March 25, 2025 • 11 mins
Ever found yourself picking up your child's belongings scattered throughout the house for the thousandth time? You're not alone. The struggle to teach children responsibility for their own things is universal, but it doesn't have to be a constant battle.
This episode dives deep into why children struggle with responsibility and provides practical, actionable strategies to help them develop this crucial life skill. We explore how simple systems—like designated spots for shoes, backpacks, and toys—create the foundation for organization. When children know exactly where their belongings should go, the frustrating "I don't know where my shoes are" moments become far less frequent.
The true power lies in natural consequences. Rather than rescuing your child by delivering forgotten homework or immediately replacing lost items, allowing them to experience the natural outcome of their forgetfulness teaches valuable lessons that stick. As we discuss in the episode, "You don't bail them out and take lunch to them" when they forget their lunch box—instead, they use a paper bag the next day and likely remember thereafter.
By incorporating responsibility into daily routines, teaching problem-solving skills instead of fixing mistakes, and consistently modeling responsible behavior ourselves, we empower children to take ownership of their possessions. The goal isn't perfect organization overnight, but rather developing a mindset that will serve them throughout life.
Whether you're dealing with scattered toys, missing school supplies, or general disorganization, these common-sense approaches help transform chaos into capability. Give these strategies a chance, stay consistent, and watch as your children develop independence and responsibility—no nagging required.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the
podcast where we simplifyparenting with common sense tips
, real life scenarios and alittle bit of humor along the
way.
I'm Pam and I'm here to helpyou build the skills and
confidence you need to raisehappy, resilient and responsible
children.
So grab your coffee, take adeep breath and let's tackle
(00:23):
parenting one common sense tipat a time.
Hey everyone, and welcome tothis podcast episode which I
think is going to affect so manyparents Teaching your children
to take responsibility for theirown belongings.
Imagine that if you have everhad a child come home and they
said I've lost my jacket, orthey've left their toys all over
(00:46):
the house you know, there'sdaggone Legos that you step on
in the middle of the night.
Or they claim they had no ideawhere their stuff was.
I don't know where my shoes are.
I have no idea.
We have all been there.
I'm sure If you haven't been,you will be.
The good news is that we canteach our children
responsibility for their thingswithout constantly reminding
(01:08):
them, picking it up for them orbuying replacement items when
they lose something.
So how do we do that?
Well, before we get into that,let's talk about why children
struggle with responsibility andit's pretty simple.
There are a couple things totalk about here.
Number one is they don't have asystem.
Children need simple,predictable routines to keep
(01:30):
track of their stuff.
We're going to talk about howyou can do that.
Number two they don't feel theconsequences.
So if you are always fixing itfor them, they don't learn
responsibility because theydon't have to.
And responsibility is somethingthey need to learn very young
because they're going to need itthrough their entire life.
I've actually done a Facebooklive about responsibility.
(01:52):
I did a podcast episode allabout responsibility.
It's one of the 10 foundationalskills all children need to
learn for success in life.
They get distracted easily.
You know children.
They live in the moment,especially young children.
They're not thinking aheadabout where they left their
shoes, their lunchbox, theircoat.
They're not thinking ahead.
(02:13):
And then we unintentionally dotoo much for them, and that's
sometimes because it's justeasier.
I mean really, to be honest,it's just easier instead of
having to talk to them onceagain about it, just pick it up
ourselves.
But if you constantly do that,they don't see it as their
responsibility.
They see it as yours.
(02:33):
The key is to teachresponsibility in a way that is
simple, structured andage-appropriate, of course.
So here are some strategies youcan use to teach your children
responsibility.
Number one give them a home fortheir things.
They need a consistent placefor their important belongings.
So, for example, the shoes goin the shoe bin.
(02:55):
The backpacks always go on thehook.
So make it visual, if you needto for the younger children.
Use labels, color-coded basketsor pictures for the younger
children.
And I'll give you an example.
My daughter has three childrenthey're eight, five and three
and in their entryway they havea basket for each of the
children for their shoes.
There's a shelf above it withhooks.
(03:16):
They all know to put theirjackets and their backpacks on
those hooks.
So when they come in fromschool they literally open their
backpack, take out theirlunchbox, put it on the counter
and go straight to the area thatis set up for them.
That is organized.
