May 6, 2025 • 46 mins
In this powerful episode of Confident Sober Women, host Shelby welcomes Julie Bloom, a recovery coach and mental health trainer who shares her inspiring 7-year sobriety journey that began with an unexpected "gift of illness."
Episode Highlights:
Julie reveals how severe burnout, PTSD, and vertigo became catalysts for her sobriety journey after 20 years as a college Spanish teacher. As a former "well-caffeinated and chardonnay working mom," Julie describes how her alcohol dependence developed while balancing career demands with raising a young daughter.
The conversation explores how serious health challenges—including debilitating vertigo—forced Julie to stop drinking and began her recovery, initially through audiobooks and podcasts like The Bubble Hour while isolated "in the corner of her sectional."
Key Insights on Recovery:
- Identity Transformation: Julie discusses how sobriety required creating a new identity after leaving her tenured teaching position, leading to certification as both a professional and recovery coach.
- Emotional Regulation: Learn practical techniques for managing emotions, including mindfulness, journaling, and "adaptive thinking"—giving the appropriate amount of time, space, and energy to situations.
- Creativity in Recovery: Discover how breaking free from addiction cycles unleashes creative potential, providing the "clarity, bandwidth, and energy" needed to envision and build a fulfilling life.
- Midlife Challenges: The episode addresses how perimenopause, career dissatisfaction, and relationship issues often intersect with recovery journeys, creating what Julie calls a "shitty planet alignment."
Julie shares her journey of professional reinvention, becoming a mental health trainer and speaker who helps others develop resilience and adaptability. She emphasizes the importance of community and altruism in recovery, including her work with SheRecovers.
Shelby and Julie discuss how ADHD symptoms can intensify during perimenopause due to decreasing estrogen levels, highlighting the need for neurological approaches to healing beyond traditional talk therapy.
This episode provides valuable insights for women seeking sobriety and emotional well-being, particularly during significant life transitions.
For more information, follow Julie at
juliebloomworld on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn, or email julie@juliebloomworld.com.
Support the show
Oh, and by the way, if you didn’t know, my remote Neurofeedback Therapy program is up and running. Learn more here!
If you aren't part of the Confident Sober Women Facebook group, it's a great place to be. There are over a thousand other sober women there building lives they don't want to escape from. Come on over and join us.
And if you haven't read my memoir, grab a copy today and maybe a second one for a friend. There is so much hope in recovery, and I shared my story so raw and vulnerable so that others would know they aren't alone and that there is a way to live well, manage relationships, parent your kids, and have a healthy body, all while staying sober. Grab a copy of Recovering in Recovery: The Life-Changing Joy of Sobriety wherever books are sold.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Well, hey there, sober ladies.
Thank you so much for joiningme today for the Confident Sober
Women podcast.
I am Shelby and your host, andtoday I'm going to share with
you an incredible conversation Ihad with my friend, Julie Bloom
.
Julie is an executive andrecovery coach, and she's also
an organizational trainer and aspeaker.
Her whole mission truly is toempower individuals to get
(00:24):
themselves in the driver's seatof their lives.
I love that, and we talk a lotabout nervous system regulation,
about some very powerful toolsto navigate through the storms
of life and to thrive.
She also shares some thingsabout her experience with ADHD
and her own story and also somemenopausal experiences, because
(00:49):
she and I are both similar ageand this is a unique time of
life.
So we really dive deep intosome of the practical tools that
you can utilize right now.
So grab a pen and paper if youfeel like it, if you're not
driving, or just really listenclosely for things that you can
start doing right now.
And then some of the biggeroptions like EMDR therapy and
(01:10):
remote neurofeedback.
I know I've shared about thosethings before on the podcast and
with you guys on social media,but if you are interested in
learning a little bit more.
The remote neurofeedbackprogram is really unique and
very dynamic in the naturalhealing process at the
neurological level.
It's an opportunity for you touse operant conditioning to
(01:35):
train your brain and really healthe symptoms that you're
experiencing, like anxiety,depression, ADHD, even sleep
problems and insomnia.
So if you don't know much aboutit or you want to learn more,
you can get that information onmy website.
It's just shelbyjohncom.
You can even schedule a consultcall there to talk to me about
(01:55):
more details if you're curious.
Everything that you need toknow is on there and I'd love to
help you out with gettingstarted.
So grab your big glass of wateror your favorite mocktail and
enjoy this conversation withJulie Bloom.
(02:17):
Hello and welcome to theConfident Sober Women podcast.
I'm your guide, Shelby John.
I'm the mother of three, wifeto one and sober since July 1st
2002.
As sober women, we havesomething huge in common and
when we share our lives and ourstories with each other, we feel
that sense of belonging andconnection.
(02:38):
So we know we are no longeralone.
In this podcast you will hearreal life talk about building
confidence and transforming yourlife beyond recovery.
So come on, let's talk.
Hey, it's me, Shelby.
Have you ever wondered what'sreally happening in your brain
(02:58):
during recovery?
Are you ready to take controlof your anxiety, sleep better
and finally feel focused andconfident?
I want to introduce you to agame changer that's transforming
women's recovery remoteneurofeedback therapy.
I want you to think of this asa personal trainer for your
brain.
It's helping you build newneuropathways right from the
(03:22):
comfort of your own home.
So if you're dealing withanxiety that just won't quit, if
you have ADHD that's makinglife chaotic, or sleep issues
that leave you exhausted,neurofeedback could be your
missing piece.
It's science-backed braintraining that works with your
natural healing process, helpingyou regulate emotions and build
(03:45):
lasting confidence.
The best part is, you don'tneed to add another appointment
to your busy schedule.
My remote neurofeedback programbrings professional guidance
and support right to your livingroom.
Do you want to learn more aboutneurofeedback therapy?
You can go to my websitewwwshelbyjohncom to download my
(04:06):
free guide.
Is Neurofeedback Right for you?
Together, we'll create the calm, confident future you that you
deserve.
That's wwwshelbyjohncom.
Take the first step towardstraining your brain for lasting
change.
Well, hey there, julie.
Thank you so much for beingwith me today on the Confident
(04:27):
Sober Women podcast.
I'm so excited to have ourconversation and to share a
little bit more about your storyand your work with my audience,
so I'm going to turn the micover to you now and let you
share that story, and then we'regoing to chat.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Hi Shelby, thank you so much for having me.
It's a pleasure to be here.
Hi everyone, where to start?
I'm a woman in recovery.
I'm a woman in recovery sevenyears sober since March Very,
(05:02):
very proud of that.
My journey started in a funnyway.
It started with the gift ofillness.
Actually, I in 2018, fell illto burnout and PTSD mainly, and
(05:23):
I used to be a college teacherin college and university
teaching Spanish.
I had done so for 20 years and,sadly, doesn't only happen in
the States.
There were dangerous eventsthat happened in my place of
work that made me super sickwith PTSD, and it took a long
(05:44):
time for me to be diagnosed.
But at the beginning, what itlooked like was being sick both
physically and psychologically,so I broke bones.
I um, I had pneumonia.
I would catch anything that anyviruses, my immune system was
(06:09):
down and actually I got vertigo.
And that is how my journey tosobriety begins and to recovery.
Um, I was your typical wellcaffeinated and chardonnay
working mom.
I had been drinking for a longtime and you know what, thinking
(06:32):
back, like my I'm 53, mygeneration, like the activity to
start to do as teenagers was toEverything was about partying,
drinking, shooters and who, andso that's what I had always
known.
And as you get older, dinnerswith wine and I was your typical
(06:55):
two to three glass a day ofwine, you know, at happy hour,
and my husband is a drinker.
So I think I developed anaddiction when my daughter who's
14 now was really little, soyou know kind of the perfect
(07:17):
storm that built um full-timeworking mom, teaching.
My husband was often away onsets in Vancouver or LA and my
daughter was small and that'swhen I really kind of anchored
the addiction to alcohol so fast.
So I had wanted to stop drinkingfor quite some time.
(07:40):
And you know when, at three inthe morning, when you're hot and
you're saying, oh, I'm notgoing to drink tomorrow, but
when four or five o'clock rolledaround the next day, saying
yeah, no, don't care, and I kepton drinking.
So there was already a part ofme that felt like, although I
wasn't drinking like spectacularamounts, it was affecting my
(08:03):
life.
