August 16, 2023 • 33 mins
Ever felt that choking burnout at work? That desolate feeling of exhaustion that seems to suck away all your energy, making the simplest tasks feel like a mountain? This is the episode you need. We've taken a deep dive into understanding burnout, investigating the roots of these emotions and how they manifest in our workplaces. With insights from Brene' Brown's book, "Atlas of the Heart", we'll guide you to recognize the signs of burnout and the importance of naming our emotions to provide the necessary support for ourselves and others.
Are you having a hard time managing expectations in your workplace? Not to worry. We've got tips on how to tackle this. We dive into the concept of situational leadership and its role in setting workplace expectations. With our in-depth analysis, you'll understand the varying development levels of employees and how different levels of support and direction from managers can make a significant difference. We also emphasize the power of connection in preventing burnout and the courage it takes to be vulnerable when setting expectations.
Lastly, we untangle the complex web of emotions that can lead to burnout when your efforts don't quite meet your expectations. We address the feelings of discouragement, resignation, perfectionism, as well as the impact of connection and disconnection. We candidly discuss how these emotions, if not carefully managed, can lead down a path to burnout. Learn how to express and manage these emotions, understand the role of shame in perfectionism, and how discussing connection and disconnection can foster a safer, burnout-free workplace. Trust us when we say, this is an episode you can't afford to miss - it's packed with wisdom and practical advice to save you from spiraling into burnout.
Laughter, Love, and Blessings,
Heather
Resources and links mentioned in this episode:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Burnout and compassion fatigue are results
of doing good work, and it'snothing that you have done wrong
, laura Howe.
Talking about emotions canbring up a lot of emotions, and
broaching this subject in theworkplace can add another layer
(00:21):
of complexity to theconversation, but it doesn't
have to be that way.
This mini series will coverfive words or work categories
that we can start bringing intothe workplace to help
communicate our emotions in morespecific and helpful terms.
Hello and welcome.
To Connect the Dots, lead theWay.
I'm your host, heather Valseric.
(00:42):
I am a white female with short,strawberry blonde hair, I am
wearing tortoise shell glassesand a purple shirt, and I am
sitting in front of a teal wallwith multiple pieces of art
displayed.
Welcome back to day three.
I know that if you are listeningto this in sequence or at the
time that it's coming out, I amlate.
Today.
I did not put this episode outin the morning, but it is coming
(01:05):
out on day three.
So here we are, there we go.
I will be back for day fourtomorrow and again on day five,
so just anticipate that.
You know they'll come out laterin the day, probably.
Anyways, it's day three andtoday's word category is burnout
.
Dun, dun dun, I don't have afancy sound board to make that
(01:27):
sound, so you get me.
What is burnout exactly?
So, according to psychologytoday, burnout is a state of
emotional, mental and oftenphysical exhaustion brought on
by prolonged or repeated stress,and, though it's most often
caused by problems at work, itcan also appear in other areas
(01:50):
of life, such as parenting,caretaking or romantic
relationships.
I found the opening quote, theone by Laura, as I was reviewing
a list of quotes that I hadmade over the past several years
and when I read it the otherday I was, I'll be honest, I was
a little perplexed about it.
But like it felt weird to saythat burnout was a result of
(02:14):
doing good work.
And for a little additionalcontext here, laura is focused
on helping with burnout andcompassion fatigue in the
ministry, and so that kind of itkind of connects some dots
there, hopefully.
But it did, it did.
It felt a little wrong, it felta little odd to say that
(02:36):
burnout was a result of doinggood work.
And I'm not saying that it'snot because if you're pushing
yourself to the point of ofstress and burnout, there are
some underlying things therethat are pushing you to do that,
and some of it is probably thefact that you're trying to do
good work.
You are out there trying to doyour best, you're.
You know we're gonna talk alittle bit about perfectionism
(02:58):
today.
That may be some of the thingsthat are contributing to this
burnout.
But when we think about thephysical exhaustion that is
brought on by prolonged orrepeated stress in the workplace
, this doesn't happen in a day.
It's, you know, it happens overtime.
It's not a quick thing thathappens.
It's a gradual process, thatkind of just snowballs really.
(03:22):
So we need to find the words tosay and share before we get to
that point of burnout.
So let's work backwards alittle bit.
Let's see what emotions that wecan address before we get to
that burnout stage.
Now, all week I have beendigging back into Renee Brown's
book Atlas of the Heart.
So I'm going to share a fewmore emotions from that book
(03:48):
that we can name.
And if we can name them earlyand we can seek out support,
then we can help each otherprevent burnout or at least
lessen the overall effects.
And so I've got several hereand I didn't type them out, I've
just I'm just going to readthem from the book.
So if you want to know what thebook looks like.
This is the book, so we'regoing to start with the first
(04:12):
one I have on my list, which isstress let's see Storytime
everybody.
But she says so stressed is inthe places we go when things are
uncertain or too much, and soshe says when.
So we feel stressed when weevaluate environmental demand as
(04:35):
beyond our ability to copesuccessfully.
This includes elements ofunpredictability,
uncontrollability and feelingoverloaded, and stressful
situations can be bothphysiological, which is your
body, or psychological, which isyour mind and emotion reactions
.
And you know this is she givesthis example in the book between
being stressed and overwhelmedof when she worked in a
(04:59):
restaurant, and so I'll talkabout that in a second.
Let me talk about the next wordI want that I want to introduce
is overwhelmed, and she saysoverwhelmed means an extreme
level of stress, an emotionaland emotional stress, and
overwhelmed means an extremelevel of stress and emotional
(05:21):
and or cognitive intensity, tothe point of feeling unable to
function.
And gosh, you know it's and sheshe also shares from Miriam
Webster that overwhelmed iscompletely overcome or
overpowered by a feeling orthought, and I think so.
(05:44):
These two go hand in hand,right Stress and overwhelm.
They're written about togetherin her book and because stress
is like the first sign and whenstress gets to be too much it
then becomes overwhelm.
