July 16, 2024 • 38 mins
Let's take a look back! 🔁
I spill the tea on my engagement story! I touch on the whirlwind of it all, from the ring shopping to the panic outfit shopping, and, of course, the actual proposal! But, it wouldn't be Confessions of a Wannabe It Girl if I didn't address societal standards for women and how the 'journey' to engagement is full of a lot of things you have to filter out.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
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(00:44):
It is absolutely no secret thatI am deep in my bridal era.
I'm loving the bridal life.
I'm living for the engagementphotos, trying on all the things
, doing all the wedding planning.
It is honestly a part-time joband I'm kind of loving it.
And Hunter and I justcelebrated one year of our
(01:04):
engagement, so I thought wewould take a look back at this
engagement episode.
So let's dive in.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Welcome to Confessions of a Wannabe it Girl
.
I'm your host, marley Fregging,and I'm here to help you filter
out all the bullshit and becomethe next it girl.
This podcast explores thereality of what it really takes
to make it out there.
As it turns out, it is way lessInstagramable than I thought it
was going to be.
I'm still very much a work inprogress, but there's simply
(01:35):
nothing else I'd rather be doingthan chasing my dreams.
So let's learn from my mistakesand work together to achieve
our dreams with more confidence,clarity and direction.
Let's get after it.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
I've been encouraged to make a podcast episode about
the engagement.
Yeah, it's been a very excitingI'm very, very excited
confusing moment because I'mhere and I need to record a
podcast.
(02:08):
It's happening and I want totalk about my engagement, but
it's all very one-personperspective, maybe a little bit
two-person perspective, and I'mlike does anyone even give a
fuck?
Do people even really care?
Do you even want to know aboutthis?
Why would on earth anybody careabout my engagement other than
(02:29):
me?
But you know, I'm just going tobe really honest, I guess, and
really real about the experienceof how I got engaged.
I've been with my boyfriend forsix years.
I did just say I'm going to bevery honest, with a few ups and
downs, nothing.
Well, you know we've beentogether for six years and you
(02:54):
know when we started dating Iwas practically a child.
I was 21 when we started dating.
We met when I was 20.
He was already out of college.
He's been on the podcast manytimes, you know.
So, yeah, six years to somebodymight seem like a long time to
have been dating, but you haveto remember how old I was when
we started dating, how old hewas when we started dating.
(03:17):
So in that sense, six yearsisn't really that long of a time
.
I'm 27 now.
I was 27 when I got engaged.
You know our friends now movein with their partners a lot
sooner because we're a lot older, but at the time when Hunter
and I started dating we werevery young.
You know we kind of have doneour early 20s together.
(03:42):
I was a junior in college,second semester junior in
college by the time we starteddating.
So I did get a lot of singletime, if you will, in college.
But that twenties span, yes, Ihave spent that with my now
fiance.
I can swing it around, noproblem, but hearing myself with
(04:02):
the mic it go through me hereat myself is kind of like, oh my
God, like am I really a fiance?
Because even though I'm 27, youknow, and only three years away
from 30, and there is thisreally fucked up idea that I
think particularly women notalways, but particularly women
feel by the age of turning 30,that you know they have to be
(04:25):
married, settling down, havingkids.
I think that's something that'sbeen really ingrained in little
girls.
And I am three years from being30, also name of a play.
But what was my point?
I'm all over the place.
It's been a whirlwind.
What was my point?
I had a good one.
(04:46):
This is why I was supposed towrite down notes.
Guys, I'm completely wingingthis podcast.
This is going to be one of themost frazzled all over the place
episodes, because usually Iwrite outlines and this was not
the episode I planned to recordtoday.
I planned to record somethingvery, very, very fucking
different and then everyone waslike, yeah, you should do that.
(05:08):
And I'm like, yeah, I think itwas interesting that I started
dating my now fiance when I was21.
And I basically grew up with myfiance.
We didn't always live together,but you know, we've really done
early life together.
I do think it's important tonote that we've remained very
(05:32):
independent of each other.
You know, there are plenty oftimes we do our own things.
We have our own circles.
Something that is reallyimportant to me in establishing
a relationship is that you knowyou get invited out as just you,
or you get invited out just himor her, whatever it may be.
(05:54):
I never want to be onlyconsidered Hunter and Marley.
I always want to be consideredas just Marley and just Hunter,
even though we are together.
And it can be Marley and Hunterat times.
But it should never just bejust Marley and just Hunter,
even though we are together, andit can be Marley and Hunter at
times, but it should never justbe only Marley and Hunter, and I
think that is a important thingto have established in our
(06:15):
relationship is that we areindependent of each other, even
though we also have a jointpartnership relationship
together.
So even though we started datingvery young, we did really have
separate lives going.
You never just completely gaveinto.
Everything that is your worldis my world and everything that
(06:37):
was his world is my world.
We have two separate worlds andwe share a world together by
choice.
Not this is it and only it.
Something my mom said to me,even though I think she's been
gunning for this engagement forquite some time, is that there's
no one right way to get married, engaged, moved to the next
(06:58):
level.
Everybody is very different.
Everything is very personal.
I actually talked about thisrecently in an episode with
Alana.
From seeing other people is youknow, everybody's red flags,
beige flags, green flags aredifferent because everybody has
different traumas, differentexperiences, different lives,
different financial situations,different whatnot.
(07:19):
You know because of everybodyis actually unique.
You know because of everybodyis actually unique and so, even
though it has been six years forus to get to this point, that
was what worked for us.
Yes, you know what I was with myfiance my entire twenties.
And you know some people thinkthat's like the time you're
supposed to be single andtraveling the world and I'm not
(07:43):
saying that you shouldn't and Igot to do a lot of that before I
started dating him.
And you know I got to still bewith my friends in my twenties.
Just because I was in arelationship doesn't mean like
my friends and my twenties wentaway and vice versa.
You know I I got to have himand grow up around him at that
(08:08):
time.
Yes, mistakes were made andwhatnot.
You're growing, you're reallyyoung at points, but like at the
end of the day, like I did,kind of always knew I wanted to
end up with him and I think healways knew he wanted to end up
with me.
There's no right or wrong timeto meet a partner, let alone a
forever partner.
There's no rules.
(08:30):
I think people have expectationsabout how long engagements are,
how long relationships are, andI'm totally guilty of buying
into some of them because it'swhat you've heard from other
people.
But at the end of the dayyou've heard from other people,
but at the end of the day it'sall unique and it's all personal
.
And I have to say I am very,very happy and I'm honestly
(08:55):
shocked that I am here and Ifeel like I do Not, because I
didn't expect to feel like I do,just because I've never been in
this situation before.
So I guess I'll tell the storyof the engagement maybe, so I
can stop retelling it to peopleon the phone.
Actually, before I get into it,I want to start with one other
thing.
I've alluded to it and I'vetalked about it a little bit on
the podcast that at a point Ihad a friend who I'm no longer
(09:16):
friends with and we wanted verydifferent things in life and I
always knew she wanted to getmarried and wanted to have kids
and I always thought I was goingto be in her life during all of
that and I envisioned that andshe wanted those things.
That was what she really,really wanted.
And somewhere in me gettingolder and us having a little bit
(09:40):
of space in between us, Irealized those things were not
my first priority and that theywere going to happen in time.
And now I am here getting thosesame things this person wanted
and I just wanted to say that itdoesn't matter that that's all
(10:01):
she wanted.
I don't know if it's all shewanted.
I knew that was something shewanted and we've both ended up
here and that's all she wanted.
I don't know if it's all shewanted.
I knew that was something shewanted and we both ended up here
and that's great.
It doesn't matter if you're thegirl who goes to sleep dreaming
about Prince Charming and thisbig wedding and whatever.
You can get married and getengaged and have a loving
(10:21):
partner and not get married.
