April 14, 2022 • 50 mins
This week, the guys are joined by well known TikToker and actor Ian Paget to break down some relationship secrets, and open up about his recent breakup with Chris Olsen. Topics include social media, habits, food kinks, queerness, and diary snooping, to name a few.
If you'd like a chance to hear your secret revealed on the podcast, you can submit your secret on our website: ConfessYourMess.us
IG: @_AJGibson / @EmileEnnisJr / @ConfessYourMessPodcast
Twitter: @AJGibson / @EmileEnnisJr / @ConfessPodcast
Watch on YouTube
From Straw Hut Media
If you'd like a chance to hear your secret revealed on the podcast, you can submit your secret on our website: ConfessYourMess.us
IG: @_AJGibson / @EmileEnnisJr / @ConfessYourMessPodcast
Twitter: @AJGibson / @EmileEnnisJr / @ConfessPodcast
Watch on YouTube
From Straw Hut Media
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Straw media Cheerio.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Did you say cheerio because our guest was born and
raised in London.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
I don't know. Maybe no, I was gonna say jolly oh,
but I don't think that's real.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
I don't think that's the thing. Cheriofinitely, I think this thing.
We have an amazing guest today. Ian you have probably
seen all over TikTok Full transparency. Actually, hold on me
read some things from your bio first before we get
into the full transparency. But they're an actor. They performed
on Broadway. They've been in both film and TV like
(00:34):
Rock of Ages, Step Up, Revolution and Mozart in the Jungle,
One Life to Live.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Respective Mozart, Mozart, Mozart, Mozart, Mozart.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
I don't know, I always said in Mozart, but you know,
from Atlanta. And then also there's a few episodes of
lip Sync Battle, Dancing with the Stars and SNL sprinkled
in there. I love this bio, by the way, but
he really started to gain traction on TikTok in April
of twenty twenty, which, by the way, so many people
lose up in that March to April range when people
(01:04):
you know, were signing things to do when they were quarantine.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
I was in the corner crying at the bottle of
red wine and the red.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Wine and if you listen to the podcast, you know
as my favorite left the red wine cheese it anyway,
welcome to the pod Ian pageant.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Man, you guys. If I if there was a class
on like banter and like how to like, yes, and
I would say this was like, this is the banter
one oh one class that I just witnessed.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
That's one of the biggest compliments I think we've ever
seen because.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
We've actually taken our classes on that. It's actually we
met a hundred years ago taking class, or we didn't
meet there, but we started getting classes together. But but
really it's more of a bicker. It's more of a
less of a banter and more of a bicker. Sometimes
it's like a yeah, yes sort of and m hmm
because you know we're getting married.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
And also we're super sassy today because you you know,
because I told you before started the pod, I got
four hours of sleep last night, so you're getting a
special breed of a meal today.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Yeah, how did you why only four hours? What was
tell us?
Speaker 2 (02:08):
You know, sometimes life happens and you have things on
your mind, you can't fall asleep, and then you do
fall asleep, and then your partner leaves in the morning.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
I think I kind of want to take a little
bit of blame for this because yesterday, so I was
just in a mood and I don't know what was
going on. I was I was second guessing every single
choice in my life, my career, my ability to even
do anything. And I was like, I think I'm a fraud.
I'm a big fraud. I was having some imposter syndrome,
and I kind of think I brought my partner down
a little bit, and then he was worried about me.
(02:38):
So I don't think he slept that well. And then
I got up for work, as I do every weekday.
I host a morning radio show, so I'm gonna work
at five am every day, and sometimes I wake him
up on accident, but I always give him a kiss
before I leave. You do usually just on the shoulder,
or sometimes I'll just kiss a random pillow because it's
dark and I can't see him.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Sometimes non invasive kiss.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Yeah, yeah, if I wake him up, that's a whole
different story.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
I want the kiss. This morning, so I saw and
he was leaving and I didn't fall back asleep after
but it's fine. I'll take a nap after this podcast.
But we're so happy to have you here. Let's let's
let's quickly before we, you know, get into the show.
If you is this your first time listening, this is
Confess your Mess Welcome. So on this podcast we get
listeners submitted secrets and people confess to us and we
break down these secrets with our special guest today, it's Ian.
(03:22):
So Ian, you know, you got famous on TikTok.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
With your ex, and I am more famous.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Yeah, more famous? Well, well, definitely we're gonna get into
kind of your breakup and your life after because it
was a very public breakup. You guys were trending and
full transparency. We didn't know of you and Chris before
meeting you at Queer to Us the other night, just
because we don't really get on TikTok like that. Yeah,
but we we were gonna get into all that. But
(03:48):
before we do that, you know this podcast is about secrets,
So AJ, why don't you kick it off with our
first segment?
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Okay, so in order to trust you, because we're just
still getting to know you, right, and in order to
trust you with our messengers confessions. Uh, this is not
the big secret that you brought that you're gonna share
with us at the end of the pod. This is
like a little teeny tiny secret. This is more of
a vice, a bad habit. Maybe a person or something
that you just not have not been able to say
no to over the years. Maybe it's that person you
still you know dial late night after you've had a
(04:16):
couple of cocktails. Maybe it's still that snack that you
you know you have when you know you shouldn't, but
you just can't say no to it. This is, yeah,
the snack that smiles back. That's a meal's nickname. He's
not He's not a snack. He's a meal. This is
your mess.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
But yes, ooh okay, I hate being in the hot seat,
but I love it at the same time. So a
bad habit of mine is saying I have habits and
then not keep going through with them. Like I'll be
like I'm doing this thing right now. It's like that,
I'll do it like once or twice, right, I'll feel
really good about it, talk to my friends and like
(04:51):
get the validation of like, oh yeah, like that's great.
I don't need people to tell me I'm amazing, but
just like yes, yes, like you just said, like work,
and then like after that kind of dies and I
just like sometimes go like okay, next thing. It's not
even that I don't want to do it because I
got the validation, but there's this kind of like oh
I found the joy in it. I did it onto
(05:13):
the next if that makes sense sense, you know what
I mean. It's it's very that for me, like I
will start a thing because I think it's what will
make me feel better. It does. I feel that it
does what it does for me, and like perfect example,
I'll give you an example. I started being pretty conscious
about like my morning routine because like anyone, I think
(05:35):
after a breakup, like I don't know, for me, I
just felt very restless and kind of like what is
my life? And like you feel like a death. There's
like a death that kind of happens, and like chemically
your body kind of goes through this withdrawal of an
energy in space you literal space and like chemical sharing
of energy that you were having with this person. And
(05:56):
so my mornings were like a little rough there for
like a while. And so I was like, okay, how
can I set some routine to help me just like
get my bearings. And so I started doing this like
eleven minute calm app like morning stretch situation, just to
like wake my body up. And as a dancer, I
was just like, this will be just nice to like
give myself this eleven minutes. It's eleven minutes, Like it's fine.
(06:18):
I can stare out into the beautiful falcony that I have.
And then like I was like, I wonder how long
I will keep this up? Like I just knew that
even starting. I was like I'm gonna do this, and
then I'd say, like ten days in, I was like, okay,
like work, like she did it, you know what I mean,
Like I did my do and like you just kind
of fall off of it because you're like it served
(06:38):
its purpose and I am feeling better, and I think,
like I actually think that's one of my like, uh,
like one of the things I like about myself is
that I will find something that brings me the joy
and then once it doesn't anymore, I just move on
from it.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Listen, you're the first person who's ever turned your mess,
but yaes into like a like an uplifting moment.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Right.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Also, I'm proud of it.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
So there's that, right, and I'm.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Visit it, you know, I get back to her. It's
but it's just like it's maybe not as consistent.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Okay, consistency, you're inconsistent.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
You're consistently I am consistently consistent.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Suh. There's the title, is consistently inconsistent with Ian Paget perfect. Okay, listen,
So our secret theme for this week. Every single week
we do a different thing for our secrets. This week
we're doing relationship secrets. Is it queer relationship secrets or
is it just relationship secrets?
Speaker 1 (07:31):
For you say relationship because it's twenty twenty.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Two, okay, but it is queer relationship secrets? Well relationships okay, Well,
I'm sure that in the secrets it's probably going to
be something queer related. So we're gonna say QO relationship.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
And if you're just like a normal human being and
you don't know who you are yet and you might
be queer and you might not be queer, don't stop
listening just because of that title.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
And that that's fine, But bump, bump.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
I can't talk. Let's get into the first secret of me.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Wow, this is from anonymous male Texas. They said, I
accidentally found my boyfriends Okay, so yeah, anonymous male Texas.
I actually found my boyfriend's old diary from a couple
of years back and read it like an asshole. In
a few entries, he wrote intimately about his ex girlfriend.
He's since come out, and I got so jealous. I
tore those pages out and threw them in the trash.
(08:14):
He still doesn't know, and I'm so scared to tell him.
It's so weird. I don't get jealous hearing about the
past guys he's hooked up with, but for some reason,
knowing he once had a girlfriend makes me so insecure.
I'll never be able to offer to him what she
offered because I'm a dude. I feel like such a
shitty person. I don't want him to break up with
me over this help.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
So that almost sounds like queer and straight relationships going on.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
In one the verse, it sounds like you said that
the guy came out, and so he's out and proud
now they're gay, but go off sis uh huh.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Wow. I feel like that was really layered. I didn't expect.
That's an interesting thing. That the ex girlfriend is what's
bringing up insecurity in him.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
M m.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
You know, like I'm sore, I'm genuinely curious about but
he said it. He's like, I just have a fear
that I'm maybe wouldn't be able to offer what she offered,
and that tells me that maybe the pages were very
intimate and emotional and like kind of soul bearing about
that experience. And I don't think it has anything to
do with her, and I think it's just all all
(09:13):
bringing it back to our you know, our confessor's own
fear that they're possibly just not enough.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
You know, right, mm hmmm, our confessor. Yeah, we call
our confessors our messengers, our messengers bringing them, bringing the
mess So what they're.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Doing, I will say, I will say, because you're not
revealing this, but AJ did find something in our early
years from my past.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
That's why he's starting this, so I want that.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
That sure is why I'm starting because he tells every
bit of my business on this podcast. But he did
find something for my past. And if you listen to
the podcast, you know that I uh am not a
platinum stargate like AJ. I did mess around with some
girls before I came out of the closet and maybe insecure. Yeah,
but first started dating. But I think it's all about
the conversation. So you know, with us, we've been together
(10:00):
for almost a decade now, and at the time, you know,
we were still building our relationship. But we did, like
when he discovered that it could have gone left really fast,
we had like an honest, open conversation about it. I
think if you found these intimate pages and you tore
them out, there is a chance that your boyfriend will
never know because I don't really go back and look
(10:21):
at old journal entries from like one night. Just like
Ian talked about how he starts habits, I had a
habit of doing the journal for a little bit and
it stopped after a couple of weeks. But I don't
go back and look at those journal pages.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
I will say, though, that I can relate to this one.
I can relate to the being jealous of the thing
that you can't provide. That makes sense to me, and
I think that early on with you, my issue was
also that you were in the closet when we met,
and I'm the first person you've ever gone to the
date with, the first and only person, and I put
a ring on. It turned out very differently than I
expected it to though early on, I dated I've dated
(10:51):
hundreds of men.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Do you have to tell that every single episode?
Speaker 1 (10:55):
I's like to remind you sometimes, I know. I think
that would still be that would be harder for me
if if you came to me and said I I
full transparency. It would be harder for me if you
said that you're into a woman, you find a woman attractive.
Then if you said to me that you slept with
another man, I think that the female thing would trigger
(11:16):
me more than another man.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
And why I'm so like cause the way I look
at it is so you couldn't date someone who is bisexual.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying you. I'm saying
you and I because I know you and I have
an emotional connection that is not going to be touched.
