Have you ever been torn between the non-stop energy of a metropolis like New York and the tranquil charm of small-town life? We have, and it's exactly what we're chatting about in our latest podcast episode. Join us as we share personal anecdotes of the hustle and bustle of city living, complete with those essential 24-hour delis, contrasted with our own cravings for a more serene, suburban existence. We weave through the quirky dynamics of a small town, where the sheriff might double as your kid's school bus driver, and discuss how places like Columbia, Maryland, might just strike the perfect balance between urban buzz and pastoral peace.
Mornings have transformed for us, and possibly for you too, once you discover the power of starting your day with purpose and positivity. In this episode, we delve into the impact of manifesting through mindfulness and meditation, with a routine that includes 35 affirmations to guide our intentions. We're not just talking about personal growth here; this practice has reshaped our business landscape as well. We explore the blend of spirituality and practicality, how technology can bolster your daily devotion, and we even share biblical passages that have inspired us to trust in the bigger plan.
The parenting journey is packed with highs, lows, and plenty of unexpected turns. This time around, we're opening up about the tough moments when our little ones' words cut deep, and the way mindfulness can help us navigate these choppy waters. We talk about listening beyond the words to uncover the true emotions at play and how adapting parenting styles across generations doesn't mean losing sight of core values. Whether you're a parent, grandparent, or just someone interested in the profound effects of mindful living, this episode offers heartfelt insights and real strategies for fostering intentional growth in ourselves and our children.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the After Party, episode 24.
We about to get into it.
Ma'am, you said something yousaid for a later time that we
could discuss.
Your preference right now isNew York, but that's not where
you want to be.
Just give us a brief little.
I don't understand.
(00:20):
What do you love about New Yorknow and what change do you want
to make in life?
Right so, New York is amazing.
It's convenience everywhere.
I got a 24-hour deli on thecorner of my block.
It's amazing.
You come home from the club 3o'clock, 4 o'clock in the
morning, go get you a sandwich,wait a minute, wait a minute.
(00:40):
You know why you coming fromthe club.
Because you out here, out herein these streets.
Facts oh my gosh, oh my gosh,we're both moms.
We be home.
Ain't nobody going to that shit?
Exactly, I be like oh, whattime is it?
Oh, nine.
Oh my gosh, that's my bedtime.
Time to Time to Right.
(01:03):
We go to bed early.
Okay, I need my beauty rest.
I need it, I need it.
No, but New York is convenient.
It's a lot of you know quick,fast things, but it's a little
bit too quick and fast, like ifI had, you know, tons of
suburban money when I wasyounger, I would have moved out
(01:24):
to the suburbs or maybe a smalltown and something that's a
little bit more slower, a littlebit more safer, because I got
to use air quotes.
I got to use air quotes withthat, yeah, because anywhere
anything can happen.
Got some crazy people right.
(01:45):
Just think about the forest andthe trees and where you can
hide a body in the weeds andthey be like what's that smell?
Like?
I watch so much time shows,it's not even funny.
You just said something else.
You said think about the forestand the trees and the smell.
(02:05):
Where's that?
What's that that smell in yourbody?
Okay, so I'm going to move to asmall town.
You segway this baby.
I'm going to move to a smalltown.
My pastor, pastor Darius Danielsof Change Church, he always
tells us about this small townthat he is from and I think it
would be perfect for you becauseit has trees and a forest and
(02:32):
you'll be able to have thatsmell if you want.
Because it kills Michael,mississippi.
It kills.
She said kill Michael, whokilled him?
K?
Kill Michael.
Who killed him Kills Michael.
So apparently that place justkills Michael.
So I would suggest that if yourname is Michael, you don't need
(02:55):
to go there.
I was very specific to Michael,but your name is Michelle.
I might have to find yousomewhere else to go.
Right, right, because actuallyI was named after my Uncle,
michael.
So, yeah, we not.
That's a little bit too close.
Yeah, I mean, but it's thatsmall town, feel that you want.
(03:17):
They have one sheriff and onedoctor, and if you go to the
doctor's office and he's notthere, you can just pull up at
his house.
And I believe he said thesheriff with the one car also
drives the school bus.
Who better to show up?
Alright, let's backtrack alittle bit.
Let's backtrack just a littlebit.
That's a bit much.
(03:39):
You want to force and say whatthat's for.
Am I wrong?
Okay, I want to be able.
I want, would be able to go tothe store and say what's that
store, am I wrong?
Okay, I want to be able.
I want to be able to have someconveniences, right, like, maybe
there is a convenience store,but maybe it closes at 10pm.
I think he did say it was one.
What time it closed?
Yeah, that thing closed atsundownown.
(04:05):
We already know before the sungo down.
Everybody's right, right, theyclose, they close too early.
Yeah, yeah, so.
So columbia, baltimore, that'sthe place.
Columbia, maryland I keepsaying baltimore because it's so
close and I visit balt much.
So Columbia, maryland is theplace where, like I, just I
(04:27):
loved it there I visited.
It was me taking time formyself, the kids were with their
dad.
I was like I'm not doing nowork this weekend.
I, things can wait.
I don't have any pressingdeadlines.
I'm taking a quick little driveto Maryland and I found this
hotel.
My goal was to go to Baltimorebecause they got the oyster spot
(04:49):
that I love in Baltimore.
Foodie, you're a foodie.
Yes, I'm a foodie.
I love, but it has to be good.
You know what I mean.
Like I don't eat junk, it gottabe good, it gotta be refined.
I don't eat junk, it got to begood, it got to be refined.
So I'm like, okay, let me finda, you know, cheaper hotel, try
(05:10):
to like.
But there was a Marriott it'snot a cheap motel but more
affordable, right, but it was inColumbia and so I got to spend
time there.
There was a bar in the like, alittle bar restaurant in the
hotel.
It was amazing, food was greatand I was like coming down in my
pajamas at first and I seethese people at the door, you
(05:31):
know people coming off thestreet that wasn't even staying
at the hotel, dressed to thenines.
I was like, oh no, no, let mego back upstairs and put on my
good, my good church clothes andyou know what I'm saying so you
can get out there in the saying, so I could get out in them
streets in that bar.
That was great.
Um, I got to hike over there ata little park.
(05:52):
I got to do some walking, sometrails.
It was just, it was just nice,it was peaceful, it felt, it
felt good like.
It felt like okay, I could, Icould live here.
It felt kind of like howserious are?
Okay, I could live here.
It felt kind of like home.
How serious are you about that?
I could live here.
I'm dead serious.
I'm so serious.
It's just that I have to waituntil the girls are like out of
school and you know, graduatingand all that stuff.
(06:15):
But yeah, I could retire there.
I could retire there.
Nah, how serious?
Because people that serious,they start house hunting.
So while I was there, I found arealtor, I found some open
houses and I went to each openhouse that I could find within a
(06:38):
certain mile radius and I sawabout four houses that weekend.
Yes, I did, and it wasn't thatI was ready to move right then
and there.
But it's just me, I know, likemanifesting things, you got to
put it in motion, you got to beintentional and you got to know
like, okay, is this really real?
Is this feeling really real?
And even the houses one of themwas I was like if I had it
(07:02):
right now, I'd be living righthere Because it was really.
And it's not that I like thingsthat are extravagant and like
I'm very, very like mute when itcomes to certain things, but
it's just the feeling that itgave.
And I like architecture and ithad it.
It had like archway doorways.
It was so cute.
(07:22):
It was an older house, but theyhad really kept it up well,
even the basement was like newcarpet and everything which
could be something under thatcarpet.
You never know.
Sometimes people try to hidestuff, but they like the open
house coming.
All.
Right, this is what we gonna do.
We gonna invest in this carpetright here.
They're gonna come the weekbefore the open house like right
(07:42):
, and then when they buy thehouse, we're taking this carpet
back.