It was like a little blackcloud on top of my head.
So as far as mood, it affectedme, as far as energy, and later
I will find out, you'll hearlater that I have ADHD and
there's a correlation with thatand I'm also highly sensitive so
(08:25):
it was affecting me.
So finally, with um, the vertigo, I didn't have a chance, a
choice but to stop drinking, andeven caffeine, like I couldn't
handle anything, and it wassevere vertigo, like holding on
to walls.
So I lived in the corner of mysectional for many, many, many
(08:49):
months and because I couldn't doanything else and I was forced
to stop drinking, which at theoriginally I wanted to but
didn't want to, and I'm sure alot of you know that you want to
stop but you don't want, and Iso wanted to be someone who
(09:09):
moderates.
It wasn't going to be possiblefor me.
So in the corner of mysectional with my eyes going
like that, I couldn't even read.
But what I could do about theonly thing that I could do?
Because later on with the PTSD Ialso lost pretty much the
ability to speak.
I still have a stutter so andespecially when I talk about it,
(09:31):
so there wasn't much that Icould do.
So I started to listen toaudiobooks but to podcasts, and
I started to listen to theBubble Hour podcast, which
really helped me because Ididn't have actually the luxury
(09:52):
of joining fraternities orcommunity At the beginning.
I was really isolated at theintersection of my sectional and
that's where my journey toabstinence and sobriety began.
And it wasn't easy.
It wasn't easy, but lookingback, it was the key to healing
(10:19):
my life and the most beautifulgift I've given myself.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Thank you so much, julie, for sharing all that, and
in such a vulnerable way.
You know, this is truly how itworks.
You know, when we get kind ofhonest and down to the nitty
gritty and share all these sortof tender parts of ourselves, it
helps us to continue ourhealing journey, but then also
(10:45):
spreads the message of hope that, no matter who you are and what
you've gone through, what isgoing on now, that you do have
the ability to get and staysober, just like we have, and
also to be well, you know, likestopping drinking, you know, is
only the beginning.
I always say that sobriety isonly the beginning.
You know there's so much morethat comes and I know typically
(11:08):
the ladies that are listeninghere are a little bit further
along, you know, usually alittle bit more like a year to
more sober, but not always.
And that's when, like, evenmore of the work begins, as they
say, begins, as they say,emotional sobriety piece and
that just learning how to managethose things, learning who you
(11:37):
are as a person, what you evenlike, what you want, and I know
for me that was like a big partof that kind of first phase of
you know, after the first yearof sobriety.
I don't know if that was yourexperience.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Well, yes, and to me it meant, I think, really
creating a new identity, becausethe one identity that I had,
which was to be a tenuredteacher in college and
university, I no longer could do.
So that was a huge part, and sowithin that healing journey was
(12:12):
a career transition, which wasforced, and that was really
difficult.
So the learning about myself,the healing the wounds of the
past, so making sure to do a bigcleanup and, at the same time,
quite often and that's themessage that I want to have for
(12:35):
anyone who is listening Quiteoften you have like the
shittiest planet alignmentpossible, one that will bring
you down to your knees, that youwould never wish on anyone.
But quite often a high enoughlevel of suffering is needed to
(12:55):
create change.
To create change to stopdrinking, to really look at who
you are, because quite often,identity-wise, especially women,
we still in our 40s have theidentity of ourselves and we are
hard and critical on ourselvesof when we were 20, and we're no
longer that person.
(13:16):
So, having such a crash, havingabstinence and some sobriety
under your belt, you actuallyhave the point, and that's where
the gift is to have thebandwidth to start to get
clarity, to start to change, tostart to use tools of emotional
(13:38):
regulation and to have thebandwidth, energy, productivity
and creativity Because that's abig part of what I think
drinking or substance use steals.
So you actually have theopportunity to change, create a
(13:58):
new identity and change thedifferent spheres of your life.
And for me what that meant wasit was all-encompassing my work
life, my personal life, myrelationship, my parenting, my
health.
Every sphere has been madebetter by that journey of
(14:23):
sobriety.
And now I'm lucky enough, and Iso.
When I decided to change careers, I did a coaching certification
, so I was still not feelingwell, so I did it part time and
I went online, took a nap.
(14:43):
So that really motivated me and, as my executive functions were
really affected, it allowed meto bring to build my brain back.
And I have to say also thatwith all that happening, I
worked with twoneuropsychologists
simultaneously, one for, workedwith two neuropsychologists
(15:10):
simultaneously, one for.
So when I had PTSD, I also hadan ADHD diagnosis which was
exacerbated because of PTSDapologies, lots of letters.
And so I worked with one forbrain reconstruction and with
another one for psychotherapy,emdr, hypnosis to deal with the
PTSD.
So slowly but surely, I learneda lot about that did the
(15:34):
coaching certification for bothprofessional coaching and
recovery coaching.
But, shelby, I still wanted tobe a teacher, right, right.
So I started to build workshops.
So it was just before thepandemic and so there was
already a mental health epidemic.
So I started to really studywhat were the biggest problems
(15:58):
or challenges withinorganizations as far as mental
health well-being and I startedto build workshops.
So today I'm a coach, but I'malso a trainer and speaker for
mental health well-being.
And I started to buildworkshops.
So today I'm a coach, but I'malso a trainer and speaker for
mental health and well-being.
And that was part of my healingjourney, right, reinventing
myself professionally andhelping other people.
(16:19):
And we can't underestimate thatpower of community, of altruism
, right, it's compassion in itsessence and it's what brings us
most joy, what lights up ourreward system.
So, yeah, contributing, and Ialso started to get close to
(16:42):
SheRecoversvers, theorganization, and then became a
volunteer facilitator after Iwas and give workshops with them
after I was certified.
But, yeah, so what a journey,what a gift.
And I would love to talk abouttwo things actually about
(17:03):
emotional regulation, which Ithink is the best gift that we
can give ourselves, and alsoabout creativity because I find
that we okay, so let's go withcreativity.
When we're on the cycle ofaddiction, the rinse repeat
which quite often for a lot ofus looks like we have rules.
(17:25):
So maybe we drink on Thursdayand Friday and have a big night
drinking Saturday and we're, youknow, decompressing or
hangovering on Sunday, and thenwe repeat that cycle.
When we're in that cycle, wedon't have the capacity to think
outside the box, to dreambigger dreams, to have the
(17:50):
clarity of what do I want to dowith this one and only precious
life?
We don't have that and to okay,I'm gonna start this way, I'm
gonna find solutions, I'm gonnastudy.
Normally it's not possible andquite often when I accompany
(18:10):
women in recovery, they findthat again and quite often it's
hard for them to put words onwhat they're feeling.
What is it that you want?
They don't know so for a longtime.
Alcohol or the substance can bea shadow to that knowing, to
(18:30):
that connection to yourself, tothat identity.
And finally, that's one of thewhat of the things that are on
the other side is that you willhave energy and bandwidth and
clarity and solution, findingthe creativity you need to
(18:52):
create the life that you want.
So that is so, so important,and you know, it's funny because
one of the most popularworkshops that I give is
resilience and adaptability,which I've identified as the two
components that are most neededright now for us to do well in
(19:13):
this era of constant change,right?
And one of the most importantcomponents of adaptability is
that creativity bit, so wereally really need it, and when
we have, when we choose to dothe work, we have access to all
our beautiful resources.
And as far as the healthydetachment or emotional
(19:40):
regulation, that's somethingthat I had to learn on my own
and I don't know about you, butI wasn't thought taught to
meditate or to self-regulate inprimary school.
That's what a lot of us have todo as adults, with a lot of
humility, right.
And so when I was learningeverything that I needed to
(20:05):
learn, I travel.
You know, I went to Stanford todo compassion cultivation
studies and to Yale science ofwell-being, but I traveled
virtually to Mexico to take sometrainings on emotional
regulation that were reallyamazing and that idea that there
(20:26):
is space that exists for you toclaim no one is going to bestow
it upon you so that space canbe time, it can be physical
distance, it can be a breath.
So to know that you have thepower to instead to respond
(20:49):
instead of react.
So when there's a stimuli toactually look how am I feeling,
why is that?
