October 16, 2024 • 30 mins
Imagine finding a new friend in the midst of personal chaos, someone who shares your struggles and helps you find a way to laugh through it all. That's precisely what happened when Tracy Stine and Tori Shirah, the Unlikely Housewives, crossed paths and decided to build a community for moms like them—who often feel isolated and overwhelmed. In this episode of "Conquering Chaos: A Mom's Guide to Self-Care Insanity," Tracy and Tori share their unique journey from relocating to creating a podcast born out of their candid "sauna sessions" during the pandemic. They recount how their faith and newfound friendship became pillars of support, inspiring them to encourage other moms to emerge from loneliness and embrace community.
Is maintaining a spiritual connection amidst the noise of modern life a challenge for you too? Tracy and Tori certainly think so, and they offer practical tips on how to weave faith into the fabric of our daily routines. They discuss the power of laughter, the importance of balancing different personalities, and how anyone can find solace in spirituality, whether through morning Bible readings, listening to religious content, or quiet moments of reflection. This conversation is a gentle reminder that faith doesn't have to be rigid or formal; it can be a personal journey that adapts to our lifestyles and needs, offering grace and flexibility as we strive to maintain it.
Social media can often amplify feelings of inadequacy, especially when it comes to motherhood and the pursuit of perfection. Join Tracy and Tori as they challenge these unrealistic standards and share how stepping away from comparison can lead to peace and contentment. They emphasize prioritizing marriage within the family structure while providing tips for nurturing marital relationships and supporting each other through life's transitions. From sharing personal stories of growth and overcoming challenges to offering insights on teamwork and the power of mutual support, Tracy and Tori shine a light on the importance of faith in overcoming obstacles and using one's voice to uplift others. Tune in for an episode filled with authenticity, encouragement, and practical advice for finding joy in the present moment.
Find Tracy & Tori Here: https://www.facebook.com/UnlikelyhousewivesofJoco
Website: https://www.unlikelyhousewivesofjoco.com/
Mama Mental Wellness Guide: https://www.sydneycrowe.com/mamamentalwellness589191
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, hey, mamas, welcome back to Conquering Chaos
a mom's guide to self-careinsanity.
I'm your host, sydney Crow, andtoday we have Tori Schirra and
Tracy Stein, who are theunlikely housewives.
Tracy and Tori are two moms whomet and discovered that they
shared the same feelings ofdiscontentment and loneliness
after moving their familiesacross the country, stepping out
(00:20):
in faith and believing that Godcalls the unlikely, they
created a podcast to share theirpersonal stories and encourage
women to step out of their funk,not allow culture issues to
hold them back, and walk withthe Lord into who God created
them to be, together incommunity.
Welcome, ladies, thank you,thank you.
I'm so excited you guys.
(00:42):
We've connected a couple timesand I'm just really grateful
that we are able to have youguys on the show today.
So why don't you tell thelisteners a little bit of who
you are and what you're allabout?
Speaker 3 (00:51):
All right.
Well, thank you, sydney, forhaving us on.
So, for those that don't knowour voices, my voice is Tracy,
as the other one half of theUnlikely Housewives, and I am
married to my husband, chris,for almost 19 years and we have
four kids 15, 13, 11, and 9.
(01:13):
So I am in the thick of what Ilike to call middle-aged
mothering.
My kids aren't out, my kidsaren't young.
It is the season of hormonesand emotions and mental,
spiritual growth, like all ofthe things.
So that's the thick of mymothering right now.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yes, yep, yep, yep.
I am starting to get into thatstage.
My kids are a little bityounger, but that preteen
hormones are starting, and it isa different ballgame altogether
.
Preteen hormones are starting,and it is a different ballgame
altogether.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Yes, it is Well, and I'm Tori Shira.
I am married to Andrew.
We've been married for nearly16 years this year and we have
two girls.
One is about to be 11 and theother one is about to be 10.
And so we knocked out that babystage real quick, 17 months
(02:07):
apart.
And then, yeah, and so I'm inthe stage where we are getting
into the competitive sports andjuggling all the schedules of,
like this practice and this game, and where we, you know, and
all that fun stuff and socialcalendars Cause now I'm their
social planner Like mom, I wantto play a date with so-and-so.
Yeah, hold on.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Yeah, for sure it's.
It definitely is a whole, wholedifferent ball game, like it
really.
I mean, my kids are constantlylike, mom, drive me here and I'm
like, well, we have this andthis and this and so scheduling
all of that and the mixture ofthese hormones that are starting
it is, I am, I'm right therewith you.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Yep, yeah.
So tell us a little bit abouthow you guys got connected,
because I think that you knowthere was a level of what's the
right word for this feeling veryisolated at that time.
I know you guys got yourpodcast started kind of right as
the pandemic was kicking off orright after if memory is
(03:10):
serving me right correct me ifI'm wrong and you guys wanted to
create a place where momsdidn't feel so isolated and
alone, and I completely,wholeheartedly respect that
because that's where I was atthat time.
So fill the listeners in aboutwhat that's all about.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Well, when we started the podcast, we'd already been
friends for about two to threeyears and the podcast, it's
funny enough God knew that itwas coming all along, because
when he connected us those threeyears before, we were both in
the place, like that we felt atthe pandemic.
We were at the beginning of ourfriendship.
We both had just moved here.
(03:47):
I was here about a year, evenbefore she came.
I came from Chicago, she camefrom Texas and we were both
trying to settle into this newlife of, like making friends in
our you know, making new friendsin our mid thirties and with
our kids and trying to get intotheir schedules and figuring out
life.
And we did.
We felt alone and so when wefound each other, we were like
(04:08):
there for each other and we didthis, you know, back and forth
dance of what are you feeling?
Yeah, me too, you know, andthat continued and then just
tenfold into 2020, we were, wegot together, we would see each
other during the pandemic and wewould say, oh my gosh, I had
this conversation with thisfriend, this is the way they're
feeling.
She's like, yeah, so am I.
And then it just it reallyfocused on the struggles in the
(04:30):
marriage, you know, becausespouses were home that weren't
home, and then the kids beinghome and the homeschooling and
being equipped and not beingequipped, and we just went, we
just had this dance that we werelike, listen, we both feel this
way and it's time for us tolike do something about it.
And so Tori and I then startedhaving what we called our sauna
sessions, because she had alight sauna and I'd go over
(04:51):
there and that's really where itdeveloped was in her sauna.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
I love that.
Sauna sessions that is amazing.
And, yeah, probably like supertherapeutic and healing all at
the same time, so like exactly.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Yes, I need to get me a sauna session.
Oh, we can hook you up.
We love sunlight, so highlyrecommend.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
I'll be coming down to Kansas.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Yes, yes, but no, Tracy's exactly right as far as
and we, God made it justabundantly clear that, like, we
have a voice and that we weren'tthe only ones.
And so he just opened doors forus to create this podcast and
we didn't know what we weredoing at all.