And she, like she said, shetalks in the book about the
example of when she worked in arestaurant as a waitress and how
(06:07):
, if you know, you were kind of,you were behind, you were
behind, you know, you justneeded some help.
You could walk into the kitchenand be like, hey, you know, hey
, I'm in the weeds, man, I'm inthe weeds.
And then somebody would be like, how can I help you?
And you'd say, yeah, go totable.
I need you know.
Could you read tea, table threeand five.
Could you run bread to tableseven and eight?
You know just, can you help meout for a second, just help me
(06:28):
catch up.
And that's that's stress, right, it's when we've got a lot
going on, right, we're feeling alittle bit like, oh okay, maybe
we should.
If we can ask for help.
I'm in the weeds, we can get acouple of people to just help
support a little bit.
We can lower that stress level.
(06:49):
But then she talks aboutoverwhelm in this example would
be when she, when somebody wouldwalk into the kitchen and they
would just say I'm blown and inthat just simply meant like you
were just done, right, youneeded, you needed a timeout.
And she said, you know, ifsomebody walked into the kitchen
(07:09):
and said that it would go quietand immediately, like there
would be people, somebody goingto the host's stand what are her
tables?
Let me go fix them.
Like the kitchen's over herelooking at the table, like
everybody's rallying around youto give you that space to go,
take 10 minutes and regroup,right, let that overwhelm that
(07:33):
extra that.
What did she call it in here?
That extreme level of stress toto subside and die down a
little bit.
And then in 10 minutes, right,you were expected to be ready to
go.
And I like this analogy becausethis is what happens, right, we,
we feel that stress.
(07:54):
You know you're, you're doing aproject at work, you have a lot
of deliverables and you've gotso many things going on.
And then it's like you'restarting to feel overwhelmed and
it's like, okay, wait a minute.
Like I'm in the weeds, right, Igot too much to do.
Who can I call on to help?
Like, who's there to help?
(08:15):
And you know, maybe that's yourteam, maybe it's a peer, maybe
it's your boss even just whatcan you do to try to lessen that
load.
And then, if you get to thepoint of being overwhelmed,
because maybe you didn't stop atthe stress moment, you didn't
stop to say, hey, I need help,you ended up pushing through and
(08:36):
you end up at overwhelm, whereyou are, you know beyond what is
to say, again, the extremelevel of stress in the overwhelm
.
This is when you got to takethat time out, right, you got to
say, hey, wait a minute, I'vegot to decompress here and maybe
that looks like taking a dayoff work, maybe that looks like
(08:57):
taking a half a day, or even,you know, maybe it's just
talking to your boss and say Ineed an hour.
Right, I need an hour, I needto, I need to walk away from
this computer, I need to resetthis mind because I am
overwhelmed with everythingthat's going on.
And if you can start to expressthose things, that that stress
level, that feeling of overwhelm, if you can start to do that in
(09:21):
the workplace, it can help.
You know, it can help like notput you to the point of burnout.
Right, you can, you may, thatmay still happen.
I'm not saying it's not goingto happen, because it does, but
you're at least trying to,trying not to let it happen.
Right, you're doing the work onthe front end to help, you know
(09:44):
, keep burnout at.
You know, at away, I won't evensay at arm's length, farther
than arm's length, but you're,you know, you're trying to to
keep these things in check.
So, stress overwhelm.
The next word I want to talkabout is expectations, and let
(10:08):
me find the definition Okay.
So she says in here that whenwe develop expectations, we
paint a picture in our head ofhow things are going to be and
how they're going to look, whichis true, right, that's what.
(10:28):
What do we expect to happenfrom here?
And then she says later in herecommunicating our expectations
is brave and vulnerable and itbuilds meaningful connection and
often leads to having a partneror friend we can reality check
with, and I think this is key.
This is why I wanted to bringthis word in.
(10:50):
This is something we need toreally talk about and understand
in the workplace a little bitmore.
Is the expectations,communicating the expectations?
So, again, it's brave andvulnerable to communicate our
expectations, and I'll give youan example, a real life, recent
(11:11):
example honestly.
So, in my job, I'm, you know,developing a program for a
leadership development program,and you know I've only been here
for a couple of months and ithas been just a lot.
There have been moments ofoverwhelm here, but when I think
(11:35):
about, like, when my boss and Iwould have conversations and
she would ask, like well, whatdo you need help with?
Or you know, she would begiving me like this knowledge
share of things that hadhappened before, right, trying
to knowledge transfer, and itwould be very overwhelming to me
.
And expectations were it's notthat they weren't clear, but it
(12:00):
was just it was hard because Iwas new, right, I didn't know
how to really decipher theseexpectations.
And so then I have a team andso I've done my best to try to
like manage this fire hose forthem, right, like just turn it
on a little, turn it off, turnit on a little, turn it off and
ease them into the programbecause it is a lot.
(12:23):
So setting expectations forthem has been a little different
.
And so I went throughsituational leadership to last
week and it's that that's awhole other like podcast to talk
about.
But in situational leadership ittalks about meeting the person
(12:48):
where they are.
So as an employee meeting, youknow you have a development
level, like where are you?
And so as the manager or theleader, you need to match that
person.
So if there's somebody that isat a development level one,
they're really excited aboutwhat they're doing, but they
have no clue, they areinexperienced, don't know what
(13:09):
they don't know, but they areexcited to dive in, let's go.
You know that's their attitudeand as a, as a leader, you have
to come to that.
Come to that person with a very, very high level of direction.
You have to give expectations.
You can't just be like you gotit, do go and do this thing.
(13:34):
You know, and you know I wouldtell you.
Know.
I apologize to both my, to boththe members of my team, and in
one of our partners.
I was like, listen, I have notdone the best job at this.
I've been leading you the waythat you want to be led.
I've been leading with my, withmy green energy, my empathy,
(13:57):
helping others type of energy.
But I've been leading them asfar as a development and
situational leadership way thatit's been more of a, an S four,
an S three or S four, which iswhere someone is, they are, you
(14:19):
know, they understand right.
I don't have to give them a lotof direction.
I don't have to give them a lotof support.