To get curious and to actuallychoose how you respond is the
most empowering thing that wecan do for ourselves to live in
a place of calm and to developtools also to say you know what?
(21:12):
This conversation is goingnowhere.
Let's revisit, let's talk aboutit tomorrow instead of things
getting nasty.
So all those beautifulabilities I encourage everyone
to learn.
They've been the best gift forme, honestly, to navigate in a
(21:36):
more healthy manner, differently.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
That's amazing in a more healthy manner, differently
.
That's amazing.
And obviously you've done, youknow, a lot of extensive work on
this, including, you know, andprofessionally, and it's nice
when our professional worldskind of collide with some of our
personal needs, don't you think?
And so the benefit of, like youknow, this is kind of the
things that I need or I needed,and so now I want to learn those
(21:59):
things so that not only I canhelp myself but I can also
transfer that into into myclients, which is amazing.
I'm curious.
I know emotional regulation iskind of a.
It's a term I think that peopleare probably familiar with If
you've been around for a while.
It's, it's a little bit of anewer, I think, modern term.
(22:19):
But really what we're saying isand correct me if I'm wrong is
just, you know, how do we managethis right?
You know, sometimes it's even amatter of like, what are our
feelings?
You know most of us who livedin active addiction for quite
some time and obviously if wehave we all have you know trauma
history and you know years ofother things.
(22:41):
You may not have even been kindof taught or modeled at all
what emotions are.
I mean, you saw emotions, butyou didn't know what they were
called, you didn't know how youpersonally experienced those
things and what you named them.
And so I think, once we getsober, you know this emotional
regulation piece we use thatterm and it's really about like
(23:04):
yeah, how do we manage thoseemotions?
So we don't be so, we don't actout reactively and we can
become much more responsive inlife.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
So.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
I'm wondering if you can say a little bit more.
We've talked a little bit aboutit but very specifically, what
would you say?
Are a few of the things?
Like symptomatic experience, Iwould say.
If for somebody to identifywith being emotionally
dysregulated, so like, how wouldyou know that you don't have
(23:39):
good emotional regulation in anymoment or in any time period?
Speaker 2 (23:44):
You know what?
There's two big spheres for me.
There's the sphere of stressand anxiety and then there's the
sphere of either anger, takingthings personally, uh, what
hurts us relationally right, andwhen do you know they're not
(24:09):
working optimally is when you'resuffering, when you're
suffering from that frontalstriatal loop, geeking out here,
but the, the, what do you callit?
The hamster wheel right ofrepetitive um thinking.
(24:29):
Then you know there's somethingthat needs to be done.
When, relation, relationally,you feel angry, you take things
personally, you react and itaffects how you feel about
yourself and it affects yourrelationship, then we that's our
(24:49):
cue that we need to dosomething.
And it's like when, with activeaddiction, you know if you need
to ask the question is probablybecause you need to change um,
because people who are eitherregulated or well will not ask
themselves that question.
But at the end of the day, it'sthe suffering aspect.
(25:13):
And when I was actually in um intherapy with both my
neuropsychologists, they bothcame to the conclusion they're
French, from France.
My accent is French also, I'mfrom Quebec, so French is my
first language.
Um that I needed to learn aboutadaptive thinking.
(25:35):
I was like what is thatadaptive thinking?
And adaptive thinking is sosimple.
It's giving the appropriateamount of time, space and energy
to an event or situation.
That sounds easy.
Giving the appropriate amountof time, space and energy to an
event or situation and not more.
(25:57):
That's the hard bit, right,because we tend to go on
tangents and we'll have theruminations and constant
thinking about it and not beingable to control.
So with mindfulness, with, Idon't know what your tools are,
but to me what helped the mostin that also was journaling
(26:22):
doing a nice healthy brain dumpevery single morning for a few
minutes, and then the first twopages of my my journal are
illustrations, words,affirmations.
so those are the thoughts that Iput into my mind every day
(26:43):
before I begin my day.
And that is that combination ofbrain dumping and I do
automatic writing.
It's not pretty.
Sometimes I underline thethings that I want to put on my
to-do list I lit up my ADHD bigtime and then, once that's done,
I put the thoughts that I wantin my brain and really we can't
(27:08):
underestimate that.
It sets the tone for the rest ofour day to have that intention
and we have that power with that, that intention to do better,
to regulate emotionally andemotional regulation is not
linear.
We tend to think, oh, I'm goingto get better.
(27:31):
It's really like one stepforward, two steps back, kind of
thing.
But so what does it look like,for example, when you want to be
less reactive?
If you have that intention andsay, today I'm gonna do what I
can, could be that, oh no,something happens.
(27:51):
You catch yourself shelby andyou're like shit, I did that
again, next time I'll do better,and could be the next time.
You catch yourself mid-sentenceand say, oh no, julie, not
going there today, taking a stepback, and then with time you're
going to feel, for example, thesurge of emotions come and
(28:13):
you're going to say nothappening today.
I'm going to put it in thatnice little box to revisit, so
to create that distance.
But again, what all that is isto choose, and it's power over
yourself and your life.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
That's wonderful.
I love those kind of practicaltools and strategies that we can
begin to put in place.
You know, right now, as wecheck in with ourselves, you
know, I mean the why I askedthat question originally is that
so often you know, we are the Ifeel like we're the last to
know, um, what's going on withus.
(28:53):
Sometimes, you know, um, wemight be having a symptomatic
experience for quite some time,and other people in our lives,
in fact, might even be sayinglike, oh, wow, you really, you
really have a lot of anxiety.
Or oh, like, you look like youstruggle to kind of express
yourself or speak up foryourself.
You know, you might hear thingsfrom other people and then, but
(29:13):
we're not really aware of youknow how we're behaving or how
we're presenting ourselves tothe world, and so we may not
really realize that that is whatwe're experiencing, you know,
sometimes, until we put words onit or labels, which I'm not
always a big fan of.
But when we start to begin tounderstand, like, oh, what I'm
experiencing is, you know,anxiety.
(29:36):
You know what I'm experiencingis a difficulty dealing with
conflict, you know.
Or what I'm experiencing iswhen I have a need or I don't
agree with somebody like maybemy partner or a child or a
parent or something you know, ora boss I it's very difficult
(29:57):
for me to speak up for that need, so I don't have like the
confidence in myself to be ableto do that.
So when we start to name thosethings and identify those in
ourselves, again a lot of timeswe're the last.
I think we're the last to know,because most people 70 percent
in fact are not self-aware.
That's what the research says,right?
So?
So people think they'reself-aware but really in fact
(30:20):
they're just, they're really not.
And when we do this deep diveinto, like you know who we are,
how other people view us, whichis a part of self-awareness we
can really learn a ton ofcontent about ourselves.
And then then that helps us tosort of correlate that with,
(30:40):
like, the expression of thoseemotions, like, are you an
outburst or you know, are yousomebody that's you know?
When, when, when, when a thingis happening, are you, do you
start yelling, you know?
Or are you a crier, you know?
Or or an isolator, you know?
Maybe you want to like retreatto your room, or you just, maybe
you just get quiet, you juststart, you just kind of you're
(31:02):
just silent, so like you'reisolating.
You're still in the room butyou're kind of just you're not
really going to participateanymore.
So all of these kinds of thingsare indicators to us to say,
huh, there's like a somethingyou know and we all have this.
I think you would agree like.
We all have these kind ofnatural tendencies and
(31:23):
oftentimes it's quite a bit ofwork for us to identify them and
then begin to think aboutchanging them.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
And you know how interesting.
Because the tragedy, I think,is that people don't give
themselves that power, theydon't know that it's there's, to
claim so to say.
You know, we kind of have thatfatalistic approach to say, well
, that's just the way I am,accept me or not, when we know
(31:53):
that there's something that'snot feeling good to us and you
are so right, I, you know what.
The basis of all of this, toremove a lot of the negative
feelings is that ability toacknowledge, to identify our
feelings, to and also identifyour needs and to fulfill them
(32:17):
and to name and communicate itappropriately, to ask for what
it is that we need.
And it's something there's somany beautiful resources right
and people willing to walk youthrough, and sometimes like in
executive coaching, that thecommunication strategy bit is a
(32:38):
lot of what I do and, believe itor not, for some people it
starts with body language how doyou say hello, how do you do
small talk, how do you wish tobe perceived and then start to
embody that, to have thatintention.