I mean, you, we have this ideaof what, how podcasting can be.
(05:40):
We took a course, we I, youknow did some online conferences
.
I've even gone to in-personconferences for podcasting and
it's a, it's an incrediblemedium and I love it because it
it is a great community ofpeople and they're so willing to
help each other.
Like you don't get intopodcasting to make money.
You get into podcasting for thelove and the value that you
(06:03):
want to add, and that has beenjust the greatest joy you know
of getting to like.
Every once in a while, Tracywill get a text message from her
friend hey, listen to thisepisode today and it was totally
uplifting.
Or, hey, I listened to thisepisode and I started following,
you know, like thekindergartner who needs a kidney
.
So there were these moments ofjust like blessing for us and we
(06:28):
just get to be part of it.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Yeah, that just makes my heart sore, because that is
why I started my podcast.
It's like you just want to lenda shoulder, you want to lend a
helping hand.
You know, as moms, motherhoodcan be very isolating and lonely
, even when you have a strongcommunity around you.
Lots of times you're at home oryou're juggling, going from
(06:50):
work to home and figuring outall of the pieces and how the
puzzle fits together, and thereisn't a lot of room for yourself
in there sometimes, especiallyin the beginning, as you're
trying to figure that out.
And so you know being thatvoice where moms can say like
hey, you really just were abright light in my day.
You know it was 15 or 20minutes where I could just
unplug and feel really good.
(07:12):
So, thank you.
I and you guys' podcast isphenomenal.
You guys Unlikely Housewives isdefinitely one that you guys
need to follow.
So when you guys are buildingyour episodes and working out
your show, what are the thingsthat you're looking for in terms
of guests, in terms of you knowshows?
How do you, how do you guysplan that out?
Honest answer is God.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
I love it.
I mean, we, we start with anidea in mind and it very rarely
ever gets used because our ideasaren't what God's are the best
life plans?
Yeah, exactly, and so it's.
A lot of our guests have beenpeople that we've been
introduced to in some kind ofscenario, whether I've been
(07:58):
introduced to them from abusiness standpoint and
networking, because I do that,or a Tracy has been introduced
to them through a friendconnection, like a friend of a
friend.
Hey, this is somebody you needto have on.
And then we just we have littlelike moments of like.
Okay, our goal, like our, ourtagline is to bring the hope,
light and humor to motherhoodand marriage.
(08:19):
That's, that's our goal.
We want now what some of thetopics that we've discussed are
very raw, as a fentanyl and whatthat's doing to the kids these
days we've talked about.
We've had two moms on who losttheir kids to suicide.
We've had, because those areall real feelings to.
(08:41):
We've talked about infertility.
We've talked about fosteringkids and adoption.
So, but we like to.
I'm the friend that's theinappropriate one, that you
can't sit next to at a funeral,like I'm the one that will make
the jokes or like the sidecomments and make you laugh when
you're really should not belaughing, because just that
(09:02):
laughter is the best medicine,though it really is, come on.
And if you can't laugh, what funis it?
And so my funeral is going tobe a roast for anybody that
wants to attend.
I cannot wait.
I know I don't mean it likethat, I know, right, you totally
mean it like that because it'sgoing to be the best funeral
ever.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
You read the day, but I will honor you with the
greatest.
I read the day, but I willhonor you with the greatest.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Yes you will, yes, you will, but that's that's what
we like to do and that's howGod has allowed us to to.
To bless others is just, youknow, like the things that you
don't think that you can laughabout, like we're like, but you
can.
I mean, sometimes you just haveto, because if you don't laugh,
you're going to cry.
You're just going to flat outcry and go oh my gosh, I can't
(09:52):
anymore.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
And so and that's what I do.
I'm the crier, and I'm the onethat's full of emotion and I
make Tori feel and she makes melighten up and laugh.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
So we are a good combo, yeah, and I just wanted
to add.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
She, you know, covered all of the topics so
well in the real, in the rawnessof it, and I think with our you
know just why wide variety ofguests, in speaking to marriage
and motherhood and all thetopics that she said in between.
You know, one of the greatestthings that we all struggle with
in culture right now is ourfaith, not that we're struggling
(10:29):
with our faith.
We know what we believe.
We know that Christ is our Lordand Savior and that is who,
that is our foundation.
But we also know the greateststruggle right now is all the
noise and all the distractionand everything that is going on,
and so in every one of ourepisodes, we really do try to
bring that back to the core ofour messages.
(10:50):
Not every single one is, youknow, focused around there, but
it is something that weabsolutely believe in is just
making sure that we bring thatmessage home of hey, let's stay
focused, let's quiet thedistractions, let's quiet the
noise and really tune into whatit is that God's calling us to
do in our hearts, in ourmarriages and in our mothering.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I mean that's a really powerful tool.
I've recently started to leaninto my faith a lot more.
It was something that you knowgrowing up with two very
different parents and theirbeliefs was some it got lost
along the way.
Sports kind of took over andyou know, I didn't really know
where that fit into my lifeanymore and I'm really starting
to lean into that a lot more.
(11:31):
And it does give you thatfoundation of just like it's
going to be okay.
Everything is going to work outin the best possible way when
you can lean into that, and sowhy don't you tell the listeners
a little bit about how you helpguide that or how you guys lean
into that a little bit more?
So somebody like myself who'smaybe like relearning that or
(11:52):
learning how to do that for thefirst time in my adult life,
what would you advise peoplelike myself to do?
Speaker 3 (11:59):
I love that you asked that, because it's going to
look different for everybody.
So, first of all, give yourselfgrace and finding what works
for you.
I am a morning person, so Istart my day off every single
morning in the word.
I have my little chair.
I always have my coffee, openthe Bible, and that is where I
start my day every singlemorning.
In the word.
I have my little chair, Ialways have my coffee, open the
Bible, and that is where I startmy day.
Now, when I had littles, itwasn't like that.
(12:20):
I did not wake up bright andearly and ready to go.
You know when you're waking upin the middle of the night,
nursing and doing all the things, but I found my ways, whether
it was just praying while I wasfolding laundry, or, you know,
when you're driving in yourminivan and your kids finally
fall asleep and it's quiet, justturn off the music and that may
be the only five minutes that Ipray, you know, but just
finding those little moments andif you connect with God just
(12:43):
daily, that's your win for theday and you will want to grow
more and more in that andseeking him and listening and
just growing in that faith, themore and more you have those
moments, listening and justgrowing in that faith, the more
and more you have those moments.
It's very rare when you canhave that quiet in the chaos, as
we all know, and we're talkingabout it, but it is possible
(13:04):
because it gets you through thechaos.
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Well, and I would.
I'm too.
I am not a morning person.
On the flip side, you will notfind me with my Bible bright and
early.
Nobody wants to see that.
But I am more of the I willlisten to.
I listened to the book theBible on audible, which is a
great.
Just I put an air pod in andI'm doing things around the
(13:28):
house.
