July 23, 2024 • 37 mins
Can stepping away from screens help you reconnect with yourself and others? This week on we chat with Pollack, author of "Beautiful Every Day: A Guide to Living in the Here and Now".
We explore the pressures of social media and its impact on mental health. Pollack and I discuss strategies like setting designated times for online activities to create a balanced digital life. Learn how to handle negative comments, manage the need for validation, and use social media with purpose. We highlight the importance of boundaries, such as phone-free zones during special events. Tune in to learn how these small changes can lead to more meaningful connections and a more intentional life.
Connect with Palak on IG: @embiria
Check out Palak's Book: Beautiful Everydays: A Guide to Living in the Here and Now
You can watch the full episodes on our Youtube
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to the podcast, helping you filter out
the BS in pursuit of becomingthe next it girl.
And this week's episode we aretalking about one of our
favorite topics.
It is dealing with social mediain this modern crazy world.
You know we've talked a lotabout compare and despair, and
in this episode we are talkingabout how to really disconnect
(00:22):
from the phone or the millionother screens we are always
inundated with.
Pollack is joining me todiscuss how we can disconnect so
we can reconnect.
Let's dive in.
Welcome to Confessions of aWannabe it Girl.
I'm your host, marley Fregging,and I'm here to help you filter
out all the bullshit and becomethe next it Girl.
(00:44):
This podcast explores thereality of what it really takes
to make it out there.
As it turns out, it is way lessInstagrammable than I thought
it was going to be.
I'm still very much a work inprogress, but there's simply
nothing else I'd rather be doingthan chasing my dreams.
So let's learn from my mistakesand work together to achieve
our dreams with more confidence,clarity and direction.
(01:05):
Let's get after it, hi guys,and welcome back to Confessions
of a Wannabe it Girl.
Today, I'm joined by Pollack,the author of Beautiful Every
Days A Guide to Living in thehere and Now and the founder of
Embirium.
Welcome Pollack, thank you somuch for being here, thanks so
much for having me, Marley.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
I'm super excited to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
I'm so excited to chit-chat about this idea of
we're going to call itdisconnect to reconnect.
Here we are talking about theconstant scroll, the being stuck
in the phone attached to ourdevices, computer TV, our
favorite to debunk on here theInstagram, the TikTok.
(01:46):
So I'm really excited to diveinto this with you.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
I'll sing it's funny that you call it that, because I
actually had an event calledDisconnect, reconnect one, so
very fitting.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Perfect, we're on, we're synced.
So I want to get into this alittle bit.
Why did this book come to be?
I find that people who makethese into their missions in
life might have had a personalexperience that might have not
been so glamorous to begin with.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
So if you wouldn't mind telling us a little bit
about how we came to where weare, yeah, that's a very good
point, because it's often whenwe have a deep why, and that's
why we birth things into theworld, because other people
probably can resonate withpersonal stories that we've been
on.
So, for me, a big part of mystory was that when I was 15
years old, my dad suddenlypassed away of a heart attack,
(02:36):
and so, being that young andlosing a parent that young, I
think that I saw his journey interms of how he would talk about
these, like big dreams andplans that he had for retirement
and what he would do with mymom, and how much he wanted to
travel and how hard he worked totry to make those dreams happen
, and then he never got to reapany of the benefits of it.
(02:56):
And so, going through that, itsubconsciously just embedded
this message into my mind thatyou cannot wait for retirement
and for one day to live fully.
I think that needing to havethose moments in your every day
is so important because youtruly don't know what tomorrow
will bring, and I know thatsounds like this, like fluffy
message, but at the end of theday, it is only when you
(03:16):
experience loss or somethingtragic that that really
resonates with you.
So for me, that became a bigpart of my mission to inspire
other people to live fully everyday.
It's something I do myself, andthat's really what kind of
pivoted me into this entirebusiness and career I'm in now.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Well, and you also pivoted a little bit for some
very what I would call big girllike big boss, energy jobs.
Would you mind telling us alittle bit about that Of?
Speaker 2 (03:44):
course, yeah.
So I come from a 10-yearcorporate career background and
totally work for great largeorganizations and big Canadian
brands.
So I was at Indigo Books andMusic, I was at the bank, at
Royal Bank of Canada, and mostrecently I was at the Toronto
Film Festival for four yearsdoing all their marketing and
communications for the filmfestival.
So definitely had big corporatejobs and while I was there it
(04:07):
wasn't that I was dissatisfied,but I always knew that I was
meant for something more.
So there was a deep sort ofvoice within me that you know.
I entered my thirties and I waslike you're definitely meant to
do more than just this and Ididn't want to hop around from
organization to organization.
So I really needed to reflectand dig deep and as I went
through my own personal wellnessjourney, I started to realize
(04:29):
that I wanted to like dabble inexperimenting with my own things
.
And that's really when Imbiriawas born, when I started to host
events for community and tocreate connection, and what I
thought was just something thatI would experiment with turned
into my full-time business.
So yeah, I've been doing thisnow for seven years.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Wow.
So what was your relationshipwith social media when you
started shifting into doingthese?
Speaker 2 (04:54):
events.
Well, it's funny because when Ifirst started my business, this
was just when Instagram wasstarting to become really
popular, so I actually didn'teven have an Instagram account
to start with.
I remember hosting my firstevent and I put it on sale on a
ticketing platform and it soldout, which obviously showed me
there was a need for somethinglike this, and so it validated
the idea and gave me themomentum I needed.
(05:16):
But at the same time, I was like, oh, I guess I have to create
like an Instagram page and awebsite and all the things that
come with needing to actuallycreate some sort of business
from this idea.
And so when I created myInstagram, I mean it took off
pretty quickly in terms of I wasjust gaining followers because
it was so much easier to growback then.
So it was really nice becauseit was a space for me to just
(05:40):
promote my events and connectwith community and get into
people's DMMS and all that.
But then over time, it evolvedand it became something that I
use for, just like putting upevents to having to turn it into
an entire personal brand andshowcase so many parts of my
life and my business and createvideos and all the things that
it's now become, which hasshifted my relationship so much
(06:03):
with social media, and it's ahuge part of my messaging in
terms of I want people to scrollless and live more.
That's kind of my mantra, that.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
I use.
Yeah, it's so interesting I canreally on so many different
levels to having I call itcompare and despair scrolling.
I have a very up and downrelationship with social media.
I think I currently love it,but I've realized it started
doing something in my mentalhealth or just general health I
wasn't aware of until it gotpointed out to me and it was
like, oh, you're so worriedabout being seen as foolish or
(06:35):
cringy or whatever.
And I was like, no, I'm not.
And then I really thought for asecond.
I was like, oh, yeah, I am, andit's because innately over time
, we start to care about ourpresence and our persona online.
That, like that, can't innatelynot affect my subconscious along
the way.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Absolutely.
I mean, it's amazing that youare now reflecting on that and
able to be aware of what it'sdoing to you, because that's the
first step.
It's like anything just theawareness is the first step.
But what's wild about it isthat I think it is still
relatively new, so we have togive ourselves a little bit of
grace at the fact that it's onlyin recent years, especially
post pandemic, has it reallytaken off to the extent of which
(07:19):
it is now where it's such apart of our day to day lives.
There's so much of ourselvesthat we show on there.
There's so many differentformats and ways that we can
show up.
It's like through video,through still photography,
through stories, through reels,through all the things.
There's just so many pieces toit and it is more complicated
than we think.
Like often we're just in it andwe're in the loop and it's a
(07:40):
bit of a hamster wheel until youhave maybe a moment or a few
moments, and I would say themoment really comes when you can
have a relationship with socialmedia.
I'm not saying to like, goescape to a forest and digitally
detox, like, if you want tolive in today's day and age, you
kind of have to be connected.
But there's a moment where youmight be scrolling and if you
(08:00):
leave that doom scroll sessionfeeling more anxious than
fulfilled, then there's aproblem.
And then that's when you haveto really recognize what it's
doing to you, because I don'tknow that many people that can
scroll for hours and feel goodafterwards or better than when
they first started.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
Yeah, no, I mean, I bet you and the funniest thing
is, we probably sit there andthink well, the person who has a
million followers and a millionlikes, they might feel better,
but I bet you they don't.
They feel more insecure, theyfeel more uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Yes, and I've heard so many celebrities talk about
this, celebrities, influencers,people that have large
followings and I think this iswhat we often don't realize.
We think it's a numbers game.
So it's like, yes, you'll hit amillion followers, I'll be
great, then I won't care, then Iwon't look at my comments and I
won't, then I won't, yeah.
(08:49):
But you know what's funny, isyou what happens?
And I've heard so many peopletalk about it.
