Season 1 Finale: Trust Issues & Queer Faith w/ Naz Perez

This week, the guys wrap up season one of Conefess Your Mess with the one and only Naz Perez. The three friends tackle secrets about faith, queerness, lanyards, and cryto, and Naz reaveals a secret she's never shared before.
Naz Perez is a Forbes Trailblazer known for her work as a successful TV producer, host, podcaster, and founder of Heart Broken AnonymousTM. Naz is a seasoned producer who launched her career with “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” and E! Network. She went on to produce five seasons of ABC’s #1 primetime series “The Bachelor Franchise", which includes “The Bachelor,” “The Bachelorette,” “Bachelor in Paradise,” and Freeform’s “Happily Ever After." In 2021 her live-coverage career took off, reporting for Live from E! at the Golden Globes, GRAMMYs, Oscars, Billboard Awards, E! People's Choice Awards, Met Gala “Live! From the Red Carpet and New York Fashion Week as a panelist and correspondent. Naz is the co-creator and co-host of the wildly successful and highly relatable “I Don’t Get It” podcast. Along with her co-hosts and friends Ashley and Lauren Iaconetti (“The Bachelor”), Naz delves into a wide range of topics covering everything from dating and relationships to pop culture in addition to daily annoyances and things that they just don’t “get,” openly, honestly, and with no filter or shame. 
If you want a chance to hear your secret revealed on the podcast, you can submit your secret on our website: ConfessYourMess.us 
IG: @_AJGibson / @EmileEnnisJr / @ConfessYourMessPodcast
Twitter: @AJGibson / @EmileEnnisJr / @ConfessPodcast
Watch on YouTube
From Straw Hut Media

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Straw media.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
There's something in my eye. Hold on this. Correct this.

Speaker 1 (00:05):
We've got a pro on the episode.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
We pause before you go forward. I'm literally I could
be in pain and you're just trying to like move forward.

Speaker 1 (00:11):
I know you. We've got a pro on the pod.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
Wow, I can't even see.

Speaker 1 (00:16):
Okay, well do you need to see to do a podcast?

Speaker 2 (00:18):
We have to see those and stuff?

Speaker 1 (00:19):
You know what our guest looks like. I can read them.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
Okay, Well no, well okay, let me get together.

Speaker 1 (00:23):
If you don't want to relinquish control.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
What is up, y'all? Welcome back to confess your mess.
I'm a mill Innis Junior.

Speaker 1 (00:31):
And I'm assumed to be husband A J. Gibson.

Speaker 2 (00:33):
That sounds so weird. Listen if you hear. I don't know.
If you've never listened to this podcast your first time,
you're like, who are these guys? What is this? Why
am I here? Well? You're here because it's fun and
we do listeners submitted secrets. So every single episode we
have listeners submitted secrets from our listeners, and you can
submit anonymously.

Speaker 1 (00:53):
Yeah, you can go to Confess your mess dot us
and you can submit. You can give us as much
or as little information about yourself as you choose. You
can also leave us a voice voice note, a voice Nate,
a voice note. If you do so, you g the
UH the permission to use your your audio on the podcast.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
Wait. So, when I worked at Clever back in the day,
you tell side stories all the time, you know. So
when I worked at Clever back in the day, I
remember Susan who was my co host, and she was Australian.

Speaker 1 (01:21):
She's coming to the wedding.

Speaker 2 (01:22):
And then every time Drew coming in to the office,
you will be like, I know how to say razor
blade Australian. You say lights, right, the blades, but it's
you're actually oh, rise up lights, rise up lights, but
saying the accident. It sounds like razor blade, lights lights,
How do we get there? Okay, So I got there
because you said yeah, So I was. I was trying

(01:43):
to say. If you say like the voice night, it
sounds like you're saying like voice notes in other.

Speaker 1 (01:47):
Twice night Nate sounds like Nate, sounds Australian, sounds like
Susan sounds like razor blade.

Speaker 2 (01:52):
No like voice note, voice night. Okay. Anyway, if you
want to be a Messenger of the Week. Basically, that
means that we give you a shout out on the pod.
All you have to do is go to Apple Podcasts
rate comment five stars. We really appreciate it.

Speaker 1 (02:06):
We can also take ratings on Spotify. You can't leave
as a commentary. The five stars would be very much appreciated. Also,
head over to YouTube. All of our videos go up
of the podcast about a week or so after the
podcast goes live, so if you also want to watch,
my mom likes.

Speaker 2 (02:22):
To watch sometimes longer because it depends on Sometimes I
forget to upload the videos. Come man, we'll get into
the Messenger of the Week later. I want to get
into our guests because our guest is one of my dear, dear,
closest friends and I actually met her at Clever. Speaking

(02:44):
of Clever, and at the time, I remember I always
talked about when Nasperez, we always like tease. If you
don't know that, you haven't say. But Nasperez is on
the pod today and she's incredible. And I remember she
came into the office and she was so friendly and
she was like like like she was giving everybody hugs
and stuff and showing videos like whoa I'm not used

(03:04):
to because I'm such an introvert, so it was nice
to meet somebody who had that energy. But I'm also
closed off when you first meet me. But she definitely
uh she she Yeah. I warmed up to her, I
should say, got it, And we've been friends ever since.
That was back in twenty sixteen or twenty seventeen, I believe.
But Naz you may know her from quite a few places.
So she started off producing. She was producing like Ease

(03:26):
Live from Their Carpet Eat, True Hollywood Story, and then
of course The Bachelor, Bachelotte and Bachelor in Paradise. But
then she moved on camera and she is freaking everywhere.
She's literally doing all the major red carpets for e
So she just recently did Uh. She was the mat
gall like everything you can think of, what else Naz

(03:46):
up rocks. She was that clever. Like I said, she's
ritten tomatoes, so she does a lot with the written tomatoes.
T mobile she was doing uh for years. We never went,
which I'm really sad we didn't do. It's while you
were there. If you went to a Dodger's game, she
was one of the Dodgers' hosts, and she was literally
on the Jumbo Tron. And if we would have gone
to a game five seasons, we could have been on

(04:07):
the Jumbo Tron with NAS and that would have been
freaking cool. And we never went anyway. Nas is such
a good friend.

Speaker 3 (04:12):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (04:12):
Also, of course, I can't sorry. She has such an
impressive regiment, Heartbroken Anonymous, which is her organization, and it's
meetings and you go there and you literally can express
what you're going through and it's a safe space.

Speaker 1 (04:24):
We're definitely going to ask her about that.

Speaker 2 (04:25):
For yeah, like she'll she'll explain it better than I can.
But I went to one of the meetings years ago
and cried about my father. But that's a full circlement.
By the way, Nas, we have to catch up. We
have some things update you with.

Speaker 1 (04:36):
That, So welcome to the pond, Nas, thanks for stopping by.
We're out of time.

Speaker 3 (04:42):
First of all, thank you so much for this warm welcome.
I love the both of you, dearly, and I'm so
happy you warmed up to me. And I am still
not over the way you say Paradise.

Speaker 4 (04:52):
You were like Paradise.

Speaker 2 (04:55):
Wait, bachelor in Paradise.

Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, well I think you say it that way because
Loki when we all went there when we went to
was it Sayulita? We went there for the day and
you and I remember we were in Mexico years ago,
Porta very Arta, and you wanted to go was it Salulita?
Is that where it was?

Speaker 2 (05:09):
Yes?

Speaker 4 (05:09):
It was shoot.

Speaker 1 (05:11):
Yeah, So we went there for a day and none
of us went the bathroom before we left, and we
all had to go to the bathroom the.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
Whole talked about that. We got in a fight that day,
But I.

Speaker 1 (05:18):
Think that's why he says it that way, because he
and I fought that entirely whole time. We had an
argument the whole day.

Speaker 2 (05:23):
But but you want to know karma karma happened that.

Speaker 3 (05:26):
Day because it's like an episode of Paradise.

Speaker 2 (05:29):
Yeah, literally, he literally karma happened that day because he
was like all salty with me and I was salty
with him. And then he went with Canelia off to
this restaurant which by the way, I passed by the kitchen.
I was like, you should not eat there, and he
got sick after.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
So I got food poisoning from badfish, tacos and saltlita.
So I think that's why he says bachelor Paradise that
way because that's where it takes place.

Speaker 2 (05:50):
Anyway, that's not why I literally did not make that
connection at all. It's just Bachelor in Paradise. But now
as a welcome to the pot, how are you today?

Speaker 3 (05:58):
I am so fat I'm so excited to like talk
to you guys, because I think we're all so busy
all the time that it's like sad that like a podcast,
we like actually get to sit down and like talk.

Speaker 4 (06:12):
It's it's really nice. I miss you guys.

Speaker 1 (06:15):
We miss you too. I feel like we had to
throw a wedding just to get everybody together. It's been
so low, right, I demic has been a while.

Speaker 2 (06:21):
Yeah, I don't see anybody anymore. It's like it's really
have to make an effort to go see you because
there's work from home now and so life is hard.
Adulting's hard.

Speaker 1 (06:29):
Yeah, but we're glad you're here. We have some listeners
submitted secrets to get to in just a second, and
then you've got a secret for us that you're going
to share at the very end of the podcast. So
this is not that moment. But in order to trust you,
to sort of vet you so that you can let
us know that you're down to play right that we
can trust you with our confessors, our messengers secrets. This

(06:51):
is like a little mini mini secret sort of. This
is more like a vice or a bad habit, something
in your life that you know isn't fantastic for you.
It could be a habit, it could be a person,
It could be a food, an item that you know
you should have said goodbye to many years ago, but
you have not just yet. This is your mess. But yes,

(07:14):
give us a juicy vice.

Speaker 3 (07:16):
Wait, I don't know if I have, Like I don't
have a juicy advice because I'm so ocd and regimented
and my life is like.

Speaker 1 (07:23):
You don't have you don't have a thing. You go
home and there's maybe like an ice cream shop that
you have to stop by, or or somebody that you
maybe text when you have too many cocktails.

Speaker 3 (07:32):
Yeah, I mean, I think it's most people that know
me know that I'm obsessed with the McDonald's eminem mcflurry.
Like I think the mcflurry is like the greatest dessert
that America's contributed to the world and the greatest thing
we honestly we've contributed to the world, next to water
parks and every Sunday I have a mcflurry And like
the custard is so like thick and perfect, and like

(07:54):
the spoon is so sturdy, Like nowhere else can you
get a state of the art, state of the are
built spoons that just.

Speaker 4 (08:01):
Gives you, like the perfect scoop of ice cream.

Speaker 3 (08:04):
And the fact that the price point is like that
you can get this for under five dollars to the
luxury of your car. Like it just it doesn't exist
anywhere else. And I'm obsessed with the eminem mcflurry. I
don't have, but so I have one every weekend. I
don't know if it's like a bad vice, that's like
a good thing. But one thing that I do that
not many people know about, that's like a smaller thing,

(08:26):
is I buy Men's shaving cream.

Speaker 4 (08:29):
Oh, and I.

Speaker 3 (08:32):
Put it on my boobs in the shower. Oh it's
really fun. Oh just for fun, wait, just to put
it there.

Speaker 2 (08:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (08:38):
So I've been working on a rousal a lot because
it's just fun. And I've been working on like a rousal,
and I feel like people don't have like enough fun.
And I've been really trying to like be very particular
and in tune and present with like sensations and like
really listening to birds when like birds are outside, and
like taking in every moment. And someone told me about this,

(09:00):
that they did it, and so now I buy them
in shaving cream and if you rub it around your boobs,
it's so much fun in the shower.

Speaker 2 (09:07):
I have super sensitive nipples, so.

Speaker 1 (09:09):
Try very very sensitive nipples.

Speaker 2 (09:11):
I like it because originally when she said that, I
thought you were gonna like reveal a secret about like
Harry boobs or something. That was very confused. But that
makes more sin.

Speaker 1 (09:20):
And also I think you're fine on the arousal front
right now. I think you're a meal and I we've
we've said this on our pod. We are abstaining until
the wedding.

Speaker 3 (09:28):
So yeah, a Meal told me about this, and I'm like,
I'm so down and I'm obsessed.

Speaker 1 (09:33):
Yes, we confess a meal. A Meal's okay, you go ahead.

Speaker 2 (09:37):
Well, okay, so it wasn't forty days and forty nights
for any religious reasons. It's happened to be forty days
and forty nights about halfway through June. First, we did
end up.

Speaker 1 (09:49):
Going to Pound Poundtown.

Speaker 2 (09:50):
We didn't visit Poundtown.

Speaker 1 (09:52):
So now now we got we got a new we
got a new date down.

Speaker 2 (09:58):
There's a new countdown that has a cur.

Speaker 1 (10:00):
Listen, I'm gonna tell you this. Nas. I tried so hard,
so hard to be good, and this one right here,
this one would not leave me alone. And I said, okay,
are you sure?

Speaker 2 (10:10):
We had some drinks that night we went to Craigs.

Speaker 3 (10:12):
Oh yeah, I mean after you spend that amount of
money on After you spend that amount of money on Craigs,
we got to end that with the night.

Speaker 4 (10:19):
Cap, you know.

Speaker 1 (10:20):
Well, also the first night of Pride and we're like,
we're getting married this month.

Speaker 2 (10:24):
Yeah, it was a lot of a lot of special
things that happened.

Speaker 1 (10:28):
It was hot, so shaving cream on the nipples to
try that we did.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
So So what you're saying is that so our wedding night, Well,
granted we have an after party, so maybe like the
next night when we have energy.

Speaker 1 (10:40):
Well, then also after the party is the after party,
and then after the after party is the.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
No, then I don't do those lyrics anymore because oh, yeah,
you're right him, You're right. But but but I definitely
am going to try the men shaving cream on the
nipples and we'll report back. We'll have to have to
update people to let people know.

Speaker 3 (11:00):
I love that because you got some sensitive nips according
to age.

Speaker 1 (11:03):
Well, I think it's probably because they're tingly because they
have like a little bit of mental or eucalyptus or
something sometimes in the foam and it probably tingles a bit.

Speaker 2 (11:09):
Science Oh maybe that could.

