Navigating the choppy waters of modern dating can be daunting, but Monique, our cherished relationship coach, sails back onto the podcast by popular demand, compass in hand. She's here to chart the course with a nine-step roadmap designed to help you discover true love. As someone who's journeyed from the solitary island of single motherhood to the thriving continent of love guru, I can't wait to share how Monique's insights and strategies can lead you to the relationship you've always wanted.
In this heartfelt episode, we explore how to raise the anchor on your love life, starting with a deep dive into what you don't want in a partner. This essential first step clears the decks for recognizing your heart's true desires. Monique and I also discuss the art of list-making—not as an arbitrary checklist, but as a beacon of self-awareness that helps you navigate through the fog of potential partners. You'll discover the "Sierra sauce," that secret ingredient adding magic to your quest for a fairy-tale romance.
Communication is the wind in your sails when it comes to relationships, so we share our most treasured navigational tools for speaking and listening with authenticity. Learn how to steer clear of dead-end relationships with advice on engaging in meaningful locations and establishing clear boundaries. With Monique's guidance and my own transformative experiences, this episode promises to be the lighthouse guiding you towards the warm shores of love and connection. So, set your course and join us for a voyage into the heart of healthy relationships.
CONNECT AND FOR MORE:
linktr.ee/moniquethecoach
ON LINKTREE, YOU CAN ACCESS:
- Book your FREE Consultation to begin
- GRAB YOUR BOOK: "The Love Magnet Attraction Formula" by Monique the Coach"
- LADIES SIGN UP: Magnetic Woman Roadmap Challenge!
FOLLOW ON Instagram:
@moniquethecoach
CHAPTERS:
0:00 - Introduction to Healthy Dating
2:45 - Monique's Coaching Philosophy
7:25 - Ideal Partner Characteristics
13:16 - Significance of Partner Criteria
16:54 - Awareness in Relationship Goals
18:13 - Vision for Future Relationships
22:28 - Self-Love in Dating
27:35 - Vulnerability in Relationships
29:35 - Developing Communication Skills
36:55 - Strategies for Meeting Partners
41:39 - Assessing Relationship Compatibility
46:55 - Connecting with Coach Monique
49:40 - Women's Group Coaching Invitation
52:04 - First Date Confidence Tips
53:18 - Concluding Dating Advice
54:28 - Gratitude and Acknowledgments
55:11 - Support Resources Announcement
_________________________________________________________________
FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HELP
Call for more information on domestic abuse or to get help for yourself/someone you love.
Bethany House
1-888-80HELPS
1-888-804-3577
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799- SAFE
1-800-799-7233
__________________________________________________________________
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Yo, welcome to Confident you Podcast.
You saw it took me a minute toget here, but I'm here now and
it's time to get it done.
Listen, calling all my singleladies, all my single ladies,
listen, don't put your hands up.
I'm gonna need you to go andget a piece of paper and a pen
(00:21):
Because when I tell you we'reabout to get all the game that
we need on dating.
Do you understand?
The ratio of men to women is soimbalanced that the only way
that you're going to be able tohave a fair shot in the game of
dating I don't even want to callit a game, I don't even want to
call it a game but youdefinitely need a playbook for
(00:45):
the seriousness of a healthyrelationship with yourself in
dating, with yourself going intoanother relationship.
So we are here with the one andonly Listen, she's here because
(01:13):
I heard your cry.
She was here before and shecame back for us to be able to
help us ladies be able tosuccessfully date right now,
partnered up and unfortunatelyin me, looking up the statistics
, literally, it says partneredup.
That means some married andsome living together
romantically.
So partnered up.
(01:37):
So partnered up, that's a 69%.
But those that are single,that's 31% of the people here in
the United States of Americasingle.
Do you know that?
Half of them don't even try todate?
They've just, in a sense wehave given up, half of us have
just given up on the wholeprocess of dating.
(02:00):
So I just knew some inconversations with friends and
passing, just going throughdifferent things that have been
said here, they said, listen, Ineed you to get Monique the
coach back on.
I need her to help us toactually have some practical
tips, listen, a playbook to beable to go into this dating and
(02:22):
relationship game.
So, without any further ado,monique the coach and all the
ladies go wild.
How are you beautiful?
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Hi, my love, how are you?
How you doing this evening?
Speaker 1 (02:40):
I'm doing well.
No complaints at all when I sayat all at all.
Do you know how elated, excitedI am about you, about to delve
into this topic that is holdingback so many, so many?
You have no idea how manyconversations have been held
(03:02):
around your last appearance, wow.
So I'm very excited for you tobe back to help the Confident
you families, particularly allmy single ladies.
Listen, all those with me sayaye, and here we are, and we are
(03:22):
ready.
We are ready to receive fromyou.
I'm excited because there areso many questions around dating,
but I just want the people justgive them just a synopsis of
just a snippet of your, yourmission, your mission, what it
(03:45):
is you do and why?
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Well, first and foremost, I am honored to be
back on the Confidently podcast.
I'm honored to be back in frontof your audience, your single
ladies.
I'm just honored to be here.
So, with that being said, Ihelp single mothers attract the
love that they deserve anddesire by way of my nine step
(04:09):
roadmap, even if they've givenup on love, right, because the
dating pool is loud, it's messy,it's a lot of noise out here in
these dating streets, right?
So I help, I hold, I hold yourhand and walk you through the
dating process to lead you tofinding your person and
(04:29):
eventually living happily everafter.
And, to sum it all up, I gotthat Sierra sauce.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Let me find out.
Got the Sierra sauce.
I got the Sierra sauce, and whydo you do what you do?
Just interested in knowing.
I want the people to understandwhy this is a passion.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
It is my passion and my purpose, because at one point
I was that single motherlooking for love.
I was a mom of three.
I was alone in these datingstreets.
I didn't have, at the time,relationship coaching, wasn't a
thing, and I had to figure itout.
And I just kept journal afterjournal after journal throughout
(05:13):
my journey and then, maybeabout nine months into my
journey, I found my person.
Five months later we weremarried, you know, and here we
are, six years later, stillgoing strong.
So my passion comes fromturning around and looking back
at younger me, right.
(05:34):
And then, as I started doingthe research, there are 4.7
million single mother homes inthe United States that look like
us, right, 4.7 million.
And so my goal is to help100,000, 100,000, right, and
that sounds like a large number,but out of 4.7 million, I just.
(06:01):
My desire is to bridge the gapand to put a dad in those
households.
But it first has to start withthe head of the household, which
is the mom.
And so here I am, monique thecoach.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Wow, monique the coach out to help a hundred
thousand women get into dating,get into healthy relationships,
healthy dating to have a morehealthier, balanced household.
That is absolutely beautiful,an amazing mission to have on
(06:41):
your heart and in your purposeof life.
How do you get started withthat?
I am a single mom.
I am not in the dating game.
So these questions that I havefor you are questions that come
from me and my friends because,listen, we need to understand.
What is it that we need to doto get there?
(07:03):
But I understand you have anine step program.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
I do.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
So where do I start?
What's step one, ma'am?
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Well, step one is, of course, it starts with your
desire.
So create a list.
And that sounds simple to sitdown and create a list.
But if you don't know whatyou're looking for, what do you
put on that list?
Right?
And so what I tell my clientsis to first start with what you
(07:33):
know, and what you know is whatyou don't want, right.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
You know what you don't?
Speaker 2 (07:41):
want Right?
So so, some of the things thatyou've experienced in the past.
Some of the things that you'veexperienced in the past, some of
the things that you've seengrowing up, and what?
What did you witness as a childas far as relationships are
concerned?
Did you witness whole,wholesome unions and
communication and love?
Did you witness, uh, shoutingand fighting and um, a lot of um
(08:05):
, discontentment just all overthe place when it comes to
relationships and love?
What did you witness?
We got to start there because wegot to peel back the layers.
It's easy to say I want tostart dating, oh, let me get on
this website and start clickingaround, but you can't put a
Band-Aid on the cut.
(08:25):
You got to clean the cut first.
You got to dig out all the yuckand the muck and get what's up
under there in order for it toheal properly before you can
move forward.
So we start with creating alist.
That's the first thing.
And, again, like I said, if youdon't know what you want, you
(08:46):
know what you don't want, so youcan start.
Right, you can write that downon the left side of your page.
All the things that I don'twant Someone who yells, I don't
want.
Someone who drinks.
I don't want someone whocommits adultery and then just
write the opposite on the rightside of the page.
That would be step one.
(09:07):
How does that sound?
Speaker 1 (09:09):
that step one sounds amazing.
I want to get into this stepone you, because you unpacked
some vital components, I think,to the process of dating.
I'm really appreciative thatyou said, listen, you don't just
jump in and get on the websiteand start clicking and you
haven't done, essentially, yourhomework, right, right.
(09:32):
And I would think that, goingthrough this list you mentioned
um, go back to your childhoodand look at the things that you
saw Going back.
(09:57):
What does that reflection?
Besides coming ending up with alist, what else do you find
this process, this first step?
What other process does it takeyou through to get you to make
step one solidified and complete?
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Because, I'm looking back, right?
And so when I say look back andreflect and relate, make a list
I'm talking about all therelationships you've seen,
because you may have come from ahome where you've had your mom
and your dad and they had aloving marriage, but Aunt Brenda
(10:29):
came over every holiday and shehad a different man on her arm
every time she came over and youlooked up to Aunt Brenda and so
to you, that's what love lookslike, because that is what you
idolize, right?
Never mind mom and dad yeah,they were there and they got
along.
That's great.
But my mom Brenda every timeshe come up and she got on a new
fur and a new boo on her arm.
(10:52):
And so to you, as the eight,nine, 10 year old little girl,
that's exciting and to you,that's love.
