February 11, 2025 • 10 mins
Ever felt like parenting is just one juggling act after another, and the system isn't cutting you any slack? Join me, Pam, as I share my candid thoughts on parenting reels that spotlight this very struggle. Today, we address the feeling many parents have—that the game is rigged when it comes to balancing work, home, and family life. It’s a discussion fueled by my experiences as a working parent, where I acknowledge the staggering demands but also the profound joys and nuances that come with raising kids. Think of it like owning a car; there’s a lot more to it than just driving.
Through humor and heartfelt honesty, I explore the generational shifts in parenting expectations and the mental load that modern parents carry. This episode is a call to embrace the reality of parenting with open eyes and a resilient heart. Whether you’re laughing at the chaos or nodding in agreement, my hope is to foster a community where we can all find strength in shared experiences and raise children who are both happy and resilient. Let's navigate these parenting realities together, one common sense tip at a time.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the
podcast where we simplifyparenting with common sense tips
, real-life scenarios and alittle bit of humor along the
way.
I'm Pam and I'm here to helpyou build the skills and
confidence you need to raisehappy, resilient and responsible
children.
So grab your coffee, take adeep breath and let's tackle
(00:22):
parenting one common sense tipat a time.
Hey everybody, thanks forlistening in today.
I'm glad you're with me.
Today's going to be somewhatdifferent.
I'm going to just speak fromthe heart and share my opinion
on some reels I've seen recentlyand my view of them.
(00:42):
The most recent one was and Idid a short reel about this this
morning actually was a youngmother talking about how the
system was rigged againstparents.
You know you have to workNowadays.
You know two people typicallyhave to work to support a family
, and I have news for you that'sbeen going on for generations.
I worked my whole life.
(01:03):
I think there were six months Ididn't work and that was before
I had children.
I've always worked, so myhusband and I always were
working full-time and stillmanaging to take care of our
family.
But this mother's concern wasshe felt overwhelmed.
You know she has to take thechildren to school and pick them
up from school, and thenthere's summer that they're off,
and holidays that they're off,and teacher work days that
(01:23):
they're off, and spring breaksand fall breaks, and then she
still has to work and do thelaundry and cook and clean and
take care of the house and stillhave time for her spouse.
And yes, that's calledparenting.
That's what is involved inparenting and I know it's
overwhelming, I know it'sexhausting, I know time is
precious when you're a parent.
(01:45):
There never seems to be enoughof it.
You never get enough sleep.
There are days you're ready toscream and pull your hair out,
but there's obviously so muchjoy and blessings and love and
having children.
However, I'm not sure where thedisconnect is here, why she
expected the system to besupportive of her, and I think
(02:08):
and I'm just going to give youmy thoughts here I think just
this different generation whowas raised to be more entitled
to expect things to be given tothem and that if things don't go
their way, they don't know howto handle it, and that's where
they get anxious and havedepression and anxiety and a lot
of other mental health issues.
Not to say that we didn't inour generations.
(02:28):
I'm just saying it just seemsto be more prevalent and more
talked about now.
However, that's what parentingis, and so, before people choose
to have children, they need tobe aware of what's involved in
the responsibilities of havingchildren, aware of what's
(02:48):
involved in the responsibilitiesof having children.
You know, it's like you go andbuy a car right, and then you go
wait, I have to pay for it andI have to clean it and maintain
it and pay taxes and insuranceand inspection and property
taxes on it, and I have torepair it and I have to get new
tires on it and I have to getthem rotated.
What, what?
I just wanted a car.
I didn't know.
All this came with it.
(03:09):
It's kind of a silly analogy,but I'm just saying.
Parenting is tough, and so I'mnot sure where the disconnect is
here, where people think, oh,all of a sudden the system's not
supporting them.
It never has, it never has,never.
And let me just tell you, in anideal world it would, and I
wish for all parents everywherethat there was the support they
(03:29):
need.
And maybe you're blessed enoughto have the finances where you
can hire help.
You can hire, you know,caregivers or after school care,
or nannies or housekeepers, orsomeone to do your shopping for
you and cook your meals and doall those things would be
wonderful.
That's not reality for mostpeople.
Being a parent is tough and allof those things come with it,
(03:52):
and I feel sorry for the peoplewho expect it to be different,
because it's not going to beanytime soon.
And when I watched this reel, myfirst instinct was to laugh
because I thought she was joking, and then I realized she was
serious.
And then reading the comments,where all these moms were going
(04:12):
yes, that's how I feel.
