Conflict Owner's Manual

The movie, Superman, is a fun practice tool for analyzing how intentions matter in conflicts. As you intend, your actions follow. As Superman fights Lex Luthor's metahumans on the battlefield, they also wage a media war of words to win public belief over who is to be believed. Which one of them has true intention for good and which one has secret intention for evil? Luthor undermines trust in Superman's intentions, but Su...

It's achieved international newsworthiness that people are offending and being offended, cancelling and being cancelled, silent and being silenced. The headlines exist because someone insists that they have the only correct opinion. And, it might be the correct opinion, but is it the only allowable opinion? We discuss some conflict competent approaches when you're feeling offended or have been accused of being offensive.

S...

Would you like to have the secret to resolving your conflict? The secret is: improve your conflict competency so you have skills to handle almost any conflict. No model or script is needed for the skills we encourage you to practice and use. They are: (1) conflict analysis, (2) self-awareness, and (3) appropriate conflict styles. The details are in the episode, just as two small cute dogs come to check what's happening in the ...

Elite athletes heal faster and manage pain better than most people. We can apply their techniques to improve our conflict competence and manage conflicts better than most people. So, what are those techniques, and how can we apply them to conflicts?


Show notes:
Research paper:
Carole A. Paley, and Mark I. Johnson. 25 June 2025. Human Resilience and Pain Coping Strategies: A Review of the Literature Giving Insi...

When someone posts about a conflict on social media, they can expect comments and judgment to pile on. Did the person who posted talk to the other parties in the conflict before asking everyone in cyberspace to judge? In this conflict analysis of a social media post, we discuss assumptions, boundaries, expectations, public grievances, and who might be taking advantage of whom. This episode is part of our series of conflict analysis...

Why would you want to own your conflict? When you don’t manage yourself in conflict, do you make the situation worse? Here are three steps to take towards owning your conflict, so that you can be the conflict competent person you want to be.

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Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

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We recorded this episode before this week's political assassination, but as I listen to the recording before posting it, that's what I think about. If we reduce a human being to just their politics, or to a single trait, or to one note of their personality, we lose more than we can possibly 'win' (whatever winning might even mean). So, can you disagree, or have a conflict with someone and not have it degenerate ...

You can practice conflict competence almost anywhere, using every interaction, even characters' dialogue in cartoons. Using two cartoons as examples, we analyze the scripts for the opportunities to understand each other that the characters missed. (Please accept that we changed the character names).

show notes:
Cartoon #1, Between Friends, by Sandra Bell-Lundy 
Parent: Wear your boots. It’s snowing.
Child:...

Some conflicts expand beyond their origin story, so you lose track of who started the conflict, and what your original conflict conflict goals were. That's conflict creep, where conflict exceeds the simpler scope and more limited objectives you had when the conflict started. After a conflict creeps, parties forget about solving the problem, and just want to win. So, how do you stop conflict creep? Using John Paul Lederach&apos...

What skills help in a conflict where you're willing to talk but the other person is avoiding you? We discuss conflict styles, so that you can choose what's most conflict competent to use in the context, situation, and relationship. 

show notes:
episode 46: How to decide whether to engage in, ignore or avoid conflict
episode 50: What you miss when you respond the same to every conflict

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Even regular folks like us are affected by this era of polarized conflict. It isn't just politics and social media that has become polarized in how conflicts play out. What does it mean for our personal relationships and ourselves personally when we fall prey to polarizing conflict in our personal relationships?

Send us a text. We love hearing from you.

Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and tr...

You have at least five conflict management styles available to use, depending on the context and the relationship. Your conflict competency is using the most appropriate conflict management style for the situation, and the outcome you hope to achieve. But you likely use one or two conflict styles you're most comfortable with. We discuss the conflict style known as competing. When is competing an appropriate style to use, and w...

What does a good wellness program at work offer? The 2024, Wellhub State of Work-life Wellness Report lists some of the benefits of a good wellness program. Mostly missing is the benefit of a good conflict management system. Here are tips for discussing a conflict management system design at work, even before you get the job, because the stress of conflict is incompatible with wellness, unless it's well managed.

show ...

We continue exploring the conflict management styles you have available to use, depending on the context and the relationship. Your conflict competency is using the most appropriate conflict management style for the situation, and the outcome you hope to achieve.
You have a choice of five broad categories of conflict management styles, but you likely use one or two conflict styles you're most comfortable with. We discuss t...

You use your conflict competencies in every conflict. You can choose how your conflict competency and managing conflict work together. The key is your awareness of your conflict management mindset. Here are a few tips for powering the mindset that will help you do conflict better and improve the quality of your relationships.

Send us a text. We love hearing from you.

Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experien...

There is no 'best' conflict management style to use in all contexts and for all relationships. Your conflict competency is using the most appropriate conflict management style for the situation, the context, and the relationship.

You have a choice of five broad categories of conflict management styles, but most likely you usually default to using only the one or two conflict styles you're most comfortable with. We dis...

Sometimes, even when you try hard to resolve a conflict you hit an impasse. There are many possible reasons that a conflict resists resolution, and one is when your communication styles are so different that you become impatient and frustrated with each other. You want to find a way forward, but you just can't seem to understand their approach to the problem. Here are some conflict competencies for dealing with this communicat...

Being able to analyze conflict is one of the most important conflict competencies. You will want to know what's really going on, underneath the issue that seems to be what the conflict is about. If you understand what the actual conflict reveals, not the surface issue someone is yelling about, you have a better chance of coming up with the right questions to solve the right problem. But, how do you learn conflict analysis skil...

Tyson and I are grateful to have Conflict Owners Manual listeners ranging in age from teen to seniors. Who is too young and who is too old to improve their conflict competence? Only you can decide when you're ready. But, there's one more consideration. Conflicts also age. The common wisdom is that managing a conflict early is easier, but that doesn't mean an old conflict can't respond well to your conflict compe...