We're gonna get our money back.
Right, exactly, they'll refund.
No, but it was, it was, it wasa good feeling.
So I don't, you know, I don'tknow specifically that it will
be that, but I I'm very close togetting you know.
That be in the spot, that be inthe spot, so we'll see.
You said that it's important foryou, in to to plan for the
(08:07):
future, to actually visualizethings, to actually test it out
and see, yes, how this wouldplay out.
What other ways have you donethat in your life and how have
they?
Have they manifested?
Oh, yes, oh yes.
So where I am now, I actuallymanifested.
(08:28):
I take serious my mantras and Ihave my sayings.
I have about 35 sayings that Isay every morning and I don't
get to skip a morning if I wakeup super late because my iPhone
will speak to me.
You highlight some texts andyou click on speak and it will
say it.
So I'm saying it, even if Ican't say it out loud.
I'm saying it in my head,depending on where I am.
(08:49):
I got my earbud in so I'mlistening to it and I'm making
sure that I'm on top of mymantra.
On top of that, I have likesome in my phone and printed out
on my desk is my visualization.
So I have where I want to beand what I want in the future,
and that's there.
When I plan my week out, I'mcoming from a place of knowing
(09:11):
what 10 years from now is goingto look like, and I'm working
backwards, and so I'm taking thesteps day by day.
This is in my coaching programtoo.
So I'm taking the steps day byday to order to get to that 10
year goal.
So I'm taking the steps day byday to order to get to that 10
year goal.
What does today look like forme to get to that 10 year goal?
And so I mostly notpurposefully have manifested
(09:33):
things.
We're all manifesting anyway,right?
No matter what we're thinking,no matter what we're doing,
we're already manifesting.
It may be something you don'tlike, it may be something that
is positive or negative, right,positive or negative.
We're manifesting.
And so I absolutely like whereI am in my business.
I have seen it way, way backwhen I've even made vision
(09:56):
boards.
Like I told you, my sister is acoach, so she's the
relationship coach.
But what took her there was hermanifesting on her husband, and
before that she used to dovision board workshops where we
would sit and she would say whatkind of relationship you want
to have, what kind of life youwant to have, and she would dig
deep and you come out therecrying.
But you also have a visualrepresentation that you look at
(10:18):
every day and you can manage, um, my use mindfulness and
meditate on it every day, sortof see things start to come into
your life.
It's it's a little bit scary,it's a little bit crazy, but
it's so accurate and it works.
It really works.
It's amazing.
It's amazing.
You said something that totallytook me right to god's word
(10:42):
because word, because God knewthe end from the beginning.
Girl, yes, you said you knewthe end.
I know what's going on 10 yearsfrom now, and so I'm working
this thing.
I planned it all.
I just worked backwards fromwhat my expected end is Exactly
(11:05):
and I just work my way back.
You're living such a andteaching such a biblical
lifestyle.
Yes, in terms of living outpromises that are in this book
that I read and that I readoften, often.
(11:27):
Yes, so I got something else toshare with you.
Yes, that, um.
So I actually got this fromsomeone who I admire very, very
much.
Um, and she has a podcast andshe sort of I was going to be
interviewed on her podcast andshe said, okay, when I knew you
(11:48):
were coming, I looked up somescriptures that talked about
mindfulness and meditation, andso I wrote down these scriptures
.
I've read them.
You know, I don't I'm not likethe type of Bible person that
knows scriptures by heart, butI'm in tune, I'm in touch and I
do read every day by heart.
(12:08):
But I'm in tune, I'm in touchand I do read every day.
So she gave me these and I'llread them all to you and they're
not, um, you know the fullmeaning of them.
The full.
They're not word for word, butthey're like a little snippet
meaning of them.
Yeah, so, psalms 46, 10 be stilland know that.
I am god.
That one.
Right there, I was like, ohgirl, it's four of them.
And then we have wait, wait,wait, wait.
(12:29):
Let's unpack, be still and knowthat.
You can't do that, how yougonna do that, how you gonna do
that?
You can't do that.
That one is key, man, be stilland know so.
First, you have to be, you needto be present, you have to be,
you need to be present, you needto be.
(12:50):
What?
Mindful, yes, yes, I'm glad yousaid that Mindfulness.
You need to stop and know,because that's that mindfulness,
yes, yes, and know, becausethat's that mindfulness, yes,
yes, like yo, you're you, but Ineed you right in this moment.
(13:12):
You need to be still and know.
Know what I'm god.
So I don't care how this looks,what they're saying, how that
feels I'm god and what does mypromise say?
I will work all things to buildExactly.
Isn't that crazy?
Isn't that crazy how much itlike it's one sentence, it's one
(13:36):
sentence, right, but it's sofull, it's so deep, and every
time that I'm reading things andI'm going through the Bible,
even if I already read it, youcould read it again and you get
something else.
It's crazy.
Oh, it's crazy.
He's so good.
Yes, yes, all right.
(13:56):
So what does that scripturemean to you?
I said what it meant to me.
What does it mean to you?
You read it.
What did it mean to you?
It's crazy.
You asked me that because I was.
I wasn't going to share this,but I'll share.
It's a little personal, but Ithink the moment calls for it
and I understand where he'sgoing with this conversation.
(14:19):
So let it be.
So.
There was a moment where I wasreading this book and you know
I'm constantly reading.
It's an entrepreneur.
We got to read and in the bookit said that you could have a
mantra.
And I'm like, yeah, I know that, but it's like you can have a
mantra that is the word of God.
And the mantra that itsuggested was be still and know
(14:39):
that I am God.
And it said it suggested to sayit 50 times and meditate on it
and all of that stuff.
So I'm like, all right, I'lltry that.
I wrote it down 50 times a fewdays in a row.
I'm busy, I'm not doing it, nomore, I'm not writing this out,
no more.
50 times, my hand hurt.
(15:00):
So a few days after I hadstopped not even a few, maybe
two days after I had stoppedsomething crazy happened in my
business, where I'm not evengoing to tell you what it is,
but it looked like things weregoing south to the point where I
was going to have to stop.
Period, no business.
(15:21):
And so after going through thatand going and I had to get a
lawyer, it was, it was insane.
It was insane.
I wasn't going to jail ornothing like that, it wasn't
crazy like that, but it was likewhat happened was so specific
that it was only God saying like, okay, let's put you through
this because something's comingfrom it.
(15:42):
And in the end, like this waslast year, so in the end, like
this was last year, so in theend, now that this is closing up
and everything I could see therevelation from it, I could see
that he was preparing me forsomething greater.
So now, when the next level ofmy business I am fully ready
(16:03):
because I done crossed all theT's, dotted the I's I was like
this ain't going to ever happenagain.
But when it happened and when Iwas going through it, it felt
like the end of the world.
It felt like this is crazy.
I was like where is this comingfrom?
Like who does this happen to?
It was so specific, like onTuesday at 9, 12 pm, the girl
(16:26):
with the glasses and thenecklace on is going to cross
the street but she's going to goover on this side.
Like it was so just veryspecific.
I was like this had to be God.
When it wrapped up, I'm likethat was God teaching me so that
I could make sure I'm movingforward and operating in my
highest value, operating withintegrity and I ain't making no
(16:48):
silly mistakes, because that wasa very specific silly mistake.
And so to me, it meanseverything.
It means to trust in him, itmeans to go down into the nitty
gritty, be out there in themstreets, be in those streets and
still come above what you'vebeen through and take from what
(17:12):
you learned out that lesson andI wish I could tell you all the
details, but I can't, I justcan't.
But imagine the worst thing youhave ever been through the
lowest of the low.
There is a lesson to be learned, there is progress to be made,
and that's what that means to me.
That's what that means he gotyou, no matter what he got you.
(17:33):
Yeah, he got you.