There are lots of pastors thatI follow that have podcasts and
do their sermons, and so Ifollow a lot of that.
And then something that peopletend to forget is you don't need
a devotional, you don't need aBible study.
Sometimes you can just actuallyall the time let me rephrase
(13:48):
that all the time just open theBible Like God will.
God will put you where he wantsand it.
It's like I can't even countthe number of times where I'm
feeling something and justsaying, like God, I don't, how
am I supposed to feel about this, where am I supposed to be?
And I'm literally open, openingthe Bible, and I just skim a
couple pages and then all of asudden, that one verse pops up
(14:11):
at me and I'm like, all rightand it's.
But it's him, he's just coollike that.
I mean, he, he like when youspeak him, you will find him and
you just and, like Tracy said,the five minutes in the car in
the carpool lane when you'repraying, you know, and I, I
(14:33):
worship, I listen to Christianmusic and I will sing at the top
of my lungs and embarrass thecrap out of my kids.
That's my worship time too,with the, you know, and so like
it.
It doesn't have to be formal orofficial or anything, and I
gave myself such like guilt andshame for not like sitting down
and getting my coffee and doingthat 10 to 15 minutes of reading
(14:56):
the Bible.
You know, it's like Tracy said,it's different for everybody
and God wants it that way.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
So, yeah, thank you guys for sharing that.
I mean, there's a lot of, Ithink, misconception around
faith and religion and I thinkthere's a lot of people that
strive for that perfectionism init.
And when you feel like you'refalling short, I think that's
where a lot of people end uplosing their faith, because they
just feel like they can't liveup to those measures.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
Well, and can I just say that social media is such a
huge proponent in that I mean,we all love social media for the
goodness of what it can be butit does put in those thoughts in
your head of like wow, I'm noteven doing a good enough job in
my, in my Bible study, I'm noteven doing a good enough job of
teaching my kids scripture orwhatever.
I mean.
It's about everything.
You know, I watched thisbeautiful poet on Instagram and
(15:47):
she just shared you know,there's a trend for everything
on Instagram and you canabsolutely tell yourself that
you need to be on trend withthis, this and this, and you go
from the three things that youneed to do in life, you know, to
stay happy and healthy andtotally content, and you have
100 things that you'reconstantly striving for and that
, like inability to feelcomplete and feel okay, it's
(16:11):
just impossible to reach, and soit is something that like less
is more, you know, like justfinding that, like quiet and
that peace, like just that fiveminutes.
It can be something that willgive you the strength and
courage to get through thoselong nights, you know, or long
days, however it may be.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Yeah, I mean, and I think that's a real like mirror
or parallel for motherhood,right Like social media is
definitely creating this likepicture perfect window that so
many people are seeing andthey're feeling like they're
falling short.
Can you guys speak to that?
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Oh, absolutely Like I .
You know it.
There's a filter on everybody'ssocial media post, whether it's
an actual physical filter orwhether it's the filter of like
here.
There's a filter on everybody'ssocial media post, whether it's
an actual physical filter orwhether it's the filter of like
here.
I'm going to take a picture ofmy kitchen, this corner.
That's clean, but you don't seethe behind me where all the
dirty dishes are still there andthat there's three piles of
clean laundry that needs to befolded, that my children are
(17:10):
literally getting clean clothesoff of the kitchen table because
I have not folded them yet.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Like that's what people and I do.
There are people out there thatare being you know they're real
and showing the wrongness, butagain, there's that level of
like you know who can be morereal, like let me show you how
real, real I am, you know, andthis is stupid.
Let me show you how real, realI am, you know, and it's just
(17:38):
like, this is stupid.
And you just kind of go likeyou know, like you said, that
picture perfect idea of whatlife should be, but God doesn't
have that for us.
He he, um.
The thief comes.
The thief of joy is comparison,and so you can't have joy when
you're thinking your life itshould be this and this mess.
And so you can't have joy whenyou're thinking your life it
should be this and this mess.
(17:58):
And there's nothing that theenemy wants more than to make
you strive for things that Goddoesn't have in store for you at
all.
And so, because you're justgoing to be on this hamster
wheel for the rest of your life,just going over and over and
over again, and God's like ifyou could just stop and I will
show you what I want for you,and that's right here.
It's just right here, but we do, we get distracted, we buy the
(18:22):
noise and the things that we'retold that we have to have.
And you know, our kids have tobe in six different sports and
they have to be have privatelessons.
And you know, like you said, Imean sports can very easily take
over your family's life andyou're not going to, you know.
And the other thing too I I willsay this like is Tracy and I
(18:44):
are also very intentional thatmarriage, it needs to go.
God, marriage, kids, yes,because if you don't take care
of your marriage and your kidsthink that you know you you're
doing everything for your kiddos.
Like, when your kids move out,you're not going to know who
your spouse is, you're going tohave no idea who your husband is
(19:07):
, and that's the relationshipthat God puts right underneath
him and that our relationshipwith God is like.
Marriage is the model of that.
So like it is so important.
I know I, I just my heartbreaks when I hear a mom say
haven't gotten.
You know, my husband and Ihaven't gotten a trip away
without the kids since beforethey were born, and now the kids
(19:29):
are 13 and 14.
And you're like what, why, why,what you know like go go I'll
watch them.
I mean, like, bring them over,just you know, the hotel
downtown, go have one night toyourself, like you know, like
because they do, we, we love ourkids, we want to give them
(19:50):
everything, and that's when weget lost, yeah, so speak to that
a little bit Like what wouldyou say, your top, you know, top
tip or top three tips are tofostering that relationship
above your kids tell your kidsno, yes, yeah, no, full stop.
yeah, just tell them no.
And then I would also just say,like verbally, tell them that
(20:13):
where they are in the hierarchyof the family sometimes that's
exactly what they need to hearis like okay, you understand
that it goes god, then your dad,then it's you, and you have to,
you have to act that out andshow them like you have to show
them that like, no, your, yourdaddy, is more important.
(20:33):
So that means if you're talkingwith your husband and they
interrupt, you don't talk tothem.
Yeah, you talk to daddy becauseyou, that is more important,
what he has to say to you, mom,that's more important.
And having just like you know,like mommy and daddy are going
to have our own littleconversations.
We get an hour together and youguys go figure it out, but this
(20:53):
is way more important.
So, trace, I know you've got acouple ideas.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
I was going to say too.
We call ourselves team Steinand have since our kids were
little, and we always tell thekids daddy and I are a team, you
know.
So when a decision is made,whether dad made it or mom made
it, we're a team.
And I know it's hard because Iam the soft one, I totally get
it.
They pull at mama'sheartstrings, but I'm always
like, please tell me what to do,Cause right now this is how I
(21:21):
feel, you know calling him, andhe's like totally hear what
you're saying and know how youfeel.
But this is, we got to standour ground on this.
