December 31, 2024 • 12 mins
Parenting Vault
PamelaPalanza.com
Unlock the secrets to raising accountable children with Common Sense Parenting with Pam. Have you ever wondered how fostering accountability from a young age can transform your child's development? In this episode, I promise to deliver actionable insights that will empower you to set age-appropriate expectations and use real-life scenarios to teach your children the value of owning their actions and understanding their impact on others. From toddlers learning to clean up spills to teens navigating problem-solving, you'll discover practical tips for instilling the art of sincere apologies and modeling accountability yourself. Together, we'll explore how these skills can enhance your child's relationships, independence, and resilience, preparing them for a successful adulthood.
Parenting isn’t about perfection; it's a journey of progress. I’ll invite you to embrace continuous learning and improvement, cherishing the everyday moments that make parenting so rewarding. Let's connect on social media to share your own experiences and thoughts as we support each other in raising happy, responsible children. Whether you're juggling toddlers or teens, these insights are crafted to help you navigate the ups and downs of parenting with common sense and humor. So grab your coffee, take a deep breath, and let's embark on this journey together.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the
podcast where we simplifyparenting with common sense tips
, real life scenarios and alittle bit of humor along the
way.
I'm Pam and I'm here to helpyou build the skills and
confidence you need to raisehappy, resilient and responsible
children.
So grab your coffee, take adeep breath and let's tackle
(00:25):
parenting one common sense tipat a time.
Welcome back to Common SenseParenting with Pam.
I'm Pam and today we're goingto dive into a foundational
skill that is absolutelyessential for every child's
success, and that isaccountability.
We're going to discuss why it'simportant, how it impacts a
(00:47):
child's life, and share somepractical scenarios and tips to
help you teach accountability toyour children.
But, as you can tell from myvoice, I have been struggling
with a cold for the last coupleweeks.
Two visits to urgent care it'sthat time of year here I live in
the south It'll be 32 at nightand it'll be 60 during the day.
(01:08):
This happens every year, soI'll power my way through this
for you.
Okay, why is accountabilityimportant?
Well, it's about owning our ownactions and understanding how
they impact others.
When children learn this skillearly, it lays the groundwork
for their personalresponsibility, for strong
(01:30):
relationships and success forthem in school, work and life.
Without accountability, kidsmay struggle to recognize their
role in problems, avoidresponsibility or blame others
and we all probably know anadult who fits that description
right.
Nothing's ever their fault.
Everyone else is responsible.
(01:51):
They don't take personalresponsibility.
It doesn't make for a pleasantperson to be around.
So let's talk about a quickexample.
Say, for instance, your childforgets their homework and if
they don't learn accountability,they might try to blame it on
the teacher Well, it's her fault, she assigns too much homework.
Or say you didn't remind me totake my homework.
(02:15):
On the other hand, if you'vetaught your child accountability
, they'll say oh, I forgot topack my homework.
I'll try to remember it nexttime.
There is a big difference,right, between the two.
How does accountability affectyour child's life?
Well, number one it createsstronger relationships.
(02:39):
So accountability helpschildren build trust with others
.
When they make their mistakesand they admit to it and make it
right, people see them ashonest and dependable.
Number two it makes them betterat problem solving and I did.
I think the very first podcastepisode was on problem solving,
(03:00):
so if you've missed that, goback and listen to that one.
When your children areaccountable.
They don't shy away fromchallenges.
So instead of blaming others,they'll ask like what can I do
to fix this?
Number three it teaches themresilience and independence.
Right, that's another podcastepisode.
When children own their actions, they're more likely to learn
(03:25):
from those mistakes and grow.
This builds resilience and ithelps them become independent,
which then number four preparesthem for adulthood, because as
adults, we need to beaccountable in life, in work, in
relationships.
Teaching your childrenaccountability now sets them up
for long-term success.
This is not something you waitto do when they're older.
(03:47):
This is something you startwhen they're young.
So how can you make this happen?
We'll go through some examples.
Start with age-appropriateexpectations.
So, let's say, for toddlers,two to four years old, you start
with small things.
If your child spills theirjuice, instead of saying it's
okay, I'll clean it up, you handthem a paper towel and you say
(04:10):
let's clean this together Now.