I just heard Robbie talk aboutthis, jay Shetty's wife, and she
has 2 million followers and shesaid she has 99% positive
comments.
But she'll have one commentwhere someone says something and
then she focuses on the onecomment and she's like why do
our brains do this?
Like?
And it's natural, it's humanbehavior.
If you're in a room full ofpeople and everyone's so lovely
(09:09):
to you, but all of a sudden youencounter someone that's a
little bit mean and sayssomething in person, it's going
to take you aback and you'regoing to feel hurt by it.
So the same way that mighthappen in person.
That's the feeling that we'llhave online.
It is very hard to separate thetwo and just dismiss it as oh,
it's a troll, it's a hater,whatever.
Move on, it's really vulnerableto show up and then have people
(09:29):
critique you online.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
So it doesn't matter the count and the number of
followers does not matter, it'shuman emotion at the end of the
day, not only is InstagramTikTok and webpages our
portfolios all of this is outonline.
It has kind of become yourdigital business card.
You are a little bit ratedjudged.
(09:51):
See what you can do by theamount of what you bring to your
platform.
It is so easy to becomeobsessed with it and I find
myself doing this.
I will excuse it.
I will say, oh well, I'mworking and I'm like I'm not
really working, I'm justscrolling at this point, but
it's working.
So how do we start to deal withthis overwhelm?
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Yeah, I love that you brought that up, because
there's a way that we can goabout approaching social media
where we separate using it forpleasure, for leisure and for
business.
So one of the ways that I liketo look at it is separating the
things that we're doing withinthe apps in different categories
.
So, for example, there's somuch that we're doing we're not
just scrolling.
There's times we're posting,there's times that we're
(10:37):
responding to DMs, there's timeswe're engaging with comments.
There's times we're actuallyposting.
There's times we're creatingcontent or making a reel within
the app.
So there's different categories.
And the way that we can feelgood about social media is if we
go in with an intention andthat's the only thing that we do
on the app and we're notdiverted to do other things.
So my tip there is to carve outtime within your day for
(11:00):
different purposes.
You're going to want times whereyou're just mindlessly
scrolling and maybe catching upwith what people are up to.
Cool, block out maybe 20 minutesin your day to do that and be
like scroll session or likecatch up time or let's see what
people are up to.
But then there's going to betimes where you might want to be
on there for 15 minutes to likepost something, so then that's
intentional posting time.
And then there's going to betimes where you want to use the
(11:22):
apps to connect with people andlike engage with your audience
or your community or respond topeople, so then there's
intentional time for connection.
So splitting it out into thosedifferent categories gives you
the space to do all of it, butnot all of it at once, because
often we go on the app and we'relike, oh, I'm just going to
post this thing and all of asudden we're like 30 minutes in
and we're like on some dog videothat we don't know why we ended
(11:45):
up there.
So I think having thatintentionality behind it helps
us feel better about the waythat we're intentionally
spending our time versus it'slike us owning the app and
controlling it, then behaviorversus it controlling us.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Oh, I love that.
You just said that that's notreally a thought I've ever had
in regards to your relationshipwith the app, because you are
giving it its time and that'swhat gives it its power.
So we should haveintentionality behind that time,
because in that case it'sbecoming your owner.
But if you have theintentionality, you become the
(12:23):
ownership of your time.
Exactly, I'm picking up that,me and you come from a deep
place of loving calendars andscheduling and whatnot, which I
love.
I mean, I chunk out a time forlunch because it just won't
happen if not.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
I love an organized schedule, definitely a type A,
love all things planning and I'mobsessed with like lists.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
You said it, not me.
You're type A and I'm type A.
It's so beautiful.
But what about?
And I'm type A, sometimes I gota P plus personality, I think.
But it's all good and dandy forme to sit there and say I'm
going to make, oh, this is theintentional time to post, this
is the intentional time tosource podcast guests, whatever
it may be.
(13:07):
How do I make myself reallycommit to that?
And not then like oh, I'm in thegrocery store line, this is the
moment to scroll.
On one hand, it is because it'snot really going to get used,
but is that really good for myhealth?
I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Yeah, we've lost the art of being able to do nothing.
So that's a big thing insociety today and, to be honest,
those moments of being in thegrocery line or waiting for
coffee or going for a walk andnot needing to necessarily fill
it with things is reallyessential to our mental health.
So we absolutely like that's awhole thing where we need to
carve out times to do nothing.
Because we're constantlybringing things in, it's very
(13:45):
hard for us to show up in aplace that feels like restful
and at ease, because our mind isjust like going a million miles
a minute.
So the way that I would I wouldsort of preface this is it
because it has to be intentional.
We have to be conscious of ourbehaviors with the app.
So, just like anything else isaddictive, this is also an
addictive thing.
(14:05):
So knowing that there needs tobe a relationship built with it,
where we are being conscious ofit, is so important.
So, for example, recognizingwhen you are picking up your
phone before you even go to openit or unlock it, like what are
you picking up this device for?
Is it to respond to attacks?
Is it to go onto social media?
Because obviously we're just.
It's so habitual at this pointthat we're just like, we have
(14:28):
our set apps, that we open,close, open, close, open, close
and check.
But really being intentionalabout that, that could mean
something simple like taking afew deep breaths before we get
on our phone.
Just like a few deep breaths,remind yourself as to why you're
on it and then allow yourselfto do the activity and force
yourself to be like okay, theboundary's there, I've gone,
I've posted, I'm off.
Or, oh, I've opened, I'vescrolled for 10 minutes.
(14:50):
Now I'm done.
Set a timer if you need to, ifyou're not in a line and you're
at home and you can set a timer,set a timer.
And when that timer goes off,you need to be hard with
yourself to say, okay, I'm done.
Because the only way that we'regoing to be able to control our
relationships with the apps isif we take control of it, and by
doing that we have to enforcethe boundaries.
No one's going to stop us.
(15:12):
These apps are not going tosuddenly stop us and be like
yeah, you've scrolled enough oryou've hit the bottom.
It's never going to end.
So we have to kind of managethat relationship ourselves.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
I have so many things to say in response.
I'm going to go ahead and startwith did you know that after a
serious amount of time on TikTok, it will tell you maybe you
should take a break?
No, what's the serious amountof time?
It is a serious amount of timebecause I have only ever seen it
once.
Oh, wow, okay, not too out, I'mjust going to say it to you.
(15:47):
My future sister-in-law, shetells me she sees it all the
time and I'm like I've only seenit once.
It must be hours.
I remember I think it wasChristmas day.
After all the hubbub with myfamily had been done, I hit it
and now it was like I've neverseen that before.
So just fun fact.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
I wonder if it's was it consistent time as in, you
didn't close.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
It's definitely consistent time that, because
that was the only time that I'vedone that, but I'm sure I hit
that time in smaller breaks.
But I want to go back to whatwe're talking about with the
grocery line.
I find this very interestingbecause I had an acting coach
also bring this up to me and youknow she was talking about how
we should watch people, observepeople and see interactions and
(16:32):
things.
And she says but you guys don'tdo that anymore because you
have phones.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
And.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
I was like what?
And now I'm like, oh yeah,she's right.
Like that mental reset,recalibration that, like flush
of daily doing, has beencompletely now occupied by the
phone and our observation hasbeen taken away because of that.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
A thousand percent.
I love that she said that.
I mean it's definitelyhappening.
It's kind of called the art ofnoticing and it's just noticing
things in your environment,around you.
And I mean I'm married but,honestly, if you're like single
in today's day and age, you arereally not looking up from your
phone and noticing the peoplearound you.
So how are you going to connectwith somebody in person?
(17:17):
You're going to have to end updoing it through an app.
Or if you're introduced to afriend, because just those
little like chance encountersare so rare these days because
of the fact that we're notlooking up.
And an example I have of thisis I spend half my year in
Austin, Texas, over the wintersbecause Toronto gets really cold
.
And when I'm in Austin I noticedthat when I would go for walks
(17:39):
I actually wouldn't take myphone with me because it was
just so beautiful where I'd bewalking and I'm like I want to
enjoy the weather, soak up thesunshine, and I'd be walking my
dog and I would just I'd belooking up and I'd be looking
around because everything wasnew to me.
So I'm like looking at it withfresh eyes and I kid you not, I
spoke to like every neighborthat I saw along the way.
They would be saying hello, wewould stop, we would chat, they
(18:01):
would pet my dog.
It was the most lovelyexperience and it felt so
wholesome, Like it's somethingthat we don't get in our day to
day, and it left me feeling sofulfilled, so connected to other
humans.
I just felt like I didsomething good for myself
instead of spending that timelike scrolling my phone while
I'm walking or, you know, likejust doing things that I don't
(18:21):
really need to be doing, and itjust was such a good reminder of
like it is simple things thatwe can do for our wellbeing.
