Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Hello, and welcome to the Palette cleanser. My Amazon simone
and I recently did my first ever Facebook marketplace purchase
and I will never ever do it again. I did
my first ever Facebook marketplace purchase, and I'd never done
one of these before. I was very nervous because one,
(00:29):
I don't like talking to strangers. Two, I don't like
strangers talking to me. Three I don't like talking. That
was a lie. But this item popped up and I'd
been wanting it for a while, so okay, well let
me send a message. And it looked like the real deal.
It looked like what I wanted, so I said, okay,
(00:50):
how much and they said X amount of dollars. I'm
not revealing my finances.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
How rude.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
And at that point I realized there's no real safety
net with Facebook marketplace because once you send the money,
what do you do. I know, you can meet up
with cash at the moment, but who has cash in
this day unless you're a drug dealer, which I am not.
So I had to just transfer this money to this stranger.
And then I got really scared. I got really nervous,
(01:16):
and I decided that I didn't want to meet this stranger.
So I enlisted my mother to go into the firing
line to purchase seid item and pick up set item
for me, And hear going, why would you put your
mother at risk?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
If you've listened to the episode.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
With my mum, you know that she is a confident
woman and she will stand in front of whatever firing
line she needs to for me. Now, let me paint
a picture for you. My mom is five foot nothing,
little blonde bob bit of little glasses, very polite looking lady.
You might see it's on my show selling my merch.
She likes to wear a bit of spark levery now
and then, and wearing a little badge that says artsimone's
(01:54):
proud mum. So of course I was going to send
her in front of the firing line to go and
pick up my goods from a stranger in Werribee. And
she's updating me the whole time. She's like, almost got it,
almost got it, almost got it, and she got it safely. Now,
what happened within the meeting has not been revealed to me.
I think for my own safety. What I'm picturing in
(02:14):
my head is that, you know, punches were thrown, There
was like police sirens. There was maybe some lasers involved
that she had to dodge to go and get this item.
Maybe she also had to sell her soul. Well never
know because she won't reveal it to me. But she
did get the goods, and I was so de wet
to get this thing off her, so desperate. Instead of
(02:35):
being like, oh, well wait till I see you next, no,
I said, I need it right now.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
I need it tonight.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
So I decided to meet her on the side of
the freeway between Geelong and Melbourne. So we're in Werribey
on the side of the freeway at a CAFC car park.
Now it's dark, it's like eight o'clock at night. We're
the only two cars in this car park. When I
finally rock up. Mum called me when she got there.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
And she's like, you'll see me. Don't know what I'm there,
So I drive in.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Of course there's only one car sitting in the car
park and it's my mum. So I drive in. It
looks so dodgy, the people sitting in the window of
CAFC watching only one car in the entire car park,
and then my car drives in and parks it directly
next to it. It's the equivalent of when you're pissing
at the urinal and there's the entire freeze space, so
(03:23):
many cubicles. Yet the guy walks in and stands right
next to you and on zips and goes a toilet
right next to you.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Why I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Or when you're sitting on it, like on the bus
and someone sits down next to you, why I don't know.
But I drive in, park my car next to her,
wind down my window. I was really playing it up
at this moment.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
I go, you got the goods? She goes yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
And then I hear my mom's door close and like
good clockick, clock click, and she's standing at my window.
She's got a bad holding it so close to her body.
Looking into my window. People are still leading their zinger
Berger staring at us, and she grabs him, grabs a
box and hands it through the window. But then she
(04:15):
stays there because she wants to watch what happens next.
Because I look at the box, I give it a shake,
I open it and inside was my la booby. Oh
my god, here's my la boo boo. Everyone, And I
know what you're saying. I thought you hated La Boo boos. No,
(04:36):
I just said I hated everyone else had them and
I had to resort to back Ali KFC car park
handovers to get one. Okay, I've finally got it. I've
finally got it. Now, how much did this costs me?
Not the normal price?
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (04:50):
No, I think finances are something that people should talk
about and let's be honest about it. This little gremlin
demon child that has haunted me and has on my
wish list for a very long time fitty bucks, and
I hear going that is ridiculous, Yeah, babe, it is,
but they're currently going for like one hundred bucks plus.
You know, there's a vending machine at like Werribee Plaza
(05:13):
eighty five dollars and you don't even know which one
you're getting because it's this lady on the Facebook marketplace.