I'm like, okay, that's what Ithought.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
But you know, you know those kinds of
conversations, Just kind ofsecond guess yourself a little
bit.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Yes, yes, but we're a team in those decisions, you
know.
And the other thing I want tosay is I tell people this all
the time constantly check inwith your spouse, grow together.
Check in with your spouse, growtogether, like we obviously did
this podcast, you know, when westarted this three years ago,
we were Tori and I were bothwell into a different business
and we were doing differentthings, and when we brought this
(21:55):
to our husbands, like we had tohave them on board, you know,
and and then support, becausethis was going to change what
our future looked like.
It was going to change ourtimeframe.
It was.
We didn't know what God wasgoing to do with our businesses
and where we are now with ourpodcast, but we had to have our
husband's support in that, andthat took being able to share,
like your dreams.
And this is where I really feelGod calling me to and listening
(22:16):
to each other, because the Holyspirit is talking to each one
of us, you know.
And so we need to be able tobring come together in our
marriage and have thoseconversations.
And then I just wanted to sharea book that I just have
absolutely loved recently.
It's called Loving Him Well byGary Thomas.
It is a phenomenal read forwives to, really.
(22:39):
I think the subtitle sayspractical advice on influencing
your husband.
Not influencing him to be whoyou want him to be, but being
the influence that God wants youto be on him and in your
marriage.
And it is so good, and just agood reminder that you know all
men are going to fall short.
(23:00):
Ladies, they are, you know.
Granted, obviously there'scertain circumstances and
certain marriages that you knowI'm not about to even, you know,
talk about, cause I know thereare some that don't end well.
However, you know it issomething that we can.
There is change that can bedone and there is healing that
can take place.
I, from personal experience, wehave healed and healed our
(23:23):
marriage multiple times and thatis why I can speak to it that
you have to continue to growtogether and work on it, because
it's just not something that'sjust you get married and sign
those papers and yay, it's greatfrom here on out.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
It takes work.
Yeah, I mean well, because youguys have been together for 19
years and you've been married toyour husband Tori for 16 years.
I've been married to my husband, husband Tori, for 16 years.
I've been married to my husbandthis year will be 14 years, but
we were together five yearsbefore that.
So like I started dating himwhen I was 21.
I am not the same person.
I was at 21 that I am at almost40.
You know we've been togetherfor half my life.
(23:58):
Like we had to grow up together.
We had to go and adapt.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
Am I getting to that number?
Sorry, my, my story is verysimilar.
I met him when I was 19.
So I'm like, oh my God, I'malmost 40.
Oh my God, I've been doing themath half my life.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Okay, sorry.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
We're rounding that bend.
That's an ugly thought.
Sorry, okay, I'm better.
I'm better, I'm shaking it off.
Okay, that's fine.
You're good.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
But yeah, I mean, it is like you.
You really do have toconstantly grow and come
together and reevaluate things,like there's been plenty of
times where I've been like thisis really what I'm leaning into
and I need your support.
And you know, sometimes ithasn't been a smooth transition.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Not always is.
We've both been there too, soit's not.
Yeah, we don't want you tothink that it was like, hey, we
want to do a podcast and they'relike, okay, great, sign off no
that's a lot of conversation,they're like you want to be
vulnerable and put our storiesout there.
You want to talk about thispublicly.
You know there was a lot ofquestions, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Which also reminds me .
We have had our husbands on ourpodcast and they are some of
our most popular episodes.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
They are some of our most popular episodes.
I'll have to keep that in mind.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Yes, this definitely makes for a good one.
But I will say this too and ifyou're in a marriage right now
where you feel like you're theonly one that has faith, or
you're the only one that sticksaround or that wants to stick
around, don't give up.
Lean into God because he willprovide.
Even if you're the only onethat's willing to work on your
(25:27):
marriage, it is 50% betterbecause you are showing up.
Know that.
So it is so important because Ido think, especially with the
laws, no fault, divorce has madeit real.
I'm gonna say easy inparentheses here for people just
to say like okay, I'm split.
All we have to do.
(25:48):
Like okay, I'm split, all wehave to do is split things Right
.
But now we do need to betogether.
Like we need to lean on Godbecause he's going to hold, like
marriage is something that hewants for us, like that is part
of his perfect plan, and sodon't give in or think that you
are alone If you're the only onewanting to work on it.
(26:09):
I've definitely been in a spacewhere I thought that I I had to
be the spiritual leader of ourhouse, because there was a
season where my husband was notand then I was the only one that
wanted to work on it.
I was the one going to thecounseling, I was the one I did
it.
But like God God I mean, he isfaithful.
He is so, so faithful.
So I just want to encourage youif you're not, if you think
(26:31):
like but he doesn't even work onit, or he doesn't want to, or
he won't do this study with me,or he won't go to counseling
with me, your, your marriage,can turn around, even if it's
just you working on it.
It absolutely can.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
I love that.
I mean, and that's a reallypowerful piece of advice for the
listeners out there, because alot of times, women do feel like
they're doing it alone, and I'msure that there's some men out
there that feel like they'redoing it alone sometimes too, so
I don't want to leave themexcluded, but we definitely do
are talking to the moms here.
So if there was one last pieceof advice that you would love to
give the listeners out there,what would that look like for
(27:09):
you guys?
Speaker 3 (27:10):
Mine would just be keep going.
There are a million and oneseasons you're going to roll
through in motherhood and inmarriage, and I've been through
a lot.
I've been through some reallyhard ones.
We've been through I hadpostpartum depression.
We went through my daughter'shead anxiety like severe anxiety
, you know and just all kinds ofthings.
You know spaces in our marriagewhere we thought it was over.
(27:31):
And to just keep going andgrowing and don't give up and,
just like Tori said a thousandtimes, lean into God, because if
it wasn't for his strength andit wasn't for his grace and
mercy, I would not be where I amtoday.
Our marriage wouldn't be, ourkids wouldn't be walking with
the Lord, because if I wouldhave given up, where would not
be where I am today?
Our marriage wouldn't be, ourkids wouldn't be walking with
the Lord, because if I wouldhave given up, where would they
be?
You?
know, so it's, it's, just justkeep going.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
I love that I would say.
My advice would be to you havea voice, use it.
There are different audiences.
Not everybody is called tostart a podcast and talk, but
maybe it's.
You start with a circle offriends, three or four friends
(28:14):
that are like-minded, and you gookay, we're all on the same
page faith-wise, politically,like and then you have your
people like, and then you knowGod will have your voice
wherever, and sometimes it'sjust he just wants you to say
one thing to somebody.
But you know in your heart,like, when you're supposed to
(28:35):
say something and you're like no, it's awkward, I'm standing in
the shopping cart line.
She's going to think I'm weird,like, do it anyways.
Do it anyways, becausesometimes that mom, you don't
know what she's going throughand it may just be a simple
thing of just like hey, I reallylike your shoes, and that might
just make her absolute weak.
