May 29, 2024 • 34 mins
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What if mastering the art of being fully present could be the secret to your professional success? Join me, Lisa Jeffs, on the Confident, Connected Leader podcast as we uncover the transformative power of presence in meetings, interviews, and sales calls. This episode will provide you with key strategies to project confidence and charisma, ensuring you leave a lasting impression and achieve your desired outcomes. By embracing these techniques, you can shift your relationships and interactions in meaningful ways.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're tuning into the Confident, Connected Leader
podcast, your premierdestination for breaking through
your current professionalbarriers.
Your coach and host, Lisa Jeffs, will help you transcend
limitations and achieve newlevels of professional success
beyond self-doubt, sabotage andburnout.
Welcome to the show.
(00:21):
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Welcome to the show.
This podcast episode is tied toa PDF that you either found
this podcast in or, if you'relistening to this podcast
(00:52):
directly, you can find the PDFin the show notes.
But the PDF is five strategiesto show up in your meetings with
confidence and charisma andmake the sale, sell people on
you, sell people on your ideas,even if you're doubting yourself
(01:12):
.
So in that PDF there aredifferent ways that you can
present yourself that have beenresearched to show that when a
person does this, it sends a cueto the other person's brain and
gives them the cue that you areconfident or charismatic.
And when a person is confidentand charismatic of course we
(01:36):
respond positively to that canradically change all the results
that you're experiencing andhow.
When you can master the art ofbeing present, how your
relationships will justabsolutely do a 180 in the right
(02:02):
way.
180 in the right way.
If you are Canadian, you mayrecognize this name Dini Petty.
Dini Petty is a Canadian icon.
I remember her growing up whenI grew up in the 80s.
She has done TV and radio foryears.
(02:39):
She's now a speaker.
She's an author.
Deanie Petty has done, I think,over 20,000 interviews with
people, celebrities.
A couple of weeks ago, diniPetty shared that she remembers
one interview out of mind youover 20,000, where that person
was fully present with her andshe remembers to this day, okay,
(03:04):
decades later, the feeling shehad from that interview, that
meeting.
This is the power of presenceMost people are not present,
most people, when you are havinga conversation with them, are
not fully present with you.
(03:25):
When you are fully present withsomeone, or someone is fully
present with you, you feel it.
It is.
I don't even know what the wordis, I can't even think of how
impactful it can be.
Okay, so when we are thinkingabout how can I really start to
(03:46):
master these, whether it'smeetings, it's interviews, it's
sales calls how can I be the onethat and I don't want to make
this seem we're acting or we'retrying to convolute something,
(04:06):
or we're trying to manipulatesomething to where we're like
the sought after one.
After that, I genuinely want tohelp you to show up as your
best self, the fullness of you,and really make that impact,
(04:28):
that lasting impression, towhere either you're getting the
sale and I mean that in agenuine way, like you're able to
enroll someone into whateveryou're selling or you're getting
the opportunity.
I can't tell you how many times,because there's more than one
time where I when I was going tointerviews.
(04:50):
So this is when, before I hadmy business, I would go to do an
interview and I typically didfairly well because I was
putting an effort to show up inthese interviews and I would.
They would say we'reinterviewing this many people.
If you're chosen, you can come.
We'll reach out in a couple ofweeks, whatever the spiel was,
(05:13):
and I would thank them and Iwould head out and I would feel
really good about the interview.
And then I wouldn't even reachhome yet and I would get a call
and they would be offering methe position.
And I knew this because of theimpact I made in that interview.
(05:35):
Yes, I was qualified.
Yes, I was.
I know I'm great at what I do.
I'm confident in that mannerbecause I put a lot of work into
what I do.
But there's also other peoplethat are very capable.
I wasn't the only capable one,but I knew I made a significant
(05:57):
impact because of how I showedup in that interview, because I
was confident, I knew I hadcharisma and I was present,
which made an impact.
When you are fully present, youcan feel the shift in someone
(06:17):
Like they feel heard andlistened to.
And most people that I'vetalked to they don't feel very
listened to and heard by a lotof people in their life, not
because people in their lifedon't care about them, but
because we are such a distractedsociety and we have not been
(06:39):
taught these skills of beingpresent.
So let's get into this, becausewhen you can master this skill,
you will shift everything inyour life.
So what does presence reallymean?
Maybe this is going to behelpful if I share with you what
it doesn't mean.
(07:00):
So I can think of two salesconversations that I had where
people had approached me to sellwhat they were selling, and one
of them I wasn't interested inanyways, but one of them I was
interested, but because theperson wasn't present and
(07:23):
listening to what I was saying,I lost trust in that person
offering it.
So what happened was and I'msure you can relate to this, I'm
sure you've experienced it Ifyou're having these
conversations and you're sharingsomething that's concerning to
you or a worry, and the personbrushes over it, it's yes, my
(07:48):
stuff is so great and it's goingto solve all your problems,
type of thing, and you did younot hear what I just shared?
Like you, you genuinely don'tfeel like you, you've been hurt
at all whatsoever.
And this immediately breakstrust.
If you can think about apartnership, if you've been in a
(08:09):
partnership where you'resharing something and maybe it's
a heated argument or heatedconversation and you share
something and the person justruns in with what they're saying
.
They're not listening to trulyhear what you're saying.
They are listening to respondand that's really what being
(08:33):
present is not.