It's just like, okay, we'regoing to do this, you good, all
right, perfect, go, go, do andgo conquer.
And and I wasn't doing a goodjob of that, I was.
They were at a D one level on alot of things and I was giving
(14:40):
them an S four leadership of,just, you know, low support, low
direction, because that's whereI was like, oh, they got it.
But, in all honesty, they wereexcited and enthusiastic.
They have a lot of skills thatcan transfer over to do this
work, but they still need a lotof direction.
(15:00):
They need me to set theexpectations for them.
And so, in that, in kind ofcoming together with my team, we
had such a good meeting todaywhere we really dove into
situational leadership too andunderstanding this information,
and so we can get on the samelanguage, because it takes the
(15:20):
ego out of a lot of things,because now we can set
expectations, like I expect, asa leader, that if my, if my team
member says hey, I am at a D2,right, I'm at a development
level too, right, I'm a littleconfused, I'm a little
frustrated.
I feel like I know what I'mdoing, but I don't know still.
(15:43):
There's some things like Istill need some support right
and some direction.
You know I have to be ready forthat.
I have to set the rightexpectations for where they are.
And this helped as well becauseI had a meeting with my leader
today that you know now, thatyou know, now that I can speak
(16:03):
the language of situationalleadership, we were able to go
through some very specificthings that I was like, hey, I'm
at a D1 here, I'm super excitedto learn about this thing and
to be able to do it.
And I got a couple skills Iknow that I can transfer over,
but I don't know what to do hereand I don't know what I don't
(16:27):
know.
So I need your help there.
And we had such a productiveconversation today about
expectations, what she expectsfrom me, what I expect from her,
and that being those thingsbeing able to set those
expectations, being brave andvulnerable, building that
(16:48):
meaningful connection thatBrunei talks about that can help
again keep burnout in check.
It can keep it off the radarbecause you have the clear
expectations.
You know what to expect.
You know what to expect fromabove, you know what to expect
from the people.
Maybe you're leading and thenthat can help you manage the
(17:12):
stress.
It can help you manage theoverwhelm For yourself and for
your team.
Because you've been clear aboutthose expectations, I hope I
didn't get anybody too lost onthe situational leadership.
If so, just let me know, justsend me a message or a comment
Then I'll make sure I make it,you know, clear as mud.
(17:32):
Ah, it's.
My stepfather used to say Okay.
The next one I want to talkabout is discouragement, and I
forgot to tell this.
So expectations anddiscouragement come from the
places we go, when things don'talways go as planned.
(17:54):
Yeah, those are definitely theemotions there, aren't they?
So discouragement.
So she talks about in here thatbeing discouraged she says
discouraged, resigned andfrustrated are also ways that we
(18:15):
feel when things aren't goingor didn't go as desired.
And she said the simple ways tothink about this is that, if
you're disappointed, right, itdidn't work out how I wanted and
I believe the outcome wasoutside of my control.
You know, somebody made adifferent decision, they went a
(18:35):
different direction.
Okay, not in my control, so I'mdisappointed about it,
regretful, it didn't work outhow I wanted and the outcome was
caused by my decisions, myactions are failure to act,
right, like I regret eating thepiece of cake, what you know,
that kind of thing.
Probably a bad example, butmaybe you follow, hopefully,
(18:58):
discourage so this is thespecific word I want to talk
about, but I'm losing myconfidence and enthusiasm about
any future effort.
I'm losing the motivation andconfidence to persist and so
discouraged.
(19:18):
This really, and even readingit now too, reminds me of
situational leadership, becausediscouraged is losing confidence
and enthusiasm in your effort.
Right, that's something that ifyou're not letting your leader
know that this is happening,they can't come match you with
(19:41):
the right expectations, with theright support.
So, knowing that, hey, I'mdiscouraged with this, this is
the emotion that I'm feelingright now, I need to let my
manager know.
That is the key to again helpstay, you know, keep stress and
overwhelm and burnout away.
Right, because you're beingclear in those expectations.
(20:07):
Then it says feelingdiscouraged and resigned are
about effort rather than outcome.
With discouragement, we'relosing the motivation and
confidence to continue with ourefforts.
With resignation, we've lostthe motivation to keep trying,
(20:27):
and so I think that that's againit's key to understand what,
how to express this, because ifyou can't express your
discouragement, if you can'texpress the unique, clear
expectations or you can'texpress the expectations that
you have, that's going to leadto the stress.
(20:50):
And then, if you can't talkabout the stress, that's going
to lead to the overwhelm, and ifyou can't talk about the
overwhelm, that's going to leadto the burnout.
It's, it's a cycle, right?
So, like I said before, we'reworking backwards to figure out
what are the words, what are theemotions, what are the things
that we need to be aware of, sowe can speak up sooner, so we
(21:11):
don't get to that place ofburnout.
I have three more.
Yeah, four, two, three and ahalf.
One of them is two that gotogether.
The next one is perfectionism,which is a topic I can talk a
lot about.
Recovering perfectionist here.
(21:34):
So perfectionism so in the book,this is in the section places
we go when we fall short and shesays shame is the birthplace of
perfectionism.
Perfectionism is not strivingto be our best or working toward
(21:56):
excellence.
Healthy striving is internallydriven.
Perfectionism is externallydriven by a simple but
potentially all consumingquestion what will people think?
And I'm going to read this thislittle bit longer section.
(22:16):
It's on this really nice,beautiful quote page here too,
but it says it may seemcounterintuitive, but one of the
biggest barriers to workingtoward mastery is perfectionism.
In our leadership research,we've learned that achieving
mastery requires curiosity andviewing mistakes and failures as
(22:39):
opportunities for learning.
Perfectionism kills curiosityby telling us that we have to
know everything or we risklosing, or we risk looking less
than.
Perfectionism tells us that ourmistakes and failures are
personal defects, so we eitheravoid trying new things or we
(23:01):
barely recover.
Every time we inevitably fallshort Again.
Perfectionism is something that, like this book, is one of the
things that really really spoketo me about perfectionism.
(23:21):
This, this one and Dare to Lead.