It's not complicated.
We overcomplicate it, thinkingwe need to like fix everything,
but sometimes it's just likestripping things away and
getting back to fundamentalhuman needs of like connecting
with other humans that we feelreally good.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Well, in your opinion , in your line of work, how much
does that kind of not havingthe phone on the walk or the
grocery store line really helpour overall wellness?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Oh my God, I think it's so pivotal, like I don't
actually wish that we could allcarve out phone free times and
what I do is, like with theevents that I host and when I
bring people together, I try toactually say, hey, you can grab
a picture or video at thebeginning of the event and maybe
at the end, but I'd rather nothave you be on your phone
throughout because I want you tobe fully present to the
experience and I know we allwant to capture great content.
(19:17):
But let's put our phones away,let's try and connect with each
other, let's have a conversationand honestly, it's been so
magical to witness what unfolds.
Like I'll have women talkingabout life experiences.
They're going through andcrying at the event and
connecting with another womanwho might feel the same and then
all of a sudden they're friendsand they're making plans to go
on a walk later and it's likethis ripple effect of like, oh,
(19:40):
this is what it means to getback to living IRL.
We're wanting to come back tothe real world and see what
magic that holds and it's becomea rarity and so when it does
happen, it's just so beautifulto watch basic human things
happen and unfold.
So I'm a huge fan of you know.
Leave your phone behind whenyou can, honestly, for safety.
(20:01):
Sure, you want to keep it withyou, but just leave it behind
when you can.
It's life-changing.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
to be honest, can we try not to give in into the
temptation going back to like wehave ownership over these
things and they don't haveownership over us?
That being said, what are yourdaily tips and strategies that
you do to make sure you're notdoing this yourself, and maybe
something we can steal and takefor ourselves?
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (20:27):
for sure.
I've worked a lot on creatingand crafting daily rituals or
routines that allow me to carvethis space that I I so much like
, teach and inspire others to doso.
One of my things is for themorning.
We all have morning routines.
Um, my morning routine involvesnot checking my phone at all,
so when I wake up I'm notchecking it.
I'm making sure I'm waking upearly enough that like I'm not
(20:49):
accountable to responding tothings immediately.
So I have enough time for themorning things that I value and
I love.
So for me that includes takingmy dog for a walk, having some
form of movement, making like mymorning smoothie, maybe
journaling a bit or meditating,just like having that time.
That's usually about an hourand a half worth of things, and
I'm doing that all beforetouching my phone because I
(21:11):
truly believe that in themornings it's just your time
before you let all the things inand let all the noise in.
It's just a time for your mindto be quiet, let ideas flow, let
yourself just like reset and beintentional about how you start
your day.
So my morning routine is sortof like that non-negotiable.
When I'm working at my laptop orat my desk, I really try to
like kind of what we weretalking about.
(21:32):
Like we love to be organizedand do all the things, so I will
try and stay focused on thetask at hand.
I'll actually use the toggletimer to like track my time and
be like okay, now I'm working onemails and I'm going to do that
for 30 minutes and I'll set atimer or the Pomodoro technique
where you like.
Set the timer for 25 minutes sothat you're focused and just
trying to retrain your brain tobe focused on one thing really
(21:54):
helps.
So having my phone turnedupside down so I'm not seeing
any notifications put away, andthen I'll take a lunch break and
that's when I'll like check myphone again if I need to, or
check messages or whatever.
Obviously, like all mynotifications are off.
I don't allow anything to becoming at me.
It's like I'm intentionallygoing in and checking things and
then I sort of unwind after myworkday with either like a walk
(22:16):
or a stretch session, and thenat night it's sort of the same
thing Like I make sure I'mputting my phone away or not
getting screen time, even likeTV time an ample amount of time
before I go to bed, cause I Inoticed a huge difference.
If I've been on a screen like20 minutes before bed, my mind
is racing and it's so muchharder for me to fall asleep.
So I'll usually just likelisten to a sleep meditation and
unwind and get cozy and likelet my bedroom be a sanctuary so
(22:40):
that I'm not stressed when I'mgoing to bed.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Right, I'm not going to completely challenge that,
but I seem to have the oppositeproblem.
I sleep better if the TV is on.
I think it's like an auditorything I developed as a kid.
But I cannot get into thechallenge of that because I
think I'm the weird one.
It might be not great, but itis what it is.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
I actually do know a lot of people that do that, and
I mean, I think if it'sbackground noise and it's
something that's just soothingto you and you're falling asleep
, that's different than likewatching like a dramatic show
right before bed and feelinglike stress, and people think
that you know you're watchingsomething so you're tuning out.
But your body actually respondsto good and bad stress in the
(23:26):
same way.
It doesn't know the difference.
It's still heightened.
So there's still thingshappening inside that are
putting you in a heightenedstate and that's not necessarily
like the state that you wantbefore you try to get a good
night's sleep Right.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
We would think, but I'm probably the girl watching
the dramatic TV.
I mean, I have my own theory onit, which I'll just share
quickly.
Is that maybe it becomesbecause I am a anxious
attachment style anxious girly,whatever it's called that if
something is absorbing myattention that much, I'm
suddenly removed from theanxieties I feel internally, I'm
(24:00):
placing all of my focus onthere and somehow that puts me
to rest.
I'm probably not achievingultimate relaxation, as you know
somebody who can do.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
I'm trying, I'm doing this, I'm just trying trying
you know, just try, andobviously this is like, yeah,
take it with a grain of salt toeach their own, and everyone has
their own way of unwinding,resting, relaxing.
It's just a matter of figuringout what really works best for
you and noticing, like noticinghow it makes you feel and just
being aware of that right, well,and I love what you say about
setting up things on your phonewith the timer and whatnot.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
I have the timer on for social media consumption.
That's within the iPhone, andwhen I tell people that I do
this, they're always like, oh, Ijust ignore it.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
And I'm like, yeah, honestly, sometimes I ignore it
too.
But you know what?
Speaker 1 (24:47):
If it works once.
It works once, you know whatand it does Sometimes I'll just
hit the you know, give me 15more minutes and then, when I
see it, pop again, you know what.
So, like it, I'm not losinganything by having it there,
even if I ignore it.
Six out of 10, you know I Ireally don't think that's at
fault.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
I've definitely ignored it too.
I mean, yeah, I have it set for15 minutes a day and sometimes,
like sometimes I'm in themiddle of posting a reel, I'm
like at an hour and a half,that's fair, that's fair.
But yeah, that's why I'mignoring it, because I'm also
unrealistic with the amount oftime it sometimes takes, like
even for me, to post a reel ordo something.
Obviously, it's going to takeme more time than that, and so
I've definitely ignored it.
(25:26):
But yeah, just like a littlenudge, to be like, hey, okay,
you know, like if it's beenthree hours and you're feeling
like crap and you've been wordat six times, then obviously it
might work.
To be like okay, right, shoot,I should get off this.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Right, if it works once, even for one.
15 minutes less, 10 minutesless, I'm going to let that
timer go off, and I love what we.
I also have all mynotifications off, for you know
that will not come to the mainscreen of my phone.
And man, did that stop me frompicking it up and just going
(26:00):
instantly back into it?
Because then it kind of hitsthat adrenaline rush of ooh,
someone likes me and da-da-da-daand likes my post and I'm
special.
It hits that.
But if it doesn't come up, I'mnot missing it per se.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
You know, it's funny that you say that, because that
feeling sometimes it's likeremember when we were kids and
shows used to get released everyweek and it wasn't binge worthy
all at once.
Sometimes it's nice to be like,okay, I've put up this post and
then just leave it and comeback to it after a while, to be
like, okay, I've like put upthis post and then just like
leave it and come back to itafter a while, to be like, okay,
(26:35):
what happened on it?
Did people respond?
Are there people engaging withit?
Like instead of, if you'rechecking it incessantly, it can
actually make you feel reallyshitty because you might be like
oh my God, I put up this thingand like people aren't liking it
, but then an hour later itmight've taken off.
And then it's like, oh wait, itdid well.
But those initial feelings thatit's leaving you with because
you're immediately looking forlike that dopamine hit.
(26:57):
It doesn't always happen.
So sometimes it is better tojust like ghost it right after
you post.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Yeah, let it be a lovely surprise, let it be a
surprise, Exactly.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
And then it's like a culmination of all the things,
like oh okay, I actually havelike a bunch of comments I can
respond to this on Great andI'll do it all at once instead
of every three seconds.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
I'm big on the sprints.
I'm big on the sprints ofresponding to emails, texts, dms
, notifications, all in one Like.