Speaker 4 (11:11):
I have one that's like not flavored. I know that's
not the correct.

Speaker 3 (11:14):
Labor but I know it's just what popped in my head.
But I just love like the foaminess of it.

Speaker 2 (11:21):
Oh so it's like unscented. It doesn't have like any
special like ad.

Speaker 3 (11:24):
It's just like it just feels like slippery. And I'm
super into like just getting high on life. Like when
I make coffee, I'll like put the hot cup in
between my thighs or like really smell it. Like I'm
very into like sensory and like arousal, not like sex,
just like with myself.

Speaker 1 (11:44):
Yeah, okay, I'm into that sounds kind of like you.

Speaker 2 (11:48):
I mean, you know I have I'm not going to
give the details. We know I have my little rubber
band thing with the you know I'm talking about them.

Speaker 4 (11:53):
No, I don't wait, what rubbermand thing.

Speaker 1 (11:54):
Please please, he's doing it right now.

Speaker 2 (11:57):
Well, well we not reveally, we'll reveal that off the air,
but the little remember Okay, wait, wait, let's get into
the pod.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
Okay, let's do it. Yeah, those are good messages, but yes,
we trust you. Yes, let's do it. Wow I read
the first time. Okay, Emil reads long suit.

Speaker 2 (12:12):
Just let me read it.

Speaker 1 (12:13):
AJ, we're going to be here for it. No, we're not.

Speaker 4 (12:15):
I didn't realize.

Speaker 3 (12:16):
I was like coming to an AB work out when
I signed up to do this podcast.

Speaker 2 (12:21):
This is anonymous. They said they're a gay cis male Pennsylvania.
Loved your podcast. I've known I was gay since I
was about four years old, but didn't have the words,
nor was I aware of any queer people. Grew up
in a small town in a seriously backward county. Was
raised Catholic, went to Catholic elementary school, through public high
school and college. Still couldn't admit to myself that I
was gay. Had sex demand for the first time after college,

(12:42):
and it was immediately hooked. Started frequenting adult bookstores and
glory holes. A couple of years after college, I went
to seminary and was ordained as a priest, praying that
receiving that sacrament and dedicating my life to God would
change my orientation to take away my compulsion and addiction
to sex, porn, and masturbation. It didn't. I still continue
the same behaviors, but was in an even deeper closet.

(13:03):
I started therapy for a while, intensive therapy and decided
to leave active ministry. For about twenty years, I've been
living as a civilian and I still attend the Catholic Church.
My beliefs still line up about ninety percent of what
the Church stands for but doesn't live up to. I
believe in my conscious after much prayer and counseling, that
God made me as I am and sees no sin
and consensual sex. I believe that lack of love and

(13:23):
kindness and being so judgmental as many people who call
themselves Christian tend to be, are the greatest sins anyone
can commit. I think that is what Jesus taught. I'm
still a sex addict and adore anonymous hookups. I've only
ever had two relationships that lasted about six months each.
Since COVID, I've only had sex twice. My body no
longer responds as well to my sexual desires as it
used to. But my heart and mind are the same
as when I was twenty one. I've never shared this

(13:45):
whole confession to anyone but shrinks and priests. By the way,
in Catholic parlance, is it parlance or parlance parlance parlance
their person telling the secret what you call messengers. Very
good term. By the way, is the penitent or penitent
penitent and the priest who here's the confession and give absolution.
That's called the confessor.

Speaker 4 (14:04):
Is it penance penance?

Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yeah, but the penitent gives penance, yes, like the individuals
called the penitent.

Speaker 2 (14:10):
So we might go in the box.

Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yes, I grew up in Catholic school, so yeah, yes, yes.

Speaker 2 (14:14):
Got it because I didn't grow up Catholic, so I
don't know anything about when you go there, that's.

Speaker 4 (14:18):
Our confess your mess I grew up Catholic.

Speaker 2 (14:21):
Like did Yeah.

Speaker 1 (14:22):
I think it's probably the same as we like penitentiary.
You go there to like be for you to say
I'm sorry for the bad things I did. It's a
person is similar probably Latin, I'm sure something that's a lot.

Speaker 2 (14:33):
It's a lot, and it's it's very relevant for I
think we've actually talked to one of our friends, Susan
about this last now on the phone as we were
packing from Mexico. So, now, as you know, you know
both of our backgrounds, and you've known as long enough.
You know, for me, I didn't grow from the Catholic Church,
but I have a father who's a pastor and come
from a very religious background. I know your dad and
your family is religious too, because every time they come
to town, they're like, nas needs to go to church.

(14:56):
But it's definitely one of these things. Where As I
I was reading that, I I do still struggle with
you know, who I am in alignment with what I
believe as far as my faith. What are your growing
up in the Catholic Church. How's that effect that you

(15:18):
and your.

Speaker 1 (15:18):
I think that, Oh gosh, I don't know. If you
ask you could ask me this exact question every three
to four years and you might get a different answer. Yeah, honestly,
you know, I was raised in the Catholic school system
and then I wanted to be a priest. I used
to sing solos in church. I was an ultra boy,
and for me, I had an incredible experience with my
Catholic church, like, my nuns were amazing, my priests were

(15:39):
all amazing. There was never anything just suspect going on
at all in my childhood. So my experience with the
church itself was beautiful. Now as I got older and
realized what the church's teachings, you know, what their beliefs
were about who I was, and their unwillingness to sort
of bend on any of that, that really created a deep,

(16:02):
deep like wound. And then I was an atheist kind
of for about ten or fifteen years, and for me,
it was always like, I'm an atheist. I don't believe
in God. I almost was. I think I was almost
saying it to get a rise out of my family
and friends, just to kind of like let them know, hey,
I'm hurting right and all the while, in the back
of my mind, I'd be like, but God, hang in

(16:23):
there just in case you happen to be real, Like,
I'm just going through it right now, but I'll come
back someday. And that's kind of where I was for
a lot of years. And then I did come back,
as you know, got baptized with my sister, and now
she's kind of a religious zealot and can't support our love,
and doesn't you know, all of a sudden, out of
the blue, has these different religious beliefs, So like, I
have a lot of issues with religion as a whole,

(16:45):
all of them across the board. The Catholic Church is dirty.
It's a lot of dirty money and a lot of
really bad things done to a lot of really good
people in the Catholic Church. But that's not just Catholics.
The Southern Baptist Church is going through it right now.
Over a thousand people have been accused of sexual assault
in the last fifteen years, and the Southern Baptist Rich
you know, every single denomination has been hit by these
sort of accusations and for what he's sharing to actually

(17:06):
have been like in the church that way as a priest,
on every priest, I think it's a conversation that the
Catholic Church needs to have because to to expect somebody
to devote their entire life and to just completely turn
off every urge is just kind of insane to me.

(17:28):
N As, I would love to hear your thoughts.

Speaker 3 (17:30):
I have so many thoughts, like I feel like a
million went through my head.

Speaker 4 (17:34):
So I guess I don't know where to start.

