Have you ever found yourself stuck in the quicksand of laziness, even though you're fully aware of the boundless potential lying dormant within you? This episode peels back the layers of complacency, inviting listeners to ignite their motivation through tales of travel, the revelations of journaling, and the transformative act of stepping outside their comfort zones. With special attention to the unspoken privileges that shape our lives, like the freedoms of our birth countries, we aim to inspire you to embrace the fullness of the world and your unique place in it.
Choosing a life path that defies societal blueprints, especially when it comes to motherhood and personal fulfillment, can be an act of radical bravery. Today's candid confessions reveal the strength it takes to prioritize happiness over traditional family structures and address the weighty issues of legacy and societal pressures. Together with our insightful guest, we unpack the necessity of confronting personal demons head-on, the courage to live authentically, and the power that lies in making choices that resonate with your truest self.
Celebrating the resilience and triumphs within the Black community, we wrap ourselves in stories of excellence, empowerment, and the importance of environments that uplift. Reflecting on the personal and ancestral challenges faced by discrimination and trauma, this episode pays homage to the strength that surges through generations, carving pathways of healing and self-assurance. We leave you with the spark to cultivate self-confidence, embrace the wisdom of culture, and the encouragement to care for your mental well-being through positive self-talk, serving as a beacon of hope and empowerment.
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Volunteer opportunities - contact your local hospice site, facility, or organization for the best way you can serve those who have served our country.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Listen, I want to welcome you to the after party.
After party, episode 25.
What is something that you feelas though?
Give me your top three thingsthat you feel as though us, as a
people, aren't being honestwith ourselves about.
Take your time.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
One.
We're lazy at times.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
We're lazy at times you was real quick with that.
I said take your time.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
You said one we're lazy at times.
We have all this power and thisintelligence and this
resilience and this.
We have all this love, thisintelligence and this resilience
and this.
We have all this love, all thisgood stuff, all this resources,
the creativity.
Right, we have that.
(00:54):
Stop being lazy with it, stoptaking it for granted.
Stop, stop, stop.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Two, stop, stop, two.
Okay, we're gonna stay withlazy, okay, so stop being lazy
with it, stop taking it forgranted.
Stop.
That's how you said that.
So what would you say are threethings that someone can do
manage better in their lives toconquer their lazy way.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Be open to opportunities.
Open to opportunities, be open.
Be open to something that'sdifferent.
Different doesn't mean badright, it's just different.
Be open.
Be open to us.
Be open that we're not all thesame.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Hmm, be open to us.
Be open to we're not all thesame.
So open, what is something?
Speaker 2 (02:11):
else, what is the second thing that you would?
Say um travel travel, and notjust to the Caribbean islands.
And getting drunk on the boozecruise, that's fun.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Wait a minute, ma'am.
You're being real rude.
You came for people's necks,like I heard.
I felt the slice for others.
I felt the slice for others,ma'am.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
That is fun and beautiful and I'm not knocking
that.
But the world is so much biggerthan that, you know, because
when I tell you, when you gosomewhere and you see how
amazing our world is, you seeour God everywhere.
Right, it's so much bigger thanthat.
(03:04):
And then you also appreciatewhat you do have.
You know, especially as afemale.
Again, I love traveling.
I'm you know, I'm gonna doabout, I'm gonna have that Ghana
life and all that, but as afemale.
Thank you God for having meborn in this country.
We're gonna go back to that now, thank you God for having me
(03:26):
born in this country.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
We're going to go back to that, go back to your
gratitude for being born in thiscountry.
What is the third thing youwould say?
To conquer laziness.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Journal you know, or whatever.
Just write it down or record it, whatever works for you, but
actually get to know yourselfyou know.
Know yourself before you're outhere trying to know others and
present yourself.
So that's why you knowjournaling, recording.
Know yourself before you're outhere trying to know others and
present yourself.
So that's why you knowjournaling, recording, know
yourself.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
And that's what you're saying is coming from the
journaling.
You're actually writing.
What are you saying?
That people write Becausepeople could write.
People could sit there and playan album, exactly.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
However, or record, like I said, you can record
yourself.
You know, I think sometimessocial media gets a bad rap.
People be like people be doingtoo much.
I think social media saves alot of lives.
It's a tool, it's an outlet,you know.
So I don't knock it, it's atool.
So know yourself, learnyourself that self awareness is
(04:48):
powerful, right, and we don'thave to get it when we're 50.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
I mean, getting it is getting it right, but if we can
, it doesn't have to take fivedecades, all right, so I wanted
to go back to what you just said.
You said thank you, god.
As a Black female, I want tothank you, god, for being born
(05:19):
in this country, for being bornin this country.
And you said that, along withthe statement that people should
get out of the country and seethings and do things.
Why that prayer?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Not even just the country.
Just start baby steps, even inour country.
Right, get out of your hood andlet me tell you, the hood is
not bad.
Whatever your hood is, gooutside it, please.
You know, go outside it.
But my world became so muchbigger and I thought my world
(06:01):
was already big because when wego down south, my mother kept us
busy, she kept us busy, shekept us busy, so she kept us
busy.
We had church, we had ourfamily, she would take us places
.
She wanted our world to bebigger and I'm thankful.
And even with our world beingbigger, I remember one time I
(06:25):
was asking her you know how youhave those after school specials
and the kids would have curfews.
I said Mommy, can I get acurfew?
She's like you're not going tovote and I've always had friends
of everybody's that went toschool that was ready to vote.
You think you're going to learnlife friends.
If to a school that was verydifferent, you just want to
learn life friends.
If you're not with me, ifyou're not with your
(06:46):
grandparents, you're not atchurch, you don't need no curfew
.
God will send us somewhere.
Let's just go somewhere and comeback home and say God what's
wrong with you?
Speaker 1 (06:57):
That don't even sound right.
And the thing is you have torealize where they're coming
from, what they saw as children.
I can say that there are thingsthat I did or do or have done
as an adult, that I made my mindup as a kid that that when I
(07:20):
get big I'm doing it this way.
And it wasn't until I sat downand, like you said, got that
awareness about myself andreally started dissecting and
looking at the things that I did, that I realized wait, I made
this up when I was six when thishappened.
I made this vow with myself andI kept the vow and forgot all
(07:46):
about it, but I consciouslyforgot about it.
Subconsciously I kept that word.
You did, you too, and put upwith some tomfoolery to keep a
promise of a six-year-old.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Steadfast, right, steadfast in the silliness.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
We do that to ourselves we do we do?
Speaker 1 (08:15):
What is something that you feel like you have done
?
That?
There's a promise that you madeas a kid that as an adult adult
, had you paid attention, youwould have been like, yeah, nah,
that's not right um, there was.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
I remember one thing about my family too we could be
the best drug addict, crackhead,alcoholic, but we're going to
always work, we are going towork.
Our work ethic is by none inour family.
(08:57):
So again, when you ask aboutthe issues we were functioning
crackheads and alcoholics we'restill going to work.
I don't know what the qualityof the work that was.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
I just want to get done.
No, no, no, no, no.
I know some functioning peoplethat are amazing.
People did not know they werefunctioning, they just thought
they were methodical in theirthinking and speech.
Yes, and I knew I was like no,it's not.
(09:35):
I'm not going to fullyattribute all of that, all the
characteristics, to that.
I'm not fully contributed tothe abuse of the, whatever the
substance.
I know I could see it peekingout and doing its best to cope
(10:01):
with that, yeah, and I, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
So you know that work ethic was always within me.
It's just who I was.
You know, um, and I remember Igot my first job at 15 and I
lied to get that job because Ihad asked my mother.
By then she's clean and sober.
So now that's why I'm laughinglike wait, wait a minute.
(10:29):
So I didn't lie.
So it's kind of around thattime.
That's when they said they were115 years, but they really
weren't, and I was so excitedand my mother was like you can
get a job.
But she didn't really want meto have a job because she would
have to pick me up.
So I was frustrated.
So I was telling my grandfather, her father no, no, I can't get
a job.
(10:49):
He was like why?
I was like because I'm not 16.
He was like well, tell himyou're 16.
And I was like I should.
He was like there's two thingsyou lie about in life your money
and to get money wait, a minute.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Wait, there's only two things.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
You lie about is your money and to get money.
Wait a minute, wait.
There's only two things you lieabout is your money and to get
money.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Who said this?
Speaker 2 (11:09):
My grandfather, my mother's father.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I'm going to need your grand.
Okay, so listen.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
This book, this book is for the family, y'all and me
saying and that Listen, like Isaid, and so he died in 2015 and
at home.
But, like I said, I've beenblessed.
I've always had this wisdombeing poured into me and I'm so
(11:33):
thankful.
So we had a fire when I waslike seven.
So I told the people, a housecaught on fire and that is where
my work permit is.
I kind of alluded to it.
So McDonald's hired me and I wassuch a good worker.
They kept asking for the workpermit and I would hold them all
(11:56):
.
Then, finally, when I turned 16, I came in and gave it to the
manager.
He just looked at me and helaughed.
He was like that, that's a goodthing, you're such a good
employee.
But granddaddy said and mymother was man, how did you get
this job?
Granddaddy said stop it.
So so, yeah, I wish that Iwouldn't pay so much value on
(12:23):
work though, because that's allI would do to not face other
things in life.
I realize that now I've alwaysbeen.
I've always had multiple jobs,even in the military, I would
have part-time jobs.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Wait, I.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Even when I was after duty, duty, I would have other
jobs.
It was just a way to keep busy.
I think for me, if I'm not busy, I start ruminating, I start
sinking.
I think a lot of times,especially now, I think a lot of
(13:04):
us, we're predisposed tocertain things.
So, if you know that right, Idon't have to just pop a pill.
I can do things I can work out,I can be with my friends and my
family that I enjoy.
There's things that you can doif you already know yourself, if
(13:26):
you know the signs.
So, yeah, that would be the onething I think and that's the
thing you just said.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
you referred back to the last thing you said with the
journaling and the awarenessyou said to be by myself, to
recognize that things were goingon and to to start doing other
things, recognizing when I and Ithink that's that awareness yes
, I was talking about in thatcomponent, that last component
(13:57):
of um, your advice in referenceto not being lazy.
Yes, the laziness withinyourself and that awareness,
awareness for you has done what,what is something that you're
(14:18):
aware of and how it wasaffecting you and then, when you
became aware, how you turnedthat around.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
I think, one thing that I became aware of that I
don't think at one time.
So you know I don't havechildren and I remember.
So one, my mother, again, myfamily's old, they're from South
(14:47):
Carolina, from the country, soeverybody's a wife.
You know now.
So what?
That his woman came by thehouse and somebody had to choke
her out.
But everybody's a wife, right.
So I knew that I did not wantthat and I remember hearing them
like, well, I'm the wife andI'm like I don't see where
(15:08):
that's a win.
As a little girl I'm like, I'mlike I'm really trying to wrap
my head around.
This woman called your house ory'all had to go beat up this
woman because I never understoodthat and y'all were I'm the
wife, you know.
It gave me eavesdropping.
So I remember my mother askedme you know again, even with
(15:36):
that there was this if you havea baby, you better change your
last name.
That was just.
You know, that was just themantra.
You would not just be aroundhere having babies, because
girls were having babies young.
We were so fearful of our motherI think we were the only
murders on the street.
For one, we really were,because we don't want any smoke
(16:00):
with her and I think, too, mymother had asked me later on.
I was like 24, and she was like, are we going to ever have kids
?
And I was like no, you said Ihave to be married and I was not
looking for a husband.
And then she also was like,well, you can get married.
You know, I got married to yourdad.
It just didn't work.
(16:21):
And I was like yeah, yeah.
But again I saw her and myauntie how they were real
mothers.
Us kids were always priority.
They did without.
They did without all the time.
And I told her I saw how youdid without.
She's like but we did.
It didn't look like it washaving much fun.
I'm a pass so and I always tellhim to this day those bad kids,
(16:57):
they cost money he didn't looklike he was having much fun.