It's like maybe I'm not as goodas you, I'll wake up and I'm
checking my phone, but then oncein the middle of the day, once
in the end of the day, and Ibreak it all the time.
But those are the two, thethree, three biggest chunks and
it does really do something.
(27:37):
You know, given, I'll be honest, that I'm not a perfect science
of having perfect social media,health or mental health.
But like, what about foryourself?
Like when have you disconnectedfrom social media and seen
something like really benefit in?
your life because you were doingthat.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Yeah, there's been a few times where I've taken like
a full break.
I try to do it once over theholidays.
I find that that's a great timefor most people because you're
just obviously people are doingstuff and you're kind of like
what is everyone up to?
But at the same time, if you'rea business and for me, running
my business I'm like, okay, it'sa bit quieter once it's around
Christmas and I can kind of takea step back between Christmas
(28:17):
and new year's to say, hey, I'mtaking this break for myself, so
it might be like a five daybreak or seven day break.
Um, I remember one time I wentto Europe and it was like a two
week trip and I took a break forabout an entire week off of it
and I was just like this isheavenly.
I mean, if you really get overthe first day or two of wanting
(28:38):
that addiction of just beinglike wait, what am I checking?
I have nothing to check.
This is weird.
And then I replaced that withreading physical books and going
and sitting on a patio inLisbon and just having the best
time and it was obviously sogreat.
And what ends up happening is,once you like, quiet your mind
and allow that, allow that spaceto let yourself just be and
(29:01):
think and just exist, then youusually come back to things so
much more inspired and full ofcreativity because you're no
longer just consuming andletting in all the noise, and
then you can come from it at aplace where you're like creating
versus just like lettingeverybody else's behavior
influence what you're doing.
So it was really nice becauseI've had shifts in my business.
(29:22):
Anytime I've taken a break andtaken a step back, I often come
back with a really significantshift or change in the way I go
about my business, because Ifinally quieted down and let
things surface.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
So, when you take this break, are you like
deleting social media completely, like off your phone?
Okay, great.
Perfect.
I've never done this, so I'mvery curious to dive into this.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
So when you do that, to that point, sometimes
deleting the app, like even fora day if you want, like a Sunday
, where you're just like like Ido think this thing called slow
Sundays and I just takesometimes I'll just delete the
app for a day and I'll likereinstall it on Monday.
But I'm like that way, I'm justnot checking it, You're just
taking it completely.
It's just not a option anymore,and when you remove it as an
option, then it just makes thatso much easier, and I know so
(30:09):
many people who do that.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
I'm just somebody who never has.
I mean, my best friends do itall the time.
They're very good about it.
However, though I've noticedwhen observing the people in my
circle, it's kind of like crashdieting they have this amazing
break and then they get back onand they are slammed back into
it.
How do you start to come backto the apps?
(30:32):
Because, I mean, unfortunately,I think it's pretty unrealistic
that a lot of people willremain completely off of them.
How can we set up those healthyrelationships?
Post break.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Yeah, I've heard that so many times and it's really
funny because it is like youtake that break and you come
back and you're so in it.
I've actually said that I don'tknow, in its current state, if
it is possible to fully have ahealthy relationship with social
media.
Like that is like point blank.
I don't know many people who do.
I don't know many people whofeel good all the time unless
(31:06):
they're fully off of it orunless they've hired help on
their business to like post andso they can like distance and
take a little bit of a break.
So I will say that I don'tthink they're designed for us to
have healthy relationships.
They're designed for us toconstantly be on them.
So if you are coming back to it,there needs to be like a plan
of action.
You need to ease yourself backinto this space, because it can
(31:27):
be so overwhelming and you kindof want to hang on to that
little like cocoon feeling aslong as you can, because the
last thing you want is to comeback and then be like oh, I just
undid everything from the pastweek.
I was feeling so calm and I'veheard this so many times where
people come back and they'relike I feel like crap.
No, I'm so anxious again LikeI'm back on and it's awful and
what do I do?
Because I need it for mybusiness.
(31:48):
So you do, you need a plan ofaction.
You need to go back in withintention and it's like okay,
maybe my first week back lookslike posting once this week.
I'm not going to be on storiesevery day or I'm not going to
like post every single day.
I'm not going to check everyday.
I'm going to just post oncethis week and then I'm actually
going to delete it for anothertwo days and then I'm going to
come back on and it's like youcan start to create that
(32:11):
relationship where, again,you're dictating it over time
versus being in it and thenbeing like sucked into the whole
system again.
So I think it's important tohave that intentionality behind
it before you're fully back andin the world of social media.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
Yeah, it's interesting, one of the most
like successful influencers likeI've had on the podcast.
She talked about that too, thatshe really would just get on
posts, give her people that sheneeds to support, support and
get off, and I was like, wow,yeah, that's it.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
It's like looking at it in other ways.
If you have a business or youhave a job, are you going to be
sitting at your desk all day, 24hours a day, and be available
all the time for your manager tolike email you and talk to you
Like no, you don't want to bedoing that at like 3am.
So why aren't we creating theseboundaries with something else?
That's just an extension ofeither our business or our brand
(33:04):
, or even personally.
I just it's obviously becauseit's on our phone, it is a 24
hour thing, but then it's amatter of setting those
boundaries the same way we wouldwith, like, a physical
environment.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
Yeah, and that being said, you know I think a lot of
us are craving being morepresent.
That is the goal from this,like understanding social media,
and this disconnect is like howcan I become more present, how
can I become more focused?
How can I get 1% better in thereal world, not just online?
So can you share with us maybesome like actionable things we
(33:36):
can do to get started on beingmore present in our day-to-days?
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Yes, absolutely Well.
It's one of the reasons that Iwrote Beautiful Every Day is the
book, because it's full ofactivities that you can do to
become more present in yourday-to-day.
It's about romanticizing yourlife and getting back to the
little things that you caninfuse in your day to just make
it beautiful.
And it really comes down tohaving those traditions or
things that you look forward to.
I even call them like rituals.
(34:00):
For example, one thing that Ido that I think you know people
really tend to love, andwhenever they hear it they're
like oh, that's so lovely.
On Wednesdays I'll like take anhour to take a walk with my
husband, We'll walk to a localcafe, grab a croissant, grab a
latte, hang out, chat, and we'redoing it in the middle of our
Wednesday.
So it becomes this thing thatwe look forward to in the middle
(34:20):
of the week.
It breaks it up, but it's a wayof reminding ourselves that
we're also here to live ourlives and enjoy them, not just
work away and feel stressed andanxious and all the things.
And so the book is full ofactivities and offline
experiences that you can do toreally romanticize your life,
and I've also created theImbiria Social Club, which is
(34:42):
all about connecting off ofsocial media and like finding
your true community and actuallyhaving people that are your go
to, where it's not just aboutlike liking their picture or
commenting on it.
It's like how do you build thatauthentic connection and then
move those connections fromonline to offline, which I think
is so important.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
That is so important.
I loved it when I see people dothat.
Will you give us maybe a littletease of one of your fave
activities, maybe in the book,or that you've done in a course
or the social group?
Speaker 2 (35:13):
Yeah, sure.
So one of the ones that I loveis Cafe at Home, which I
literally wrote this book,started writing it four years
ago and it's funny because Iactually saw a TikTok where
people were doing this.
I'm like, oh, this is funny,it's like catching up.
Things are catching up now,where I had this idea a long
time ago.
But Cafe home is something Idid over the pandemic.
So we would literally turn ourliving room into a cafe.
(35:34):
It would be like you're doing apour over coffee or like a tea
and making it a beautifulexperience.
So it's little everyday momentsthat you're turning into an
experience where you actuallyget to savor it and enjoy it.
And I kind of call it like theEuropean lifestyle, where we
infuse those moments into ourday-to-day.
So I would have music going.
I would maybe put up like alittle image of Europe on the TV
(35:55):
screen so there's a backdrop,put like a tablecloth on my side
table and just pull out my mostbeautiful mugs and like have
little treats on the side, andit would literally feel like a
gorgeous cafe inside my house.
And there's little ways you cando that.
That's not.
It doesn't need to to bePinterest worthy and you don't
have to go all out.
You can just use the things youhave in your home to create
(36:15):
this experience, where you justpause and are able to appreciate
the small moments of your everyday.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
Oh, pollack, I love that.
Thank you so much for takingthe time talking with us about
disconnecting so we canreconnect.
I really appreciate it If youcould please tell everybody
where they can find you find thebook and all the good things,
oh thanks so much for having me.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
This has been so great.
You can find me if you are onInstagram.
I'm there.
I like to connect mainly in theDM, so if you want to send me a
message at ImbiriaE-M-B-I-R-I-A, you can find me
at Imbiriaca, my website.