She's searching for the secret one, which is the rare one.
So she just keeps buying cases of them and opening
the case at the card at the bottom to see
which one's in there, because you can just look at
the card, and so she knew exactly which ones were
in what boxes, but didn't open the top so you
(05:34):
could still have the satisfying peeling of the strip at
the top and you can open the bag, and she
had the one I wanted, which was the blue one,
which is the only one I wanted. So technically, what
are these thirty two dollars each normally fifteen bucks postage?
So I only spent three dollars to pick the one
I wanted, whereas I could have been buying mean, I
couldn't because you can't buy them anywhere, but I could
(05:54):
have been buying constant ones of them over and over
and over and over and over again until I got
the one I wanted, So I actually save money, Okay,
drag queen math. So the lady that I bought off
on Facebook marketplace, she really wants to get the super
secret rare one, which is one in I don't know,
ninety two. And the only way you can get those
is you've got to keep buying boxes and boxes of them.
So you buy a box it's got six of them
(06:16):
in there, every other one of the colors, but sometimes
one of the colors is swapped out and you get
the super secret rare one, which is rainbow. So what
she does is she doesn't open all the packets. She
just opens the bottom of the box and there's a
card in there, and the card says which one you get?
So apparently she'd open the bottom of all these boxes,
saw which ones were which, and she'd just written with
(06:37):
a sticky note the names of the ones on the
different boxes. So why does that have to trust that
she was telling the truth or that there was something
in the box or are there's some sellers that will
kick the box but put a fake one inside the box,
so you don't even know because the box is what
makes it look real.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
So why does have to trust her?
Speaker 1 (06:54):
And yes, I sent the money in advance, but they're
so popular at the moment, they're so in demand that
I had to make sure I could get it. My
mum is obsessed with them too now, she's been watching
all about them on TikTok. So she made me do
an unboxing in front of her and she's like, which
one will you get? And we really played it up
and I shake sugar and I tapped the box and said, oh,
I hope I get the blue one, and then I
(07:15):
ripped it open, I pulled it out and we were
both going, yeah, anyway, we're still in the car park
the KC car park. So those people, I don't know
what was going through their heads. It looked really, really dodgy,
and it was very fearful for me because I didn't
know if this was going to be a la fufu
or a La boo boo, because the foo food could
be the fake one. But I'm happy to report top nick,
(07:37):
I recommend anyone if you want to get one, spend
your money.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
I don't care anymore.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
I'm pro la boo boo for you who Okay, yeah,
so I'm never doing that again ever, ever, ever, one
because I got the one I wanted too, because it
was just not very fun. It was too stressful. I
put my mother's life on the line, and I don't
think I can do that again. I'd just rather go
to a shop and purchase something. But this is why
I'm angry at everyone who likes the Laboo boos who
(08:02):
doesn't actually like the labooos, because you forced me to
go to Facebook marketplace. Absolutely not Facebook Marketplaces for saying, oh,
there's my mattress on the street, grab it.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Not doing this. This is the Pala Clenser.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Now stick around because we have got our first ever
guest Star International Sensation coming up for you on the episode.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
So let's get into it now.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
Hi, it's had a CONDI here from a ripples Drag
Race down Under season two and I once thought that
it would better to tell my grandparents that I was
a stripper than I was a drag queen.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Hello, Hannah, my favorite stripping drag queen from Drag Race
Under but also from UK versus the world as well.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
You can't forget that one, please?
Speaker 3 (08:51):
Oh yeah, no I can't. But you know you always
got to credit the original.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Oh true, but you got to show it off where
you ken. That's a very special thing. International superstar sense
say thank you so much for popping my cherry here
on the palate cleanser as my first of a guest
in this style of episode. Did you actually tell your
parents that your grandparents you're a stripper or you just
thought it's just easier for you to do that. I
want to know, tell me the story. Let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
So back when I started doing drag in Perth, like,
my parents were work fine with me doing drag, but
they're like, just don't tell your grandparents because like you know,
we don't want to shock them. They don't really understand
these things, and they're going to be really confused, and
so I didn't. I was like, I held it. But
then as it kind of got out of the realm
(09:37):
of being a habit.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
Oh, not a habit. It's still a habit, a hobby.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
I meant.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
For the government, it's definitely a hobby, just a hobby.