And so, in unpacking all of that, when I sit with my clients
one-on-one or in groups, rightwhich we're going to tap into we
unpack all of those things anddiscover what love looks like to
(11:13):
you.
And so, as you go over yourlist and go over and rewrite and
do it again and do it again,you can find that you keep
adding things, and what Iencourage is to start with a
list of 30 things minimum,because it's easy to say I want
him to have good credit and it'seasy to focus on the outside,
(11:38):
but then you want to tap intothe things and the way that you
desire to feel and the way youwant to feel long-term.
I need him to be kind, I wanthim to be loving to children
that aren't his as a singlemother.
If what you're asking he has tobe, maybe open to therapy,
maybe an entrepreneur.
Just the things that we normallywould write on a list go a
(12:02):
little bit deeper, and that'swhy I usually tell my clients 30
things to start with.
As we work together, the listdoes increase, and not that it's
a list of demands orrequirements, but it's a list of
awareness and so that you knowwhat it is that you will accept
(12:25):
and that you won't accept.
Because when you start datingand you get to that table and he
smells divine, you will forgethoney that Jean-Paul Gaultier
will make you forget your goodcommon sense, will make you
forget your good common sense.
(12:45):
And so this list is importantto carry with you throughout
your dating experience, whetherit's in your phone and you look
at it when he goes to thebathroom or you look at it
before you.
Whatever, just you have to keepit in your prefrontal cortex in
order to stay focused.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
So how important this list?
Is it that you're to believethat you make these 30 things
and he has to meet all 30 ofthese things?
Speaker 2 (13:12):
no, not no, and I don't want to give one for a
false expectation.
But if you start, if you lookat that list and you start
checking and you start checkingand there are that you
categorize the list as well,start checking and you start
checking and there are that youcategorize the list as well,
that's something else that weget into.
But there are somenon-negotiables, right?
So one of one of the thingsthat was on my list was the way
(13:34):
that he treats people outside ofhe and I when we're dating.
So at a restaurant table, ifhe's rude to the waitress, if
he's rude to the person behindus, or if he's rude to those
waitress, if he's rude to theperson behind us, if he's rude
to those people, at some pointthat's going to be projected
towards me.
I don't want that.
So that's an automatic no forme on my list.
(13:54):
And so the non-negotiables ifhe's checking those off, there
may be certain things thatyou're like yeah, I could
tolerate that.
You know his ears are a littlefunny, but that's okay.
You know it's not a big deal,because maybe my ears are funny
to him, I mean, and it soundssuperficial and it sounds petty,
(14:14):
but those are things that we'rehuman, yes, and in looking at
somebody that you have to lookat for the rest of your life, it
has to be something that youfeel like you can deal with on a
daily basis.
And you got to be honest withyourself so that potential
partner does not have to checkoff all of the things, but the
non-negotiables.
(14:35):
You will want him to check offa lot of those.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
So what would you say ?
Are the five top or three?
We'll just do three.
Three top, non-negotiables thatyou found.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Well, like I said, the rudeness to strangers.
I can't tolerate that Because,like I said at some point,
that'll be turned around anddirected towards me.
That's number one.
Number two is what is hisrelationship like with his
family, and that includes if hehas children.
Is he seeing his children on aregular basis?
(15:08):
Is he taking care of hischildren?
That matters, that falls underthe category of him being a
provider overall.
So is he interacting with hisguardian or his mother, the
people who raised him?
Where does he touch base on theholiday?
Is he a nomad?
Does he not speak to his family?
(15:29):
Him not communicating with hissiblings and his family?
It unfortunately shows that hehas the lack of communication
skills, right, and so that willtrickle over into the
relationship that he has withyou.
And so that's number two.
(15:49):
And then number three wouldjust be overall, how how he
keeps himself, like hiscleanliness.
I'm big on hygiene, so for me,any fragrance coming from a
human other than a good smell.
So that was one of the thingson my list, and again it might
(16:12):
seem petty or superficial, but Ihave a thing with fragrance and
again, I'm big on hygiene.
So those are the top threethings on my list that were
non-negotiable okay, okay, soyou really need to know yourself
say it again.
I said your relationships, yoursmell and how you treat
(16:36):
strangers, those arenon-negotiable for me very good,
very good in that.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
In making that list, you really need to know yourself
now in making this list.
How much of this list shouldyou be reflecting, should you be
a representation of?
Speaker 2 (16:54):
And that's a great question, because when I sat
down to create my list and Ididn't know what I wanted, I
went within and I said, okay,let me put myself on this list.
I know that I'm kind, I knowthat I have a lot of love to
give, I know that I'm patient.
So I wrote down mycharacteristics because at the
time I had not experienced whata good man looks like, I had no
(17:20):
idea how to identify a good man.
You know unquote.
And so I wrote myself on mylist.
You know, and, and it just sohappens that when my husband
appeared, he he's me, he's areflection of me.
So we, we mirror, match eachother.
So basically all of my listreflected who I was at the time.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Wow, okay, okay, now I'm ready to move on to step two
.
I got my notepad, I'm ready.
Step one List of awareness.
Is what that list is.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Right.
List of awareness Right.
And so step two is create yourvision.
Create your vision, your vision.
Create the what, what, what,what does what does it say?
Make what?
What's the scripture?
Speaker 1 (18:11):
I know, you know what I'm saying vision, and make it
plain so that they can do it,they can follow it.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
That is correct so now, and this may seem juvenile,
but you know what it's notjuvenile it it's necessary, it's
very necessary, because when wehave pictures in front of us,
then we tend to look for thosethings.
So create your vision board ofyour partner, your love board,
right, and the steps that I'msharing with you are the exact
(18:40):
things that I did to attract myhusband and the exact things
that I teach my clients, whomall of which are married or
seriously dating one specificperson.
So create your vision board,love board, and an example of
that would be I knew that Iwanted a man of a certain hue, a
(19:02):
chocolate man, right, and so Icut out a man, specifically at
the gym, a chocolate man at thegym, and I put that on my love,
on my love board, because I knewthat I wanted him to be
physically fit.
The same with him shopping inthe produce section, the same
with him with another manteaching children, all of the
(19:24):
things.
I knew that I needed him to besomeone who could teach me.
I didn't want to be thesmartest one in our relationship
.
I wanted.
I wanted to be equally yoked.
That's what I wanted.
So creating that love boardallowed me to see him and
(19:45):
visualize him and know that hewas real, because I had said to
myself God, there's no way inthe world that you have created
all of this and there's nobodyto match.
I said that and I said I know,like.
I know, like I know that thereis a man out here for me and
(20:08):
that was the end of that.
I sealed the deal, I put a capon it and I lived my life as
though I was married Mind, bodyand spirit.
I practiced celibacy Look, I'mjumping ahead to step seven and
eight.
You and spirit.
I practiced celibacy.
Look, I'm jumping ahead to stepseven and eight.
You're good.
I practiced celibacy and I didsmall things, like I brought him
(20:28):
a toothbrush, I cleared out aspace I believe I shared this
with you in our last meeting Icleared out a drawer for him and
I even drew a stick figure andwrote husband on the top of it
and put it over my mirror and Italked to this picture as though
he were a real person.
(20:49):
Good morning husband.
I was married.
In my head, you couldn't tellme nothing.
I've never heard that, right.
It sounds a little crazy, butit works.
I've never heard that, right.
It sounds a little a little bitcrazy, but it works.
You visualize it, you act as if.
So that was me acting as ifwait.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
So essentially you practice the game before you
actually got put in by the coachright, there we go.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Yes, I tapped my own self in, but I had to be in the
field playing the thing firstand I and it didn't.
It didn't dawn on me to sharemy this.
This is my journal.
These steps are my journal, myjournaling during my celibacy.
And it didn't dawn on me that Icould teach this to women until
(21:40):
I taught it to a family member,and then I taught it to her
friend, and then I taught it toanother friend, and all three of
them are married by way ofthese steps.
And so I said wait a minute, Igot something here.
I got something here.
Let me share this with theworld.
And then I started researchingit, got something here.
(22:00):
Let me share this with theworld.
And then I started researchingit, and that's when I realized
that there were 4.7 millionsingle mothers single black
mothers in the united states.
Somebody out here needs help,and they need what I got and
they need what you got honey.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Yes, and we need what you got.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Step three step three is to cultivate self-love.
Right, and I would say thatthat should be number one.
But you got to figure it outfirst, and figure out what you
want and then create the vision.
And then now you start workingon who you want to be, who do
(22:38):
you want to attract, and so youstart to become the love that
you desire.
It's easy to say I want a man,but if you're not acting as if
and cultivating the love foryourself, if you don't love you,
who's going to love you?
So you have to love you firstand cultivate your relationship
with your source.
(22:59):
Step three is cultivate, cult,cultivate self-love.
And so that would be takingyourself to dinner the things
that we already know asself-love, the journaling, the
prayers, the meditation.
Taking yourself to dinner spasall of the things that we know
already, and then whatever thatlooks like for you, but it has
(23:19):
to be incorporated on yourjourney you.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
You say the things that we already know, but it
would be a you would be amazedto know how many people are
obese, overweight, likeextremely overweight, um, in the
area and I'm talking obese inthe area of not doing the things
that they should be doing.
I'm not talking about weight,weight, body weight.
(23:45):
I'm just saying the badthinking of situations is so
large that it overshadows theperson that's actually there.
So, while that person that'sthat, that higher person that
you are, knows that they shouldbe doing these things, you're
(24:05):
fleshly and I'm talking figuredI'm not talking the actual body
of obesity, but just that thebad thinking is such a heavy
weight and patterns and cyclesthat, even though you know it's
the right thing to do, peoplewould say you know I pray, yeah,
(24:29):
okay.
So do you get up, do you prayevery day and things like that.
How consistent are you with theconnections in healthy
relationship activities?
Would you say?
For me, praying is me talkingwith god.