But if you don't use your voicelike and even though it's
(28:58):
awkward and weird, and you'relike, ah, she has no idea what
I'm, you know she's gonna thinkI'm crazy.
He has, he has something forthose, just that little thing
that he wants you to say.
So just be obedient in that anduse your voice.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
That is really powerful, because there's so
many times where I found myselfbiting my tongue and then
regretting it afterwards.
So thank you for sharing thatfor the listeners.
I'm going to heed both of yourguys's advice.
Where can the listeners?
Speaker 3 (29:25):
find you guys Unlikely Housewives on Instagram
and Unlikely Housewives podcaston Facebook.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Perfect, you can also go to our websitecom and then
you can listen to our podcastthat comes out weekly on any
podcast player Apple, Spotify,all the ones of Unlikely
Housewives.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Wonderful.
Well, we'll make sure toinclude a lot of those links in
the show notes.
You guys, thank you guys somuch for being here today.
I really enjoyed getting toknow you guys and having you
guys as guests, and thank youguys for tuning into today's
episode where we help youconquer the chaos one day at a
time.
Hey, hey, mamas, welcome back to Conquering Chaos
a mom's guide to self-careinsanity.
I'm your host, sydney Crow, andtoday we have Tori Schirra and
Tracy Stein, who are theunlikely housewives.
Tracy and Tori are two moms whomet and discovered that they
shared the same feelings ofdiscontentment and loneliness
after moving their familiesacross the country, stepping out
(00:20):
in faith and believing that Godcalls the unlikely, they
created a podcast to share theirpersonal stories and encourage
women to step out of their funk,not allow culture issues to
hold them back, and walk withthe Lord into who God created
them to be, together incommunity.
Welcome, ladies, thank you,thank you.
I'm so excited you guys.
(00:42):
We've connected a couple timesand I'm just really grateful
that we are able to have youguys on the show today.
So why don't you tell thelisteners a little bit of who
you are and what you're allabout?
Speaker 3 (00:51):
All right.
Well, thank you, sydney, forhaving us on.
So, for those that don't knowour voices, my voice is Tracy,
as the other one half of theUnlikely Housewives, and I am
married to my husband, chris,for almost 19 years and we have
four kids 15, 13, 11, and 9.
(01:13):
So I am in the thick of what Ilike to call middle-aged
mothering.
My kids aren't out, my kidsaren't young.
It is the season of hormonesand emotions and mental,
spiritual growth, like all ofthe things.
So that's the thick of mymothering right now.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yes, yep, yep, yep.
I am starting to get into thatstage.
My kids are a little bityounger, but that preteen
hormones are starting, and it isa different ballgame altogether
.
Preteen hormones are starting,and it is a different ballgame
altogether.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Yes, it is Well, and I'm Tori Shira.
I am married to Andrew.
We've been married for nearly16 years this year and we have
two girls.
One is about to be 11 and theother one is about to be 10.
And so we knocked out that babystage real quick, 17 months
(02:07):
apart.
And then, yeah, and so I'm inthe stage where we are getting
into the competitive sports andjuggling all the schedules of,
like this practice and this game, and where we, you know, and
all that fun stuff and socialcalendars Cause now I'm their
social planner Like mom, I wantto play a date with so-and-so.
Yeah, hold on.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Yeah, for sure it's.
It definitely is a whole, wholedifferent ball game, like it
really.
I mean, my kids are constantlylike, mom, drive me here and I'm
like, well, we have this andthis and this and so scheduling
all of that and the mixture ofthese hormones that are starting
it is, I am, I'm right therewith you.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Yep, yeah.
So tell us a little bit abouthow you guys got connected,
because I think that you knowthere was a level of what's the
right word for this feeling veryisolated at that time.
I know you guys got yourpodcast started kind of right as
the pandemic was kicking off orright after if memory is
(03:10):
serving me right correct me ifI'm wrong and you guys wanted to
create a place where momsdidn't feel so isolated and
alone, and I completely,wholeheartedly respect that
because that's where I was atthat time.
So fill the listeners in aboutwhat that's all about.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Well, when we started the podcast, we'd already been
friends for about two to threeyears and the podcast, it's
funny enough God knew that itwas coming all along, because
when he connected us those threeyears before, we were both in
the place, like that we felt atthe pandemic.
We were at the beginning of ourfriendship.
We both had just moved here.
(03:47):
I was here about a year, evenbefore she came.
I came from Chicago, she camefrom Texas and we were both
trying to settle into this newlife of, like making friends in
our you know, making new friendsin our mid thirties and with
our kids and trying to get intotheir schedules and figuring out
life.
And we did.
We felt alone and so when wefound each other, we were like
(04:08):
there for each other and we didthis, you know, back and forth
dance of what are you feeling?
Yeah, me too, you know, andthat continued and then just
tenfold into 2020, we were, wegot together, we would see each
other during the pandemic and wewould say, oh my gosh, I had
this conversation with thisfriend, this is the way they're
feeling.
She's like, yeah, so am I.
And then it just it reallyfocused on the struggles in the
(04:30):
marriage, you know, becausespouses were home that weren't
home, and then the kids beinghome and the homeschooling and
being equipped and not beingequipped, and we just went, we
just had this dance that we werelike, listen, we both feel this
way and it's time for us tolike do something about it.
And so Tori and I then startedhaving what we called our sauna
sessions, because she had alight sauna and I'd go over
(04:51):
there and that's really where itdeveloped was in her sauna.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
I love that.
Sauna sessions that is amazing.
And, yeah, probably like supertherapeutic and healing all at
the same time, so like exactly.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Yes, I need to get me a sauna session.
Oh, we can hook you up.
We love sunlight, so highlyrecommend.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
I'll be coming down to Kansas.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Yes, yes, but no, Tracy's exactly right as far as
and we, God made it justabundantly clear that, like, we
have a voice and that we weren'tthe only ones.
And so he just opened doors forus to create this podcast and
we didn't know what we weredoing at all.
I mean, you, we have this ideaof what, how podcasting can be.
(05:40):
We took a course, we I, youknow did some online conferences
.
I've even gone to in-personconferences for podcasting and
it's a, it's an incrediblemedium and I love it because it
it is a great community ofpeople and they're so willing to
help each other.
Like you don't get intopodcasting to make money.
You get into podcasting for thelove and the value that you
(06:03):
want to add, and that has beenjust the greatest joy you know
of getting to like.
Every once in a while, Tracywill get a text message from her
friend hey, listen to thisepisode today and it was totally
uplifting.
Or, hey, I listened to thisepisode and I started following,
you know, like thekindergartner who needs a kidney
.
So there were these moments ofjust like blessing for us and we
(06:28):
just get to be part of it.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Yeah, that just makes my heart sore, because that is
why I started my podcast.
It's like you just want to lenda shoulder, you want to lend a
helping hand.
You know, as moms, motherhoodcan be very isolating and lonely
, even when you have a strongcommunity around you.