Yes, yeah, mother, and I cantell the red kids were always a
(17:18):
priority and you have so many, Ithink, for me, seeing all these
real women, all these realmothers around me, that was a
bond that I want to try and getto.
I mean, I think I over thoughtit, probably too, and then, when
I decided that maybe I should,I'm like okay, I'm going to need
(17:38):
a nanny, I'm too old, I like tosleep, just you know we don't
do that.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
I like to sleep Just.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
You know we don't do that.
Listen, my uncle was listen, Iknow, but I was going to.
That's what started my plan.
I was going to find one thatspoke Spanish.
So that's okay, because I'mgoing to try to be legal.
I had a whole little notebookof how I was going to do this.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Yeah, it sounded like you would like to start a list.
I did, but it wasn't that.
Ma'am Five, five.
Is there anything else youwould have wanted to say during
the episode concerning mentalhealth?
To say during the episodeconcerning mental health?
Speaker 2 (18:26):
I would say again just stop.
So you know, we have thosewords now that we're learning,
you know toxic and triggered andthey sound good, but again they
kind of don't.
You know, he's a knife.
He's a knife.
We're at so much right, I havetrust issues.
(18:51):
We're quite good at saying thatProud.
Okay, now what, what you gonnado about it?
Oh, I just have him, oh, huh,huh about it.
Oh, I just have them, oh, huh,huh you are rude, I love it.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
It's funny because I had these discussions, like you
know, my brother, my brotherwould go out and then some guy
would like try to talk to me andI would make.
He has done me for theteachable moment just telling
you how interesting.
But I have to have aconversation, brother, why did
you feel that that was the waythat you should approach me?
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Let's talk so my brother be like it ain't gonna
be a teachable moment.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Leave those fools alone, and I'm like but we can
do better.
I know we can and I want him tofind love.
It's not going to be with me,but I want him to find it
Because I love black love.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
But that's a love you're going to have to see with
somebody else.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
No, no, and it would be like I see your underwear and
everybody's like it's polo.
Yeah, but I see your underwear.
Now we're grown, it's badenough.
Our young ones do it, but youknow what you out, it's polo.
And now, okay, if you want to gothere, it's at this bar school.
So you got your underwear atthis bar school.
(20:18):
There's a lot going on here.
So I want us to take pride injust who we are.
We are so powerful we are, so Imean, we're just beautiful,
right, like we are physicallybeautiful.
(20:39):
We have this way about us thatcannot be bottled it, it cannot
be replicated.
You can call it what you want.
We are royalty, right, and Idon't take away from anybody
else.
I have women that I consider mysisters, that are, you know,
white.
They're Polish, italian.
(21:00):
I don't take that away.
I'm also not going to minimizethe privilege it is to be black.
It's a privilege.
It is a privilege.
It is a privilege and we needto start walking like we know
that it's a privilege.
We should, especially becauseI've lived in Germany, where
women will get black and they'llget mad about other women.
(21:25):
With that man, I'd be likewhat's wrong with y'all?
Look at that man.
If I was that child, I'd be madat me too.
Why are you mad at them, seeingthem for what they are?
Why are you mad about that?
I'm happy that he has somebodythat loves him, that receives
(21:49):
him for who he is Now.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
The ones that y'all getting mad about.
They're crying about him anyway.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
But he's happy.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
I can't.
People do tend to.
I can't say that I've seenpeople be taken aback when a
black man walks by with a womanfrom another race.
But then I just look at theother person that I'm with.
Like you know him, you know him.
Like that was somebody you wasin a relationship with, you.
(22:26):
You would have wanted to invest.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
You have no idea what she has yes, and love is in
this world for people to findlove, companionship I, I, I want
my black men to have that.
I don't I, I want them.
They deserve that, they needthat support and that's what
makes them feel comfortable forwhatever reason.
(22:48):
I'm not gonna dwell into it,you know, but that's not my
problem, that's that's so not myproblem.
And again, I'm good, like, I'mgood, right.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Right, right, because I only want who wants me.
Thanks, thanks.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
I'm not going to stand in front of you and hop up
and down and say, see me, seeme, what?
Speaker 1 (23:18):
is that about?
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Why am I going to be in places where I know that I'm
tolerated and not celebrated?
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Again.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Why am I going to be in places where I'm tolerated
and not celebrated?
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Why am I going to be in places where I'm tolerated
and not celebrated?
That is something I needed tohear early in life.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Early in life, that is.
That statement sums up a lotfor me.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
We all needed it, I think, throughout times in our
lives Like I've needed it.
So, like you said, I think it'ssomething that's going to come
and go at different periods inour life.
I remember so one thing I didwhen I came back to New York.
So I was in Macedonia, I wascontracting for the Army.
So they said Grandma, the listhere is causing trouble.
(24:14):
My grandfather had a stroke.
So I remember I called her andshe was just like I need you
here, you're my oldestgrandchild.
So I left.
I came back to New Rochesterand all my family was like
you're here, and I'm going tosay that they tricked me because
he lived another 13 years.
Ain't nothing wrong with that,he lived another 13 years.
(24:37):
So I was like y'all tricked me,y'all got me back here and I
don't regret it because again,my grandfather, red White, was
the man.
So I don't regret that.
But I started working for thestate.
I was a special ed teacher andagain that was something to
where there weren't too many ofus in that position and I loved
(25:02):
working with my class, I lovedmy staff.
But I left and deployed me.
The military called me up to gooverseas.
You know how when you're out ofsomething you can't go back.
And I was constantly fightingwith either staff or higher-ups.
And I remember I came back andI was just like Grandma I don't
(25:24):
know why.
I was talking with her when Iand it was getting really bad,
like I was getting into it witha lot of the staff, you know to
where I would play gospel.
Before I would even go intowork, I would have to play
gospel.
And I was telling Grandma,grandma, I don't want to go
there anymore.
But it was a good state jobwith good benefits.
But it was a good state jobwith good benefits and I had
been there for like seven years.
And she was like so where areyou going?
(25:46):
And I was like because it's agood job, you know I make good
money.
She was like but you don't haveto think about it, but you fuck
them, excuse me, fuck them,sorry, fuck them.
She was like you can alwayswork.
You know who you are.
Don't go there if you, if she'slike you don't even got no kids
(26:06):
, dummy.
And she was like that's when Istarted my whole serial
entrepreneur.
So you don't have any kids,you're gonna always work.
I like you, I'll feed you.
I was like she's right.
Why am I sick?
I'm dreading going to a place,to where I'm tolerated and not
(26:27):
celebrated and you're toleratedand not celebrated.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
But you said it right because you're taking yourself
there.
The perspective she gave you onit is the reason you're going
there, is you?
So why are you going there?
Speaker 2 (26:46):
she's.
She was the one that started meon this serial entrepreneurship
.
It's just, and I'm so thankfulbecause and again, I still have
the military as a corner so Ican do all my different
businesses and then be like, ohooh, I need some money.
So can you put me in orders forthree months?
Let me put you in orders forthree months.
(27:08):
I would go to the base work,not that hard.
I would go to the gym for twohours.
We would have Bible study.
Let's go to lunch for two.
At certain times there was nosweat coming off of my brow and
I'm getting paid really goodmoney.
So, and I'm with a group ofpeople that, yeah, we all have
(27:33):
something bigger than us thatwe're working towards.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
You said you were working a job.
There was no sweat coming offyour brow and you were getting
paid really good money.
You also said that your firstjob was at McDonald's, where I'm
sure you were making that niceminimum wage three something,
four something, an hour.
(27:57):
Okay, so that's where you are.
That's the spectrum, yes.
Nice job where you are that'sthe spectrum.
Yes, from a nice job where youget paid a lot of money to a job
where you really have to workevery moment of every day and
you're paid minimal.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
That was my first job as a 15-year-old.
That was my first job.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Right, no, I'm just.
I'm going from the those two ofhow, in this country, it seems
like the higher up you get, themore you get paid for doing less
.
Yes, but the lower you are inthe totem pole, the more they
(28:42):
ride you to do more for less.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Yes.
So that's how our country wasbuilt, right From the free labor
to laws designed to have theworking class stay the working
(29:06):
class.
You know our retirement system,our social security will give
you just enough.
Right will give you just enough.
And so what are so many lessonsand so many aha moments?
The biggest one for me was mymother worked at Genesee Brewery
and that was a good job and shewas among a group of women that
(29:30):
were the first women hired towork at this brewery.
They had to cross a picket linebecause men were upset that
these women were taking thesegood jobs from men, because my
mother didn't need to eat orfeed those kids.
So she was.
This was in 19, I think 1978.
(29:51):
So she said it was ugly.
You know, men didn't want towear that brooie.
She had to work.
My mother worked that job for29 years and she said she did
that for us.
And and she said she did thatfor us.
And she did, she did that forus.
And it was a brood, it was cold, the eroded, the sexism, the
(30:12):
racism.
She did it and she was able toretire at 54.
And so I remember she said tome y'all make sure y'all do it
better than me.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
That part.
I see that there's a differenttime now.
Different time, I mean, it'sjust a different mindset.
I don't know.
It's probably because I'm in it, and I'm in it being someone
who is seeing you to look backand say y'all didn't do anything
(30:52):
.
I see where they did something,I see what I'm doing, but I
don't see your contribution,your age group, your age.
What did you do?
Do we kept y'all safe?
We transitioned through people,rodney King being beaten by the
(31:13):
police on camera and theyacting like nothing happened.
What's wrong?
What's the problem?
It was the on camera.
Yes, these beatings take tookplace before.
Yes, prior to that, there werea lot of black people hung from
trees.
Billy holiday sung.
(31:35):
Yes, about that yes a lot of ushung from trees.
So I'm not saying that traumadidn't happen.
It was just totally differentto actually sit and have the
news come on, which is somethingthat, as a youth, you're told
you have to watch as anassignment for one of your
(31:55):
classes, maybe like watch thenews and write on the article,
or read the paper and write onthe article, which is also
traumatic.
That's the fact.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
It's on a loop.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
Yeah, it's on a loop.
The trauma and the drama is ona loop.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
I have not, I haven't seen, I don't know.
I think the last thing I saw,kind of saw, was Trayvon, and
that still is the one that justI've not seen.
George Snow, I knew not towatch that.
I know to leave the roomBecause my grandmother and my
mother knew, knew, I know Idon't need to see that.
(32:39):
I know I don't need to see, Idon't need to see the murders.
Yeah, I don't need to see that.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
I know I don't need to see, I don't need to see the
murders?
Yeah, I don't.
Yeah, yes, and that's exactlyhow I feel, and I'm not
discounting or discrediting them.
I have a tender heart.
So there are things that I doshield my eyes from.
Like you said, you have to tobe aware, you have to know you.
(33:04):
So I know me and they're evenyou know, they're jobs that I've
had where I've literally had tosit through and shield myself
from the things that I knew.
Would I just don't want to,would I just don't want to roll
over in the middle of the nightand think about that.
(33:25):
Yes, replay, because my heartis so big.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
And you know that about yourself.
And, yes, you know that youcan't afford to sink right.
You can't afford that.
You can't.
You can't afford the luxury ofeven trying to sit with that.
You can't.
You can't afford the luxury ofeven trying to sit with that.
You can't, because you're gonnawallow right, you're gonna
wallow in it.
And again it goes back to Iknow you said my mother, but I
(33:53):
remember my brother was goingthrough a lot of stuff and I
remember she said to him youwant to stay in that hole.
I'm gonna always to alwaysreach down, but I'm not going to
sit there with you.
I'm not, I can't sit in therewith you.
She the things that she wouldsay to him, like I'm not going
to sit in there with you.
The same thing I've said tofamily members that I've been
(34:17):
there, maybe it has happened inthe neighborhood and after a
while, when I realized you'regoing to do this, I love you,
I'm going to pray.
I told my one cousin, who Iwill say when you said that it
clicked for him.
I said I got the dress readyfor the funeral, but I'm not
going to watch you kill yourself.
And he and I we're a monthapart.
(34:39):
Everybody that if you know me,you know him.
