
Can we work together next time?
Simple, okay, but just runthrough some possible scenarios,
(10:13):
see if they can come up withsome on their own and then help
them stand up for themselves ina respectful way Again, avoiding
the name callingcalling or theblaming and then use this
opportunity to teach them aboutempathy and the importance of
kindness in friendships.
They're not always going to gettheir own way right.
They have to understand that.
(10:34):
It's great for you to sit downwith them and discuss it with
them, but give them theopportunity to come up with
solutions first, instead of justjumping in.
And that's going to lead me tosome universal tips for all age
groups here and I get tired ofsaying this and I know you
probably get tired of hearing itModel the behavior you want to
(10:57):
see.
They're watching you.
They learn how you see how youhandle disagreements calmly and
respectfully, whether it's aspouse, a neighbor, a coworker,
a friend.
They're watching you andthey're seeing how you handle it
and you're teaching them how tohandle it by the way you're
handling it.
This is really important.
Resist the urge to jump in andsolve every problem.
(11:19):
Be a mediator.
Guide them to help them come upwith their own solutions.
Stop being a fixer and I seethat a lot and I understand that
.
I understand where parents arecoming from.
You want the best for yourchild, you want to help them
right but there comes a pointwhen your help then becomes a
crutch and then becomes aproblem for them, because
(11:41):
they've not learned how to dothings on their own, because
you've come in and fixed itevery time.
So they need to learn to handlethis on their own.
Teach them empathy by helpingthem see the other person's
perspective.
You know not just how did youfeel, but how do you think they
felt?
I told you my father used tohave these discussions with us.
(12:02):
I think we're the mostempathetic people you'd ever
meet, because there are four ofus and if any of us had an issue
, he would sit us all down onthe couch and we'd have a
discussion.
Why did you do that?
How did you feel?
How do you think the otherperson felt Right?
So we have those discussionsand it really made you
empathetic and make practicingproblem solving daily a habit.
(12:25):
Small conflicts, solutions, evensmall, small ones.
It's important because then itbecomes second nature for your
children and they don't freezeup when they're in a conflict.
They go oh, it's a conflictwhich is just a problem.
How do we solve this.
How do we break it down?
What do we do?
What are some ideas?
Teach them how to do that andthen praise their efforts always
(12:46):
.
You know you praise, you model,you praise when they resolve
the conflicts, even if it's notperfect doesn't have to be
perfect but you can praise themfor the effort they're making in
resolving that conflict.
Let me throw in another tip Iused to use.
I taught three tofive-year-olds and my favorite
age to work with, and obviouslyat that age there are a lot of
(13:09):
conflicts that happen.
So one thing I did was I had acard that had a picture of an
ear on it and I had a card thathad a picture of a mouth on it,
and I think I talked about thison one of my Facebook Lives.
But two children are having adisagreement.
We sit them at a table.
One would get the ear card, onewould get the mouth card.
The person with the mouth cardgot to talk and the ear person
(13:32):
had to listen and then you'dswap the cards and then the
other person would get to saytheir side and then I would say
okay, now what do you guys thinkwe should do about this?
And I would sit back and listen.
Sometimes they'd figure it outon their own.
Sometimes they had really goodideas.
Sometimes I had how to guidethem through it.
(13:53):
But what the beauty of this isthe cards are the tool you use
to get them to talk and tolisten, and you can keep a set
of these in your car.
You can keep them somewhere inthe kitchen, maybe on the
refrigerator, and your childrenare getting into a conflict over
something, and they can go toget the cards and sit down and
(14:14):
have the discussion.
Now they may fight over whogets to talk first.
Yeah, of course there's aconflict right there and you
might have to intervene and justhand one to one and one to the
other, but then you step backand let them figure it out,
depending on their age.
So conflict resolution is askill that it takes time and
practice.
(14:34):
So you're going to have torepeat this multiple times until
it sinks in, because childrenlearn best repetition,
repetition, repetition.
But it's one of the greatestgifts you can give your child.
It empowers them to handlelife's challenges, to build
strong relationships and to growinto emotionally intelligent
adults, and that's what we want.
(14:55):
So thank you for joining me onthis episode today.
I hope you found it helpful,please share it with a friend.
Don't forget to subscribe, andI'd also love to hear your
thoughts.
What conflict resolutionstrategies have worked for your
family?
You can reach out to me onsocial media or through my
website, pamelapolanzacom.
There is a contact form thereand I'd love to hear from you.
(15:17):
So until next time, remember,every conflict is an opportunity
to teach and grow.
Thank you for tuning in totoday's episode of Common Sense
Parenting with Pam.