Lots of times you're at home oryou're juggling, going from
(06:50):
work to home and figuring outall of the pieces and how the
puzzle fits together, and thereisn't a lot of room for yourself
in there sometimes, especiallyin the beginning, as you're
trying to figure that out.
And so you know being thatvoice where moms can say like
hey, you really just were abright light in my day.
You know it was 15 or 20minutes where I could just
unplug and feel really good.
(07:12):
So, thank you.
I and you guys' podcast isphenomenal.
You guys Unlikely Housewives isdefinitely one that you guys
need to follow.
So when you guys are buildingyour episodes and working out
your show, what are the thingsthat you're looking for in terms
of guests, in terms of you knowshows?
How do you, how do you guysplan that out?
Honest answer is God.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
I love it.
I mean, we, we start with anidea in mind and it very rarely
ever gets used because our ideasaren't what God's are the best
life plans?
Yeah, exactly, and so it's.
A lot of our guests have beenpeople that we've been
introduced to in some kind ofscenario, whether I've been
(07:58):
introduced to them from abusiness standpoint and
networking, because I do that,or a Tracy has been introduced
to them through a friendconnection, like a friend of a
friend.
Hey, this is somebody you needto have on.
And then we just we have littlelike moments of like.
Okay, our goal, like our, ourtagline is to bring the hope,
light and humor to motherhoodand marriage.
(08:19):
That's, that's our goal.
We want now what some of thetopics that we've discussed are
very raw, as a fentanyl and whatthat's doing to the kids these
days we've talked about.
We've had two moms on who losttheir kids to suicide.
We've had, because those areall real feelings to.
(08:41):
We've talked about infertility.
We've talked about fosteringkids and adoption.
So, but we like to.
I'm the friend that's theinappropriate one, that you
can't sit next to at a funeral,like I'm the one that will make
the jokes or like the sidecomments and make you laugh when
you're really should not belaughing, because just that
(09:02):
laughter is the best medicine,though it really is, come on.
And if you can't laugh, what funis it?
And so my funeral is going tobe a roast for anybody that
wants to attend.
I cannot wait.
I know I don't mean it likethat, I know, right, you totally
mean it like that because it'sgoing to be the best funeral
ever.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
You read the day, but I will honor you with the
greatest.
I read the day, but I willhonor you with the greatest.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Yes you will, yes, you will, but that's that's what
we like to do and that's howGod has allowed us to to.
To bless others is just, youknow, like the things that you
don't think that you can laughabout, like we're like, but you
can.
I mean, sometimes you just haveto, because if you don't laugh,
you're going to cry.
You're just going to flat outcry and go oh my gosh, I can't
(09:52):
anymore.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
And so and that's what I do.
I'm the crier, and I'm the onethat's full of emotion and I
make Tori feel and she makes melighten up and laugh.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
So we are a good combo, yeah, and I just wanted
to add.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
She, you know, covered all of the topics so
well in the real, in the rawnessof it, and I think with our you
know just why wide variety ofguests, in speaking to marriage
and motherhood and all thetopics that she said in between.
You know, one of the greatestthings that we all struggle with
in culture right now is ourfaith, not that we're struggling
(10:29):
with our faith.
We know what we believe.
We know that Christ is our Lordand Savior and that is who,
that is our foundation.
But we also know the greateststruggle right now is all the
noise and all the distractionand everything that is going on,
and so in every one of ourepisodes, we really do try to
bring that back to the core ofour messages.
(10:50):
Not every single one is, youknow, focused around there, but
it is something that weabsolutely believe in is just
making sure that we bring thatmessage home of hey, let's stay
focused, let's quiet thedistractions, let's quiet the
noise and really tune into whatit is that God's calling us to
do in our hearts, in ourmarriages and in our mothering.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I mean that's a really powerful tool.
I've recently started to leaninto my faith a lot more.
It was something that you knowgrowing up with two very
different parents and theirbeliefs was some it got lost
along the way.
Sports kind of took over andyou know, I didn't really know
where that fit into my lifeanymore and I'm really starting
to lean into that a lot more.
(11:31):
And it does give you thatfoundation of just like it's
going to be okay.
Everything is going to work outin the best possible way when
you can lean into that, and sowhy don't you tell the listeners
a little bit about how you helpguide that or how you guys lean
into that a little bit more?
So somebody like myself who'smaybe like relearning that or
(11:52):
learning how to do that for thefirst time in my adult life,
what would you advise peoplelike myself to do?
Speaker 3 (11:59):
I love that you asked that, because it's going to
look different for everybody.
So, first of all, give yourselfgrace and finding what works
for you.
I am a morning person, so Istart my day off every single
morning in the word.
I have my little chair.
I always have my coffee, openthe Bible, and that is where I
start my day every singlemorning.
In the word.
I have my little chair, Ialways have my coffee, open the
Bible, and that is where I startmy day.
Now, when I had littles, itwasn't like that.
(12:20):
I did not wake up bright andearly and ready to go.
You know when you're waking upin the middle of the night,
nursing and doing all the things, but I found my ways, whether
it was just praying while I wasfolding laundry, or, you know,
when you're driving in yourminivan and your kids finally
fall asleep and it's quiet, justturn off the music and that may
be the only five minutes that Ipray, you know, but just
finding those little moments andif you connect with God just
(12:43):
daily, that's your win for theday and you will want to grow
more and more in that andseeking him and listening and
just growing in that faith, themore and more you have those
moments, listening and justgrowing in that faith, the more
and more you have those moments.
It's very rare when you canhave that quiet in the chaos, as
we all know, and we're talkingabout it, but it is possible
(13:04):
because it gets you through thechaos.
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Well, and I would.
I'm too.
I am not a morning person.
On the flip side, you will notfind me with my Bible bright and
early.
Nobody wants to see that.
But I am more of the I willlisten to.
I listened to the book theBible on audible, which is a
great.
Just I put an air pod in andI'm doing things around the
(13:28):
house.
There are lots of pastors thatI follow that have podcasts and
do their sermons, and so Ifollow a lot of that.
And then something that peopletend to forget is you don't need
a devotional, you don't need aBible study.
Sometimes you can just actuallyall the time let me rephrase
(13:48):
that all the time just open theBible Like God will.
God will put you where he wantsand it.
It's like I can't even countthe number of times where I'm
feeling something and justsaying, like God, I don't, how
am I supposed to feel about this, where am I supposed to be?
And I'm literally open, openingthe Bible, and I just skim a
couple pages and then all of asudden, that one verse pops up
(14:11):
at me and I'm like, all rightand it's.
But it's him, he's just coollike that.
I mean, he, he like when youspeak him, you will find him and
you just and, like Tracy said,the five minutes in the car in
the carpool lane when you'repraying, you know, and I, I
(14:33):
worship, I listen to Christianmusic and I will sing at the top
of my lungs and embarrass thecrap out of my kids.
That's my worship time too,with the, you know, and so like
it.