If you know me, you know him.
If you know him, you know me.
We're a month apart.
We ride hard.
We are a month apart.
I'm the oldest in his house.
He was making a lot of.
He's lived with me.
He's gotten out of prison, he'sgotten out of Attica and come
to.
We're not with active duty.
(35:00):
He was my best friend.
We made a different choice.
I can't, I can't keep runningafter you.
I can't keep running thebuildings when you're being held
hostage.
I can't watch you kill yourself.
I won't watch you kill yourself.
I'm telling you the last timehe was.
(35:23):
He's good, he bought a house,he's engaged, he's clean.
He's not that person anymore,he's this person.
Once I came to terms, it's partof that grief.
I think too, with me workingand volunteering with hospice,
there is a grief process, evenwhen they're still alive.
(35:43):
And I had gone through it and Ihad prayed and I was.
I was thinking, in the smile,of all the good times, all the
fun times.
You know the roller skatingrink, the dance competitions.
You know the swimming pools,the movies, crush Blues, you
(36:04):
know.
Like bruising and we performedit.
So I'm thinking about thisstuff a lot.
I'm thinking about that, youknow, and he's good now and
we're tight now and he's here,he's fully present, but he yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
That's beautiful, my goodness.
Yeah, you are aware, you'reaware of yourself, you're aware
of those around you.
It is awesome to see the lightshine in you, through you and
all around you.
You are absolutely beautiful,ma'am.
Thank you so much.
I didn't get a chance in theepisode to ask you this, so I'm
(36:53):
going to ask you now Can youshare with the confident you
family some confident tips, someconfident tips on just being.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
Some tips.
I've had so many mentors Iprobably forgot about some of
them, but some tips that I wouldhave for the confident you
family would be enjoy, enjoylife.
Give people enjoy, enjoy life.
Give people, give yourself somegrace and mercy.
(37:29):
Know that a lot of times whensomeone's coming at you or
towards you in a negative way,it's really not even about you.
So if you can, you know,scrunch your toes and give them
that grace and mercy.
Give yourself that grace andmercy.
Be approachable, have a smileon your face, count your
(37:56):
blessings dearly when you'rereally down and you're
overwhelmed, get up and go for awalk, play some music, go to
the library, go do somethinggood for someone else, because
we're really all here togethertrying to figure it out, trying
(38:17):
to have good feelings, trying tolove on ours that we love good
feelings, trying to love on ourson ours that we love, and to
laugh and to experienceeverything that you can.
And don't watch that news toomuch.
That's what I would have forthe Confident Youth family and
(38:41):
love yourself, love and loveyourself.
Love yourself Like.
Love yourself first.
Like.
People talk about a why right,my?
Why is my family my?
Why is that?
And this may be contrary.
You know, and I don't have kids, right, but I think your first
why has to be you.
(39:02):
You have to be your first.
Why has to be you?
You have to be your first why?
It's kind of simple for me,again, I don't have kids, but
I'm my why, so that I can dowhat I need to do.
For my other whys you can havemore than one why, but your
first why has to be you.
So confident, you Stay beingconfident, stay learning, stay
(39:26):
smiling, stay watching me,because it's only going to help
you be more confident.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
That's all I have you have much more than enough,
ma'am.
Oh, my goodness, exceedingabundantly above all.
Yes, you do, my goodness, yousaid a whole mouthful.
I'm like, ma'am, you gonnastart me to talking again
(39:55):
something about that love you.
You got to come first.
Young mother getting on theplane I just had my daughter,
just turned 20 and had mydaughter two months later.
So I was 19 pregnant and I'mgoing, and so my daughter had to
(40:15):
be maybe two months.
And I take going to take her toback to New York, to New York to
see her dad's mom, for her tomeet her dad's side, for them to
meet our child.
And I get on the plane and thatstewardess stands there on a
(40:38):
full plane that is going fromWashington DC, reagan National,
to LaGuardia in New York, andshe looks at me, that little
Black girl sitting there holdingthat little Black baby, and she
gives the whole speech on howto save yourself.
That mask, drop down.
(41:00):
You put it on your face Becauseif you don't save yourself
first, you won't have the energy, the air, the strength, the
power, the mindset, the will tothen hold that and save the baby
.
So make sure there is a planefull of people and she is only
talking to me.
That mask come down and you Ineed you to cover your face
(41:23):
first, see, and you're going towant to take care of your baby,
how are you going to do that?
And you're falling out becauseyou didn't get any oxygen.
So now you and the baby you gotto work on you Make sure you're
good and you work on the babyRight, work on the best right.
That's the, the, so thatwhenever someone says save
(41:45):
yourself first, I think that isthing.
That is another thing thatblack people say oh, you're
selfish, selfish.
It's the same thing about money.
You want money, oh you, oh you.
That type of person, oh you.
Greedy, oh you.
This, oh you no.
How am I going to help if Idon't have the funds to help?
Speaker 2 (42:11):
Steve Harvey said it the best way I can help a poor
person is not be one of them.
Say it again the best way I canhelp a poor person is not be
one of them.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
Steve, we never lie the best way I can help a poor
person is not be one of them.
Steve, you ain't never lie.
Okay, so I'm going to need thatbook from the family, I think
family got some work to do.
Maybe I will Old boy's name.
I don't know if that's oldboy's name or that's the family
name.
What's the family name?
I'm looking for a book.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
We are.
So my dad, I'm a Jackson, andmy mother I'm a Wright and I'm a
Culler.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
That Jackson Wright McCullough joint got to come out
and listen.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
I'm a Jackson, you better get to work.
I'm a Jackson, you only plantso many gardens.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
That would be an amazing book.
To have a book of Black sayings.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
Yes, sir, we do it at our family reunion.
I know the last day each tablewas stand up and have two things
.
We did it as a group.
We wrote down sayings and wewould write that and, like you
know, we had a whole board fullof them, you know.
Speaker 1 (43:29):
and it was the book written already.
I just need a book to be put ina book listen I'm gonna tell my
mother and let that be thecover of the book.
But inside the book youactually find the sayings and
the little stories that go witheach saying girl, don't talk to
(43:50):
me.
And you put it in a trust sothat that money just keeps going
to the thing.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
Listen I talked to him about this trust, because
I'm like we got all this land,but what we're doing with it?
The snakes are having a ball.
Why don't we set up some cellphone towers?
Because we got a lot of dirtgoing on.
But I'm like, so what are wedoing with?
We just want yeah, they're not.
I want y'all keep talking aboutI literally have dirt, I have
(44:30):
acres in my name, but y'allwon't let me do nothing with it.
I don't have a kiss.
I'm gonna do it now.
I'm gonna take a two-weekcruise just to start.
There's gonna be a cell phonetower, that's the whole.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
I'm gonna need you to go ahead and do that.
Now I'm telling about that book.
I'm gonna need you to go aheadand do that.
Now I'm telling you that book.
I'm gonna need that.
Speaker 2 (44:48):
I'm gonna tell my mother, I'm gonna call her and
be like hello mother.
I'm gonna tell mommy I lovethat.
See, look at you, confidentcoach, there's a whole.
I do have you doing the introsa confident coach.
Confident Coach, there's awhole, I see.
So we do have you doing theintros, a confident coach.
And then the podcast.
(45:10):
Yeah, yeah, you should justyeah this is good.
Speaker 1 (45:16):
My goodness, it feels beautiful to be seen and to
have your voice be appreciated.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (45:23):
But not only.
It's not even you being seen,you're helping others to be seen
and to have your voice beappreciated.
Thank you so much.
It's not even you being seen,you're helping others to be seen
.
That is like you are not beingselfish with your gift.
So thank you, and for me,another thing that has been a
blessing is my relationshipswith women.
(45:44):
I feel bad for women.
I don't have women for us, Ifeel so.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
Right, that's what you need.
Speaker 2 (45:53):
Right, that is so lonely to me, that is so.
That is a ready power, right,that's like just that power and
friendship with women.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
yes, like when we get together, it's like like the
other one we used to do yeahit's just something to see I can
honestly say there were periodsof my life, chunks of my life
chunks where there weren't any,but I could say that there were
(46:31):
not any around, that I wouldwant yes, anyway.
But now that I have placedmyself and invested in myself
and put myself in rooms wherethere are women, women worthy of
holding conversations andlearning from, such as miss
(46:54):
jackson if you're next, no, it'syourself to be able to hold
this beautiful conversation, youknow that is something that a
woman, you, you have to investin yourself.
It's like after a while, youhave to stop saying pointing the
finger outward and go okay, sowhat am I doing?
Yes, where am I what?
(47:17):
So what am I?
Am I always talking?
Negative is that's why peopledon't really want to sit down.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
And having those women that are not only your
children but they're going tocheck you.
I've had my girls be like andI'd be like what the average
interventionist is down on me.
Speaker 1 (47:42):
And if you have the right caliber of people around
you, you can trust that it's foryour betterment that is I.
Speaker 2 (47:57):
Just like I said, I can't.
You know, some people want tolike, try, I think, be petty
because they're not happy aboutoh, you don't have any kids.
Woe is you, I can't go therewith you.
But I can't go there and besorry about that with you when I
have so many people that loveme, that don't even have to,
(48:17):
they don't even share my DNA.
That had been there for me.
I had one best friend since Iwas 15 and she is well.
The other one was from 96, so Iwas with them both this last
weekend.
Two Leos whoo God is good bothof it.
(48:39):
Both are my Leos whoo andthey're nice and they are
amazing and they can do togetherand they actually.
It's just powerful and it'slove and it's support and it's
encouragement, because we needthat.
We all need that and again whatyou do, that confidence piece
(49:04):
and I love that your podcast isnot just confident in business
right, you're the law, rightbecause I believe there are all
sides.
Speaker 1 (49:21):
People have all sides , so I want to hear all sides.
People have all sides, so Iwant to hear all sides of you.
I want to hear about you knoweverything highs, the lows, the
good, the bad, the ugly, thebeautiful, because beauty comes
from ugly.
Things get broken beforethey're made beautiful.
Speaker 2 (49:42):
Yeah, you're so good at it, before they're made.
I know it's beautiful.
Yeah, you're so good at it.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
Listen for a child to get here.
Speaker 2 (49:51):
That childbirth is some painful gut-wrenching oh
Lord, Thank y'all for y'allservice.
Sweet child.
Speaker 1 (50:04):
And then you have the most beautiful, delicate gentle
.
How did you?
Speaker 2 (50:15):
produce, create.
That is, I've been in two and Iwas not, not supposed to be,
and I'm still resentful.
Two births, yes, two births.
But that's evidence that thereis a God, that there's something
bigger than us and that we havesomething to rise up to.
(50:40):
Which, I'm sure, when you hadyour beautiful blessings, like
look at them, like you, you likeI said your daughter definitely
is you right.
And then two, you and yourfather can introduce them with
your head held high.
Yeah, right, yeah, and that'spowerful.
(51:03):
I mean you also again within you, with your son, you also let
them be who they are.
And you know your kids.
You know, again, I'm not aparent, you know, and I would
tell people, well, you're not aparent, yeah, but I have a
couple.
I'm thankful that my motherknew her kids individually, just
(51:24):
like you know yours, you knowyours, you saw him early on, you
know.
So I would again, I'm not aparent, but when you're always
watching, I would tell parentslet your kids be who they are,
don't live through that, becausethat's their life.
(51:45):
You don't want to cripple themwith the stuff that you wish
that you did like, share thatright, but let them live their
lives and let them, be them andknow that you poured so much
into them that they're going tobe okay.
Speaker 1 (52:00):
Yeah, christless.
Yes Know that you've poured somuch into them that they're
going to be okay.
The thing that helps me be aparent and watch them do things
or make choices and go okay isbecause I never forget myself
(52:24):
going through that process.
Speaker 2 (52:26):
It's a process right, it's a process.
They got to go through it.
They can't get around it.
Speaker 1 (52:32):
Right, they can't avoid it, nope, and if you keep
saving them from it, thenthey're just gonna be depending
on you the rest of their lifeyou're gonna cripple them, and
in this world we can't affordthat no, there are times, and
(52:53):
there are times that I take careof them.
