August 20, 2024 • 31 mins
Join us for an inspiring episode with Emily Adams from Transformative Leadership, where we explore overcoming societal expectations and embracing your true potential and learn to stop dimming your light! Emily shares her incredible journey from the Amish culture to reclaiming her power and identity, highlighting the pivotal moments that made her realize she was meant for more. We adiscuss the importance of unlearning limiting behaviors, staying true to your core beliefs, and navigating challenges in male-dominated spaces.. Tune in for a thought-provoking conversation on living authentically and confidently.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi guys and welcome back to Confessions of a Wannabe
it Girl, the podcast helpingyou filter out the BS in pursuit
of becoming the next it girl.
And today we are diving deepinto filtering out that BS.
I think we can all, at thispoint in our lives, probably
relate to a situation where youkind of maybe started to act a
little small, dimmed your light,didn't really maybe live to
(00:23):
your fullest potential, and thenmaybe came to regret it a
little bit later.
There's many times that I feelwomen often feel this constraint
to act smaller or wait theirturn to speak and really dim
their sparkle.
But I think we all get thenotion that we're over that.
Something that everybody wouldlike to do a little bit more is
(00:43):
shine brighter and not dim theirlight.
We are joined by Emily Adamsfrom Transformative Leadership
to dive into exactly this how tostop dimming your light and
shine a little bit brighter.
Welcome to Confessions of aWannabe it Girl.
I'm your host, marley Fregging,and I'm here to help you filter
(01:05):
out all the bullshit and becomethe next it Girl.
This podcast explores thereality of what it really takes
to make it out there.
As it turns out, it is way lessInstagrammable than I thought
it was going to be.
I'm still very much a work inprogress, but there's simply
nothing else I'd rather be doingthan chasing my dreams.
So there's simply nothing elseI'd rather be doing than chasing
my dreams.
So let's learn from my mistakesand work together to achieve
(01:26):
our dreams with more confidence,clarity and direction.
Let's get after it.
Hi guys, and welcome back toConfessions of a Wannabe it Girl
.
Today, I am sitting down withthe beautiful Emily Adams.
How are you, emily?
I am amazing.
(01:48):
Thank you for having me.
I love that we're starting in agolden place.
I am so excited to dive intothis conversation with you
because I feel like it'ssomething a lot of women are
going to relate to.
We have all been in situations,spaces and places where maybe
we have pushed down our light,hit it a little, not let our
power come through to ourfullest extent, and I'm excited
to just touch on all thosethings with you.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
I'm excited to go there All right.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Well, let's do this.
I guess we can start by sayinglike why is this topic important
to you?
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Why it's important.
So I'll take you back for how Iwas born and raised.
I was born and raised in theAmish culture and in that
culture you are not seen orheard or respected as a female
at all.
You are very much dimmed downevery single day of your life
Like that is your life.
You're there to have kids cookand clean and that's about it.
(02:41):
Can clean and that's about itand fast forward.
At the age of 17, I jumped outof a two-story house in the
middle of the night and left andnever looked back and in that
started the journey of really metaking my power back and not
allowing people to dim my light.
Along with that, I will saythere's been a lot along the
journey, that every step I took,there's levels to taking your
(03:06):
power back.
There's levels to not dimmingyour light.
There's levels to well, I'm notsure who I am to truly fully
being your authentic self at alltimes, not just when you're at
home or not just when you're atwork or not just when you're in
certain spaces that all timesand I got to talk all day about
this topic, so that's why I'm sopassionate about it is to tell
(03:27):
people, regardless of where youcame from or what your story is.
You can unlearn those behaviorsand those patterns and those
cycles that keep you in thatspace that doesn't necessarily
feel safe for you to be big, tobe bold, to be that girl right
To be that person for you to bebig, to be bold, to be that girl
(03:47):
right To be that person.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Wow, I mean, it sounds like you went through
potentially one of the biggestdimming light situations that I
have ever personally heard of.
I just, if you don't mind, Iwant to take it back a second,
like talk about how you knewthat your light was being dimmed
and how you knew that youwanted to leave this situation.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yeah, growing up, I always knew I was different.
I never fit in with any of thegirls.
I wasn't full of drama, Icouldn't do the judgment, bs,
stuff and going to school.
I got out of school when I was13, which is a sixth grade
education.
I got out of school when I was13, which is a sixth grade
education and instead of goingto go learn all my things with
(04:30):
my mom, I went to go hang outwith my dad and through that
process I saw a lot of theoutside world.
Right, I was able to be like wow, like, if these women can do it
here, who's to say that I can'tdo it?
But then it came with all thestigma of like no, you're meant
just to be an Amish person, justto be an Amish wife.
Right, that is what you areborn to be and that's what
(04:52):
you're going to be.
So there, right, there was likethe first of like no, I'm meant
for more.
And I always had that feelingof more.
And I will say this to thewomen that feel that feeling of
more, or to anyone listen tothat lean into it, because
there's gold there.
It's not that you're extra,it's not that you're driven,
it's not all these things, thereis gold into wanting more,
(05:15):
because even where I'm at in mylife today, I still want more.
That is part of like ourcreation as women right, we
create and that's how we evolveso fast forward.
I knew it wasn't what I wasmeant for, but I had no idea
what that looked like.
I lost my best friend in abuggy accident and she passed
away when I was 16.
(05:36):
And I was like you know what?
I'm either going to stay hereand be stuck for the rest of my
life and be miserable, or I'mgoing to follow where I feel
like I need to go, even thoughit means like I'm stepping away
from everything I've ever knownin my entire life.
And that in itself was thestart to following my more and
which led then into like, goingto college and graduating, you
(05:59):
know, from Purdue and then goinginto powerlifting you know,
competing nationally, like allthese things to always follow my
more.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
I love what you're saying about.
You know, following your moreand how you got to see this
world and start to see that,like you, don't have to be stuck
in this box of whatever theworld or your surroundings have
told you.
Maybe is your box.
What do you think are some ofthese societal constructs and
beliefs we've maybe started tobelieve?
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Oh man, we don't have enough time for all of these.
So, true, so true.
So I think one of the um, thesome of the top ones that kind
of come into my mind is youcan't have a successful career
and be a wife and be a mom allat the same time.
If you wanted to, or you needto, be a wife, you need to be a
(06:52):
mom.
No, you get to be who you wantto be.
You get to want to run amultimillionaire business if you
want.
You get to build your career ifyou want.
There is no one path, there isno one thing, and it's like what
is your more?
What is that?
And then, letting go of thoseconstructs.
There's so many constructs oflike oh, women should cook and
(07:14):
clean.
Still, there's still thatcontract, you know.