I will say Brene probably helpsme the most in my recovering of
perfectionism and the fact thatperfectionism is that you know
it's externally driven, right,what will people think?
(23:42):
And so keeping that in check.
You know, obviously you'regoing to need to get feedback on
things.
You're going to need to getfeedback on stuff from your boss
, from maybe your boss's boss,you know.
You know there are things thatright now, in the pipeline of my
approvals, it goes to the chiefhuman resources officer.
(24:04):
That's like, ah, what?
It's a little scary, right, butmy motivation it's a healthy
striving, it's internal.
It's not a perfectionism.
It's not a oh my gosh.
What are they going to think?
I got to make sure, no, that'snot the environment that I'm in.
(24:25):
Thankfully, I've been in thatenvironment before and being
able to name and separate it, tosay, okay, what I'm doing right
now is this internally drivenor is this externally driven?
Am I looking to say what willpeople think?
(24:46):
Will I get the accolades?
Will I get the awards?
Will people like it?
Well, some of that is okay.
If that's all that you areconsumed with, that's when it
tips over into thatperfectionism, like that bucket
tips over.
So just be really mindful ofhow you're thinking about, like
(25:08):
the different things that you'redoing, and if you're falling
into perfectionism, because thatcauses stress, which causes
overwhelm, which causes burnout,like you see, you're following
me, I know you are Okay.
The next one, slash two.
It's connection anddisconnection, and this is from
(25:29):
the section places we go when wesearch for connection.
Well, it seems fitting, doesn'tit so?
Connection, she says.
Across my research, I defineconnection as the energy that
exists between people when theyfeel seen, heard and valued,
when they can give and receivewithout judgment and when they
(25:51):
can derive sustenance andstrength from the relationship I
like this connection is ourneurobiology.
Now, disconnection.
Disconnection is often equatedwith social rejection, social
exclusion and or socialisolation, and these feelings of
(26:11):
disconnection actually sharethe same neural pathways as the
feelings of physical pain.
I love the neuroscience part ofthe stuff.
So, in terms of how canunderstanding and talking about
the connection and disconnectionat work, how can that help us
keep burnout at bay?
(26:33):
Right, how can using thesewords and these ideas and
expressing these things help usin the workplace is, if you're
feeling that disconnect, if youfeel like you are being excluded
, if you feel like you are beingisolated, it's having the
ability to say wait, I feeldisconnected from what's going
(26:57):
on.
What can we do?
What can I do to get back?
What can I do to feel thatconnection again?
Because having the connection,those things come together and
if you're connected with someone, then you're able to talk about
these feelings.
You're able to talk about howyou feel maybe disconnected from
(27:19):
somebody on the team, or howyou feel like professionalism
not that Perfectionism iscausing you issues, or you're
discouraged with something oryou're not clear on expectations
.
So if you're able to build thegood connections there, you're
(27:39):
able to again express thesethings more openly to help you
keep burnout at bay.
Last one anger.
I can't do my best like evillaugh or anything that feels
weird.
Okay, anger.
(27:59):
So it says here.
If you look across the research, you learn that anger is an
emotion that we feel whensomething gets in the way of a
desired outcome or when webelieve there's a violation of
the way things should beAbsolutely.
(28:19):
And she talks about anger is anaction emotion.
We want to do something when wefeel it.
You want to hit a wall, youwant to throw something, you
want to scream, you want to yell, you want to cry.
You want to do something.
It's an action.
And then she says, though,anger is also a full contact
emotion, because it activatesour nervous system and can
(28:44):
hijack our thoughts andbehaviors.
It can take a real toll on ourmental and physical health.
So there's another quote aboutanger that I want to talk about.
Oh, there it is.
Okay, I'm going to read thisquote and then bring it back
together, and then we'll beready to wrap this up.
(29:07):
Anger is a catalyst.
Holding onto it will make usexhausted and sick.
Internalizing anger will takeaway our joy and spirit.
Externalizing anger will makeus less effective in our
attempts to create change andforge connection.
It's an emotion that we need totransform into something life
(29:28):
giving courage, love, change,compassion, justice.
So anger if you can realizethose moments, that the emotion
of anger start to build right.
(29:51):
If it's because you feeldisconnected, if it's because
you feel like somebody saidsomething to you and so you're,
the perfectionist side of yourbrain was like oh, you know, or
you're, you're upset, right, andso you're discouraged because
you know you didn't do somethingthe way you wanted to to be
done.
Being able to name it, to callit, to say it, those are the
(30:17):
things that, again, it helpslessen the stress so you don't
get to overwhelm, so you don'tget to burn out.
And this is by no means anexhaustive list of words.
I mean I could go through alllike 82 or however many are in
this book and relate them backto this honestly.
(30:37):
But if we can begin to identifyand name the emotions in the
workplace, then we can be betterprepared to support one another
.
And psychological safety, trust,connection those things play a
big role for letting individualsspeak these emotions and work
(30:57):
through them in the workplace.
If you don't have that space atwork, I encourage you to see if
your company offers an employeeassistance program, often
called EAP, those benefits canhelp you connect with a
counselor.
You may get a couple of freesessions or they may just be
able to connect you with one.
(31:17):
If you have insurance, you canmaybe utilize those benefits and
find a counselor near you.
There are also places online toget support.
The key is to find a group or aperson that you can share these
emotions with and work throughthem to develop a plan to avoid
burnout.
These are really key things andI think part of the reason I
(31:43):
struggled last night to writethis podcast and why I'm not
recording it until tonight isbecause it's a subject near and
dear to my heart.
I've been there, I have been atthe burnout, I've been in the
pit of burnout and it's terrible.
(32:03):
It's a terrible feeling.
So being able to go back andtalk to her, like working
backwards and figuring out whatare those emotions, what are the
things that we can talk aboutin the workplace to help us
avoid getting there, what arethe signs that we can see in our
(32:24):
peers or our leaders or ourdirector report?
What can we see that maybe canhelp keep them from the stress,
the overwhelm and the burnout.
If you have any additional wordsthat we can use to help express
our emotions before we get toburnout, I'd love to know what
they are.
