Episode 112: Holiday Help 2025

A Holiday Help episode to get you through a tough week. Our theme is Holidays, but it could be used for a variety of different experiences. 

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Special Thanks to Julie Richards for hosting, Steve Dodge for the theme song, and Alexander Wells for the logo.

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Episode Transcript

Samuel Richards: Hey everyone, welcome to (00:01):
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Samuel Richards: Community Roots, a place where (00:03):
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Samuel Richards: we gather and community to talk (00:05):
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Samuel Richards: about mental health so we can (00:07):
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Samuel Richards: travel the journey of life (00:08):
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Samuel Richards: together. (00:09):
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Samuel Richards: I'm Samuel Richards. (00:10):
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Julie: I'm Julie Richards. (00:11):
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Sarah: I'm Sarah Wakefield. (00:13):
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Samuel Richards: And happy holidays. (00:16):
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Samuel Richards: Um. Yet again, we've made it to (00:18):
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Samuel Richards: that time of year where I think (00:20):
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Samuel Richards: we just wish, like four or five (00:22):
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Samuel Richards: holidays together. (00:25):
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Samuel Richards: Um, at the end of the year. (00:27):
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Samuel Richards: And, uh, a tradition within (00:29):
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Samuel Richards: community roots is we like to (00:31):
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Samuel Richards: take this time and support those (00:33):
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Samuel Richards: who, um, you know, I think a lot (00:36):
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Samuel Richards: of us go through this, but just (00:38):
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Samuel Richards: have a hard time during the (00:40):
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Samuel Richards: holidays. (00:43):
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Samuel Richards: Uh, that can be a combination of, you know, family kind of (00:44):
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Samuel Richards: getting together after not being together for a year. (00:48):
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Samuel Richards: Um, it can mean memories from past years. (00:52):
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Samuel Richards: Um, it can mean we've talked about this in the past as well. (00:56):
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Samuel Richards: But like the feeling of loss for something that never happened. (01:00):
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Samuel Richards: So it could be, you know, memories that never occurred. (01:04):
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Samuel Richards: Um, but, uh, it feels good to be back. (01:08):
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Samuel Richards: And it feels good to be talking about, you know, holiday help. (01:11):
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Samuel Richards: So help. (01:16):
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Samuel Richards: Mom. (01:17):
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Samuel Richards: Let's talk it. (01:19):
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Julie: It is an important conversation for us to lean into, because it (01:21):
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Julie: is what is already happening that this time of year is full (01:24):
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Julie: of so much expectation. (01:28):
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Julie: And you know the what is shown in the hallmark movie or in (01:31):
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Sarah: And (01:36):
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Julie: our (01:37):
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Sarah: the (01:37):
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Julie: idyllic here's what I (01:38):
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Sarah: U.S.. (01:39):
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Julie: was hoping for. (01:39):
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Julie: Or it just is way more (01:41):
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Sarah: Army (01:45):
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Julie: than (01:46):
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Sarah: Corps of. (01:46):
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Julie: that, right? (01:46):
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Julie: As far as our to do list might be longer, (01:47):
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Sarah: Engineers. (01:51):
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Julie: or activity lists of things that we could squeeze in. (01:51):
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Sarah: And. (01:55):
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Julie: Um, so it's taking more time and energy from our normal routine (01:55):
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Julie: and schedule, and spreading us a little more thin. (02:02):
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Julie: And depending on (02:06):
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Sarah: Three. (02:07):
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Julie: what your job situation is for year end (02:07):
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Sarah: One. (02:10):
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Julie: requirements or finishing things (02:10):
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Julie: up before you know school has (02:13):
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Julie: time off or businesses have time (02:16):
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Julie: off, or there's just a lot that (02:18):
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Julie: converges right up to the (02:20):
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Julie: deadline of the holiday (02:23):
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Julie: starting. (02:25):
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Julie: So sometimes when we talk about (02:27):
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Julie: how to have strong support to (02:29):
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Julie: get through something, we check (02:32):
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Julie: in on (02:34):
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Sarah: Three. (02:35):
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Julie: what is our level of support before, during (02:36):
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Sarah: Three. (02:41):
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Julie: and after our hard times that we're going through. (02:41):
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Julie: And the before is always our continual (02:45):
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Sarah: Oh. (02:49):
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Julie: how do we take care of ourselves? (02:49):
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Julie: Are we (02:51):
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Sarah: Three. (02:52):
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Julie: making time for movement and exercise (02:52):
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Samuel Richards: Mhm. (02:56):
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Sarah: The great. (02:56):
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Julie: and nutrition and sleep and (02:56):
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Julie: hydration and those core things (02:58):