They put their shoes in thebasket, put their coat and
jacket on the hook every singletime.
(03:37):
It's a system.
It's simple, it's a system.
So what you can say is yourbackpack always goes on the hook
when you come home.
That way, we never have to lookfor it in the morning.
And guess what?
My grandchildren don't.
They know exactly where theirshoes are.
If I have my grandson, Iusually get him every Wednesday
morning.
I'll say Mikey, I need you togo get your shoes, and he knows
(03:57):
where to go to get his shoes.
It's simple.
And if they forget, don't do itfor them.
Remind them once, just once,and then let them handle it,
even if it takes a few extraminutes, because that's an
investment in their development.
So, if you have the time, mom,dad, if you have the time,
grandma, grandpa, allow them todo it for themselves and then
(04:20):
use natural consequences insteadof nagging at them.
Who loves nagging?
I don't.
I don't like being nagged atand I don't like nagging.
So instead of constantlyreminding them, this is where
you let natural consequencesteach the lesson, and I've
talked about this a milliontimes before.
So an example if they forgettheir lunchbox at school, the
(04:40):
next day, they pack their lunchin a paper bag.
If they leave their toysoutside, they don't get to play
with them the next day.
Whatever your agreements are,your rules are, your
expectations are, they have aconsequence, a natural
consequence.
I did a whole reel about this.
If your child forgets theirlunch, they're old enough to
remember to grab their lunch andthey forget it.
You don't bail them out andtake lunch to them.
(05:02):
So here's what you don't do.
You do not run to school todrop off their forgotten
homework.
You do not replace their lostitems immediately.
You do not do that.
You say, well, sorry, youforgot your homework.
Now you're gonna haveconsequences with the teacher.
I'm not replacing your lostitems, you had it, you lost it.
(05:26):
That's just the way it is.
So you can say something like Isee you forgot your lunchbox at
school, so tomorrow you'll needto use a paper bag.
Hopefully next time youremember.
It's not punishment, it's notscolding, it's just natural
consequences, something they'regoing to face their entire life.
So stay calm, not angry.
The consequence is going to befrom the teacher, not your
frustration, because thenthey're going to understand oh,
I'm going to get in troublebecause I didn't do my homework.
(05:48):
Teacher's going to haveconsequences for that.
And guess what happens the nexttime?
I'll bet they remember theirhomework.
Make responsibilities part ofthe daily routine.
Children thrive on structure.
Build habits into the dailyroutine.
Children thrive on structure.
Build habits into their dailyroutine.
So responsibility becomessecond nature for them and
they'll have to stop and thinkabout it.
(06:08):
Have a morning checklist.
You know it can be somethinglike make your bed, put your
pajamas in the hamper, pack yourschool bag, whatever it is you
think that they need to do.
And the same thing with theevening checklist Create one.
Put your shoes away, put thetoys back in their place, set
out your clothes for tomorrow.
So at bedtime you can say hey,before bed, check your list, is
(06:31):
there anything missing?
And so they know.
It's just a system, a process.
Here's a tip for youngerchildren Use picture checklists.
That way they can visuallycheck their progress.
Teach children to fix their ownmistakes.
This is big, because you arenot going to be following around
behind your children all theirlife fixing their problems for
(06:53):
them.
You have to teach them how toproblem solve.
So if your child forgetssomething or misplaces something
, problem solved.
So if your child forgetssomething or misplaces something
, do not rush to fix it for them.
Let them problem solve.
Guide them how to do that.
So, for example, if they losetheir water bottle, you can say
where did you last see it?
What do you think we do when wecan't find something?
Make them stop and think andthey can go.
(07:15):
Oh, I can retrace my steps.
I can check usual spots.
I can ask someone if they'veseen it, and so you can say
something just like this I'mhappy to help, but it's your job
to find it.
Where should we start looking?
This is going to buildindependence in your child and
help them take ownership oftheir own belongings.
Now then, of course, course, wewant to model responsibility
(07:39):
and praise the effort.
So children learn by watchingus.
We all know that we're theirmodels, so let them see you
taking care of your own things.
So, for example, you come homefrom work and you maybe have a
designated place where you'vetossed your keys.
You can say I'm putting my keysin the basket so I don't lose
them, or so I know where theyare when I need them the next
time.
(07:59):
Praise their efforts, not justthe result.