I'm not worried about our emotional connection. Got it right.
If there was a physical thing you needed somewhere else,
that would take some time for me to process and
work through, if it was something that I couldn't offer
you right now, because we also were a monogamous relationship
(11:46):
and that's just what we've chosen for ourselves and it works.
Right a female though, like a male or a female
can't offer you something emotionally different than I can, Like
I could be open and create space to have conversations
with you and then go deep when we have done that. Physically,
a female can offer you things that I just cannot
offer you. So that would like trigger insecurities than me.
It would lead to a lot of conversations and maybe
(12:08):
some therapy, but it would trigger something, okay, which.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Is like sorry to interrupt, but like it's so funny
because and by funny I mean interesting because you would
one would think that, like because she is a complete
different gender than you, right and so and so, like
when you know I don't have that body and she
(12:32):
literally can provide a thing that is very different from me,
it makes me want to know, Like it makes me
curious about does it bring up a fear of like
if you pick that person over me? Like I'm actually
I wouldn't. I'm not gonna put words in your mouth,
but like what do we think that stems from? Like
the inecurity around that. I think it feels to.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Me like I can't compete with that mm hmm. Like
on one hand, you could look at it, and you
can definitely say and I can understand the thought process.
You could be like, well, there's nothing I could have
done that's not on me, So I can't feel bad
about that because you want a totally different direction, right,
I would be so devastated that I had the potential
of you losing you in this scenario only is what
I'm talking about that I think I would be more
(13:14):
along the lines of I don't there's nothing I can
do to I guess, right, guess.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Where I get confused. It's not a competition if that
person's in the past, because whether it's a male or
a female.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Say, it's a competition necessarily, but you can't compete. What
that's I'm saying. I said, insecurities would come up, you know, I.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
Wonder, I wonder if for our messenger slash confessor and
like maybe even for aj that like it brings up
the fear that maybe you would go back to that
because you've already had that so like specific with the messenger.
Right reading those pages, you're like, oh, this was a
person I didn't know. Then you're this was these were.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Yeah, I don't know that person. I have no roll
over that person.
Speaker 3 (13:56):
And so unknown. It feels like this whole other like
I didn't know you, Like it's essentially like I wouldn't
have known Aj when he was you know, straight off time,
and so you I feel like it brings up I
don't know, like this possible other person that isn't with
you anymore but is still with you, and then the
fears like could they ever go back to that? And
(14:16):
so that change is a little bit of trust or
I don't know. I don't know whether you know.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
I've also never been with a woman that's different you have,
I have not. Wow, So for me, that's just like
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
And we had a conversation and I can't publicly say
why he never has story about that. And I also
can't say I can't say a lot of things about
like the situation who I was back then. God making
this sound like it's something bad is not but terrible.
I'm still friends with some people. Yeah, And so there
was a lot of things I was battling internally. I
(14:47):
was gay and just trying to figure myself out.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
And out of respect, we care about that.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Person persons, but uh, but yeah, it's yeah to our messenger, confessor,
I think that we all gave some good.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Also, don't get into somebody's journals that problem.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
If you do, though, don't tear out the pages because
you made it more complicated, because if you would have
just kept it in there and not torn out the pages.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Not judging you, although I will say, but if you would.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Have just kept the pages in there, you could have
been upset and processed that and then once you got
over it, because you will get over it, the pages
will still be there and you would never have to
tell your partner that you look at the pages.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
I have read text messages twice in my entire life,
two different relationships, and both times the two times I
did it, I found out they were cheating on me.
And as far as I know, the only two times
I've ever been cheated on that I know of, And
both times my gut just told me something's going on.
They're lying to me.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
You want to check my text I was texting mom
this morning, your mom.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
Like specifically, like with this messenger, I'm going to go
ahead and even give like another sort of moment of
advice that like, even though you still tore out the pages,
you can still you can change your first off, I'm
a big, big proponent of this, Like you can change
your mind any day, anytime, and like be a new person,
be the person you want to be starting now. Right, So,
(16:03):
even though you've turned like tore out these pages, you
can still go to your partner and be like hey,
And this is coming from someone who has a really
hard time like truly sharing how I feel and asking
for what I need in the moment, like real time
kind of communication for me, Like I avoid like the plague.
It's just it's a thing I learned in my house
(16:25):
and so like that's something I'm working on in therapy.
So I fully understand that plight. And with that, I
would say, though, like if you can, if you have
enough trust with your partner to share that you did
find this journal and that you did read it, and
that it did bring up some in you and that
you tore these pages out and it's wild, but you
(16:46):
get a moment to share with your partner. You right there,
there was a version of me that did this thing.
And I'm not like I'm mad, but it brought up jealousy,
it brought up an insecurity, and I just feel like
you need to know because one I did kind of
read something that wasn't for me. It was very personal
and like, I'm not mad about what you wrote, but
(17:09):
it brought up things in me that I think moving forward,
Like I trust that you would maybe be able to
help like diffuse, and like you would hope that the
partner supports and like after they take their moment, can go.
I didn't really love that. But also they might actually
just make you feel better.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Yeah, they might have a they might be like listen,
I was also processing things too, and I'm at a
different place now, so let's talk about it.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
I like that.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that. Take that advice. Take
that advice for sure. But let's take a quick break
and come right back.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Mess Hi, welcome back to confess your message. Ian Pagett
on the pod today. Super excited to have you here. Ian.
We love you on TikTok and and we're we're grateful
that you've made space for us.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Yeah yeah, okay. Our next secret comes from anonymous male Oakland.
They said, my boyfriend and I are on the d
L and I want to tell people we're gay and
in the relationship, but he's not ready. Is it if
I at least tell one of my friends or is
that breaking trust? I'm I'm just go in.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
Right here because it's the first thing that pots in
my head whenever questions like that arise with friends of mine.
We have, like specifically two best friends. It's like, the
answer is in the question, is what I always kind
of say. You can take that advice or truly leave
and be like I'm still asking the question. I want
someone else to give me a different answer. That's totally fine.
(18:42):
But like if you have to ask, like is it okay?
If I like you know what I'm saying, it's like
you already know, you already kind of know.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, So if it's yeah, go ahead. Friends can be
pretty amazing, right, Yeah, if you have a couple of
really good ones in your life, talk and you can
trust them. Talk to your friend. I say, talk to
your friend and say listen, they're not ready. But that
doesn't mean that friend's gonna go tell a single person,
but they need to know. And I think you need
to be able to talk to somebody because if you
can't talk to your partner, there has to be somebody
(19:14):
in your life that you can go to and work
through it, right, And I had I have an ex
actually that I talked through a lot of stuff with
like we were not really great at a relationship. He
just gives really great advice and he's like a vault.
He keeps every single secret in the world. And when
you and I were going through stuff, Emil and I
broke up one time for eight hours, many many, many
many years ago.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
It was like eight years ago, and I was very
dramatic and got him back.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
He sure was and a fetal position in the bathroom, crying.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
So we're not going to reinvent his narrative. I was
never feel position we're crying a bat totally. I was
on the phone with my cousin in the doorway so
he could hear me crying. But I was never in
a fetal position in the bathroom.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
And I was at my Axes. I went to my Axes,
the one of the ones who I just told you
about who cheated on me, and I want to him
for advice.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
I said, what, but it was nothing to worry about.
They're not no, no, not like that.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
It never was.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
But I was like, what do I do?
Speaker 1 (20:06):
I need really solid advice? You know me better than
anybody else. Am I being crazy right now?
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Yeah? I get that, But I so I agree and disagree,
and I think the reason why it's in their question
they said, is it breaking their trust. I can go
to a friend if we're both on the DL. If
we me and you were both on the DL, I
don't mind me going to a friend and saying I'm comfortable,
Hey Jenna, cause it's the first friend I ever came
out to. Is my best friend, Jenna, Hey Jenna, I'm gay.
I need to tell somebody I'm going through this and
(20:33):
we can bond over that. We don't know their situation,
because if this person is also in their friend group,
I think it's not fair to out somebody, even if
that is one of your close friends, to out somebody
who's not ready to be out it.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
And like you don't know, like we don't know the situation.
We don't know the context of like where they live,
it's family, like how much of the friend group is
is like around them all the time, and like there's okay.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
So I think I'm hearing this differently. So I think
I'm actually saying the same thing as you. I think
what I'm trying to say is I think it's okay
to go talk to your friend that you're in this situation,
let them know that you're with somebody who's closeted. I
don't necessarily, I didn't necessarily mean to out that person,
to talk to them about being with somebody who's not out.
I think that is I'm trying to I'm not trying
(21:19):
to go out people. Okay, yeah, no, I'm not trying
to be like, oh, I'm Bob over here and you're
friends with them, and you did everybody? Everybody? Anybody's everked
of Bob before? Have they?
Speaker 2 (21:29):
I haven't?
Speaker 3 (21:31):
Have you?
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Ian?
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Have I ever said to Bob? Sorry? I literally was
like trying to go through like this, Like what else
could this person do?
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Like?
Speaker 3 (21:38):
What are the ways I was literally trying to go
through like well.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Also, also on a deeper level, that sounds like you.
I think the real issue is that you're a place
where you want to be out and proud in your
relationship is slowly start to come out of the closet
as a couple and the person you're with is not
ready to do that. So the next question is are
you comfortable spending more time in the closet with that
(22:01):
person and then for that person and if that's not
enough for you, there's a deeper conversation that he used
to take place with that person because he might it
just might not be the relationship for you right now. Yeah,
and they might not come out for you know. He
was in the closet when I met him, and we
went into that hole.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Yeah, we had a conver we were we were talking.
We were friends first, we became really good friends, and
then we started doing something. We started doing some things,
and then he we didn't like actually start dating because
we had a serious conversation one time. He said, you know,
I really like you, I really do, but like, I
don't know if I can go through the whole process
of dealing with someone who's in the closet. My dad's
(22:35):
a passed, or my mom's super religious, my family's like
it was just a lot. Yeah, And so he had
that conversation with me, and I had to I had
to sit with that. We weren't living together at the time.
I was over his place all the time, but I
went back to my place and I remember I sat
there and I had to really think about, Okay, what
am I going to do? And I thought about it
for the next couple of weeks, and eventually I did
come out. And I did that because I didn't want
(22:57):
to lose him.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Yeah, because I'd already been through it. I didn't want
to do it again. Yeah, I did the hard part
for myself. I didn't want I could either support him,
but I wasn't going to go back on a closet.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
And I'm not saying to this messenger, I'm not saying
to threaten your partner to lead them. That's kind of thing,
But it does need to be a conversation of I
am truly ready to come out in some capacity and
I want you to be on that journey with.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
Me, and your partner might say, Hey, I really care
about you too. I just don't see a way forward
right now. I'm going to need a little bit more time.
Can you give me that? If you had said to me, yeah,
if you would have said to me, hey, I need
another six months or so, I just need to like
process this. I care about you. I don't want to
lose you, but I can't promise you I can do
this right now. I would have had to make a decision.
(23:40):
At least you have the information, yeah, and I would
have stuck with you. I would have stuck it out.
So maybe just have that conversation.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
I also think, like when you, like when you said,
you know, there's this thing I have to go do
this for myself because I don't want to lose you.