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Julie: realizing, even as I say that, (03:01):
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Julie: that the. (03:04):
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Julie: This time of year, those are all sometimes tapped out to like, (03:05):
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Julie: you're already at a time of year where we maybe don't get as much (03:09):
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Julie: sleep if we're trying to do so many activities or, (03:13):
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Samuel Richards: Mhm. (03:16):
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Julie: um, lots of family interactions or work parties (03:16):
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Sarah: News (03:21):
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Julie: or extra things (03:21):
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Sarah: is (03:22):
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Julie: on the calendar, extra (03:23):
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Sarah: that. (03:24):
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Julie: things on the budget, there's just a lot of areas that we (03:24):
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Julie: might be tapped pretty thin. (03:29):
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Julie: So the before is often starting from a depleted place. (03:32):
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Samuel Richards: That makes a ton of sense to me. (03:40):
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Samuel Richards: I feel like uh last Thursday we went (03:43):
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Sarah: In. (03:47):
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Samuel Richards: out with friends and I'm still recovering and it's been like (03:47):
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Samuel Richards: four or five days. (03:50):
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Samuel Richards: And even though I was like oh (03:53):
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Samuel Richards: I'll just stay up a little bit (03:54):
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Samuel Richards: later tonight. (03:55):
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Samuel Richards: Um, now I'm having to do end of year work reports and trying to (03:57):
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Samuel Richards: fit it all in when I'm, you know, a hair bit grumpy, a hair (04:01):
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Samuel Richards: bit less sleep, and even a time like a winter time when I'd (04:07):
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Samuel Richards: expect more sleep. (04:11):
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Samuel Richards: You know, I'm going to bed (04:14):
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Sarah: So (04:15):
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Samuel Richards: at (04:15):
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Sarah: if (04:15):
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Samuel Richards: still (04:15):
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Sarah: we're already (04:15):
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Samuel Richards: late (04:16):
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Sarah: in (04:16):
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Samuel Richards: hours (04:16):
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Sarah: this depleted state, what (04:16):
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Samuel Richards: and (04:18):
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Sarah: can we be (04:18):
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Samuel Richards: waking. (04:19):
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Sarah: doing to get us to net neutral to a (04:19):
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Samuel Richards: Mm. (04:24):
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Sarah: better baseline, taking in all of these factors? (04:24):
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Julie: I think definitely the awareness of where are we at when we go to (04:34):
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Julie: check in our check engine light, so to speak. (04:41):
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Samuel Richards: Mm. (04:45):
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Julie: We have to be able to acknowledge, like, wow, I'm (04:45):
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Julie: putting a lot more on my plate or on my budget or on my like, (04:48):
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Julie: I'm burning the candle at both ends, so to speak. (04:53):
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Julie: Like whatever it is, the very first thing we do is realize (04:55):
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Julie: that, you know, notice (05:01):
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Samuel Richards: Mm. (05:03):
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Julie: that there's a lot of things (05:03):
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Julie: that I'm stretching myself thin (05:05):
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Julie: on and what what I've really (05:07):
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Julie: noticed for a lot of folks, and (05:10):
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Julie: often myself included, is just (05:13):
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Julie: we hit override on our nervous (05:15):
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Julie: system. (05:18):
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Samuel Richards: Mm. (05:18):
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Julie: Like we go, oh, I could I could probably do one more thing, or I (05:18):
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Julie: could stay up a little later or it's like, it's just that one (05:22):
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Julie: particular thing and we we kind of forget sometimes the context (05:26):
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Julie: of there's a lot of things that have been depleting (05:29):
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Samuel Richards: Mm. (05:33):
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Julie: or the reflections, you know, that are kind of typical at this (05:34):
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Julie: time of year. (05:38):
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Julie: You look back on, whoa, we have (05:38):
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Julie: been through a lot this year, (05:40):
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Julie: and remembering (05:42):
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Samuel Richards: Mm. (05:43):
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Julie: what you've gone through individually or in your family (05:44):
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Julie: system or in your workplace, that there's an A cumulative (05:48):
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Julie: effect of everything that is kind of converging that the (05:54):
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Julie: first thing to do with it is to be able to acknowledge that and (06:00):
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Julie: to sit in the reality (06:04):
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Samuel Richards: Mm. (06:04):
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Julie: of that, like these things do take a toll, and that I am human (06:05):
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Julie: and I do have limits, and I can't constantly hit override (06:10):
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Julie: and expect that my body's going to be okay. (06:14):
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Julie: And I think that's hard for especially when when sometimes (06:19):
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Julie: people have a really large capacity to do a lot of things (06:22):