It's not listening to respondand again, it doesn't mean
you're a bad person if you dothis.
Part of it is out of habit,because we've been conditioned
as a society to do this.
Part of it is out of habitbecause we've been conditioned
as a society to do this, toreally think about how am I
going to respond.
Again, healthy communicationskills are not something that
(08:59):
are typically and the moreadvanced communication skills
are not taught in school and ifwe're not taught by our parents
which a lot of us adults rightnow we don't have, so we don't
have those skills.
So it's up to us to build thoseskills ourselves.
If you're worried about howyou're going to be responding
(09:20):
and, of course, if you're goinginto an important meeting or
you're having whatever it isconversation that's important.
You may be worried, you may bein your head, you may be
concerned about sounding sillyor saying the wrong thing, or
you may be concerned you want tosound really smart or really
(09:43):
put together.
All these things can take usaway from being present and put
us in our head, okay,overthinking or trying to act.
So if you have access to thePDF and if you're listening to
this right after this podcastwas posted and you don't have
the PDF, and if you're listeningto this right after this
podcast was posted and you don'thave the PDF, give it a few
days, because we will need a fewdays to post the link to the
(10:06):
show notes.
Just an FYI.
But if you're looking at thestrategies in this PDF, this is
not to show up in a meeting andstart worrying and feeling like
you have to put all these fivestrategies in place and you feel
like you're acting and you feelreally awkward and weird.
(10:26):
I can tell you one thing theworst interview I've ever done,
the absolute worst one, was whenI had a position offered to me
at my daughter's school.
My daughter was in grade.
I'm not sure what grade she wasin.
She was in elementary school,so probably grade three or
something like that, and Ireally wanted to be at that
(10:49):
school.
I really wanted to be workingat that school.
It was close to home, it hadall these great pieces.
I was like wow.
And so I was really attached tothe outcome of that getting
that position and because ofthat I was so in my head that
I'm still can feel the cringe ofhow poorly that interview went.
(11:16):
I wasn't answering questions,well, I was stumbling over my
words, I was frazzled.
Funny enough, I am fairly.
I really believe in excellence,and even more so at that time.
So I was always on time forthings, and which I still am,
but I was very.
(11:36):
I would always get there 25minutes early so I could prep
this and do this, and thateverything just seemed to go
wrong in that interview.
I got stuck in traffic, it waslate, I was just a hot mess
express in that interviewbecause I was so attached to the
outcome.
I wasn't myself, I wasn't beingpresent, I was just weird and
(11:58):
trying to put on this thing,this act, almost.
So if, going back to the PDF,this is for you to learn skills
and to input.
Learn one of the skills.
First, practice it.
Practice it in your life.
It's not.
These strategies aren't to justseal the deal and be the one
(12:23):
who's the most sought after.
It's really to shift the wayyou do business.
You show up as a leader andit's going to have a extreme
ripple effect on all of yourlife.
Even if you go to the grocerystore and you're having a
(12:44):
conversation with the cashier,being present with them can
leave a lasting impression thathas a positive ripple effect on
your life.
This is how powerful it is.
So we know what it's not.
It's not listening to respond.
So, again, being present is youknow, if you can do this one
(13:10):
thing, if you can learn this oneskill, everything else just
becomes easier.
One of the strategies in the PDFis leaning in.
You want to lean in.
This sends a subconscious cueto the other person that you're
engaged, you're interested, youwant to hear more of what
they're saying, that you're inthe conversation, and this sends
(13:36):
a very positive cue.
When you are present andpracticing active listening, you
will do this naturally, becauseif you're not, if you're
leaning back, it actually feelsweird.
When someone is sharingsomething or you're sharing
something, you will naturally dothese things.
(13:56):
So keeping that top of mind,that practicing being present,
will aid in all the otherstrategies falling into place.
So what can get in the way ofthis also is and this is the
deeper work.
So if you really want to masterthese skills, working with what
I work with my clients we dothe deeper work that sometimes
(14:20):
is necessary.
A lot of times is necessaryBecause if we have a big fear
about how we're showing up or ifwe are self-conscious about
certain aspects of ourselves,this can hinder us, put us in
our head and have us not havethe ability to be fully present,
(14:44):
because to be fully present youreally have to have a certain
level of confidence in yourselfand a high level of self-esteem
enough to get out of your head.
And sometimes this requiresthat deeper work.
A lot of times it requires adeeper work to really help shift
(15:07):
if there's any past traumas orif we need to shift beliefs.
We need to do belief work aboutourselves, about our abilities,
what we have to offer.
Another thing that really getsin the way of this is if you put
people on pedestals, so if youthink just because someone has a
(15:30):
certain position in anorganization, or if you look at
them a certain way, say wow,they're put together and they
appear so confident.
If you somehow think thatyou're less than, this can
totally throw you off.
So coaching a lot of times will.
(15:51):
My coaching always pinpointswhat exactly is needed.
What do we need to focus on soyou can show up in this meeting
whether you're the one holdingthe meeting or you are a guest
in the meeting as your mostconfident, self-assured self,
(16:11):
because it gets a lot easier topractice being present when you
are fully confident andself-assured.
I'm sure you can relate this toif you have a romantic
relationship and you've been inone where it wasn't about fully
listening to the person.
You just wanted to drive yourpoint across.
(16:31):
Romantic relationships alwaysbring out our wounding right.