It's the thing I have to go do for myself
is so that I can hopefully not hold on to
you or keep you. There's no ownership there, right, but
so that I can feel really good about my decision
when I make it, so that it's not just in
(24:08):
reaction to you telling me like this, you know, because
I think that can happen to like, if someone shares
with me something, my empathy can kick in so much
that I will it's really interesting, like I'll avoid my
own need and want to share with someone. But if
they share with me, I feel very oh my god,
like you ask this of me, like you said this,
(24:30):
and so I feel very like people please re in
the sense that like, well I have to yeah, no,
of course, and then I think about it after but
I've already kind of said it yes, which is like
terrible business and terrible like it's just like not the
way to do it. But like this person, and even
with your experience right now, like that you guys just shared,
(24:51):
it's it's just important to be like, what do you
need right, like putting on your face mask on the
airplane first and really setting that tone for yourself will
one only be good for you and two if the
other person wants to join you on that. Chances are
when someone sees you. Listen, if you have a crush
on someone and you're in a relationship and it's there,
(25:13):
and like you know, you're you're in this relationship and
you go off and do that thing for you that's
pretty attracted. I know that. I think that's pretty attractive,
and there's something very not noble, but you're just kind
of like work, Like I love that you're doing that
for yourself. It hope maybe will motivate me, inspire me
(25:34):
in my own time.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Nothing is Yeah, there's nothing more motivating in a relationship
than seeing your partner doing stuff like whatever that is
that it gives you a little bit more courage.
Speaker 3 (25:44):
YEA, yeah, exactly, yes for sure.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Okay, so we have two more secrets before we get
to your secret. But before we get into that, like
we touched on it earlier, but you had a pretty
public breakup and you know we're doing relationship secrets here.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
So what has wait we're doing what Wow? Just relationships.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
Wow circle moment because this last.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Couple didn't necessarily identify as I just.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Saying wow, No, they were just on the deal.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
You're right, Wow, it's amazing. You were just waiting for
that moment, like the turn of events here ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
You got to smile at me, and you're cute.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
I am pretty cute. Anyway back to No, but you
went through a pretty public, yeah, break up.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Like the major outlets, and you know, we've had our
relationship highlighted in different ways, but we haven't had like
a public breakup.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
The only thing I can relate to is getting fired
from a national talk show on Fox and then publicly seen,
you know, like Variety. Ross Matthews replaces A. J. Gibson,
his host of Hollywood Stay Live. Yeah, that was difficult.
That was a little kid from Ohio. I'm like, why
did they have to do an article about this? That's
really humiliating to me.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
So for you, since you know it and you kind
of touched on this earlier, you know, and we can
relate in terms of, like we said, we do content together,
and so I imagine if we were to break up
there would be a bit of I guess, refinding our
own individual identity, even though we have within the relationship,
we're very much connected, especially after almost a decade. So
(27:10):
for you, what has it been like post breakup? I know,
if I recall you guys did the video and you
kind of said like it was it was this pressure
that was on you that kind of caused the breakup
or led or's one aspect of like the pressure of
people's expectation of who you are and just oh, they're perfect.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
That's real, by the way, And sometimes it's why we
don't create content because I'm like, this would be great,
but if we're arguing right now in our real world,
I don't want to create a video with you right
now because it drives me crazy. Yeah yeah, So how
did you navigate all of that?
Speaker 3 (27:42):
I mean, as best as I possibly could. We both
did it as best as we possibly could, and it
was just like you know, I think I've said this
to other friends too, that like it just you're in
a bit of a pressure cooker. It was a lot
of new things happening at a very very high speed.
Many many huge live life events happened within that year.
(28:03):
COVID happened. Chris is not going to school, He's in Zoom.
I'm not doing theater and acting and dancing anymore. Everyone's
life really really changed. And then we moved cross country
and then I'm living with my partner for the first time.
I've never done that before. Like, there were just so
many milestone, amazing moments that like, quite frankly, like I
did the best I could at handling, and so did he.
(28:25):
But it just, you know, like things happen, you kind
of grow together, and then you also kind of struck
stop growing with yourself because relationships are hard. Being in
a public relationship which was something I didn't like ask for,
but it just kind of happened and brought so many
amazing beautiful things. Also, like it's kind of Achilles heel right,
(28:45):
it's like that thing that is like so great about
where it brought us and the people that was connecting
us with and what it was doing for our lives
in a time of such peril where people were really
kind of I think seeing us as like a glimmer
of hope and just like an authentic, real relationship and
I don't know, it just there's so many cool things
about it. Also there's another side of that coin, that
(29:08):
are the the pressures of keeping that up of like, well,
we're that for people, but then we're also regular humans
who have to deal with our day to day and
what we still need and want and how to actually
communicate that, not just when a camera's on you and
like it's it's it's a really tough thing to have
to navigate, and I'm I consider myself a pretty mature,
(29:31):
like with it human, but like those kind of moments
in life were like many, like we're like growing pains, right,
Like it was like you're into the woods and you're
like excited and scared for anyone who understands that reference,
you know, And it's like one of my favorite songs
from I Think It's I Think It's Company, and it's
like sorry, grateful, like that those two things can live.
(29:52):
I just really believe in dualities, right, it's You'll always
be what you always were, which has nothing to do
with and all to do with her. Mmmmm. That's I'm
speechless because it all says it all, right there, it.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Does say it all, and it's it's so fascinating to
me because so this is a conversation I've had a
lot of times with friends of mine who are maybe
drag queens, or my best friend MICHAELA. Gordon, my co
host my radio show. She got really big on TikTok,
got almost two million followers in a year doing Milania
Trump impressions. And then once she stopped doing that and
(30:27):
started to put out her content what she wanted to
be presented as, the numbers dropped off significantly. And I
know that's the same with like it with drag queens.
If you're if you're you know, the character, if you're
Nina West, that's one thing, but if you're Andrew Lovett,
that might be something different. And so did you have
that insecurity sort of creep into your mind? Like as
a content creator? Who am I as a solo creator now?
(30:50):
And will my audience stick around? Will they still care?
Or did that ever cross your mind?
Speaker 3 (30:56):
I've never thought about the like will the audience still
care and stick around? Thing? My My biggest thing that
happened like throughout was we were churning out a lot
of content at the beginning there, like because it was
just Christism machine and so good at he just like
has the idea and he's like such a he's just
(31:17):
like he can make things happen so fashionary. Yeah, sure,
he's literally like he literally could be president if he
wanted to be. And and it's one of the things
I love about him is just like he inspires me.
Slash makes me feel bad about myself. You know, it's
like it's inspiring, but then you're also like, god, I'm
not doing that. It can go that route, right, It's
(31:37):
like it's either work I want to do exactly that,
or depending on your mood that day, it's why not
doing that, I'm the worst, Like I'm not as I
don't do the thing he does like he's got And
then it turned into like maybe he'll think that I'm
not as like go Gettory as hit you know, like
again those two things live together, right. But to answer
your question, the biggest thing that I noticed and clocked
(32:00):
we were making so much content and my sort of
like the craftman and me the actor and me who
was like having so much fun, started getting self conscious
about what we were putting out because I started to
kind of feel like I was a caricature of myself,
like those were I don't know if that's actually what
it was, right, that was just my own interpretation of.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
What was going on.
Speaker 3 (32:23):
I was starting to doubt myself. I was feeling like, well, now, okay,
like am I being as funny as I can be?
What is that skit? And then like he would bring
ideas and I was like, no, no, no, that that'll
seem to like I just started to deny and like
second and push away the thing because I also recognize
how quickly it can become your achilles heel, right that, Like, okay,
like we're doing a lot of this thing, and I
(32:45):
was clocking internally that like, while it was all in fun,
I was like, this also just lives on the internet,
and like it forced me to be like okay, like wait,
who am I? What am I putting out? It just
brought up all of those kind of questions and so
moving forward and just like with the year, like those
were a lot of things that were kind of just
(33:05):
in my mind and I felt like froze me sometimes
you know what I.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
Mean, that's genuine and I appreciate that answer. That's really
that's really real, And a lot of times I think
people forget that, Uh, social media isn't the same for everybody.
Content creators who are relying on social media sometimes for
income are very different than you know, my friends are
family back home who just post pictures at their lattes still,
and that's just what it's there for, and that's fine
(33:29):
for them, and that's great, great, But also to wrap
your brain around the idea of like getting inside your
head because you're like, wait, honey, honey, let's think about
this content because we just have this brand deal we're
working on right now, and our agent's closing down this
sponsorship too, so we want to make sure we're putting
on the right stuff. And also am I being the
right character.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
It's like we have no filter in this podcast, and
like we're at coast, we're television hosts by trade, and
so we are constantly in the back of my head,
I'm constantly thing, oh, really.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
A whole some sponsors along one wants to start sponsoring us.
Is that going to change change the way that we talk?
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Right?
Speaker 3 (34:04):
But at the same time, it's you know again like
if only someone could have all I mean, people were
saying this to me too, But it's just when you're
in it, you just can can feel very different. But
like you being you will attract who wants to be
with you.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Right exactly.
Speaker 3 (34:20):
And so if the wholesome moment isn't going to happen
for you, that's fine. The whole moment will go over
there and people will find the joy and like specialness
and uniqueness of your banter and bickerness and be like,
we love the realness of this.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
M you do what I'm saying, like, yeah, Hallmark's not
reaching out anytime, so right, you attract what you.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
Put out, uh, And we are putting out amazing content
with amazing guests, and we're gonna take a quick break
and come back.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
Welcome back, Welcome back, welcome this This is me saying
welcome back. You re ready me, welcome back to confess
your mess. That was really loud and aggressive. Thank you
so much for joining us. Where we're about to wrap
up here. Of god, I think one or two more
secrets really quickly. We're going to get through with Ian
Pagett and then he's going to reveal his confession. You
know what do you have for us?
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Who's okay? So this is from j Female Usa. I'm
with the guy who I really love, but I'm starting
to think I'm gay. It sucks loving someone so deeply
but not desiring them sexually. I used to for sure,
but lately only fantasized about women just don't want to
make a decision, I regret.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
And this is a female who goes by just the
letter J.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:32):
I mean you know, I think she's she's saying and
she's like, I don't want to make a decision because
I'm unsure, and I'm like, so then, yeah, you like
you had a patent paper and you ask yourself some questions,
you're like pros and coments? Yeah, Like, am I fantasizing
about women solely on a sexual level? Am I fantasizing
about do you know what I'm saying? Like, I guess
you just kind of go through and you you kind
(35:53):
of figure that out. That's first off. These confessions are.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Deep, real's real. Sometimes they're ridiculous and like lighthearted. Sometimes
they're like serious. We had event Nicole Brown on recently
and she was like we were talking God and Bible
for a little bit. Goes over the place.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
To be honest, I will say for this person. The
other thing is, I think what will help when you're
getting that pen and paper and you're doing the pros
and content is writing this out. I think maybe figuring
out I don't know how long you and your boyfriend
have been together, but figuring out if there was some
type of trigger in your relationship that caused a lack
of sexual attraction to them, Like is it just to
(36:29):
him or is it to all men?
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Or are you attracted to the in your mind that
perceived taboo of being attracted to a woman, Because that's
also something to explore and and and I always come
back to have the conversation with your partner. It might
not be easy, but what you might realize if you
start getting, you know, to the bottom of some of
this is you A couple of things could happen. One
you might be a full on lesbian and you might
(36:51):
need to leave him and say, I'm so sorry, it's
not you, it's it's me, right. That could be one
route one day she takes or you talk to your
partner and you could find out your partner's like, Hey,
I'm kind of curious. I've always wanted to experiment with
other women as well. Is that something you're open to
doing with me? If she's happy with this partner, and
she feels safe and secure with this partner, but she's
(37:14):
sexually not fully fulfilled by this partner, maybe there's an
opportunity to bring a lot of the situation.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
A lot of secrets live in the unknown, right, And
so what we try to talk about and exhibit with
our relationship is we do have these private conversations. Even
before we came up that I diff for this podcast
years ago, it started with us having like a conversation
revealing our secret desires and fears and all these different things.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
This is the naked on the bed conversation. A lot
of our listeners you've heard about it.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
And so you know, I get that it's difficult, and
we always are very very real, insane that it wasn't
an easy conversation. We were crying like it was hard.
But also, if you want to grow in your relationship,
sometimes not sometimes you need to have those tough conversations.