I hope you enjoyed the episodeand, if you did, please leave a
review.
That helps other parents findus.
And if you have friends whoalso have children and could use
(15:37):
some parenting tips, feel freeto share this.
I would really appreciate itand you know I'd love to hear
from you so you can always findme on my socials.
And until then, remember, hugand love your babies.
Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the
podcast where we simplifyparenting with common sense tips
, real life scenarios and alittle bit of humor along the
way.
I'm Pam and I'm here to helpyou build the skills and
confidence you need to raisehappy, resilient and responsible
(00:31):
children.
So grab your coffee, take adeep breath and let's tackle
parenting one common sense tipat a time.
Hey everybody, welcome back.
I'm Pam, your host, and I'mexcited to talk to you today
about something that everyparent deals with.
It's one of our foundationalskills Conflict.
We're going to talk aboutconflict resolution today.
(00:51):
So, whether it's yourtwo-year-old screaming over a
toy or your 10-year-old isfighting with a sibling,
conflict is probably a part ofyour life I can almost guarantee
that.
But the good news is it's alsoan opportunity to teach your
children lifelong skills,because you are not going to be
(01:13):
behind your children all oftheir lives solving their
conflicts.
It's why it's so important youstart early and you teach them
how to do it for themselves.
In this episode, we're going todive into teaching conflict
resolution to children, why it'simportant, what strategies
actually work and how you canmodel healthy conflict
(01:35):
resolution yourself.
So stick around, I'm going togive you some real-life examples
and tips to try at home.
So let's start with somescenarios here and why it's
important.
Well, like I said, it'scritical because they're going
to have conflict all their lives.
That's just inherent and theyneed to learn how to handle them
(01:57):
on their own.
They need to learn how tonavigate relationships, whether
it's with siblings, friends,classmates, partners, co
-workers.
They're going to facedisagreements their entire lives
.
Teaching them how to solveconflicts themselves sets them
up for success in school workand beyond, for their whole life
(02:19):
.
Secondly, conflict resolutionhelps children build key skills
like emotional regulation,problem solving and empathy.
So think about this for aminute.
When your child learns to pausefor a minute, consider another
person's feelings instead ofjust their own and find a
solution, a mutually agreeablesolution, they're building
(02:42):
emotional intelligence.
Agreeable solution.
They're building emotionalintelligence and teaching this
skill.
Conflict resolution can helpcreate a more peaceful home
environment.
So, instead of the childrenrunning to you all the time and
tattling and wanting you tohandle it for them and solve it
for them, they're learning howto do it themselves.
Ta-da, doesn't that soundamazing?
(03:04):
Wouldn't you want that in yourhousehold?
Let me just tell you one thinghere.
When I taught children three tofive-year-olds.
It's my favorite age to teachand at that age, if you have a
three to five-year-old, you'regoing to understand this.
They tattle a lot.
When they would come up to meand they would say, miss Pam,
miss Pam, he took my toy or he'sdoing something he shouldn't be
(03:27):
doing, I would say thank youfor telling me.
My job is to take care of allof you and your job is to take
care of yourself, and I wouldsend them on their way.
So instead of feeding that andletting them go on and on and on
about tattling, I'd say you,basically, I've got this.
Thank you, I'll handle this.
You take care of you, I'llworry about everybody else.
(03:48):
That's my job.
So it really helped.
So for toddlers andpreschoolers, you can use that
technique.
Just tell them very nicely,it's my job to handle everybody.
You worry about yourself.
With this age group, conflictresolution starts with simple
concepts like sharing and takingturns and using words instead
of physical actions.
Because we know a lot of times,toddlers, this is where you see
(04:10):
biting happening.
You see hitting happening, evenwith preschoolers.
They don't.
Preschoolers don't tend to bite.
They shouldn't by the timethey're three years old.
Sometimes it happens, butthat's because they don't know
how to verbalize how they'refeeling, and so that's how
they're expressing theirfrustration or whatever's going
(04:31):
on in their little brains.
Behavior is communication, sothey're trying to tell you
something there.
So it's your job to kind of geta grasp on what it is they're
trying to tell you, Becausethat's where you see them start
having meltdowns.
They get frustrated with theirsibling or a classmate and they
start crying and havingmeltdowns.
So how do you handle that?
What do you do?
(04:52):
Well, the first thing I wantyou to do is stay calm.
Stay calm, get down on theirlevel and say they're fighting
over a toy and you can say I seeyou really want that toy.
How can we figure this out?
Let's work together to figurethis out.
You help them name theirfeelings.
