Instant Obedience: 10 Secrets to Getting Your Child Listen the First Time

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"Why won't my child listen the first time?" ranks among the top frustrations parents face daily. The cycle of repeating instructions, raising your voice, and feeling ignored doesn't just drain your energy—it teaches children they don't need to respond until you've reached your breaking point.

Drawing from years of experience working with families, I'm sharing ten game-changing secrets that transform how children respond to your voice. These aren't complicated techniques requiring psychology degrees—they're straightforward, common-sense approaches that work with real kids in real homes.

You'll discover why getting eye contact before speaking makes all the difference, how your rambling explanations actually teach children to tune you out, and why the magic of "when-then" language eliminates power struggles instantly. I break down why consistency matters more than you think, demonstrate how praising good listening creates more of it, and explain why natural consequences teach more effectively than threats ever could.

What makes these strategies different is their practical nature. You can implement them immediately, seeing results often within days. As one parent told me after trying these approaches: "For the first time in years, I feel like my words matter in my own home."

Whether you're parenting toddlers or teens, these principles build respectful communication while reducing household tension. I even share a funny story about my 12-year-old grandson's creative excuse for not responding!

Ready to stop feeling like a broken record? Listen now, try just one strategy this week, and experience the relief of being heard the first time you speak. Your voice deserves to carry weight from the very first word.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the
podcast where we simplifyparenting with common sense tips
, real-life scenarios and alittle bit of humor along the
way.
I'm Pam and I'm here to helpyou build the skills and
confidence you need to raisehappy, resilient and responsible
children.
So grab your coffee, take adeep breath and let's tackle

(00:22):
parenting, one common sense tipat a time.
Why won't my child listen thefirst time, I ask.
If you're tired of repeatingyourself over and over again,
raising your voice or feelinglike you're being ignored, then
this episode is for you, becausetoday I'm sharing 10 practical
secrets that can help get yourchild to listen the first time.

(00:44):
So welcome back to Common SenseParenting with Pam.
This is the podcast that givesyou real strategies for raising
respectful, confident and kindchildren without losing your
mind.
Today I'm diving into one ofthe top struggles that I hear
from parents all the time, solet's just jump in here.
Number one, secret number oneget their attention first.

(01:07):
You can't expect your child tolisten if they're not tuned in
to you.
So, before giving theminstructions, say their name,
get down on their eye level,make eye contact, get their
attention somehow, and thenspeak to them.
So, for example, jason, look atme, buddy.
Okay, now listen.
That alone can changeeverything it signals.

(01:28):
This is important.
Now, I do this frequently,especially with my three and a
half year old grandson.
I'll say Mikey, you need tolook me in the eye.
I have something I need to sayto you, because guess what, when
your children are engaged in anactivity or they're busy doing
something, sometimes they aren'tlistening and they don't hear
you the first time and then youget frustrated because you think

(01:49):
they're not listening.
But it's just that they're justbeing kids and doing their
thing right.
Secret number two be clear anddirect.
Children tune us out when weramble or we sugarcoat too much.
Did you hear that Rambling andsugarcoating?
Say what you mean in as fewwords as possible.

(02:10):
And this is when I do reels andI say to parents stop talking
at your children, stop going onand on and on, because they're
not hearing you.
They're tuning you out.
So here's an example Instead ofsaying, hey, sweetie, I know
you're busy playing, but I'dreally love it if you could
maybe start thinking aboutputting your shoes on, here's

(02:32):
what you say Shoes on, please.
Time to go.
It's not rude, it's respectful,it's clear, it's to the point
and it is direct and it works.
Give that a try.
Number three secret numberthree give that a try.
Number three.
Secret number three youngchildren cannot process a long
list of things.
So when you say to your childsay you're three year old, go
brush your teeth, put yourpajamas on and clean up your

(02:53):
toys.
You know what they've heard.
Go brush your teeth.
That's the first instructionyou give them.
Go brush your teeth.
Then, after they've done thatone, then you say put on your
pajamas.
Next, clean, clean up your toys.
Think of it, of like them goingup steps on the stairs, one at
a time.
They're not taking the wholestaircase or jumping over the

(03:14):
steps as they run up.
Just make it again short, sweetto the point.
Number four use the win-thenstrategy.
Now this one's gold.
It sets a clear cause andeffect.
Here's an example when yourhomework is finished, then you
can have your tablet.
Did you see that?
When, then, it avoids powerstruggles because it puts the

(03:38):
responsibility back on the child, back on them.
If they want to have theirtablet, they need to do their
homework.
That's it.
End of discussion, easy peasy,all right.
Secret number five stay calm andconsistent, and I say this all
the time.
Consistency is the key and Ifeel like I'm beating people
over the head with it, but it isso true.

(04:00):
Stay calm.
If your tone goes up, theirlistening goes down.
Children respond better when weare calm and consistent with
what we say.
When you repeat yourself or youyell, or you're unintentionally
teaching them that they don'thave to act until you raise your
voice.
So in essence, you're teachingthem to ignore you.