I'm not saying if you're like six months in, go
sit naked on the bed and reveal all these things.
Speaker 1 (38:01):
Maybe also don't put a timeline on how how how
quickly love can happen and how in attraction can happen.
And and he may also say to you, I'm just
I'm not okay with that. I'm so sorry, I love
you go go figure out what we need to figure out.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
Yeah, you never know. He even say, Okay, let's take
a pause and let's revisit after you have explored, Like
you just never know how to give.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
People the information so that everybody can make the decisions
it's best for them.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
Yeah, and like a big thing that a friend would have,
Like we share with each other as always, and I'm
always reminded of and I don't know where this came
from from me this, but it's like this feeling that
I'll share with you maybe like in that first instance
when I'm meeting you, it's like because I maybe don't
care as much, right, Yeah, you share a little easier, easily,
(38:47):
more easily because there's less risk, and you want to
show that you can share, and you're like, it's not
even show you can share, but you're just like, I
feel comfortable enough because we're connecting. And then all of
a sudden, what happens is like you start to date
and it gets intimate and it does get closer, and
then you're like, oh, wait, you know a lot about
me now, and then it kind of shifts and then
(39:09):
you start to It doesn't even have to get that
far but maybe when you get them and you're like, oh,
like you're into me now, all of a sudden you
start to care about how they see you, and so
therefore you care about how you're seen, and then you
stop not caring about who you are, right, and then
you keep things like you kind of keep yourself. I
know I do this all the time, And so biggest
(39:32):
thing that I have to be reminded of from friends
and tell other people is like, if the more you
do that, the pattern and habit that just gets formed,
is you not sharing who you really are, And so
they're dating someone who isn't really there right or who
is like a version of you, is your performed self,
is your I'm trying self. And so then I would
(39:52):
say to this person like, not don't wait, but like,
if you have an opportunity to share in this moment,
the thing that's popping up for you that makes you
you in the moment, if they're not with that, it
would be best to know that now then waiting and
putting it off and like possibly squashing it and like
(40:13):
essentially sharing like a non authentic version of yourself.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
Yeah, And I think what you said is so dead on,
because what we tend to do early in a relationship,
as we get to know somebody, we reveal as much
as we need to to get them to be like, oh,
they're open and honest with me. And then once we
see like, oh they're into me, now I don't have
to keep sharing because then it flips. Then it becomes
(40:37):
I can be hurt by this.
Speaker 3 (40:39):
Person exactly exactly.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
I'm becoming more and more vulnerable, need to because I've
already won them over. I've already got them, So I'm
going to stop now. And that's a relationships slowly start
to die.
Speaker 3 (40:50):
Because I'm care to lose them, exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
Getting deep, y'all secret before Ian's Secret, Albert Mill Iowa, Alan,
Why was about to say? Iowa? What? Listen?
Speaker 3 (41:02):
Mozart, Mozart, thank you the shade.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
Okay, my casual hookup and I just started experimenting with
food play like whipped cream and berries and belly button
vodka shots and it's actually super fun. I don't know why.
It's the secret, just haven't divulged it yet.
Speaker 1 (41:17):
Okay, I gotta say. I gotta say this. You're going
to relate to this, and you might as well remember
the scene from Varsity Blues with the whipped cream on
the penis and the nipples, the hot guy, you.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
Know what I'm talking about. Ian they made then not
another team movie. Chris Evans did it too.
Speaker 3 (41:34):
But that was a spoof. I know. I can't remember
if it was Paul Walker's character. It was with James
Vanderbeek and the CODs. Ali Ali she was in that.
She was with Beyonce, Ali l Ali Larder.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
And what was the guy? Was Scott Con? Was that
the guy's name?
Speaker 3 (41:53):
He was so James Vanderbeek.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
But there wasn't the Scott Con in that movie too?
Speaker 2 (41:59):
So was Paul uh so good?
Speaker 3 (42:02):
But she did? She gave you that moment for James
because he all of a sudden became the new Fearce quarterback.
Speaker 1 (42:08):
You're right, You're right. I think Scott com had the
scene where he saw his button he puss cowboy hat
over the front and ram, Yeah, that's what.
Speaker 2 (42:15):
Okay, that was an easy secret. We don't really have
a lot of commentary for that. That's great. I say,
explore anything that you want to explore in the bedroom.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
Have we ever got food?
Speaker 2 (42:23):
Have we done food? I feel okay? Really quick story,
really quick because I really want to hear any secret.
Speaker 3 (42:29):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
We didn't do food. We did ice. And it was
after we watched fifty Shades Yes, because I told all
my best girlfriends about this story. We watched fifty Shades
of Gray, and then AJ was like, oh, let's do
some of that. I'm Christian Gray. Yeah, let me just yeah,
he's not. And he got U. I didn't know what
he got. He blindfolded me and then all of a
(42:51):
sudden he starts doing things. Yeahs so he literally put
I'm assuming was it just a pair of socks in
my mouth?
Speaker 1 (43:00):
I don't know what was it?
Speaker 2 (43:00):
I think it was. And then he put ice on
my nipples and you did something. I have to text
him ask him what it was. They were cracking up
on the floor laughing. But you did something, and I
was like, okay, enough, Like I literally like have to
push it out of my mouth, like that's this is
not it, this is not.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
That's it was Okay.
Speaker 3 (43:15):
I didn't know you like, because it's too much like
a No.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
It wasn't a good way.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
He loves he loves Professor Gibson, but that was just
a bridge too far.
Speaker 2 (43:24):
Yeah that will Yeah, anyway, the fifty Shades of AJ
did not go the way it was supposed to go,
got it? So okay, Ian, we are excited before we
uh even got on this podcast. Our producer Frank text
us and say, you're going to gag. Yeah, like I
secret like laughing emoji. So we're very excited for the secret.
(43:45):
So Ian Paget, it is now time for you to
confess your mess.
Speaker 3 (43:50):
I Ian Paget can eat a pound cake and under
a minute. Wait what Yeah, if I put nutella on it,
it's it's even more of a rap if it you
know what I mean, Like if I yeah, like.
Speaker 1 (44:06):
A whole pound cake.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
Yes, oh my god, we're talking like you know, like.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
We're not talking a cupcake though we're talking a cake.
Speaker 3 (44:16):
Correct, No, I'm talking like an end even like remember
those remember not like they're like those intimate moments where
you're just like and if after like bite two, you're
like work, Okay, I'm full, you know what I mean.
But on a good night when I'm watching a thing
that makes me feel good and if I also have
nutella next to me, it's a rap. That's it.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
Whoa Okay, I love nutella. By the way, Coffee cakes
and they're so bombed. They're so so good with coffee cake,
the coffee cakes entimate or the yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah,
the powdered sugar, but a whole one and under a minute.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
I mean I can't. I can't eat sweets like that
in under a minute, but I can eat. I will say,
if you've ever had is it Wiley Wallaby the red is,
Those are so good. It's Australian. You can get it
at Target now. His friend nas got Yeah, told me
about it, and I have to confess that I went
to Target last night and I got a card and
some sweet things for him, but I also got a
(45:13):
huge bag of it and I literally have like three
pieces left in the back. I ate a whole back, yes,
and I meant to throw it away this morning. You
didn't know I got it, but it's still und your table.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
I'm curious about this this food thing because there's there's
a sort of an iconic story of me in my
freshman year of college at the University of Toledo, and
I had one of those Otis spunk Meyer muffins pre
package a blueberrymuffin, right and whatever they get it at
like the little convenience store in my dorm and we
were in a friend's dorm room and they said, oh
(45:41):
my god, AJ, we started timing you because you eat
so slow, and we got the forty nine minutes and
you're only halfway through that muffin. So that's how slow
I eat. So I'm the exact opposite of you, right,
just pick and pick and pick. And then the other
day you said to me, what did you say to
me just recently? You said, listen, if it's something like
if somebody could a million dollars or if you had
to eat x amount of things before, how many do
(46:04):
you think you could eat? And I was like, oh,
it was biscuits.
Speaker 2 (46:06):
Oh yeah. We went to Yardbird. Have you been the
yardbirdy since you're in La now? Oh my god. So
Yardbird is at the Beverly Center. So good.
Speaker 1 (46:13):
Their biscuits, their fried chicken, their ridges, like it's like
Home King Southern Food.
Speaker 3 (46:18):
Is it on the second floor, No, it's on the
bottom floor.
Speaker 2 (46:21):
If you're on third Street. Yardbird is at third in
Los Angele have to go.
Speaker 1 (46:25):
Okay, so details are incredible. Their food's amazing. They're shriumping
grits or so everything's good.
Speaker 2 (46:29):
Not just amazing, but their biscuits literally is like it
melts in your mouth. And so I asked him. I
was like, so, if if somebody said we're gonna pay
you ten thousand dollars to eat as many biscuits as
you can and minutes he could you eat?
Speaker 1 (46:41):
He was like, I don't know, like four, So there's
like four four biscuits in ten minutes.
Speaker 2 (46:46):
I could eat so many?
Speaker 1 (46:47):
And I was And that was me being generous. I
was thinking, really maybe two or three.
Speaker 3 (46:50):
See, I would just be like, pay me ten thousand
dollars and we'll find out together, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (46:56):
That's the right answer. And it's been a blast before
we let you go. So first of all, now that
you're in La, are you settled? Do you like La?
What do you miss about New York?
Speaker 3 (47:08):
First off, I just want to say I like love
you too. I feel so happy to have like been
able to connect with you guys, And just like the
flow of questions and what you're asking have some like
because I've done some of these before where you're just like, oh, okay,
I don't know how to you know whatever, but like
these all feel like very relevant to what I'm like
kind of where I'm at right now, just like this disclaimer, but.
Speaker 1 (47:30):
Really quickly just now drag every of the podcast you've
been on really quickly go well.
Speaker 3 (47:35):
I haven't I haven't been on a lot. But just
like interview, you know, sometimes people ask and you're like, oh,
that was out of left field, that whatever. But to
answer your question, I do feel more settled. I've actually
been saying this a lot more in the last couple
of weeks, like I don't I don't know. I feel
like I'm kind of uh coming rediscovering and coming back
to myself and the new self that's being formed at
(47:58):
the same time. And while there's growing pains around that,
it's very exciting and scary, but also like I think, la,
I'm finally feeling like, oh, like this is a home
for me now, you know. And I think I was
holding on to New York. It will always be like
right here next to me, always wondering because I have amazing,
(48:20):
amazing friends who live there and like my tribe. I
set up my life there, you know, so you miss that.
But as things feel like they're moving and with like
like some more momentum than they were, I think now
that COVID is kind of just yeah, it's not as
dire as it once was. I'm feeling a lot more hopeful,
a lot more optimistic about just like who I am
(48:41):
and like yeah, and I think that just takes time.
And so the adjustment period I think has like settled.
Speaker 1 (48:48):
Yeah. No, New York special, but LA is special too.
And we usually ask our guests what their takeaway of
the day was, but I think we could just say,
right now, so what's your takeaway of the day, and
then we're going to insert that really sweet thing you
just said about us? And that's perfect? More done.
Speaker 2 (49:01):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (49:02):
Great?
Speaker 1 (49:03):
Were you? We definitely need to get together in the
real world again. Actually have a little kiky.
Speaker 3 (49:07):
I will love that.
Speaker 1 (49:09):
Yeah. No, seriously, we should go to your write down.
Speaker 3 (49:11):
It sounds like you guys need any excuse to go,
so I will be your excuse.
Speaker 2 (49:15):
No, no, literally, what part of LA are you in?
Speaker 3 (49:19):
I'm in. It's this new area. It's just just coming
up right now, but it's called West Hollywood.
Speaker 1 (49:25):
I hate I hate you so much. I knew you
were going there, so good. So okay, I and Pata
thank you so much for such Thank you.