Or you can be fiercelycareer-driven, a hard worker,
not be focused on relationships,find a partner and still end up
here.
My point being there's no onerecipe.
It doesn't matter how you getthere.
I think there is this reallyfucked up thing we put on women
that that needs to be the firstpriority, and sometimes making
(10:45):
it the first priority will alsopush the people you're looking
for away.
We talk about needy energy allthe time on this podcast.
Is that like needy green energy?
I've felt that in my career, isthat I've been needy or green
for my career and maybe I'vepushed it away?
And I think it's very true oflove.
Nobody wants to date a needy orgreen person.
(11:06):
But the point is, no matterwhich one you are, you can get
there in whichever way, shape orform.
And I'm not saying that likesome big martyr, like I got here
, you can get here too.
I'm just saying that's what Ithink can happen, just like
everybody can get to a pointthey want.
It's just every journey isdifferent and unique.
(11:27):
Hunter and I had talked aboutgetting married, like that's
another disillusion I would loveto throw into this conversation
.
I remember when I was a kid Iasked my mom how my dad proposed
to her and she was like, well,we talked about it, you know.
And then you know, we went tothe ring shop and then you know,
eventually you propose.
But she like really knew.
And I was like, well, we talkedabout it, you know.
And then you know, we went tothe ring shop and then, you know
, eventually proposed.
But she like really knew, and Iwas like, oh, so it like wasn't
(11:49):
this big?
Like surprise, da, da, da,whatever.
And then I think you know, withthe commercialization of the
big, even being asked to prom,that we've made, where
everything should be these grandgestures.
And A not everybody wants that,and B it everybody wants that
and B it's not required, you cando it any way you want.
So my mom explained to methat's how she got proposed to,
(12:11):
and so I did realize that maybeit's important to have the
conversation for me.
It was important for me to havea conversation saying basically
, like I do want to get marriedand I'd like to get married to
you you know it's not a proposal, but like you know, I'd kind of
like to put it on the radar andit's kind of like the
conversation of moving intogether or like you know, we're
going to save for this or we'regoing to go into business
(12:33):
together.
I think it's an importantconversation to have to find out
if you're going to do thatthing.
And we didn't have it just onetime.
We had this conversationmultiple times, probably over
two and a half years.
This came up over and overagain in different factors and
(12:55):
towards do you want to have kids?
Do you not want to have kids?
What would being married looklike?
Do you want to get married?
The range of how serious andhow even silly of a conversation
.
This was happened multipletimes and we talked about it on
and off for a very long time andyou know the answer was yes.
So you know this goes back acouple months ago.
(13:17):
I did.
I was.
I know some girlies out therewho are really cool with getting
whatever ring they fucking want.
They're like they can pick itout.
It will be whatever.
I want to be surprised.
I'm not that girly.
I'm a little neurotic.
I knew I needed to have a sayin it and also you know for I've
(13:43):
been very open about this thatyou know I thought I'd be in a
different place in my career bynow.
You know, going and seeingrings and talking about this
also helped me come to peacewith the fact that maybe I
didn't need to be the mostsuccessful person in the world
before I get married.
All of this really helped methrough the process.
(14:05):
But yeah, so I was not a girlypop who was cool with my then
boyfriend picking out the ringon his own.
I have.
I needed to be involved in it,and that's not true for
everybody, but I needed to beinvolved with it.
So I went with my mom.
We looked at many differentrings, many different places I
think four places, five places,five different shops, trips in
(14:26):
general, and you know, I didn'tknow what I didn't want.
I did know what I didn't want.
I actually thought I wanted areally different ring than the
shape and cut I have.
Now it's even on my visionboard as a different shape and
ring, and I would put it on andI was really like this is the
(14:46):
one I want.
And then I was like, and Iwould put it on, and I was
really like this is the one Iwant.
And then I was like something'swrong.
So you start to realize whatyou don't want, not what you do
want At least, in my opinion,that's what happened to me is I
was like ooh, actually I don'twant this, I don't want that, I
don't want whatever.
And it was not clear to me,though, what I still wanted.
So, yeah, I went five differenttimes to five different stores
(15:09):
with my mom to look at rings,and eventually it became very
clear to me which was the rightcut and size and shape and
colors.
And da da, da.
So it was a long process and,honestly, I can say that I was
not the happiest.
Honestly, I can say that I wasnot the happiest the entire time
(15:32):
.
The first time we went it waskind of a fluke that we went to
go look at rings.
We were just in the area, thatwas fine.
It didn't feel real to me yet.
So it was kind of just like, oh, we're playing.
Then the next time I went I wasgetting bad vibes from the
sales associate.
My mom had been a little likenot snippy with me or something
(15:53):
you know she said ticked me off.
So then I'm irritable, so likecan't say that experience was
great.
At that second store I didn'tfeel very comfortable there and
I also really did not feel likethe sales associate was
listening to me, which was superfrustrating.
And then the next three storesis really when it started to
(16:19):
like click for me.
I was like really very into theexperience.
I had eliminated the absoluteno, so I was a lot more focused.
But also like diamond shoppingis overwhelming.
If you don't know anythingabout diamond shopping it is
quite an education.
I mean, everybody knows carrots.
Here's my hot tip that I didnot know Everybody knows carrots
(16:41):
.
They're like oh, you want likea?
This is ridiculous.
Nobody would.
Well, somebody probably does Aneight carat diamond.
That's like a huge, hugefucking ring.
So everyone's like I want fouror three or two carat diamond.
The craziest thing is I did notknow this and I'm probably
someone's going to be like duhbut carats relates to the weight
(17:04):
of the diamond, not how big itis.
So it has to do with howliterally heavy it weighs, not
the cut of it.
So even though you could have aone carat diamond, the face of
it could be cut very large tolook bigger than it actually is.
(17:26):
And that was something I couldnot wrap my head around.
Like I kept being like I wantit like every other basic veg, I
want it to be bigger.
I want it to be bigger, I wantit to be bigger.
My mom was like no, you wantthe cut to be bigger, like it
doesn't have anything to do withthe carrots, and I could not
wrap my head around that.
So there's quite an educationinvolved in diamonds.
There's cut, there's clarityHonestly, I zoned out because my
(17:49):
mom's very good at that butbasically all of these things
affect the quality of thediamond.
And then getting a brand namediamond, it's not even double
the price, it's like almostquadruple the price of what
that's really worth, and thatwas a shock to me.
I thought it would be just likea little bit of a markup to
(18:12):
have like a name brand diamond.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
It is like such a crazy markup.
I was so shocked by that.
So the education around thediamond industry crazy.
So, yeah, by the time we went tothe last one, I was settled in
on what I wanted.
It wasn't exactly this.
(18:35):
It was not this ring I'mholding it up for those of you
who can't see and it was notthis ring at all, but it was
similar in sense, if you will.
However, it was not a gold band, so it was a silver man that I
knew and I was like all right,I'm done, this is out of my
hands.
I'm turning it over to my momto talk to Hunter and probably
(18:55):
his mom and maybe his sister andmaybe my best friend, but, like
I'm done, this is it.
I sent photos to my best friendand I was like I'm done, like I
am done.
Oh, also, in the middle of this, I went to DC.
Oh, my God, maybe I went sixtimes, jesus.
I went to DC and I visited mygrandmother and she took me to a
store that carries jewelry andI saw a ring that was extremely
(19:22):
unique and it was reallydifferent and I loved this ring,
but I was like this is like,too, for me, too different.
I want a traditional engagementring.
So, even though I love thatring and I honestly think about
that ring and maybe one day foran anniversary I'm staring at
Hunter's office just so everyone, maybe for an anniversary or a
(19:45):
wedding present, I will get thatring as a gift.
Everyone, maybe for ananniversary or a wedding present
, I will get that ring as a gift.