I'm in fight or flight.
I feel overwhelmed.
I'm tired.
That's been generations of momsand dads mostly moms, but
generations.
This is nothing new, nothingnew.
And my next reaction was to saysuck it up, buttercup.
That's just the way it is andthat really is just the way it
(04:34):
is.
But I also want to offer supportto this mom and to other moms,
because I've been there, I'vedone it.
I remember those days.
I know how tough it was.
I remember crying in the showerbecause I was so exhausted.
I remember those days.
I know how tough it was.
I remember crying in the showerbecause I was so exhausted.
I remember being sick and stillhaving to take care of my
children.
I mean, if you're a parent,you've been there most likely,
or you will be at some point andyou're going to have to deal
(04:55):
with this.
We need to support each other.
But I also want parents torealize the realities and
responsibilities of havingchildren, and if you don't have
children yet and you're thinkingabout it, you need to be
thinking of theseresponsibilities.
Which kind of segues me intothe whole child care world,
because I've lived in that worldfor 40 years.
(05:16):
I've talked to hundreds andhundreds and hundreds of parents
over the years to help themfind child care and one of the
things that shocks them is thecost.
When I start talking to themabout what it costs for child
care, their eyeballs kind of getbig and they're startled.
They're like what I have to paythis much for child care?
(05:40):
Are you kidding me?
That's like my mortgage.
How can I afford to pay that?
Typically, your child care issecondary to your mortgage or
your rent.
Sometimes it could be evenslightly more or equal to, and
as people have more and morechildren and those costs accrue
and then they're like we can'tafford this.
Well, you should have thoughtabout that in advance.
(06:03):
And I know sometimes you don'tplan on getting pregnant.
You just get pregnant.
Whatever your scenario is oryou adopt a child or you're
raising someone else's child,whatever it may be.
But understand this, that'salso part of it.
And it's costly to havechildren.
And I'll never forget one clientthat came in to me and she said
(06:24):
I'm not pregnant yet, we areplanning within the next year to
get pregnant and I'm doing anExcel spreadsheet of all of the
anticipated costs.
Now, this was the financialcost.
She wasn't calculating theemotional, the physical, the
time cost.
She was looking at finances,which I applauded her for.
I never had any other client dothat.
(06:45):
But she literally said to mewhat is it going to cost for
child care, say, next year atthis time?
And I gave her an estimate.
And of course, it depends onwhether you're using a nanny,
whether you're using a childcare center, a child care home,
a friend, a grandma, whetheryou're going to just quit your
job and stay home.
And I even had counseled someclients on okay, here are your
(07:06):
options.
This is what's going to costyou, could you?
And they would say I want tostay home with my child.
Okay, let's talk about how youcan make that happen.
Could you downsize your house?
You don't have to have afive-bedroom house on an acre of
ground that's 10,000 squarefeet.
Could you downsize?
Could you sell one of yourbrand-new cars and just go with
(07:28):
a used car or share one car?
What can you cut back?
What costs can you cut back tomake it easy for you to stay at
home?
So these are just considerationsthat you need to take into
account if you're planning onhaving children, and even if you
already have children, becauseI don't think and I know I
(07:49):
didn't you get it.
Until you've had children, youhave no clue.
And people can tell you and I'msitting here telling you, but
(08:12):
trust me, until you actuallyhave that child in hand, you
have no clue.
And as they grow, your expensesthat you incur increase.
The time you have to spendincreases.
The emotional capacity you haveto put out is more the physical
capacity.
Things change as they grow anddevelop and it depends on the
number of children you have,right.
So a lot of variables here.
All I want to say is I get it.
I totally, totally get it,trust me.
I'm on the other end of thisnow and I have children, with
(08:33):
grandchildren.
And I know people would look atme sometimes and go how did you
do that?
How did you do everything youdid?
Because, quite frankly, myhusband was not around much.
He worked a lot and I was theone who did everything for the
most part.
And they'd say how did you dothat?
Even my children will say to memom, we're not sure how you did
all that.
(08:54):
And my response to that is Idon't know either.
It was survival mode.
As a parent, you do what youhave to do.
As a mom, you do what you haveto do.
Are you tired?
Yes, are you overwhelmedsometimes?
Yes, are you frustrated andangry and ready to lose your
mind some days?
Absolutely.
But in the end it is worthevery second that you spend.
(09:19):
So I just want to say be kind,kind to yourself, extend
yourself, grace, look forsupport, find other moms.
If you have family that canhelp you, if you do have the
financial means to hire help, byall means do it.
