Get Unstuck: Brain Training For Healing After Sobriety

You’ve been sober for a while now, maybe a year, maybe several, but emotionally, mentally, even physically, you still don’t quite feel like yourself.

You’ve done the therapy. You’ve worked the steps. You know all the tools. And yet…

•   You still feel anxious or overwhelmed 
•   You can’t sleep or wake up exhausted 
•   You overthink everything or spiral into negative thought loops 
•   You wonder why you’re sober but still don’t feel free

If that sounds familiar, this episode is for you.

In today’s solo episode of the Confident Sober Women podcast, I’m diving into why your brain can still feel stuck—even years into recovery—and what you can do about it. As a licensed therapist specializing in trauma and addiction, and a woman with over 20 years in sobriety myself, I’ve seen this pattern again and again in the women I work with.

Here’s the truth: Emotional sobriety requires brain-based healing.

We talk about:
 🔹 What’s really going on in your brain and nervous system after long-term substance use
 🔹 Why talk therapy isn’t always enough to heal trauma or negative patterns
 🔹 How unresolved brain imprints from stress, trauma, and addiction affect you years later
 🔹 Why you might still struggle with anxiety, low mood, poor sleep, or reactivity

I also introduce a powerful tool I use in my practice, remote neurofeedback, that helps retrain the brain to function in healthier, more balanced ways.

Neurofeedback is a practical, science-backed, non-invasive solution that works from the comfort of your own home. It supports healing from the inside out, especially for sober women struggling with:

💡 Persistent anxiety or perfectionism
💤 Sleep and focus issues
💔 Emotional reactivity or burnout
💪 High-functioning but still not feeling well

Plus, I share 3 things you can start doing today to begin regulating your nervous system and supporting your emotional sobriety—whether you’re ready for neurofeedback or not.

If you're ready to go deeper in your recovery, this episode will offer insight, hope, and practical support to help you move forward.✨ 

Learn more about remote neurofeedback therapy: www.shelbyjohn.com/neurofeedback

Ready to schedule a consultation or learn if neurofeedback is right for you?

Book your free call here: https://calendly.com/shelbyjohn/podcast-recording

Know a sober woman who needs to hear this?
Share the episode or tag me on IG @shelbyjjohn

Support the show

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Oh, and by the way, if you didn’t know, my remote Neurofeedback Therapy program is up and running. Learn more here!

If you aren't part of the Confident Sober Women Facebook group, it's a great place to be. There are over a thousand other sober women there building lives they don't want to escape from. Come on over and join us.

And if you haven't read my memoir, grab a copy today and maybe a second one for a friend. There is so much hope in recovery, and I shared my story so raw and vulnerable so that others would know they aren't alone and that there is a way to live well, manage relationships, parent your kids, and have a healthy body, all while staying sober. Grab a copy of Recovering in Recovery: The Life-Changing Joy of Sobriety wherever books are sold.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:09):
Hello and welcome to the Confident Sober Women
podcast.
I'm your guide, shelby John.
I'm the mother of three, wifeto one and sober since July 1st
2002.
As sober women, we havesomething huge in common and
when we share our lives and ourstories with each other, we feel
that sense of belonging andconnection.

(00:30):
So we know we are no longeralone.
In this podcast you will hearreal life talk about building
confidence and transforming yourlife beyond recovery so come on
, let's talk.
And recovery so come on, let'stalk.
Well, hey there, sober ladies,thank you so much for joining me

(00:51):
today for the Confident SoberWomen podcast.
I am so excited you are heretoday and I want to talk to you
today about why your brain stillfeels stuck, even after years
of sobriety.
So in today's episode, forthose of you who have been sober
for a while, maybe even years,but you still feel stuck, I know

(01:12):
in the past 23 years I have forsure felt that way and there've
been a lot of personal times inour family or within myself
when I felt stuck.
I felt like I didn'tintuitively know what to do and
I felt frustrated because I havedone a lot of work in the past
two decades.
There's also been times inbusiness when I felt like I was

(01:36):
giving it my all, I wasfollowing all the directions, I
was getting good counsel, yet Iwasn't moving the needle.
There was no progress.
I felt stunted.
Really, I was stuck.
So maybe you can relate to this.
Maybe you've done the work.
Maybe you've worked a 12-stepprogram and gone to a million
meetings.
You've probably gone to therapy, faced your past trauma.