You can order the book throughthere.
It's also available BeautifulEvery Days on Amazon.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
Yay, thank you so much.
Thanks.
Thank you so much for listeningto Confessions of a Wannabe it
Girl.
Don't forget to rate andsubscribe to the show.
As always, we'll see you nextTuesday.
Bye.
Welcome back to the podcast, helping you filter out
the BS in pursuit of becomingthe next it girl.
And this week's episode we aretalking about one of our
favorite topics.
It is dealing with social mediain this modern crazy world.
You know we've talked a lotabout compare and despair, and
in this episode we are talkingabout how to really disconnect
(00:22):
from the phone or the millionother screens we are always
inundated with.
Pollack is joining me todiscuss how we can disconnect so
we can reconnect.
Let's dive in.
Welcome to Confessions of aWannabe it Girl.
I'm your host, marley Fregging,and I'm here to help you filter
out all the bullshit and becomethe next it Girl.
(00:44):
This podcast explores thereality of what it really takes
to make it out there.
As it turns out, it is way lessInstagrammable than I thought
it was going to be.
I'm still very much a work inprogress, but there's simply
nothing else I'd rather be doingthan chasing my dreams.
So let's learn from my mistakesand work together to achieve
our dreams with more confidence,clarity and direction.
(01:05):
Let's get after it, hi guys,and welcome back to Confessions
of a Wannabe it Girl.
Today, I'm joined by Pollack,the author of Beautiful Every
Days A Guide to Living in thehere and Now and the founder of
Embirium.
Welcome Pollack, thank you somuch for being here, thanks so
much for having me, Marley.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
I'm super excited to be here.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
I'm so excited to chit-chat about this idea of
we're going to call itdisconnect to reconnect.
Here we are talking about theconstant scroll, the being stuck
in the phone attached to ourdevices, computer TV, our
favorite to debunk on here theInstagram, the TikTok.
(01:46):
So I'm really excited to diveinto this with you.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
I'll sing it's funny that you call it that, because I
actually had an event calledDisconnect, reconnect one, so
very fitting.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Perfect, we're on, we're synced.
So I want to get into this alittle bit.
Why did this book come to be?
I find that people who makethese into their missions in
life might have had a personalexperience that might have not
been so glamorous to begin with.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
So if you wouldn't mind telling us a little bit
about how we came to where weare, yeah, that's a very good
point, because it's often whenwe have a deep why, and that's
why we birth things into theworld, because other people
probably can resonate withpersonal stories that we've been
on.
So, for me, a big part of mystory was that when I was 15
years old, my dad suddenlypassed away of a heart attack,
(02:36):
and so, being that young andlosing a parent that young, I
think that I saw his journey interms of how he would talk about
these, like big dreams andplans that he had for retirement
and what he would do with mymom, and how much he wanted to
travel and how hard he worked totry to make those dreams happen
, and then he never got to reapany of the benefits of it.
(02:56):
And so, going through that, itsubconsciously just embedded
this message into my mind thatyou cannot wait for retirement
and for one day to live fully.
I think that needing to havethose moments in your every day
is so important because youtruly don't know what tomorrow
will bring, and I know thatsounds like this, like fluffy
message, but at the end of theday, it is only when you
(03:16):
experience loss or somethingtragic that that really
resonates with you.
So for me, that became a bigpart of my mission to inspire
other people to live fully everyday.
It's something I do myself, andthat's really what kind of
pivoted me into this entirebusiness and career I'm in now.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Well, and you also pivoted a little bit for some
very what I would call big girllike big boss, energy jobs.
Would you mind telling us alittle bit about that Of?
Speaker 2 (03:44):
course, yeah.
So I come from a 10-yearcorporate career background and
totally work for great largeorganizations and big Canadian
brands.
So I was at Indigo Books andMusic, I was at the bank, at
Royal Bank of Canada, and mostrecently I was at the Toronto
Film Festival for four yearsdoing all their marketing and
communications for the filmfestival.
So definitely had big corporatejobs and while I was there it
(04:07):
wasn't that I was dissatisfied,but I always knew that I was
meant for something more.
So there was a deep sort ofvoice within me that you know.
I entered my thirties and I waslike you're definitely meant to
do more than just this and Ididn't want to hop around from
organization to organization.
So I really needed to reflectand dig deep and as I went
through my own personal wellnessjourney, I started to realize
(04:29):
that I wanted to like dabble inexperimenting with my own things
.
And that's really when Imbiriawas born, when I started to host
events for community and tocreate connection, and what I
thought was just something thatI would experiment with turned
into my full-time business.
So yeah, I've been doing thisnow for seven years.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Wow.
So what was your relationshipwith social media when you
started shifting into doingthese?
Speaker 2 (04:54):
events.
Well, it's funny because when Ifirst started my business, this
was just when Instagram wasstarting to become really
popular, so I actually didn'teven have an Instagram account
to start with.
I remember hosting my firstevent and I put it on sale on a
ticketing platform and it soldout, which obviously showed me
there was a need for somethinglike this, and so it validated
the idea and gave me themomentum I needed.
(05:16):
But at the same time, I was like, oh, I guess I have to create
like an Instagram page and awebsite and all the things that
come with needing to actuallycreate some sort of business
from this idea.
And so when I created myInstagram, I mean it took off
pretty quickly in terms of I wasjust gaining followers because
it was so much easier to growback then.
So it was really nice becauseit was a space for me to just
(05:40):
promote my events and connectwith community and get into
people's DMMS and all that.
But then over time, it evolvedand it became something that I
use for, just like putting upevents to having to turn it into
an entire personal brand andshowcase so many parts of my
life and my business and createvideos and all the things that
it's now become, which hasshifted my relationship so much
(06:03):
with social media, and it's ahuge part of my messaging in
terms of I want people to scrollless and live more.
That's kind of my mantra, that.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
I use.
Yeah, it's so interesting I canreally on so many different
levels to having I call itcompare and despair scrolling.
I have a very up and downrelationship with social media.
I think I currently love it,but I've realized it started
doing something in my mentalhealth or just general health I
wasn't aware of until it gotpointed out to me and it was
like, oh, you're so worriedabout being seen as foolish or
(06:35):
cringy or whatever.
And I was like, no, I'm not.
And then I really thought for asecond.
I was like, oh, yeah, I am, andit's because innately over time
, we start to care about ourpresence and our persona online.
That, like that, can't innatelynot affect my subconscious along
the way.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Absolutely.
I mean, it's amazing that youare now reflecting on that and
able to be aware of what it'sdoing to you, because that's the
first step.
It's like anything just theawareness is the first step.
But what's wild about it isthat I think it is still
relatively new, so we have togive ourselves a little bit of
grace at the fact that it's onlyin recent years, especially
post pandemic, has it reallytaken off to the extent of which
(07:19):
it is now where it's such apart of our day to day lives.
There's so much of ourselvesthat we show on there.
There's so many differentformats and ways that we can
show up.
It's like through video,through still photography,
through stories, through reels,through all the things.
There's just so many pieces toit and it is more complicated
than we think.
Like often we're just in it andwe're in the loop and it's a
(07:40):
bit of a hamster wheel until youhave maybe a moment or a few
moments, and I would say themoment really comes when you can
have a relationship with socialmedia.
I'm not saying to like, goescape to a forest and digitally
detox, like, if you want tolive in today's day and age, you
kind of have to be connected.
But there's a moment where youmight be scrolling and if you
(08:00):
leave that doom scroll sessionfeeling more anxious than
fulfilled, then there's aproblem.
And then that's when you haveto really recognize what it's
doing to you, because I don'tknow that many people that can
scroll for hours and feel goodafterwards or better than when
they first started.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
Yeah, no, I mean, I bet you and the funniest thing
is, we probably sit there andthink well, the person who has a
million followers and a millionlikes, they might feel better,
but I bet you they don't.
They feel more insecure, theyfeel more uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Yes, and I've heard so many celebrities talk about
this, celebrities, influencers,people that have large
followings and I think this iswhat we often don't realize.
We think it's a numbers game.
So it's like, yes, you'll hit amillion followers, I'll be
great, then I won't care, then Iwon't look at my comments and I
won't, then I won't, yeah.
(08:49):
But you know what's funny, isyou what happens?
And I've heard so many peopletalk about it.
I just heard Robbie talk aboutthis, jay Shetty's wife, and she
has 2 million followers and shesaid she has 99% positive
comments.
But she'll have one commentwhere someone says something and
then she focuses on the onecomment and she's like why do
our brains do this?
Like?
And it's natural, it's humanbehavior.
If you're in a room full ofpeople and everyone's so lovely
(09:09):
to you, but all of a sudden youencounter someone that's a
little bit mean and sayssomething in person, it's going
to take you aback and you'regoing to feel hurt by it.