(04:20):
Let your weights carry weightthe very first time.
Number six follow through everytime, every single time.
If you let it go even once andI know that seems like
over-dramatization, but I'mtelling you, if you let it go
even one time, that is the kissof death.

(04:41):
They have learned you don'tmean what you say.
So if you say if you don't turnoff the TV, you're done for the
day, and then you don't followthrough, they learn not to take
you seriously.
Here's a lesson Don't threatensomething you're not going to be
willing to follow through on.
Don't make it so ridiculousthat it's not going to work,
like if you don't get off thattablet now, you're grounded off

(05:02):
that tablet for a month, becausethat's probably not going to be
doable.
Make it clear, make it specific, make it reasonable and then
follow through on it.
Consistency builds trust.
And then better listening,because they're going to know
you mean it and you're going tofollow through.
So they're going to stopchallenging you all the time.
Secret number seven and this isnot a state secret but praise

(05:26):
the behavior you want.
Catch them listening the firsttime and praise it out loud.
This is just so basic.
This is basic common sense.
I did this all the time when Itaught child care.
All the time, for example,thank you for coming in when I
called the first time.
That was awesome.
Instead of why didn't you comethe first time I called you, you
didn't come.
And scolding and discouragingand getting frustrated with them

(05:51):
.
Praise them.
That positive reinforcementgoes a very long way.
That is like gold.
Kids love feeling capable.
Secret number eight limitbackground noise.
Turn off the TV, pause the iPad, lower the music.
Competing noise makes it harderfor your children to listen.

(06:14):
Set them up for success bycreating a listening friendly
environment.
Here we go Common sense.
If you're watching TV, I knowmy husband watches TV.
He's like laser focused and I'mcalling his name and he doesn't
hear me because he's engrossedin what he's doing.
I sometimes have to go in frontof his face and wave my hand
around.
Well, he wears a headset sohe's not disturbing everybody in

(06:36):
the house with his TV.
It's a big open space, but Iwould have to literally go, wave
my hand in front of his faceand then he knows I need his
attention.
Secret number nine use naturalconsequences.
I love natural consequences.
Instead of threats or yelling,use natural outcomes.

(06:56):
Here's an example If you don'tcome to dinner now, the food
will be cold.
Or if you don't put your shoeson, we won't have time for the
park.
Let reality do the teaching.
If they don't come to dinner,then they eat cold food.
If they don't put the shoes on,then you don't have time to go
to the park.
You don't go to the park andyou enforce those things.
And then they understand oh gee, if I forget my backpack at

(07:20):
school today, I'm not going tohave my work.
If it's cold and I forget towear my jacket, I guess I'm
going to be cold.
Natural consequences they are apowerful learning tool.
Secret number 10, build thehabit with practice, not
pressure.
So listening is a skill, it'snot a switch.

(07:41):
You just can't turn it off andon.
Practice it like you wouldreading or riding a bike, role
play, set up games, like Simonsays, to teach listening in a
fun way and, most importantly,be patient with the process.
If you have developed a culturein your home where you repeat

(08:02):
yourself over and over and overagain or you yell at your
children or you get easilyfrustrated and you're
discouraging to them, this isgoing to be a process for both
of you to change, but it can bedone to them.
This is going to be a processfor both of you to change, but
it can be done.
You just have to put the effortinto doing it, and it may take
a little longer because yourchildren are not used to it and
now they're learning a whole newskill set, just like you are.
So give everybody grace here.

(08:24):
I know it's frustrating to feellike a broken record, but the
truth is your child can learn tolisten the first time.
You just need the rightstrategies and the consistency
to back them up.
So let's do a quick recap onthese.
Number one get their attentionfirst.
Number two be clear and direct.

(08:44):
Number three give oneinstruction at a time.
Number four use when, thenlanguage.
Number five stay calm andconsistent.
Number six follow through everytime.
Number seven praise goodlistening.
Number eight limit backgroundnoise.

(09:08):
Number nine use naturalconsequences.
Number 10, practice listeningas a skill.
Now try focusing on just one ortwo of these this week.
Little shifts can make a bigdifference, so don't try to pile
this all on at one time.
And as I'm wrapping this up, Ijust have to share a funny story
with you.

(09:28):
My 12-year-old grandson washere this weekend and I asked
him a question and he didn'trespond.
And I know he heard me, but hedidn't respond.
And so I said did you hear thequestion I just asked you?
And he said oh, I heard it, Ijust forgot to respond.
Good try, good try.
It didn't work and we're stillgoing to work on those listening

(09:48):
skills the first time with him,apparently okay.
So again, focus on one or twoof these at a time.
You can add the others as yougo.
If you found this episodehelpful, please share with a
friend or leave a review.
It helps more parents discoverthis podcast.
Thank you so much for listening.
You've got this and I'll seeyou next time.
Thank you for tuning in totoday's episode of Common Sense

(10:10):
Parenting with Pam.
I hope you enjoyed the episodeand if you did, please leave a
review.
That helps other parents findus, and if you have friends who
also have children and could usesome parenting tips, feel free
to share this.
I would really appreciate itand you know I'd love to hear
from you so you can always findme on my socials.
And until then, remember, hugand love your babies.