Even if they struggle at first,recognize the progress.
And if your children are notused to doing this and you're
starting this, it's going totake some time for it to become
routine and natural for them.
So just be patient withyourself and with your children
here.
So here's an example of whatyou can say.
I noticed you put your shoesaway without me asking.
(08:20):
Great job, takingresponsibility.
So you're using that word forthem so they understand the
action and the word of the same.
You're putting your shoes awaywithout me having to ask you.
You're taking responsibilityfor yourself.
So, instead of constantlyreminding them, just say what's
your next step.
What's your next step toencourage independent thinking?
(08:40):
If they're not sure what to do,well, think about it.
What's your next step?
What do you do when yourchildren resist?
Because we all know they'regoing to put up a fight on some
of this.
Right, they're going to try toget away with what they can.
So what about if your child saysbut my child refuses to pick up
their things?
Well, stay calm.
(09:04):
Consistent, remember consistent.
Keep your expectations ageappropriate and use if-then
statements.
So, for example, if your toysare not put away, then you're
not going to have them to playtomorrow.
That's it, and you stick withthat.
You avoid lectures, you avoidpower struggles.
They don't want to hear allthat anyway and you're wasting
your breath.
So just enforce the consequenceand move on, but make sure you
(09:25):
enforce the consequence everysingle time.
How about this one?
I hear this my child alwaysforgets their stuff.
Okay, maybe they do.
Now I will say children withADHD, that's a common thing.
They always forget their stuff,but that doesn't mean they
can't learn how to beresponsible for it, because as
adults they're going to have tobe responsible for things.
(09:46):
Let natural consequences teachresponsibility.
Help them problem solve insteadof fixing it for them.
Use visual cues, charts, labels, designated spots All those
things can help.
But, most importantly, bepatient.
Responsibility is a skill thattakes practice Sometimes lots of
(10:07):
practice.
And how do you teachresponsibility for their
belongings?
We're going to wrap this upright.
Let's go wrap this up with areview.
You're going to give everythinga designated place systems,
systems, systems.
Let natural consequences do theteaching.
Build responsibility into thedaily routine.
(10:29):
Help children problem solveinstead of fixing their mistakes
for them, and praise effort andmodel responsibility in your
own actions.
And the more that you empoweryour children to be responsible,
the less you're going to haveto remind them, nag or pick up
after them.
Give it a shot.
I wish you all the best on this.
(10:50):
Hang tough, you can make thishappen.
Thank you for tuning in totoday's episode of Common Sense
Parenting with Pam.
I hope you enjoyed the episodeand, if you did, please leave a
review.
That helps other parents findus, and if you have friends who
also have children and could usesome parenting tips.
Feel free to share this.
(11:10):
I would really appreciate it,and you know I love to hear from
you, so you can always find meon my socials.
And until then, remember, hugand love your babies.
Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the
podcast where we simplifyparenting with common sense tips
, real life scenarios and alittle bit of humor along the
way.
I'm Pam and I'm here to helpyou build the skills and
confidence you need to raisehappy, resilient and responsible
children.
So grab your coffee, take adeep breath and let's tackle
(00:23):
parenting one common sense tipat a time.
Hey everyone, and welcome tothis podcast episode which I
think is going to affect so manyparents Teaching your children
to take responsibility for theirown belongings.
Imagine that if you have everhad a child come home and they
said I've lost my jacket, orthey've left their toys all over
(00:46):
the house you know, there'sdaggone Legos that you step on
in the middle of the night.
Or they claim they had no ideawhere their stuff was.
I don't know where my shoes are.
I have no idea.
We have all been there.
I'm sure If you haven't been,you will be.
The good news is that we canteach our children
responsibility for their thingswithout constantly reminding
(01:08):
them, picking it up for them orbuying replacement items when
they lose something.
So how do we do that?
Well, before we get into that,let's talk about why children
struggle with responsibility andit's pretty simple.
There are a couple things totalk about here.
Number one is they don't have asystem.
Children need simple,predictable routines to keep
(01:30):
track of their stuff.
We're going to talk about howyou can do that.
Number two they don't feel theconsequences.
So if you are always fixing itfor them, they don't learn
responsibility because theydon't have to.
And responsibility is somethingthey need to learn very young
because they're going to need itthrough their entire life.