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Samuel Richards: Mm. (06:26):
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Julie: well, and they're used to overfunctioning or used to you (06:26):
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Julie: just keep going because that's what you gotta do. (06:30):
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Julie: There's, you know, this is what's required of me. (06:33):
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Julie: I have to just make it happen. (06:36):
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Julie: But then we end up kind of disconnected from our body or (06:39):
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Julie: our experience where our body's trying to cue us and tell us, (06:44):
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Julie: okay, this is too much. (06:48):
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Sarah: And. (06:49):
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Julie: Need to slow down, and sometimes (06:50):
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Julie: it's not until we have more of (06:54):
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Julie: a, you know, physical health (06:57):
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Julie: that fails (06:59):
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Sarah: One. (07:00):
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Julie: in whatever way that our bodies like I've done, I'm tapped out (07:00):
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Julie: like I can't keep doing it, that it finally gets our attention. (07:05):
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Julie: So that, I think, leads into (07:10):
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Sarah: Hundred (07:14):
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Julie: the what do we do during (07:14):
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Sarah: and. (07:15):
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Julie: is kind of what you're asking, (07:15):
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Julie: Sarah, in a way, because it's (07:17):
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Julie: like, okay, we already know (07:18):
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Julie: we're there. (07:19):
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Julie: We're already there. (07:19):
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Julie: This the bells and whistles (07:20):
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Samuel Richards: Yeah (07:22):
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Julie: are going (07:22):
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Samuel Richards: I'm (07:22):
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Julie: off. (07:22):
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Julie: The siren (07:23):
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Samuel Richards: tapped. (07:23):
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Julie: is already like, (07:23):
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Sarah: Thirty. (07:25):
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Julie: so I have the awareness of that. (07:25):
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Julie: What do I do (07:27):
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Sarah: Five. (07:27):
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Julie: during like we're in the middle right now of multiple holidays, (07:28):
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Julie: back to back and (07:33):
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Samuel Richards: Mhm. (07:35):
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Julie: different extra added activities. (07:35):
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Julie: What do (07:39):
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Sarah: Well, (07:39):
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Julie: we do (07:39):
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Sarah: I was (07:39):
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Julie: during. (07:39):
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Sarah: thinking, too, of planning for how to approach my holidays (07:40):
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Sarah: before I, you know, knowing that if I was at like negative (07:45):
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Sarah: energy, negative bandwidth, negative emotional, mental (07:52):
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Sarah: capacity, you know, um, being in that state, knowing that you (07:57):
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Sarah: have something coming up. (08:03):
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Sarah: And, um, so, so what I'm hearing is (08:05):
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Julie: Mhm. (08:09):
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Sarah: the awareness is a huge component and also scaling back. (08:09):
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Samuel Richards: Mm. (08:15):
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Sarah: And I don't I know that that's not always possible. (08:16):
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Julie: Mhm. (08:18):
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Sarah: Um, but it sounds like there's a lot of a lot of awareness to (08:19):
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Sarah: bring to what you're putting on yourself and what you actually (08:24):
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Sarah: have room for, and that maybe instead of instead (08:28):
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Samuel Richards: Mm. (08:35):
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Julie: Mhm. (08:35):
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Sarah: of trying to meet all these expectations for the holidays, (08:35):
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Sarah: it's about your own health, your own mental health and, um, um, (08:39):
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Sarah: putting that as a priority. (08:46):
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Sarah: But then also (08:48):
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Samuel Richards: Mm. (08:49):
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Sarah: so Julie, you're leading us into this during. (08:49):
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Sarah: So let's say we're we've, we've we're tapped out. (08:51):
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Sarah: We're in right now. (08:54):
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Sarah: We're in the middle of all this holiday, uh, the expectations, (08:55):
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Sarah: the performance, the the desire to have a great holiday and the (08:59):
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Sarah: true like love you want to bring and time you want to spend with (09:03):
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Julie: Mhm. (09:07):
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Sarah: loved ones. (09:07):
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Sarah: But let's say you're already (09:09):
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Sarah: tapped out and you're kind of (09:10):
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Sarah: hitting override. (09:12):
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Sarah: The alarm bells are going off and now you're in the during (09:13):
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Sarah: you're in your holidays, you're in your holiday events. (09:17):
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Sarah: Um, and if we were on override, talk to us about how to cope (09:21):
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Sarah: with the during. (09:28):
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Julie: Yeah. I think one of the things is to as best you can set up (09:34):
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Julie: those supports within your own system of I'm going to start (09:39):
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Julie: this day with the foundational things of of food and drinking (09:46):
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Julie: water and getting rest. (09:54):