So, for example, you say I seeyou're upset because you want
(05:14):
the toy, but your sister'splaying with it right now, and
then guide them toward asolution.
So see how theseproblem-solving skills are
coming in here.
We have a problem, what's goingon?
How can we fix it?
Guide them toward a solution.
Now, in this case, you can offerchoices.
You can say things like maybeyou can take a turn, maybe you
(05:36):
can find another toy.
So you can even say somethinglike how about we set a timer,
and when it dings, it's yourturn to play with the toy.
So you can even say somethinglike how about we set a timer,
and when it dings, it's yourturn to play with the toy.
And then you get them to agree.
And when they do agree, youreinforce that by saying that's
a great job.
You guys work so well together.
That's how problems are solved,that's how we take care of this
.
(05:57):
And another thing to keep inmind is, if they're having them
out on, that's not the time tostart having the discussion.
By the way, you wait tillthey're calm.
So it could be.
You say hey, you guys need totake five minute chill time.
If you're at home these arekids at home you go sit on the
couch, you go sit in that chairand just relax for a minute and
(06:18):
then, when you're calmed down,we'll talk.
This is exactly why you don'ttry to talk to a child when
they're having a tantrum becausethey're not hearing a word.
You say so, make sure yourchild is calm and then you have
these discussions.
Okay, but what do we do withlike slightly older kids, say
six to nine year olds.
Well, with this age groupthey're going to be more
(06:38):
independent.
So by now, hopefully, you'vebeen teaching them these problem
solving skills when they wereyounger.
That becomes more natural forthem and they can learn to do
these on their own.
So let's just say youreight-year-old child is arguing
with a friend about whose turnit is to pick a game.
They're playing on a play dateand one wants one game and one
(06:59):
wants the other all right, andwho's going to pick it?
And they're frustrated.
You can just merely walk up tothem and say what's the problem
here?
And then say nothing.
Let each child explain theirside without interruptions,
listen to them and then say so,you're upset because you're
(07:20):
getting to pick a game andyou're not, and what do you
think you can do about it?
And you guide them to come intoa compromise, like maybe taking
turns picking a game that theyboth like.
But you let them come up withthe solutions.
First you just sit back andlisten.
They're old enough at that age.
You'd be surprised at thesolutions they might come up
(07:43):
with that you never even thoughtof.
And then, once they've donethat and they've compromised,
you're like you're all inagreement here we're good,
everyone's win, win, win here,going on Good, great, wonderful,
great job.
You want to make sure you'reteaching them.
It's about both people feelingthat they're being heard and
that they're getting somethingout of it.
(08:04):
It's not one side versus theother.
At this stage you can teachthem to use the I messages,
because what happens a lot oftimes when children are
frustrated, they start blamingand name calling You're so mean,
I hate you.
You always pick the games first.
I never get a turn.
That's not helping anything,right.
(08:25):
So you can just teach them tosay something like you know, I
feel frustrated when you don'tlet me pick a game because I
want a turn.
So when they can verbalize howthey're feeling to the other
person, it kind of de-escalatesthat frustration that they're
feeling and let's tell theperson how they feel, which is
great.
You want your children to beable to do that.
(08:46):
All right, let's talk about your10 to 12 year olds Now.
This gets a little moreinteresting with this age
because they're dealing withmore complex relationships with
their friends.
You know, maybe they're on teamsports or teams at school, even
social media drama.
Okay, let me back up here onthis one.
My personal opinion is no.
(09:10):
10 or 12 year old needs to beon social media period Period.
They do not need to be onsocial media.
Obviously, as a parent, you dowhat you see fit.
However, I find that highlydisturbing that a 10 to 12 year
old would be on social media,either have their own account or
be viewing it.
Next rant over Okay.
So let's say, in this age youhave an 11 year old child that
come home from school andthey're upset because their
(09:30):
friend excluded them from agroup project.
They were picking groups andyour child's friend did pick
them, and so you ask them well,how did you feel about it?
Why do you think it happened?
So help them understand, maybe,the situation and their
emotions and then say what couldyou say to your friend next
time?
Or what can you talk to them?
(09:51):
You know, when you talk to them, what could you say?
Role, play it with them,because you know often they
don't know what to say,especially if they've not been
in that specific situationbefore.
So in that case could say well,maybe you could say something
like I felt hurt when you didn'tinclude me.
Can we work together next time?
Simple, okay, but just runthrough some possible scenarios,
(10:13):
see if they can come up withsome on their own and then help
them stand up for themselves ina respectful way Again, avoiding
the name callingcalling or theblaming and then use this
opportunity to teach them aboutempathy and the importance of
kindness in friendships.