I've actually done a Facebooklive about responsibility.
(01:52):
I did a podcast episode allabout responsibility.
It's one of the 10 foundationalskills all children need to
learn for success in life.
They get distracted easily.
You know children.
They live in the moment,especially young children.
They're not thinking aheadabout where they left their
shoes, their lunchbox, theircoat.
They're not thinking ahead.
(02:13):
And then we unintentionally dotoo much for them, and that's
sometimes because it's justeasier.
I mean really, to be honest,it's just easier instead of
having to talk to them onceagain about it, just pick it up
ourselves.
But if you constantly do that,they don't see it as their
responsibility.
They see it as yours.
(02:33):
The key is to teachresponsibility in a way that is
simple, structured andage-appropriate, of course.
So here are some strategies youcan use to teach your children
responsibility.
Number one give them a home fortheir things.
They need a consistent placefor their important belongings.
So, for example, the shoes goin the shoe bin.
(02:55):
The backpacks always go on thehook.
So make it visual, if you needto for the younger children.
Use labels, color-coded basketsor pictures for the younger
children.
And I'll give you an example.
My daughter has three childrenthey're eight, five and three
and in their entryway they havea basket for each of the
children for their shoes.
There's a shelf above it withhooks.
(03:16):
They all know to put theirjackets and their backpacks on
those hooks.
So when they come in fromschool they literally open their
backpack, take out theirlunchbox, put it on the counter
and go straight to the area thatis set up for them.
That is organized.
They put their shoes in thebasket, put their coat and
jacket on the hook every singletime.
(03:37):
It's a system.
It's simple, it's a system.
So what you can say is yourbackpack always goes on the hook
when you come home.
That way, we never have to lookfor it in the morning.
And guess what?
My grandchildren don't.
They know exactly where theirshoes are.
If I have my grandson, Iusually get him every Wednesday
morning.
I'll say Mikey, I need you togo get your shoes, and he knows
(03:57):
where to go to get his shoes.
It's simple.
And if they forget, don't do itfor them.
Remind them once, just once,and then let them handle it,
even if it takes a few extraminutes, because that's an
investment in their development.
So, if you have the time, mom,dad, if you have the time,
grandma, grandpa, allow them todo it for themselves and then
(04:20):
use natural consequences insteadof nagging at them.
Who loves nagging?
I don't.
I don't like being nagged atand I don't like nagging.
So instead of constantlyreminding them, this is where
you let natural consequencesteach the lesson, and I've
talked about this a milliontimes before.
So an example if they forgettheir lunchbox at school, the
(04:40):
next day, they pack their lunchin a paper bag.
If they leave their toysoutside, they don't get to play
with them the next day.
Whatever your agreements are,your rules are, your
expectations are, they have aconsequence, a natural
consequence.
I did a whole reel about this.
If your child forgets theirlunch, they're old enough to
remember to grab their lunch andthey forget it.
You don't bail them out andtake lunch to them.
(05:02):
So here's what you don't do.
You do not run to school todrop off their forgotten
homework.
You do not replace their lostitems immediately.
You do not do that.
You say, well, sorry, youforgot your homework.
Now you're gonna haveconsequences with the teacher.
I'm not replacing your lostitems, you had it, you lost it.
(05:26):
That's just the way it is.
So you can say something like Isee you forgot your lunchbox at
school, so tomorrow you'll needto use a paper bag.
Hopefully next time youremember.
It's not punishment, it's notscolding, it's just natural
consequences, something they'regoing to face their entire life.
So stay calm, not angry.
The consequence is going to befrom the teacher, not your
frustration, because thenthey're going to understand oh,
I'm going to get in troublebecause I didn't do my homework.
(05:48):
Teacher's going to haveconsequences for that.
And guess what happens the nexttime?
I'll bet they remember theirhomework.
Make responsibilities part ofthe daily routine.
Children thrive on structure.
Build habits into the dailyroutine.
Children thrive on structure.
Build habits into their dailyroutine.
So responsibility becomessecond nature for them and
they'll have to stop and thinkabout it.
(06:08):
Have a morning checklist.
You know it can be somethinglike make your bed, put your
pajamas in the hamper, pack yourschool bag, whatever it is you
think that they need to do.
And the same thing with theevening checklist Create one.
Put your shoes away, put thetoys back in their place, set
out your clothes for tomorrow.