But it was like very, very not.
I was like I have to have thetraditional thing.
That was for me.
You could be someone who waslike the traditional is too
basic or blah, blah blah, but,like I said, there's no way to
do this.
So, whatever I go, it's out ofmy hands.
Hunter and I went to Amsterdam.
(20:06):
I really fucking stirred thepot on this one Before Hunter
and I got, I'd say, re-engaged.
I had a conversation with himlast summer that I said you know
, we need to do an internationaltrip, the two of us.
We need to make the time, weneed to save the money, we have
(20:33):
to put the energy into planningthis trip.
It's really something importantto me as a couple that we show
each other we can do shit likethis, because my best friend, my
one friend, always uses thisexample and it applies to the
trip.
She talked about this with herex.
She said, hypothetically thekids get out of school at 3.30.
I need to know you'll be thereat 3.30, not at 3.31, not at 3.
(20:58):
Well, I guess being early isn'tbad, but basically the point
being is, you know you have todo that and that's how you'll be
there and that's how, on somelevel, she knew he wasn't the
one for her.
And I felt like if we couldn'ttake the time to put our
relationship and do this thingtogether financially, physically
, emotionally, spiritually Ialways throw spiritually in it
(21:21):
and I'm always like, but youknow what I mean Then that's
sign that like we aren't willingto put the energy into our
relationship.
So I told him on this trip ayear ago do not propose to me in
Amsterdam.
And I mean, as you can guess,the story goes, we saved up the
money, we took the energy toplan the trip and we went to
(21:42):
Amsterdam and I had an amazingtrip and it was great.
As we're getting closer to thistrip to Amsterdam, I start
stirring the motherfucking pot.
And I had an amazing trip andit was great.
As we're getting closer to thistrip to Amsterdam, I start
stirring the motherfucking potand I'm like I kind of regret
saying that now and I'm likeit'd be pretty, pretty, fucking
cute if you proposed to me inAmsterdam and I did what every
good girl does.
(22:03):
I start blabbing my mouth to myfriends about it and then
everybody is calling Hunter andthe story got so out of
alignment Because I toldsomebody a year ago that if
Hunter and I don't go on thistrip, that we need to evaluate
this relationship.
(22:24):
The story came back like awhole almost year later and the
story goes if you don't proposeto Marley in Amsterdam, she's
going to break up with you, andthat was not true.
So it got so twisted because Iwent out there starting the pot,
being like now I really wanthim to propose to me in
Amsterdam.
(22:44):
So basically, keep your mouthshut and don't say anything,
whatever.
We got home from Amsterdam andI kind of know it's coming and
I'm thinking like it's going tohappen soon.
It didn't happen in Amsterdam,it's going to happen soon.
What not End of June?
(23:05):
Crazy June too.
Amsterdam shot a project that Iproduced and acted in.
It was a whirlwind, and one ofmy friends who was on that
project actually also gotengaged.
So evidently the secret togetting engaged ladies, is force
your partner into free,strenuous, 12-hour workdays and
(23:28):
you'll be engaged.
Evidently that's the secretsauce.
I'm completely joking, don't dothat at all.
But we did just get off thisshort film project where we shot
from 6 pm to 6 am and Hunterwas literally free labor on that
.
And then he proposed to meafter that and my friend who was
a fellow producer on that shegot proposed after that too.
(23:49):
So, joke Point being, I knew itwas coming and I usually have
acting class on Saturdays.
And Hunter was like are youbusy all Saturdays?
And I was like I mean yeah, andhe was like let's not do acting
class this month on Saturdaysand I was like that's fucking
weird.
And I got out of the class Ithis month on Saturdays.
And I was like that's fuckingweird.
And I got out of the class.
(24:09):
I'm in the Wednesday class,whatever.
So he tells me we have plansevery single Saturday this month
.
When I tell you at first I waslike oh, my God, amazing, this
sounds so fucking cute.
Like can't wait to see whichone of these he proposes to me
at.
So, like I know right, which,for some people, maybe you're
(24:31):
like, oh, that's not surprisingenough For me just sent me
absolutely into motherfuckingspiral.
I'm thinking so you know, I'm sostressed out that this entire
month, on Saturdays and Sundaysbecause, who knows, I have to
have a perfect outfit, I have tohave my hair done, I have to be
in a great mood, whatever Ican't feel bloated, all the dumb
(24:54):
shit I'm starting to reallystress and I have this I'm not
going to lie dread and I'm like,oh my God, why am I dreading
this?
And it had nothing to do withHunter and the fact that I
wanted to be with Hunter.
It was this life-changing eventis potentially going to happen
(25:17):
to me and is stressing me thefuck out.
But for a second there I waslike, oh my God, am I getting
cold feet?
It is confusing to separatethose and it did have nothing to
do with that and I have talkedabout it multiple times with my
therapist that I have an issuewith anticipatory dread.
Whenever something is coming up, I get dread, and so it was
(25:41):
definitely part of a pattern I'mworking through.
But yeah, I'm getting sonervous.
So the weekend before it was myfriend's birthday and a friend
asked me.
She was like you know, is thereanything you know we can do to
make sure this is perfect?
You know, or like can assist.
And she was like, is thereanything you don't want?
And I literally said I don'treally think he can fuck it up
(26:05):
in any way, but I really hopethere's a photographer.
And you know, I was like itcould be.
I was like and maybe not themost biggest public thing.
The example I continually useis I didn't want to get proposed
to at Disneyland or at a majorsports game.
That was like too much for me.
I was like no, that's, that'stoo much.
(26:26):
Um, like too much for me.
I was like no, that's, that'stoo much, um that.
But I was like you knowsomething?
You know a little like it'scute when other people see your
engagement, but like it doesn'thave to be like planes flying
over in the sky saying like willyou marry me?
And then the photographer andshe was like okay, cool, so we
comes around it's Thursday.
(26:47):
And she was like okay, cool, soa week comes around it's
Thursday.
I think I called that friend andmy mom and I'm like borderline
crying because I am so stressedout, knowing that one of these
potential weekends I'm going toget engaged and I don't know if
you can tell from my style, I'mnot the biggest summer dress
(27:09):
girly pop.
I have two summer dresses and Ihad just worn one to the 4th of
July and they both happen to beplaid, so they're just like not
the cutest, girliest dresses,but that's also not my style.
So now I'm panicking because Ifeel like I'm trying to put on a
costume to go get engaged orsomething where I need to go buy
(27:29):
a costume which doesn't evenfeel like myself.
I'm super overwhelmed because Idon't even know if it's going
to be this weekend, whatever.
And I convinced my mom that Ineed to go shopping on Friday.
I go shopping on Friday, I'mtrying on a million different
things.
Some things did feel too girlyfor me.
I was like this is too fuckinggirly.
I would never wear this unlessI thought I was getting engaged,
(27:51):
whatever.
And then I find the perfectoutfit and then it hits me and
I'm like I'm going to have to dothis for three to four fucking
weeks Every weekend.
I'm going to have to panic shopWednesday or Thursday, maybe
even Friday, and find an outfitthat I'm in love with.
Because this is where thecontrol freak really comes in.
Because, no matter what, if Idon't feel my best, like I'm
(28:15):
going to be distracted orsomething, you know, I am just
catastrophizing, catastrophizing, catastrophizing.
Pick the outfit, whatever.
Now, this is where Hunter threwme off the fucking scent.
I come home from shopping anddinner with my mom and dad.
I come home, he's like my goodfriend's coming over.
I'm like, okay, cool, well, I'mjust going to go hang out with
(28:36):
the neighbors.
Him and his friend are justplaying video games and I'm like
okay, whatever, go hang outwith the neighbors and they're
fairly good bit, they're justwatching baseball, we're
chilling, we're chatting.