There's still the construct oflike if she makes her own money,
she doesn't need a man to takecare of her Right, that's a
whole other one.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
That's all.
Yeah, there's a whole lot there.
No, there, there's so muchthere and there's also, like
this is personally what I seemto be wrestling with so much.
We'll just take the classicexample of you know, you can be
a mother and a wife and youcan't have a job.
And it's like I can sit hereall day and we can sit and talk
to each other on the computerand I can say that I understand
(07:46):
that, I believe it and I know it, but even so, subconsciously
there lives this fear that oh,they're right.
Or like the second I fail, thesecond I don't make it, the
second I, you know, forget tomake a really cute sandwich for
my kid, and the second I don'tget the promotion, that they
were right, that I can't do it.
(08:07):
How do you handle those twodifference of knowing these
things and believing thesethings but then still falling
into the societal ideals fromtime to time?
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Yeah, and part of that is as a woman or any human.
It's kind of going back to whatare your core beliefs, where
are you operating out of, and ifyou can stay so strong in your
foundation.
This is who I am and it doesn'tmatter how many times I mess up
.
I'm still a great freaking mom.
Listen, I'm not the Pinterestmom.
(08:40):
I'm a single mom with two boys.
I am not your Pinterest mom.
And that guilt of not doing thecute things or not having photos
or not making these fancylittle art projects that drive
me freaking crazy.
Right, that's not my skill setas a mom.
But now I will tell you, likemy boys have learned leadership
skills, right?
So it's like looking at it froma hole and asking yourself what
(09:04):
am I doing great at, regardlessof what society says?
And is society what they sayreally aligned with you?
Do you really enjoy making cutelittle sandwiches?
Cause I don't guess what yourgrilled cheese is done?
Come, get it Right.
So it's like, really like,blocking out the noise and then
also taking some time toacknowledge yourself as a human.
(09:26):
Like, what are you killing itat?
Because the world will tell youeverything you're doing wrong,
but how many times does it tellyou what you're doing good at?
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Well, and then also, how do we take those times and
you know, hold on to them, foryou know, our rainy days or our
bad times Like how do we not letthe aspirations and goals drift
to the side, especially whenwe're faced with challenges or
setbacks?
What do you do to hold yourselfaccountable for your
(09:55):
aspirations?
Speaker 2 (09:57):
There's multiple things I would say.
I always go back to my visionof my life, how I want to run my
life, and just to kind of giveyou an example, I always knew I
wanted to live by the beach.
I always knew that and I waslike I have no idea how I'm
going to make this happen, Likesingle mom living in Indiana,
like whatever's going to happen.
But it was very, being veryintentional, with like no, I'm
(10:19):
going to make this happen.
I don't know how, but it's onmy vision board.
I'm doing the work to you know,visualize it and then,
listening to my intuition, Iintuitively it was like go visit
one of my friends in Tampa inOctober and in January I moved.
So it's like listening to yourintuition and blocking out the
noise, Because had I listened tomy family, had I listened to my
(10:41):
friends, I would have nevermade that move.
I knew one person in Floridaand I was moving with two boys.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
So it's like you get to lead yourself the way you
want to be led and as long asyou don't take that power and
you're not like, no, this is mylife and this is what I'm going
to do, Someone else will do thatfor you deal or that this job
opportunity is really that yourmoment and the moment you don't
do it, someone else like thatopportunity, like I
(11:19):
metaphorically believe thatopportunity like floats along
down the stream and it just goesding and it picks somebody else
by pointing them on the headand then they get to go do it.
So why not you?
Absolutely I cannot acknowledgefor me that in the workplace
there seems to be a lot of thisconversation about people just
(11:40):
tending to lead towards men overwomen, to hold it together or
be the dominant force in theworkplace.
Be the dominant force in theworkplace.
How do you raise your voice asa woman and not be seen as just
counted off because you are a?
Speaker 2 (11:58):
woman.
It's a great question.
So I was in the automotiveindustry, which is 25% female
and only 3% of those are inleadership roles, and I was in a
leadership role, in leadershiproles, and I was in a leadership
role, and one of the ways Ilearned was play smart, and so
(12:21):
sometimes it wasn't even usingmy voice, but just knowing that.
I had the stance of no bullshit, like don't mess with me, I
know my thing and that's that.
Granted, there's a lot ofthings that come to play, and
one of the things I would say,the biggest thing I learned is
don't ever put anyone on apedestal.
It doesn't matter if they areyour boss, it doesn't matter,
because if you put someone on apedestal, you put yourself in a
(12:41):
pit.
You're automatically puttingyourself to a disadvantage.
So in the workplace yeah, ifit's a male dominant work
environment, trust me, Iunderstand that frustration 100%
.
Right, you have.
You feel like you have toovercompensate, you have to
overwork, you have to do allthese things.
But one thing I really realizedwas I don't have to do all that
(13:03):
.
I can be me and still bevaluable.
I am worthy just by breathing,and I don't need to do all these
things, things, and I can holdmy own.
So if you're in thosesituations, look at like, how
are you viewing?
Are you putting people on apedestal or are you viewing
everybody as worthy?
Because, at the end of the day,if everything is stripped from
everyone all their accolades,all their things we're all
(13:27):
worthy.
Right?
We're all on the same playingfield.
It doesn't matter what you know, who, who the celebrity is, it
doesn't matter, we're all havethe same worthiness.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Yeah, that's so true.
I mean I've never heard theexpression, but if you put
somebody in on a pedestal,you're putting yourself in a pit
, and I think that really honesit back, because when we put it
people in a pedestal, saying youhave more than me we think it's
about them, but the truth isit's what you're saying about
yourself, which is a little bitof a tough little pill for me to
(13:59):
swallow at the moment, becauseyou know you were talking about
how we can kind of all get lostin the noise, like you could
have listened to your friends orfamily or whoever and said, no,
I'm not going to move becauseyou know so-and-so said it's a
bad idea.
Do you have any things youreally do to block out that like
(14:20):
any actionable things?
Because I feel like you knowit's so much easier said than
done.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Yeah for sure.
One thing that shifted a lotwas truly getting knowing,
knowing myself to the root core,who I am and how I operate and
how I make decisions, and thenstanding in that and holding
boundaries.
So, um, when I went through alot of and I tend to go through
a lot of identity shifts right,as we grow and evolve, we go
(14:48):
through identity shifts.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
And one of the things .
Speaker 2 (14:50):
One of the things that I did one time was put my
name in the middle of a piece ofpaper with a circle around it
and everything and everyone thatgave me an identity.
I would just write it down, Iwould just link it to my name.
And then I sat down and I waslike, okay, which identities do
I want to keep and which ones doI want to get rid of?