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Julie: And I'm gonna check in with (09:56):
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Julie: myself, even if it's very, very (09:57):
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Julie: basic. (10:00):
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Julie: My two feet are on the floor, or (10:02):
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Julie: I'm noticing my in-breath and my (10:04):
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Julie: outbreath, or I'm even taking (10:07):
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Julie: moments to kind of allow for (10:11):
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Julie: some organic stretch of just (10:15):
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Julie: releasing muscle tension, of (10:18):
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Julie: just kind of stretching and (10:21):
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Julie: allowing some movement in our (10:22):
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Julie: body, even as we're maybe (10:24):
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Julie: interacting and mingling with (10:26):
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Julie: family or you've, you know, (10:28):
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Julie: everybody's having their (10:30):
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Julie: conversations. (10:32):
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Julie: It's okay to rotate your joints (10:34):
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Julie: a little bit or stretch your (10:37):
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Julie: muscles or like, have movement (10:38):
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Julie: as part of not that you're going (10:41):
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Julie: to go into your Richard Simmons (10:44):
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Julie: aerobics. (10:46):
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Sarah: Yes, (10:47):
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Julie: I don't know (10:47):
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Sarah: we (10:47):
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Julie: if (10:47):
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Sarah: get (10:47):
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Julie: anybody (10:47):
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Sarah: it, we (10:48):
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Julie: has (10:48):
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Sarah: get (10:48):
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Julie: that reference (10:48):
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Sarah: it. (10:48):
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Julie: or not, but, um, (10:49):
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Samuel Richards: Man (10:50):
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Sarah: Woo (10:51):
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Samuel Richards: with (10:51):
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Sarah: hoo! (10:51):
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Samuel Richards: a reference. (10:51):
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Julie: look at me giving a reference, but like, it's not like you're (10:52):
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Julie: gonna just suddenly go into this strange exercise routine, but (10:55):
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Julie: just that we don't have to. (11:00):
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Julie: I guess the awareness of we don't have to hold everything so (11:02):
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Julie: clenched and tight. (11:05):
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Julie: We can check in on our on our jaw or on our, um, our arms or (11:07):
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Julie: shoulders and just kind of release a little bit. (11:14):
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Julie: Even just little micro moments all throughout the time is a way (11:17):
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Julie: of staying connected to our body and to what we're experiencing (11:22):
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Julie: and know that, like, we're not going to have a lot of (11:27):
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Julie: processing that's happening in the moment, because that's where (11:30):
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Julie: we have to do the work of after. (11:35):
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Julie: During. (11:38):
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Julie: It's more, how do I undergird myself? (11:38):
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Julie: How do I surround myself with support? (11:41):
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Julie: How am I tending to my body so that my body can tend to me, and (11:44):
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Julie: that I'm in touch with myself? (11:50):
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Julie: As far as my needs and my limits (11:52):
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Julie: and what I can't put more on my (11:56):
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Julie: plate physically or (11:59):
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Julie: metaphorically, emotionally, (12:01):
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Julie: relationally. (12:02):
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Julie: Like I have to break things down into smaller amounts (12:03):
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Sarah: I (12:08):
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Julie: of (12:08):
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Sarah: really (12:08):
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Julie: what (12:09):
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Sarah: like (12:09):
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Julie: feels (12:09):
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Sarah: that. (12:09):
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Julie: possible. (12:09):
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Sarah: Break things down into smaller amounts. (12:09):
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Samuel Richards: And we kind of talked about this a little bit too. (12:18):
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Samuel Richards: Last time we were kind of discussing, you know, uh, how to (12:20):
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Samuel Richards: balance, you know, being present versus just like noticing. (12:25):
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Samuel Richards: And I really liked the analogy we came up with which like, sort (12:31):
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Samuel Richards: of you have your being present, right, which is feeling your (12:36):
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Samuel Richards: feet on the ground or feeling sort of, uh, in the moment or (12:39):
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Samuel Richards: with the people around you. (12:45):
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Samuel Richards: And then we talked about this sort of watchtower, like one (12:47):
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Samuel Richards: where you kind of go to your mind, Palace of just like, oh, (12:50):
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Samuel Richards: I'm being very or like, kind of stepping away from the situation (12:56):
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Samuel Richards: and looking at the situation almost from a TV perspective of (13:01):
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Samuel Richards: this is what's happening. (13:05):
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Samuel Richards: And I'm looking in as a way to both notice and experience (13:06):
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Samuel Richards: things, you know, from a different perspective and see (13:12):