Speaker 3 (17:35):
First of all, I'm a cisgender straight woman, and so
I think my first thought when you read that whole
story was like, Wow, you guys are the perfect people.
Like how beautiful that you started this thing on your
Instagram and you guys created this podcast and this platform
for people to feel safe to tell you things. I
think that that's really beautiful and it's really rare, And

(17:56):
of course I don't have the experience that you guys do,
and I've lived your life, and I was just so
happy that this person felt safe to tell you this
and that you were even reading it a meal, because
I was like, Wow, there's so many similarities to your life.
And I think even at being Pride Month, which I
hate like months. I think they're so performative but also
like so important, but I think it is important to reflect,

(18:17):
like if you are someone who isn't queer, like how
like how how much of a privilege it is to
to not have to be scared of loving something? And
I think that that is so asinine to me, And
I'm like so embarrassed for like the human race constantly
every day, like when it comes like racism, but like

(18:39):
especially this too, because I grew up in a religious
community like you guys, and I'm just like it's it's
it's just it's embarrassing, Like I'm embarrassed for the human race.

Speaker 4 (18:48):
I'm just like you're an imbecile, Like you're actually a moron,
Like yeah, like to think of.

Speaker 3 (18:55):
The color of someone's skin to be like it's like
I would have thought, like I just covered Aid Park
yesterday and I love dinosaurs, and I'm like, wow, dinosaurs
existed sixty five million years ago, and that makes me
feel so small and like the coolest way, like we
like humans did not own the earth, like we.

Speaker 4 (19:10):
Are just here for limited time.

Speaker 3 (19:13):
And so anyways, that was like my first thought when
you were reading the story of like how how people
need to talk not need to talk about, how people
who aren't queer need to recognize and really like sit
with and listen to stories like that you that, like
that person just shared because the fact that you can
hold hands with your husband in Whole Foods is like

(19:35):
somewhat of a privilege, and I think a lot of
people take that for granted and maybe I even do too.
And then I thought, yeah, what you said, AJ is
so true, Like there are so many people who are
queer in the Catholic community, and who would love to
like I mean, even my father, who's married. I think
my dad would make like an excellent priest. And I

(19:57):
think there's just so many trues. And the Catholic Church
is known being like so antiquated and it's old traditions,
but it's like they're really missing out. And that's why,
like these megachurches are really getting in into like young kids,
and as we grow older, people are being less and
less religious and more spiritual, which is where I come in.

Speaker 4 (20:17):
Where which is where I can.

Speaker 3 (20:18):
Actually speak to because I am someone who was raised Catholic,
was also an ultra server. I alter served at this
and I was I grew up in South Florida, Miami.
So we the priest at my church, Santa Caedro, actually
got accused, I think of I don't want to like
missquote it, got accused of something bad. He ended up leaving,

(20:39):
and then we got this new priest. His name was
Albert QTa. I don't know how to pronounce it. If
you guys google, no, listen to this, you guys google him.
He was so hot, so hot, and he actually ended
up hooking up with a woman and now he changed
churches and he's a famous whatever. I don't want to
say priest in Miami. Why did I go off on

(21:01):
this tangent?

Speaker 1 (21:01):
Though you can still you can still lead a congregation
and also be in love with somebody.

Speaker 4 (21:05):
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 3 (21:06):
And I think what I was gonna say too, is
someone who founded Heartbroken Anonymous, which, by the way, is
a support for people that are heartbroken. I met a
friend recently. This is really interesting, which I think you
guys will find interesting. So there was this convention of
religious leaders who had experienced training, you know, had experience

(21:30):
leading parishes and churches, but because no one's going to
churches anymore, it was this It was like a convention
workshop where people like young people like me would go.
Who started Heartbroken Anonymous. I have absolutely no training in
leading communities, but you guys know, I have.

Speaker 4 (21:47):
Friends that lead mass meditations.

Speaker 3 (21:50):
I have Heartbroken Anonymous, and I don't have any training.
So it was like this really cool place where the
priests and all these people would teach people like us
millennials how to basically, you know, help people and heal people.
And I think at the end of the day, that's
what this is about. And so my other thought was
when you read that story of that person that so

(22:10):
beautifully like and vulnerably shared, that was like it really
all comes down a community, and it's grasping of like
I don't want to leave this community. This is how
I identify, and you really feel isolated and alone if
you leave it.

Speaker 4 (22:22):
We see it with like Mormon religion all the time,
like people who leave people who were Mormon, like they're
you're grieving.

Speaker 3 (22:31):
Like the community aspect, like everyone wakes up and everyone's
taking care of everyone.

Speaker 4 (22:36):
It's not like you have one mom, you know.

Speaker 3 (22:39):
And there's so much good about it too, like we
only talk about the shitty parts of things.

Speaker 4 (22:44):
There's so much good in like going to church, you know.

Speaker 3 (22:46):
Like my I'm not religious, I'm a black sheep in
my family, but my mom, my dad, and my brother
are like highly religious, to the point where Emil was
just saying, like they will throw holy water on me
while I'm sleeping. They literally named me Nazareth after Jesus
of Nazareth, like that is how that's how religious I
grew up. And it's hilarious because I am not religious

(23:07):
at all, like I am spiritual and anyways, those are
kind of like all my thoughts.

Speaker 1 (23:13):
On that, and you're kind and you're open and you're compassionate.

Speaker 4 (23:17):
Yeah, And I think that's what's most important.

Speaker 3 (23:19):
And I think it's sad because people struggle with leaving.

Speaker 4 (23:22):
I think the biggest struggle in leaving is because you.

Speaker 3 (23:25):
Missed that community aspect, and it's about not identifying with
what you are, which is even a larger issue I
could talk about forever, which is.

Speaker 4 (23:34):
When people say what do you do?

Speaker 3 (23:35):
It's like that's the first question we ask people, And
I just think we're so much more than our occupation
and like what we do, and that person is so
much more than a priest. It's like a beautiful human
being that probably likes to do a million other things.
But because we identify so closely to our jobs and
what we do, it's hard to let go of that
and shed of that.

Speaker 4 (23:55):
And I wish more people would.

Speaker 1 (23:56):
It's so similar to what you you know, heartbroken anonymous
isn't just for those who have been heartbroken because of
like relational like romantic love, necessarily, it's for all anybody
who's experiencing heartbreak. And I think it's also the same
reason people stick around religious communities. That aren't good for them.
Is the same reason people stay in relationships that are
not good for them. They don't want to be alone.

(24:18):
They don't want to they don't want to like face
life without somebody by their side, because like even if
that person by your side isn't that great, and they're not,
they're they're lower, they or less than what you deserve.
There's something really terrifying about like going about life alone.

Speaker 2 (24:32):
And I'll say this and then we'll take a quick
commercial break. But there is something growing up in the church,
like really growing up into some of Dad was a pastor.
I was there like five days a week. There's the
Bible studies. I would get there early for Sunday school,
and like there's multiple things by the word you have,
like a meeting with the different commissioners, it's always something,
go to conferences. There is a community there and something

(24:54):
special about it. But now that I'm an adult, and
I was still I knew I was gay as a child,
but now that I'm an adult, we've experienced this going
to different churches out here in la it is sad
that even though there's that community there and even in
some of the churches that feel like they're accepting if
they don't outward least say I support you unconditionally, I
love you just as you are.