They are great mirrors for ourwounding and when we have
wounding in place, this couldthrow us off.
So this is the deeper work andif you really want to master and
you really want to excel inthis area, get some coaching.
If you'd like to speak to meabout coaching, you can book a
(16:53):
breakthrough call and we'll havea conversation to see if it's a
fit.
But okay, let's get into whatis actually going to help you to
be present Because, again, it'sa practice.
This is not a if you havechallenges being present, this
is going to take some work.
(17:14):
I am fairly good at beingpresent and I believe it's
because I meant to do this workright.
So, as a coach, you really haveto be present.
As a coach, if you're notpresent and I have worked with
coaches who haven't been presentit's not good.
You need to hear your client.
(17:38):
You need to be able to fullyunderstand what they are saying,
even beyond the words that theyare saying.
Right, being able to understandif they're saying one thing,
but their facial expressions aregiving you a different energy.
If they're saying and this istrue for anybody if someone's
(18:00):
saying they're fine or they'reokay with this, but they
suddenly look stressed out orworried.
Or, for me, I'm always lookingat my client's body language
when they're feeling stressed,because it gives you the whole
picture.
(18:23):
And if you were in a meeting,let's say, and someone is
sharing something with you andthey're saying one thing but
they're doing something elsewith their body one thing but
they're doing something elsewith their body and you are
fully present to recognize that.
And then you say something likeJanet, I hear that you're
(18:46):
saying this, but I'm noticingyou put your hand up to your
shoulder and you're looking alittle stressed when you said
that Is there something elsethat you can share with me?
Is there something else goingon?
And obviously, what's the timeor place?
You're not going to say that inevery meeting.
There's a time and place wherethat would be appropriate and
(19:08):
where it would not beappropriate to bring that to the
person's attention.
That's a whole differentconversation.
But imagine how felt thatperson would feel, how heard and
seen that person would feel.
That leaves a lastingimpression on them of you a
positive, warm, caring, yetconfident and charismatic
(19:38):
impression.
Because to call something likethat out, you also have to have
a lot of confidence, becausethat other person can lash out
potentially and say, no, I'mfine, there's nothing wrong with
me.
And for you to be fully presentand confident, you really have
(20:00):
to have that grounded confidence.
And so that is one of the firststeps to be fully present with
someone, you want to be grounded, you want to be energetically
grounded.
This is literally going outsideand grounding yourself.
(20:22):
So if you're familiar withgrounding, it allows our
energetic body to be in our bodyand not spaced out.
So I need grounding constantlybecause I can be very outside of
my body.
So this is going and puttingyour feet on the grass.
This is doing a five minutegrounding meditation on YouTube.
(20:46):
This is using a grounding mat.
Call your name.
So my name is Lisa Marie Jeffs.
I would call my name Lisa MarieJeffs.
I'm calling you back in.
I'm calling you back in my body.
Do that right now and see ifyou feel a shift in your
(21:06):
energetic body.
Depends on how sensitive youare to energy, but you really
need to be grounded.
That's a practical step.
And if you don't understandwhen I say grounded, give it a
quick Google to know whatgrounding is.
But you want to be grounded.
You also want to be and againthis is the deeper work
(21:28):
emotionally grounded,emotionally resilient.
Have that emotionalintelligence of yourself and of
the other person.
But right now we're talkingabout you.
So to be fully present, you haveto understand what triggers you
(21:50):
, what may trigger you.
So if a person is, let's say,giving you cues that they're not
really listening or they're'renot that engaged or they're not
that interested in what you'resaying, can you still be calm,
cool, collected, confident,leaning forward, present with
(22:14):
them, or are you going to gettriggered.
And again, like I said, this isa mastery.
This is a mastery practice.
If you are really serious aboutbeing the leader, the business
leader, the professional,whatever your capacity is, and
(22:36):
you want to be the absolute best, you can be fulfilling your
full potential, making an impact, shifting people's lives.
It really is a mastery.
So it's can you be fullypresent and hear what the person
(22:58):
is saying and respond to whatthey are saying, even when you
are triggered, and not go intoyour triggered wounding reaction
?
Right, it's being able beingfully present, it's being able
to respond and not react.
(23:20):
Imagine the shift you're goingto have on that person, whether
you're doing sales calls.
Imagine if you were present andlistening to the other person,
listening to their concerns.
One of the reasons I do so wellwith sales and with enrolling
(23:44):
people is because I'm genuinelythere with that person, caring
about them.
I'm not there to make a sale.
I'm there to help the personsolve a problem and people feel
that.
People feel when you aregenuinely there to solve
(24:08):
whatever problem it is.
Whether you are selling youridea in a meeting, are you just
trying to sell your idea, areyou genuinely trying to see if
your idea is the answer andbeing able to push the ego aside
(24:32):
while you are in that space.
Now, this is very applicable,let's say, to romantic
relationships, and this is onearea.
I'm still working on thismyself, because it can be really
challenging to push the egoaside and be fully there.
And okay, I'm not here to reactwith old wounding and old
(24:58):
stories.
I'm here to respond, man.
I got tell you I really wannadrive in this point that when
you can work on this and you canmaster this, you will shift
your entire work, business,whatever it is trajectory, and
(25:18):
thus it is gonna have a rippleeffect on every area of your
life.
How do you want the person tofeel when they're done in that
conversation, whatever meaningit is?
How do you want that person tofeel?
Think about that before you goin.