(01:59):
Maybe you've even worked someof the steps or helped others.
Really, on paper, you're doinggreat, but in your body and in
your mind, in those privatemoments in the shower or crying
in your car, you're stillfeeling off, you're still
anxious, you're stilloverwhelmed or irritable, you're

(02:22):
still struggling to fall asleepor to quiet your thoughts
enough to even feel calm.
You know enough now to realizethat your nervous system is
extremely overactive.
If that's you, I want you tohear me say this you are not
broken.
I actually cannot stand thatphrase and it's used so often

(02:45):
because, honestly, really, whatwe are are human beings trying
to live in a broken world, butyour brain may need some help
catching up to your sobriety.
So that's what I want to talkto you about today why that
happens and what you canactually do about it.
So let's dive into talking aboutthe brain in recovery.

(03:07):
When we stop drinking or usingour bodies, begin to heal,
that's the first thing thatreally happens.
Our liver regenerates and someof these things you can actually
see.
Your skin starts to clear upyour hair and nails.
They grow, they look healthy,you lose inflammation, maybe
your face doesn't look as puffyanymore.

(03:28):
You can also start to feel it,so we sleep better, although
sometimes this takes a littlebit.
But eventually we start to feelbetter physically, maybe even
lose a little weight, or youjust feel more energy.
But often your brain especiallyif you've had trauma involved,
which, let's face it, all of usdo if you've been a human in

(03:50):
this world, it takes a longerjourney.
So many of us in long-termrecovery are still carrying
around the effects of early lifeexperiences, toxic stress and
trauma.
So even if you've been soberfor years, your nervous system
may still be stuck in thosepatterns of survival that looks
like fight, flight, freeze orfawn.

(04:13):
And you know this because thepatterns show up as overreacting
emotionally, having troublefocusing, constant anxiety or
mental chatter, feeling low,numb or unmotivated, having
difficulty sleeping or waking up, exhausted, maybe even
repeating those negative thoughtloops like I'm not enough or I

(04:35):
should be doing more, or I'llnever get it right.
Does any of this sound familiar?
But this is also whytraditional tools sometimes
aren't enough.
So here's the thing we can talkabout our problems for years
and that can absolutely help us.
We do all need trusted peoplein our lives that we can share

(04:56):
things with, and feel, seen andheard and even process through
situations and decision making.
But sometimes our patternsaren't cognitive, they're
neurological.
They're hardwired into ourbrain's circuitry from years of
stress and substance abuse andtraumatic events and all kinds
of things.

(05:17):
This is where I start to getreally excited.
I start to really light up,because this is the exact kind
of stuff I work on in my privatepractice with clients using
EMDR therapy, and it's also whatI offer to anybody who wants to
use it with the remoteneurofeedback therapy program.
So neurofeedback is like goingto the gym for your brain.

(05:38):
It's literally brain training.
You're training the muscle ofyour brain, but instead of
lifting weights, you are givingyour brain information about its
own activity so it can learn toregulate itself better all by
itself.
I know this sounds crazy, butwith neurofeedback therapy you
can stop those old loops and youcan begin to retrain your brain

(06:02):
to sleep more deeply, to thinkmore clearly, to react more
calmly, to feel more emotionallybalanced and even increase your
energy and boost performance.
So what even is neurofeedbacktherapy?
It's a non-invasive, drug-free,practical tool that you can do
literally from home.
No, really, for real.

(06:23):
You can do it from your couch,from your back porch, even your
bed, and it's literally done onyour time.
I know right, it's kind ofcrazy to believe that.
So here's how it works you weara tiny brain sensing headband.
It goes across your foreheadand then over the tops of your
ears and there are electrodes inthe headband, and then a tiny

(06:45):
one attached to the headbandthat goes on your scalp, and
then we pair that device with asimple app on your phone using
Bluetooth connection, and thenthe system tracks your brainwave
activity and gently helps yourbrain learn to shift into more
optimal patterns, all on its own.

(07:05):
Neurofeedback therapy uses theconcept of operant conditioning.
You might remember this fromlearning in school about
Pavlov's dogs and over time thetraining leads to real, lasting
changes in how you think, feeland function.
And you want to know the bestpart.
It doesn't require you torehash trauma, to talk endlessly

(07:28):
about your past or even leaveyour home for appointments.
And for a lot of clients,especially my high achieving
sober women, this is a gamechanger.
So here's what you can startdoing today.
You can jump right intoneurofeedback therapy with me.
Of course, we can schedule aconsult call.
I'll tell you more about it indetail.