Yeah, listen to be learned,progress to be made.
All right now, amen.
On to number two.
Yes, number two is romans 12 2,and I didn't write down the
whole thing, but I wrote downintention, and so she attributed
that to mindfulness as well.
(17:53):
Um, I don't even know what thissays.
Galileans, intentionalintention to your mind.
Oh, you want to break that down?
Yes, I'm gonna break that down.
Give me that mindfulness, thatintentionality of your
mindfulness.
How important is that?
It's so important, it's soimportant.
(18:15):
So I take this specifically.
So let me first say whatmindfulness and meditation.
So mindfulness is the beingaware and in the present moment.
The meditation is like theexercise, right?
So if you go to the gym you sayI want to lift 350 pounds, well
, you got to get up to 350pounds.
If you've never done thatbefore, if you ain't that strong
(18:36):
, you got to work your way up toit.
So the mindfulness, themindfulness is the goal, the 350
.
The meditation is the practice,getting building up to it,
adding on weight as you go.
And so, with intention, you haveto be intentional about making
space, physically and mentally,for meditating.
So I had said earlier, one tipwould be for a mom to create
(19:00):
space in their home where it'sjust them, it's dedicated to
them, and so that isintentionality in the physical.
But when you sit there and youmeditate, or you sit there and
you decide I'm going to sit hereand leave my phone out of it,
be with myself in any way, thatthat is for you.
You could just sip coffee andthink about your day, you could
journal, you could read.
(19:20):
That is intention and itproduces a result that you can't
see immediately.
But you're going to get to that350 pounds, you're going to get
there, you're going to getthere, and so you can meditate
with intention.
Some people meditate especiallyentrepreneurs at the beginning
of their day about what doesthis day look like, or here's my
goal for the day, how do I getthere, and they meditate on that
(19:42):
.
But my favorite meditation,which is kind of not very
exciting, is breathing.
Yay, something we all do.
So we all have that.
We all have that ability tokind of calm our bodies and just
by breathing in really deeplyin your nose and exhaling out of
your mouth, as long as you can,a little bit longer than the
(20:04):
inhale, you automaticallytrigger your parasympathetic
nervous system and you calmyourself immediately.
Like it is like magic.
And the more you practice thatand the more you're intentional
about sitting with your breath,the better off you'll be in life
.
It even has health benefits.
So I mean, how could you notmeditate?
(20:26):
How could you not want tobreathe deep?
You know what I'm saying.
So intention is one of thosethings that you have to
purposefully plan time foryourself.
You have to purposefully planwith intention what your day is
going to look like and what yourweek is going to look like,
what your 10 years is going tolook like.
So I love that intention.
I love intention because Iwould say you need to be
(20:48):
intentional about who you wantto be, how you want to show up,
how you want to respond indifferent situations.
So you explain away badbehavior I'm trying to say it in
a nice way or negative behavior, or that response that's not
(21:13):
really becoming of the personthat you want to be your best
self.
Intentionality also goes toyour emotions and those emotions
connecting to how you want torespond.
So be intentional.
(21:33):
You look at, look back onsomething and you're like I
didn't like how, when they saidthis, I just went nuts, I didn't
like that.
So you need to then look atwho's the person.
To me, I value what they say.
Anyway, to have a response,hello.
And then, if I do value whatthey say, we need to either have
(21:55):
a conversation or I need tostop valuing what they say.
Right, but what's but?
But in that let me stop you,for okay, I'm not going to do
too much.
But in that what is moreplausible?
Is it you stop valuing whatthey say or you having a
conversation and seeing wherethey can alter and change their
(22:16):
behavior?
Okay, so I would say in onescenario, I'm going to stop
valuing somebody that I don'tvalue.
Someone's opinion that I don'tvalue, I don't care.
If you do stand there and callme out of my name, I don't care,
I don't mess with you in no way.
We good, we all here in thesestreets you can see me, we all
(22:40):
here in these streets.
There you go Okay, so no, I'llbehave, I'll behave.
So yeah, I will, right, andthat comes up.
That comes up a lot with myparents, whereas they're putting
too much onto the children orto another person where it's
like.
But you are in control of youand how you respond to things
(23:01):
and how you see things.
So maybe you want to take astep back and say, okay, where
am I in this?
Where am I?
How am I responding?
How am I coming through?
How am I showing up?
Yeah, so you got it.
Yeah.
The other side of the point is,if they're close to me, we're
going to have to have aconversation I plan on having.
You could stay in my life andyou're not my kid, my mom.
(23:29):
You know you're not someonethat I feel is an official,
essential component to my lifeI'm going to have.
If I feel like you're anessential component, we're going
to have to have a conversation.
I need you to understand, yes,but you're also, and that that I
have boundaries.
So if, if you do that, thereare consequences, right, right,
(23:50):
so you have the conversation.
But I also like to tell peopleto self-reflect, anyway, even if
that person is really close toyou, kind of self-assess and be
able to see where they are,where they're coming forward in
the in a situation, so that theyunderstand that maybe I play a
(24:10):
little bit of a part into whatthey're saying, let me see if
there's some truth to it.
But we are definitely having aconversation and you are setting
up boundaries, so you need allof the above.
Yes, everyone needs all of theabove.
Dear miss, we are going to go toscripture three.
(24:33):
Scripture three is um, I wrotedown, gal, and I believe the way
you say it is galatians, right,yes, galatians, okay, um, I
ain't mad at it, I ain't mad atit.
I ain't mad at it either, causeyou see it works out.
We get there 522.
Self-control, self-control yeah, that's a big one, that's a
(25:03):
huge one.
So self-control shows up for mebecause in the midst of me
growing up and knowing how to bemindful, right, because,
remember, it was a gift that wasgiven to me knowing how to be
mindful.
But I'm a kid.
I'm not practicing this all thetime, not practicing this all
the time.
I got friends.
I'm a teenager now.
I got to get out there.
(25:24):
I got to be out in thesestreets.
You know what I'm saying.
You know what I'm saying.
So it would be times where,because of the trauma that I've
gone through here and there, Iwas a hothead, like I would go
off on somebody.
I would never fight because Iwas like I'm a lady and I don't
fight.
(25:44):
I don't get my face scratched,nope.
But I will tell you off in aminute.
And it could be something.
You could be joking with me, itcould be.
Somebody bumped it to me byaccident.
It took them Like I would justyes, the power of the tongue,
that's another scripture.
Okay, life and death and thepower of the tongue and all that
(26:05):
, yes.
So mindfulness has got me to theplace where, when I did, you
know, partake in it and was ableto, like, bring things full
circle, self-control was thefirst thing that I noticed I had
.
And in giving it to childrenand teaching it to children,
they're able to regulatethemselves and have self-control
(26:25):
.
So you might have a kid that'ssuper, hyper, hyper, and you
practice in mindfulness withthem.
Eventually, that kid is goingto be able to self-regulate and
control themselves.
That's the beauty ofself-control and mindfulness and
meditating and all that.
Yeah, I believe thatself-control is definitely a
(26:46):
discipline that everyone shouldpractice and be mindful of.
Yes, I'm done.
All right, number four.
All right, number four, james119.
Slow to speak, slow to rap.
Yeah, so you got to Slow tospeak, slow to rap.
Yeah, so you got to be slow tospeak.
(27:09):
Yeah, you know what?
You got to be quick to do,right, what?
Quick to listen?
I love it, I love it.
See, I told you I didn't writedown the whole thing, I didn't
remember.
I was just like, okay, yeah, Iread them after she gave them to
me and I was like, okay, let me, let me meditate on these.
Yeah, so those four I'mactually going to be passing on
(27:31):
to my clients too, the ones thatare believers, because I feel
like it's so much that we do inour day-to-day and that we go,
even if you're going forward,and you like, okay, yes,
michelle, I want to meditate,I'm with it, let's do this.