I'd love for you to head overto my sub-stack the link is in
(32:47):
the description to comment.
I'd love to know your thoughts.
What are their words or whatthings have helped you get
through this Maybe get throughstress and overwhelm to avoid
burnout.
Make sure you check out thelinks in the description to
learn more about burnout fromthe Psychology Today article and
Brene Brown's book Atlas of theHeart.
(33:08):
I'll be back tomorrow with morewords for the workplace, but
until then, remember that youare loved, you are worthy and
there are great things ahead foryou in this life if you trust
and believe in the Lord.
We'll see you tomorrow.
Bye, music 9.
Burnout and compassion fatigue are results
of doing good work, and it'snothing that you have done wrong
, laura Howe.
Talking about emotions canbring up a lot of emotions, and
broaching this subject in theworkplace can add another layer
(00:21):
of complexity to theconversation, but it doesn't
have to be that way.
This mini series will coverfive words or work categories
that we can start bringing intothe workplace to help
communicate our emotions in morespecific and helpful terms.
Hello and welcome.
To Connect the Dots, lead theWay.
I'm your host, heather Valseric.
(00:42):
I am a white female with short,strawberry blonde hair, I am
wearing tortoise shell glassesand a purple shirt, and I am
sitting in front of a teal wallwith multiple pieces of art
displayed.
Welcome back to day three.
I know that if you are listeningto this in sequence or at the
time that it's coming out, I amlate.
Today.
I did not put this episode outin the morning, but it is coming
(01:05):
out on day three.
So here we are, there we go.
I will be back for day fourtomorrow and again on day five,
so just anticipate that.
You know they'll come out laterin the day, probably.
Anyways, it's day three andtoday's word category is burnout
.
Dun, dun dun, I don't have afancy sound board to make that
(01:27):
sound, so you get me.
What is burnout exactly?
So, according to psychologytoday, burnout is a state of
emotional, mental and oftenphysical exhaustion brought on
by prolonged or repeated stress,and, though it's most often
caused by problems at work, itcan also appear in other areas
(01:50):
of life, such as parenting,caretaking or romantic
relationships.
I found the opening quote, theone by Laura, as I was reviewing
a list of quotes that I hadmade over the past several years
and when I read it the otherday I was, I'll be honest, I was
a little perplexed about it.
But like it felt weird to saythat burnout was a result of
(02:14):
doing good work.
And for a little additionalcontext here, laura is focused
on helping with burnout andcompassion fatigue in the
ministry, and so that kind of itkind of connects some dots
there, hopefully.
But it did, it did.
It felt a little wrong, it felta little odd to say that
(02:36):
burnout was a result of doinggood work.
And I'm not saying that it'snot because if you're pushing
yourself to the point of ofstress and burnout, there are
some underlying things therethat are pushing you to do that,
and some of it is probably thefact that you're trying to do
good work.
You are out there trying to doyour best, you're.
You know we're gonna talk alittle bit about perfectionism
(02:58):
today.
That may be some of the thingsthat are contributing to this
burnout.
But when we think about thephysical exhaustion that is
brought on by prolonged orrepeated stress in the workplace
, this doesn't happen in a day.
It's, you know, it happens overtime.
It's not a quick thing thathappens.
It's a gradual process, thatkind of just snowballs really.
(03:22):
So we need to find the words tosay and share before we get to
that point of burnout.
So let's work backwards alittle bit.
Let's see what emotions that wecan address before we get to
that burnout stage.
Now, all week I have beendigging back into Renee Brown's
book Atlas of the Heart.
So I'm going to share a fewmore emotions from that book
(03:48):
that we can name.
And if we can name them earlyand we can seek out support,
then we can help each otherprevent burnout or at least
lessen the overall effects.
And so I've got several hereand I didn't type them out, I've
just I'm just going to readthem from the book.
So if you want to know what thebook looks like.
This is the book, so we'regoing to start with the first
(04:12):
one I have on my list, which isstress let's see Storytime
everybody.
But she says so stressed is inthe places we go when things are
uncertain or too much, and soshe says when.
So we feel stressed when weevaluate environmental demand as
(04:35):
beyond our ability to copesuccessfully.
This includes elements ofunpredictability,
uncontrollability and feelingoverloaded, and stressful
situations can be bothphysiological, which is your
body, or psychological, which isyour mind and emotion reactions
.
And you know this is she givesthis example in the book between
being stressed and overwhelmedof when she worked in a
(04:59):
restaurant, and so I'll talkabout that in a second.
Let me talk about the next wordI want that I want to introduce
is overwhelmed, and she saysoverwhelmed means an extreme
level of stress, an emotionaland emotional stress, and
overwhelmed means an extremelevel of stress and emotional
(05:21):
and or cognitive intensity, tothe point of feeling unable to
function.
And gosh, you know it's and sheshe also shares from Miriam
Webster that overwhelmed iscompletely overcome or
overpowered by a feeling orthought, and I think so.
(05:44):
These two go hand in hand,right Stress and overwhelm.
They're written about togetherin her book and because stress
is like the first sign and whenstress gets to be too much it
then becomes overwhelm.
And she, like she said, shetalks in the book about the
example of when she worked in arestaurant as a waitress and how
(06:07):
, if you know, you were kind of,you were behind, you were
behind, you know, you justneeded some help.
You could walk into the kitchenand be like, hey, you know, hey
, I'm in the weeds, man, I'm inthe weeds.
And then somebody would be like, how can I help you?
And you'd say, yeah, go totable.
I need you know.
Could you read tea, table threeand five.
Could you run bread to tableseven and eight?
You know just, can you help meout for a second, just help me
(06:28):
catch up.
And that's that's stress, right, it's when we've got a lot
going on, right, we're feeling alittle bit like, oh okay, maybe
we should.
If we can ask for help.
I'm in the weeds, we can get acouple of people to just help
support a little bit.
We can lower that stress level.
(06:49):
But then she talks aboutoverwhelm in this example would
be when she, when somebody wouldwalk into the kitchen and they
would just say I'm blown and inthat just simply meant like you
were just done, right, youneeded, you needed a timeout.