So I crossed out the ones Iwant to get rid of and then I
(15:12):
was like what do I want to addto this?
And then that's where I get todevelop and that's also goes
back to knowing me as a truecore person.
Do I operate this way?
No, I do not.
Let's go to this direction andblocking out the noise for me.
I looked at who I was followingon social media and I asked
(15:34):
myself is this serving me?
Is this serving me where I'm atright now?
I'm currently in dating.
I don't follow anything aboutdating.
Don't tell me shit about dating.
Like I don't want to hear yousay dating is horrible.
I don't want to hear you saythat I need to get on a dating
app.
I just don't want to hear it.
Right, it's because I believein the way I believe and I want
to stay steadfast in that.
So it's really like blockingout those noise and then if you
(15:58):
have people that are constantlytelling you, don't pick up the
projection, look at the.
Look at the projections peoplehave put on your life and get
rid of them.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Like release them, send them off to the ether.
I mean, I also had to recentlyrealized that part of it was my
own fault, because I would goand ask people and I would ask
people for their advice and I'dask what they thought about it,
and then I'd be like, oh well, Idon't actually want to do that.
But then I feel this weirdguilt because I asked them.
(16:29):
No, like I still get to choosenot to, but if I don't want your
opinion, maybe I don't need toask it all.
Like let me be in my own spaceto make my own decisions.
And I love what you're sayingabout the dating sphere.
I had another girl on my podcastand she I asked her, like what
are your red flags?
And she was like I actuallyhate this question because
(16:51):
everyone's red flags aredifferent.
You know it's everybody'sboundaries around, what they
want to be here and what theirinfluence are different, so we
can't make a blanket shift forthem all.
Yeah, I want to know.
You know, with your line ofwork as well, and you know this,
I think I want to know.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
You know with your line of work as well, and you
know this, I think, lengthyexperience you've had being in
this space.
How do you encourage otherwomen to play bigger and aim
higher than they, you know maybecan see in front of themselves
one of the most exciting partsabout what we do at
transformative leadership, andthis is usually through our
one-on-one supports and whetherwe work on the business
operations or we're working onthe leadership, we take a very
holistic approach.
And how I do it?
There's an exercise and you cando this on your own, but I love
(17:48):
doing it with my clients oflike getting into your body and
just really listening to whatyour body is saying, Because a
lot of times your ego is comingfrom a different space than your
body is, and I'll ask themquestions like, from a scale of
the one to 10, how excited areyou to make a hundred thousand?
They'll give me a number andthen I'll be like how excited
(18:09):
are you to make 200,000?
And then I'll start doing goingin the millions, so you can
start feeling in your body like,ooh, this is like really
uncomfortable, it's expansiveand it's very expanding, and you
can do this in any part of yourlife, but I do it more so on
the pricing and the income side.
And what happens?
They come out of it and I askedthem your goal was to hit 200 K
(18:32):
and now all of a sudden, youwant to be like you felt the a
million in your body and you'relike I want to make a million
now.
You never knew that was anoption because nobody planted
those seeds for you, and so it'slike I almost get to plant
those seeds and then help thembuild off of that and then also
ask what characteristics are yougoing to develop to get there?
Because you can't just feel itand be like okay, I'm good, I'm
(18:54):
ready for a million dollars.
It just doesn't work that way.
You get to build thecharacteristics that are going
to go with it.
How are you acting when you'rerunning that type of business?
Are you still allowing all thisbullshit or you got boundaries?
Are you leading from your heart?
Are you leading from an ego?
And you don't take breaks?
Like you get to decide howyou're going to act and then
(19:14):
start building thosecharacteristics now.
So the expansion really happensin this whole.
Um, I also love to the wholeconcept.
You can do this on your own,but just play a game.
Wouldn't it be cool if andallow yourself to say whatever
like wouldn't it be cool if Imade 300,005 minutes and be
(19:36):
there?
Speaker 1 (19:39):
I love that.
And, that being said, like,what are the common pillars of
these characteristics?
You know, I'm sure, you workwith a variety of different
people and what are thecommonalities that you see
needing to be built to help youget to, you know, that million
dollar hole in your, in your,like stomach and heart.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
The primary ones are deep inner trust in yourself.
So it's a inner trust andreally being able to be grounded
and rooted and so you're notshaken.
It's like you have a strong,stable platform, right and you
can build a house off of that.
The other, I would say, isboundaries knowing how to set
(20:19):
them, and not just for othersbut for yourself.
If you're trying to build acharacteristic, you need to have
a boundary to say, to buildthis on a daily basis, I need to
do X Y Z.
So my boundary is I'm going todo that X Y Z.
And then that comes with thediscipline, that comes with the
consistency.
Those are all key things.
And then accountability andhonesty looking at those,
(20:45):
because if you can't beaccountable for your actions,
it's just not going to workRight.
And then the honesty gets to bewhen do you get to call
yourself out in love?
And also, when do you get to behonest and be like girl you're
killing it, like why are youbeing so hard on yourself?
Right?
There's the balance of that,you know, acknowledging yourself
as what you're doing.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
I want to dive in a little bit more with
accountability and honestybecause I mean I think I've had
to, unfortunately, relearn thislesson a few times is that I
find when I really am doing thework of you know what I want my
life to be, I start to show up alot more confident because I
know I'm putting in the work,but when I don't do this, it
(21:27):
starts to deplete my confidenceand I start to swirl and I start
to win.
However, it seems to be quite along breath of time before I
seem to, you know, have the fallon the bathroom floor moment,
cry and realize that it'sbecause I wasn't accountable, I
didn't stick to the things thatI wanted to do, that I don't
feel quite as confident or likeI've put in the work, maybe
(21:49):
making me feeling a, leaving mefeeling a little less than.
How does somebody who maybe hasfear of holding themselves
accountable do a quick littleball change, pivot and really
start to get honest withthemselves?
Speaker 2 (22:07):
I would say the first thing would be clarity when are
you going and what directionare you going in.
That would be the first thing.
And then it's being able tohave so, for example,
accountability.
There's a lot of different ways, but it's like where are you
going and having that plasteredsomewhere right.
(22:28):
So you know every day that'swhere you're going, correct, and
you know what you need to doand you can.
Sometimes you can feel yourselfslipping away from it and you'd
be like oh, I need to go getback to it.
But it's also being able tolisten to yourself, listen to
your body, and be like am Islacking because I need rest or
(22:51):
am I slacking because I don'twant to show up?
And there's some deep trauma inhere we get to address.
Because I will tell you,self-sabotage will come in like
a motherfucker.
Ask me how I know?
Because I know so self-sabotage, you know I always was
struggling with like I'm sodisciplined in the gym but I
would binge eat in the food andI'm like why?
Like what the fuck is going on?