You gotta see how God fits intoit.
You have to to make it work,make it impactful, like really,
really impactful.
If you are a believer, it'sgonna be 20 times beneficial to
(27:57):
you, you know.
So, yes, yes, my goodness, yes,because if you're, if you're
saying you're trying to have aconversation and all you're
doing is talking, that's not aconversation, bingo, bingo.
(28:21):
So I wanted to get intosomething that you said earlier
as well.
You just, you just reminded meof parents being able to be
vulnerable and actively listento their children.
That kind of ties into all ofthese scriptures, especially the
(28:41):
last one.
Did you imagine?
Right?
Your child is, um, you know,pre-teenage, whatever age, but
you know, let's just say,pre-teen, 10, 11 years old.
And they come to you andthey're asking you for something
and you're like get out of myface, I can't do this right now,
like I'm cooking.
(29:01):
You could be in the kitchensweating, cooking, trying to do
something else, kid, um,catering to a baby, or have
trying to have a phoneconversation, something, and
they're pressing and pressingyou and they're asking you for
something.
You like, come on, get out ofmy face, get out of my face.
And then they look at you andthey say something so slick,
it's so sharp and so hurtful,like Like you always busy, you
(29:25):
ain't even doing nothing.
Or you think you?
You think I was going to say,you think you all that, lord,
I'm tired and a bag of chips anda bag of chips Kids don't know
that, yet I'm hungry.
What kind of chips you like?
I'm sorry, go ahead, keeptalking, keep talking.
I'm sorry, but kids don't knowthat term, but they don't
(29:46):
understand what they're saying,right, they're hurting the
parents' feelings.
And that's really what it is isthat they're hurting the
parents' feelings.
So, as a parent, you got to beable to be open and understand
that they're saying things thatare hurtful to you because
they're in a certain frame ofmind.
So you got to be open andvulnerable to say, okay, I'm not
going to put them on punishment, I'm not going to clap that on
(30:09):
them, I'm not going to, you know, make them feel any worse than
what they're feeling becausethey're having a moment.
So I need to investigate andsee what this is.
So it takes a strong-minded self, you knowaware parent to be
able to do that.
You have to be vulnerable.
You have to be able to listenand hear in the things that they
(30:30):
don't say, right?
So when they say somethingthat's rude or it triggers you,
it's what they're not saying.
They're not saying I'm hurt orI love you or I want more time
with you, or please come playwith me Like they're not.
They don't know how tocommunicate that.
So sometimes, a lot of times, itcomes out as okay, I'm going to
do it, get mom's attention, andso if mom is in my face yelling
(30:54):
at me, she's close to me.
I feel her presence.
Yes, even though I pissed heroff, I feel that presence.
I got all the focus, all theattention on me.
Right now I'm going to keepdoing that.
I'm going to keep kicking herand running away.
That's crazy.
(31:14):
I've seen kids do that.
I've seen it all.
I was out there in them streetsand I seen it.
Don't do me like that.
Don't do me like that.
You said something.
You said and it triggered in me.
(31:34):
Sorry, I'm not sure what justgot caught in my throat.
I can't be laughing with youall hard.
I'm sorry.
Oh yes, oh yes.
Keep my streets to myself, okay, we're gonna keep our pearls
straight.
We're gonna be good here.
We go, okay.
So kids say things sorry, letme get, take your time, take
(31:59):
your time.
Kids do say things and I don'tthink that, um, everyone takes
into account.
They don't ask where did youhear that?
Because it may have been comingfrom you.
They learned exactly fromlistening to your conversation,
(32:21):
or from listening to yourconversation, or remember, that
kids bully other kids and it maybe something that's being said
to them at school and they knowhow hurtful that thing said to
them.
So that's why they feel I'mgonna make this statement.
Yeah, so they get it fromsomewhere, it comes from
(32:42):
somewhere and a lot of the timesit comes from the parent and so
, just like what you say, theyabsorb and they'll say it back.
For that you could go onlineand you could take this test and
(33:05):
it kind of like points towardscertain things and it gives you
insight onto what may be goingon with you.
You know what I mean.
So it's we have to do the workon ourselves in order to show up
for them, in order to bevulnerable for them, in order to
actively listen to what they'resaying, what they're not saying
.
You've got actively listen towhat they're saying, what
(33:25):
they're not saying.
You got to work on yourself,because it's going to be two
burdens.
It's going to be a burden onyou.
If you're not, if you're notfully prepared, you can't hang.
It's going to be a burden foryou.
But then it's like what are youteaching your kids when they
get older?
Exactly, they don't they.
And then you're looking at themlike don't treat my grandkids
like that.
And they're looking at you likeand then you're looking at them
like don't treat my grandkidslike that.
(33:45):
And they're looking at you likewhat are you talking about,
right?
And they're going to look atyou like what are you talking
about?
I'm doing them better than youdid me, because they think
they're doing better and theyprobably are doing a smidge
better.
But we are a product of ourenvironment.
So it's hard for us, but it canbe done.
It's hard for us to not do whatour parents did to us to our
(34:07):
own children.
It's hard, but it can be done.
It can absolutely.
Yeah, you're right.
I feel like that's where theswitch came um between
generations.
It seems like one generation tosay everything my parents did
on with these things, I'm notdoing those.
So then we lose valuable thingsand change the way that we are
(34:29):
parenting the next generation,and I think it keeps getting
watered down if we go back andwe track back.
There were manners taught,there were values taught.
There was a village literallyvillage that helped you raise
(34:49):
your children.
You highlighted before, uh, uh,in the main episode that you
were a latchkey kid.
I've experienced that, being alatchkey kid, for being the
youngest, I wasn't the only onethere it's it's.
It's amazing how things justevolved because you couldn't
(35:10):
have been a latchkey kid way,way, way, way back in the day it
it.
You know, they really literallyhad truant officers right
around checking on the kids andthings like that.
It just seems like things havegotten a bit watered down in
terms of the protection of kids,especially with social media
(35:37):
and regular tv, just the thingsthat they're exposed to on
regular TV.
My kids, I watch TV with them.
I know parents that, as I waswatching TV with my children,
letting them choose the channels, I watched my stuff after they
went to bed.
(35:57):
Then I watched what I wanted towatch, but while they were up,
now we're going to sit here andwatch TV.
That's how my mom did it, so up.
Now we're going to sit here andwatch TV.
That's how my mom did it, so,literally, now we're all going
to sit here.
You know, you had that big TVin the living room and everybody
sat down and watched the sameshow.
The same thing, shirley, happyDays.
Listen, we're going to sit hereand watch this and be all right
(36:20):
with it.
The Jackson 5 show.
Oh, they had a comedy show, oh,my goodness.
So okay, I'm sorry, side track,but Janet, it's not the minute
in my life, it's the length ofmy life.
Listen, janet was getting it.
Janet was getting it andMichael told her how to do it.
See side track.
Okay, back.
Sorry, I had a me moment.
(36:40):
It happens at times.
I snap back real quick.
So it's just that how thingsare getting watered down.
So I'm very elated that you arehere to help parents, to help,
specifically, moms know thatthey can still do the business
(37:01):
of the business that they dowhile they still take care of
the business of home and stuff.
Right, right, you can have itall.
You can't.
You can't have it all.
Yeah told you you could.
Okay, I told you you couldn'thave it.
(37:22):
If you you just watchedlistening to the audio of this,
you are missing some seriousmoves.
I'm giving up with this.
Right, got the neck rollingevery time.
My hand on the hip you can'teven see, my hand is on my what
Right?
But, yes, I appreciate youtaking the time to come to the
after party.
It's the after party, okay, I'msorry.
So yeah, so yeah, people arelike wait, they really are out
(37:47):
here in these streets.
Humans, humans in the world,not of the world.