Think about that before you goin.
Have that in mind.
(25:40):
Do you want them to feellistened to?
Do you want them to be?
Do you want to leave theimpression that you were there,
truly listening to them?
What is important for you?
Get clear on that.
I'm going to leave you with somepractical steps again to be how
(26:03):
to be present in thesesituations, or rather, how to
practice it, because it reallyis a practice.
So some practical waysBeforehand.
You're grounding, you canpractice some breathing
exercises or put on amindfulness meditation and just
(26:28):
practice being centered.
If you're anxious, you want todo some breathing, put your hand
on your heart, just breathedeeply for five minutes.
It doesn't have to be anythingsuper fancy, it can be, but it
doesn't have to be.
Just get centered, relax,detach from the outcome.
(26:50):
Think about my story of goinginto the school that my daughter
was at Just detach.
That's another reason I've doneso well in meetings and certain
aspects like that interviews Ishould say is because I was
totally detached from theoutcome.
Manage your distractions Okay.
(27:12):
Turn off your phone.
Make sure notifications are off.
They're not popping in.
I can't tell you how manymeetings I've been in and a
person is checking their phoneand things are going off.
When you are speaking withsomeone think about a loved one
(27:33):
or friend you're telling a storyto and their phone is going off
.
They're picking up their phone.
They're looking at their phone.
They're talking to you orthey're hearing.
They're like I'm hearing you,but they're not even looking at
you.
Don't do that.
Okay, I don't care how manypeople are doing that.
(27:54):
Put it away.
Put the phone away, put thedistractions away.
Even if you're in a meeting witha group of people, if you're
the one who is sitting theredemonstrating active listening,
so all distractions are off,they're not around you.
You are leaning in.
(28:15):
You are making eye contact okay, this is active listening.
You are making eye contact,listening.
You are making eye contact.
You are nodding okay, showsthat you are listening.
You are encouraging that personto speak more.
(28:38):
You are going to stand outabove all, hands down just by
doing those things, okay.
So this is how you practice.
You put the distractions away,every single one.
I don't care if everyone inthat room has it.
I don't even care if the personspeaking has a computer in
front of them, their phonepapers, all this mess.
You clear that area.
This is also in the PDF.
(28:59):
It's called being open.
You want your torso and yourspace to be open, free of
distractions.
Don't even put your glass ofwater in front of you.
Move it away, so you're fullyopen.
Make eye contact reallyimportant if you feel awkward or
(29:19):
weird.
Making eye contact with people.
Practice on people where it'snot as important, if you go to
the grocery store, or if you goto the bank or you go somewhere.
Practice making eye contactwhen you're talking or when
someone else is talking at thoseplaces.
(29:39):
And I get it because, asconfident and self-assured as I
am in situations, I can also bethe total flip side and I can go
into my very awkward, weird,quirky and not looking or
feeling confident at Okay,prepare, get into the zone where
(30:11):
you feel prepared for themeeting so you're not thinking
of oh my God, I don't have mynotes, what am I doing?
Everything is a mess and thereis such thing as over-preparing,
to where you're so attached todoing it a certain way so you
(30:32):
don't wanna be prepared andattached to anything, but just
prepared so you feel confident.
Know where your things are Ifthere are points that you wanna
bring up.
Know where it is right.
Again, you don't want things infront of you, but have, if you
have a notebook to your side,have bullet points that have
(30:53):
certain points there If you needto color code certain things.
So everything is organized.
Because as soon as you startgetting in your head being like,
where is this, where's that, Idon't know where this is, you're
thrown off, you're not present.
You're not present anymore.
Okay, and again, I'm going toleave you with this.
(31:14):
This is a practice.
This is a practice.
It grows and it expands.
Have compassion with yourself.
It's fairly easy for me to dothis, but even still I need to
practice at it.
I need to make sure I'mcontinually practicing being
(31:34):
present, so giving yourselfgrace and compassion.
If it's not easy for you, Irecommend practicing loved ones,
and you can even say to yourloved one hey, I'm practicing
being present in conversations.
Can we talk about something andI'm just you don't wanna
(31:57):
practice it?
So they know that you arepracticing and they don't feel
like they're being duped intoconversations and see where your
mind goes.
Is your mind going to differentthings that you wanna respond
with, or is it actually beingable to be with that person?
(32:17):
Okay, if you wanna go deeper onthis or you really wanna master
internally feeling confident,self-assured, like you can
master any meaning that you'rein and make a wildly good
impression, then book abreakthrough call and we can
(32:41):
talk about coaching and if it'sin your best interest to support
you with that journey, I wouldhighly recommend, even if you're
fairly good in this area, butyou know there's a little bit of
a gap that you wanna close.
Often we can get in our own wayor we have blind spots and
(33:04):
coaching is going to help toclose that gap.
Okay, I'm going to sign off.
Let me know if this wasinteresting.
Do you want me to go into moreconversations like this?
I would love to know.
Send me a message.
You can now message me directly.
Send me a text message on ifyou're listening to this on the
(33:26):
podcast website.
You can do.
If you are not listening to meon the podcast website, where
(33:47):
you can send me a text messageand let me know your thoughts,
feelings.
Send me a question which I cananswer on the podcast.
All right, thank you so muchfor being here If you're still
listening.
I appreciate you.
I honor your time.
I hope this was valuable and,as always, and leave a review To
stay updated with practicaltips and insights.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
Follow us on LinkedIn , instagram or Facebook.