(07:49):
You can ask me all of yourquestions.
You can go right to my website,shelbyjohncom, and you can
learn about neurofeedbacktherapy and you can book a
consult call for free.
But while you're waiting to getstarted with remote
neurofeedback therapy, I wantedto give you three simple
brain-based steps that you cantake right now to start helping
your nervous system regulate.
So I want you to grab a pen andpaper or, if you're driving,

(08:12):
don't do that.
Maybe you can bookmark thisepisode and come back to it when
you can jot these down.
But here are three simplebrain-based steps that you can
take right now while you'rewaiting to get started with
neurofeedback therapy.
So number one get serious aboutdaily stillness.
I literally want you to justuse five minutes a day.
If you're new to this, that'sgreat.

(08:33):
If you're a seasoned veteran atmeditation or stillness, you
can go for longer.
If you're new, I want you toutilize your timer on your phone
and set your timer for fiveminutes and just sit quietly.
You can put one hand on yourchest, one on your belly.
You can practice some breathwork by breathing in for a four,
count holding for four and thenslowly breathing out for eight.

(08:57):
You can do this before bed.
You can do it in the morningbefore your coffee.
You can do it when you feelanxious.
You can do it privately.
It's really really helpful toregulate your nervous system,
literally.
Five minutes.
Number two limit your mentalinputs.
This one, admittedly, is hardfor me.
Your brain does not needstimulation all the time, it

(09:22):
needs less.
So I want you to try to cutback on multitasking, cut back
on your scrolling and onbackground noise.
Again, for those of us who haveADHD or have sort of a more
high, strong personality, thiscan be challenging, but it is an
intentional decision option foryou to reduce the mental inputs
in your life and creates restand productivity over time.

(09:47):
Number three is to track yourpatterns with compassion.
So what do I mean by that?
Instead of judging your anxietyor your negative thoughts, I
want you to start noticing them,just taking note of that.
Oh, there's that perfectionismagain.
Or oh, yeah, my body does feela little jittery right now.
I can feel that anxiety.
Building this awareness allowsyou to name the thing that is

(10:10):
happening, to notice how yourbody is feeling, and then also
begins you to shift things.
So it's a simple activity ofnot judging you or what's
happening in your body,beginning to notice your anxiety
or your negative thoughts orwhat's going on in your body and
just letting them be Okay.
So those three things you canstart doing right now while

(10:31):
you're waiting to start yournerve feedback therapy, and I
just know that you're going tostart to get a lot of relief for
your nervous system.
So if you're a woman who's madethe decision to stop drinking
and drugging, to make yourhealth and your life a priority,
you deserve to feel good.
Right, those are big deals.
When you stay sober, it is agigantic deal, especially in a
world that is obsessed withdrinking, but your recovery is

(10:53):
so much more than not drinkingright, it's about reclaiming
your full aliveness, and thatincludes your mental clarity,
your inner peace, your energy,your creativity and your
confidence.
So if you've been wondering whyam I feeling this way, I want
you to know it's not your fault.
It's not because you're notdoing enough, for sure.
It's because your brain needsmore healing and new tools to do

(11:16):
that, and often the research isnow showing us that this takes
a way longer time than any of usgive it credit for.
So if you're ready to explorethat remote neurofeedback
therapy, I'd love to tell youmore about it and how it can
work for you to heal yoursymptoms and to train your brain
the way you want it.
You can go right to thatwebsite, shelbyjohncom.

(11:36):
You can click on the servicestab and then the neurofeedback
tab, and there's a lot ofinformation right there.
You can read all about it andfrom there you can download the
is neurofeedback therapy rightfor you guide.
It's just a free PDF that helpsyou understand neurofeedback a
little bit more, and you canbook that free consult call so
we can talk a little bit moreabout it.

(11:57):
Neurofeedback therapy truly isa therapeutic breakthrough that
really can help you get theresults that you've been
searching for.
So I want to thank you so muchfor being here with me today and
oh, by the way, if you knowsomebody that could really
benefit from this episode, Iwant you to share it.
Now you can easily go to theplatform wherever you're
listening to.
There should be like three dotsor settings or a menu where you

(12:20):
can say share episode and justcopy the link or share it right
directly to a friend who reallyneeds to hear this information.
I'd also love to hear from youabout what you think, so you can
drop me a DM or an email andshare your thoughts about what
you've learned today.
I want you to remember yourbrain can heal, you can feel
better and you don't have to doit alone.

(12:40):
I hope you have a fantastic dayand I'll see you in the next
episode.
Thank you for joining me forthis week's episode of Confident
Sober Women.
If you enjoyed thisconversation, hit the subscribe
button above so you won't missany upcoming episodes.
And hey, if you really loved it, leave me a review.

(13:00):
You can learn more about theSober Freedom Inner Circle
membership atwwwshelbyjohncoachingcom.
Forward slash inner circle.
See you next time.