We'll come up.
I come upstairs, they're stillplaying Fortnite and I'm like,
whatever, I guess I'll go finishmy work.
And thank God I did.
Actually, I think Hunter hedidn't in such a good way.
(28:57):
I was like oh, I do have a fewmore work things I should get to
, but I could just do them onSunday, so maybe I won't.
And I think he said somethinglike no, like you feel best when
you get them done, or somethinglike that, which is true, but
like he was, he like knew Iwasn't going to want to do shit
on Sunday.
So I came in here I mean, thisis also my office and I worked
(29:19):
to like 1130, 1145.
Like it was kind of late.
Go to sleep, wake up.
The Silverstone F1 Grand Prix ishappening, or it happened at
7am our time and we always watchthem the next morning.
And I said to Hunter, if wewatch the Grand Prix, I'm going
(29:41):
to be late.
They're qualifying, just so Idon't get attacked by the F1
girlies.
I'm going to be late if I have,if we watch this, like I was
very honest, I was like I'mgoing to be late, like I can't
go to the bathroom and see theTV, so like I'm going to be late
.
He was insistent.
I was like, fine, watch thefucking Grand Prix, I get ready.
(30:06):
And we were running late and Ialmost didn't put on the outfit
I just bought because now I'mtotally thrown off.
I almost wore like a whitecollared shirt which sounds like
I also fucking knew.
But like I just like that shirtwith like jean shorts and like
wedges or something which thankGod I was not wearing wedges or
(30:26):
something which thank God I wasnot wearing.
But I put on that outfitbecause I was out of time, I was
late and I was like, well, Iknow, I fucking like this outfit
.
So I got to go and my hair hadturned out perfect, my makeup
had turned out perfect.
I got in the car and I was likethis would fucking happen to me.
I would get this fucking readyand feel this great and love
this outfit so much and I willnot get proposed to.
(30:47):
And I was like I have to tellmyself this sometimes because my
emotions are so strong and Iwas like you just got to, let it
go, now, let it go.
And so we're in the car andwe're kind of quiet and I was
just like let it go, whatever,you're just going to the Getty.
We got to the Getty and I'mlike I'd been anxious.
So that was still like.
(31:08):
You know, it's like anearthquake.
The aftershocks are still maybelike running through my body,
but I'm like, all right.
Well, I'm going to go see thefucking museum Because, believe
it or not, I'm actually a littlebit of a nerd and I do actually
like museums.
(31:31):
Let's be clear, I'm not likeBlair Waldorf and I don't like
to spend hours in a museum, but,like, I do like museums.
I do move faster than agrandparent, but I do really
like museums, whatever.
I'm trying to look at thefucking ancient coins and Hunter
keeps being like let's go overthere.
I'm like you're acting weirdand I should have known
something was weird because hebrought his jacket, and I'm like
it's a summer day and you arenever cold, sir.
Whatever, he walks me over tothe spot and he's like this is
(31:53):
so pretty, we should take apicture.
I'm like, sir, you never askedto take a picture.
I always asked to take apicture.
He was like oh okay, well, like, let's, let's take a picture.
And I didn't say that, but Iwas just thinking it.
And he goes right up to this guy.
He was like oh, you really looklike you know what you're doing
.
He has two DSLR cameras on hiship and he's like shooting
(32:14):
pictures.
He's like would you mind takinga photo of me and my girlfriend
?
And it all was like click,click, click, click, click,
click, click.
But it happened so fast.
And I'm also kind of like am Itripping?
It's like that stop momentwhere you go to check your pulse
(32:35):
and you're like am I alive?
Am I dreaming?
Is this real?
Am I real?
Am I a speck of dust?
Those existential crises I haveno idea what happened to.
It happened so fast.
And we're like, standing thereand Hunter starts talking and
I'm like, oh fuck.
And I literally said the firstline he said to me was you know,
(32:58):
well, I'm not going to make youwait all month and I literally,
in all the videos, even the onethat is far away, throw my head
back and go, oh my God, becauseI'm in such shock of this
emotional rollercoaster thatI've put myself through.
And he just starts talking Um,and he asked me to marry him.
(33:21):
I will say, hot tip.
I wish someone had said to meit's a kind of cute note.
Now, when he said will youmarry me, I didn't even fucking
blink.
There wasn't even like a halfsecond.
It was like, oh my God, yes.
I didn't say oh my God, for thelove of God, I hope I didn't.
I'm like flapping my hands andI'm like, yes, take a second and
(33:45):
fucking breathe.
I wish I had watched morepromotional videos where they
like breathe and then said, yes,I nope, not cute at all.
I'm just like, yes, I'm surethe pictures and whatever are
going to be cute and whatnot.
And you know what?
The surprises did not end there.
The photographer ended uptaking photos of us for I don't
(34:08):
know how much longer time.
Then it was whisked off.
Luckily I got to see my cat,came home for like two seconds,
grabbed some stuff.
Hunter told me we were stayingin a hotel and we were going to
get dinner and drinks with ourfamilies.
And then I was surprised in thehotel room with like flower
champagne and my best friend andmy sister my sister, my future
(34:31):
sister-in-law had, you know,arranged for there to be two
white dresses there for me totry on and wear.
You know, because Hunter toldme that evening we were going to
go out with our friends and Iwas like, oh my God, that's so
cute.
And I was like, oh my God,these two dresses are here, like
should I change them?
And Hunter was like youroutfit's so great.
And I was like, yeah, I doreally love this outfit, but
(34:51):
like, should I change?
And he was like no, no, youdon't have to change.
And I was like are you sure?
And he was like, yeah, they'rehere, so I kind of want to try
them on.
So I tried it on and then wewalked upstairs and I was
(35:14):
surprised by our family andfriends being there and it was
honestly a wonderful day.
I know this sounds cheesy and Ifeel like every basic bitch says
this, but like I wasn't a girlwho like dreamed about their
proposal, but like I reallywasn't a girl who dreamed about
my proposal.
Sure, I wanted someone to likeget down on one knee and like
propose to me one day, but likeI could have never envisioned it
going down the way it did.
(35:36):
And you know, his sister andher friend and his family and my
best friend were, and myparents were insanely helpful
throughout this whole thing andit was absolutely the most
magical day ever and I wish Icould just live it over and over
and over and over again.
But now I'll have this fuckingpodcast.
My mom told me somethinginteresting when we were at
dinner.
(35:57):
She was like, make sure towrite some of this shit down.
Now I'll have this wholepodcast and you do too.
Something else funny I just wantto throw in here, so we know my
personality hasn't changed atfucking all.
That night we did go out withour friends and I was like to
the bartender, like I just gotengaged, like I need shots and
I'm like pretty drunk at thispoint.
(36:18):
And he gives me a shot and I goto pull up my credit card to
pay for it and he goes.
And he gives me a shot and I goto pull up my credit card to
pay for it and he goes.
No, no, it's on the house.
I was like amazing, the nextday I'm on the phone with my
friends and they were like yeah,I mean I asked, I said, was I a
mess?
And they were like no, you werejust really happy.
But the bartender did startgiving you shots of water and I
(36:46):
was like thank God he didn'tmake me pay for that shot of
water.
Just funny, cute memories.
So, all in all, I would like tosay that there's no one way to
get engaged, there is no one wayto have a wedding, there is no
one way to have a relationship.
They are deeply unique andhonestly, again, no idea if any
of you give a fuck about thisepisode, but honestly it was a
(37:09):
very chaotic Marley episodewhich we have not had in a
fucking while.
And you know what?
I started this podcast becauseI felt so out.
I had never felt like I was in,that I was cool that I was it,
that I had the thing, and evenif you do have things like an
engagement or that pinnaclemoment in your career.
(37:32):
You might never feel like youare it, and the only person who
can give you it is you.