You'll find all relevant links,including those for our
complimentary gifts andtrainings, in the show notes.
Until our next episode, embraceyour confidence and stay
connected.
You're tuning into the Confident, Connected Leader
podcast, your premierdestination for breaking through
your current professionalbarriers.
Your coach and host, Lisa Jeffs, will help you transcend
limitations and achieve newlevels of professional success
beyond self-doubt, sabotage andburnout.
Welcome to the show.
(00:21):
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Welcome to the show.
This podcast episode is tied toa PDF that you either found
this podcast in or, if you'relistening to this podcast
(00:52):
directly, you can find the PDFin the show notes.
But the PDF is five strategiesto show up in your meetings with
confidence and charisma andmake the sale, sell people on
you, sell people on your ideas,even if you're doubting yourself
(01:12):
.
So in that PDF there aredifferent ways that you can
present yourself that have beenresearched to show that when a
person does this, it sends a cueto the other person's brain and
gives them the cue that you areconfident or charismatic.
And when a person is confidentand charismatic of course we
(01:36):
respond positively to that canradically change all the results
that you're experiencing andhow.
When you can master the art ofbeing present, how your
relationships will justabsolutely do a 180 in the right
(02:02):
way.
180 in the right way.
If you are Canadian, you mayrecognize this name Dini Petty.
Dini Petty is a Canadian icon.
I remember her growing up whenI grew up in the 80s.
She has done TV and radio foryears.
(02:39):
She's now a speaker.
She's an author.
Deanie Petty has done, I think,over 20,000 interviews with
people, celebrities.
A couple of weeks ago, diniPetty shared that she remembers
one interview out of mind youover 20,000, where that person
was fully present with her andshe remembers to this day, okay,
(03:04):
decades later, the feeling shehad from that interview, that
meeting.
This is the power of presenceMost people are not present,
most people, when you are havinga conversation with them, are
not fully present with you.
(03:25):
When you are fully present withsomeone, or someone is fully
present with you, you feel it.
It is.
I don't even know what the wordis, I can't even think of how
impactful it can be.
Okay, so when we are thinkingabout how can I really start to
(03:46):
master these, whether it'smeetings, it's interviews, it's
sales calls how can I be the onethat and I don't want to make
this seem we're acting or we'retrying to convolute something,
(04:06):
or we're trying to manipulatesomething to where we're like
the sought after one.
After that, I genuinely want tohelp you to show up as your
best self, the fullness of you,and really make that impact,
(04:28):
that lasting impression, towhere either you're getting the
sale and I mean that in agenuine way, like you're able to
enroll someone into whateveryou're selling or you're getting
the opportunity.
I can't tell you how many times,because there's more than one
time where I when I was going tointerviews.
(04:50):
So this is when, before I hadmy business, I would go to do an
interview and I typically didfairly well because I was
putting an effort to show up inthese interviews and I would.
They would say we'reinterviewing this many people.
If you're chosen, you can come.
We'll reach out in a couple ofweeks, whatever the spiel was,
(05:13):
and I would thank them and Iwould head out and I would feel
really good about the interview.
And then I wouldn't even reachhome yet and I would get a call
and they would be offering methe position.
And I knew this because of theimpact I made in that interview.
(05:35):
Yes, I was qualified.
Yes, I was.
I know I'm great at what I do.
I'm confident in that mannerbecause I put a lot of work into
what I do.
But there's also other peoplethat are very capable.
I wasn't the only capable one,but I knew I made a significant
(05:57):
impact because of how I showedup in that interview, because I
was confident, I knew I hadcharisma and I was present,
which made an impact.
When you are fully present, youcan feel the shift in someone
(06:17):
Like they feel heard andlistened to.
And most people that I'vetalked to they don't feel very
listened to and heard by a lotof people in their life, not
because people in their lifedon't care about them, but
because we are such a distractedsociety and we have not been
(06:39):
taught these skills of beingpresent.
So let's get into this, becausewhen you can master this skill,
you will shift everything inyour life.
So what does presence reallymean?
Maybe this is going to behelpful if I share with you what
it doesn't mean.
(07:00):
So I can think of two salesconversations that I had where
people had approached me to sellwhat they were selling, and one
of them I wasn't interested inanyways, but one of them I was
interested, but because theperson wasn't present and
(07:23):
listening to what I was saying,I lost trust in that person
offering it.
So what happened was and I'msure you can relate to this, I'm
sure you've experienced it Ifyou're having these
conversations and you're sharingsomething that's concerning to
you or a worry, and the personbrushes over it, it's yes, my
(07:48):
stuff is so great and it's goingto solve all your problems,
type of thing, and you did younot hear what I just shared?
Like you, you genuinely don'tfeel like you, you've been hurt
at all whatsoever.
And this immediately breakstrust.
If you can think about apartnership, if you've been in a
(08:09):
partnership where you'resharing something and maybe it's
a heated argument or heatedconversation and you share
something and the person justruns in with what they're saying
.
They're not listening to trulyhear what you're saying.
They are listening to respondand that's really what being
(08:33):
present is not.
It's not listening to respondand again, it doesn't mean
you're a bad person if you dothis.
Part of it is out of habit,because we've been conditioned
as a society to do this.
Part of it is out of habitbecause we've been conditioned
as a society to do this, toreally think about how am I
going to respond.
