Holiday Over-Functioning Leads to Burnout

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It’s Black Friday. Did you just spend all of Thanksgiving making everyone else's holiday perfect while eating cold food standing at the sink? Are you already dreading the sheer physical labor of Christmas before the leftovers are even put away?

If you are a helper, healer, or caregiver, you have likely defaulted to "over-functioning" mode. For women over 50, this isn't just generosity; it is a recipe for getting sick. Research shows that this specific type of holiday stress spikes your cortisol and crashes your immune system just when you need it most. You are trading your mental health for a "perfect" holiday that you are too exhausted to enjoy. This cycle of self neglect leaves you feeling overwhelmed, full of resentment, and dreading the very season meant for joy.

In this permission-granting episode, Dr. Juls breaks down why helpers default to martyrdom during the holidays and gives you the tools to stop the madness. You will learn to shift your mindset from "surviving" to actually living. Discover:

• The Biology of Holiday Burnout: How compassion fatigue and seasonal pressure combine to wreck your nervous system (and why your body is begging you to stop).
• The "Perfect" Trap: Why trying to curate magic for everyone else is a direct path to losing myself and anxiety.
• The Christmas NON-Negotiable List: A powerful homework assignment to set boundaries, protect your energy, and decide what you actually want this season.

You are allowed to sit down and eat a hot meal. Press play to stop over-functioning and reclaim your inner peace this Christmas.

This podcast supports women healers over 50 navigating burnout, compassion fatigue, and midlife transitions with strategies for nervous system regulation, trauma-informed boundaries, and chakra alignment to heal resentment and self-neglect while cultivating soul joy, radiance, and a purposeful next chapter of freedom and inner peace.

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Episodes drop every Tuesday at 5am and every Friday at noon.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Happy Friday, my beautiful,exhausted, over-functioning
helpers.
If you are already tired justthinking about Christmas, you
need this episode.
Stay with me.
I'm giving you the psychologyand the permission slip to stop
being the holiday mule.

(00:23):
Empowering brilliant women inhealthcare over 50 to transform
burnout and compassion fatigueinto renewed passion.
Reigniting your spark to createa life that energizes you every
single day.
I'm your host, Dr.
Jules.
Let's get to it.

(00:44):
All right, let's get real.
It's Black Friday, the day afteryou just orchestrated an entire
Thanksgiving dinner.
Made sure everyone had theirdietary needs met, cleaned the
house.
Oh Lord, cleaned the house, setthe table, cooked for hours,
most likely.
Oh, I just, my feet get so tiredeven in my sandals.

(01:09):
And girl, you smiled throughthat family drama and most
likely probably.
Ate your meal standing upbecause you were too busy,
making sure everyone else wascomfortable.
And now you're supposed to startthe Christmas cycle.
You know, the shopping, thedecorating, the baking the card,

(01:31):
writing the gift, wrapping theelf on the shelf.
Bullshit.
Thank God my, my boys are tooold for that.
We did not have elf on theshelf.
It would've scared the bejeebersout me a little.
Oh, I could just see.
The boys would've had a big timewith that, but anyway, you
don't.
Yeah, you've been messing withthat elf on the shelf.

(01:51):
The matching PJ's, the perfectfamily photos, the pressure we
put on ourselves all whileworking full-time.
Taking care of your patients.
Showing up for clients, gradingpapers, managing your own
household, trying not tocompletely lose your flipping
mind.

(02:12):
And here's the thing, nobodysays out loud, oh, you are not
making magic.
You are making yourself sick.
The research shows.
Holiday over functioning isdestroying your health, and let

(02:34):
me hit you with some science.
A 2018 study published in thepsycho neuroendocrinology.
That's a mouthful, magazine.
It's a, it's a journal.
It's a peer reviewed journal.
Found that women who reportedhigh levels of holiday stress,

(02:54):
specifically related toperfectionism and caretaking
responsibilities.
Y'all.
These gals had terribly elevatedcortisol levels for up to six
weeks after the holidays, sixweeks, your stress hormone stays

(03:17):
jacked up well into Januarybecause of Christmas.
Ladies, just take a big deepbreath and think about that
shit.
Six weeks.
We know what cortisol does tous.
Oh my Atlanta, huh?
No wonder we gained weight overChristmas, huh?
Good grief.
And another study from theAmerican Journal of Lifestyle

(03:39):
Medicine.
This is 2020 study found that68% of healthcare workers and
caregivers reported worseningphysical symptoms during the
holiday season.
Including insomnia, headaches,digestive issues, increased
anxiety, suppressed immunefunction.