They might not do a perfect job, but it teaches them that
they're part of the solution Forpreschoolers, four to
six-year-olds.
Give them simple tasks likefeeding the dog or setting the
table, and if they forget, youguide them.
You gently remind them hey, thedog's waiting for the food you
(04:32):
need to take care of that.
Okay, oh, I see you haven't setthe table yet.
You need to get started.
For older kids seven to 12,they can handle more
responsibility.
7 to 12, they can handle moreresponsibility.
So if they leave their bikeoutside and it rains, you resist
(04:53):
the urge to go and fix it forthem.
Instead, you say hey, it'sraining outside and your bike's
getting wet.
What are you going to do aboutit?
Or maybe it already has rainedand the bike's gotten wet and
you say hey, I noticed your bikegot wet.
What do you think you can do inthe future to prevent this from
happening again?
Let them do some problemsolving and take accountability
for the fact that they left thebike outside.
You can also modelaccountability.
(05:13):
I say this all the time.
Children learn by watching.
If you make a mistake, own it.
For instance, if you forget topick up milk, say oh, I forgot
to grab milk today.
I'll make a note so I canremember tomorrow.
That shows them that it's okayto admit mistakes and take steps
to correct them.
It's not the end of the world.
(05:35):
Use natural consequences,because we know they are
powerful teachers.
If your child refuses to wear acoat, they're going to be cold.
That's a natural consequence.
It is a gentle way to help themconnect their choices with
their outcomes.
I promise you they will survive.
(05:57):
Teach them the art ofapologizing.
An accountable child knows howto apologize sincerely when
siblings fight.
Guide them.
Can you tell your brother howyou feel and what you'll do
differently next time?
Encourage them to givemeaningful apologies, not just
say I'm sorry.
They need to say why they'resorry and acknowledge what they
(06:19):
did and how they can do itdifferently next time.
Obviously, you're going toencourage problem solving
Instead of solving every problemfor your child.
Here comes the helicopterparent.
Here, right, no more helicopterparenting.
You ask them what do you thinkyou can do to fix this?
You know, if they accidentallybroke a toy, involve them in
(06:39):
finding a solution like gluingit back together, saving money
to replace it.
They need to takeaccountability and they need to
figure out how to solve theseproblems.
So let's get into somescenarios here.
Your child forgot their homeworkat home, instead of you rushing
to take the homework to them atschool Now, I did a whole reel
(07:00):
about this kind of stuff beforebecause I have some strong
feelings about this.
But instead of rushing it todeliver it to the child, say
well, what do you think you cando next time?
I can't bring it to you today.
So encourage them then tocreate a checklist or set a
reminder for the next time.
And now they're going to haveto take accountability for the
fact that they forgot theirhomework and there's probably
(07:21):
going to be consequences fromthe school, from the teacher or
from their education in generalbecause they did not complete
their homework.
But you, as a parent, need toteach them to be accountable
instead of constantly bailingthem out.
Okay, let's say you have twochildren.
They're fighting, one hits theother.
So instead of punishing rightaway, you say what happened?
(07:42):
Tell me what happened, whatcould you have done differently?
So you get them to apologizeand suggest a way to make amends
like sharing a toy or helpingtheir sibling.
So guide them Now.
With younger children you mayhave to really guide them.
With older children, you canlet them try to figure this out
for themselves.
There comes the problem-solvingagain here.
(08:02):
Okay, say your child forgets totake out the trash.
The trash man's come and gone,trash can is still sitting there
full and it's frustrating,right as a parent.
So, instead of nagging, say thetrash wasn't taken out.
What's your plan to make sureit gets done?
Hmm, what are you going to do?
Because trash man doesn't cometill next week?
So let them own that task.
(08:23):
Let them come up with somesolutions of what they're going
to do, because trash man doesn'tcome until next week.
So let them own that task.
Let them come up with somesolutions of what they're going
to do, and maybe, again, you getinto how can we set a reminder
for you to remember when trashday comes.
So here are some commonchallenges and how you can
handle them.
Excuses and blaming so this iswhere we see children who don't
have accountability and we seeadults that don't have
(08:45):
accountability that fall back onthis excuses and blaming tactic
right.