But like anything, I would say,communication.
(33:01):
But it's an art, it's a science, it's a science, it's mechanics
, it's systems.
And when you're willing tostart to put things into place
and to put work into it, you canreally change your life.
And women, I think, have aharder time right.
We weren't taught to expressour needs, to identify them, to
(33:26):
think of ourselves.
But there's a healthy form ofegoism or narcissism that is
healthy.
We need to think aboutourselves first.
We need to know our innerworkings and what we need and
want.
And you are so right.
Quite often, when we're notwell, the first symptom quite
(33:52):
often is irritability or beingimpatient.
Right, but people see oursymptoms before we see them
ourselves and quite often wedon't even have the words to
name what we're going through.
And that's why it's soimportant to have the help of a
therapist, to have the help of acoach, someone that sees you,
(34:15):
hears you and, believe me,coaches have coaches and coaches
have therapists also andtherapists have therapists.
We need other people to help usbecause quite often you know
when I was talking about shittyplanet alignment.
Sometimes it's not even funny.
Life will bring you down toyour knees and in midlife quite
(34:37):
often it aligns with.
I don't know if you all knowabout the happiness you curve,
the your perceived happiness ishigher when you're younger.
It plummets when you're 47 to49, really low perceived
happiness, and it goes backafter.
But right before then, quiteoften you know dissatisfaction
(35:01):
with your work, relationshipproblems, a sprinkling of
addiction and symptoms ofperimenopause.
And you're like where am I?
And I want to tell you thatI've been there.
You've probably been there Also.
Never feel ashamed, becausewhen you're intelligent you're
(35:22):
going to think okay, so this isgoing going wrong in my life.
This is going wrong in my life.
This is going wrong in my life.
What's the common denominatorof me?
There must be something wrongwith me.
No, it's a shitty planet.
Alignment and work with someonewho's gonna help you untangle
it, one step at a time, and wechoose, you know, one objective
(35:47):
at a time, and we heal and wemake progress and, before you
know it, we are able to changeour lives that's so true and I I
couldn't agree with you moreobviously.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
I am a mental health clinician most of my community
knows that and I do EMDR therapy, which is a neurological based
form of trauma treatment, and Iand I love it and the reason why
I got trained that way andreally promote it and think it's
the best is because this is itsexact job.
(36:20):
Right, its exact job is to healour past trauma and clear out
those neural pathways, but it'salso based in a direct
correlation with emotionalregulation.
So in doing that clearing outthrough EMDR or neurofeedback I
also have that remoteneurofeedback program, which is
incredibly powerful as well, tohelp train the brain through
(36:43):
electromagnetic training basedon Pavlov's dogs operant
conditioning.
So those forms of treatment areway more dynamic and effective
than traditional talk therapy,which is also great for a lot of
things too.
But when you start getting intothese neurological approaches
or brain spotting, some of thesomatic work, this is where we
(37:06):
get the tremendous amount ofemotional regulation support and
also the clearing out of thingslike trauma that are stored in
our body, because now we knowmore from science about how
those things get stored, and sothose practical things that you
can do at home, you know, tohelp regulate yourself, are so
(37:27):
valuable.
You know, when we start to getin touch with you've mentioned a
lot of things about you knownegative thinking patterns and I
talk about that a lot too, andsome of that is just literally
like taking an inventory, youknow, like really learning what
are your particular negativethinking patterns?
They're probably different thanmine.
And then when do they show up?
Is it right after your husbandgives you that weird look?
(37:49):
Or is it when you get the phonecall from the school that says
your kid just did this terriblething?
Is it when your boss, you know,says, hey, I want to talk to
you about this project.
You did Like when.
When are the when are thethings that happen that are
creating those negative thinkingpatterns for you personally?
Like, we all have our ownlittle personal expression of
that, because then you havesomething to work with and once
(38:12):
you have those, you can startutilizing things like you
mentioned about affirmations andjournaling, and like EMDR or
neurofeedback to really undothose patterns and rewrite them
in a much more positive way inthe front part of your brain,
where things are happening withintelligence right.
So and you mentioned, you know,later life stage I that's like
(38:34):
a whole nother episode.
I feel like we should come backand just talk about
perimenopause and menopause thisyear and it for sure is like a
real thing.
And I know in our conversationbefore a couple months ago I
think, I shared with you myexperience with ADHD, which I do
believe has been a part of mylife, my whole life for me,
(38:55):
through really good EMDR, reallygood, just good therapy,
nutrition, like all those otherlayers.
But then once, about two yearsago, I started to notice things
were really, probably evenbefore that, ramping up as far
(39:17):
as like symptomatic experienceand I really was getting for
lack of a better way to say itit's like just I just couldn't
stand myself anymore.
I couldn't sit still in mykid's theater thing.
I my nails were bleeding, whichI still have problems sometimes
with that.
I just all of that stuff waslike coming back and come to
(39:39):
find out, cause I was finallylike, okay, I need to do
something about this.
And when I talked to thepsychiatrist she said menopause,
the decrease in estrogen,causes a major increase in ADHD
symptoms, and I was literallynot even aware of that.
So, yeah, I do think tonormalize this, these
experiences for us as olderwomen is really helpful, because
(40:02):
I was sitting here thinkinglike what is going on with me?
I knew I already had this kindof bent about myself, but it was
just so aggressive, you know,to the point where I was like
reaching out, you know for adifferent kind of help and I'm
glad that I did.
But when we do bring that kindof stuff up, it helps to let
(40:24):
other people know they're notalone.
You know you're not alone inthis and everybody's sort of
perimenopause, cell ashmenopause experience is very
personal and different.
Some people have lots ofsymptomatic experience, some
people don't.
But the nervous systemregulation and emotional
regulation during thisparticular time of life for us
(40:45):
as women becomes really critical.
So I really always say, like,whatever you can do to learn and
educate yourself about thesethings that we're talking about,
like through people like us,through good coaching, good
therapy, other podcasts you knowpeople who specialize in older
(41:06):
women, these kinds of thingswhatever we can do is going to
very much benefit your abilityto regulate your emotions and
then also maintain a healthynervous system.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
And I think, as we get older, it's also the
acceptance of change, theacceptance that we need to
invest more time, more effort,more money, more energy into our
brains and bodies.
Right, what used to be easymight not be so easy, and you're
right, different periods oflife or different situations can
(41:39):
really exacerbate symptoms ofadhd.
And when I was in therapy,right for the brain
reconstruction, I did a harvardprogram and I'll share it with
you.
Probably you know about it.
It's called, um, the mastery ofadult adhd and it's kind of a
12-step process that's not basedin 12-step but for self-esteem,
(42:03):
for organizing your environment, for fragmenting in life.
But these concepts and thesetools for memory, right, brain
fog also um, these tools are notonly helpful for people who
have adhd, but sometimes, whenyou need to befriend your new
(42:24):
normal and you need more tools,there are modalities and you're
still right, I'm glad that youbrought that up.
You know about emdr, neurofeedback, the somatic work.
We didn't have that informationand that talk.
Therapy is not always the onlyway of dealing with life's
(42:46):
difficulties, right, and it'squite often in a combination.
It's trial and error.
It's finding role models whohave been able to learn to heal
themselves, because, just asoral tradition, you know, before
we could read and write.
How did we learn?
We learn through the experienceof others, of songs, of poems,
(43:10):
of what the elders shared withus.
We still need that humanconnection to learn and the more
we like like.
Science is telling us moreabout menopause and
perimenopause, about how ourbrain works, about the somatic
modalities that help, and quiteoften it's a few things in
(43:33):
combinations, but it's so wellworth the investment, always,
always.
Speaker 1 (43:38):
I totally agree with that, and when you do invest in
things like that, typically, uh,effectiveness and length of
treatment will be a lot less.
You know, like emd I'm like Ialways say I'm not a long-term
therapist.
I'm here to come there, cleanout this stuff for you and help
you get on your way, and thenyou come back when you have like
(43:58):
a, a thing that goes on.
So you know, it's not meant tobe like years of all the stuff.
Now some people, depending onyour trauma history, are going
to take longer than others, butit's way more effective and you
get a much more lastingexperience because you're truly
healing your brain at themolecular level.