So the same way that mighthappen in person.
That's the feeling that we'llhave online.
It is very hard to separate thetwo and just dismiss it as oh,
it's a troll, it's a hater,whatever.
Move on, it's really vulnerableto show up and then have people
(09:29):
critique you online.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
So it doesn't matter the count and the number of
followers does not matter, it'shuman emotion at the end of the
day, not only is InstagramTikTok and webpages our
portfolios all of this is outonline.
It has kind of become yourdigital business card.
You are a little bit ratedjudged.
(09:51):
See what you can do by theamount of what you bring to your
platform.
It is so easy to becomeobsessed with it and I find
myself doing this.
I will excuse it.
I will say, oh well, I'mworking and I'm like I'm not
really working, I'm justscrolling at this point, but
it's working.
So how do we start to deal withthis overwhelm?
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Yeah, I love that you brought that up, because
there's a way that we can goabout approaching social media
where we separate using it forpleasure, for leisure and for
business.
So one of the ways that I liketo look at it is separating the
things that we're doing withinthe apps in different categories
.
So, for example, there's somuch that we're doing we're not
just scrolling.
There's times we're posting,there's times that we're
(10:37):
responding to DMs, there's timeswe're engaging with comments.
There's times we're actuallyposting.
There's times we're creatingcontent or making a reel within
the app.
So there's different categories.
And the way that we can feelgood about social media is if we
go in with an intention andthat's the only thing that we do
on the app and we're notdiverted to do other things.
So my tip there is to carve outtime within your day for
(11:00):
different purposes.
You're going to want times whereyou're just mindlessly
scrolling and maybe catching upwith what people are up to.
Cool, block out maybe 20 minutesin your day to do that and be
like scroll session or likecatch up time or let's see what
people are up to.
But then there's going to betimes where you might want to be
on there for 15 minutes to likepost something, so then that's
intentional posting time.
And then there's going to betimes where you want to use the
(11:22):
apps to connect with people andlike engage with your audience
or your community or respond topeople, so then there's
intentional time for connection.
So splitting it out into thosedifferent categories gives you
the space to do all of it, butnot all of it at once, because
often we go on the app and we'relike, oh, I'm just going to
post this thing and all of asudden we're like 30 minutes in
and we're like on some dog videothat we don't know why we ended
(11:45):
up there.
So I think having thatintentionality behind it helps
us feel better about the waythat we're intentionally
spending our time versus it'slike us owning the app and
controlling it, then behaviorversus it controlling us.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Oh, I love that.
You just said that that's notreally a thought I've ever had
in regards to your relationshipwith the app, because you are
giving it its time and that'swhat gives it its power.
So we should haveintentionality behind that time,
because in that case it'sbecoming your owner.
But if you have theintentionality, you become the
(12:23):
ownership of your time.
Exactly, I'm picking up that,me and you come from a deep
place of loving calendars andscheduling and whatnot, which I
love.
I mean, I chunk out a time forlunch because it just won't
happen if not.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
I love an organized schedule, definitely a type A,
love all things planning and I'mobsessed with like lists.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
You said it, not me.
You're type A and I'm type A.
It's so beautiful.
But what about?
And I'm type A, sometimes I gota P plus personality, I think.
But it's all good and dandy forme to sit there and say I'm
going to make, oh, this is theintentional time to post, this
is the intentional time tosource podcast guests, whatever
it may be.
(13:07):
How do I make myself reallycommit to that?
And not then like oh, I'm in thegrocery store line, this is the
moment to scroll.
On one hand, it is because it'snot really going to get used,
but is that really good for myhealth?
I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Yeah, we've lost the art of being able to do nothing.
So that's a big thing insociety today and, to be honest,
those moments of being in thegrocery line or waiting for
coffee or going for a walk andnot needing to necessarily fill
it with things is reallyessential to our mental health.
So we absolutely like that's awhole thing where we need to
carve out times to do nothing.
Because we're constantlybringing things in, it's very
(13:45):
hard for us to show up in aplace that feels like restful
and at ease, because our mind isjust like going a million miles
a minute.
So the way that I would I wouldsort of preface this is it
because it has to be intentional.
We have to be conscious of ourbehaviors with the app.
So, just like anything else isaddictive, this is also an
addictive thing.
(14:05):
So knowing that there needs tobe a relationship built with it,
where we are being conscious ofit, is so important.
So, for example, recognizingwhen you are picking up your
phone before you even go to openit or unlock it, like what are
you picking up this device for?
Is it to respond to attacks?
Is it to go onto social media?
Because obviously we're just.
It's so habitual at this pointthat we're just like, we have
(14:28):
our set apps, that we open,close, open, close, open, close
and check.
But really being intentionalabout that, that could mean
something simple like taking afew deep breaths before we get
on our phone.
Just like a few deep breaths,remind yourself as to why you're
on it and then allow yourselfto do the activity and force
yourself to be like okay, theboundary's there, I've gone,
I've posted, I'm off.
Or, oh, I've opened, I'vescrolled for 10 minutes.
(14:50):
Now I'm done.
Set a timer if you need to, ifyou're not in a line and you're
at home and you can set a timer,set a timer.
And when that timer goes off,you need to be hard with
yourself to say, okay, I'm done.
Because the only way that we'regoing to be able to control our
relationships with the apps isif we take control of it, and by
doing that we have to enforcethe boundaries.
No one's going to stop us.
(15:12):
These apps are not going tosuddenly stop us and be like
yeah, you've scrolled enough oryou've hit the bottom.
It's never going to end.
So we have to kind of managethat relationship ourselves.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
I have so many things to say in response.
I'm going to go ahead and startwith did you know that after a
serious amount of time on TikTok, it will tell you maybe you
should take a break?
No, what's the serious amountof time?
It is a serious amount of timebecause I have only ever seen it
once.
Oh, wow, okay, not too out, I'mjust going to say it to you.
(15:47):
My future sister-in-law, shetells me she sees it all the
time and I'm like I've only seenit once.
It must be hours.
I remember I think it wasChristmas day.
After all the hubbub with myfamily had been done, I hit it
and now it was like I've neverseen that before.
So just fun fact.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
I wonder if it's was it consistent time as in, you
didn't close.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
It's definitely consistent time that, because
that was the only time that I'vedone that, but I'm sure I hit
that time in smaller breaks.
But I want to go back to whatwe're talking about with the
grocery line.
I find this very interestingbecause I had an acting coach
also bring this up to me and youknow she was talking about how
we should watch people, observepeople and see interactions and
(16:32):
things.
And she says but you guys don'tdo that anymore because you
have phones.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
And.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
I was like what?
And now I'm like, oh yeah,she's right.
Like that mental reset,recalibration that, like flush
of daily doing, has beencompletely now occupied by the
phone and our observation hasbeen taken away because of that.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
A thousand percent.
I love that she said that.
I mean it's definitelyhappening.
It's kind of called the art ofnoticing and it's just noticing
things in your environment,around you.
And I mean I'm married but,honestly, if you're like single
in today's day and age, you arereally not looking up from your
phone and noticing the peoplearound you.
So how are you going to connectwith somebody in person?
(17:17):
You're going to have to end updoing it through an app.
Or if you're introduced to afriend, because just those
little like chance encountersare so rare these days because
of the fact that we're notlooking up.
And an example I have of thisis I spend half my year in
Austin, Texas, over the wintersbecause Toronto gets really cold
.
And when I'm in Austin I noticedthat when I would go for walks
(17:39):
I actually wouldn't take myphone with me because it was
just so beautiful where I'd bewalking and I'm like I want to
enjoy the weather, soak up thesunshine, and I'd be walking my
dog and I would just I'd belooking up and I'd be looking
around because everything wasnew to me.
So I'm like looking at it withfresh eyes and I kid you not, I
spoke to like every neighborthat I saw along the way.
They would be saying hello, wewould stop, we would chat, they
(18:01):
would pet my dog.
It was the most lovelyexperience and it felt so
wholesome, Like it's somethingthat we don't get in our day to
day, and it left me feeling sofulfilled, so connected to other
humans.
I just felt like I didsomething good for myself
instead of spending that timelike scrolling my phone while
I'm walking or, you know, likejust doing things that I don't
(18:21):
really need to be doing, and itjust was such a good reminder of
like it is simple things thatwe can do for our wellbeing.
It's not complicated.