That's what we do.
And if you are a parent, if youknow a parent, if you know a
mom that is going through withher children, or you know some
children that are going throughwith their mom I'm sorry, I'm
(38:12):
trying to say it with a straightface and it worked.
Listen, listen.
Some children that are goingthrough with their parents.
I'm just Listen, because shedoes parent coaching, she does
children coaching and she'steaching mindfulness, how to use
(38:32):
your full mind to your fullvalue.
Alright, I appreciate you beinghere in the after party with me
.
Everyone at dear underscore,miss canes is where you can
follow and find her.
All her information will be inthe description box.
(38:53):
I appreciate you guys hangingaround for the after party with
me and michelle.
Have a great one.
See you next time.
Bye.
Welcome to the After Party, episode 24.
We about to get into it.
Ma'am, you said something yousaid for a later time that we
could discuss.
Your preference right now isNew York, but that's not where
you want to be.
Just give us a brief little.
I don't understand.
(00:20):
What do you love about New Yorknow and what change do you want
to make in life?
Right so, New York is amazing.
It's convenience everywhere.
I got a 24-hour deli on thecorner of my block.
It's amazing.
You come home from the club 3o'clock, 4 o'clock in the
morning, go get you a sandwich,wait a minute, wait a minute.
(00:40):
You know why you coming fromthe club.
Because you out here, out herein these streets.
Facts oh my gosh, oh my gosh,we're both moms.
We be home.
Ain't nobody going to that shit?
Exactly, I be like oh, whattime is it?
Oh, nine.
Oh my gosh, that's my bedtime.
Time to Time to Right.
(01:03):
We go to bed early.
Okay, I need my beauty rest.
I need it, I need it.
No, but New York is convenient.
It's a lot of you know quick,fast things, but it's a little
bit too quick and fast, like ifI had, you know, tons of
suburban money when I wasyounger, I would have moved out
(01:24):
to the suburbs or maybe a smalltown and something that's a
little bit more slower, a littlebit more safer, because I got
to use air quotes.
I got to use air quotes withthat, yeah, because anywhere
anything can happen.
Got some crazy people right.
(01:45):
Just think about the forest andthe trees and where you can
hide a body in the weeds andthey be like what's that smell?
Like?
I watch so much time shows,it's not even funny.
You just said something else.
You said think about the forestand the trees and the smell.
(02:05):
Where's that?
What's that that smell in yourbody?
Okay, so I'm going to move to asmall town.
You segway this baby.
I'm going to move to a smalltown.
My pastor, pastor Darius Danielsof Change Church, he always
tells us about this small townthat he is from and I think it
would be perfect for you becauseit has trees and a forest and
(02:32):
you'll be able to have thatsmell if you want.
Because it kills Michael,mississippi.
It kills.
She said kill Michael, whokilled him?
K?
Kill Michael.
Who killed him Kills Michael.
So apparently that place justkills Michael.
So I would suggest that if yourname is Michael, you don't need
(02:55):
to go there.
I was very specific to Michael,but your name is Michelle.
I might have to find yousomewhere else to go.
Right, right, because actuallyI was named after my Uncle,
michael.
So, yeah, we not.
That's a little bit too close.
Yeah, I mean, but it's thatsmall town, feel that you want.
(03:17):
They have one sheriff and onedoctor, and if you go to the
doctor's office and he's notthere, you can just pull up at
his house.
And I believe he said thesheriff with the one car also
drives the school bus.
Who better to show up?
Alright, let's backtrack alittle bit.
Let's backtrack just a littlebit.
That's a bit much.
(03:39):
You want to force and say whatthat's for.
Am I wrong?
Okay, I want to be able.
I want, would be able to go tothe store and say what's that
store, am I wrong?
Okay, I want to be able.
I want to be able to have someconveniences, right, like, maybe
there is a convenience store,but maybe it closes at 10pm.
I think he did say it was one.
What time it closed?
Yeah, that thing closed atsundownown.
(04:05):
We already know before the sungo down.
Everybody's right, right, theyclose, they close too early.
Yeah, yeah, so.
So columbia, baltimore, that'sthe place.
Columbia, maryland I keepsaying baltimore because it's so
close and I visit balt much.
So Columbia, maryland is theplace where, like I, just I
(04:27):
loved it there I visited.
It was me taking time formyself, the kids were with their
dad.
I was like I'm not doing nowork this weekend.
I, things can wait.
I don't have any pressingdeadlines.
I'm taking a quick little driveto Maryland and I found this
hotel.
My goal was to go to Baltimorebecause they got the oyster spot
(04:49):
that I love in Baltimore.
Foodie, you're a foodie.
Yes, I'm a foodie.
I love, but it has to be good.
You know what I mean.
Like I don't eat junk, it gottabe good, it gotta be refined.
I don't eat junk, it got to begood, it got to be refined.
So I'm like, okay, let me finda, you know, cheaper hotel, try
(05:10):
to like.
But there was a Marriott it'snot a cheap motel but more
affordable, right, but it was inColumbia and so I got to spend
time there.
There was a bar in the like, alittle bar restaurant in the
hotel.
It was amazing, food was greatand I was like coming down in my
pajamas at first and I seethese people at the door, you
(05:31):
know people coming off thestreet that wasn't even staying
at the hotel, dressed to thenines.
I was like, oh no, no, let mego back upstairs and put on my
good, my good church clothes andyou know what I'm saying so you
can get out there in the saying, so I could get out in them
streets in that bar.
That was great.
Um, I got to hike over there ata little park.
(05:52):
I got to do some walking, sometrails.
It was just, it was just nice,it was peaceful, it felt, it
felt good like.
It felt like okay, I could, Icould live here.
It felt kind of like howserious are?
Okay, I could live here.
It felt kind of like home.
How serious are you about that?
I could live here.
I'm dead serious.
I'm so serious.
It's just that I have to waituntil the girls are like out of
school and you know, graduatingand all that stuff.
(06:15):
But yeah, I could retire there.
I could retire there.
Nah, how serious?
Because people that serious,they start house hunting.
So while I was there, I found arealtor, I found some open
houses and I went to each openhouse that I could find within a
(06:38):
certain mile radius and I sawabout four houses that weekend.
Yes, I did, and it wasn't thatI was ready to move right then
and there.
But it's just me, I know, likemanifesting things, you got to
put it in motion, you got to beintentional and you got to know
like, okay, is this really real?
Is this feeling really real?
And even the houses one of themwas I was like if I had it
(07:02):
right now, I'd be living righthere Because it was really.
And it's not that I like thingsthat are extravagant and like
I'm very, very like mute when itcomes to certain things, but
it's just the feeling that itgave.
And I like architecture and ithad it.
It had like archway doorways.
It was so cute.
(07:22):
It was an older house, but theyhad really kept it up well,
even the basement was like newcarpet and everything which
could be something under thatcarpet.
You never know.
Sometimes people try to hidestuff, but they like the open
house coming.
All.
Right, this is what we gonna do.
We gonna invest in this carpetright here.
They're gonna come the weekbefore the open house like right
(07:42):
, and then when they buy thehouse, we're taking this carpet
back.
We're gonna get our money back.
Right, exactly, they'll refund.
No, but it was, it was, it wasa good feeling.
So I don't, you know, I don'tknow specifically that it will
be that, but I I'm very close togetting you know.
That be in the spot, that be inthe spot, so we'll see.
You said that it's important foryou, in to to plan for the
(08:07):
future, to actually visualizethings, to actually test it out
and see, yes, how this wouldplay out.
What other ways have you donethat in your life and how have
they?
Have they manifested?
Oh, yes, oh yes.
So where I am now, I actuallymanifested.
(08:28):
I take serious my mantras and Ihave my sayings.
I have about 35 sayings that Isay every morning and I don't
get to skip a morning if I wakeup super late because my iPhone
will speak to me.