And that is how I'm going toend this Confessions of a
Wannabe it Girl podcast.
We'll see you next Tuesday.
Hey guys, before we dive into today's episode, I
wanted to tell you reallyquickly about this awesome
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(00:22):
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That is theringboxescom.
(00:44):
It is absolutely no secret thatI am deep in my bridal era.
I'm loving the bridal life.
I'm living for the engagementphotos, trying on all the things
, doing all the wedding planning.
It is honestly a part-time joband I'm kind of loving it.
And Hunter and I justcelebrated one year of our
(01:04):
engagement, so I thought wewould take a look back at this
engagement episode.
So let's dive in.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Welcome to Confessions of a Wannabe it Girl
.
I'm your host, marley Fregging,and I'm here to help you filter
out all the bullshit and becomethe next it girl.
This podcast explores thereality of what it really takes
to make it out there.
As it turns out, it is way lessInstagramable than I thought it
was going to be.
I'm still very much a work inprogress, but there's simply
(01:35):
nothing else I'd rather be doingthan chasing my dreams.
So let's learn from my mistakesand work together to achieve
our dreams with more confidence,clarity and direction.
Let's get after it.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
I've been encouraged to make a podcast episode about
the engagement.
Yeah, it's been a very excitingI'm very, very excited
confusing moment because I'mhere and I need to record a
podcast.
(02:08):
It's happening and I want totalk about my engagement, but
it's all very one-personperspective, maybe a little bit
two-person perspective, and I'mlike does anyone even give a
fuck?
Do people even really care?
Do you even want to know aboutthis?
Why would on earth anybody careabout my engagement other than
(02:29):
me?
But you know, I'm just going tobe really honest, I guess, and
really real about the experienceof how I got engaged.
I've been with my boyfriend forsix years.
I did just say I'm going to bevery honest, with a few ups and
downs, nothing.
Well, you know we've beentogether for six years and you
(02:54):
know when we started dating Iwas practically a child.
I was 21 when we started dating.
We met when I was 20.
He was already out of college.
He's been on the podcast manytimes, you know.
So, yeah, six years to somebodymight seem like a long time to
have been dating, but you haveto remember how old I was when
we started dating, how old hewas when we started dating.
(03:17):
So in that sense, six yearsisn't really that long of a time
.
I'm 27 now.
I was 27 when I got engaged.
You know our friends now movein with their partners a lot
sooner because we're a lot older, but at the time when Hunter
and I started dating we werevery young.
You know we kind of have doneour early 20s together.
(03:42):
I was a junior in college,second semester junior in
college by the time we starteddating.
So I did get a lot of singletime, if you will, in college.
But that twenties span, yes, Ihave spent that with my now
fiance.
I can swing it around, noproblem, but hearing myself with
(04:02):
the mic it go through me hereat myself is kind of like, oh my
God, like am I really a fiance?
Because even though I'm 27, youknow, and only three years away
from 30, and there is thisreally fucked up idea that I
think particularly women notalways, but particularly women
feel by the age of turning 30,that you know they have to be
(04:25):
married, settling down, havingkids.
I think that's something that'sbeen really ingrained in little
girls.
And I am three years from being30, also name of a play.
But what was my point?
I'm all over the place.
It's been a whirlwind.
What was my point?
I had a good one.
(04:46):
This is why I was supposed towrite down notes.
Guys, I'm completely wingingthis podcast.
This is going to be one of themost frazzled all over the place
episodes, because usually Iwrite outlines and this was not
the episode I planned to recordtoday.
I planned to record somethingvery, very, very fucking
different and then everyone waslike, yeah, you should do that.
(05:08):
And I'm like, yeah, I think itwas interesting that I started
dating my now fiance when I was21.
And I basically grew up with myfiance.
We didn't always live together,but you know, we've really done
early life together.
I do think it's important tonote that we've remained very
(05:32):
independent of each other.
You know, there are plenty oftimes we do our own things.
We have our own circles.
Something that is reallyimportant to me in establishing
a relationship is that you knowyou get invited out as just you,
or you get invited out just himor her, whatever it may be.
(05:54):
I never want to be onlyconsidered Hunter and Marley.
I always want to be consideredas just Marley and just Hunter,
even though we are together.
And it can be Marley and Hunterat times.
But it should never just bejust Marley and just Hunter,
even though we are together, andit can be Marley and Hunter at
times, but it should never justbe only Marley and Hunter, and I
think that is a important thingto have established in our
(06:15):
relationship is that we areindependent of each other, even
though we also have a jointpartnership relationship
together.
So even though we started datingvery young, we did really have
separate lives going.
You never just completely gaveinto.
Everything that is your worldis my world and everything that
(06:37):
was his world is my world.
We have two separate worlds andwe share a world together by
choice.
Not this is it and only it.
Something my mom said to me,even though I think she's been
gunning for this engagement forquite some time, is that there's
no one right way to get married, engaged, moved to the next
(06:58):
level.
Everybody is very different.
Everything is very personal.
I actually talked about thisrecently in an episode with
Alana.
From seeing other people is youknow, everybody's red flags,
beige flags, green flags aredifferent because everybody has
different traumas, differentexperiences, different lives,
different financial situations,different whatnot.
(07:19):
You know because of everybodyis actually unique.
You know because of everybodyis actually unique and so, even
though it has been six years forus to get to this point, that
was what worked for us.
Yes, you know what I was with myfiance my entire twenties.
And you know some people thinkthat's like the time you're
supposed to be single andtraveling the world and I'm not
(07:43):
saying that you shouldn't and Igot to do a lot of that before I
started dating him.
And you know I got to still bewith my friends in my twenties.
Just because I was in arelationship doesn't mean like
my friends and my twenties wentaway and vice versa.
You know I I got to have himand grow up around him at that
(08:08):
time.
Yes, mistakes were made andwhatnot.
You're growing, you're reallyyoung at points, but like at the
end of the day, like I did,kind of always knew I wanted to
end up with him and I think healways knew he wanted to end up
with me.
There's no right or wrong timeto meet a partner, let alone a
forever partner.
There's no rules.
(08:30):
I think people have expectationsabout how long engagements are,
how long relationships are, andI'm totally guilty of buying
into some of them because it'swhat you've heard from other
people.
But at the end of the dayyou've heard from other people,
but at the end of the day it'sall unique and it's all personal
.
And I have to say I am very,very happy and I'm honestly
(08:55):
shocked that I am here and Ifeel like I do Not, because I
didn't expect to feel like I do,just because I've never been in
this situation before.
So I guess I'll tell the storyof the engagement maybe, so I
can stop retelling it to peopleon the phone.
Actually, before I get into it,I want to start with one other
thing.
I've alluded to it and I'vetalked about it a little bit on
the podcast that at a point Ihad a friend who I'm no longer
(09:16):
friends with and we wanted verydifferent things in life and I
always knew she wanted to getmarried and wanted to have kids
and I always thought I was goingto be in her life during all of
that and I envisioned that andshe wanted those things.
That was what she really,really wanted.
And somewhere in me gettingolder and us having a little bit
(09:40):
of space in between us, Irealized those things were not
my first priority and that theywere going to happen in time.
And now I am here getting thosesame things this person wanted
and I just wanted to say that itdoesn't matter that that's all
(10:01):
she wanted.
I don't know if it's all shewanted.
I knew that was something shewanted and we've both ended up
here and that's all she wanted.
I don't know if it's all shewanted.
I knew that was something shewanted and we both ended up here
and that's great.
It doesn't matter if you're thegirl who goes to sleep dreaming
about Prince Charming and thisbig wedding and whatever.
You can get married and getengaged and have a loving
(10:21):
partner and not get married.
Or you can be fiercelycareer-driven, a hard worker,
not be focused on relationships,find a partner and still end up
here.