(04:02):
Hello, January flu.
And y'all, here's the kicker.
We're educated women.
We're educated humans.
But here's the kicker.
The primary cause wasn't theholidays themselves.
Oh no.
It was the self-imposedpressure.
To create perfect experienceswhile others neglect their own

(04:28):
needs.
I said that wrong for others,while neglecting your own needs,
that sounds so much better, didnot make a damn busy sense to me
earlier.
Okay, so we're so busy runningaround taking care of others and
trying to do shit that we, youcannot control how someone
responds to your Christmas tree.
You, you might have spent three.

(04:50):
Days getting it perfect what youthink.
And someone might walk in andbecause they're polite, they
don't say it, but they're like,eh, look at that Christmas tree.
We, when we run around trying tocreate perfect experiences for
others, we're setting ourselvesup for a huge disappointment.
So here's the translation.

(05:10):
You're literally making yourselfsick trying to be Santa Claus,
Martha Stewart, although I justsaw that she did an American
Eagle, Christmas spread that,check that out on, your favorite
social media channel.
It's kind of cute.
But anyway, she is the epiepitome of perfectionism.
Is she not?
I mean an 80 something, doing abathing suit spread.

(05:32):
But anyway, we are makingourselves trying to sick, trying
to be Santa Claus and MarthaStewart, and a functional human
all at once.
The pattern over-functioning isyour default.
Here, my friend, is what'sreally happening if you're a
helper by profession.

(05:54):
I also say healer, healthcareprofessionals, all of us lumped
together.
That means nurse counselor,therapist, teacher, social
worker, caregiver, physician.
Wherever you fall, you've beentrained to put everyone else
first.
It's not just your job, it'syour identity.

(06:15):
So when the holidays rollaround.
You unconsciously apply thatsame all handle everything
energy to your personal life.
You over-function because youdon't trust anyone else to do it
right.

(06:36):
You feel guilty if you're notdoing enough.
You equate labor with love.
You believe your worth is tiedto how much you give.
And the holidays.
The holidays are the Super Bowlof over functioning.

(06:57):
It's the Olympics of selfabandonment.
And you are going for the goldmedal in Mar in martyrdom.
Oh, been there, done that.
I think I have a few hanging onmy bedroom wall, sadly.
Oh, here's the truth.
Bomb.
Your family doesn't need to.
Kill your, your family doesn'tneed you, my friend Doesn't need

(07:21):
you to kill yourself to have agood Christmas.
They need you present, notresentful.
They need you present andrested, and that starts with one
radical decision.
And here it's stop makingChristmas magic for everyone but

(07:42):
yourself.
Okay, so if holidayover-functioning is the problem,
what's the solution?
I'm gonna give you threepermission slips.
I know you don't need'em, butI'm giving'em to you and I want
you to consider these doctor'sorders.

(08:07):
Really, Christmas does not haveto be perfect.
And here's the, here is the bigannouncement.
It's not perfect.
No matter what you do, it's notperfect.
And, and we just set ourselvesup for this huge letdown.
We have these high expectations.
Y'all know about cognitivedissonance.
Here's where your expectationis.
I'm holding my hand at my top ofmy head and.

(08:28):
Here's where the reality is.
I'm holding my hand at my chest.
That's a big cognitivedissonance we do to ourself.
So here's the permission slip.
It's a wild concept.
Your kids will not remember ifyou made 12 types of cookies or
two.
They will not care if the treehas a theme or if you just threw

(08:49):
lights on it and called it aday.
What they're gonna remember.
Is if you were stressed, snappy,and resentful the entire month
of December.
During one of my poorest times,I remember decorating the
Christmas tree with the twoboys, and to this day, Blaker
still giggles about it.