Speaker 1 (25:14):
A tiptoe around.

Speaker 2 (25:15):
It's so damaging and hurtful to go to a church
where you because sometimes it's like they might not address
the gay thing. But that almost is even worse because
then you don't even feel acknowledged, and so you get
that community, but then it's like you feel like a
it's like a false sense of community because you're there,
you feel like you're included. But then there's been some
churches in the past we've gone to where we couldn't

(25:36):
be involved in certain things because of our relationship because
so it's just I don't know anyway.

Speaker 3 (25:41):
But but that's that's a great that's just want to say,
that's a really good point that you bring that up.
And I love that we're having this conversation, especially in
Pride Month, even though you know it should be done
all the time, because yes, it is.

Speaker 4 (25:53):
It's one thing to.

Speaker 3 (25:54):
Be queer in the world and in America specifically, it's
another thing to grow up in a.

Speaker 4 (26:00):
Religion that you can't help where you're born or who
you came out of. And so to I just.

Speaker 3 (26:04):
Want people who aren't to really recognize, like that there
are people every day waking up struggling with who they
are on the inside, like not about what their boss
is doing, and not that anyone's problems are better or worse.
I think it's all the same, but like it's just
really good to remember.

Speaker 1 (26:22):
I think I will say, on a lighter note before
we go to commercial break, I just now realize you're
sitting in a corner with a mirrored wall and it's
not I thought I was like, wow, she bought two
of everything. This whole time we're having the serious conversation,
I'm going back and forth, I'm like, wow, now he.

Speaker 2 (26:38):
Has to go over.

Speaker 4 (26:40):
You have to come over that.

Speaker 2 (26:41):
This place is so not like it feels like a house,
like it literally like the roof I've seen it on. Okay,
quick commercial break, and when we come back, we're going
to highlight our messenger of the We.

Speaker 1 (27:04):
Your mess all right, welcome back to the pod. It's
time to give a little love to our messenger of
the week. Yeah wait, am I doing this one? No?

Speaker 2 (27:14):
I was going to do it.

Speaker 1 (27:14):
Oh you're gonna do this one too. Yeah, you love
reading things.

Speaker 2 (27:17):
I do love reading things, go ahead reading he never does.
It's fine. Oh my god, we have two, but we're
gonna save one for another episode.

Speaker 1 (27:24):
Okay, okay, I'll do this. Best podcast ever, wait, ever ever?
This was written by L L Underscore twenty four yeah okay, sure,
five stars. This podcast is hands down one for the
one for the most real and funniest thing I've ever heard.

Speaker 2 (27:42):
I think they made the same one of yeah yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:44):
From simple life lessons to deep therapeutic conversations that allow
us for all people to understand we're a little bit
weird and never alone in our weirdness. Personally, for me,
I've enjoyed the happiness and it has brought me through
some tough times and also its relatable topics, especially growing
up in the Bible Belt as an LGBTQ plus person.
Charlotte North, Carolina AJ and Emil y'all are simply amazing

(28:05):
and I love every bit of content you create.

Speaker 2 (28:08):
That was such a thoughtful I love.

Speaker 1 (28:10):
When somebody, like when somebody takes the time to write
something like, oh, you actually listen, like you're a listener.
That's awesome, So are you?

Speaker 3 (28:17):
Are you guys not picking up on the fact that
like you're really offering it like a space or like
that's that's a very specific demographic, like people who are
growing up gay and religious community.

Speaker 1 (28:28):
Okay, so this is really funny because years ago a
couple of mentors of ours and how we first met
where Mariam Me Nunos and her husband Kevin Undergaro at
after buzz TV, right, we ran into.

Speaker 4 (28:39):
Say, am every host.

Speaker 3 (28:40):
It's like a write of passage for every host in
LA to like have met them.

Speaker 1 (28:44):
A thousand percent and a couple of years ago, I
think we ran into them at the Grove shopping one
night and they're like, oh my god, how are things going.
We love you guys, We love seeing you guys' careers
take off, like you're two of our proudest, like former
after buzzers, right, And we start talking randomly about podcasting
and they both said, oh no, no, you need to

(29:04):
go into the queer religious space, like you need a
podcast or something about that. Do you remember this conversation
And they're like there's something there and so we were like, oh,
that's kind of cool, and then we just kind of
just didn't do anything with it, and he started doing
these secrets on his Instagram last year during the pandemic.
You know, we were playing around with this idea of
secret secret secrets, like what secrets, and then all of
a sudden we got to like confess, like confess, confess

(29:27):
your Mess. It kind of rolled off the tongue and
then all of a sudden, like it feels like confessional,
it feels like they're and then all of a sudden,
some like religious undertone started to sneak in, as you know,
the son of a pastor and as somebody who went
to Catholic school. So it's interesting because we've just kind
of like winging it, like week after week. Our conversations
are different every single week, you know, based on what
our guests are and what the submissions are. Sometimes they're

(29:48):
super light hearted, sometimes they're really heavy and thoughtful and introspective,
and it's been fun to sort of ride the wave
and figure out exactly what this is. I feel like
season one of Confess Your Mess is going to be
so different from season two, three, four or five, but
it's been exciting. So like, thank you for saying that.
To acknowledge that way we have seasons, I know we
need to actually, you know what we need to do.
We need to go to the to the convention that

(30:08):
you were just talking about a little bit ago and
learn how to like, yeah, how to bring it to
the masses.

Speaker 3 (30:13):
We all, I mean you guys already are It's amazing,
And yeah, this is seasons.

Speaker 4 (30:17):
Can I be a part of the finale?

Speaker 1 (30:19):
God, this might be honey, because we had a wedding.
Come up.

Speaker 2 (30:22):
We're tired, you might We're just going to say you're
Season one finale.

Speaker 4 (30:31):
Allie, what I love television.

Speaker 1 (30:33):
We are tired.

Speaker 2 (30:34):
We're tired.

Speaker 4 (30:36):
Your meal knows. I'm we just did.

Speaker 3 (30:38):
I host a podcast called I Don't Get It with
Ashley I from The Bachelor.

Speaker 2 (30:42):
I don't even mention your podcast. Yes, and Nads is
also a host of I Don't Get It.

Speaker 3 (30:46):
It's embarrassing. No, but we shouldn't wear Busyness is a badge.
And I'm not working at Dodgers this year anymore. And
I'm cutting things out of my plate. And when we
see people like doing shit on Instagram or like you're
killing it, and I don't think that's.

Speaker 2 (30:58):
Killing it, it's killing yourself.

Speaker 3 (31:00):
I am one hundred percent burnt out, and I a
bunch of people have already asked me to get coffee
and catch up, and I said, I'm taking this summer.

Speaker 4 (31:07):
Off from social obligations.

Speaker 3 (31:09):
Let's connect later this year because like, I need space,
respontaneity in my life.

Speaker 2 (31:13):
It's crazy what I want you to relax. That's why
we haven't really asked our wedding party to do anything.
You're my well, NASA is in my wedding party. I
don't know if I said that NASA is my wedding party.
They're excited. But that's why we haven't really asked you
all to do anything except just come and have fun.
And we have so many fun, exciting things we.