There are things that it's like,yeah, nah, you just need to be
careful right now.
That's that's just how it isright now.
That's just what's gonna godown.
But as soon as they back up ontheir feet, it's like all right,
baby, I gotta go bye-bye, seeyou later.
I'm like I just came to makesure this part right here you
didn't come after my kid thatyou had.
(53:15):
You know the things that youneeded to survive.
Okay, you good, you back onyour feet, you standing, you can
I'm out.
Speaker 2 (53:23):
See you later you actually live into your faith.
Yeah, that's a super.
That is something that I think,covid, that was one of the
pluses that you know, and Iwould tell my airman too.
I don't care if your god,that's your choice or whatever
(53:45):
you're gonna call him or her, ifthere's that pebble that you
carry in your hand, but it hasto be something bigger than you
that you can lean into and thatyou can count on.
That's a source you know, andthat faith, right, that faith is
irreplaceable, unrefutable,unwavering.
Speaker 1 (54:10):
If you're smart, don't, don, but if you waver,
you better set up how you getback.
You better already set up yourplan to get back.
Whenever I feel like this,greater is he that's in me than
he that's in the world.
I walk by faith and not bysight.
No weapon formed against meshall ever prosper.
I'm more than a conquerorthrough Christ that's been for
(54:32):
me.
I'm the head and not the tail.
I'm above and not beneath.
All right, I'm good, woo.
All right, wait a minute.
They tried to get me.
They tried to get me.
I'm too tough to be ready forI'm in a fight with that word.
And the crazy thing is thebattle isn't even external.
It's right here.
Speaker 2 (54:53):
It would just be roaring.
It's just up in there, just MMA.
You know, it's just up therewrestling.
It's just boxing, it's just,you know, it's just automatic
weapons.
Speaker 1 (55:09):
I was at church and the gentleman who got up to read
the prayer literally said Ilooked at us, came across a
statistic that we think 50,000to 80,000 thoughts a day and 80%
at minimum are negative, arenegative.
(55:44):
Yes, so that awareness thatyou're talking about is
something you definitely need tohave.
I started, you said, journaling.
I started to journal just thethings I said to myself and
realized there was a piece thatI was saying to myself all day,
every day, that was feeding menegatively.
(56:09):
The fruit I was getting from itwas negative because it started
.
I would say this and then itjust started how everything else
went.
I would say this and it startedeverything, and I think this
deals with your mental health.
You want to have healthy mental.
You need to know what you'rethinking and saying to yourself.
That is that is that's powerful.
(56:33):
You can't let anybody else talkto you that way, but you're
talking to yourself that way,that right there, so what I kept
saying to myself I wouldliterally get up and go roll
over.
I'm tired, get up, go get in.
I'm tired.
Oh, my goodness, I'm tired.
I lost count how many times ithad become natural for me just
(57:00):
to say it.
I wasn't tired.
I wasn't even tired, butbecause it was something I
always said to myself withoutpaying attention, I literally
that was the first thing thatwould talk me out of doing any
of the ideas I had.
Oh, I could do that later.
(57:21):
So that lazy thing that youwere talking about before, that
would be my.
That's the trigger that wouldturn, or that's the saying I
would say in my head.
That would then spiral and keepme on this lazy hamster wheel.
Yes, the procrastination becamemy boo and I didn't even know I
(57:43):
was in a abusive relationshipwith this dude, but he kept
showing up and you?
Speaker 2 (57:48):
you kept letting them in.
Speaker 1 (57:50):
I had to.
I had to.
So this podcast for me andbeing able to end the episode
and go, oh my God, episode 25done, that thing is coming from
the depths of my soul because Idid not allow procrastination.
(58:13):
So, because I did not allowprocrastination and I did not
allow myself to keep saying I'mtired, I'm tired.
That thing right there can kill, steal and destroy.
That one phrase kill, steal anddestroy.
(58:36):
I can tell you the things I wassupposed to do, but because I
started out with sin, I'm tired.
Okay, well, let me just get afew minutes.
No, it wasn't of rest.
Let me rest my mind by turningon the TV and watching for a
little bit, turning to two, two,turning to three for a little
bit.
Turn into two, two, turn intothree.
Well, yeah, it's late.
(58:57):
Now I'm going to go ahead andI'm going to make sure tomorrow
I knock that out Because I toldmyself so.
Therefore, my body follows suit, my emotions followed suit.
Yeah, let's add line there.
And when I realized that thatwas a statement for me, I would
(59:22):
always I advise people reallylisten to what you're telling
yourself every day.
I want you to come back andtell me what are those
statements that you're sayingand when you think about it,
it's like, no, I'm not, I'm nottired.
All week I realize, all day,every day, I say I'm tired when
I realized that I was like.
(59:44):
I've been tired.
Why am I waking up saying I'mtired?
Speaker 2 (59:52):
Putting it out there.
Speaker 1 (59:54):
The case.
Guess what you need to do?
Boo, because I found out.
Wait, you are a little.
You're not sleeping as well asyou could, probably because you
left that TV running all night.
You can't go into that deep,deep, and if you can't turn this
TV off without your mindreeling, then you need to turn
this TV off without your mindreally.
(01:00:15):
Then you need to deal withwhatever that is your mind is
really about, and then you maywant to put on some scriptures
really soft in the background soyou can just be with God as you
rest.
Speaker 2 (01:00:27):
Yes, talk to him, have a conversation with him.
Speaker 1 (01:00:30):
I had to have an awareness to, to get my mind to
the place where Confident youpodcast could honestly have the
coach to your confident voicesitting here doing what she does
.
But then I have to be attentive.
(01:00:50):
Now that I'm aware, I stillhave to be attentive to the fact
that that I could do that again.
Yeah, make sure it doesn'thappen again, to make sure I
don't sabotage myself again it'simportant, it's the training
right, it's the rethinking yes,training right, it's the
(01:01:18):
rethinking.
Speaker 2 (01:01:18):
Yes, and once you know it, you can't go back, you
shouldn't go back.
Yeah, that's true, youshouldn't go back, you shouldn't
go back.
I have, I've always told orI've said I'm intentionally
ignorant.
I ignorance is bliss for me.
Sometimes there are things thatand I say that it's like you
said, because I'm an empatheticperson I don't need to know
everything.
(01:01:38):
I need to know what works forme and the ones that matter to
me.
Speaker 1 (01:01:43):
But all that other stuff it just.
Speaker 2 (01:01:46):
There's no value in that.
Not for me, yeah, not for me,because I know me yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:01:54):
Like attorneys not for me, yeah, not for me,
because I know me.
Yeah, like attorneys, theyreally love the law and the
pieces and the facts about andall they love those real people
life things.
I can watch the show all day,but the real people life thing
tugs on my heart so I have topursue that.
Yes, yes, so I don't take oneverybody else's stuff and feel
(01:02:18):
weighed down and heavy and Ican't do my assignment exactly
cautious of how the enemy canstill kill the enemy will.
Now, the enemy I'm talking aboutis not just the external enemy,
it's the enemy and the inner me, oh that's true.
(01:02:40):
Yeah.
And then when you said thatwhole lazy thing.
I was like, ooh, is she goingto say procrastination?
What's she about to say?
Speaker 2 (01:02:50):
Well, it's just the lazy, I don't you know I myself
will always be a work inprogress.
Ah, so it's.
I never want to come fromjudgment.
It's just that I'm speakingabout this because when I
actually am a real life mentalhealth, I didn't just go on the
(01:03:12):
internet and get a certificate,right, I've actually practiced,
I've actually worked with people.
I've actually, you know, seenthe trauma.
I've been a part of it, youknow.
And so I say these things notto just be judgmental or
know-it-all Right, because youknow we definitely we get about.
Oh, I need some receipts.
(01:03:32):
You know we definitely we goodabout it.
I need some receipts, you know.
Speaker 1 (01:03:41):
It's a new day and I'm going to need them receipts.
Speaker 2 (01:03:46):
I'm okay with it.
I'm okay, I'm okay with it.
You know, especially if you'reeven doing real estate,
homeownership has been fraughtwith racism and discrimination
and our people not getting alittle bit of the pie.
When people come to me, theyhave a lot of distrust.
(01:04:08):
I know our people, I've met ourpeople, I am our people.
I've met our people, I am ourpeople.
But eventually, now I am notgoing to have, we're going to
have to figure this out.
You're going to find another,another agent.
You can't even look for a house.
I have no reason to lie to you.
I have no reason to lie to you.
I have zero reason to lie toyou.
(01:04:29):
I want you to own.
I'm telling you, for $100,000you're not getting a four
bedroom, three bath, movingready home with a pool.
Now, if you find one, you sendit to me and I'll open the door.
But I'm not just going to keepdoing this with you.
I'm not.
I'm just not.
(01:04:49):
I don't have it to do.
I don't have it to do.
Speaker 1 (01:04:54):
So, yeah, that's a lot to ask for.
For a little bit of investment,Okay.
Speaker 2 (01:05:00):
This is a primary home someone is looking for.
Wow, don't get me started.
I heard you need someforeclosures.
Even if it is, you don't haveany cash money.
So what are we doing here?
Right, I want to give one ofthe four other deals.
You don't have no money, youdon't have the money, you don't
(01:05:23):
have the skills.
Then, if that does becomeavailable plus, don't you think
that's kind of ghoulish?
You want to wait for somebodyelse to lose their property?
Speaker 1 (01:05:38):
Hey, my goodness it's coming.
I guess they figure I'm goingto get it one way or another, so
I'm going to do the another,I'm not going to do the one way.
Speaker 2 (01:05:47):
Listen, all my homes have been fixer uppers and for
me there's a value, a valueright, and then you can pay.
You can have that house withthe gray paint and the shiny you
know light fixture and all that.
You're gonna pay for it, youwill pay for it, and it's a
choice and I don't knock it foranybody right?
(01:06:08):
You know, I I am a very good.
Feelings are not facts.
Buying a home is emotional, soI get that, but let's all stay
centered.
If we do, feelings are notfacts and let's have these
discussions together.
And I love it and I lovehelping my people.
(01:06:33):
I've helped so many people thatare first time homeowners and I
love it and I love helping ourpeople.
I've helped so many people thatare first time homeowners and
their families, and that justmakes me cry and I'm happy and I
don't care what your budget is,because I'm going to eat
regardless right, right, that'sall right, she got you.
Speaker 1 (01:06:51):
I can't wait to visit because tell her I'm hungry.
Right, that's all right.
Grandma already said she gotyou.
I can't wait to visit because,tell her, I'm hungry.
I want to thank you again forstanding to ask the party.
It's the after party, listen,hey, don't do me like that.
Speaker 2 (01:07:12):
Don't do me like that .
You know it's 50 year hip hopthis year, like this is 50 year
hip hop oh, my goodness, it sureis.
Speaker 1 (01:07:26):
And it all began with Grandmaster Flash and Figuring
Out how to stop and connectthose beats From one record to
the next.
He literally would take therecord, slow it down and mark it
with a crayon so he'd knowwhere that beat Catch up with
(01:07:47):
the other beat and where hecould loop things around.
And go back and forth.
Speaker 2 (01:07:52):
And telling our stories.
Telling our stories 8 millionstories in the naked city,
telling our stories, which was asource of comfort and
empowerment and pride yestelling our stories we weren't
alone.
Speaker 1 (01:08:11):
you said to get out of your neighborhood, to get out
of your said to get out of yourneighborhood, to get out of
your hood, to get out of yoursurroundings.
That right there, just crossingboroughs, helped people to go
wait they over there doing that,they over there doing that.
And then to have the East Coast, west Coast wait they over
there doing that.
West Coast Wait they over theredoing that, wait they over
(01:08:31):
there doing it just brought, itmade it much broader for people
who weren't in the military tostep up and go and do and see.
I want to thank you for gettingup tonight and coming and
speaking and sharing.
You gave great wisdom and greatvalue in just being an amazing
(01:08:58):
person.