And she said, you know, ifsomebody walked into the kitchen
(07:09):
and said that it would go quietand immediately, like there
would be people, somebody goingto the host's stand what are her
tables?
Let me go fix them.
Like the kitchen's over herelooking at the table, like
everybody's rallying around youto give you that space to go,
take 10 minutes and regroup,right, let that overwhelm that
(07:33):
extra that.
What did she call it in here?
That extreme level of stress toto subside and die down a
little bit.
And then in 10 minutes, right,you were expected to be ready to
go.
And I like this analogy becausethis is what happens, right, we,
we feel that stress.
(07:54):
You know you're, you're doing aproject at work, you have a lot
of deliverables and you've gotso many things going on.
And then it's like you'restarting to feel overwhelmed and
it's like, okay, wait a minute.
Like I'm in the weeds, right, Igot too much to do.
Who can I call on to help?
Like, who's there to help?
(08:15):
And you know, maybe that's yourteam, maybe it's a peer, maybe
it's your boss even just whatcan you do to try to lessen that
load.
And then, if you get to thepoint of being overwhelmed,
because maybe you didn't stop atthe stress moment, you didn't
stop to say, hey, I need help,you ended up pushing through and
(08:36):
you end up at overwhelm, whereyou are, you know beyond what is
to say, again, the extremelevel of stress in the overwhelm
.
This is when you got to takethat time out, right, you got to
say, hey, wait a minute, I'vegot to decompress here and maybe
that looks like taking a dayoff work, maybe that looks like
(08:57):
taking a half a day, or even,you know, maybe it's just
talking to your boss and say Ineed an hour.
Right, I need an hour, I needto, I need to walk away from
this computer, I need to resetthis mind because I am
overwhelmed with everythingthat's going on.
And if you can start to expressthose things, that that stress
level, that feeling of overwhelm, if you can start to do that in
(09:21):
the workplace, it can help.
You know, it can help like notput you to the point of burnout.
Right, you can, you may, thatmay still happen.
I'm not saying it's not goingto happen, because it does, but
you're at least trying to,trying not to let it happen.
Right, you're doing the work onthe front end to help, you know
(09:44):
, keep burnout at.
You know, at away, I won't evensay at arm's length, farther
than arm's length, but you're,you know, you're trying to to
keep these things in check.
So, stress overwhelm.
The next word I want to talkabout is expectations, and let
(10:08):
me find the definition Okay.
So she says in here that whenwe develop expectations, we
paint a picture in our head ofhow things are going to be and
how they're going to look, whichis true, right, that's what.
(10:28):
What do we expect to happenfrom here?
And then she says later in herecommunicating our expectations
is brave and vulnerable and itbuilds meaningful connection and
often leads to having a partneror friend we can reality check
with, and I think this is key.
This is why I wanted to bringthis word in.
(10:50):
This is something we need toreally talk about and understand
in the workplace a little bitmore.
Is the expectations,communicating the expectations?
So, again, it's brave andvulnerable to communicate our
expectations, and I'll give youan example, a real life, recent
(11:11):
example honestly.
So, in my job, I'm, you know,developing a program for a
leadership development program,and you know I've only been here
for a couple of months and ithas been just a lot.
There have been moments ofoverwhelm here, but when I think
(11:35):
about, like, when my boss and Iwould have conversations and
she would ask, like well, whatdo you need help with?
Or you know, she would begiving me like this knowledge
share of things that hadhappened before, right, trying
to knowledge transfer, and itwould be very overwhelming to me
.
And expectations were it's notthat they weren't clear, but it
(12:00):
was just it was hard because Iwas new, right, I didn't know
how to really decipher theseexpectations.
And so then I have a team andso I've done my best to try to
like manage this fire hose forthem, right, like just turn it
on a little, turn it off, turnit on a little, turn it off and
ease them into the programbecause it is a lot.
(12:23):
So setting expectations forthem has been a little different
.
And so I went throughsituational leadership to last
week and it's that that's awhole other like podcast to talk
about.
But in situational leadership ittalks about meeting the person
(12:48):
where they are.
So as an employee meeting, youknow you have a development
level, like where are you?
And so as the manager or theleader, you need to match that
person.
So if there's somebody that isat a development level one,
they're really excited aboutwhat they're doing, but they
have no clue, they areinexperienced, don't know what
(13:09):
they don't know, but they areexcited to dive in, let's go.
You know that's their attitudeand as a, as a leader, you have
to come to that.
Come to that person with a very, very high level of direction.
You have to give expectations.
You can't just be like you gotit, do go and do this thing.
(13:34):
You know, and you know I wouldtell you.
Know.
I apologize to both my, to boththe members of my team, and in
one of our partners.
I was like, listen, I have notdone the best job at this.
I've been leading you the waythat you want to be led.
I've been leading with my, withmy green energy, my empathy,
(13:57):
helping others type of energy.
But I've been leading them asfar as a development and
situational leadership way thatit's been more of a, an S four,
an S three or S four, which iswhere someone is, they are, you
(14:19):
know, they understand right.
I don't have to give them a lotof direction.
I don't have to give them a lotof support.
It's just like, okay, we'regoing to do this, you good, all
right, perfect, go, go, do andgo conquer.
And and I wasn't doing a goodjob of that, I was.
They were at a D one level on alot of things and I was giving
(14:40):
them an S four leadership of,just, you know, low support, low
direction, because that's whereI was like, oh, they got it.
But, in all honesty, they wereexcited and enthusiastic.
They have a lot of skills thatcan transfer over to do this
work, but they still need a lotof direction.
(15:00):
They need me to set theexpectations for them.
And so, in that, in kind ofcoming together with my team, we
had such a good meeting todaywhere we really dove into
situational leadership too andunderstanding this information,
and so we can get on the samelanguage, because it takes the
(15:20):
ego out of a lot of things,because now we can set
expectations, like I expect, asa leader, that if my, if my team
member says hey, I am at a D2,right, I'm at a development
level too, right, I'm a littleconfused, I'm a little
frustrated.