So when your child sayssomething like it's not my fault
, then you can say well, whatpart of this do you think you
could control?
So help them see the role inthis, without blaming them and
shaming them, but ask them, likewhat part of this could you
(09:07):
control and what could you dodifferently?
A lot of times, children fearconsequences, which is why they
don't want to takeaccountability right.
So you can assure your child bysaying, hey, everyone makes
mistakes, they're learningopportunities.
What's important is how we fixthem and that we own them.
And then, if they're reluctantto apologize, let them know that
(09:30):
apologizing isn't admittingthat they're bad.
No child is bad.
Their behavior may beinappropriate, but they're not
bad that word.
When I hear parents tellingchildren they're bad, I just
cringe.
Say it's not about admittingthat you're bad.
It's showing that you care andyou might even role play some
(09:58):
situations with them for them toget some practice on all of
this.
Accountability is a skill thattakes time and patience, but
it's worth the effort to investthis time into teaching your
child these skills at a veryyoung age.
When we teach our children toown their actions, we are giving
them a gift that will servethem for life.
Now remember this is not aboutbeing perfect.
It's about progress.
(10:19):
So this is not going to happenovernight.
This is a process that may takesome time and you may have to
coach and guide for a whileuntil they start to understand
it.
But you know what, when they dofinally get it, when they do
own up to a mistake, when theydo take accountability and you
know, let's just say it's notalways fun to admit you were
wrong or you made a mistake.
That's a very vulnerableposition to be in, especially
(10:42):
for a child.
So celebrate the small wins,keep guiding them with patience
and love, praise them when theydo take accountability and own
up for what they've done.
So thank you for tuning in today.
If you found this episodehelpful, please share it with
other parents.
And let me give you a littlesneak peek.
(11:03):
I'm working on a specialproject that is rolling out
January 14th and part of thatwill be extended episodes of our
podcast.
So on these, I just do quick,short bites, I call them snacks,
but then we're going to, youknow, serve the whole meal, okay
, and you'll have to be on thelookout for the announcement on
that, and you can go toPamelaPolanzocom to find out
(11:26):
more details when I release it.
So until next time, remember,parenting isn't about perfection
, it's about progress.
You've got this.
Thank you for tuning in totoday's episode of Common Sense
Parenting with Pam.
I hope you enjoyed the episodeand, if you did, please leave a
review.
(11:46):
That helps other parents findus.
And if you have friends whoalso have children and could use
some parenting tips, feel freeto share this.
I'd really appreciate it.
You know, I'd love to hear fromyou, so you can always find me
on my socials.
And until then, remember, hugand love your babies.
Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the
podcast where we simplifyparenting with common sense tips
, real life scenarios and alittle bit of humor along the
way.
I'm Pam and I'm here to helpyou build the skills and
confidence you need to raisehappy, resilient and responsible
children.
So grab your coffee, take adeep breath and let's tackle
(00:25):
parenting one common sense tipat a time.
Welcome back to Common SenseParenting with Pam.
I'm Pam and today we're goingto dive into a foundational
skill that is absolutelyessential for every child's
success, and that isaccountability.
We're going to discuss why it'simportant, how it impacts a
(00:47):
child's life, and share somepractical scenarios and tips to
help you teach accountability toyour children.
But, as you can tell from myvoice, I have been struggling
with a cold for the last coupleweeks.
Two visits to urgent care it'sthat time of year here I live in
the south It'll be 32 at nightand it'll be 60 during the day.
(01:08):
This happens every year, soI'll power my way through this
for you.
Okay, why is accountabilityimportant?
Well, it's about owning our ownactions and understanding how
they impact others.
When children learn this skillearly, it lays the groundwork
for their personalresponsibility, for strong
(01:30):
relationships and success forthem in school, work and life.
Without accountability, kidsmay struggle to recognize their
role in problems, avoidresponsibility or blame others
and we all probably know anadult who fits that description
right.
Nothing's ever their fault.
Everyone else is responsible.
(01:51):
They don't take personalresponsibility.
It doesn't make for a pleasantperson to be around.
So let's talk about a quickexample.