Again, healthy communicationskills are not something that
(08:59):
are typically and the moreadvanced communication skills
are not taught in school and ifwe're not taught by our parents
which a lot of us adults rightnow we don't have, so we don't
have those skills.
So it's up to us to build thoseskills ourselves.
If you're worried about howyou're going to be responding
(09:20):
and, of course, if you're goinginto an important meeting or
you're having whatever it isconversation that's important.
You may be worried, you may bein your head, you may be
concerned about sounding sillyor saying the wrong thing, or
you may be concerned you want tosound really smart or really
(09:43):
put together.
All these things can take usaway from being present and put
us in our head, okay,overthinking or trying to act.
So if you have access to thePDF and if you're listening to
this right after this podcastwas posted and you don't have
the PDF, and if you're listeningto this right after this
podcast was posted and you don'thave the PDF, give it a few
days, because we will need a fewdays to post the link to the
(10:06):
show notes.
Just an FYI.
But if you're looking at thestrategies in this PDF, this is
not to show up in a meeting andstart worrying and feeling like
you have to put all these fivestrategies in place and you feel
like you're acting and you feelreally awkward and weird.
(10:26):
I can tell you one thing theworst interview I've ever done,
the absolute worst one, was whenI had a position offered to me
at my daughter's school.
My daughter was in grade.
I'm not sure what grade she wasin.
She was in elementary school,so probably grade three or
something like that, and Ireally wanted to be at that
(10:49):
school.
I really wanted to be workingat that school.
It was close to home, it hadall these great pieces.
I was like wow.
And so I was really attached tothe outcome of that getting
that position and because ofthat I was so in my head that
I'm still can feel the cringe ofhow poorly that interview went.
(11:16):
I wasn't answering questions,well, I was stumbling over my
words, I was frazzled.
Funny enough, I am fairly.
I really believe in excellence,and even more so at that time.
So I was always on time forthings, and which I still am,
but I was very.
(11:36):
I would always get there 25minutes early so I could prep
this and do this, and thateverything just seemed to go
wrong in that interview.
I got stuck in traffic, it waslate, I was just a hot mess
express in that interviewbecause I was so attached to the
outcome.
I wasn't myself, I wasn't beingpresent, I was just weird and
(11:58):
trying to put on this thing,this act, almost.
So if, going back to the PDF,this is for you to learn skills
and to input.
Learn one of the skills.
First, practice it.
Practice it in your life.
It's not.
These strategies aren't to justseal the deal and be the one
(12:23):
who's the most sought after.
It's really to shift the wayyou do business.
You show up as a leader andit's going to have a extreme
ripple effect on all of yourlife.
Even if you go to the grocerystore and you're having a
(12:44):
conversation with the cashier,being present with them can
leave a lasting impression thathas a positive ripple effect on
your life.
This is how powerful it is.
So we know what it's not.
It's not listening to respond.
So, again, being present is youknow, if you can do this one
(13:10):
thing, if you can learn this oneskill, everything else just
becomes easier.
One of the strategies in the PDFis leaning in.
You want to lean in.
This sends a subconscious cueto the other person that you're
engaged, you're interested, youwant to hear more of what
they're saying, that you're inthe conversation, and this sends
(13:36):
a very positive cue.
When you are present andpracticing active listening, you
will do this naturally, becauseif you're not, if you're
leaning back, it actually feelsweird.
When someone is sharingsomething or you're sharing
something, you will naturally dothese things.
(13:56):
So keeping that top of mind,that practicing being present,
will aid in all the otherstrategies falling into place.
So what can get in the way ofthis also is and this is the
deeper work.
So if you really want to masterthese skills, working with what
I work with my clients we dothe deeper work that sometimes
(14:20):
is necessary.
A lot of times is necessaryBecause if we have a big fear
about how we're showing up or ifwe are self-conscious about
certain aspects of ourselves,this can hinder us, put us in
our head and have us not havethe ability to be fully present,
(14:44):
because to be fully present youreally have to have a certain
level of confidence in yourselfand a high level of self-esteem
enough to get out of your head.
And sometimes this requiresthat deeper work.
A lot of times it requires adeeper work to really help shift
(15:07):
if there's any past traumas orif we need to shift beliefs.
We need to do belief work aboutourselves, about our abilities,
what we have to offer.
Another thing that really getsin the way of this is if you put
people on pedestals, so if youthink just because someone has a
(15:30):
certain position in anorganization, or if you look at
them a certain way, say wow,they're put together and they
appear so confident.
If you somehow think thatyou're less than, this can
totally throw you off.
So coaching a lot of times will.
(15:51):
My coaching always pinpointswhat exactly is needed.
What do we need to focus on soyou can show up in this meeting
whether you're the one holdingthe meeting or you are a guest
in the meeting as your mostconfident, self-assured self,
(16:11):
because it gets a lot easier topractice being present when you
are fully confident andself-assured.
I'm sure you can relate this toif you have a romantic
relationship and you've been inone where it wasn't about fully
listening to the person.
You just wanted to drive yourpoint across.
(16:31):
Romantic relationships alwaysbring out our wounding right.
They are great mirrors for ourwounding and when we have
wounding in place, this couldthrow us off.
So this is the deeper work andif you really want to master and
you really want to excel inthis area, get some coaching.
If you'd like to speak to meabout coaching, you can book a
(16:53):
breakthrough call and we'll havea conversation to see if it's a
fit.