My point being there's no onerecipe.
It doesn't matter how you getthere.
I think there is this reallyfucked up thing we put on women
that that needs to be the firstpriority, and sometimes making
(10:45):
it the first priority will alsopush the people you're looking
for away.
We talk about needy energy allthe time on this podcast.
Is that like needy green energy?
I've felt that in my career, isthat I've been needy or green
for my career and maybe I'vepushed it away?
And I think it's very true oflove.
Nobody wants to date a needy orgreen person.
(11:06):
But the point is, no matterwhich one you are, you can get
there in whichever way, shape orform.
And I'm not saying that likesome big martyr, like I got here
, you can get here too.
I'm just saying that's what Ithink can happen, just like
everybody can get to a pointthey want.
It's just every journey isdifferent and unique.
(11:27):
Hunter and I had talked aboutgetting married, like that's
another disillusion I would loveto throw into this conversation
.
I remember when I was a kid Iasked my mom how my dad proposed
to her and she was like, well,we talked about it, you know.
And then you know, we went tothe ring shop and then you know,
eventually you propose.
But she like really knew.
And I was like, well, we talkedabout it, you know.
And then you know, we went tothe ring shop and then, you know
, eventually proposed.
But she like really knew, and Iwas like, oh, so it like wasn't
(11:49):
this big?
Like surprise, da, da, da,whatever.
And then I think you know, withthe commercialization of the
big, even being asked to prom,that we've made, where
everything should be these grandgestures.
And A not everybody wants that,and B it everybody wants that
and B it's not required, you cando it any way you want.
So my mom explained to methat's how she got proposed to,
(12:11):
and so I did realize that maybeit's important to have the
conversation for me.
It was important for me to havea conversation saying basically
, like I do want to get marriedand I'd like to get married to
you you know it's not a proposal, but like you know, I'd kind of
like to put it on the radar andit's kind of like the
conversation of moving intogether or like you know, we're
going to save for this or we'regoing to go into business
(12:33):
together.
I think it's an importantconversation to have to find out
if you're going to do thatthing.
And we didn't have it just onetime.
We had this conversationmultiple times, probably over
two and a half years.
This came up over and overagain in different factors and
(12:55):
towards do you want to have kids?
Do you not want to have kids?
What would being married looklike?
Do you want to get married?
The range of how serious andhow even silly of a conversation
.
This was happened multipletimes and we talked about it on
and off for a very long time andyou know the answer was yes.
So you know this goes back acouple months ago.
(13:17):
I did.
I was.
I know some girlies out therewho are really cool with getting
whatever ring they fucking want.
They're like they can pick itout.
It will be whatever.
I want to be surprised.
I'm not that girly.
I'm a little neurotic.
I knew I needed to have a sayin it and also you know for I've
(13:43):
been very open about this thatyou know I thought I'd be in a
different place in my career bynow.
You know, going and seeingrings and talking about this
also helped me come to peacewith the fact that maybe I
didn't need to be the mostsuccessful person in the world
before I get married.
All of this really helped methrough the process.
(14:05):
But yeah, so I was not a girlypop who was cool with my then
boyfriend picking out the ringon his own.
I have.
I needed to be involved in it,and that's not true for
everybody, but I needed to beinvolved with it.
So I went with my mom.
We looked at many differentrings, many different places I
think four places, five places,five different shops, trips in
(14:26):
general, and you know, I didn'tknow what I didn't want.
I did know what I didn't want.
I actually thought I wanted areally different ring than the
shape and cut I have.
Now it's even on my visionboard as a different shape and
ring, and I would put it on andI was really like this is the
(14:46):
one I want.
And then I was like, and Iwould put it on, and I was
really like this is the one Iwant.
And then I was like something'swrong.
So you start to realize whatyou don't want, not what you do
want At least, in my opinion,that's what happened to me is I
was like ooh, actually I don'twant this, I don't want that, I
don't want whatever.
And it was not clear to me,though, what I still wanted.
So, yeah, I went five differenttimes to five different stores
(15:09):
with my mom to look at rings,and eventually it became very
clear to me which was the rightcut and size and shape and
colors.
And da da, da.
So it was a long process and,honestly, I can say that I was
not the happiest.
Honestly, I can say that I wasnot the happiest the entire time
(15:32):
.
The first time we went it waskind of a fluke that we went to
go look at rings.
We were just in the area, thatwas fine.
It didn't feel real to me yet.
So it was kind of just like, oh, we're playing.
Then the next time I went I wasgetting bad vibes from the
sales associate.
My mom had been a little likenot snippy with me or something
(15:53):
you know she said ticked me off.
So then I'm irritable, so likecan't say that experience was
great.
At that second store I didn'tfeel very comfortable there and
I also really did not feel likethe sales associate was
listening to me, which was superfrustrating.
And then the next three storesis really when it started to
(16:19):
like click for me.
I was like really very into theexperience.
I had eliminated the absoluteno, so I was a lot more focused.
But also like diamond shoppingis overwhelming.
If you don't know anythingabout diamond shopping it is
quite an education.
I mean, everybody knows carrots.
Here's my hot tip that I didnot know Everybody knows carrots
(16:41):
.
They're like oh, you want likea?
This is ridiculous.
Nobody would.
Well, somebody probably does Aneight carat diamond.
That's like a huge, hugefucking ring.
So everyone's like I want fouror three or two carat diamond.
The craziest thing is I did notknow this and I'm probably
someone's going to be like duhbut carats relates to the weight
(17:04):
of the diamond, not how big itis.
So it has to do with howliterally heavy it weighs, not
the cut of it.
So even though you could have aone carat diamond, the face of
it could be cut very large tolook bigger than it actually is.
(17:26):
And that was something I couldnot wrap my head around.
Like I kept being like I wantit like every other basic veg, I
want it to be bigger.
I want it to be bigger, I wantit to be bigger.
My mom was like no, you wantthe cut to be bigger, like it
doesn't have anything to do withthe carrots, and I could not
wrap my head around that.
So there's quite an educationinvolved in diamonds.
There's cut, there's clarityHonestly, I zoned out because my
(17:49):
mom's very good at that butbasically all of these things
affect the quality of thediamond.
And then getting a brand namediamond, it's not even double
the price, it's like almostquadruple the price of what
that's really worth, and thatwas a shock to me.
I thought it would be just likea little bit of a markup to
(18:12):
have like a name brand diamond.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
It is like such a crazy markup.
I was so shocked by that.
So the education around thediamond industry crazy.
So, yeah, by the time we went tothe last one, I was settled in
on what I wanted.
It wasn't exactly this.
(18:35):
It was not this ring I'mholding it up for those of you
who can't see and it was notthis ring at all, but it was
similar in sense, if you will.
However, it was not a gold band, so it was a silver man that I
knew and I was like all right,I'm done, this is out of my
hands.
I'm turning it over to my momto talk to Hunter and probably
(18:55):
his mom and maybe his sister andmaybe my best friend, but, like
I'm done, this is it.
I sent photos to my best friendand I was like I'm done, like I
am done.
Oh, also, in the middle of this, I went to DC.
Oh, my God, maybe I went sixtimes, jesus.
I went to DC and I visited mygrandmother and she took me to a
store that carries jewelry andI saw a ring that was extremely
(19:22):
unique and it was reallydifferent and I loved this ring,
but I was like this is like,too, for me, too different.
I want a traditional engagementring.
So, even though I love thatring and I honestly think about
that ring and maybe one day foran anniversary I'm staring at
Hunter's office just so everyone, maybe for an anniversary or a
(19:45):
wedding present, I will get thatring as a gift.
Everyone, maybe for ananniversary or a wedding present
, I will get that ring as a gift.
But it was like very, very not.
I was like I have to have thetraditional thing.
That was for me.