Speaker 2 (01:08:59):
Thank you, Mary.
Speaker 1 (01:09:01):
Color not necessary, just an amazing person Thank you
.
Thank you, thank you.
Great investment in theplatform and all of those that
will be able to lean from it forwhat this is.
The World Wide Web.
(01:09:21):
Yes, ma'am, from around theworld.
You know so.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate you staying in theafter party.
I always feel like that afterconversation, people have no
idea.
It's like nah, I don't know, wego in, we still go in.
So, yeah, I just wanted toshare that.
(01:09:42):
Thank you so much.
All right, y'all.
We'll see you in the nextepisode of Confident you.
Listen, I want to welcome you to the after party.
After party, episode 25.
What is something that you feelas though?
Give me your top three thingsthat you feel as though us, as a
people, aren't being honestwith ourselves about.
Take your time.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
One.
We're lazy at times.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
We're lazy at times you was real quick with that.
I said take your time.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
You said one we're lazy at times.
We have all this power and thisintelligence and this
resilience and this.
We have all this love, thisintelligence and this resilience
and this.
We have all this love, all thisgood stuff, all this resources,
the creativity.
Right, we have that.
(00:54):
Stop being lazy with it, stoptaking it for granted.
Stop, stop, stop.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Two, stop, stop, two.
Okay, we're gonna stay withlazy, okay, so stop being lazy
with it, stop taking it forgranted.
Stop.
That's how you said that.
So what would you say are threethings that someone can do
manage better in their lives toconquer their lazy way.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Be open to opportunities.
Open to opportunities, be open.
Be open to something that'sdifferent.
Different doesn't mean badright, it's just different.
Be open.
Be open to us.
Be open that we're not all thesame.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Hmm, be open to us.
Be open to we're not all thesame.
So open, what is something?
Speaker 2 (02:11):
else, what is the second thing that you would?
Say um travel travel, and notjust to the Caribbean islands.
And getting drunk on the boozecruise, that's fun.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Wait a minute, ma'am.
You're being real rude.
You came for people's necks,like I heard.
I felt the slice for others.
I felt the slice for others,ma'am.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
That is fun and beautiful and I'm not knocking
that.
But the world is so much biggerthan that, you know, because
when I tell you, when you gosomewhere and you see how
amazing our world is, you seeour God everywhere.
Right, it's so much bigger thanthat.
(03:04):
And then you also appreciatewhat you do have.
You know, especially as afemale.
Again, I love traveling.
I'm you know, I'm gonna doabout, I'm gonna have that Ghana
life and all that, but as afemale.
Thank you God for having meborn in this country.
We're gonna go back to that now, thank you God for having me
(03:26):
born in this country.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
We're going to go back to that, go back to your
gratitude for being born in thiscountry.
What is the third thing youwould say?
To conquer laziness.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Journal you know, or whatever.
Just write it down or record it, whatever works for you, but
actually get to know yourselfyou know.
Know yourself before you're outhere trying to know others and
present yourself.
So that's why you knowjournaling, recording.
Know yourself before you're outhere trying to know others and
present yourself.
So that's why you knowjournaling, recording, know
yourself.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
And that's what you're saying is coming from the
journaling.
You're actually writing.
What are you saying?
That people write Becausepeople could write.
People could sit there and playan album, exactly.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
However, or record, like I said, you can record
yourself.
You know, I think sometimessocial media gets a bad rap.
People be like people be doingtoo much.
I think social media saves alot of lives.
It's a tool, it's an outlet,you know.
So I don't knock it, it's atool.
So know yourself, learnyourself that self awareness is
(04:48):
powerful, right, and we don'thave to get it when we're 50.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
I mean, getting it is getting it right, but if we can
, it doesn't have to take fivedecades, all right, so I wanted
to go back to what you just said.
You said thank you, god.
As a Black female, I want tothank you, god, for being born
(05:19):
in this country, for being bornin this country.
And you said that, along withthe statement that people should
get out of the country and seethings and do things.
Why that prayer?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Not even just the country.
Just start baby steps, even inour country.
Right, get out of your hood andlet me tell you, the hood is
not bad.
Whatever your hood is, gooutside it, please.
You know, go outside it.
But my world became so muchbigger and I thought my world
(06:01):
was already big because when wego down south, my mother kept us
busy, she kept us busy, shekept us busy, so she kept us
busy.
We had church, we had ourfamily, she would take us places
.
She wanted our world to bebigger and I'm thankful.
And even with our world beingbigger, I remember one time I
(06:25):
was asking her you know how youhave those after school specials
and the kids would have curfews.
I said Mommy, can I get acurfew?
She's like you're not going tovote and I've always had friends
of everybody's that went toschool that was ready to vote.
You think you're going to learnlife friends.
If to a school that was verydifferent, you just want to
learn life friends.
If you're not with me, ifyou're not with your
(06:46):
grandparents, you're not atchurch, you don't need no curfew
.
God will send us somewhere.
Let's just go somewhere and comeback home and say God what's
wrong with you?
Speaker 1 (06:57):
That don't even sound right.
And the thing is you have torealize where they're coming
from, what they saw as children.
I can say that there are thingsthat I did or do or have done
as an adult, that I made my mindup as a kid that that when I
(07:20):
get big I'm doing it this way.
And it wasn't until I sat downand, like you said, got that
awareness about myself andreally started dissecting and
looking at the things that I did, that I realized wait, I made
this up when I was six when thishappened.
I made this vow with myself andI kept the vow and forgot all
(07:46):
about it, but I consciouslyforgot about it.
Subconsciously I kept that word.
You did, you too, and put upwith some tomfoolery to keep a
promise of a six-year-old.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Steadfast, right, steadfast in the silliness.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
We do that to ourselves we do we do?
Speaker 1 (08:15):
What is something that you feel like you have done
?
That?
There's a promise that you madeas a kid that as an adult adult
, had you paid attention, youwould have been like, yeah, nah,
that's not right um, there was.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
I remember one thing about my family too we could be
the best drug addict, crackhead,alcoholic, but we're going to
always work, we are going towork.
Our work ethic is by none inour family.
(08:57):
So again, when you ask aboutthe issues we were functioning
crackheads and alcoholics we'restill going to work.
I don't know what the qualityof the work that was.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
I just want to get done.
No, no, no, no, no.
I know some functioning peoplethat are amazing.
People did not know they werefunctioning, they just thought
they were methodical in theirthinking and speech.
Yes, and I knew I was like no,it's not.
(09:35):
I'm not going to fullyattribute all of that, all the
characteristics, to that.
I'm not fully contributed tothe abuse of the, whatever the
substance.
I know I could see it peekingout and doing its best to cope
(10:01):
with that, yeah, and I, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
So you know that work ethic was always within me.
It's just who I was.
You know, um, and I remember Igot my first job at 15 and I
lied to get that job because Ihad asked my mother.
By then she's clean and sober.
So now that's why I'm laughinglike wait, wait a minute.
(10:29):
So I didn't lie.
So it's kind of around thattime.
That's when they said they were115 years, but they really
weren't, and I was so excitedand my mother was like you can
get a job.
But she didn't really want meto have a job because she would
have to pick me up.
So I was frustrated.
So I was telling my grandfather, her father no, no, I can't get
a job.
(10:49):
He was like why?
I was like because I'm not 16.
He was like well, tell himyou're 16.
And I was like I should.
He was like there's two thingsyou lie about in life your money
and to get money wait, a minute.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Wait, there's only two things.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
You lie about is your money and to get money.
Wait a minute, wait.
There's only two things you lieabout is your money and to get
money.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Who said this?
Speaker 2 (11:09):
My grandfather, my mother's father.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I'm going to need your grand.
Okay, so listen.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
This book, this book is for the family, y'all and me
saying and that Listen, like Isaid, and so he died in 2015 and
at home.
But, like I said, I've beenblessed.
I've always had this wisdombeing poured into me and I'm so
(11:33):
thankful.
So we had a fire when I waslike seven.
So I told the people, a housecaught on fire and that is where
my work permit is.
I kind of alluded to it.
So McDonald's hired me and I wassuch a good worker.
They kept asking for the workpermit and I would hold them all
(11:56):
.
Then, finally, when I turned 16, I came in and gave it to the
manager.
He just looked at me and helaughed.
He was like that, that's a goodthing, you're such a good
employee.
But granddaddy said and mymother was man, how did you get
this job?
Granddaddy said stop it.
So so, yeah, I wish that Iwouldn't pay so much value on
(12:23):
work though, because that's allI would do to not face other
things in life.
I realize that now I've alwaysbeen.
I've always had multiple jobs,even in the military, I would
have part-time jobs.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Wait, I.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Even when I was after duty, duty, I would have other
jobs.
It was just a way to keep busy.
I think for me, if I'm not busy, I start ruminating, I start
sinking.
I think a lot of times,especially now, I think a lot of
(13:04):
us, we're predisposed tocertain things.
So, if you know that right, Idon't have to just pop a pill.
I can do things I can work out,I can be with my friends and my
family that I enjoy.
There's things that you can doif you already know yourself, if
(13:26):
you know the signs.
So, yeah, that would be the onething I think and that's the
thing you just said.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
you referred back to the last thing you said with the
journaling and the awarenessyou said to be by myself, to
recognize that things were goingon and to to start doing other
things, recognizing when I and Ithink that's that awareness yes
, I was talking about in thatcomponent, that last component
(13:57):
of um, your advice in referenceto not being lazy.
Yes, the laziness withinyourself and that awareness,
awareness for you has done what,what is something that you're
(14:18):
aware of and how it wasaffecting you and then, when you
became aware, how you turnedthat around.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
I think, one thing that I became aware of that I
don't think at one time.
So you know I don't havechildren and I remember.
So one, my mother, again, myfamily's old, they're from South
(14:47):
Carolina, from the country, soeverybody's a wife.
You know now.
So what?
That his woman came by thehouse and somebody had to choke
her out.
But everybody's a wife, right.
So I knew that I did not wantthat and I remember hearing them
like, well, I'm the wife andI'm like I don't see where
(15:08):
that's a win.
As a little girl I'm like, I'mlike I'm really trying to wrap
my head around.
This woman called your house ory'all had to go beat up this
woman because I never understoodthat and y'all were I'm the
wife, you know.
It gave me eavesdropping.
So I remember my mother askedme you know again, even with
(15:36):
that there was this if you havea baby, you better change your
last name.
That was just.
You know, that was just themantra.
You would not just be aroundhere having babies, because
girls were having babies young.
We were so fearful of our motherI think we were the only
murders on the street.
For one, we really were,because we don't want any smoke
(16:00):
with her and I think, too, mymother had asked me later on.
I was like 24, and she was like, are we going to ever have kids
?
And I was like no, you said Ihave to be married and I was not
looking for a husband.
And then she also was like,well, you can get married.
You know, I got married to yourdad.
It just didn't work.
(16:21):
And I was like yeah, yeah.
But again I saw her and myauntie how they were real
mothers.
Us kids were always priority.
They did without.
They did without all the time.
And I told her I saw how youdid without.
She's like but we did.
It didn't look like it washaving much fun.
I'm a pass so and I always tellhim to this day those bad kids,
(16:57):
they cost money he didn't looklike he was having much fun.
Yes, yeah, mother, and I cantell the red kids were always a
(17:18):
priority and you have so many, Ithink, for me, seeing all these
real women, all these realmothers around me, that was a
bond that I want to try and getto.
I mean, I think I over thoughtit, probably too, and then, when
I decided that maybe I should,I'm like okay, I'm going to need
(17:38):
a nanny, I'm too old, I like tosleep, just you know we don't
do that.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
I like to sleep Just.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
You know we don't do that.
Listen, my uncle was listen, Iknow, but I was going to.
That's what started my plan.
I was going to find one thatspoke Spanish.
So that's okay, because I'mgoing to try to be legal.
I had a whole little notebookof how I was going to do this.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Yeah, it sounded like you would like to start a list.
I did, but it wasn't that.