But okay, let's get into whatis actually going to help you to
be present Because, again, it'sa practice.
This is not a if you havechallenges being present, this
is going to take some work.
(17:14):
I am fairly good at beingpresent and I believe it's
because I meant to do this workright.
So, as a coach, you really haveto be present.
As a coach, if you're notpresent and I have worked with
coaches who haven't been presentit's not good.
You need to hear your client.
(17:38):
You need to be able to fullyunderstand what they are saying,
even beyond the words that theyare saying.
Right, being able to understandif they're saying one thing,
but their facial expressions aregiving you a different energy.
If they're saying and this istrue for anybody if someone's
(18:00):
saying they're fine or they'reokay with this, but they
suddenly look stressed out orworried.
Or, for me, I'm always lookingat my client's body language
when they're feeling stressed,because it gives you the whole
picture.
(18:23):
And if you were in a meeting,let's say, and someone is
sharing something with you andthey're saying one thing but
they're doing something elsewith their body one thing but
they're doing something elsewith their body and you are
fully present to recognize that.
And then you say something likeJanet, I hear that you're
(18:46):
saying this, but I'm noticingyou put your hand up to your
shoulder and you're looking alittle stressed when you said
that Is there something elsethat you can share with me?
Is there something else goingon?
And obviously, what's the timeor place?
You're not going to say that inevery meeting.
There's a time and place wherethat would be appropriate and
(19:08):
where it would not beappropriate to bring that to the
person's attention.
That's a whole differentconversation.
But imagine how felt thatperson would feel, how heard and
seen that person would feel.
That leaves a lastingimpression on them of you a
positive, warm, caring, yetconfident and charismatic
(19:38):
impression.
Because to call something likethat out, you also have to have
a lot of confidence, becausethat other person can lash out
potentially and say, no, I'mfine, there's nothing wrong with
me.
And for you to be fully presentand confident, you really have
(20:00):
to have that grounded confidence.
And so that is one of the firststeps to be fully present with
someone, you want to be grounded, you want to be energetically
grounded.
This is literally going outsideand grounding yourself.
(20:22):
So if you're familiar withgrounding, it allows our
energetic body to be in our bodyand not spaced out.
So I need grounding constantlybecause I can be very outside of
my body.
So this is going and puttingyour feet on the grass.
This is doing a five minutegrounding meditation on YouTube.
(20:46):
This is using a grounding mat.
Call your name.
So my name is Lisa Marie Jeffs.
I would call my name Lisa MarieJeffs.
I'm calling you back in.
I'm calling you back in my body.
Do that right now and see ifyou feel a shift in your
(21:06):
energetic body.
Depends on how sensitive youare to energy, but you really
need to be grounded.
That's a practical step.
And if you don't understandwhen I say grounded, give it a
quick Google to know whatgrounding is.
But you want to be grounded.
You also want to be and againthis is the deeper work
(21:28):
emotionally grounded,emotionally resilient.
Have that emotionalintelligence of yourself and of
the other person.
But right now we're talkingabout you.
So to be fully present, you haveto understand what triggers you
(21:50):
, what may trigger you.
So if a person is, let's say,giving you cues that they're not
really listening or they're'renot that engaged or they're not
that interested in what you'resaying, can you still be calm,
cool, collected, confident,leaning forward, present with
(22:14):
them, or are you going to gettriggered.
And again, like I said, this isa mastery.
This is a mastery practice.
If you are really serious aboutbeing the leader, the business
leader, the professional,whatever your capacity is, and
(22:36):
you want to be the absolute best, you can be fulfilling your
full potential, making an impact, shifting people's lives.
It really is a mastery.
So it's can you be fullypresent and hear what the person
(22:58):
is saying and respond to whatthey are saying, even when you
are triggered, and not go intoyour triggered wounding reaction
?
Right, it's being able beingfully present, it's being able
to respond and not react.
(23:20):
Imagine the shift you're goingto have on that person, whether
you're doing sales calls.
Imagine if you were present andlistening to the other person,
listening to their concerns.
One of the reasons I do so wellwith sales and with enrolling
(23:44):
people is because I'm genuinelythere with that person, caring
about them.
I'm not there to make a sale.
I'm there to help the personsolve a problem and people feel
that.
People feel when you aregenuinely there to solve
(24:08):
whatever problem it is.
Whether you are selling youridea in a meeting, are you just
trying to sell your idea, areyou genuinely trying to see if
your idea is the answer andbeing able to push the ego aside
(24:32):
while you are in that space.
Now, this is very applicable,let's say, to romantic
relationships, and this is onearea.
I'm still working on thismyself, because it can be really
challenging to push the egoaside and be fully there.
And okay, I'm not here to reactwith old wounding and old
(24:58):
stories.
I'm here to respond, man.
I got tell you I really wannadrive in this point that when
you can work on this and you canmaster this, you will shift
your entire work, business,whatever it is trajectory, and
(25:18):
thus it is gonna have a rippleeffect on every area of your
life.
How do you want the person tofeel when they're done in that
conversation, whatever meaningit is?
How do you want that person tofeel?
Think about that before you goin.
Think about that before you goin.
Have that in mind.
(25:40):
Do you want them to feellistened to?
Do you want them to be?
Do you want to leave theimpression that you were there,
truly listening to them?
What is important for you?
Get clear on that.