And the problem is is it was aself-sabotage, I would make a
(23:14):
lot of progress and then guesswhat.
I would make a lot of progress.
And then guess whatSelf-sabotage I'll binge eat.
And now we're in this cycle ofjust continuous and I'm not
making progress.
Well, underlying underneaththat is also a fear of failure,
a fear of success.
So it's looking at thosestories and understanding what
(23:34):
gets to heal in that space.
So I no longer have thisself-sabotage.
And it's so subtle thatsometimes you don't catch it
until you're dead set in thecenter and you're like well,
about to go learn this lessonagain.
But you and you will continueto repeat that lesson until you
learn it.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Self-sabotage is a tricky motherfucker in my
opinion.
Uh, somebody who also, I feellike, deals with self, deals
with self sabotage and didn'teven realize I would do it for
so long.
You know, it's a, it's a tiny,tiny little one, and it leads
right into what you said abouthow there's not only the fear of
failure, there is the fear ofsuccess.
(24:15):
And I maybe it's my age, youknow and coming you know we're
closing on the 20s chapters andI'm seeing a lot of my friends,
myself included, kind of be donewith like that first level of
being in the workforce andwhatnot, and it's really opened
my eyes to the fear of ofsuccess.
Why do you think we are soscared to be successful?
Speaker 2 (24:42):
There can be a lot of different reasons and the very
first place I would tell someoneto look at is look at their
childhood.
Look at their childhood andlook at the programming that you
are raised with.
Where you raise, that, oh, youknow you're going to be
successful in the corporateworld all the time.
Or were you raised to be like?
No, you can be whatever youwant to be and you can have a
(25:03):
successful business.
You can have a success of this.
But the fear of success forwomen comes around a lot of
conditioning, right?
You know, if we don't show upin in this area, then we're not
successful.
If we show up in this area,then we're not.
Then we are successful.
But success the fear of successis also goes back to define
what is success to you andasking yourself those questions.
(25:27):
And but at the same time, youknow there's fear of success and
then trailing behind.
That is sometimes fear of beingseen or being heard or being
respected.
You know there's a lot that'slayered there.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Yeah, I think it ties into the idea.
Well, it's like, well, if I doall these things, I have now
become the biggest, the best,the brightest, and I've never
been there, so that's notcomfortable.
How does somebody who's maybelike on the training wheels of
getting to playing bigger asthemselves and shining super
bright?
What are the first steps youwould say to?
Speaker 2 (26:01):
start taking.
Just take one step ahead.
Don't look at how far you needto go.
You only get one step, becausesometimes we're just giving
breadcrumbs, we're not givingthe whole picture.
And I will give you an example.
When I transitioned into thesoftware industry mind you, I
coming from an Amish backgroundno technology ever until I was
(26:22):
age 17.
So no technology background,and I was offered this job
making the most money I evermade in my life, and I was like
they want me to be a finance opsmanager in a software company
Like what the fuck is this?
I don't even know what this is.
I took the job and I had noidea what it was.
(26:43):
I didn't even know anythingabout software zero, zero
knowledge.
But what I learned is theability to problem solve and the
ability to figure it out as yougo, and trusting that you get
to figure it out as you go,because, let me tell you, I went
in there and I figured it outas I went.
And guess what?
I was their top employee.
(27:03):
I was doing all their work andsaved them $2 million in six
months.
So it's just like trusting that.
And now did I think I was goingto get fired?
Within the first two weeks ofworking there Every night, I was
like shit, I'm about to getfired.
We're going to keep going Likewe're going to ride this wave as
(27:26):
long as we can, right, and someyou're going to be in those
spaces and there's.
Listen, even as a businessowner, today I'm working on like
a huge project and I'm likeshit, I don't know how this is
going to work out, but we'regoing to ride this wave because
it's building faith and it'sbuilding trust in yourself that
I've been here before, like Igot me, like I got this right,
and even if it's your first time, you still got you.
You're still going to figure itout, it's all going to work out
(27:48):
together and it's really that,that time of faith and trust,
it's, it's huge.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
It is huge and I think it says a lot about you.
Know we worry a lot about theend goal.
It is huge and I think it saysa lot about you.
Know we worry a lot about theend goal, the big picture, but
like, really, why don't we justfocus on the one step ahead of
us, accomplishing that, maybedoing that well, and then we'll
worry about the next steptomorrow, not the one that comes
in?
You know 365 days, but you knowwe can't, we can't stop
(28:14):
ourselves from thinking aheadtimes and catastrophizing and
doing all the great things.
I can't not ask you know, whenhas there been a moment in your
life that you know, you, youfelt yourself kind of like pull
back and like be like Ishouldn't say that or I
shouldn't do that, I should actsmaller.
And then you flipped and yourealize no, I'm going to take up
(28:36):
that space and play big here.
Did you have ever a moment inyour life where you've done that
?
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Multiple moments, but the first moment that popped in
my head was going to college asa single mom and sitting in
these college rooms with thesecollege kids and I was working
full time and I was about fiveyears older than them, with no
background, no knowledge, right,and sitting in these rooms and
it was like, maybe I don'tbelong here.
(29:05):
And then I realized, no, like Ido belong here, whether they
like, and I did not fit in withany.
Clearly we had nothing incommon.
I was just there to get mydegree and it was like this is
what college is like, what so?
But I was like no, I am goingto take up this space and even
when I'm at networking events,if I feel myself shrink back, I
will.
I will remind myself no, youwere put in this room for a
(29:28):
reason and it's been interestingbecause the more that I, when I
started my business, I was notcomfortable with like in-person
networking.
And now when I walk in a room,everybody's like who are you and
what do you do?
Because it's just the change ofdemeanor.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Right, I walk in, I'm worthy to be here, just like
every other single human is andit's the confidence that comes
with that.
I love that Cause I, you know,I I also love, I actually love a
networking event.
You know we just dive right in,but it is.
It is an interesting thing thatwhen you pull yourself out of
it and you try to think aboutwhat everyone else is thinking
(30:05):
about, instead of just steppingin, being and going and doing,
the step, one step at a time,one day at a time, becomes so
much, so much more simple,absolutely.
Yes, it does simple, absolutelyyes, it does.
Well, emily, you are sowonderful, you are so inspiring
(30:25):
to tell us about how to take upspace here.
Do you mind telling everybodywhere they can find you and all
the good things?
Speaker 2 (30:32):
I am most active on threads under Emily Adams
underscore and I'm also.
My Instagram is the same.
I'm also on LinkedIn underEmily Adams, but anyone that's
listening.
If you guys need support oreven if you need resources like,
slide in my DMS like I don'thave a problem with that.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
I love it.