So, julie, I just want to saythank you so much for being with
(44:22):
me today.
I do think we're going to needanother conversation to kind of
finish up some of this otherstuff and bring that to light,
because, as a woman who's inthat stage of life and I know
many of my friends andcolleagues are as well we do
need to be talking about it alittle bit more, and I'm glad
that we are normalizing it inour generation.
You know, I feel like ourmothers really would have
(44:43):
benefited from that, you know,but they didn't have all of the
information that we have now,and so, since we have such a
wealth of knowledge, I reallyfeel like we need to use it and
spread it.
So, yeah, glad you're a part ofthe story.
So if you, if people do want toget ahold of you or find out to
me via email at julie atjuliebloomworld, and that, is my
instagram, facebookjuliebloomworld, and you can
(45:18):
find me on linkedin also at thatname.
Thank you so much for having meand I'll make sure I link to all
those in the show notes belowand thank you again.
So much for being here.
Thank you, shelby.
Thank you for joining me forthis week's episode of Confident
Sober Women.
If you enjoyed thisconversation, hit the subscribe
(45:40):
button above so you won't missany upcoming episodes.
And, hey, if you really lovedit, leave me a review.
You can learn more about thesober freedom inner circle
membership atwwwshelbyjohncoachingcom.
Forward slash inner circle.
See you next time.
Well, hey there, sober ladies.
Thank you so much for joiningme today for the Confident Sober
Women podcast.
I am Shelby and your host, andtoday I'm going to share with
you an incredible conversation Ihad with my friend, Julie Bloom
.
Julie is an executive andrecovery coach, and she's also
an organizational trainer and aspeaker.
Her whole mission truly is toempower individuals to get
(00:24):
themselves in the driver's seatof their lives.
I love that, and we talk a lotabout nervous system regulation,
about some very powerful toolsto navigate through the storms
of life and to thrive.
She also shares some thingsabout her experience with ADHD
and her own story and also somemenopausal experiences, because
(00:49):
she and I are both similar ageand this is a unique time of
life.
So we really dive deep intosome of the practical tools that
you can utilize right now.
So grab a pen and paper if youfeel like it, if you're not
driving, or just really listenclosely for things that you can
start doing right now.
And then some of the biggeroptions like EMDR therapy and
(01:10):
remote neurofeedback.
I know I've shared about thosethings before on the podcast and
with you guys on social media,but if you are interested in
learning a little bit more.
The remote neurofeedbackprogram is really unique and
very dynamic in the naturalhealing process at the
neurological level.
It's an opportunity for you touse operant conditioning to
(01:35):
train your brain and really healthe symptoms that you're
experiencing, like anxiety,depression, ADHD, even sleep
problems and insomnia.
So if you don't know much aboutit or you want to learn more,
you can get that information onmy website.
It's just shelbyjohncom.
You can even schedule a consultcall there to talk to me about
(01:55):
more details if you're curious.
Everything that you need toknow is on there and I'd love to
help you out with gettingstarted.
So grab your big glass of wateror your favorite mocktail and
enjoy this conversation withJulie Bloom.
(02:17):
Hello and welcome to theConfident Sober Women podcast.
I'm your guide, Shelby John.
I'm the mother of three, wifeto one and sober since July 1st
2002.
As sober women, we havesomething huge in common and
when we share our lives and ourstories with each other, we feel
that sense of belonging andconnection.
(02:38):
So we know we are no longeralone.
In this podcast you will hearreal life talk about building
confidence and transforming yourlife beyond recovery.
So come on, let's talk.
Hey, it's me, Shelby.
Have you ever wondered what'sreally happening in your brain
(02:58):
during recovery?
Are you ready to take controlof your anxiety, sleep better
and finally feel focused andconfident?
I want to introduce you to agame changer that's transforming
women's recovery remoteneurofeedback therapy.
I want you to think of this asa personal trainer for your
brain.
It's helping you build newneuropathways right from the
(03:22):
comfort of your own home.
So if you're dealing withanxiety that just won't quit, if
you have ADHD that's makinglife chaotic, or sleep issues
that leave you exhausted,neurofeedback could be your
missing piece.
It's science-backed braintraining that works with your
natural healing process, helpingyou regulate emotions and build
(03:45):
lasting confidence.
The best part is, you don'tneed to add another appointment
to your busy schedule.
My remote neurofeedback programbrings professional guidance
and support right to your livingroom.
Do you want to learn more aboutneurofeedback therapy?
You can go to my websitewwwshelbyjohncom to download my
(04:06):
free guide.
Is Neurofeedback Right for you?
Together, we'll create the calm, confident future you that you
deserve.
That's wwwshelbyjohncom.
Take the first step towardstraining your brain for lasting
change.
Well, hey there, julie.
Thank you so much for beingwith me today on the Confident
(04:27):
Sober Women podcast.
I'm so excited to have ourconversation and to share a
little bit more about your storyand your work with my audience,
so I'm going to turn the micover to you now and let you
share that story, and then we'regoing to chat.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Hi Shelby, thank you so much for having me.
It's a pleasure to be here.
Hi everyone, where to start?
I'm a woman in recovery.
I'm a woman in recovery sevenyears sober since March Very,
(05:02):
very proud of that.
My journey started in a funnyway.
It started with the gift ofillness.
Actually, I in 2018, fell illto burnout and PTSD mainly, and
(05:23):
I used to be a college teacherin college and university
teaching Spanish.
I had done so for 20 years and,sadly, doesn't only happen in
the States.
There were dangerous eventsthat happened in my place of
work that made me super sickwith PTSD, and it took a long
(05:44):
time for me to be diagnosed.
But at the beginning, what itlooked like was being sick both
physically and psychologically,so I broke bones.
I um, I had pneumonia.
I would catch anything that anyviruses, my immune system was
(06:09):
down and actually I got vertigo.
And that is how my journey tosobriety begins and to recovery.
Um, I was your typical wellcaffeinated and chardonnay
working mom.
I had been drinking for a longtime and you know what, thinking
(06:32):
back, like my I'm 53, mygeneration, like the activity to
start to do as teenagers was toEverything was about partying,
drinking, shooters and who, andso that's what I had always
known.
And as you get older, dinnerswith wine and I was your typical
(06:55):
two to three glass a day ofwine, you know, at happy hour,
and my husband is a drinker.
So I think I developed anaddiction when my daughter who's
14 now was really little, soyou know kind of the perfect
(07:17):
storm that built um full-timeworking mom, teaching.
My husband was often away onsets in Vancouver or LA and my
daughter was small and that'swhen I really kind of anchored
the addiction to alcohol so fast.
So I had wanted to stop drinkingfor quite some time.
(07:40):
And you know when, at three inthe morning, when you're hot and
you're saying, oh, I'm notgoing to drink tomorrow, but
when four or five o'clock rolledaround the next day, saying
yeah, no, don't care, and I kepton drinking.
So there was already a part ofme that felt like, although I
wasn't drinking like spectacularamounts, it was affecting my
(08:03):
life.
It was like a little blackcloud on top of my head.
So as far as mood, it affectedme, as far as energy, and later
I will find out, you'll hearlater that I have ADHD and
there's a correlation with thatand I'm also highly sensitive so
(08:25):
it was affecting me.
So finally, with um, the vertigo, I didn't have a chance, a
choice but to stop drinking, andeven caffeine, like I couldn't
handle anything, and it wassevere vertigo, like holding on
to walls.
So I lived in the corner of mysectional for many, many, many
(08:49):
months and because I couldn't doanything else and I was forced
to stop drinking, which at theoriginally I wanted to but
didn't want to, and I'm sure alot of you know that you want to
stop but you don't want, and Iso wanted to be someone who
(09:09):
moderates.
It wasn't going to be possiblefor me.
So in the corner of mysectional with my eyes going
like that, I couldn't even read.
But what I could do about theonly thing that I could do?
Because later on with the PTSD Ialso lost pretty much the
ability to speak.
I still have a stutter so andespecially when I talk about it,
(09:31):
so there wasn't much that Icould do.
So I started to listen toaudiobooks but to podcasts, and
I started to listen to theBubble Hour podcast, which
really helped me because Ididn't have actually the luxury
(09:52):
of joining fraternities orcommunity At the beginning.