I feel like I know what I'mdoing, but I don't know still.
(15:43):
There's some things like Istill need some support right
and some direction.
You know I have to be ready forthat.
I have to set the rightexpectations for where they are.
And this helped as well becauseI had a meeting with my leader
today that you know now, thatyou know, now that I can speak
(16:03):
the language of situationalleadership, we were able to go
through some very specificthings that I was like, hey, I'm
at a D1 here, I'm super excitedto learn about this thing and
to be able to do it.
And I got a couple skills Iknow that I can transfer over,
but I don't know what to do hereand I don't know what I don't
(16:27):
know.
So I need your help there.
And we had such a productiveconversation today about
expectations, what she expectsfrom me, what I expect from her,
and that being those thingsbeing able to set those
expectations, being brave andvulnerable, building that
(16:48):
meaningful connection thatBrunei talks about that can help
again keep burnout in check.
It can keep it off the radarbecause you have the clear
expectations.
You know what to expect.
You know what to expect fromabove, you know what to expect
from the people.
Maybe you're leading and thenthat can help you manage the
(17:12):
stress.
It can help you manage theoverwhelm For yourself and for
your team.
Because you've been clear aboutthose expectations, I hope I
didn't get anybody too lost onthe situational leadership.
If so, just let me know, justsend me a message or a comment
Then I'll make sure I make it,you know, clear as mud.
(17:32):
Ah, it's.
My stepfather used to say Okay.
The next one I want to talkabout is discouragement, and I
forgot to tell this.
So expectations anddiscouragement come from the
places we go, when things don'talways go as planned.
(17:54):
Yeah, those are definitely theemotions there, aren't they?
So discouragement.
So she talks about in here thatbeing discouraged she says
discouraged, resigned andfrustrated are also ways that we
(18:15):
feel when things aren't goingor didn't go as desired.
And she said the simple ways tothink about this is that, if
you're disappointed, right, itdidn't work out how I wanted and
I believe the outcome wasoutside of my control.
You know, somebody made adifferent decision, they went a
(18:35):
different direction.
Okay, not in my control, so I'mdisappointed about it,
regretful, it didn't work outhow I wanted and the outcome was
caused by my decisions, myactions are failure to act,
right, like I regret eating thepiece of cake, what you know,
that kind of thing.
Probably a bad example, butmaybe you follow, hopefully,
(18:58):
discourage so this is thespecific word I want to talk
about, but I'm losing myconfidence and enthusiasm about
any future effort.
I'm losing the motivation andconfidence to persist and so
discouraged.
(19:18):
This really, and even readingit now too, reminds me of
situational leadership, becausediscouraged is losing confidence
and enthusiasm in your effort.
Right, that's something that ifyou're not letting your leader
know that this is happening,they can't come match you with
(19:41):
the right expectations, with theright support.
So, knowing that, hey, I'mdiscouraged with this, this is
the emotion that I'm feelingright now, I need to let my
manager know.
That is the key to again helpstay, you know, keep stress and
overwhelm and burnout away.
Right, because you're beingclear in those expectations.
(20:07):
Then it says feelingdiscouraged and resigned are
about effort rather than outcome.
With discouragement, we'relosing the motivation and
confidence to continue with ourefforts.
With resignation, we've lostthe motivation to keep trying,
(20:27):
and so I think that that's againit's key to understand what,
how to express this, because ifyou can't express your
discouragement, if you can'texpress the unique, clear
expectations or you can'texpress the expectations that
you have, that's going to leadto the stress.
(20:50):
And then, if you can't talkabout the stress, that's going
to lead to the overwhelm, and ifyou can't talk about the
overwhelm, that's going to leadto the burnout.
It's, it's a cycle, right?
So, like I said before, we'reworking backwards to figure out
what are the words, what are theemotions, what are the things
that we need to be aware of, sowe can speak up sooner, so we
(21:11):
don't get to that place ofburnout.
I have three more.
Yeah, four, two, three and ahalf.
One of them is two that gotogether.
The next one is perfectionism,which is a topic I can talk a
lot about.
Recovering perfectionist here.
(21:34):
So perfectionism so in the book,this is in the section places
we go when we fall short and shesays shame is the birthplace of
perfectionism.
Perfectionism is not strivingto be our best or working toward
(21:56):
excellence.
Healthy striving is internallydriven.
Perfectionism is externallydriven by a simple but
potentially all consumingquestion what will people think?
And I'm going to read this thislittle bit longer section.
(22:16):
It's on this really nice,beautiful quote page here too,
but it says it may seemcounterintuitive, but one of the
biggest barriers to workingtoward mastery is perfectionism.
In our leadership research,we've learned that achieving
mastery requires curiosity andviewing mistakes and failures as
(22:39):
opportunities for learning.
Perfectionism kills curiosityby telling us that we have to
know everything or we risklosing, or we risk looking less
than.
Perfectionism tells us that ourmistakes and failures are
personal defects, so we eitheravoid trying new things or we
(23:01):
barely recover.
Every time we inevitably fallshort Again.
Perfectionism is something that, like this book, is one of the
things that really really spoketo me about perfectionism.
(23:21):
This, this one and Dare to Lead.
I will say Brene probably helpsme the most in my recovering of
perfectionism and the fact thatperfectionism is that you know
it's externally driven, right,what will people think?
(23:42):
And so keeping that in check.
You know, obviously you'regoing to need to get feedback on
things.
You're going to need to getfeedback on stuff from your boss
, from maybe your boss's boss,you know.
You know there are things thatright now, in the pipeline of my
approvals, it goes to the chiefhuman resources officer.
(24:04):
That's like, ah, what?
It's a little scary, right, butmy motivation it's a healthy
striving, it's internal.
It's not a perfectionism.
It's not a oh my gosh.
What are they going to think?
I got to make sure, no, that'snot the environment that I'm in.
(24:25):
Thankfully, I've been in thatenvironment before and being
able to name and separate it, tosay, okay, what I'm doing right
now is this internally drivenor is this externally driven?