Say, for instance, your childforgets their homework and if
they don't learn accountability,they might try to blame it on
the teacher Well, it's her fault, she assigns too much homework.
Or say you didn't remind me totake my homework.
(02:15):
On the other hand, if you'vetaught your child accountability
, they'll say oh, I forgot topack my homework.
I'll try to remember it nexttime.
There is a big difference,right, between the two.
How does accountability affectyour child's life?
Well, number one it createsstronger relationships.
(02:39):
So accountability helpschildren build trust with others
.
When they make their mistakesand they admit to it and make it
right, people see them ashonest and dependable.
Number two it makes them betterat problem solving and I did.
I think the very first podcastepisode was on problem solving,
(03:00):
so if you've missed that, goback and listen to that one.
When your children areaccountable.
They don't shy away fromchallenges.
So instead of blaming others,they'll ask like what can I do
to fix this?
Number three it teaches themresilience and independence.
Right, that's another podcastepisode.
When children own their actions, they're more likely to learn
(03:25):
from those mistakes and grow.
This builds resilience and ithelps them become independent,
which then number four preparesthem for adulthood, because as
adults, we need to beaccountable in life, in work, in
relationships.
Teaching your childrenaccountability now sets them up
for long-term success.
This is not something you waitto do when they're older.
(03:47):
This is something you startwhen they're young.
So how can you make this happen?
We'll go through some examples.
Start with age-appropriateexpectations.
So, let's say, for toddlers,two to four years old, you start
with small things.
If your child spills theirjuice, instead of saying it's
okay, I'll clean it up, you handthem a paper towel and you say
(04:10):
let's clean this together Now.
They might not do a perfect job, but it teaches them that
they're part of the solution Forpreschoolers, four to
six-year-olds.
Give them simple tasks likefeeding the dog or setting the
table, and if they forget, youguide them.
You gently remind them hey, thedog's waiting for the food you
(04:32):
need to take care of that.
Okay, oh, I see you haven't setthe table yet.
You need to get started.
For older kids seven to 12,they can handle more
responsibility.
7 to 12, they can handle moreresponsibility.
So if they leave their bikeoutside and it rains, you resist
(04:53):
the urge to go and fix it forthem.
Instead, you say hey, it'sraining outside and your bike's
getting wet.
What are you going to do aboutit?
Or maybe it already has rainedand the bike's gotten wet and
you say hey, I noticed your bikegot wet.
What do you think you can do inthe future to prevent this from
happening again?
Let them do some problemsolving and take accountability
for the fact that they left thebike outside.
You can also modelaccountability.
(05:13):
I say this all the time.
Children learn by watching.
If you make a mistake, own it.
For instance, if you forget topick up milk, say oh, I forgot
to grab milk today.
I'll make a note so I canremember tomorrow.
That shows them that it's okayto admit mistakes and take steps
to correct them.
It's not the end of the world.
(05:35):
Use natural consequences,because we know they are
powerful teachers.
If your child refuses to wear acoat, they're going to be cold.
That's a natural consequence.
It is a gentle way to help themconnect their choices with
their outcomes.
I promise you they will survive.
(05:57):
Teach them the art ofapologizing.
An accountable child knows howto apologize sincerely when
siblings fight.
Guide them.
Can you tell your brother howyou feel and what you'll do
differently next time?
Encourage them to givemeaningful apologies, not just
say I'm sorry.
They need to say why they'resorry and acknowledge what they
(06:19):
did and how they can do itdifferently next time.
Obviously, you're going toencourage problem solving
Instead of solving every problemfor your child.
Here comes the helicopterparent.
Here, right, no more helicopterparenting.
You ask them what do you thinkyou can do to fix this?
You know, if they accidentallybroke a toy, involve them in
(06:39):
finding a solution like gluingit back together, saving money
to replace it.
They need to takeaccountability and they need to
figure out how to solve theseproblems.
So let's get into somescenarios here.
Your child forgot their homeworkat home, instead of you rushing
to take the homework to them atschool Now, I did a whole reel
(07:00):
about this kind of stuff beforebecause I have some strong
feelings about this.
But instead of rushing it todeliver it to the child, say
well, what do you think you cando next time?
I can't bring it to you today.