You could be someone who waslike the traditional is too
basic or blah, blah blah, but,like I said, there's no way to
do this.
So, whatever I go, it's out ofmy hands.
Hunter and I went to Amsterdam.
(20:06):
I really fucking stirred thepot on this one Before Hunter
and I got, I'd say, re-engaged.
I had a conversation with himlast summer that I said you know
, we need to do an internationaltrip, the two of us.
We need to make the time, weneed to save the money, we have
(20:33):
to put the energy into planningthis trip.
It's really something importantto me as a couple that we show
each other we can do shit likethis, because my best friend, my
one friend, always uses thisexample and it applies to the
trip.
She talked about this with herex.
She said, hypothetically thekids get out of school at 3.30.
I need to know you'll be thereat 3.30, not at 3.31, not at 3.
(20:58):
Well, I guess being early isn'tbad, but basically the point
being is, you know you have todo that and that's how you'll be
there and that's how, on somelevel, she knew he wasn't the
one for her.
And I felt like if we couldn'ttake the time to put our
relationship and do this thingtogether financially, physically
, emotionally, spiritually Ialways throw spiritually in it
(21:21):
and I'm always like, but youknow what I mean Then that's
sign that like we aren't willingto put the energy into our
relationship.
So I told him on this trip ayear ago do not propose to me in
Amsterdam.
And I mean, as you can guess,the story goes, we saved up the
money, we took the energy toplan the trip and we went to
(21:42):
Amsterdam and I had an amazingtrip and it was great.
As we're getting closer to thistrip to Amsterdam, I start
stirring the motherfucking pot.
And I had an amazing trip andit was great.
As we're getting closer to thistrip to Amsterdam, I start
stirring the motherfucking potand I'm like I kind of regret
saying that now and I'm likeit'd be pretty, pretty, fucking
cute if you proposed to me inAmsterdam and I did what every
good girl does.
(22:03):
I start blabbing my mouth to myfriends about it and then
everybody is calling Hunter andthe story got so out of
alignment Because I toldsomebody a year ago that if
Hunter and I don't go on thistrip, that we need to evaluate
this relationship.
(22:24):
The story came back like awhole almost year later and the
story goes if you don't proposeto Marley in Amsterdam, she's
going to break up with you, andthat was not true.
So it got so twisted because Iwent out there starting the pot,
being like now I really wanthim to propose to me in
Amsterdam.
(22:44):
So basically, keep your mouthshut and don't say anything,
whatever.
We got home from Amsterdam andI kind of know it's coming and
I'm thinking like it's going tohappen soon.
It didn't happen in Amsterdam,it's going to happen soon.
What not End of June?
(23:05):
Crazy June too.
Amsterdam shot a project that Iproduced and acted in.
It was a whirlwind, and one ofmy friends who was on that
project actually also gotengaged.
So evidently the secret togetting engaged ladies, is force
your partner into free,strenuous, 12-hour workdays and
(23:28):
you'll be engaged.
Evidently that's the secretsauce.
I'm completely joking, don't dothat at all.
But we did just get off thisshort film project where we shot
from 6 pm to 6 am and Hunterwas literally free labor on that
.
And then he proposed to meafter that and my friend who was
a fellow producer on that shegot proposed after that too.
(23:49):
So, joke Point being, I knew itwas coming and I usually have
acting class on Saturdays.
And Hunter was like are youbusy all Saturdays?
And I was like I mean yeah, andhe was like let's not do acting
class this month on Saturdaysand I was like that's fucking
weird.
And I got out of the class Ithis month on Saturdays.
And I was like that's fuckingweird.
And I got out of the class.
(24:09):
I'm in the Wednesday class,whatever.
So he tells me we have plansevery single Saturday this month
.
When I tell you at first I waslike oh, my God, amazing, this
sounds so fucking cute.
Like can't wait to see whichone of these he proposes to me
at.
So, like I know right, which,for some people, maybe you're
(24:31):
like, oh, that's not surprisingenough For me just sent me
absolutely into motherfuckingspiral.
I'm thinking so you know, I'm sostressed out that this entire
month, on Saturdays and Sundaysbecause, who knows, I have to
have a perfect outfit, I have tohave my hair done, I have to be
in a great mood, whatever Ican't feel bloated, all the dumb
(24:54):
shit I'm starting to reallystress and I have this I'm not
going to lie dread and I'm like,oh my God, why am I dreading
this?
And it had nothing to do withHunter and the fact that I
wanted to be with Hunter.
It was this life-changing eventis potentially going to happen
(25:17):
to me and is stressing me thefuck out.
But for a second there I waslike, oh my God, am I getting
cold feet?
It is confusing to separatethose and it did have nothing to
do with that and I have talkedabout it multiple times with my
therapist that I have an issuewith anticipatory dread.
Whenever something is coming up, I get dread, and so it was
(25:41):
definitely part of a pattern I'mworking through.
But yeah, I'm getting sonervous.
So the weekend before it was myfriend's birthday and a friend
asked me.
She was like you know, is thereanything you know we can do to
make sure this is perfect?
You know, or like can assist.
And she was like, is thereanything you don't want?
And I literally said I don'treally think he can fuck it up
(26:05):
in any way, but I really hopethere's a photographer.
And you know, I was like itcould be.
I was like and maybe not themost biggest public thing.
The example I continually useis I didn't want to get proposed
to at Disneyland or at a majorsports game.
That was like too much for me.
I was like no, that's, that'stoo much.
(26:26):
Um, like too much for me.
I was like no, that's, that'stoo much, um that.
But I was like you knowsomething?
You know a little like it'scute when other people see your
engagement, but like it doesn'thave to be like planes flying
over in the sky saying like willyou marry me?
And then the photographer andshe was like okay, cool, so we
comes around it's Thursday.
(26:47):
And she was like okay, cool, soa week comes around it's
Thursday.
I think I called that friend andmy mom and I'm like borderline
crying because I am so stressedout, knowing that one of these
potential weekends I'm going toget engaged and I don't know if
you can tell from my style, I'mnot the biggest summer dress
(27:09):
girly pop.
I have two summer dresses and Ihad just worn one to the 4th of
July and they both happen to beplaid, so they're just like not
the cutest, girliest dresses,but that's also not my style.
So now I'm panicking because Ifeel like I'm trying to put on a
costume to go get engaged orsomething where I need to go buy
(27:29):
a costume which doesn't evenfeel like myself.
I'm super overwhelmed because Idon't even know if it's going
to be this weekend, whatever.
And I convinced my mom that Ineed to go shopping on Friday.
I go shopping on Friday, I'mtrying on a million different
things.
Some things did feel too girlyfor me.
I was like this is too fuckinggirly.
I would never wear this unlessI thought I was getting engaged,
(27:51):
whatever.
And then I find the perfectoutfit and then it hits me and
I'm like I'm going to have to dothis for three to four fucking
weeks Every weekend.
I'm going to have to panic shopWednesday or Thursday, maybe
even Friday, and find an outfitthat I'm in love with.
Because this is where thecontrol freak really comes in.
Because, no matter what, if Idon't feel my best, like I'm
(28:15):
going to be distracted orsomething, you know, I am just
catastrophizing, catastrophizing, catastrophizing.
Pick the outfit, whatever.
Now, this is where Hunter threwme off the fucking scent.
I come home from shopping anddinner with my mom and dad.
I come home, he's like my goodfriend's coming over.
I'm like, okay, cool, well, I'mjust going to go hang out with
(28:36):
the neighbors.
Him and his friend are justplaying video games and I'm like
okay, whatever, go hang outwith the neighbors and they're
fairly good bit, they're justwatching baseball, we're
chilling, we're chatting.
We'll come up.
I come upstairs, they're stillplaying Fortnite and I'm like,
whatever, I guess I'll go finishmy work.