I'm a hobbyist for the tax.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
But when it got out of the realm of being
like the hobby and it got a little bit more serious,
I was like, oh, I kind of have to maybe
tell them what I do, because like you know, they're like,
how's work, and I'm like, yeah, great, and then you know,
it just it kind of blocked our relationship.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Yeah. Well, it's a big part of your life, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
How else do you explain the late hours and you know,
the tom foolery of it all.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
It's not exactly you can say, oh, I'm retail worker.
Speaker 4 (10:17):
Well this is the thing.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
This is when it like got to the point where
I had to tell them, like something was they I
got gifted personalized number plates for my car from the
Court hotel staff and it said HC one three WA.
That was my number plate since returned them now, so
I'm not boxing myself. And then so my grandparents saw
(10:41):
them and they're like, what's HC stand for? And instead,
you know, because I hadn't told him, I do trag,
So I was like, oh, it's hot Chris because my
boy name's Chris.
Speaker 4 (10:53):
So I was like, I'm hot Chris. That's weird. Why
why would your work give you hot Chris number plates?
Speaker 3 (11:02):
And then I was like, I'm actually like a podium
dancer and a bit of a stripper at a nightclub?
Speaker 2 (11:12):
No go on? And how did that go down with them?
Speaker 3 (11:16):
My ned I could see my mom and dad in
the background going that's that's worse, Like, that's even more confusing,
And I'm like sitting there panicking like I'm like, I've
just told my grandparents I'm a stripper because I was
like I didn't want to tell them.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
I did drag.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Yeah, not my proudest moment. And so then I had
to be like, you know, pretend to be a stripper?
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Now, why pretend when you can just be? That's what
I want to know. Did you ever get to jump
on a podium as hot Chris?
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Have you? Has that come to fruition at all?
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Over the years all kind of I do this number
like to Ida Maria's I like you so much better
when you naked, and I do take off all of
my clothes and run around naked.
Speaker 4 (12:01):
So it kind of did come true.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Ish.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
If anyone gets to see you do that number, they
can see that you are channeling hot Chris in that moment, which.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Hot like of all the things I could have said,
like you know, hot cappuccino, or.
Speaker 5 (12:18):
Like hungry caterpillary chair, hungry caterpillar, Like of all the
things I could have said, why hot Chris and why
double it down with the story of being a podium
dancer and stripper.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Have you been able to unpack this later?
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Have you had hypnosis to really get to the root
of why you decided to be hot Chris in that moment?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Has the answer come to you?
Speaker 3 (12:38):
I think it may be, you know, being like a
gay that hasn't ever fit into like a group. You know,
I've never been a twink or a bear, an honor
or any of those things. I've always just been a
plumped up, little tubby round kid. So I maybe felt
like it could have been pushing me into into a
space where I actually had value and stance in our
(13:00):
community that wasn't just drag. I could be a hot,
sexy boy and desired.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
By the mass.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
It's a it's a different style of adoration to a
hot person. I understand what you mean there too, because
they can look at us on stage looking extra glamorous
and funny and stylish and incredible and George Helton talented, but.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
That still does not come anywhere close to just being hot.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
Ever Yeah, no, ever, no, it never works, It never cares.
So maybe there was that. But I have to say though,
like like we had that demarcle and I think that
story ran for like six months and it was just
before I moved to Sydney, and then I had to go,
you know what, I've got to come clean.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
It was that far into your career, Yeah, like four
years fu. Okay, So did you have that conversation in
the end.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
Yeah, So I ended up just like I was like
I have to I was like, I can't be this
in their mind, like and for me, I was like
I want to share this with them because it's like,
drag is such a big part of my life and
I've really committed. So I felt like it had a
bit of a wall between my grandparents. So I made
them a little PowerPoint presentation of some photos and took
(14:15):
it down to their house and sat there and explained
that I wasn't hot CHRISTI stripper, but I was actually,
in fact Hanaconda, the woman the Cross.
Speaker 4 (14:24):
And my grandma like loved it.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Oh great.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
She was really angry with me that I withheld it
for such a long time because she's like, I wanted
to come to the shows, so she was furious she
missed out on five years of shows.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Did you turn around to your parents to go see
this is because of you. I could have had this.
There's a wonderful open relationship. Excuse me, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
And I was like, because it was like, I think
it was part of them. You know, I love my
mom and dad, but I think they wanted to protect
my grandparents and not send him to an early grave.