So encourage them then tocreate a checklist or set a
reminder for the next time.
And now they're going to haveto take accountability for the
fact that they forgot theirhomework and there's probably
(07:21):
going to be consequences fromthe school, from the teacher or
from their education in generalbecause they did not complete
their homework.
But you, as a parent, need toteach them to be accountable
instead of constantly bailingthem out.
Okay, let's say you have twochildren.
They're fighting, one hits theother.
So instead of punishing rightaway, you say what happened?
(07:42):
Tell me what happened, whatcould you have done differently?
So you get them to apologizeand suggest a way to make amends
like sharing a toy or helpingtheir sibling.
So guide them Now.
With younger children you mayhave to really guide them.
With older children, you canlet them try to figure this out
for themselves.
There comes the problem-solvingagain here.
(08:02):
Okay, say your child forgets totake out the trash.
The trash man's come and gone,trash can is still sitting there
full and it's frustrating,right as a parent.
So, instead of nagging, say thetrash wasn't taken out.
What's your plan to make sureit gets done?
Hmm, what are you going to do?
Because trash man doesn't cometill next week?
So let them own that task.
(08:23):
Let them come up with somesolutions of what they're going
to do, because trash man doesn'tcome until next week.
So let them own that task.
Let them come up with somesolutions of what they're going
to do, and maybe, again, you getinto how can we set a reminder
for you to remember when trashday comes.
So here are some commonchallenges and how you can
handle them.
Excuses and blaming so this iswhere we see children who don't
have accountability and we seeadults that don't have
(08:45):
accountability that fall back onthis excuses and blaming tactic
right.
So when your child sayssomething like it's not my fault
, then you can say well, whatpart of this do you think you
could control?
So help them see the role inthis, without blaming them and
shaming them, but ask them, likewhat part of this could you
(09:07):
control and what could you dodifferently?
A lot of times, children fearconsequences, which is why they
don't want to takeaccountability right.
So you can assure your child bysaying, hey, everyone makes
mistakes, they're learningopportunities.
What's important is how we fixthem and that we own them.
And then, if they're reluctantto apologize, let them know that
(09:30):
apologizing isn't admittingthat they're bad.
No child is bad.
Their behavior may beinappropriate, but they're not
bad that word.
When I hear parents tellingchildren they're bad, I just
cringe.
Say it's not about admittingthat you're bad.
It's showing that you care andyou might even role play some
(09:58):
situations with them for them toget some practice on all of
this.
Accountability is a skill thattakes time and patience, but
it's worth the effort to investthis time into teaching your
child these skills at a veryyoung age.
When we teach our children toown their actions, we are giving
them a gift that will servethem for life.
Now remember this is not aboutbeing perfect.
It's about progress.
(10:19):
So this is not going to happenovernight.
This is a process that may takesome time and you may have to
coach and guide for a whileuntil they start to understand
it.
But you know what, when they dofinally get it, when they do
own up to a mistake, when theydo take accountability and you
know, let's just say it's notalways fun to admit you were
wrong or you made a mistake.
That's a very vulnerableposition to be in, especially
(10:42):
for a child.
So celebrate the small wins,keep guiding them with patience
and love, praise them when theydo take accountability and own
up for what they've done.
So thank you for tuning in today.
If you found this episodehelpful, please share it with
other parents.
And let me give you a littlesneak peek.
(11:03):
I'm working on a specialproject that is rolling out
January 14th and part of thatwill be extended episodes of our
podcast.
So on these, I just do quick,short bites, I call them snacks,
but then we're going to, youknow, serve the whole meal, okay
, and you'll have to be on thelookout for the announcement on
that, and you can go toPamelaPolanzocom to find out
(11:26):
more details when I release it.
So until next time, remember,parenting isn't about perfection
, it's about progress.
You've got this.
Thank you for tuning in totoday's episode of Common Sense
Parenting with Pam.
I hope you enjoyed the episodeand, if you did, please leave a
review.
(11:46):
That helps other parents findus.
And if you have friends whoalso have children and could use
some parenting tips, feel freeto share this.
I'd really appreciate it.
You know, I'd love to hear fromyou, so you can always find me
on my socials.
And until then, remember, hugand love your babies.
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