Why You Smile When You Want to Scream and How the Fawn Response Fuels Compassion Fatigue

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Have you ever found yourself agreeing to a favor while your stomach was physically knotting up in protest? Or perhaps you have caught yourself apologizing to a patient or family member who was actively yelling at you?

You aren't just "nice," and you aren't just a "people pleaser." You are reacting from the Fawn Response. This is a biological survival strategy where you instinctively "merge with the aggressor" to avoid conflict. While this mechanism may have kept you safe in the past, today it is destroying your nervous system and driving deep compassion fatigue. It creates an internal war between your mouth (which says "Yes") and your body (which is screaming "No").

In this episode, we decode the biology of your compliance. You will discover why setting a boundary often feels like a death threat to your nervous system and how to realign your energy so you stop abandoning yourself to keep everyone else warm. We also teach you the exact script for "The Sacred Pause"—a vital tool that buys you time so you never have to fake a "Yes" again.

Your "No" is the guardian of your "Yes." Press play to stop fawning and start leading.

This podcast supports women healers over 50 navigating burnout, compassion fatigue, and midlife transitions with strategies for nervous system regulation, trauma-informed boundaries, and chakra alignment to heal resentment and self-neglect while cultivating soul joy, radiance, and a purposeful next chapter of freedom and inner peace.

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Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Welcome to the 12 days ofRadiance Reset.
We are ditching the holidayoverwhelmed to take you from
exhausted and trapped to radiantand free.
This is your end of yearreconnection.
You aren't just nice, you aren'tjust a people pleaser.

(00:26):
Sweet soul, you are traumatized.
That instinct to smile and agreewhen you feel unsafe, that
compulsion to make everyone elsecomfortable while you are dying
inside, that is a survivalresponse.
And today we stop surviving andstart living y'all.

(00:50):
Empowering brilliant women inhealthcare over 50 to transform
burnout and compassion fatigueinto renewed passion.
Reigniting your spark to createa life that energizes you every
single day.
I'm your host, Dr.
Jules.
Let's get to it.

(01:11):
Today we are decoding the fawnresponse.
And you need to listen to thevery end of this episode because
I'm going to explain why sayingno feels like a death threat to
your nervous system.
This is why you physically can'tget the word out.

(01:32):
We are going to talk abouttrauma-informed boundaries.
This isn't about being mean orselfish.
It is about staying inside yourown body.
And I am teaching you the sacredpause.
I'm giving you a specific scriptto buy you time, so you never

(01:54):
have to say a fake yes.
Again, let's look at thebiology.
You know all about fight andflight and you know, freeze, but
for women.
Especially women healers such asourselves.
Fawn is the secret killer.

(02:18):
We are socialized to fawn.
It means merging with theaggressor or the person in power
to stay safe.
In healthcare, we fond thedoctors, we fond administrators.
We fond angry patients todeescalate the room.

(02:38):
We fond insurance companies.
I mean, the list is endless, buthere is the cost.
It creates a war inside of youthink cognitive dissonance.
Your body is screaming unsafe,but your mouth is saying, well,

(03:00):
of course I can help.
That conflict destroys yournervous system.
So let's look at thisenergetically.
'cause energetically this is allabout alignment.
When you fawn, you literallyleave your body, your project,

(03:26):
your energy, you project yourenergy into the other person to
anticipate their needs.
Their mood, their comfort.
You, my friend, are unaligned.
You have vacated the premises ofyour own soul and when you

(03:51):
aren't home, you cannot protectyourself.
So how do we get back in thebody?
We are going to use the sacredpause.
Here is the rule for the next 24hours.
You are not allowed to say yesimmediately to anyone.

(04:16):
When someone asks you forsomething, a shift change, a
favor, a holiday, dinner dish,you must use this script.
Write it down.
Here's what you say.
You ready?
You say.
Let me check my capacity and getback to you.

(04:39):
That's it.
Then you walk away, you breathe,you feel your feet on the floor,
and you ask your body, do wewant to do this?
If the answer is not a hell yes,then sweet soul, it is a no.

(04:59):
Your no is the guardian of youryes.
Protect your peace.
So is fawning your go-to move?
Do you disappear or do youovergive?
You need to take the, what'syour burnout, compassion
fatigue, archetype quiz that'slinked in the show notes right

(05:23):
now.
You need to know Stop fa, stopfawning.
Start leading.
We rise together.
If this episode hit home, don'tjust nod and move on.
Give yourself what you actuallyneed.

(05:44):
Tap the show notes right now.
And girl, if you know anotherwoman healer who's running on
empty, please share thisepisode.