I was really isolated at theintersection of my sectional and
that's where my journey toabstinence and sobriety began.
And it wasn't easy.
It wasn't easy, but lookingback, it was the key to healing
(10:19):
my life and the most beautifulgift I've given myself.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Thank you so much, julie, for sharing all that, and
in such a vulnerable way.
You know, this is truly how itworks.
You know, when we get kind ofhonest and down to the nitty
gritty and share all these sortof tender parts of ourselves, it
helps us to continue ourhealing journey, but then also
(10:45):
spreads the message of hope that, no matter who you are and what
you've gone through, what isgoing on now, that you do have
the ability to get and staysober, just like we have, and
also to be well, you know, likestopping drinking, you know, is
only the beginning.
I always say that sobriety isonly the beginning.
You know there's so much morethat comes and I know typically
(11:08):
the ladies that are listeninghere are a little bit further
along, you know, usually alittle bit more like a year to
more sober, but not always.
And that's when, like, evenmore of the work begins, as they
say, begins, as they say,emotional sobriety piece and
that just learning how to managethose things, learning who you
(11:37):
are as a person, what you evenlike, what you want, and I know
for me that was like a big partof that kind of first phase of
you know, after the first yearof sobriety.
I don't know if that was yourexperience.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Well, yes, and to me it meant, I think, really
creating a new identity, becausethe one identity that I had,
which was to be a tenuredteacher in college and
university, I no longer could do.
So that was a huge part, and sowithin that healing journey was
(12:12):
a career transition, which wasforced, and that was really
difficult.
So the learning about myself,the healing the wounds of the
past, so making sure to do a bigcleanup and, at the same time,
quite often and that's themessage that I want to have for
(12:35):
anyone who is listening Quiteoften you have like the
shittiest planet alignmentpossible, one that will bring
you down to your knees, that youwould never wish on anyone.
But quite often a high enoughlevel of suffering is needed to
(12:55):
create change.
To create change to stopdrinking, to really look at who
you are, because quite often,identity-wise, especially women,
we still in our 40s have theidentity of ourselves and we are
hard and critical on ourselvesof when we were 20, and we're no
longer that person.
(13:16):
So, having such a crash, havingabstinence and some sobriety
under your belt, you actuallyhave the point, and that's where
the gift is to have thebandwidth to start to get
clarity, to start to change, tostart to use tools of emotional
(13:38):
regulation and to have thebandwidth, energy, productivity
and creativity Because that's abig part of what I think
drinking or substance use steals.
So you actually have theopportunity to change, create a
(13:58):
new identity and change thedifferent spheres of your life.
And for me what that meant wasit was all-encompassing my work
life, my personal life, myrelationship, my parenting, my
health.
Every sphere has been madebetter by that journey of
(14:23):
sobriety.
And now I'm lucky enough, and Iso.
When I decided to change careers, I did a coaching certification
, so I was still not feelingwell, so I did it part time and
I went online, took a nap.
(14:43):
So that really motivated me and, as my executive functions were
really affected, it allowed meto bring to build my brain back.
And I have to say also thatwith all that happening, I
worked with twoneuropsychologists
simultaneously, one for, workedwith two neuropsychologists
(15:10):
simultaneously, one for.
So when I had PTSD, I also hadan ADHD diagnosis which was
exacerbated because of PTSDapologies, lots of letters.
And so I worked with one forbrain reconstruction and with
another one for psychotherapy,emdr, hypnosis to deal with the
PTSD.
So slowly but surely, I learneda lot about that did the
(15:34):
coaching certification for bothprofessional coaching and
recovery coaching.
But, shelby, I still wanted tobe a teacher, right, right.
So I started to build workshops.
So it was just before thepandemic and so there was
already a mental health epidemic.
So I started to really studywhat were the biggest problems
(15:58):
or challenges withinorganizations as far as mental
health well-being and I startedto build workshops.
So today I'm a coach, but I'malso a trainer and speaker for
mental health well-being.
And I started to buildworkshops.
So today I'm a coach, but I'malso a trainer and speaker for
mental health and well-being.
And that was part of my healingjourney, right, reinventing
myself professionally andhelping other people.
(16:19):
And we can't underestimate thatpower of community, of altruism
, right, it's compassion in itsessence and it's what brings us
most joy, what lights up ourreward system.
So, yeah, contributing, and Ialso started to get close to
(16:42):
SheRecoversvers, theorganization, and then became a
volunteer facilitator after Iwas and give workshops with them
after I was certified.
But, yeah, so what a journey,what a gift.
And I would love to talk abouttwo things actually about
(17:03):
emotional regulation, which Ithink is the best gift that we
can give ourselves, and alsoabout creativity because I find
that we okay, so let's go withcreativity.
When we're on the cycle ofaddiction, the rinse repeat
which quite often for a lot ofus looks like we have rules.
(17:25):
So maybe we drink on Thursdayand Friday and have a big night
drinking Saturday and we're, youknow, decompressing or
hangovering on Sunday, and thenwe repeat that cycle.
When we're in that cycle, wedon't have the capacity to think
outside the box, to dreambigger dreams, to have the
(17:50):
clarity of what do I want to dowith this one and only precious
life?
We don't have that and to okay,I'm gonna start this way, I'm
gonna find solutions, I'm gonnastudy.
Normally it's not possible andquite often when I accompany
(18:10):
women in recovery, they findthat again and quite often it's
hard for them to put words onwhat they're feeling.
What is it that you want?
They don't know so for a longtime.
Alcohol or the substance can bea shadow to that knowing, to
(18:30):
that connection to yourself, tothat identity.
And finally, that's one of thewhat of the things that are on
the other side is that you willhave energy and bandwidth and
clarity and solution, findingthe creativity you need to
(18:52):
create the life that you want.
So that is so, so important,and you know, it's funny because
one of the most popularworkshops that I give is
resilience and adaptability,which I've identified as the two
components that are most neededright now for us to do well in
(19:13):
this era of constant change,right?
And one of the most importantcomponents of adaptability is
that creativity bit, so wereally really need it, and when
we have, when we choose to dothe work, we have access to all
our beautiful resources.
And as far as the healthydetachment or emotional
(19:40):
regulation, that's somethingthat I had to learn on my own
and I don't know about you, butI wasn't thought taught to
meditate or to self-regulate inprimary school.
That's what a lot of us have todo as adults, with a lot of
humility, right.
And so when I was learningeverything that I needed to
(20:05):
learn, I travel.
You know, I went to Stanford todo compassion cultivation
studies and to Yale science ofwell-being, but I traveled
virtually to Mexico to take sometrainings on emotional
regulation that were reallyamazing and that idea that there
(20:26):
is space that exists for you toclaim no one is going to bestow
it upon you so that space canbe time, it can be physical
distance, it can be a breath.
So to know that you have thepower to instead to respond
(20:49):
instead of react.
So when there's a stimuli toactually look how am I feeling,
why is that?
To get curious and to actuallychoose how you respond is the
most empowering thing that wecan do for ourselves to live in
a place of calm and to developtools also to say you know what?
(21:12):
This conversation is goingnowhere.
Let's revisit, let's talk aboutit tomorrow instead of things
getting nasty.
So all those beautifulabilities I encourage everyone
to learn.
They've been the best gift forme, honestly, to navigate in a
(21:36):
more healthy manner, differently.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
That's amazing in a more healthy manner, differently
.
That's amazing.
And obviously you've done, youknow, a lot of extensive work on
this, including, you know, andprofessionally, and it's nice
when our professional worldskind of collide with some of our
personal needs, don't you think?
And so the benefit of, like youknow, this is kind of the
things that I need or I needed,and so now I want to learn those
(21:59):
things so that not only I canhelp myself but I can also
transfer that into into myclients, which is amazing.
I'm curious.
I know emotional regulation iskind of a.
It's a term I think that peopleare probably familiar with If
you've been around for a while.
It's, it's a little bit of anewer, I think, modern term.
(22:19):
But really what we're saying isand correct me if I'm wrong is
just, you know, how do we managethis right?
You know, sometimes it's even amatter of like, what are our
feelings?
You know most of us who livedin active addiction for quite
some time and obviously if wehave we all have you know trauma
history and you know years ofother things.
(22:41):
You may not have even been kindof taught or modeled at all
what emotions are.