It doesn't have to be formal orofficial or anything, and I
gave myself such like guilt andshame for not like sitting down
and getting my coffee and doingthat 10 to 15 minutes of reading
(14:56):
the Bible.
You know, it's like Tracy said,it's different for everybody
and God wants it that way.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
So, yeah, thank you guys for sharing that.
I mean, there's a lot of, Ithink, misconception around
faith and religion and I thinkthere's a lot of people that
strive for that perfectionism init.
And when you feel like you'refalling short, I think that's
where a lot of people end uplosing their faith, because they
just feel like they can't liveup to those measures.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
Well, and can I just say that social media is such a
huge proponent in that I mean,we all love social media for the
goodness of what it can be butit does put in those thoughts in
your head of like wow, I'm noteven doing a good enough job in
my, in my Bible study, I'm noteven doing a good enough job of
teaching my kids scripture orwhatever.
I mean.
It's about everything.
You know, I watched thisbeautiful poet on Instagram and
(15:47):
she just shared you know,there's a trend for everything
on Instagram and you canabsolutely tell yourself that
you need to be on trend withthis, this and this, and you go
from the three things that youneed to do in life, you know, to
stay happy and healthy andtotally content, and you have
100 things that you'reconstantly striving for and that
, like inability to feelcomplete and feel okay, it's
(16:11):
just impossible to reach, and soit is something that like less
is more, you know, like justfinding that, like quiet and
that peace, like just that fiveminutes.
It can be something that willgive you the strength and
courage to get through thoselong nights, you know, or long
days, however it may be.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Yeah, I mean, and I think that's a real like mirror
or parallel for motherhood,right Like social media is
definitely creating this likepicture perfect window that so
many people are seeing andthey're feeling like they're
falling short.
Can you guys speak to that?
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Oh, absolutely Like I .
You know it.
There's a filter on everybody'ssocial media post, whether it's
an actual physical filter orwhether it's the filter of like
here.
There's a filter on everybody'ssocial media post, whether it's
an actual physical filter orwhether it's the filter of like
here.
I'm going to take a picture ofmy kitchen, this corner.
That's clean, but you don't seethe behind me where all the
dirty dishes are still there andthat there's three piles of
clean laundry that needs to befolded, that my children are
(17:10):
literally getting clean clothesoff of the kitchen table because
I have not folded them yet.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Like that's what people and I do.
There are people out there thatare being you know they're real
and showing the wrongness, butagain, there's that level of
like you know who can be morereal, like let me show you how
real, real I am, you know, andthis is stupid.
Let me show you how real, realI am, you know, and it's just
(17:38):
like, this is stupid.
And you just kind of go likeyou know, like you said, that
picture perfect idea of whatlife should be, but God doesn't
have that for us.
He he, um.
The thief comes.
The thief of joy is comparison,and so you can't have joy when
you're thinking your life itshould be this and this mess.
And so you can't have joy whenyou're thinking your life it
should be this and this mess.
(17:58):
And there's nothing that theenemy wants more than to make
you strive for things that Goddoesn't have in store for you at
all.
And so, because you're justgoing to be on this hamster
wheel for the rest of your life,just going over and over and
over again, and God's like ifyou could just stop and I will
show you what I want for you,and that's right here.
It's just right here, but we do, we get distracted, we buy the
(18:22):
noise and the things that we'retold that we have to have.
And you know, our kids have tobe in six different sports and
they have to be have privatelessons.
And you know, like you said, Imean sports can very easily take
over your family's life andyou're not going to, you know.
And the other thing too I I willsay this like is Tracy and I
(18:44):
are also very intentional thatmarriage, it needs to go.
God, marriage, kids, yes,because if you don't take care
of your marriage and your kidsthink that you know you you're
doing everything for your kiddos.
Like, when your kids move out,you're not going to know who
your spouse is, you're going tohave no idea who your husband is
(19:07):
, and that's the relationshipthat God puts right underneath
him and that our relationshipwith God is like.
Marriage is the model of that.
So like it is so important.
I know I, I just my heartbreaks when I hear a mom say
haven't gotten.
You know, my husband and Ihaven't gotten a trip away
without the kids since beforethey were born, and now the kids
(19:29):
are 13 and 14.
And you're like what, why, why,what you know like go go I'll
watch them.
I mean, like, bring them over,just you know, the hotel
downtown, go have one night toyourself, like you know, like
because they do, we, we love ourkids, we want to give them
(19:50):
everything, and that's when weget lost, yeah, so speak to that
a little bit Like what wouldyou say, your top, you know, top
tip or top three tips are tofostering that relationship
above your kids tell your kidsno, yes, yeah, no, full stop.
yeah, just tell them no.
And then I would also just say,like verbally, tell them that
(20:13):
where they are in the hierarchyof the family sometimes that's
exactly what they need to hearis like okay, you understand
that it goes god, then your dad,then it's you, and you have to,
you have to act that out andshow them like you have to show
them that like, no, your, yourdaddy, is more important.
(20:33):
So that means if you're talkingwith your husband and they
interrupt, you don't talk tothem.
Yeah, you talk to daddy becauseyou, that is more important,
what he has to say to you, mom,that's more important.
And having just like you know,like mommy and daddy are going
to have our own littleconversations.
We get an hour together and youguys go figure it out, but this
(20:53):
is way more important.
So, trace, I know you've got acouple ideas.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
I was going to say too.
We call ourselves team Steinand have since our kids were
little, and we always tell thekids daddy and I are a team, you
know.
So when a decision is made,whether dad made it or mom made
it, we're a team.
And I know it's hard because Iam the soft one, I totally get
it.
They pull at mama'sheartstrings, but I'm always
like, please tell me what to do,Cause right now this is how I
(21:21):
feel, you know calling him, andhe's like totally hear what
you're saying and know how youfeel.
But this is, we got to standour ground on this.
I'm like, okay, that's what Ithought.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
But you know, you know those kinds of
conversations, Just kind ofsecond guess yourself a little
bit.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Yes, yes, but we're a team in those decisions, you
know.
And the other thing I want tosay is I tell people this all
the time constantly check inwith your spouse, grow together.
Check in with your spouse, growtogether, like we obviously did
this podcast, you know, when westarted this three years ago,
we were Tori and I were bothwell into a different business
and we were doing differentthings, and when we brought this
(21:55):
to our husbands, like we had tohave them on board, you know,
and and then support, becausethis was going to change what
our future looked like.
It was going to change ourtimeframe.
It was.
We didn't know what God wasgoing to do with our businesses
and where we are now with ourpodcast, but we had to have our
husband's support in that, andthat took being able to share,
like your dreams.
And this is where I really feelGod calling me to and listening
(22:16):
to each other, because the Holyspirit is talking to each one
of us, you know.
And so we need to be able tobring come together in our
marriage and have thoseconversations.
And then I just wanted to sharea book that I just have
absolutely loved recently.