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Samuel Richards: like, oh, my boundaries might be being crossed there. (13:16):
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Samuel Richards: Like, oh, if I, if I saw this on (13:20):
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Samuel Richards: somebody else, then I would (13:22):
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Samuel Richards: probably feel a little bit (13:23):
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Samuel Richards: differently about this, but also (13:26):
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Samuel Richards: balancing that sort of escapism (13:28):
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Samuel Richards: or that other perspective with, (13:30):
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Samuel Richards: you know, the being present and (13:33):
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Samuel Richards: just, you know, finding the (13:35):
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Samuel Richards: times to enjoy yourself or, you (13:36):
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Samuel Richards: know, uh, just doing that daily (13:39):
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Samuel Richards: practice of trying to focus on (13:41):
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Samuel Richards: being present so that we can, (13:43):
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Samuel Richards: like, live life rather than just (13:45):
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Samuel Richards: watch life. (13:47):
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Samuel Richards: Um. (13:49):
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Samuel Richards: Yeah. (13:52):
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Julie: And there (13:52):
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Samuel Richards: And. (13:52):
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Julie: there might be with that some both. (13:53):
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Julie: And I think like because there's the (13:57):
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Sarah: In. (13:59):
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Julie: the noticing how you're, you're (13:59):
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Julie: feeling in that moment in the (14:01):
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Julie: relational space. (14:03):
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Julie: Are we doing okay? (14:05):
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Julie: Do I feel safe? (14:06):
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Julie: Do do (14:07):
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Sarah: Our. (14:08):
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Julie: I feel connected or cared for? (14:08):
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Julie: Or (14:11):
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Sarah: Case. (14:11):
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Julie: does it not feel that way or (14:12):
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Julie: something feels more, um, raw or (14:15):
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Julie: vulnerable? (14:19):
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Julie: Like I can kind of check in with myself (14:20):
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Sarah: We have. (14:21):
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Julie: and using that image of that (14:22):
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Julie: watchtower of I'm gonna put in (14:24):
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Julie: an extra buffer, an extra (14:26):
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Julie: boundary of where I can step (14:28):
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Julie: back a little bit if I need to (14:31):
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Julie: and not have everything land (14:33):
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Julie: right on me, or that I absorb (14:34):
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Julie: all of the energy of someone (14:37):
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Julie: else's emotion or experience (14:39):
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Julie: like that. (14:41):
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Julie: I can imagine that I have a bit of a safe space within me that I (14:42):
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Julie: carry with me. (14:47):
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Julie: Um, that is that extra internal boundary of I don't I don't have (14:48):
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Julie: to just pick up on every word, every conversation, every (14:55):
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Julie: emotion, every energy that's there that it's I don't have to (15:00):
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Julie: pick all that up. (15:04):
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Julie: I don't have to absorb all that, all of that. (15:05):
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Julie: I can somewhat let some things (15:08):
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Julie: be, you know, that I'll just be (15:12):
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Julie: in that observer stance, in that (15:16):
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Julie: in my wise self, I can just kind (15:19):
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Julie: of note what's happening, just (15:23):
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Julie: observing it. (15:25):
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Julie: And, you know, a technique that we can use with that is to kind (15:26):
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Julie: of separate out what are the things that I see or hear or (15:30):
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Julie: that I can observe, but then I don't necessarily react to it. (15:37):
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Julie: Just because it's happening (15:44):
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Julie: doesn't mean I have to have (15:45):
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Julie: feelings about it or react to it (15:47):
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Julie: if I want to process it more (15:51):
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Julie: later. (15:53):
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Julie: That becomes part of the aftercare that becomes, that's (15:55):
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Julie: something that I'm going to have to spend some more time on. (15:59):
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Julie: Like if something if there's a comment that particularly feels (16:01):
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Julie: hurtful or doesn't sit right or something that is too much, then (16:04):
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Julie: you can kind of put a little sticky note in your mind of (16:11):
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Julie: like, okay, this is something I probably need to revisit for (16:16):
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Julie: myself at some point, but I don't have to have the pressure (16:19):
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Julie: of feeling all my feelings about it right there in that moment (16:22):
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Julie: that I can know part of the after is going to be refueling (16:26):
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Julie: myself, getting more rest, doing things that I enjoy, really (16:32):
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Julie: taking good care of myself. (16:38):
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Julie: And then some of that aftercare is, here's what I need to (16:39):
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Julie: revisit for myself and process a little bit further in my therapy (16:44):
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Julie: session, or with my safe people or my journal, or whatever (16:50):