Well, thank you so much fortaking the time to be here.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Thank you for allowing me to be on this on
your podcast.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Thank you so much for listening to Confessions of a
Wannabe it Girl.
Don't forget to rate andsubscribe to the show.
As always, we'll see you nextTuesday.
You.
Hi guys and welcome back to Confessions of a Wannabe
it Girl, the podcast helpingyou filter out the BS in pursuit
of becoming the next it girl.
And today we are diving deepinto filtering out that BS.
I think we can all, at thispoint in our lives, probably
relate to a situation where youkind of maybe started to act a
little small, dimmed your light,didn't really maybe live to
(00:23):
your fullest potential, and thenmaybe came to regret it a
little bit later.
There's many times that I feelwomen often feel this constraint
to act smaller or wait theirturn to speak and really dim
their sparkle.
But I think we all get thenotion that we're over that.
Something that everybody wouldlike to do a little bit more is
(00:43):
shine brighter and not dim theirlight.
We are joined by Emily Adamsfrom Transformative Leadership
to dive into exactly this how tostop dimming your light and
shine a little bit brighter.
Welcome to Confessions of aWannabe it Girl.
I'm your host, marley Fregging,and I'm here to help you filter
(01:05):
out all the bullshit and becomethe next it Girl.
This podcast explores thereality of what it really takes
to make it out there.
As it turns out, it is way lessInstagrammable than I thought
it was going to be.
I'm still very much a work inprogress, but there's simply
nothing else I'd rather be doingthan chasing my dreams.
So there's simply nothing elseI'd rather be doing than chasing
my dreams.
So let's learn from my mistakesand work together to achieve
(01:26):
our dreams with more confidence,clarity and direction.
Let's get after it.
Hi guys, and welcome back toConfessions of a Wannabe it Girl
.
Today, I am sitting down withthe beautiful Emily Adams.
How are you, emily?
I am amazing.
(01:48):
Thank you for having me.
I love that we're starting in agolden place.
I am so excited to dive intothis conversation with you
because I feel like it'ssomething a lot of women are
going to relate to.
We have all been in situations,spaces and places where maybe
we have pushed down our light,hit it a little, not let our
power come through to ourfullest extent, and I'm excited
to just touch on all thosethings with you.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
I'm excited to go there All right.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Well, let's do this.
I guess we can start by sayinglike why is this topic important
to you?
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Why it's important.
So I'll take you back for how Iwas born and raised.
I was born and raised in theAmish culture and in that
culture you are not seen orheard or respected as a female
at all.
You are very much dimmed downevery single day of your life
Like that is your life.
You're there to have kids cookand clean and that's about it.
(02:41):
Can clean and that's about itand fast forward.
At the age of 17, I jumped outof a two-story house in the
middle of the night and left andnever looked back and in that
started the journey of really metaking my power back and not
allowing people to dim my light.
Along with that, I will saythere's been a lot along the
journey, that every step I took,there's levels to taking your
(03:06):
power back.
There's levels to not dimmingyour light.
There's levels to well, I'm notsure who I am to truly fully
being your authentic self at alltimes, not just when you're at
home or not just when you're atwork or not just when you're in
certain spaces that all timesand I got to talk all day about
this topic, so that's why I'm sopassionate about it is to tell
(03:27):
people, regardless of where youcame from or what your story is.
You can unlearn those behaviorsand those patterns and those
cycles that keep you in thatspace that doesn't necessarily
feel safe for you to be big, tobe bold, to be that girl right
To be that person for you to bebig, to be bold, to be that girl
(03:47):
right To be that person.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
Wow, I mean, it sounds like you went through
potentially one of the biggestdimming light situations that I
have ever personally heard of.
I just, if you don't mind, Iwant to take it back a second,
like talk about how you knewthat your light was being dimmed
and how you knew that youwanted to leave this situation.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yeah, growing up, I always knew I was different.
I never fit in with any of thegirls.
I wasn't full of drama, Icouldn't do the judgment, bs,
stuff and going to school.
I got out of school when I was13, which is a sixth grade
education.
I got out of school when I was13, which is a sixth grade
education and instead of goingto go learn all my things with
(04:30):
my mom, I went to go hang outwith my dad and through that
process I saw a lot of theoutside world.
Right, I was able to be like wow, like, if these women can do it
here, who's to say that I can'tdo it?
But then it came with all thestigma of like no, you're meant
just to be an Amish person, justto be an Amish wife.
Right, that is what you areborn to be and that's what
(04:52):
you're going to be.
So there, right, there was likethe first of like no, I'm meant
for more.
And I always had that feelingof more.
And I will say this to thewomen that feel that feeling of
more, or to anyone listen tothat lean into it, because
there's gold there.
It's not that you're extra,it's not that you're driven,
it's not all these things, thereis gold into wanting more,
(05:15):
because even where I'm at in mylife today, I still want more.
That is part of like ourcreation as women right, we
create and that's how we evolveso fast forward.
I knew it wasn't what I wasmeant for, but I had no idea
what that looked like.
I lost my best friend in abuggy accident and she passed
away when I was 16.
(05:36):
And I was like you know what?
I'm either going to stay hereand be stuck for the rest of my
life and be miserable, or I'mgoing to follow where I feel
like I need to go, even thoughit means like I'm stepping away
from everything I've ever knownin my entire life.
And that in itself was thestart to following my more and
which led then into like, goingto college and graduating, you
(05:59):
know, from Purdue and then goinginto powerlifting you know,
competing nationally, like allthese things to always follow my
more.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
I love what you're saying about.
You know, following your moreand how you got to see this
world and start to see that,like you, don't have to be stuck
in this box of whatever theworld or your surroundings have
told you.
Maybe is your box.
What do you think are some ofthese societal constructs and
beliefs we've maybe started tobelieve?
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Oh man, we don't have enough time for all of these.
So, true, so true.
So I think one of the um, thesome of the top ones that kind
of come into my mind is youcan't have a successful career
and be a wife and be a mom allat the same time.
If you wanted to, or you needto, be a wife, you need to be a
(06:52):
mom.
No, you get to be who you wantto be.
You get to want to run amultimillionaire business if you
want.
You get to build your career ifyou want.
There is no one path, there isno one thing, and it's like what
is your more?
What is that?
And then, letting go of thoseconstructs.
There's so many constructs oflike oh, women should cook and
(07:14):
clean.
Still, there's still thatcontract, you know.
There's still the construct oflike if she makes her own money,
she doesn't need a man to takecare of her Right, that's a
whole other one.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
That's all.
Yeah, there's a whole lot there.
No, there, there's so muchthere and there's also, like
this is personally what I seemto be wrestling with so much.
We'll just take the classicexample of you know, you can be
a mother and a wife and youcan't have a job.
