Three Discipline Mistakes That Sabotage Your Parenting (And How To Fix Them)

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Struggling with discipline? You're not alone. Most parents fall into the same three traps without even realizing it - and today I'm pulling back the curtain on these common pitfalls that sabotage our best parenting efforts.

The first mistake might surprise you: talking too much during corrections. When your child is in a reactive state, all those carefully crafted explanations go in one ear and out the other. I'll share a simple formula that cuts through the noise and gets results without the power struggle. Think fewer words, more clarity, and significantly less frustration for everyone involved.

Then there's the consistency challenge. We've all been there - making threats we don't follow through on because we're tired, it's inconvenient, or we just want to avoid the meltdown. But this seemingly small slip creates massive problems down the road. I share practical strategies for maintaining boundaries even when it feels impossible, including what to do when one child's behavior threatens to ruin family outings for everyone.

Finally, we explore the fundamental misunderstanding of what discipline actually means. The word itself comes from "disciple" - to teach, not to punish. I'll show you how to transform correction moments into valuable teaching opportunities that build emotional intelligence rather than just compliance through fear.

This episode is short, practical, and packed with actionable advice you can implement today. None of us get it right every time (myself included!), but awareness is the first step toward more effective parenting. Try shifting just one of these patterns this week and watch how it transforms your relationship with your children.

Ready to raise emotionally intelligent children who understand boundaries without endless power struggles? Listen now, and don't forget to subscribe and leave a review if you found these tips helpful. Parenting is hard enough - let's make discipline the straightforward, effective tool it was meant to be.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Common Sense Parenting with Pam, the
podcast where we simplifyparenting with common sense tips
, real life scenarios and alittle bit of humor along the
way.
I'm Pam and I'm here to helpyou build the skills and
confidence you need to raisehappy, resilient and responsible
children.
So grab your coffee and take adeep breath and let's talk about

(00:22):
parenting with a common sensetip at a time.
Welcome back to Common SenseParenting with Pam.
I'm so glad you're here today.
Our episode is going to beshort, sweet and a little
eye-opening.
We're talking about threediscipline mistakes that most
parents make and don't evenrealize it.
Don't worry, this is not aboutjudgment.

(00:44):
It's about awareness growth andhelping you feel more confident
in those hard moments.
So let's be honest, disciplineis one of the hardest parts of
parenting.
You want to raise respectful,responsible children, but in the
heat of the moment, it's easyto react instead of respond.
Let's talk about mistake numberone and I say this all the time

(01:07):
on my reels and I sometimes geta lot of pushback on this.
Mistake number one is talkingtoo much when you're correcting
behavior, and that's when I sayon my reel stop talking, talking
, talking at your children.
So here we go.
Yes, I understand thatexplaining and reasoning and
repeating and negotiating.
It's tempting to do all of thatright.

(01:29):
But the truth is, when yourchild is in a reactive state,
especially during a meltdown ordefiant moment, they are not
processing what you're saying.
They can't process that lecture, all those words coming out of
your mouth at them.
They go in one ear and out theother.
You're wasting your time andyour breath.
So, for example, let's say yourfive-year-old refuses to put

(01:51):
their toys away and you say wetalked about this, remember what
we said this morning?
You're not listening and if youdon't clean up, you can't play
tomorrow.
And I'm tired of repeatingmyself.
Do you hear what I'm sayinghere?
All of that Sound familiar?
All right, here's what you cantry instead State the rule,
state the consequences and zipit.

(02:12):
Calm and clear.
Your toys need to be picked upnow.
If they're not, I'll put themaway for the rest of the day.
Period, that's it.
End of discussion.
Do you see the difference?
Your child knows exactly whatthey need to do and what the
consequence is.
Now the important part isnumber two we're going to talk
about is, then, not followingthrough or inconsistent follow

(02:34):
through.
So this one is huge.
I preach this all the time.
To me it's just common sense.
But a lot of parents let thisdrop because they're tired,
they're overwhelmed, they'rebusy with other children,
they've got a lot on their mindsand they just let this drop.
Big mistake If you saysomething is going to happen and
then it doesn't, your childlearns that your words don't

(02:57):
mean anything.
They don't carry weight.
Discipline only works when theboundaries are real.
So, for example, you say, ifyou hit your sister again, we're
leaving the park.
But your child does it againand you go.
If you hit your sister again,we're leaving the park.
So you've just repeated whatyou just said, but you didn't do

(03:19):
it.
And here's what you need to doyou follow through the very
first time.
That consistency builds trust.
Even if it's inconvenient, evenif you get pushed back, we're
leaving.
Now you chose to hit, andthat's not okay.
Hard, yes, worth it, absolutely.