It's called Loving Him Well byGary Thomas.
It is a phenomenal read forwives to, really.
(22:39):
I think the subtitle sayspractical advice on influencing
your husband.
Not influencing him to be whoyou want him to be, but being
the influence that God wants youto be on him and in your
marriage.
And it is so good, and just agood reminder that you know all
men are going to fall short.
(23:00):
Ladies, they are, you know.
Granted, obviously there'scertain circumstances and
certain marriages that you knowI'm not about to even, you know,
talk about, cause I know thereare some that don't end well.
However, you know it issomething that we can.
There is change that can bedone and there is healing that
can take place.
I, from personal experience, wehave healed and healed our
(23:23):
marriage multiple times and thatis why I can speak to it that
you have to continue to growtogether and work on it, because
it's just not something that'sjust you get married and sign
those papers and yay, it's greatfrom here on out.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
It takes work.
Yeah, I mean well, because youguys have been together for 19
years and you've been married toyour husband Tori for 16 years.
I've been married to my husband, husband Tori, for 16 years.
I've been married to my husbandthis year will be 14 years, but
we were together five yearsbefore that.
So like I started dating himwhen I was 21.
I am not the same person.
I was at 21 that I am at almost40.
You know we've been togetherfor half my life.
(23:58):
Like we had to grow up together.
We had to go and adapt.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
Am I getting to that number?
Sorry, my, my story is verysimilar.
I met him when I was 19.
So I'm like, oh my God, I'malmost 40.
Oh my God, I've been doing themath half my life.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Okay, sorry.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
We're rounding that bend.
That's an ugly thought.
Sorry, okay, I'm better.
I'm better, I'm shaking it off.
Okay, that's fine.
You're good.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
But yeah, I mean, it is like you.
You really do have toconstantly grow and come
together and reevaluate things,like there's been plenty of
times where I've been like thisis really what I'm leaning into
and I need your support.
And you know, sometimes ithasn't been a smooth transition.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Not always is.
We've both been there too, soit's not.
Yeah, we don't want you tothink that it was like, hey, we
want to do a podcast and they'relike, okay, great, sign off no
that's a lot of conversation,they're like you want to be
vulnerable and put our storiesout there.
You want to talk about thispublicly.
You know there was a lot ofquestions, yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Which also reminds me .
We have had our husbands on ourpodcast and they are some of
our most popular episodes.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
They are some of our most popular episodes.
I'll have to keep that in mind.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Yes, this definitely makes for a good one.
But I will say this too and ifyou're in a marriage right now
where you feel like you're theonly one that has faith, or
you're the only one that sticksaround or that wants to stick
around, don't give up.
Lean into God because he willprovide.
Even if you're the only onethat's willing to work on your
(25:27):
marriage, it is 50% betterbecause you are showing up.
Know that.
So it is so important because Ido think, especially with the
laws, no fault, divorce has madeit real.
I'm gonna say easy inparentheses here for people just
to say like okay, I'm split.
All we have to do.
(25:48):
Like okay, I'm split, all wehave to do is split things Right
.
But now we do need to betogether.
Like we need to lean on Godbecause he's going to hold, like
marriage is something that hewants for us, like that is part
of his perfect plan, and sodon't give in or think that you
are alone If you're the only onewanting to work on it.
(26:09):
I've definitely been in a spacewhere I thought that I I had to
be the spiritual leader of ourhouse, because there was a
season where my husband was notand then I was the only one that
wanted to work on it.
I was the one going to thecounseling, I was the one I did
it.
But like God God I mean, he isfaithful.
He is so, so faithful.
So I just want to encourage youif you're not, if you think
(26:31):
like but he doesn't even work onit, or he doesn't want to, or
he won't do this study with me,or he won't go to counseling
with me, your, your marriage,can turn around, even if it's
just you working on it.
It absolutely can.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
I love that.
I mean, and that's a reallypowerful piece of advice for the
listeners out there, because alot of times, women do feel like
they're doing it alone, and I'msure that there's some men out
there that feel like they'redoing it alone sometimes too, so
I don't want to leave themexcluded, but we definitely do
are talking to the moms here.
So if there was one last pieceof advice that you would love to
give the listeners out there,what would that look like for
(27:09):
you guys?
Speaker 3 (27:10):
Mine would just be keep going.
There are a million and oneseasons you're going to roll
through in motherhood and inmarriage, and I've been through
a lot.
I've been through some reallyhard ones.
We've been through I hadpostpartum depression.
We went through my daughter'shead anxiety like severe anxiety
, you know and just all kinds ofthings.
You know spaces in our marriagewhere we thought it was over.
(27:31):
And to just keep going andgrowing and don't give up and,
just like Tori said a thousandtimes, lean into God, because if
it wasn't for his strength andit wasn't for his grace and
mercy, I would not be where I amtoday.
Our marriage wouldn't be, ourkids wouldn't be walking with
the Lord, because if I wouldhave given up, where would not
be where I am today?
Our marriage wouldn't be, ourkids wouldn't be walking with
the Lord, because if I wouldhave given up, where would they
be?
You?
know, so it's, it's, just justkeep going.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
I love that I would say.
My advice would be to you havea voice, use it.
There are different audiences.
Not everybody is called tostart a podcast and talk, but
maybe it's.
You start with a circle offriends, three or four friends
(28:14):
that are like-minded, and you gookay, we're all on the same
page faith-wise, politically,like and then you have your
people like, and then you knowGod will have your voice
wherever, and sometimes it'sjust he just wants you to say
one thing to somebody.
But you know in your heart,like, when you're supposed to
(28:35):
say something and you're like no, it's awkward, I'm standing in
the shopping cart line.
She's going to think I'm weird,like, do it anyways.
Do it anyways, becausesometimes that mom, you don't
know what she's going throughand it may just be a simple
thing of just like hey, I reallylike your shoes, and that might
just make her absolute weak.
But if you don't use your voicelike and even though it's
(28:58):
awkward and weird, and you'relike, ah, she has no idea what
I'm, you know she's gonna thinkI'm crazy.
He has, he has something forthose, just that little thing
that he wants you to say.
So just be obedient in that anduse your voice.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
That is really powerful, because there's so
many times where I found myselfbiting my tongue and then
regretting it afterwards.
So thank you for sharing thatfor the listeners.
I'm going to heed both of yourguys's advice.
Where can the listeners?
Speaker 3 (29:25):
find you guys Unlikely Housewives on Instagram
and Unlikely Housewives podcaston Facebook.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Perfect, you can also go to our websitecom and then
you can listen to our podcastthat comes out weekly on any
podcast player Apple, Spotify,all the ones of Unlikely
Housewives.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Wonderful.
Well, we'll make sure toinclude a lot of those links in
the show notes.
You guys, thank you guys somuch for being here today.
I really enjoyed getting toknow you guys and having you
guys as guests, and thank youguys for tuning into today's
episode where we help youconquer the chaos one day at a
time.
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