But like, we read the whole situation so wrong. But
now so every time I go back to Perth and
then comes in, we get her a nice little chair
at the front of the front of the stage, give
her a Bailey's.
Speaker 4 (15:08):
She loves it.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
That's so wonderful.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
And I think the moral of this story is that
powerpoints can cure any family relationships. That's all it takes
is a power point presentation.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
Well not only that art, not just a PowerPoint, but
a PowerPoint with with word art.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Oh that is true and a good transition as well.
Speaker 4 (15:27):
Yeah, yeah, with the flying ticks the screen not what Chris?
Speaker 1 (15:42):
So, Hannah, you're on tour at the moment. You're currently
touring all across Australia with the Snatch Game Live show
for in the Dark Events, which if no one has
heard of it, it's all your favorite characters from Snatch
Game franchises across the country.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
And the world.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
You were on a lineup with some of the biggest
names in the drag world. We've got got Meg, We've
got Jimbo, We've got Trinity the Tuck, We've got Jujubi,
We've got Pithia.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Is that everyone? Have I missed someone? Hear?
Speaker 4 (16:13):
Coffee?
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Oh? Tea and coffee?
Speaker 4 (16:16):
You forget tea coffee?
Speaker 1 (16:17):
No?
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Sorry?
Speaker 1 (16:18):
What is it like as an Australian artist, You're used
to touring the country and working in these scenes, but
there's something crazy that happens when you bring these international
girls into our arena.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
What is it like?
Speaker 1 (16:35):
What are the reactions like? And also, if there's any
gossip you can give me from the dressing room. I
don't know, something salacious.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
I don't know. Maybe someone didn't brush their teeth. I
don't know. I'm not putting out there. I'm not putting
out there.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
Well, asmone, I heard it here first, But tear coffee.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
She shat my wigs? She did?
Speaker 1 (16:56):
That would be really hard in one of your Laza
whigs because there's not much surf theia there.
Speaker 4 (17:02):
There's no hair in it.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
And it went through and it went through into my
brand new tube pay How dare she?
Speaker 4 (17:10):
No?
Speaker 1 (17:10):
So she's not the shat new wings and on your
two pay that is. That is just a scandalous scoop
for us here today.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
And I got punched in the face with one of
Jimbo's massive breasts.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Oh wow, are you gonna We don't sue over here?
They've they're probably so confident to do whatever they want here.
But in America you'd have a litigation right in front
of you and no time hopesoever.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
So yeah, so I'm now bribing her. I've got her
on ransom. I said, I'll lead the story.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
Oh shit, I've done it.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Oh no, sorry, guys, we have to send me some
of your millions of dollars.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
But overall, it's been such a great time. Like there's
such a generous group of girls, and you know, because
we're in this snatch game show, you know, it's not
just yourself like working with each other and it's very
difficult if someone's kind of closed, but they've been so
open and they're bouncing and like we figured out we've
(18:08):
got a groove.
Speaker 4 (18:09):
And we have Reese.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
As well, who's hosting Rhys Nicholson, so he's our little host,
our wrangler. That poor bustard, he's got no control over
any of us.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
No, I don't pictured it all. It's just a fun auntie.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Really. He just goes in and goes, yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
Yeah, he just he just he just goes, well, this
is it, this is my life. But they're like they've
been really really lovely. It's been such a joy to do.
This is my second snatch game and it is interesting
because like, you know, these divas are big names in
the drag world, and there was a point where I thought,
(18:46):
you know, I felt a little bit intimidated, but then
I realized, like I'm the best, so whatever, it's all
the tugs but you know, I tell you the other
thing that I've been loving is like, like you, I'm
a huge fan of our local scenes. So like I'm like,
no one's sleeping, We're all going out and meeting the locals.
(19:08):
So you know, last night onto Oxford Street and they
met like they met local legends like Tammy Ponds.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Yeah, yeah, yes, I saw some videos last night. I
saw them so heaven.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
Yeah, because I think you don't understand the country's drag
unless you get out and to see, you know, those
that are performing every single night of the week. So
you know, we went out, saw the shows, met a
couple of the girls, like, and I'm doing that in
every city, Like to my detriment.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
When you go to the club, do you have a
long stick with a flag on the end so you
can do your tours as you walk around, and a
little torch and you go and over in this back corner,
this is where someone spewed their guts out for three weeks.
It was good time. And over there there's two people routing.
They're in love. That's nice, that'd beautiful.