I mean, you saw emotions, butyou didn't know what they were
called, you didn't know how youpersonally experienced those
things and what you named them.
And so I think, once we getsober, you know this emotional
regulation piece we use thatterm and it's really about like
(23:04):
yeah, how do we manage thoseemotions?
So we don't be so, we don't actout reactively and we can
become much more responsive inlife.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
So.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
I'm wondering if you can say a little bit more.
We've talked a little bit aboutit but very specifically, what
would you say?
Are a few of the things?
Like symptomatic experience, Iwould say.
If for somebody to identifywith being emotionally
dysregulated, so like, how wouldyou know that you don't have
(23:39):
good emotional regulation in anymoment or in any time period?
Speaker 2 (23:44):
You know what?
There's two big spheres for me.
There's the sphere of stressand anxiety and then there's the
sphere of either anger, takingthings personally, uh, what
hurts us relationally right, andwhen do you know they're not
(24:09):
working optimally is when you'resuffering, when you're
suffering from that frontalstriatal loop, geeking out here,
but the, the, what do you callit?
The hamster wheel right ofrepetitive um thinking.
(24:29):
Then you know there's somethingthat needs to be done.
When, relation, relationally,you feel angry, you take things
personally, you react and itaffects how you feel about
yourself and it affects yourrelationship, then we that's our
(24:49):
cue that we need to dosomething.
And it's like when, with activeaddiction, you know if you need
to ask the question is probablybecause you need to change um,
because people who are eitherregulated or well will not ask
themselves that question.
But at the end of the day, it'sthe suffering aspect.
(25:13):
And when I was actually in um intherapy with both my
neuropsychologists, they bothcame to the conclusion they're
French, from France.
My accent is French also, I'mfrom Quebec, so French is my
first language.
Um that I needed to learn aboutadaptive thinking.
(25:35):
I was like what is thatadaptive thinking?
And adaptive thinking is sosimple.
It's giving the appropriateamount of time, space and energy
to an event or situation.
That sounds easy.
Giving the appropriate amountof time, space and energy to an
event or situation and not more.
(25:57):
That's the hard bit, right,because we tend to go on
tangents and we'll have theruminations and constant
thinking about it and not beingable to control.
So with mindfulness, with, Idon't know what your tools are,
but to me what helped the mostin that also was journaling
(26:22):
doing a nice healthy brain dumpevery single morning for a few
minutes, and then the first twopages of my my journal are
illustrations, words,affirmations.
so those are the thoughts that Iput into my mind every day
(26:43):
before I begin my day.
And that is that combination ofbrain dumping and I do
automatic writing.
It's not pretty.
Sometimes I underline thethings that I want to put on my
to-do list I lit up my ADHD bigtime and then, once that's done,
I put the thoughts that I wantin my brain and really we can't
(27:08):
underestimate that.
It sets the tone for the rest ofour day to have that intention
and we have that power with that, that intention to do better,
to regulate emotionally andemotional regulation is not
linear.
We tend to think, oh, I'm goingto get better.
(27:31):
It's really like one stepforward, two steps back, kind of
thing.
But so what does it look like,for example, when you want to be
less reactive?
If you have that intention andsay, today I'm gonna do what I
can, could be that, oh no,something happens.
(27:51):
You catch yourself shelby andyou're like shit, I did that
again, next time I'll do better,and could be the next time.
You catch yourself mid-sentenceand say, oh no, julie, not
going there today, taking a stepback, and then with time you're
going to feel, for example, thesurge of emotions come and
(28:13):
you're going to say nothappening today.
I'm going to put it in thatnice little box to revisit, so
to create that distance.
But again, what all that is isto choose, and it's power over
yourself and your life.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
That's wonderful.
I love those kind of practicaltools and strategies that we can
begin to put in place.
You know, right now, as wecheck in with ourselves, you
know, I mean the why I askedthat question originally is that
so often you know, we are the Ifeel like we're the last to
know, um, what's going on withus.
(28:53):
Sometimes, you know, um, wemight be having a symptomatic
experience for quite some time,and other people in our lives,
in fact, might even be sayinglike, oh, wow, you really, you
really have a lot of anxiety.
Or oh, like, you look like youstruggle to kind of express
yourself or speak up foryourself.
You know, you might hear thingsfrom other people and then, but
(29:13):
we're not really aware of youknow how we're behaving or how
we're presenting ourselves tothe world, and so we may not
really realize that that is whatwe're experiencing, you know,
sometimes, until we put words onit or labels, which I'm not
always a big fan of.
But when we start to begin tounderstand, like, oh, what I'm
experiencing is, you know,anxiety.
(29:36):
You know what I'm experiencingis a difficulty dealing with
conflict, you know.
Or what I'm experiencing iswhen I have a need or I don't
agree with somebody like maybemy partner or a child or a
parent or something you know, ora boss I it's very difficult
(29:57):
for me to speak up for that need, so I don't have like the
confidence in myself to be ableto do that.
So when we start to name thosethings and identify those in
ourselves, again a lot of timeswe're the last.
I think we're the last to know,because most people 70 percent
in fact are not self-aware.
That's what the research says,right?
So?
So people think they'reself-aware but really in fact
(30:20):
they're just, they're really not.
And when we do this deep diveinto, like you know who we are,
how other people view us, whichis a part of self-awareness we
can really learn a ton ofcontent about ourselves.
And then then that helps us tosort of correlate that with,
(30:40):
like, the expression of thoseemotions, like, are you an
outburst or you know, are yousomebody that's you know?
When, when, when, when a thingis happening, are you, do you
start yelling, you know?
Or are you a crier, you know?
Or or an isolator, you know?
Maybe you want to like retreatto your room, or you just, maybe
you just get quiet, you juststart, you just kind of you're
(31:02):
just silent, so like you'reisolating.
You're still in the room butyou're kind of just you're not
really going to participateanymore.
So all of these kinds of thingsare indicators to us to say,
huh, there's like a somethingyou know and we all have this.
I think you would agree like.
We all have these kind ofnatural tendencies and
(31:23):
oftentimes it's quite a bit ofwork for us to identify them and
then begin to think aboutchanging them.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
And you know how interesting.
Because the tragedy, I think,is that people don't give
themselves that power, theydon't know that it's there's, to
claim so to say.
You know, we kind of have thatfatalistic approach to say, well
, that's just the way I am,accept me or not, when we know
(31:53):
that there's something that'snot feeling good to us and you
are so right, I, you know what.
The basis of all of this, toremove a lot of the negative
feelings is that ability toacknowledge, to identify our
feelings, to and also identifyour needs and to fulfill them
(32:17):
and to name and communicate itappropriately, to ask for what
it is that we need.
And it's something there's somany beautiful resources right
and people willing to walk youthrough, and sometimes like in
executive coaching, that thecommunication strategy bit is a
(32:38):
lot of what I do and, believe itor not, for some people it
starts with body language how doyou say hello, how do you do
small talk, how do you wish tobe perceived and then start to
embody that, to have thatintention.
But like anything, I would say,communication.
(33:01):
But it's an art, it's a science, it's a science, it's mechanics
, it's systems.
And when you're willing tostart to put things into place
and to put work into it, you canreally change your life.
And women, I think, have aharder time right.
We weren't taught to expressour needs, to identify them, to
(33:26):
think of ourselves.
But there's a healthy form ofegoism or narcissism that is
healthy.
We need to think aboutourselves first.
We need to know our innerworkings and what we need and
want.
And you are so right.
Quite often, when we're notwell, the first symptom quite
(33:52):
often is irritability or beingimpatient.
Right, but people see oursymptoms before we see them
ourselves and quite often wedon't even have the words to
name what we're going through.
And that's why it's soimportant to have the help of a
therapist, to have the help of acoach, someone that sees you,
(34:15):
hears you and, believe me,coaches have coaches and coaches
have therapists also andtherapists have therapists.
We need other people to help usbecause quite often you know
when I was talking about shittyplanet alignment.
Sometimes it's not even funny.
Life will bring you down toyour knees and in midlife quite
(34:37):
often it aligns with.
I don't know if you all knowabout the happiness you curve,
the your perceived happiness ishigher when you're younger.
It plummets when you're 47 to49, really low perceived
happiness, and it goes backafter.