Am I looking to say what willpeople think?
(24:46):
Will I get the accolades?
Will I get the awards?
Will people like it?
Well, some of that is okay.
If that's all that you areconsumed with, that's when it
tips over into thatperfectionism, like that bucket
tips over.
So just be really mindful ofhow you're thinking about, like
(25:08):
the different things that you'redoing, and if you're falling
into perfectionism, because thatcauses stress, which causes
overwhelm, which causes burnout,like you see, you're following
me, I know you are Okay.
The next one, slash two.
It's connection anddisconnection, and this is from
(25:29):
the section places we go when wesearch for connection.
Well, it seems fitting, doesn'tit so?
Connection, she says.
Across my research, I defineconnection as the energy that
exists between people when theyfeel seen, heard and valued,
when they can give and receivewithout judgment and when they
(25:51):
can derive sustenance andstrength from the relationship I
like this connection is ourneurobiology.
Now, disconnection.
Disconnection is often equatedwith social rejection, social
exclusion and or socialisolation, and these feelings of
(26:11):
disconnection actually sharethe same neural pathways as the
feelings of physical pain.
I love the neuroscience part ofthe stuff.
So, in terms of how canunderstanding and talking about
the connection and disconnectionat work, how can that help us
keep burnout at bay?
(26:33):
Right, how can using thesewords and these ideas and
expressing these things help usin the workplace is, if you're
feeling that disconnect, if youfeel like you are being excluded
, if you feel like you are beingisolated, it's having the
ability to say wait, I feeldisconnected from what's going
(26:57):
on.
What can we do?
What can I do to get back?
What can I do to feel thatconnection again?
Because having the connection,those things come together and
if you're connected with someone, then you're able to talk about
these feelings.
You're able to talk about howyou feel maybe disconnected from
(27:19):
somebody on the team, or howyou feel like professionalism
not that Perfectionism iscausing you issues, or you're
discouraged with something oryou're not clear on expectations
.
So if you're able to build thegood connections there, you're
(27:39):
able to again express thesethings more openly to help you
keep burnout at bay.
Last one anger.
I can't do my best like evillaugh or anything that feels
weird.
Okay, anger.
(27:59):
So it says here.
If you look across the research, you learn that anger is an
emotion that we feel whensomething gets in the way of a
desired outcome or when webelieve there's a violation of
the way things should beAbsolutely.
(28:19):
And she talks about anger is anaction emotion.
We want to do something when wefeel it.
You want to hit a wall, youwant to throw something, you
want to scream, you want to yell, you want to cry.
You want to do something.
It's an action.
And then she says, though,anger is also a full contact
emotion, because it activatesour nervous system and can
(28:44):
hijack our thoughts andbehaviors.
It can take a real toll on ourmental and physical health.
So there's another quote aboutanger that I want to talk about.
Oh, there it is.
Okay, I'm going to read thisquote and then bring it back
together, and then we'll beready to wrap this up.
(29:07):
Anger is a catalyst.
Holding onto it will make usexhausted and sick.
Internalizing anger will takeaway our joy and spirit.
Externalizing anger will makeus less effective in our
attempts to create change andforge connection.
It's an emotion that we need totransform into something life
(29:28):
giving courage, love, change,compassion, justice.
So anger if you can realizethose moments, that the emotion
of anger start to build right.
(29:51):
If it's because you feeldisconnected, if it's because
you feel like somebody saidsomething to you and so you're,
the perfectionist side of yourbrain was like oh, you know, or
you're, you're upset, right, andso you're discouraged because
you know you didn't do somethingthe way you wanted to to be
done.
Being able to name it, to callit, to say it, those are the
(30:17):
things that, again, it helpslessen the stress so you don't
get to overwhelm, so you don'tget to burn out.
And this is by no means anexhaustive list of words.
I mean I could go through alllike 82 or however many are in
this book and relate them backto this honestly.
(30:37):
But if we can begin to identifyand name the emotions in the
workplace, then we can be betterprepared to support one another
.
And psychological safety, trust,connection those things play a
big role for letting individualsspeak these emotions and work
(30:57):
through them in the workplace.
If you don't have that space atwork, I encourage you to see if
your company offers an employeeassistance program, often
called EAP, those benefits canhelp you connect with a
counselor.
You may get a couple of freesessions or they may just be
able to connect you with one.
(31:17):
If you have insurance, you canmaybe utilize those benefits and
find a counselor near you.
There are also places online toget support.
The key is to find a group or aperson that you can share these
emotions with and work throughthem to develop a plan to avoid
burnout.
These are really key things andI think part of the reason I
(31:43):
struggled last night to writethis podcast and why I'm not
recording it until tonight isbecause it's a subject near and
dear to my heart.
I've been there, I have been atthe burnout, I've been in the
pit of burnout and it's terrible.
(32:03):
It's a terrible feeling.
So being able to go back andtalk to her, like working
backwards and figuring out whatare those emotions, what are the
things that we can talk aboutin the workplace to help us
avoid getting there, what arethe signs that we can see in our
(32:24):
peers or our leaders or ourdirector report?
What can we see that maybe canhelp keep them from the stress,
the overwhelm and the burnout.
If you have any additional wordsthat we can use to help express
our emotions before we get toburnout, I'd love to know what
they are.
I'd love for you to head overto my sub-stack the link is in
(32:47):
the description to comment.
I'd love to know your thoughts.
What are their words or whatthings have helped you get
through this Maybe get throughstress and overwhelm to avoid
burnout.
Make sure you check out thelinks in the description to
learn more about burnout fromthe Psychology Today article and
Brene Brown's book Atlas of theHeart.
(33:08):
I'll be back tomorrow with morewords for the workplace, but
until then, remember that youare loved, you are worthy and
there are great things ahead foryou in this life if you trust
and believe in the Lord.
We'll see you tomorrow.
Bye, music 9.
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Ridiculous History
History is beautiful, brutal and, often, ridiculous. Join Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown as they dive into some of the weirdest stories from across the span of human civilization in Ridiculous History, a podcast by iHeartRadio.