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Julie: reflection I want to have after the event or after the holidays, (16:55):
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Julie: or where did I feel something was left kind of (17:01):
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Sarah: Julie, (17:05):
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Julie: unresolved? (17:05):
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Sarah: I just had a thought that it (17:06):
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Sarah: sounds like you're creating (17:07):
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Sarah: space for (17:09):
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Julie: Like. (17:09):
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Sarah: yourself in these difficult moments. (17:09):
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Sarah: So you're you're not you're choosing when to participate. (17:13):
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Sarah: So you do want to be present, (17:18):
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Sarah: but also you're choosing when to (17:19):
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Sarah: react. (17:21):
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Sarah: You're observing and saying, (17:22):
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Sarah: okay, I have you know, you're (17:24):
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Sarah: having a great connection with (17:26):
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Sarah: someone. (17:28):
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Sarah: You're creating that space and (17:29):
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Sarah: you can be present in that (17:32):
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Sarah: moment. (17:33):
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Sarah: But if you're having, you know, a talk or, you know, aren't (17:33):
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Sarah: saying something that is rubbing you the wrong way, you know, by (17:40):
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Sarah: putting up a boundary or that watchtower glass between you and (17:45):
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Sarah: your environment, you're sounds like you're creating space for (17:50):
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Sarah: yourself even in the during. (17:52):
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Sarah: So not just before, but during. (17:57):
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Sarah: You're also like putting up room (17:59):
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Julie: Mhm. (18:01):
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Sarah: for yourself to, to protect (18:02):
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Sarah: yourself so you don't have to (18:04):
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Sarah: react. (18:05):
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Sarah: Then you don't have (18:05):
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Julie: Mhm (18:06):
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Sarah: to carry (18:06):
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Julie: mhm. (18:06):
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Sarah: whatever's being said or done or whatever the the moment is. (18:07):
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Sarah: Am I getting that right? (18:14):
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Julie: Yeah I think it's definitely that internal boundary. (18:20):
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Julie: Whatever imagery that is helpful. (18:23):
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Julie: It's putting in some extra buffer that something can even (18:26):
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Julie: bounce off of. (18:30):
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Julie: You know I've, I've had the (18:32):
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Julie: sound effect that some clients (18:34):
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Julie: like to add to it, like Boeing, (18:36):
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Julie: like like just let it not absorb (18:38):
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Julie: into me. (18:41):
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Julie: There's gonna be something there to buffer it. (18:42):
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Julie: And the the reality of this, in (18:45):
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Julie: all fairness, is that sometimes (18:47):
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Julie: because we have an autonomic (18:49):
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Julie: nervous system that is designed (18:51):
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Julie: to keep us alive, there are (18:53):
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Julie: times that we will have a (18:56):
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Julie: reaction that is so fast and so (18:57):
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Julie: automatic that we have a hard (18:59):
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Julie: time slowing it down, and so we (19:01):
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Julie: can kind of go into part of us (19:04):
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Julie: wants to go into that fight, (19:06):
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Julie: flight, freeze, shutdown, like (19:08):
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Julie: all these reactions that are (19:10):
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Julie: happening on a physiological (19:11):
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Julie: level. (19:13):
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Julie: We call it like a neuro ception, (19:14):
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Julie: that it's even beyond our (19:16):
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Julie: conscious awareness that it's (19:18):
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Julie: already going on in the (19:19):
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Julie: background. (19:20):
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Julie: There's already interpretation (19:21):
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Julie: happening by our unconscious (19:22):
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Julie: layers. (19:25):
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Julie: So I want to acknowledge that too, because it's not just (19:26):
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Julie: making a choice, it's not just having a boundary or a plan. (19:29):
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Julie: Those are all important things. (19:34):
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Julie: Those are all great things. (19:37):
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Julie: If our prefrontal cortex is online and available to us, (19:39):
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Julie: because that's where our coping skills are, that's where our (19:42):
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Julie: functional adult is. (19:45):
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Julie: And sometimes, you know, that's where we sometimes have an (19:47):
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Julie: emotional kind of limbic brain flipped lid experience. (19:51):
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Julie: And if that is happening tends to be really, really fast. (19:55):
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Julie: And that's when we want to as best we can notice it, hold it (19:59):
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Julie: lightly, step back a little bit, give ourselves a chance to get (20:04):
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Julie: our footing, breathe, pause. (20:07):
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Julie: Anything that we can do. (20:10):
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Julie: Drinking water. (20:11):
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Julie: You know, things that are kind of trying to bring some safety (20:12):