Ma'am Five, five.
Is there anything else youwould have wanted to say during
the episode concerning mentalhealth?
To say during the episodeconcerning mental health?
Speaker 2 (18:26):
I would say again just stop.
So you know, we have thosewords now that we're learning,
you know toxic and triggered andthey sound good, but again they
kind of don't.
You know, he's a knife.
He's a knife.
We're at so much right, I havetrust issues.
(18:51):
We're quite good at saying thatProud.
Okay, now what, what you gonnado about it?
Oh, I just have him, oh, huh,huh about it.
Oh, I just have them, oh, huh,huh you are rude, I love it.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
It's funny because I had these discussions, like you
know, my brother, my brotherwould go out and then some guy
would like try to talk to me andI would make.
He has done me for theteachable moment just telling
you how interesting.
But I have to have aconversation, brother, why did
you feel that that was the waythat you should approach me?
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Let's talk so my brother be like it ain't gonna
be a teachable moment.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Leave those fools alone, and I'm like but we can
do better.
I know we can and I want him tofind love.
It's not going to be with me,but I want him to find it
Because I love black love.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
But that's a love you're going to have to see with
somebody else.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
No, no, and it would be like I see your underwear and
everybody's like it's polo.
Yeah, but I see your underwear.
Now we're grown, it's badenough.
Our young ones do it, but youknow what you out, it's polo.
And now, okay, if you want to gothere, it's at this bar school.
So you got your underwear atthis bar school.
(20:18):
There's a lot going on here.
So I want us to take pride injust who we are.
We are so powerful we are, so Imean, we're just beautiful,
right, like we are physicallybeautiful.
(20:39):
We have this way about us thatcannot be bottled it, it cannot
be replicated.
You can call it what you want.
We are royalty, right, and Idon't take away from anybody
else.
I have women that I consider mysisters, that are, you know,
white.
They're Polish, italian.
(21:00):
I don't take that away.
I'm also not going to minimizethe privilege it is to be black.
It's a privilege.
It is a privilege.
It is a privilege and we needto start walking like we know
that it's a privilege.
We should, especially becauseI've lived in Germany, where
women will get black and they'llget mad about other women.
(21:25):
With that man, I'd be likewhat's wrong with y'all?
Look at that man.
If I was that child, I'd be madat me too.
Why are you mad at them, seeingthem for what they are?
Why are you mad about that?
I'm happy that he has somebodythat loves him, that receives
(21:49):
him for who he is Now.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
The ones that y'all getting mad about.
They're crying about him anyway.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
But he's happy.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
I can't.
People do tend to.
I can't say that I've seenpeople be taken aback when a
black man walks by with a womanfrom another race.
But then I just look at theother person that I'm with.
Like you know him, you know him.
Like that was somebody you wasin a relationship with, you.
(22:26):
You would have wanted to invest.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
You have no idea what she has yes, and love is in
this world for people to findlove, companionship I, I, I want
my black men to have that.
I don't I, I want them.
They deserve that, they needthat support and that's what
makes them feel comfortable forwhatever reason.
(22:48):
I'm not gonna dwell into it,you know, but that's not my
problem, that's that's so not myproblem.
And again, I'm good, like, I'mgood, right.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Right, right, because I only want who wants me.
Thanks, thanks.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
I'm not going to stand in front of you and hop up
and down and say, see me, seeme, what?
Speaker 1 (23:18):
is that about?
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Why am I going to be in places where I know that I'm
tolerated and not celebrated?
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Again.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Why am I going to be in places where I'm tolerated
and not celebrated?
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Why am I going to be in places where I'm tolerated
and not celebrated?
That is something I needed tohear early in life.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Early in life, that is.
That statement sums up a lotfor me.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
We all needed it, I think, throughout times in our
lives Like I've needed it.
So, like you said, I think it'ssomething that's going to come
and go at different periods inour life.
I remember so one thing I didwhen I came back to New York.
So I was in Macedonia, I wascontracting for the Army.
So they said Grandma, the listhere is causing trouble.
(24:14):
My grandfather had a stroke.
So I remember I called her andshe was just like I need you
here, you're my oldestgrandchild.
So I left.
I came back to New Rochesterand all my family was like
you're here, and I'm going tosay that they tricked me because
he lived another 13 years.
Ain't nothing wrong with that,he lived another 13 years.
(24:37):
So I was like y'all tricked me,y'all got me back here and I
don't regret it because again,my grandfather, red White, was
the man.
So I don't regret that.
But I started working for thestate.
I was a special ed teacher andagain that was something to
where there weren't too many ofus in that position and I loved
(25:02):
working with my class, I lovedmy staff.
But I left and deployed me.
The military called me up to gooverseas.
You know how when you're out ofsomething you can't go back.
And I was constantly fightingwith either staff or higher-ups.
And I remember I came back andI was just like Grandma I don't
(25:24):
know why.
I was talking with her when Iand it was getting really bad,
like I was getting into it witha lot of the staff, you know to
where I would play gospel.
Before I would even go intowork, I would have to play
gospel.
And I was telling Grandma,grandma, I don't want to go
there anymore.
But it was a good state jobwith good benefits.
But it was a good state jobwith good benefits and I had
been there for like seven years.
And she was like so where areyou going?
(25:46):
And I was like because it's agood job, you know I make good
money.
She was like but you don't haveto think about it, but you fuck
them, excuse me, fuck them,sorry, fuck them.
She was like you can alwayswork.
You know who you are.
Don't go there if you, if she'slike you don't even got no kids
(26:06):
, dummy.
And she was like that's when Istarted my whole serial
entrepreneur.
So you don't have any kids,you're gonna always work.
I like you, I'll feed you.
I was like she's right.
Why am I sick?
I'm dreading going to a place,to where I'm tolerated and not
(26:27):
celebrated and you're toleratedand not celebrated.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
But you said it right because you're taking yourself
there.
The perspective she gave you onit is the reason you're going
there, is you?
So why are you going there?
Speaker 2 (26:46):
she's.
She was the one that started meon this serial entrepreneurship
.
It's just, and I'm so thankfulbecause and again, I still have
the military as a corner so Ican do all my different
businesses and then be like, ohooh, I need some money.
So can you put me in orders forthree months?
Let me put you in orders forthree months.
(27:08):
I would go to the base work,not that hard.
I would go to the gym for twohours.
We would have Bible study.
Let's go to lunch for two.
At certain times there was nosweat coming off of my brow and
I'm getting paid really goodmoney.
So, and I'm with a group ofpeople that, yeah, we all have
(27:33):
something bigger than us thatwe're working towards.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
You said you were working a job.
There was no sweat coming offyour brow and you were getting
paid really good money.
You also said that your firstjob was at McDonald's, where I'm
sure you were making that niceminimum wage three something,
four something, an hour.
(27:57):
Okay, so that's where you are.
That's the spectrum, yes.
Nice job where you are that'sthe spectrum.
Yes, from a nice job where youget paid a lot of money to a job
where you really have to workevery moment of every day and
you're paid minimal.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
That was my first job as a 15-year-old.
That was my first job.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Right, no, I'm just.
I'm going from the those two ofhow, in this country, it seems
like the higher up you get, themore you get paid for doing less
.
Yes, but the lower you are inthe totem pole, the more they
(28:42):
ride you to do more for less.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Yes.
So that's how our country wasbuilt, right From the free labor
to laws designed to have theworking class stay the working
(29:06):
class.
You know our retirement system,our social security will give
you just enough.
Right will give you just enough.
And so what are so many lessonsand so many aha moments?
The biggest one for me was mymother worked at Genesee Brewery
and that was a good job and shewas among a group of women that
(29:30):
were the first women hired towork at this brewery.
They had to cross a picket linebecause men were upset that
these women were taking thesegood jobs from men, because my
mother didn't need to eat orfeed those kids.
So she was.
This was in 19, I think 1978.
(29:51):
So she said it was ugly.
You know, men didn't want towear that brooie.
She had to work.
My mother worked that job for29 years and she said she did
that for us.
And and she said she did thatfor us.
And she did, she did that forus.
And it was a brood, it was cold, the eroded, the sexism, the
(30:12):
racism.
She did it and she was able toretire at 54.
And so I remember she said tome y'all make sure y'all do it
better than me.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
That part.
I see that there's a differenttime now.
Different time, I mean, it'sjust a different mindset.
I don't know.
It's probably because I'm in it, and I'm in it being someone
who is seeing you to look backand say y'all didn't do anything
(30:52):
.
I see where they did something,I see what I'm doing, but I
don't see your contribution,your age group, your age.
What did you do?
Do we kept y'all safe?
We transitioned through people,rodney King being beaten by the
(31:13):
police on camera and theyacting like nothing happened.
What's wrong?
What's the problem?
It was the on camera.
Yes, these beatings take tookplace before.
Yes, prior to that, there werea lot of black people hung from
trees.
Billy holiday sung.
(31:35):
Yes, about that yes a lot of ushung from trees.
So I'm not saying that traumadidn't happen.
It was just totally differentto actually sit and have the
news come on, which is somethingthat, as a youth, you're told
you have to watch as anassignment for one of your
(31:55):
classes, maybe like watch thenews and write on the article,
or read the paper and write onthe article, which is also
traumatic.
That's the fact.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
It's on a loop.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
Yeah, it's on a loop.
The trauma and the drama is ona loop.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
I have not, I haven't seen, I don't know.
I think the last thing I saw,kind of saw, was Trayvon, and
that still is the one that justI've not seen.
George Snow, I knew not towatch that.
I know to leave the roomBecause my grandmother and my
mother knew, knew, I know Idon't need to see that.
(32:39):
I know I don't need to see, Idon't need to see the murders.
Yeah, I don't need to see that.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
I know I don't need to see, I don't need to see the
murders?
Yeah, I don't.
Yeah, yes, and that's exactlyhow I feel, and I'm not
discounting or discrediting them.
I have a tender heart.
So there are things that I doshield my eyes from.
Like you said, you have to tobe aware, you have to know you.
(33:04):
So I know me and they're evenyou know, they're jobs that I've
had where I've literally had tosit through and shield myself
from the things that I knew.
Would I just don't want to,would I just don't want to roll
over in the middle of the nightand think about that.
(33:25):
Yes, replay, because my heartis so big.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
And you know that about yourself.
And, yes, you know that youcan't afford to sink right.
You can't afford that.
You can't.
You can't afford the luxury ofeven trying to sit with that.
You can't.
You can't afford the luxury ofeven trying to sit with that.
You can't, because you're gonnawallow right, you're gonna
wallow in it.
And again it goes back to Iknow you said my mother, but I
(33:53):
remember my brother was goingthrough a lot of stuff and I
remember she said to him youwant to stay in that hole.
I'm gonna always to alwaysreach down, but I'm not going to
sit there with you.
I'm not, I can't sit in therewith you.
She the things that she wouldsay to him, like I'm not going
to sit in there with you.
The same thing I've said tofamily members that I've been
(34:17):
there, maybe it has happened inthe neighborhood and after a
while, when I realized you'regoing to do this, I love you,
I'm going to pray.
I told my one cousin, who Iwill say when you said that it
clicked for him.
I said I got the dress readyfor the funeral, but I'm not
going to watch you kill yourself.
And he and I we're a monthapart.
(34:39):
Everybody that if you know me,you know him.
If you know me, you know him.
If you know him, you know me.
We're a month apart.
We ride hard.
We are a month apart.
I'm the oldest in his house.
He was making a lot of.
He's lived with me.
He's gotten out of prison, he'sgotten out of Attica and come
to.
We're not with active duty.
(35:00):
He was my best friend.
We made a different choice.
I can't, I can't keep runningafter you.
I can't keep running thebuildings when you're being held
hostage.
I can't watch you kill yourself.
I won't watch you kill yourself.
I'm telling you the last timehe was.
(35:23):
He's good, he bought a house,he's engaged, he's clean.
He's not that person anymore,he's this person.
Once I came to terms, it's partof that grief.
I think too, with me workingand volunteering with hospice,
there is a grief process, evenwhen they're still alive.