Speaker 2 (49:36):
Confess your mess is a Strawhead Media podcast produced by
Ryan Tillotson and Frank Driscoll. Thank you so much for
listening and don't forget to subscribe and share.
Speaker 1 (49:44):
And if you have a secret you want to share,
go to confessor mess dot us to submit. Your secret
could end.
Speaker 3 (49:50):
Up in the show Your Man
Straw media Cheerio.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Did you say cheerio because our guest was born and
raised in London.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
I don't know. Maybe no, I was gonna say jolly oh,
but I don't think that's real.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
I don't think that's the thing. Cheriofinitely, I think this thing.
We have an amazing guest today. Ian you have probably
seen all over TikTok Full transparency. Actually, hold on me
read some things from your bio first before we get
into the full transparency. But they're an actor. They performed
on Broadway. They've been in both film and TV like
(00:34):
Rock of Ages, Step Up, Revolution and Mozart in the Jungle,
One Life to Live.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Respective Mozart, Mozart, Mozart, Mozart, Mozart.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
I don't know, I always said in Mozart, but you know,
from Atlanta. And then also there's a few episodes of
lip Sync Battle, Dancing with the Stars and SNL sprinkled
in there. I love this bio, by the way, but
he really started to gain traction on TikTok in April
of twenty twenty, which, by the way, so many people
lose up in that March to April range when people
(01:04):
you know, were signing things to do when they were quarantine.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
I was in the corner crying at the bottle of
red wine and the red.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Wine and if you listen to the podcast, you know
as my favorite left the red wine cheese it anyway,
welcome to the pod Ian pageant.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Man, you guys. If I if there was a class
on like banter and like how to like, yes, and
I would say this was like, this is the banter
one oh one class that I just witnessed.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
That's one of the biggest compliments I think we've ever
seen because.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
We've actually taken our classes on that. It's actually we
met a hundred years ago taking class, or we didn't
meet there, but we started getting classes together. But but
really it's more of a bicker. It's more of a
less of a banter and more of a bicker. Sometimes
it's like a yeah, yes sort of and m hmm
because you know we're getting married.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
And also we're super sassy today because you you know,
because I told you before started the pod, I got
four hours of sleep last night, so you're getting a
special breed of a meal today.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Yeah, how did you why only four hours? What was
tell us?
Speaker 2 (02:08):
You know, sometimes life happens and you have things on
your mind, you can't fall asleep, and then you do
fall asleep, and then your partner leaves in the morning.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
I think I kind of want to take a little
bit of blame for this because yesterday, so I was
just in a mood and I don't know what was
going on. I was I was second guessing every single
choice in my life, my career, my ability to even
do anything. And I was like, I think I'm a fraud.
I'm a big fraud. I was having some imposter syndrome,
and I kind of think I brought my partner down
a little bit, and then he was worried about me.
(02:38):
So I don't think he slept that well. And then
I got up for work, as I do every weekday.
I host a morning radio show, so I'm gonna work
at five am every day, and sometimes I wake him
up on accident, but I always give him a kiss
before I leave. You do usually just on the shoulder,
or sometimes I'll just kiss a random pillow because it's
dark and I can't see him.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Sometimes non invasive kiss.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Yeah, yeah, if I wake him up, that's a whole
different story.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
I want the kiss. This morning, so I saw and
he was leaving and I didn't fall back asleep after
but it's fine. I'll take a nap after this podcast.
But we're so happy to have you here. Let's let's
let's quickly before we, you know, get into the show.
If you is this your first time listening, this is
Confess your Mess Welcome. So on this podcast we get
listeners submitted secrets and people confess to us and we
break down these secrets with our special guest today, it's Ian.
(03:22):
So Ian, you know, you got famous on TikTok.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
With your ex, and I am more famous.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Yeah, more famous? Well, well, definitely we're gonna get into
kind of your breakup and your life after because it
was a very public breakup. You guys were trending and
full transparency. We didn't know of you and Chris before
meeting you at Queer to Us the other night, just
because we don't really get on TikTok like that. Yeah,
but we we were gonna get into all that. But
(03:48):
before we do that, you know this podcast is about secrets,
So AJ, why don't you kick it off with our
first segment?
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Okay, so in order to trust you, because we're just
still getting to know you, right, and in order to
trust you with our messengers confessions. Uh, this is not
the big secret that you brought that you're gonna share
with us at the end of the pod. This is
like a little teeny tiny secret. This is more of
a vice, a bad habit. Maybe a person or something
that you just not have not been able to say
no to over the years. Maybe it's that person you
still you know dial late night after you've had a
(04:16):
couple of cocktails. Maybe it's still that snack that you
you know you have when you know you shouldn't, but
you just can't say no to it. This is, yeah,
the snack that smiles back. That's a meal's nickname. He's
not He's not a snack. He's a meal. This is
your mess.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
But yes, ooh okay, I hate being in the hot seat,
but I love it at the same time. So a
bad habit of mine is saying I have habits and
then not keep going through with them. Like I'll be
like I'm doing this thing right now. It's like that,
I'll do it like once or twice, right, I'll feel
really good about it, talk to my friends and like
(04:51):
get the validation of like, oh yeah, like that's great.
I don't need people to tell me I'm amazing, but
just like yes, yes, like you just said, like work,
and then like after that kind of dies and I
just like sometimes go like okay, next thing. It's not
even that I don't want to do it because I
got the validation, but there's this kind of like oh
I found the joy in it. I did it onto
(05:13):
the next if that makes sense sense, you know what
I mean. It's it's very that for me, like I
will start a thing because I think it's what will
make me feel better. It does. I feel that it
does what it does for me, and like perfect example,
I'll give you an example. I started being pretty conscious
about like my morning routine because like anyone, I think
(05:35):
after a breakup, like I don't know, for me, I
just felt very restless and kind of like what is
my life? And like you feel like a death. There's
like a death that kind of happens, and like chemically
your body kind of goes through this withdrawal of an
energy in space you literal space and like chemical sharing
of energy that you were having with this person. And
(05:56):
so my mornings were like a little rough there for
like a while. And so I was like, okay, how
can I set some routine to help me just like
get my bearings. And so I started doing this like
eleven minute calm app like morning stretch situation, just to
like wake my body up. And as a dancer, I
was just like, this will be just nice to like
give myself this eleven minutes. It's eleven minutes, Like it's fine.
(06:18):
I can stare out into the beautiful falcony that I have.
And then like I was like, I wonder how long
I will keep this up? Like I just knew that
even starting. I was like I'm gonna do this, and
then I'd say, like ten days in, I was like, okay,
like work, like she did it, you know what I mean,
Like I did my do and like you just kind
of fall off of it because you're like it served
(06:38):
its purpose and I am feeling better, and I think,
like I actually think that's one of my like, uh,
like one of the things I like about myself is
that I will find something that brings me the joy
and then once it doesn't anymore, I just move on
from it.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Listen, you're the first person who's ever turned your mess,
but yaes into like a like an uplifting moment.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Right.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Also, I'm proud of it.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
So there's that, right, and I'm.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Visit it, you know, I get back to her. It's
but it's just like it's maybe not as consistent.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Okay, consistency, you're inconsistent.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
You're consistently I am consistently consistent.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Suh. There's the title, is consistently inconsistent with Ian Paget perfect. Okay, listen,
So our secret theme for this week. Every single week
we do a different thing for our secrets. This week
we're doing relationship secrets. Is it queer relationship secrets or
is it just relationship secrets?
Speaker 1 (07:31):
For you say relationship because it's twenty twenty.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Two, okay, but it is queer relationship secrets? Well relationships okay, Well,
I'm sure that in the secrets it's probably going to
be something queer related. So we're gonna say QO relationship.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
And if you're just like a normal human being and
you don't know who you are yet and you might
be queer and you might not be queer, don't stop
listening just because of that title.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
And that that's fine, But bump, bump.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
I can't talk. Let's get into the first secret of me.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Wow, this is from anonymous male Texas. They said, I
accidentally found my boyfriends Okay, so yeah, anonymous male Texas.
I actually found my boyfriend's old diary from a couple
of years back and read it like an asshole. In
a few entries, he wrote intimately about his ex girlfriend.
He's since come out, and I got so jealous. I
tore those pages out and threw them in the trash.
(08:14):
He still doesn't know, and I'm so scared to tell him.
It's so weird. I don't get jealous hearing about the
past guys he's hooked up with, but for some reason,
knowing he once had a girlfriend makes me so insecure.
I'll never be able to offer to him what she
offered because I'm a dude. I feel like such a
shitty person. I don't want him to break up with
me over this help.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
So that almost sounds like queer and straight relationships going on.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
In one the verse, it sounds like you said that
the guy came out, and so he's out and proud
now they're gay, but go off sis uh huh.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Wow. I feel like that was really layered. I didn't expect.
That's an interesting thing. That the ex girlfriend is what's
bringing up insecurity in him.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
M m.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
You know, like I'm sore, I'm genuinely curious about but
he said it. He's like, I just have a fear
that I'm maybe wouldn't be able to offer what she offered,
and that tells me that maybe the pages were very
intimate and emotional and like kind of soul bearing about
that experience. And I don't think it has anything to
do with her, and I think it's just all all
(09:13):
bringing it back to our you know, our confessor's own
fear that they're possibly just not enough.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
You know, right, mm hmmm, our confessor. Yeah, we call
our confessors our messengers, our messengers bringing them, bringing the
mess So what they're.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Doing, I will say, I will say, because you're not
revealing this, but AJ did find something in our early
years from my past.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
That's why he's starting this, so I want that.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
That sure is why I'm starting because he tells every
bit of my business on this podcast. But he did
find something for my past. And if you listen to
the podcast, you know that I uh am not a
platinum stargate like AJ. I did mess around with some
girls before I came out of the closet and maybe insecure. Yeah,
but first started dating. But I think it's all about
the conversation. So you know, with us, we've been together
(10:00):
for almost a decade now, and at the time, you know,
we were still building our relationship. But we did, like
when he discovered that it could have gone left really fast,
we had like an honest, open conversation about it. I
think if you found these intimate pages and you tore
them out, there is a chance that your boyfriend will
never know because I don't really go back and look
(10:21):
at old journal entries from like one night. Just like
Ian talked about how he starts habits, I had a
habit of doing the journal for a little bit and
it stopped after a couple of weeks. But I don't
go back and look at those journal pages.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
I will say, though, that I can relate to this one.
I can relate to the being jealous of the thing
that you can't provide. That makes sense to me, and
I think that early on with you, my issue was
also that you were in the closet when we met,
and I'm the first person you've ever gone to the
date with, the first and only person, and I put
a ring on. It turned out very differently than I
expected it to though early on, I dated I've dated
(10:51):
hundreds of men.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Do you have to tell that every single episode?
Speaker 1 (10:55):
I's like to remind you sometimes, I know. I think
that would still be that would be harder for me
if if you came to me and said I I
full transparency. It would be harder for me if you
said that you're into a woman, you find a woman attractive.
Then if you said to me that you slept with
another man, I think that the female thing would trigger
(11:16):
me more than another man.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
And why I'm so like cause the way I look
at it is so you couldn't date someone who is bisexual.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying you. I'm saying
you and I because I know you and I have
an emotional connection that is not going to be touched.
I'm not worried about our emotional connection. Got it right.
If there was a physical thing you needed somewhere else,
that would take some time for me to process and
work through, if it was something that I couldn't offer
you right now, because we also were a monogamous relationship
(11:46):
and that's just what we've chosen for ourselves and it works.
Right a female though, like a male or a female
can't offer you something emotionally different than I can, Like
I could be open and create space to have conversations
with you and then go deep when we have done that. Physically,
a female can offer you things that I just cannot
offer you. So that would like trigger insecurities than me.