You highlight some texts andyou click on speak and it will
say it.
So I'm saying it, even if Ican't say it out loud.
I'm saying it in my head,depending on where I am.
(08:49):
I got my earbud in so I'mlistening to it and I'm making
sure that I'm on top of mymantra.
On top of that, I have likesome in my phone and printed out
on my desk is my visualization.
So I have where I want to beand what I want in the future,
and that's there.
When I plan my week out, I'mcoming from a place of knowing
(09:11):
what 10 years from now is goingto look like, and I'm working
backwards, and so I'm taking thesteps day by day.
This is in my coaching programtoo.
So I'm taking the steps day byday to order to get to that 10
year goal.
So I'm taking the steps day byday to order to get to that 10
year goal.
What does today look like forme to get to that 10 year goal?
And so I mostly notpurposefully have manifested
(09:33):
things.
We're all manifesting anyway,right?
No matter what we're thinking,no matter what we're doing,
we're already manifesting.
It may be something you don'tlike, it may be something that
is positive or negative, right,positive or negative.
We're manifesting.
And so I absolutely like whereI am in my business.
I have seen it way, way backwhen I've even made vision
(09:56):
boards.
Like I told you, my sister is acoach, so she's the
relationship coach.
But what took her there was hermanifesting on her husband, and
before that she used to dovision board workshops where we
would sit and she would say whatkind of relationship you want
to have, what kind of life youwant to have, and she would dig
deep and you come out therecrying.
But you also have a visualrepresentation that you look at
(10:18):
every day and you can manage, um, my use mindfulness and
meditate on it every day, sortof see things start to come into
your life.
It's it's a little bit scary,it's a little bit crazy, but
it's so accurate and it works.
It really works.
It's amazing.
It's amazing.
You said something that totallytook me right to god's word
(10:42):
because word, because God knewthe end from the beginning.
Girl, yes, you said you knewthe end.
I know what's going on 10 yearsfrom now, and so I'm working
this thing.
I planned it all.
I just worked backwards fromwhat my expected end is Exactly
(11:05):
and I just work my way back.
You're living such a andteaching such a biblical
lifestyle.
Yes, in terms of living outpromises that are in this book
that I read and that I readoften, often.
(11:27):
Yes, so I got something else toshare with you.
Yes, that, um.
So I actually got this fromsomeone who I admire very, very
much.
Um, and she has a podcast andshe sort of I was going to be
interviewed on her podcast andshe said, okay, when I knew you
(11:48):
were coming, I looked up somescriptures that talked about
mindfulness and meditation, andso I wrote down these scriptures
.
I've read them.
You know, I don't I'm not likethe type of Bible person that
knows scriptures by heart, butI'm in tune, I'm in touch and I
do read every day by heart.
(12:08):
But I'm in tune, I'm in touchand I do read every day.
So she gave me these and I'llread them all to you and they're
not, um, you know the fullmeaning of them.
The full.
They're not word for word, butthey're like a little snippet
meaning of them.
Yeah, so, psalms 46, 10 be stilland know that.
I am god.
That one.
Right there, I was like, ohgirl, it's four of them.
And then we have wait, wait,wait, wait.
(12:29):
Let's unpack, be still and knowthat.
You can't do that, how yougonna do that, how you gonna do
that?
You can't do that.
That one is key, man, be stilland know so.
First, you have to be, you needto be present, you have to be,
you need to be present, you needto be.
(12:50):
What?
Mindful, yes, yes, I'm glad yousaid that Mindfulness.
You need to stop and know,because that's that mindfulness,
yes, yes, and know, becausethat's that mindfulness, yes,
yes, like yo, you're you, but Ineed you right in this moment.
(13:12):
You need to be still and know.
Know what I'm god.
So I don't care how this looks,what they're saying, how that
feels I'm god and what does mypromise say?
I will work all things to buildExactly.
Isn't that crazy?
Isn't that crazy how much itlike it's one sentence, it's one
(13:36):
sentence, right, but it's sofull, it's so deep, and every
time that I'm reading things andI'm going through the Bible,
even if I already read it, youcould read it again and you get
something else.
It's crazy.
Oh, it's crazy.
He's so good.
Yes, yes, all right.
(13:56):
So what does that scripturemean to you?
I said what it meant to me.
What does it mean to you?
You read it.
What did it mean to you?
It's crazy.
You asked me that because I was.
I wasn't going to share this,but I'll share.
It's a little personal, but Ithink the moment calls for it
and I understand where he'sgoing with this conversation.
(14:19):
So let it be.
So.
There was a moment where I wasreading this book and you know
I'm constantly reading.
It's an entrepreneur.
We got to read and in the bookit said that you could have a
mantra.
And I'm like, yeah, I know that, but it's like you can have a
mantra that is the word of God.
And the mantra that itsuggested was be still and know
(14:39):
that I am God.
And it said it suggested to sayit 50 times and meditate on it
and all of that stuff.
So I'm like, all right, I'lltry that.
I wrote it down 50 times a fewdays in a row.
I'm busy, I'm not doing it, nomore, I'm not writing this out,
no more.
50 times, my hand hurt.
(15:00):
So a few days after I hadstopped not even a few, maybe
two days after I had stoppedsomething crazy happened in my
business, where I'm not evengoing to tell you what it is,
but it looked like things weregoing south to the point where I
was going to have to stop.
Period, no business.
(15:21):
And so after going through thatand going and I had to get a
lawyer, it was, it was insane.
It was insane.
I wasn't going to jail ornothing like that, it wasn't
crazy like that, but it was likewhat happened was so specific
that it was only God saying like, okay, let's put you through
this because something's comingfrom it.
(15:42):
And in the end, like this waslast year, so in the end, like
this was last year, so in theend, now that this is closing up
and everything I could see therevelation from it, I could see
that he was preparing me forsomething greater.
So now, when the next level ofmy business I am fully ready
(16:03):
because I done crossed all theT's, dotted the I's I was like
this ain't going to ever happenagain.
But when it happened and when Iwas going through it, it felt
like the end of the world.
It felt like this is crazy.
I was like where is this comingfrom?
Like who does this happen to?
It was so specific, like onTuesday at 9, 12 pm, the girl
(16:26):
with the glasses and thenecklace on is going to cross
the street but she's going to goover on this side.
Like it was so just veryspecific.
I was like this had to be God.
When it wrapped up, I'm likethat was God teaching me so that
I could make sure I'm movingforward and operating in my
highest value, operating withintegrity and I ain't making no
(16:48):
silly mistakes, because that wasa very specific silly mistake.
And so to me, it meanseverything.
It means to trust in him, itmeans to go down into the nitty
gritty, be out there in themstreets, be in those streets and
still come above what you'vebeen through and take from what
(17:12):
you learned out that lesson andI wish I could tell you all the
details, but I can't, I justcan't.
But imagine the worst thing youhave ever been through the
lowest of the low.
There is a lesson to be learned, there is progress to be made,
and that's what that means to me.
That's what that means he gotyou, no matter what he got you.
(17:33):
Yeah, he got you.
Yeah, listen to be learned,progress to be made.
All right now, amen.
On to number two.
Yes, number two is romans 12 2,and I didn't write down the
whole thing, but I wrote downintention, and so she attributed
that to mindfulness as well.
(17:53):
Um, I don't even know what thissays.
Galileans, intentionalintention to your mind.
Oh, you want to break that down?
Yes, I'm gonna break that down.
Give me that mindfulness, thatintentionality of your
mindfulness.
How important is that?
It's so important, it's soimportant.
(18:15):
So I take this specifically.
So let me first say whatmindfulness and meditation.
So mindfulness is the beingaware and in the present moment.
The meditation is like theexercise, right?
So if you go to the gym you sayI want to lift 350 pounds, well
, you got to get up to 350pounds.