(35:43):
And I had gone through it and Ihad prayed and I was.
I was thinking, in the smile,of all the good times, all the
fun times.
You know the roller skatingrink, the dance competitions.
You know the swimming pools,the movies, crush Blues, you
(36:04):
know.
Like bruising and we performedit.
So I'm thinking about thisstuff a lot.
I'm thinking about that, youknow, and he's good now and
we're tight now and he's here,he's fully present, but he yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
That's beautiful, my goodness.
Yeah, you are aware, you'reaware of yourself, you're aware
of those around you.
It is awesome to see the lightshine in you, through you and
all around you.
You are absolutely beautiful,ma'am.
Thank you so much.
I didn't get a chance in theepisode to ask you this, so I'm
(36:53):
going to ask you now Can youshare with the confident you
family some confident tips, someconfident tips on just being.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
Some tips.
I've had so many mentors Iprobably forgot about some of
them, but some tips that I wouldhave for the confident you
family would be enjoy, enjoylife.
Give people enjoy, enjoy life.
Give people, give yourself somegrace and mercy.
(37:29):
Know that a lot of times whensomeone's coming at you or
towards you in a negative way,it's really not even about you.
So if you can, you know,scrunch your toes and give them
that grace and mercy.
Give yourself that grace andmercy.
Be approachable, have a smileon your face, count your
(37:56):
blessings dearly when you'rereally down and you're
overwhelmed, get up and go for awalk, play some music, go to
the library, go do somethinggood for someone else, because
we're really all here togethertrying to figure it out, trying
(38:17):
to have good feelings, trying tolove on ours that we love good
feelings, trying to love on ourson ours that we love, and to
laugh and to experienceeverything that you can.
And don't watch that news toomuch.
That's what I would have forthe Confident Youth family and
(38:41):
love yourself, love and loveyourself.
Love yourself Like.
Love yourself first.
Like.
People talk about a why right,my?
Why is my family my?
Why is that?
And this may be contrary.
You know, and I don't have kids, right, but I think your first
why has to be you.
(39:02):
You have to be your first.
Why has to be you?
You have to be your first why?
It's kind of simple for me,again, I don't have kids, but
I'm my why, so that I can dowhat I need to do.
For my other whys you can havemore than one why, but your
first why has to be you.
So confident, you Stay beingconfident, stay learning, stay
(39:26):
smiling, stay watching me,because it's only going to help
you be more confident.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
That's all I have you have much more than enough,
ma'am.
Oh, my goodness, exceedingabundantly above all.
Yes, you do, my goodness, yousaid a whole mouthful.
I'm like, ma'am, you gonnastart me to talking again
(39:55):
something about that love you.
You got to come first.
Young mother getting on theplane I just had my daughter,
just turned 20 and had mydaughter two months later.
So I was 19 pregnant and I'mgoing, and so my daughter had to
(40:15):
be maybe two months.
And I take going to take her toback to New York, to New York to
see her dad's mom, for her tomeet her dad's side, for them to
meet our child.
And I get on the plane and thatstewardess stands there on a
(40:38):
full plane that is going fromWashington DC, reagan National,
to LaGuardia in New York, andshe looks at me, that little
Black girl sitting there holdingthat little Black baby, and she
gives the whole speech on howto save yourself.
That mask, drop down.
(41:00):
You put it on your face Becauseif you don't save yourself
first, you won't have the energy, the air, the strength, the
power, the mindset, the will tothen hold that and save the baby
.
So make sure there is a planefull of people and she is only
talking to me.
That mask come down and you Ineed you to cover your face
(41:23):
first, see, and you're going towant to take care of your baby,
how are you going to do that?
And you're falling out becauseyou didn't get any oxygen.
So now you and the baby you gotto work on you Make sure you're
good and you work on the babyRight, work on the best right.
That's the, the, so thatwhenever someone says save
(41:45):
yourself first, I think that isthing.
That is another thing thatblack people say oh, you're
selfish, selfish.
It's the same thing about money.
You want money, oh you, oh you.
That type of person, oh you.
Greedy, oh you.
This, oh you no.
How am I going to help if Idon't have the funds to help?
Speaker 2 (42:11):
Steve Harvey said it the best way I can help a poor
person is not be one of them.
Say it again the best way I canhelp a poor person is not be
one of them.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
Steve, we never lie the best way I can help a poor
person is not be one of them.
Steve, you ain't never lie.
Okay, so I'm going to need thatbook from the family, I think
family got some work to do.
Maybe I will Old boy's name.
I don't know if that's oldboy's name or that's the family
name.
What's the family name?
I'm looking for a book.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
We are.
So my dad, I'm a Jackson, andmy mother I'm a Wright and I'm a
Culler.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
That Jackson Wright McCullough joint got to come out
and listen.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
I'm a Jackson, you better get to work.
I'm a Jackson, you only plantso many gardens.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
That would be an amazing book.
To have a book of Black sayings.
Speaker 2 (43:09):
Yes, sir, we do it at our family reunion.
I know the last day each tablewas stand up and have two things
.
We did it as a group.
We wrote down sayings and wewould write that and, like you
know, we had a whole board fullof them, you know.
Speaker 1 (43:29):
and it was the book written already.
I just need a book to be put ina book listen I'm gonna tell my
mother and let that be thecover of the book.
But inside the book youactually find the sayings and
the little stories that go witheach saying girl, don't talk to
(43:50):
me.
And you put it in a trust sothat that money just keeps going
to the thing.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
Listen I talked to him about this trust, because
I'm like we got all this land,but what we're doing with it?
The snakes are having a ball.
Why don't we set up some cellphone towers?
Because we got a lot of dirtgoing on.
But I'm like, so what are wedoing with?
We just want yeah, they're not.
I want y'all keep talking aboutI literally have dirt, I have
(44:30):
acres in my name, but y'allwon't let me do nothing with it.
I don't have a kiss.
I'm gonna do it now.
I'm gonna take a two-weekcruise just to start.
There's gonna be a cell phonetower, that's the whole.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
I'm gonna need you to go ahead and do that.
Now I'm telling about that book.
I'm gonna need you to go aheadand do that.
Now I'm telling you that book.
I'm gonna need that.
Speaker 2 (44:48):
I'm gonna tell my mother, I'm gonna call her and
be like hello mother.
I'm gonna tell mommy I lovethat.
See, look at you, confidentcoach, there's a whole.
I do have you doing the introsa confident coach.
Confident Coach, there's awhole, I see.
So we do have you doing theintros, a confident coach.
And then the podcast.
(45:10):
Yeah, yeah, you should justyeah this is good.
Speaker 1 (45:16):
My goodness, it feels beautiful to be seen and to
have your voice be appreciated.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (45:23):
But not only.
It's not even you being seen,you're helping others to be seen
and to have your voice beappreciated.
Thank you so much.
It's not even you being seen,you're helping others to be seen
.
That is like you are not beingselfish with your gift.
So thank you, and for me,another thing that has been a
blessing is my relationshipswith women.
(45:44):
I feel bad for women.
I don't have women for us, Ifeel so.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
Right, that's what you need.
Speaker 2 (45:53):
Right, that is so lonely to me, that is so.
That is a ready power, right,that's like just that power and
friendship with women.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
yes, like when we get together, it's like like the
other one we used to do yeahit's just something to see I can
honestly say there were periodsof my life, chunks of my life
chunks where there weren't any,but I could say that there were
(46:31):
not any around, that I wouldwant yes, anyway.
But now that I have placedmyself and invested in myself
and put myself in rooms wherethere are women, women worthy of
holding conversations andlearning from, such as miss
(46:54):
jackson if you're next, no, it'syourself to be able to hold
this beautiful conversation, youknow that is something that a
woman, you, you have to investin yourself.
It's like after a while, youhave to stop saying pointing the
finger outward and go okay, sowhat am I doing?
Yes, where am I what?
(47:17):
So what am I?
Am I always talking?
Negative is that's why peopledon't really want to sit down.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
And having those women that are not only your
children but they're going tocheck you.
I've had my girls be like andI'd be like what the average
interventionist is down on me.
Speaker 1 (47:42):
And if you have the right caliber of people around
you, you can trust that it's foryour betterment that is I.
Speaker 2 (47:57):
Just like I said, I can't.
You know, some people want tolike, try, I think, be petty
because they're not happy aboutoh, you don't have any kids.
Woe is you, I can't go therewith you.
But I can't go there and besorry about that with you when I
have so many people that loveme, that don't even have to,
(48:17):
they don't even share my DNA.
That had been there for me.
I had one best friend since Iwas 15 and she is well.
The other one was from 96, so Iwas with them both this last
weekend.
Two Leos whoo God is good bothof it.
(48:39):
Both are my Leos whoo andthey're nice and they are
amazing and they can do togetherand they actually.
It's just powerful and it'slove and it's support and it's
encouragement, because we needthat.
We all need that and again whatyou do, that confidence piece
(49:04):
and I love that your podcast isnot just confident in business
right, you're the law, rightbecause I believe there are all
sides.
Speaker 1 (49:21):
People have all sides , so I want to hear all sides.
People have all sides, so Iwant to hear all sides of you.
I want to hear about you knoweverything highs, the lows, the
good, the bad, the ugly, thebeautiful, because beauty comes
from ugly.
Things get broken beforethey're made beautiful.
Speaker 2 (49:42):
Yeah, you're so good at it, before they're made.
I know it's beautiful.
Yeah, you're so good at it.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
Listen for a child to get here.
Speaker 2 (49:51):
That childbirth is some painful gut-wrenching oh
Lord, Thank y'all for y'allservice.
Sweet child.
Speaker 1 (50:04):
And then you have the most beautiful, delicate gentle
.
How did you?
Speaker 2 (50:15):
produce, create.
That is, I've been in two and Iwas not, not supposed to be,
and I'm still resentful.
Two births, yes, two births.
But that's evidence that thereis a God, that there's something
bigger than us and that we havesomething to rise up to.
(50:40):
Which, I'm sure, when you hadyour beautiful blessings, like
look at them, like you, you likeI said your daughter definitely
is you right.
And then two, you and yourfather can introduce them with
your head held high.
Yeah, right, yeah, and that'spowerful.
(51:03):
I mean you also again within you, with your son, you also let
them be who they are.
And you know your kids.
You know, again, I'm not aparent, you know, and I would
tell people, well, you're not aparent, yeah, but I have a
couple.
I'm thankful that my motherknew her kids individually, just
(51:24):
like you know yours, you knowyours, you saw him early on, you
know.
So I would again, I'm not aparent, but when you're always
watching, I would tell parentslet your kids be who they are,
don't live through that, becausethat's their life.
(51:45):
You don't want to cripple themwith the stuff that you wish
that you did like, share thatright, but let them live their
lives and let them, be them andknow that you poured so much
into them that they're going tobe okay.
Speaker 1 (52:00):
Yeah, christless.
Yes Know that you've poured somuch into them that they're
going to be okay.
The thing that helps me be aparent and watch them do things
or make choices and go okay isbecause I never forget myself
(52:24):
going through that process.
Speaker 2 (52:26):
It's a process right, it's a process.
They got to go through it.
They can't get around it.
Speaker 1 (52:32):
Right, they can't avoid it, nope, and if you keep
saving them from it, thenthey're just gonna be depending
on you the rest of their lifeyou're gonna cripple them, and
in this world we can't affordthat no, there are times, and
(52:53):
there are times that I take careof them.
There are things that it's like,yeah, nah, you just need to be
careful right now.
That's that's just how it isright now.
That's just what's gonna godown.
But as soon as they back up ontheir feet, it's like all right,
baby, I gotta go bye-bye, seeyou later.
I'm like I just came to makesure this part right here you
didn't come after my kid thatyou had.
(53:15):
You know the things that youneeded to survive.
Okay, you good, you back onyour feet, you standing, you can
I'm out.
Speaker 2 (53:23):
See you later you actually live into your faith.
Yeah, that's a super.
That is something that I think,covid, that was one of the
pluses that you know, and Iwould tell my airman too.