Speaker 1 (31:27):
Don't want to do, like an engagement party in a
back for weekend and all these things. It's like it's
just so much.

Speaker 2 (31:31):
It's a lot of pressure.

Speaker 4 (31:33):
I'm so excited.

Speaker 2 (31:34):
We're excited. Okay, so let's get into the next secret
Anonymous mail. I remember in middle school, I was holding
my girlfriend's hand and all of a sudden, I get
this massive boner and I'm just tugging on it to
hide it. Oh god, I was so embarrassed. I'm not
sure she even knows that that happened. We're still friends
this day, hanging out, roller skating, and stuff like that,
and we've actually both come out as gay or in
her case, lesbian, and then they did like a little

(31:57):
emoji with a little like ante side. That's cute.

Speaker 1 (32:00):
That is adorable. I love that because guess what, like
you could be aroused by any number of things, and
this idea that we're like we live in in a
binary and that that there's only you know, two sexualities
and like none of that stuff's true. It never has been,
it never will be right.

Speaker 3 (32:16):
And also, like I was telling you, guys, I'm really
trying to tap into arousal. It's so dumb that we
like when someone gets a boner, we're like, oh, like
it's like, what are we twelve? Like, so what someone's
body is having a sexual response? Like why is feeling
good bad? That's what I don't I don't get it.
And that's our podcast.

Speaker 1 (32:34):
Yeah, I'll tell you this, NA. Yesterday, Emil decided he
would start pulling together his looks for the wedding. And
he's got enough looks now for a forty two days day.
This isotur a week and he says, Okay, I'm gonna
try on all my shorts and then move on to
swim trunks and then move on to speedos and I'm
laying there in bed and he wants me to see

(32:55):
everything to make sure it all looks okay. And I
was so constantly aroused for like a solid hour, and
I'm not allowed to do anything about it. I'm not
allowed touch him, not allowed to touch myself, not allowed to
acknowledge anything, nothing. And he just went on and on
and every single thing looked better and better on him.

Speaker 4 (33:11):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (33:12):
And then he tells me, I'm in heat. You have
to stay away from me.

Speaker 2 (33:16):
I well, first of all, he didn't even knownds.

Speaker 4 (33:19):
Like, you're like an episode of I Love Lucy or something.

Speaker 2 (33:22):
I mean heat, I mean Lucy.

Speaker 4 (33:24):
No, he didn't even make that's so hot though.

Speaker 2 (33:26):
He was like, wait, you're you're hot. I was like, no,
they didn't even say he is hot. I'm like, I'm
in heat.

Speaker 1 (33:31):
Like I'm like, oh, you want to get some.

Speaker 2 (33:33):
But also also, Nas, you inspired me, and he was
gonna do it with me because Nas, you posted your
bear butt on Instagram.

Speaker 1 (33:41):
You sure did.

Speaker 2 (33:42):
We're getting little we're getting thongs, like little thongs, and
we're going to take a photo down in Mexico in
our little roof Oh my god, I.

Speaker 4 (33:48):
Can't wait for that.

Speaker 3 (33:49):
Why everyone's like, I've been talking to me about this buppet.
I'm like, is that really a big deal?

Speaker 1 (33:53):
It looks so good.

Speaker 2 (33:54):
It looks so good.

Speaker 1 (33:55):
I've shown him, like multiple people in the studio showed
Michayla I my producer too. That's multiple.

Speaker 2 (34:02):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (34:02):
I'm curious how many times I got saved? Probably like zero.

Speaker 2 (34:06):
Isn't it okay? So let's talk about it really fast
and then we'll get to the next star. Isn't it wild?

Speaker 1 (34:09):
You look exactly what she would stay by one hundred
and ninety four people.

Speaker 4 (34:14):
That's really bizarre.

Speaker 1 (34:15):
That's hot.

Speaker 2 (34:16):
It's so wild. Though, you look at insight to see
how may people have shared it and how many people
say it, because like, what are you doing with that?

Speaker 3 (34:21):
I was gonna say, save Save is like all the
pictures Chris Jenner takes at the top of the met
galistairs of the Kardashians, like she doesn't look back at
those where do those go? Every take your photo out
of a concert, like you're never gonna look, You're never
gonna listen to it again. And I think this is
the Instagram version of that.

Speaker 2 (34:38):
I never I always save stuff, and okay, so AJ
goes to sleep early because he has his radio show.
And so it happens is when I come to bed
and I'm not tired yet, I'll get on my phone
scrolling and I have my audio on silence. I'll save things.
So I was like, oh, I'll watch that tomorrow. It's like,
can care what it is?

Speaker 1 (34:52):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (34:53):
But then I never do, so I just go back
and I'm like, oh theamn have all this stuff saved? Anyway, Okay,
the next secret that we have for you you Anonymous,
just anonymous. I have my house and car keys on
a lanyard around my neck. I'm obsessed with the sound
of it bouncing as I walk anywhere. It gives me
main character energy. I kind of love that.

Speaker 3 (35:12):
Wait, wait, this is wait. I think this is the
greatest thing I've heard all year.

Speaker 1 (35:17):
Main character energy.

Speaker 3 (35:19):
Oh no, oh my god, that's incredible.

Speaker 2 (35:22):
There are little things that are like oddly satisfying, Like
do you have something that like that people would think
might be weird, but it's like oddly satisfying to you.
Do I yeah, like.

Speaker 1 (35:33):
Food stuff but not like no, not like.

Speaker 2 (35:35):
Food, just like any like for me. Like there's certain
things like I have to think about it. Like, I know,
the sound of bubble wrap when you pop those things
is very satisfying to me.

Speaker 1 (35:45):
Or just find find a lot of satisfaction and cracking
my back before I go to sleep. I find satisfaction
putting a whole bunch of pillows between my legs, and
like I have like twelve pillows when I go to sleep.
I find those things satisfying. That's adorable. Like that's that's
like next level nerve, like but cool nerd. Yeah you
know what I mean. Like I'm like I love a
good lanyard though I love a good lander. I remember,

(36:06):
I say, you do you do this nast Do you
save your landyards from all your big red carpets? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (36:11):
Yeah, I have like a box.

Speaker 1 (36:12):
But yeah, oh I him hanging in my closet.

Speaker 4 (36:15):
Oh that's amazing.

Speaker 3 (36:16):
I should hang mine because they're probably all like entangled.
E haven't said the word tangled.

Speaker 4 (36:20):
And so on. I almost forgot it. That person, that
person it just shared that.

Speaker 3 (36:25):
It just made me so happy because it's exactly what
I mean where I'm like, you are right here right now,
and no one's like paying attention to things, and that's
something that so many people don't pay attention to.

Speaker 4 (36:35):
And he just was like, I really like the way
this sounds. This makes me feel right like a superhero.

Speaker 3 (36:40):
And that's what I mean by like, that's a perfect
example of what I was telling you guys about arousal
like things that like. So for example, for me, it's
when I'm driving and the sun hits like a part.

Speaker 4 (36:50):
Of my arm, and.

Speaker 3 (36:51):
I'm always like, oh, I love like this warmth. And
so that's sort of like my nerdy version of like
his thing.