So at bedtime you can say hey,before bed, check your list, is
(06:31):
there anything missing?
And so they know.
It's just a system, a process.
Here's a tip for youngerchildren Use picture checklists.
That way they can visuallycheck their progress.
Teach children to fix their ownmistakes.
This is big, because you arenot going to be following around
behind your children all theirlife fixing their problems for
(06:53):
them.
You have to teach them how toproblem solve.
So if your child forgetssomething or misplaces something
, problem solved.
So if your child forgetssomething or misplaces something
, do not rush to fix it for them.
Let them problem solve.
Guide them how to do that.
So, for example, if they losetheir water bottle, you can say
where did you last see it?
What do you think we do when wecan't find something?
Make them stop and think andthey can go.
(07:15):
Oh, I can retrace my steps.
I can check usual spots.
I can ask someone if they'veseen it, and so you can say
something just like this I'mhappy to help, but it's your job
to find it.
Where should we start looking?
This is going to buildindependence in your child and
help them take ownership oftheir own belongings.
Now then, of course, course, wewant to model responsibility
(07:39):
and praise the effort.
So children learn by watchingus.
We all know that we're theirmodels, so let them see you
taking care of your own things.
So, for example, you come homefrom work and you maybe have a
designated place where you'vetossed your keys.
You can say I'm putting my keysin the basket so I don't lose
them, or so I know where theyare when I need them the next
time.
(07:59):
Praise their efforts, not justthe result.
Even if they struggle at first,recognize the progress.
And if your children are notused to doing this and you're
starting this, it's going totake some time for it to become
routine and natural for them.
So just be patient withyourself and with your children
here.
So here's an example of whatyou can say.
I noticed you put your shoesaway without me asking.
(08:20):
Great job, takingresponsibility.
So you're using that word forthem so they understand the
action and the word of the same.
You're putting your shoes awaywithout me having to ask you.
You're taking responsibilityfor yourself.
So, instead of constantlyreminding them, just say what's
your next step.
What's your next step toencourage independent thinking?
(08:40):
If they're not sure what to do,well, think about it.
What's your next step?
What do you do when yourchildren resist?
Because we all know they'regoing to put up a fight on some
of this.
Right, they're going to try toget away with what they can.
So what about if your child saysbut my child refuses to pick up
their things?
Well, stay calm.
(09:04):
Consistent, remember consistent.
Keep your expectations ageappropriate and use if-then
statements.
So, for example, if your toysare not put away, then you're
not going to have them to playtomorrow.
That's it, and you stick withthat.
You avoid lectures, you avoidpower struggles.
They don't want to hear allthat anyway and you're wasting
your breath.
So just enforce the consequenceand move on, but make sure you
(09:25):
enforce the consequence everysingle time.
How about this one?
I hear this my child alwaysforgets their stuff.
Okay, maybe they do.
Now I will say children withADHD, that's a common thing.
They always forget their stuff,but that doesn't mean they
can't learn how to beresponsible for it, because as
adults they're going to have tobe responsible for things.
(09:46):
Let natural consequences teachresponsibility.
Help them problem solve insteadof fixing it for them.
Use visual cues, charts, labels, designated spots All those
things can help.
But, most importantly, bepatient.
Responsibility is a skill thattakes practice Sometimes lots of
(10:07):
practice.
And how do you teachresponsibility for their
belongings?
We're going to wrap this upright.
Let's go wrap this up with areview.
You're going to give everythinga designated place systems,
systems, systems.
Let natural consequences do theteaching.
Build responsibility into thedaily routine.
(10:29):
Help children problem solveinstead of fixing their mistakes
for them, and praise effort andmodel responsibility in your
own actions.
And the more that you empoweryour children to be responsible,
the less you're going to haveto remind them, nag or pick up
after them.
Give it a shot.
I wish you all the best on this.
(10:50):
Hang tough, you can make thishappen.
Thank you for tuning in totoday's episode of Common Sense
Parenting with Pam.
I hope you enjoyed the episodeand, if you did, please leave a
review.
That helps other parents findus, and if you have friends who
also have children and could usesome parenting tips.
Feel free to share this.
(11:10):
I would really appreciate it,and you know I love to hear from
you, so you can always find meon my socials.
And until then, remember, hugand love your babies.
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