If you've never done thatbefore, if you ain't that strong
(18:36):
, you got to work your way up toit.
So the mindfulness, themindfulness is the goal, the 350
.
The meditation is the practice,getting building up to it,
adding on weight as you go.
And so, with intention, you haveto be intentional about making
space, physically and mentally,for meditating.
So I had said earlier, one tipwould be for a mom to create
(19:00):
space in their home where it'sjust them, it's dedicated to
them, and so that isintentionality in the physical.
But when you sit there and youmeditate, or you sit there and
you decide I'm going to sit hereand leave my phone out of it,
be with myself in any way, thatthat is for you.
You could just sip coffee andthink about your day, you could
journal, you could read.
(19:20):
That is intention and itproduces a result that you can't
see immediately.
But you're going to get to that350 pounds, you're going to get
there, you're going to getthere, and so you can meditate
with intention.
Some people meditate especiallyentrepreneurs at the beginning
of their day about what doesthis day look like, or here's my
goal for the day, how do I getthere, and they meditate on that
(19:42):
.
But my favorite meditation,which is kind of not very
exciting, is breathing.
Yay, something we all do.
So we all have that.
We all have that ability tokind of calm our bodies and just
by breathing in really deeplyin your nose and exhaling out of
your mouth, as long as you can,a little bit longer than the
(20:04):
inhale, you automaticallytrigger your parasympathetic
nervous system and you calmyourself immediately.
Like it is like magic.
And the more you practice thatand the more you're intentional
about sitting with your breath,the better off you'll be in life
.
It even has health benefits.
So I mean, how could you notmeditate?
(20:26):
How could you not want tobreathe deep?
You know what I'm saying.
So intention is one of thosethings that you have to
purposefully plan time foryourself.
You have to purposefully planwith intention what your day is
going to look like and what yourweek is going to look like,
what your 10 years is going tolook like.
So I love that intention.
I love intention because Iwould say you need to be
(20:48):
intentional about who you wantto be, how you want to show up,
how you want to respond indifferent situations.
So you explain away badbehavior I'm trying to say it in
a nice way or negative behavior, or that response that's not
(21:13):
really becoming of the personthat you want to be your best
self.
Intentionality also goes toyour emotions and those emotions
connecting to how you want torespond.
So be intentional.
(21:33):
You look at, look back onsomething and you're like I
didn't like how, when they saidthis, I just went nuts, I didn't
like that.
So you need to then look atwho's the person.
To me, I value what they say.
Anyway, to have a response,hello.
And then, if I do value whatthey say, we need to either have
(21:55):
a conversation or I need tostop valuing what they say.
Right, but what's but?
But in that let me stop you,for okay, I'm not going to do
too much.
But in that what is moreplausible?
Is it you stop valuing whatthey say or you having a
conversation and seeing wherethey can alter and change their
(22:16):
behavior?
Okay, so I would say in onescenario, I'm going to stop
valuing somebody that I don'tvalue.
Someone's opinion that I don'tvalue, I don't care.
If you do stand there and callme out of my name, I don't care,
I don't mess with you in no way.
We good, we all here in thesestreets you can see me, we all
(22:40):
here in these streets.
There you go Okay, so no, I'llbehave, I'll behave.
So yeah, I will, right, andthat comes up.
That comes up a lot with myparents, whereas they're putting
too much onto the children orto another person where it's
like.
But you are in control of youand how you respond to things
(23:01):
and how you see things.
So maybe you want to take astep back and say, okay, where
am I in this?
Where am I?
How am I responding?
How am I coming through?
How am I showing up?
Yeah, so you got it.
Yeah.
The other side of the point is,if they're close to me, we're
going to have to have aconversation I plan on having.
You could stay in my life andyou're not my kid, my mom.
(23:29):
You know you're not someonethat I feel is an official,
essential component to my lifeI'm going to have.
If I feel like you're anessential component, we're going
to have to have a conversation.
I need you to understand, yes,but you're also, and that that I
have boundaries.
So if, if you do that, thereare consequences, right, right,
(23:50):
so you have the conversation.
But I also like to tell peopleto self-reflect, anyway, even if
that person is really close toyou, kind of self-assess and be
able to see where they are,where they're coming forward in
the in a situation, so that theyunderstand that maybe I play a
(24:10):
little bit of a part into whatthey're saying, let me see if
there's some truth to it.
But we are definitely having aconversation and you are setting
up boundaries, so you need allof the above.
Yes, everyone needs all of theabove.
Dear miss, we are going to go toscripture three.
(24:33):
Scripture three is um, I wrotedown, gal, and I believe the way
you say it is galatians, right,yes, galatians, okay, um, I
ain't mad at it, I ain't mad atit.
I ain't mad at it either, causeyou see it works out.
We get there 522.
Self-control, self-control yeah, that's a big one, that's a
(25:03):
huge one.
So self-control shows up for mebecause in the midst of me
growing up and knowing how to bemindful, right, because,
remember, it was a gift that wasgiven to me knowing how to be
mindful.
But I'm a kid.
I'm not practicing this all thetime, not practicing this all
the time.
I got friends.
I'm a teenager now.
I got to get out there.
(25:24):
I got to be out in thesestreets.
You know what I'm saying.
You know what I'm saying.
So it would be times where,because of the trauma that I've
gone through here and there, Iwas a hothead, like I would go
off on somebody.
I would never fight because Iwas like I'm a lady and I don't
fight.
(25:44):
I don't get my face scratched,nope.
But I will tell you off in aminute.
And it could be something.
You could be joking with me, itcould be.
Somebody bumped it to me byaccident.
It took them Like I would justyes, the power of the tongue,
that's another scripture.
Okay, life and death and thepower of the tongue and all that
(26:05):
, yes.
So mindfulness has got me to theplace where, when I did, you
know, partake in it and was ableto, like, bring things full
circle, self-control was thefirst thing that I noticed I had
.
And in giving it to childrenand teaching it to children,
they're able to regulatethemselves and have self-control
(26:25):
.
So you might have a kid that'ssuper, hyper, hyper, and you
practice in mindfulness withthem.
Eventually, that kid is goingto be able to self-regulate and
control themselves.
That's the beauty ofself-control and mindfulness and
meditating and all that.
Yeah, I believe thatself-control is definitely a
(26:46):
discipline that everyone shouldpractice and be mindful of.
Yes, I'm done.
All right, number four.
All right, number four, james119.
Slow to speak, slow to rap.
Yeah, so you got to Slow tospeak, slow to rap.
Yeah, so you got to be slow tospeak.
(27:09):
Yeah, you know what?
You got to be quick to do,right, what?
Quick to listen?
I love it, I love it.
See, I told you I didn't writedown the whole thing, I didn't
remember.
I was just like, okay, yeah, Iread them after she gave them to
me and I was like, okay, let me, let me meditate on these.
Yeah, so those four I'mactually going to be passing on
(27:31):
to my clients too, the ones thatare believers, because I feel
like it's so much that we do inour day-to-day and that we go,
even if you're going forward,and you like, okay, yes,
michelle, I want to meditate,I'm with it, let's do this.
You gotta see how God fits intoit.
You have to to make it work,make it impactful, like really,
really impactful.
If you are a believer, it'sgonna be 20 times beneficial to
(27:57):
you, you know.
So, yes, yes, my goodness, yes,because if you're, if you're
saying you're trying to have aconversation and all you're
doing is talking, that's not aconversation, bingo, bingo.
(28:21):
So I wanted to get intosomething that you said earlier
as well.
You just, you just reminded meof parents being able to be
vulnerable and actively listento their children.
That kind of ties into all ofthese scriptures, especially the
(28:41):
last one.
Did you imagine?
Right?
Your child is, um, you know,pre-teenage, whatever age, but
you know, let's just say,pre-teen, 10, 11 years old.