It would lead to a lot of conversations and maybe
(12:08):
some therapy, but it would trigger something, okay, which.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Is like sorry to interrupt, but like it's so funny
because and by funny I mean interesting because you would
one would think that, like because she is a complete
different gender than you, right and so and so, like
when you know I don't have that body and she
(12:32):
literally can provide a thing that is very different from me,
it makes me want to know, Like it makes me
curious about does it bring up a fear of like
if you pick that person over me? Like I'm actually
I wouldn't. I'm not gonna put words in your mouth,
but like what do we think that stems from? Like
the inecurity around that. I think it feels to.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Me like I can't compete with that mm hmm. Like
on one hand, you could look at it, and you
can definitely say and I can understand the thought process.
You could be like, well, there's nothing I could have
done that's not on me, So I can't feel bad
about that because you want a totally different direction, right,
I would be so devastated that I had the potential
of you losing you in this scenario only is what
I'm talking about that I think I would be more
(13:14):
along the lines of I don't there's nothing I can
do to I guess, right, guess.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Where I get confused. It's not a competition if that
person's in the past, because whether it's a male or
a female.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Say, it's a competition necessarily, but you can't compete. What
that's I'm saying. I said, insecurities would come up, you know, I.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
Wonder, I wonder if for our messenger slash confessor and
like maybe even for aj that like it brings up
the fear that maybe you would go back to that
because you've already had that so like specific with the messenger.
Right reading those pages, you're like, oh, this was a
person I didn't know. Then you're this was these were.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Yeah, I don't know that person. I have no roll
over that person.
Speaker 3 (13:56):
And so unknown. It feels like this whole other like
I didn't know you, Like it's essentially like I wouldn't
have known Aj when he was you know, straight off time,
and so you I feel like it brings up I
don't know, like this possible other person that isn't with
you anymore but is still with you, and then the
fears like could they ever go back to that? And
(14:16):
so that change is a little bit of trust or
I don't know. I don't know whether you know.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
I've also never been with a woman that's different you have,
I have not. Wow, So for me, that's just like
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
And we had a conversation and I can't publicly say
why he never has story about that. And I also
can't say I can't say a lot of things about
like the situation who I was back then. God making
this sound like it's something bad is not but terrible.
I'm still friends with some people. Yeah, And so there
was a lot of things I was battling internally. I
(14:47):
was gay and just trying to figure myself out.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
And out of respect, we care about that.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Person persons, but uh, but yeah, it's yeah to our messenger, confessor,
I think that we all gave some good.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Also, don't get into somebody's journals that problem.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
If you do, though, don't tear out the pages because
you made it more complicated, because if you would have
just kept it in there and not torn out the pages.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Not judging you, although I will say, but if you would.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Have just kept the pages in there, you could have
been upset and processed that and then once you got
over it, because you will get over it, the pages
will still be there and you would never have to
tell your partner that you look at the pages.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
I have read text messages twice in my entire life,
two different relationships, and both times the two times I
did it, I found out they were cheating on me.
And as far as I know, the only two times
I've ever been cheated on that I know of, And
both times my gut just told me something's going on.
They're lying to me.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
You want to check my text I was texting mom
this morning, your mom.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
Like specifically, like with this messenger, I'm going to go
ahead and even give like another sort of moment of
advice that like, even though you still tore out the pages,
you can still you can change your first off, I'm
a big, big proponent of this, Like you can change
your mind any day, anytime, and like be a new person,
be the person you want to be starting now. Right, So,
(16:03):
even though you've turned like tore out these pages, you
can still go to your partner and be like hey,
And this is coming from someone who has a really
hard time like truly sharing how I feel and asking
for what I need in the moment, like real time
kind of communication for me, Like I avoid like the plague.
It's just it's a thing I learned in my house
(16:25):
and so like that's something I'm working on in therapy.
So I fully understand that plight. And with that, I
would say, though, like if you can, if you have
enough trust with your partner to share that you did
find this journal and that you did read it, and
that it did bring up some in you and that
you tore these pages out and it's wild, but you
(16:46):
get a moment to share with your partner. You right there,
there was a version of me that did this thing.
And I'm not like I'm mad, but it brought up jealousy,
it brought up an insecurity, and I just feel like
you need to know because one I did kind of
read something that wasn't for me. It was very personal
and like, I'm not mad about what you wrote, but
(17:09):
it brought up things in me that I think moving forward,
Like I trust that you would maybe be able to
help like diffuse, and like you would hope that the
partner supports and like after they take their moment, can go.
I didn't really love that. But also they might actually
just make you feel better.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Yeah, they might have a they might be like listen,
I was also processing things too, and I'm at a
different place now, so let's talk about it.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
I like that.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that. Take that advice. Take
that advice for sure. But let's take a quick break
and come right back.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Mess Hi, welcome back to confess your message. Ian Pagett
on the pod today. Super excited to have you here. Ian.
We love you on TikTok and and we're we're grateful
that you've made space for us.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Yeah yeah, okay. Our next secret comes from anonymous male Oakland.
They said, my boyfriend and I are on the d
L and I want to tell people we're gay and
in the relationship, but he's not ready. Is it if
I at least tell one of my friends or is
that breaking trust? I'm I'm just go in.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
Right here because it's the first thing that pots in
my head whenever questions like that arise with friends of mine.
We have, like specifically two best friends. It's like, the
answer is in the question, is what I always kind
of say. You can take that advice or truly leave
and be like I'm still asking the question. I want
someone else to give me a different answer. That's totally fine.
(18:42):
But like if you have to ask, like is it okay?
If I like you know what I'm saying, it's like
you already know, you already kind of know.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, So if it's yeah, go ahead. Friends can be
pretty amazing, right, Yeah, if you have a couple of
really good ones in your life, talk and you can
trust them. Talk to your friend. I say, talk to
your friend and say listen, they're not ready. But that
doesn't mean that friend's gonna go tell a single person,
but they need to know. And I think you need
to be able to talk to somebody because if you
can't talk to your partner, there has to be somebody
(19:14):
in your life that you can go to and work
through it, right, And I had I have an ex
actually that I talked through a lot of stuff with
like we were not really great at a relationship. He
just gives really great advice and he's like a vault.
He keeps every single secret in the world. And when
you and I were going through stuff, Emil and I
broke up one time for eight hours, many many, many
many years ago.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
It was like eight years ago, and I was very
dramatic and got him back.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
He sure was and a fetal position in the bathroom, crying.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
So we're not going to reinvent his narrative. I was
never feel position we're crying a bat totally. I was
on the phone with my cousin in the doorway so
he could hear me crying. But I was never in
a fetal position in the bathroom.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
And I was at my Axes. I went to my Axes,
the one of the ones who I just told you
about who cheated on me, and I want to him
for advice.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
I said, what, but it was nothing to worry about.
They're not no, no, not like that.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
It never was.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
But I was like, what do I do?
Speaker 1 (20:06):
I need really solid advice? You know me better than
anybody else. Am I being crazy right now?
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Yeah? I get that, But I so I agree and disagree,
and I think the reason why it's in their question
they said, is it breaking their trust. I can go
to a friend if we're both on the DL. If
we me and you were both on the DL, I
don't mind me going to a friend and saying I'm comfortable,
Hey Jenna, cause it's the first friend I ever came
out to. Is my best friend, Jenna, Hey Jenna, I'm gay.
I need to tell somebody I'm going through this and
(20:33):
we can bond over that. We don't know their situation,
because if this person is also in their friend group,
I think it's not fair to out somebody, even if
that is one of your close friends, to out somebody
who's not ready to be out it.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
And like you don't know, like we don't know the situation.
We don't know the context of like where they live,
it's family, like how much of the friend group is
is like around them all the time, and like there's okay.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
So I think I'm hearing this differently. So I think
I'm actually saying the same thing as you. I think
what I'm trying to say is I think it's okay
to go talk to your friend that you're in this situation,
let them know that you're with somebody who's closeted. I
don't necessarily, I didn't necessarily mean to out that person,
to talk to them about being with somebody who's not out.
I think that is I'm trying to I'm not trying
(21:19):
to go out people. Okay, yeah, no, I'm not trying
to be like, oh, I'm Bob over here and you're
friends with them, and you did everybody? Everybody? Anybody's everked
of Bob before? Have they?
Speaker 2 (21:29):
I haven't?
Speaker 3 (21:31):
Have you?
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Ian?
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Have I ever said to Bob? Sorry? I literally was
like trying to go through like this, Like what else
could this person do?
Speaker 2 (21:38):
Like?
Speaker 3 (21:38):
What are the ways I was literally trying to go
through like well.
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Also, also on a deeper level, that sounds like you.
I think the real issue is that you're a place
where you want to be out and proud in your
relationship is slowly start to come out of the closet
as a couple and the person you're with is not
ready to do that. So the next question is are
you comfortable spending more time in the closet with that
(22:01):
person and then for that person and if that's not
enough for you, there's a deeper conversation that he used
to take place with that person because he might it
just might not be the relationship for you right now. Yeah,
and they might not come out for you know. He
was in the closet when I met him, and we
went into that hole.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Yeah, we had a conver we were we were talking.
We were friends first, we became really good friends, and
then we started doing something. We started doing some things,
and then he we didn't like actually start dating because
we had a serious conversation one time. He said, you know,
I really like you, I really do, but like, I
don't know if I can go through the whole process
of dealing with someone who's in the closet. My dad's
(22:35):
a passed, or my mom's super religious, my family's like
it was just a lot. Yeah, And so he had
that conversation with me, and I had to I had
to sit with that. We weren't living together at the time.
I was over his place all the time, but I
went back to my place and I remember I sat
there and I had to really think about, Okay, what
am I going to do? And I thought about it
for the next couple of weeks, and eventually I did
come out. And I did that because I didn't want
(22:57):
to lose him.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Yeah, because I'd already been through it. I didn't want
to do it again. Yeah, I did the hard part
for myself. I didn't want I could either support him,
but I wasn't going to go back on a closet.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
And I'm not saying to this messenger, I'm not saying
to threaten your partner to lead them. That's kind of thing,
But it does need to be a conversation of I
am truly ready to come out in some capacity and
I want you to be on that journey with.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
Me, and your partner might say, Hey, I really care
about you too. I just don't see a way forward
right now. I'm going to need a little bit more time.
Can you give me that? If you had said to me, yeah,
if you would have said to me, hey, I need
another six months or so, I just need to like
process this. I care about you. I don't want to
lose you, but I can't promise you I can do
this right now. I would have had to make a decision.
(23:40):
At least you have the information, yeah, and I would
have stuck with you. I would have stuck it out.
So maybe just have that conversation.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
I also think, like when you, like when you said,
you know, there's this thing I have to go do
this for myself because I don't want to lose you.
It's the thing I have to go do for myself
is so that I can hopefully not hold on to
you or keep you. There's no ownership there, right, but
so that I can feel really good about my decision
when I make it, so that it's not just in
(24:08):
reaction to you telling me like this, you know, because
I think that can happen to like, if someone shares
with me something, my empathy can kick in so much
that I will it's really interesting, like I'll avoid my
own need and want to share with someone. But if
they share with me, I feel very oh my god,
like you ask this of me, like you said this,
(24:30):
and so I feel very like people please re in
the sense that like, well I have to yeah, no,
of course, and then I think about it after but
I've already kind of said it yes, which is like
terrible business and terrible like it's just like not the
way to do it. But like this person, and even
with your experience right now, like that you guys just shared,
(24:51):
it's it's just important to be like, what do you
need right, like putting on your face mask on the
airplane first and really setting that tone for yourself will
one only be good for you and two if the
other person wants to join you on that. Chances are
when someone sees you. Listen, if you have a crush
on someone and you're in a relationship and it's there,
(25:13):
and like you know, you're you're in this relationship and
you go off and do that thing for you that's
pretty attracted. I know that. I think that's pretty attractive,
and there's something very not noble, but you're just kind
of like work, Like I love that you're doing that
for yourself. It hope maybe will motivate me, inspire me
(25:34):
in my own time.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Nothing is Yeah, there's nothing more motivating in a relationship
than seeing your partner doing stuff like whatever that is
that it gives you a little bit more courage.