They're not always going to gettheir own way right.
They have to understand that.
(10:34):
It's great for you to sit downwith them and discuss it with
them, but give them theopportunity to come up with
solutions first, instead of justjumping in.
And that's going to lead me tosome universal tips for all age
groups here and I get tired ofsaying this and I know you
probably get tired of hearing itModel the behavior you want to
(10:57):
see.
They're watching you.
They learn how you see how youhandle disagreements calmly and
respectfully, whether it's aspouse, a neighbor, a coworker,
a friend.
They're watching you andthey're seeing how you handle it
and you're teaching them how tohandle it by the way you're
handling it.
This is really important.
Resist the urge to jump in andsolve every problem.
(11:19):
Be a mediator.
Guide them to help them come upwith their own solutions.
Stop being a fixer and I seethat a lot and I understand that
.
I understand where parents arecoming from.
You want the best for yourchild, you want to help them
right but there comes a pointwhen your help then becomes a
crutch and then becomes aproblem for them, because
(11:41):
they've not learned how to dothings on their own, because
you've come in and fixed itevery time.
So they need to learn to handlethis on their own.
Teach them empathy by helpingthem see the other person's
perspective.
You know not just how did youfeel, but how do you think they
felt?
I told you my father used tohave these discussions with us.
(12:02):
I think we're the mostempathetic people you'd ever
meet, because there are four ofus and if any of us had an issue
, he would sit us all down onthe couch and we'd have a
discussion.
Why did you do that?
How did you feel?
How do you think the otherperson felt Right?
So we have those discussionsand it really made you
empathetic and make practicingproblem solving daily a habit.
(12:25):
Small conflicts, solutions, evensmall, small ones.
It's important because then itbecomes second nature for your
children and they don't freezeup when they're in a conflict.
They go oh, it's a conflictwhich is just a problem.
How do we solve this.
How do we break it down?
What do we do?
What are some ideas?
Teach them how to do that andthen praise their efforts always
(12:46):
.
You know you praise, you model,you praise when they resolve
the conflicts, even if it's notperfect doesn't have to be
perfect but you can praise themfor the effort they're making in
resolving that conflict.
Let me throw in another tip Iused to use.
I taught three tofive-year-olds and my favorite
age to work with, and obviouslyat that age there are a lot of
(13:09):
conflicts that happen.
So one thing I did was I had acard that had a picture of an
ear on it and I had a card thathad a picture of a mouth on it,
and I think I talked about thison one of my Facebook Lives.
But two children are having adisagreement.
We sit them at a table.
One would get the ear card, onewould get the mouth card.
The person with the mouth cardgot to talk and the ear person
(13:32):
had to listen and then you'dswap the cards and then the
other person would get to saytheir side and then I would say
okay, now what do you guys thinkwe should do about this?
And I would sit back and listen.
Sometimes they'd figure it outon their own.
Sometimes they had really goodideas.
Sometimes I had how to guidethem through it.
(13:53):
But what the beauty of this isthe cards are the tool you use
to get them to talk and tolisten, and you can keep a set
of these in your car.
You can keep them somewhere inthe kitchen, maybe on the
refrigerator, and your childrenare getting into a conflict over
something, and they can go toget the cards and sit down and
(14:14):
have the discussion.
Now they may fight over whogets to talk first.
Yeah, of course there's aconflict right there and you
might have to intervene and justhand one to one and one to the
other, but then you step backand let them figure it out,
depending on their age.
So conflict resolution is askill that it takes time and
practice.
(14:34):
So you're going to have torepeat this multiple times until
it sinks in, because childrenlearn best repetition,
repetition, repetition.
But it's one of the greatestgifts you can give your child.
It empowers them to handlelife's challenges, to build
strong relationships and to growinto emotionally intelligent
adults, and that's what we want.
(14:55):
So thank you for joining me onthis episode today.
I hope you found it helpful,please share it with a friend.
Don't forget to subscribe, andI'd also love to hear your
thoughts.
What conflict resolutionstrategies have worked for your
family?
You can reach out to me onsocial media or through my
website, pamelapolanzacom.
There is a contact form thereand I'd love to hear from you.
(15:17):
So until next time, remember,every conflict is an opportunity
to teach and grow.
Thank you for tuning in totoday's episode of Common Sense
Parenting with Pam.
I hope you enjoyed the episodeand, if you did, please leave a
review.
That helps other parents findus.
And if you have friends whoalso have children and could use
(15:37):
some parenting tips, feel freeto share this.
I would really appreciate itand you know I'd love to hear
from you so you can always findme on my socials.
And until then, remember, hugand love your babies.
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