And it's like I can sit hereall day and we can sit and talk
to each other on the computerand I can say that I understand
(07:46):
that, I believe it and I know it, but even so, subconsciously
there lives this fear that oh,they're right.
Or like the second I fail, thesecond I don't make it, the
second I, you know, forget tomake a really cute sandwich for
my kid, and the second I don'tget the promotion, that they
were right, that I can't do it.
(08:07):
How do you handle those twodifference of knowing these
things and believing thesethings but then still falling
into the societal ideals fromtime to time?
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Yeah, and part of that is as a woman or any human.
It's kind of going back to whatare your core beliefs, where
are you operating out of, and ifyou can stay so strong in your
foundation.
This is who I am and it doesn'tmatter how many times I mess up
.
I'm still a great freaking mom.
Listen, I'm not the Pinterestmom.
(08:40):
I'm a single mom with two boys.
I am not your Pinterest mom.
And that guilt of not doing thecute things or not having photos
or not making these fancylittle art projects that drive
me freaking crazy.
Right, that's not my skill setas a mom.
But now I will tell you, likemy boys have learned leadership
skills, right?
So it's like looking at it froma hole and asking yourself what
(09:04):
am I doing great at, regardlessof what society says?
And is society what they sayreally aligned with you?
Do you really enjoy making cutelittle sandwiches?
Cause I don't guess what yourgrilled cheese is done?
Come, get it Right.
So it's like, really like,blocking out the noise and then
also taking some time toacknowledge yourself as a human.
(09:26):
Like, what are you killing itat?
Because the world will tell youeverything you're doing wrong,
but how many times does it tellyou what you're doing good at?
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Well, and then also, how do we take those times and
you know, hold on to them, foryou know, our rainy days or our
bad times Like how do we not letthe aspirations and goals drift
to the side, especially whenwe're faced with challenges or
setbacks?
What do you do to hold yourselfaccountable for your
(09:55):
aspirations?
Speaker 2 (09:57):
There's multiple things I would say.
I always go back to my visionof my life, how I want to run my
life, and just to kind of giveyou an example, I always knew I
wanted to live by the beach.
I always knew that and I waslike I have no idea how I'm
going to make this happen, Likesingle mom living in Indiana,
like whatever's going to happen.
But it was very, being veryintentional, with like no, I'm
(10:19):
going to make this happen.
I don't know how, but it's onmy vision board.
I'm doing the work to you know,visualize it and then,
listening to my intuition, Iintuitively it was like go visit
one of my friends in Tampa inOctober and in January I moved.
So it's like listening to yourintuition and blocking out the
noise, Because had I listened tomy family, had I listened to my
(10:41):
friends, I would have nevermade that move.
I knew one person in Floridaand I was moving with two boys.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
So it's like you get to lead yourself the way you
want to be led and as long asyou don't take that power and
you're not like, no, this is mylife and this is what I'm going
to do, Someone else will do thatfor you deal or that this job
opportunity is really that yourmoment and the moment you don't
do it, someone else like thatopportunity, like I
(11:19):
metaphorically believe thatopportunity like floats along
down the stream and it just goesding and it picks somebody else
by pointing them on the headand then they get to go do it.
So why not you?
Absolutely I cannot acknowledgefor me that in the workplace
there seems to be a lot of thisconversation about people just
(11:40):
tending to lead towards men overwomen, to hold it together or
be the dominant force in theworkplace.
Be the dominant force in theworkplace.
How do you raise your voice asa woman and not be seen as just
counted off because you are a?
Speaker 2 (11:58):
woman.
It's a great question.
So I was in the automotiveindustry, which is 25% female
and only 3% of those are inleadership roles, and I was in a
leadership role, in leadershiproles, and I was in a leadership
role, and one of the ways Ilearned was play smart, and so
(12:21):
sometimes it wasn't even usingmy voice, but just knowing that.
I had the stance of no bullshit, like don't mess with me, I
know my thing and that's that.
Granted, there's a lot ofthings that come to play, and
one of the things I would say,the biggest thing I learned is
don't ever put anyone on apedestal.
It doesn't matter if they areyour boss, it doesn't matter,
because if you put someone on apedestal, you put yourself in a
(12:41):
pit.
You're automatically puttingyourself to a disadvantage.
So in the workplace yeah, ifit's a male dominant work
environment, trust me, Iunderstand that frustration 100%
.
Right, you have.
You feel like you have toovercompensate, you have to
overwork, you have to do allthese things.
But one thing I really realizedwas I don't have to do all that
(13:03):
.
I can be me and still bevaluable.
I am worthy just by breathing,and I don't need to do all these
things, things, and I can holdmy own.
So if you're in thosesituations, look at like, how
are you viewing?
Are you putting people on apedestal or are you viewing
everybody as worthy?
Because, at the end of the day,if everything is stripped from
everyone all their accolades,all their things we're all
(13:27):
worthy.
Right?
We're all on the same playingfield.
It doesn't matter what you know, who, who the celebrity is, it
doesn't matter, we're all havethe same worthiness.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Yeah, that's so true.
I mean I've never heard theexpression, but if you put
somebody in on a pedestal,you're putting yourself in a pit
, and I think that really honesit back, because when we put it
people in a pedestal, saying youhave more than me we think it's
about them, but the truth isit's what you're saying about
yourself, which is a little bitof a tough little pill for me to
(13:59):
swallow at the moment, becauseyou know you were talking about
how we can kind of all get lostin the noise, like you could
have listened to your friends orfamily or whoever and said, no,
I'm not going to move becauseyou know so-and-so said it's a
bad idea.
Do you have any things youreally do to block out that like
(14:20):
any actionable things?
Because I feel like you knowit's so much easier said than
done.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Yeah for sure.
One thing that shifted a lotwas truly getting knowing,
knowing myself to the root core,who I am and how I operate and
how I make decisions, and thenstanding in that and holding
boundaries.
So, um, when I went through alot of and I tend to go through
a lot of identity shifts right,as we grow and evolve, we go
(14:48):
through identity shifts.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
And one of the things .
Speaker 2 (14:50):
One of the things that I did one time was put my
name in the middle of a piece ofpaper with a circle around it
and everything and everyone thatgave me an identity.
I would just write it down, Iwould just link it to my name.
And then I sat down and I waslike, okay, which identities do
I want to keep and which ones doI want to get rid of?
So I crossed out the ones Iwant to get rid of and then I
(15:12):
was like what do I want to addto this?
And then that's where I get todevelop and that's also goes
back to knowing me as a truecore person.
Do I operate this way?
No, I do not.
Let's go to this direction andblocking out the noise for me.
I looked at who I was followingon social media and I asked
(15:34):
myself is this serving me?