I'm going to leave you with somepractical steps again to be how
(26:03):
to be present in thesesituations, or rather, how to
practice it, because it reallyis a practice.
So some practical waysBeforehand.
You're grounding, you canpractice some breathing
exercises or put on amindfulness meditation and just
(26:28):
practice being centered.
If you're anxious, you want todo some breathing, put your hand
on your heart, just breathedeeply for five minutes.
It doesn't have to be anythingsuper fancy, it can be, but it
doesn't have to be.
Just get centered, relax,detach from the outcome.
(26:50):
Think about my story of goinginto the school that my daughter
was at Just detach.
That's another reason I've doneso well in meetings and certain
aspects like that interviews Ishould say is because I was
totally detached from theoutcome.
Manage your distractions Okay.
(27:12):
Turn off your phone.
Make sure notifications are off.
They're not popping in.
I can't tell you how manymeetings I've been in and a
person is checking their phoneand things are going off.
When you are speaking withsomeone think about a loved one
(27:33):
or friend you're telling a storyto and their phone is going off
.
They're picking up their phone.
They're looking at their phone.
They're talking to you orthey're hearing.
They're like I'm hearing you,but they're not even looking at
you.
Don't do that.
Okay, I don't care how manypeople are doing that.
(27:54):
Put it away.
Put the phone away, put thedistractions away.
Even if you're in a meeting witha group of people, if you're
the one who is sitting theredemonstrating active listening,
so all distractions are off,they're not around you.
You are leaning in.
(28:15):
You are making eye contact okay, this is active listening.
You are making eye contact,listening.
You are making eye contact.
You are nodding okay, showsthat you are listening.
You are encouraging that personto speak more.
(28:38):
You are going to stand outabove all, hands down just by
doing those things, okay.
So this is how you practice.
You put the distractions away,every single one.
I don't care if everyone inthat room has it.
I don't even care if the personspeaking has a computer in
front of them, their phonepapers, all this mess.
You clear that area.
This is also in the PDF.
(28:59):
It's called being open.
You want your torso and yourspace to be open, free of
distractions.
Don't even put your glass ofwater in front of you.
Move it away, so you're fullyopen.
Make eye contact reallyimportant if you feel awkward or
(29:19):
weird.
Making eye contact with people.
Practice on people where it'snot as important, if you go to
the grocery store, or if you goto the bank or you go somewhere.
Practice making eye contactwhen you're talking or when
someone else is talking at thoseplaces.
(29:39):
And I get it because, asconfident and self-assured as I
am in situations, I can also bethe total flip side and I can go
into my very awkward, weird,quirky and not looking or
feeling confident at Okay,prepare, get into the zone where
(30:11):
you feel prepared for themeeting so you're not thinking
of oh my God, I don't have mynotes, what am I doing?
Everything is a mess and thereis such thing as over-preparing,
to where you're so attached todoing it a certain way so you
(30:32):
don't wanna be prepared andattached to anything, but just
prepared so you feel confident.
Know where your things are Ifthere are points that you wanna
bring up.
Know where it is right.
Again, you don't want things infront of you, but have, if you
have a notebook to your side,have bullet points that have
(30:53):
certain points there If you needto color code certain things.
So everything is organized.
Because as soon as you startgetting in your head being like,
where is this, where's that, Idon't know where this is, you're
thrown off, you're not present.
You're not present anymore.
Okay, and again, I'm going toleave you with this.
(31:14):
This is a practice.
This is a practice.
It grows and it expands.
Have compassion with yourself.
It's fairly easy for me to dothis, but even still I need to
practice at it.
I need to make sure I'mcontinually practicing being
(31:34):
present, so giving yourselfgrace and compassion.
If it's not easy for you, Irecommend practicing loved ones,
and you can even say to yourloved one hey, I'm practicing
being present in conversations.
Can we talk about something andI'm just you don't wanna
(31:57):
practice it?
So they know that you arepracticing and they don't feel
like they're being duped intoconversations and see where your
mind goes.
Is your mind going to differentthings that you wanna respond
with, or is it actually beingable to be with that person?
(32:17):
Okay, if you wanna go deeper onthis or you really wanna master
internally feeling confident,self-assured, like you can
master any meaning that you'rein and make a wildly good
impression, then book abreakthrough call and we can
(32:41):
talk about coaching and if it'sin your best interest to support
you with that journey, I wouldhighly recommend, even if you're
fairly good in this area, butyou know there's a little bit of
a gap that you wanna close.
Often we can get in our own wayor we have blind spots and
(33:04):
coaching is going to help toclose that gap.
Okay, I'm going to sign off.
Let me know if this wasinteresting.
Do you want me to go into moreconversations like this?
I would love to know.
Send me a message.
You can now message me directly.
Send me a text message on ifyou're listening to this on the
(33:26):
podcast website.
You can do.
If you are not listening to meon the podcast website, where
(33:47):
you can send me a text messageand let me know your thoughts,
feelings.
Send me a question which I cananswer on the podcast.
All right, thank you so muchfor being here If you're still
listening.
I appreciate you.
I honor your time.
I hope this was valuable and,as always, and leave a review To
stay updated with practicaltips and insights.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
Follow us on LinkedIn , instagram or Facebook.
You'll find all relevant links,including those for our
complimentary gifts andtrainings, in the show notes.
Until our next episode, embraceyour confidence and stay
connected.
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