I don't care if your god,that's your choice or whatever
(53:45):
you're gonna call him or her, ifthere's that pebble that you
carry in your hand, but it hasto be something bigger than you
that you can lean into and thatyou can count on.
That's a source you know, andthat faith, right, that faith is
irreplaceable, unrefutable,unwavering.
Speaker 1 (54:10):
If you're smart, don't, don, but if you waver,
you better set up how you getback.
You better already set up yourplan to get back.
Whenever I feel like this,greater is he that's in me than
he that's in the world.
I walk by faith and not bysight.
No weapon formed against meshall ever prosper.
I'm more than a conquerorthrough Christ that's been for
(54:32):
me.
I'm the head and not the tail.
I'm above and not beneath.
All right, I'm good, woo.
All right, wait a minute.
They tried to get me.
They tried to get me.
I'm too tough to be ready forI'm in a fight with that word.
And the crazy thing is thebattle isn't even external.
It's right here.
Speaker 2 (54:53):
It would just be roaring.
It's just up in there, just MMA.
You know, it's just up therewrestling.
It's just boxing, it's just,you know, it's just automatic
weapons.
Speaker 1 (55:09):
I was at church and the gentleman who got up to read
the prayer literally said Ilooked at us, came across a
statistic that we think 50,000to 80,000 thoughts a day and 80%
at minimum are negative, arenegative.
(55:44):
Yes, so that awareness thatyou're talking about is
something you definitely need tohave.
I started, you said, journaling.
I started to journal just thethings I said to myself and
realized there was a piece thatI was saying to myself all day,
every day, that was feeding menegatively.
(56:09):
The fruit I was getting from itwas negative because it started
.
I would say this and then itjust started how everything else
went.
I would say this and it startedeverything, and I think this
deals with your mental health.
You want to have healthy mental.
You need to know what you'rethinking and saying to yourself.
That is that is that's powerful.
(56:33):
You can't let anybody else talkto you that way, but you're
talking to yourself that way,that right there, so what I kept
saying to myself I wouldliterally get up and go roll
over.
I'm tired, get up, go get in.
I'm tired.
Oh, my goodness, I'm tired.
I lost count how many times ithad become natural for me just
(57:00):
to say it.
I wasn't tired.
I wasn't even tired, butbecause it was something I
always said to myself withoutpaying attention, I literally
that was the first thing thatwould talk me out of doing any
of the ideas I had.
Oh, I could do that later.
(57:21):
So that lazy thing that youwere talking about before, that
would be my.
That's the trigger that wouldturn, or that's the saying I
would say in my head.
That would then spiral and keepme on this lazy hamster wheel.
Yes, the procrastination becamemy boo and I didn't even know I
(57:43):
was in a abusive relationshipwith this dude, but he kept
showing up and you?
Speaker 2 (57:48):
you kept letting them in.
Speaker 1 (57:50):
I had to.
I had to.
So this podcast for me andbeing able to end the episode
and go, oh my God, episode 25done, that thing is coming from
the depths of my soul because Idid not allow procrastination.
(58:13):
So, because I did not allowprocrastination and I did not
allow myself to keep saying I'mtired, I'm tired.
That thing right there can kill, steal and destroy.
That one phrase kill, steal anddestroy.
(58:36):
I can tell you the things I wassupposed to do, but because I
started out with sin, I'm tired.
Okay, well, let me just get afew minutes.
No, it wasn't of rest.
Let me rest my mind by turningon the TV and watching for a
little bit, turning to two, two,turning to three for a little
bit.
Turn into two, two, turn intothree.
Well, yeah, it's late.
(58:57):
Now I'm going to go ahead andI'm going to make sure tomorrow
I knock that out Because I toldmyself so.
Therefore, my body follows suit, my emotions followed suit.
Yeah, let's add line there.
And when I realized that thatwas a statement for me, I would
(59:22):
always I advise people reallylisten to what you're telling
yourself every day.
I want you to come back andtell me what are those
statements that you're sayingand when you think about it,
it's like, no, I'm not, I'm nottired.
All week I realize, all day,every day, I say I'm tired when
I realized that I was like.
(59:44):
I've been tired.
Why am I waking up saying I'mtired?
Speaker 2 (59:52):
Putting it out there.
Speaker 1 (59:54):
The case.
Guess what you need to do?
Boo, because I found out.
Wait, you are a little.
You're not sleeping as well asyou could, probably because you
left that TV running all night.
You can't go into that deep,deep, and if you can't turn this
TV off without your mindreeling, then you need to turn
this TV off without your mindreally.
(01:00:15):
Then you need to deal withwhatever that is your mind is
really about, and then you maywant to put on some scriptures
really soft in the background soyou can just be with God as you
rest.
Speaker 2 (01:00:27):
Yes, talk to him, have a conversation with him.
Speaker 1 (01:00:30):
I had to have an awareness to, to get my mind to
the place where Confident youpodcast could honestly have the
coach to your confident voicesitting here doing what she does
.
But then I have to be attentive.
(01:00:50):
Now that I'm aware, I stillhave to be attentive to the fact
that that I could do that again.
Yeah, make sure it doesn'thappen again, to make sure I
don't sabotage myself again it'simportant, it's the training
right, it's the rethinking yes,training right, it's the
(01:01:18):
rethinking.
Speaker 2 (01:01:18):
Yes, and once you know it, you can't go back, you
shouldn't go back.
Yeah, that's true, youshouldn't go back, you shouldn't
go back.
I have, I've always told orI've said I'm intentionally
ignorant.
I ignorance is bliss for me.
Sometimes there are things thatand I say that it's like you
said, because I'm an empatheticperson I don't need to know
everything.
(01:01:38):
I need to know what works forme and the ones that matter to
me.
Speaker 1 (01:01:43):
But all that other stuff it just.
Speaker 2 (01:01:46):
There's no value in that.
Not for me, yeah, not for me,because I know me yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:01:54):
Like attorneys not for me, yeah, not for me,
because I know me.
Yeah, like attorneys, theyreally love the law and the
pieces and the facts about andall they love those real people
life things.
I can watch the show all day,but the real people life thing
tugs on my heart so I have topursue that.
Yes, yes, so I don't take oneverybody else's stuff and feel
(01:02:18):
weighed down and heavy and Ican't do my assignment exactly
cautious of how the enemy canstill kill the enemy will.
Now, the enemy I'm talking aboutis not just the external enemy,
it's the enemy and the inner me, oh that's true.
(01:02:40):
Yeah.
And then when you said thatwhole lazy thing.
I was like, ooh, is she goingto say procrastination?
What's she about to say?
Speaker 2 (01:02:50):
Well, it's just the lazy, I don't you know I myself
will always be a work inprogress.
Ah, so it's.
I never want to come fromjudgment.
It's just that I'm speakingabout this because when I
actually am a real life mentalhealth, I didn't just go on the
(01:03:12):
internet and get a certificate,right, I've actually practiced,
I've actually worked with people.
I've actually, you know, seenthe trauma.
I've been a part of it, youknow.
And so I say these things notto just be judgmental or
know-it-all Right, because youknow we definitely we get about.
Oh, I need some receipts.
(01:03:32):
You know we definitely we goodabout it.
I need some receipts, you know.
Speaker 1 (01:03:41):
It's a new day and I'm going to need them receipts.
Speaker 2 (01:03:46):
I'm okay with it.
I'm okay, I'm okay with it.
You know, especially if you'reeven doing real estate,
homeownership has been fraughtwith racism and discrimination
and our people not getting alittle bit of the pie.
When people come to me, theyhave a lot of distrust.
(01:04:08):
I know our people, I've met ourpeople, I am our people.
I've met our people, I am ourpeople.
But eventually, now I am notgoing to have, we're going to
have to figure this out.
You're going to find another,another agent.
You can't even look for a house.
I have no reason to lie to you.
I have no reason to lie to you.
I have zero reason to lie toyou.
(01:04:29):
I want you to own.
I'm telling you, for $100,000you're not getting a four
bedroom, three bath, movingready home with a pool.
Now, if you find one, you sendit to me and I'll open the door.
But I'm not just going to keepdoing this with you.
I'm not.
I'm just not.
(01:04:49):
I don't have it to do.
I don't have it to do.
Speaker 1 (01:04:54):
So, yeah, that's a lot to ask for.
For a little bit of investment,Okay.
Speaker 2 (01:05:00):
This is a primary home someone is looking for.
Wow, don't get me started.
I heard you need someforeclosures.
Even if it is, you don't haveany cash money.
So what are we doing here?
Right, I want to give one ofthe four other deals.
You don't have no money, youdon't have the money, you don't
(01:05:23):
have the skills.
Then, if that does becomeavailable plus, don't you think
that's kind of ghoulish?
You want to wait for somebodyelse to lose their property?
Speaker 1 (01:05:38):
Hey, my goodness it's coming.
I guess they figure I'm goingto get it one way or another, so
I'm going to do the another,I'm not going to do the one way.
Speaker 2 (01:05:47):
Listen, all my homes have been fixer uppers and for
me there's a value, a valueright, and then you can pay.
You can have that house withthe gray paint and the shiny you
know light fixture and all that.
You're gonna pay for it, youwill pay for it, and it's a
choice and I don't knock it foranybody right?
(01:06:08):
You know, I I am a very good.
Feelings are not facts.
Buying a home is emotional, soI get that, but let's all stay
centered.
If we do, feelings are notfacts and let's have these
discussions together.
And I love it and I lovehelping my people.
(01:06:33):
I've helped so many people thatare first time homeowners and I
love it and I love helping ourpeople.
I've helped so many people thatare first time homeowners and
their families, and that justmakes me cry and I'm happy and I
don't care what your budget is,because I'm going to eat
regardless right, right, that'sall right, she got you.
Speaker 1 (01:06:51):
I can't wait to visit because tell her I'm hungry.
Right, that's all right.
Grandma already said she gotyou.
I can't wait to visit because,tell her, I'm hungry.
I want to thank you again forstanding to ask the party.
It's the after party, listen,hey, don't do me like that.
Speaker 2 (01:07:12):
Don't do me like that .
You know it's 50 year hip hopthis year, like this is 50 year
hip hop oh, my goodness, it sureis.
Speaker 1 (01:07:26):
And it all began with Grandmaster Flash and Figuring
Out how to stop and connectthose beats From one record to
the next.
He literally would take therecord, slow it down and mark it
with a crayon so he'd knowwhere that beat Catch up with
(01:07:47):
the other beat and where hecould loop things around.
And go back and forth.
Speaker 2 (01:07:52):
And telling our stories.
Telling our stories 8 millionstories in the naked city,
telling our stories, which was asource of comfort and
empowerment and pride yestelling our stories we weren't
alone.
Speaker 1 (01:08:11):
you said to get out of your neighborhood, to get out
of your said to get out of yourneighborhood, to get out of
your hood, to get out of yoursurroundings.
That right there, just crossingboroughs, helped people to go
wait they over there doing that,they over there doing that.
And then to have the East Coast, west Coast wait they over
there doing that.
West Coast Wait they over theredoing that, wait they over
(01:08:31):
there doing it just brought, itmade it much broader for people
who weren't in the military tostep up and go and do and see.
I want to thank you for gettingup tonight and coming and
speaking and sharing.
You gave great wisdom and greatvalue in just being an amazing
(01:08:58):
person.
Speaker 2 (01:08:59):
Thank you, Mary.
Speaker 1 (01:09:01):
Color not necessary, just an amazing person Thank you
.
Thank you, thank you.
Great investment in theplatform and all of those that
will be able to lean from it forwhat this is.
The World Wide Web.
(01:09:21):
Yes, ma'am, from around theworld.
You know so.
Thank you so much.
I appreciate you staying in theafter party.
I always feel like that afterconversation, people have no
idea.
It's like nah, I don't know, wego in, we still go in.
So, yeah, I just wanted toshare that.
(01:09:42):
Thank you so much.
All right, y'all.
We'll see you in the nextepisode of Confident you.
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