Is this serving me where I'm atright now?
I'm currently in dating.
I don't follow anything aboutdating.
Don't tell me shit about dating.
Like I don't want to hear yousay dating is horrible.
I don't want to hear you saythat I need to get on a dating
app.
I just don't want to hear it.
Right, it's because I believein the way I believe and I want
to stay steadfast in that.
So it's really like blockingout those noise and then if you
(15:58):
have people that are constantlytelling you, don't pick up the
projection, look at the.
Look at the projections peoplehave put on your life and get
rid of them.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Like release them, send them off to the ether.
I mean, I also had to recentlyrealized that part of it was my
own fault, because I would goand ask people and I would ask
people for their advice and I'dask what they thought about it,
and then I'd be like, oh well, Idon't actually want to do that.
But then I feel this weirdguilt because I asked them.
(16:29):
No, like I still get to choosenot to, but if I don't want your
opinion, maybe I don't need toask it all.
Like let me be in my own spaceto make my own decisions.
And I love what you're sayingabout the dating sphere.
I had another girl on my podcastand she I asked her, like what
are your red flags?
And she was like I actuallyhate this question because
(16:51):
everyone's red flags aredifferent.
You know it's everybody'sboundaries around, what they
want to be here and what theirinfluence are different, so we
can't make a blanket shift forthem all.
Yeah, I want to know.
You know, with your line ofwork as well, and you know this,
I think I want to know.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
You know with your line of work as well, and you
know this, I think, lengthyexperience you've had being in
this space.
How do you encourage otherwomen to play bigger and aim
higher than they, you know maybecan see in front of themselves
one of the most exciting partsabout what we do at
transformative leadership, andthis is usually through our
one-on-one supports and whetherwe work on the business
operations or we're working onthe leadership, we take a very
holistic approach.
And how I do it?
There's an exercise and you cando this on your own, but I love
(17:48):
doing it with my clients oflike getting into your body and
just really listening to whatyour body is saying, Because a
lot of times your ego is comingfrom a different space than your
body is, and I'll ask themquestions like, from a scale of
the one to 10, how excited areyou to make a hundred thousand?
They'll give me a number andthen I'll be like how excited
(18:09):
are you to make 200,000?
And then I'll start doing goingin the millions, so you can
start feeling in your body like,ooh, this is like really
uncomfortable, it's expansiveand it's very expanding, and you
can do this in any part of yourlife, but I do it more so on
the pricing and the income side.
And what happens?
They come out of it and I askedthem your goal was to hit 200 K
(18:32):
and now all of a sudden, youwant to be like you felt the a
million in your body and you'relike I want to make a million
now.
You never knew that was anoption because nobody planted
those seeds for you, and so it'slike I almost get to plant
those seeds and then help thembuild off of that and then also
ask what characteristics are yougoing to develop to get there?
Because you can't just feel itand be like okay, I'm good, I'm
(18:54):
ready for a million dollars.
It just doesn't work that way.
You get to build thecharacteristics that are going
to go with it.
How are you acting when you'rerunning that type of business?
Are you still allowing all thisbullshit or you got boundaries?
Are you leading from your heart?
Are you leading from an ego?
And you don't take breaks?
Like you get to decide howyou're going to act and then
(19:14):
start building thosecharacteristics now.
So the expansion really happensin this whole.
Um, I also love to the wholeconcept.
You can do this on your own,but just play a game.
Wouldn't it be cool if andallow yourself to say whatever
like wouldn't it be cool if Imade 300,005 minutes and be
(19:36):
there?
Speaker 1 (19:39):
I love that.
And, that being said, like,what are the common pillars of
these characteristics?
You know, I'm sure, you workwith a variety of different
people and what are thecommonalities that you see
needing to be built to help youget to, you know, that million
dollar hole in your, in your,like stomach and heart.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
The primary ones are deep inner trust in yourself.
So it's a inner trust andreally being able to be grounded
and rooted and so you're notshaken.
It's like you have a strong,stable platform, right and you
can build a house off of that.
The other, I would say, isboundaries knowing how to set
(20:19):
them, and not just for othersbut for yourself.
If you're trying to build acharacteristic, you need to have
a boundary to say, to buildthis on a daily basis, I need to
do X Y Z.
So my boundary is I'm going todo that X Y Z.
And then that comes with thediscipline, that comes with the
consistency.
Those are all key things.
And then accountability andhonesty looking at those,
(20:45):
because if you can't beaccountable for your actions,
it's just not going to workRight.
And then the honesty gets to bewhen do you get to call
yourself out in love?
And also, when do you get to behonest and be like girl you're
killing it, like why are youbeing so hard on yourself?
Right?
There's the balance of that,you know, acknowledging yourself
as what you're doing.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
I want to dive in a little bit more with
accountability and honestybecause I mean I think I've had
to, unfortunately, relearn thislesson a few times is that I
find when I really am doing thework of you know what I want my
life to be, I start to show up alot more confident because I
know I'm putting in the work,but when I don't do this, it
(21:27):
starts to deplete my confidenceand I start to swirl and I start
to win.
However, it seems to be quite along breath of time before I
seem to, you know, have the fallon the bathroom floor moment,
cry and realize that it'sbecause I wasn't accountable, I
didn't stick to the things thatI wanted to do, that I don't
feel quite as confident or likeI've put in the work, maybe
(21:49):
making me feeling a, leaving mefeeling a little less than.
How does somebody who maybe hasfear of holding themselves
accountable do a quick littleball change, pivot and really
start to get honest withthemselves?
Speaker 2 (22:07):
I would say the first thing would be clarity when are
you going and what directionare you going in.
That would be the first thing.
And then it's being able tohave so, for example,
accountability.
There's a lot of different ways, but it's like where are you
going and having that plasteredsomewhere right.
(22:28):
So you know every day that'swhere you're going, correct, and
you know what you need to doand you can.
Sometimes you can feel yourselfslipping away from it and you'd
be like oh, I need to go getback to it.
But it's also being able tolisten to yourself, listen to
your body, and be like am Islacking because I need rest or
(22:51):
am I slacking because I don'twant to show up?
And there's some deep trauma inhere we get to address.
Because I will tell you,self-sabotage will come in like
a motherfucker.
Ask me how I know?
Because I know so self-sabotage, you know I always was
struggling with like I'm sodisciplined in the gym but I
would binge eat in the food andI'm like why?
Like what the fuck is going on?
And the problem is is it was aself-sabotage, I would make a
(23:14):
lot of progress and then guesswhat.
I would make a lot of progress.
And then guess whatSelf-sabotage I'll binge eat.
And now we're in this cycle ofjust continuous and I'm not
making progress.