Speaker 1 (36:57):
Mine's kind of similar to that. Actually, if I think
about it, I like putting my arm out the window
and pretending like I'm flying if I'm driving the way.

Speaker 4 (37:03):
Yeah, it feels good.

Speaker 1 (37:04):
When I was a kid, I used to want you
bet I do like one arm out the window alone.
I don't do it a lot with you, though.

Speaker 2 (37:08):
The thing that takes me to that special place is
and this is gonna sound weird, is not anything sexual.
I literally have always liked this. I like skin to
skin contact. But it's like certain things, so like when
my grandmother makes you rest in peace. She used to
be very big, but when I knew her, she was
like lost all the weight, so she had like fat
hanging out hair. I used to love playing with her fans.

(37:29):
She'd just let me play with it for hours.

Speaker 3 (37:31):
Wait, hanging where for people listening? Like under her arm, like.

Speaker 1 (37:36):
Teach your arm, like when you set right now on
chalkboard in that fat.

Speaker 4 (37:38):
Like okay, wait a j You're literally in my brain
like all.

Speaker 3 (37:42):
Day today and me as soon as you said that.
We had a teacher that I feel so bad for.
But whenever she would wipe the board, her skin would
go together. All the kids would make fun of her,
like the like the hanging skin arm, and so many
people make fun of her.

Speaker 1 (37:55):
But there's also something oddly comforting about that. Because my
grandmother was heavy and she lost some weight and then
and she did. My sister used to always say, I
want to feel your squishies, and she would squeeze her
the most in the world.

Speaker 4 (38:08):
I wonder, I wonder what that's called. Do we know? Now?
I'm so curious what that body was like a certain name.

Speaker 1 (38:14):
We'll post a photo. We're probably gonna.

Speaker 2 (38:15):
We're gonna post a photo of like hanging from from
just somebody's hanging skin.

Speaker 1 (38:19):
Yeah. Probably.

Speaker 2 (38:19):
I wish I had a photo of my grandmother doing that.
What there's a childhood photo of me just playing with it.

Speaker 1 (38:23):
Can we also find a photo of the hot the
hot former priests from Miami as well?

Speaker 2 (38:28):
What was his name?

Speaker 4 (38:28):
Oh yeah, definitely set a priest.

Speaker 2 (38:35):
Yeah, send that to me and we'll post that. Okay,
one more secret before we get to NASA. Secret anonymous
female New York City. You can read this.

Speaker 1 (38:41):
Aj Okay, wow all nine words. Okay, Secretly, I'm secretly
a crypto girl. But all of my friends hate crypto,
so I've kept the secret this whole time. Does liking
crypto make me a bad person? Like cryptocurrency?

Speaker 2 (38:55):
I don't think it makes you a bad person, But.

Speaker 3 (38:57):
What that makes you so of the times and like
fast forward thinking, And I think you should get new
friends because you should be able to be yourself around.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
That all who's hiding the fact that they're like taking
their finances seriously? Yeah, because I mean I don't really
understand crypto. I don't understand the case.

Speaker 3 (39:14):
But also it is a scene. It can be a scene,
you know, like crypto bros. It sort but doesn't mean no,
it's really smart that she's a woman. First of all,
I love that you're a woman fucking learning this because
historically women don't take care of their finances. We're like, oh,
we'll get married one day and I'll you know, a
man will do my taxes and.

Speaker 4 (39:33):
So good for you.

Speaker 1 (39:34):
Or we'll just try to we'll try to sue somebody
Amber heard and then lose. But yeah, so there's a
lot of options, but crypto is not a bad one.

Speaker 2 (39:44):
Listen. I will say I agree with what Nas said
about your friends. You need to have friends. This is
just a general note in life. Half friends, we can
be authentic self and that goes back to like the
church thing, like if I have to go if I
were to go to a church and I didn't feel
like I could just be myself fully who I am,
then I don't need to be there, you know what
I mean? So absolutely anyway, Okay, well, I feel like

(40:05):
we've taken two commercial makes we take a third.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
Or it's not taking two.

Speaker 2 (40:07):
This is a last time we took him too, taken two.
We took one before the.

Speaker 1 (40:12):
No, no, we did not, So we're gonna take a
really quick one right now. We might have been a
thought we could edit it out and when we get
back we are going to hear Nas Perez, star of
red carpets around the world, confessing her mess. All right,

(40:33):
welcome back to the pod nas Perez. Thank you so
much for taking time away from all of your Red
Carpet premieres and the met Gala, and your movie and
your podcast Ashley I and and also heartbroke or heartbroken,
Heartbroken Anonymous, Heartbroken Anonymous to join us today. We really

(40:53):
do appreciate you.

Speaker 4 (40:54):
Thank you so much. I'm just I've just been googling
my old priests.

Speaker 1 (40:57):
Old priest. Now you're going off.

Speaker 3 (40:59):
I send you guys a photo, but just know that,
like these are sort of newer photos.

Speaker 4 (41:04):
But picture him like when I was little, which just
keeping twenty.

Speaker 3 (41:09):
Like picture this person twenty years and like their prime.

Speaker 1 (41:12):
You know, Okay, there, maybe he's a little cuter.

Speaker 2 (41:15):
I can I can well, I can see it. We'll
scale back, we'll squit and like go.

Speaker 4 (41:18):
I'll tell you more later. It'll be inappropriate for me
to share this.

Speaker 1 (41:21):
Yeah, we'll face tune him or something before if we
both did. But now, don't you are you nervous with your
palm sweating? People get nervous. I feel like you don't care.
I feel like you're okay.

Speaker 3 (41:30):
I love this is I mean, I started a support
group for people that are heartbroken, and I thank you
AJ for making the distinction that it's not just romantic heartbreak.
Heartbreak is overwhelming distress. So it's anything. So no, if anything,
I am obsessed with this perfect perfect, But I will
say something out loud that I've never I had just
realized a month ago for my secret that I've never

(41:53):
shared with anyone.

Speaker 1 (41:54):
So okay, so this is the perfect segue. Here we go,
nas Perez, nas, I just said her name? Why are
you gonna sa name?

Speaker 2 (42:00):
I knew what annoy you.

Speaker 1 (42:01):
It's time for you to confess your mess. Oh wow,
confess your mess.

Speaker 4 (42:10):
I love you guys so much.

Speaker 3 (42:13):
Okay, this is uh, this was some very much on
like a you know self journey of like becoming my
best self. And when you guys asked me to be
on the podcast, AKA asked me, so you when people
are asked to be on this podcast, they have to
sort of submit their mess then. So at the time,
presently a month I was a month or two months ago,

(42:36):
I was experiencing I was really struggling with I guess
I'll just say the story. So it's covering the mechala
and my stylist was no longer able to style me
for the mechala a week we were like seven days out,
and they also am also my hair makeup team wasn't

(42:56):
being flown out, and so I was like really crying
because I had worked the mechala last year. And just
a little background about me, I love fashion the metalas
Fashion's biggest night. My dream was always to be a host,
So putting those two things together. Internally for me, it's
not a big deal to the world, but for me
it was a really big deal. And it was a
big deal that I did a good job because I

(43:17):
had done it for the first time last year, but
I had to wear a mask and it was just
sort of so in my head, I was like, Okay,
this is the one. You know, I've done it once
and I really care about fashion and what I wear.
And I was having meltdowns and crying because I'm like,
how is anyone going to like, how are they even
going to find anyone address me? How's anyone going to

(43:37):
find anything good? And I'm also so busy as you.