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Julie: back to the brain and the nervous system to remind us, (20:16):
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Julie: okay, we're okay. (20:19):
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Julie: There's not a bear right here. (20:20):
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Julie: It feels particularly raw. (20:22):
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Julie: It feels particularly vulnerable. (20:25):
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Julie: It maybe brings a strong reaction in our body, sensations (20:27):
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Julie: in our physiology. (20:32):
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Julie: That's something that we can note. (20:34):
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Julie: That's something that we can say, oh, that that just hit me (20:37):
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Julie: in in a way that I want to really give extra care to my (20:41):
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Julie: body and my heart and my mind after this, where the ripple (20:46):
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Julie: effects of each day or hard interactions or conversations or (20:53):
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Julie: family of origin dynamics that might have, you know, layers (20:59):
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Julie: that are coming up that's going to need a little bit more time (21:03):
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Julie: and attention even after you decide to go home or call it a (21:08):
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Julie: day or the day ends. (21:13):
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Julie: Like that's the remembering that (21:14):
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Julie: we don't fully process time as (21:16):
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Julie: it's happening. (21:19):
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Julie: It's still needs some work. (21:19):
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Julie: So there's the circling back at (21:22):
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Julie: the end to say, okay, how did I (21:24):
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Julie: do? (21:27):
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Julie: How can I take good care of myself now? (21:27):
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Julie: What's the rest that I need. (21:30):
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Julie: Are there things I can take off of my list or make things a (21:32):
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Julie: little bit lighter, a little bit easier while I'm recovering from (21:36):
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Julie: lots of even fun activities? (21:41):
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Julie: We need rest from, you know, just (21:44):
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Samuel Richards: Fun (21:47):
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Julie: being (21:47):
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Samuel Richards: can be (21:47):
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Julie: with. (21:47):
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Samuel Richards: exhausting. (21:47):
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Julie: Yeah, fun is exhausting, and being around people takes a lot. (21:48):
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Julie: You know, everybody has their (21:54):
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Julie: emotions and stressors and (21:56):
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Julie: meanings and connections and (22:01):
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Julie: that's all. (22:03):
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Julie: It's like all these. (22:03):
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Julie: It's a room full of nervous systems speaking to each other. (22:04):
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Julie: And so there needs to be just (22:08):
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Julie: some settling that can happen, (22:09):
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Julie: or some releasing of the tension (22:12):
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Julie: or constriction that we hold, (22:15):
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Julie: that we bring it to a place of (22:16):
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Julie: expansion again and release so (22:19):
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Julie: that it's not just buried, (22:22):
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Julie: stuffed, held, built up, not (22:24):
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Julie: dealt with. (22:27):
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Samuel Richards: Yeah, I, I really like the idea of, like, even keeping space for (22:30):
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Samuel Richards: that after, you know too, so that even in the moment when you (22:35):
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Samuel Richards: realize it's big, like, you know, mentally even setting (22:40):
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Samuel Richards: aside some time. (22:43):
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Samuel Richards: But I know we're going a little (22:44):
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Samuel Richards: bit long for what we were (22:46):
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Samuel Richards: thinking, but I still wanted to (22:48):
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Samuel Richards: talk about sort of one more (22:49):
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Samuel Richards: question. (22:51):
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Samuel Richards: Uh, and maybe, uh, so I'm kind of imagining this situation that (22:53):
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Samuel Richards: I'm in a holiday environment, I'm feeling overwhelmed and that (22:57):
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Samuel Richards: the blood is leaving my frontal cortex and going to my amygdala. (23:02):
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Samuel Richards: Um, do you have maybe can you speak on or some internal (23:07):
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Samuel Richards: dialogues or some affirmations that, you know, I can hold space (23:14):
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Samuel Richards: for myself or try and, like, step away from the situation or (23:19):
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Samuel Richards: just like, you know, more of a mental the mental hurdle of, oh, (23:23):
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Samuel Richards: I don't want to break the status quo in order to help myself. (23:29):
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Samuel Richards: Could you maybe like some tips for that situation? (23:34):
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Julie: I think one thing would be noticing our anchors looking (23:39):
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Julie: around like, even if you are in the room, you can kind of just (23:43):
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Julie: let your gaze go to something that feels soothing to you. (23:48):
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Julie: You can look for a color in (23:53):
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Samuel Richards: Mm (23:54):
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Julie: the room. (23:54):
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Julie: You can notice (23:55):
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Samuel Richards: mm. (23:56):
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Julie: what's going on at the window. (23:56):
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Julie: Like as far as is, what's the (23:58):
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Julie: weather doing right now or is (24:00):