Well, underlying underneaththat is also a fear of failure,
a fear of success.
So it's looking at thosestories and understanding what
(23:34):
gets to heal in that space.
So I no longer have thisself-sabotage.
And it's so subtle thatsometimes you don't catch it
until you're dead set in thecenter and you're like well,
about to go learn this lessonagain.
But you and you will continueto repeat that lesson until you
learn it.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Self-sabotage is a tricky motherfucker in my
opinion.
Uh, somebody who also, I feellike, deals with self, deals
with self sabotage and didn'teven realize I would do it for
so long.
You know, it's a, it's a tiny,tiny little one, and it leads
right into what you said abouthow there's not only the fear of
failure, there is the fear ofsuccess.
(24:15):
And I maybe it's my age, youknow and coming you know we're
closing on the 20s chapters andI'm seeing a lot of my friends,
myself included, kind of be donewith like that first level of
being in the workforce andwhatnot, and it's really opened
my eyes to the fear of ofsuccess.
Why do you think we are soscared to be successful?
Speaker 2 (24:42):
There can be a lot of different reasons and the very
first place I would tell someoneto look at is look at their
childhood.
Look at their childhood andlook at the programming that you
are raised with.
Where you raise, that, oh, youknow you're going to be
successful in the corporateworld all the time.
Or were you raised to be like?
No, you can be whatever youwant to be and you can have a
(25:03):
successful business.
You can have a success of this.
But the fear of success forwomen comes around a lot of
conditioning, right?
You know, if we don't show upin in this area, then we're not
successful.
If we show up in this area,then we're not.
Then we are successful.
But success the fear of successis also goes back to define
what is success to you andasking yourself those questions.
(25:27):
And but at the same time, youknow there's fear of success and
then trailing behind.
That is sometimes fear of beingseen or being heard or being
respected.
You know there's a lot that'slayered there.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Yeah, I think it ties into the idea.
Well, it's like, well, if I doall these things, I have now
become the biggest, the best,the brightest, and I've never
been there, so that's notcomfortable.
How does somebody who's maybelike on the training wheels of
getting to playing bigger asthemselves and shining super
bright?
What are the first steps youwould say to?
Speaker 2 (26:01):
start taking.
Just take one step ahead.
Don't look at how far you needto go.
You only get one step, becausesometimes we're just giving
breadcrumbs, we're not givingthe whole picture.
And I will give you an example.
When I transitioned into thesoftware industry mind you, I
coming from an Amish backgroundno technology ever until I was
(26:22):
age 17.
So no technology background,and I was offered this job
making the most money I evermade in my life, and I was like
they want me to be a finance opsmanager in a software company
Like what the fuck is this?
I don't even know what this is.
I took the job and I had noidea what it was.
(26:43):
I didn't even know anythingabout software zero, zero
knowledge.
But what I learned is theability to problem solve and the
ability to figure it out as yougo, and trusting that you get
to figure it out as you go,because, let me tell you, I went
in there and I figured it outas I went.
And guess what?
I was their top employee.
(27:03):
I was doing all their work andsaved them $2 million in six
months.
So it's just like trusting that.
And now did I think I was goingto get fired?
Within the first two weeks ofworking there Every night, I was
like shit, I'm about to getfired.
We're going to keep going Likewe're going to ride this wave as
(27:26):
long as we can, right, and someyou're going to be in those
spaces and there's.
Listen, even as a businessowner, today I'm working on like
a huge project and I'm likeshit, I don't know how this is
going to work out, but we'regoing to ride this wave because
it's building faith and it'sbuilding trust in yourself that
I've been here before, like Igot me, like I got this right,
and even if it's your first time, you still got you.
You're still going to figure itout, it's all going to work out
(27:48):
together and it's really that,that time of faith and trust,
it's, it's huge.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
It is huge and I think it says a lot about you.
Know we worry a lot about theend goal.
It is huge and I think it saysa lot about you.
Know we worry a lot about theend goal, the big picture, but
like, really, why don't we justfocus on the one step ahead of
us, accomplishing that, maybedoing that well, and then we'll
worry about the next steptomorrow, not the one that comes
in?
You know 365 days, but you knowwe can't, we can't stop
(28:14):
ourselves from thinking aheadtimes and catastrophizing and
doing all the great things.
I can't not ask you know, whenhas there been a moment in your
life that you know, you, youfelt yourself kind of like pull
back and like be like Ishouldn't say that or I
shouldn't do that, I should actsmaller.
And then you flipped and yourealize no, I'm going to take up
(28:36):
that space and play big here.
Did you have ever a moment inyour life where you've done that
?
Speaker 2 (28:41):
Multiple moments, but the first moment that popped in
my head was going to college asa single mom and sitting in
these college rooms with thesecollege kids and I was working
full time and I was about fiveyears older than them, with no
background, no knowledge, right,and sitting in these rooms and
it was like, maybe I don'tbelong here.
(29:05):
And then I realized, no, like Ido belong here, whether they
like, and I did not fit in withany.
Clearly we had nothing incommon.
I was just there to get mydegree and it was like this is
what college is like, what so?
But I was like no, I am goingto take up this space and even
when I'm at networking events,if I feel myself shrink back, I
will.
I will remind myself no, youwere put in this room for a
(29:28):
reason and it's been interestingbecause the more that I, when I
started my business, I was notcomfortable with like in-person
networking.
And now when I walk in a room,everybody's like who are you and
what do you do?
Because it's just the change ofdemeanor.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Right, I walk in, I'm worthy to be here, just like
every other single human is andit's the confidence that comes
with that.
I love that Cause I, you know,I I also love, I actually love a
networking event.
You know we just dive right in,but it is.
It is an interesting thing thatwhen you pull yourself out of
it and you try to think aboutwhat everyone else is thinking
(30:05):
about, instead of just steppingin, being and going and doing,
the step, one step at a time,one day at a time, becomes so
much, so much more simple,absolutely.
Yes, it does simple, absolutelyyes, it does.
Well, emily, you are sowonderful, you are so inspiring
(30:25):
to tell us about how to take upspace here.
Do you mind telling everybodywhere they can find you and all
the good things?
Speaker 2 (30:32):
I am most active on threads under Emily Adams
underscore and I'm also.
My Instagram is the same.
I'm also on LinkedIn underEmily Adams, but anyone that's
listening.
If you guys need support oreven if you need resources like,
slide in my DMS like I don'thave a problem with that.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
I love it.
Well, thank you so much fortaking the time to be here.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Thank you for allowing me to be on this on
your podcast.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Thank you so much for listening to Confessions of a
Wannabe it Girl.
Don't forget to rate andsubscribe to the show.
As always, we'll see you nextTuesday.
You.
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