Speaker 4 (43:40):
Know, like explaining my bio that I'm like, I have
no room for fittings.

Speaker 3 (43:44):
I'm and also like when people get married, you don't
use like a hair and makeup person that you met
that morning. So it was just all I was experiencing
so much inner turmoil. And then I do EMDR therapy,
which I highly recommend anyone doing, and I realized that
I don't trust myself and that was a really fucking

(44:08):
scary thing to hear, like from a therapist and to
and to like sit with and let marinate because I
consider myself to be really.

Speaker 4 (44:17):
Confident and strong.

Speaker 3 (44:19):
And what I realized is that I was really depending
I was really depending on address and how I.

Speaker 4 (44:27):
Look in order to do a good job.

Speaker 3 (44:29):
I was like, I need this or I cannot do well.
And then I realized, like known as you need to
be able to do a good job in a trash bag,
like you need to be able to do a good
job like and it was it was such an incredible
moment for me and I share because this has been
my mess where I think often in my line of work,

(44:51):
our line of work as hosts and people that are
on camera and that are also it's a big struggle
to be a personality because I'm very much who like
the n as I am at home as an as
I am on camera, but obviously there is a line, right,
So so for me, I'm like, well, people watching me
are going to think that I pick this dress, you
know what I mean? Like they don't know that things

(45:12):
have to get approved or that, do you know what
I'm saying?

Speaker 4 (45:15):
Like it's very much a part of me.

Speaker 3 (45:17):
And when I'm wearing something really cool that I feel
like I would put on, I go in like with
such sort of like gutso I think and and yeah,
I realized that I don't trust myself and that I
really relied on like all these external factors and I
really just like just like a bride that gets lost

(45:38):
in the details, you know, that's like, oh, the napkins
and all this stuff, and they forget that the whole
point of the day is that they're in love and
that they're committing to love. I completely forgot why I
love hosting, and I love hosting because I love connecting
with people, and so it's like it was never even
about me.

Speaker 4 (45:58):
It's about like the conversation of the person I'm talking
to and how I'm gonna make them feel seen.

Speaker 3 (46:02):
And so that was like a really huge thing for me,
and it's been something that I've been working through because
I really rely on like a lot of external stuff
in order to do a good job.

Speaker 1 (46:15):
That's so real.

Speaker 2 (46:16):
That was honestly one of my favorite. Like that was
We've had silly confessions, we had sexual confession, like, we've
had all types of confessions, but that was just like
a vulnerable especially for us. I think that we and
a lot of people can relate to is and to
say that out loud and to come to that realization
is just very I don't know that that.

Speaker 1 (46:32):
Was trusting yourself. Yeah, Oh how many times I had
a meltdown before a red carpet or something, thinking the
look wasn't going to come together. And I've never been
at the Met Gala, but I've done some pretty cool
red carpets over the years. And you're really good at
reminding me, like, Ajate, it's about you. You got this,
You're just prepared. You're going to be great, And I'm
really good at reminding you that everything can fall apart
and you're going to be fine. But sometimes when it

(46:53):
comes like yourself, like reminding yourself of that, it's a
pretty big lesson.

Speaker 4 (46:58):
I think, and for me it wasn't.

Speaker 3 (46:59):
It was more than the outfit too, Like I have
had massive trauma and fears of like my first day
ever at Dodger Stadium, I forgot what I had to say,
so I said the same thing twice and like doing
that live in front of fifty thousand people so traumatizing.
So I started to develop this lack of trust in
myself where I would overstudy an over prep And I
think that this could be in any facet of your
life where it's kind of like doubt is a gap

(47:22):
between like who you are and like what you think
you like don't.

Speaker 4 (47:27):
Have you know what I mean, And it's weird.

Speaker 3 (47:30):
It's like, well, why can't I just know that I'm
not going to forget anything, you know what I mean.
It's there's just such a lack of trust within a
lot of us sometimes, and I think it's important to
like look at because I'm like, why when I trust myself,
I always have my own back.

Speaker 4 (47:46):
But I think when we get anxiety and when we
have doubt, we like forget that.

Speaker 1 (47:50):
You know, you stumble once or twice and you think, Okay,
well I can't do it again. It's want to be
this one, Yeah, you gotta put that's so.

Speaker 2 (47:56):
Good Leah say, if at first you don't succeed.

Speaker 1 (47:59):
That's right.

Speaker 4 (48:00):
I knew you would bring another ninety two thousands.

Speaker 2 (48:05):
We love you so much. And that again, that literally
was I think one of our favorite confessions. Yeah, yeah,
there's just that hit home, especially as we're planning this wedding.
There's a lot of stress behind the scenes, but ultimately
it is about our love.

Speaker 1 (48:19):
No pressure for your looks for the wedding, although we
expect you to look fierce and flawless, you will.

Speaker 4 (48:25):
I'm obviously going to be the best stressed.

Speaker 2 (48:27):
Obviously obviously that be Okay, wait before we let you go.
Last thing we always like to do is we like
to ask our guests, what is your takeaway of the day.
So what's something from today's episode that.

Speaker 1 (48:42):
In case you didn't know what takeaway meant?

Speaker 4 (48:46):
I love you guys so much.

Speaker 3 (48:48):
My takeaway from today was that there are a lot
of people in the world that grew up in religious
communities that are struggling between leaving that behind and and
what that means and what that comes with and and
being themselves.

Speaker 4 (49:07):
And it really breaks my heart.

Speaker 3 (49:10):
And I think it's good to be conscious of that,
and I think more people should talk about that. I
kind of feel like there should be like, I don't know,
there's so many platforms.

Speaker 4 (49:18):
I feel like this specific one should be a thing.

Speaker 3 (49:21):
Like I wonder if they're like in my head, I'm like,
I'm always like, there should be an organization that meets
with all religion, all religions, you know, like that has
meetings at the Vatican that are like, how can you
make this more inclusive, you know, for the queer people.

Speaker 1 (49:35):
And forward five years and and Emil and Nas and
I are all getting on a private jet to roam
to that city to meet with the You guys could
do it.

Speaker 4 (49:43):
I'll take commission. I have genius ideas every day.

Speaker 1 (49:46):
Jesus, Oh you were raised Catholic. I love that about you.
Guys so much for making time with us. Cannot wait
to party with you.

Speaker 4 (49:56):
I'm so excited. I love you guys. Thanks for having me,
and thank you for doing podcasts and making.

Speaker 3 (50:01):
People feel see, I love you.

Speaker 2 (50:08):
Confess Your Mess is a Strawhead Media podcast produced by
Ryan Tillotson and Frank Driscoll. Thank you so much for listening,
and don't forget to subscribe and share.

Speaker 1 (50:16):
And if you have a secret you want to share.
Go to confessormess dot us to submit. Your secret could
end up in the show

Speaker 4 (50:23):
Come Your Man,