(09:09):
I was trying to put the star onthe top of the Christmas tree
and I'm, I'm five four.
I'm not a tall person.
And so I was standing on achair, I guess.
And I'd lost my bounce and fellinto the tree and we all
toppled.
And Blake and Cliff still laughabout that.
I mean, it was my God talk aboutnot perfect, but they, you know,
that's the memory of us allbeing together and laughing
about something silly like that.

(09:31):
That's the things they remember.
So, and remember, I mean, thisis cliche.
We in the helping professionknow this, but people don't
remember so much what you do asmuch as how you make them feel.
Put that on a bumper sticker andslap that on your ass.
People don't remember so muchwhat you do.

(09:52):
They remember what, how you makethem feel, and that is big for
this season.
A 2019 study in the Journal ofFamily Psychology found that
children's positive holidaymemories were most strongly
correlated with parentalemotional presence.

(10:12):
Y'all.
It's not decorations, gifts, orelaborate traditions.
I guarantee you the boysremember very few of their,
Christmas gifts over the years,but they do remember going to
pea paws and memaw and mefollowing the Christmas tree,
you know, and various traditionsthat we have, the, you know,
waiting to open their gifts and,and just, you know,, our

(10:34):
traditions.
So repeat after me.
Good is enough.
Lemme say that again.
I left out one of the enoughs.
Good enough is enough.
Done is better than perfect.
My piece matters more thanPinterest.

(10:54):
Oh.
Do you have any crickets?
Amen.
So that's your first permissionslip.
It doesn't have to be perfect.
Second, you're allowed to sayno, and I know this is a big
one.
Some of y'all have got it andlike, no shit, Dr.
Jules, just say no.
But others of us have a peoplepleaser that comes up and
punches you in the gut.

(11:14):
So you need to work more atthis, but it is a big one.
You do not have to host everygathering.
Attend every event.
Buy gifts for everyone you'veever met.
Make 47 dozen cookies for thebake sale and volunteer for
every school, church communitything.

(11:35):
You, my friend, are allowed tosay no.
You can say it like this.
Not this year.
I'm keeping it simple.
We're doing something different.
I'm not available.
And here's the revolutionarypart.
You don't have to explain orjustify all that dancing around

(11:57):
we do.
Trying to get someone to likeour know it doesn't work and it
just weakens your nose.
So don't, don't, don't do that.
Just say.
Say your statement and be donewith it.
Research from the Journal ofConsumer Psychology 2021 found
that people who set clearboundaries around holiday
obligations reported 42% lowerstress levels and higher

(12:22):
relationship satisfaction.
Why you ask?
Because when you stopover-functioning, you stop
resenting everyone.
Okay, let that one sink in andwe're gonna go to permission.
Slip third.
The third one.

(12:42):
You Dear Soul, get to enjoy theholidays.
Two, this one might just blowyour mind, but here it's, you
are allowed to have fun duringthe holidays.
What?
That's right.
You are?
Not fun, as in I feel joywatching everyone else enjoy

(13:04):
what I created.
I mean, I'm sure there's somejoy in that, but you have,
you're exhausted from that.
I'm talking about actual FUN funfor you.
What would that even look like?
Could it be reading a bookinstead of wrapping gifts for
three hours?
Or taking a nap instead of deepcleaning the house or ordering

(13:29):
takeout instead of cooking anelaborate meal or maybe saying,
I'm doing something else formyself today without an ounce of
guilt.
Let's back this up with a study,shall we?
Emotional Journal 2020 foundthat women who intentionally
scheduled personal pleasureactivities during holidays had

(13:52):
significantly lower burnoutrates and higher life
satisfaction scores.
Here's the translation.
Taking care of yourself duringthe holidays isn't selfish.
It's strategic, and it issomething of kindness you do for
your loved ones.

(14:13):
So I've got a homeworkassignment for you.
I got a challenge for you, girl.
Got you a challenge.
Here it is time for yourhomework, and this is mandatory.
Consider it a prescription.
I.
The Christmas non-negotiablelist.
That's your assignment, andhere's what you're going to do
today.
Yes.