That's a healthy practice ofkeeping our relationship open
and fluent, so fluid so I canhear him, so that I can receive
(24:53):
from him.
So you saying, um, we all knowthese things, we, we do, we know
a lot, we know that weshouldn't speed and we still get
speed.
What I do.
I said something we know we.
There are things that we knowthat we shouldn't do.
We shouldn't dash across thestreet and you see traffic
(25:15):
coming at you Like I think Icould beat that car Right,
that's coming on the green light.
You think okay, but you know weall do it.
I'm not exempting myself fromthe conversation.
I'm just pointing out that,even though we know of the thing
(25:36):
, it doesn't mean we're doingthe thing of the thing.
It doesn't mean we're doing thething.
How do you help peopleimplement those things that we
all know about, we know of, webelieve, we even think that they
are beneficial, but we're notdoing them?
Speaker 2 (25:53):
Right.
And so, with that being said,knowing and doing are two
different things, right?
So when I say cultivateself-love, what that looks like
outside of manicures andmassages and brunch and things
of that nature take some time tobe quiet.
Right, and these are specificaction steps that I'm speaking
(26:17):
of.
If you're not familiar with howto cultivate self-love, take
some time and get quiet and sitwith yourself in the wee hours
of the morning.
Wake up early 5 am, 5.30, 6o'clock, whatever time you have
to be at work, whatever time youget up to start your day, do 30
minutes earlier than that andsit with yourself and God or
(26:39):
your source, whoever that may beto you and journal, be quiet.
Read some scripture.
That is what I do and that'swhat I share with my clients
when they don't know whatcultivating self-love looks like
.
So you start with getting quietand journaling and it just
(27:03):
unfolds from there.
Did that answer your question?
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Yes, yes, it did All right.
I am ready to move on fromcultivating self-love.
With that very, verydescriptive and practical tip of
how to start that process, I'mready to go to step four this is
a big one.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
This is a big one, I call it the v word right embrace
vulnerability.
Oh child, I'm still workingwith that.
You see, that was a littlesting for me.
I'm still working with that.
That was a little sting for me.
I'm still working with the vword right.
What does that mean to you?
Speaker 1 (27:48):
embrace vulnerability in what area of life?
Speaker 2 (27:55):
as far as willing to put yourself out there to look
for love, to start the datingprocess.
Embracing vulnerability allowsyou to give yourself grace and
to understand that you might notget it right To have no
(28:15):
expectations.
You date with intention, butwhen you meet someone, you're
not expecting them to provideyou with the world, because
dating is interviewing right,and so we know that possibly the
first person that we connectwith when we decide to start
dating may not be that personthat we wrote down on our list,
(28:35):
and that's okay.
And so embracing vulnerabilityis just giving yourself grace
and allowing yourself to knowthat it's a process.
It's a process and don't getcaught up in.
This is what I want, this is onmy list and he has to.
He smells good, so it has to behim.
Don't get caught up in thosethings.
So when I say embrace, allowyourself some grace because it's
(29:00):
a process.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Allow yourself some grace, because it's a process,
man.
That yes, okay, yes, all right.
So we got one, two, three, four, we are on to five we are on to
five.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Five is enhance your communication skills.
Go ahead, give it to me whatyou got.
I'm listening, I'm intrigued.
So enhancing your communicationskills looks like being an
active listener and actuallybeing involved in what it is
(29:43):
that the person sitting acrossfrom you is saying.
You know, maybe repeating someof the things that he has said
to you, to show that you arelistening and you're actually
listening and you're involved inengaging conversation.
And not only that when there'snothing being said, when the
date is over and you go home andhe goes home and you are, you
(30:07):
know, that was an amazing date,I had such a wonderful time.
Communicate that.
Let him know.
It's okay with saying, hey, Ihad a great time, hope to see
you again.
Those things are okay.
Communicate how you feel.
Communicate, talk about.
Talk about it.
And if you are having a backand forth with this person you
know this is someone that's beencontacting you.
(30:29):
It's a month, it's a month anda half, it's two months and he
starts to fall back.
It's okay with saying, hey, Ihaven't heard from you in a
while.
Is everything okay?
And not in a way of desperation, but just in a way of hey,
what's happening, so that youknow where you stand and you
won't feel like you're beingleft out on a limb or just
(30:51):
wondering Feel all that noise byjust communicating.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
Okay, so I can say right here this is everything
opposite of things that I haveheard in the past, because
there's like this you wait thisamount of days and you, you
don't call first and you all ofthose different things that
you've been told, those are thetools that I can say a lot of
(31:19):
people are operating from.
You're just saying, just say it, just say it.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
And those are rules that apply to the masses.
But you're looking to cultivatea relationship.
You want to water that thing.
You have to take care of the ofwhatever relationship that it
is that you're looking tocultivate.
(31:49):
So, if you've planted a seed inyour garden, you're not going
to wait for Charlie Schmo fromaround the corner to come and
water your garden.
You're going to take care ofyour garden yourself, right?
And so if the energy is notbeing reciprocated, then okay,
you can move on and you can fallback.
(32:10):
But initially, there's nothingwrong with saying, hey, is
everything okay?
And if the energy is not beingreciprocated, then it's okay to
move on.
And in addition to that, inaddition to all of that, you
should be dating multiple people.
Dating not having relationswith, but you should be dating.
(32:30):
The dating process is aninterview, no different than
when you're interviewing for ajob.
There are multiple candidates,so you want to have starting
lineup.
You want to have a lineup ofgood candidates so that you can
choose or, excuse me, so thatthey can choose you, but don't
limit yourself to one at a time.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Don't limit yourself to one at a time.
Don't do that.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
You waste your own time.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
Why do you consider that a waste of time?
Speaker 2 (33:06):
You have.
You're dating and you have oneperson that you know he may fit
some of the things on your listand you're having a good time
with him.
He's not very consistent withcommunication, but you really
like him and you're open to whatmight happen, but he hasn't
solidified anything for you.
(33:26):
So you're three, four monthsdown the line and you're still
having a good time and every nowand then he calls you.
You know, hey, I want to takeyou out, let's hang out.
You have a great time and hestill hasn't solidified anything
with you.
And six months go by and a yeargoes by and you're still
waiting for him to say you knowwhat I think?
(33:48):
I want a relationship with you.
That's a year wasted.
We, we don't have time.
We don't have that kind of time, right.
So I say date many and you'llfind that that's a piece of
advice that you know a lot ofrelationship coaches give with
(34:10):
an end goal in mind.
So if you're having two, three,four friends that you're seeing
at once, somebody's going tostep up and that's the reason
why I say you're wasting yourown time, just multiple.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
All right, you're saying date multiple to optimize
and not waste your time.
I get it.
I definitely do so.
We got a list of awareness.
We got create your vision.
We got cultivate self love.
You got that V word.
You got to be vulnerable.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Did you all right over there.
I do that V word, that V word.
I'm still listen.
That never goes away, ever.
So I'm listening to you and I'mletting it penetrate me as
you're reiterating what I sharedwith you.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Are you serious?
Speaker 2 (35:15):
It's one of my steps and I'm still working on it.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
But the one that I really, really all of these
steps are great.
That communicating how do you,if you're already not a great
communicator?
How would you say someoneshould cultivate getting better
at communicating?
Speaker 2 (35:41):
getting better at communicating.
So, if you know thatcommunication is one of the
things that you need to work on,there are books I don't have
the list with me, I can sendthat to you and you can pin it
in the comment section but thereare books that you can read.
I would recommend, maybe,working with a therapist, taking
some speech classes, someactive listening classes, any
activity that's going to helpyou enhance your communication
working with a therapist, takingsome speech classes, some
active listening classes, anyactivity that's going to help
(36:02):
you enhance your communication.
If that's something you need towork on, and if you're not sure
whether or not that's you, ifeverywhere you go, there's a
problem with how you communicatewith people or you always end
up in an argument, then you maybe that person that needs to
enhance your communicationskills.
(36:22):
Sorry, not sorry.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
Not, sorry not sorry.
Not sorry, all right, okay,step six.
I'm just thinking about that.
Wait, we're on six, right?
Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
Six is expand your social circles.
He's probably not going to comeup to you in the Target parking
lot.
He might not be.
I don't know if you want tomeet him at the bar or at the
supermarket.
So be intentional about goingout and not just to the bar or
(37:11):
the club.
But you want to pick placeslike the golf course or the gun
range or the cigar room, placeswhere the men that you're
interested in frequent.
I don't know if you are lookingto build a long-term
relationship with someone who'sat the club every weekend.
I don't suggest that becausethat may indicate infidelity, a
(37:36):
little fornication, and youmight not be looking for that
right.
So my suggestion are the golfcourses, the cigar rooms, the
gun range places where you knowmen of a certain caliber will be
, and you can run into themthere.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
Okay, all right, seven, I can there.
Okay, all right, seven, I can't.
Seven.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
I need you to give me what you got on six.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
Listen, because six it's the locations.
It's very important to me thatthe locations be something
you're associated with, so Iunderstand the suggestions you
gave.
But if you're introvert and youlike books, the library, the
(38:29):
library right, the bookstoreStarbucks.
Right, look around and they'lljust be reading a book on a
topic you like.
A book on a topic you like.
How then?
This is it, this is it.
I get to that place, I'm atthat, live in that environment.
(38:49):
That's a restaurant with a liveband.
That's me.
I like food.
I like food and I love music.
So to put those, pair those twotogether, that's a good
environment for me.
I get there, how do I approach?
How do I make myself seen towhom is catching my eye?
Speaker 2 (39:19):
How do I catch his eye?
For me, typically I like to doa little bit of flirting, not so
forward, but just a littlesprinkle of walking by Wherever
you are, a little whiz by, alittle hair fling.