Speaker 3 (25:44):
YEA, yeah, exactly, yes for sure.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Okay, so we have two more secrets before we get
to your secret. But before we get into that, like
we touched on it earlier, but you had a pretty
public breakup and you know we're doing relationship secrets here.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
So what has wait we're doing what Wow? Just relationships.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
Wow circle moment because this last.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Couple didn't necessarily identify as I just.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Saying wow, No, they were just on the deal.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
You're right, Wow, it's amazing. You were just waiting for
that moment, like the turn of events here ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
You got to smile at me, and you're cute.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
I am pretty cute. Anyway back to No, but you
went through a pretty public, yeah, break up.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
Like the major outlets, and you know, we've had our
relationship highlighted in different ways, but we haven't had like
a public breakup.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
The only thing I can relate to is getting fired
from a national talk show on Fox and then publicly seen,
you know, like Variety. Ross Matthews replaces A. J. Gibson,
his host of Hollywood Stay Live. Yeah, that was difficult.
That was a little kid from Ohio. I'm like, why
did they have to do an article about this? That's
really humiliating to me.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
So for you, since you know it and you kind
of touched on this earlier, you know, and we can
relate in terms of, like we said, we do content together,
and so I imagine if we were to break up
there would be a bit of I guess, refinding our
own individual identity, even though we have within the relationship,
we're very much connected, especially after almost a decade. So
(27:10):
for you, what has it been like post breakup? I know,
if I recall you guys did the video and you
kind of said like it was it was this pressure
that was on you that kind of caused the breakup
or led or's one aspect of like the pressure of
people's expectation of who you are and just oh, they're perfect.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
That's real, by the way, And sometimes it's why we
don't create content because I'm like, this would be great,
but if we're arguing right now in our real world,
I don't want to create a video with you right
now because it drives me crazy. Yeah yeah, So how
did you navigate all of that?
Speaker 3 (27:42):
I mean, as best as I possibly could. We both
did it as best as we possibly could, and it
was just like you know, I think I've said this
to other friends too, that like it just you're in
a bit of a pressure cooker. It was a lot
of new things happening at a very very high speed.
Many many huge live life events happened within that year.
(28:03):
COVID happened. Chris is not going to school, He's in Zoom.
I'm not doing theater and acting and dancing anymore. Everyone's
life really really changed. And then we moved cross country
and then I'm living with my partner for the first time.
I've never done that before. Like, there were just so
many milestone, amazing moments that like, quite frankly, like I
did the best I could at handling, and so did he.
(28:25):
But it just, you know, like things happen, you kind
of grow together, and then you also kind of struck
stop growing with yourself because relationships are hard. Being in
a public relationship which was something I didn't like ask for,
but it just kind of happened and brought so many
amazing beautiful things. Also, like it's kind of Achilles heel right,
(28:45):
it's like that thing that is like so great about
where it brought us and the people that was connecting
us with and what it was doing for our lives
in a time of such peril where people were really
kind of I think seeing us as like a glimmer
of hope and just like an authentic, real relationship and
I don't know, it just there's so many cool things
about it. Also there's another side of that coin, that
(29:08):
are the the pressures of keeping that up of like, well,
we're that for people, but then we're also regular humans
who have to deal with our day to day and
what we still need and want and how to actually
communicate that, not just when a camera's on you and
like it's it's it's a really tough thing to have
to navigate, and I'm I consider myself a pretty mature,
(29:31):
like with it human, but like those kind of moments
in life were like many, like we're like growing pains, right,
Like it was like you're into the woods and you're
like excited and scared for anyone who understands that reference,
you know, And it's like one of my favorite songs
from I Think It's I Think It's Company, and it's
like sorry, grateful, like that those two things can live.
(29:52):
I just really believe in dualities, right, it's You'll always
be what you always were, which has nothing to do
with and all to do with her. Mmmmm. That's I'm
speechless because it all says it all, right there, it.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Does say it all, and it's it's so fascinating to
me because so this is a conversation I've had a
lot of times with friends of mine who are maybe
drag queens, or my best friend MICHAELA. Gordon, my co
host my radio show. She got really big on TikTok,
got almost two million followers in a year doing Milania
Trump impressions. And then once she stopped doing that and
(30:27):
started to put out her content what she wanted to
be presented as, the numbers dropped off significantly. And I
know that's the same with like it with drag queens.
If you're if you're you know, the character, if you're
Nina West, that's one thing, but if you're Andrew Lovett,
that might be something different. And so did you have
that insecurity sort of creep into your mind? Like as
a content creator? Who am I as a solo creator now?
(30:50):
And will my audience stick around? Will they still care?
Or did that ever cross your mind?
Speaker 3 (30:56):
I've never thought about the like will the audience still
care and stick around? Thing? My My biggest thing that
happened like throughout was we were churning out a lot
of content at the beginning there, like because it was
just Christism machine and so good at he just like
has the idea and he's like such a he's just
(31:17):
like he can make things happen so fashionary. Yeah, sure,
he's literally like he literally could be president if he
wanted to be. And and it's one of the things
I love about him is just like he inspires me.
Slash makes me feel bad about myself. You know, it's
like it's inspiring, but then you're also like, god, I'm
not doing that. It can go that route, right, It's
(31:37):
like it's either work I want to do exactly that,
or depending on your mood that day, it's why not
doing that, I'm the worst, Like I'm not as I
don't do the thing he does like he's got And
then it turned into like maybe he'll think that I'm
not as like go Gettory as hit you know, like
again those two things live together, right. But to answer
your question, the biggest thing that I noticed and clocked
(32:00):
we were making so much content and my sort of
like the craftman and me the actor and me who
was like having so much fun, started getting self conscious
about what we were putting out because I started to
kind of feel like I was a caricature of myself,
like those were I don't know if that's actually what
it was, right, that was just my own interpretation of.
Speaker 1 (32:22):
What was going on.
Speaker 3 (32:23):
I was starting to doubt myself. I was feeling like, well, now, okay,
like am I being as funny as I can be?
What is that skit? And then like he would bring
ideas and I was like, no, no, no, that that'll
seem to like I just started to deny and like
second and push away the thing because I also recognize
how quickly it can become your achilles heel, right that, Like, okay,
like we're doing a lot of this thing, and I
(32:45):
was clocking internally that like, while it was all in fun,
I was like, this also just lives on the internet,
and like it forced me to be like okay, like wait,
who am I? What am I putting out? It just
brought up all of those kind of questions and so
moving forward and just like with the year, like those
were a lot of things that were kind of just
(33:05):
in my mind and I felt like froze me sometimes
you know what I.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
Mean, that's genuine and I appreciate that answer. That's really
that's really real, And a lot of times I think
people forget that, Uh, social media isn't the same for everybody.
Content creators who are relying on social media sometimes for
income are very different than you know, my friends are
family back home who just post pictures at their lattes still,
and that's just what it's there for, and that's fine
(33:29):
for them, and that's great, great, But also to wrap
your brain around the idea of like getting inside your
head because you're like, wait, honey, honey, let's think about
this content because we just have this brand deal we're
working on right now, and our agent's closing down this
sponsorship too, so we want to make sure we're putting
on the right stuff. And also am I being the
right character.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
It's like we have no filter in this podcast, and
like we're at coast, we're television hosts by trade, and
so we are constantly in the back of my head,
I'm constantly thing, oh, really.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
A whole some sponsors along one wants to start sponsoring us.
Is that going to change change the way that we talk?
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Right?
Speaker 3 (34:04):
But at the same time, it's you know again like
if only someone could have all I mean, people were
saying this to me too, But it's just when you're
in it, you just can can feel very different. But
like you being you will attract who wants to be
with you.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Right exactly.
Speaker 3 (34:20):
And so if the wholesome moment isn't going to happen
for you, that's fine. The whole moment will go over
there and people will find the joy and like specialness
and uniqueness of your banter and bickerness and be like,
we love the realness of this.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
M you do what I'm saying, like, yeah, Hallmark's not
reaching out anytime, so right, you attract what you.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
Put out, uh, And we are putting out amazing content
with amazing guests, and we're gonna take a quick break
and come back.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
Welcome back, Welcome back, welcome this This is me saying
welcome back. You re ready me, welcome back to confess
your mess. That was really loud and aggressive. Thank you
so much for joining us. Where we're about to wrap
up here. Of god, I think one or two more
secrets really quickly. We're going to get through with Ian
Pagett and then he's going to reveal his confession. You
know what do you have for us?
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Who's okay? So this is from j Female Usa. I'm
with the guy who I really love, but I'm starting
to think I'm gay. It sucks loving someone so deeply
but not desiring them sexually. I used to for sure,
but lately only fantasized about women just don't want to
make a decision, I regret.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
And this is a female who goes by just the
letter J.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:32):
I mean you know, I think she's she's saying and
she's like, I don't want to make a decision because
I'm unsure, and I'm like, so then, yeah, you like
you had a patent paper and you ask yourself some questions,
you're like pros and coments? Yeah, Like, am I fantasizing
about women solely on a sexual level? Am I fantasizing
about do you know what I'm saying? Like, I guess
you just kind of go through and you you kind
(35:53):
of figure that out. That's first off. These confessions are.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Deep, real's real. Sometimes they're ridiculous and like lighthearted. Sometimes
they're like serious. We had event Nicole Brown on recently
and she was like we were talking God and Bible
for a little bit. Goes over the place.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
To be honest, I will say for this person. The
other thing is, I think what will help when you're
getting that pen and paper and you're doing the pros
and content is writing this out. I think maybe figuring
out I don't know how long you and your boyfriend
have been together, but figuring out if there was some
type of trigger in your relationship that caused a lack
of sexual attraction to them, Like is it just to
(36:29):
him or is it to all men?
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Or are you attracted to the in your mind that
perceived taboo of being attracted to a woman, Because that's
also something to explore and and and I always come
back to have the conversation with your partner. It might
not be easy, but what you might realize if you
start getting, you know, to the bottom of some of
this is you A couple of things could happen. One
you might be a full on lesbian and you might
(36:51):
need to leave him and say, I'm so sorry, it's
not you, it's it's me, right. That could be one
route one day she takes or you talk to your
partner and you could find out your partner's like, Hey,
I'm kind of curious. I've always wanted to experiment with
other women as well. Is that something you're open to
doing with me? If she's happy with this partner, and
she feels safe and secure with this partner, but she's
(37:14):
sexually not fully fulfilled by this partner, maybe there's an
opportunity to bring a lot of the situation.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
A lot of secrets live in the unknown, right, And
so what we try to talk about and exhibit with
our relationship is we do have these private conversations. Even
before we came up that I diff for this podcast
years ago, it started with us having like a conversation
revealing our secret desires and fears and all these different things.
Speaker 1 (37:38):
This is the naked on the bed conversation. A lot
of our listeners you've heard about it.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
And so you know, I get that it's difficult, and
we always are very very real, insane that it wasn't
an easy conversation. We were crying like it was hard.
But also, if you want to grow in your relationship,
sometimes not sometimes you need to have those tough conversations.
I'm not saying if you're like six months in, go
sit naked on the bed and reveal all these things.
Speaker 1 (38:01):
Maybe also don't put a timeline on how how how
quickly love can happen and how in attraction can happen.
And and he may also say to you, I'm just
I'm not okay with that. I'm so sorry, I love
you go go figure out what we need to figure out.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
Yeah, you never know. He even say, Okay, let's take
a pause and let's revisit after you have explored, Like
you just never know how to give.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
People the information so that everybody can make the decisions
it's best for them.