(14:35):
Today, even on Black Friday, Iwant you to grab a piece of
paper or open your notes app onyour phone and create two lists.
Okay?
List one things I'm not doingthis year.
Write down three to five thingsyou've done in past holidays

(14:55):
that drained your ass.
Stressed you out or made youresentful?
I don't know, like hostingChristmas Eve dinner or making
homemade gifts for everyone.
Oh, my attending, every holidayparty I'm invited to, or, you
know, decorating every room inthe house or sending over a
hundred Christmas cards.

(15:15):
If these things stressed youout, don't do it.
Write them on this list.
And these are yournon-negotiables.
You are not doing them thisyear, period.
And I promise you, the world isgonna continue turning.
Okay?
Here's your second list thingsI'm doing for myself.

(15:36):
So you write down three to fivethings that would actually bring
you joy this holiday season.
Not things that make you a goodmom or a good daughter or a good
employee.
I'm talking about those thingsthat make you feel freaking
alive.
All capital letters.
So Dr.
Jules, what would that even be?

(15:56):
Well, I am here to help you withthat.
So here's some examples.
Um, I don't know what aboutgoing to see holiday lights
without anyone else in the car,although I'd want my Kelly with
me and I'd really like my boysand kids with me.
But that's just something tothink about.
Reading a cozy book with zerointerruptions, getting a
massage, sleeping in on aweekend morning.

(16:19):
Saying no to something withoutguilt.
Hmm.
These are your actualnon-negotiables.
These will happen.
You have a deadline.
You have until Sunday, November30th to create both.
Tell one person what's on yourlist.

(16:41):
Partner.
Friend, therapist, puppy, dog.
I don't care.
Just say it out loud.
Your amygdala needs to hear yousay it and then commit to
honoring them.
Why this works when you namewhat you're not doing, you
remove the guilt.
It's a decision, not a failure.

(17:03):
When you name what you are doingfor yourself, you give yourself
permission to prioritize yourown wellbeing.
And here's the magic.
When you stop over functioningand start taking care of
yourself, you show up for theholidays as a person, not a
martyr.
And that is what your familylongs for, needs, wants.

(17:29):
Okay, let's wrap this up becauseI know you've got Black Friday
Chaos to navigate.
Here's what we covered.
Holiday over functioning ismaking you sick.
Literally, research showselevated cortisol suppressed
immunity and burnout that lastinto the new year.

(17:49):
Second, the problem in theholidays.
It's the self-imposed pressureto create perfection for
everyone else while abandoningyourself.
Third girl, you have permissionto let it be good enough.
Say no without explanation andactually show up and enjoy
yourself these holidays.

(18:12):
Your homework, create yourChristmas non-negotiable list
what you're not doing and whatyou are doing for yourself.
Deadline this Sunday.
Here's the thing I want you toremember.
You've been conditioned tobelieve that your worth is tied
to how much magic you create forothers.
But here's the truth, you, myfriend, are the magic.

(18:36):
Not because of what you do, butbecause of who you are.
And when you stop killingyourself to prove your worth,
you give everyone around you,the everyone around you, the
permission to do the same.
And that's a real gift.
So this Black Friday, whileeveryone else is out fighting

(18:59):
over discounted TVs, I want youto give your the yourself the
gift of not over functioning.
It's free, it's revolutionary,and it will change your entire
holiday season.
All right.
If this episode spoke to you atall, please share with another

(19:20):
over-functioning, exhaustedsoul.
And also I have two free giftsfor you.
One is the Compassion FatigueCure Starter Guide, and the
other is the Burnout RadianceReset.
Both free.
Both, are in my show notes.
Just click those links and theyare gonna be on the way to you.
And just as a reminder, I willbe, firing up.

(19:44):
Hotter after 50 podcast December1st, and I would love for you to
hop over there and get a tasteof that.
Also be on the lookout for the12 Days of Christmas special,,
series that I'll be doing fory'all.
So have a blessed day and I willsee y'all soon.