(39:40):
You know eye contact and you,you can even wave a little bit,
a little, a little bit offlirting, which any man that's
interested in you isautomatically going to know that
that's an open door.
Oh, she likes me.
Excuse me, fellas, I'll beright back.
So for me, typically I don't.
I don't encourage my clients toapproach, but you can, if
(40:02):
that's, if you are bold enoughto do so.
You can, but keep it cute andclassy and ladylike, with a
little third and hey, I noticedyou noticing me something of
that nature okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
I just was like okay, so let me tell you where I was
stuck.
Okay, you said the gun rangehow I'm gonna walk up to him.
How are we gonna do that?
Speaker 2 (40:39):
ask for help.
Can you help me?
I'm sorry, can you help me?
You, you be creative, becreative.
I don't know Be creative Now.
I specifically have not been tothe gun range, but I have had a
client who met someone at thegun range, specifically by
(40:59):
asking him for help.
So I haven't been to the gunrange to meet someone, right,
but it works.
So the places that are ofinterest to you, if it's not the
gun range, that's important.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
That is important.
Speaker 2 (41:16):
Right, so expanding your social circles outside of
where you normally go if you'relooking for a potential mate all
right and number seven numberseven is evaluate your potential
partners.
And that's where we go back tomaking that list.
And that's when you, you, yourevisit that list and honestly,
(41:38):
you want to revisit that listthrough all of the steps and
like it's, that's when yourevisit that list and honestly,
you want to revisit that listthrough all of the steps and
that's like your guide, that'slike the preface before the rest
of the list, right?
So you want to review that listand in that way, you determine
his values.
(41:58):
And this is where you startasking the deep questions,
depending on where you are withthat person, maybe the third,
fourth, fifth date, that's whenyou want to start asking the
questions.
So where did you grow up?
Where's your family, how youknow you, you, you pry and you
ask those questions to determinewhether or not this is somebody
(42:19):
that you can see yourself withlong-term.
And that's when you startasking the the the questions
when do you see yourself in fiveyears?
And you know well, if thatperson is an entrepreneur,
what's your business plan andthings of that nature.
In addition to that, you justwant to, you know, like enforce
(42:41):
and not enforce, that's a roughword, but establish a boundary.
Maybe that step seven is whereyou want to say you know what
I'm celibate Like.
However, that fits into theconversation.
Now, by step seven, you'regetting deeper is what I'm
trying to say Establish yourboundaries.
Speaker 1 (43:02):
Establish your boundaries to the person or
yourself.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
Both, both, and you establish it to the person in
conversation as it should flow.
That's something that you justthrow like hey, I'm celibate,
don't ask me when I ain'tgetting none, but as it comes up
(43:28):
in conversation, you know, atthis point you should have had
enough dates or enoughconversations with this person
where you're establishing youknow well, I don't really like
that or I don't do that, andthings of that nature.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
So you don't suggest that this boundary setting is
something that's done in thatfirst sit down, that this
boundary setting is somethingthat's done in that first sit
down.
If it doesn't like, if it, ifsomething doesn't arise, and you
just have this list.
These are my, these are mythings.
I don't this here, this, this,this, this, this.
That's a no for me?
Speaker 2 (44:06):
I don't, I don't suggest that personally.
I mean it.
Just it depends on where theconversation is going.
If you, if you just so happento start talking about what are
your non-negotiables, I hadexcuse me, actually, my last
client.
Within their first fewconversations, they were both
talking about theirnon-negotiables.
They are both in their 40s andthey were both like listen, I'm
(44:28):
tired, I'm tired.
Are you tired?
Yes, I'm tired.
Okay, what will you accept?
Right?
They're both like listen, I'mtired, I'm tired.
Are you tired?
Yes, I'm tired.
Okay, what will you accept?
Right?
They're.
Both of them were like we're notdoing anything outside of us.
And this was in three weeks ofthem meeting each other.
They were discussing thenon-negotiables and the
boundaries.
So it just it depends on theflow of the relationship.
But I don't, I don't suggestthat you go to the table with
(44:55):
your list like listen, I'm notdoing this, I'm not having this,
I'm not having that.
Be easy with it and let it flowlike water.
Let it flow.
Dating is a game and you wantto be strategic and intentional
but at the same time, you don'twant to come out in the first
quarter like woo, woo, woo.
You don't want to give it allyou got in the first quarter,
save something for the fourthquarter.
Speaker 1 (45:17):
Wow, okay, okay, and nine.
Speaker 2 (45:21):
And number nine Execute, execute, the love
alchemy, everything that wetalked about, and that just
simply means revisiting all thesteps and redoing all the steps.
It's a process.
That's why it's a roadmap,because you're going to have to
revisit it and go over it and goover it again and again and
(45:44):
again.
So, in executing everythingthat we talked about and you, of
course, should you be workingwith me individually or in a
group session attend all yoursessions.
Have the conversations, thethings that are on your mind,
write them down so that, when wemeet, we can go over those
things and take responsibilityfor your actions and your
(46:06):
emotions.
Take responsibility andaccountability and be vulnerable
for how you show up.
You know if, unfortunately, ifyou're someone who gets boasted,
often, there may be somethingthat you are doing or a way that
you are being at the table thatmakes someone say, oh, no, no,
(46:30):
no, no no, that's what I want todiscuss.
Speaker 1 (46:35):
I want to discuss that.
Oh, no, no, no, no, in theafter party.
I definitely want to delve intous, the ladies.
I want to talk about how we canbetter position ourselves to be
in the dating.
We can better positionourselves to be in the dating in
(46:57):
healthy dating scenarios and,realistically, in pursuit of
healthy relationships.
I definitely want to do that inthe after party.
I want to thank you for beinghere.
Listen, everyone.
If you do not understand, youbetter make that list of
awareness.
You better create that vision,you better cultivate self-love.
And don't forget that V word.
(47:20):
You're going to need to bevulnerable.
You're going to need to open up.
Don't forget to communicate.
Extend your social circles.
I can say it, I can't I can'tExtend your social circles.
Circles, circles.
I can say it, I can't.
I can't Extend your socialcircles.
(47:41):
And seven evaluate.
Eight establish boundaries.
And nine execute Establishboundaries and nine execute.
Listen, thank you for taking usthrough the nine steps to get
(48:07):
into that healthy dating andhealthy relationship that we
desire.
That's not even a game, that'snot.
Thank you for coming and givingus this amazing playbook.
Listen, anybody who wants towork with Monique the coach, or
you want to hear more insightinto what she has to discuss.
I am going to yield the floorto her Now.
(48:29):
Tell everyone how they can havean opportunity to work with you
.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
Well, you can follow me on Instagram at Monique the
coach, as you see my name here,just like that, no spaces.
If you would like to purchase acopy of my ebook, the love
magnet attraction formula, right, you can go ahead and follow me
on my.
You can hit me up on my linktree, which is also at Monique
(48:59):
the coach.
That's where you can connectwith me and you can also book
your free consultation and makesure you put in the remarks that
you came over from Marion, makesure that you put in the
remarks that you came over fromthe Confident you podcast family
and let me know that Marionsent you.
Ok, I want to work with you, socome on over, hit that link
(49:19):
tree, grab the e-book so you canhave these steps in your back
pocket, as well as book aconsultation.
I will also be hosting a woman'sroadmap group coaching class
every Wednesday in December,from December 6th through the
27th, where we're going to diveinto these nine steps.
I'll be sharing with you allhow to peel back the layers,
(49:43):
everything that I went throughtoday times 10, because we're
going to be doing this for fourweeks, right?
So come on in, dive in, clickthe link tree and fill out your
application and I will contactyou so we can get you set up for
December 6th and we can go overthese nine steps and we can
talk about the dating processand we can talk about how to
(50:04):
hook you up with your datingapps and all the things dating.
Get in this December class,it's going to be fire.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
Boy, get in this December class.
It's going to be fire.
I'm excited.
You should have seen me dancing.
I am so excited.
Listen, this is how you contacther.
Get into that link tree.
Follow her on her social media.
(50:37):
This is not one moment.
Follow her on her social media.
It is very important that wecelebrate and support each other
.
We celebrate and support eachother.
So I just wanted to thank youfor being here to support me, to
support me and the communitythat I'm building, because it's
(51:01):
very important to me to haveconfidence in our community and
confidence in the things that wedo, the things that we do, the
things that we say, the way thatwe live, the way that we're
interacting.
If we can get ourselvestogether, it helps us to get the
help.
The next generation gettogether and the next generation
(51:22):
to get together.
So I'm just grateful that youwere here and this is how you
follow her at Monique the CoachListen positively, absolutely
beautiful you are.
I appreciate you.
Listen, y'all definitely wannajoin the after party, ladies.
We're gonna get into us.
We're gonna get into us.
(51:44):
There is a component here thatshe discussed and I really wanna
get into that, but before weget out of here, I would like it
if you could give us just a fewconfident tips on approaching
that first date.
Get that call, you're going.
What should you do?
Speaker 2 (52:07):
Ladies, be intentional, be intentional and
stay intentional.
It's not enough to just beintentional, but you got to stay
intentional.
Keep that list with you, readthat list over and over again
and stay focused.
The goal is for you to stayfocused so that you can end up
(52:27):
as somebody's wife.
You know how they say pick me.
Yes, I want him to pick me.
Pick me is the goal.
Stay focused and be intentional.
Speaker 1 (52:39):
Stay focused and be intentional.
We're gonna talk about thatintentional woman as soon as we
get to that after party.
Thank you so much, monique thecoach, again for joining us to
share these nine steps intosuccessful dating.
I'm excited.
Healthy dating oh my goodness.
She ready.
(52:59):
Hold on just a moment, I'll beright back.
Listen everyone.
The information she shared Ifeel is very valuable.
So I definitely feel you knowsomeone, you've got some good
girlfriends.
Y'all need to sit down and thiscould be the center of that
conversation.