Speaker 3 (38:23):
Yeah, and like a big thing that a friend would have,
Like we share with each other as always, and I'm
always reminded of and I don't know where this came
from from me this, but it's like this feeling that
I'll share with you maybe like in that first instance
when I'm meeting you, it's like because I maybe don't
care as much, right, Yeah, you share a little easier, easily,
(38:47):
more easily because there's less risk, and you want to
show that you can share, and you're like, it's not
even show you can share, but you're just like, I
feel comfortable enough because we're connecting. And then all of
a sudden, what happens is like you start to date
and it gets intimate and it does get closer, and
then you're like, oh, wait, you know a lot about
me now, and then it kind of shifts and then
(39:09):
you start to It doesn't even have to get that
far but maybe when you get them and you're like, oh,
like you're into me now, all of a sudden you
start to care about how they see you, and so
therefore you care about how you're seen, and then you
stop not caring about who you are, right, and then
you keep things like you kind of keep yourself. I
know I do this all the time, And so biggest
(39:32):
thing that I have to be reminded of from friends
and tell other people is like, if the more you
do that, the pattern and habit that just gets formed,
is you not sharing who you really are, And so
they're dating someone who isn't really there right or who
is like a version of you, is your performed self,
is your I'm trying self. And so then I would
(39:52):
say to this person like, not don't wait, but like,
if you have an opportunity to share in this moment,
the thing that's popping up for you that makes you
you in the moment, if they're not with that, it
would be best to know that now then waiting and
putting it off and like possibly squashing it and like
(40:13):
essentially sharing like a non authentic version of yourself.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
Yeah, And I think what you said is so dead on,
because what we tend to do early in a relationship,
as we get to know somebody, we reveal as much
as we need to to get them to be like, oh,
they're open and honest with me. And then once we
see like, oh they're into me, now I don't have
to keep sharing because then it flips. Then it becomes
(40:37):
I can be hurt by this.
Speaker 3 (40:39):
Person exactly exactly.
Speaker 1 (40:40):
I'm becoming more and more vulnerable, need to because I've
already won them over. I've already got them, So I'm
going to stop now. And that's a relationships slowly start
to die.
Speaker 3 (40:50):
Because I'm care to lose them, exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
Getting deep, y'all secret before Ian's Secret, Albert Mill Iowa, Alan,
Why was about to say? Iowa? What? Listen?
Speaker 3 (41:02):
Mozart, Mozart, thank you the shade.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
Okay, my casual hookup and I just started experimenting with
food play like whipped cream and berries and belly button
vodka shots and it's actually super fun. I don't know why.
It's the secret, just haven't divulged it yet.
Speaker 1 (41:17):
Okay, I gotta say. I gotta say this. You're going
to relate to this, and you might as well remember
the scene from Varsity Blues with the whipped cream on
the penis and the nipples, the hot guy, you.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
Know what I'm talking about. Ian they made then not
another team movie. Chris Evans did it too.
Speaker 3 (41:34):
But that was a spoof. I know. I can't remember
if it was Paul Walker's character. It was with James
Vanderbeek and the CODs. Ali Ali she was in that.
She was with Beyonce, Ali l Ali Larder.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
And what was the guy? Was Scott Con? Was that
the guy's name?
Speaker 3 (41:53):
He was so James Vanderbeek.
Speaker 1 (41:56):
But there wasn't the Scott Con in that movie too?
Speaker 2 (41:59):
So was Paul uh so good?
Speaker 3 (42:02):
But she did? She gave you that moment for James
because he all of a sudden became the new Fearce quarterback.
Speaker 1 (42:08):
You're right, You're right. I think Scott com had the
scene where he saw his button he puss cowboy hat
over the front and ram, Yeah, that's what.
Speaker 2 (42:15):
Okay, that was an easy secret. We don't really have
a lot of commentary for that. That's great. I say,
explore anything that you want to explore in the bedroom.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
Have we ever got food?
Speaker 2 (42:23):
Have we done food? I feel okay? Really quick story,
really quick because I really want to hear any secret.
Speaker 3 (42:29):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
We didn't do food. We did ice. And it was
after we watched fifty Shades Yes, because I told all
my best girlfriends about this story. We watched fifty Shades
of Gray, and then AJ was like, oh, let's do
some of that. I'm Christian Gray. Yeah, let me just yeah,
he's not. And he got U. I didn't know what
he got. He blindfolded me and then all of a
(42:51):
sudden he starts doing things. Yeahs so he literally put
I'm assuming was it just a pair of socks in
my mouth?
Speaker 1 (43:00):
I don't know what was it?
Speaker 2 (43:00):
I think it was. And then he put ice on
my nipples and you did something. I have to text
him ask him what it was. They were cracking up
on the floor laughing. But you did something, and I
was like, okay, enough, Like I literally like have to
push it out of my mouth, like that's this is
not it, this is not.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
That's it was Okay.
Speaker 3 (43:15):
I didn't know you like, because it's too much like
a No.
Speaker 2 (43:19):
It wasn't a good way.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
He loves he loves Professor Gibson, but that was just
a bridge too far.
Speaker 2 (43:24):
Yeah that will Yeah, anyway, the fifty Shades of AJ
did not go the way it was supposed to go,
got it? So okay, Ian, we are excited before we
uh even got on this podcast. Our producer Frank text
us and say, you're going to gag. Yeah, like I
secret like laughing emoji. So we're very excited for the secret.
(43:45):
So Ian Paget, it is now time for you to
confess your mess.
Speaker 3 (43:50):
I Ian Paget can eat a pound cake and under
a minute. Wait what Yeah, if I put nutella on it,
it's it's even more of a rap if it you
know what I mean, Like if I yeah, like.
Speaker 1 (44:06):
A whole pound cake.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
Yes, oh my god, we're talking like you know, like.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
We're not talking a cupcake though we're talking a cake.
Speaker 3 (44:16):
Correct, No, I'm talking like an end even like remember
those remember not like they're like those intimate moments where
you're just like and if after like bite two, you're
like work, Okay, I'm full, you know what I mean.
But on a good night when I'm watching a thing
that makes me feel good and if I also have
nutella next to me, it's a rap. That's it.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
Whoa Okay, I love nutella. By the way, Coffee cakes
and they're so bombed. They're so so good with coffee cake,
the coffee cakes entimate or the yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah,
the powdered sugar, but a whole one and under a minute.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
I mean I can't. I can't eat sweets like that
in under a minute, but I can eat. I will say,
if you've ever had is it Wiley Wallaby the red is,
Those are so good. It's Australian. You can get it
at Target now. His friend nas got Yeah, told me
about it, and I have to confess that I went
to Target last night and I got a card and
some sweet things for him, but I also got a
(45:13):
huge bag of it and I literally have like three
pieces left in the back. I ate a whole back, yes,
and I meant to throw it away this morning. You
didn't know I got it, but it's still und your table.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
I'm curious about this this food thing because there's there's
a sort of an iconic story of me in my
freshman year of college at the University of Toledo, and
I had one of those Otis spunk Meyer muffins pre
package a blueberrymuffin, right and whatever they get it at
like the little convenience store in my dorm and we
were in a friend's dorm room and they said, oh
(45:41):
my god, AJ, we started timing you because you eat
so slow, and we got the forty nine minutes and
you're only halfway through that muffin. So that's how slow
I eat. So I'm the exact opposite of you, right,
just pick and pick and pick. And then the other
day you said to me, what did you say to
me just recently? You said, listen, if it's something like
if somebody could a million dollars or if you had
to eat x amount of things before, how many do
(46:04):
you think you could eat? And I was like, oh,
it was biscuits.
Speaker 2 (46:06):
Oh yeah. We went to Yardbird. Have you been the
yardbirdy since you're in La now? Oh my god. So
Yardbird is at the Beverly Center. So good.
Speaker 1 (46:13):
Their biscuits, their fried chicken, their ridges, like it's like
Home King Southern Food.
Speaker 3 (46:18):
Is it on the second floor, No, it's on the
bottom floor.
Speaker 2 (46:21):
If you're on third Street. Yardbird is at third in
Los Angele have to go.
Speaker 1 (46:25):
Okay, so details are incredible. Their food's amazing. They're shriumping
grits or so everything's good.
Speaker 2 (46:29):
Not just amazing, but their biscuits literally is like it
melts in your mouth. And so I asked him. I
was like, so, if if somebody said we're gonna pay
you ten thousand dollars to eat as many biscuits as
you can and minutes he could you eat?
Speaker 1 (46:41):
He was like, I don't know, like four, So there's
like four four biscuits in ten minutes.
Speaker 2 (46:46):
I could eat so many?
Speaker 1 (46:47):
And I was And that was me being generous. I
was thinking, really maybe two or three.
Speaker 3 (46:50):
See, I would just be like, pay me ten thousand
dollars and we'll find out together, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (46:56):
That's the right answer. And it's been a blast before
we let you go. So first of all, now that
you're in La, are you settled? Do you like La?
What do you miss about New York?
Speaker 3 (47:08):
First off, I just want to say I like love
you too. I feel so happy to have like been
able to connect with you guys, And just like the
flow of questions and what you're asking have some like
because I've done some of these before where you're just like, oh, okay,
I don't know how to you know whatever, but like
these all feel like very relevant to what I'm like
kind of where I'm at right now, just like this disclaimer, but.
Speaker 1 (47:30):
Really quickly just now drag every of the podcast you've
been on really quickly go well.
Speaker 3 (47:35):
I haven't I haven't been on a lot. But just
like interview, you know, sometimes people ask and you're like, oh,
that was out of left field, that whatever. But to
answer your question, I do feel more settled. I've actually
been saying this a lot more in the last couple
of weeks, like I don't I don't know. I feel
like I'm kind of uh coming rediscovering and coming back
to myself and the new self that's being formed at
(47:58):
the same time. And while there's growing pains around that,
it's very exciting and scary, but also like I think, la,
I'm finally feeling like, oh, like this is a home
for me now, you know. And I think I was
holding on to New York. It will always be like
right here next to me, always wondering because I have amazing,
(48:20):
amazing friends who live there and like my tribe. I
set up my life there, you know, so you miss that.
But as things feel like they're moving and with like
like some more momentum than they were, I think now
that COVID is kind of just yeah, it's not as
dire as it once was. I'm feeling a lot more hopeful,
a lot more optimistic about just like who I am
(48:41):
and like yeah, and I think that just takes time.
And so the adjustment period I think has like settled.
Speaker 1 (48:48):
Yeah. No, New York special, but LA is special too.
And we usually ask our guests what their takeaway of
the day was, but I think we could just say,
right now, so what's your takeaway of the day, and
then we're going to insert that really sweet thing you
just said about us? And that's perfect? More done.
Speaker 2 (49:01):
I love it.
Speaker 3 (49:02):
Great?
Speaker 1 (49:03):
Were you? We definitely need to get together in the
real world again. Actually have a little kiky.
Speaker 3 (49:07):
I will love that.
Speaker 1 (49:09):
Yeah. No, seriously, we should go to your write down.
Speaker 3 (49:11):
It sounds like you guys need any excuse to go,
so I will be your excuse.
Speaker 2 (49:15):
No, no, literally, what part of LA are you in?
Speaker 3 (49:19):
I'm in. It's this new area. It's just just coming
up right now, but it's called West Hollywood.
Speaker 1 (49:25):
I hate I hate you so much. I knew you
were going there, so good. So okay, I and Pata
thank you so much for such Thank you.
Speaker 2 (49:36):
Confess your mess is a Strawhead Media podcast produced by
Ryan Tillotson and Frank Driscoll. Thank you so much for
listening and don't forget to subscribe and share.
Speaker 1 (49:44):
And if you have a secret you want to share,
go to confessor mess dot us to submit. Your secret
could end.
Speaker 3 (49:50):
Up in the show Your Man
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