We overcomplicate it, thinkingwe need to like fix everything,
but sometimes it's just likestripping things away and
getting back to fundamentalhuman needs of like connecting
with other humans that we feelreally good.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Well, in your opinion , in your line of work, how much
does that kind of not havingthe phone on the walk or the
grocery store line really helpour overall wellness?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Oh my God, I think it's so pivotal, like I don't
actually wish that we could allcarve out phone free times and
what I do is, like with theevents that I host and when I
bring people together, I try toactually say, hey, you can grab
a picture or video at thebeginning of the event and maybe
at the end, but I'd rather nothave you be on your phone
throughout because I want you tobe fully present to the
experience and I know we allwant to capture great content.
(19:17):
But let's put our phones away,let's try and connect with each
other, let's have a conversationand honestly, it's been so
magical to witness what unfolds.
Like I'll have women talkingabout life experiences.
They're going through andcrying at the event and
connecting with another womanwho might feel the same and then
all of a sudden they're friendsand they're making plans to go
on a walk later and it's likethis ripple effect of like, oh,
(19:40):
this is what it means to getback to living IRL.
We're wanting to come back tothe real world and see what
magic that holds and it's becomea rarity and so when it does
happen, it's just so beautifulto watch basic human things
happen and unfold.
So I'm a huge fan of you know.
Leave your phone behind whenyou can, honestly, for safety.
(20:01):
Sure, you want to keep it withyou, but just leave it behind
when you can.
It's life-changing.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
to be honest, can we try not to give in into the
temptation going back to like wehave ownership over these
things and they don't haveownership over us?
That being said, what are yourdaily tips and strategies that
you do to make sure you're notdoing this yourself, and maybe
something we can steal and takefor ourselves?
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (20:27):
for sure.
I've worked a lot on creatingand crafting daily rituals or
routines that allow me to carvethis space that I I so much like
, teach and inspire others to doso.
One of my things is for themorning.
We all have morning routines.
Um, my morning routine involvesnot checking my phone at all,
so when I wake up I'm notchecking it.
I'm making sure I'm waking upearly enough that like I'm not
(20:49):
accountable to responding tothings immediately.
So I have enough time for themorning things that I value and
I love.
So for me that includes takingmy dog for a walk, having some
form of movement, making like mymorning smoothie, maybe
journaling a bit or meditating,just like having that time.
That's usually about an hourand a half worth of things, and
I'm doing that all beforetouching my phone because I
(21:11):
truly believe that in themornings it's just your time
before you let all the things inand let all the noise in.
It's just a time for your mindto be quiet, let ideas flow, let
yourself just like reset and beintentional about how you start
your day.
So my morning routine is sortof like that non-negotiable.
When I'm working at my laptop orat my desk, I really try to
like kind of what we weretalking about.
(21:32):
Like we love to be organizedand do all the things, so I will
try and stay focused on thetask at hand.
I'll actually use the toggletimer to like track my time and
be like okay, now I'm working onemails and I'm going to do that
for 30 minutes and I'll set atimer or the Pomodoro technique
where you like.
Set the timer for 25 minutes sothat you're focused and just
trying to retrain your brain tobe focused on one thing really
(21:54):
helps.
So having my phone turnedupside down so I'm not seeing
any notifications put away, andthen I'll take a lunch break and
that's when I'll like check myphone again if I need to, or
check messages or whatever.
Obviously, like all mynotifications are off.
I don't allow anything to becoming at me.
It's like I'm intentionallygoing in and checking things and
then I sort of unwind after myworkday with either like a walk
(22:16):
or a stretch session, and thenat night it's sort of the same
thing Like I make sure I'mputting my phone away or not
getting screen time, even likeTV time an ample amount of time
before I go to bed, cause I Inoticed a huge difference.
If I've been on a screen like20 minutes before bed, my mind
is racing and it's so muchharder for me to fall asleep.
So I'll usually just likelisten to a sleep meditation and
unwind and get cozy and likelet my bedroom be a sanctuary so
(22:40):
that I'm not stressed when I'mgoing to bed.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Right, I'm not going to completely challenge that,
but I seem to have the oppositeproblem.
I sleep better if the TV is on.
I think it's like an auditorything I developed as a kid.
But I cannot get into thechallenge of that because I
think I'm the weird one.
It might be not great, but itis what it is.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
I actually do know a lot of people that do that, and
I mean, I think if it'sbackground noise and it's
something that's just soothingto you and you're falling asleep
, that's different than likewatching like a dramatic show
right before bed and feelinglike stress, and people think
that you know you're watchingsomething so you're tuning out.
But your body actually respondsto good and bad stress in the
(23:26):
same way.
It doesn't know the difference.
It's still heightened.
So there's still thingshappening inside that are
putting you in a heightenedstate and that's not necessarily
like the state that you wantbefore you try to get a good
night's sleep Right.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
We would think, but I'm probably the girl watching
the dramatic TV.
I mean, I have my own theory onit, which I'll just share
quickly.
Is that maybe it becomesbecause I am a anxious
attachment style anxious girly,whatever it's called that if
something is absorbing myattention that much, I'm
suddenly removed from theanxieties I feel internally, I'm
(24:00):
placing all of my focus onthere and somehow that puts me
to rest.
I'm probably not achievingultimate relaxation, as you know
somebody who can do.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
I'm trying, I'm doing this, I'm just trying trying
you know, just try, andobviously this is like, yeah,
take it with a grain of salt toeach their own, and everyone has
their own way of unwinding,resting, relaxing.
It's just a matter of figuringout what really works best for
you and noticing, like noticinghow it makes you feel and just
being aware of that right, well,and I love what you say about
setting up things on your phonewith the timer and whatnot.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
I have the timer on for social media consumption.
That's within the iPhone, andwhen I tell people that I do
this, they're always like, oh, Ijust ignore it.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
And I'm like, yeah, honestly, sometimes I ignore it
too.
But you know what?
Speaker 1 (24:47):
If it works once.
It works once, you know whatand it does Sometimes I'll just
hit the you know, give me 15more minutes and then, when I
see it, pop again, you know what.
So, like it, I'm not losinganything by having it there,
even if I ignore it.
Six out of 10, you know I Ireally don't think that's at
fault.
Speaker 2 (25:06):
I've definitely ignored it too.
I mean, yeah, I have it set for15 minutes a day and sometimes,
like sometimes I'm in themiddle of posting a reel, I'm
like at an hour and a half,that's fair, that's fair.
But yeah, that's why I'mignoring it, because I'm also
unrealistic with the amount oftime it sometimes takes, like
even for me, to post a reel ordo something.
Obviously, it's going to takeme more time than that, and so
I've definitely ignored it.
(25:26):
But yeah, just like a littlenudge, to be like, hey, okay,
you know, like if it's beenthree hours and you're feeling
like crap and you've been wordat six times, then obviously it
might work.
To be like okay, right, shoot,I should get off this.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Right, if it works once, even for one.
15 minutes less, 10 minutesless, I'm going to let that
timer go off, and I love what we.
I also have all mynotifications off, for you know
that will not come to the mainscreen of my phone.
And man, did that stop me frompicking it up and just going
(26:00):
instantly back into it?
Because then it kind of hitsthat adrenaline rush of ooh,
someone likes me and da-da-da-daand likes my post and I'm
special.
It hits that.
But if it doesn't come up, I'mnot missing it per se.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
You know, it's funny that you say that, because that
feeling sometimes it's likeremember when we were kids and
shows used to get released everyweek and it wasn't binge worthy
all at once.
Sometimes it's nice to be like,okay, I've put up this post and
then just leave it and comeback to it after a while, to be
like, okay, I've like put upthis post and then just like
leave it and come back to itafter a while, to be like, okay,
(26:35):
what happened on it?
Did people respond?
Are there people engaging withit?
Like instead of, if you'rechecking it incessantly, it can
actually make you feel reallyshitty because you might be like
oh my God, I put up this thingand like people aren't liking it
, but then an hour later itmight've taken off.
And then it's like, oh wait, itdid well.
But those initial feelings thatit's leaving you with because
you're immediately looking forlike that dopamine hit.
(26:57):
It doesn't always happen.
So sometimes it is better tojust like ghost it right after
you post.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Yeah, let it be a lovely surprise, let it be a
surprise, Exactly.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
And then it's like a culmination of all the things,
like oh okay, I actually havelike a bunch of comments I can
respond to this on Great andI'll do it all at once instead
of every three seconds.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
I'm big on the sprints.
I'm big on the sprints ofresponding to emails, texts, dms
, notifications, all in one Like.
It's like maybe I'm not as goodas you, I'll wake up and I'm
checking my phone, but then oncein the middle of the day, once
in the end of the day, and Ibreak it all the time.
But those are the two, thethree, three biggest chunks and
it does really do something.
(27:37):
You know, given, I'll be honest, that I'm not a perfect science
of having perfect social media,health or mental health.
But like, what about foryourself?