Y'all need to just go ahead,order something, sit down, push
(53:23):
play, let this play, and reallydiscuss how you guys are
approaching dating, how you'reapproaching relationships.
In those conversations, yourgirlfriends may be able to say,
yeah, because you know what,your communication, wait what.
Yeah, you need to work on that.
(53:45):
I'll be honest this and thisand this, and they'll be able to
share with you.
Do not take offense.
Don't build a fence and thenhave yourself stuck inside and
then nobody can get in and youcan't get out.
Pull that down and just goahead and have those real
conversation.
Listen, and friends are healthypeople that want the best for
(54:06):
you.
So let's say that.
So let's say that.
Make sure they are healthypeople that want the best for
you.
All right, so make sure youlike share 1-888-80-HELPS,
that's 43577.
(54:26):
Bethany House is here to assist.
Listen, they're here to assistglobally.
Call them, let them know what'sgoing on so they can help you
(54:48):
have a safe plan of escape to abetter and a healthier you.
All right, listen.
Or you can also call theNational Domestic Violence
Hotline, that's 1-800-799-SAFE7-2-3-3.
Again, I thank you for takingthe time to join us.
(55:10):
Confident you listen?
All my single ladies follow meover to the after party.
Y'all have a great one and seeyou there.
Yo, welcome to Confident you Podcast.
You saw it took me a minute toget here, but I'm here now and
it's time to get it done.
Listen, calling all my singleladies, all my single ladies,
listen, don't put your hands up.
I'm gonna need you to go andget a piece of paper and a pen
(00:21):
Because when I tell you we'reabout to get all the game that
we need on dating.
Do you understand?
The ratio of men to women is soimbalanced that the only way
that you're going to be able tohave a fair shot in the game of
dating I don't even want to callit a game, I don't even want to
call it a game but youdefinitely need a playbook for
(00:45):
the seriousness of a healthyrelationship with yourself in
dating, with yourself going intoanother relationship.
So we are here with the one andonly Listen, she's here because
(01:13):
I heard your cry.
She was here before and shecame back for us to be able to
help us ladies be able tosuccessfully date right now,
partnered up and unfortunatelyin me, looking up the statistics
, literally, it says partneredup.
That means some married andsome living together
romantically.
So partnered up.
(01:37):
So partnered up, that's a 69%.
But those that are single,that's 31% of the people here in
the United States of Americasingle.
Do you know that?
Half of them don't even try todate?
They've just, in a sense wehave given up, half of us have
just given up on the wholeprocess of dating.
(02:00):
So I just knew some inconversations with friends and
passing, just going throughdifferent things that have been
said here, they said, listen, Ineed you to get Monique the
coach back on.
I need her to help us toactually have some practical
tips, listen, a playbook to beable to go into this dating and
(02:22):
relationship game.
So, without any further ado,monique the coach and all the
ladies go wild.
How are you beautiful?
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Hi, my love, how are you?
How you doing this evening?
Speaker 1 (02:40):
I'm doing well.
No complaints at all when I sayat all at all.
Do you know how elated, excitedI am about you, about to delve
into this topic that is holdingback so many, so many?
You have no idea how manyconversations have been held
(03:02):
around your last appearance, wow.
So I'm very excited for you tobe back to help the Confident
you families, particularly allmy single ladies.
Listen, all those with me sayaye, and here we are, and we are
(03:22):
ready.
We are ready to receive fromyou.
I'm excited because there areso many questions around dating,
but I just want the people justgive them just a synopsis of
just a snippet of your, yourmission, your mission, what it
(03:45):
is you do and why?
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Well, first and foremost, I am honored to be
back on the Confidently podcast.
I'm honored to be back in frontof your audience, your single
ladies.
I'm just honored to be here.
So, with that being said, Ihelp single mothers attract the
love that they deserve anddesire by way of my nine step
(04:09):
roadmap, even if they've givenup on love, right, because the
dating pool is loud, it's messy,it's a lot of noise out here in
these dating streets, right?
So I help, I hold, I hold yourhand and walk you through the
dating process to lead you tofinding your person and
(04:29):
eventually living happily everafter.
And, to sum it all up, I gotthat Sierra sauce.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Let me find out.
Got the Sierra sauce.
I got the Sierra sauce, and whydo you do what you do?
Just interested in knowing.
I want the people to understandwhy this is a passion.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
It is my passion and my purpose, because at one point
I was that single motherlooking for love.
I was a mom of three.
I was alone in these datingstreets.
I didn't have, at the time,relationship coaching, wasn't a
thing, and I had to figure itout.
And I just kept journal afterjournal after journal throughout
(05:13):
my journey and then, maybeabout nine months into my
journey, I found my person.
Five months later we weremarried, you know, and here we
are, six years later, stillgoing strong.
So my passion comes fromturning around and looking back
at younger me, right.
(05:34):
And then, as I started doingthe research, there are 4.7
million single mother homes inthe United States that look like
us, right, 4.7 million.
And so my goal is to help100,000, 100,000, right, and
that sounds like a large number,but out of 4.7 million, I just.
(06:01):
My desire is to bridge the gapand to put a dad in those
households.
But it first has to start withthe head of the household, which
is the mom.
And so here I am, monique thecoach.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Wow, monique the coach out to help a hundred
thousand women get into dating,get into healthy relationships,
healthy dating to have a morehealthier, balanced household.
That is absolutely beautiful,an amazing mission to have on
(06:41):
your heart and in your purposeof life.
How do you get started withthat?
I am a single mom.
I am not in the dating game.
So these questions that I havefor you are questions that come
from me and my friends because,listen, we need to understand.
What is it that we need to doto get there?
(07:03):
But I understand you have anine step program.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
I do.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
So where do I start?
What's step one, ma'am?
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Well, step one is, of course, it starts with your
desire.
So create a list.
And that sounds simple to sitdown and create a list.
But if you don't know whatyou're looking for, what do you
put on that list?
Right?
And so what I tell my clientsis to first start with what you
(07:33):
know, and what you know is whatyou don't want, right.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
You know what you don't?
Speaker 2 (07:41):
want Right?
So so, some of the things thatyou've experienced in the past.
Some of the things that you'veexperienced in the past, some of
the things that you've seengrowing up, and what?
What did you witness as a childas far as relationships are
concerned?
Did you witness whole,wholesome unions and
communication and love?
Did you witness, uh, shoutingand fighting and um, a lot of um
(08:05):
, discontentment just all overthe place when it comes to
relationships and love?
What did you witness?
We got to start there because wegot to peel back the layers.
It's easy to say I want tostart dating, oh, let me get on
this website and start clickingaround, but you can't put a
Band-Aid on the cut.
(08:25):
You got to clean the cut first.
You got to dig out all the yuckand the muck and get what's up
under there in order for it toheal properly before you can
move forward.
So we start with creating alist.
That's the first thing.
And, again, like I said, if youdon't know what you want, you
(08:46):
know what you don't want, so youcan start.
Right, you can write that downon the left side of your page.
All the things that I don'twant Someone who yells, I don't
want.
Someone who drinks.
I don't want someone whocommits adultery and then just
write the opposite on the rightside of the page.
That would be step one.
(09:07):
How does that sound?
Speaker 1 (09:09):
that step one sounds amazing.
I want to get into this stepone you, because you unpacked
some vital components, I think,to the process of dating.
I'm really appreciative thatyou said, listen, you don't just
jump in and get on the websiteand start clicking and you
haven't done, essentially, yourhomework, right, right.
(09:32):
And I would think that, goingthrough this list you mentioned
um, go back to your childhoodand look at the things that you
saw Going back.
(09:57):
What does that reflection?
Besides coming ending up with alist, what else do you find
this process, this first step?
What other process does it takeyou through to get you to make
step one solidified and complete?
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Because, I'm looking back, right?
And so when I say look back andreflect and relate, make a list
I'm talking about all therelationships you've seen,
because you may have come from ahome where you've had your mom
and your dad and they had aloving marriage, but Aunt Brenda
(10:29):
came over every holiday and shehad a different man on her arm
every time she came over and youlooked up to Aunt Brenda and so
to you, that's what love lookslike, because that is what you
idolize, right?
Never mind mom and dad yeah,they were there and they got
along.
That's great.
But my mom Brenda every timeshe come up and she got on a new
fur and a new boo on her arm.
(10:52):
And so to you, as the eight,nine, 10 year old little girl,
that's exciting and to you,that's love.
And so, in unpacking all of that, when I sit with my clients
one-on-one or in groups, rightwhich we're going to tap into we
unpack all of those things anddiscover what love looks like to
(11:13):
you.
And so, as you go over yourlist and go over and rewrite and
do it again and do it again,you can find that you keep
adding things, and what Iencourage is to start with a
list of 30 things minimum,because it's easy to say I want
him to have good credit and it'seasy to focus on the outside,
(11:38):
but then you want to tap intothe things and the way that you
desire to feel and the way youwant to feel long-term.
I need him to be kind, I wanthim to be loving to children
that aren't his as a singlemother.
If what you're asking he has tobe, maybe open to therapy,
maybe an entrepreneur.
Just the things that we normallywould write on a list go a
(12:02):
little bit deeper, and that'swhy I usually tell my clients 30
things to start with.
As we work together, the listdoes increase, and not that it's
a list of demands orrequirements, but it's a list of
awareness and so that you knowwhat it is that you will accept
(12:25):
and that you won't accept.
Because when you start datingand you get to that table and he
smells divine, you will forgethoney that Jean-Paul Gaultier
will make you forget your goodcommon sense, will make you
forget your good common sense.
(12:45):
And so this list is importantto carry with you throughout
your dating experience, whetherit's in your phone and you look
at it when he goes to thebathroom or you look at it
before you.
Whatever, just you have to keepit in your prefrontal cortex in
order to stay focused.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
So how important this list?