Speaker 4 (19:56):
It's literally exactly what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
All right.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
It it's time for concealed weapons where we get a
hack from a hack, but this time this hack aka
me is speaking to another hack. Akay, Hannah, who's going
to do a hack for all you hacks? What have
you gone, Hannah Conda.
Speaker 4 (20:22):
My life hack?
Speaker 3 (20:23):
Here we go as and it took me years to
get to this hack. But don't worry about getting on
for nest to ride all these hair regrowth tablets. Just
shave the center part of your head and commit to
the tube. The tube pay has changed my life.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Oh I love that you're such pro toop. You've been
very open with your experience with it as well. It's
very fascinating. What's it like wearing a wig on a week?
What do you take it on?
Speaker 4 (20:52):
Double stacked? Double stack every day?
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Do you sometimes just go I'd love to take this
if I've got too much drag coming up, no one's gonna
see my head and just off like what now?
Speaker 2 (21:01):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
It's taped to my head. It's got wig tape. So
she stays on for like two weeks max. And then
you take her off, give her a wash, redo the tape,
and whack her back on. And you want to shave
underneath your head as well. But like I spent soap.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Oh that is a phone call. Who calls the phone
is your hotel phone?
Speaker 4 (21:27):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Go away.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
I'm just gonna open it and hang it up. Just
hang up if any that's another hack. If the phone
starts ringing, hang up, hang up.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Soapbox.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
All right, So I had it to close out the episode,
I'm gonna be gifting you the soap Box segment here
today where you get thirty seconds to spook.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Whatever you want to.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
You can tell me a story, you can read me
a poem, you could advertise a show so you could
tell someone that you love them, or you could promote
anything that you have going on your life. And if
anyone listening wants to do this as well, don't forget
to either check out the show notes or jump onto
our socials and they can also submit a Soapbox moment
to play throughout the episode. It's my gift to you.
I'm giving back to the community. What have you got
(22:17):
for is miss Hanacondah.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Wellsman, I'm going to combine a whole host of things.
So my name is Hannahkondra and I have an Instagram
It's Hana Kondra Official. I also have a podcast, it's
called what's loss got to do with it? Because in
my life I've experienced loss.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
Is that all you want? You've got more time.
Speaker 4 (22:40):
I'm thinking I was trying to make it rhyme, but
then it didn't really rhyme.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
And then.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
But then here in this.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
All times up, I'm sorry that.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
I'm so sorry, Henahkonda, your soapbox moment.
Speaker 4 (23:00):
I got my I got my promos in.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
But I tell you, I was trying to make it rhyme,
and then it all didn't rhyme, and then I've got
another phone call coming in on this phone.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
I've got this phone ringing.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
I'm like, oh my, oh my god, today's a stressful day,
and here I am stealing ten more seconds from got Yr.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
I understand the rhyming trouble because when we did our
snatch game on our season of Drag Race, Miss kid
Amene was doctor Zeus, and she was in her head
that she wanted to rhyme every single thing that came
out of her mouth. And it was so funny because
whenever ru would ask her a question, she'd just sit
there silent for thirty seconds, working it out in her
(23:38):
head to then say the answer in a rhyme, and
it was so funny because we would just be like, hello, what's.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Going on, and then you finally say rhyme. It's very hard.
It's very hard. Oh, but thank you so much for
joining us.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
Please go and check out Hannah on her socials, Go
check out her to her, go check out her podcast.
Go support all your drag darlings, Go see show support venues,
and hopefully we'll see more from you soon. Is Hanaconda.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Ah love you.
Speaker 4 (24:06):
Art, thank you for having me. I feel concealed.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
And that was.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
This week's Palette cleanser episode. Thank you so much for
joining us here.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
At Concealed with Art Simone. And don't forget.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
If you want to send in your own soapbox moment,
head into the show notes and you can send in
a voice note and you can have thirty seconds of
my podcast to do whatever you want. And if you
need some advice on something, you can also send in
a voice note and I can provide you with all
the tips and tricks to help make.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Your life better. But don't forget.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
We'll be back next week with a normal Concealed episode.
And that guest is a lovely lady all the way
from Los Angeles, California, whose name is Rosy. She's a
very well known voice, actor, and musician, and that's not
even what makes her interesting.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
So be sure to check back in next week.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
My name's Artsimone, You're all bloody fabulous and we'll see
next week.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
Bye m hm.