But just know the system is nothere to support you.
You are here to figure out howto work around the system.
(09:40):
You are here to figure out howto work around the system.
Thank you for tuning in totoday's episode of Common Sense
Parenting with Pam.
I hope you enjoyed the episodeand, if you did, please leave a
review.
That helps other parents findus, and if you have friends who
also have children and could usesome parenting tips, feel free
to share this.
I would really appreciate it.
No-transcript.
Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the
podcast where we simplifyparenting with common sense tips
, real-life scenarios and alittle bit of humor along the
way.
I'm Pam and I'm here to helpyou build the skills and
confidence you need to raisehappy, resilient and responsible
children.
So grab your coffee, take adeep breath and let's tackle
(00:22):
parenting one common sense tipat a time.
Hey everybody, thanks forlistening in today.
I'm glad you're with me.
Today's going to be somewhatdifferent.
I'm going to just speak fromthe heart and share my opinion
on some reels I've seen recentlyand my view of them.
(00:42):
The most recent one was and Idid a short reel about this this
morning actually was a youngmother talking about how the
system was rigged againstparents.
You know you have to workNowadays.
You know two people typicallyhave to work to support a family
, and I have news for you that'sbeen going on for generations.
I worked my whole life.
(01:03):
I think there were six months Ididn't work and that was before
I had children.
I've always worked, so myhusband and I always were
working full-time and stillmanaging to take care of our
family.
But this mother's concern wasshe felt overwhelmed.
You know she has to take thechildren to school and pick them
up from school, and thenthere's summer that they're off,
and holidays that they're off,and teacher work days that
(01:23):
they're off, and spring breaksand fall breaks, and then she
still has to work and do thelaundry and cook and clean and
take care of the house and stillhave time for her spouse.
And yes, that's calledparenting.
That's what is involved inparenting and I know it's
overwhelming, I know it'sexhausting, I know time is
precious when you're a parent.
(01:45):
There never seems to be enoughof it.
You never get enough sleep.
There are days you're ready toscream and pull your hair out,
but there's obviously so muchjoy and blessings and love and
having children.
However, I'm not sure where thedisconnect is here, why she
expected the system to besupportive of her, and I think
(02:08):
and I'm just going to give youmy thoughts here I think just
this different generation whowas raised to be more entitled
to expect things to be given tothem and that if things don't go
their way, they don't know howto handle it, and that's where
they get anxious and havedepression and anxiety and a lot
of other mental health issues.
Not to say that we didn't inour generations.
(02:28):
I'm just saying it just seemsto be more prevalent and more
talked about now.
However, that's what parentingis, and so, before people choose
to have children, they need tobe aware of what's involved in
the responsibilities of havingchildren, aware of what's
(02:48):
involved in the responsibilitiesof having children.
You know, it's like you go andbuy a car right, and then you go
wait, I have to pay for it andI have to clean it and maintain
it and pay taxes and insuranceand inspection and property
taxes on it, and I have torepair it and I have to get new
tires on it and I have to getthem rotated.
What, what?
I just wanted a car.
I didn't know.
All this came with it.
(03:09):
It's kind of a silly analogy,but I'm just saying.
Parenting is tough, and so I'mnot sure where the disconnect is
here, where people think, oh,all of a sudden the system's not
supporting them.
It never has, it never has,never.
And let me just tell you, in anideal world it would, and I
wish for all parents everywherethat there was the support they
(03:29):
need.
And maybe you're blessed enoughto have the finances where you
can hire help.
You can hire, you know,caregivers or after school care,
or nannies or housekeepers, orsomeone to do your shopping for
you and cook your meals and doall those things would be
wonderful.
That's not reality for mostpeople.
Being a parent is tough and allof those things come with it,
(03:52):
and I feel sorry for the peoplewho expect it to be different,
because it's not going to beanytime soon.
And when I watched this reel, myfirst instinct was to laugh
because I thought she was joking, and then I realized she was
serious.
And then reading the comments,where all these moms were going
(04:12):
yes, that's how I feel.
I'm in fight or flight.
I feel overwhelmed.
I'm tired.
That's been generations of momsand dads mostly moms, but
generations.
This is nothing new, nothingnew.
And my next reaction was to saysuck it up, buttercup.
That's just the way it is andthat really is just the way it
(04:34):
is.
But I also want to offer supportto this mom and to other moms,
because I've been there, I'vedone it.
I remember those days.
I know how tough it was.
I remember crying in the showerbecause I was so exhausted.