Is it that you're to believethat you make these 30 things
and he has to meet all 30 ofthese things?
Speaker 2 (13:12):
no, not no, and I don't want to give one for a
false expectation.
But if you start, if you lookat that list and you start
checking and you start checkingand there are that you
categorize the list as well,start checking and you start
checking and there are that youcategorize the list as well,
that's something else that weget into.
But there are somenon-negotiables, right?
So one of one of the thingsthat was on my list was the way
(13:34):
that he treats people outside ofhe and I when we're dating.
So at a restaurant table, ifhe's rude to the waitress, if
he's rude to the person behindus, or if he's rude to those
waitress, if he's rude to theperson behind us, if he's rude
to those people, at some pointthat's going to be projected
towards me.
I don't want that.
So that's an automatic no forme on my list.
(13:54):
And so the non-negotiables ifhe's checking those off, there
may be certain things thatyou're like yeah, I could
tolerate that.
You know his ears are a littlefunny, but that's okay.
You know it's not a big deal,because maybe my ears are funny
to him, I mean, and it soundssuperficial and it sounds petty,
(14:14):
but those are things that we'rehuman, yes, and in looking at
somebody that you have to lookat for the rest of your life, it
has to be something that youfeel like you can deal with on a
daily basis.
And you got to be honest withyourself so that potential
partner does not have to checkoff all of the things, but the
non-negotiables.
(14:35):
You will want him to check offa lot of those.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
So what would you say ?
Are the five top or three?
We'll just do three.
Three top, non-negotiables thatyou found.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Well, like I said, the rudeness to strangers.
I can't tolerate that Because,like I said at some point,
that'll be turned around anddirected towards me.
That's number one.
Number two is what is hisrelationship like with his
family, and that includes if hehas children.
Is he seeing his children on aregular basis?
(15:08):
Is he taking care of hischildren?
That matters, that falls underthe category of him being a
provider overall.
So is he interacting with hisguardian or his mother, the
people who raised him?
Where does he touch base on theholiday?
Is he a nomad?
Does he not speak to his family?
(15:29):
Him not communicating with hissiblings and his family?
It unfortunately shows that hehas the lack of communication
skills, right, and so that willtrickle over into the
relationship that he has withyou.
And so that's number two.
(15:49):
And then number three wouldjust be overall, how how he
keeps himself, like hiscleanliness.
I'm big on hygiene, so for me,any fragrance coming from a
human other than a good smell.
So that was one of the thingson my list, and again it might
(16:12):
seem petty or superficial, but Ihave a thing with fragrance and
again, I'm big on hygiene.
So those are the top threethings on my list that were
non-negotiable okay, okay, soyou really need to know yourself
say it again.
I said your relationships, yoursmell and how you treat
(16:36):
strangers, those arenon-negotiable for me very good,
very good in that.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
In making that list, you really need to know yourself
now in making this list.
How much of this list shouldyou be reflecting, should you be
a representation of?
Speaker 2 (16:54):
And that's a great question, because when I sat
down to create my list and Ididn't know what I wanted, I
went within and I said, okay,let me put myself on this list.
I know that I'm kind, I knowthat I have a lot of love to
give, I know that I'm patient.
So I wrote down mycharacteristics because at the
time I had not experienced whata good man looks like, I had no
(17:20):
idea how to identify a good man.
You know unquote.
And so I wrote myself on mylist.
You know, and, and it just sohappens that when my husband
appeared, he he's me, he's areflection of me.
So we, we mirror, match eachother.
So basically all of my listreflected who I was at the time.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Wow, okay, okay, now I'm ready to move on to step two
.
I got my notepad, I'm ready.
Step one List of awareness.
Is what that list is.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Right.
List of awareness Right.
And so step two is create yourvision.
Create your vision, your vision.
Create the what, what, what,what does what does it say?
Make what?
What's the scripture?
Speaker 1 (18:11):
I know, you know what I'm saying vision, and make it
plain so that they can do it,they can follow it.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
That is correct so now, and this may seem juvenile,
but you know what it's notjuvenile it it's necessary, it's
very necessary, because when wehave pictures in front of us,
then we tend to look for thosethings.
So create your vision board ofyour partner, your love board,
right, and the steps that I'msharing with you are the exact
(18:40):
things that I did to attract myhusband and the exact things
that I teach my clients, whomall of which are married or
seriously dating one specificperson.
So create your vision board,love board, and an example of
that would be I knew that Iwanted a man of a certain hue, a
(19:02):
chocolate man, right, and so Icut out a man, specifically at
the gym, a chocolate man at thegym, and I put that on my love,
on my love board, because I knewthat I wanted him to be
physically fit.
The same with him shopping inthe produce section, the same
with him with another manteaching children, all of the
(19:24):
things.
I knew that I needed him to besomeone who could teach me.
I didn't want to be thesmartest one in our relationship
.
I wanted.
I wanted to be equally yoked.
That's what I wanted.
So creating that love boardallowed me to see him and
(19:45):
visualize him and know that hewas real, because I had said to
myself God, there's no way inthe world that you have created
all of this and there's nobodyto match.
I said that and I said I know,like.
I know, like I know that thereis a man out here for me and
(20:08):
that was the end of that.
I sealed the deal, I put a capon it and I lived my life as
though I was married Mind, bodyand spirit.
I practiced celibacy Look, I'mjumping ahead to step seven and
eight.
You and spirit.
I practiced celibacy.
Look, I'm jumping ahead to stepseven and eight.
You're good.
I practiced celibacy and I didsmall things, like I brought him
(20:28):
a toothbrush, I cleared out aspace I believe I shared this
with you in our last meeting Icleared out a drawer for him and
I even drew a stick figure andwrote husband on the top of it
and put it over my mirror and Italked to this picture as though
he were a real person.
(20:49):
Good morning husband.
I was married.
In my head, you couldn't tellme nothing.
I've never heard that, right.
It sounds a little crazy, butit works.
I've never heard that, right.
It sounds a little a little bitcrazy, but it works.
You visualize it, you act as if.
So that was me acting as ifwait.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
So essentially you practice the game before you
actually got put in by the coachright, there we go.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Yes, I tapped my own self in, but I had to be in the
field playing the thing firstand I and it didn't.
It didn't dawn on me to sharemy this.
This is my journal.
These steps are my journal, myjournaling during my celibacy.
And it didn't dawn on me that Icould teach this to women until
(21:40):
I taught it to a family member,and then I taught it to her
friend, and then I taught it toanother friend, and all three of
them are married by way ofthese steps.
And so I said wait a minute, Igot something here.
I got something here.
Let me share this with theworld.
And then I started researchingit, got something here.
(22:00):
Let me share this with theworld.
And then I started researchingit, and that's when I realized
that there were 4.7 millionsingle mothers single black
mothers in the united states.
Somebody out here needs help,and they need what I got and
they need what you got honey.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Yes, and we need what you got.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Step three step three is to cultivate self-love.
Right, and I would say thatthat should be number one.
But you got to figure it outfirst, and figure out what you
want and then create the vision.
And then now you start workingon who you want to be, who do
(22:38):
you want to attract, and so youstart to become the love that
you desire.
It's easy to say I want a man,but if you're not acting as if
and cultivating the love foryourself, if you don't love you,
who's going to love you?
So you have to love you firstand cultivate your relationship
with your source.
(22:59):
Step three is cultivate, cult,cultivate self-love.
And so that would be takingyourself to dinner the things
that we already know asself-love, the journaling, the
prayers, the meditation.
Taking yourself to dinner spasall of the things that we know
already, and then whatever thatlooks like for you, but it has
(23:19):
to be incorporated on yourjourney you.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
You say the things that we already know, but it
would be a you would be amazedto know how many people are
obese, overweight, likeextremely overweight, um, in the
area and I'm talking obese inthe area of not doing the things
that they should be doing.
I'm not talking about weight,weight, body weight.
(23:45):
I'm just saying the badthinking of situations is so
large that it overshadows theperson that's actually there.
So, while that person that'sthat, that higher person that
you are, knows that they shouldbe doing these things, you're
(24:05):
fleshly and I'm talking figuredI'm not talking the actual body
of obesity, but just that thebad thinking is such a heavy
weight and patterns and cyclesthat, even though you know it's
the right thing to do, peoplewould say you know I pray, yeah,
(24:29):
okay.
So do you get up, do you prayevery day and things like that.
How consistent are you with theconnections in healthy
relationship activities?
Would you say?
For me, praying is me talkingwith god.
That's a healthy practice ofkeeping our relationship open
and fluent, so fluid so I canhear him, so that I can receive
(24:53):
from him.
So you saying, um, we all knowthese things, we, we do, we know
a lot, we know that weshouldn't speed and we still get
speed.
What I do.
I said something we know we.
There are things that we knowthat we shouldn't do.
We shouldn't dash across thestreet and you see traffic
(25:15):
coming at you Like I think Icould beat that car Right,
that's coming on the green light.
You think okay, but you know weall do it.
I'm not exempting myself fromthe conversation.
I'm just pointing out that,even though we know of the thing
(25:36):
, it doesn't mean we're doingthe thing of the thing.
It doesn't mean we're doing thething.
How do you help peopleimplement those things that we
all know about, we know of, webelieve, we even think that they
are beneficial, but we're notdoing them?
Speaker 2 (25:53):
Right.
And so, with that being said,knowing and doing are two
different things, right?
So when I say cultivateself-love, what that looks like
outside of manicures andmassages and brunch and things
of that nature take some time tobe quiet.
Right, and these are specificaction steps that I'm speaking
(26:17):
of.
If you're not familiar with howto cultivate self-love, take
some time and get quiet and sitwith yourself in the wee hours
of the morning.