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Julie: there something? (24:03):
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Julie: Is there a plant in the room? (24:04):
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Julie: Get curious (24:06):
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Samuel Richards: Mm. (24:07):
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Julie: about something within the room that just kind of feels either (24:07):
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Julie: neutral or pleasant, or that you can just kind of pause and (24:12):
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Julie: notice, even if you're doing that for 10s five seconds, (24:17):
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Samuel Richards: Mm. (24:21):
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Julie: or maybe linger there a little longer and just kind of give (24:22):
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Julie: your nervous system, some refreshment throughout the time (24:26):
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Julie: that you're there. (24:30):
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Julie: You know, I think that is progress that is getting in tune (24:31):
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Julie: with the moment and realizing that that I have choices, what I (24:39):
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Julie: can put my focus on, that I can notice good things, nourishing (24:44):
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Julie: things, safe things, and find those cues of safety. (24:50):
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Julie: And if I if my neuro ception is picking up on a cue of danger of (24:54):
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Julie: something that doesn't feel okay, I can step back from that. (24:58):
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Julie: I can I can move away, or I can take a bathroom break or I can (25:02):
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Julie: even step outside. (25:07):
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Julie: I've had people talk about, you (25:09):
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Julie: know, the weather's going to be (25:12):
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Julie: mild. (25:13):
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Julie: I'm going to be taking a lap (25:14):
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Julie: around the neighborhood or (25:15):
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Julie: something. (25:16):
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Julie: I'm just gonna spend (25:17):
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Samuel Richards: It's a good (25:18):
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Julie: a (25:18):
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Samuel Richards: idea. (25:18):
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Julie: little bit of time outside. (25:18):
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Julie: Um. Just getting a break from the intensity of everybody in (25:21):
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Julie: small quarters is to just say, if this gets to be a little bit (25:27):
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Julie: much for me, it's okay if I take a break and I and I step back a (25:32):
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Julie: little bit and (25:37):
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Sarah: Mm. (25:38):
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Julie: help myself feel more at ease. (25:38):
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Julie: That (25:42):
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Sarah: Mm. (25:42):
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Julie: is going to give (25:42):
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Samuel Richards: Mm. (25:43):
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Julie: off to others cues of safety, that it's (25:43):
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Samuel Richards: Mm. (25:46):
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Julie: okay that we take care of ourselves. (25:46):
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Julie: It's we have permission to have needs, you know, (25:49):
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Samuel Richards: Mm. (25:52):
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Julie: and and when I do that for myself, I also extend that (25:52):
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Julie: permission to other people to. (25:55):
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Samuel Richards: Mm. I like that. (25:57):
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Samuel Richards: Um, well, uh, I appreciate you joining us. (26:01):
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Samuel Richards: It's always a pleasure to have, uh, the three of us together. (26:05):
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Samuel Richards: Uh, and I'm so excited that we (26:09):
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Samuel Richards: can kind of expand this message (26:10):
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Samuel Richards: out. (26:12):
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Samuel Richards: Um, something that we wanted to (26:13):
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Samuel Richards: start doing was ending the (26:15):
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Samuel Richards: episode, um, with, like, a call (26:17):
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Samuel Richards: to action or something to do, (26:19):
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Samuel Richards: um, so. (26:22):
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Samuel Richards: well. (26:24):
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Samuel Richards: A good call to action is always self-care. (26:25):
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Samuel Richards: And as we lead up to this, uh, you know, holiday season, taking (26:28):
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Samuel Richards: a little bit of extra time to, you know, take care of yourself (26:33):
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Samuel Richards: is a good idea. (26:37):
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Samuel Richards: Um, something that I wanted to (26:38):
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Samuel Richards: offer as well, and something (26:40):
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Samuel Richards: that Connie and I tend to do (26:42):
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Samuel Richards: from time to time is volunteer (26:43):
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Samuel Richards: at different shelters or soup (26:45):
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Samuel Richards: kitchens. (26:47):
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Samuel Richards: Um, even the Van Buren shelter, uh, downtown Columbus area, uh, (26:48):
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Samuel Richards: has regular, like, meals that you can help participate in. (26:55):
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Samuel Richards: And, you know, maybe if your holiday is overwhelming, you can (26:58):
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Samuel Richards: go help somebody else's holiday become a little bit better. (27:02):
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Samuel Richards: I think that helps from time to time. (27:06):
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Samuel Richards: But I wanted to say from the (27:09):
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Samuel Richards: community roots family, um, the (27:11):
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Samuel Richards: yours, which you are totally a (27:14):
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Samuel Richards: part of. (27:16):
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Samuel Richards: Um. Happy holidays and we will talk to you guys soon. (27:17):
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Samuel Richards: See ya. (27:22):
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