I remember those days.
I know how tough it was.
I remember crying in the showerbecause I was so exhausted.
I remember being sick and stillhaving to take care of my
children.
I mean, if you're a parent,you've been there most likely,
or you will be at some point andyou're going to have to deal
(04:55):
with this.
We need to support each other.
But I also want parents torealize the realities and
responsibilities of havingchildren, and if you don't have
children yet and you're thinkingabout it, you need to be
thinking of theseresponsibilities.
Which kind of segues me intothe whole child care world,
because I've lived in that worldfor 40 years.
(05:16):
I've talked to hundreds andhundreds and hundreds of parents
over the years to help themfind child care and one of the
things that shocks them is thecost.
When I start talking to themabout what it costs for child
care, their eyeballs kind of getbig and they're startled.
They're like what I have to paythis much for child care?
(05:40):
Are you kidding me?
That's like my mortgage.
How can I afford to pay that?
Typically, your child care issecondary to your mortgage or
your rent.
Sometimes it could be evenslightly more or equal to, and
as people have more and morechildren and those costs accrue
and then they're like we can'tafford this.
Well, you should have thoughtabout that in advance.
(06:03):
And I know sometimes you don'tplan on getting pregnant.
You just get pregnant.
Whatever your scenario is oryou adopt a child or you're
raising someone else's child,whatever it may be.
But understand this, that'salso part of it.
And it's costly to havechildren.
And I'll never forget one clientthat came in to me and she said
(06:24):
I'm not pregnant yet, we areplanning within the next year to
get pregnant and I'm doing anExcel spreadsheet of all of the
anticipated costs.
Now, this was the financialcost.
She wasn't calculating theemotional, the physical, the
time cost.
She was looking at finances,which I applauded her for.
I never had any other client dothat.
(06:45):
But she literally said to mewhat is it going to cost for
child care, say, next year atthis time?
And I gave her an estimate.
And of course, it depends onwhether you're using a nanny,
whether you're using a childcare center, a child care home,
a friend, a grandma, whetheryou're going to just quit your
job and stay home.
And I even had counseled someclients on okay, here are your
(07:06):
options.
This is what's going to costyou, could you?
And they would say I want tostay home with my child.
Okay, let's talk about how youcan make that happen.
Could you downsize your house?
You don't have to have afive-bedroom house on an acre of
ground that's 10,000 squarefeet.
Could you downsize?
Could you sell one of yourbrand-new cars and just go with
(07:28):
a used car or share one car?
What can you cut back?
What costs can you cut back tomake it easy for you to stay at
home?
So these are just considerationsthat you need to take into
account if you're planning onhaving children, and even if you
already have children, becauseI don't think and I know I
(07:49):
didn't you get it.
Until you've had children, youhave no clue.
And people can tell you and I'msitting here telling you, but
(08:12):
trust me, until you actuallyhave that child in hand, you
have no clue.
And as they grow, your expensesthat you incur increase.
The time you have to spendincreases.
The emotional capacity you haveto put out is more the physical
capacity.
Things change as they grow anddevelop and it depends on the
number of children you have,right.
So a lot of variables here.
All I want to say is I get it.
I totally, totally get it,trust me.
I'm on the other end of thisnow and I have children, with
(08:33):
grandchildren.
And I know people would look atme sometimes and go how did you
do that?
How did you do everything youdid?
Because, quite frankly, myhusband was not around much.
He worked a lot and I was theone who did everything for the
most part.
And they'd say how did you dothat?
Even my children will say to memom, we're not sure how you did
all that.
(08:54):
And my response to that is Idon't know either.
It was survival mode.
As a parent, you do what youhave to do.
As a mom, you do what you haveto do.
Are you tired?
Yes, are you overwhelmedsometimes?
Yes, are you frustrated andangry and ready to lose your
mind some days?
Absolutely.
But in the end it is worthevery second that you spend.
(09:19):
So I just want to say be kind,kind to yourself, extend
yourself, grace, look forsupport, find other moms.
If you have family that canhelp you, if you do have the
financial means to hire help, byall means do it.
But just know the system is nothere to support you.
You are here to figure out howto work around the system.
(09:40):
You are here to figure out howto work around the system.
Thank you for tuning in totoday's episode of Common Sense
Parenting with Pam.
I hope you enjoyed the episodeand, if you did, please leave a
review.
That helps other parents findus, and if you have friends who
also have children and could usesome parenting tips, feel free
to share this.
I would really appreciate it.
No-transcript.
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