Wake up early 5 am, 5.30, 6o'clock, whatever time you have
to be at work, whatever time youget up to start your day, do 30
minutes earlier than that andsit with yourself and God or
(26:39):
your source, whoever that may beto you and journal, be quiet.
Read some scripture.
That is what I do and that'swhat I share with my clients
when they don't know whatcultivating self-love looks like
.
So you start with getting quietand journaling and it just
(27:03):
unfolds from there.
Did that answer your question?
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Yes, yes, it did All right.
I am ready to move on fromcultivating self-love.
With that very, verydescriptive and practical tip of
how to start that process, I'mready to go to step four this is
a big one.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
This is a big one, I call it the v word right embrace
vulnerability.
Oh child, I'm still workingwith that.
You see, that was a littlesting for me.
I'm still working with that.
That was a little sting for me.
I'm still working with the vword right.
What does that mean to you?
Speaker 1 (27:48):
embrace vulnerability in what area of life?
Speaker 2 (27:55):
as far as willing to put yourself out there to look
for love, to start the datingprocess.
Embracing vulnerability allowsyou to give yourself grace and
to understand that you might notget it right To have no
(28:15):
expectations.
You date with intention, butwhen you meet someone, you're
not expecting them to provideyou with the world, because
dating is interviewing right,and so we know that possibly the
first person that we connectwith when we decide to start
dating may not be that personthat we wrote down on our list,
(28:35):
and that's okay.
And so embracing vulnerabilityis just giving yourself grace
and allowing yourself to knowthat it's a process.
It's a process and don't getcaught up in.
This is what I want, this is onmy list and he has to.
He smells good, so it has to behim.
Don't get caught up in thosethings.
So when I say embrace, allowyourself some grace because it's
(29:00):
a process.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Allow yourself some grace, because it's a process,
man.
That yes, okay, yes, all right.
So we got one, two, three, four, we are on to five we are on to
five.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Five is enhance your communication skills.
Go ahead, give it to me whatyou got.
I'm listening, I'm intrigued.
So enhancing your communicationskills looks like being an
active listener and actuallybeing involved in what it is
(29:43):
that the person sitting acrossfrom you is saying.
You know, maybe repeating someof the things that he has said
to you, to show that you arelistening and you're actually
listening and you're involved inengaging conversation.
And not only that when there'snothing being said, when the
date is over and you go home andhe goes home and you are, you
(30:07):
know, that was an amazing date,I had such a wonderful time.
Communicate that.
Let him know.
It's okay with saying, hey, Ihad a great time, hope to see
you again.
Those things are okay.
Communicate how you feel.
Communicate, talk about.
Talk about it.
And if you are having a backand forth with this person you
know this is someone that's beencontacting you.
(30:29):
It's a month, it's a month anda half, it's two months and he
starts to fall back.
It's okay with saying, hey, Ihaven't heard from you in a
while.
Is everything okay?
And not in a way of desperation, but just in a way of hey,
what's happening, so that youknow where you stand and you
won't feel like you're beingleft out on a limb or just
(30:51):
wondering Feel all that noise byjust communicating.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
Okay, so I can say right here this is everything
opposite of things that I haveheard in the past, because
there's like this you wait thisamount of days and you, you
don't call first and you all ofthose different things that
you've been told, those are thetools that I can say a lot of
(31:19):
people are operating from.
You're just saying, just say it, just say it.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
And those are rules that apply to the masses.
But you're looking to cultivatea relationship.
You want to water that thing.
You have to take care of the ofwhatever relationship that it
is that you're looking tocultivate.
(31:49):
So, if you've planted a seed inyour garden, you're not going
to wait for Charlie Schmo fromaround the corner to come and
water your garden.
You're going to take care ofyour garden yourself, right?
And so if the energy is notbeing reciprocated, then okay,
you can move on and you can fallback.
(32:10):
But initially, there's nothingwrong with saying, hey, is
everything okay?
And if the energy is not beingreciprocated, then it's okay to
move on.
And in addition to that, inaddition to all of that, you
should be dating multiple people.
Dating not having relationswith, but you should be dating.
(32:30):
The dating process is aninterview, no different than
when you're interviewing for ajob.
There are multiple candidates,so you want to have starting
lineup.
You want to have a lineup ofgood candidates so that you can
choose or, excuse me, so thatthey can choose you, but don't
limit yourself to one at a time.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Don't limit yourself to one at a time.
Don't do that.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
You waste your own time.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
Why do you consider that a waste of time?
Speaker 2 (33:06):
You have.
You're dating and you have oneperson that you know he may fit
some of the things on your listand you're having a good time
with him.
He's not very consistent withcommunication, but you really
like him and you're open to whatmight happen, but he hasn't
solidified anything for you.
(33:26):
So you're three, four monthsdown the line and you're still
having a good time and every nowand then he calls you.
You know, hey, I want to takeyou out, let's hang out.
You have a great time and hestill hasn't solidified anything
with you.
And six months go by and a yeargoes by and you're still
waiting for him to say you knowwhat I think?
(33:48):
I want a relationship with you.
That's a year wasted.
We, we don't have time.
We don't have that kind of time, right.
So I say date many and you'llfind that that's a piece of
advice that you know a lot ofrelationship coaches give with
(34:10):
an end goal in mind.
So if you're having two, three,four friends that you're seeing
at once, somebody's going tostep up and that's the reason
why I say you're wasting yourown time, just multiple.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
All right, you're saying date multiple to optimize
and not waste your time.
I get it.
I definitely do so.
We got a list of awareness.
We got create your vision.
We got cultivate self love.
You got that V word.
You got to be vulnerable.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Did you all right over there.
I do that V word, that V word.
I'm still listen.
That never goes away, ever.
So I'm listening to you and I'mletting it penetrate me as
you're reiterating what I sharedwith you.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
Are you serious?
Speaker 2 (35:15):
It's one of my steps and I'm still working on it.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
But the one that I really, really all of these
steps are great.
That communicating how do you,if you're already not a great
communicator?
How would you say someoneshould cultivate getting better
at communicating?
Speaker 2 (35:41):
getting better at communicating.
So, if you know thatcommunication is one of the
things that you need to work on,there are books I don't have
the list with me, I can sendthat to you and you can pin it
in the comment section but thereare books that you can read.
I would recommend, maybe,working with a therapist, taking
some speech classes, someactive listening classes, any
activity that's going to helpyou enhance your communication
working with a therapist, takingsome speech classes, some
active listening classes, anyactivity that's going to help
(36:02):
you enhance your communication.
If that's something you need towork on, and if you're not sure
whether or not that's you, ifeverywhere you go, there's a
problem with how you communicatewith people or you always end
up in an argument, then you maybe that person that needs to
enhance your communicationskills.
(36:22):
Sorry, not sorry.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
Not, sorry not sorry.
Not sorry, all right, okay,step six.
I'm just thinking about that.
Wait, we're on six, right?
Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
Six is expand your social circles.
He's probably not going to comeup to you in the Target parking
lot.
He might not be.
I don't know if you want tomeet him at the bar or at the
supermarket.
So be intentional about goingout and not just to the bar or
(37:11):
the club.
But you want to pick placeslike the golf course or the gun
range or the cigar room, placeswhere the men that you're
interested in frequent.
I don't know if you are lookingto build a long-term
relationship with someone who'sat the club every weekend.
I don't suggest that becausethat may indicate infidelity, a
(37:36):
little fornication, and youmight not be looking for that
right.
So my suggestion are the golfcourses, the cigar rooms, the
gun range places where you knowmen of a certain caliber will be
, and you can run into themthere.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
Okay, all right, seven, I can there.
Okay, all right, seven, I can't.
Seven.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
I need you to give me what you got on six.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
Listen, because six it's the locations.
It's very important to me thatthe locations be something
you're associated with, so Iunderstand the suggestions you
gave.
But if you're introvert and youlike books, the library, the
(38:29):
library right, the bookstoreStarbucks.
Right, look around and they'lljust be reading a book on a
topic you like.
A book on a topic you like.
How then?
This is it, this is it.
I get to that place, I'm atthat, live in that environment.
(38:49):
That's a restaurant with a liveband.
That's me.
I like food.
I like food and I love music.
So to put those, pair those twotogether, that's a good
environment for me.
I get there, how do I approach?
How do I make myself seen towhom is catching my eye?
Speaker 2 (39:19):
How do I catch his eye?
For me, typically I like to doa little bit of flirting, not so
forward, but just a littlesprinkle of walking by Wherever
you are, a little whiz by, alittle hair fling.
(39:40):
You know eye contact and you,you can even wave a little bit,
a little, a little bit offlirting, which any man that's
interested in you isautomatically going to know that
that's an open door.
Oh, she likes me.
Excuse me, fellas, I'll beright back.
So for me, typically I don't.
I don't encourage my clients toapproach, but you can, if
(40:02):
that's, if you are bold enoughto do so.
You can, but keep it cute andclassy and ladylike, with a
little third and hey, I noticedyou noticing me something of
that nature okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
I just was like okay, so let me tell you where I was
stuck.
Okay, you said the gun rangehow I'm gonna walk up to him.
How are we gonna do that?
Speaker 2 (40:39):
ask for help.
Can you help me?
I'm sorry, can you help me?
You, you be creative, becreative.
I don't know Be creative Now.
I specifically have not been tothe gun range, but I have had a
client who met someone at thegun range, specifically by
(40:59):
asking him for help.
So I haven't been to the gunrange to meet someone, right,
but it works.
So the places that are ofinterest to you, if it's not the
gun range, that's important.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
That is important.
Speaker 2 (41:16):
Right, so expanding your social circles outside of
where you normally go if you'relooking for a potential mate all
right and number seven numberseven is evaluate your potential
partners.
And that's where we go back tomaking that list.