But right before then, quiteoften you know dissatisfaction
(35:01):
with your work, relationshipproblems, a sprinkling of
addiction and symptoms ofperimenopause.
And you're like where am I?
And I want to tell you thatI've been there.
You've probably been there Also.
Never feel ashamed, becausewhen you're intelligent you're
(35:22):
going to think okay, so this isgoing going wrong in my life.
This is going wrong in my life.
This is going wrong in my life.
What's the common denominatorof me?
There must be something wrongwith me.
No, it's a shitty planet.
Alignment and work with someonewho's gonna help you untangle
it, one step at a time, and wechoose, you know, one objective
(35:47):
at a time, and we heal and wemake progress and, before you
know it, we are able to changeour lives that's so true and I I
couldn't agree with you moreobviously.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
I am a mental health clinician most of my community
knows that and I do EMDR therapy, which is a neurological based
form of trauma treatment, and Iand I love it and the reason why
I got trained that way andreally promote it and think it's
the best is because this is itsexact job.
(36:20):
Right, its exact job is to healour past trauma and clear out
those neural pathways, but it'salso based in a direct
correlation with emotionalregulation.
So in doing that clearing outthrough EMDR or neurofeedback I
also have that remoteneurofeedback program, which is
incredibly powerful as well, tohelp train the brain through
(36:43):
electromagnetic training basedon Pavlov's dogs operant
conditioning.
So those forms of treatment areway more dynamic and effective
than traditional talk therapy,which is also great for a lot of
things too.
But when you start getting intothese neurological approaches
or brain spotting, some of thesomatic work, this is where we
(37:06):
get the tremendous amount ofemotional regulation support and
also the clearing out of thingslike trauma that are stored in
our body, because now we knowmore from science about how
those things get stored, and sothose practical things that you
can do at home, you know, tohelp regulate yourself, are so
(37:27):
valuable.
You know, when we start to getin touch with you've mentioned a
lot of things about you knownegative thinking patterns and I
talk about that a lot too, andsome of that is just literally
like taking an inventory, youknow, like really learning what
are your particular negativethinking patterns?
They're probably different thanmine.
And then when do they show up?
Is it right after your husbandgives you that weird look?
(37:49):
Or is it when you get the phonecall from the school that says
your kid just did this terriblething?
Is it when your boss, you know,says, hey, I want to talk to
you about this project.
You did Like when.
When are the when are thethings that happen that are
creating those negative thinkingpatterns for you personally?
Like, we all have our ownlittle personal expression of
that, because then you havesomething to work with and once
(38:12):
you have those, you can startutilizing things like you
mentioned about affirmations andjournaling, and like EMDR or
neurofeedback to really undothose patterns and rewrite them
in a much more positive way inthe front part of your brain,
where things are happening withintelligence right.
So and you mentioned, you know,later life stage I that's like
(38:34):
a whole nother episode.
I feel like we should come backand just talk about
perimenopause and menopause thisyear and it for sure is like a
real thing.
And I know in our conversationbefore a couple months ago I
think, I shared with you myexperience with ADHD, which I do
believe has been a part of mylife, my whole life for me,
(38:55):
through really good EMDR, reallygood, just good therapy,
nutrition, like all those otherlayers.
But then once, about two yearsago, I started to notice things
were really, probably evenbefore that, ramping up as far
(39:17):
as like symptomatic experienceand I really was getting for
lack of a better way to say itit's like just I just couldn't
stand myself anymore.
I couldn't sit still in mykid's theater thing.
I my nails were bleeding, whichI still have problems sometimes
with that.
I just all of that stuff waslike coming back and come to
(39:39):
find out, cause I was finallylike, okay, I need to do
something about this.
And when I talked to thepsychiatrist she said menopause,
the decrease in estrogen,causes a major increase in ADHD
symptoms, and I was literallynot even aware of that.
So, yeah, I do think tonormalize this, these
experiences for us as olderwomen is really helpful, because
(40:02):
I was sitting here thinkinglike what is going on with me?
I knew I already had this kindof bent about myself, but it was
just so aggressive, you know,to the point where I was like
reaching out, you know for adifferent kind of help and I'm
glad that I did.
But when we do bring that kindof stuff up, it helps to let
(40:24):
other people know they're notalone.
You know you're not alone inthis and everybody's sort of
perimenopause, cell ashmenopause experience is very
personal and different.
Some people have lots ofsymptomatic experience, some
people don't.
But the nervous systemregulation and emotional
regulation during thisparticular time of life for us
(40:45):
as women becomes really critical.
So I really always say, like,whatever you can do to learn and
educate yourself about thesethings that we're talking about,
like through people like us,through good coaching, good
therapy, other podcasts you knowpeople who specialize in older
(41:06):
women, these kinds of thingswhatever we can do is going to
very much benefit your abilityto regulate your emotions and
then also maintain a healthynervous system.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
And I think, as we get older, it's also the
acceptance of change, theacceptance that we need to
invest more time, more effort,more money, more energy into our
brains and bodies.
Right, what used to be easymight not be so easy, and you're
right, different periods oflife or different situations can
(41:39):
really exacerbate symptoms ofadhd.
And when I was in therapy,right for the brain
reconstruction, I did a harvardprogram and I'll share it with
you.
Probably you know about it.
It's called, um, the mastery ofadult adhd and it's kind of a
12-step process that's not basedin 12-step but for self-esteem,
(42:03):
for organizing your environment, for fragmenting in life.
But these concepts and thesetools for memory, right, brain
fog also um, these tools are notonly helpful for people who
have adhd, but sometimes, whenyou need to befriend your new
(42:24):
normal and you need more tools,there are modalities and you're
still right, I'm glad that youbrought that up.
You know about emdr, neurofeedback, the somatic work.
We didn't have that informationand that talk.
Therapy is not always the onlyway of dealing with life's
(42:46):
difficulties, right, and it'squite often in a combination.
It's trial and error.
It's finding role models whohave been able to learn to heal
themselves, because, just asoral tradition, you know, before
we could read and write.
How did we learn?
We learn through the experienceof others, of songs, of poems,
(43:10):
of what the elders shared withus.
We still need that humanconnection to learn and the more
we like like.
Science is telling us moreabout menopause and
perimenopause, about how ourbrain works, about the somatic
modalities that help, and quiteoften it's a few things in
(43:33):
combinations, but it's so wellworth the investment, always,
always.
Speaker 1 (43:38):
I totally agree with that, and when you do invest in
things like that, typically, uh,effectiveness and length of
treatment will be a lot less.
You know, like emd I'm like Ialways say I'm not a long-term
therapist.
I'm here to come there, cleanout this stuff for you and help
you get on your way, and thenyou come back when you have like
(43:58):
a, a thing that goes on.
So you know, it's not meant tobe like years of all the stuff.
Now some people, depending onyour trauma history, are going
to take longer than others, butit's way more effective and you
get a much more lastingexperience because you're truly
healing your brain at themolecular level.
So, julie, I just want to saythank you so much for being with
(44:22):
me today.
I do think we're going to needanother conversation to kind of
finish up some of this otherstuff and bring that to light,
because, as a woman who's inthat stage of life and I know
many of my friends andcolleagues are as well we do
need to be talking about it alittle bit more, and I'm glad
that we are normalizing it inour generation.
You know, I feel like ourmothers really would have
(44:43):
benefited from that, you know,but they didn't have all of the
information that we have now,and so, since we have such a
wealth of knowledge, I reallyfeel like we need to use it and
spread it.
So, yeah, glad you're a part ofthe story.
So if you, if people do want toget ahold of you or find out to
me via email at julie atjuliebloomworld, and that, is my
instagram, facebookjuliebloomworld, and you can
(45:18):
find me on linkedin also at thatname.
Thank you so much for having meand I'll make sure I link to all
those in the show notes belowand thank you again.
So much for being here.
Thank you, shelby.
Thank you for joining me forthis week's episode of Confident
Sober Women.
If you enjoyed thisconversation, hit the subscribe
(45:40):
button above so you won't missany upcoming episodes.
And, hey, if you really lovedit, leave me a review.
You can learn more about thesober freedom inner circle
membership atwwwshelbyjohncoachingcom.
Forward slash inner circle.
See you next time.
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