And they come to you andthey're asking you for something
and you're like get out of myface, I can't do this right now,
like I'm cooking.
(29:01):
You could be in the kitchensweating, cooking, trying to do
something else, kid, um,catering to a baby, or have
trying to have a phoneconversation, something, and
they're pressing and pressingyou and they're asking you for
something.
You like, come on, get out ofmy face, get out of my face.
And then they look at you andthey say something so slick,
it's so sharp and so hurtful,like Like you always busy, you
(29:25):
ain't even doing nothing.
Or you think you?
You think I was going to say,you think you all that, lord,
I'm tired and a bag of chips anda bag of chips Kids don't know
that, yet I'm hungry.
What kind of chips you like?
I'm sorry, go ahead, keeptalking, keep talking.
I'm sorry, but kids don't knowthat term, but they don't
(29:46):
understand what they're saying,right, they're hurting the
parents' feelings.
And that's really what it is isthat they're hurting the
parents' feelings.
So, as a parent, you got to beable to be open and understand
that they're saying things thatare hurtful to you because
they're in a certain frame ofmind.
So you got to be open andvulnerable to say, okay, I'm not
going to put them on punishment, I'm not going to clap that on
(30:09):
them, I'm not going to, you know, make them feel any worse than
what they're feeling becausethey're having a moment.
So I need to investigate andsee what this is.
So it takes a strong-minded self, you knowaware parent to be
able to do that.
You have to be vulnerable.
You have to be able to listenand hear in the things that they
(30:30):
don't say, right?
So when they say somethingthat's rude or it triggers you,
it's what they're not saying.
They're not saying I'm hurt orI love you or I want more time
with you, or please come playwith me Like they're not.
They don't know how tocommunicate that.
So sometimes, a lot of times, itcomes out as okay, I'm going to
do it, get mom's attention, andso if mom is in my face yelling
(30:54):
at me, she's close to me.
I feel her presence.
Yes, even though I pissed heroff, I feel that presence.
I got all the focus, all theattention on me.
Right now I'm going to keepdoing that.
I'm going to keep kicking herand running away.
That's crazy.
(31:14):
I've seen kids do that.
I've seen it all.
I was out there in them streetsand I seen it.
Don't do me like that.
Don't do me like that.
You said something.
You said and it triggered in me.
(31:34):
Sorry, I'm not sure what justgot caught in my throat.
I can't be laughing with youall hard.
I'm sorry.
Oh yes, oh yes.
Keep my streets to myself, okay, we're gonna keep our pearls
straight.
We're gonna be good here.
We go, okay.
So kids say things sorry, letme get, take your time, take
(31:59):
your time.
Kids do say things and I don'tthink that, um, everyone takes
into account.
They don't ask where did youhear that?
Because it may have been comingfrom you.
They learned exactly fromlistening to your conversation,
(32:21):
or from listening to yourconversation, or remember, that
kids bully other kids and it maybe something that's being said
to them at school and they knowhow hurtful that thing said to
them.
So that's why they feel I'mgonna make this statement.
Yeah, so they get it fromsomewhere, it comes from
(32:42):
somewhere and a lot of the timesit comes from the parent and so
, just like what you say, theyabsorb and they'll say it back.
For that you could go onlineand you could take this test and
(33:05):
it kind of like points towardscertain things and it gives you
insight onto what may be goingon with you.
You know what I mean.
So it's we have to do the workon ourselves in order to show up
for them, in order to bevulnerable for them, in order to
actively listen to what they'resaying, what they're not saying
.
You've got actively listen towhat they're saying, what
(33:25):
they're not saying.
You got to work on yourself,because it's going to be two
burdens.
It's going to be a burden onyou.
If you're not, if you're notfully prepared, you can't hang.
It's going to be a burden foryou.
But then it's like what are youteaching your kids when they
get older?
Exactly, they don't they.
And then you're looking at themlike don't treat my grandkids
like that.
And they're looking at you likeand then you're looking at them
like don't treat my grandkidslike that.
(33:45):
And they're looking at you likewhat are you talking about,
right?
And they're going to look atyou like what are you talking
about?
I'm doing them better than youdid me, because they think
they're doing better and theyprobably are doing a smidge
better.
But we are a product of ourenvironment.
So it's hard for us, but it canbe done.
It's hard for us to not do whatour parents did to us to our
(34:07):
own children.
It's hard, but it can be done.
It can absolutely.
Yeah, you're right.
I feel like that's where theswitch came um between
generations.
It seems like one generation tosay everything my parents did
on with these things, I'm notdoing those.
So then we lose valuable thingsand change the way that we are
(34:29):
parenting the next generation,and I think it keeps getting
watered down if we go back andwe track back.
There were manners taught,there were values taught.
There was a village literallyvillage that helped you raise
(34:49):
your children.
You highlighted before, uh, uh,in the main episode that you
were a latchkey kid.
I've experienced that, being alatchkey kid, for being the
youngest, I wasn't the only onethere it's it's.
It's amazing how things justevolved because you couldn't
(35:10):
have been a latchkey kid way,way, way, way back in the day it
it.
You know, they really literallyhad truant officers right
around checking on the kids andthings like that.
It just seems like things havegotten a bit watered down in
terms of the protection of kids,especially with social media
(35:37):
and regular tv, just the thingsthat they're exposed to on
regular TV.
My kids, I watch TV with them.
I know parents that, as I waswatching TV with my children,
letting them choose the channels, I watched my stuff after they
went to bed.
(35:57):
Then I watched what I wanted towatch, but while they were up,
now we're going to sit here andwatch TV.
That's how my mom did it, so up.
Now we're going to sit here andwatch TV.
That's how my mom did it, so,literally, now we're all going
to sit here.
You know, you had that big TVin the living room and everybody
sat down and watched the sameshow.
The same thing, shirley, happyDays.
Listen, we're going to sit hereand watch this and be all right
(36:20):
with it.
The Jackson 5 show.
Oh, they had a comedy show, oh,my goodness.
So okay, I'm sorry, side track,but Janet, it's not the minute
in my life, it's the length ofmy life.
Listen, janet was getting it.
Janet was getting it andMichael told her how to do it.
See side track.
Okay, back.
Sorry, I had a me moment.
(36:40):
It happens at times.
I snap back real quick.
So it's just that how thingsare getting watered down.
So I'm very elated that you arehere to help parents, to help,
specifically, moms know thatthey can still do the business
(37:01):
of the business that they dowhile they still take care of
the business of home and stuff.
Right, right, you can have itall.
You can't.
You can't have it all.
Yeah told you you could.
Okay, I told you you couldn'thave it.
(37:22):
If you you just watchedlistening to the audio of this,
you are missing some seriousmoves.
I'm giving up with this.
Right, got the neck rollingevery time.
My hand on the hip you can'teven see, my hand is on my what
Right?
But, yes, I appreciate youtaking the time to come to the
after party.
It's the after party, okay, I'msorry.
So yeah, so yeah, people arelike wait, they really are out
(37:47):
here in these streets.
Humans, humans in the world,not of the world.
That's what we do.
And if you are a parent, if youknow a parent, if you know a
mom that is going through withher children, or you know some
children that are going throughwith their mom I'm sorry, I'm
(38:12):
trying to say it with a straightface and it worked.
Listen, listen.
Some children that are goingthrough with their parents.
I'm just Listen, because shedoes parent coaching, she does
children coaching and she'steaching mindfulness, how to use
(38:32):
your full mind to your fullvalue.
Alright, I appreciate you beinghere in the after party with me
.
Everyone at dear underscore,miss canes is where you can
follow and find her.
All her information will be inthe description box.
(38:53):
I appreciate you guys hangingaround for the after party with
me and michelle.
Have a great one.
See you next time.
Bye.
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