(03:40):
Now, this is where I getparents going.
But what if I just got to thepark and we had these things all
planned?
Well, sorry, going.
But what if I just got to thepark and we had these things all
planned?
Well, sorry, it's going to beinconvenient for a while, but
your child is going to learn ifyou follow through and stay
consistent.
One person said to me well, whathappens if we're all out to eat
and that child's misbehaving?
And I say, if you don't stop,we're going to have to leave.

(04:01):
And that child misbehaves Doeseverybody have to suffer because
of it?
You take everybody home.
That's what you said you weregoing to do here.
Here's what you can do.
Then, when you get home, thatchild that misbehaved and
disrupted the event foreverybody, goes into their room,
stays in their room.
Your other children get aspecial treat, get a special

(04:22):
favor, get something fun to do.
Okay, your child is quicklygoing to learn.
Oh, she wasn't kidding.
Okay, mistake number threedisciplining without teaching.
And this is where I get intothe real.
I did the other day when I saidtimeout is really ineffective.
You need to do more of what Icall time in or just redirecting

(04:47):
the child, having them to go toa chill space, a calm corner,
just go sit on the couch for aminute, take a break.
It's not punishment, it's notscolding them, it's not shaming
them.
It's just saying hey, I seeyou're having trouble following
rules.
Go chill for a while.
Here's what I expect.
And so you're telling them.
You know you had trouble today.
You threw a block at yoursister's head.
That's totally unacceptable.

(05:08):
You need to go chill for awhile so they understand what
they did wrong.
So, for example, yourdiscipline without teaching
looks something like this Firstof all, discipline means to
teach, not to punish.
If all you do is take somethingaway or send them to the room
but you never explain what to do, instead, they don't learn.

(05:30):
They don't know, they don'tlearn the skill that they're
missing, for example, you gothat's it, that's it no TV
tonight.
I'm tired of telling you, butyou don't talk about why the
behavior happened or how tohandle it next time.
So here's a better approach Usethese discipline moments to
teach replacement behaviors.

(05:50):
Tell them what you expect.
So it would be something likethis when you feel frustrated,
instead of yelling, come get me,let's practice using words
right now.
That is how you raiseemotionally intelligent children
who learn self-control, notjust fear the consequences.
So today's episode is short andsweet.

(06:11):
I just wanted you to know thesethree big A's, and we're going
to wrap this up.
So just to recap one don't overtalk.
Two be consistent.
Three use discipline as ateaching tool.
Now, none of us get it rightevery time, me included.
I made a lot of mistakes raisingmy children, but I've learned

(06:31):
from them.
But awareness is powerful.
If one of these stood out toyou today, try shifting it this
week.
Even one small change can makea big difference.
And remember you might not getit right the first time.
You may have to practice thisover and over and over until it
just becomes natural for you.
A lot of this for me is commonsense.

(06:52):
I've worked in early childhoodfor many years.
I have children, I havegrandchildren.
This to me is like living,eating and breathing.
I understand it's not the samefor everybody.
That's why I do these podcastsand my reels and my blog and
everything else I do FacebookLives to try to help you become
a better and more effectivebehavior manager with your
children.
Thank you for tuning in totoday's episode of Common Sense

(07:16):
Parenting with Pam.
I hope you enjoyed the episodeand, if you did, please leave a
review.
That helps other parents findus.
And if you have friends whoalso have children and could use
some parenting tips, feel freeto share this.
I would really appreciate itand you know I'd love to hear
from you.
So you can always find me on mysocials and until then,
remember, hug and love yourbabies.