And that's when you, you, yourevisit that list and honestly,
(41:38):
you want to revisit that listthrough all of the steps and
like it's, that's when yourevisit that list and honestly,
you want to revisit that listthrough all of the steps and
that's like your guide, that'slike the preface before the rest
of the list, right?
So you want to review that listand in that way, you determine
his values.
(41:58):
And this is where you startasking the deep questions,
depending on where you are withthat person, maybe the third,
fourth, fifth date, that's whenyou want to start asking the
questions.
So where did you grow up?
Where's your family, how youknow you, you, you pry and you
ask those questions to determinewhether or not this is somebody
(42:19):
that you can see yourself withlong-term.
And that's when you startasking the the the questions
when do you see yourself in fiveyears?
And you know well, if thatperson is an entrepreneur,
what's your business plan andthings of that nature.
In addition to that, you justwant to, you know, like enforce
(42:41):
and not enforce, that's a roughword, but establish a boundary.
Maybe that step seven is whereyou want to say you know what
I'm celibate Like.
However, that fits into theconversation.
Now, by step seven, you'regetting deeper is what I'm
trying to say Establish yourboundaries.
Speaker 1 (43:02):
Establish your boundaries to the person or
yourself.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
Both, both, and you establish it to the person in
conversation as it should flow.
That's something that you justthrow like hey, I'm celibate,
don't ask me when I ain'tgetting none, but as it comes up
(43:28):
in conversation, you know, atthis point you should have had
enough dates or enoughconversations with this person
where you're establishing youknow well, I don't really like
that or I don't do that, andthings of that nature.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
So you don't suggest that this boundary setting is
something that's done in thatfirst sit down, that this
boundary setting is somethingthat's done in that first sit
down.
If it doesn't like, if it, ifsomething doesn't arise, and you
just have this list.
These are my, these are mythings.
I don't this here, this, this,this, this, this.
That's a no for me?
Speaker 2 (44:06):
I don't, I don't suggest that personally.
I mean it.
Just it depends on where theconversation is going.
If you, if you just so happento start talking about what are
your non-negotiables, I hadexcuse me, actually, my last
client.
Within their first fewconversations, they were both
talking about theirnon-negotiables.
They are both in their 40s andthey were both like listen, I'm
(44:28):
tired, I'm tired.
Are you tired?
Yes, I'm tired.
Okay, what will you accept?
Right?
They're both like listen, I'mtired, I'm tired.
Are you tired?
Yes, I'm tired.
Okay, what will you accept?
Right?
They're.
Both of them were like we're notdoing anything outside of us.
And this was in three weeks ofthem meeting each other.
They were discussing thenon-negotiables and the
boundaries.
So it just it depends on theflow of the relationship.
But I don't, I don't suggestthat you go to the table with
(44:55):
your list like listen, I'm notdoing this, I'm not having this,
I'm not having that.
Be easy with it and let it flowlike water.
Let it flow.
Dating is a game and you wantto be strategic and intentional
but at the same time, you don'twant to come out in the first
quarter like woo, woo, woo.
You don't want to give it allyou got in the first quarter,
save something for the fourthquarter.
Speaker 1 (45:17):
Wow, okay, okay, and nine.
Speaker 2 (45:21):
And number nine Execute, execute, the love
alchemy, everything that wetalked about, and that just
simply means revisiting all thesteps and redoing all the steps.
It's a process.
That's why it's a roadmap,because you're going to have to
revisit it and go over it and goover it again and again and
(45:44):
again.
So, in executing everythingthat we talked about and you, of
course, should you be workingwith me individually or in a
group session attend all yoursessions.
Have the conversations, thethings that are on your mind,
write them down so that, when wemeet, we can go over those
things and take responsibilityfor your actions and your
(46:06):
emotions.
Take responsibility andaccountability and be vulnerable
for how you show up.
You know if, unfortunately, ifyou're someone who gets boasted,
often, there may be somethingthat you are doing or a way that
you are being at the table thatmakes someone say, oh, no, no,
(46:30):
no, no no, that's what I want todiscuss.
Speaker 1 (46:35):
I want to discuss that.
Oh, no, no, no, no, in theafter party.
I definitely want to delve intous, the ladies.
I want to talk about how we canbetter position ourselves to be
in the dating.
We can better positionourselves to be in the dating in
(46:57):
healthy dating scenarios and,realistically, in pursuit of
healthy relationships.
I definitely want to do that inthe after party.
I want to thank you for beinghere.
Listen, everyone.
If you do not understand, youbetter make that list of
awareness.
You better create that vision,you better cultivate self-love.
And don't forget that V word.
(47:20):
You're going to need to bevulnerable.
You're going to need to open up.
Don't forget to communicate.
Extend your social circles.
I can say it, I can't I can'tExtend your social circles.
Circles, circles.
I can say it, I can't.
I can't Extend your socialcircles.
(47:41):
And seven evaluate.
Eight establish boundaries.
And nine execute Establishboundaries and nine execute.
Listen, thank you for taking usthrough the nine steps to get
(48:07):
into that healthy dating andhealthy relationship that we
desire.
That's not even a game, that'snot.
Thank you for coming and givingus this amazing playbook.
Listen, anybody who wants towork with Monique the coach, or
you want to hear more insightinto what she has to discuss.
I am going to yield the floorto her Now.
(48:29):
Tell everyone how they can havean opportunity to work with you
.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
Well, you can follow me on Instagram at Monique the
coach, as you see my name here,just like that, no spaces.
If you would like to purchase acopy of my ebook, the love
magnet attraction formula, right, you can go ahead and follow me
on my.
You can hit me up on my linktree, which is also at Monique
(48:59):
the coach.
That's where you can connectwith me and you can also book
your free consultation and makesure you put in the remarks that
you came over from Marion, makesure that you put in the
remarks that you came over fromthe Confident you podcast family
and let me know that Marionsent you.
Ok, I want to work with you, socome on over, hit that link
(49:19):
tree, grab the e-book so you canhave these steps in your back
pocket, as well as book aconsultation.
I will also be hosting a woman'sroadmap group coaching class
every Wednesday in December,from December 6th through the
27th, where we're going to diveinto these nine steps.
I'll be sharing with you allhow to peel back the layers,
(49:43):
everything that I went throughtoday times 10, because we're
going to be doing this for fourweeks, right?
So come on in, dive in, clickthe link tree and fill out your
application and I will contactyou so we can get you set up for
December 6th and we can go overthese nine steps and we can
talk about the dating processand we can talk about how to
(50:04):
hook you up with your datingapps and all the things dating.
Get in this December class,it's going to be fire.
Speaker 1 (50:17):
Boy, get in this December class.
It's going to be fire.
I'm excited.
You should have seen me dancing.
I am so excited.
Listen, this is how you contacther.
Get into that link tree.
Follow her on her social media.
(50:37):
This is not one moment.
Follow her on her social media.
It is very important that wecelebrate and support each other
.
We celebrate and support eachother.
So I just wanted to thank youfor being here to support me, to
support me and the communitythat I'm building, because it's
(51:01):
very important to me to haveconfidence in our community and
confidence in the things that wedo, the things that we do, the
things that we say, the way thatwe live, the way that we're
interacting.
If we can get ourselvestogether, it helps us to get the
help.
The next generation gettogether and the next generation
(51:22):
to get together.
So I'm just grateful that youwere here and this is how you
follow her at Monique the CoachListen positively, absolutely
beautiful you are.
I appreciate you.
Listen, y'all definitely wannajoin the after party, ladies.
We're gonna get into us.
We're gonna get into us.
(51:44):
There is a component here thatshe discussed and I really wanna
get into that, but before weget out of here, I would like it
if you could give us just a fewconfident tips on approaching
that first date.
Get that call, you're going.
What should you do?
Speaker 2 (52:07):
Ladies, be intentional, be intentional and
stay intentional.
It's not enough to just beintentional, but you got to stay
intentional.
Keep that list with you, readthat list over and over again
and stay focused.
The goal is for you to stayfocused so that you can end up
(52:27):
as somebody's wife.
You know how they say pick me.
Yes, I want him to pick me.
Pick me is the goal.
Stay focused and be intentional.
Speaker 1 (52:39):
Stay focused and be intentional.
We're gonna talk about thatintentional woman as soon as we
get to that after party.
Thank you so much, monique thecoach, again for joining us to
share these nine steps intosuccessful dating.
I'm excited.
Healthy dating oh my goodness.
She ready.
(52:59):
Hold on just a moment, I'll beright back.
Listen everyone.
The information she shared Ifeel is very valuable.
So I definitely feel you knowsomeone, you've got some good
girlfriends.
Y'all need to sit down and thiscould be the center of that
conversation.
Y'all need to just go ahead,order something, sit down, push
(53:23):
play, let this play, and reallydiscuss how you guys are
approaching dating, how you'reapproaching relationships.
In those conversations, yourgirlfriends may be able to say,
yeah, because you know what,your communication, wait what.
Yeah, you need to work on that.
(53:45):
I'll be honest this and thisand this, and they'll be able to
share with you.
Do not take offense.
Don't build a fence and thenhave yourself stuck inside and
then nobody can get in and youcan't get out.
Pull that down and just goahead and have those real
conversation.
Listen, and friends are healthypeople that want the best for
(54:06):
you.
So let's say that.
So let's say that.
Make sure they are healthypeople that want the best for
you.
All right, so make sure youlike share 1-888-80-HELPS,
that's 43577.
(54:26):
Bethany House is here to assist.
Listen, they're here to assistglobally.
Call them, let them know what'sgoing on so they can help you
(54:48):
have a safe plan of escape to abetter and a healthier you.
All right, listen.
Or you can also call theNational Domestic Violence
Hotline, that's 1-800-799-SAFE7-2-3-3.
Again, I thank you for takingthe time to join us.
(55:10):
Confident you listen?
All my single ladies follow meover to the after party.
Y'all have a great one and seeyou there.
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