And thank God I did.
Actually, I think Hunter hedidn't in such a good way.
(28:57):
I was like oh, I do have a fewmore work things I should get to
, but I could just do them onSunday, so maybe I won't.
And I think he said somethinglike no, like you feel best when
you get them done, or somethinglike that, which is true, but
like he was, he like knew Iwasn't going to want to do shit
on Sunday.
So I came in here I mean, thisis also my office and I worked
(29:19):
to like 1130, 1145.
Like it was kind of late.
Go to sleep, wake up.
The Silverstone F1 Grand Prix ishappening, or it happened at
7am our time and we always watchthem the next morning.
And I said to Hunter, if wewatch the Grand Prix, I'm going
(29:41):
to be late.
They're qualifying, just so Idon't get attacked by the F1
girlies.
I'm going to be late if I have,if we watch this, like I was
very honest, I was like I'mgoing to be late, like I can't
go to the bathroom and see theTV, so like I'm going to be late
.
He was insistent.
I was like, fine, watch thefucking Grand Prix, I get ready.
(30:06):
And we were running late and Ialmost didn't put on the outfit
I just bought because now I'mtotally thrown off.
I almost wore like a whitecollared shirt which sounds like
I also fucking knew.
But like I just like that shirtwith like jean shorts and like
wedges or something which thankGod I was not wearing wedges or
(30:26):
something which thank God I wasnot wearing.
But I put on that outfitbecause I was out of time, I was
late and I was like, well, Iknow, I fucking like this outfit
.
So I got to go and my hair hadturned out perfect, my makeup
had turned out perfect.
I got in the car and I was likethis would fucking happen to me.
I would get this fucking readyand feel this great and love
this outfit so much and I willnot get proposed to.
(30:47):
And I was like I have to tellmyself this sometimes because my
emotions are so strong and Iwas like you just got to, let it
go, now, let it go.
And so we're in the car andwe're kind of quiet and I was
just like let it go, whatever,you're just going to the Getty.
We got to the Getty and I'mlike I'd been anxious.
So that was still like.
(31:08):
You know, it's like anearthquake.
The aftershocks are still maybelike running through my body,
but I'm like, all right.
Well, I'm going to go see thefucking museum Because, believe
it or not, I'm actually a littlebit of a nerd and I do actually
like museums.
(31:31):
Let's be clear, I'm not likeBlair Waldorf and I don't like
to spend hours in a museum, but,like, I do like museums.
I do move faster than agrandparent, but I do really
like museums, whatever.
I'm trying to look at thefucking ancient coins and Hunter
keeps being like let's go overthere.
I'm like you're acting weirdand I should have known
something was weird because hebrought his jacket, and I'm like
it's a summer day and you arenever cold, sir.
Whatever, he walks me over tothe spot and he's like this is
(31:53):
so pretty, we should take apicture.
I'm like, sir, you never askedto take a picture.
I always asked to take apicture.
He was like oh okay, well, like, let's, let's take a picture.
And I didn't say that, but Iwas just thinking it.
And he goes right up to this guy.
He was like oh, you really looklike you know what you're doing
.
He has two DSLR cameras on hiship and he's like shooting
(32:14):
pictures.
He's like would you mind takinga photo of me and my girlfriend
?
And it all was like click,click, click, click, click,
click, click.
But it happened so fast.
And I'm also kind of like am Itripping?
It's like that stop momentwhere you go to check your pulse
(32:35):
and you're like am I alive?
Am I dreaming?
Is this real?
Am I real?
Am I a speck of dust?
Those existential crises I haveno idea what happened to.
It happened so fast.
And we're like, standing thereand Hunter starts talking and
I'm like, oh fuck.
And I literally said the firstline he said to me was you know,
(32:58):
well, I'm not going to make youwait all month and I literally,
in all the videos, even the onethat is far away, throw my head
back and go, oh my God, becauseI'm in such shock of this
emotional rollercoaster thatI've put myself through.
And he just starts talking Um,and he asked me to marry him.
(33:21):
I will say, hot tip.
I wish someone had said to meit's a kind of cute note.
Now, when he said will youmarry me, I didn't even fucking
blink.
There wasn't even like a halfsecond.
It was like, oh my God, yes.
I didn't say oh my God, for thelove of God, I hope I didn't.
I'm like flapping my hands andI'm like, yes, take a second and
(33:45):
fucking breathe.
I wish I had watched morepromotional videos where they
like breathe and then said, yes,I nope, not cute at all.
I'm just like, yes, I'm surethe pictures and whatever are
going to be cute and whatnot.
And you know what?
The surprises did not end there.
The photographer ended uptaking photos of us for I don't
(34:08):
know how much longer time.
Then it was whisked off.
Luckily I got to see my cat,came home for like two seconds,
grabbed some stuff.
Hunter told me we were stayingin a hotel and we were going to
get dinner and drinks with ourfamilies.
And then I was surprised in thehotel room with like flower
champagne and my best friend andmy sister my sister, my future
(34:31):
sister-in-law had, you know,arranged for there to be two
white dresses there for me totry on and wear.
You know, because Hunter toldme that evening we were going to
go out with our friends and Iwas like, oh my God, that's so
cute.
And I was like, oh my God,these two dresses are here, like
should I change them?
And Hunter was like youroutfit's so great.
And I was like, yeah, I doreally love this outfit, but
(34:51):
like, should I change?
And he was like no, no, youdon't have to change.
And I was like are you sure?
And he was like, yeah, they'rehere, so I kind of want to try
them on.
So I tried it on and then wewalked upstairs and I was
(35:14):
surprised by our family andfriends being there and it was
honestly a wonderful day.
I know this sounds cheesy and Ifeel like every basic bitch says
this, but like I wasn't a girlwho like dreamed about their
proposal, but like I reallywasn't a girl who dreamed about
my proposal.
Sure, I wanted someone to likeget down on one knee and like
propose to me one day, but likeI could have never envisioned it
going down the way it did.
(35:36):
And you know, his sister andher friend and his family and my
best friend were, and myparents were insanely helpful
throughout this whole thing andit was absolutely the most
magical day ever and I wish Icould just live it over and over
and over and over again.
But now I'll have this fuckingpodcast.
My mom told me somethinginteresting when we were at
dinner.
(35:57):
She was like, make sure towrite some of this shit down.
Now I'll have this wholepodcast and you do too.
Something else funny I just wantto throw in here, so we know my
personality hasn't changed atfucking all.
That night we did go out withour friends and I was like to
the bartender, like I just gotengaged, like I need shots and
I'm like pretty drunk at thispoint.
(36:18):
And he gives me a shot and I goto pull up my credit card to
pay for it and he goes.
And he gives me a shot and I goto pull up my credit card to
pay for it and he goes.
No, no, it's on the house.
I was like amazing, the nextday I'm on the phone with my
friends and they were like yeah,I mean I asked, I said, was I a
mess?
And they were like no, you werejust really happy.
But the bartender did startgiving you shots of water and I
(36:46):
was like thank God he didn'tmake me pay for that shot of
water.
Just funny, cute memories.
So, all in all, I would like tosay that there's no one way to
get engaged, there is no one wayto have a wedding, there is no
one way to have a relationship.
They are deeply unique andhonestly, again, no idea if any
of you give a fuck about thisepisode, but honestly it was a
(37:09):
very chaotic Marley episodewhich we have not had in a
fucking while.
And you know what?
I started this podcast becauseI felt so out.
I had never felt like I was in,that I was cool that I was it,
that I had the thing, and evenif you do have things like an
engagement or that pinnaclemoment in your career.
(37:32):
You might never feel like youare it, and the only person who
can give you it is you.
And that is how I'm going toend this Confessions of a
Wannabe it Girl podcast.
We'll see you next Tuesday.
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