Like when have you disconnectedfrom social media and seen
something like really benefit in?
your life because you were doingthat.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Yeah, there's been a few times where I've taken like
a full break.
I try to do it once over theholidays.
I find that that's a great timefor most people because you're
just obviously people are doingstuff and you're kind of like
what is everyone up to?
But at the same time, if you'rea business and for me, running
my business I'm like, okay, it'sa bit quieter once it's around
Christmas and I can kind of takea step back between Christmas
(28:17):
and new year's to say, hey, I'mtaking this break for myself, so
it might be like a five daybreak or seven day break.
Um, I remember one time I wentto Europe and it was like a two
week trip and I took a break forabout an entire week off of it
and I was just like this isheavenly.
I mean, if you really get overthe first day or two of wanting
(28:38):
that addiction of just beinglike wait, what am I checking?
I have nothing to check.
This is weird.
And then I replaced that withreading physical books and going
and sitting on a patio inLisbon and just having the best
time and it was obviously sogreat.
And what ends up happening is,once you like, quiet your mind
and allow that, allow that spaceto let yourself just be and
(29:01):
think and just exist, then youusually come back to things so
much more inspired and full ofcreativity because you're no
longer just consuming andletting in all the noise, and
then you can come from it at aplace where you're like creating
versus just like lettingeverybody else's behavior
influence what you're doing.
So it was really nice becauseI've had shifts in my business.
(29:22):
Anytime I've taken a break andtaken a step back, I often come
back with a really significantshift or change in the way I go
about my business, because Ifinally quieted down and let
things surface.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
So, when you take this break, are you like
deleting social media completely, like off your phone?
Okay, great.
Perfect.
I've never done this, so I'mvery curious to dive into this.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
So when you do that, to that point, sometimes
deleting the app, like even fora day if you want, like a Sunday
, where you're just like like Ido think this thing called slow
Sundays and I just takesometimes I'll just delete the
app for a day and I'll likereinstall it on Monday.
But I'm like that way, I'm justnot checking it, You're just
taking it completely.
It's just not a option anymore,and when you remove it as an
option, then it just makes thatso much easier, and I know so
(30:09):
many people who do that.
Speaker 1 (30:10):
I'm just somebody who never has.
I mean, my best friends do itall the time.
They're very good about it.
However, though I've noticedwhen observing the people in my
circle, it's kind of like crashdieting they have this amazing
break and then they get back onand they are slammed back into
it.
How do you start to come backto the apps?
(30:32):
Because, I mean, unfortunately,I think it's pretty unrealistic
that a lot of people willremain completely off of them.
How can we set up those healthyrelationships?
Post break.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Yeah, I've heard that so many times and it's really
funny because it is like youtake that break and you come
back and you're so in it.
I've actually said that I don'tknow, in its current state, if
it is possible to fully have ahealthy relationship with social
media.
Like that is like point blank.
I don't know many people who do.
I don't know many people whofeel good all the time unless
(31:06):
they're fully off of it orunless they've hired help on
their business to like post andso they can like distance and
take a little bit of a break.
So I will say that I don'tthink they're designed for us to
have healthy relationships.
They're designed for us toconstantly be on them.
So if you are coming back to it,there needs to be like a plan
of action.
You need to ease yourself backinto this space, because it can
(31:27):
be so overwhelming and you kindof want to hang on to that
little like cocoon feeling aslong as you can, because the
last thing you want is to comeback and then be like oh, I just
undid everything from the pastweek.
I was feeling so calm and I'veheard this so many times where
people come back and they'relike I feel like crap.
No, I'm so anxious again LikeI'm back on and it's awful and
what do I do?
Because I need it for mybusiness.
(31:48):
So you do, you need a plan ofaction.
You need to go back in withintention and it's like okay,
maybe my first week back lookslike posting once this week.
I'm not going to be on storiesevery day or I'm not going to
like post every single day.
I'm not going to check everyday.
I'm going to just post oncethis week and then I'm actually
going to delete it for anothertwo days and then I'm going to
come back on and it's like youcan start to create that
(32:11):
relationship where, again,you're dictating it over time
versus being in it and thenbeing like sucked into the whole
system again.
So I think it's important tohave that intentionality behind
it before you're fully back andin the world of social media.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
Yeah, it's interesting, one of the most
like successful influencers likeI've had on the podcast.
She talked about that too, thatshe really would just get on
posts, give her people that sheneeds to support, support and
get off, and I was like, wow,yeah, that's it.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
It's like looking at it in other ways.
If you have a business or youhave a job, are you going to be
sitting at your desk all day, 24hours a day, and be available
all the time for your manager tolike email you and talk to you
Like no, you don't want to bedoing that at like 3am.
So why aren't we creating theseboundaries with something else?
That's just an extension ofeither our business or our brand
(33:04):
, or even personally.
I just it's obviously becauseit's on our phone, it is a 24
hour thing, but then it's amatter of setting those
boundaries the same way we wouldwith, like, a physical
environment.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
Yeah, and that being said, you know I think a lot of
us are craving being morepresent.
That is the goal from this,like understanding social media,
and this disconnect is like howcan I become more present, how
can I become more focused?
How can I get 1% better in thereal world, not just online?
So can you share with us maybesome like actionable things we
(33:36):
can do to get started on beingmore present in our day-to-days?
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Yes, absolutely Well.
It's one of the reasons that Iwrote Beautiful Every Day is the
book, because it's full ofactivities that you can do to
become more present in yourday-to-day.
It's about romanticizing yourlife and getting back to the
little things that you caninfuse in your day to just make
it beautiful.
And it really comes down tohaving those traditions or
things that you look forward to.
I even call them like rituals.
(34:00):
For example, one thing that Ido that I think you know people
really tend to love, andwhenever they hear it they're
like oh, that's so lovely.
On Wednesdays I'll like take anhour to take a walk with my
husband, We'll walk to a localcafe, grab a croissant, grab a
latte, hang out, chat, and we'redoing it in the middle of our
Wednesday.
So it becomes this thing thatwe look forward to in the middle
(34:20):
of the week.
It breaks it up, but it's a wayof reminding ourselves that
we're also here to live ourlives and enjoy them, not just
work away and feel stressed andanxious and all the things.
And so the book is full ofactivities and offline
experiences that you can do toreally romanticize your life,
and I've also created theImbiria Social Club, which is
(34:42):
all about connecting off ofsocial media and like finding
your true community and actuallyhaving people that are your go
to, where it's not just aboutlike liking their picture or
commenting on it.
It's like how do you build thatauthentic connection and then
move those connections fromonline to offline, which I think
is so important.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
That is so important.
I loved it when I see people dothat.
Will you give us maybe a littletease of one of your fave
activities, maybe in the book,or that you've done in a course
or the social group?
Speaker 2 (35:13):
Yeah, sure.
So one of the ones that I loveis Cafe at Home, which I
literally wrote this book,started writing it four years
ago and it's funny because Iactually saw a TikTok where
people were doing this.
I'm like, oh, this is funny,it's like catching up.
Things are catching up now,where I had this idea a long
time ago.
But Cafe home is something Idid over the pandemic.
So we would literally turn ourliving room into a cafe.
(35:34):
It would be like you're doing apour over coffee or like a tea
and making it a beautifulexperience.
So it's little everyday momentsthat you're turning into an
experience where you actuallyget to savor it and enjoy it.
And I kind of call it like theEuropean lifestyle, where we
infuse those moments into ourday-to-day.
So I would have music going.
I would maybe put up like alittle image of Europe on the TV
(35:55):
screen so there's a backdrop,put like a tablecloth on my side
table and just pull out my mostbeautiful mugs and like have
little treats on the side, andit would literally feel like a
gorgeous cafe inside my house.
And there's little ways you cando that.
That's not.
It doesn't need to to bePinterest worthy and you don't
have to go all out.
You can just use the things youhave in your home to create
(36:15):
this experience, where you justpause and are able to appreciate
the small moments of your everyday.
Speaker 1 (36:22):
Oh, pollack, I love that.
Thank you so much for takingthe time talking with us about
disconnecting so we canreconnect.
I really appreciate it If youcould please tell everybody
where they can find you find thebook and all the good things,
oh thanks so much for having me.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
This has been so great.
You can find me if you are onInstagram.
I'm there.
I like to connect mainly in theDM, so if you want to send me a
message at ImbiriaE-M-B-I-R-I-A, you can find me
at Imbiriaca, my website.
You can order the book throughthere.
It's also available BeautifulEvery Days on Amazon.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
Yay, thank you so much.
Thanks.
Thank you so much for listeningto Confessions of a Wannabe it
Girl.
Don't forget to rate andsubscribe to the show.
As always, we'll see you nextTuesday.
Bye.
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